Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 132. Sally Phillips - S15 Ep.9

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

Taskmaster Icon alert! This week on the podcast Ed is joined by the brilliant actress, comedian and Taskmaster Series 5 contestant, Sally Phillips! Sally talks about her time on the shows and shares her most memorable moments. The pair get forensic over the latest episode and enjoy some empty head moments. Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmasterVisit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It is a bittersweet day on the Taskmaster podcast because, yes, we're excited to talk about Series 15, Episode 9. But it's Series 15, Episode 9, which means it's the penultimate episode.

It's Ed Gamble here, of course, the host of the Taskmaster podcast. But this machine rumbles on. We have plenty of other things to talk about once this series is done but let's not wish this time away this is a great episode and i'm very excited to talk to sally phillips about this episode sally phillips of course an amazing actor writer all of those things and primarily for our needs sally phillips was one of the stars of Series 5 of Taskmaster, a classic iconic series. Sally did some incredible things, and I'm looking forward to talking to her about some of those. Before we get into the conversation,

I will say that there is some background noise. Sally mentions she lives quite close to the Taskmaster house, and some of you might know that the Taskmaster house is under a flight path. Sally is also under that flight path, so there might be a couple of plane noises but just enjoy it, just enjoy that. I think it's nice to hear planes, imagine where those people are going on their holidays. So this is Taskmaster series 15 episode 9 as discussed by Sally Phillips. Welcome Sally Phillips to the Taskmaster podcast. Hello Ed Gamble, thanks for having me. Oh of course, well very excited to have you on the podcast, of course. How excited?

How do you want me to rank it? It's quite early, it's quite early in the morning, I mean I'd be impressed if you're excited. No I'm excited. You know, this is not even my first thing I've done today, Sally, you know. Wow. So this is the best thing in my diary today. That's how excited I am. Well, I am flattered. Well, it's great to have you on because you were in Series 5 of Taskmaster, of course. One of a fan favourite, I'd say.

We did have a great gang I think the other thing that happened with us I don't know if anyone else has said this but they'd just announced the champion of champions and none of us wanted to do that so none of us wanted to win so there was absolutely

no competition whatsoever which I think made for a really brilliant atmosphere. Well what I'd probably say is knowing everyone on the line-up as I do I would say that maybe you didn't want to win and do champion of champions, Bob certainly didn't want to win and do champion of champions but Nish would have done but sadly there was absolutely no chance of that happening nish was the star of our series i thought and that was that's the glory of the show isn't it like uh you know failing hugely is also a win you're just trying to do good telly yeah so nish was hilarious you know i'd never seen nisha's stand-up and so um i just thought he was this complete idiot imagine imagine my surprise when i went to see this suave man doing political satire

yeah could not believe it yeah i think in terms of in taskmaster history in terms of the disconnect between uh appearance on taskmaster and their genuine job. I think Mish has the biggest gulf there, for sure. So when you agreed to do Taskmaster, had you seen much of it or did you just think, oh, it sounds like quite good fun? I'd hardly seen any of it. I'd seen one episode, I think. And I thought it looks like, I'll be completely frank,

I thought it looks like quite I'll be completely frank, I thought it looks like quite good fun. It's only 10 days and it's five minutes from my house. So I thought that, I've got three kids, I thought, well, that's, you know, that's compatible with childcare. Yeah, absolutely. And also, to be completely frank, my husband had just left and I thought it looks, it doesn't look that look that demanding yes a good thing to take your mind off stuff yes if you're concentrating on trying to get a ping pong ball out of a tube yeah exactly I mean it couldn't be in better therapy actually I'd recommend it to anyone whose husband's just run off with someone else get yourself locked in the taskmaster

house for 10 days and really everything seems fine at the end of it. Well, now I've mentioned getting the ping pong ball out of the leaky tube, which I think one of your highlights in terms of the only one who really solved another way of doing it, because everyone else was just pouring the water in. And look, sure, during that task, everyone else was just pouring the water in and look sure during that task you also tried to pour the water in and you poured it through a funnel because you thought that might make a difference um but eventually you got the hoover and you managed to get it out that that felt like that felt like a big a big moment for you um do you have any

particular highlights there's others i want to talk about sally but do you personally have any highlights from your time at taskmaster well for me everything changed once we started doing team team sports and actually the rest of it I sort of lost interest in the rest of it once we started doing team sports because I mean how amazing to be on a team with Bob Mortimer and Aisling B yeah trying to teach Bob Mortimer secondary school dance routines, Bananarama dance routines. And throwing yogurt, was it yogurt? Or balloons?

