Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 114. Lou Sanders - S8 Ep.5

Episode Date: January 19, 2023

She's back! Lou Sanders returns to discuss all things Series 8. Lou and Ed chat through episode 5 but also reflect on the whole experience, even how she felt after winning the pan in a hoop live task! You can catch Lou on Taskmaster The People's Podcast which she hosts with TM uber fan Jack Bernhardt wherever you get your podcasts! Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmasterVisit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Every veteran has a story. Whatever your next chapter, get support with health, education, finance and more at veterans.gc.ca slash services. A message from the Taskmaster podcast. I'm Ed Gamble. Thank you very much for coming back and listening, presuming that you've listened to other episodes before. If you haven't, you are very welcome. Today we are talking about Series 8 of Taskmaster, Episode 5.

We are rattling through these old episodes, and this is an absolute belter of an episode. I think one of the strongest in the series. Some brilliant tasks in here. We will of course be speaking to a special guest and we are delighted to have on today's episode of the Taskmaster podcast a wonderful Lou Sanders. She was of course a competitor in series 8 and the winner of series 8. So we are honoured to have her here. She is, of course, also part of the Taskmaster Cinematic Podcast Universe. She is the host, co-host of Taskmaster, the People's Podcast with Jack Bernhardt. Which is an excellent podcast.

And you should go and get it to complement your Taskmaster life. Thank you very much to Lou for agreeing to come onto the podcast. She's absolutely brilliant. I can't wait to chat to her. Here is Taskmaster Series 8, Episode 5, as discussed by Lou Sanders. Welcome back, Lou, to the official Taskmaster podcast. Well, well, well, I'm just here for the tips to get to be the premier. I want to be the premier Taskmaster podcast. Well, if you want to be the premier Taskmaster podcast, you need to get on be the premier. I want to be the premier Taskmaster podcast.

Well, if you want to be the premier Taskmaster podcast, you need to get on the quality of guests like you. Oh, well, I can't interview myself, actually, a lot of the time I do. You are one of the only people I know who could definitely interview themselves. Also, we've tried to get you back on and we've been cock blocks.

No, you've not been cock blocks. I said I'll do it it's just what i'd say look let's let's lay this bear open trying to get trying to get your availability don't try and get me to do a podcast right the week before christmas is what i would say because i've clocked off lou i want you at your worst and that's that's my best i'm not willing to give my best all right i want you to, right. I want to get you on there and try and get you cancelled and, you know, wiggle on up to the stop spot. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. No, because the way podcasts work is if I was cancelled, it would actually only benefit this podcast because people would be listening back to it. They'd be downloading it going, can we spot any of the signs that ed gamble um kills dogs or whatever whatever it is i would say that would get me cancelled you're one of the least cancel cancel culture i'm one of the least cancel culture that's what lou thank you

i wonder why my my podcast isn't on the top spot. It's a great podcast, genuinely. You and Jack Bernhardt host it. It's Taskmaster the People's podcast. If you listen to this podcast, you should be listening to that podcast as well because it gives you a full and complete picture of the Taskmaster universe. Luna, obviously we're currently talking about Series 8, which is the series that you were on and were victorious on.

Yeah, My Time To Shine. Yes, Your Time To Shine, and Shine You Did. So you've watched back this episode that we're going to talk about. Of course I fucking have. Series 8, Episode 5. Did you watch it back at the time? Yes, I watched it as it went out, I think. Because I didn't know, because they don't give it to you in advance.

No. How did you feel about watching it back for this episode? I thought, what a lovely woman. Four or five years younger, you know. Four or five years younger. But now and again, do you find this on TV? They cut to your face and you're just sort of slack jaw, just looking sort of a bit bitchy.

Sometimes I look bitchy. Every shot of me on TV, I'd say I look 100% thick. I look glassy eyed, vacant, my mouth's open. Like, oh, I've got my mouth open, ready to laugh at something that hasn't even been said yet. Pathetic. Having a great time, but just a skull full of grey sludge. I look a bit, like, angry or bitchy sometimes.

You know? And that's not what I'm thinking. There's not a thought in my head, but it just looks a bit like, hmm? No, but I'd say you wanted to win, though. I wanted to win. How much you try and deny that aspect of your personality to yourself and other people. You were very competitive.

I'm very competitive, so much so that I went around threatening people in the break. What sort of threats were you giving out in the break? You shut up and you be quiet and you give me the points. That sort of stuff. So that worked well. I mean, it worked. It worked.

You came out of this series with a lot of points, Lou. Oh, do you know what little Jackie Bernhardt discovered as well? What? If there was an alternative points system, you know, I don't know what that points system is. But no, no, hang on. If they did the points in a slightly different way, which would still be the way that you do football or something like that i mean it wasn't this thing um then i would have won the

whole of taskmaster right it sounds like a kid at christmas yeah is this the thing that before we started recording you said i've got something to tell you is this what it was yeah yeah so let's run through that again if they scored it in a completely different way, then you would have won the whole of Taskmaster. Well, it's more... Basically, if they score... It's something like if they scored it how they score football or cricket or something like that, then I would be the winner of Taskmaster.

