Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 103. Dara Ó Briain - S14 Ep.6

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

Wait what, what wait... it's Dara Ó Briain! This week Dara joins Ed to discuss his worst performance on the show so far. There's spilt milk, some ugly underwear and a lot of photos of Philip Schofield. All of this plus Dara's thoughts on the Millican ascent! Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster Visit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Read something online that really hits a nerve. It could be disinformation, specifically targeted for that exact reason. Stop and question the source before you share. Learn more at canada.ca slash disinformation. A message from the Government of Canada. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It's me, Ed Gamble. You should know that by now. I'm here every week hosting the Taskmaster podcast where we break down an episode of Taskmaster, task by task, and chat through it with a special guest. We are of course now thick and deep into series 14. It's a brilliant series. We'll be chatting about episode 6 today. We are past the halfway mark. Very sad.

It always goes so quickly. It always feels like such a long wait for a new series of Taskmaster and then it all rushes past you. But luckily there's all those other episodes to watch from before. But today we're not talking about before,'re talking about now it's just been on series 14 episode 6 and we'll be talking about this episode with the wonderful dar o'brien dar o'brien of course one of the star contestants of taskmaster series 14 um you'll know him as the man who got a straight 30 points the perfect score on an episode of Taskmaster. Never been done before. And he's back now to talk about an episode where he absolutely does not do that. Can't wait to hear if Dara's excited to talk about this episode or not. I'd imagine he's not. He's had many victories, many highs in the series so far.

And this episode certainly features at least one crushing low for him. But that's when we like to get people on the podcast, when they're at their most vulnerable. Dara's always on tour. Go and see Dara on tour. He's absolutely brilliant. I mean, what a fantastic comic, a lovely guy, and so competitive, making me look like I didn't even care

to be on Taskmaster, quite frankly. So thanks for that, Dara. You've made me look pretty chill in comparison. So let's now hear from Dara O'Briain talking about Series 14 of Taskmaster, Episode 6. Welcome, Dara, to the Taskmaster podcast. Can I say it's a pleasure to be here, but I'm doing it through gritted teeth.

Yeah, it's nice to be here. I mean, I noticed you didn't call me any of the previous five weeks. There was no contact made then, but suddenly you're in like a shot this week. So this is your conspiracy theory that you've mentioned to us that you think we're only getting you on for this episode

because it was not necessarily some of your finest moments. It was among my worst moments. I had a quick look through it, through my fingers. I seem to be sitting there gormlessly getting hit in the face with a fish repeatedly. And I'm just making the same stupid face. Like, I don't remember, you know,

because in the way these things are recorded, I'm not sure how ever we talk about how they're recorded, but I think this episode was an energy-lag episode anyway. And then, wh and then wham wham the uh and it was like because uh firstly can i presume that uh the episode was called wait what it was not called wait it was not quite what i didn't notice what the words were the uh so they quite often they quite often go with something that you might not necessarily expect for the title. So, wait, what would clearly be the episode title if they were going for the thing that will last the longest? Say, well, it's your career.

I now move out of my Megabus phase into my Wait What phase of what people, people who have a casual acquaintance with who I am, will now shout as I walk down Oxford Street. That is some sort of poetry. And it's good to refresh these things every so often. It is. To refresh the one line people have to say at you when they panic. And it's similar that, you know,

I might almost have a David Byrne of Talking Heads. And like all of the David Byrne information went, and I just went nothing about flowers which is a fairly obscure song on a later album by talking heads but it was one that popped into my head no flowers and he went okay and he walked off so i don't have a body of work uh like like david byrne has so the uh so it's just it's either megabus or now wait what they um but it's where the full the full quite though we will get to it, Dara. The full quote, of course, is Wait What?

What Wait? Wait What? You need to switch them for the middle verse. Okay, great. Let's run through this knowing that Wait What? is sitting down the line. It's always good to know why people are angry that they're on the podcast, though.

And the fact that you've been booked for the Wait What episode was not deliberate, I've got to say. This is just scheduling. But it's worked out perfectly for my needs. Yes. I was always told for a long time that, you know, you were one of the great white whales of the Taskmaster booking team. I'd heard that we want to get Dara on,

because you'd always told me you'd love to do Taskmaster, merely through proximity as well to the filming locations. Yeah, it's at the end of my road. It's at the end of my road, and I just thought, why would I not do a show which is literally at the end of my road? And to the extent that I pass it on the school run every day and it's on the map

I think they keep trying to get it off the map of things but it's on the Taskmaster House is on one of the Google Maps or Apple Maps or one of these things

whatever's in the car and so as I approach it not only is that but my sat-nav is going there it is the thing you've never done and look at it, just there.

And the temptation to walk in and just look over the fence, because I'm tall enough to do that, whereas most of the public are not, was always huge. So it was like an insult to me every day. But yeah, I wasn't aware that they wanted that as well.

And I always thought, oh, look, if I do it, would I be setting myself up for the fall?. But the, yeah. And I always thought, oh, look, if I do it, you know, would I be setting myself up for the fall? Is the other thing. Would I be going, would I be looking at Egypt? Not that it was a huge concern. I think there's always people worry about the older comedians that they come on as like some accumulation of status

that they're worried about losing. I, on the current tour show, have a speech where I, to set up some gags, I go, look, things that are very important. My dignity is very important to me. And that's's gone now that's after that whole speech now we just openly laugh and I go okay maybe I'm in a flight suit singing you know hall of the mountain king handmade lyrics of hall of the mountain king or whatever so now that that's me that thing is entirely gone so well I I think you've actually, I mean, so far, look, we're only on episode six.

Apart from, wait, what, which we will come to, you've maintained dignity, I'd say, more than the average Taskmaster contestant. Do you think? Okay, no, good. You know, like, whatever. I mean, I'm actually, I'm fine with looking silly, like probably more so than people presume.

But it was, yeah, I mean, it does have the dynamic. I think we've spotted already in some in some tasks. There is a dynamic in which I am angry parent to two difficult children. The and a whore as fair but disappointing children. And that is that is I cannot hide that. I cannot hide just at the what aircraft. I mean, when I said what aircraft, I thought, great, we're back on track.

We're off the madness of whatever it was that, whatever non-grammatical contribution that John had made to ask a question and suggest a word like whatever. He started with like, I am, some ridiculous thing. Like you can't start a question with I am. And then it was always that what aircraft crashes- More, crashes more.

Crashes more into mountains. It's outstanding because also that is just you've set up all of your personalities there in two words each which is incredible like you are very very dedicated you have been you've been very competitive this series of taskmaster you've not hidden your disappointment in your two children there and you can't hide your competitive nature either, which is to your credit that I'm speaking as someone else who can't hide how competitive he is. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. But so you set it up perfectly, which aircraft. Fern just goes extremely dark because all of her,

everything she says is so dark. Thinking, of course, about digging into the pile of flour, saying it was like operating on a desiccated old person. And then John just says the sort of slightly maddest, weirdest thing you could possibly imagine. Yeah, I mean, oh no, sorry, Fern's Doctor's peaked with, how do people hide bodies in suitcases?

