Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Ep 121. Jo Brand - S9 Ep.2

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

On the podcast this week Ed is joined by Series 9 contestant, Jo Brand. Jo and Ed get to discuss the first team task from the series - sausage sandwich anyone? And she explains why she loved doing the show so much. Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmasterVisit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It's me, Ed Gamble, and we're talking about series 9, which me, Ed Gamble, is in along with David Badeel, Rosemar Tefeo, Katie Wix, Joe Brand. Very excited to be talking about this series. We'll be talking about the second episode of this series today with the brilliant Joe Brand. I can't wait to speak to Joe. She's of course been on the podcast before, but nearly three years ago, goodness me, talking about series 10, but today we get to talk about ourselves, which is good, and it's a very, very good episode this. I remember in the studio just absolutely losing my mind laughing, especially at the team task, Joe and David doing the team task, which we will be discussing at length, I'm sure, and it's always lovely to speak

to Joe anyway. Before we do, we have some other business. I spoke to David Badil last week, which you probably will have heard. David was saying that the way he was on Taskmaster, very much how he is in real life, just not being able to get to grips with practical things. He couldn't come up with many specific examples, but straight afterwards in David Badil style, he suddenly remembered something that had happened. And here it is, I'm going to read it out to you. Last week, I was doing a men's health podcast with Alistair Campbell. That's not it. And I was meeting him at an office that I use, but I overslept and woke at 9.45.

I am sorry to tell you this, but it's integral to the story. Very regular with toileting in the morning, but on this occasion I thought if I do that I will be very late. So I ended up having quite a long-shouty argument with more winner about whether it was rude or to be late or say to Alistair Campbell as soon as he steps into my office, sorry I just need to use the loo. My office is a small flat, so he would just have been sitting the other side of the door, and then I'd be obviously shitting. She was convinced that shitting was worse. I think lateness is worse, so in the end I went

and held it in, which obviously would have been quite bad for my mental health. So there we go. That's from David Badeal, lovely to lovely to you know maybe if David wants to write in with more stories from his life we can have one at the beginning of every episode. It's always refreshing and very insightful. But now let's hear more about David Badeal as well as the other contestants on series 9 as we talk to Joe Brand. Welcome back Joe to the Taskmaster Podcast. Thank you very much, Ed. It's nice to come back and remember Happy Days. Absolutely, yeah. Now, it's great that we've managed to get you on to talk about ourselves for a change. Yeah, hooray!

Now, is this the first time that you've watched this episode back? Because obviously we're talking about episode two of series nine, the best series of Taskmaster ever. Well, I, yeah, absolutely, of course it was. And the best winner ever. Who is that? I can't remember. Yeah, to know what, it is the first time because I haven't watched any of them. Oh, wow.

I don't like watching myself on the tele. See normally I'm the same with myself but with Tarsmaster feels different for some reason. I don't know why because it because obviously everyone else has done so many brilliant things and you know it was fun in the room so it's good to I enjoyed watching that fun back and I think they do a good job with the edit but I'm excited to hear that this is your first time watching it back. Well, yeah, if I could watch it back and every time I did or said anything, there was like a really loud fog horn

and they blanked out my face, I would be fine, but I just find it excruciating, so I just can't. Oh no, well we couldn't have you foghorned over, you did provide many of the highlights of the series. So, especially in this episode, we'll get to the individual task later, but the team task in this one is, I think, one of my absolute favourites of the house. Yeah, it's good fun. When people come up to you and talk about task masters, I'm sure they do. What do you think is the task or moment that you're most remembered for by people? Well, I think because, according to my daughter, there was a lot more kind of bazon Twitter. It was probably the one, the horse or limonator task, where you expose yourself as a witch? Yes, absolutely. And I was still exploring that side of me, particularly with my husband.

Let's get straight into this episode then. Let the memories start. The prize task for this episode was best bag. Best bag. Very broad prize task for this episode was best bag, best bag, very broad prize task. Now, you brought in a sanitary towel disposal bag. I did. Oh, and also, leading you to use the phrase, Lady Monthly, you started Lady Monthly,

and I thought, oh, Joe's being quite cacatish about this. She's trying to be polite inish about this. She's, you know, trying to be polite in the way that she describes it, but then followed it up with the word squirty thing. Yes, sorry about that. No, don't, never be sorry. No, not to disappoint. If I could just say in a very general sense, I got the wrong end of the stick when we got our instructions for those things that we had to bring in as prizes. And I thought we had to bring them all from our own home. And then when I realised that people were buying things and you get an amazing things online, I was so pissed off with myself, but I didn't give myself more of a chance, but I had loads of them at home

because I always sort of planned to use them either in an artwork because I just think they're so hideous and so hilarious at the same time. So yeah. What would the artwork have been? Well, I don't know because I've done that Grayson Perry art show. Yeah. And I kind of like, one idea I had for that, but I never even put it to them because I didn't think they'd let me do it. Well, I was going to cut all the pictures of cigarette packets and, you know,

of bat people's lungs and some idiot- sub-curating foot and stuff like that. And draw a figure and sickle the bits on the relevant part of the body. Because me and my friend Betty thought that would be hilarious. But nobody else did. So I didn't even try. And so I would have done something hideous, believe you me. I would have, I don't know.

I don't even want to go there. I didn't know. That cigarette pack idea is great. I think it's in the public health's interest, right? I think so too, because it would really kind of hit them between the eyes. Yeah, it's just thinking when it gets to the crop chair here, when they warn about male impotence, they don't tend to have the graphic picture, they have just the cigarette that's sort of flopping over.

