Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Ep 108. Paul F. Tompkins - S7 Ep.10

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

This week Ed returns to Series 7 and dissects the finale with Comedian, Podcaster and TM super fan, Paul F. Tompkins! Paul and Ed talk laminators, sausage fingers, the tying up task and why Paul would be a great 'exotic old'. To find out more about all Paul's podcasts and live shows visit paulftompkins.comWatch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmasterVisit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We can wait for clean water solutions, or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures, or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth, or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It's Ed Gamble here. Today we are talking about Series 7, Episode 10, which we left hanging in the balance before we went through the brilliant Series 14, week by week. But now we're back, back to the grind, talking about Series 7.

An amazing series, I think that's fairly universally considered. And also, this episode is fantastic, a brilliant way to round off Series 7. I'm very happy to say that our guest today is the wonderful Paul F. Tompkins, an amazing comedian, one of my favourite comedians. I would highly recommend going and listening to Labouring Under Delusions, which is his stand-up album about jobs he's had.

It is one of the funniest stand-up records ever, in my opinion, and a lot of other people's, I think. Do go and check that out. He's also a brilliant podcaster. He's got so many podcasts's i think uh do go and check that out he's also a brilliant podcaster he's got so many podcasts out there for you to go and listen to um and a taskmaster fan crucially um so very much looking forward to you hearing this chat about series 7 episode 10 with myself and paul f tompkins welcome paul to the taskmaster podcast. You talked to me immediately? Oh, welcome to the world of British podcasting.

There's no intros to speak of. Is that the main difference? Yeah. Is that British podcasts don't make the guest wait for a good 15 to 20 minutes before they can speak? Exactly. We do that all separately. I'll record an intro separately without you awkwardly staring at me while I sort of reel off what's happened this week, credits, things like that. That's not going to happen. We're straight in, Paul.

Oh, God save the king. You'll be happy to hear that's the first time I've actually heard anyone say that out loud. I am thrilled it's been me. Yeah, that's exactly what we need, an American to get in there first. Perfect. Paul, we're delighted that you wanted to come on the Taskmaster podcast. And I'm assuming you wanted to come on the Taskmaster podcast because you're a fan of Taskmaster. I am a huge fan.

Yeah, so a friend of mine tried to get me into it years ago, but I think I was, at the time, resistant to watch things on YouTube, which is where he was watching it. There's something that seems very squalid to me about watching a whole television show on YouTube. I totally see that. You feel like you're not an official guy. You feel like you're having to sneak under the fence. I feel like I'm not an official guy you feel like you're having to sneak and sneak i feel like i'm not an official guy there's only two ways to watch something as an official guy on television or with links that have been sent to you by a production team exactly um but i mean i'd watch

something that i bought on on itunes or something i'd watch that on my computer, but watching on YouTube feels dirty. Yeah. That's where PewDiePie lives. But I finally, it was over quarantine is what got me to watch the show. And I just devoured it. I watched all the extant seasons at that point and just absolutely fell in love. Yeah, I think that happened for a lot of people. I think it was it was quarantine slash lockdown that people just they have the time and I think also because because it's such a joyous show with absolutely no attempt to say I was just gonna

say that. Yeah, yeah, it's very, there's something about it. That's very celebratory of life. If i may go that grand with it but um it really is just uh it makes you so happy to watch it it's a it's a really there's there's so many wonderful things about it in one um in in one show uh you know the creativity of it the um uh obviously the comedians are all funny the the the camaraderie between everyone it's it's a it's a truly magical package yeah and I think it's that that thing as well of taking the silly things ultra seriously and that sort of feels like it mirrors life in a nice way like we take silly things too seriously so when it's actually drawn in such sharp focus that

there's something so dumb like sausage or finger which we'll be talking about later on in the episode that people are watching like it's the most important thing in the world is is such a such a edifying thing i think the way especially those live challenges the way you get wrapped up in watching them it's it's it's almost embarrassing how how much you you start rooting for people or judging their style of play or their strategies. Yeah, it's amazing. Do you have any, I mean, we're obviously going to be talking about Series 7, Episode 10. Do you have any particular favorite series or contestants or moments?

I mean, I kind of love them all. There's so many great moments, but the one that jumps to mind right away, Ed, is one that concerns you. Oh, yes. It was when you and David Baddiel were paired for a live challenge, and I think it involved drawing. Yes, we had to draw on each other's backs and the other

person had to draw whilst they were having their back drawn on. Your expression you you looked at something that he drew. And I rewound your reaction to that so many times. Yeah, so many times it was just because it was it was perfectly. It was like a perfect comedic take, but it was also real. Oh, so real. It was so real. And you'll be happy to hear that's, that's the moment my wife describes is the only time I've ever truly been myself on television.

First the shock. Yeah. And then the anger in quick succession. It's just, it lives in my mind, as they say, rent free. It's that awful feeling as well, where you're genuinely angry on television and about something so silly. And it's still in the back of your head. You're going, I know this is funny, but I can't quite come to terms with it being funny yet.

Absolutely. Yeah, infuriating um but this this is it look this is a fantastic episode uh to round off a fantastic series series seven i think is a bit of a bit of a fan favorite um And it's amazing, amazing contestants. I mean, let's kick off by talking about the prize task, which this week is the most magnificent stationery. It's a big category to finish off a big series. I will say that a very exciting moment for me

was between Greg and Carrie Godleman when they said Laminator at the same time, because when I watched it the first time, I, in my mind, was saying Laminator. No way. I was like, please let it be. Yes, because I'm also a stationary freak. And I cannot describe to you how magical that moment was for me as a viewer. Not just, you know, for anyone watching it, it was incredible.

But the fact that they said the thing that I was thinking, and then I watched it again this morning before our chat, and I did what I did before, which was rewind to watch everyone's reaction to that wonderful moment. Everything about it, the fact that they get, there's enough syllables in Laminator to get like more excited as they're saying it. So they start out saying lamb like a normal person, and then they're screaming inator. It's very pleasing. It's very satisfying. Because because at that point they get to lamb no one's

thinking oh it could be a lamb they they know it's going to be laminated there's nothing else that it could be at that point absolutely it's as satisfying as a laminator is itself yeah absolutely that that's amazing that because i enjoyed that moment of course to see them both set at the same time it's it's so organic it's clearly not been set up. I enjoy seeing James Acaster, I think the happiest I've ever seen him. He curls one leg up. He puts one hand in the air as if to swap the moment away because he can't deal with how joyous it is.

