Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 111. New Year's Treat with Greg James

Episode Date: January 1, 2023

It's that time of year again when the TM team find 5 celebrities to take part in the show for a special festive one off! This year Ed is joined by one of the brilliant line up to discuss their time in the house and why they felt they were underscored! Next week the Taskmaster Podcast will return back to Series 8 with a great chat with Joe Thomas. Have a great 2023 everyone, your time starts now! Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmasterVisit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and happy new year to you all from the Taskmaster podcast. This is the Taskmaster podcast and today we will of course be talking about the Taskmaster New Year's Treat. It's now a yearly tradition, Tasmaster get together a line-up of people who wouldn't normally be booked for the show non-comedian type figures to have their go at Tasmaster. And it's been a brilliant couple of years of that, and this year is no different. Hopefully you've watched the show on Channel 4, if you haven't, get yourself onto All 4 to watch it. It's an absolutely brilliant lineup, of course. Amelia Demoldenberg, Carol Vorderman, Greg James,

Samo Farrah and Rebecca Lucy Taylor, aka Self-esteem. What a lineup, what a show. Now, we are very lucky to talk about that episode with one of the stars of the show, Greg James. That's Greg James, not Greg Davis, which is a mistake that Greg Davis made. It's Greg James. He was absolutely brilliant on the show.

He's a fantastic DJ, a fantastic broadcaster, very much looking forward to speaking to him. So stay tuned because this is The Taskmaster New Year's Tree, as discussed by Greg James. Welcome Greg to The Taskmaster Podcast. Thank you for having me on the Taskmaster podcast, Ed. Greg James, of course, although for the purposes of this episode, I should really refer to you as Greg Davis, as Greg Davis did on the episode. Quite an astonishing moment, I thought. Quite a revealing moment, as well, I think, in the way that Greg Davis's head works. He actually, in an unseen bit of that chat, he talked about how he hated the idea of another Greg being there. And he said, he actually went

to quite a lot of details to how often he gets Greg James' and then I say how often I get Greg Davis. Yeah. And then his hands took over and he actually wrote Greg Davis on his little card, which was absolutely incredible. Yeah, it's as you highlight the beginning when Greg says, hello Greg, and you say, hello Greg, it's a wonderful little moment. I thought I didn't realise there was so much bitterness bubbling away under Mr. Davis's

bra. Yeah, not from my side. I mean, I've also told him that my first ever DJ gig as the Super Cool Radio 1 DJ that I am back in about 2008, I think, I was put on the poster as Greg Davis. Really? Everyone thought everyone was expecting the bloke from the betweenness to turn up and it was a real unknown day show from really a one.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, now obviously you only get to do one epistote of this,

which is, which is a real shame, Greg. Were you a fan of Tarsamastra before, before you were asked to do the New Year's treat? Absolutely. I was a fan pretty much from the early days because I was forced to like it because my mate worked at Dave at the time when it started and he said, I've got this new show which I think you would like because it's basically nonsense and stupid games and stuff and I sort of begrudged you watched a couple of them and then I just thought oh my god, it's incredible Well when your mate tells you something's good of course you often go. Yeah, okay. I don't want to hear about your job all the time But yeah, and he got to work with Alex and Greg in the early days and he yeah, so it's just it's been a show which is sort of

Shared I, my sense of silliness, nonsense, and all of that since it started. And I thought, wow, what an amazing, what an amazing trajectory for that show as well. It's just, I really love how stupid things have, have become so big and so, okay to do on proper mainstream telly. It's opened up a lot of, a lot of silliness, I think, from the viewers and it's allowed everyone else to do stupid stuff as well.

Yeah, people to get involved and also how much seriousness the stupidness takes on as well. I know. I mean, we'll get to the studio task at the end of the chat, but the absolute focus on all of your faces, while you're trying to work out with you, you should put a rocket in your pocket or not, was in the sun, did it the hold?

Well, I did worry, and I wonder if you felt this as well, I worried a little bit on the way to the house, when I was on the way to the house through the tasks, I thought, what am I gonna be like? Cause I didn't want to care too much, but I think when you're in it, you just care, you have to care. You take nonsense very seriously in it, and I felt, I don't want to mess this up.

This is taskmaster, so I felt quite stressed at times, during it. No, I think that's right. I think that's the correct way to be. If you turn up sort of thinking, it doesn't matter, it's just silly, isn't it? Then that's not going to come across well on screen. You need everyone to be invested in it,

and I think everyone on this line up was truly invested in it. I think at times, Samo Farrah was utterly baffled by the situation, but in the most charming way possible. He's an incredible character. Actually, when I was doing my task, I thought, what would Samo be doing here? And it was actually when I watched them back, I thought, that's kind of what I thought he'd be like. I thought he'd just laugh at the whole thing, but somehow because he is an Olympian and an Olympic champion, I just thought he's probably going to win this somehow. Huge, really competitive, definitely. Yeah, but quietly so. Quiet. Yeah.

Yeah, it was fantastic to see. Do you have any of your previous taskmaster enjoyment? Do you have any favourite series or specific contestants that you'd like to shout out? Yeah, I mean, I love, well, my good friend, John Kerns, who I lived with at university. And I've obviously known John for ages, and I've seen him do loads of stand-up shows.