Trying to make the biggest splat. Yeah, the biggest splat from the crane. Yeah, our song. I mean, it was just pure joy. So anything that I did with those two was great. I think you certainly have some of the most memorable and long-lasting images in Taskmaster. You managed to create these images in quite a startling way. So the birth of Alex, I think, if you had to put a picture up for each series,

I think the birth of Alex's face all close up, out like he's being born I think would definitely be so so much fun with that I just remember thinking you know when you're when you're improvising the thing is just always go with the first idea just go with it yeah and they said make a really I can't remember what was the task I can't even remember record the most incredible footage yeah or moving or something like that, yes. And I remembered my dad, fervent atheist, forcing us to sit down and watch the conception of a vole on whatever it was, World of Animals or whatever it was then in the 70s or 80s, 80s it must have been.

I remember being A, really mortified and B, completely overcome with this you know fiber optic camera doing the conception and the baby vole coming down through the birth canal and so that was the first thing that came into my head so I thought well let's do that and uh and then obviously covering Alex in peanut butter and jam, wrapping him in King film, the woggle as the umbilical cord. It was just such a laugh. How's he reacting during all of this?

Yeah, he was up for it. He was really up for it. The whole crew were really up for it. Everyone got stuck in straight away. They recognised the ambition of the thing. Well, I'm not surprised about the crew being up for it. Of course the crew were up for it. And then you and then you've got the gopro snapped uh strapped to your forehead yeah so uh wriggling down a kid's play tunnel play tube with alex pushing forward wrapped in cling film

gosh it was that it was outstanding and lest we we forget, I think it was record the most incredible footage using that GoPro. You did that absolute masterpiece and Nish completed a Sudoku. Yeah, Nish did a Sudoku. And he didn't even do it right. He just filled it all in. And also, I think it would be very, I mean, people listening to this would absolutely kill me if I didn't bring up the water cooler moment task. Yeah. Yes, they said do a water cooler moment.

And I've never really had an office job. So a water cooler moment, is that something that people talk about around the water cooler? And they said, yes. And I said, presumably, I can't have sex with a water cooler. and I said, presumably I can't have sex with a water cooler. Everyone's face sort of went completely blank. Like I'd farted, like they were ignoring something I'd said. And then they decided, no, that was fine.

So we did that and that was another occasion where the crew got very enthusiastically involved I could move the caravan they went yeah okay go your cut your cuddle task was absolutely fantastic as well because I think it was quite early on in the in yeah I think the first day might have been the first the first one that they showed and you just went for it it was brilliant it's it's good when you see a see a contestant be like right okay here we go this is going to be a fun a fun uh eight weeks i think yours was i think because i was having such a shit time at home yeah um i just thought well i really don't care how this comes across i just i want to have a laugh and so that just made me laugh a lot putting cake in Alex's socks.

Now, I might be right in saying this is the only episode you've seen of this series. It is the only episode I've seen of this series. I don't get to control my own telly very much. The kids, I haven't got more tellies than kids, so it's already a fight. What do you think of this line-up? So it's your first time seeing this line-up. It's my first time seeing this line-up, and I'm already in love with them. I'd basically forgotten how funny Taskmaster was.

