Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 109. Margaret Cabourn-Smith - S8 Ep.1

Episode Date: December 15, 2022

This week Ed embarks on Series 8 of Taskmaster! For the next 10 weeks he will be discussing all of the tasks, controversial scoring and contestants efforts. To chat through episode one Ed is joined by returning guest, Margaret Cabourn-Smith! Margaret is a huge TM fan and brings her brilliant insights to chat about the Series 8 line up and the iconic moment when Lou hid in a bin! You can hear many of the Taskmaster Alumni on Margaret's Podcast 'Crushed'. You can find Crushed where you find all of your podcasts!For tickets to The Horne Section's Big End of Year Bash visit thehornesection.com Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmasterVisit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, hello listeners. It's me, little Alex Horne. I'm six foot two. Now, I am on the streets of London. You can hear the cars of London whizzing past me. Why am I out here? Well, I'm encouraging people to come to the Shepherds Bush Empire on Tuesday, the 20th of December, because it's the final Horn Section gig of the year. And you know what? I'm also encouraging you to come along right now, because we've rented a big room and we want to fill it because we want to have a lot of fun it's just before christmas it's just before new year what better thing could you be doing there's no strike on tuesday there's no

excuse not to come so go to the horn section website right now that's the horn section.com to work out how you can buy a ticket it might might look like it's full on Ticketmaster, but that's because that website is frustrating. So, Tuesday the 20th of December. The horn section. Big bash. Shepherds Bush Empire. It's going to be amazing. There'll be some Taskmaster stuff.

There'll be a joke. At least one. There'll be songs. Potentially some nudity. See you there. 8pm. Goodbye, thank you so much, please buy a ticket. Bye!

Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It's me, Ed Gamble, the host of that podcast that I just mentioned. Very excited this week. We are starting to chat about Series 8, a wonderful series. Very excited to re-watch it and chat about it episode by episode. So today, of course, because this is how numbers work, we are talking about Series 8, Episode 1. And our special guest is the wonderful Margaret Cabon-Smith. Margaret's been on the show before good old mcs uh you've heard margaret you know she's a taskmaster super fan you know

she loves to chat about it they're always good episodes with margaret she's a brilliant actor she's a brilliant writer she's a brilliant podcaster she's got her own podcast called crushed by margaret cabon smith that's available wherever you get your podcasts talking to celebrity guests about first crushes, first loves, all that sort of thing. Silly things that people have done when they've had a crush on people. So go and check that out.

Had a load of brilliant guests on that, including a lot of great Taskmaster alumni. But for now, we're not talking about crushes unless she's got a crush on someone in this series. You never know. It's a hot lineup. This is Taskmaster Series 8, Episode 1, as discussed by Margaret Cable and Smith.

Welcome back, Margaret, to the Taskmaster Podcast. Hi, thanks for having me. Of course. Always a great guest here on the Taskmaster Podcast. We will keep putting you on the Taskmaster Podcast until you are booked for Taskmaster. This is it. And then I'll get to do it properly. We know now how brilliant you'd be just by discussing the show on these podcasts. Discussing how insane I am about various competitive things. Yes, exactly. So we're very excited to chat to you about the first episode of Series 8.

Yeah. The big one to kick it off. I mean, and it's a classic. It's a classic. And you know what? I've been watching Series 8 back and I've seen it a couple of times. I'm a huge fan of the show, obviously. But some of these tasks I had forgotten about. And there are some amazing tasks in this series. Agreed. I mean mean even in the first episode I was like oh wow it's yeah banger after banger yeah it really is I think you know there's

definitely in this episode we'll discuss it later a top 10 task ever yeah and certainly one of the ones I'm really jealous I didn't get to do yeah yeah I mean we'll chat about it when we get to I think we all know the one we're talking about. And it's not finding the receiver of a baby monitor because that would have sent me insane. I'm, no, tortuous. Yes, exactly. But let's chat about it.

I mean, look, this lineup, we should probably talk about the lineup before we get stuck into the episode itself. It's really good. And when I first heard of this lineup, I was like, there's some people in there I had not expected and I'm really interested to see how they do so obviously someone like Lou as soon as she was announced I was like yeah okay yeah you know what Lou is gonna be like you know what Lou is going to do and she delivers like minute by minute yeah absolutely I mean you say

you know what Lou's gonna be like I'd say the only thing yeah exactly exactly um so Lou was obviously a shoo-in I was like that makes that makes total sense I think Paul Sinner is a genius booking for this series yes yeah so good and um it's yeah it's funny he's sort of I don't know whether the like i know that the dressing gown is like a nod to arthur den and it's lovely but it's but i do also wonder whether it made him less and less dynamic that's what i associate with dressing gowns there's someone who i think maybe yeah to get dressed maybe that's it maybe that when we put on a dressing gown and pajamas we become it's just muscle memory isn't it exactly yes you become like that well no I think it's something that Jack Bernhardt should look into is cost the costumes of the winners because I do feel like those the people who went full superhero or at least a boiler suit I feel like it gives them a kind of dynamism yes you do have

to think about I know that Lou really thought about her outfit for a long time um yeah and you know was asking advice from everyone a lot of people were saying don't wear something silly that's uncomfortable you still need to be comfortable because you'll be doing a lot of physical stuff but I think she fit the perfect thing I think hers was a real real nod to Annika Rice yes in fact I think she has a pocket on on her outfit with a picture of Annika Rice in it I see really oh my god I don't know yeah so there's definitely a huge is it custom-made I think it is custom-made you know it's got the stuff on the back she went she went all out with that um Paul's obviously not custom made. Sian Gibson is a complete delight.

