Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 112 - Joe Thomas - S8 Ep.3

Episode Date: January 5, 2023

On this week's podcast Ed is joined by the brilliantly funny Joe Thomas. Joe who starred in Series 8 talks about how he came to be on the show and why he thought he was unfairly scored in this episode. They discuss volcanoes, mammals and why indoor fireworks should have their own special day. *Apologies for the sound quality in the first 15 mins* Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmasterVisit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. Today we will be chatting about Series 8 Episode 3. Of course we are now getting deep into Series 8 and we are loving it and today we'll be talking to star of series eight joe thomas it's joe's first time on the taskmaster podcast very excited to chat to him about his experiences on taskmaster and that specific episode uh lots of fun stuff to talk to joe about i love joe uh can't wait to speak to him thank you very much for tuning in keep on listening because now we're talking taskmaster series a episode 3 with Joe Thomas welcome Joe to the Taskmaster podcast thanks for having me Ed very excited to have you here Joe your first time on the podcast of course discussing one of the episodes that that you were

on yeah is this is this the first time you've watched it back I think I might have caught a bit of it when it first Yeah. Is this the first time you've watched it back? I think I might have caught a bit of it when it first came out, but it's the first time I've watched it in its horrible, horrible, stinking entirety, all the way through, merciless. And I'll tell you, I will say I wasn't impressed with myself. I was not impressed with my performance. I thought I started quite well. I mean, we can get into this, but as a general vibe,

I thought I could have done better there. But I don't know whether that's a mean, we can get into this, but as a general vibe, I thought, hmm, I could have done better there. But I don't know whether that's a general, that's probably a common reaction. Because I often think there's, you know, there's two types of people we interview on this podcast, people who absolutely love watching it back and it really reminds them of what a great time they had.

And then there's, I'd put you in the second category. I'd say you're prone to self-reflection. Yeah, you're right to put me in the second category. I'd say you're prone to self-reflection. Yeah, you're right to put me in the second category. I actually am the mayor of the second category. And every morning in my category, we sing a sad song. We look down at our shoes and we go, oh, that should have gone better. You're actually one of the only contestants in Taskmaster History who I've seen doing

that during the recording of the series. There were times where I was honestly like, what are you looking at, Joe? Like, they've got me in a two shot and I'm just looking away, like looking down. It doesn't look like I'm on a comedy show. It looks like I'm on a comedy show it looks like i'm on trial it's like one of a group of defendants how did it how did it feel then for you so obviously the thing with taskmaster is if you if you don't normally like watching yourself back on stuff or that's something that you worry about essentially half of taskmaster is being in the studio and

being forced to do that on a massive screen in front of people how did that feel? Oh I mean yeah it is you know what what's funny is that like because it's so well edited like they make you look as though you did something sort of that kind of referenced the other players or I mean what I remember about the task is that I would go into a room, sort of walk to the envelope, read, I was, I'll tell you what, I was often very tired.

I'd go, I'd read the envelope and kind of go, and sort of walk somewhere else. And else i would run out and be like oh they haven't got one and then kind of and i would kind of be back and forth a bit and then i sort of run out of time and then that was the task but then they make it look as though you've um done something that's uh really a rather witty take on what everyone else has done but I mean it was funny, I was thinking about what the show is like, I genuinely

if I had to say what it's most like I'd say it's honestly most like Crofts in as much as the contestants don't really know they're there the reason the show is good isn't really know they're there. Like the reason the show is good.

Isn't really any, I mean, okay. To be fair, actually that's an insult to the dogs as well. Like the dogs have actually been trained. Like, it's like if you did crufts, just pets,

just people's pet dogs. Whereas I, Oh yeah. Go get, uh, get Julian, the dog, you know,

I'll just get my brother's dog who's Julian and he'll do it he's not trained he's quite stupid he's not trained and just see if he can do the seesaw thing and then make him watch it back but I was thinking

it is like that it's very do you see Alex and Greg as the dog owners then in this scenario like that. It's very. But no, so you see, do you see Alex? Alex and Greg is the dog owners then in scenario? No, I think they're the well, Alex, Mike, the German Greg is

definitely some maniac who judges dogs. I mean, yeah, he's the one who lifts up the tail and looks up there. So I mean, I don't know why. Happening any, why are they doing that? Just get rid of that bit of crufts.

You don't need to, what are you checking? Are they checking whether this wife just barfed? Are they genuinely being like, what are they doing?

Do you think, did crufts start like that or did it just get so competitive that they had to introduce new categories? They were like, they're all the same.

Oh, I don't know. Which one's wiped? Just get rid of that bit. We don't need to know. I don't care. But no, so Greg's the, I mean, maybe Alex's, I suppose the owners

aren't really there, are they? The owners, I mean, I guess, I guess on the day Alex is, Alex is the owner on the day, isn't he? Because he's kind of going, yep. all right, there you go, my coat. I said, all right, all right, do what you want. You do what you want. What's on the card?

What's on the card? It's like it's all on the card. It's like something that a dog's been trained to recognize. It's all on the card. Yeah. It's all on the card. But, yeah, no, but they, yes, they're that way round. Yeah, definitely.

Had you seen much of the show before you signed up to it? I, this is a terrible thing to say, I don't watch, I'm really terrible at my job in that I don't know what's, I never know what's going on i don't really watch much comedy so doing the show it's so fun and it's so lovely and you shouldn't get paid to do it you should pay to do it that would be should be the correct way around they're nice and they make you look funny even if you weren't but I did it because genuinely I was around new Alex and I was around a mates house with Alex and he was like, do you want to do Taskmaster? And I was like, oh.

