Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 119. Urzila Carlson - S8 Ep.10

Episode Date: February 23, 2023

To finish off Series 8, Ed is joined by comedian and NZ Taskmaster star, Urzila Carlson. Urzila gives some great behind the scenes gossip and shares her thoughts on the Series 8 contestants. What does it mean to erase something and what IS the best thing that will change your life forever? To find out more about Urzila's tour visit urzilacarlson.comWatch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmasterVisit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We can wait for clean water solutions, or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures, or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth, or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It's me, Ed Gamble, the host of it. Now, we are talking today about Series 8, Episode 10. It's the final episode of Series 8. We're very sad to say goodbye to Series 8. We've had a lot of fun talking about it, remembering it, tearing it apart, picking it apart bit by bit. But this episode, what a way to see that series out. It's absolutely hilarious.

I think I'd forgotten how many brilliant tasks are in this episode particularly uh and we couldn't be more happy because joining us to talk about series 8 episode 10 of taskmaster uk i say uk specifically we have the brilliant ursula carlson from taskmaster new zealand series 2 ursula brilliant taskmaster contestant uh there's a few things that happened on her Taskmaster series that I can't wait to chat to her about especially some behind the scenes stuff, some stuff you may have heard about but we're going to get the proper scoop on it she is a wonderful comedian as well

properly, properly funny and she's on tour in the UK she's on tour in the UK right now go to her website, UrsulaColson.com to find out more details, she's doing shows at the Leicester Square Theatre. She's going to be in Leeds. She's going to be all over the place.

And rumour has it she might be coming back in September as well. So do go and see her because as I'm sure you'll hear in this episode, she is absolutely hilarious. So let's talk about Series 8, Episode 10 of Taskmaster UK with the brilliant Ursula Carlson. Welcome, Ursula, to the Taskmaster podcast. Thank you for having me. That's good.

I always like the guests to sort of mirror my rhythms from the off. That really helps get us into the swing of things. Yeah, I mean, I'm just sort of well-practiced at school. You know, you kind of have to match the energy of the other mums. If you get one that goes, hey can't go hey you kind of have to match that so i try and match all energies coming my way that is a wonderful tip for being a parent i think um i'm not one myself but you know if i ever do become a parent the first thing i'm going to do do i have to match the energy of the other mums or the dads what's the best thing for me to do you know honestly it's the same it kind of just blurs into

it doesn't be it's not a gender thing and i don't want to go down a rabbit hole here but when you have kids at school it's not a gender thing it's not about who's married who's not married who's none of that matters it's who managed manages to drive down the driveway drop their kid and leave the driveway without blocking anyone else because it sounds really easy but let me tell you right now it is not a dream so sometimes people go we really want to have kids i go let me talk to you about school drop off because i think that if you just watch that on loop how people drop their kids off or pick them up in the afternoons like i've had a dad who just stopped in the driveway got out and went and picked up his kids and then

and just blocked all of us none of us could leave we were all just trapped and i'm like if if you could watch that you go maybe i don't want kids you know it's not about the kids it's about the other people surrounding you for the rest of your life this is all great stuff we've never had so much brilliant life advice uh from the start of the taskmaster podcast so this is this is good people will be loving it i'm like the oprah of taskmaster of course we know you and a lot of our listeners will know you because they're obsessed with the new zealand series of taskmaster um so they will have seen you in season two of Taskmaster New Zealand. An absolutely fantastic season.

I speak to a lot of people about Taskmaster and even globally, I think it's considered one of the best seasons of Taskmaster ever. Well, we actually, the five of us, have had a sit down because we all became really good friends and we agree. We agree with all of those people we've had we've actually had a few few of your uh fellow contestants on the podcast already so

it's wonderful to have you on although there has been some discussion now and again i think you're you're the uh first person or only person to break bones during the taskmaster process that is uh i can confirm that is true um i mean i don't know if anyone else wants to come up and and try and do better i've had i broke my clavicle in three places so i guess it would take four ribs or equal or more to better the record. Like you can't just break a pinky. That ain't going to do it. Like it has to be bigger, maybe, you know, a few vertebrae or something.

I don't know. It's going to have to be the neck really, isn't it? It will have to be the neck. I mean, it's going to have to be really impressive. And like an airlift out of there. Not just logging in the driveway for an hour. We're talking full airlift mountain rescue and a dog it has to be the whole shebang and i i'm assuming that that so talk us through talk us through what happened actually i think just for the people who don't know what what happened

well you know you don't know what the tasks will be um and because I am quite impulsive and what I've discovered after this really bad at risk assessment so I got the task and the task said do something come up with a dumb idea and then for extra points execute that dumb idea yeah and so I just said the scene I was in the caravan when I got the envelope. So I was sitting in the caravan across from Paul. I had a moment. I could have at this point done anything. I could have eaten gluten. I could have phoned my ex and said, let's try again. That would have been a dumb idea. But I didn't. I took my 46-year-old ass out on a mountain bike. I built a ramp in the driveway of the property, which is quite steep. I knew right off the bat it probably wasn't going to be great.

But weirdly, it still didn't stop me from doing it which really now thinking about it and having worked through it with my therapist I I ignore red flags um we were bolting the front wheel with our hands myself and one of the production guys because um the day before which I didn't know Matt rode that same bike into the pond and the wheels fell off so we were just tightening it with our hands. We had no tools. And I took that bike and I rode it over a ramp down the steep driveway, hit the ramp, the wheel fell off and I crashed. And then I cracked the helmet. I got a massive concussion and broke my clavicle in three places

and knocked myself out for a little bit. And then the ambulance came, took me to hospital, and I had to have surgery. And I now have a plate with, I think, 13 screws on my shoulder. I mean, and I know they didn't show the task because of some sort of health and safety stuff, I'd imagine. But that would have been five points, surely. You'd think so.