Yeah, but if they scored it how they score football, it would be a game of football. Looks like you'll have to listen to Taskmaster, the people's podcast, to find out more. Nope. But I am the winner. You got, the people's podcast, to find out more. Nope. But I am the winner. You got 164 points, Lou, which is very impressive. There's one other contestant who finished

with the same amount of points in a different series. Do you know who that might be? Well, I think I'll just ask you, because you know. Yeah, I do know, but I was giving you a little quiz. It's a game. Yeah, it's a game. It was Dara O'Briain game it was Dara O'Briain really

Dara O'Briain who had I guess quite a similar competition to you in that he sort of streaked ahead quite early on I mean you must you were sitting pretty

like within three episodes I'd say I did look good yeah I did you looked wonderful of course but you were streaking ahead in terms of points

yeah and in the dressing room and in the dressing room you were streaking in the dressing room. And in the dressing room. You were streaking in the dressing room, were you? Yeah, and that was one of my fear tactics. Give me some more points. Top up, trousers down. Exactly.

That's why Joe Thomas looks so frightened. This episode particularly, I was going to bring this up. There's some shots of Joe where you think, have you been kidnapped? Because he looks baffled and worried. And now you know why. Yeah, he'd been kidnapped by you and then you streaked him. Let's talk about the prize task on Series 8, Episode 5.

It was, of course, Best Face. Yes. Ian won that one. Ian won that one. Now, we don't tend to do our podcast that quickly. We don't then move on to the next task. Ian won the episode. Bye-bye.

I'll have my money now. Bye-bye.bye now you're normally quite good at price tasks i'd say this is this is one of your your weaker uh points scores in the price test you won three uh price tasks you won best smell best form of protection and best slippery thing but when it comes to best face you think that's an accident and they all go together i i actually think though so you brought in the face of the baby that you and greg would have were you to have a baby yeah i think you are underscored here lou thank you i think it was a really good idea i think it's really funny i think the idea initially was potentially to appeal to greg's ego yeah i think the results the resulting picture was potentially to appeal to Greg's ego but I think the results the resulting picture was possibly too haunting

I can get myself some sperm am I right? If you watch the whole series back as you should be doing if you're listening along to the podcast you will see that in every single task that Lou does her main aim is to get some sperm Yeah I thought it was a different game show I really did You thought it was called Give game show. I really did, yeah.

Yes, yeah. You thought it was called Give Me That Jizz, didn't you? I did. In the end, I did. Yeah, yeah. I was just... Sorry, I got confused because I had emailed my... When Taskmaster came through,

I'd been emailing my agent saying, you know, can I get on a show called Give Me Some Jizz? So that's why but yeah so i think if i'd chosen a cuter baby i would have won it so what what how did you create this face is what i did it i did it as if so i went onto a website where you can create why don't you create your and charlie's baby on a well that would be weird if i i think that would be a weird message to send to my wife if i did that and then sent her the picture going, just to let you know, this is what our baby would look like.

Yeah, also, I don't think it's that accurate. No, I mean, I didn't, within the face, I didn't see you or Greg's features, really. All I saw was a very haunting child from a horror film. Because I thought, before you showed the picture, I thought, Greg's going to love this.

And I think if the picture had been less sort of haunting, then you might have got more points. But I thought it was a great idea. I thought we deserved more points. Thank you. I sort of feel like the same about Joe's, really. I think it's a very Joe price. So we've heard from a couple of people

that once Joe did not do well in the first prize task, he then had the opportunity to go maybe i've got this wrong and go through and change some of his ones for upcoming episodes he did not do that we get interaction on our podcast as well actually this was from guests i had this i think joe told us this and then right yeah right told us we have guests we have guests on ours as well yeah yeah. But what was Jo's price to her? Jo's was the face of a blobfish. Oh, do you know why he lost points for that?

I can give you a sclusi. Yeah, thank you. I'd love the sclusi. It got cut out of the edit, as things often do. But actually, between you and me and the podcast, it was because Greg had seen that image online and was like you're not bringing me anything fresh here yes i mean that that image goes around online a lot of people use it as their twitter avatars i've seen that that's been around for a decade

plus as a bit of a meme yes um so i don't think joe necessarily thought outside the box enough which you were very very good at in these prize tasks I think you really spent time thinking about them doing something that was funny and within your character and that stuck to the spent time, they just come to me like that Ed I know you Lou you like to give this impression of being

oh I just plucked something from thin air you work very hard and you shouldn't be ashamed of that I put lip gloss on for today for example well there we go no need um i also wrote notes about the show so in a way you're right because well that's because my memory's so bad yes i mean for instance you completely forgot that joe brought in the face of a blobfish well you know how much space have you got up there you don't want to you don't want to put blobfishes in before you've started your day you know it was one point for joe yeah and a tricky one to give away as a prize you just come in with a concept really which i'm never a never a massive fan of um at least come

in with a cardboard cutout of a blobfish or you know yeah or dress up as a blobfish or dress up as a goddamn blobfish like ian put an outfit on. Ian had, you know, he had the onesie. He had the t-shirt and trousers underneath. He'd made an effort. He'd had those things made. He stripped off in the studio. You know, that was to me the guaranteed five points. Once you make a statement like that, you know, it put me in mind of Mike Wozniak's Mohawk,

which was the more extreme version of what Ian did. But, you know, he'd done it. He'd done something for the show. You've got to commit to the bit. Commit to the bit. the more extreme version of what Ian did, but, you know, he'd done it. He'd done something for the show, and there was a big reveal. You've got to commit to the bit. Commit to the bit. Paul brought in a two-foot-tall print out of his own face that, I mean,