I'm just trying to vote. Like that was a day-to-day, oh God, we've got to put my body in a suitcase. How do people do this i really don't know they had you so yeah had you watched much before did you did you do some research into it yeah oh well no not not and had i did some region makes it makes sense um i'd watch it because it became i watched it because you know it's a funny show but i am also also became beloved in our house during lockdown and so I think

my middle kid discovered it eldest daughter as well and they roared at the they came in about season 5 I think and then went backwards and then forwards for the other series from there on in and so during lockdown it was constantly

it was going on endlessly during the second lockdown i think and it was also the show which taught which broke the kind of seal on the words like and and generally in the house because myself my wife were going the back of the room oh yeah i don't know this is good uh but you know but it's like while you know ashing b and mark watson are roaring of uh experiences at each other the and so it's like uh oh look we can't we've given up that's done it's done it was one of the one of the casualties of lockdown is any sense of propriety uh linguistically in the house there are there are bleeped versions there are bleeped versions of yeah i'm not sure if there were this is this is pre-channel

four maybe or just at the point where the stuff was i don't whatever look we we watched we're we watched a real one we watched a real one i mean authenticity is more important than some prudish sense of uh sensitivity to your kids ears they've heard this stuff before look i brought my my daughter to a hurling match when she was 11 in Croke Park. And at the end, she said, people said fuck 44 times, and you said it five times. Your fellow contestants on this series now, obviously, you know, you knew Sarah beforehand.

Yes, Sarah and I are old friends, yeah. I assumed you'd crossed paths with Fern, maybe, done some gigs with Fern. No, actually, I'd never met Fern. Oh, weird. Never met Fern. In fact, the first time I met Fern was Group Task Day. John I'd met once or twice. We'd sat at the back of ABC,

one of these kind of small comedy clubs. I'd chatted away and I got on fine with John. The, and Munya I never met either. The, so it was. Yeah, of course. Yeah. From the world of internet comedy. Of course, who knows meets anyone from that world.

The, so, and when you do, as you well know, it's really exciting, cause you meet somebody whose videos you're watching. Yes. Yeah. This was wonderful. In Montreal, at the Montreal Comedy Festival, myself and Dara were having a drink in the hotel bar

and Adrian Bliss walked past us. He does very, very funny videos online. And I was completely agog. I couldn't believe it was Adrian Bliss because I love his videos. And Dara grabbed my arm and went, I know it's that guy. And we both fanboyed, he's like 21. And he was like, oh, you too. And we were like, oh, we love your stuff.

At one point, I went over to meet him. I went over to because I saw he was talking to, he was talking to Reece James. And so I went over to, you know, Snake in there to try and meet Adrian. And I was having a chat to him and I just looked past him over his shoulder and Dara was stood at the other side of the bar with his mouth wide open. Like, I can't believe you're speaking to him. Oh, you sneaky, sneaky. You used Rhys. You used Rhys James as a doorway in to this internet guy.

Munya, yeah. So Munya, I was aware of his work, but hadn't met him, the sweet guy. But it was, I mean, there is a point. I know it's done alphabetically. I know we're seated alphabetically in the show, but it's very clearly dad on one side, mum on the other. And there was a photograph at one stage, a still of the two of us just, you know, me and Sarah just, you know,

ready for the next thing. And the three of them in of us, just, you know, me and Sarah just, you know, ready for the next thing. And the three of them in, in the chat, like, and I think I said it, it's like, you know, it's like when you're driving somewhere,

you're stopping your wife in the front seat and the kids are fighting, arguing, whatever in the back. And that's, that is the dynamic. That is the seating that we have. Oh, it's so funny.

It's interesting that you'd met, you'd met John previously, but obviously not for long enough to truly have a sense of his true level of intelligence. No, I didn't. And it has been remarkable. I mean, the fact that, you know, the betrayal, as it should be referred to,

wasn't even his lowest point. But that betrayal... The most inexplicable of his behaviours. It is the, you know, that at least had that excuse of like, oh, that's why you're doing that. But the rest of it, why... Do you think that betrayal, do you think that betrayal colored your opinion of of john

from then on do you still think of john as the the thick boy who turned the the hat upside down and tipped all the sand out um sorry so so the potential not the actor i'm not in the fact that i didn't know the betrayal until we're in the studio anyway so yeah so yeah it totally did absolutely yeah yeah and so therefore i suppose i went if there's a 50 50 shot of of whether john did something out of um you know by accident or because he was just profoundly stupid uh and uh no sense of what we're trying to achieve here no sense then i yeah that was that the hat dude i just remember seeing it happening but this is what we're supposed never seen a happening this what we're supposed to do it's not what we're supposed to do I just I but when I show

that in the studio I they don't show you the studio as they're showing it in the studio I was on the floor I like and I and I've only and it was like I twice been on the floor and I don't know me 17 years of mock the week at no stage was I on the floor but floor but when they showed that and us trying to and him tipping it over and me I found it the funniest thing

I've ever been incidentally involved in it's absolutely because also there's things that they could never have guessed would have happened like the fact that

you all held on to each other's hips yes so the fact that none of you can see each other's faces they can't predict that but it has to happen for that to be as funny because john can't keep it on his face he looks

directly down the camera and laughs yeah yeah so if if any of you had been detached from that you would have seen that happen and maybe suspected that he was up to something but it just works absolutely perfectly as a piece of physical comedy it's so good it was i mean it would have worked fine without the betrayal just because we had gone conga and I've no idea why we were in conga. Nobody went, we could all, we could just do, I'm a teapot. We could go, I'm a teapot for information,

all three of us, and that would have been fine. And that would have been, instead, I immediately clasped onto his hips and said, right, I will take a directorial role here and you will do the work here. So it's fine. Let's get stuck into this episode because there's loads more things to talk to you about,

but I'm sure they'll come up organically. Let's talk about the prize task, the best thing you've ever received in the post. It's a very good prize task. Again, we've had a similar one in previous years of best subscription, I think, was there. Oh, really? Yeah.

In series four, I think. But this is a bit more general. Well, it's interesting because this was done, this was at the very end of COVID restrictions and so we'd lived through COVID restrictions

and I thought I found myself staring at this for a long time going well anything comes through the post now everything you're getting everything delivered these days

so it literally could be anything at all so you're trying to find something that is specific to the postal service to you know as opposed to the millions of different things that we just automatically now for the last two years we've got delivered so the

so obviously that that's why I told him a turkey but the M it is I thought it deserved more because it was a true real story and happened a number of times and I had to walk to the sorting office in Bray and their their packing was never that neat as well on the turkey should we pointed out that it always looked like something irregular was in the post like whatever and also there was any bumps towards the front the uh and so yeah so the shape yeah so was there any sort of chilling chilling element to it was there like a cold back in there no no no it's not at all it was just trusted that it would it was december so it'd be the back of a van van and so therefore it would be cold enough anyway it was always fine I mean cuz then we'd hang it outside and you know if there was a kind of a lean to kind of

we we called the conservative the air kind of thing which is cold I would hang out there for age you'd open the back door and it would just be sitting there and then I mean fucking chopped the head off it and pull the thing yeah but the but no it was it was there and it and it didn't smell or anything like that. But they were aware of something unusual about it, like whatever. And then I have to go up and I collect it and they go, what? And like it was it was it happened sufficiently irregularly once a year that it wasn't as if they ever went you again with the turkey.

It was it was always a surprise. Oh, wow. Didn't this happen before? And I go, bye now. And then before they could go, tell them to stop sending a turkey in the post. There you go, so yeah. I think what might've got you here is that it's, I mean, Fern had a similar thing.

It's the best thing you've ever received in the post. And I just think maybe the idea of an unbutchered, feathered turkey with a head still attached is not necessarily the best thing to receive in the post. I know, I know. I think Alex said something, well, what was the worst thing? And you're going to go, okay, Grant,

I'm not going to do well out of this. Look, no one was beating Philip Schofield, a signature from Philip Schofield. That was clearly going to win. But it really was, it was so blank a canvas that I felt had to be something in which the postal service was part of the story. That it couldn't just be a thing.