So that would look great. But I loved this prize and I also like that it was presented in a frame. Yes, well I had to dignify it somehow, just the fact that it's a sort of woman in the cringling with a bonnet And you know, if that's what those people thought when they first invented those, but it was like for women, I thought I could give them a now long lecture on where they've gone wrong. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, it sort of suggests that, you know, women should be dainty and you must hide your shame. Put your shame in this bag and dispose of it. Exactly. And I'm neither dainty nor had my shame on the face. So, no. What was your one I'm just trying to remember? Mine was, now, look, this is the second episode

we've talked about from the series. My first prize was bad. This was, I think, equally bad. I think I really panicked with this one with best bag. And I brought in a bum bag which had a sort of photo of a belly on it. So when you put it, you put it on, it looks like, it looks like a belly in front of you. Well, that was my favourite by a mile. Well, thank you very much. It was so hilarious and so unattractive. It gross, wasn't it? And it really seemed to put Greg off. And I think even in the studio, he says,

you weren't to know this but it reminds me of me so I worked with him at a lot of points. Well it also showed in a way how random Greg's judgment can be, you know, because I I remember one other taskmaster that we did, we had to sing the theme tune. Do you remember that? I don't remember that when Tim. It did. Well, so, my I just thought for a laugh because I thought it would make Greg laugh. I would say like, you know, Alex is lovely, Greg's a twat or whatever it was and along those lines. And he seemed to be really offended by that. But you know, I obviously got him wrong because I thought it'd make him raw with laughter. Oh, I'm sure he I did think he thought it was

funny but I think within the taskmaster universe he has to be very proud. Yeah. And directly calling him a twat and I think it was Alex's skinny Greg as far. I think it was literally just like straight down the line as well. Yeah, it probably was a bit much, but I'm also like just briefly interested. So is would you view Greg as a character within taskmaster or is he just Greg? I think I think he is more Greg than he is a character, but I think he takes the role seriously and has to maintain a certain air of authority within it, whereas Greg in real life doesn't necessarily have that need for authority.

Or he's more just like a naughty little boy. So my belly bum bag, I wasn't that happy with it at the time. I was annoyed that the first two prizes that came up were, I think, a couple of my weakest, because what I'd obviously done is gone on, I don't remember if I did, but I'm sure I did, went on to Google and searched funny bag. And the belly bum bag was the thing that came up first, apart from a backpack that, a rubber backpack that looked very, very much like a nut sack, like it had wrinkles in the hair coming out of it and stuff. Oh yeah, difficult choice then if you'd seen that.

I think I might have suggested that to them and they said, no, Ed, we can't do that, we'd have to blur the whole bag. Okay, yes, that's both so. Children do watch taskmaster. Exactly. Katie brought in, I mean, this is a very Katie prize. It's really imaginative, a bagpipe, but with no pipes. Yes. It's a great angle. I think, did I'm not sure if she made it or a friend made it for her. It's like artistic, slightly weird, slightly wonky. Slightly obscene in some ways.

Well, that was you who brought the abstinence to the picture. No but well you know come on you know who Freud is. Yeah yeah. Everywhere you look there's a phallic symbol. Come on you're sitting in front of one and we have to take that into account and people's psyches. No absolutely and I'm not you know I'm not sure if Katie fully took that into account when she you know I think she taught bagpipe window pipes, but of course as soon as it came up, I thought it and you said it. It just looks like a really warmer and a ball cooler. I believe it's the off-race. We're a very ill man as Greg added.

But it was great. She said a great couple of starts with prize tasks, Katie. So last week we had the teapot with the handle next to the spout and now the bagpipe with no pipes, very, very good, but was beaten by Rose Mattefetto who crocheted a bag. When you make something on taskmaster, I think that gives you a real edge in the prize task. Although I do think you should be marked down for being able to crochet, quite honestly, because it's quite a niche, you know, knitting I could just about deal with, but crochet, do you know me? She loves it, she absolutely loves crocheting, she's an arts and crafts lady in a sort of 90s way. Yeah. And crocheting, crocheting best onto the

bag as well was with my idea but she has spent so long on that there was no way I was going to spend that amount of time doing it. No, just get a sanitary, that tailed disposable bag or order a belly bum bag off the internet that's the best word doing in quickest. Very good from Rose. Let's go straight down to the bottom of the table now because I was luckily saved, as always, by David Bedille, who was back to you last week, and he settled some scores and talked about that. Oh, did he? Well, you know, I think David is not ashamed of his performance on Taskmaster,

knows that he is the people's champion for being one of the worst contestants of all time. But I think facing it again was probably slightly painful. He really misunderstood. So you thought you had to get them all from from your own home. I don't think David understood what it was or what it was supposed to be doing really. He brought it a bag of sour sweets. So obviously the sweets, great because he loves sour sweets, but the bag is just the paper bag. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. No, I mean, I would give him a couple of points for sweets, but you know, do you like those sour sweets, those really sour sweets, though? Well, you've had competitions in our house when the kids were young to see who could last the longest. I'm not, you know, the really, really bad ones that feel like you're being tortured.

Yeah, the toxic waste. Yeah, absolutely. No, not mine, not my first choice. No, because Alex eats some and it does look like he's in genuine pain, even going into the first film to ask, he's properly wincing still. But then again, that does seem to be an ambition of Greg's foremost shows that Alex looks like he's in pain or is he some way sidelined down by a kind of cat in comment. It's really stuff's three into his mouth at once and Greg's hand is so massive it almost completely covers Alex's face as he just like rams three sweets into his mouth terrifying. He smothered him. But terrible from David let's be honest and he won the prize task last week and then straight down to the bottom again just when you thought the hope for David might be doing well in all the prize tasks, he gets one point for his sour sweets.

Two points for my belly bum bag, three points for your Lady Muxley Squity thing bag, four points for Katie's bag pipe with no pipes and five points for Rose's best bag crochet project. Yes. Very good, strong start from Rose. LAUGHTER Rose, what's your bag? Why is it the best one? I made a bag.

The crocheted little bag. And it's the best bag, because I wrote best on it. Here it is. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE So, meanwhile, do you know how many social engagements I had to deny to make that bag? I don't. I...

None. LAUGHTER It's like crochet. Until tonight, I had no respect for the crochet. Really? I do know. Best bag so far. Task one, this was a good one. I love this one. Correctly identify which bin Alex is in. You must adhere to the commandments behind the curtain.