And I would have thought, just even because we had to push everything back, even the studio record could only start six weeks after, you know, because I was still in a sling and everything, and I don't think they wanted to show that on telly. So I was just sitting. You'll see if you watch the studio record, I'm just sitting with my arm very stationary the whole time like i'm not wearing the sling but i'm not moving my left arm a lot i'm just sitting

there um and you know so so even then i was like um i i i really shouldn't have shouldn't have done the task i shouldn't have but they should have just slid in five points for anything else. Like, say, the weed that I brought in as a special prize or something, they should have gone, it's not legal, but take the 10 points because we know you're suffering. Or whatever. But they didn't. They didn't.

And, I mean, that was reflected in the end result of the show. I feel I was robbed. Yes. They did not show it. Feel I Was Robbed. Yes, you came last, sadly. But they did not show it. Can I just clear something up here? Please. They did not show it because of health and safety. I mean, also because of health and safety.

Yeah. But they didn't show it because Guy Montgomery put his penis in a toaster. That's why they couldn't show it. And I was like, wait, wait. So me in hospital, that's nothing. But we have a guy who sort of, cause you can imagine like, I, I don't have a penis, but I'm familiar with the makeup. Like, you know, I've seen silicone versions of them.

How would you like, is it a muffin toaster? You know, the ones with the wider, like, do you squish it in like mincemeat? How does that work? I don't even understand. I don't know. I've heard Guy talk about this on, as much as I'm loathe to mention, the other Taskmaster podcast, the Taskmaster People's podcast. Guy did talk about putting his penis in a toaster and I believe

he then also, to make the idea even dumber, looked down the camera and said COVID-19 isn't real, while he put his penis in the toaster. I mean, it's amazing that that's why they couldn't show it. The fact that you broke your clavicle in three places, that would have been straight on telly but it was just that he put his dick in the toaster.

Yeah, yeah, because you know teenage boys will all be putting their dicks in the toaster. There'll just be this massive load of people going to the ACC, you know, the accident compensation, just going, oh, I've got a toasty penis. So, you know, population downturn because no- one's making babies because no one's got a dick left for the next generation.

Hey, you know, in any other country in the world, I think, you know, the population downturn would probably be a good thing. But in New Zealand, come on, we've got to start filling that country up, right? Yeah. I mean, if you think about it, like someone said to me, their sister, like, because I'm on tour at the moment in the UK, and they go, my sister lives in the UK, on the South Island. She moved,

I go, which city? And he says, oh, I can't remember. I go, it doesn't really matter. There's only fucking 42 people that live down there. So, my sister lives on the South Island. I'll ask her. You know, like, because the majority, I think like 4 million people live,

more than 4 million people live on the North Island and a million on the South Island. Wow, yeah. And they're the same size. Please, no dicks and toasters if you live on the South Island. Please. I mean, obviously, breaking your bones is not a highlight of your time on taskmaster do you have do you have any particular highlights like your most memorable moments um i mean i i had so many like i have to say because i didn't i did the tasks every day every day i sort of

thought i'm nailing it i got really drunk with a whiskey thing because they had the tray uh and they were whiskey but there was also apple juice and some of them and i managed to have about 15 shots and not one apple shot like it was all whiskey i was just smashing whiskey i was off my chops they had to wait two hours before we recorded the next one uh i'm not even really that into whiskey, but that was pretty good whiskey. I was like, they couldn't find, so they just used the bottle that was there at the house, and it was really expensive whiskey, so it was really nice. But then, like, just some stuff, like, I enjoyed every task where I could pick on Paul, so I made him a cup of tea.

You know, there was one where we had to make an extreme cup of tea and then some of them were hanging from the ceiling I just made a cup of tea with so much chilli and Tabasco I nearly killed Paul I don't think they showed that but I tell you I could see his soul

leave his body when he took a sip of tea Maybe it's something that when when you look for a good taskmaster's assistant uh paul has it alex has it where they just people have fun bullying them there's just something about it that that is just totally joyous that they will just do anything and then just stand there and sort of take it yeah yeah but they're so robust yeah it's like it's like you could just take it's like you know those older races that you got at school those oversized ones that you could smack on your hand that that's that's paul like i felt like i couldn't break him if i tried um my challenge was

to try and crack him up and make him laugh and a few times i did manage to do it i don't think they showed um that on telly so much i think they want to show the poker face but there was a few times I did manage to do it. I don't think they showed that on telly so much. I think they want to show the poker face. But there was a few times, you know, when I made him, when I had him play a few of the characters in my show that we were both laughing and, yeah. But they didn't show that, of course. Of course not, of course. They're not showing any

robbed again so let's talk about uh series eight episode 10 of taskmaster uk uh clump piece way clumsy man um had you seen much taskmaster uk before or before you took part in new zealand or do you seen the first series of the new zealand show i i watched the first series of the New Zealand show and then I would watch like clips you know of the UK one but never sat down and watched the whole series no I think it's sometimes good to just go into it feeling kind of fresh and and not not having your mind in the game too much I think that's the the best way of doing it so this this is your first time seeing this, so let's talk about it. The prize task on here, the final episode of Series 8, best thing that will actually change your life for the better the most.