we've got to talk about this. Lou, he said that he was vanity searching online, and what he considers to be a vanity search is Paul Sinner and fat. Oh. I would say that is the opposite of a vanity search yeah yeah yeah but it's funny because i searched paul sinner fat as well so you know we're all at it actually he's never looked better to be fair he looked lovely i mean maybe maybe

you're searching that because he as he says on the show he lost some weight maybe he was looking for people saying paul sinner's less fat or paul sinner's lost lost a lot of fat it is a mad thing to search really you're asking for trouble yeah because there's going to be someone somewhere that thinks you know i mean i don't yeah i i i haven't googled that about myself no no no have you put your name into google and see what comes up first thing. I'll do it for you now. It's probably wife. There's a picture of me. Oh, what you mean on the sort of drop down? If I type in Ed Gamble, hang on, Ed Gamble extra show.

Oh, that's because I typed that before. Have you? Yeah, because I was trying to get tickets to your show in Edinburgh. I just asked me, Lou. Well, yeah, but I think it was sold out. And I, yeah. Ed Gamble Wife Tour Wedding Age Tickets Podcast Twitter Instagram. Yeah.

Classic. Yeah. What comes up when you do it to you? Fucking a dog. Not the images. I mean. Oh, sorry. The word.

Yeah. Partner. Movies and tv shows age taskmaster big penny social instagram well there you go i love that you get a partner that's so progressive there's no there's no yeah there's no husband there is there it's no thank you because they know you're a progressive forward-thinking woman as we all find out in one of the upcoming tasks, you know, you like to talk about feminism and you do interview yourself about feminism in one of the upcoming tasks. And I have got off with a few women as well, thank you. There we go. Good. Another scloosie.

Sian brings in Face Man from the A-Team. Did you know who that was when it came up on the screen? Of course I did. I used to watch the A-Team when I was little, yeah. Me and my brother used to watch it when we were kids. Loved it. I think it was a good interpretation of the task. Very good.

I think three points is probably where it should sit. Three or maybe two, because I think yours should be bumped up. Thank you. But all in all, I don't think anyone's beating Ian in this task. I think he really brought it for best face. Do you want another scroozy?

Yeah. Your dad, no. I did ask if I could do something with Greg's face on one of the other things, and they said no, because someone's doing something similar. Yes, they want to avoid any uh any clashes really and it would if you've done that to be fair to them it would have taken the it would have taken the fun out of it because people would have seen it already right and also it's not as greasy and

also when when i found out ian's idea it was about 10 times better so what was your idea to use greg's face with i can't remember now well, if you can hear a click in the background now, by the way, Lou is burning some sage. Well, no, it's actually,

get it right, it's Palo Santo. Just in case you think Lou is a persona, she actually does this sort of stuff at home. Okay. Hey,

Lou, I've got something to show you though. Mm-hmm. Oh, it's a crystal. It's a crystal. I've got a crystal.

Is that actually yours or Charlie's? Yeah, I bought it. That's yours? That's so nice. Does it make you feel lovely? It's supposed to help with creativity. Oh, great. Well, you should have got a bigger one.

I shove it up my butt. Butt. Also, Ian Sterling has still got a stone that I gave him about three years ago and he carries it around every day. Really? Exclusive. Yeah, that is exclusive. There's so many exclusives in today's podcast.

I've got to hold back, actually, because I do want to be the premier Taskmaster podcast. And with me spaffing out the exclusives like there's no tomorrow on your podcast, it's... Yeah, your exclusive balls are going to run dry if you're not careful. I'm working against myself here. Yeah, right. No more exclusives for a bit, please. It was one point for Joe, two points for you, Lou, three points for Sian, four points for Paul,

and five points for Ian Sterling in this very strong episode for Ian, apart from this following task. Paul. I was vanity searching Paul Sinha plus fat and found that there was somewhere that sold these. LAUGHTER How big is it, Paul? Yeah, I was going to say... It's absolutely massive. The face is two foot tall.

That was taken three years ago when I was over 14 stone. I'm now 11 and a half stone. So... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE A stormy year. This is especially for Greg, because in episode one, his mum was in and his mum said to my agent, can you ask Paul for some tips on weight loss?

I think Greg needs it. LAUGHTER Mum! LAUGHTER Mum! Task one, divert the sand from bucket A into bucket B. You may not touch the sand, you may not move the bucket, you may not leave the room. Most sand diverted into bucket B wins.

Your time stops when the sand stops. Did you do that from memory? No, I've got the written information. OK. Impressive, though, wouldn't it? Yeah. Did you do that from memory? No, I've got it written in my head. Okay. Impressive though, wouldn't it? Yeah. Now, Lou, you won this one, which I wasn't expecting when we saw you doing the task because what you did a lot was you'd say,

so here's a direct quote, the key is to not panic and then you would panic. Or you'd say do it in a calm way and then you do it in the least calm way I've ever seen. You would do the exact opposite of how you told yourself to do it. But imagine if I hadn't given myself a little pep talk first, how un-calmer would have been then? Yes.