You may only have one guess. No binds are to be open to any point during the task unless authorised. Fastest correct guess wins. Your time starts now and stops when you have one guess. No bins are to be open to any point during the task unless authorised. Fastest correct guess wins. Your time starts now and stops when you have your guess. And there were seven commandments of things you could do. For example, you could wheel one bin three metres, shake the bin, strike it with a frying pan. I'll just do all of them. Push it over. Listen to a bit with the status scope. Vert your eyes and drop one thing into

the bin or phone Alex from the phone in the phone box. So lots of things available to do there Joe. As far as I could work out, you did maybe two. I know. I kind of feel I don't know what was going on with me that day but I was in a weird kind of fugestate. Right. I just wasn't concentrating at all. And also, I actually thought that the task was far more simplistic than it was because it hadn't actually occurred to me that they would put other things in the other bins. Okay.

Which, you know, I am absolutely sort of, well, I have a very small brain obviously because obviously that was obvious that they would put other things in that were sort of either as heavy as Alex or your temperate was. So I just thought when I when I sort of picked something up that seemed heavy I seemed to remember I thought oh he's in that one then. Yes. And it was actually a load of water in it. Well, you said it was a lane page, I think. Oh, yeah, that's fine. That's what I, that's what I'd have liked it to be.

I believe that then led to a long discussion in the studio about a lane page that was obviously all edited out. Yes. Maybe 10, 15 minutes just chatting about a lane page in the studio. Much to my baffle, as you can remember, a bit of singing. But yeah, I know what you mean, that happens all the time in Taskmaster. I think it happens to everyone where you read a task and there's just a tiny bit of information that your brain just skips. You just think, oh well, it'll

just be the heaviest one. And then you look in there and it's a load of water. But true to form Joe, you didn't seem to give a shit. No, well, no, and I didn't really, I mean, this is against the background of having had two brothers as a kid and being relentlessly sort of beaten into third place, literally sometimes. And just being so tired of like being competitive. I just kind of thought I'm going to go for like the Batty Old Woman doesn't know what she's doing. Try and be funny and then I get a sit down quicker than everyone else. So yeah, I mastered it, you know, it looks like I wasn't trying very hard, and in all honesty, I wasn't sometimes, because I wanted to contribute,

but not in the sort of trying to win way, which I know is not very respectable, but you know. No, but people approach in a different way. You picked your battles, you know, with that one, you were like, no, I'm done, I'm just gonna look in this one, but then some of them, you threw yourself into it, so, and it's always entertaining

Well, you know, it was I had an absolutely brilliant time on it. I was so delighted to be asked because I thought I was out of the age limit Because they thought if she runs anywhere, she'll have a stroke so we can't have her on so So, you know, it was just such a joy to do Yeah, I think I think that's the joy of Tarsmars, although it is a spread of, you know, ages was just such a joy to do. Yeah, I think that's the joy of TASMASA though, it is a spread of, you know, ages and styles and all of that sort of stuff because you want to see a group of people who are going to attack things in a different way. If it was just all people like me sprinting for everything and desperately wanting to win, it would be a very unpleasant viewing experience, I think.

Well, also, I think the great joy of it is because you do, and I'm sure lots of people have said this before but because you do each task on your own you have no idea how anyone else has fed until you actually get to that kind of studio day. So in your in your mind do you think had you done well or badly or did you just not know you hadn't thought about it? Um, in my mind, I always have done well and in reality I never have. So, you know, I kind of always prepared for disappointment but I thought, yeah, I've smashed that. Even when you opened the bid and there was just water in there, you thought you smashed that. Can't see anyone doing better than that. No, exactly. No one else is going to get it either. So what does it matter? Katie and Rose both didn't get it. Katie had a similar approach to you. She was more cautious. She was almost scared of the bins, I thought. And didn't use many of the commandments at all and just and ended up guessing the bin with a

kitchen utensils in. I think whatever sort of little brain brain tick you had Katie also had it because yeah she sort of bowed out before all the commandments were done which was a shame. Yeah I don't know if that's like a competitive edge or something you know, you just don't get the adrenaline kind of going for things for things like that. You save it for What do you save it for, you know, me mainly for sort of lying down really. Yeah, but whereas I think sort of like if you sort of think of taskmasters as sport, I think men are naturally because they're blessed with a lot more testosterone than we are. Naturally quicker thinkers and more keen to sort of explore all the options and therefore to kind of win at the end. So if it's something... Well that's not born out in the last sort of few winners, I think, in the last...

No, well, yeah, that just probably sort of pays homage to the different range of tasks that you have to do, maybe. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. I mean, certainly... I mean, although I wouldn't... If there's something I would level at David Badeal, it wouldn't be a lot of testosterone in adrenaline. No, but then age plays a part of that. Yeah, it's right. So probably all leaked out of the colon is body somewhere, but you know, I was delighted to have a sort of similarly, I mean, I'm quite a lot older than him, but like a similarly aged chum. Yeah, you know, to just spend a bit of time with and go or when we got up and four when we sat down. And like not doing press ups when we weren't doing, you know, obviously not that you three were, but yeah, I think it did kind of show that we were, we were a long, we elderly spectrum compared to most. Rose really attacks the task as she does with all of them. She

used all the commandments, but then I think sometimes adrenaline gets the better of Rose. And she wheeled that bin out the way and there was clearly a task or a clue sat on the floor in full view of her and her brain just completely skipped over it. She missed it. But I think that's so easy to do yes in taskmaster because I remember one where we we read a task and um and then you had to it said wait here two minutes then go run to the caravan yes and there was a load of stuff hanging off the ceiling yeah my brain said what what's all that shit on the ceiling? Oh, that doesn't matter. And then you get to the caravan and say, remember as many things as you can,

hanging from the ceiling. And I hadn't even looked up. So I did the same thing. I did look up. I think I tried to pull it off the ceiling, because that's just the way I seem to do most things on taskmaster, to try and break everything. And then ran straight to the caravan.