I've seen him do lots of bits on telly. This was the most accurate representation of what that man is like. I've never seen somebody come across so accurately in terms of a portrait of what they're like in the real world. He is exactly like that and he takes ages to answer things. He does overthink stuff, he is just that. And I thought he was so great. One of the moments of the series was the sabotaging of the sand. Many people would say the moment of the series,

I think it'll be one of the abiding memories of that series. The thing I love most about that episode, and I've talked to him about this. One of the rules was that you had to hold on to the person in front of you. He was holding on to Fern Brady, and she had her sort of, her Tasmus costume, which was like leggings or gold leggings, isn't it? And he was so panicked, I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking, I don't want to be too sexual here, but I'm going to grab onto her hips, but I don't want to do it in an aggressive way or any way that could be seen as inappropriate.

So he just very limply held one hand on her hip, which is actually way more creepy than is it. It was just to be a limply hold. To limply hold is way worse. And it was in that moment, I thought, that's the Johnny, we know and love. That's him. I also look, some of my favorite tasks, one of the most amazing tasks I think was when Tim Key had to get the T-bag into throw T- bag into a cup from the furthest distance and he set

up this sort of CSI crime scene with the plastic sheeting and then a funnel into the ground. I thought that was ingenious. Joe Lysett's faces, I remember vividly as well. Oh Joe Lysett's face is absolutely incredible. The effort he put into that always doing the, and he was the only one who had to do that, of course, while he was painting from a distance. Incredible. What a range of faces that man's got. I think it's so funny that you live with John at uni. I can't imagine what you guys got up to, because also you're a professional talker, Greg. You love to chat. You love to... Radio one, Greg. You know, you love to chat. You love to, radio one, the Breakfast Show, would not run with a sort of Kern's level of discourse.

Because you're right, you ask John something, there's a huge pause, he'll probably burst out laughing halfway through the silence and then 10 minutes later we'll respond. Yeah, I've never seen a man, a man's confidence fluctuates so violently. He loses it in a set in a second and then gains it again so quickly and then loses it again. He's a real, he's a fantastic man. He's one of the funniest men on planet earth and I love him.

Yeah, living with him was a treat and yes, something that I miss. I miss the days of living with John. But we had a lot of fun. He's done amazing. In fact the whole team Dara was amazing because he was so, he was that competitive thing, wasn't he? He was the one who didn't want to mess it up but also wanted to come across as fun because he is very funny. But I find it such a fascinating show as it goes on. You're right, it really does reveal who people actually are because I've been told multiple times that's the closest I've ever actually been to my personality on a show. What did you think you were before you went on? What did you think you did?

Oh no. I knew how I'd be, I think, and I knew it would reveal my personality. I don't know whether people assumed I'd be more happy-go-lucky than I was, but I absolutely knew how I would react in those situations. I think I can hide it well for one episode, but I think if I was to do more of them, a similar thing would happen to me is that I'd get so competitive and so cross with people that were messing it up. Or just cross with Greg Davis as well, because I think he was unfair with some of my marking,

I think, and in hindsight, I should have challenged it more, but also, you know, it's one episode, and he's a frightening man. He is. Well, this, see this podcast is your opportunity to challenge all this scoring without him ever finding out about it. I mean, he might listen back to this, but you know, he's a very busy man. So maybe you can just really, you could really lay into his scoring during our chat and and that's and that should hopefully provide some sort of a right for you. So this is therapy, is it?

This is therapy, yes, absolutely. It's after care, yes. Okay, sure. So let's start. Let's talk about the prize task. The thing that Greg would be most surprised that you own, a brilliant prize for you, is that you're going to have a great time. So let's start. Let's talk about the prize task. The thing that Greg would be most surprised

that you own, a brilliant prize task category that I'm very surprised they haven't done before, it's been this long, taking this long for them to do it. And you know what, I think everyone did very well here in all honesty. Let's talk about yours first Greg, because it did get one point. I'm suspecting this will be one of the ones that you want to pick bones about. I don't think you should have won at all. I do think it deserves definitely to probably three points. So it was the artwork, it was beautifully painted artwork. Jonathan Ross is the Virgin Mary and Chris Miles is Fat Baby Jesus as you describe it. Painting I believe by Pat K Hill, am I right in saying that? Correct.

Yes, so me, Pat and John lived together at university. Pat is in that. There's another fantastic comedian, and as we can see, an absolutely horrifying artist. Well, the thing about Pat is he's actually a very, very talented model maker. Yes. After university, he went and trained as a model maker. So he can, he makes sort of sets and sceneries and all sorts of scale models of, you know, the Royal Opera House and various amazing theatres around the world.

But when I joined Radio One, he found an old cupboard door and he made that for me and gave it to me and said, you know, good luck. Here's what you're up against, I think, but which really sort of it does, it dates it perfectly because it was 2007. It was when Moils was at his high on radio one. It was when Jonathan Ross was sort of killing it on BBC one and on radio two and they were the sort of titans of TV and radio and he said, here you go boy, this is what you got to, this is what you got to get to. And did it focus you, did you see that and you thought, this is, I've got to get it. One day I want to be painted onto a cupboard door as a religious figure.

And I don't know if that's happened yet. You got the breakfast show, come on. Yeah, but where's my cupboard door? Where is your cupboard door? Well, Pat, if you're listening get painting um it's also really uh it's it's when Chris molls is it it's height on radio one and also when he was it his fattest because now you wouldn't be able to get fat baby Jesus up Chris molls would you? no you wouldn't and you know you raised an interesting point you you probably if you're going to

depict someone as Jesus don't use it as an opportunity to fact shame someone. Oh, well. I think you look beautiful. I think you look beautiful. Well, exactly. I mean, he looks chubby and beautiful. But look, it was a wonderful thing. Sorry, just quickly.