I mean, it was a stressful task. It was like some sort of Greek nightmare. It was something they would do in Hades, I think, just to see that sand suddenly stream out i had a thought lou what was it and you know this is one of your classic thoughts that you think in the moment you might have come up with yeah but almost certainly not it doesn't say you need to keep your hand in the string so alex puts your hand in the string first first thing you should do is take when you read the task take your hand in the string first thing you should do is take your hand out the string

and then the sand stays in there for as long as you need it to so you can plan the best way of getting the sand into the bucket the time stops when the sand stops and the only reason the sand comes out is because the tape was pulled off by the string so if you remove your hand from the string

you can work out the most efficient way of getting uh the sand from bucket to bucket which i think and this i would have tried this everything there is on a trestle table with a detachable top sweep everything off the table just use the table because it's the right length to just let the sand slide down into the other bucket but this is this is after i mean i've probably seen this task five times and this is the first time i've thought of that yeah well am i gonna go back in time or are you but i i i still won anyway so yeah it doesn't matter really does it no no what your technique was uh you used the colander a lot and And my favourite technique you used was trying to block off the holes of the colander using two mangoes.

Yeah. Have you ever been on holiday? Yes. Okay. So Joe got 56% of the sand in. Yeah. And I thought Joe was quite good. He was very calm with it.

Yeah, he's a calm with it he's a calm boy he's calm but he's bizarre the egg cup in the toilet roll with the other egg cup below it for absolutely no reason didn't seem to be a good technique from what I could tell but he was trying to stick the tape back over

when he was dumping the sand and then coming back and taking the tape off which did work for him for a little bit I thought that was very calm. I thought that was very efficient. I'd love to be a calm head. Are you a calm head? Are you a hot head?

No, I'm very much a hot head. Oh, God. Yeah. Especially, but Taskmaster even turns the coolest heads into hot heads, I think. The coolest cats into hot heads, yeah. Yeah, I actually did think i was quite calm there so i get i told myself to be calm i think i was actually quite calm relatively speaking relatively speaking yeah but look you you were very very good on the series you did a lot of very fun inventive things

which will come to one of your your highlights next in my opinion thank you ed for truly seeing me yes i do uhian did not stay calm she just kept talking, as Greg mentions, she just let the sand go all over the floor then she was trying to get it into the bucket before the sand stopped kept talking about her messing it up and doing terribly and then at the

end seemed to think she'd done really well she was like yep that'll do I've done really well there she saunters off, she's happy-go-lucky yeah she is happy-go-lucky. She's brilliant fun. Paul, I mean, this episode especially, Paul has a real natural talent for just creating the most tragic tableau.

Oh, I know. So much of what Paul does, you're like, Paul, come on, mate. This is the bleakest way anyone could have done it. It's holding a colander underneath the sand and letting it drain out the bottom until he feelsest way anyone could have done it. Holding a colander underneath the sand and letting it drain out the bottom until he feels like he's ready to tip it.

Why is that? He spent too long on quizzes, I think so. Do you think? I think he spent too long on that sort of intelligence. It's all what you value in life, isn't it? And he spent too long on that and not enough time with a colander.

So you're suggesting that he spent too long on that and um not enough time with the colander yeah so you're suggesting that he he spends so long revising facts that he's never used the colander before and he's not aware of what that is exactly what i'm saying and i'll stand by that how does he drain his pasta then will it will his partner does it for him because he's he's the quizzing well actually his partner likes quizzing too, so I don't know, maybe they get help in. Yeah. Maybe they get someone in to drain their pasta for them. It's not beyond the means of possibility, is it? I don't know. One of the other chasers does it. Yeah, well, yeah.

Yeah, but it was very, it was, I mean, but what I loved about it was Paul going, look, I know it was bad, but I was just relying on someone else doing worse. And in this situation, he played that game and he did it exactly right. Because Ian has, I mean, the archetypal Taskmaster nightmare,

breaks all the rules, knows he's broken all the rules, and then just leaves the room to break the final rule. Left with a flourish. Left with a flourish. It was perfect. I absolutely loved seeing it. I like seeing Ian when he's angry, but he's still got one eye on being funny.

And it was just, he hit it perfectly, I think. It was so funny. Two eyes in Ian as well. Two eyes in Ian, yeah. I love interviewing you, Lou, because I think you're listening and then I realise you're just planning a joke no I was listening I was listening to that but I thought I was gonna say he had two eyes on the prize there

and then I and then I jumped to two eyes in Ian because that was my my logic was he had two eyes on the humor because he was very funny and then I thought oh there's two eyes in Ian that makes sense and then I said what made sense to me without telling you the middle step yeah you did all that you leapt to the punch line without realizing it needed a logical build-up it doesn't matter no it doesn't matter but anyway can I just say one thing about Sian yeah I don't think she I don't think she cared about winning at all no I don't think so I think she was there for a lovely time I think she was there to be funny and she did both of those things very well i really she's not competitive she's a she's so nice she's so charming i just yeah she's so charming and nice she hasn't

got a side to her and i love it yeah but i'd say the same about paul paul had absolutely no intentions of winning he had no for a competitive man within his field of quizzing... Yeah. And a brilliant comedian as well, he works very hard at that. Like, with Taskmaster, I really think he was just like, there's no chance.

Well, he probably had to look at himself in the first go and thought, I'll take myself off the podium right now, save myself the heartbreak. But also, he did care. He would get hit up about stuff where Sian was just like giggling through it sort of thing.

