Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 120. David Baddiel - S9 Ep.1

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

The time has come for Ed to take a long hard look at Series 9! To start him on his journey he is joined by David Baddiel! David was absolutely brilliant on Taskmaster and he and Ed go through some of their fondest moments from the series.Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmasterVisit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Every veteran has a story. Whatever your next chapter, get support with health, education, finance and more. At veterans.gc.ca slash services. A message from the Government of Canada. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It is the day that many of us have been waiting for, where I have to discuss Series 9, which I was on. It's going to be an interesting one.

I'm going to try and be as objective as possible uh but sometimes my competitive nature might uh sneak in um and also my self-hatred might sneak in as well um but i will try and remain as calm as possible while we are discussing this series uh and try and remember that i won anyway so there's no point trying to argue the toss on certain things um but i'm very much looking forward to watching this series back and chatting about it with people who are on the series people who are not on the series and I'm sure that this will end with me having less dignity than I did even after we filmed it but very exciting we are talking about episode one today of course because we do things in chronological order. We're wacky like that. And today our special guest to talk about series nine, episode one is, drumroll, it's David Baddiel.

It's David Baddiel, of course, who was on the series, who was fantastic on the series, who was also technically woeful on the series, but a real firm favourite in Tossmaster history for screwing up, I think, more than the majority of contestants. Very excited to chat to David to talk about his memories of the series, what he enjoyed about the series, what he's proud of from the series, what he's less than proud of on the series. Always fun to chat to David, very much looking forward to it. Let's get on with it, this is series nine, episode one of Taskmaster as discussed by David Baddiel. Welcome, David Baddiel, to the Taskmaster podcast. Hello, Ed Gamble. It's a pleasure to see you.

It's such a pleasure to see you. I'm very excited that we're finally going to start talking about Series 9, which many people are calling the best series of all time of any television show. Yeah, I'm calling it that. Good, you should. I'm the many people you calling the best series of all time of any television show. Yeah, I'm calling it that. Good, you should. I'm the many people you're talking about. I've been saying it in a lot of places. We had to have you to talk about the first episode of Series 9. Not that every episode, I mean, frankly, David,

I'd love to have you on every episode, because you really do absolutely shine in all of these episodes yeah I agree I absolutely agree um I um I don't I actually watched the episode uh last night and thought yeah I'm just getting started here and you I think because I had a particular issue with you good that we were sat together yeah um I think that you didn't know quite what was coming in terms of how difficult I was going to make your life over the course of the whole series so it's a shame in a way that we can't

arc that throughout the whole series Yeah, well I'll be keeping tabs on it, don't you worry I mean, yeah, when we get into the episode we'll talk more about that, that I did not know what was coming from you because you did surprise me every single episode but have you watched the series back and until this point had you seen

it all already when it came out uh yeah i watched it when it went out um and i've uh you know it's been quite an interesting thing for me uh because i've seen greg and a Alex talk quite a lot about me, about how I represent a kind of archetype for Taskmaster in that there's people like you, young men who can really do things, how you imagine he's going to be energetic and great, and you are, right? But then there's people like me who think, oh, well, he's going to be quite clever and intellectual,

and he turns out to be a buffoon. I think that's the word that Greg Day has used. And in its own way, that has, I like to think, a particular charm. Absolutely. But I should say that my wife, Moana Banks, who some of you may know is the voice of Mummy Pig, but that's not that relevant. She was quite pleased, I think, about something about Taskmaster,

which is she felt it revealed something which people don't understand about me or haven't really understood, which is that I am a sort of idiot. I'm very clever, as I think I've actually said about halfway through this. Yeah, I believe you made that clear. Yeah, poignantly halfway through the series.

But I am also an idiot. In practical terms, I'm an idiot and every day there's something in our house that goes really wrong as a result of that idiocy and I finally was allowed to monetize that. Can we get a little insight into that home life what's the last thing that went practically wrong because of your your practical idiocy? Well even this morning that's probably not funny enough this particular story but i i am doing this in a room covered in shit right i don't know if you can see that it's covered in shit because i thought i was gonna go i've got an office and i thought the office to do this and then i forgot that i had lunch with someone near here and so i thought i'll have to do it

here and then i realized i don't have headphones here. So I thought I'd use these, but they don't work. And that's how we began this conversation. I haven't got the right headphones. I'm in the wrong place. You know, blah, blah, blah. But that's not up there, really. I mean, it would take the whole podcast for me to go through

all of my utilities. We did start our call today. You logged on and the first thing you said was something's gone wrong. Yeah. I thought, great, we're in already. Hit the record button. We've got David on the line. But I think one thing that should be clear,

I actually found myself going down a bit of a rabbit hole, which is always a bad idea, as you know, on the internet yesterday. Because there's a lot of places that discuss Taskmaster. And remarkably, I managed to go down that rabbit hole without anyone saying that i was scum and should die uh what there was a discussion of was the worst people who've been on taskmaster and and specifically whether or not they were doing a persona right some of the people who've been quite bad on it i think paul sinner and nish kumar and people like that there was discussion about maybe they were leaning into how bad they were i was really not doing that

at any stage everything i did on that show you know apart from when i was actually like you know the the prize tasks i was actually probably thinking about those yeah and you were good at those yeah but everything else the way that i operate my life which is I do not stop to think about anything if you ask me a question if you ask me to do something I will just do it straight away with the first thing that comes into my head and so far that's led to a rocky life but quite a successful one yeah I put faith in that and I just go with it and I don't really stop the thing and I think no point was I thinking, this is going to make this funny. I mean, I hoped it was funny, but it wasn't.

It was more just like, I actually think it is a good idea to tie spoons to a lasso and get it round Alex Hall. And actually, I can still defend that as a good idea. Did you know what you were getting yourself into with Taskmaster? Did you have any idea? Because I don't think you were pretty clear that you hadn't watched much before you started recording it, right? Well, yeah, I noticed that I say a couple of times on telly, I say I've never watched it. It sort of becomes like a semi-catchphrase as an excuse

for why I can't do them. I had watched it a bit, but not much. I never watched the entire episode. But I knew that very, very funny people had done it before. And I get asked to do quite a lot of celebrity shows. I've been asked strictly and I've been asked to do um i'm a celebrity and all of those i turn them down because of a sense that like i will be shit on those and not in a funny way yes yeah it's it's difficult to be well i suppose with something like strictly

i mean look we'd all love to see it david i think um i think i think you you would be shit if you don't mind me saying but i think it would be in a funny way and in a very in a very endearing way but it wouldn't be in your control as much as it is in task i'll tell you the problem with that is that i think we're strictly you i would be shit and it would be probably funny for a bit yeah but if i got continually voted on at some point i'd have to start saying things like i've waited all my life to do the pasad. I can't see myself saying that with any sincerity. Yeah, I don't think you can lie in that way. I think you'd have to be pretty honest about it.

Yeah, and the thing about Taskmaster, which I did know, is you can be shit and then back in the studio, it will be hilarious because Greg and everyone else and Alex will take apart what's happening. I mean, the key moment for me, which I did think was brilliant, and I noticed in the Reddit discussion of this, someone said I was a very good sport.

Really, I just thought it was true, is in I think episode eight, after I failed very badly, another physical, especially the physical tasks, also the mental tasks. Greg says, I think the problem for you,

David, is that, you know, you have to do the tasks and the talk is often quite difficult. And then in your case, you have, I have to add on being David. I got a very big laugh and I thought it's true.

He's absolutely right about that. Yeah. It was when your, your name became a byword for, for doing badly. so also in the i mean i was going to ask you what what what moment do people sort of tweet you a lot about or what moment do people mention and i i mean we've talked about this uh privately before i mean i think for both of us it's the it's the drawing on each other's backs task yes happens later in

the series but i feel like people will be angry if we, if we don't talk about that because that's, you'll have to remind me. I haven't seen that. Well, I know I remember it. And in my mind I can see a horse. Yeah.

Was there a horse involved? The bit that really stands out for me is when I'm drawing on your back and you just start drawing something that you think it might be rather than following what I'm doing and you draw a face and you say it didn't occur to me that it wouldn't be a person so I think that sums up something else then I mean it's really been a journey of self-discovery years of therapy I could not pay for and just done Taskmaster. Yeah. Because what that proves is something else, which is I will decide something about something very early on. Yeah.

Without any real basis in fact. I just think, well, obviously this is the case. Yeah. It's true. There's no reason at all for it to be a person. It could be an object. But for some reason I decided that was a person. Yes.