I love her being on this show. And she's absolutely one of those people that you think, well, I've no idea, no idea what she's going to be like. I like when they have sort of comedy actresses on rather than the stand-ups who are more like shiny, I know, you know, pushy entertainer type of people yeah I think she was quite a gentle presence but really on it I think you're right and I do I love having stand-ups on it is is great I love it but then also you're right if I think actors are less likely

to be able to present themselves as themselves in a sort of in a guarded way yeah because they're so used to putting on a performance but then they can't put on a performance so what do they what do they do and that's always exciting to watch the real underbelly not that I'm saying anyone in this series is putting on a front or a performance I mean Ian Sterling can't I just can't pretend that he doesn't want it so desperately. And he looks so wounded and vulnerable at all times. Oh, my God. I mean, yeah, you and I as competitive people both know how, I mean,

watching Ian in the ventriloquist dummy, I mean, it's one of the all times all times uh full breakdowns can't hide yeah anything about himself and it's so so good watch it must have been horrendous for him to watch yeah i think i think there's quite a few moments in this series that ian now finds horrendous to watch yeah um but it's because he's so open and he's so so there's so many moments as well where he's done something in the series that he's really proud of. And then Greg doesn't like it and they cut back to him. And I think,

look, I was openly competitive, but I think when it cut back to me, I knew to be laughing and being like, oh, it doesn't matter really, does it? Ian can't do that.

So he just looks like a little boy who's had his sweets taken off him. So wounded. I feel like Ian is the person, I think that Ian is the only person that I've ever seen Alex be genuinely frightened that he might turn. I think that there's a moment in this episode where Alex says, this is going to be fun. And you really think, Alex is thinking, have I broken my own program? Is Ian going to turn so badly

that we're going to have to evict him from the studio? The thing is, I think, maybe I... Did I leave it a little bit before I got too competitive? Probably not, but I think sometimes you just need to do the first episode to see how the land lays, because Ian goes steaming straight in there. But if he just waited two more tasks, he would have realised he's definitely going to come first or second.

There's no chance this series reveals itself very very early i think it's at the venture i mean we'll get to it i know but the ventriloquist dummy one is so him and he was so like like smug immediately when this task comes up it's like no this is a skill i have and the idea that greg can just toss him aside which he can and will and does yeah um is just too painful for him so it almost happens yeah it happens that quickly for him yeah oh it's brilliant um and Joe Thomas who I mean I've known I've known Joe for years so I've known Joe for a very long time pre and between us and i have known since that time he is a genuinely odd man and brilliant it's so funny so funny but so odd thinking i can't imagine his home life at all like you know does he live in a hollowed out tree he looks like he looks like

he's trying to eat himself out of shame all the time yeah yeah everything the things you need to know about joe is that when you speak to him so you say you have a five minute conversation for four of those minutes his eyes will be closed he barely opens his eyes um i i love himself up yeah he tries to put himself in a drawer during all conversations i love I love meeting Joe Thomas with someone else there who's never met Joe Thomas before. So we had Joe on Off Menu, I think it's one of the great episodes, and James had never met him before, and just watching

James' face was just so... When James has to readjust to not being the weirdest one in the room, it's always fun to watch. But he's great, Joe. I love him. Yeah, me too. I think Greg starts uh i think greg spots um the vulnerability immediately because why wouldn't you yeah and decides in episode one that he's absolutely going to exploit that i mean yeah as we said that is like greg's

great gift yes it's finding those people and then destroying them just for kicks of course greg knew beforehand because they you know they worked together before. So he probably knew exactly what he was in for. Yeah, I'm sure he had a lot to say in having him in. Can't wait to destroy this boy's spirit. So let's talk about the first prize task of Series A, Episode 1. Most powerful smell. It's a good one.

Yeah, very good. It's a good task. What I'd say is I think the powerful thing gets forgotten very quickly. Agreed. Well, Greg almost says immediately that he wants to like it. You know, this should appeal to me. And I'm like, oh, well, hang on. Yeah, he changes the goalposts.

They panic about it. Even Sian says, I think, oh, do you have to like it? Because she knows she's got a bottle of perm lotion coming up. It's actually got something that has to be a disclaimer on the screen saying do not sniff this. But that's power, right? It's so powerful that people will be ill if they smell it yeah yeah yeah um yeah i thought that was i thought that was you know a bit maybe she played

it a bit straight down the line but i thought that was a that was a good one three points was probably fair but i think that's where the fairness of points ends yeah this is a um i would also i'd like to ask so i Ian has a fart in a jar. I had a friend when I was at primary school who used to catch her farts in a jar and was always amazed by it. But when Alex says funnels, how does that work? How do you get a little tiny bit of a fart in a jar into another jar? I don't know. i don't think it was funnels i think that's alex being um dismissive and weird in the way that he likes to be um i

don't know who knows what tv trickery happened there yeah do you think other people do you think it's someone else's fart do you think someone else went to greg's and mcdonald's and farted into that film canister for a poor member of I think a poor member of the production crew. Will have had to try and transfer it. Because I believe it. Because both of the people who actually smell those farts, I don't think you could make those reactions up. No, Alex's reaction is real.

Definitely real. So, I don't know, could you, if the fart was in the big jar, could you then sort of just dip the other jar in like you're collecting water from a well? But surely then that's going to just go into the air, isn't it? Or do you think they were in a tiny wardrobe? I think we maybe have to admit that there wasn't, Ian did not fart in the big jar maybe, it was merely a conceptual fart.

And then perhaps maybe he farted or someone else farted in the little jar, maybe. It was merely a conceptual fart. And then perhaps maybe he farted or someone else farted in the little jar to be presented to Greg and Alex. All right, let's say that. But either way... I'd like to challenge Alex about this. Yeah. I will.

Next party I see him at. Corner him. Corner him, yeah. He loves that shit. Surely this deserved more points. If we are taking it as there was a disgusting fart in a jar and that's the face that's the face that Alex made when he smelled it surely it deserves more

points than two points I feel like it was one of those things that Greg forgot about for a bit during it because he was delighted by what happened to Alex I mean yeah you know we all know number one thing you do on Taskmaster is make Alex suffer that is what is going to get you points because that is what Greg loves most in the world. And I feel like he almost got a bit distracted by it. But then he does really, then him saying, yeah, it's so unfair, isn't it? The whole game. Yeah. But I think he can also see that on Ian's face.