I love Jenny O'Clair. I've known her for years. We used to share a house in Edinburgh years ago. Oh, wow. And, yeah, I really enjoyed just watching her pissing herself. And she's so funny, isn't she? Yes, she's absolutely fantastic let's let's talk let's talk about the prize task uh let's start with the prize task uh as you say the sneak the

sneakiest thing um now you you won two prize tasks in your series you won hippest headwear and most high octane thing um did you enjoy doing the prize task didn't i win the most expensive thing point is the expensive thing i'm sure i did for the Bob's shit in resin at the it feels like it feels like you should have given me the wrong notes you're embarrassing me in front of Sally Phillips well I don't know if I did or not but I feel like that was my best prize I came up with yes you're yeah so it was yeah most surprisingly expensive thing was it surprisingly expensive thing I would have gone for in in the first one I would have gone for um Jenny's Alsatian mask would you behind yeah I would have yeah for the sneakiest thing so I initially I think it's a very clever prize because Jenny shows the Alsatian mask and you think oh it's it's just a mask that feels like one or two

points maximum and then to reveal her own book saying she struggled to get publicity for it that just made me laugh the most it was it was fantastic it's such a funny idea um yeah and it really it really connects with everyone immediately i mean this is a very high scoring round we should say i mean there's three there's three four points one five point and then oh no poor ivo two points uh because even though ivo sells the prize task very well he's not necessarily that good at them so the english dictionary that is actually a box with a smaller dictionary inside how did you feel about that one sally well again i thought it was a funny joke but yeah it wasn't it wasn't it didn't. The dictionary in itself didn't make me laugh.

Yeah. But is it sneaky? Yeah, but he's brilliant. I don't know him, Ivo Graham. He's completely hilarious. Yes. I mean, they're all so funny. And I've got a crush on May Martin.

I've never seen them live, and that's gone onto my to-do list. Yes, they are fantastic. And in terms of the prize toss, I think they put the most effort in this series because the knock-knock joke thing, I think it doesn't quite pay off. But that's good that it doesn't pay off because knock-knock jokes are always disappointing,

don't you think? Like my son, yeah, my son does, I've got a son with Down syndrome and I can't remember his knock-knock jokes, but they work because they're like that. They're just crap. So my favourite joke of his is he says, what's a fisherman's name?

And you go, I don't know what's a fisherman's name. And he says, Dave. And it just, it works in a circle somehow. Yeah, well, I suppose it could be. It could be, yeah. Then it's funny, yeah. So I thought that was good. And to make sure that they've put all of the elements of the joke

in different people's pockets as well is pretty impressive. Presumably, they would have had to have gone to the costume department before the show and then hoped that no one was looking in their pockets i suppose that didn't win for me because it's a tv there's just loads of people running around doing things for you so it didn't feel particularly sneaky yes yeah i suppose so can i get you a starbucks may yes and while you're at it could you put this piece of paper in alex's pocket no problem may yeah so if can i can i bring you some kimchi while i'm at it so i suppose that for me and the spy pen and i felt that the spy pen, it was sort of intrinsic, like the sneakiness was intrinsic to the thing.

And yeah, I just, I mean, yeah, it was sort of smart, but it... It was very smart. I feel that... Not that sneaky. I was hoping for something actually criminal, to be honest with you. Is that what you would have done, Sally? Something sneaky. I think maybe, yeah, something a bit sneakier than that.

What sort of? Like, I imagine, you know, you'd need a mask and a striped T-shirt. Yeah. At the very, I mean, I feel like Mark Watson would have been someone who'd have taken that. Oh, yeah. A lot more seriously. Yes, absolutely.

Absolutely. Not just a pair of socks sent in from Rachel, Rachel Horne, but some kind of six-month stalker programme. Of course, Mark, for most high-octane thing, got me to steal Greg's trousers. Oh, was it you? Was it you? It was me, yes.

You see, that was really good. That was sneaky. That was very sneaky. Yeah. Yeah, that should have won this prize. But anyway, they were all very good. They were. Jenny's prize made me laugh the most because the mask was just so awful as well.

Yeah. The mask was so awful and there was a sort of humility in the fact that the book hadn't done very well. Yeah, it was very very good i mean it definitely yeah it got four points which i feel something about kyle's though and having watched the whole series kyle seems to have just put his foot on the gas for the last three episodes so he's just he's doing amazingly well suddenly and this is after doing i think he would admit not great for the first few episodes and is now catching up with May. And I thought this prize task was great. It was very inventive.