Very big category. Did you have any thoughts when that category came up? Do you have anything that you might have taken in? Yeah, I mean, I always say you cannot go wrong with a sex toy. You cannot. Like, it's the gift that keeps on giving. If you have a voucher, and I think I gave that as a gift, as a prize on our show, a voucher for a sex shop,

there's something for everyone. And I know straight people are sort of hesitant because they're like, nah, I like dick. I go, honestly, you can like like dick but there's other stuff like you can get something you can connect to like the lawnmower engine and you know it can throw you around the room that kind of like this there's it's a whole new world it's like you know if you go i i love food i'm real foodie but you only eat white bread and poloni it's like no no you gotta go in there so i was surprised that no one gave a sex toy um because i would have that's what i would have gone for yeah well you know there's something for everyone just don't put

the sex toy in the toaster is is all we can say don't try and ram that in there i mean that would have been great no no sex toys here they all uh they all stuck above the belt really i mean not really actually a lot of them toilet based uh because ian sterling brought in a squatty potty uh toilet stool um apparently i mean you know i don't have a toilet stool but apparently it completely uh renovates your indoors if you're if you're putting your legs up while you have a shit i tell you what i like when i initially when they said a toilet stool i was like but then i have you ever had that moment where you go to a friend's house and you go i'll just quickly use your bathroom and you go in and they've got one of those have you seen those yeah i've seen them occasionally

yeah it chills your soul doesn't it it's awful it's like it's like seeing someone's douchebag in the bathroom you do not want to see it it's like even though you know it's going to happen or it's happening there i don't want to know i feel like you're sharing too much of your disgusting details of your like now i know that you're in there with your legs up your knees touching your ears just straining like to me it says this is a person who struggles in life you know like i do agree with you you don't want to see the equipment when you go into people's bathrooms right so you know i've thought about since seeing this maybe i'll get one of those toilet stools but i think i'd have to build a little cupboard or something in in the wall

to hide it for when people come over because you don't want them imagining you taking a shit. You may as well invite them in with you. Yeah. No, it's like you want one of those James Bond things where you walk in and you just push the button and it comes out from the floor. And then you just, honestly, I would rather get a plunger and pull the poop right out of my butthole than have one of those things next to my toilet and have people... Because if you go in just for a pee, you don't want to put your feet on there, even though they don't actually shit on it.

You still don't want the residual stress from straining near your pee. So you have to scooch their poop step out of the way. It's nasty. It's like... So I would rather go for those sugar tablets that make everything taste sweet yeah so that just have a whole bag of spinach or something get that roughage in you and never struggle another day in your life would that would that help you then because i mean i i'm

a man i don't i quite like the taste of vegetables and all of that stuff i would and i don't see the the necessity in in those tablets to eat a whole lemon because i don't i've never thought i wish i could eat a whole lemon yeah no i was really surprised i was like that's not real that those are valiums yeah and she can still taste the sour she just doesn't care anymore yeah yeah she's just out of it um it's interesting because i thought greg greg would really go for this because i know greg quite well, and this is a very good category for him because he tells me every week that he's found something that's completely changed his life.

Like there's a new product, a new tablet, anything like that. And I would have thought he'd go for this because he used to, he told me once when I was supporting him on tour, that he bought this powder that he could sprinkle on his food and it gave him the best shits he's ever had in his life. Wow. One of those tell me less moments. No no not at all trust me that was the tip of the iceberg touring with that man um so i i don't for me the miracle berry pills are not are not up my street and they

probably did they probably deserved one point rather than two points i thought um i thought the electric paul's electronic massage pad should have got more I thought this was great Do you know why I think he lost points? It's because he said he gave it to his mum and then he went the next day and stole it back So the whole time I'm watching and thinking his mum will go, where did I put that?

And you know, you get to an age where you're walking around the house aimlessly most of the day going, what am I looking for? Where did I put that? Why am I here? So he's just driving his mum nuts were you walking around the house aimlessly most of the day going what am i looking for where did i put that why am i here so he's just driving his mum nuts so i think he should have gotten minus five points for that one yeah he's gaslighting his mum essentially maybe you're right maybe three points is too much disgusting behavior from paul um lou sanders uh brought in a voucher for an appointment with her spiritual healer, Jill in the Pyrenees, who is a real lady.

I've talked to Lou a lot about Jill in the Pyrenees. Not my sort of thing. I don't think I'm a guy who goes to see a spiritual healer. But Greg still gives it three points. Where do you stand on spiritual healers, Ursula? No. No, I'm not. It's the same.

You know what? That's a solid fuck no from me on that one. It's the same as people who do Reiki. You go, I'm glad you've got a thing that you can focus your days on and if it keeps you off the crack pipe, go for it. But it does nothing for other people. Like I think all of that stuff is great. And especially like she's healing you from a distance.

Like she can do it long distance which is then exactly like reiki it's like you feel better because you sat still for an hour yeah yeah i mean i don't focus on your own i don't think lou sees jill anymore i don't know what happened but something something went on and lou and jill don't don't really uh work together anymore um but but it's the same as as like um my mum used to see this lady in Johannesburg, she's a psychic, right? And she would go see it every month. And she's quite expensive. But then I said to her, because I would drive her sometimes, because she was scared to drive in Johannesburg, as you should be. And then I said to her one day, I go, why do you keep seeing this lady?

She goes, she's just so insightful. And it it's it just kind of helps me to you know help make decisions and i was like this woman's been married five times how good can she be like if you can't see yeah you know like you keep picking the same partner and then leaving them it's like or even getting married just don't stop marrying them yeah it's going to end badly and then leaving them it's like or even getting married just don't stop marrying them yeah it's gonna end badly and then she keeps talking about it yeah yeah so maybe the voucher for Jill in the Pyrenees not not ideal um Joe Thomas finally got four points for his uh singular hair transplant um I thought it was very funny it's a really funny prize to pay £100 for a singular hair transplant. But is this a thing that would actually change anyone's life for the better?