Which is why I'm angry, as I'll be angry about all these today. That it didn't do it more because it really required the postal service to do a lot of literal heavy lifting on that anecdote. Yeah, to bring it in, like whatever. Whereas a lot of the other stuff was just stuff. It was very funny though.

And sometimes you just got to go for the for the funny as well right with these prize tasks well look i found the price that's generally a bit of a head wrecker i i i didn't enjoy the price you've done very well in them so far um yeah i think i've done okay and there was a couple of good but the only one i feel that was really like just oh balls out funny was the the eye dropping thing that involved a bit of like, oh, there's a spin on the, so there's a few of those. But yeah, I found them just to be so, it could be anything. You've got 23 points from them so far, which is the most out of anyone. Sarah's got 21 points from the price test so far. Yeah, 23 points from the price test, which is a very,

very impressive score in six episodes. It does help if you bring in a piece of your own leg. I'm happy to say it was very difficult to do anything other than that. And also, one of your prize tosses led to my favourite line from Greg in the whole series, which was the pan, the breakfast pan, where then there was a picture of you drinking orange juice with a straw. And Greg said, well, so you drank that and not that old man.

Who was that old man drinking orange juice? Yeah, do you know what? I get a lot of kicking in this series. And I've just had to sit back and take that. I've just had to go, fine, fair enough, go on. Because it's like my big face in I think it was the singing task.

The video was very much zoomed in on my head and they went for that they uh in a big way but look your your big big face has actually um got you quite a lot of points as well i'm thinking i mean the express the expressions on your big face with the baby catching with thank you thank you very much. It's fantastic. I think not only is this creating a new catchphrase of Wait What for you, I think you're actually going to get some pretty good acting work off the back of this, Dara. There may be more acting as the show continues. That's all I'm saying.

That's all I'm saying. But it certainly hasn't been anything that's featured heavily in my career so far. People, for some reason, have shunned me for acting work. I mean, almost to the point that it's getting a bit bit like well i'm not even gonna ask to try out for things like whatever no one is you know it's supposed to be a springboard into you know stand-up and it has absolutely at no stage has anyone gone i can imagine doing anything other than this and no one has ever done that but who gone, yeah, him just talking on stage. I can imagine totally. Even though within stand-up, I'm constantly creating vistas and scenes and doing things.

I've been doing it all the time. But yet, clearly so unconvincing that no one has ever gone, oh, no. We should ask. We should check. The Oh My Baby character, which, you know, there was some sort of accent, you know, knocking around in there. Just a higher higher voice um yeah i could see that character or you certainly in one of those kids tv shows that um is a silent tv show so it can be sold around the world yes and people can watch it on the train from hong kong airport to the city

to the terminal they uh and just amusing me going, oh my baby. So there you go. I was very impressed anyway. Thank you very much. I think Fern struggled with this. She got the one point, you got the two points because obviously she goes into this by saying, at least you say, you don't say this was an awful thing to receive in the post.

You say we got this turkey. Fern says these horrible pants that my mum sends me yeah clearly she's not read the prize task properly and alex even has to explain to her in the studio this is the best thing you've ever received in the post and she goes oh no i understand now i've done terribly well the other thing is i mean my turkey saved christmas every year the uh so there is an element of like it was a wonderful thing that we all family all gathered around and we had a wonderful christmas because of it yeah the uh so in that regard is there anything more important than a family christmas yeah good point but you know there's nothing i can do about this now yeah i know i know that didn't stop me literally going online

after week one going can you see the bird now can you see the bird can you see the birds your bird is what the turkey looked like when it arrived in the post honestly the turkey was in my head clearly all the time anyway because that's my in the bird is a turkey in the original in the task one task i'm not going to go on about the bird but i can show you again the picture where the bird was at no stage did i not see that exact bird in that exact situation we we no one else saw it um john brought in his dennis the menace fan club membership and badges i'd see i absolutely loved this this was three points but i think it hit a certain bit of nostalgia for me as well and for greg which is why i was surprised that it didn't get four or you

know like you say the philips gofield you know that was that was a home run because it was very sweet and it was such an amazing picture but you know the ding dong there's a back and forth between greg and john i really thought this was you know one of john's weeks to kick off with a bang what was munyaz again so i apologize munyaz was the suckatron 3000 which is uh That's just a Hoover. It's just a Hoover. Yeah, but he's the master. And I've said this every week. For some reason, in the edit, they're like,

they're always just like, just give Munya five minutes to explain his price task. Everyone else gets one or two lines in the edit. Munya gets five minutes because he's always got... When I was growing up in Zimbabwe, the one thing we didn't have is a portable electric vacuum cleaner. But this is the key of appealing to Greg. If you bring snacks and sort of general filth into it, Greg will be on board.

Because if you say, do you get crumbs on your computer? Greg's of course going to go, yeah, look at me. Have a look at this. Of course I do. And he loves a gadget. I wasn't playing the game here. You know what I mean? Greg can come to me.

That's the way it works. I'm too old to run into Greg at this stage. I tell an honest story. Honestly, I tell a slice of life. Garrison Kyler type, you know, down-home folksy charm of the time. They sent a turkey in this post. down home folksy charm of the time they sent a turkey in this post it's bound to be some sort of you know radio four in the afternoon play about my stuff like whatever it's all very gentle and whimsical you know it's not the suckatron 3000 3000 no the i never did um google suckatron 3000

uh because of course in this in the studio um they did google it uh and looked up it looked sucked shocked um oh i have not i have not done the thing yeah are you pausing because it's yeah sorry no i've not frozen there is a youtube video called suckatron 3000 and i don't want to click on it no let's um and there is an entry in urbanary that I'm not going to read out loud. Okay, fine. Wow. Yeah. That's the thing I'm thrilled my kids won't necessarily follow. Yeah.

Let's talk about Sarah's, because it's obviously the picture of her with all her Philip Schofield posters. Am I getting this right? She sent it to Philip Schofield not to be signed. She sent it to Philip Schofield to be like, "'Look at all my posters,' and he signed it and sent it back.

Wow. I presume she wanted to sign it. Oh no, it was a surprise, wasn't it, that it came back? Or maybe it just goes past, maybe Philip just, everything that goes past him, he just signs, just sign it, go. I don everything that goes past to me just signs just for the honest go i don't want this in my home i don't maybe that's the actual secret story which is philip scofield isn't charmed by this stuff at all but actually he's like oh just go i don't i want

i want this interestingly how this will play um now that philip scuffing is not a golden boy yeah well i was surprised he uh he would take the time to sign anything when he can't even be bothered to stand in a queue for a bit yeah absolutely for a bit for 10 hours um this grand i mean at this stage you might as well say i got i got dennis nelson to sign something uh it would be um it's a lovely picture it's a lovely picture. It's a bit creepy, would you say? Yeah, I think it's extremely creepy. And if I was him, I would go, God, I hope someday I manage to short circuit this level of fan love in some way. I hope I manage to get out from underneath all this adoration and just go back to being a normal anonymous life.

That's what he was, that may have planted a seed in his head, like whatever. Yeah. It put me in mind of Jed. Alan Partridge. Yeah, Alan Partridge. Yeah, exactly. It's Jed from Alan Partridge, isn't it?

It's Jed from Alan Partridge. Yeah, it's good. And had she then lifted up her top and there had been a giant tattoo of Philip Schofield, that would have not been, you know, enough of a thing to make it even weirder. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff. But it was five points. It was five points for Sarah,

four points for Munya, three points for John, two points for you and one point for Fern. You're still angry about it. I'll turn it around on the next task. That's what I said to myself. This is great. From the age of about 10 or 12 I've loved Philip Schofield.