I don't actually don't think that Moils knows that I've got that. I don't think he knows that exists. That was the first time it's ever been aired in public. John's a Ross definitely doesn't know about it because I don't really know John Theross, but Moils has never seen that, I don't think, either. So I'll be interested to know their thoughts on both of their thoughts really on it. I can find out for you.

But look Greg, I think it's a lovely thing. It's a good prize, but is it surprising that you own that? These are two titans of radio, like you say, you yourself are titan of radio. There's connection to your career there. I think that might be what was your downfall. Yeah, I get that. I graciously accept that.

I just don't think it deserve one point. No. I think, but the facts of the matter is that, as soon as Mo Farah brought out a hairdryer, we all might as well have gone home. Because that is one of the most incredible, what a moment that is. I think it's the perfect price task because it's two words, my hairdryer. Massive laugh.

Immediately, you don't need to see the prize, you don't need to explain the prize. Surprising thing, my hairdryer, bang, he's got five points straight away. It was incredible. And then to have Greg Davis ask, so Mo Farah, if he ever goes downstairs with the hairdryer, who ever thought we'd be able to witness that on national television? Incredible. Straight five points. Rebecca, slash self-esteem, brought in a, where she described it as a sculpture, it's an ashtray that she made as an adult of her in the bath, a shallow bath with everything revealed.

And also, I'm sure they got mentioned in the studio, but it wasn't in the edit. What's going on with their arms? I don't remember the reason for that. I mean, not much of it makes sense. No. That's the least of its worries as an object. But there was, what I do remember about the chat in the studio, there was a big debate about whether to show the breasts and the lady area as well.

And I think it, it, it, it, someone then took away the blurring to reveal the porcelain breasts, which I don't know why that happened as a thing, but we all knew what was under there. Yes. Yeah, I don't know again. I don't know if that was surprising. She's a very creative person, she's a very funny person. She has a lot of downtime.

These pop stars tend to have a lot of time on their own, on the road and stuff. So if they give them a ball of clay, they're going to make themselves. They're going to make me an especially in the pandemic. We all went a bit mad, didn't we? So I don't think it's hugely surprising, but a very good ass train nonetheless. Um, Amelia's, I thought was great, a coffin for a fly. Um, very surprising, very funny thing just to say straight off the bat, a coffin for a fly. But she's very unpredictable as Amelia as well. I know that's why chicken shop dates so good. You sort of never know what angle she's

going to come at. It was perfect for her. Yeah, you can bang on her being weird. Whatever's going to happen, you're going to get a weird answer. So again, I thought it was a brilliant thing. Was it surprising? If you know Amelia, you're know that she's quite weird, you know that she, that sort of makes sense that she made coffins for flies. Just back on the on Rebecca's item, what I thought was interesting is that Greg uncovered that it was made as an adult. Yes, he assumed that that was made by a child, which I thought was strange thinking

that that would be made by a child. That would be more surprising, wouldn't it? For someone to make a model of themselves as a fully adult woman in an ashtray. That would be much more surprising as a kid. Yeah, but yeah, Amili is you're right. She does sort of chuck some old stuff out there, so it does make sense within her persona. I honestly, I think the scoring might have been right here. I mean, certainly, I think you might have deserved more than one point, but the Vordavan,

Carol Vordavan lives in a van for three to four months of the year with an extendable roof. It's real, it's a real testament to that hairdryer though, isn't it, that it beat the Vordavan? Yeah. Yeah. Because on any other day, the Vordavan is winning that. The Vordavan. And ranting home with that.

Yeah, with it is. But yeah, I think about that quite a lot. Mm-hmm. Since we did the show I've been thinking about Carol in her van. Quite a bit. And I can't look at a camper van in the same way now. Well you just sort of think of it right? Yeah. I just hope.

I hope that carols in it. Yes. But the one that they, the, the picture of it is, as Greg said, it is, it looks like a military vehicle. Yeah, it's ready for all terrains. And all conditions as well, because I think it sort of sits in the mountains in it. Yeah, the Vordavan was incredible, and even more amazing about Carol is that,

she's ultra competitive, by the way. She was really pissed off for me that I beat her on the count in the counting one. I'm sure she was furious. I think I would have liked to have seen the Vordavan maybe covered in numbers. It feels like some of them play days. Didn't the play bus have numbers on it? Yeah, yeah.

It would have been perfect for Vordavan. The Vordavan. An educational but also quite saucy van. Yes. So lots of numbers and one of those signs that say if the van is a rock and don't come knocking. It also feels like one of those submarines um, it's like one of those submarines that can't be detected by radar. Yeah. That's what I feel like that van is. It was five points for Samo Farah, uh, Tathamus's first night of the realm, uh, four

points for Carol Vorderman's Vordavan, three points for Emilie's fly-coffin, two points for Rebecca's saucy ash tray, and one point for your cupboard door, with Jonathan Ross and Chris Moell's painted on it. Fine, fine, fine. Fine, but gutting to start the episode like that, when you know you've only got one episode, but you immediately redeem yourself. Well, there's five quite contrasting prizes, don't you?