He's a glorious, glorious character. Does he really not get on with Alex? No, he does. He gets on with everyone, Kyle. But there's a sort of mock indignance with everything he does. What I love as well with him is I love his I'm a genius expression. Yeah. Yeah, look, yeah.

I mean, come on now. And I think that was in evidence on that first task. Yeah, it reminds me, like, Seinfeld, Kramer, Michael, whatever his name was, and Kramer, they did the pilot, apparently, where he played it like he was an idiot. And then when they got to do the series, he played everything like he was a genius.

Oh, wow. And that was when it became funny. Yes. I thought, oh, that's, yeah a genius. And that was when it became funny. Yes. Yeah. Kyle's. Hello. Yes, I am. Yeah.

I am the god of this task. Really, really makes me who. I mean, that's that's that's very incisive because I think that is Kyle's general vibe during Taskmaster is he assumes everything he's done is the best. And then when Alex says or Greg says that's not very good he will immediately go are you joking what are you talking about yeah yes it's it's but I feel like this this deserved the points this time uh and we've not we've not yet spoken about uh about Frankie's um Frankie having brought in um mainly pictures and paintings for the whole for the whole series he's moved on to

something else but it is a picture book so it's not too far away from uh from what he's done so far but it was the orlando the marmalade cat but with the sneaky book cover of harry potter and the kung fu death cult uh to coax his children into believing it's a different book and then lulling them to sleep how do we feel about this one, Sally? Well, just, I don't believe his kids ever fell for that. But I'm spoiled, though, because I had Bob Mortimer, who genuinely brought in the, whatever it was, the sausage attacking. The sausage presentation unit. Sausage presentation, where you know he genuinely did do that.

Oh, yeah, 100%. Like, he genuinely did do that. So, I mean, it was, you know, it's funny and definite truth that your kids don't want to listen to the books that will send them to sleep. Yeah. I can't believe that because to me now that sounds like heaven, Sally. Someone reading a book to me every night and I always fall asleep. A secret way to unlock sleep. That sounds brilliant.

I get Frankie to come around and read me Orlando the of the marmalade cat yeah well you can you know have you ever downloaded any of these apps like what are they called things like karma calm yeah where you can get terrifying things like ewan mcgregor reading to you about a train journey through the scottish islands i did i did i was I was in Australia recently and I was very the jet lag was keeping me up in the middle of the night so I downloaded one of those stories and it was a soft voice man talking about a hot air balloon journey um but he just built up for it to it for so long about the walk through the forest of the hot air balloon and it got and then he said he saw a squirrel and he spent ages talking about the squirrel it really got on my nerves they're really hilarious i mean you realize it's all the depressed people of the world getting together to make up make things up

so you're walking through a forest imagine the kind of forest it's a big forest and dark you come across a path imagine the path path is it wide or narrow it is narrow you come to a body of water imagine the body of water what kind of body of water is it it is a calm lake i feel like there is definitely something in you recording a whole series of those, Sally. Doing different voices and just having weird things happen. Yeah, unrelaxing, uncalm. Stress out. Stay awake stories. Yeah, stay awake stories.

So it was two points for Ivo, four points for Frankie, Jenny and May and five points for Kyle. Hello, Jenny and Claire. Hello, Greg. Hello, Alex. What sneaky thing have you snuck in? To represent sneakiness, I have brought in a mask. Well, this is the mask that Jenny has brought in. Uh-oh. Yeah. I mean, honestly, how you're going to sell this to me as sneaky...

Sneaky...is a mystery to me. What's behind the mask? It's her own book. Yeah. So, this came out and it didn't really get the publicity I felt it deserved, so I thought if I could sneak it on... ..a programme such as this... ..and then all buy it. Jenny, I take it all back.

You are one sneaky sneak. Let's talk about task one. Make these things the same colour as those things. People and bottles must stay on their spots at all times. You may perform ten bottle stamps and two bottle squeezes. Best colour matches wins.