I mean, you know what? If it was, I would use that voucher. But then I take it and just say I've used it because I've got this one hair that keeps coming out. And I would say that's where I got it one hair that keeps coming out yeah and I would say that's what where I got it done it's like a whole thing for task faster so when people see it because you don't see it I only see it when I'm sitting in the car at school pickup and the light is just so and then you see this massive hair so I would then if anyone goes there's a hair on your

cheek which no one ever does by the time I pull it out it's the length of my arm um i can just say this is my taskmaster here yeah you got you got it you got it done with the taskmaster voucher that's smart that's very smart although if you if you're having enough time to look in the mirror and look at a hair on your cheek during the school pickup i would suggest you've stopped and you're blocking someone in it i don't know why you're looking for shit with me today. I'm clearly looking in the mirror because someone has blocked traffic. I see, I see. Okay, thought I'd got you there.

No, no, no. I'm one of those. I'm in the front of the queue. I'm ready to go. I'm ready. Okay, sure, fine. Twice I've picked up the wrong kids, but those kids were well fed and in bed by 8.30.

Sian got two points for the pills. It was three points for Paul's electronic massage pad, three points for Lou's spiritual healer voucher, four points for Joe's singular hair transplant, and it was five points for Ian's squatty potty. Ian, what have you brought to change my life? I've got the greatest invention I've ever come across, and that is a toilet stool. Here it is.

The squatty toilet stool. Yeah. As human beings, we're meant to... Oh, I see. ..squat when we poo. Yeah. You see? Cos that opens the colon up. Yes, it does. When you sit at a 90-degree angle... Yes, it does. It does, yeah. Very... And Alex will also tell you you when you sit at 90 degrees, your colon is kinked. Well, it doesn't allow your body to come out of continence mode and go into

elimination mode. Exactly. Wait till you get your knees up. You will eliminate that next shift. We'll talk more about this afterwards. Yes. Okay. Let's move on to task one completely erase this eraser fast this wins your time starts now this this is one of these ones where there's a lot of chat afterwards about what completely erasing something means where where do you stand on that well i would have as soon as i heard that i would have slingshotted that thing so that going in the bush was an option for me but i would have made a slingshot and just flung it into the nearest body of water um because let's face it most of the water you know the the ponds and the stuff so filthy now it would dissolve before it hits the bottom so that's what i would have done i think i think the toilet flushes they should have been um penalized actually because you're clogging up the system. Yeah, it's not environmentally

a deal. No, it should just be toilet paper. You know, and especially the UK's got all pipes. You've got to think about that. You know, you don't want to clog a pipe and now three houses down, someone is knee deep in their own faeces wondering what's going on. Oh, because we just

flushed three erasers, three houses up. Well, they're not going to be knee deep if they've got a squatty potty because they can elevate those knees yeah the toilet flushing it's interesting that paul paul and ian both immediately the first thing they thought was i'm gonna i'm gonna get it down the toilet and that i don't think they'd let them do that now you know for the reasons that you said because i think it would clog up the it would clog up the pipes but isn't that just that reminded me because i watch all these these police shows right as soon as he's banging on the door you can hear the flushing of the toilet it gave me a vibe like that i'm like why are these boys rushing for the

toilet immediately what do you normally flush and they wrapped it in toilet paper as well which i don't know why they thought that would help to wrap it in toilet paper and then flush it in toilet paper as well which i don't know why they thought that would help to wrap it in toilet paper and then flush it as if it's sneaking it past some sort of bouncer on the toilet pipe like the toilet would go hang on this isn't a poo what the hell are you trying to pull here put it in a disguise wrap it up but it was quick it was quick you can't deny that and the the eraser wasn't there anymore whereas joe's point was that he thought what you had to do was erase it and by

making it no longer a functional eraser and if we go by that his is his is a very good system because he rubs it on sandpaper but it takes him 20 minutes and he does still have quite a lot of dust knocking around yeah yeah which is not a right it's like if you go to a magic show and the magician says it's going to make a woman disappear and then puts her through one of those things that they put the trees through and he just squirts over the audience and goes she's no longer here no but we're all sort of wearing this lady still so she's not been a rise wearing this lady's still so she's not been erased it's exactly like that it's exactly like that but it also leads to his his first rant in the whole series has been very uh very polite and understanding joe throughout the whole series uh very funny but this is the first time he's ever

sort of shouted during the show or got annoyed with other people's methods so you can see by watching the way people react this has been building for a long time that's i think the equivalent um of during our season when david carayos had to undo all of the shoelaces and it took hours and no one else had to do it i felt like bursting into tears just watching it. And I thought they picked the right player for that because I think they knew if they got me to do that, I would have cut it all off or just gone, fuck this for a joke, I'm not doing it,

set fire to the room and walked out. Yeah, for sure. But although David's not exactly predictable, though, is he? So I would have been worried that he could have done something similar there. Yeah. Because, I mean, look, it's not like his rage built up throughout the series he managed to sort of offload his rage in every episode by doing something odd

Yeah I mean he had to give myself and Matt a meat pack to apologise for the hate speech basically in his rapping that he did you know in the heat of the moment you come up with this intense rap where he's

killing us and then on the day in studio he felt so bad that he actually got us each a meat pack it's so funny he's such a lovely man but he's just got all of this darkness bubbling away inside him he's fantastic so I thought but he's just got all of this darkness bubbling away inside him he's fantastic um uh so i thought joe did a good job there if you if you're looking at actually erasing

it yes there was some dust there but he did put in the effort like he says where sean was trying to do something similar but just seems to give up halfway through she sets a light and then just chucks it into a hedge yeah yeah which 100% worked and i I really like out of all of them I could relate most to that one I would have done that yeah I would have gone blowtorch I would have amped up the heat yeah I wouldn't have just gone oh well didn't work with it I'll go I need a blowtorch and a tank of gas let's go it's also because of that it's one of the only times we've seen the taskmaster branded gas mask being used which is not something I've ever seen them have to use before she has to put on that massive gas mask with with the taskmaster wax seal on the front which is fantastic it makes me wonder how long

they've had that and what they've been waiting for um lou does i mean let's talk about lou lou does this is she's the only person in this lineup who would have done this immediately starts trying to eat it just doesn't think, just straight in the mouth, chewing down the rubber, and then gives up halfway through, lies, says she swallowed it all, and then runs to the toilet and obviously spits it down the toilet, which is more environmentally friendly. Yeah, yeah, I didn't mind hers going down because it was all bitty.