Can I just say what you've just written down in your card? You've written Greg Davis. Yeah. That's right, Greg James. That's right. I'm so self-interested. I'm so proud of that. I'm proud for that, but James.

Well, the bad news is Greg. I wrote Greg James down because you're getting one point. One point to Greg Davis. Yeah. Two points, two. Well, I'm sorry, Rebecca, I'm not that surprised by your sculpture. I really liked it.

That's that. And Amelia, I'm giving you three points for your flycoffin because I think it's quite a strange thing to have. Okay, brilliant. The big numbers, Greg. Big numbers. Yeah, well, I didn't think that Vortamon could surprise me, but by having a military fan with an electronic proof, she did surprise me.

She gets four points. No one would predict that Samo Farrah had a hair dryer. It's impossible. How could you? Five points to Samo Farrah! Yeah, that's right. Task one. Count all the dots on this card. You may not touch your mark with card.

You must give an answer in 10 minutes. You must answer the door and obey the instructions every time the doorbell rings. Most accurate final answer wins your time, Start. Now, now this was incredibly hard. They threw up so many obstacles in your way to stop you doing it correctly. But you are the only one who used

the little trick of answering the phone. Because other people heard the phone, Greg, and they didn't answer it. Yeah, I'm surprised by a lot of the things that I did, so I can't slag off someone else for missing the phone because I didn't even, I mean, I wrote the number down wrong. I didn't even write the number down. I wanted to write the number down. I didn't realise... I panicked, basically. You remembered it wrong. You heard 1742,

and you were saying it back to yourself. And somehow, from the living room into the hall, you'd gone from 1742 to 1724. Yeah, why didn't I write it down? That's the thing that's haunts me really, and it does haunt me, because I mean, I still got the maximum points, but it was a really stupid thing to do. But this is the thing that surprised me about how I was on there, because I panicked a bit. I was fr there, because I panicked a bit.

I was just frantic, because I was like, how long have I got? The doorbells going, do I take these glasses off? What are the binoculars for? Why is it dark? Why is there a barrier in here now? And then I didn't even switch the, I didn't even turn the thing over.

I didn't even know that that was a, because I kept turning the thing over. So there was dots on both sides. And then the other phone going and I didn't even, because I was in a bit of a blind panic, I thought I had to complete all the other things and go on to the door, I didn't think to write it down. And that would have been a very, these things you learn, isn't that right? You do learn these things. But also, there was nothing to suggest that the voice on the phone was necessarily giving you the correct answer.

So you second guess yourself in Taskmaster. The voice didn't say the correct answer is 1742. It simply said the number. So you second guess yourself, don't you? That's it. And there's a very kind of you to bring that point up because at the time I thought, well, what is that?

Was I supposed to answer that? Yeah. And obviously, sense logic would say, yes, that's probably the answer. But it's still got you the five points, much to Carol's regret. Because I mean, Alex says it, I don't think anyone in the history of Tarsamast has said before they showed the task, I did do really well. Hmm. Do you remember how far away she was from it? Have you got

that information? She guessed 1683. So I mean, I'm not. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how far away that is. A fair amount of, but nothing compared to Rebecca's distance. Rebecca guessed 293. But Carol noticed that the thing was being flipped. She really, I mean, this feels like, it's to give Carol Vorderman a counting based task. It feels like favoritism, doesn't it? Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's setting up for a massive fail, isn't it, actually?

Well, that's the life. She didn't fail though, you know? She really, she took massive fail, isn't it, actually. Well, that's what she didn't fail, though. She really took the task and ran with it, which is very impressive. But I would have panicked if I mentioned the Tim Key task, I'm a keen cricket fan, and if I'd have had a throwing task, and wanted to get something like that, I would have been extra stressed because that is, in my head, I go, I should win this one. I think it's probably, that's the trap she fell into.

But I guess no one else would have known that. No one, I mean, sorry to break this teagreg, but if I mention you in public, no one says, oh, Grace, great a throwing. You know, I guess it's like, if you got a task that everyone had to apologise for a guest swearing on live radio or something. I've got it covered.

You've got that covered. That's my forte. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone else would panic. You'd be there. Apologising sincerely, but still keeping the energy up in the studio and not spoiling the atmosphere. Does anyone here need to deal with a royal death because I'm your your guy. That's it, that should have been a task.

There should have been a task for everyone. There could have been a task for running a marathon in a record time, you know? Yeah, Carol got 1683, which is pretty incredible. I'll be honest, and to have the confidence to then back that up is amazing. I mean, Amelia Panix the most, I'd say, she spent a lot of time outside because she thought the doorbell ringing again had to happen outside, so she had the goggles on and

was waiting for the doorbell to ring, and she didn't know where the barrier was. It was, Amelia's someone I would like to see a do-a-full series because I really think she'd fall apart about two episodes. It's a, yeah, you get in your own, inside, in your own head quite quickly on this. Yeah, so I don't know. Did you find that? Did you find it just, you start, you start really sort of unraveling if you're not careful? Definitely the first day, by the end of the first day, you're feeling that. But then,'s a little gap and you come back and do another day, and then you get more into the rhythm of it. But some of the tasks, yeah, you just absolutely lose it. You really do.

No, I think this is the one when Mo was just like, what the hell have I signed up for? But we did get from this task, the, the Hello, whoo, which seems to have been played in the studio about eight times, but it's the edit. Was it played for longer than that? At least 28. Greg, other Greg loved it so much.