And, and obviously doesn't remember any of it. Your brain starts pumping and you start moving. But yeah, I think that's what happened to Rose here. Just the catalogue of bad luck, like dropping the status go into the bin and it somehow completely missed Alex and you're sure. Absolutely. So, you know, you can't really blame her for any of that really because she definitely used all the commandment, she was trying to be a good detective, but she guessed the wrong bin out of two. I mean, the the the ferocity with which I threw that frying pan, I think sums up a lot of my time in Taskmaster, just bullishly, through a frying pan, I think sums up a lot of my time in Tasmus, they're just bullishly through a frying pan at the bin that he could well have been in. And if he wasn't that, that

probably might have hurt him. Well, no, exactly, but we kind of needed someone like you because you could rule out me and David, because we were always in the process of being sat down somewhere and wiped down with a cloth. And I kind of, you know, well, I think Katie's very laid back about it. And Rose was very competitive, not to the point of inflicting quite extreme violence, potentially, on people. So yeah, we did need you doing that.

It was the, yeah, it was the throwing the throwing pad and then pushing over the bin so hard. And I said it in the studio, every time I did it, I thought, it'd be funny if Alex was in here and this is what makes me hear him. There was one thing I did, which I thought was clever, because I don't think anyone else did it. I called him and then put the phone down off the hook and ran out to listen to him talking on the phone,

as opposed to staying on the phone to him. So I thought that was smart. It's difficult talking about myself on this joke, because I don't want to come across as arrogant, but also I don't want to just constantly say I was terrible. So I'm finding it valid. You were terrible. No, but like, yeah, there's something, you know what I mean. I do, but and I think it is genuinely hard for all of us with some exceptions in comedy, but you're not included. To just big yourself up all the time, people don't want to do that. Yeah, and one of the easiest things.

What ridiculous things have to big myself up about putting the phone down so I could run out and find out what Ben Alex is doing. I'm pretty good with that actually. Could you actually, I got the impression you couldn't actually hear him even when you ran out, but. I could sort of hear him. I think that might have been what alerted me to that bin. I think I picked it straight after, but I just wasn't sure.

I think I was worried that they were playing a tape or something. I think I got really annoyed about what was going on in the bin. And whether they played some extra trick on me, which is always a worry with Taskmaster. Well, I never put the pass in the tool with you. So absolutely not. No, but I was happy with that result. David David, a rare victory for David Badil, where he actually finds Alex and calls him puts a leaf blower into the bin, finds him and then still hits him with a frying pad

with his eyes just poking out of the bin. Oh, yeah, good. Well done to David, but true to David Bedil form, he'd forgotten that he'd seen and read the task on the floor. In the studio, he'd let over to be and said, I didn't know there was a task there. He'd but he had seen it, read it. And that was a running theme throughout the whole studio recording. Was you and David just leaning over me to ask what happened in this task? You remember the task. Well, that means that you'd be very good toer in the future. And if Dave and I get outside, as at the same time, we'll call you. Happy to do it. Happy to do it.

I think we can get a channel for a documentary out of that, Joe. I think that would go down very well. So it was five points to me, four points to David Badil, and not points to you, Katie and Rose. You didn't find Alex. Hello. Hello. Can you shalt? Why would I shalt? I can't hear you. Can you shalt? I can hear you regularly. No, I can't hear you. Well, you're responding to me. I've no idea what was saying. Can you just speak a bit louder?

Yes. Who I'm losing you? I can't hear what you're saying. You're gone. You're gone. That's just rude. A change of seasons means adventures in rain, shine, mist, or snow, or all of the above on the same day.

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Learn more at By Heart.com. for formula. Learn more at buyheart.com. Task 2 Draw this was difficult. Draw a portrait of the taskmaster using 16 A1 pages. You may not remove the A1 pages from the flip chart during your drawing. After the task, the A1 pages will be laid out in the pattern shown on the front page. You may only draw on the flip chart paper, best portrait wins. You have 20 minutes, your time starts now. Very complicated, I thought this one, Joe. It was, but as you probably saw, I swerved completely around it. Very clever. The thing about art is you could literally do anything you want. So, I mean,

you could have just taken the whole thing off and torn it out and put it in a toilet or something and then photographed it. That's art, isn't it? That's a portrait of Greg. So, I was kind of aware that I would just, I just wouldn't be able to do the task because they expected you to do it. And I was really impressed by the people that actually did have a go at it and did

get something that looked like a face. Well, I thought, but I thought you was a very, very clever because you're right. It's a really difficult thing to do. And you still did a portrait because there was one of the squares was a picture of Greg. So there was still that central thing. And then surrounded by things that you thought that Greg might like. Yeah, absolutely. Chip, just the word chips, not even a picture of chips. Exactly. Well, I remember thinking about that and thinking, they'll just look like tampons or something, sorry, back to periods again. I'm so terrible at drawing, so you know, I just thought a short can't just write chips. Well, you did draw I just thought a short camp just write chips.

Well, you did draw a nuclear power station which did look like a tampon. Oh, that is true. That is true. So I got one in some way. I know. I know. Well, I thought it was a really, a really smart way of doing it. Probably at the time when it came up in the studio, I was probably angry. Best off, yeah. I hadn't thought of it. And then I probably did argue with you about it and they cut it out in the edit. Because you were an argueer, I have to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, little bulldog in the studio. And I was a massive kind of capitulator.

Oh, give me less points if you want,. I look at you know, so yeah, we're very different. Well, Greg respects that more, that attitude more, I think, the not caring about points, we're just accepting it as opposed to people like me, like constantly. Yeah, but they did this and it's ended in the task that I did do this. Did you ever actually change his mind? No, never. You can't change his mind. No. You can't change that guy's mind. But great portrait from you. I mean, it's so funny that even in episode two, we know that David's going to be bottom.