Yeah. He can see that because Ian is sat bolt upright like a little puppy straight away. And he's going, I brought a fart in the the jar he's so excited to tell everyone about it and I think Greg just that's something about that he's like no two points as much as he can destroy the vulnerable he can also destroy the uh yeah the hugely uh the high status alpha guys I mean i really think it's a push to call in sterling high status and alpha oh he's so only in taskmaster land yeah but he's so he's so sweet on this series and he really wants to do well and he's like really excited to tell people stuff so i really don't think i think he's an absolute nerd on this series and I love him for it yeah no you're right an alpha puppy let's an alpha puppy yeah that's lovely um Paul brings in cider vinegar um yeah

it's another it's an it's another straightforward but I think very powerful smell yeah I can sort of see why three points with Sian Gibson like they've done they've done well there they brought in powerful smells yeah and it's um I looked up cider vinegar uh because it just sort of turned i don't know about you it turns up in in things in like dressing rooms and things people seem to believe it has special powers and what's brilliant is if you look at anything to do with it it says people believe this about cider vinegar that it's all like there's no substantial evidence for it at all people are just yeah people believe it has powers they're making this for no reason yeah exactly i think paul's right it's just disgusting it's just kind of gross and so is is off-putting

but i think that's how diets work yeah i think so if you're a really bad cook your um yeah your diets go better i think diets are Diets are punishment, essentially. Yeah. Yeah, it was three points for Paul. It was not a bad start from Paul and Sian, I think. I think they've got the right idea and they're clearly putting some thought into it. Lou just comes straight out the traps with, look, a brilliant prize. Yeah.

That she's obviously put a lot of thought into and she's clearly come out swinging in this series. Yeah, I've got effort tick narrative tick ego tick i mean these are these are all the things that the greg davis all over your neck specially made cologne and she put a saint david's flower in there to yeah to appeal to greg's name and of course his place of birth is is. I'm not sure she knew that, but she accidentally did very well there. But Greg says it smelled nice. Yeah.

That's not powerful. No, you're right. But I suppose if you're being generous to Lou, and I'm sure she did think about this, what she is saying is that you, Taskmaster, are so powerful that any cologne made in your honour would also be powerful not necessarily in the sense of smell

but in the general aura yeah let's say that yeah let's say that because it's clearly the winner because she's gone and had a cologne made you're right the whole thing's to cop the whole powerful thing is just

but sometimes that backfires right Yeah, you're right. The whole thing's to cop. The whole powerful thing is just ignored. But sometimes that backfires, right? So if he can see that people are deliberately sucking up to try and get points, then he will absolutely mark that down. I suppose when you're wrestling with a fart in a jar and... Yeah, that's true. Fart in a jar and some perm lotion.

So that was the top points. Let's go straight to the bottom of the board now in what I think is one of the most unfair pieces of scoring in this episode. Oh my God, I'm so glad you say this. I completely agree. This, Joe really thought outside the box. Yeah. I think it's extremely inventive.

I think he's right. I think that smell when you take the tomato off the stalk is very potent and very powerful. Famously, people try to capture this in candles as well like it's a real Anya Hindmarch I think does a candle. I mean it's a very middle it's a it feels like a very middle class smell. Sure. But I think it smells like a tomato. I think it's the most tomatoey powerful smell you know it might not make people feel sick what does he say it's a green

a heady green scent which is so poetic the problem with Joe is that he's never going to fight he's never going to say no well hold on this is pure poetry well a little bit later in the series he does and it's a wonderful moment

yeah I mean to get a round of applause for sticking up for yourself shows you how much he doesn't do it in the first few episodes but I think it deserved way more than one point I think it's a brilliant brilliant prize but also

if you think about the prize itself not that great compared to Greg Davis all over your neck yeah no one wants to take that home particularly, do they? Also, it would have lost the smell by then. So Joe gets one point, Ian gets two points, Sian gets three points, Paul also gets three points, and Lou, a big start to the series,

five points for Greg Davis all over your neck. So I brought in Greg Davis all over your neck. Wow, I mean, that. And it's cologne of your lovely scent, which I did compliment you on. You said to me. I said to you. First time I met you. What did I say? First time I met her, what did I say? Greg Davies smells nice. Greg Davies smells amazing.

She actually said to me, oh, I'm making you a win now. But she did say that. I did say that. She's plagued you. I know. LAUGHTER Task one. a win now but you she did say that she's played you i know task one this is it i i just think this would be a nightmare yeah full breakdown immediately find the receiver of this baby monitor you must leave your hat on fastest wins your time starts now how do you feel about this margaret well i would immediately have a crisis because the whole idea of this is that you have to be really quiet and really loud at the same time and how can you do that it's yeah it's so awful and also I'm just sure that my speaking is much louder than my hearing

I just know this. I sort of see what that sentence means. that sentence means so okay i said the i i was just uh doing a play where i had to at one point play a crying baby and i mean i you know this is an impressive thing i feel like maybe i shouldn't do this because it might break the mic oh yeah do it all right i'll i'll do it i'll go back a bit yeah sort of thing but the tail end of each of those how did that is brilliant how did you find out you could do that I don't I was just thinking about what babies look like and are like when they're crying and I did it but anyway so I do this every night and yeah there would be people crew members saying, is that a human doing that? But the weird thing is I had no idea until I heard it recorded.

I had no idea what it sounded like. Because to me it's just a horrendous thing in my own head. And I don't even know whether it's a good noise or not. And I think this is immediately what I would do with this baby monitor thing is just go way too loud and be like, well, I can't hear anything. Well, I think you're right. And I try and block out the sound of my own voice from me whenever I'm talking. Like having headphones on for this now is a complete nightmare, to be honest.