You have 10 minutes your time starts now this is an interesting team task how do you think your team of uh you bob and ashley would have done here oh probably the same as these guys it was fantastic i loved frankie saying have you seen the show it's a show about pedantry obviously because you said the title jenny why am i so shit at this that is that is the thought you have in a loop isn't it as you're as you're doing the show like this is surely some quite an easy task why am i so shit at this it's hard it's a hard task though i thought i thought it was a really hard task and i thought my favorite moment personally was this just sums up jenny's enthusiasm for Taskmaster.

She's easily the most enthusiastic contestant in this series, where Kyle puts the bottle on the floor and she says, are you doing the stamp? And he said, yes. And she goes, fucking brilliant. She's so excited for someone to stamp on a bottle. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a shame that there was a visor, of course. So what annoyed you about this task? That was what we were... Was the fact that people had protection, like the easel and the visor. Because that's what we were all hoping for, wasn't it? Yeah. You were hoping someone got paint in their eyes like Anton Deck. Paint in their eyes like Anton Deck. Paint in their eyes like Anton Deck and had to body paint. But they ended up looking like the aubergine in there. Yeah, but it was a great task. Really funny.

It was good fun. Yeah, Jenny, Kyle and May, brilliant teamwork from that team, I thought. But again, led by May, they really, they know what they're doing. And then the actual result of what they made, the way they painted those things to look like all the other things, was incredible, I thought. I thought they did a genuinely brilliant job of making an aubergine look like an aubergine, making a mango look like a mango.

I don't think I would have been able to do that at all. Did you think they looked like a mango and an aubergine? From the... Have you, from the have you I think I think you've I don't know if you've ever been in a kitchen or a yes I have green gooses I don't think they did look but I did look the same I get all my vegetables from odd box that would explain a lot yeah I mean yeah mean, they, you know, I thought they were pleasing things to look at, both sets. But I preferred looking at the three teams' finished artifacts.

Well, they tried to do it like that, right? And I will admit, maybe they didn't perfectly look like an Obidin and a Mando. But given the circumstances with the stamping and the squeezing I actually think they did a pretty good job I also love the absolute certainty with which May said when they said mango they said

red and green a mango is it red and green? I don't know that it's red and green well that particular mango had hints of red and green had hints of warmth because you know they're looking at this particular know that it's red and green well that particular mango had hints of of red and green yeah because you know they're looking at they're looking at this particular mango and not all mangoes are made the same um i i thought i thought given the circumstances yes they did exactly that

yeah but they did they did well um ivo and frankie now ivo suggested paint the other ones white which i think was a brilliant suggestion really good idea yeah and but yet again ivo is not talked over by frankie but frankie sort of does his own thing um and ivo doesn't have the bravery to stand up for himself this has happened in every team task yeah it really has so interesting because frankie will often just start doing something you'll see in ivo's eyes that he doesn't think it's the right thing to do. And it'll take him maybe 10 minutes to go, Frankie, no, I don't think we should do that. It's been a very funny dynamic and it's happened again here.

So they have to come to the compromise of painting everything the same, which I think works as well. I think it's another good idea. Yeah. Yeah. That's really interesting that's happened. There's Robert the Bruce. Robert the Bruce against Highlander. Yes.

You know. Robert the Bruce thinking carefully about a spy. I don't mean Robert the Bruce. I mean Alfred. Alfred the Cakes and Robert the Bruce thinking carefully about a spider. I don't mean Robert the Bruce, I mean Alfred. Alfred the Cakes and Robert the Bruce. Yes. No one brought that up in the studio, as far as I know. It might have come out in the edit.