A full body reaction to that moment. It's fantastic. For listeners, you should know that Paul's Zoom background, he's got everything in his house laminated. The guy loves a laminator. It's very shiny in here. Yeah, here yeah so shiny um that was a wonderful and a wonderful a wonderful piece of stationery i think what carrie's done very well all series is absolutely taken everything

at its word and just done it and the best is the best she can do it she's not trying to find little ways around it she's just straight ahead and the laminator is the crowning moment of that i think absolutely she is not uh you know interpreting words. She's not looking for loopholes. Yeah, just that. I mean, it really pays off in that first challenge. It really does. And this is the I think this is the ideal price. This is the perfect example of not sucking up to Greg, accidentally finding something that he also likes. So it's a straight five points rather than going like, oh, my favorite piece of stationery

is a ruler with Greg Davis is the best written on it. It's nothing like that. It's just perfect bonding. Beautiful in its rarity. Yes, absolutely. Let's talk about Phil Wang. I mean, he's had a rough series. The guy's had a tricky series.

And it really feels like, I mean mean I know that they pick the prize toss and they just get randomly ordered throughout the episodes but this feels like the perfect prize toss for this moment because Phil seems to have completely given up it's funny because I in my mind I don't remember Phil doing that badly and then uh hearing uh like listening to the podcast and then watching this episode again, I was like, oh yeah, he really sucks at this. In terms of the people who've come last across the years, he's not the worst.

No, no. He is bad. And it's because he just does everything so slowly is the problem. Because he walks very gingerly also it must be something to do with the outfit right because i feel like if my genitals were so on show i wouldn't want to run a lot because i don't want any jiggle i even beyond the jiggle it seemed like things were not constrained very well.

And that things... I think he's in danger of getting things twisted. Yeah. There was no... Yeah, I mean, I've never asked Phil about his sort of underpants situation within the costume. But it could almost have been no underpants. I feel like the underpants are negligible.

I feel like whatever he was wearing he might as well not been wearing anything if he was wearing something i would get your money back on those phil yeah he's wearing those paper pants you get when you go for a massage but this this look this is a bad prize but why i like it is because it's bad on phil's terms he's he's not poured his heart into it and been told it's terrible. He's just got a pen and wrapped it in gold foil and said, there you go, magnificent pen. He doesn't give a shit.

A little bit of Photoshop on the 24 karat gold on there. Sure. But it feels like that works because I think Greg knows that he's had a rough series and he just gives him four points. He's just like, yeah, four points. Not going to make any difference. he still ends up 20 points behind it is a shame that in this because this is the final episode we don't we didn't get one more of Phil's running uh haggling gag yes uh how he negotiated to the exact price which I enjoyed every single time yeah I enjoyed every single time as well especially as a comedian knowing that probably the fourth time he did it he was severely regressing establishing

that rhythm um let's talk about James Acaster's uh pencil shaped cake um he's dedicated to desserts he's already brought in ice cream um and he's found found a way to bring in cake i mean it's a nice it's a nice thing but he has no argument to back up why it's stationary no it's one of those it's it's a it's a real uh uh thing like that is a real gamble because you think okay it's not actually stationary but everyone loves cake so obviously i'll get something for this and it would have worked on me for sure because that cake cakes like that look good to me like the more when they're elaborate when it's when it's sort of like 99 fondant um it like when it looks like it's it's it's like a child's toy that looks delicious to me yeah there's barely any cake in that it's mainly all the effort's gone into making it look

like a big pencil and no thought's been put into the taste um yeah you eat that hard outer shell and it's just all it's just not even ingredients it's just sweet it's just the element sweet you've described james acas as perfect food um that is what he loves um so he would love to eat that cake he'd peel off the fondant from around the outside and eat it until it didn't look like a pencil anymore now that's living yeah well he got three points because i think it's that thing that you were saying that you're definitely going to get something for the cake you're never going to get top marks but you'll get three points because it's cake so pleasing to the eye um jess Knapp brought in the pencil, which said,

I completed my 1993 transportation survey, which I loved. I feel like it was underscored. It absolutely was underscored. The video reveal was, and I think she, did she, was she first or second?

She was early on. She was first. And I feel like, yeah, I feel like by the time it got, it got time to judge that it was forgotten how wonderful that was. Coupled with the fact that she revealed she didn't complete that survey. I think the way she presents stuff is my, she's my favorite in the series on that.

Because she just presents something with such joy. And then just a little twinkle in the eye that she knows it's not very good but just really goes for it going and the thing is i didn't complete the survey it makes me laugh every time i think she's brilliant and then greg greg really threw her under the bus and actually i think he betrayed her uh when he said that he sang his little song about how boring it was that we all saw that that's not what happened no we all saw that you enjoyed it like we all saw that that's not what happened. No. We all saw that. You enjoyed it, like we all did. And she calls him on it, quite rightly, but I did enjoy the song, though.

Boring Pencil Girl. That got stuck in my head. Do you think he'd been saving that song with different lyrics over the course of the series? Yeah. He's like, look, it's the last one. I got to use it. I never found a good moment. It's too good not to do. I've got to do it. I never found a good moment. It's too good not to do.

I've got to do it. I've got to go with Boring Pencil Girl. It scans. It scans so perfectly. Let's talk about Rod Gilbert. The final opportunity for Rod Gilbert to show that picture of Greg in his pants, no matter how poor the link is,

he says it's Star of Gladiators, hole punch. It just makes no sense whatsoever. It's just a picture of Greg in his pants no matter how poor the link is he he says it's star of gladiators hole punch just makes no sense whatsoever it's just a picture of greg in his pants again i this was a curious thing to me this series because rod made so many fat jokes about greg which i which i did not understand i was like he's not that I don't understand this and I don't I'm not saying this to be unkind but then I saw a video of Greg at an award show and at one point he turns in profile and I was like oh I get it now because when you see him sitting in the chair he doesn't look particularly I never would have used that word to know he's just a big guy right statuesque and then and then you saw the profile and i i apologize i'm not

trying to be not trying to be mean but i was i it did things came into place at that point sure and then so now you've you've re-watched this episode you laughed you appreciated it in a new life. Laughed at every fat joke. Because it's a nice photo right? I think it's great. I think he looks great in that photo. But I just think Well the confidence in his face is Oh my god yeah. You can't deny it.