Like even on tour. So sometimes you'll turn up at venues and they've got the monitors on the stage, the fold back. Yes. So you can hear yourself. And I go oh we lose we lose a bit of that just turn that down and then just keep telling them to turn it down until it's not there at all because on the occasions it's been on and be like what the what are you on about you're so loud and stupid yeah it's a horrible thing the idea not for you for me i'm i'm perfectly happy with your lovely voice so it is a very tricky task like you say uh and i think let's talk about lose straight away because i think this is this is this is the system it's incredible but it's a classic taskmaster thing

and that it's a brilliant idea yeah it's shit yes and fails well it takes us so long to get to that point yeah and come up with the idea and then it doesn't quite work. But leaving it somewhere, playing something else, so it's not in your ears when you're looking for it, is brilliant. I don't know if I'd have got to that. I mean, there's part of me that thinks I would have done, I would have used my trump card,

which is being a woman and letting Alex help me. You know, just sort of going, okay, you make the noise. You be a baby crying. Yeah. And, you know, shut him away or whatever. But it's true, with a timed task, it is one of those things that you just have to go into it. Yeah, leap into it.

And she does too much thinking, however brilliant it is. That's something we can never accuse Ian Sterling of. He does not do any thinking. It's great. First thing he does, he's thinking about it, pulls the monitor off the string straight away. So he,

you know, he's obviously seen the show before. It's like a little baby anyway. He's seen the show before. He knows to read the task properly and spot what you can mess with. I don't think it makes that much difference. No, weirdly.

Cause yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, unless you do what Lou did. Um, and he, he wants this so much, you know because, yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless you do what Lou did. And he wants this so much. I could just see how excited he is to get this done.

And he does it. This is what you need to do for tasks like this, is attack it. Just be running everywhere. Run, check everything. Break something and run. That's the task. It helps to know your way around the house at this point. And you do get a tour at the beginning.

Right. But I think a lot of people don't focus on that tour. Who are you naming here? Well, in this series, Joe, Paul. I think there are people who don't necessarily realise it's part of it. It's sort of a welcome to the house when you first arrive. Yeah, but actually there's clues everywhere. One of the Andes will take you around and go like, this is the shed, this you around and go like this is

the shed this is the caravan this is the lab and i mean i knew it all anyway but if you've not if you've not seen the show it's always good to listen at that point because you there's loads of places that they might hide a baby monitor for example yeah um i was immediately thinking i think i would have gone to the caravan straight away. Do you think? I don't know why. Yeah, I feel like it would be far away from where you started. Yeah, it's not going to be in the house, is it?

No, exactly. Yeah. Well, even Paul realises that. Even Paul says, I don't think it's going to be in the house. I think it's going to be outside. Paul, this is one of the worst performances. It's upsetting. it's genuinely a bit upsetting watching him on there's something about the word hello which is really plaintive as well there's something like even when the others do it so hello hello it makes me feel like it's a lost

child actually gives me the the chills a bit but also it's something it's it's made extra bleak by the fact you're saying hello to yourself essentially through another you're trying to hear your own hello echoing yeah it's very existential yeah yeah um well it doesn't help paul because sometimes he shouts hello for ages as it i think he forgets what he's doing i think after a while he does just want to be found by anyone. Because it's like he thinks there's a delay. Just please, just someone come and look after me. Yeah, exactly.

That's the thing. You want there to be a delay. You absolutely do. But there isn't one. Until you're right up to it, you're not hearing any echo at all. Yeah. Which is actually why Joe's... It's slightly better.

Really odd. actually why joe's oh it's slightly better really odd i loved him saying that that was the noise that he made during his inner noise during all the tasks and i was thinking yeah probably in his life as well existential bleeding i mean paul just shouting hello for so long and then he pauses as if he he in the baby monitor is gonna go hello paul oh like he's brought it to life yeah somehow yeah like a mad professor and you can tell even even when they start showing it you're like well paul's not one because they use the long they use the this took a long time music yes yeah I love that oh he's such a joy to watch so he really is he asks the birds to shut up which is just watching yeah that Fern Fern Brady did the same thing Fern Brady's done it and chris ramsey's done it so there's shut up the birds really get told to yeah told to shut up a lot west london

birds he shouted it was great great move from lou sean just yeah sean does it sean gets the job done you know yeah do you know what i was thinking actually Sian did Sian expended very little energy sort of using the voice because it's like she worked out I'm actually better off just finding this little fucking thing you know looking in drawers and whatever yeah I think Alex was a bit annoyed when he says what do you do what are you doing Sian and she's like I'm just looking yeah it's not very uh exciting telly but it completely works if you know some places to look it's better to just go and look you're just confusing yourself doing the other thing

and also she's got such a quiet voice yes no she did well yeah she did a bit of helloing she's brilliant absolutely delightful yeah so it was a very strong start from ian in

this task uh paul not so strong 27 minutes 37 seconds seven minutes and no wonder by the end he's just shouting i mean it's surprising it's only hello that he was shouting at the end it's just uh it must have been horrible spending half an hour doing that I would be kicking things Lou 2 points very surprising 9 minutes 57 seconds sometimes being clever doesn't pay off no it really doesn't she looked great but no

but no but no shit 3 points for Joe 4 points for Sian. And Ian did it in two minutes, 59 seconds, which is massively impressive. Five points. So now you can see he's getting excited.

Yay. See, now at this point, I would have maybe relaxed. First five points are under the belt there. But yeah, they seem to make him worse. Yes. I can hear it. Hello? Oh!

Hello! Hello? Hello? Oh! Hello? Hello? Hello. Hello. Yes. Hello.

Hello. That was well done in the end, in a way. Well, see, I know that you just put it somewhere that you wouldn't put a baby. Mm. Because I wouldn't put a baby in a postbox. Task two. Make the best ventriloquist dummy and be chatted up by it.

Most seductive ventriloquist dummy wins. You have 30 minutes and your scene must last no longer than 30 seconds. Your time starts now. So like you said earlier, you can see in Ian's face when this task is given to him, he's like, right, here we go. Here we go. I'm going to be great at this.