And I had a lot of posters of him and I took a photo of myself, of me in my bedroom, with my perm and all of my posters of Philip Schofield and I sent it to him, presumably for him to keep. He sent it back. This came through the post to Sarah. He sent it back. Just came through the post to say hi. Aww. Whoa.

That shit's weird. Look how pleased I am. He's not on the crucifix, is he? LAUGHTER We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth.

Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task one.

Can I read out, are you going to read out the task or do you want to get in? I want to get a context in first, which is that obviously we do them all on block at the time.

They come in fast succession. So you're never sure. Nonetheless, you're also aware that sometimes tasks don't get in. Sometimes tasks don't make it because things are or it didn't work as a task or maybe it was confusing the instructions and actually none of people got it. And, you know, so therefore we didn't broadcast it all because it was a bit of a mess of a thing. It didn't broadcast at all because it was a bit of a mess of a thing it didn't really work and i thought well look that there was a good chance that that terrible mess i've made is the same thing that everyone else did and it was all a bit confusing and actually they kind of sat down afterwards in the edit and where or when they were

working arranging all went you know what actually this one didn't work we'll just not we'll not stop broadcast that's that was for a number of months my hope but of course not of course not because it's not like a normal tv show if something goes terribly wrong that means that puts it to the front of the queue to get in no if it goes if it went terribly wrong for three if three people for example if the instructions weren't clear and three people did the same thing where they went oh i don't i don't know how that works maybe you wouldn't't. Actually, the tidying up thing, yeah. It was a bit like that, the folding one. But, yeah, four, maybe four people all misunderstood what had to be done.

And then, you know, then maybe it was in with a chance, like whatever. But anyway, look, there was a one word I did not want to hear. And the word was, as it was introduced at the time, milk. Milk, it's is milk yeah um within 30 seconds of opening this task you must pick up both milk bottles and hold them directly above the microwaves the clock stops when a milk bottle hand or arm touches the microwave or is no longer directly

above a microwave lowest number on the clock wins but if the clock reaches zero you're disqualified now before before we talk through this a little bit of background information this is uh a task from the new zealand series of taskmaster i believe series two um so you know if you'd done consummate research and watched all of the global versions of taskmaster then uh then you would have at least vaguely understood the rules dora you know what i i don't i don't even know exactly what i did but i there was a there was another one that we did which was a survey you got to hit a thing at 30 seconds or whatever that actually didn't go in it was it was one that they give you right the start just to get your brain into gear they give you kind of a thing

you've got 30 seconds to this or i'm trying to hit the thing blah blah blah and that was in my head and i misunderstood i even saw the pot there's a silver pot down by alex's legs so therefore oh yeah you put the milk into that and then you just hold the empty cartons yeah and yet somewhere my brain fused and i ended up i don't know what did i hold them at all or did i just yeah you lifted them up and then immediately put them down and then said wait what what wait you put them up and then immediately put them down and then said, wait, what? What, wait? You put them down and then Alex went, right, okay, stop the clock.

And then you were so baffled. You were more baffled than I've ever seen anyone. Wait, what? Hang on, what, wait? Wait, what? What clock? What clock? Oh, I loved it so much. But I think think the silver part that's a tricky thing like you wouldn't i don't think you'd think even before you open the task to start messing around and

pouring milk out and doing all of that stuff because you need to open the task first right and then you've got alex in your ear going i wouldn't open the task yet if i were you and asking you questions so it's a very confusing way to start a task and I can see why you might have got a bit a bit befuddled yes it was oh no befuddled makes you sound like an old man who doesn't know how to use a metro card the uh the uh I'm not incapable of operating in modern society I just mix up the instructions for the task I was all set for a big long chat I was just mix up the instructions for the task. I was all set for a big, long shot.

I was going to pour the thing into the thing. But then I thought I'd 30 and then I put them down. Look, I put them down. I put them down. He stopped the clock. That I think that I can't watch it. I can't. It's so because at the time I knew I'd blown it. I knew it made, you know, and it's not the only time this happens, which is, you know, because I, this series started well for me. Very well.

Series, episode two, maximum points across the board. A number of tweets of people going, my God, you are the Erling Haaland of Taskmaster. As if I'm literally going to go through every task going, boom, it's in the hat boom turn this upside down boom you know like my cousin vinnie like i'm just going bang that's how you do this trick that's how you do this like boom this thing i'm gonna flip it over and then reverse it bam i'm out of here people bye bye i just walk out the gate with alex crying and all of the tasks done and gold coins everywhere the uh and then then they they hold these back, like whatever. Because when you see that, you know, no, this is not going to carry on.

I know it's not going to carry on like this. So I had a great first episode. And then we move into now this part, which I call the Millican Ascent, which is yeah, where you see a truly devious person emerge. That's all I'm saying. A truly devious person emerge that's all i'm saying a truly devious person comes into focus i think sarah's doing an amazing job of well either she doesn't care or she's doing a great performance of someone who doesn't care especially in the toss i think quite often she'll go in and

nail it and without without breaking a sweat and without panicking she's very very calm she's ice cold oh ice like an assassin like a murderer um but a murder who's very dedicated to their job don't be under any that she doesn't care oh that's sweet kind of like you know i don't think mom's in a bad way but that kind of like gentle nurturing kind of no like you know she's like those don't those films i talk about this in those films in which somebody turns out to be you know actually i'm a highly trained assassin uh all this time like whatever millican millican millican spent 10 years in a black ops operation uh in latin america you know and has skills and and so this is i think you're beginning to start over you will see yeah milliken is is the end of the the end of the task master series is like the end of um the usual suspects i'm literally gonna say she is kaiser She is Kaiser Sosa. She's absolutely... Millican is the scary story

that Taskmaster contestants tell their kids to make them go to sleep, make them go to bed. There you go. But don't rat out your pop. He said, don't rat out your pop or Millican will come. Yeah.

She is the only one, though, in this task to work out to empty some milk. No one else thinks. I worked that out, but he stopped the clock. Because you put them down, Dara. Shut up. In order to get the silver pot. Because I told him I had to put them down at 30 seconds.

You've got to put them down exactly at 30 seconds. I don't know why I thought that. I don't know why I thought that. So I put them down exactly at 30 seconds. And he went, no, that's the end of it. What? No. Wait, what? Sorry.

By the way, wait, what is the thing that people write in dialogue and probably if you see wait what and darling you go nobody actually talks like that i think it's one of those things that you appears in comic books where characters go wait what it's it's like such a ridiculous piece of fake dialogue but it turns out this guy actually says that he said at times i i it turns yeah that's what i need what i need is another verbal tick that people associate with me i i think i think when they were selecting tasks to put in this episode i think they've done it certainly task three based on the fact that you say wait what again again i can't be a coincidence the because there is a thing that the audience come in

and they kind of like, they just have to come to me immediately on everything like that, the nature of it all, like whatever. So, yeah, it had to be that episode. It can't be. And they keep saying, no, no, no, they just arrive. They do not. They absolutely do not.