Similarly, to go back to Alex and the spoons, I thought, well, clearly I can't lasso him, so it needs to have more heft. Yeah. It needs to have more heft. I'll go and tie things to it. Actually, at no point did I think this is silly. This can't be what they were thinking about.

Yeah. That's what I think I didn't think throughout Taskmaster, because there's often a key, isn't there? It was moving the line. Yes, yeah, yeah. To get close to Alex. You could move the line. You could get the tape up and move.

For anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about, you had to lasso Alex on a sort of carpet. Yeah, but you weren't allowed to go in front of the line. So what a lot of people did was move the line. But I'll say it again. I've said it on this podcast before. I was told to not find any quick ways around it because it was supposed to be a tie breaker task and then when they filmed it with you you did such crazy things they made it an

actual task so of course of course I would have moved the line in case anyone's thinking I wouldn't have moved the line sorry that's interesting because I it wouldn't it me it wouldn't have occurred to me to move the line right yes yeah it's only the spoons spoons is the only thing that so so i don't think i'll tell you what i'm well i don't think i'm very good at lateral thinking is the truth i think i'm good at very like slightly surreal direct thinking see what i mean yes because lateral thinking i'm too lazy for it at some level i just think what's the first thing that's coming into my head? Rather than like, oh, what's going on here? What do they want me to do?

I'm going to work it out. What's the key? No, fuck that. That's too much effort, especially on a comedy show. Get the spoons. Yeah, spoons. But no one else would have thought of the spoons, though. So you are thinking of the first thing in your head, but the first thing in your head is very unique.

Okay, that's true. And that's good. And, you know, obviously I am on a comedy show are thinking of the first thing in your head but the first thing in your head is very unique okay that's true and that's good and you know obviously i am on a comedy show and i'm aware oh this might look ridiculous so that's probably a good thing but that isn't really i am genuinely thinking i think i need to make the lasso heavier yeah what's in the house because actually it wasn't just spoons it was the spoons were the obvious thing because they were quite easy to tie but I think I end up tying you know plates and other stuff to it like quite a few just like my sense was it needs to be something like a discus yeah so I see I see what you what you're aiming for there but then when it was when it's timed you really think you know you're wasting a lot of time adding spoons to that.

Well, time, I have a fluid idea of time in competition, I think, which also became clear to me. And I think what I did watch yesterday, which I think is a great moment of television, which is in the second episode when the three young people, I'm going to call them, you, Rose and Katie, and me and Joe Brand had to do a sort of series of small tasks around the house.

And there is a very fantastic moment where in the middle of the, we're in the kitchen and we have to take some things out of the toaster and do all sorts of things and make a sandwich. And we sit down and eat the sandwich, have a cup of tea and talk for a while. And when it comes back to the studio, I said I didn't realise it was meant to be a time task. Joe says I did realise I didn't give a fuck, which is very helpful. But I genuinely didn't realise it was meant to be a timed task Joe says I did realise I didn't give a fuck

but I genuinely didn't and then when I think about that, that's idiotic because how in earth would you win it or lose it? How is it being judged unless it's timed? Yeah That moment is wonderful because that really encapsulates both of your

Taskmaster personas and general comic personas within the show, which is, I didn't know what was going on and I couldn't give a fuck. And it's the perfect team up. Although I get a lot of messages saying, I wish you had been on a team with David because having seen the back drawing thing,

if we were on a team, I mean, I think it would have killed me. Well, we were on a team, the back drawing team, we were on a team together and I woulddrawing team, you know, we were on a team together. And I would have liked to have been on a team more with you because I think the combination of your urgency to do well and my sense of I don't know what's going on

is a very, very good combination. I think comically it would have been great. I think points-wise, I don't think I would have won the series had we been on a team together. What can I ask you? Because you're obviously you did series nine but you were already a big fan yes uh and when you just the dream was there i'm on taskmaster yeah was your sense or i want to win was that like a big deal for you i i guess i guess if i if i say no then a lot of people are going to tweet me and tell me i'm lying but i was very excited to be there as is patently clear watching these episodes

back i'm i'm grinning from ear to ear for the whole thing i'm very excited to be there i wanted to do well i wanted to do some tasks well and i wanted i wanted to have fun i think winning was a byproduct of that if say rose had won and i'd come second i would have acted up being annoyed but i wouldn't have been too upset because it was a really fun series to do but i was very glad i got to do another episode doing champion of champions was exciting so i was glad i got another opportunity i did really enjoy taskmaster even though i was shitted it because it was a lovely show. It's a really good example of how comedy can

have people saying really, really rude things to each other all the time and yet be a space of love. Yeah, absolutely. Because it's just a silly game but people get really caught up in it and it's very funny when people are screaming at each other about such silly things so let's talk about the prize task the first prize task of series nine it is the most stressful

thing now this is the this is the amazing thing david you have such a good start when you brought in this prize task which is the cardboard tube from an empty toilet roll everyone was like great it's a it's a good bit it's very funny it's the perfect prize task you get four points straight away i was like here we go badil's gonna be good at taskmaster yeah but here's the thing. I think I won. I don't know exactly, but I won quite a lot of the prize tasks. You did do well, yeah. I got a much higher rate on the prize tasks than I have on the film tasks.

And I'll tell you why that is. The prize tasks are basically written jokes. Yes. Which is something I can do. I've spent a lot of my life doing that. Basically, here's a visual joke. Land it. Get a big laugh, and then you're off, right yeah so what's a stressful thing an empty toilet roll and then there's some jokes about how much greg

davis shit and you're away right yeah um and so and that is a that doesn't involve me being in a slightly a situation where i feel like i don't really know what's going on haven't really listened to what alex horn said properly i'll just do whatever it like I don't really know what's going on. Haven't really listened to what Alex Horne said properly. I'll just do whatever. It's not like that. Do you know what I mean? I can actually craft essentially a joke. Yeah.

And that's why I did okay in the prize task and, and very badly in the film task. Cause it felt like a whole other world. Yeah. And I loved, I love the fact that it started well and then immediately went off a cliff. I mean, you went for something quite artistic.

Well, it wasn't a good start for me. I'll be honest, because obviously what happens with Taskmasters, you do all of your prize tasks, you have all the categories, you tell them what you want to bring for all of them. And unlike most television productions, they do not try and push you in another direction they will not go oh i don't think that's going to work yeah they will just go right that that's what it is that's what you've picked and i was not confident about this one it was the one where i

was like my brain just got a bit sticky when i was coming up with this so when it when they come to you in the morning and say you're doing these two episodes today these are the prize stars for these two episodes i was like ah opening episodes the one i'm least confident with um it was my compilation of stressful sounds yes um yesterday i saw a film an art film called memoria with tilda swinton it's a thai thailand uh art director it's one of the slowest films i've ever seen uh really really difficult to get through and the point of the slowest films I've ever seen. Really, really difficult to get through. And the point of the film is she's hearing this distressing sort of thudding sound. Yeah. And at one point later on, she just hears all sorts of really complex sounds.

And it goes on and on and on. And that's what your story is kind of like. I was influenced by that, of course. Yeah. Yeah, it was more it was I think I I did have one of the more stressful things but in terms of like a funny big star you know unlike yours or Katie's I think I think it really it really fell off there um and I you could see me trying to sell it desperately but in my eyes you know you know I'm not confident with it so yeah no but I think I think looking back on it though I do like the fact that it was slightly

artistic and you must have spent a little bit of time doing it yeah I mean yeah finding the sounds and stuff yeah and coming up with what I would consider to be a stressful sound but you can hear in the studio people are stressed but they're not entertained they're stressed because they don't know yeah this is actually gonna land they're stressed because they think oh this guy's not gonna is actually going to land. They're stressed because they think, oh, this guy's not going to be any good at taskmaster. This is an awful start from him. Bring back Badil's toilet roll. Yeah, there was one bit,

there's one bit which I sort of watched, which was you have to explain that the train sound is a train leaving that you should have just caught. And to be fair to everyone else, how are we supposed to know? No, exactly, exactly. When you have to explain it like that, you know it's not going to be high to everyone else, how are we supposed to know? Exactly. When you have to explain it like that,

you know it's not going to be high with the points. But Rose also got two points, which is weird. What was Rose's? I can't remember. Rose brought in an unspooled cassette tape. So the idea of seeing a cassette tape. Then she added that on the cassette tape, someone had said,

who killed JFK? So again, there was layers and layers to it. And you can see as well, I think Rose gets quite underscored in prize tasks across the series. But I think Greg picks up very early that it's funny to give Rose a bad

score on the prize task because she loses confidence in them straight away while she's explaining them and then just puts her head in her hands. What we've mentioned, Greg, can I just say something? i felt no animosity towards you for this but i think you were greg's favorite well we are friends oh yeah i'll say that well you know i've met him many times and always gone but no i wouldn't say we were close but i when i watch it now and i think i felt this at the time and i think it is know, it speaks well of me that I didn't at any point feel resentment because he is basically the teacher

and you're the teacher's pet in that. I can see actual love in his eyes. Well, I supported him on two national tours so we spent a lot of time together. You can certainly see at the beginning of a lot of the episodes, he'll speak to me in a particularly high voice which is how we would speak to each other in the the car when we're on tour like a pet voice

between you yeah like a little a little fun voice for each other i don't think that affects the scoring is what i'd say but there is there's a certain amount of love between us yeah no there definitely is and considering that greg you, does do quite a lot of, I'm just deciding to give points in this manner on a whim, and you did win. Yes, sure. I mean, I'm trying to be as objective as possible while discussing this series.