Like I don't know why he's embarrassed. He should say yeah that's right I did it. Yeah totally. There's Greg one of I think the tour poster for Greg's first tour is him topless wearing a top hat. And then I think his last tour was him topless coming out of a lake.

So he's a man who likes to get his top off. He's well aware of his magnificent profile. People like that are always, that's a little freaky. When people are like, looking for an excuse to take off clothes. Come on. Maybe he's one of those guys, yeah.

I think he's one of those guys. OK, Carrie? This was really hard for me, because I love stationery. You think I don't? Well, I don't know if you love it as much as me. Oh, I do. Because I love it the most. Yeah?

Right. I think I know what it is. As a stationery connoisseur, instinct tells me, because I know what the king of the stationery items is. Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if it's the same thing? And I genuinely don't know what you brought in. Shall we say it together? Yes.

One, two, three. A laminator! A laminator! Task one. When you hear this siren during a future task put on your boiler suit and lie flat on the ground you may not touch or move the boiler suit until the siren sounds fastest wins not a lot to talk about here at the moment i guess because this is just the little setup to what comes later um but it's almost as if it was designed to create paranoia, I think. But again, like for the viewer, this is, this is such,

this is perfect Taskmaster because it's, you have, as a viewer, you have forgotten about the siren and the boiler suit completely by the time it comes into play. And so you you you have the enjoyment of watching watching this being explained and thinking oh this is going to be this is going to be great when this comes back whenever this comes back and then you completely forget about it so it's it's two levels of enjoyment yes and that you get i mean and imagine how how they would have felt as well so i believe i think i'm right in saying and i think

this is the genius of it to come up with that idea first of all is great but then if i'd come up with that idea i've gone and then i'm gonna play it in three months time when they're here doing another task but that's far too long so i think they did it on the same day so i think it was in the morning and then late afternoon they did it yeah so there's just that moment it was like yeah it was like five hours later or something yeah i think so yeah so there's it's the perfect amount of time because they have forgotten about it like we have as viewers but then they then they realize but i would have gone far too far with it it was just it's a perfect moment we'll discuss it later but again at this point it's and more of an insight into rod's terrifying commitment absolutely well then he

you know it's one thing to just stay there but then he walks over to the suit on the hook and stares at it for 20 minutes for 20 minutes and they've all left the cameras turn off so he's not even doing it for the camera anymore because he's worried that they'll turn the cameras off as a joke and they'll be filming him somewhere else and then they'll put the siren on. Right. Yeah, absolute maniac. He's a little scary, Rod, right?

Oh, yeah, he's full on, that guy. You've met him. You've been around him in a room. He's a delightful man. He's a very kind, lovely man, but he is very dedicated to everything he does. I feel like if he was in the army, he'd be the guy with loads of marks on his uniform

to denote how many people he'd kill. I could see him wearing a necklace of ears, absolutely. Exactly. That's exactly how I describe him. Sorry. I normally say the necklace of ears thing, but I just didn't. When you hear this siren...

During a future task, put on a boiler suit and lie flat on the ground. Boiler suit on now. That's how I'll remember it. OK. You may not touch or move a boiler suit until the siren sounds. Fastest wins. Do you understand the task the task yeah i'm not a fucking idiot task two find the boiled egg you may damage two eggs you may touch two eggs you may not damage the boiled egg fastest wins your time starts now an agonizing task paul these are the kind of things

that make me panicky um because you when it when it's you can only do this you can only do that a number of times um always makes me I feel like I would I would you know there it's it's sort of like watching uh any game show where you at home you think well here's what I do blah blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah. But then in that situation, it's obviously much harder. And especially when people are watching you, which is for me, I have a really hard time trying to do any kind of little task with an audience. And I have to tell my wife sometimes if I'm like trying to fix something or whatever, something breaks in the moment. It's like, oh, let me try to fix this. And then she'll stand there waiting for me to fix it.

And I have to say, you can't. You can't watch me. It won't get done if you watch me. For a very accomplished stand-up comedian, I think that's quite an interesting thing to hear. It's like, no, not. Guys, I can do this very well, but you're all going to have to turn around well no well stand up as a sick compulsion that's not the same thing fair enough fair enough um i know what you mean and especially i think in the lab in that room

where they have to do that yeah it's it's worse because it feels like an experiment because there's plastic on the walls there's just just people filming you. It feels like some sort of early 2000s torture porn situation. Absolutely. The focus is all about that one thing. There's no distractions. There's nothing else to look at. It is a white room with just this thing, this puzzle in front of you that you have to solve.

And I feel like this is one of those where I would definitely be looking for loopholes as James certainly did trying to find a way to do things without really without doing them without violating the the compact of the of the task and and um you know I I think he played it very well although it does it does get a little into semantics where it's like uh he breaks the hollow one he's like that's not an egg because there's nothing inside it so i didn't i didn't harm it i didn't harm an egg um there's a lot of that yeah i i i the the time the the thing that's very fun about the show is figuring

out when it's time to do that and when it's not you know when it's time to to use semantics to your advantage and when you just have to actually do a thing. Yeah, and this is an odd balance, this one, I think. Did you have any ideas when you were watching it? Did you think, oh, no, I would have done that, and then no one did it, and you think this is the technique that I'd use? I felt like, granted, this was my second viewing, but I felt like the rubber egg looked very very fake to me so i felt like i could have discounted that one immediately but i i i but not having been in the room who can say but but watching them all looking at them all lined up i was like well that's not a real egg

um so to to if i if i had been able to spot that right away i would have been so thrilled uh that i still had my two uh my two touches and my two destroys. But I definitely would have been moving the cups themselves and saying, I'm not touching the egg. Yeah, for sure. I think that was allowed. That felt fine. I think when you start getting into sort of deep philosophical chat about what an egg is,

I think you're sort of tripping yourself up a little bit. It's very interesting there, Paul, when you said you would still have your two touches and you went with two destroys. It says you may damage two eggs, but you've gone with destroy. Well, look, if an egg gets a crack in it, that's it for that egg, right?