Yeah. Great. The way Alex introduces David's portrait is by going, should we get David out of the way? People have just given up on him straight away, but correct to in this case, because he comes into, looks at the task and said, this isn't some Sudoku bullshit, is it? And then he gets an apron, some paints, gets so much stuff, constantly sending Alex back and forth to do stuff. And then the portrait is the weirdest and worst thing I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, absolutely. It's so interesting about Dave, because he's so clever, you know.

And yet somehow, is it like common sense or something has been etched out by having a big brain of cleverness? And yeah, he did that a few times, one a lot of times, I think. Most times, and I helped if we were doing stuff together, I made it worse. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. It's because none of the tasks are sit down for the next six months and write an important book. No, quite.

So if that was one of those, you know, five points for David Bedille, I'm sure, but if it's anything practical, anything we have to put together, do some artwork, it's always going to be a disaster. What's an exciting taskmaster that would be if it was sit down for the next six months and write an important book? And we'll be back to you in July. Yeah. We've got a lot of hours. and it's six months and right and important book. And we'll be back to you in July. Yeah.

We've got a lot of ads. Wow. It was, there was things like, he did a bit of a ball bag. There was, he'd started on the top, on one of the squares, there was a complete hairstyle. And then on another one, there was a bit of a hairstyle and the two left halves of a face.

I don't know what, what he was doing. He had no technique or tactics for it. What's there ever, did he? and the two left halves of a face. I don't know what he was doing. He had no technique or tactics for it. What's the ever-ditty? No, he didn't, but he could have styled that out as a different form of art, but he didn't even bother once he saw it. I don't think.

Well, I think he said it would win the turn of prize, but I don't know. I think, you said before that anything can be art. You could just tear it up and put it in a toilet. I think we found you said before that anything can be art, you could just tear it up and put it in a toilet. I think we found the one thing that can't be art. That couldn't be, yeah, it can't be art. It's a toilet, one would have beat David's.

Rose's, Rose's was great, I thought. Yeah, it was brilliant. Really good job and, you know, barbed wire hair, sure. But it definitely had the essence of Greg and she'd obviously come up with a good way of doing it. But the thing with Rose is she also looks so uncomfortable about anything she does, so whenever anything pops up she looks like she's lost already. Yeah, it's very endearing actually. I mean, I don't I think that is Rose. It's not the Rose is actually really

massively confident that she's just hiding it, I think that is Rose. It's not the Rose is actually really massively confident but she's just hiding it. I think she really is, you know. And I, I find that a really sort of attractive characteristic when someone's like that. I mean, some people would say, oh God, it's so bloody annoying because they know they're brilliant and why are they pretending not to be?

But I genuinely think she isn't. She, you know. Yeah, no, I agree. No, I totally agree. And she's brilliant, I mean, the amount of things she's done and stand up awards and brilliant sitcoms and stuff. But, you know, I'd imagine she sits there at the screenings of her successful multi-series sitcoms with her head in her hands. Oh, absolutely me too, definitely. But in Taskmaster, I think that can cost you points sometimes. Because I think if you show that weakness in front of Greg, he'll pound or he'll use it in his decision making process, which is often difficult.

Yes, that's that's the side of him. I don't find that palatable. Now, Katie, no, let's talk about mine, because I've got three points as well as Rose. I was very proud of this, Joe. Where are you, Ed? I'm dead. I'm dead. Because I thought it was going to be terrible. And I liked my technique.

I thought it was good, because on the little grid, I sketched out on the little grid. So then I had a reference for when I was doing the rest of the drawing, so I knew what I had to go on what square. And it just about matched up. There was a face, there was a plane in the background, there was a little dog, there was a little... Oh, yeah, the plane was a bit weird. The worst because they was in the park. That is okay.

It was a bit weird. I was just trying to add something to the background, but I think Greg took exception to the fact I did quite an evil smile and then also gave him red eyes. I can't remember why I gave him red eyes, but he did look evil. No, but I think sort of evil was a sort of theme running through his judging on numerous occasions. So I thought that was appropriate myself. Yeah, but evil people don't like to be confronted with their, with their own sin. No, they don't. That's true. And you can tell actually with Greg, that if you imply in any way that there's evil lurking there, no, he doesn't like that at all. No, he becomes more evil. So it was three

points. I, I thought I deserved more for this, but look, there we go. In the studio, I think I was quite quiet about that, but you got four points, so that was very clever thing to do. Now Katie got the five points. I understand that it captures the energy of Greg, but the task dictated that you had to do all these pages and they were going to be flipped round. So I thought the main part of the task was making sure it all matched up. I don't think Katie's matched up enough to get the five points. It was a bit higgle-dee-piggle-dee, there were some things the wrong way around. And although you could sense that it was Greg, I don't feel like it was better than say mine, for example.

No, and that's what I love about you, Ed. You of confidence in being better than other people. That is total anathema to me. I'm one of those people that is annoyingly kind of like, oh no, you know, I can't do that. No, I don't think that's very good and I haven't done very well. So I kind of envy you in a way, because I'd like to be like that. And I mean, you're very lucky. I shouldn't really flatter you, but you're lucky because you're likable, but you are enormously competitive.

And when someone's enormously competitive, I normally hate them and they irritate me. But we had such a laugh. I didn't even kind of occur to me, you know, and I also thought you sort of added that something to it called energy, which certainly Dave and I were very lacking in and also Ketu's kind of languid on occasions as well. So the only other sort of ball of energy was rose and it is, I think female energy is very different from males. So basically you could really have been like someone's really annoying little brother who keeps kind of like, you know, tugging at you going, look, I've done that better than you. I've done that someone, you know,

just showed a will to win because after all it is a competition. It's like annoying. If someone's like, I'll fuck it, I don't care. Let's have a cup of tea, which is a bit like, I was a bit like that. Dave was a bit like, I mean, you were literally, but you were both literally like that in one of those. Yes, we were literally like, yeah, absolutely. I love that task so much. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, I think I am very competitive and I can be an annoying little brother, especially on this show, but I think I'm also blessed with self-awareness, so I know how annoying I am and how annoying it can be. So hopefully I know when to rein it in is the key. No, absolutely, because my little brother was really annoying,

because not only did he absolutely crow from the rafters if he won something, you know. He wasn't sympathetic if you lost. And on many occasions, I assaulted him with or without an implement. I remember one day I hit him with or without an implement. I remember one day I hit him with a tennis racket, which wasn't a very nice thing to do when he was nine, I think. But you know, you never gave me that feeling.