It was nought points for Ian disqualified, two points for Paul and his colander, three points for Sian four points for Joe and five points for you Lou. A big victory there. And of course he knew that you'd won, but still

decided to say, have I won? In the studio. Sometimes I think, just cut to it and give me the points, you know. Princesses waiting. Oh, you shit! Oh, I've touched the bucket!

You need not touch the sand, you need not move the bucket. Move the buckets! I thought it said touch the buckets. I absolutely moved that bucket. I absolutely moved the bucket. Can I move the bucket back? I mean That was there, wasn't it?

This has gone terribly wrong You may not touch the sand I've done that You may not move the buckets Done that You may not leave the room Fuck it, let's do that as well What a waste of everyone's time

You idiot! Read something online that really hits a nerve? It could be disinformation, specifically targeted for that exact reason. Stop and question the source before you share. Learn more at Canada.ca slash disinformation. A message from the Government of Canada. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from Indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we

can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task two. This is a brilliant one. This is one of the ones in this series that I would have absolutely loved to have done. Make the most realistic injury using food. You have five minutes to choose your ingredients, then ten minutes to make your realistic injury.

If two or more people use tomato ketchup, they are disqualified. Your time starts now. What I love about this is if you do it well, it doesn't go down well with the audience because they are horrified. Yeah. So your aim is to make people feel physically ill?

Yeah. Sian's was very good, actually, wasn't it? Well, I loved the backstory of Sian's, that Alex fell on his pen and then a duck ate his body. But I don't think the injury was as realistic as yours and Ian's. I think if you are giving that the full five, you have to give you and in the full five as well even though I like the story and the duck savaging Alex I feel like your injury of the

dog chewing on Alex's leg and his trousers had fallen down with the noodles I mean the stroke of genius to use those noodles with all the all the food coloring it really did look gross and that was the one that made the audience go, oh, no, that's really great. It looked like something from Casualty. And then Ian's use of a bone, I think, was absolutely brilliant. It was only the baked beans that slightly ruined it, even though the backstory was, of course, Alex had tried to... As Ian says...

He tried to saw my leg off with a baked bean tin! Really, really angrily and really just like very clear about what had happened. But didn't he have sweets in his? Like it looked like there was sweets or something in it. Yeah, I think that's why it looked a bit funnier than yours, because I think he'd created a bit more of a colourful sort of injury, whereas yours was slightly more realistic. Yeah, you've got

to go realistic when i saw that i thought he should have got no points actually you thought he should have got no points yeah or maybe i thought that was very clever yeah the bone is good one and a half points for the bone what so he should have got one and a half points yeah yeah and you should have got five five. Five, yeah. What did he get? What did I get? You both got four. So you, Ian, and Joe got four. Yeah, that's stupid. So Joe did a candle safety video

that teaches us to stay humble. Yeah. The story being that he had fallen onto his birthday cake. Despite having many birthdays in the past, he got arrogant, fell onto the birthday cake, and a candle stuck in his eye. And I thought it did look great, but i think a lot of what recommended that for four points was the production team and the way they'd shut it and the way andy andy devonshire just he's

like oh you want to do like a sort of 999 style video and he knows exactly how to shoot it they know exactly how to edit it and i think joe is leaning on that a little bit because there was one candle sort of lying there and then one in the eye sort of half falling out I think I do I do think yours and Ian's were the best injuries in in this case and I'm sorry to Sean and Jo if you're listening sorry but I I did like Sean's looks wise and I did like uh Jo's story wise I like I like that joke, basically. Yeah, yeah. No, look, they were all great, which is why I guess Greg gave you all four points.

Yeah, actually, do you know what? Do you know what? For the first time in my life, I'm going to agree with Taskmaster. Yeah, well, there you go. Do you agree with the Taskmaster that Paul got one point for his? Yeah.

Yeah, me too. I really liked it when he said uh oh well you know that's a bit of a gamble the uh if what if more than one person uses ketchup you get no points i'm gonna take that as if that was him thinking outside the box whereas what it should be doing is giving him the clear sign don't use ketchup and then when he'd use nothing apart from ketchup and just literally spat ketchup out of his mouth onto a crossword yeah it doesn't look like blood ketchup really um also as greg says you can see he's got his mouth full of i know and i don't you know you know i'm not a dictionary but i'm pretty sure that when they ask for an injury vomiting blood

is not an injury necessarily. I would say it's ill. You're a bit ill, aren't you? You're a bit ill. You've smoked the wrong thing. You know, you've made a few bad choices. Yeah. But it's not an injury.

No, it's not an injury. And he just didn't add enough. He didn't think about the story enough. All it was was someone was doing a crossword and they spat ketchup everywhere. I mean, it's arrogant what he brought to the table in many ways. You know what I mean? Arrogance wasn't what I got from it when I initially saw it. I felt sorry for him again,

but I can see where you're going with that. It's like he has something else to do. Yeah, yeah. Crossword. It was one point for Paul, which we do agree with. It was four points for you, Ian and Joe, and it was the big five for Sian's duck-savaging pen injury story. Stay vigilant.

Even if you've done a lot of birthdays, don't get cocky, don't get arrogant. This can happen all too quickly. This can happen before you even know whether you're coming or going. Once you've had a few birthdays, you get a bit arrogant. I was jogging in, showing off to some friends I've got round. I've tripped and the candles have gone into my right eye. I've learned my lesson.