And it's just like really fun. It's just, oh, I'm an awful person. I was really lazy. It's not, and I hadn't really, I'm sure it was good. I just don't really, you know, the other point I was making is I don't really watch comedy because, because I work in comedy. don't really you know the other point i was making is i don't really watch comedy because yeah because i work in comedy so for me watching comedy is just like watching something that makes me really

anxious it's like watching true crime whereas watching true crime is like watching comedy so like all i can really watch are those kind of what i really love is 24 hours of police custody where it's just some policeman trying to catch a murderer and i'm like oh this is so chill yeah laughing your head off i love they couldn't charge him and he definitely did it but they couldn't charge him and now he's back out on the streets because the justice system doesn't function properly yeah that's more what I want I hadn't watched much of it with love I hadn't watched much of it

there's plenty of people who come on here and say they hadn't seen the show or much of the show before they did the show interestingly that comes across in my choice of prizes you even say that in this episode I think I didn't really understand that it was an opportunity to be funny yes this is still it still trips people up you know i i think

yeah if anyone ever tells me they're doing taskmaster and they've not filmed the studio yet i'll always mention the prize task and this is your first opportunity to be funny or be a bit outlandish and really go for it but having said that joe i absolutely i absolutely love your um your prize task let's let's just get straight into it uh let's talk about the best burstable item um okay i've got a stat here that the producer's given me so don't don't shoot the messenger you only won one prize task and you came last four times out of 10. I'm surprised I didn't come last every time. I just treated it as like,

they were just like, I treated it as just get a solid answer in and move on. I treated it as like an annoying four at an airport. Great. Is that all right? Fine. There was a tomato.

What's a nice smell? Is that a tomato's got a nice smell? Well, I thought that was great. I thought the tomato stalk... The smell of the green bit of a tomato, that is a nice smell. Justice for the tomato stalk. Yeah.

I think you get a candle, actually, that has that smell. You can, but this one, Joee a grape yeah you knew going in because also they will have told you if you're not if you think week one or week two that your prize tasks aren't what you thought they were going to be or they're not you can change them so we approached best burstable item and you announced grape in the most sort of depressed manner possible the i mean i think the worst anyone's ever presented a prize to us just looking at the floor a grape yeah yeah no i am i uh it was very much like i haven't done my homework

it was it was like but i don't know i think in a weird way um i mean i think i think i actually didn't lose this one because i think there was some uh i think there was some issues with whether or not you can burst a creme brulee which i think is a fair a fair point now i don't know why i didn't change him well i think i thought it'd be a lesson to me I think I was like well you'll learn and I knew it was coming as I often did The grape now at this point this is when you can tell you've not seen a lot of Taskmaster

you then attempted to defend the grape by quoting Keats I know well I was trying to quote from I think it's O2 Keats. I know. Well, I was trying to quote from... I think it's Ode to Nightingale. I mean, I'm digging it. I shouldn't even...

I mean, I'm now trying to defend myself again by going to do more. So I should be saying I didn't quote Keats. I didn't try and quote Keats. I actually can't remember whether it was... There is a bit at the at the um at the beginning about bursting uh bursting a grape it's it's owed on melancholy is what is what it is okay yeah yeah can burst joy's grape against his palette fine so i think it's a sense

ah okay so if i'd have said if i'd have bought joy's grape i would have been okay but um okay so if I'd have said if I'd have bought joy's grape I would have been okay but um I'm sure Greg can't get that yeah you can't get joy's grape on a card though so I don't know maybe you can at Christmas I bet they um they probably do joy's grape um yeah I that was a that was probably a particularly that was a particularly bad one. Well, at the same point, it's like you say. Because you can't burst a creme brulee. That just isn't... Well, I would say, I think bursting a grape is ambitious,

but I'd say bursting a creme brulee and the coffee pot is even more ambitious. What Lou brought in, the creme brulee in a coffee pot with a picture of Greg. I mean, you can see she's overthought it massively. She had's gone with the coffee pot panicked added something and then panicked and added something to that you crack a creme brulee surely joe i think you crack a creme brulee and in terms of the coffee thing i mean i'm i i guess you break the seal really so i'm not sure whether it's burst in any case but i I think Lou often did kill the Lily.

Towards the end of this episode, where she's meant to do two things, which is do something wrong to Alex and then apologise. At the beginning, she just puts a water bottle on his head. And it's not either of the things. It's not the wrong thing. And it's not apologising. It's just an extra thing. So I like that as just an extra it's an extra bit of task this keeps going yeah just keeps going she did it yeah and you know that was so she was everything i wasn't really she was doing i could have taken some of her surplus ideas and used them to support the absolute minimum i don I've never seen, like, just... So, yeah, there were times where I was like, I really... I've got to put more

into this. Why am I treating it like something I've got to try and get out of? Get out the way, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Great. Next. Actually, I'd say the opposite of you as well is Ian Sterling, who plays a teddy bear

that bursts into song. Ian is possibly the most enthusiastic person who's been on Taskmaster ever, and I'm including myself there. The way he dances along to the song that the bears do, he's just absolutely, like like pure hearted and adorable. His face absolutely lit up. And it's not, it's a weird song as well. I mean, I didn't,

I don't know what that, it was mumbling. I mean, it's really, it's not, it sounds like it's dying. But no, and he was also, he was madly up for winning as well. I mean, obviously throughout this episode, he keeps talking about champion of champions, which again, because I haven't, with love, necessarily watched much.

I didn't know what that was. So I was like, I don't know. What are you talking about? I haven't with love necessarily watched much I didn't know what that was so I was like I don't know what are you talking about I don't and then he's like series 11 I was like what series are we on I don't know it's not series 11 anyway but I don't know I think maybe he just needed a rhyme

at series 11 but yeah I think there were I suppose in a sense probably Paul was at Series 11. But, yeah, no, I think there were, there was, I suppose in a sense, probably Paul was somewhat a similar energy to me. Yes. Certainly, you know, the most ponderous,

and I was probably second most ponderous. Yeah. If we're doing it by that. We normally do on the podcast, we rank people by the amounts of ponderosity yeah well the winner is second most ponderous isn't it that's what I'm hoping for that's what I want out of life when it finishes

Paul brings in a balloon that his aunt purchased for his nephew and niece which he claims Joe was shaped like a penis but the awful thing is when it went up everyone else just went I mean listen listen if you're packing that sort of you know I'll take my hat off to you sir I mean I think even I'm actually quite glad my penis doesn't look like that because it'd be very thin I mean it is that is, it's not a probe

I mean it's not, that is thin yeah but at least it looks like one of those kind of upright fish that live at the bottom of the ocean or the riverbed I think I've seen them

on Attenborough it got him four points the ocean or the riverbed. I don't think I've seen them. Yeah. It's a very odd, I mean, it got him four points somehow, but I think mainly it got four points because of Alex's joke about there being a penis in the mouth. There was a penis in the mouth. Yeah. I mean,

it is quite funny. Yeah. There was a penis in the mouth. Yeah. Quite rude for Alex Hall as well. It's quite rude. He's normally there for more sort of maths jokes. Yeah. But, yeah. as well. It's quite rude. He's normally there for more sort of maths jokes. Sian took the five

points for a blister on her bottom which she got after she did a 24-hour charity Zumbathon. Great story. But here's my problem with this, Joe. It's not a prize, is it? Because it doesn't exist anymore. Well, yes. Exactly.