And in the studio, I suppose, because he's done so well in the first two, he must be like waiting to see this video and be like, yes, I am just going to nail this whole series. It's just going to be win after win after win. He even says... So he's really built himself up. I mean, the pride is so high at win after win he even says really built himself up i mean the pride is so high at this point he even says during this he went oh no that's the only task that i'm

like i was so sure about so he's obviously so excited for this to come up he probably can't believe his luck it's episode one yeah straight after another task he's got five points in it and you can't reveal yourself that quickly no to be genuinely annoyed and that's the thing he is genuinely so all in you can't reveal that because greg well funny they all just zero in on that yeah even alex who normally stays out of these things loves joining in and going like oh it's not really an event puppet yeah yeah yeah the um not a was it not a puppet no points not a puppet no proper david brent yeah yeah properly the the red mist and i and what i loved about it i mean this is the thing because i was watching it with my partner and he was like

oh god it's embarrassing and i was like i would be exactly like this i know that i would have that and i would be immediately ashamed yeah but i but i would just be like no no unfair the unfair alarms got off the thing is i think he came very close there to getting points taken off him for this yeah and it's a shame because that is the by far the best puppet yeah oh my god it's so impressive the little string and the the teeth the teeth are so good the teeth being revealed by the little wow he did so well but when you start throwing around things like event puppets operated by a pulley system and come on mate no one expected to do that that's not what they meant that's not they didn't mean you've got to know exactly how a traditional ventriloquist puppet is manufactured

to do they just mean do something stupid with the puppet yeah yeah exactly paul doesn't even do a puppet by even my i don't know about vent ventets, but I wouldn't say that that was a puppet. No, he doesn't even attempt to, like it doesn't move in any way. Well, apart from when he takes off its torso away. The pig is in a pair of pyjamas and he records something on his phone. He doesn't do the ventriloquism.

No. To be fair to Ian in that situation, that was not a puppet. You would go a bit nuts yeah four points paul got and i think this is did it yeah this is where ian's come unstuck i think everyone else gets four points to make ian angry yeah yeah yeah and that is that is the most enjoyable thing to do as well for sure yeah for sure um Lou this is a classic just uses Alex as the puppet but she uses a pulley system you'll notice oh I didn't notice I mean I did notice Alex does

genuinely look like a puppet he looks like a sort of folk uh you know like a corn baby do you know those things that they have he looks like he's going to be put in a wicker thing and burned. I really enjoyed how creepy. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, because he's got the wire attached to his chin. So Lou is moving his mouth like that. Yes. And even has the tape on his eye to do a little wink at the end. Yes.

No, you're right. That's brilliant. Yeah, it's really good. It's funny that the seductive thing is interesting, though. Yeah. Because Lou really likes all the stuff that her puppet says but at the same time if you were on a date with someone and they said I really respect women

you would run amok. Red flag. I mean that's like massive red flag. Huge red flag. But I really liked I Play Guitar But I Wait To Be Asked. Yes, I mean that's all anyone wants isn't it? Real insight into what Lou uh Lou wants from a partner there um it's very funny non-consensual guitar playing

no absolutely not all guitar playing in general really no um sorry my wife certainly not on a date um I think it's brilliant I think it's really good it definitely deserved the four points unlike Paul's which I think was just was wasn't think it's really good. It definitely deserved the four points. Unlike Paul's, which I think was just, wasn't a puppet by any stretch of the imagination. But I still love that it got four points because I love Paul getting points. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. And you've got, you know, there's a couple of really good gags in there as well. Although it's funny, you know, he's saying where we're going, you won't need trousers, which I do really enjoy, but I was thinking,

yeah, but you might want your bottom half. Yeah, you might want your legs and stuff. For what you're about to do. Yeah, I guess if we're looking at the seductive element, we're sort of only talking about the puppets, really. Right. Ian's was odd. Oh, it was odd.

I mean, and I think that that's where he fell down. Like he forgot that this was meant to be a seduction. It's funny though, I do a podcast about crushes now called Crushed by Margaret Caborn Smith. But it is weird, having a caravan painted for you is one of those things that you could really fall for someone if they do that. Like if you want your caravan painted for you is one of those things that you could really fall for someone if they do that. Like if you want your caravan painted again.

No non-consensual caravan painting. But it is like somebody being competent at something and, you know, doing it well. Yeah, that's a big thing. It can really move you. In fact, I met a woman the other day whose husband said that he would paint their front room while she was away for the weekend. And when she came back, he'd painted around the furniture, like literally around sofa cushions. And I mean, that's a deal breaker. That is a marriage ender. Yeah, that's that, isn't it? That's mad. No, I see what you mean. Competency, a big thing. But he didn't seem very seduced by it anyway.

No. No, he didn't. And also acts of service, I guess, are a big love language thing. Exactly, big love language from a puppet. From a puppet, yeah. But Sian, this is where her acting skills really helped. She seemed totally turned on by her horrendous monstrosity that tongue was oh it was like a raw sausage so so gross yeah but she was really good at seeming like oh god

yeah you know she was seduced by it so yeah she she nailed she nailed that element of it and also brought in the ego thing again made it made it greg um whereas you're right with ian he it was more like a couple of pals wasn't it yeah yeah it was very charming but he was not they were not having sex after that were they no no no no absolutely not um so chance was very it's chance very seductive i mean poor old joe everyone gets four or five points apart from joey gets one point he just does everything it's the shame it's the shame like him covering his face at the end we've all done stuff stupid like that on taskmaster but the whole point is you've got to absolutely style it out you've got to yeah you have to he

really looks like he's trying to eat himself he's so he's so upset but is that but even when he's saying is that is that what you wanted? I mean, again, I was thinking, has Joe ever, like, I can't imagine him with a partner. I mean, is that what their conversation is like? It's just sort of horrible guessing. Is that what you wanted, being stabbed in the face? Is that?

But it's like he's, every time you see him do a task on this show, I think this must have been the first task they've done. Yes, exactly. Because I think it's not, I feel like he did some terrible leg things later in the series. And he said that was the first one. Yeah, that's a very good, that's a good memory. But this one feels like, when he says, is that what you wanted? You want to go, that's not what, a very good that's a good memory um but this one feels like when he says is that what you wanted you want to go that's not what the show is not that there is not one the whole point is you can do whatever you want and then you can defend it in the studio

and see what everyone else did it's not it's not a broken man with a secret a secret sheet that says if they do a balloon face and then burst it with scissors then that is correct that is right yeah bless him so obsessing um there's a line he says that it just sums him up i think as well when he's trying to find things to build the puppet with and he gets a doll and puts that basket on it and goes oh it's just putting a hat on a baby isn't it just he can't keep anything inside he's a con because in a monologue is outer constantly exactly and he's sort of constantly trying to work out what life is you know yes what am i doing it's just constant self-evaluation so it's kind of chucking stuff around and you know

like little ian would do it's one point for joe four points for Sian, four points for Paul, four points for Lou and five points for Jimmy the Vent Puppet. I mean, thank God. Because as I say, when Alex says this will be fun, I think he's genuinely worried that chairs are going to be knocked over. Yeah, it's his own fault for being too openly excited, I think. I don't know why you were seduced that the man with the foot for the nose painted your caravan and that seduced you.