But the later wait, what? Was just the, now let's just say that to him forever anyway yeah look i got confused i thought you had to lay them down in 30 seconds i was going to tip them out then i'm like he had cards with conversational points we're going to do 26 minutes of chatting i mean i forget was it also could i just have not have opened the thing until the very last seconds and then yeah you could you could have just waited for as long as you possibly could uh hold off which but i guess then you know no one's going to really do that for a long time because you're worrying you're missing out on something um yeah yeah you could have opened it five minutes before the end and you know poured the milk out and then done done them uh done them

there until you know one second left um but no one does that to be fair. Fern has a shoulder injury, so can't hold the milk for very long. She seems gutted about that because she, you know, Fern's a weightlifter. Fern does a lot of weightlifting. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Okay, fine. Yeah. So I'd imagine she'd injured her shoulder doing weightlifting. And then when it came to, you know, you never know when you're gonna be called upon to lift two massive bits of milk right you don't you don't absolutely don't know that and like i mean i thought money money was loving that money oh my god oh look at the power look at the incredible power that i have here but forgetting of course that you know the audience

it's like all these things it's going to cut to the bit where he starts struggling it's really fair the end is harsh on the endurance athlete uh because it just cuts the bit where you're like going well he's like doubled over doubled over like an old crone lifting these things over his head, like whatever. And he's twisted and going, ah, I can't do anymore. It's very impressive though. I think almost if Munir had worked out to pour the milk out, he wouldn't have done it anyway,

just so he could prove that he could hold the milk for a long time. Yes, totally, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. So he's ripped, he's ripped. He can bounce coins off him. Like, yes, he really wants to be able to use that weapon. That's one of the tasks that didn't make it in, the bounce coins off yourself.

Yeah, yeah. Mine embedded. I mean, John gets four points here. Let's not forget this. John actually manages to get four points. Well, I wasn't far off not coming last, as far as I remember. No, no, no, I don't mean that. Obviously, I was the worst.

But I think Fern went so fast that actually she was within the same minute, I think, wasn't she? Yeah, you were both 26 minutes something. But yeah, you were 26 minutes 55. She was 26.4. Yeah. You weren't that far away from Fern. And, you know. I mean, that would have been amazing if I totally

misunderstood the thing so much get two points out of it like that would have been a challenge yeah but no idea yeah but unfortunately no one's ever going to remember that they're never going to remember the minute all they'll remember is wait what what wait what wait what um and this is a lovely discussion about John's regret shelf as well one of the uh oh yeah one of the great studio discussions of the series I think the uh yeah I oh my God yeah I mean John's brain is crazy the uh but the fact I quite like the it's at the eye level on the regret chef I was very happy with that line yes in an episode which I generally was required to look gormless uh and just uh and regretful theful that this was you know

at least I got a one good line in that we incorporated something you know yourself when you add to a runner you're very very happy about stuff but most of it was just me reacting to kind of a hmm

you know back to being the old man with the MetroCard it was one point for you Dara I'm so sorry two points for Fern. Three points for Mignot. Four points for John.

And five points for the assassin, Milliken. Yeah, murder. But Jesus, but if the clock reaches zero, you are disqualified. Oh. Well, you... Wait, what? Hang now we're going to talk about a thing now where i think you were underscored i think you missed out on a point here uh get to the end of the lanes in exactly the same amount of time yes that time must be under one minute closest two times wins

also you must mirror yourself during your attempts there are two bonus points for the most stylish mirroring both attempts must take place in the next 10 minutes right tricky task but a good one great task really enjoyed doing that really enjoyed that day in in gatwick um and uh when the task was i wasn't aware i'd blown the time as much as i had i think it was about four seconds off like the uh and i was irritating because i was counting it off in eighths and I would have thought I would have enough natural rhythm to go eighth and then eighth and then eighth and eighth and to be four seconds off is quite drastic. Yeah.

And then I thought there was two bonus points. I hear you here are two bonus points. And so I mirrored I mirrored the fuck out of that. I properly had a routine that correctly mirrored, you know, this, I'm, again,

I don't want to get repeatedly angry about this, like whatever, but Munya A was like no mirror anyone has ever had. Munya was like vampire mirror. Munya was just doing,

Munya's never, you know, and Munya's a good looking guy. Munya should know, raise left hand, right hand goes up. He's, he's,

must have occasionally glanced in the mirror at himself. If I was Munya, I'd be always at a mirror looking at myself yeah the uh but uh but he was doing the same hand he was totally not he should be eliminated immediately from the mirroring task the uh plus he did not reach the end yeah okay so we need we need to talk about this because i i felt for you so much because heya didn't cross the line so obviously you said you thought in your head no one's mentioning that Munya's

not crossed the line I'm going to have to mention it yeah and it's been one of the things that did this it's quite a sweet series no one is doing that to anyone else and I thought oh my god am I immediately going to be the monster bad guy in this if I point out if I go,

and I remember doing a really kind of, does anyone think maybe that, yeah, maybe. Didn't you, like, didn't you, like, It's so transparent, Dara. It's so transparent the way you did it, because I would have done exactly the same thing. And then obviously, obviously everyone makes fun of you and goes, oh, that's the way it's going to be, is it, Dara? That's the way it's going to be.

And you did what I would have had to have done, which would start like laughing, being like, ha ha, no, we're all friends here. Ha. But I know I can tell by your eyes, you're going, but are we going to discuss this when you did not cross the line? Look, I think it was also because it was money did not mirror. It was, was really the thing here. They, uh, and also actually the billionaires, actually, the bit of it was

I put a lot of effort into the routine. I was really into it. And the fact to not even be in consideration was slightly hurtful because I had done arm up, beat, beat.

I'd spent ages working the routine out and it sort of closely kind of, but it was a thing. I thought it was fantastic. You know what? So I felt slightly hurt that it wasn't even the running it wasn't even considered i was gutted for you especially because they split they split the style points between munya and john and i really thought i thought when i watched all of them well dara's going to

get the style points because they added great music to it as well i thought i thought it was fantastic i thought it looked great. I just, you know, I really think you missed out there. The music was piped directly from my head during a, it's kind of a science fiction thing, like whatever. That's exactly the music I had in mind for it. But I had a whole one, two, three, four, five, six, seven change. I was doing that the whole way.

One, two, three, four, five. And I remembered it. Right hand, left hand. It was great. Look, it wasn't fussy, I was doing that the whole way. One, two, three, four, five. And I'd remembered it. Right hand, left hand. It was very, look, it wasn't fussy, fussy, fussy. It wasn't an eclectic celebration of the dance. It was a very straightforward series of arm movements and swinging the thing and then back again. It was militaristic.

It was militaristic. It was, I don't know. Okay, it was. It was more like one of those, at the end of the show, where they bring the big horses out and the big horses do a kind of a a routine uh like a big like a Clydesdale doing a routine like whatever so it was yeah it was it was simplistic you know or or a child's first karate uh class where they do the really simple katan maybe maybe watching it

now you know the music has a sort of russian feel to it and you do quite militaristic moves. Maybe in hindsight, it's probably... In the current climate. In the current climate. It wasn't meant to be an endorsement of the denazification of the Ukraine. That's not what I was... That wasn't the hidden message of, hey, guys, maybe Putin is a pointer.

Maybe, you know, maybe we've got to look past the mainstream media here they it wasn't meant to be a May Day Parade but I thought I put a lot of effort into that like whatever it was actually a bit like I did feel like oh no one cares what dad did that's like it's like the dad also put a lot of effort into his dance. And also, it's such a dad thing to go, you'll find my mirroring is actually really accurate. Yeah, so look, Munya's looks great, but then when you really focus in on the mirroring and all of that,

and he doesn't cross the line, I feel like he was lucky to get the style point and I feel like lucky to get any points whatsoever, really. Yeah, I would have eliminated him. But the funny thing is, any time I raise the tag at Munya, then it bounced back on me immediately. Natural justice is always served.