She put in the work beforehand. She basically composted that thing you know she didn't run it through the entire system but she she was halfway there yeah yeah i i have to say as soon as she put it in her mouth i'm like she overshot the mark here you know when you do something impulsive it's like when you storm out of the house um without your house key or when you yeah you know and and you go, oh, no. But then you kind of just have to keep going. You have to keep going.

Yeah. I mean, it looked disgusting. I'd never eat a rubber. It was a very funny task. I mean, this whole episode is brilliant. I love it. Sian gets two points for her setting fire to the eraser technique. Joe gets four points because he gets one point because he was the slowest by some considerable distance but then a very generous three points for destroying his eraser

the most yeah lou gets three points but then uh again a very generous one point uh bonus for chewing her rubber paul gets four points and ian gets an unmistakably fastest uh five points what do you yeah three bonus three bonus points did you think that was generous can i just say this wouldn't happen in new zealand i don't think we've ever had bonus points for anything jeremy is tough he is um what you would call a textbook arsehole um he would he would punish you he would go why did you eat it first? A minus point. Like he had no bonus points in his heart at all. Even if we had a strong argument, if we could prove him wrong, that would just sort of, you know, make him darker on us.

Yeah, I mean, he's a newsman, right? So he operates on facts. He's not messing around with, he's not using his heart in any of this. He's just straight down the line. Yes, yeah. And there's a of um hair products on him too and i think that sort of limits the the decision making because you know like his head can't move a lot and you know when you wait when you when you're emphasizing with people you're like oh and you know you kind of have to frown and have a facial expression,

which he didn't have, no. We didn't have that on air. Love him, but he didn't give any bonus points for nothing. Are you, Paul, under the impression that you erased that eraser? I removed it from society. It is probably still an eraser, isn't it? It's been erased. I'm not sure that is erased.

I mean, you could see yours in a mush by your feet. Yeah, but it could no longer function as an eraser. It was no longer an eraser. Mine's just underwater in a pipe. It's still an eraser. It's not... It's lost its function. I'm glad they're going to use that as an eraser again.

If they really, really wanted to, they could find it and it would still be intact as an eraser. And also, I think that erasing is the act of using it to... Where the fuck has this come from? I don't know. I just feel... I'm so fed up of putting in, like, loads and loads of just genuine, like, physical effort into the task. And then these other people put some swanky work around.

Like, put some fucking effort in. I don't know where that's come from. I'm really sorry. I've been really nice to you. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices.

We can demand more from the earth. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task two, make yourself some tremendous pretend legs. you have five minutes to order up to five items from alex once alex has shopped for the items you have 20 minutes to make your tremendous legs and then demonstrate the most tremendous pretend legs wins your time starts now i mean there were a couple of tremendous legs in here but there were some pretty untremendous legs, I thought.

I'm going to just blow this up, Ed. Not to start any shit here, but there was nothing tremendous about this. None of it was good. I think the hardest thing to watch was those poor hinges trying to get screwed into the wood. I'm like, this is someone who's never held a drill in his life. Oh, I think we can safely say that about joe yeah yeah i i was just overall disappointed with the effort that went into this i'm like not even good shoes that they picked to put on their tremendous

legs like nothing like maybe it's the lesbian diy queen in me but but when I saw this, I'm like, all right, someone's got to make stilts. You got to make stilts. You got to get some clown pants. You got to, you know, all you do is drill in the blocks.

I mean, it's so simple. I would have been seven foot tall in this one. I would have dominated this one with the clown shoes and the massive thing, and you could still put fireworks on there. Yeah, I was really disappointed for them. I felt,

I felt they dropped the ball big time very little diy i mean it's not a i mean looking at the lineup it's not a diy heavy lineup i don't think anyone's really sort of doing that on a sunday building a desk or anything um i say that i say that as someone who would do that i would also be awful at this um joe's was a disaster with the hinge. I don't know why he picked hinges and then the bowling shoes. And then it ends just with the saddest fall over the table. Yes.

And I just, but still trying to use the hinges and sort of clipping them over the tape. He didn't even do the tape right around his, but I'm like, nothing here. Like he made this fake belt and I think he was actually wearing a belt he could have just used that yeah everything about it was just a massive failure really like you would it was like if the apocalypse hit um and i was in that team i would be the leader like people would be looking at me going where where's our shelter where can we i'm like bring that drill over here you know and those two hinges and i'll go build your whole house i get the feeling that that would be the case in most teams though isla i think you would probably be the leader in the in the majority of in the majority of taskmaster series globally i think you'd probably be the leader still yeah yeah i reckon yeah i definitely have that gang boss vibe about me i don't have a

neck tattoo but i have the attitude of someone with a neck tattoo yeah if someone said to me tomorrow do you know you'll have a neck tattoo i'd have to think about it before i gave them the answer yeah yeah yeah yeah and i wouldn't like i'd pick a i'd pick a good font i wouldn't pick those weird fonts because that's the problem with people with neck tattoos. They always pick a weird font and then you have to stare at it because you can't make out what it says. And then they think you're looking at them when you're not. You're just trying to read the kid's name.