He just kept instructing Alex Orton when he was playing it. But again, an amazing moment, because you never see Mo like that. You very rarely hear him talk. So when you learn these got a hair dryer and when you see him on the front steps of the taskmaster house going, oh, hello!

You think this is, wow, what? Yeah, Joy, we're watching here. Sheer Joy, he really is. I mean, look then, in the next house, we can talk more about that because I think One of the moments of the episode is coming up with Mo in the in the next task What I really liked about Rebecca's effort is she's so confident in her in her technique which was cordoning off areas And then multiplying them so she's decided that there's 17 in one area

So she's just gonna multiply it by the amount of areas. I mean, I guess it's the same as counting the amount down one side, then the amount down the bottom, and then times in them and hoping you get an approximation. But I mean, it didn't work for us. She didn't realise that there were two sides, and her guess was 293 anyway. She was well over a thousand off. Do you think you would have answered the phone? If I'd heard the phone, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.

That's because that was my taskmaster intuition from watching the show, I thought. Yeah. All the things are happening for a reason. Yeah. So go and explore the things. Because Carol, because a couple of them didn't hear the phone, I think.

Carol heard the phone and decided it was just distracting her from doing the task correctly, because she was so confident with her counting that she was like, well that's just good, that's nothing to do with it. So I thought, is this it? Sorry, can the sound guy, your phone's going off? Sorry, we're actually filming, we're actually filming Taskmaster here. It's so professional, she nearly went full Christian bail. Yeah, it was an amazing moment, because yeah, I think if she'd answered the phone and was given the correct answer, I think she'd be annoyed that she wasn't allowed to get the correct answer off her own genius maths brain.

Oh, I see, yes, that's a very, very good point. Whereas I would take any sort of clue or help given. And then immediately get that clue or help wrong. It was very much like that at school. If a teacher would, you know, when you did coursework, and they'd say, right, when you try this and try that, and they'd basically just say, right, this bit now, then do that, I would still overthink it and do it wrong way around.

So it was one point for Rebecca, two points for Mo, three points for Amelia, four points for Carol, and five points for you, Greg. You're back on track. Buzz him with that, I was very, very excited about that. Hello! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! LAUGHTER That's going to be my long-time. Hello! Hello! That's going to be my long time. Hello! Do you want to stop it? I'm not bored. No!

I think we should try and make it a thing. Do it, Gregg. Hello! TAS 2. Recreate the picture that Alex is holding. Your face must not move from this position. Alex will show you the picture for five seconds. When you finish reading the task, then for a further three seconds, every time you land a ball in the bucket, best recreation of the picture wins. You have ten minutes, your time starts now. Straight away, Greg. We all know this about you. There's throwing involved in this task. And I was very good at it. You were very good at the throwing point proven.

Yes, thank you. Yes, you're right. And everyone would have been expecting me to get the bouncy balls into the bucket. The throwing guy. That's my thing. So, yeah, the bouncy ball thing I just found very enjoyable and just liked doing that. Problem is, I was more focused on that than actually doing the painting, which isn't really my forte as everyone knows. So I found that quite tricky because we had to do it in the mirror. It took a while to realize that I could actually take the canvas off the easel, do it like that. By that point, I'd already drawn a bad duck.

I'd already done a terrible Greg Davis, that the house looked like it was burning down. It wasn't great, so it was sort of unsalvable by that point, and then I got distracted by the massage, and that's kind of it, you know? Yeah, well to be fair to you, everyone's was awful here. Yes. I'd say that no one did a good painting. It's almost as if the conditions weren't correct

to do a good painting. Yeah. It this happens in Tussmus, Tussmus, now and again, where you see all of them lined up and you think, how are they going to score this? Because they're all different versions of the same disaster. Like Rebecca, Port Rebecca got called out

for enjoying painting. So everyone was expecting something pretty incredible, but it wasn't not incredible. She also said she could only paint women's breasts, or she can sculpt as well. Let's talk about Mo here. The things we're discovering about Sermon Farah, the head massager, Mo's reaction to the head massager. It blew my mind. He's so happy. It said it made his day and then he pretty much burst into tears. Well, this is the thing about top level sports people is they live quite a straightforward existence as in they just have to get good at running or football or cricket and that's sort of their life. So they're not necessarily exposed to head massages, head massages or stupid things on telly or games like that.

So when he was, I mean, it's just a very surprising situation that he found himself in. Yeah. In one of those massage chairs, painting the taskmaster house while being massaged by Alex Horn in a room, you know, in the lab, which is a quite weird, this is quite a weird thing for him. So I think you just got overwhelmed, I guess. And I don't know how many, how much of Tarsmars to most seen, I would suggest not that much. I would say, no, no, I'm going with not. So he's not seen that much of it. Yeah.

None. And I think so when suddenly he's already feeling insane. When Alex Horn starts massaging him with the sort of weird spider clamp thing, he just thought this is all too much. This is, I've never experienced this. And was it joy, was it slightly aroused? We'll never really know. Yeah, well it was, I think it was all of those things,

all that had all built up into a head he'd mix, which is why I cried. I mean, you enjoyed the head massager as well, but I'm presuming someone's used one of those on you before, Greg. Not for a while. Really? Yeah, not for a while. Yeah, and it was a surprise. It wasn't a surprise. A lovely surprise. Because you do build up immunity to these things, I think, because we've got one at home and the first time someone does it to you, you're like, well, that's the best thing ever. And then, you know, every single time after that is diminishing returns.