It's going to be tricky, but I'd imagine talking about this series throughout the next few episodes is going to be me sort of veering between you know huge arrogance uh and then also just damning damning self-hatred how much did you win it by in the end i think it was like seven points or eight points you know so that's a clear winner clear winner and also i I think a combination of that affection from Greg, which I don't think necessarily was a bad thing. I thought it was very sweet. And the fact that you

are probably the biggest Taskmaster fan in the world and you're on it, that feels appropriate that you won it in the end. I'm glad I won. I wouldn't be doing this podcast if I hadn't won. I would have been hugely bitter. I never would have watched the show again no rose brought in the unspooled cassette tape which i thought was nice it's very rose prize and i get that it's stressful but you know it it felt on the same level as mine maybe maybe that was you know we both got two

points a generous start i think for the series joe brought in the score for bark's Toccata in D minor which was lovely yeah it's nice to have a story to attach to it, she had to learn it for a concert in the Royal Albert Hall and then we got a little blast of it on the keyboard, I thought it was a good start, it was a great story but didn't have the immediate the immediate laugh

and universal appeal of the cardboard tube for example I mean it was quite high brow yeah very high brow very high brow that's this but this reveals a lot about joe she she is very high brow and then you'll cut to a task and she's saying i don't i don't give a fucking going to the toilet halfway through a task at one point yeah with an empty toilet roll yeah yeah i mean i i mean i think that Jo, you know, is a combination of someone who very much likes to say

that she doesn't give a fuck, and in many ways doesn't give a fuck. Yeah. But is also, will get carried away. Yeah. In fact, she did get very carried away with that organ thing, if you saw it. But she got completely into it.

Yeah. And I think possibly comes from a background where classical music is quite important to her but I wouldn't have chosen something like that for a stressful task because in a way that's just straightforwardly is stressful stressful for her

it's not the thing itself it's difficult to do that whereas being on the toilet and seeing that there's no toilet roll is stressful but not exactly in the same way, if you want to. Yeah, and it's more universal, isn't it, the toilet roll? But no one was beating Katie. I'm saying I didn't win.

I didn't win, though. You got four points for this, but it was a very strong start. Because Katie's teapot, which she had made, and it's a wonderful piece of art, as well as being truly stressful, with the spout right next to the handle and the lid glazed shut. I think this is one of my favourite

prize task entries for the whole series, and it's her first episode one. I think it's absolutely amazing. Yeah, no, it is amazing. And Katie, because in the same episode, she does the cult later. I know we're going to talk about that later on. Yes, yeah.

But as soon as she did that, I remember something about Katie, which is that she's sort of vic reeves level of artistic totally you know in a really sort of extraordinary way because that was kind of kind of hilarious but disturbing as yeah the teapot yeah was sort of really funny but a bit worrying and it makes you feel a bit weird doesn't it it makes your sort your skin feel a bit weird when you look at it. Exactly. Slightly frightened. So that's dangerous as well as being pretty. Katie's so funny in this series. I mean, like you say, any art task, she's brilliant at

because it's just slightly offbeat, very unique. And also there was things when I watched the show back after being in the studio, there were things I didn't even know she'd said because she's so she's so quiet but can be really cutting and very funny that she was just saying very very quietly into a microphone that obviously I never heard because I'm she says the best thing I think the most poignant thing that's ever been said on television on taskmaster do you know what I'm talking about no No, which bit? Oh, God, it's amazing.

I don't think it's in this episode. It's in the episode where we have to break things and put them back together again. Yes. Yeah? And I try and break Alex Horne's broadcast award. Yeah. What did you do?

I can't remember. Oh, I had a full meltdown. I ended up trying to put superglue into grapes to put them back on the stalks. Yes. So before she chooses what she's actually going to do, she says, oh, well, I'm broken, but I don't know if in this time I can be put back together again.

Oh, God. I mean, actually, if you know anything about Katie, she's just released a book, which is about her very difficult childhood. It's just true. She's had a really tough time. Wow. And I just thought it was really beautiful. yeah she is she's absolutely fantastic and this was a great start from her

it was five points for the teapot four points for your cardboard tube three points for joe's bark score and two points for my compilation of stressful sounds and rose's unspooled cassette tape i mean i mean i just say I think that proves my point about Greg, because you should have got one point. I do agree with that, but I think this was first episode, maybe first episode generosity. Yeah.

I think it should have been one point for that. As someone who regularly got one point, not so much in the prize tasks, but in other tasks, there's one point I think where he says to me, on another task, I don't know what it was, I'm going to give you two points. And I said, don't patronise me. And he task, I don't know what it was, I'm going to give you two points. And I said, don't patronise me.

And he goes, all right, one point. Yeah, that's on this episode. It's absolutely amazing. If only, David, you could have kept your mouth shut. You would have got a much needed extra point. Episode one. I thought, what's more stressful than an unspooled cassette tape? Here it is.

Here it is. Here it is. Look at that. And the craziest, most stressful thing is that on that tape, I recorded who actually assassinated JFK. You recorded it, but then you just forgot. I forgot, yeah. It wouldn't be stressful if it was, like, say, a Peter Andre album, would it?

You know, you could enjoy it. It depends on what is on the tape, for sure. Yeah, it's either cathartic Peter Andre by some weird chance assassinated J I love it Andre was responsible I think you might now have to say legally that he didn't yeah I don't think I don't think a court's gonna take that case seriously. He won't say it. Andre, I think that Peter Andre killed JFK. Sue me! education finance and more at veterans.gc.ca services a message from the government of canada

task one hide three aubergines in the room longest time for alex to find them wins you have nine minutes after which alex will start searching for the three aubergines your time starts now a classic task this i think i from memory i think this was my first day right in the house um and i mean i absolutely love this one let's talk about your effort first david because this is what this is a one pointer for you yes so um a number of people talk in this task i think you, about eating the aubergine. Yes. But I'm the only one who does.

Yeah, I try it. I take a bite and realise it's absolutely disgusting and there's no way I can eat a whole aubergine. Yeah. But you... I eat about half an aubergine and then give up

and put the rest of it in my pants. It's not... But it's not... You don't give up and then go, oh, I'll just put it in my pants. Before you even take a bite of the aubergine, you you say i'm going to eat as much of this as i can and i'm going to put the rest of my pants yeah i do okay yeah you've planned it out already you know it's going some of it's going in the pants but you don't know quite how much yet well that's interesting because

i i did i've forgotten that and it what it implies is that I know I'm not going to get through a whole raw aubergine. So in a way, you think, why not just cut it and put it all in your package? Why try and eat a third of it? Because that's not going to help hide it, is it? Because it's immediately obvious to Alex when he comes in that you have eaten some

because I think you've got some in your teeth and your tongue's gone purple. So it's very clear what's happened. And you try and get around him by going, he goes, well, you've had some in your mouth. And you go, but it's not in my mouth, is it? Where is it? As if he's not then immediately going to go,

it's in your stomach, you've eaten it. Yeah. That's a leading question. And from a sort of criminal point of view, like, you know, the supervillain meets the superhero and thinks he can outsmart him. It wasn't a very good thing to say.'s a little bit things to say yeah you'll never find it you'll never find it where do you think it is oh of course a re a a really a bite one other thing

which is yeah again I'm not always like a lot of the time with the with the film toss I'm not entirely sure what's going on. I haven't really listened. They're quite complicated. Yeah. And so I think I didn't realise that Alex just had to say, it's there. I think I thought if I put it in my pants or in my stomach, he won't be able to reveal the actual aubergine.