It was kind of a hard one to really nail, it turns out, this task. But I suppose, yeah, great story. If she had got it sort of somehow still with her, then I think you would say, you you know in some sort of vial or something yeah then I think that you know that would have been well disgusting obviously yeah uh but but probably worthy of I'm probably not really a prize uh but um do you think it would have been points off for keeping a blister in a vial I mean it wouldn't be burstable anymore, would it?

Yeah. I mean, I think if it was the era of the Royal Society, I think if you kept a blister in a vial, people would say, yeah, we need this stuff. Well done. But I think we have all the blister stuff we need now. I think doctors are like, when you go to the hospital,

they will say, stop bringing us blisters. We don't need, we've got enough of them. We've got loads, we've got a whole wall of them. But no, amazing story.

And what was it burst with? Gin and a pin. Well, I take, is the gin to disinfect? Was the gin just for her? Yeah, maybe just to drink. So, to ease the pain.

To ease the pain. Yeah. Old school. I guess to disinfect. But I don't think you need to disinfect with alcohol and heat. No. Maybe they made like mulled gin. And flavour.

Why not? Might as well. And then just pop the blister. It was one point for Lou, two points for you, Joe, three points for Ian, four points for Paul, and five points for Sian's blister, even though we've got loads of blisters and they've got a wall of blisters

at the hospital. Ian? It's a cuddly beer toy. See? That's a great prize. Now imagine it being burst. LAUGHTER Well, actually, the joke's on you, because that bear bursts into song. Oh!

That's good. I was in bed, lying next to my girlfriend, so I did record the song whilst trying not to wake her. Ha! So the bear does sound like it's sort of creepily whispering. Do you want to hear it, creepily whisper? Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do.

Do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do. Yeah. I think the thing that troubles me most of all is how smug the bears face let's talk about task one build the best volcano you have 10 minutes to design your volcano blueprint you then have 20 minutes to build and demonstrate your volcano your time starts now i'd say joe this is one, I think, one of the trickiest tasks in Taskmaster history.

That's surprising, because I think this is the one I actually did best on, on the episode. Well, yeah, I think you did do a good job, but I think it's really difficult to do anything outside of the box on this one. Yeah, it's really, yeah, it is. And I, you know, I didn't, the people who began using wet mud anywhere, I thought, I don't know what you're doing there. This is a heat-based task. I'm really sorry for Ian, because I don't know what went wrong there. That should have worked.

Well, okay, here's what i thought he was i tell you what hubris i had enough with and you know there was something promethean about that he was yeah he flew too close to the sun i think i think he wouldn't have changed it for the world because announcing um that he was going to be on champion of champions and then that happening was absolutely perfect absolutely i always thought joe it was mentos and diet coke do you think that was an issue oh because when it or when it was that big craze it was mentos and diet coke that was always the thing but i think you use normal coke as well, didn't you? I used normal Coke, and it did seem to work. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's interesting. I mean, what I do like is how many of my things on the show were

based on things that had been on the internet, honestly, about 12 years ago. And I was just about, I was like was like oh have you seen this blood fish and you're like yeah that's well i mean like guys have you seen this youtuber um lonely girl uh 41 yeah that's the fame that's the person who made youtube famous when it was launched but i mean i'm very i am behind i mean but so i i was kind of like only just catching up to that and that's why it went well i was like i'd only just seen that video i was like oh guys you've seen this yeah so you remembered exactly the recipe i remember the

recipe maybe ian put too many in because it was always like a couple that people put in because he put a whole bag in didn't he and his engineering so good. I thought he did a really good job of lowering in a whole bag. Maybe it was too closed off at the top. There was nothing for it to come out of. Yes. I wonder if maybe it kind of clanked into a big sort of fatberg of Mentos. Yeah. It must have been that.

It must have been a fatberg of Mentos. It was probably a fatberg of Mentos. I remember that. Everyone was saying that at the time, actually. Yeah. I could hear people going, fat bug of Mentos. It was hard to watch poor old Ian, especially because he gave it such a build up.

But then I love watching Ian as well because he's so excited about stuff and he just talks and he doesn't, there's no filter whatsoever. So he says things like no this is going to go up like Christmas and I don't know what that means and obviously Kano calling it the Kano bit uh the bowling oh that was amazing yeah he just he had he had just he'd broken the word volcano down into, like, that's not how, um,

that's not how words work. When you get on an aeroplane, the aero's the people and the plane is the wings. Not necessarily. Um, but I love that. I mean, in a way,

maybe he's right. I mean, I don't know, who am I to say? Who am I to say? And, and, and, you that, I mean in a way maybe he's right, I mean I don't know, who am I to say who am I to say and you know I really did applaud the

I think you know as you say like just the energy and the enthusiasm mine was basically just the smaller scale version of that yes yours was minimalist. Yes.

I'd say. It looked maybe, I mean, did it look less like a volcano? Probably not. It looked like a drawing of a volcano. I think it looked like a drawing of a volcano, but then what I described as the second eruption. Yeah. Because I did two eruptions.

The first one I think was with a carbon of sodium vinegar. Which I would describe as the sort of pre-internet. That's what you used to do at school at school but then the internet came we're like still doing that not anymore you're not and in a way does this justify the whole existence of the internet and all the terrible damage it's wreaked to democracy around the world? Maybe. Because now we can do a slightly better volcano. Yeah, a great volcano. Yeah, but I think by that point I was using the same volcano but a longer tube, so it just looked like a rough...