Ivor's method, I think, would have been more satisfying to see, painting those white. But I'm glad they came to the compromise. And also, I just loved every time Ivor did something wrong, Frankie's giggle. Yeah. The giggle was like a sort of regency prince laughing at a peasant who'd fallen over in the mud this high little giggle um so he's so brilliant Frankie because he's got such a such a dour yes sort of pretend darkness yeah it is it is quite pretend and that's of course it's pretend and that's why it's so great to see him in this context yeah because he doesn't get

to he he's just out of his comfort zone most of the time totally so he can't you know can't keep it pinned down yeah and he's really thrown he has thrown himself into this he's he's not minded sort of making himself look look silly which i think i think is important in taskmaster i think what's clear here is every single person is just so funny in themselves yeah yeah i think you're right i think it's a great great cast and they work they work together well in there's been some great chats in the studio, some very pedantic sort of language chats in the studio, which has been a lot of fun, mainly driven by Frankie, actually. So who's winning then, now?

So May is in the lead. But the thing is, May was well in the lead for the last few episodes, like almost completely uncatchable. Very, very good. Very, very good. Very, very good at Taskmaster. Just very competent. But now, Kael's doing very well in the last few episodes, so he is potentially catching up with May.

So we'll see what happens. It feels like it's going to be an exciting final episode. But this task... And who's fighting it out for bottom slot? Oh, Ivo is fighting it out with himself for bottom slot he is only in competition with himself um which you know is fantastic Jenny's been to art school I know this because I had a bit of a well in a taskmaster-ish moment I got my agent rang up said do you want to do what was it um life drawing live and I thought oh this will be like taskmaster where you I think it was during the pandemic be like taskmaster where I mean I clearly can't draw

but go along and like draw badly and everyone laughs at it. And I said, yeah, sure, no problem. So I go along and there's Jenny Eclair. I go, oh, Jen, nice to see you. And she said, what did you submit? And I went, what? And she said, what did you submit to be selected for this? I went, what? And so it was us and then some proper artists.

And I was like, oh. And I thought, well, maybe I'm just the, maybe it's just one joke person because Jenny can actually do it. So then I said to the production assistant, you do know I can't draw, right? And she went completely white. Oh, no. And she said, we were under the impression

that there was some competency in art. I went, no. And it turns out there is an artist called Sally Phillips who has exhibited in the summer exhibition of the Royal Academy. And they thought that was me, but it wasn't me. So then it was just like nine capable artists. One of whom was Jenny.

It was like nine capable artists, one of whom was Jenny. And then me doing stick men and tear everything out of proportion. I mean, anyway, so I happen to know that when Jenny says, you know, when Jenny was exposed to the paint, something in her heart would have, you know, her heart would have grown blossoms. Yeah. Oh, Sally, that is absolutely incredible. And she'd have been thinking Jackson Pollock when she saw those squeezy. Yeah yeah for sure. What did your what did your drawing

come out looking like? Really quite poor. I mean I got I did three and they were all bad all really bad all much worse than everyone else's. I think I might have thrown the last one away. They did give me one to bring home, like a very poor drawing of a naked man. Did they say anything in the edit about they'd made a mistake? It was live. It was live. So once it was done, it was like... My children were watching it at home

and they're young enough to want me to do well. Yeah. Not to be able to glory in their mother being shit at it. Yeah, one day they'll find that absolutely hilarious. They really will. Yeah. Fantastic. So both teams got five points here

and I think well deserved because they attacked it in different ways. Again, both quite good. Really good. So both teams got five points here and I think well deserved because they attacked it in different ways. APPLAUSE Again, both quite good. Really good. Smaller team, wetter conditions, better outside the box thinking, give us some fucking points. LAUGHTER

Didn't Ivo come off his circle? Oh! Didn't Jenny take more off his circle? Oh! Didn't Jenny take more than two squeezes? I don't think so. Yeah, there were one too many squeezes and Ivo did step off the spot. Right, so I could disqualify them both and there'd be no points all round. Or, because there was a mistake on both teams, we can overlook it. I'm happy that they cancel each other out, I think that's fair enough. It's not up to me. That's right. Five points to everyone.

They all win. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region.

See app for details. Let's talk about task two. Part one, put three single digit numbers in the slots, then open the second task. Part two, deliver a one minute three single digit numbers in the slots, then open the second task. Part two, deliver a one minute lecture about the year you selected. Your lecture must start in 15 minutes from now. Most informative lecture wins.