Let's talk about task three, the team task. I think this might be the first and last team task that's had to be done over a very long period of time. Because obviously we've had single tasks in the past where people have two months or something to buy a gift for the taskmaster or they've got to learn how to hula hoop, but never within a team. the past where people have two months or something to buy a buy a gift for the taskmaster or you know they've got to learn how to hula hoop but never within a team um have a long distance game of catch with this beach ball one team member must be filmed in one location throwing the ball out of shot another team member must be filmed in a different location catching the ball correctly

and throwing it out of shot another team member must be filmed in another location catching the ball correctly and throwing the ball out of shot and so on greatest distance apparently covered by the beach ball wins you have two months your time starts now i have some questions lou i have some answers not to your questions we've already told us you've got a bad memory so i'm not expecting necessarily i just thought of a good idea for that. If you snuck into Greg's house and then filmed you doing the beach ball, that would be so sinister. Yeah, that would be really sinister and you'd be arrested.

But, you know, pretty cool. Pretty cool. Did you all get your own beach ball or did you get one beach ball that you had to send to each other? No, I can confirm we all got our own beach ball. Yes, that makes a lot more sense

because otherwise it would have been terrible if you were having to post a beach ball every time after you used it. You can't trust performers to do that. I'm sure I had some clips as well where I was other places throwing the ball but there was nowhere to go to. But not as many as Paul Sinner. Well, this is the thing. I mean, it didn't annoy me about this. went to go to but not as many as paul's in our well this is the thing this this is what i mean

it didn't annoy me about this it would have annoyed me if i was doing the task as ian is annoyed um that it was just cut off because ian did one where it didn't go out of frame and that's editing and that's but that's editing and then but also i know it has to go out of frame for the next person to catch it but surely that's based on what order you put them in shouldn't have all the others been packed in before that and then the New York one is the last one out of all of the ones you guys sent in or was it a case of

then that was every was that all of your catching shots so they couldn't have possibly thrown it to someone else I didn't understand what went on there actually I said get Andy back I'll find out that in our podcast. All right, OK.

You can't use this podcast to set up questions that you're going to answer on your stupid podcast. I can and I will. Yeah, well, I look forward to coming on your podcast and being asked that question. No, we're going to get Andy Devonshire on and ask him. You should get Andy Devonshire on, for sure. He's not busy enough.

It was a shame that we didn't get to see Ian in Edinburgh with his kilt. But when it got to the actors' team, isn't it amazing how much Joe Thomas travelled in two months? Yeah. He was in New York. He was in Tokyo. Is that acting or is that just lifestyle? I think it... I'm not sure.

It must just be lifestyle. Maybe it's the lifestyle of a successful actor. Not necessarily working, but just jetting around for meetings, etc. Scripts, looking at scripts. Oh, golly. It was incredible. Whereas Paul's was definitely the video of a comedian on tour. Yeah, yeah.

He was all over the place in places that you barely heard of. It was great. Peterborough, oh, great. I mean, I'm sure it's lovely, but it's not Japan. Last time I checked. I really did, although she must have known that it was going to cost her points. I loved Sian being on set with Ramesh

and getting him to say, we're in Malaysia, we're in Johannesburg. I think it was so funny. That was great. Sometimes you just got to go for the laugh if you have a good idea like that. Yeah, and they still won the points anyway. Well, they got two points.

You guys got three. Yeah. There you go. There's a blobfish taking up that fact. You got a little blobfish in your head eating up all the facts. It was a really fun idea for a task. I mean, knowing how competitive I am, I think I would have deliberately flown to places

and bankrupted myself going to weird places with a beach ball. Well, let me let Greta Thunberg know. Yes, do. It was two points. It was two points. It was two points for Sian and Joe and three points for you, Paul and Ian. And well deserved, you covered 10,557 miles. But Paul got a bonus point for covering 1,142 miles on his own.

I don't know, maybe I'm being suspicious. Seems like you were just standing with Romesh Ranganathan. He does a lot of travel shows and I just popped him on with him. I mean, he does. Yeah, I mean, Wales, New York, Johannesburg, Tokyo, Wales, Rome, Malaysia, Spain, New Zealand, London. That's quite the mileage. Is it?

LAUGHTER If we dare to imagine that Sean and Romesh may have been deceiving us, have you worked out...? Well, then it would be Wales to London to London to London to Wales to London to London to London to London to London. 466 miles, right? LAUGHTER Let's talk about task four.

Herd the most ping-pong balls into the ping-pong pen. You may only touch the ping-pong balls with the basketball, the string or one little finger. You may not move the ping- pen you may only touch the ping pong balls with the basketball the string or one little finger you may not move the ping pong pens you have 10 minutes your time starts now and of course as we found out one of the balls said heard me and half your total which let's talk about that now that might be the harshest thing they've done on taskmaster in terms of secret messages because normally the secret messages will be like, this is how you solve it, this is how you get five points

and it's a shortcut, whereas this is a punishment and it just felt very harsh, Lou. How did you feel when you saw that they'd done that? What a bitchy little move. I wonder whose idea that was. I don't know. It was horrible.