Yeah, it's a shame. Like it just looked like one of those Guy Fawkes plotters. It is a shame that you didn't have a bigger sort of volcano, cardboard volcano for the two-litre bottle. Because, you know, I've seen videos of volcanoes erupting. I don't remember

the volcano itself hovering above the ground. No. No. No, there's never, there's never a reference to the tube.

No, whenever there's a big volcano, no one ever goes, I saw the tube and everything. You can see the tube run. Well, thank you very much. Yeah, I was actually, this was, and I'm pleased everything it was you can see the tube run well thank you very much yeah I was actually this was and I'm pleased that it was a hard task I felt like there were lots of ones where I I think we're probably coming up to one in a minute where I thought I should have done

better there uh and um I um you know to anyone you know watching the show it's not as easy as it looks so you don't have you often you often wander off thinking well that was that was so bad you'd expect any human to to be able to be better than that but um uh it is it is funny like on the it is funny, like, on the day to get something to actually work. And so this actually worked. And that was great. Yeah. And you were certainly the most successful with the Mentos Diet Coke, that style of Volcano.

Yes. I don't know what sean i mean i think sean's volcano absolutely summed up her personality on taskmaster yes it really did it was it was basically mainly decoration and then uh i mean the lava was good though i mean that was nice i loved the jelly and i loved the sparklers and just the enthusiasm and it was i think it was brilliant, but completely different to what everyone else was doing. And at one point she went,

she didn't, she said the bonfire is nearly ready. And then she was like, Oh no, it's a volcano. So I think there was some, so like Ian had, Ian had honed in on the word too much.

Yeah. And Sian hadn't honed in on the word at all really um so ian had broken it down into a volcano and then just make make something bonfire see here the word volcano think of another word make that um but i like the sparklers yeah the sparklers were a good idea if they'd been in addition to an explosion so say imagine that's it your your big eruption and then you lit sparklers. It's the sort of afterburn. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's it.

It would have been good. You just throw a lot at it. I think it's great. Absolutely, yeah. No eruption. No, no. And I like to lose, mainly because it's just good to see indoor fireworks

getting a look in. You know, they're out there. Yeah. We seem to, it's going to be quiet in, you know, they're out there. Yeah. We seem to be quiet on the indoor. You forget about indoor fireworks. Yeah. Please. Can we just,

just maybe one day a year. Can we just remember about indoor fireworks? Hello. If we had fireworks day and indoor fireworks day, people would be like, what is happening in this country? You've got two days. One of them is just for the worm things.

I love the worm things. They're so satisfying. They are satisfying. There's something of the sort of pimple popper about them. Well, I think that's why I like it. Yeah. Either I like indoor fireworks because they remind me of pimple popper, or I like pimple popper because it reminds me of indoor fireworks.

One of the two. Who cares? Yin and yang. I mean, honestly. Lou's looked great, I thought. In terms of the actual look of the volcano, I think hers was the best, which is probably what gets her the five points. I think so. And she did have an eruption. She did. And it was a different sort of eruption. And she did have an eruption, you know.

She did. And it was a different sort of eruption. And she ended with quite a swagger. Yeah, I agree. And then she was like, that's another one done. It was just honestly like, it was like messy dispatching a penalty. It was like, whatever.

Done. Like, just done. And I think, you know, know as we know Lou went on to win this series and you can see the quality yeah you know

coming through and even on this one which I don't think is one that she you know dominated no

she won she still did she did well and you got the five points here as well Joe I did get the five. I did, actually, yeah. You did.

It was a joint win. I was joint top. Oh, that's good. Paul got three. And I don't know. I wonder whether the sympathy is already starting to kick in points-wise. Yeah. Because that was, I mean, a hot stream of piss volcano is what Greg called it.

What would he make it out of? I think it was coke as well, you know. Was it? It just looked like someone had shaken up a bottle of coke, really. It didn't... Yeah. And it was coming out sideways, wasn't it, really? It wasn't.

It was just a sort of... It was just a pipe. It was just runoff. It wasn't ideal if there was um if you actually saw a volcano erupting like that i don't think anyone would run away would they no i don't know no i think they'd um you know they they'd dance dance about in it you know like in a fountain on a hot summer's day yeah he'd probably have a dance in it i'd imagine oh my god there's there's coke coming out of the water mains all our dreams have

come true greg doesn't give anyone one point which i think is very generous because i really feel like ian's is what is a one pointer um yeah i think I think Ian was getting points for the mud and all that stuff that he'd... Yes. I suppose, in a way, Ian had made a dormant volcano. I mean, maybe, let's not forget... Yeah. Let's not forget...

It doesn't say erupt, yeah. It didn't say erupt, it said a volcano, so actually nobody made an atoll, which, you know, was an was an option please can we just just one day a year can we just remember about atolls and the fact that they're the remains of a volcano that's a big holiday isn't it we're not gonna get anything done in november because this is that's three in a row if that goes the next weekend that's six days off imagine that

you might be right the design of Ian's was so good which if it erupted properly I think that would have been five points but it was two points for Ian if it erupted properly it would have been an actual volcano I mean it would have been that would have been the last series of Taskmaster

Alex would have been frozen like a Pompeii man It was two points for Sian's party volcano Three points for Paul's hot stream of piss volcano Five points for your bottle of coke wearing a ruff and five points for Lou's indoor fireworks What have we got to build with?

We need cork It's like bicarbonate of soda and something or then what's the kind of the one that like Mentos and cola was that is that a thing Mentos yeah that'll go up like a Christmas if you burn sugar does that erupt that's your lava saw Sorted. Red jelly. Red jelly. And then how do I make the cane a little bit? I'm going to build a mountain with a hole. Can I get a volcano mould?

Still thinking? Yeah. Read something online that really hits a nerve. Still thinking? You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats, get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. It's task two. Work out what Alex is wearing next door.

Both you and Alex must stay in your seats at all times. Alex may only communicate with Alex Horn's horn. You have a maximum of 15 minutes. Fastest wins. Your time starts now. This did not go well, Joe. No, it didn't. No, well, so first of all, like, I am. There were certain days where I do think I was genuinely very tired.

I do think I was genuinely very tired. And I think this was one of those days. So mainly... But Joe, this must have been the location day. So this must have been the same day that you did sneak up on Alex on the railway tracks. Which was my greatest track. You smashed that and you were running around all over the place. That's true, actually. You can't have been that tired.