And what's weird about that is you can't do it. You can't do it to yourself, Greg. You don't get the same feeling if you do it to yourself. No, you don't. There's a lesson there for all of us. But the thing with a thing with my own eyes. Yeah, exactly. The thing about Mo is, I guess, with a head like his,

he is extraordinarily sensitive to touch on it. Because if you touch our heads, you can't go through layers of hair. Whereas with him him you're straight in straight onto the scalp and and he looks like he's got a lovely soft head as well he does and it felt like the Alex maybe even sort of got under the surface of the skin it felt like yeah real money down to the brain you got right down to the brain and just a little scratch. That's actually a brain massage. It's a brain massage. No wonder he was crying.

It's the complete opposite of Amelia, who realises she can refuse the massage. And simply says, no, it was great. It should be shown. I think this video should be shown in workplace videos about consent, where Alex, would you like the massage? She said, can I say no? Only said yes, so she said no then. It was played out perfectly. Yeah, it's really good.

Teaching young people that as well would be great, you know, if you find yourself in a situation where an old bearded man is wanting to massage you, you can say no. If you find yourself in a strange house in a completely white room on a massage chair, doing some painting, doing some painting. You can't say no to everything, you can't say no to the painting or being on the chair, but you can say no to the massage. That's the thing about Tarsmoss and that Tarsmoss to house is that it is the most insane noobay nursery ever.

That's basically what you're doing and you're allowed to play around in it. And that's one of the joys of the show, isn's it basically what you're doing and you're allowed to play around in it and that's one of the joys of the show isn't it? Yeah, just that feeling of freedom that I mean you can just smash something up if you want if it's within the realms of the task You can just smash something and do things you're not allowed to do in normal society I Love Demelius painting because she decided it was too hard to paint the things and just did labels instead It's very very modern way of doing things. It only got two points. Carol doesn't throw the balls in the bucket. She just throws the balls at Alex until he

tells her where the bucket is, which I thought was great. And he uses a massager as a paintbrush to do the bricks, which I thought was ingenious from Carol. It's a real shame that the painting was so shit, because she just starts throwing paintballs at the canvas and it's all over the place. Yeah, that's the woman at the end of her tevver, isn't it? Yeah, that's where you. Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember where about that task came in the day? Was that the last task or middle task? First task. That was the first task. That was the first one. Yeah, it was the first one that I did, yeah. And really, really set the tone.

I thought this is going to be a great day. Yeah. The first one. Oh boy, what's coming. Perfect. So, no, we must have been absolutely. No, no, one, he was so excited for the rest of the day. He's still thinking about that brain massage.

Yeah, I think that's why he was crying. He just thought, I, what, one, he was so excited for the rest of the day. He's still thinking about that brain massage. Yeah, I think that's why he was, he was crying. He just thought, what am I getting myself into? Oh, it's okay. The emotion is now going to pour out of me. I'm happy. I'm safe. I'm safe here.

I love it. So it was one point for Carol. Two points for Amelia. Three points for Moe. Four points for Rebecca. And four points for Rebecca, and four points for you as well, Greg, refused to give anything five points,

which I think is fair, given the results. Yeah, yes. Oh my god, I'm a genius. Do you want me to start the massage? I'm using this. OK, sure. Well, what do you mean? Can I have said no?

Yes. OK, no, then. OK. Ooh. Ooh. All the way down? Yes, please. Could I have it in my hand? Ah. Because I might be able to do bricks.

Who? Taskmaster has been more erotic than I expected it to be. A lot of people say that. Mmm. Mmm. You alright? Yeah. It feels great. Yeah. What are you doing?

Oh! Are you ready, mate? Yeah. That was incredible. Did it one more time? Task three, put the most carp pellets in the fish bowl. You must not bend at the waist or knees at any point. You're 50 minutes, you're time starts now,

and beware, all the rooms are booby trapped. This was very exciting, I thought. I thought this was great fun. Love this task. It felt like I was in an episode of Tom and Jerry, which I really enjoyed with the pulleys and the booby traps and everything. However, I didn't, this is another thing that I would learn if I was doing another one, which is

read both sides of the piece of paper. Because I didn't, I didn't switch it over a bit until the end, where it said all the rooms booby traps. And also the other thing is I can't pellets when it's just sort of written down, oh right, okay, yeah, that's normal. That's not a thing you normally hear about in the world, is it? But I got it eventually, but I think, what do you mean, what carp pellets, what does that mean? And it's not like that's something that's appeared within the Tasmus

for Cinematic Universe before, you know? Because obviously there's things that crop up that pineapples, eggs, objins, et cetera. This is the first appearance for carp pellets, and I wonder if this is a new trend within Tasmus that we're gonna see. Some of your attempts, I think you definitely got the hang of it after a bit,

but that first attempt, trying to get the can off the colander, and it went the complete opposite direction that you were hoping it would go, and just fell straight onto the floor. What was heart breaking, Greg? Yeah, it was because I've done the, as you said, I've done the hard work really.

I was getting the hang of it and trying to get my head into the dome, because I'm tall, and that's not, it's not easy to get in there. And then obviously all of my limbs were stiff for some reason, I just felt like that. This is an interesting technique. Yeah, so it was pointed out that your arms were straight throughout the task, which is not something that was required of you.