What are we talking about? Game over, egg. That's what they say. It's game over egg. No one knew that. I didn't know if you spin a boiled egg, it stops spinning. I don't think anyone knows that. I knew that, but forgot it. Like I remember hearing that when I was a kid, it never would have occurred to me. And the boiling water thing would not have, I forgot that as well yeah i mean i guess there's other loopholes that you could go with uh there was a similar task

earlier in this series where they had to find a satsuma in a sock where they had socks all hung up and what rod did was went and got another satsuma put it in a sock said he found it which i mean i think he got the points but there was then there was a huge discussion about found it, which I mean, I think he got the points, but there was then there was a huge discussion about what it is to find something. Yes. And whether you could then boil, just go and boil all of the eggs. And then they're all boiled. But then I guess James is doing it in four minutes, 51.

And you're, I mean, well, how long does it take to boil an egg? When is an egg boiled? It's more semantics, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. it take to boil an egg when is an egg boiled it's more semantic yeah yeah yeah i feel like the the when anybody has the presence of mind to leave the lab because it doesn't say you can't that is

amazing to me because i would have i i would have felt like it never would have occurred to me like no you stay here and you do the thing because you're otherwise you'll get in trouble yeah is that what so if you were a taskmaster contestant would you constantly be worried about getting in trouble and breaking the rules 100 i'm i'm always worried about getting yelled at um that someone will be displeased with me i will have let someone down well i think you know i think there there will be someone who's displeased with you right greg he would be very displeased with you if you if you break the rules and true but you know what now that i think about it he's displeased either way so what does it matter yeah there you go you might as well break the rules

did you i didn't even ask you the most magnificent stationery would you have brought a laminator in would that would have would that have been yours i like to think so ed i like to think so, Ed. I like to think so. I like to think so. I like to think that in certain moments, I will rise to the occasion. Because history has its eyes on us. And I would hope that future generations would judge me kindly. I would have loved it if you'd been on that lineup. Greg asked Kerry to say her stage at the same time as him and then you piped up with laminator as well. A three-way laminator would have been absolutely perfect. James is the only one who finds the boiled egg. Everyone else, I mean, Rod does his normal mad stuff. They're smashing them up all over the place phil

has a good idea and then manages to mess it up just by being clumsy it's a really it is a really tricky one i think you're relying on a bit of luck as well because you're picking things up choosing to damage them you're going by weight interestingly that rubber egg you say you could spot straight away in the series that i did the first live task i think we were allowed to pick one thing to try and throw a certain distance we had to get it onto the stage and it had to stay there yeah first thing i picked was this egg this egg that i saw i was holding it in my hand for upwards of two minutes i was like i'm just gonna throw the egg straight up and it'll splat on the floor and as i threw it i heard alex go it's a crazy choice and then the egg bounced

it's the weirdest feeling i've ever had in my life to be whole to be so sure that something's going to do something and then it bounces it was like i was in a parallel universe so do you think that because to the touch it could not have felt like a real egg right like they have a certain yeah yeah but in the moment because you're on television there's lights on you there's an audience watching you you just you see it you pick it up and then i think because i assumed it was an egg i think my hands felt an egg my fingers hallucinated exactly um and i've still got i've still got that rubber egg it's downstairs uh in the kitchen uh my wife is desperate for me to throw that out because I put it with the rear legs. Of course.

So every morning I try and eat that. James did very well there. Sometimes when he goes gung-ho like that, it really pays off. And this was one of those. It was the full five points and nought points for everyone else, which is always a sweet feeling. You know, it's your episode to lose

if that happens. Absolutely. And it turns out it was James's's episode to lose it was it was although he won the episode that's true yes he won he won the episode spoilers sorry everyone i feel like i feel like this was on in like 2017 or something i think for the freak who's decided this is the way they're going to consume the show in-depth discussion about it first and then watch it yeah on youtube you freak that is not an egg it's made of rubber or some shit take that out of the equation that's not touching the egg i'm touching the egg cup suck it i think there's more boils in this one.

No! That's embarrassing. Touching the clean film, not the egg. I can hear it gooping. Gooping? Yeah. That egg's hollow. That's a shell. Didn't touch it. I'm going to crack this one. Ooh, that egg's hollow. That's a shell. Didn't touch it. I'm going to crack this one.

Ugh, it's a raw egg. That's good news, that's good news. I can eliminate that one. You can damage one more egg. That's an egg shell, not an egg. Damaged no eggs yet. Ooh. Every veteran has a story.

Whatever your next chapter, gets support with health education finance and more at veterans.gc.ca services a message from the government of canada task three physically recreate a classic computer game best recreation wins you have one hour good one your time starts now it really is a good one and i think over the whole history of taskmaster i think this might be one of the tasks where everyone did amazingly the quality is consistent yeah um i mean before we start talking about everyone else's is there any computer game that is particularly close to your heart that you you thought why might I might like to recreate that?

I mean, Phil, my first thought when I watched this challenge was Goldeneye, which Phil did. But if I were to do any other, it would be there was an Atari game called Adventure, which it was one of those early video games where the box promised something that the game could not deliver. video games where the box promised something that the game could not deliver where the box for adventure was a knight in armor and there's dragons and it's this very elaborate thing and then when you play the game you are a cube you're a little you're a little square um moving around and you have to capture you have to find this golden this special chalice or something and so you go through all these mazes and everything uh you can pick up a sword you kill dragons it's very it's very 8-bit it might it might have been 3-bit um and then uh i had not i played that game so much when i was a kid and then i was at somebody's house not that long ago they had one of those plug-in arcades you can plug into the TV and play all those old games.