I think I wasn't that tired. I do remember thinking, ah, the fact that I've got a system of one honk for yes and two for no is really clever and no one else would come up with that. And then everyone else was just immediately. Everyone did that. Obviously. Obviously.

Yeah. Obviously. Two, what happened here is that I just forgot about birds. I was like, I got it because I was like, it's warm-blooded. Yeah. But it's not a mammal. And I was like, fuck is that? Fuck are you talking about, mate?

What are you talking about? Yeah, you had a nightmare. I mean, it's very easy to do. I don't think people understand sometimes when watching Taskmaster what it does to your brain. And that Forgetting Birds is an absolute classic. Oh my god, forgetting. Can we just have one

day a year, please? And I'm not saying it's a good holiday, but seeing as we've got one for atolls, I think we can now have four. So it's Fireworks Day, Indoor Fireworks Day, Atoll Day, and Birds Day. Just to try and, you know, we do forget I think we can now have four. So it's fireworks day, indoor fireworks day, atoll day and birds day. Just to try and, you know, we do forget about birds.

But honestly, I was just for ages. And I think I said wallaby in the end. Yes, wallaby was your final guess. Because I was like marsupials. I got to marsupials. And I think I was thinking like the duck, is the duck a platypus? Maybe the only egg-laying

mammal Were you not also thinking about the first thing I would think about was what costumes are commercially available Well, yes exactly, it's quite unlikely that if you go to like a

costume shop, they're going to have a duck-billed platypus or a wallaby costume or a wallaby. Yeah, no, I am. I know I should have, I should have,

but I mean, it was, it is, it, as you say, it just does, it does the funny thing. And,

you know, I think I could have been in that carriage for the rest of my life. And I think birds could have flown past and I could have thought oh maybe they can tell me what sort of animal he is like I would have it would have just been there forever um and it was weird I guess you know a man who forgets about the birds um you know I think that's the man who um needs to i don't know that's the old phrase that's the phrase isn't it feed feed the birds i don't know the man who forgets about the birds is the man who needs to feed the birds yeah and that's that's what we're saying that's the one

also i here's where i i do think there was an issue with you forgetting the birds, yes. But I think you got a little bit tripped up by Alex. And I don't think he does this to anyone else. You use the tooting system of one for yes and two for no, which everyone else does apart from Lou, who does two for yes and one for no. Yeah, obviously. But then Alex adds three toots for ambiguous. Yeah, I know.

That was difficult. And then, I mean, I really thinklex was trying to get into actually having a conversation with like real nuance yeah um and um i can't i can't remember what what i can't there were questions that did sort of i think he said i think i said are you wearing shoes maybe and he gave three i think his feet were covered but they weren't necessarily shoes I mean it's fair enough but I think it was it was it was adding a little and you know to be honest I am a man who already gets a little bit preoccupied with little areas of detail that don't matter yeah so for Alex to be um sort of contributing to that rather than uh what I

really needed was to focus uh on the bigger question well I suppose I quite literally I needed to focus on the task at hand and I mean I do mean that for once actually literally uh uh but um yeah it's at any point during these tasks did you when Alex was trying to confuse you or asking you to do ridiculous things did you ever think oh come on mate I said yes to this because you asked me at a party why are you doing

this to me yeah I know it was like I am yeah it was like a different man it was like it wasn't it was like two different people terrified Jekyll and Hyde Yeah, it was like a different man. It was like it wasn't... It was like two different people. Terrified. Jekyll and Hyde. It was like someone invites you around for a dinner party and then when you get there,

they're just being really standoffish with you. Everyone else got to parrot. Oh, God, it was so... This was honestly just so gutting because I don't even think this was a particularly hard task. Well, the spelling, Paul's spelling method was great. I mean, my goodness, yeah. I mean, that really is...

Yeah, that was... I mean, again, I could have... Yeah, I could have done that, couldn't I? And I didn't do it. Spelling method or Ian's method of attacking it like a rabid dog yeah

Ian Ian sort of treated this as a physical task which was quite extraordinary come on it's like

doing cryptic crossword and just being like get out of there get a come on it was incredible sort of like hitting it yeah yeah that worked I mean one of the rules was you know you had to stay in your seats uh at all times yeah i think ian was almost in danger of

just jumping out of his seat just through sheer energy don't tell you and sterling to stay in his seat you know that's not uh he barely does it in the studio he can't do it on a train yeah he's not gonna know no absolutely um you know this was this was um well this is a good example of how you know you can just get completely thrown by something that seems completely obvious in hindsight yeah and um yeah yeah this was uh you know i've got no i i can't i can't question the i can't question the judging on this it was i mean and obviously how could i question the judging i mean this is bang to rights like yeah this is it's not it's not going straight out the gate yeah yeah it is really um but what's funny is i i do i did do the thing that you just suggested though where you think like what what costumes are commercially available but even then it didn't even really

if there was maybe a few people forget about birds what can you do i mean i was just thinking is there a is there a football team that's the parrots you probably don't want to be the parrots necessarily yeah um i don't know why i just feel like you i think there's something a little bit elderly about parrots isn't there i think if you were playing with the parrots you'd expect them to be quite wordy and a bit because i yeah you imagine an old person having a parrot because parrots live for a long time right that's right yeah yeah yeah i i think gossipy i when i think of parrots i think they yeah they they chat and then they they embarrassingly say the thing that that that you know in front of your guest you said about them um so there's that yeah um but i don't know why i didn't i don't know why i didn't get

to and you know i mean even lou got parrot and one of her guests is Alan Partridge. Yeah, Alan Partridge. No, look, Ed, it was humiliating to be beaten by these people. I mean, don't get me. It was absolute. I mean, Paul Sinner, all right, fine. He's known to be kind of a dater. He's a chaser. You know, fine, he's known to be kind of a dater. He's a chaser.

You know, fine, we know this is his area. But the other three chumps, I mean, to lose to them. I mean, yeah, yeah. Believe you me. Sian worked out a great technique of asking if the animal was in the Lion King. And then she got it fairly quickly after that. She stuck to what she knew and she absolutely nailed it. She did.