I never wanted to try and assault you. So, you know, that's good. We had all the tennis rackets removed from the studio just in case. Good, glad to hear it. But Casey's was probably one of the more artistic ones, and it definitely was an essence of Greg. So I think he was flattered by it as well. I think it was a dark, brooding, sexy version of Greg.

But you still think you should have won. Yes. That is. No, I think you should have won, actually, because I think you had the smartest way of doing it, but you know, it's too late now. Yeah, too late now. And I got the three points. It was one point for David, three points for me, Andro's, four points for you, Joe, and five points for Katie. We get tables out of the way.

We can't. for Katie. Shall we get David out of the way? We can't. That's serious. Oh, terrible people say. Oh, David. This is how it looked when we laid it out, according to the grid. I mean, that is... LAUGHTER

..that is some kind of seducu bullshit. LAUGHTER You're going to give that no point, but it's going to win the Turner Prize. LAUGHTER Do you know what? There comes a point where we have to get medical advice. LAUGHTER Task three, this is the task that we both loved.

The first team task, complete this adventure. Unless otherwise stated, you must stick together and only open one task after you've completed the previous one. Fastest wins. Now either look in the toaster or go to the shed. So the task we eventually found out was whoever said the word demeaning, and point in the task wins.

Now, no one accidentally said the word demeaning, which is I'd imagine they were hoping for someone to just plop out the word demeaning and then win the task without realizing. Wouldn't that have been brilliant? It would have been good, but unfortunately, what happened was both teams went through the full rigmarole of doing a lot of tasks and really taking our time

with it. Now obviously we didn't know who we're going to be on teams with until we arrived that day. Did you have a sense that they might put you with David? Yeah, I had a suspicion they might do, you know, just to sort of double up the old duffer effect because, you know, I think together we are more than the sum of our parts, so we're like three old people really and we're together. But I must say, because I know we started on the circuit together at the same time, so we've known each other absolutely years and we are good mates and we've been on holidays with our kids and everything. So it was just nice to have someone that I knew really well. And I kind of sensed as well that he was sort of thinking along

the same lines as me. I get a sit down and something to drink whenever you can and save it. You definitely matched energies well and that was clear in this task. What would your reaction have been like if you'd been on say a team with me in Rose and that task starts and we're like tearing off and doing it at the speed we were doing it. How would you have reacted to that? Well, I would have hoped you might put me to bed first and think to yourselves, we're going to do better as a two than if we'd drag her along with us. Well, you know, I would have, I suppose I would have tried to keep up and I would have really enjoyed

it, but actually it was, it was so ironic, wasn't it? When you looked at the timing, you three seems to be like rushing around. Yeah. Like, you know, it was wearing just to watch you really. Yeah. And yeah, actually, it took you a shorter time. Yeah, just a lot. Yeah. Well, just about, but it still did considering what all the things you did. And me and Dave basically did very, very little. I remember watching this in the studio and they cut back to the studio a few times and we're crying with laughter. Yeah. Because you and David doing this is just outstanding, getting to the kitchen and having to make

the sandwich. the comparison of the two teams making the sandwich with us, it was get a banana, squash it into the bread, take a bite and go. And run, yeah. Yeah, you spent so long going through all the ingredients in the fridge, cheese, oh yeah, like a bit of cheese. Cocktail sausage, oh man, yeah, no, I like Cocktail sausage, it's a bit of mustard, yeah. And then you put the butter in the microwave to soften it up, of course.

And then had a cup of tea with it as well, which wasn't part of the task. No. Well, you know, I think our sense of competition had sort of dribbled away within about two seconds of that task. And as soon as we got in the kitchen, we were like, yeah, come on.

You know, we could have cooked a breakfast really, and I don't think we'd do. And that's because I think what happened was that Dave didn't realise, did he, that it was as fast as you can, or he thought it was. And I think I said at the time, I did realise, but I didn't care. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, we were kind of a good team for that question. Dream to you. Yeah, and I think I said at the time I did realize but I didn't care Yeah, so you know, we were kind of a good team for that dream team Yeah, yeah, and I think you you ended up I mean the great thing about this task is Even if you're fast you might not win because if you pick the wrong envelopes that get you stuck in a loop Yeah, there's sort of no way out of it

So we were stuck in that loop for ages. We did 24 different tasks compared to your nine. Yeah, amazing. Yeah, you had a good, good sort of enveloped selection and ended up picking the thing off under the mat and saying, demeaning pretty quickly, really. But if you've done nine tasks at a lick, then you would have probably done it in about 10 minutes. Yeah, just as well we didn't, man. Yeah, good for us. Yeah. And we messed up so much.

I mean, the thing on Rose's head fell off, and then we had to sit on the bench for three minutes singing the taskmaster theme tune. So the next time we put something on Rose's head, we sell a tape to on there. It was just the disaster. We were making such a mess, but having a great time. I was so happy to be on a team with those two, because I know Rose very well and I've known Katie for a long time as well. So the fact

it was those two I thought, right, we're going to attack this. There's our only agenda here is to do the task. And also actually, you know, the the end result sort of challenges the tortoise and the hare story, doesn't it? Because we were the tortoise and we came last, well second. Yeah, so it doesn't always work out. Yeah, the hare won't on this occasion. Mind you, the tortoise, I think the thing about the tortoise and the hair is the tortoise just does the race slow and steady Whereas if it was a good analogy then I think the tortoise would stop for a you know a sandwich and a cup of tea and then You two did it in 36 minutes 26 seconds seconds, and we did it in 29 minutes.