I got so many balls in that bloody pen and then ian got ian got another point but you know whatever yeah ian ian got five points by individually running back and forth yeah and picking them up with the string and now and again in pairs but he only got 27 balls in you and you and joe got 51 balls because you came up with that brilliant idea of cutting the basketball in half and using them like big big scoopers but do you know what sometimes life isn't fair and it's a good metaphor for that and you know ian still didn't win the show so let him have his little ping pong point let him have his ping pong points i like when sean said uh i've not worked with ping pong balls before love that you know what you could tell because she

dumped them down on the ground as if they were just like little rocks that would stay there i mean a lot of you were doing that just pouring the ping pong balls out and assuming that they would just stay in the pen and not move but you were losing a lot of ping pong balls off the edge of that platform i know and i have worked with ping pong balls before. So, you know, it's more of a surprise to me. Yeah, there'll be no follow-up question to that. Table tennis. Table tennis. All right, okay.

You and Joe, great. It was a really good idea. I'm not sure I would have thought about it. I think I would have ended up doing something like Ian did, but it would have paid off unless I got that secret ball. See, Paul was cross about that, about the scissors. So he is competitive in a way. That's true.

Well, he claimed he hadn't been offered the scissors, but then was quickly set straight that he absolutely was offered the scissors. But this is perhaps, I think, the most tragic image of the series, is that long shot of Paul with a basketball gently herding one ball towards the end of the platform

but it's a lovely payoff when he gets one ball in he knows it's not good but he's just victorious in managing to get that one ball in that lonely little ball in the pen it's amazing what's he thinking? but it is like that thing which obviously he claims to not be intelligent in this episode but he is obviously intelligent and he's obviously he can

hold a lot of information in his head and he works very hard at general knowledge and things like that and he's an expert in many topics but that does not as we find out in taskmaster time and time again that does not mean that you are logical that does not mean that you can think outside the box in tasks we've seen that with david as well incredibly clever man incredibly erudite man as soon as it came to doing silly tasks he absolutely fell apart what would you rather be better at well in life in general, probably being smart. Yeah. Never mind, mate. For those few months when we were doing that show, I had an absolute ball,

and I'd much rather be able to do some silly tasks and be a bit logical with some of them. I think you have got general knowledge, though. I think you're... All right, ask me a question. Yeah. What's the capital of Iran? I don't know. Tehran. That's the only of iran i don't know tehran that's the

only one i know well done in paris thank you paris is the capital of iran no um that's germany um that's yeah i yeah that's all i know basically yeah that's a big one um but it's poor old paul i mean i don't think he cares at this point i think you're right i think we're now on episode five he's he's not thinking of himself on the podium so he's just gonna have a nice time um so it was one point point a ball for paul though which i thought was good no one else got that yeah um i love that moment as well where the secret ball was revealed and paul said don't tell me that's the ball i heard it yeah yeah yeah that would have been lovely bit of business if it had half a ball half a ball he would have got um sean got

eight balls not not that much better really she'd never worked with ping pong balls before um you and joe got 51 balls but because you collected the special ball it was halved 25.5 balls each very harsh and ian somehow by running back back and forth 30 something times covering a kilometer He still got the five points People say this is a frivolous entertainment show and yet you started a feminist debate halfway. Thank you. Thank you I'm a feminist am I? Joe can I make a feminist. Am I a feminist? Joe, can I make a personal observation? Go on.

In a lot of the previous tasks, I've thought that you were spiralling into some kind of depression, an existential crisis, but you said all the ping-pong balls look quite cute crowded round the edge of... This was good for me. Yeah. Since then, I actually do that twice a week now. Let's talk about the live task. I would have hated this.

Recreate the scene in the box, you'll parade past it once and must be touching the person in front of you throughout the parade. Most accurate scene recreation wins. You have 200 seconds after the parade. I mean, this is where Ian's competitiveness starts to come out again in this episode because he's at the front with Alex in front of him and he has to go at Alex's speed

but then starts going, I didn't see it as long as you guys. Like, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is exactly what I would have done. Yes, I know, before you tweet me. Nah. And there was the baguette, there was the pool balls,

there were some little kittens in the pockets. No one tried to do the little kittens in the pockets, Lou. Well, it's just a matter of time, actually, to get the basic fundamentals there. It is. Also, I didn't see them. Yeah. That's the first I've heard of it and I've watched it back yesterday. Do you feel like you've got the

fundamentals in place? Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. OK, because I would say that you didn't. I would say that... I mean, look, Paul's was the worst again, but at this point, Greg, may as well just give him two points along with you and Sian. But fast art, I would say, is not my strong point either. No, have you ever heard of abstract art? Because that's what I was going for.

Very abstract. Yes. Very, very abstract yes very very abstract absolutely no well i'd say darling darling say something with something like melting clocks it does look like a clock but it's melting so it's surrealist rather than surrealist yes um god if i could only think of another artist he didn't just draw a cup and say there's a clock which is essentially what you did paul sinner would know about his abstract artists yes he would but it wasn't enough to help him in this task um because he spent a lot of the time coloring in the ping pong balls with a pen

i think what got joe the points here was i thought a little bit of a stroke of genius using the pump and wrapping it in the paper to make it look like a baguette. I think that's what it needed, and that's why he got the full five points. I think, another scrutiny coming up, I think that looked like shit. Really? Yeah, yeah.