Did you misread it and think it had to be straight or was this a genuine technique to make sure the legs were straight? It was automatic or to put another way, instinctive. So I just felt right because if I was rigid everywhere, then it meant I was rigid at the hips and the knees. Yeah, in hindsight, again, I wouldn't have locked the arms. No.

But yeah, that first one was tricky because I thought, I've got it. I'm in here, I can do this. But then I obviously didn't realize that the baby trapped. So there was no bottom in that tin, in that can. Yeah. So that's what happened there. Managed to tip a few of them in, which was fine.

Didn't learn my lesson with Caravan. I just flung the door open. Well, everyone did, no one learned their lesson there. No one learned their lesson there. So stupid. As well as what you're watching it. Yeah. People watching it would have gone,

well don't open the door too quickly, you fucking idiot. And that's, get some scissors and be sniping string. That's what you need to be doing. Disarming the booby traps before you can go in there. But that's a man. That's spoken like a man who's done a series and then you were a champion as well So you but you know this stuff like you know, I mean you're an old hand at this that you I don't know

I don't know whether you would have done that on episode one would you've gone oh? I would have been on this episode Greg because Hindsight's a wonderful thing watching it back and go get some scissors I would have I would have flung that door open the The cart pellets would have tipped all over the place I would have I would have flung that door open. The carp pellets would have tipped all over the place. I would have screamed in anger and then I would just got on the floor of it and eaten all of them. The photogon man.

Eat in the carp pellets. Well, weren't expecting that. Well, the thing that wasn't shown, I'm for good reason because it was just an insane person walking around with his limbs locked in place. I was doing that around the garden for ages because I didn't really know what I was looking for because I was thinking carp pellets, carp pellets, what do they look like where would they actually get missing the one in the dome for ages walking around in the garden, looking in the shed and all sorts. So I wasted a bit of time, which is why I was panicking towards the end because I thought

I've not got long left here. But I think all in all, fine. It was fine. I got that. Yes, I think you got it. I think you're right. And you got enough. And I think you're sticking to the task was admirable because, and look, I didn't come up, but I'd say there's a couple of your competitors there who who bent their knees. So much. No, no bent his knees all the time. Olympian.

Olympian. Gold medalist, you can't have a go at him. That's that's it. He is. But this is not so. This isn't the Olympics. This is more important than the Olympics. He clearly bent his knees on multiple occasions. And he did.

And he's a little man. He didn't need, his limbs are shorter. He didn't need to duck to get under the doors and things. He, my pharis bulletproof, what are you gonna do? It's interesting that you're saying he's limbs are shorter. So does that mean he doesn't have knees or you're saying that he doesn't, it should be easier for him to not bend because they're shorter. So does that mean he doesn't have knees or do you say that he doesn't?

It should be easier for him to not bend because they're shorter. They just straight up and down. I didn't check, but I'm fairly sure that Mo Farah has knees. But what I mean by that is he didn't need to... So I couldn't get into the house very easily because if I'm... can't stay, bolt upright because I'd hit my head on the door. I wouldn't be able to get into the caravan or the dome, so what I'm saying is these, these people didn't need to bend, whereas I actually did need to, but didn't. So I buy it by the rules you did on the piece of paper. Carol also admirable approach to the task. That straight body lean against the wall. I don't think she needed to do that, but I'm very impressed

that she did. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's why it was show-boating, and actually that should have, and I think it probably did give us some more points. It was an amazing, it was an amazing sort of acrobatics really. It was, she was propping herself up on one of the internal walls. I thought that was great. I thought Rebecca did an amazingy well in that task as well. Yeah, she was great. She was so good.

Home alone style, depositing of the pellets from a high and managed to get the whole tin into the thing and it was on the floor. I think she deserved a victory. She did. She got the four points. She did a really good job. Malia had a lot of luck. The can didn't really tip because she just walked past the trip wire and it didn't set

off. So despite all of that luck, she still only got 9,000. She came bottomed by it because some considerable distance. And the climbing into the caravan without bending her legs was amazing. Just having to hoist herself up by the door was incredible. And she only got 9,000. I don't know how you manage that Yeah, she um she did well again She was fortunate. I think to be a good height for that challenge

But again, yeah, didn't it didn't I guess didn't pay off the heights keep coming up Greg You really really angry that other people were shorter than you in this task. I Forget how tall I am. How tall are you Greg? Six four. Six four that is tall. It's just slightly two tall. I think it's slightly two tall when people notice and I forget. Greg, I know this would have been understanding about that right. You would have thought you could throw you a couple of extra points as a fellow tall man. Yeah you'd think that you would think that. Basically, he's proper. He's proper. He's proper. Yeah, he's proper.

That's his proper tool. You did very well in this one, no, Greg. Just not enough, not enough to beat Rebecca and Moe. It was one point for Amelia's terrible effort, almost as bad as her pirate, pirate impression in the earlier task. Two points for Carol, three points for you, Greg, four points for Rebecca and the big five for Samofara, despite the fact he has not been around the bush cheated. Well, yes. Yes, but I'm not going to sit

there on a New Year's Day special of a beloved TV show, sitting next to a beloved national treasure and accused him of cheating, but in a carp pellets task. I just don't need that heat. You find the concept of booby trapping intrinsically hilarious. LAUGHTER When you were greeted by your first hazardous device, he showed you...