He can't go into my pants. He certainly can't go into my stomach. So therefore it's completely hidden. How will he prove it's there is my pants. He certainly can't go into my stomach. So therefore it's completely hidden. How will he prove it's there? Is my point. So you thought he would have had to pull your trousers and pants down. Yeah, because how does Alex prove it's there?

But that's not what happened. He just goes, it's in there. And then ting, the obj comes up. Yeah. So I thought I definitely will win by putting it in my pants and my stomach. Yeah, I can see why you thought that. But yeah, I like the way you try and make Alex have to commit a crime

to find the aubergine, essentially. So two other aubergines. One, I was pleased with this, although it didn't really work, which was to use it as the nose of the fruit man. Yes, yeah. I'm calling him the fruit man. I don't know if that's what he's called. Yeah, Greg.

You know it's supposed to be Greg. I know it's Greg. Yeah. Well, actually, when I said the fruit man, I'm not sure I did know that. Now you mentioned it, all paintings are of Greg. So, yes. But he's got fruit and stuff around him.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I thought, I'll camouflage it there. And that, I think, led to a a very good moment although not in terms of its hidingness but in terms of just television because uh i stuck it up with sellotape alex obviously saw it quite quickly yeah pointed to it and his point made it fall down immediately fell down it was fantastic i loved it um and i see where you were going with that because sometimes hiding things in plain sight is the best way to go. So Alex will be looking in all nooks and crannies

and he won't look at the aubergine that's right in front of him. On this occasion, however, unfortunately, he did look at the aubergine right in front of him. And I think that would have been correct, what you've just said, if the aubergine had been one-dimensional. Yes, the 3D nature of the aubergine. Bulging out of the painting in a really obvious way with stellar tape around it.

And also the third aubergine was just in the fruit bowl. So he was like, oh, I've got it. He was all ready to go for a big search to find the third aubergine. And then he went, oh no, there it is. Well, can we just explain something about that? Which is, as you say, it's an edited program, right? So it cuts it down and it took me a long time

to eat half an aubergine and feel sick and then stuff the rest in my pants and then sellotape the other thing and i was running out of time so i just put it somewhere and alex then came in and found all of your aubergines in two minutes and uh we should we should just mention that it was clearly in your pants because you left your flies down yes that is true yeah true. Yeah, so he spotted that. So that's a good example. I mean, in my life, I leave my flies down quite a lot. Again, not in any creepy way,

not in a way that I want people to look at my penis area, but because I forget. Yes. You know, gone to the toilet. And in this case, I'd forgotten, I think, that I, yeah, the obvious thing to do if you're going to put the aubergine in your pants is zip up your flies. Zip up your flies.

Unless you don't put it in your pants and you're trying to create a diversion. Oh, that would have been, see, I would never, is that lateral thinking? Yeah. Yeah, I could have had my belt undone and generally looked like it was in my, forced Alex Hall to take my pants down. Then accused him of a crime by saying, it's not even in there. Katie and Joe both make the mistake

of putting two in the same place, which I think is... I mean, Katie puts two in her hard hat and just holds it as if Alex is not immediately going to go, let me look in the hat and put in two in the same place although it feels like lateral thinking and it feels like an odd technique that might trip people up once he's found one place he's found two aubergines so yeah that's a mistake it's a mistake at least that's one mistake i didn't make even though i

put one aubergine just in a place yeah it was not a hiding place but i did put them all in separate place in fact because i split one aubergine up into stomach and pants because i put it in four places yes you did you split you split one into stomach and pants for sure um uh katie i thought katie would be better at this and i mean joe i think just gives up halfway through she does a really good job of stamping she almost makes baba ganoush on the carpet and then yeah and then puts it under the rug yeah yeah which is good she really flattens it but i think she spends so long doing that that then she just sort of very quickly puts one under the one of the sort of

table thing and then once those kind of tasks where you know if you haven't got that much to work with there is a tendency there's one there's a thing later on uh which is i also love on task master where we have to um get a melon up a ramp into the caravan with some breadsticks yes There is a tendency, there's a thing later on, which is a moment I also love on Taskmaster, where we have to get a melon up a ramp into the caravan with some breadsticks. Yes. And I give up and just start smashing the melon with a hammer. And I like that particularly because at the end of it, Rose stands on her chair and points to me and says,

oh, Captain, which I really love. But my point is that, you know, you think, oh, there's going to be loads of things around that I can do, but there isn't always in the Taskmaster house. Yeah. And so if you end up thinking, I'll just smash the Oba-G to put it on the carpet, you know, it's because there isn't that many places. But you found some baby's heads.

Yeah, I think, so this, watching this back as the first film task, because I'm friends with Rose. We, you know, we play board games together. We do escape rooms together. So I think we're on a very similar page in terms of competitive nature and what we do in tasks. And this is born out in this.

I think two of the hiding places, we use the same places. And then also just the way we're looking down the camera being very smug It's almost exactly the same So Rose does uses the sofa Goes under the pillar. There's a couple of different places She goes but she's very competitive and you can see she's really hidden them in good places The only place that she didn't use thing to use was the baby's heads Which I was very proud of to rip up the aubergine and thing to use was uh the baby's heads which i was very

proud of to rip up the aubergine and yeah stuff it down into the baby's heads i was very proud of that hiding place and i thought no one else is going to do this no that was very good and kind of slightly creepy i don't know if we can flash forward here but you use the baby's heads later on as well i use but i weirdly and i only realized this when the series finished that is a running theme i mean there's there's a lot of baby-based things around the Taskmaster house and in the tasks. But yeah, there's a few tasks where I use...

Where were the babies? Because I don't think I even spotted them. I think the first time I realised the babies existed in that room was in the studio watching your film class. I hadn't seen them at all. They were all around in the study room.

Where were they? Yeah. Maybe just a part of me thought there was something grotesque about stuffing a baby's head with aubergine. Oh, it's horrible.

It's a horrible thing to do. Yeah, but you cut them up quite nicely to do that, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they were like Barbara Gnouche.

You pounded them in. You sliced them. It was like you were making a really grotesque horror recipe yeah baby dead with aubergine yeah something for the vegans inside yeah um i was i was very happy with that and 13 minutes 53 seconds uh i lasted was it was it hang on where did you put all the aubergine in the baby so where else did you no so i i where, did you put all the aubergine in the baby? So where else did you? No, so I, I did, I did one, I opened the sofa cushion. I took the cover of the sofa cushion I opened,

but then rather than put it, which is what Rose did inside the sofa cushion, so there was a bulge. I ripped the foam. I ripped a pocket in the foam in the sofa cushion and rammed them right, right down in there. So it didn't look like there was aubergine in there. I mean,

it was, I would be too worried about possibly having to pay Avalon money for doing that. No way, I wasn't worried at all. I saw it as claiming back some of my commission. Yeah, fair enough. I think there's a good thing that you say after your film Tarzan, in fact, during it,

I think you say it as well, which is it's very me i think that alex horn gets stuck in an area yeah that's the sort of thing that i would think like no but i can't understand why i can't get out of this area but i can't and you point that out that he does keep on saying they're not in this area we'll get out of that area you want to get out of the area then yeah he really there's an old tommy cooper joke about uh a man goes to the doctor and says i've broken my arm in two places and the doctor says well don't go to those places it's like why are you still there yeah but he gets he gets into a mindset where he thinks they must be here they must be yeah um what i will say and you know i've

got to do this in the series sometimes i have have to say, you know, I might, I don't think I necessarily had an advantage because I think I picked some places that other people didn't pick, but I think I was the first person to do this task, which maybe gave me a slight advantage because it was the first time Alex had looked in that room for aubergines. Right. Yes. Because I think if you're the last.

The energy. Yeah. You see, your energy is pretty confident, I think, in the film Tasks. My energy is all over the place. You know what I mean? Alex is leading me like a carer in quite a lot of them.

You know, like, we're going to come on to this in a minute, so I don't want to flash forward, but there's a bit where he's, during the lolly task, where he starts trying to lead me hand you know hand by hand into what i should be doing yeah as i'm saying i'm sniffing that he says is there anything else you could be doing whereas with you i think there's quite a strong sense of i've sorted this

yeah and he leaves he leaves me to it definitely i mean i think that put that puts him on the back foot that's why he couldn't get out of the area. Right, I see. Yeah. You won the psychological warfare very early on with that. Well, I made him run out of the room when he started the timer. So I was making it very clear what I was there to do. Quick mention before we move on. Katie's outfit gets such a brilliant reaction from the audience when she walks in with the high vis and the helmet.