And sheer muscle memory, I immediately found, I had not thought about this game in years. I went all through the maze and found the Chalice, came back, won the game, like within a minute, it was incredible. So if I could have recreated that, that's what I would have done. And how would you have envisioned recreating yourself as a you say a cube is what would you have done to make yourself a little cube oh definitely a cardboard box uh i believe the the the square was yellow um and uh yeah i would have i would have the way you picked things up was you just kind of ran into them and then they would just stick to you well I would have loved to have seen that as it is we got we did we got some absolutely brilliant

recreations and I think they a lot of them did the right thing in terms of games that Greg recognized because you've always got to bear in mind that you are also doing it for Greg I think Phil's GoldenEye let's talk talk about that, because I think that was absolutely brilliant. That hit a real bell of nostalgia for me and I guess for a lot of people. The fact that he included some slapping. Yeah. Perfect. The slapping was just, it was so good. And I think he just added all these lovely little details,

going for the golden gun and all of that. The only reason it got three points is because Greg has not played it. Yeah, absolutely. And had seemingly never heard of it. Yeah. And he was going, oh, it's a James Bond adventure all in one room. It's like, well, no,

some of those levels were in one room, sure. Big concrete rooms. Action doesn't take place in a video game in all the rooms at the same time. He went from one room to another room. Yeah, exactly. And there's that too. No, but the whole perspective of the gun

and the hands and everything, and even the reloading, it was so good. It was so good. Yeah, and Phil was so excited to do this task in a way that i've not seen him excited all series most of the time he's just like oh okay yeah okay sure and then you know toddles off to do it whereas this one just he threw himself into it oh great love him let's talk about kerry's tet Tetris. It only got two points, but I think a lot of it was to do with Kerry's attitude

during the gameplay. Absolutely. Her competitiveness, you know, I'm not a super competitive person. And when I'm confronted by competitiveness in other people, it sort of half drags competitiveness out of me in a way that feels bad it's like oh now i want to win i hadn't thought about it before but

if we're gonna care about it now i care about it um but you can't like people like that that have that thing of uh it's not fair uh no i need more time whatever when they get you could see like the real anger coming through yeah it's always unnerving to me um so that it's kind of fun to watch her uh in this challenge be bad at tetris um when this was this was her idea and to be to be so frustrated by it when it's like yeah that's that's tetris yeah it's amazing yeah she she put herself in this box and then is doing badly at it and throws a massive tantrum i mean it's like the the next task as well she sort of ends the ends her whole series yes by winning but the final two tasks she's just throwing a tantrum like a

child which is incredible to watch um and i like but i did like that what i liked about it is it did have that element which meant she could lose like it wasn't just recreating the look of a game there was an actual gameplay element yeah she was playing it in a way that uh everyone else that most most other contestants were not playing the game yes absolutely that's not true actually the only person who was not really kind of playing i guess was uh phil and james um because they controlled the outcomes of what they were doing but other people did not yeah there's there's was more like a more like a sketch i guess but i i think i think if james wasn't in control of the elements it could have got way more violent

if Alex started throwing punches back and he was in an actual car it might have been might have been a bit tricky but loved Kerry's but yeah just not quite as spectacular as the others because I guess because she stayed in the room she did

the thing that you were saying she read the task in the room she thought I can't leave the room I'll did the thing that you were saying. She read the task in the room. She thought, I can't leave the room. I'll break the rules. And that's when the Tetris happened. A Mario Kart. Now, Jess's Mario Kart. So good. The first time I saw this episode,

that is the first one that they show. My first thought was, well, that's five points. No one is going to be able to beat that. That is absolutely incredible. And it's obviously during, they only get an hour, but the Taskmaster house is next to a golf course that's how they managed to i was wondering because i don't think we've seen golf carts before or since no we've never seen golf carts again that must have been special they're not in the shed yeah no exactly imagine imagine if they were just in the shed and no one had used them up until that point

and then they were like no one's allowed to use the golf carts again they're just there that was one that you you definitely watching it you wanted to do as well oh yeah yeah i think so i mean that's the dream isn't it to play to play mario kart in real in real life absolutely yeah i've done um vr mario kart i don't know if you've done VR Mario Kart. No, I haven't. I did it in Japan. It was a fantastic experience. It was me and my wife in Japan. And at one point she said she looked over

and I was Yoshi and she could see Yoshi's hand waving in the air. And she said, why were you waving your hand in the air? I said, no, I wasn't. I was flicking you the Vs, but in a competitive way, but they don't have individual things on the fingers.

So it just looked like I'd lost my mind just waving my arm in the air. I think that's for the best. I get competitive Paul. But it was great. I would have loved to have done that one. I think, yeah, I think you're right. I think that's the one I would have most liked

to have been involved in. And three points, I feel like, again, possibly underscored, but everyone's was very good. It's tough to be first. Yeah. Especially, you know, obviously to get into the television of it all, it's like you want these things to have a certain build and you, you know, for the viewers.

And so it's a shame that somebody has to go first because it's very easy to forget the first thing yeah but yeah i thought it was terrific um one that i would not have liked to have been involved in uh was rod's version of space invaders i certainly wouldn't have liked to have been one of the people who he was hurling tennis balls at yeah full pelt. You don't have to throw. It's a tennis ball. You don't have to throw it that hard.

It's just if it touches them, they're out. That's all you need to do. You don't need to try and hit them in the genitals, Rod. Yeah. But I thought that was tremendous, and I would like to play Space Invaders that way. Yeah, yeah, it was tremendous, and quite a lot of wrangling must have gone on I mean was it within the hour I guess I guess we'll never know that was my question as well but I guess we'll assume that the TV

is telling us the truth yes absolutely yeah TV production always tells the truth um it did as well now watching it back now in a post squid game society it does look like they took some inspiration from rod space invaders doesn't it well i mean there's a couple things in this episode specifically that later went on to become uh uh worldwide phenoms uh there's a little and we'll get into it in the final challenge as well but remember that i said this okay remembered let's let's put a sticker on that we'll come back to it um but yeah absolutely fantastic work from rod uh a real visual a visual feast uh but did not get as many points as james acaster's grandft Auto um which I mean just it's the jump isn't it for me it's the little jump that he does yeah yeah yeah I mean I hate I hate to give this guy anything but you know I know

I there is so much that is so great about the Grand Theft Auto thing but ultimately for me it's a lot of the graphics that are doing the heavy lifting you know what i mean sure yeah you know and in a way that um it was really fun to watch and it was very entertaining but in terms of recreating something out of whole cloth i feel like um you know james uh uh uh rod and um and uh jess were probably my favorites and then then Carrie and then Phil and James, they were really fun, but they were not quite as involved as the other ones in bringing a thing to life.