But it had some approximation of a baguette and a baguette shape. I guess so. You might have all slammed your dick on the table at that point. If that's, you you know I mean well wouldn't put it past me now Lou this obviously

you didn't do well in this prize task but last week we talked about the pan pan in the hoop the game of pan hoop

which might be one of the most incredible things I've ever seen in a Taskmaster live task take us through that moment

I know it wasn't in this episode. You want a scloosie. I want a scloosie because no one expected you to land that pan in that hoop. But you seemed very cool about it and when you got it in, you were happy. I'll give you a scloosie if you

get your diary out and pop yourself on the Taskmaster People's Podcast for absolutely no money. Okay. Alright. I'm getting the diary out. There we go. I can do it. Tell us, Lou, how did you feel when you landed that pan in that hoop? Well, it's not that so much as how did I get that,

because the odds were against me. That was very, very hard to get that. And what it was was I prayed to the angels before I slung the shot. Right. And it was the first time on Taskmaster Series 8 that I'd prayed to the angels for an outcome. And it was the last time. Why weren't you praying to the angels before that?

I never had such a big task in front of me that I didn't think I could do with human spirit alone. Yeah. And did you then, from that moment on, did you then, from that moment on, pray to the angels every time no because you've got to be careful what you're sort of bothering them about i think right so you know you wait for the really important stuff like landing a pan in a hoop

yes yes sir would you say that was one of your true highlights of taskmaster because you know we've not we've talked to you before so we've talked about your series in general with you but what i'd really like to to hear from you is maybe your top three your top three tasks or your top three efforts and tasks that you will always remember that one pan hope yeah um hi other highlights include being able to pick what you want for lunch but if we're keeping it straight strictly the other side of the camera um oh well i can't remember any more tasks there we go i thought that might happen yeah i can remember a low light the low light was the one in the um uh mobile that you had to park and i got really lost and I was crawling around on the floor yeah I didn't know which way was which and it was freezing that was a nightmare I believe that was the final task of the whole series yes and I think Alex asked me to stop

he was so cold and we'd gone on so long and i clearly lost and he was like i am just so cold good that's what that's what we want when i ask for three highlights lou gives me one crushing low so it was two points uh for you paul and sean uh four points for ian he did a pretty pretty good effort but it was nothing compared to joe's baguette uh he gets the five points a much needed five points for him. Final scores of the episode, Paul Bottom, of course, then Sian, then you and Joe on 20 points, and Ian takes the 21 points. Just think, if you hadn't have picked up that ball,

that would have been you and Joe, joint top, through to a tie break. What ball? Okay, the ping the ping pong ball that we were talking about six minutes ago yes yes yes got in the five points because he had also talking about beach ball as well that's why i got confused also if you live in the moment you're just in the moment baby it's hard to why why if you'd pick the beach but you did pick the beach ball up i said if you hadn't picked that ball up why would that have got you more points?

Yeah, you know details, details, details and the People's Podcast was more vibe orientated Yeah So it was a victory for Ian, but look, it's doing nothing really to close the gap because he only beat you by one point. At this point in the series, you're on 95 points and Ian's on 81 in second place.

You must have been very relaxed at this point in the series. I say let the others have a little win. Let them see what it feels like let them feel it you know your temporary win you are a kind you're a kind and noble master lou well done you lou of course you host the people's podcast which despite me being a silly billy about it is very good and you should listen to it you and jack bernhardt you have i do listen i listen every week I'm talking to the listener now oh yeah yeah yeah come on I'm trying I'm trying to double your figures thank

you right so you definitely definitely listen to the people's podcast and also Lou I'm going to give this a plug we filmed an episode of Dave's most dangerous roads together. Yes. And Dave has pitted us as best friends on there. Yes, best friends, they're saying, which, you know, I agree with. I'd say top 50. 40. 40. OK, 40, go on.

Top 40. And we went to Iceland. We drove all over Iceland on some horrific and dangerous roads. And we've seen it back. I think it's very funny. That should be on sometime in February. So keep an eye out for that. Have you still got your pleather driving gloves?

I got you. I genuinely do. Yeah. Lou bought me a spoiler warning, bought me some pleather driving gloves and a bracelet with Jesus on it. So do tune into Dangerous Roads to watch me and Lou nearly die on multiple occasions.

Lou, we always ask our guests on the Taskmaster podcast to give their rating for the podcast between one and five points in the style of the Taskmaster. Have you enjoyed yourself? And what points would you give that enjoyment? One out of five. And that is purely because

I'm in competition with you podcast wise. Fair enough. And so any more points would be remiss to Jackie Bernhardt I mean Jack regularly comes on here and gives it four or five points He's such a soft touch He is a soft touch, what a lovely boy

Thank you very much Lou, goodbye Can I change my answer to five? No, bye There we are, thanks so much to Lou Can I change my answer to five? No. Bye. Bye. There we are. Thanks so much to Lou for coming on. Make sure you go and get Taskmaster the People's podcast.

Make sure you look out for dangerous roads with me and Lou harrying around Iceland at very dangerous speeds on horrible roads. That should be on Dave sometime in February or March, I think. So keep an eye out for that. Thank you very much for listening. Next week, we will, of course, be talking about Series 8, Episode 6 with the wonderful guest, Ian Sterling. Bye-bye!

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