It's a brilliant reaction from the audience when she walks in with the uh with the high vis and the helmet it's a brilliant outfit yeah i'd i was so confident my outfit was going to be a smash hit david and then i walked through the door wasn't it yeah it was the it was quadruple denim if you count the shoes right um you got denim shoes yeah denim shoes um i was i was like people are gonna absolutely love this it got nothing nothing. It got nothing. But here's a whole thing, a whole other area. I'm actually wearing the jumper that I wore on most film tasks on Taskmaster, which is a little gesture towards the show and your podcast. Beautiful, thank you very much.

But what most people will think watching my series of Taskmaster is everyone's made a bit of an effort with their outfit apart from David Padil, which is true. It didn't really occur to me to wear a thing like, this is my taskmaster look. But I think that's perfect. I think that's perfect for the way you attack the tasks as well, to be honest.

Yeah. I really like what Katie said. What did she say? Something like, when she comes back, why she's got it, I like to be safe, something. Visible, yeah. Having said I really love it, I can't remember it it but this is one thing in the studio as well that i definitely wanted to bring up was that and i mentioned it quite a lot when we were recording but it would have been cut out

is that neither you or joe could remember filming any of the tasks so when alex gave uh introductions to the tasks me rose and katie would go oh no this one or oh brilliant i love doing this one yeah you and joe would lean across me and go i can't remember doing this one yeah well yeah what was this one so people who don't know uh probably most people who do know what what this is they are filmed quite a long time before the studio like you know a couple of months sometimes uh and that's no real excuse because the truth is we are just much older um and we had both always just completely forgotten and if we remember the task we would have forgotten what we did yes so we don't have that thing of like oh my god this is

coming up and i was a complete arse in it you You just have to see that as it happens, which can be quite upsetting. It's like, fuck, did I really think that was the way to do this? And I'm processing that in the moment because I have completely forgotten it. Yeah, it's perfect. It's perfect. So you got one point here, David.

Katie got two points. Joe got three points, four points for Rose and five points for me. I think i probably thought which i guess it is true with some other tasks but with time tasks or tasks where there's an obvious pointage you can't do that i sort of thought i'll get some extra points just for like it was funny that i put the aubergine on the nose right fruity greg and it fell off at the right time that was a great comic but don't i get any points for that and the answer is no no so you on the nose of Fruity Greg, and it fell off at the right time.

That was a great comic. Don't I get any points for that? And the answer is no. No. So you thought maybe there were going to be bonus points for funny things that happened. Never are. No.

Never. Absolutely not. Because the bigger laugh always comes when someone gets one point. Yes. Yes. You'll never beat that laugh. Rule out areas.

It's not in this area. Is it? I don't know. I feel like it's in this area now. Did you think this was going to be this hard? Pardon? You've looked at that already. I don't think it's in this area.

Well, you want to move out of the area then. Well, I do want to move out of the area. I'm going to move out of the area now. That's an overshadowing. That's a whole aubergine. Is it? No. Have you stuffed it in the kitchen?

That's nice. That's an aubergine. Stop. I think. Stop. I think I found the third aubergine. It's amazing how much it compacts down into a baby's head. Task two.

Arrange the lollies in rainbow order on the board in front of you. You may only take off your goggles if you find the dodo. You may only accuse one thing of being a dodo. Most accurate rainbow order wins. You have seven minutes. Your time starts now. Even as you say it now, being a dodo most accurate rainbow order wins you have seven minutes your time starts now even as you say it now find the dodo i didn't have any sense because you actually found the dodo didn't you i did i was the only one to find the dodo i thought the dodo was something to do with the thing in front of me the lollies i thought i thought they were sort of one and the same thing so i didn't realize that there was a, you know,

a range of animals I was doing this in. Everyone else did realise that, but how did you know? I think I just went for a little explore because I could feel where the lollies were and I didn't think they were the dodo, whereas you thought the lollies were making up the dodo show. There's a bit, I think, where I'm feeling the lollies as if they're the ridged back yeah of an extinct bird because i'm assuming that it's all this this is the task it is deliberately confusing saying find the dodo's if everyone should know what the dodo is or what

you're supposed to be doing but yeah i think i just went for i think we all just went for a little explore uh to try and find the dodo and i found the dodo. I don't think I do that. I think I spent the whole time at the lollies. Yeah. And then there's this very, even now as I watched it again, I thought that is quite strange that I am sniffing the lollies to try and guess what the flavor is rather than licking them, which is the obvious thing.

And Alex has to lead me to the revelation that I could lick them to find that out. It does lead later on to a good joke in the studio for which, as you say, I get no points, which is I say that my mum, which she did, used to call me and my brothers when we were young, our willies were called our dodos. Yes. And thus I'm able to say, well, it's complicated for me to lick a dodo. Yes, absolutely. called our dodo's yes and that's i'm able to say well it's complicated for me to lick a dodo yes absolutely but beyond that beyond that i don't know why i'm not licking them like at that point

when you make that joke are you thinking that's going to be a point or have you long given up on the idea that well no i think it was the first studio so i i didn't yeah i thought it might be possible having not re-watched the show that oh, that joke's got a round of applause. Greg Davis will give me a point for that. But no, it's not like that. But you know what? That doesn't matter because what I quickly understood about Taskmaster was I'm going to lose.

I'm going to certainly be very bad. But it's going to be an enjoyable ride. Yes. It's going to be funny. Absolutely but it's going to be an enjoyable ride. Yes. It's going to be funny. Absolutely. So actual points weren't a problem. But it's very interesting, genuinely interesting to me psychologically that I didn't think, well, obviously I need to lick them. And by the way, I also know that had I been licking them,

I would have had no idea what the flavours were. Well, yeah, I mean, I didn't realise that. I didn't lick them because obviously I could see them so i thought that'll be enough and then i guess yes because you took your blindfold off because you found the dodo yes um that's very good that's very good taskmaster planning but it doesn't really help because i can see them but then i actually think it would have been almost slightly easier if I'd worked out to taste them, because I think some of the colours were mixed up. I mean, I don't really know the difference between indigo and violet,

to be honest. No, that's clear. Also, you keep on saying a rhyme, don't you? I say Richard of York gave battle in vain. Yeah. So when I was watching you do that, again, this is an interesting thing about my brain, is I thought, well, that wouldn't have helped me.

It does not help with me now, because all I hear is richard of york gave battle invade it's really quite what is that red orange yeah it's yellow by the time i've worked it out that mantra the task's over but i think i i it doesn't help me either because i think i do a similar thing where i forget that of is part of it so I skip orange and then I get all the colors mixed up and then I do I get exactly the same amount right as Rose and she's covered her eyes and is using Roy G Biv which is apparently the way they do things in New Zealand yeah but actually Roy G Biv is better it's not even a proper mantra is it what is that that's not even an action it's just the colors of the rainbow yeah it's dead but it's quicker yeah it's like uh the on a keyboard it's like quirky

yeah yeah i mean i i have since then we all made fun of roigy biv but i have since then remembered it via roigy biv yeah it's a lot easier It's a lot easier than something historical Yeah Obviously we talk about the goggles I was the only one who took the goggles off and the paint hadn't dried on the goggles so they left You seem to know that Did you know that?

I think at the time all the crew were laughing at me You can see on my face. You can see on my face. For a number of reasons. Yeah, exactly, yeah. But you can see on my face, I'm like, why are they laughing at me? I mean, I look so gormless when I take those goggles off.

I look about four years old. And then I think Alex pointed at his eyes to suggest that I had rings around them. But it felt like a prank, but I don't think it was a deliberate prank. The other thing is that I think it was my first understanding of Taskmaster as this slightly surreal landscape. You know, that you're going to go into the garden and it's like a sort of dream like thing,

which is not helpful, again, if you're someone who feels that life is existing a bit in a dream anyway. And there's going to be weird monsters and animals and arrangements there that Alex Horne is going to take weird monsters and animals and arrangements there that Alex Horne is going to take you to. Like, him actually holding in my hand and taking

me to these places did feel very much like okay, this is me being trying, someone is trying to make sense of this world for me. I see, yeah. And he's not going to, because I'm going to resist being made sense of the whole time.

Katie, we don't talk about Katie. I think she escapes a little bit here, because obviously you're doing the smelling instead of the tasting. At one point, she says, this feels blue. Oh, does she? Yeah. Does she not lick it as well?

No, I think she might do a little bit of licking, but then I think by the end, she's going, I don't know how I'm going to do this. So she's just sort of plonking them in random places and saying this feels blue, which is very funny. Because she gets the one point. You and Joe get three points here. All right, that's good.