It's an interesting point. And we talk about it a lot on the podcast when obviously the team on Taskmaster is so amazing and the visual effects they add afterwards and the things they do in the editing just to tweak things around. Yeah, so good. And you can rely on them. That's what's so good as a comic when you do the show is quite often when you do tv you're almost a bit scared of what the production team are going to do

to something afterwards with the edit um whereas with taskmaster you're like yes they're going to make it better definitely i feel bad about what i've done but thank god they're here right um so with the scoring i think it's difficult difficult for Greg to take it into account. But yeah, I think they did a lot of work for James's. But still, the little jump. You can't deny the little jump. And also the violence with which he attacks Alex. It feels like it's been building for the whole series.

Well, it should have been the other way around. Yeah, it should have been, but James really gets some stuff out there, and Alex took it. Alex took it like a champ. It was two points for Kerry, three points for Phil, three points for Jess, four points for Rod, and five points for James.

A three, two, one, go! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Victory! task four here it is tie yourself up as securely as possible slowest to be released by alex wins you have 10 minutes your time starts now and this of course five minutes in the siren from task one

sounds so a stroke of a stroke of genius, this one. They've not done anything like this before. It's so good. Because you're at the same point of remembering as the contestants are. It's so perfect. It's so perfect. I mean, even though I knew it was coming

when I watched this one back, and it's probably the third time I've seen it i really laughed again because it's james it's james is the first one you see it happen to and he's so angry because he'd been the whole time i don't know when they filmed this within the days because i mean you film for like five days maybe and it's really broken up you sort of film it across six months or whatever um but he was always looking for them to have tricked him so every time he went in there he was always paranoid that they were tricking him yeah when are you going to do this when are you going to do this and when he knew that they were planning to trick him he missed it and it took him by surprise yeah it's so good

it's so good it's it's perfect that he's the first one um and that he tied his legs together which when i was i was watching this i'm like what would i have done differently and it's like nothing i would have done the exact same thing i would have yeah of course you would start with your feet you have to of course yes yeah because you can't tie your hands and then tie your feet yeah so and then i get and then i started tripping out on the brilliance of that like the like the the devising of that task knowing that that's how everybody would start and then it made me wonder how how they workshop these things if they if they say if they do like a mini version of the task before it makes it to the show to see like well what would people do if i was in this situation what would i do or is it that somebody you know is is devising this some sick person that's just like i know

i know human nature of course people will tie their feet up first yeah it's alex he's a psychopath um he's a total psycho is he a psycho or is is he a psychopath oh interesting yeah probably a sociopath but can you develop from one into the other i'm not sure i hope so well i like to believe fingers crossed yeah he um yeah he uh he definitely i mean he comes up with a lot of them i think tim key helps now and again with the tasks and i think they might test them with the crew now but originally before series one they did have a task tester and it was phil wang phil wang really tasks for series one yeah he got he got dragged into test some of those so is that why he's so lackadaisical maybe on the series that he's he's like he's just in that mode of like yeah whatever it doesn't matter maybe he didn't

realize he'd got the job. Maybe he thought he was in to do more testing. Like the cameras aren't on me. I can turn up in my suit with my knob poking out. That must be it. And it is perfectly set up with James, isn't it? Because he ties his feet. He looks down the camera and he says,

why did I tie my feet up first and like it's so set up and then and then the alarm goes and he has to hop all the way it's so good it's such a it's a stroke of genius it really is but he does well he does well because he's so angry he angrily hops that's right all the way and puts his boiler suit on um and uh That's right. All the way and puts his boiler suit on. And then Alex struggles to untie him. Jess, again, this is why Jess is one of my favorites. Yeah.

Because she's not angry. She just seems happy that she's remembered her song she made up to remember what the alarms. Yeah. This series was my introduction to Jess. I was not familiar with her before and uh the same i just i found her absolutely delightful and her her enjoyment of of the show uh while she was doing it is so infectious and so uh wonderful and there's i love how on on each series there's always a person like that who is like a sweet natured person who just finds all of it so wonderful. Like they're aware that it's a game and it's fun and they're having a good time. And, you know, Mel Gidroy, who would save the little wax seals.

Yeah, I felt such a connection to that as like, oh, that's a thing that I would do. You know, I really, I love that, that there's always somebody with that attitude every series. Yeah, they are. They're very, very good at casting it. You know what, you know, Paul, you never know. If you feel like flying over to the UK

for sort of between three and five months for about six days work, I'm sure. I would volunteer myself as an exotic old for Taskmaster. Is that where you see yourself within the- Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I get so excited, but when there's like a new series and then, and here's the old person. That's interesting that you've already cast yourself

as the old person. No, I guess, no, no, I think you can fill any of those roles, Paul. You'd be fine. You're very, well, every taskmaster has to have, you have to have the competitive person, you have to have the sort of odd person that you don't know what their how their mind works yeah um you have to have the person who's terrible uh you have to have an old person uh or what what what by tv is what's considered old but a middle-aged person yeah yeah um and then a sort of wild card yeah a wild card well i think you know apart from the competitive i reckon i reckon you could do any of those including the terrible one you're right who knows who knows um this is carrie's finest tantrum uh really throws herself into tying herself to the chair and then when the

alarm goes off she denies it's happening she tries to stop them doing it what i don't know why she thought that would work just going no no that can't happen now because I'm doing this. Yeah, Kerry, that's the point. So genuinely angry. Yeah. Yeah. And I watch that and go, oh, that's exactly what I would have done. I would have been totally livid.

She threw herself on the floor at the end having a big tantrum. Oh, dear. She still won the series, but in the most undignified way possible as i did actually when i won i was i was having a real tantrum when i won there you go so yeah there you go peas in a pod um uh let's talk about phil phil why did he take half of his jumpsuit off? What did he, I guess to make it, he put rope under his arm, I guess,

and then zipped it back up? I guess to make it harder for Alex to untie him, but really had not done that much. No, no, there was very, I had no idea why he took the jumpsuit off. Everybody else was, by that point, by the point the alarm went off, everyone else was so elaborately tied. And Phil was like still, he's like looking at string. He just walks away.