That was sexy. He'd done a nice task. I said, why did you do the nice task? And he said, because I think you're a lovely guy. Well, maybe it's just me. When I get seduced, I want to either be killed or have my tongue exploded. Come on, you can't say that. Because that is literally

the one task that I was like... Hey, it was a great puppet, mate, but the task was for it to be seductive. And it was to build a vent puppet. None of those are vent puppets. Vent puppets are operated with an up-and-down pulley system. You said make a vent puppet. That is the first sentence, make a vent puppet.

Didn't make one, didn't make one. No points. Vent puppet. No points. No points. Vent, puppet. No points. No points? It's interesting, isn't it? I wasn't at all seduced by Ian's puppet, but now I have a full erection. Now, look, we've laid into Joe there a bit,

or said that it always looks like his first task and he's not confident and he's worried about it. We'll take it all back to discuss the next task because this is incredible. Iconic. Yeah. I mean, look, this task is insanely brilliant. I think this is one of the ones that everyone

who's not in this series would love to do. Yes, 100%. Alex is on the bridge in the distance with lights on his head get as close as you can to alex without him noticing you alex will duck down behind the wall for 10 seconds then pop up for 10 seconds then duck down for 10 seconds and so on until he notices you the task starts when alex first ducks down behind the wall in one minute from now brilliant brilliant i mean and if we if we're gonna start a Taskmaster merch avenue, I think that helmet with the torches on.

Yeah, that's pretty cool, right? Everyone wants that. Yeah, to play your own game of this. Yes, exactly. This is the thing, everyone's played games like this before, right? Yes. It's what's the time, Mr. Wolf,

it's that sort of thing, isn't it, right? But yeah, but the setting does make it extra exciting. It's like everyone wants to play on a disused railway as well yeah because it feels like it does feel like a film it feels like one of the board really does yeah yeah you can feel the excitement and alex is clearly really excited as well and the ones that are in the snow even better i mean amazing yeah it's so cool so i mean and i think it must have been at dawn every time looking at the lights yeah i was thinking the first thing they did yeah very first thing they did winter morning So cool. So cool. And I think it must have been at dawn every time, looking at the lights. Yeah. I was thinking that this is like, yeah,

very first thing they did, winter morning. Yeah, so exciting. It's brilliant. And obviously you can see when the task is announced in the studio, you know, Ian and Joe and Lou all excited. Sean and Paul absolutely devastated. I know. And I love, yeah, Alex said, we're going to start with the people who didn't answer

that question because they know not to say no I didn't enjoy it but they're like I can't say I enjoyed it there's something extra we'd enjoy it but it yeah you know what she wanted to keep playing let's talk about that because she got caught and then said could we keep playing and of course Alex just rolls with anything so he's like yeah but we can as long as you understand it's done you are done with this now but it's devastating to go out so quickly exactly you want to keep going you want to keep running to the bridge yeah but even when she kept playing he spotted her immediately yeah yeah I think I'd have probably been the same I'd have got confused about the 10 seconds oh god you know yeah am I up or am I down at this and I loved her saying no it was a fox

so funny just sort of yeah she just I'm not sure how competitive she is she just she just wants to to keep playing and she just wants to have fun because I think if you're really competitive you'd be like no no but she's like she just wants to be a fox in a boiler suit. Yeah. I don't think, is she competitive? I think she's very excited to be there. I'm not sure she's necessarily that competitive. No, exactly, exactly. Whereas Paul, I think is competitive, which is frustrating.

I mean, especially with a task like this. So frustrating that his legs let him down, basically. Because of course Paul's competitive. Paul is like a champion quizzer he's on the chase like he he is he's a very very competitive hugely intelligent man yeah so when it comes to having to be competitive in an area that your strengths aren't in i'd imagine it's quite painful yeah really painful yeah i'd have been asking for wheels or something. Wheels? Yeah, yeah, yeah, wheels.

Could you put wheels on me? Skates or something, you know. Just sort of think, oh God, I'm not going to be able to run to that in, you know, in the 10 seconds. But, yeah, I think the key with this one is, and I would have had this in my mind and then not done it, is it's bit by bit by bit. So don't take the full 10 seconds. As soon as Alex goes down, you run to something three seconds away. You wait behind that.

You're just patient, patient, patient. Yeah, well, I mean, Paul seemed to be racing backwards at one point. I don't know what Paul was doing. He was going into a building that was further away. Yeah, he went into the building to hide. Immediately got confused about when Alex was up and when Alex was down. Yeah, it was... Which is game over basically then, isn't it? Yeah.

Oh, bless him. Yeah. But the going back into the building was very funny. Yeah. But I think he was probably quite glad it was over in the end. It was one point, 193 metres away from Alex and Sian was 181. The others did very well. So well.

Obviously the sort of the plucky, excitable ones. The elite athletes. Lou, straight away, absolutely iconic moment, straight into that bin. Well, I was going to say, I mean, that was what I dressed as at Halloween, actually it was louis anders in a bin i feel like that is again it's an iconic outfit it really is you know even matched her outfit yeah but lou in that bin and i think yeah it was just brilliant it was proper yeah and i feel like i wonder if she got to keep it. Yeah, keep the bin. She's just have it in her own life.