At some point, something would happen and Munya would be able to turn and go, and I'd have to go, fine, great, I'm the bad guy. John got a style point. I mean, look, he nails the timing. It's 0.5 second difference timing,

which I'm impressed by because he doesn't seem to be counting. He's, I mean, he's skipping quite, he's skipping a lot, which is very funny, but I wouldn't say

it was necessarily stylish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I went for a look. Yeah, you went for a look it's he's been compared a lot to middle management on this podcast we talk about john feeling like someone's plucked a middle manager off the high street and just dumped him in the middle of taskmaster and this feels like a man who's who works uh you know a middling position in a bank and he's just quit and he's realized he's free he's sort of skipping he's skipping away from his job thinking

i could do anything with my life now it's not it doesn't feel measured it's just it's realised he's free. He's sort of skipping, he's skipping away from his job, thinking I can do anything with my life now. It's not, it doesn't feel measured. It's just, it's quite, it's quite chaotic. Yeah. I mean, that mood would have, you feel that, and I'd like to see the second travelator where, oh no, I actually,

I still have bills and that skipping starts and then it just sort of collapses into a heap and goes, oh my God, but I've got three kids. Whatever, I don't know how many kids he has. But like the end of The Graduate, that he does the skipping

and the second travel later is just him going, well, what do I do now? And it's just that and his face sinking into that realisation. That'd be an amazing ending to it, yeah. I think we've seen enough of that, John, in the first sort of three or four episodes of Taskmaster that the face

sinking into realization is something that happened to john quite a lot over the last few episodes let's talk about uh sarah i mean talk of the stone cold assassin coming out her face her face during this is absolutely amazing just seem seems a bit annoyed but just completely composed all the way down, just walks down and there is no difference in the times. No, and Sarah was very expressly like, no, screw that, I'm not messing around with this. I'm going to nail because I want the five rather than the two. So I'm going to go and I'm just going to hit the time thing perfectly.

So what she was, I don't know what her internal accounting thing is, but i suppose they have you probably have to train you to do that when they take you out of school at 13 and give you like a sniper rifle that you have to learn how to internally count to 40 bang on because like you're going uh you go on 10 you have to know you have to go exactly on 10. So they probably have a thing. She can probably quietly get her pulse or her pupil dilation or some sort of biological marker that we're not trained to use. And Sarah can exactly work out periods of time with that.

So then she can shoot the drug lord at exactly the right moment for the thing to happen. I mean, look, it's amazing. She probably, at that point, if you attached an EKG to her, I'd say her pulse was bang on 40. Bang on 40 for the entire length of that, like, whatever. And she hits exactly, like, at 32 beats or whatever the hell it is, whatever she was, bam, bam.

She's feeling the heartbeat and doing that stuff. It's incredible. It's incredible. And then across the line. If you zoom in at the exact moment of when she crosses the line, you see her trigger finger twitch. Just muscle memory.

Just a tiny muscle memory. Just like where she says, and she says the word, adios, muchacho. Just really quietly. Really quietly, adios, machacho. Just really quietly. Really quietly, adios, machacho, bah. And then the trigger finger goes, like, whatever, and she goes, just another drug lord confined to hell. An amazing performance.

Welcome to hell, machacho. It's astonishing, like, what it's gone through. The complete opposite of Fern's. Yeah, yeah. Fern is more an agent of chaos, I feel, rather than a super trained assassin. The Fern is just the,

Fern is when you send into the camp to go, hello, I just happened to be walking past. Whoa, who is this lady? And then Fern goes, here's a crazy thing. And they're all distracted. Meanwhile, in a mountaintop,

Sarah's waiting. Sarah's there waiting, all distracted. Meanwhile, in a mountaintop, Sarah's waiting. Sarah's there waiting, going, good work, good work, lovely. Welcome to hell, muchacho. Bang, like this, go. It's the kicking, it's the leg cock and then holding the leg in the air on the travelator and then trying to do that again

when she's walking along as well. That is just as if she thinks, if I stand still on the travelator and then trying to do that again when she's walking along as well that is just as if she thinks if i stand still on this travelator that is the same time as it would take me to stand still on a still floor she does she doesn't think that there might be any lag there the fun thing was that the travelator itself didn't get you there in less than 40 um or less than 60 whatever 60 wasn't it didn't get you there in less than 40 or less than 60 whatever citizen 60 wasn't it didn't get you there in less than 60 and so you had to you have to be walking at some speed on the travelator and so it wasn't if that you could just they come in because you'd have time to do this and go oh god no hang on that's too slow so you have to be doing some speed and then you're

looking at different landmarks to hit the speed like whatever um and then so yeah so it's it was a complicated series of things that just that got worse and worse so people holding it together for the full length of it was really pretty impressive because once the mistakes started rolling in then all of a sudden you're kicking a leg and you're and like and it's getting worse and worse it was the one i most wanted to see because I had sense of, I have nailed this. That is genuine sense that I had that I have properly done this. You know, hey, do you want to go again?

No, I'm done. It is done. Stick, you know, press, you know, put a tape, put a cell tape over the end of the tape. That is done. That is perfect.

Nothing would ever be better than that. Like, whatever. Absolutely. Four seconds off. I'm good. Yeah, four seconds off. I mean, Fern was four would be better than that. Like whatever, absolutely. Four seconds off, I'm good. Yeah, four seconds off. I mean, Fern was four times more inaccurate than you. She was 16 seconds off.

It only took 40 seconds to go down the thing. Yeah. The worst thing is, I know that I'll be back in South Terman and Gatwick at some stage in the next couple of months on tour. And will I quietly go and try to see if I can with the phone, with the timer

on my phone, see if I can, I won't do the whole thing but I might do a bit of just raise the shoulder and time it or will people notice me going back again. People are going to see that Dara that is going to be such a lovely Easter egg of life for someone seeing you walk along that travelator

quietly mumbling something under your breath and moving your shoulders in a militaristic way. I've been to Gatwick since this show started airing and a couple of people said something similar to me. They almost get starstruck by bits of an airport now. They're like, this is where they rolled the balls. This is where they threw the toilet paper. This is, but there was a, I said,

and we had a conversation and I said, you're going to mark this, I said. And she said, oh no, why would we do that? I said, no, you've got to put like a QR code or something down in the place where the toilet was. Here is a toilet where you know, Derby do one and a half rolls of toilet paper into

it should be on the floor because people won't notice it but will pass and go, oh my god that's the actual place where the toilet was so I think they're going to put something in a kind of a the rich heritage of Gatwick South Terminal which we're not competing with much

for Gatwick South Terminal but yeah it is a heritage of uh gatwick south terminal which we're not competing with much the uh you know for gatwick south terminal but the uh but yeah it is a uh uh and like i mean the um the luggage the one thing i think they don't do is last week's one about the luggage trolleys which i suspect they don't want to encourage people to give a go uh yeah a little update on that actually because uh last week um we talked with rose matafoe about the luggage trolleys. And I made a point that the task only says you have to start behind the line. The task never says you have to release the trolley from behind the line. So my idea was that you could simply start behind the line and walk the trolley as far as you can and just bump into a trolley that you've positioned, you know, maybe outside a door or around a corner.