He's doing it. He just walks away. But to his advantage, by accident, it was totally to his advantage by accident it was totally to his advantage but when alex came to untie him it took alex one minute to untie him that's how badly he did it i mean it was to the drain pipe he just literally wrapped the thing around the drain pipe and then just walked off um oh the sirens going off so funny to watch um now let's talk about rod i mean this this is a wonderful moment and a wonderful moment for afterwards because they they applaud him and say he was brilliant and you can see a genuine smile on rod's face where he can't believe that people actually like something he's

done absolutely everything about it is perfect because yeah from the beginning where he's staring at the coat hook for 20 minutes to this point where he's not even acknowledging the alarm, clearly doesn't know what it means. No, he's forgotten. Completely forgotten. Yeah. And then the genius stroke of, you know, the interpretation of how long it will take Alex to untie you.

It's very, it's satisfying on many levels it really is and i don't think there's not another contestant i think who would think of that in taskmaster history i think that because no one takes as much time over deciding what they're going to do as rod does everyone else just charges in and he really for a lot of these tasks throughout the series will just shut his eyes and not speak to anyone for about 10 minutes before he decides what he's going to do and the other beautiful it's beautiful and also but he never enjoys it either he's always just so focused and does something amazing like this and then just like just steely cold reaction to to what he's done and it's kind of incredible i mean he must have enjoyed hitting people in the balls during that space invaders thing oh yeah i mean i think in fact

that's that's the only time you see him smile in this episode um just just an amazing thing i know what no one else would have thought of that and uh the fact that alex must have been so pleased by having to act like he was struggling but for the show he's got producer hat on he must have been delighted that someone did that so good um so rod unfortunately doesn't get five points in both tasks because it takes him so long to realize what the uh what the actual siren is uh so he gets five points in the tying up task, obviously. Four points for two minutes 22 in the boiler suit task. Then it was four points for James with the untying task. And two points for James getting the boiler suit on

because he's so angry and he can't untie himself. Jess gets three points for the untying task and three points for the boiler suit on because he's so angry and he can't untie himself jess gets three points uh for the untying task and three points uh for the boiler suit which is sort of that's that's a dream really just straight down the line two points for tantrum carrie with the untying task uh and one point for carrie with getting the boiler suit on uh and the fact that she still did it after yeah no i'm not doing it i'm just gonna wait i'm just gonna wait i'm just gonna do this first and then i'm gonna do this the ordered brain but i'm like that as well if i'm doing something at home yeah at that point what could she do yeah you know what i mean she was so she really she had gotten so far

had had really strapped herself into that chair yeah she really had and just but it's the stubborn way in which she announced she would be doing things in her own order and never mind the siren she was going to do it in her own pace while trying to take control of a situation where she had lost control yeah exactly yeah phil of course uh one point for being untied and it wasn't even untying. It was just moving a rope from his arm. And five points for getting the boiler suit on because he simply walked in like a man who was not tied up

because he wasn't. As long as you're going to have a go at me and shout and scream and accuse me of cheating. That was fucking kick-ass. That is absolutely genius. We'd love to hate that. We'd love to hate that, but that was fucking great. Brilliant. APPLAUSE

I think your team-mates are right to praise you because it was mightily impressive, but the thing that I noticed, above and beyond how clever your response was, is how cold you were. Just a psychopath. LAUGHTER There was no need to put a bucket on his head, was there? was, is how cold you were. Just a psychopath. There was no need to put a bucket on his head, was there? Way beyond the brief.

Or a hat on the bucket. I never actually untied him. He untied himself in the end and then came and untied me. Gotta be a bonus point. No. Live task. The final live task of series seven.

Prod the person in front of you with either a finger or a sausage. If the prodded person guesses incorrectly whether they were prodded with either a finger or a sausage, they get eliminated. Last prodded prodder standing wins. Winner takes all. Now, Ed, have you seen the film Everything Everywhere All at Once? I have. We put a sticker on this, didn we this is another worldwide phenomenon i have seen the film everything everywhere all at once now aren't you reminded when you see these gloves with the sausage fingers just a bit

and aren't you reminded of the film everything everywhere all at once which came out last year yeah that's crazy the sausage fingers yeah i think they've been someone at a24 has been uh has been watching taskmaster i think they're running out of ideas they have to now steal ideas from other people and it's not like paul that there weren't loads of ideas in that film anyway. They could have gone with one less idea, you know. Do you think they were ready? They did a craft of the script like, it needs one more thing. I don't know what it is. There's something missing.

Yeah. What do we do? Let's watch a TV show to free up our minds. It was, yeah, it was either going to be sausage fingers or someone recreates grand theft auto um that's all it was going to be or boiled eggs a line of boiled eggs but yes correct that that's in that's very interesting i hadn't thought that um it's a great game i mean it is as far as i know it's not taken the world by storm um the game sausage or finger i don't know if you've you've played any sausage

or finger um sort of any hollywood parties or anything well that's an old an old hollywood game uh it goes it goes back to the 30s clark gable claudette colbert that whole crowd yeah uh they'd get blind drunk of course cocaine was legal so everyone was just high as a kite and poking each other with sausages. But it wasn't a game. It was just a thing everyone always ended up doing. Yeah. It was the end of the night, wasn't it? It was what signaled the end of the night. That's when you knew it was time to get in your car and probably commit vehicular manslaughter.

Well, exactly. Well, that's a lot of the crashes back then were because people still had the sausages on their fingers. That's right. So they couldn't grip the wheel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A different time. It was a different time, a better time, some might say. It's a wonderful game to watch.

I mean, it's got a creepy element, I'd say. I think especially when it's sausage on the neck, I think is my least favorite thing to watch in this game. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The idea of, I mean, what's really fun to watch is people trying to come up with strategies in real time as they're doing this because they haven't had a lot of time to think about it.

And so they're trying to figure out how can I make a sausage feel like my finger? How can I make a finger feel like my finger? How can I make a finger feel like my sausage? My sausage. And it's really, it really makes you, it absolutely forces you to think, well, how would I approach this? And I just have no idea. No. I mean, even thinking about it now, and I don't have the pressure of cameras, I don't know how I'd make my finger feel more like a sausage on someone.

Yeah. the pressure of cameras i don't know how i'd make my finger feel more like a sausage on someone yeah the idea of of just doing it as quickly as possible with either thing seems to be the only thing you're left with is it i mean so what the sausage is cold i guess the sausage is cold but you can't really make your finger cold last minute can you that's the end i don't think you can that's a really good point god i hope it never comes to that, where I'm in some sort of life-threatening situation. It's like, okay, make your finger as cold as you can.