And I suppose you might say it's lucky it was in the Lion King. But it's not necessarily as broad a net asul's thing of working through every possible word um but um what's funny is i think paul literally did solve it like how a computer would solve it yeah that's what a computer would do yeah just like brute force the computer was a disney computer would solve it absolutely well you know, you know, as I was saying, if a computer ever is saying to you, is it in The Lion King, that's when we're really fucked because that's when they're genuinely clever.

I mean, like, I'll take a computer going, is it A, is it B, is it all day? But if it goes, is it the funny one from The Lion King? I'm like, right, I don't know. This has gone too far. We're going analogue. Yeah, I'm going back to analogue. Turn the internet off.

Right, turn it off. It was nought points for you, Joe, two points for Paul, three points for Ian, four points for Lou and five points for Sian's Lion King text. Yeah. Is it a mascot costume? Sorry, I've forgotten. Is it soft?

Are you dressed as an animal? Is it a furry animal? Is it a warm-blooded animal? Some sort of big cat. Dog? Rodent? Mammal? Is it a usual pet? Are you dressed as a bear? Are you a mammal?

But you are warm-blooded. Is this animal a character from some sort of fictional universe wallaby task three alex is in the living room in 20 minutes from now you must apologize to alex for something you have done in that time best apology for worst thing wins your time starts now it's a good task it's a very good task and i think it is a very good task everyone does well the thing is this is a task that that just did me did make me feel really stressed because i just i

do honestly just i don't like doing bad things i don't i'm not a rule breaker i don't like pushing in even at the airport when people are like no come in with us like no like so having to like deliberately do something bad i did really find quite stressful so i sort of tried to do this kind of slightly surreal thing of like singing a song about how I hate Alex I do wish I'd had the you know the I wish I'd had the stones to

to do something you know genuinely I mean well again I mean this is Lou basically, I mean, this is... Lou basically deserves to win this series based on this task alone. Lou does an amazing job.

It's amazing. I don't know how she ran it 20 minutes. How come she got on first-name terms with somebody and she did all the other stuff? But, so I wish I'd had... I do wish I'd done... If I could do it again, I would do something genuinely mean. Yeah, I mean, what's great about Lou's is,

because she hits him with the water balloon, which as you say, is not part of it at all. It's just for fun. That's irrelevant. She's vandalised his car in that time. And her apology, her apology is worse than the thing she did. Oh, the apology. So she's just playing to Greg.

It's just perfect. Greg's going to love that. Signing up all those things and jazzercise, life coaching, estate agents, crystal healing, PPI checks, insurance, body waxing, indoor serve, the classes, pony trekking, confidence classes,

judo and Scientology. You know. Yeah, I mean, it's quite the list. Yeah. I mean, it's quite the list. Yeah. I mean... Would you be able to do something like that? If you had your time again and you knew what it took, which, look, I really like your song.

I love the song. Oh, thank you. I thought there was great, there was some really great lyrics in there, some horrible lyrics. In many ways, some of the things you said were the most horrible things in this task, I'd say. i think well i did i did say horrible things like wishing he was dead and so on um yes and um uh yeah just saying i'd be like genuinely truly happy yeah um

if he was dead um so i mean yeah that is I think, yeah, in a way, I think, no, yeah, if this is the one where if I kind of wish that if I could do it again, I would, I would go for it a bit more. I would do something kind of like real, actually just real world annoying. Like, I don't know. I don't know what. I don't know. I'm not sure. I don't know what, I don't, I don't know. I'm not sure. I don't know what,

but I would, this is the one where I wish I'd done, I wish I'd done a bit more. Really, to beat Lou in this, you've really got to do something that seriously impacts Alex's personal life, like kiss his wife or something.

Yes, I do. Yeah, I was, what's going on? That sort of was, that was where my mind went I was I don't know whether

um but yeah that was yeah I was thinking yeah actually that would do it that would do it yeah but um but no yeah that was it was a safe to say it was a high bar. It was a really, really high bar. And I was thinking I could have, like, I could have trolled him in some way. I could have, like, written mean things under the horn section. I don't know. On the horn section, kind of comment section.

I don't know what that is, really. Too many sections, sounds like. Yeah, loads of sections you're thinking about there. The comment section of the horn section. See, you can't even now, with hindsight, you're trying to come up with something mean and you can't do it. I just don't like, I'm not one of those.

I don't, okay, with the honourable exception of Impractical jokers, because they obviously find it so stressful. I don't like those shows where mean things get done to people and they, but, but to be fair with this, I did have license to do it because it's Alex. So I wouldn't know.

I just, yeah, I, um, I, I, yeah, I think it would have just been like,

I don't know, something genuinely normal would just be like, I'd just break his phone or like just smash up his phone, smash up his laptop. I mean, that would be annoying. I mean, that really would be annoying. The reaction that would get in the studio would be an almost hushed silence and then someone gasps. Yeah, it would be annoying. The reaction that would get in the studio would be an almost hush silence and then someone gasps. Yeah, it would be good.

I think that's the problem is that actually I am quite sort of, I think like a lot of passive aggressive people, I am zero to 60. Like if I really did have to do something mean, it would just be completely horrible. Yeah. It's like, it's not that I'm a nice person is that i'm suppressing

genuine chaos yeah um and i really don't want to let that out even as a joke so thank god thank god you're not letting it out um oh my god i think other people struggle other people struggle with this paul i think they pull struggle yeah pa. He was all over the place. Yeah. I don't think he wanted to do anything mean either. And his thing about I'm doing the 5-2 diet and I'm on a 600-calorie day and I've absolutely destroyed the fridge. I mean, I think that was true. I think he genuinely was on a 600-calorie day. And he turned up that day going,

I hope there's a task where I have decided that i'm going to eat as much as i want i think he's going well if it's for work i have to do it so i think whatever the task was he decided he was going to eat a block of cheese like an apple yes yeah i think he would have entered it as his volcano if he could have done he would have said, what is a volcano really? It's mainly a man eating cheese. That's what they say. That's what they say. Obviously, the meanings changed over the years, but the first volcanoes. But yeah, I am.