I mean, I think the other problem might have been is I am quite frightened of biting into ice lollies. Are you frightened of that? I don't think I'm frightened of it. I am, because I'm frightened of brain freeze and teeth tingling and whatever. And I don't know if that was on my mind. I'm probably retro-engineering this

as a logical reason for why I didn't lick it. But generally, I've got bad memories from 1977 of putting Mivis into my mouth and thinking that's far too cold. So that might have been why i was reluctant to do it isn't it amazing how memory works that you couldn't remember tasks that you'd filmed two months previously but you can remember putting a movie in your mouth in 1977 yeah well long-term memory survives longer you'll find that out as you get older um but i yeah i i so i didn't remember

that i got three for that i did i get them in the right order then in the end i think you got a couple in the right order and so did joe so think you got a couple in the right order. And so did Joe. So there was, you know, you did okay in that one. Katie, I think Yeah, it gets almost none. So one point, and Rose and I got exactly the same despite the fact I was the only one who had use of my eyes. Right, which is disappointing, but I was still happy with the five points. I think also, I think you were making a

valid point about the color scheme yeah I think when it comes back to you you say you could not go to Dulux yes colors and say I want my room painted like this because they would say we don't know what color that is yeah and the distinction in it between orange and indigo or whatever is very unclear very unclear I think you had a very good point but you there's no leeway granted as far as i remember you don't know but so also whenever i have a point like that that may there may be the kernel of a good point in there but i get so angry straight away and so pathetically upset that yeah greg takes great joy in just ignoring me yeah well actually one of the things i think was very effective that you often got very angry in a very funny way with small, logical things. But I would say most time you were right. Thank you, David.

You know, I mean, I'm saying that very broadly now because I can't remember any other example. But I watched that. I thought he's absolutely right here. This is not what they call a swatch. Yeah, swatch, yeah, yeah. These are not like swatches that you would have of a rainbow at all. Especially when you're talking about colours that are so close, like indigo and violet and orange and yellow. There needs to be distinctions there, surely. Or write them on the thing.

If the whole thing is you need to get the goggles off, write them on the sticks. Yes, although I think part of it was about colour, wasn't it? That you were meant to try and work out. I mean, if any of them had been colourblind, then there could have been real issues. I mean, I'm not

showing one of them cancelled for colourblindism at that point. So it was one point for Katie, three points for you and Joe, five points for me and Rose. You're sailing by now. So let me ask you a question. Yeah.

Are you thinking by now, having got off to a rocky start with the stress tape, it's going to be okay? I'm flying. I'm going to win. No, I'm not thinking that because also I know Rose is very good

and I know that I've already, well, let's say I've already discounted you and Joe I know Katie's very good at stuff like that and I know Rose is brilliant so no I'm not thinking I'm going to win I think I'm a contender definitely because I

know I've got some good tasks coming up in the next episodes and there's some I'm very happy with but I know there's some disasters as well. You presumably couldn't remember the film tasks, so you don't know if you've got any good ones coming up. Absolutely. So as you said that, I thought, yeah, I didn't go to one studio thinking, right, these tasks,

these film tasks are going to really push me up the leaderboard here because I couldn't remember them. Yeah. And, and also I don't think I ever came away from one film task thinking, well, I slam dunked that. I can't remember ever having done that.

Although, because I, almost all the film tasks, I didn't really understand what I was doing. Yeah. How would I know whether I slam dunked them or not? Did she really call it a day though? Yes.

Yes. Almost everything I say is just true. It is. I have a problem with that. Anyone else have pet names within their family for their genitals? My dad called my penis a dodo as well. I call all penises dodo because they're rarely seen.

I've seen loads. Do you mean generally? In your life? Yeah. It was a while before I saw one. There are other clips! What did you call it when you saw it? A blessing. Task three, make the most dramatic entrance.

You have one hour, your time starts now. This is one of these very broad creative taskmaster tasks that these are the ones that worried me the most david because these are the ones where you're asked to essentially do a part a part of what your job is yes so that that's an interesting point so if i was going to complain about anything in taskmaster it would be this task yeah because I put quite a lot of effort, I think, into being Jodie Whittaker's Doctor Who. Which, you know, I don't really watch Doctor Who.

I haven't, again, watched it since John Pertwee in 1977. But I went on. When you're having the movies. Everything ends in 1977, doesn't it? I was up to date. And I thought I was, you know, I played the theme. I used the phone box to be a TARDIS. I tried to encapsulate the whole of Doctor Who by also being the Daleks, which is slightly an odd idea.

Yeah, I loved it. Megaphone saying stuff. I was both Doctor Who and the Daleks. And then I got marked down for lack of conviction. Now, this is where I think it's unfair, because I think what I was trying to do there was just be deadpan whilst I was doing all this, because I thought, well, that's probably the funniest way of doing this.

And also, that's the most me way of doing this, is not to do it like I really think I'm in any way like Doctor Who, but more like I've been forced to do this by Greg Davis. Yeah, absolutely. To carry on. But then I got marked down for that, for what I felt was the obviously comic way of doing that. So in terms of the creativity that you're talking about,

I was being marked down for creativity. Yeah, I completely agree with you. I think you are underscored massively on this one because the entrance is great. It is dramatic. The entrance itself is dramatic with the phone box. And then you come out and you've got the voice changer thing. And I think the only way to do that

is to then come out and go and do it deadpan. Yeah. If you came out and started being really dramatic as Doctor Who running into the house, I think everyone would be slightly embarrassed, right? Yeah, exactly. It would have been intensely embarrassing and rubbish if I'd been really trying to be like Jodie Whittaker

in episode two at that point. It's David Baddiel. It's essentially that Eric Morkham thing of, I am wearing a wig and a hat, but I'm just being Eric Morkham. Yeah. You know, it's not trying to be the character properly at all because it's one of the things about me is I just look like me, whatever I put on my head, right? So I'm going with that that i'm leaning into the david baddielness a bit and that's

this is probably the closest i ever came in the episode to thinking right well i will do this in a particularly comedy way yeah rather than you know just trying to do the task and i was marked down for it now i think what i then understood understood which i'm now looking back i now realize is that because i undercut it at the end like as part of that greg thought that made it not dramatic yes but that's a bit of a bind isn't it because i'd have had to do it like you say like in a really stupid over the top sort of like oh my god the garlics are coming away if i if i'd kept the drama up and i was never going to do that also what I will say again I'm trying to be objective about this is I also undercut mine so I I come in with the black cloak on my head with my um with my baby head guards yes and you know there's the lights flashing there's dry ice in there and it's I mean I think it looks great

they did a wonderful job of uh of you know helping with the lights and doing all of that stuff it's fantastic and then i deliberately uncut it at the end all the lights came up i pulled my hood back and say hello alex yeah it's basically the same joke done in a different way yes exactly which is me i'm not gonna bother with this anymore i'm tired of it now yeah it's kind of my entrance and yours was smiley and friendly after gothic horror yes it's the same it's a subversion but i'm sorry because he loves you he wasn't worried about the lack of drama yeah no i do i i agree with you there um it was very good though i i what i thought was very good

about your one was i just uh I I thought it did look genuinely like something from a horror film or from from a dark heavy metal gig yes it was it was it was influenced by a band called Sun who are a drone metal band um who I've seen play live and they use a lot of dry ice and lights like that and they're all under hoods but But now, looking back on it now, I don't know if you saw any of the BBC reality game show, The Traitors. I actually didn't. I've been meaning to watch it on Catch-Up, but I haven't seen it.

It's very Traitors-esque. It's the way they do things, like a sort of Hammer Horror look. And I love The Traitors. So consider that my audition tape for The Celebrity Traitors. You did make it ironic at the end. Having gone proper horror, dark, the baby's heads are genuinely quite disturbing.

You're smiley Ed Gamble at the end. You know, don't worry, guys. It's still me. It's still me. And that, I think, makes it, literally, that's taking the drama out of it for comedy. You got away with it. Yeah, it's a

very good point. So how many points did you get? I got four. Four points. Four. As opposed to your one. Rose won this, didn't she? Rose won. Now this is an example of someone maintaining the drama. Yes. This ends with a big dramatic note. Yeah. So

to be fair to Greg, who we're slightly condemning here for not understanding comedy is he clearly takes the job very literally and he's clearly thinking right I actually want it to be a dramatic entrance and yes Rose's was like totally all the way

I'm going to keep it up and shocking and oh who is this? Yeah, yeah. And so she got points for that. It's fantastic because I've seen that task back a few times now. And every time I forget where she is standing in the camouflage and I can't find her. She's expertly camouflaged.