This is really useful for disguise. This is where, as soon as this task came up, I was like, yeah, Lou's going to absolutely love this. It's exactly the sort of thing she likes to do. She's extremely energetic. Yeah. Loves, loves like fun, physical game sort of stuff. Like, you know, well, actually she doesn't love escape rooms

i did one with lou she doesn't like it um but she loves rollerblading she loves trampolining she just loves getting out there and doing something with an edge of competitive but just like getting involved so um so this was right up her street and she did amazingly well same with ian really going for it yeah i felt a bit sorry for Ian in this in that he really felt like when he got to the top of the bridge he you could see that he just thought that was it that was you know getting to the top of that that was that was the game um and then to be called arrogant afterwards about it I was like oh I don't think that is what happened there. I think he got to the top. Alex saw him and he thought, right, yeah, that's that. I've done it. Because why would you then make running down the bridge part of it?

But of course it's part of it. You've got to sneak up on the guy, you know? Yeah, exactly. You have to dive at him. You have to do a weird tentative rugby thing like Joe did. That turns into a little cuddle. Little cuddle. So, salad fingers. Yeah.

Just so. Oh dear. I mean there was nothing more awkward than his arrival there apart from his exit. Which was just even more awkward. Well that's on both of them I think. I think both of them are deliberate, well Alex is a deliberately

awkward man I think. Yeah. And hates physical contact so that cuddle would have made him feel very uncomfortable yes he was already like get away yeah yeah yeah go back to your dressing room now Joe you did make Alex seem like the alpha there as well I really love Joe saying a bit of time on my own as well that's what you like a bit time on my own there's there's some shots of joe's which are just brilliant like the way they've the way they've shot this is fantastic that him ducking down behind the pallets just as alex comes back up yeah and then alex going down and popping back up

it's it's fun i was still like yeah i'm i'm sure i've made the same noises every time i'm watching and i really loved how excited a Alex is when he's going, I can hear him. I can hear him. Yeah. He's under you. He's under the bridge. But he was so direct, you know,

just basically ran up that rail, which is incredible. I personally would have taken my shoes off to go up the stairs. Oh, but it looked very cold, Ed. Would you not be worried about that? I don't care. Ed is naked. Yeah. I don't want my jeans to swish together.

I've vaseline myself up, so you can't hear the sound of any chafing. I just have to pause while Ed lubes himself to come up these stairs. See, there's no time limit. So there's no time limit on this so you can take your time to yeah to lose yourself up you could do you could take an hour to do it as long as he doesn't see you yeah but you've got i mean the adrenaline's really going no because i yeah i can't remember who it was somebody did like wait another 10 seconds where they were clearly like formulating yes a plan okay where next where yeah yeah whereas i think i might have got overexcited and just had to you know just go for it every it's the going for it it's the mad dashes that get you caught out i think so it's about taking your time um disguising yourself lubing yourself yeah for instance

paul one point for paul uh two points for Sian four points for both Ian and Lou apparently the same distance away from Alex and a very well deserved five points for Joe Thomas I can see you I found Al You made it to within one metre of me. Quite close.

I made it to within cuddle distance. Yes. Ah. Are you going to stay? Oh, well, if I'm allowed to. It's quite nice up here. One of us has to go. Oh.

I'll bet I'll go. That way. Bye. Bye-bye, Joe. Live task. Get the greatest weight of doughnuts into your bucket. I'll go that way bye bye bye Joe live task get the greatest weight of donuts into your bucket you must have your hands on your hips at all time you have 100 seconds what a mess again a great look

this bucket pouch the bucket pouch yeah surprised they haven't come in properly I want to see everyone wearing a bucket pouch of course in the last series they had to wear a double bucket pouch for these socks and ducks on treadmills

they love the bucket pouch recycling this is what I mean about this series revealing itself so quickly oh god because Ian and Lou straight away top two in this task and top two in the episode, just really going for it.

Lou is just unstoppable. An animal. Yeah, total animal. Whereas Paul immediately plopped himself onto the floor. Well, those are the weird things. So I was thinking Paul, Paul's thinking, he's got an amazing brain. Yeah. Paul's thinking was, I think I'm better off maybe scooping these donuts off the floor

with this bucket. But that obviously also doesn't work, right? But by that point he's on the floor. So he's sort of thinking I might as well just have a nap now. Yes, because your hands are on your hips. What else is there? Yeah. So you can't get back up really? No, no, you just might as well flail around. I tried to get in people's way more at that point I think. Yeah.

A bit of sabotage is what he didn't do. My immediate thought with this, and it wouldn't have worked and it would have been really embarrassing, is to try and chew the end of the rope until you break the rope and then as it falls, get your bucket under and then you get the whole rope of doughnuts straight into your bucket with your hands on your hips with my hands on my hips yeah sure and you think you can gnaw through a rope yeah it was i'd say it was it wasn't even it was sort of

it was thick twine thick twine well i'm gonna hold you i'm gonna make you gnaw through some thick twine yeah sure when this episode's released I'll post a picture of me yes please gnawing through some thick twine yeah just to make your point yeah yeah um I I was annoyed during this because I like Sian would have been shorter than you know because Alex was like they get it gets higher it gets higher and go well that's fine yeah it's all people but those of us who are like you know scrabbling around it's um yeah i felt that was really i i felt like this has been set up by yeah by alex and he's like done it to his mouth level this is not fair yeah it's it it is quite unfair on sean but she still

manages to come third. She gets three points, which is very impressive because Joe's a pretty tall guy. What is Joe doing? I don't know what Joe's doing. None of us know what Joe's doing here. Just feeling shame. He's just doing his own thing.

Yeah, just embarrassed. Yeah, Joe gets the two points. Paul gets the one point, sadly, because the floor technique didn't work. Sian gets three points. Ian gets four points., sadly, because the floor technique didn't work. Sian gets three points. Ian gets four points. And Lou, with a massive 2.4 kilograms, over double what Ian got.

Oh, I really loved Greg saying, no one's ever got over two kg. And I really had a vision of them all doing this all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like playing those games. Do they, I was going to say to you, do they practice the games with other people? I can't tell you for sure. I'd be very surprised if there wasn't a test some kind of yeah exactly i know

sometimes they really fail and i enjoy that but i think generally somebody's had a go at this yeah ready just to prove that it works i feel like that should be footage we want to see yeah yeah the team doing The lovely task monster team. So final scores on this first episode of Series A. Paul on 10 points, Joe on 12 points, Sian on 16 points, and Ian and Lou already battling it out. Both on 20 points.