And his apology was, you know, as he pointed out during the show, it is really, really sinister. Yeah. It does. So quiet. Yeah. I've just, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, it is, yeah.

It's quite 24 hours in police custody. Really. I mean, I was obviously getting all relaxed watching it. I was like, oh, here we go. Finally. Finally, we can have a laugh. Finally. Finally, you can have a laugh. Finally. Finally a laugh.

The first laugh. But, yeah, I think there was, it is, you know what? I think there's a nice bunch of people. And I do think that, like, I think every, yeah, as you say, I think it was, well, Sian's was good,

but I didn't quite understand the arc of Sian's in as much as I've sent an image. And I thought it was my phone, but it is of, I mean, yeah, it was, yeah, it should have just been,

I did this. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Because it was, it was, yeah, it should have just been, I did this. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Because it was, it was great. It was such a funny idea and sending it to Greg is so funny. And Alex looked genuinely horrified that that had happened.

Yeah, he did. And I liked the comment about the, um, penis and the, um, yes, the penis.

Yeah. Was it quite the reverse? Quite the reverse. And just with the, um, speaking of just me and Mr. Alex, I also liked when Greg said his car's a really stupid color. Was it quite the reverse? Quite the reverse, yeah. And just with the... Speaking of just meanness to Alex, I also liked when Greg said his car's a really stupid colour and Alex was just like...

I mean, just didn't really understand it. And it obviously is just a genuine source of a bone of contention. Greg just objectively and in his mind rightly annoyed at the colour of Alex's car. I liked Sean's apology as well. It was great as well. The sweets that said Soz on the plate I think was really funny.

Oh yeah, that was good. Yeah, that was nice. Soz. Soz. It was only three points for Sean because Ian got four points and I did enjoy the thing that he was doing to apologise for was immediately before the apology.

I did like that. Custard pie in the face, immediate song. And I did like the song and absolutely loved the reference again to Champion of Champions. Because he must have, you know, yeah. You would have thought maybe these tasks were on separate days. I don't know if you remember whether they were.

The volcano and this were on separate days. I don't know if you remember whether they were. The volcano and this were on separate days. I think they may have been. I can't quite remember, but I mean, I think I'd be perfectly willing to believe they were because Ian obviously had to be in his bonnet about this Champions of Champions. As I say, I didn't because I didn't know what it was. But I mean, he does keep mentioning it yeah it's so funny though it's so funny

every time I mean this time it sort of paid off in that it was a great effort from Ian and it was a line in the song so yeah exactly it fitted yeah and so he got four right and then did I get two on this So yeah, exactly. It fitted. It fitted. It fitted. Yeah. And so he got four, right? And then did I get two on this?

You got two on this. Yeah. Which I think was unfair. I mean, Paul got one, you got two, Sian got three, which I thought was low. I thought maybe a bumper up to four as well. Ian got four and then Lou sort of untouchable on this one with five points. I mean, you wouldn't, yeah. This should have just been, this was catching the snitch as in like it's mean, you wouldn't, yeah, this should have just been, this was catching the snitch, as in like, it's over, you know. Yeah. You know, 150 points.

I think personally, the only way to do it would have been, to beat Lou, would have been kissing Alex's wife. Some sort of suggestion of an affair would have been the only way to go. I think just getting him in like, yeah, getting him in legal trouble, I think. Yeah. Like just, we've arranged for your house to be used go um i think just getting him in like yeah getting him in legal trouble i think yeah like

just we've arranged for your house to be used as a stash house for um a different judge an actual um drugs cartel yeah it's your name that's your name on the car that they've hired it's your name on the phone they've taken out a phone in your name it would have had to be proper yeah or give one of his kids a pack of fags something like that yeah just go go and smoke all of those daddy says daddy says you're allowed to smoke all of those that's what i would have done daddy says you must daddy says you must otherwise you're in trouble that'd be that's fathering, I tell you what. No filter. There's no filter on there, is there, son?

I didn't raise no sissy. Alex, I just pied you in the face. Alex, it was a total disgrace. Alex, I hope that I see you in heaven. All the champions are champions.

Series 11, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, oh yeah, I'm sorry. Can't open the door. I'm sorry. Do you want me't open the door I'm sorry Do you want me to open the door for you? I'm alright, sorry about that Let's talk about the live task, Joe You really, I mean it was an unfortunate one point for you

Yeah, now this is, yeah Let me read through this one and then It's quite a long one, sorry Get into one sleeping bag with your arms through the arm holes at one point for you yeah now yeah now this is yeah let me read through this one and then yeah it's quite a long one sorry get into one sleeping bag with your arms through the arm holes the zip zipped up and the hood on your head then stand to attention and salute the taskmaster for a full five seconds then get into the other sleeping bag the arm through the arm holes the zip zipped up and the hood on your head while still in your first sleeping bag then skip once fastest wins this is very unfortunate because you really came alive in

this live task i'm good at the physical tasks i mean basically what i'm good at is like blind physical obedience like if it's in the army i'm cannon fodder i meet for the guns i'm not an officer i'm not a general i'm not in the air force i'm just one of those tommies just walking whistling into the machine guns that's my that's why that's where I come alive that's my strength it's very much case of yes sir right away sir three bags four sir two bags four I suppose in this case and I this was now this is the one where I guess I would think I was a little unfortunate because adrenaline does do curious things to your concept of time.

And I feel like they knew this. Yeah. What I would say is normally in these sorts of situations on Taskmaster, they will time you and Alex will blow a whistle when your five seconds are up. You know what I mean? Like I've seen it on other things where they're like, no, hold it, wait, and then blow a whistle when your five seconds are up you know I mean like I've seen it on other things yeah no hold it wait and then and then blow the whistle but this is all about a full five seconds which is which is really tricky did you not did you not one elephant

two elephant I know I should have done um yeah I do um one Mississippi two Mississippi three Mississippi didn't do it you know I was I suppose you know looking looking at it back I don't want I shouldn't add to my own um sort of prosecution but like I also didn't zip up the second sleeping bag but I think that would have been I mean that would have been an issue as well you didn't zip up the second sleeping bag and you can hear a man in the audience shouting zip over and over again someone's in the audience going zip yeah i yeah i mean so it was this is annoying because this is sloppy and actually i should have won this yeah what i had enough of a lead i mean the others i mean shana's fallen over paul actually. Paul just does have a bad shoulder. Is that right?