You know what? It's also shot a bit like a sort of art film because there's a shot. I forgot what she did when I watched it last night well that's less and i remember thinking why is there a shot of a car just driving out of a chiswick bypass yeah what's that what and then it just sets up the sort of nothingness yeah the bush and the road and then you've forgotten that she's in there camouflaged and for a moment it is quite frightening yeah suddenly suddenly she's there uh it's absolutely brilliant and then deciding to add that layer of drama by uh quoting streetcar named desire as well is a is a lovely moment i think it's great it is a lovely moment i didn't get the reference i have to say uh until she explained it

and uh greg is right that there's no connection whatsoever between hiding in a bush yeah they desire the connection is drama i think that's all you need drama yes i only david i only really know it from the simpsons when ned flanders uh plays that role in yeah street car that's what i know it from no i mean i probably know it most from uh rose matafaios but so what were the other choices the joke katie was the cult yeah katie was the cult let's talk about the cult because i think this is fantastic and i think i love the cult the vic reeves thing is a lovely is a lovely point of reference there yeah she's so funny and she's very committed yeah so committed as an actor yeah she's very committed to that that which we're not that's the

point i mean that she does get credit for that because we break character that's the point that greg is making i mean i didn't lose you any fucking points it did for me so that's just an anomaly but we break character she doesn't she stays cult leader slightly uh low status cult not very charles manson yeah sort of like you know it's sort of kind of cult leader, not very Charles Manson-y. Yeah. Sort of like, you know, it's sort of kind of cult leader Salvation Army person. Yes, yeah. And the four fake people, like a brilliant idea. And well, I think, you know...

You know what? She does break character, sorry. Or does she? This is a very interesting question. When she says, it's too heavy, right? Is that Katie or is that the cult leader speaking? At least she's still doing the voice. She's still in the character, I think. But this

is why Katie gets loads of acting work. This is why she's been in every brilliant sitcom in the last decade. Because we couldn't do that. Because at the end of every scene, we'd just start calling ourselves by our real names and undercutting everything. No, I can only be myself

i'm not an actor uh i'm only only good at being myself uh and so therefore no i couldn't do that at all uh but it was also there was something genuinely kind of creepy and strange about it which i really liked a lot she kept it quiet i mean i i have fantastic memories of seeing katie when she was in uh a double act sketch group with anna crilly and they just had amazing sketches and they were this sort of feel to them right just you know slightly weird they could do it very quietly and just brilliant they were so good and this is uh this is that sort of vibe yeah there's also i mean you did this as well. Visually, I'm quite all over the place.

I'm a man of words, really, rather than visuals. That's all I have, really, is I'm good at expressing myself. And so I did all right with the Doctor Who, but again, it was sort of a mess. It didn't, you know, but whereas your thing felt actually visually quite stylish, as did Rose's, as did hers. It was like, you know, her working presumably with the props people to create a genuinely striking visual image. It's amazing.

Yeah. I can't believe you do that. Same with Joe. Did you draw? No, I was a very bad drawer. So when you were telling them how to create the cloaks and you just said it should look like yeah just just like with the baby heads on top right so they look like tall

tall men with tiny heads okay um and then did you did you show them sun the band yeah i think i showed them a video of the just the um the dry ice and then the light, the shafts of light shining through the dry ice and sort of obscuring cloaked people. I think I'd seen them quite recently, so it was at the forefront of my mind. So Joe was dressed as Henry VIII, came out of the shed and then took the top off a cloche and Alex was under there dressed as Anne Boleyn.

I mean, it's amazingly imaginative. I don't think anyone else could have thought of that. No, and also Joe, it's got a kind of food element to it. Sure imaginative. I don't think anyone else could have thought of that. No. And also, Joe, it's got a kind of food element to it. Sure, yeah. As in, eat Alex's head. I absolutely loved it. I mean, she makes a very striking Henry VIII. She does, actually. You know, I think that's her working with, you know, something unseen about her, which is kind of regal, but in a kind of Tudor way.

Yes. Yeah, yeah absolutely I think it's great I think did she have a beard I can't remember now she had a beard yeah I just think that when you hear dramatic entrance I don't know how her brain then went bloop bloop bloop Henry VIII no no uh and I'm not one to say I don't know how any brain went to that place. It's not for me to say, like, how on earth did someone, because I did a lot of how on earth. But no, it's not straightforward, but it somehow was dramatic. Yes, very dramatic. I mean, in a slightly Shakespearean way, I suppose.

Yeah, yeah, I think so. It felt like she was, yeah, walking onto the stage at the Globe. It was her entrance to the stage. Yeah, it was stagey. And it was definitely dramatic. I would say it wasn't as dramatic as yours or Rose's. I think she slightly suffered from it being like the middle of the day. Yeah. So it felt like very just, here's the shed,

and here's Joe in a kind of horrible history's costume. Yeah. Whereas yours felt genuinely a bit dark and weird, like very just here's the shed and here's joe in a kind of horrible history's costume yeah whereas you felt genuinely a bit dark and weird and and roses was also sort of the light was very right for that for what happened yeah i think so because it was yeah towards the end of the day when we filmed ours um she got four points the same the same as me um so this is the one where i say don't patronize me he says i'll give you two points and you say don't patronize me and he says all right one point yeah well i think he says i'll give you two points in a very sort of you know well there was a lot of effort and you did your best and

probably he's going to react against that yeah i said don't patronize me i'll give you one point which looking back on it is really unfair the The Doctor Who thing is, you know, it's a dramatic entrance. But that's what he was saying. He was saying it was a dramatic entrance and it was only the undercutting that he didn't like. So he goes to give you two points and then you put your foot in your mouth. Yeah, yeah. But I would suggest that in all the times that you push back on Greg,

that doesn't happen. You've come on here with an agenda, David. He's so cheeky. My son is so cheeky. I love him. Whereas I get a point knocked off. You do, yeah. So it was one point for you, three points for Katie,

four points for Joe, four points for me, and a very well-deserved five points for Rose. I enjoyed the SFX, I enjoyed the beautiful playing of the organ. Thank you. That was excellent. But where you lost it for me was your performance as Doctor Who herself. Yeah. Seemed to lack conviction. I was trying to be not just Doctor Who, I was trying to be the TARDIS, the Daleks, the whole thing, and

that took it out of me. On there, all I saw in your eyes was, oh no, my kids are going to see this. Let's talk about the live task. Draw the second longest snake. Your snake must be half an inch wide at all points. Your snake must be neatly curled up again after three minutes.

There is a bonus point for the best snake. Of course, your question will always make me laugh the second the second longest snake in the world yeah that is a joke yes i think i knew uh looking back on it i think i knew it meant within this competition it was a joke but it is also an example of that's what came into my head so yeah within seconds um so yeah it was that was funny it's very funny i also knew because it was a drawing task and i am terrible at drawing that i would draw the the worst snake yeah the least artistic snake and in fact later on the points are given for the most artistic snake i believe yes and it goes to rose i mean this is

this is one of the there's sort of types of taskmaster live task this is one you know where you've just got to sort of do it there's no there's no real technique to this unless you're looking at snakes can i ask you one thing is i immediately get the toilet roll off the podium and roll it out on the floor and no one else does that yeah so so again like that seems the obvious thing to me to do like if I tried as other people seem to be managing to draw a snake with it held in my hand and just by rotating it that would have been I wouldn't have looked like a snake at all it would have just been a child's markings on a tablet roll I don't know how people managed to do that yeah i mean i can't

really remember i think i was just unrolling a bit doing it unrolling it a bit doing it which is why it doesn't look very joined up my one i think it's a bit more sort of just like scattergun um but i think the bad thing about the way you do it is that people could have looked at your snake and then estimated how to do theirs based on yours, but then you don't know what the others are doing. So it's luck. Right, so that didn't occur to me. That wouldn't have occurred to me that tactically

I'm giving away the length of my snake by unrolling the toilet roll. That wouldn't have occurred to me at all because I just wouldn't have been able to do it with the toilet roll, you know, what's the word? Rolled. Unrolled, yeah. Yeah, right, yeah.'s the word? Rolled. Unrolled, yeah. Yeah, right.

So it works out for you. I don't have any tactics there. I am literally just drawing a snake that feels quite long. Yeah. And hoping that that is the second longest snake. It was perfect. That was exactly the right thing to do, because you had the second longest snake, five points.