I guess you can make the sausage warm. That's true. You could do the old doctor stethoscope trick. You could do the old doctor stethoscope trick. And I guess, like, moisture-wise, I guess we're not, I don't think we should mess around with that. There's no point licking the end of the finger or drying the sausages, though. That does kind of make sense, though,

if you licked your finger. It's rude to do to somebody, though. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. I think especially the neck, if you're licked your finger it's rude to do to somebody though yeah yeah i think so i think especially the neck if you're licking your finger and then putting on their neck it's not a nice way it's too sensual they've got to go to the wrap party after this they don't need to be sorry can i just quick word did you did you lick your finger before you prodded my neck to try and make it more like a sausage yeah i did yeah sorry about that um it was james was trying james was trying techniques of i think he would just not decide what it was for ages which

one he was going to use and go so close to the neck with the sausage and the finger and then just last second just just do the finger um but it didn't i I mean, it didn't work. There was one, wasn't there one where he got really, he got up, he put both his finger and his sausage really close together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So close together as if, I mean, I guess that maybe a way is to potentially get both up near the face of the person

and waft the smell of the sausage. That's what I was thinking he was trying to do. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it was a smell-based thing. But I think that's assuming that smell works the same as it does in like old comic books where it's like wiggly lines coming from the sausage and going up people's nose.

And then the person floats up in the air and they float in the direction of the sausage. It was Kerry who got the five points. I mean, it's all luck, that one, really, isn't it? Because people seem to go out pretty quickly there. I'm wondering what it is. Like, if I were in that situation, and what makes you guess one or the other?

Because people seemed very confident. You know what I mean? They have a 50-50 chance, but nobody seemed to be saying sausage like people were like finger and it was it was surprising to me how how definite they were in their in their answers i guess you're so sure of what something feels like it's like it's like the rubber egg all over again isn't it you you make a decision on texture and you think this must be it this is what i'm expecting almost maybe they're expecting one thing they were trying to pre-guess the rhythm before the person even touched them and then that's when you're done really isn't it when you think you've predicted it beforehand

i feel like decisions made on texture always lead to heartache people should know that you know it's good to sometimes this podcast provides a genuine public service and but it is one of those things you have to learn the hard way you know what i mean you can tell people all you like but until they're in that situation they're not gonna they're not gonna know um kerry takes home the five points and crucially the series james may win this episode and kerry comes second rod's third phil third Phil's fourth and Jess's last but this is this was so important sausage or finger if anyone else had won sausage or finger I believe I'm right in saying that Jess would have would have won the series wow she didn't even need to win sausage or

finger if Rod Phil or James had won sausage or finger it's Jess's series because she loses by one point but it's it's kerry takes it home but a well-deserved victory for kerry absolutely and she and she needed it more than everybody else when people are dead you understand i understand i'm that guy when people when people are like that you have to like oh it's he he needs it more yeah yeah i mean look i've got the trophy still in my Zoom background. That's right. I won it in 2019.

There's been a global pandemic since then. You would have thought people's priorities had changed. But no, there's the trophy and there it shall remain. So it was the victory for Kerry in the series by one point. Jess on 175 points. Rod third. I think Rod could have taken the series home if he'd not thrown some of the tasks. I think there were some tasks where Rod was like,

oh, sod it. I'm going to try and be funny. I'm going to do the stupidest thing possible. I'm going to do something insane. But, you know, we wouldn't change it for the world. No. That's another thing that to me is amazing that somebody would have the presence of mind to say oh this is all fake it doesn't matter yeah yeah yeah like what do i care i'm gonna have fun i'm gonna do this all for the

sake of one joke i will absolutely throw this down yeah that's not me i'd rather be get absolutely zero laughs whatsoever and take home a lovely fake gold trophy um james gets 165 and phil bottom uh 133 he's behind by i mean that's that's a lot actually i can't even call this account 32 points that is absolutely incredible um but i think that paints him in a bad light people have done a lot worse he's actually it's a very high scoring series um and but he did do worse than than someone as we've just discussed who was actively throwing tasks yes yeah yeah and a lot of that was down to speed, I think. I think if he... That's true.

Time is a big element. I'm not even saying he needed to go super fast. I'm saying he needed to walk at a normal human pace of someone who's going about their daily chores. I think he's got bad knees. And I think he needs to get that checked out. Osteoporosis is no joke. I'll check with him next time because this was a few years ago. Maybe it might have developed by

now or he might be seeing someone and I will let you know because just to put your mind at ease so you can sleep at night whether Phil is going to some sort of professional to seek help. I appreciate that. Paul, you've been absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast. Now, what we do at the end of the podcast is I will ask you to rate your experience on the Taskmaster podcast between one and five points in the style of the Taskmaster.

Feel free to be honest. Feel free to be brutal. Let's see. Who's asked to be on the podcast? Did the podcast? It's the end of the podcast. I'm asked to be on the podcast. Did the podcast. It's the end of the podcast. I'm going to say... Let me talk back and forth.

Watch TV show you. I got to give a five out of five. Yes. I didn't know where that was going, Paul, because... I didn't either. that was going, Paul, because... I didn't either. Because I'll be honest, the funniest thing for you to do there would be to give it two or three. And I'm really glad you didn't do that. I'm glad you absolutely stuck to the correct rules, just in case you got in trouble and gave it five points.

Thank you. I'm an honest man and a scared man. Thank you so much, Paul. And hopefully, at some point, they fly you over as an honest man and a scared man thank you so much Paul and hopefully at some point they fly you over as an exotic old thank you so much thank you Ed there we are thank you so much to Paul for coming in I think you can hear what a fan of Taskmaster he is and how funny he is uh what a great chat go and check out all of Paul's stuff I mean he's done so much podcast wise stand-up wise acting wise he's got so much out there

go and check it all out we will be back next week and we will be talking about series eight we're moving on straight away series a episode one and we've got the fantastic return guest Margaret Caborn-Smith uh coming on next week to talk about that she loves loves Taskmaster. She's always fun to talk to about it. Very much looking forward to that. And then obviously we'll be chatting to some of the stars of Series 8 as well during that as we go through it week by week. But thank you very much for listening.

As always, we'll see you next week. Goodbye.