And that, the map they put up of our movements, the side-by-side comparison of where we went in the house. There's a bit where you end up in the taskmaster house, and then while we're literally just zipping all over the map, it just stops your stops for ages. Well, you know, old people have to save energy, or else who wouldn't have got through the day. I think that's what it was about to assert that Stan. But so, yeah. You seem to relish that, though, the being in the older team and taking your time with stuff. You're like, yeah, fuck it, that's what I do. David always seemed to take that as a bitter pill to swallow. So when he comments,

he goes, oh, did you put the old, the old funny, dirty music under us? He's like, yes, Dave. I know. He kind of resents. And in some ways rightly so, you know, being dragged into the world as the elderly and in firm, whereas I positively embrace it. And, you know, I think my thing was I'm not, if we're competing on a physical level, which we were sometimes, as a group, I'm not going to get anywhere. So I'm just going to piss about, that was my approach really. Whereas I think, I think with Dave, he was like, it really ambivalent about it because he

realised that he wasn't the sort of bright, fast young thing that you younger ones were, but he still really resented it and wanted to win probably because he's much more competitive than I am. I think that probably faded away by the end of this episode. I think he probably realized that it wasn't going to be his for the tech. It would be remiss of us to not mention one of my favourite moments in the whole series when you and David are asked to whisper a word that begins with D&N D&G and you whispered Guantana Mobile. Yeah, what went wrong? No, wrong because it's not one word. It doesn't really with D or N in G. Why was that at the

forefront of your mind? Guantanamo Bay. Do you know what? I really don't know and this this has worried me and my comedy for quite a long time now, which is sometimes I don't really know what this is about, but it take it back to Freud, maybe call it a Freudian slippish sort of thing. And I do this quite a lot. And when you're a performer on stage and you're meant to be saying sensible things. I occasionally just a word comes out and I think Christ where did that come from? And it's like totally inappropriate. And I think that was a mixture of being slightly that started to happen. And me going, oh, gone ton of no bay, you know, people think I'm mad, and I am a bit, because I don't know why I said that.

Yeah, really weird. It's one of your, it's one of the great gifts, the Taskmaster Gifts. There's one ton of my bay, and of course, that when you're doing the serenade to yourself, I'm moist, it's one that pops up on Twitter, which is fantastic. Well, you know, it means something very different

to the generations, doesn't it? Yes. Yes, indeed. My daughter used to set perfectly serious to me. I would go to your side moist. Yeah. That's like, ooh, ooh, ooh. Would you say that, that's RNA to me, if someone said,

tell me some of the things that I did on TASMAS, that would definitely be up there. Would that be one of your highlights? Do you have any other highlights particularly from the series that you love doing? Well, I did, yeah, and funnily enough, because I can't sing to save my life. I actually really enjoyed sitting in the car and singing Jerusalem, because it was just such a stupid way to do it. That was brilliant as well, because that seemed to... Sometimes, it's just what's good about Tarsamastra. Your tactic a lot of the time was what's the way I can do this with

expending the least energy and not throwing my all into this, finding ways around it. But that worked on that one. So it was the singing Jerusalem, but I'm going to be in the cab on the way back. And then I can just sing it down the phone. And that was, it was perfect. And also produced a perfectly cooked egg. How did that happen? It was brilliant. Because quite honestly, I had no idea that was going to happen. I was absolutely delighted because it made me look like a professional.

LAUGHTER And I'm sure there are people out there who now use that tactic that boil eggs and sing the Russelam. I would really like to think that. I think that would be so brilliant if they did. Well, getting contact with us, if you do ever use the Jerusalem egg boiling technique

Playing like silly old people mute Basically the summer wine We couldn't put an action score on it We were essentially watching the real Marigold Hotel. So we just stopped for a fucking sandwich, I believe. It told us to make a fucking thing. It told us to make a fucking thing. So we didn't say then to kick back and enjoy it. While talking about the good old days.

I mean, the whole point of the task was to say the word demeaning. And the word umi-liante means humiliating, or demeaning, it begins with D, N, G. Putting a colander on your head, we thought you might say this is quite demeaning. Oh, I'm sorry. I misunderstood. I thought the whole point of the task was to, in the most sinister way possible, whispered Guadantan. Let's talk about the live task. The live task was in two parts. Make a lovely little ball arrangement.

You have 100 seconds. And part two was flatten all the yellow balls, throw all of the red balls into a bucket and turn all the blue balls into one big blue ball. Most balls in the right shape and place after 100 seconds wins. And of we were blindfolded for that. Now this is another one of those ones, Joe, where your sort of slightly laxed and daisicle approach to a task really paid off for you. Oh, I really lacked out on this one. It was brilliant. You arranged them all into the perfect ball arrangement. It was literally you'd arranged them all into the word ball, but also by colour. And then you knew exactly where the colours were, you just did exactly what you had to.

To be honest, Ed, not always a given at my age, because you know, like, your short-term memory tends to falter a bit as you get older. Right. And the worst thing in the world would be, if I'd done that, and I'd forgotten which colour, which let us wear. And it was very possible that that might happen forgotten which colour, which letters were. And it was very possible that that might happen. But thankfully I didn't. So I just couldn't believe that had happened. It was brilliant. I was so delighted. It was a real strike of luck and yeah you did very,

very well there. Whereas obviously the rest of us are trying to make amazing arrangements and thinking that's the whole task, even though come on, that's not going to be the task. And then we're in trouble then when we've got the blindfold on. David, the most in trouble when it was announced, he had put something to a bucket and he realised all of his were piled on top of the bucket. It's just every week. I think it happens like that to David. Those two partners are great, aren't they? Yeah, they are. Because it's like on a huge high, I've done brilliantly. The fact I've done brilliantly at this means I'm going to do way worse now. Because David's E.T. he planned a whole sketch, the sort of forero rush A plus the scene thing.