No, I won. And actually, i won these ones slightly more again it's the film tasks that i'm totally shit at yes i'm not quite as bad at the live tasks although the live task does involve which we should talk about a bit more before we go the the drawing on on my back and me trying to do it that was a live task wasn't it that was a live task and they put when they do team live tasks normally they put people together who were teams in the film tasks right but for some reason they decided in this drawing on the back one that you and i would be on a team and wasn't it quite important

to you at that point in the scoring that's my memory i mean i was obviously already lost but i have a feeling that it was quite important at this stage i can't remember exactly which episode it was but my notion was ed needs these points possibly to win it was to win the episode he's been team with me yeah i think because i was team with you there was no way of me winning the episode yeah i think even if we'd won the task in memory oh really yeah i't remember why, we'll get to that I'm sure when we talk about that episode but the main hurdle was

as Greg says we thought it would be harder for the team of three because they have to draw through two backs to get it onto the paper so to balance it out you're with David Baddiel That's reasonable I think with something like that, that is reasonable you're with David Baddiel. That's reasonable, I think.

With something like that, that is reasonable because it's a drawing task and also it's a task that conceptually I'm going to go to strange places. Yeah. What's in a horse that you drew? I can't remember. There was a church. I remember a church.

I was in church. There was a church. remember a church i was the church there was a church there was there was not a face not a face there were three aubergines i think we had to do um but as far as i can remember when i was drawing and you were doing the thing on my back you the thing you were doing on my back bore no relevance to what was on the on the sheet or you'd say i'm starting again yeah the idea is that you're supposed to do the finger on the back i think and then the person doing the pen is at the same time feeling what's on there and doing exactly the same thing and hoping that the shape would be approximately the same yeah whereas you would start and then go right no no i'm starting again so i've already

drawn something so i've got to start again as well and then when you were drawing you were just completely ignoring whatever I was doing and holding my hand to stop me you held my hand at one point to stop me because you were like no no no I know it's a face so you can just stop doing it

as if to say that's not a face you're doing the wrong thing there ed i mean alex kept telling us off for communicating as well and i just had to say it's not helping alex it's absolutely no in a way it's a masterclass in miscommunication yeah the whole thing but i just get so angry as people know really hit up about the whole thing and you can see greg realizing that i'm genuinely angry and loving it and you are you are having the time of your life when i'm getting angry you are i love that that is hilarious and but i should stress if any at no point would i've been thinking

oh it'd be funny to fuck up it no absolutely would not have been thinking that i would have been trying my best to draw what i think you're communicating to me to draw. And that then goes straight into a strange place. It's quite an odd situation anyway, is like to have you with your energy if I need to win, you know, trying to trace something on my back. Yeah. Kind of weirdly, the energy are intimate and yet psychotic yeah desperate but also tender yeah exactly but also it then comes up against my right i know what this is that's what the thing is that's the problem yeah throughout the film task and that

task i am assailed with i know what this should be and it's wrong i've got it wrong yeah but i'm confident i will proceed as if it's the thing that i thought it was even though it clearly isn't yeah well even in this case because during the film tasks sometimes you don't know you know you're just like alex is just leading you down the wrong path but you were saying no david this is obviously wrong and it still didn't make any difference also there's on your face there were eyes that were in on the face but the whole point of the task was your thing the finger could not leave the person's back so there was no way of me taking my finger off and doing two separate eyes without connecting them to the rest of the face but you just drew a face lifted the pen off two eyes had to be a face you know what there's far

too much logic in what you've just said yeah yeah yeah sorry i would have thought well it can't be eyes because he hasn't taken his hand off my back that's such impossible i decided it was a face but on this occasion with the second longest snake, it didn't really take much logic. You just had to do one, and it was five points. And Rose got the bonus point for the best snake, which I agree with. I think it was the best snake.

It was the best. I think she got different colours. Yeah, she did the red tongue. She did the stripes. So it was the point that won her the episode, because she got 17 points. I came second. I was not devastated, because it was a good came second. I was, you know, not devastated

because it was a good start. So I thought, you know what? Just get the points in the bank and come back and win the next one. 14 points for you, Dave. You're only two behind me in the first episode. Oh, really? Okay, that's good.

I do win an episode. I can't remember which episode it is. It's episode nine, I think. Episode nine? Or eight or nine. It's later on in the series. Right. Yeah, well, I'm assuming,

because when I do win that episode, everyone stands up and applauds in a completely patronising way. Yeah, correct. Oh, he's actually managed to play the game faintly successfully for the first time after nine episodes. Let's give him a round of applause.

But I must have presumably won a film task, otherwise I couldn't have won the episode. Yeah, I think you must have done, yeah. I think you won a few throughout the series. Right. But yeah, you're very strong. I think it's the shittiest thing I do actually. And this is not shit in terms of like, I think my chickpea was shit.

My chickpea cult was shit. Oh yeah, so that was in the final episode as well i think where you you lead some you lead some runners to the show when i'm doing it i know it's shit because you have to go miles and uh there's a scene outside a shop which is rubbish i mean i think this morning i was thinking because was it you someone does a thing where the chickpea has a romance and becomes hummus? Yeah, that's me. Yeah, yeah. So I remember thinking, of course. Why did I go?

I mean, again, it's like thinking of the first thing without thinking it through. Why did I go to religious iconography? I should have thought, what is it about chickpeas that will create a narrative? Where do chickpeas go? They go towards hummus. That's great. But I, yeah, so I think that is just bollocks

the chickpea religious cult episode also i think there's a real key to the way you approach some of the tasks because you hadn't really seen much taskmaster i don't think you were aware that you could say to the team i want to do this when you edit it could you make it look a bit like this or no i wasn't so when so taking the chickpeas an example rose does the funeral for a chickpea yeah which is shot beautifully and it looks very sort of maudlin and you know there's the she makes those little props and it's shot like a funeral and there's music yeah and same with my chickpea romance whereas yours is literally just a man holding with my chickpea romance whereas yours is literally just a man holding up a chickpea and leading some teenagers to a shop yeah i didn't

know that um and that would be true to some extent of the doctor who bit as well though it looks pretty good the doctor who one it looks pretty good but it doesn't look as much like doctor who as maybe it could have done yeah um but i mean, no, I guess what I wanted for the chickpea thing was for it to look like The Wicker Man. Yes. To look like a weird British cult horror film. Yeah. But it really doesn't.

It just looks like a horrible day in which David Baddiel and some cold people are walking across the bridge holding up a chickpea to no great comic effect. So I apologise for that. But I was much happier. I was very, very happy with things like the lasso spoons or the watermelons. I think there was a glorious shitness. Absolutely. A lot of that stuff. I think there was a glorious shitness. Absolutely. Do a lot of that stuff.

I think that's a wonderful way to describe your time on Taskmaster. I think Alex called me the people's champion. And I was very happy with that idea that not winning endeared you to people being, being not very good indeed you to people. Thank you so much for coming on the taskmaster podcast thank you ed i'm still waiting for the off-menu invite yes of course of course we're not recording at the moment but you can wait by your wait by your telephone um we always get our guests to rate their experience on the taskmaster podcast between one and five points in the style of the taskmaster you now get to hand out the points

david okay have you enjoyed yourself on the podcast and what point score would you give it I very much enjoyed myself on the podcast it was very funny very nostalgic to relive my time there great to talk to you and great that you've got over having been in a team with me at some crucial points in your winning Taskmaster series. I'm going to give you five points, which is, I think, quite generous, given that a couple of times in this episode, I've pointed towards favouritism that you receive from Greg Davis to help you win and help me only to lose. But because I'm such a good guy, I'm going to just say have the five points. Thank you so much, David. More favouritism for me. I love it.

Thank you very much for coming on the podcast. We will speak to you again soon, I'm sure. Thank you, David. Bye-bye, Ed. Cheers. There we are. That was a lot of fun. What a proper laugh it is to reminisce about the series with David.

Love chatting to David. That was absolutely fantastic. I don't need to plug anything that david does he's done so much brilliant stuff he's written so many amazing books and tv shows and all of that sort of stuff um but what i mean just so good i mean it's interesting what he was saying about uh more when uh um saying she likes it because it revealed a lot about him my my wife is exactly the same with me. It truly does pull up a curtain that you do try and use to obscure yourself when you're in the public eye. But Taskmaster just burns that curtain to the ground.

And it was so much fun talking to him. We'll be back next week, of course, talking about Series 9, Episode 2. And we will be discussing that with Joe Brand. Joe Brand, another fantastic contestant. On this series. Jo has been on the podcast before. But I cannot wait to chat to Jo.

About an episode that she was in. So we will be back next week. Next Thursday when the episode releases. To talk about episode 2 of series 9. Thank you very much for listening. Goodbye. Every veteran has a story. Whatever your next chapter, get support with health, education, finance, and more. At veterans.gc.ca slash services. A message from the Government of Canada.