Both vying. So it's a tie-break task on the first episode of the series, which is very, very rare. Peel a banana using only your feet. You may not touch the banana with your hands at any point. You may not damage your banana. Fastest wins. Again, they're top of the leaderboard together

and they're only apart by two seconds here. This is a very evenly matched pair of people. Yeah, yeah, I love it. Do you know the interesting thing here though for me, when Greg says, oh, I have a feeling Ian's faster which I did as well and I'll tell you why because he's not doing sort of chatting and he hasn't got socks on I think you know and he's doing bits yeah she's doing bits yeah but what I really loved was Lou going I don't think so and I was thinking she has that sort of fixed thing it's

like Lou you can't argue your way out of this. You know, like it's timed. It's a timed task. There's no getting away with it. But I do think it shows that, and this is what she does to Greg a lot during this series, I think. That kind of, I think that Greg's weakness

is a frightening, unpredictable woman. Like I feel like she could argue. If she could, she would argue it and he would back down because he's like, this is a, you know, Lou Sanders is a whirlwind of a woman. She can go feral very, very quickly. She starts to get more and more like that

throughout the series, I think. Which is, it's great to watch. It's so good. Yeah, once that prize, yeah, I feel like if it hadn't gone that well early on, she would have backed down. But as she gets close to that prize you can see her margaret thank you so much for coming back on the Taskmaster podcast to discuss this first episode of Series 8, won by the wonderful Ian Stirling.

Yes. And you gave us a little teaser. Yes. Earlier that you do your own podcast called Crushed. Could you tell us a little bit about Crushed, please? Crushed by Margaret Caborn-Smith is not a perfume. It's my podcast which is where i talk to funny people mainly uh about their first crushes their worst crushes the

worst things they've they've done in the name of love and um absolutely love it there's been we've had a few taskmaster contestants on um and i am gonna hassle you to to come on it and shame yourself it's funny a couple of people have said um no i'd rather die uh and then there are people who are like please please can i come on please please i need to get this all off my chest it's been it's been so so fun it's been yeah you've had you've had sarah kendall uh you've had katie wicks you've had Katie Wicks, you've had Richard Herring, Sarah Pascoe, and of course you've had Jenny Eclair. Who's coming up, who I cannot wait. I mean she came on my podcast and she just bullied the hell out of me for an hour and I was like no this woman's a legend, I have to be bullied by Jenny Eclair. I love her. I cannot wait to see her on this.

So we've got the Series 15 lineup that has been announced, which I always feel sad for the series that's just finished. I know. When they announce it straight afterwards. Yeah, you've just been crowned. Consigned to history. Bye-bye. Bye.

Exactly. Frankie Boyle, Ivo Graham, Jenny Eclair, Kyle Smith-Baino and May Martin. I mean, that's a lineup and a half, isn't it? It's a hell of a lineup. Yeah, I'm super excited about it. Do you have any predictions? My dentist taught May Martin how to swim.

We should just wrap up there, shouldn't we? This is the sort of inside info that people come to this podcast for margaret caborn smith's dentist taught may martin to swim fantastic do you have predictions who do you who do you think is going to win and who do you think is going to come bottom is is my is my question oh god yeah i'm not sure there's an well i think ivo's going to get bullied horribly presumably but he is a very clever man i feel like there's an... Well, I think Ivo's going to get bullied horribly, presumably. But he is a very clever man. I feel like there's going to be certain things

he does well. Yeah, but in a Joe Thomas way. Quite. He's closer to the Joe Thomas school of eaten up by shame immediately. Yeah, no pun intended. Yeah. Eaten up by shame. Yeah, I actually think the others are... I think the others are pretty

evenly matched. I don't know. I don't know about the killer instinct in any of them. I can't see a you or a Lou, you know. I think you're not looking closely enough. Because let me tell you, out of all of those people, I know you can always tell that someone's into Taskmaster or would be into Taskmaster

by the things they get up to in their lives. And Mae Martin is an escape room obsessive, is I think competitive. And can swim. Got great teeth as well. I think you need to keep a serious eye on Mae Martin and then Iva's definitely gonna be bottom. Yeah. Because I think Frankie will be great on the show. definitely going to be bottom yeah because I think Frankie

will be great on the show they'll all be great on the show Frankie will be great but I don't think he'll give a shit about winning exactly and I feel Jenny might be like Jenny will have wild inconsistencies yes when she suddenly gives up on things I'm not sure how much Kyle will care about winning but he's going to be brilliant he is such a funny man

I can't wait to see Kyle on it it's a great line up but that's my prediction now i've not seen any of it i've not seen the series i've not heard anything about the series but my instinct is okay may martin top ivo gray and bottom all right i'll Margaret, thank you so much for coming back on the Taskmaster podcast. Welcome back any time, of course. Remind us of the name of your podcast and where people can find it. It's called Crushed by Margaret K. Bourne-Smith. And do you know where you can find it, Ed? Anywhere you find your podcasts.

Excellent. Excellent. That's good. I think that's a smart move it's a catchphrase isn't it yeah it's great um as always we will ask you to rate your experience on the podcast between one and five points in the style of the taskmaster please five yes thank you very much thank you thanks margaret bye bye thank you very much to margaret for coming back on the podcast she's so good at this podcast she's great loves the show so fun in the way she talks about it we'll get her back on anytime but in the

meantime go and listen to margaret's podcast crushed by margaret capon smith uh and of course come back next week uh to listen to us discuss series eight episode two and we will be chatting about it with paul sinner paul sinner of course a star of taskmaster series eight very interested to get the low down on how much he enjoyed himself his highlights his lowlights all of that sort of stuff we love paul on the podcast i love paul what a guy can't wait to chat to him but for now have a nice time that's my new catchphr, have a nice time. That's my new catchphrase. Have a nice time, everybody. Bye-bye!