Well, it was that and multiple other things, I think. But yeah. Yeah. I mean, so in a way, probably I'm very able to do it at all. Well, I mean, it was also, I mean, huge, huge credit to Paul for carrying on. I mean, absolutely.

To finish it up. Because he would have got the one point anyway. Yeah. But he wanted to finish. Yeah, he wanted to finish. No, exactly, because he actually had saluted for... Yes. Yeah, he didn't salute for the full five seconds.

But very sweet moment with everyone helping Paul out. Yeah, that was a nice moment. And it was a nice... And I suppose a nice end to the show with us all helping each other yeah i think so quite often taskmaster can be so competitive especially in these live tasks where people are fighting tooth and nail and they might be messing up other people to try and get the five points no such thing here um they don't need to really because three of you messed up uh

you paul and sean uh didn't get the four or seconds. And Ian and Lou, as they normally are, out in front, five points for Ian, four points for Lou. Yeah. It felt, this, yeah, I mean, this felt like, I was thinking about this, I can't really work out whether you should have, I can't really come up with a way around this, apart from

just to say it feels, it feels unfair. I was thinking, could you not just, if I salute it for 3.2 seconds, which feels unfair. I was thinking, could you not just, if I salute for 3.2 seconds, which I think is what they said, could you not just add 1.8 seconds on at the end? But then on the other hand, I suppose in that case,

you know, a savvy competitor would just say, well, I'm not going to salute at all. And you can just add five seconds on. Just saluting the car on the way home. Well, yeah, yeah.

Which I did. did obviously but you always do you're just a respectful guy i always do i'm i am i don't know why people don't salute each other anymore like in the old days but um it's um yeah i i was thinking could I quibble this and again I don't know what to say other than just it felt that maybe well actually maybe this is what I'm saying getting knocked down from 5 to 1

feels it perhaps and for example also I didn't get any more points than any of the other people who didn't salute for five seconds no and it felt like perhaps within that there could have been some sort of

distinction made yeah but you know even if you got four more points it wouldn't have mattered hugely you would have been second bottom rather than bottom because you came bottom in this episode with 10 points. Paul is on 11 points.

Sian's on 16 points. Ian's on 17 points. And it's another victory for Lou with 19 points. Streaking ahead in the series. 10 points ahead of the next person behind that's Ian. And then Paul's at the bottom. 20 points behind Lou. So this series is Lou really puts in a shift in the first few episodes that does see her through to the end

really. Yeah I think I have a kind of late a bit of a late run but it's not. You have a surge. It does not go there. You have a real surge. Yeah. Yeah. I mean it's a late surge it's a late surge points wise and emotionally I'm thinking specifically about your your big moment in the studio your rant about no one else putting in any effort with yes raise it the eraser task I believe it was Joe yeah yes I remember that I do get quite cross at that point and it's it's I suppose it's worth waiting for because what you want for somebody what you want instead of somebody who's kind of consistently funny and charming all the way through like ian sterling what you want somebody who's kind of looking around like a

weirdo for most of it and then gets genuinely seriously quite angry at one point in a manner that's really completely over the top and then just sort of sides back down again. I guess that's what you want. People absolutely loved it, Joe. What would you say? Because we've talked a lot about this episode and, you know, the listeners are going to kill me if I don't ask you more general questions about the series. Do you have any particular highlights or lowlights from your time on Taskmaster? Okay.

So I think the lowlight would be when I had to make the puppet, because I just thought, I'm supposed to be good at this. The low light was just realizing that I'm a performer, right, genuinely, I'm a professional performer. And all the tasks where I had to be creative or imaginative or entertaining, I was awful at them, just genuinely awful. That's the pressure, isn't it?

That's the type of't it that's the type of pressure yeah and i was quite good at the ones that were actually just more sort of like maths based or just like physical effort based um uh so that's yeah so the pressure yeah but i I mean, the highlight, I suppose, I mean, it would be the Hiding from Alex one. Yeah. Which I really enjoyed. And I think that because I enjoyed it so much, the pressure wasn't on so much. And I just loved doing it.

And it was fun. Well, it's not something you normally do in real life is it i guess if they you know if they had a guy in the army then he'd hate that he'd be like yeah well that's that's exactly right if they had they got an assassin on and they were they were actually um so yeah that that that was that was probably probably my highlight and you just

you know just in general I am my observation would be that it is so revealing when you're put on the spot of like what you are sort of ready to do and it turns out I'm ready for nothing I mean you know I was in the scouts be prepared I'm not prepared I am not prepared for anything I can't do anything do you feel now now you've done Taskmaster do you feel like it's trained you up

I do feel a little bit more prepared I feel a bit more like you never know actually and I think the sort of things you might be asked to do are a little bit more somebody might just come up and be like find the cheekiest wagon and you've got to do it and so I am,

I'm a bit more prepared. You know, you're always fighting the last battle is the truth. So like, and now I will always be ready to know how to like move, uh, move a beach ball around with water. But the truth is,

it's not going to happen again. That's the thing that you're always, you're always fighting the last battle. And that's, that's the tragedy. I mean, it could have happened again if you'd got to champion of champions, Joe. Ah, but there's no such

thing, is there? I don't know. I haven't watched the show. Joe, thank you so much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast. We always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points in the style of the Taskmaster. Have you had a nice time chatting? And if so, what point score would you give it? Oh, Ed, listen, of course it's a five.

Of course it's a five. I always love talking to you uh and uh it you know charles master or not and um so of course it's a five thank you very much thanks so much for coming on the podcast joe thank you having me ed and good luck thank you very much to joe for coming on the Taskmaster podcast. A lot of fun chatting to Joe about his self-reflection, etc. Always a great time talking to Joe. Always feels like you're sort of both getting a bit of a therapy session

as well as a fun chat. Thank you very much, Joe. We'll be back next week with another special guest talking about Series 8, Episode 4. See you then. Bye. Read something online that really hits a nerve. It could be disinformation, specifically targeted for that exact reason. Stop and question the source before you share. Learn more at Canada.ca slash disinformation.

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