And that's what that's what made it terribly in the end. You got 12% of his bulls in the right place. Rose went with a good tactic I thought of putting all of it into the bucket so she was guaranteed 33%. Yeah, that is a good tactic absolutely. But I can't believe I think because it may be me and Katie were both doing the getting the audience to shout out which ones we were holding Which you know, it's been it's been used in taskmaster before use the audience But it was still confusing because they were just shouting colors for everyone

So I had no idea what But I remember being so panicked in some of these live tasks because because that's when the pressure really got to me, I think. When it's just you filming in a house with the crew, I think it's a bit funny. Like, I can do anything, it doesn't matter. Yeah, absolutely. You might have to see the result of this for a while. But when you're in front of that audience having to do those tasks,

I choked more often than not, I think. No, it's quite hard. And for me, anything physical, which involves aiming something or throwing something and getting it in a particular area, always far too enthusiastic at that. I mean, you were asking me a little while ago, what my favourite task, I tell you, my least favourite one that I was most ashamed of, was where we had chickpeas and we had to make them into something. Yeah. And I think that I made, I've got like a little gap between my teeth. So I made it into a false tooth. And I thought, and it took like two seconds. And I, I thought afterwards,

what was I, that was so pathetic that I didn't have any more imagination than that, and it didn't work either because it was just all disintegrated. And I think that was where I thought, you know, if you're doing Taskmaster, maybe try and think about something for longer than 0.0, 0.7 of a second before you do it. Yeah, I think especially with that task, because it to do something absurd with that chickpea, right? And I think we had half an hour or an hour to do it. Well, exactly. You're sorry, man, but I think yours won it. And it was really good, whatever it was.

It was some sort of... I went on a date with the chickpea, and then the chickpea got over, and then I slept with a pot of hermus. Yeah. I think roses might have won, actually, or maybe it was a joint thing, because roses did the funeral for the chickpea which was equally absurd and amazingly sharp and very

well conceived. So yeah, I think it's when those those tasks you have half an hour and hour then you know the sort of thing that might be affecting. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I like the tooth though. And I think Katie did, Katie might have done fingernails or something. So she did like painted little chickpea nails, which was very funny. But in this task, the live task, David only got 12% of his balls in the right place, which I think is less than you would get if you just anyone else just did it randomly. Absolutely. Oh, God bless him.

I mean, it did make him very lovable. Oh, of course. Look, we love David. We absolutely love David. But yeah, it had an him very lovable, don't you think? Oh, of course. Look, we love David. We absolutely love David, but yeah, it had an absolute disaster in some of these. Rose got 33% with the Bucket Technique. Myself and Katie both got 45% in there and took the four points.

And you Joe, almost 100% is what they said. Pretty much all of them in the right place, five points. Let me tell you, Ed, that so rarely happens to me. That task and the horse or laminator one were just such weird, you know, such little wrinkles in time for me. Because I'm like not a winner of things really. I don't win things or come first ever.

And I'm always been happy to slob about at the back, kind of gurning and looking sort of, you know, comedy pissed off, which I never am really. So, yeah, I was absolutely delighted by my luck in that one. I must say. Oh, it was fantastic. We loved it. And of course, at final scores, David, at the bottom,

with ten points, I'll do it. God bless him. You and Rose came joint with 15 points, then Katie on 18 points, and I took home the victory in this episode. 19 points. I was very relieved to get an episode when under my belt very early. Were you thinking sort of at this point, now I'm getting the measure of it. I'm kind of in with a chance here. Maybe, but then you never know what tasks are going to come up next to you. So I knew I'd screwed a fair few up of the film tasks, but then I knew there were some really good ones to come as well.

So you just you just never know. I knew there were some really good ones to come as well. So you just, you just never know. I knew that Katie and Rose were both, uh, both pretty good and, you know, would be doing well throughout the rest of the series. And then you obviously very good at live tasks there. And David is fine. I knew he was going to come bottom immediately. Well, that's great. It's just nice to have a whipping boy every episode. No, totally. Yeah. So at this point, I'm in the lead in the series, 35, Roses on 32, Katie's on 30, so it's pretty tight at the top. And then you're on 27 and David's on 24 points. But

it's only two episodes in. We were still unsure about what was going to happen. But also, I remember being so sad that, because that was the first day over within the studio, right? So we did two episodes on that first day. I just remember being really sad that there were only four days left. I just want to do this for the rest of the year. No, I know, and I absolutely loved it as well. Because actually, it's just, it's such a great thing to do with a group of people that you kind of all get on with and we got on with each other. We took the piss out of Dave a bit, you know, God bless him and me too because I deserved it. But we were just a nice kind of

group of people. I can't imagine doing something like that if you didn't get on with everyone. Oh, it would be hell. Yeah. Be all forward, isn't it? Yeah. No, I just remember having a lovely time in the studio and really looking forward to going in to do it. But remember, it was your birthday one day as well and there was a big cake that said old woman birthday on it. Oh, yeah. Oh, well. Thank you so much for coming back on the podcast, Joe. Not at all, Ed. It's great to see you again.

We always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points in the style of the taskmaster. This is of course your second time on the podcast. I don't know what points you gave it last time, but feel free to just go with your heart between one and five points. You're so... I think going with my heart. I'm going to give it five. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. It's nice to remember it and it is one of the favorite things I've

ever done. So yeah, lovely. Thank you so much, Joe. We'll see you again soon. Yeah, tada. Thank you so much to Joe for coming on. always great to speak to Joe and just great to reminisce about filming series 9. We really did have a wonderful time, I hope that's coming across. And you know what, it's quite fun talking about some stuff I did as well. I was a little bit more arrogant in that episode, I feel like I did well in that episode and you know what, I'm going to say it. But I also had some massive disasters, and plenty more disasters to come, I promise. We'll be talking to another special guest next week about Series 9 Episode 3, but for now, goodbye! you