I messaged Alex this, and he thought it said released. He wasn't sure why it didn't say released, because that's obviously the spirit of the task. Yes. And I said, what would have happened if I'd tried to just walk it there? And as we expected, he said they probably would have just, if I'd been the first one to do it, changed the wording of the task so I didn't ruin it for everyone I think the agreement was that Rose was right in that she basically went oh Ed why do you why do you try and ruin everything why are you trying to spoil the fun it was one point for Fern uh awful two points for you Dara

uh three points plus a bonus style point for Munya four points plus a bonus style point for Munya, four points plus a bonus style point for John, five points for the assassin, Adios Muchachos. You talk us through your performance, Fern. From my point of view, I've written down lacklustre and wildly inaccurate. I tried really hard. I feel like I don't know what's real anymore. Because at the time, I kind of thought that there was some airport staff

and they were looking at me funny, but I thought, oh, they were just really jealous of my costume. I didn't know it was that bad. Task three, strike the bullseye with your paint. You must only step on the stepping stones and you must step on all the stepping stones. Also, your hands must be below your waist at all times. Fastest wins.

This is really hard. I think this is a genuinely hard task. No, it really isn't. You just walk on all the steps, then you move the steps, then bring some steps back again. What is hard is, for some reason,

you could have just lifted that stupid obstacle. There's no reason to respect that obstacle. Knock that out of the way. You could have just picked that out of the way. You obviously stop when you see that you need to move task and you go wait what thus when that came in my head exploded like i was i couldn't believe that you said it again i thought because there's you've done enough to make it the catchphrase look that is embedded from the first task. Full meme status now where it'll be, oh, I see America's elected another whatever right wing thing

with a picture of me going, wait, what? I am the Padme Amidala. And, you know, you pick your, I am the, huh, guy? Like I get out of the future that is oh my god well wait wait until I cross the streams to advertise this podcast Dara and have a picture of the Megabus man saying wait what

and all of my universes we're all in the same cinematic universe but actually I also very happy to um hopefully um introduce the phrase that i don't think people are firm of are waiting for the other shoe to drop which i quite like that phrase it's a very it is a very west wing type phrase because it's an american phrase waiting for the shoe to drop um because it's based on somebody in an apartment

block in new york hearing a shoe fall and then not being able to get back to sleep even the person who dropped the shoe and oh sorry very carefully put down the other shoe right around them are going what God waiting for the shoe to drop like the you know you drop one shoe you have to drop the second shoe you have to drop the shoe yes there's something coming they yeah killing you the fact that there's something coming oh boy did I mean this is not points across the board which not the first time this has happened i don't think but it's very funny that when it does it's always a treat i think because i think i nailed it and i think all i did was adjust my glasses what the

hell that's it's in the rules you've got to keep your hands below your waist that's why i think it's a hard task because you've got to think about a lot of stuff and it was your goggles you were readjusting though right yes it was yeah yeah yeah yeah no wasn't glasses glasses i'll give you that like yeah it's god i wasn't legally blinded by what was happening i was nearly in a great deal of discomfort and pain but the uh and all i had to do was that for us man they in fact they dug through that was yeah i mean look that's why i think it's hard because you've got you've got to think about a lot of things and keeping your hands blow your eyes in that situation is really hard. Munya had the best idea because he kept his hands in his pockets.

So they were in the pocket. So, you know, when you're taking them out of the pockets, but unfortunately everything else he completely ignores. He just, he doesn't step on all of them. At one point he goes into that,

that little greenhouse, biodome and collect other stepping stones, but just leaves three of them there without stepping on them. He's so agile, but there's such lack of attention to detail. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, look, he gets by on the agility. On the agility.

Whereas I will thoroughly step on all of those things. They, and gosh, it was just so mean. And when I'm having an episode which is frankly breaking me anyway then go no that's you gone and I'm aware of the hot breath

in the overall league table of Millican suddenly chasing me down in the nature of she will not stop she cannot be reasoned with um she is actually she's here from the future and she will kill you they yeah so now we've now elevated to that she's now a terminator she's happy she's javier bardem in no country for old men oh listen yeah she's

sugar and whatever his name is like yeah absolutely like i can hear I can hear her clunking the canister of compressed air towards me as I desperately, desperately stay on the lam here. Yeah. Yeah, so it's all me. Like a scared Erling Haaland. No, he has diamonds up. A crying Norwegian. Yeah.

John, of course. I mean this I think my theory now that John is living in a 70s sitcom but everyone else is just living a normal life is absolutely I mean this he loses the task has to bend over to pick up

the task finally gets to it and a gust of wind comes along and blows away the task it's perfect. But it's like, why can I not just be left alone? It is an unusual stance within a taskmaster contestant going,

oh God, all I want to do is sit and read my paper and now I've got, what have I got to do? While the music from Only Fool, what's that got to do? And like, while the music from him, you know, Only Fool, not Only Fool, what's that one with, oh my God. The proper save sequence where things kept going wrong.

Frank Spencer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Some others do have him. Some others do have him, yeah. That is essentially him in this. He just wants to just have a quiet time with his wife and children. Some mothers do have them. Some mothers do have them, yeah. That is essentially him in this. He just wants to just have a quiet time with his wife and children.

It's all fine. She's very, yeah. I accept that. Life just keeps getting him to do these things. Oh, I've got to put paint on my head and walk around the series. And every part of it is just, oh. Even when he gives answers. Even when he gives answers even when he gives answers i mean they edit them down because every answer he gives

greg will go uh why did you why did you decide to do it that way and there would be a 30 second pause and you're sitting there going they're not going to leave this in they can't leave any of these in there i hope they leave one of them in the uh because there's a 30 second pause where you and then you go and it's just like you'd wait and then you go i just thought you know i just thought this would be the way to do it like yeah it's so brilliant he's such a different energy and um yeah and even i think he's maybe the contestant this series series, possibly ever, who's made Alex have to hide behind his clipboard the most. So Alex will really try and hold it together most of the time. But if something's going drastically wrong,

he will have to hide behind his clipboard to laugh. And it's when John starts going, I've only got this far. I've only gone from there to there. And it's been that long. It takes him eight minutes and three seconds to, in his way, complete the task. He obviously doesn't get any points

because no one gets any points. Eight minutes and three seconds. Munya does it in one minute 30. Yeah, there's a fair bit of, I think over the course of these series, I'm not sure when, where the period, like whenever, where they go, where they announce the times.

Johnny would be like, 27 minutes. Yeah. they go were they announced times johnny be like 27 minutes well i mean it is one of my favorite taskmaster jokes the when they go and bridget took 18 hours because she just kept getting lost within or whatever like yeah yeah one of the nicer running gags of the show not not when you're on the other side of it, Dara. Trust me. Champion of champions, 97 minutes to get the duck in the pond. You know, that's not a nice thing. No, that was awful.

See a man unravel. And also because it's gone so well for you with your little space thing. And you're so happy with that. Like, you know, here we go. And I know how competitive you are, having done House of Games with you. Yeah. Yeah. Thank God you weren't there for that Dara, me saying I'm sending it to space and you going it's the edge of space I think I'll find it

a troposphere Sarah of course William Shatner doesn't want to meet me for the same reasons going where are you William Where are you, William? Were you really in space? Sarah, of course, yes. And this.

Yeah, I mean, she does something that I, this is why I think I would have done this. Like she ends up putting her hand on the camera to check how high the camera is so she can get under the rope. And as soon as she's done that, her hands are above her waist. But my brain couldn't hold all those things in at once

that you have to do those two things at the same time. So you all broke the rules in some way. Fern doesn't step on all the stepping stones. Again, I might've missed that. I'd be too eager. I'd be sort of Munya levels of eager, if not his speed and agility. But Fern's physicality here makes me laugh so much.

The way at the end, she flicks her head down to get the paint off and just sort of grunts. She's just always slight, there's always slight sort of amazing physicality and slight sort of like, oh, come on, let's get this over with with Fern. And I really respect that. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Scott.