You just go with like a typeface, like a very obvious font. Yeah, I just go. And upper and lower case. Like, you know, all caps are so hard to read. I'll pick like a Helvetica or Arial, just a normal font. Like, don't go too fancy with this. Like, you know, don't pick a calligraphy font and then people can't understand what it says unless this is what you use to start a conversation with someone, you know. I don't know.

But if you just have a very clear, you know, like put Taylor because it's usually something like that, you know, put that on your neck. And a very crystal clear font so everyone can see what it is. No one needs to ask you any questions and you can just go about your day smoking in front of the open shop door, you know. Paul's was classic Paul style. I mean, he's been like this throughout the whole series.

He does something and then he exhibits it incredibly slowly at a just very, very painful pace. And this, for me, felt even slower and slightly sadder because Alex had to hold the umbrella above him for the whole thing while he kicked that football into the goal. I know, but what I don't understand, so he's got the kid cues, you know, the pool sticks, and then adult man boots.

But he could have kicked that ball as hard as his arm could swing that stick. And he still did it at a little 12 centimetres. He had a shoulder injury at the time, which I think might have hampered him somewhat. I mean, they did not... Paul had an operation on his shoulder and they did not move the recordings like they did for your shoulder. Oh, nice. He had to do it with an injured shoulder

and that's, I think, the amount of strength he could manage. But I like that he used the same pyjama trousers as he had on. I thought that worked. It was definitely better than Joe's. Definitely better than Joe's. Yeah yeah it was it was tops i reckon i i thought to me that was the top one yeah um lou uh now this is interesting because lou's were tremendous right they were on top of the caravan they had the fireworks uh they they moved nicely they're on roller skates but she didn't make those legs and that conversation gets left very early in the studio what what did you think about that i mean i think i know what

you think about that as as a d as a diy fan yeah i mean i i she didn't do much you know um she basically just you you know ordered ready-made it's like it's not the same it's like you know it's the difference between making the lasagna or um making it you know ordering from uber eats you know like you're still having lasagna for dinner i guess you know but did you put any effort in no you bloody well didn't but if i if i ordered the lasagna from uber eats and it came with um fireworks on the side i think i'd be happier with that than I would be with my homemade one. I wouldn't. I'd rather go wouldn't.

Where are you ordering from? How much are you ordering that they bring out fireworks? Congratulations on your millionth order. You are the only one keeping Uber Eats alive. It did look very impressive alive. It did look very impressive, though. It did look tremendous, but I don't think she...

She didn't make the legs, so I think she should have been punished for that. And also, it would have been very, very tremendous if it didn't fall over. But then as soon as they put the confetti on it, it fell over. It's like the legs got a fright. So, you know, she didn't... It looked tremendous going. And if it could have gone, you know, even maybe a bit of a backwards, a bit of music mixed into it, you know, maybe that's just TikTok talking.

But that would have been nice. But she didn't. And then it fell over. So it kind of failed. I love this. Very. I mean, I feel like you'd be a good taskmaster as well, Ursula. I don't know if that's, you know, South Africa doing a taskmaster

that they can fly you back in for, and you could be the South African taskmaster. Yeah, I'll tell you, I'll be tough. Yeah, that's the vibe I'm getting. No bonus, no points. It'd just be nought points across the board every episode. That's one for all of you. At the end of the season, it's like, and winning was 18 points.

Ian's was, I mean, Ian got three points for this, which, I mean, it was totally joyous to watch him walking along very slowly with Alex holding hands. They seemed like they were having a proper laugh. But it was rubbish, wasn't it? Standing on the stainless steel buckets that collapsed straight away he'd work more on his arms i mean i mean at least he sort of i i think i liked it because he incorporated with his legs yes and initially when i read the task when they read the task when i heard of the first i thought that's what i would have done i would have

incorporated with my legs not just my legs you know sort of how how thought that's what I would have done. I would have incorporated with my legs, not just made legs, you know, sort of how would that work? So I would have used it with my legs. So I sort of related more to that. But, yeah, the execution was absolutely terrible, just two buckets on strings. That's why his hands were tied down. It's not because he wanted to use the dummy hands.

He needed them for the rope to walk. Yeah, yeah. down it's not because he wanted to use the dummy hands he needed them for the rope to walk yeah yeah um and so yeah yeah the execution was awful even the pants no no bit of flair in there you know even just a bit of a splash of color would have done it but yeah i agree it just looked like curtains curtains on buckets like it was hiding on two on two buckets behind the curtain it was so strange Sian's I thought was brilliant I thought this was the one outstanding one because she'd thought about it

and she'd themed it and she'd asked for little things in the production and there was a whole thing around it and any time when Sian does some acting in this series is fantastic because that's her trade and she's brilliant and to dress up like the Wicked Witch of the West I thought was fantastic.

She nailed it. Yeah. I did like it, but then there wasn't that much in the legs and also it was very clumpy. Yes. Those legs were very clumpy. It's like you don't, all she had to do was lie on the other side of the caravan, right?

So she just had to stuff the legs nicely, but didn't. Yeah, they were cl they were too clumpy and yeah like a badly packed sausage i did like it yeah um yeah but so but there was a lot of stuff around it which i think you're right i think this is why you'd be a good taskmaster you're looking at the details here um but it was it was the five points and it was well deserved um lou got four points for the mannequin legs, three points for Ian's buckets, two points for Paul's children's snooker cues and

one point, which I think we both agree is generous for Joe's hinge legs and bowling shoes. Paul, any regrets about choosing child-sized snooker? I read the task and I thought to myself I am not going to come out of this task with any dignity whatsoever.