Hello! Oh! Greg, I think that all of your failings were largely because you chose to keep your arms straight. I think... I think if my arms were stiff, then everything else was good. Let's talk about the live task. It's a Bay Gregg's instructions. You must only obey the instructions that start with Greg says.

Greg says, the person that plays Greg's instructions best wins. I mean, this looked like my idea of hell, Greg. I'll be honest. Same for me, but I didn't realise that. And he'll start to go wrong. I really thought, because I'd sussed out the pockets, I worked out, obviously the red bum bag. I thought I've got this, I just need to concentrate.

But all it takes is for one missed item. It's a real nightmare. I watched that with my wife Bella. And she had the same reaction as you did when when the instructions were announced she went well that's fucking nightmare. That is a nightmare. Yeah totally. I genuinely was very very confident at the start of it. I thought no I can do this. This is this is great. This is this is mine for the taking. I could I went with Taskmaster and then it all just went wrong. I think it went wrong on maybe the locket or something.

There was something in it and it would have thrown that point. It would have thrown that point. I think what maybe through you and I think what definitely would throw me is when you have to put something in something else. So then the next time that thing's mentioned and you've got to get it out of the thing, but you don't know, remember where you've put it. So it's the locket in the sock. Should I put the locket in the sock? Where have I put the sock with the locket in it?

I've now got to get the locket and put it in another pocket. And then by the time you've got there, there's about four more instructions to do. It's so stressful. It was really stressful. And the, it was the humbug, I've remembered, it was the humbug that I couldn't find. And there were so many other instructions being thrown away.

Rebecca was shouting, there was a lot of noise in there. Greg was sort of being really quick with it all. And I don't know if this was actually on the show in the end, but on the back of the jacket was a list of, what they call, inventory, of where everything should be. So there's often a cheat, isn't there in Tarsamar? So there's a cheat there and gives you the answer.

Much like the phone ringing, no one checked the back of their coats because it all had, I think, or inside the collar or something on the jackets, there was a list of the items. Yeah, that is gutting. No, I had no idea about that. I don't think that made the edit. That is it.

They don't normally have those little hacks in the live task, so that's very cheeky indeed. But no one's spotted it because. No, why would you? No, why would you? Too busy. Greg, you only got one point here, very sadly. I think it's because everyone else was shorter.

Rebecca and Carol got three points. There was no throwing. There was no throwing and everyone's so small. And Amelia and Mo got the big five. So that means I think this is a first. There's four people in second position with 14 points and both wins with 20 points. That is how you want the sort of festive new years treat to be, right? Well, it's not how I wanted it. I could have been second to Moffara.

That's the only thing going through my head at that point was that was mine to lose and I lost it. All I needed was to put the locket somewhere right in the pocket, whatever it was. I just needed one measly point. And I would have been on 15, here'd have been on 20 or whatever it was. And we'd have all gone home, you know,

gone home with a silver. Yeah. Well, you all went home with a silver anyway, you know? No, I just don't count. It's like a sports day at primary school. Well, everyone gets a medallion down everyone. No, come on. Greg, thank you so much for coming on the Tasmasters podcast. We always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points. We hope you've enjoyed your time on the Tasmasters podcast. Please give it a point score now, Greg.

I'd give it a strong five. I've really enjoyed it. Strong five. We love that. Thank you so much. Thank you very much for coming on. But before you go, actually, we will ask you, have you heard the season 15 line up, the series 15 line up for Tasmasters? before you go, actually, we will ask you, have you heard the season 15 lineup, the series 15 lineup for Taskmaster? Oh, yes, I have. It's Kyle's Frankie Boyle. Frankie Boyle. Ivo Graham. Jenny Ecclare and May Martin. Do you have any predictions for the winner of that series? Yeah, it's a great lineup. So I read an interview with Frankie Boyle where he said that he'd, I think

he found it quite, I think people will see him come across as quite sweet at times in this. So I think he's, he's one to watch because I don't think he'll go in there and want to sort of destroy it. I don't think he'll want to one pick everything. Yeah. Because you, what you might think he would want to do and just sort of say, oh, it's his bollocks, what, no, it's just you, whatever. I think he'll take it quite seriously, and he'll be quite sweet with it. May Martin is want to watch because they are incredibly determined, obviously so funny, but May will want to win that.

I think so. I think the competitive streak, it could be there undoing though. Could be there undoing. We will see. We will see. And then, Jenny, Claire, you've got sort of an absolute comedy legend in there who will be, well, I just think predictably batshit. So yeah, it's all in all, it's going to be a great series. Yeah, she's very unpredictable. I can't wait to see Jenny as well. Greg James, thank you so much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast. You've been, you've been my new years treat. Well, and you, and you mine. Ed, thank you so much, and I just, I loved doing the show so much. I thought it was the

fun, funniest couple of days. Yeah, it's great for you. Happy new year, everyone. Happy new year to you, Greg Davis. Slush James. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you very much, Greg, for coming on the show. Loved talking to Greg. He was absolutely fantastic.

And loved the New Year's treat. Can't wait to see what they have in store next year. Always a brilliant and interesting and fun lineup. So we will be back next week chatting about more taskmaster, but for now, enjoy your new years. Stick to your resolutions if you want to, but if you don't want to, absolutely throw them out the window. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. A Kia SUV is capable of taking you far, but when you use it locally to help your community,

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