I mean, it is when you're watching them, because obviously it's the first time you've seen them and you just do them and there's no discussion immediately afterwards, and then you see other people's mistakes, you go, oh, that's a perfectly plausible mistake. Maybe I made that mistake as well. Yeah.

And so when they show you the thing in the show, none of you went into the biodome, and then they show me going to the biodome, you know, as part of the cruel trick to make me feel happy. Then it's, you know, oh, wow, I've nailed this. Unlike the others. So, yeah, that was horrible. That was really mean.

It was nought points for everyone. But, of course, that means, you know, in the overall scores, you know, that it doesn't matter at all. Nothing changes. That's got to make up for some of the other things in this episode, doesn't it? Wait, what? Wastewater side.

Exemplary work. How are you feeling now, though? There's this faint chink of light. I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop. I'm waiting for you to go, but then... Come on, stop waiting for the shoe to drop. No, it was great. Do you want to see the best bit drop no it's great it was great I don't see this best bits because it was so graceful yeah how much paint do I

have now shoe you restore your dignity in in as much as you can restore your dignity in Taskmaster with the live task paint a picture of a unicorn you get your dignity in in as much as you can restore your dignity in taskmaster with the live task paint a picture of a unicorn using your head brush uh you may not handle your head brush at any point you have two minutes and of course you and sarah go for inches and uh everyone else chooses feet um which all the kids only realizes all the kids went for feet and when you're only realizes the significance of that after the task is completed yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean it was it was an instant really like oh okay fine this is what this is the um and it is because i'm not

particularly great at art if you gave me a free hand i would draw the same unicorn the uh i'm very bad at like i mean it would be i mean it was proper i was very happy with the results i got out of it prancing was great yeah but prancing was good. And you get a real sense of emotion out of it. But it wasn't as if, like, if you'd give me an hour and all of the paintbrushes and the gouache and the, you know, the pencils and charcoal, and I would still have drawn the same unicorn. The same bright red.

It'd be a yellow scone. It'd be bouncing down. So it's like so i i was very i was accurately dragged to lower than my level um because i think some of them can actually are okay doing a bit of art yeah i'm sure people yeah but it was uh yeah it was entirely just lucky and i went for that i think inches was the way to go though wasn't it because sarah goes for inches as well and you know totally i mean it's a nice a nice unicorn no prancing um and everyone else is a bit of a mess it's all in the bend of the leg the prancing is in the bend of the leg uh and then you get thing and then you try to

put in a bit of landscape around it just to give a context i think even a time to do the sun a sun with like beams coming out of it like whatever it was it was a much it was much easier when you had a six inches rather than it was six foot? Was it six foot or three foot? It was massive. Absolutely massive. Yeah, Munya only manages what Greg calls a long-legged lobster. And that is the title of the episode. It's called Long-Legged Lobster, the episode.

Ah, fine. Okay, cool. Good, okay, yeah. Yeah. That's a good name. Fern's a disaster. John's is a disaster. I feel like John's was actually better than Fern's,

but we're really splitting hairs at that point. Fern's was the fence was the fence wasn't it it was just ferns was two fences of pepper and an orange yeah that was it yeah that was difficult yeah i mean it really was it was all in the choice i mean there's a couple of these ones where you have made good or bad choices and you only realize oh there's yeah i can't obviously I can't tell you but there's a couple where it was just in that instant of making a choice and after that the die was cast there's no way of playing your way out of a bad choice

made at the time it was one point for John, two points for Fern, three points for Munya, four points for Sarah and five points for you Dara rescuing the episode just at the last second oh Jesus you know just about hold my head up Mounier, four points for Sarah and five points for you, Dara, rescuing the episode just at the last second. Oh, Jesus, you know, I can just about hold my head up at that, but it was

pretty bad. I mean, I know this is the one you specifically requested I come in and talk about and I know why. You didn't even lose. You didn't lose the episode, though. Fern got less points. Fern got six points in this episode. Yeah, that's, okay's okay yeah that's pretty terrible

was it fourth was it third yeah you were fourth you got 10 10 points john got 13 points min you got 14. sarah got 19. it's a low scoring episode because of that because of that zero point top because of your point you still didn't come bottom um but you're still in the lead in the series. 112 points. But here comes Millican. 109 points. 109? Oh, Jesus. Okay.

God. You see her just crawling. I put her into the industrial compressor. It doesn't matter. She's just blowing her legs. Crawling through the sand. Those red eyes. Those red eyes. See them red eyes, those red eyes,

see them red eyes, like whatever. Very difficult to get those to turn off. Yeah, so it's grand. Like, yeah. She'd arrive out of the bath, like,

fake an attraction right at the very end. Ah! Fern's bottom on 85, John and Munya on 89. So it's all to play for at the bottom half of the table, but you and Sarah,

way ahead, I'd say, at the top of the table. Dara, thank you so much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast. We always ask our guests to rate their experience on the Taskmaster podcast between one and five points in the style of the Taskmaster. Please, would you give your experience recording the podcast a score between one and five? I would say four, because it's been a very enjoyable experience you've guided us very well through it all but i think uh my uh bitterness and anger may be shone through too much uh and that ultimately it's going to do more damage than good so i'm docking a point to myself for not being more zen

about a thing which happened ages ago. And I should be cool about it. And voice in your head, hey, it's a comedy show. Relax. It was comedy. It was entertaining. It was a comedy show. No.

No. They've attached points to it. It's a competition. No. And so that's, yeah. And so watching that play out, and a generally quite mild-mannered person person like nobody at the end of a panel show ever cares who won the panel show like we know that

from a hundred I do whatever yeah you know it wasn't a thing but this lays it

you know this is yeah also it's the only way the only reason that it gets under your skin the show is like

the only way you can ever do it again is if you win it and you might get another day of it that's the worst way because it's such an enjoyable show to do it's such an absolute pleasure to sit in that dressing room and have them come in again go we have another thing for you now and you go great you walk out and there's another envelope with a whole other thing to do yeah and that's such a fantastic experience the uh that it's like It's like they keep going, we built another escape room for you, or whatever,

we built another slide for you to go down, like whatever, it's great. And you go back to your room, you sit, you read a paper, and then they go, we built another one for you, like 10 times a day. And you're going,

oh, I instantly went, I just want to do this. Can I just do this forever? Can I just be doing this all the time? Yeah, it's amazing, isn't it? And we'll see I probably missed the end of this

more than other shows that I have come to the end of recently that people think oh you must be very disappointed

no because that was work whereas this one was just have some more fun and so and then you know and once you once you start doing it it's done

it's like a real thing as a comedian it's a real sense of your own mortality. This is it. Once you, once you've started doing Taskmaster, it never happens again. Yeah. So that's quite a thing. So no wonder I didn't do it for ages.

So I could just. You held it off. You held it off perfectly. Dara, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. You're welcome back on any time, of course. Oh, this I can do. Yeah, this i can do again there's no end to this we'll keep it going absolutely right oh this content churning

sausage machine yeah but actually we're supposed to put a bit of effort and and then boston on but a wax seal there's no wax seal here no no wax seal so sorry oh well thank you so much pleasure thank you very much goodbye thank you so much dara absolutely brilliant chat with dara there uh dara welcome back on anytime the guy loves taskmaster and loves getting involved in it you can tell but so competitive um and don't forget if you do see dar on the street uh shout wait what what wait wait what he will never ever get bored of hearing that uh thank you very much for listening we will be back next week to talk about taskmaster series 14 episode 7 with a special guest we will see you then. Bye-bye.

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