I am dyspraxic, I'm virtually colourblind, I've got an injured shoulder, and more than that, I'm an absolute dickhead. That's not fair, you're not a dickhead. They looked more like legs than Jo's did, they were functional, they were able to very slowly kick a football. I mean it's an image

that will haunt me for some time which is good task three the final video task of this series follow the instructions on the signs

and park this buggy in the parking bay you have a maximum of ten minutes to prepare your journey during which you may not move any of the items on the course

your journey must start from where the buggy is now also you must be wearing this blindfold correctly at all times during your journey most accurate journey wins your preparation time starts now i can't did you have to do any any were there any vehicle-based things in your series did you have to you didn't have to drive anything oh no we didn't have to drive anything we did have a car that we had to Paul's actual car that we put balloons in and yes you know there was a few I think David Correos had one where he drove a car a manual car and

he'd never driven a manual car before so that was entertaining as hell to watch but no there wasn't we didn't have anything and as soon as I saw this buggy i was like dang i wish we had that yeah um yeah but it's a really fun it's a really fun task i think this is this is one of the highlights of the whole series i think because they all just seem to lose their minds really it's the it's the planning is so important and so few of them actually seem to do any planning yeah none none i i would i would say none because the planning that went into it was terrible. I have to say my favorite bit of the whole task was at the end where they looped the actual track where they tracked there.

I nearly lost my mind when you could see that. While they did it, I was like, oh, these people would be terrible. I'm like a survivor where you have to direct the other people and go come two steps forward all of their teammates would die in the ocean they'd all drown yeah it was an i mean especially paul had paul and lou had an absolute nightmare there um i know alex likes to limit um limit one task per series where they put blindfolds on them because otherwise because it is funny and you just get too carried away to end up with a whole episode of that

because it's genuinely funny Ian has the best the best effort by counting him and Sian both count which is the maximum preparation that anyone puts into this task and it seems to sort of work but what they don't take into account is you can count as much as you want but if you're going

completely the wrong direction it really doesn't matter. Yeah. But the big stick is the only little bit of preparation that anyone does. Ian goes to get a big stick, and that seems to work. And he's just such a little giddy boy when he goes off to get his big stick. And he gets the five points. But this is all about the people who do badly, I think. Yeah.

Paul gets out of the buggy, which I feel like that's the wrong move, isn't it? That's the big mistake. As soon as he got out, I'm like, this is a mistake. Because now, A, you're disorientated. You don't know where you are. So now you're looking for the bells, but you also have to look for the buggy because you don't know where you are.

So you don't know where any of those things are or where you are. And so as soon as he started feeling around on the ground, you are so you don't know where any of those things are or where you are and and so when as soon as he started feeling around on the ground i'm like he's fucked he's fucked he doesn't he doesn't know where he is he is done i mean same with lou she was crawling around on the ground at one point she just sort of squashed her whole chest right into the camera it was like something from a carry-on film she just like walked straight up to it and just squeezed everything right into the camera. It was like something from a carry on film. She just like walked straight up to it and just squeezed everything right into the camera. It was amazing.

But Paul, Paul's done everything like this for the whole series. It's a wonderful send off for Paul in this series. Cause that moment where he slowly tries to get back onto the front of the buggy to try and basically sit in the basket. Just so slowly. It's so funny. Yeah. It really,

really made me laugh. Joe got, Joe starts well, but gets very lost. Um, and then at one point hits the mannequin. You really, really made me laugh. Joe starts well, but gets very lost. And then at one point hits the mannequin. You only see it from a distance. And it's like a live Simpsons joke. Every single bit that's possible comes off the mannequin.

It just goes, poof, and just goes everywhere. Yeah. And then, was that the mannequin? Does that count as a high five? I feel like no one did this task properly really I don't think anyone actually nailed each thing and then parked

I think by the end it was just did you get back to the parking bay and did you do any of the things in between and Ian was the only one who really managed it did you roll the buggy it's such a funny task I mean by this point I think it's the last episode in the series and they've just gone completely hysterical um and i love it uh lou only gets one

point because she took half an hour everyone else takes less than 10 minutes and lou was doing that for half an hour do you think you would have been good at this one uh i do i do think i would have been good at this uh i think my planning would have involved a song. You know, so you know, up until here, then turn right, and I'm pretty good at holding steady. So as long as the cart starts off in the right direction, I would have been fine. Yeah, we had something similar where we had to count out like we had to walk it but like the length of a whale and then the go east in the the length of three trucks and go you know so sort of i could kind of figure out this is roughly how long so i was only about three meters off at the end we weren't blindfolded but but um so that was pretty good but yeah i think i think I would have been good at this one because I drive a golf cart

every now and again if you know what I mean I play golf is what I mean and I like a little ball in one of those carts tick tick tick

no so yeah I would have I think I would have done well with keeping it steady and then and I would not have gotten out of the car because that's fatal. Do you know what song you would have used?

You know what? I probably would have gone Happy Birthday. Yeah, that's good. And it's rights free as well, so they could have used it. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, you go Happy Birthday and then even if you go, I'm on the second Happy Birthday or at the hip-hip hooray, I should be in the parking.

Yeah, oh, that's great. That's really good. I mean, that would have been brilliant to watch if you'd absolutely nailed it and even better to watch if you'd fucked it up, I'd say. And also, I can't sing, so I think that really would have been a blessing for everyone, the ones listening, the ones watching. It would have been a blessing for everyone the ones listening the ones watching it would have been an absolute nightmare truly entertaining um lou gets one point uh sadly it was two points for paul but my favorite effort uh three points for joe four

points for sean and five points for ian and his big stick most accurate journey wins, your preparation time starts now. What? Right, so let's have a look at these instructions. Do knock these bells off. High five him. Do not knock these bells off. So I've got to drive that blindfolded and do them things? Yes, please. Good luck. I'm just going to have a little go on this. Ooh! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Oh, Jesus. I mean, absolute carnage from you before the blindfolds got on.

And you know how I knew that that was a genuine panic? Because the old man voice came out. The live task, correctly wearing these goggles and with your eyes open at all times, retrieve your duck. You must stand on your spot and hold the stick by the handle you must stay standing on your spot at all times fastest to hold their duck in their hand above their head winds you have a maximum of three minutes now the live task i remember the live task being absolutely brilliant on your series is was that something that you enjoyed doing or did you dread it no i loved it because the whole season of course when you're doing tasks and

you're by yourself or even when i got matched up with matt um there's no reaction there's no audience yeah and even the camera crew they're very poker face you don't get any so you don't know and as a comic that's kind of how you you know feed off your audience so for the first time we could do tasks and hear the audience feedback so it was really fun and i think one of the first tasks we had to do was jaw um jerry's jeremy's mom so just by him explaining what she looks like by her personality and yeah and the stuff that she used to do with him and so it was a really funny one to start with. And that kind of set the tone. And we just had so much fun.

Like some of it, we got so filthy. We were running and David, of course, falling over. And, you know, it was just, I really enjoyed the in-studio ones. Yeah. I mean, you guys as a team together, I think there was such a good chemistry. And everyone had their roles and I think played them absolutely perfectly. And it's nice to hear that you're friends afterwards as well. I mean, I guess you would have all met previously anyway.

Well, no, I'd never met Matt the first time. I mean, I knew of him. It's New Zealand, you know, we all know each other. And I've sort of worked with everyone. But, you know, being a comic, especially a touring comic, you're always on the road by yourself. Yeah. And so this is the first time that I had properly worked with all of them.

And, yeah, we have, you know, we've had board game dates and they've been all around. You know, we sort of visit each other's homes and go for lunch. And Laura just got married on New Year's, so we were all together again. And we just get on so well. It's like I honestly, being on Taskmaster changed my life. Like we're such good mates. We talk at least once a week, all of us. And then, you know, just the fact that I get to hang out with these people that I normally wouldn't have.

have um and also um you know just doing the tasks and then seeing on screen and seeing how other people yeah did the same thing it really taught me a lot about myself i loved it oh that's lovely um but unfortunately in this live task everyone fails um it's this is hard though to everything suddenly upside down and trying to get that duck i think sometimes they do ones where they realize in the moment that they've made it slightly too difficult and this is definitely one of those because everyone fails yeah yeah i mean i would have vomited if i anything 3d or those glasses that make you feel i would have just immediately car sick and it would have been that duck would have floated away. But then you would have seen the vomit sort of travelling upwards,

which would have been really weird. This is worth it for that. It's such a funny way to end the series as well. Everyone getting nought points. I think it's absolutely perfect. But it means Ian wins the episode with 18 points, followed by Sian, Joe, a rare low score for Lou on 12 points and then Paul bottom on 11 as he always is but there was never

going to be enough from any of the others to beat Lou here 164 points, she takes home the series, it's a lovely moment, she licks the trophy she is a rightful champion but as we know did not come through on the champion of champions, and neither did I.

So it's Lou for the victory. Well done, Lou. And it's been brilliant fun talking about Series 8. Very happy for you to join us as well, Isla, to talk about this last episode of the series. You're on tour, aren't you? I am, yes. I'm touring the UK and one show in Dublin and Ireland. And I'm having a great time actually it's so good it's brilliant you're at your on at the Leicester Square Theatre on February 25th and you've got you've got other UK dates as well where can people find out about your tour just on my website

Ursula Carlson.com and yeah I'm putting together another tour I'm coming back in September because this one's basically sold out, most of the tickets are gone but I think I still have tickets left for Leeds and somewhere else I don't read all the emails but I think there's still two places that's got tickets left and then I thought I'll come back in September and do a bigger tour

Fantastic, we'll keep an eye out for that as well we always ask our guests on the Taskmaster podcast to rate their guests on the taskmaster podcast to rate their experience on the podcast recording with me between one and five points in the style of the taskmaster i get this some people sometimes people give me five points for the experience because they're being polite ursula i feel like you're going to be honest here and i respect that honesty okay i'm going to give you three points mainly because you've got the trophy in the background there um just going oh look what i've got i've got this trophy when you well and truly know that

i came last in new zealand so i feel like you're really rubbing it in um and i don't like that yeah no one likes that yeah fair enough three points gratefully received thank you so much thank you so much thank you thank you so much as for coming on the show uh brilliant as expected an absolutely hilarious episode beginning to end she's absolutely brilliant uh so do go and see her on tour she's an amazing stand-up uh she's all over the place, as I said, UrsulaCarlson.com for more details and ticket links. And she said she's coming back in September as well. So do keep an eye out for that on social media

and on her website. But that is the end of us discussing Series 8. We did it, guys. Now we edge closer and closer towards discussing Series 9, which, as you may know, I'm sure I've mentioned it, was the series that I was on. So I'm going to be reliving all of those moments as well as all of the other brilliant moments on that series.

And hopefully we're going to be able to talk to everyone on the rest of the lineup and lots of other brilliant people besides. So we'll be back next week to start talking about Series 9. But for now, thank you so much to Ursula. Thank you so much to you for listening. And thank you to everyone involved in making Taskmaster series eight we'll see you next week bye