You may not leave the lab. I thought this was very hard, Sally. How did you feel about this task? I thought it was a glorious task. Only one minute. What astonishes me is that they had 15 minutes to prepare because that's just torture isn't it because none of them had any facts they weren't allowed to leave the room they weren't allowed to look anything up and they only had to keep it up for a minute um so really it was just like sitting there losing confidence for 14 that's true yeah you're just sat in a white room just panicking about what you're going to say.

Would you have been good at this, do you think? Well, I would have done it before because it is a clown school exercise and I have been to clown school. So to deliver a lecture, it's something that I have done where you come in, everyone one by one comes in and takes a title out of a bowl. Yeah. And then you have to deliver a lecture, but it's longer than a minute. So you would have been confident delivering the lecture?

Well, I would have been confident. I would have done it before, but I mean, I wouldn't have known any facts about any of those dates. Yeah, the facts were important, right? Yeah, but it's very funny to watch. Very, very funny to watch. And just very funny to see how different people approach this sort of thing when they're under this pressure.

Yeah. I thought Ivo, Ivo got the five points and we didn't hear how many facts he got, but he does have that a true eccentric professor, like open university vibe, doesn't he, Ivo? Yes, he does. Yeah, he does have that true eccentric professor, like open university vibe, doesn't he, Ivo? Yes, he does. Yeah, he does. What's his stand-up like?

So everyone has to rest with children for the last 15 years. They're literally empty now. He's very, very funny. He's an amazing storyteller. Right. Does he tell eccentric stories full of facts? Yes, I guess he does sort of... He does burrow down into facts

and go down alleys. Wormholes. Yeah, wormholes and, you know, end up talking very specifically about things. But he's just got a massive control of vocabulary as well. And he's, yeah, he's very, very funny. But it is like watching an eccentric professor

sometimes, I'd say. Yeah, for sure. I mean, one of my favorite favorite things in the world is watching people with a completely empty head you know when they just have no idea what to say next or what they're doing or you know just stranded like washed up on a desert island of nothing and so my favorite thing is not to watch people being able to think of things to say but to be able to watch people just having really nothing to say at all so for me the winner here was May yeah they were great yeah just absolute and empty head syndrome uh and then well they had one they

had one thing right so they had that christianity was sweeping europe and they had the word monotheism um and just kept hammering that same point including doing the equation of one plus one plus two plus three is seven which is g god monotheism yeah so for me i mean you know i'm just purely assessing on funny for me that was and also kyle's was very very funny as well for the same reason just completely empty and big lots of empty empty head on show lots of lost face like completely blank lost face whole personality on pause yeah phenomenal I what what fascinated me about Kyle's was um that he said oh my time's nearly up so he started he started to rush he said I've got loads of stuff written down there and started rushing but it seemed like the stuff he had written down was that they had dogs in the past.

So he's like, oh no, I've got to get that in. He did get points for that because that's an undeniable fact. But then also the historian apparently said water not being invented yet was unarguable. And they didn't explain why water not being invented yet was unarguable. I don't understand that at all. Is that not to do with understanding how it's made up and being able to sort of create it from fusing nitrogen and oxygen? But it was invented. It was there, right?

Yeah, it was there. Yeah, I thought it was an interesting response from Dan Snow. Yes, yeah. Points to Dan Snow there. Yeah, I loved his face at interesting response from Dan Snow. Yes, yeah. Points to Dan Snow there. Yeah, I loved his face at the end, like robbed. I was robbed when the minute was up. Yeah, it was another are you joking moment. Very funny from Kyle.

Yeah, and Ivo didn't even look back when he left. Gone. Gone. Monks, there were monks monks some were bald yeah there were monks some were bald wards are not invented yet um frankie i i mean i think frankie could tell me anything and i'd buy it he just has a natural sort of authority in this situation don't you think yes but i can't remember a single thing he said. He did a list of things that people didn't know in 1417, which is a sneaky way of doing it.

It is, yeah. And that people didn't have a sense of British identity, which was an interesting point. But I think just because he's quite measured and he's quite slow and he looks like he could be... I think you get back to the real point of what is Taskmaster for? Is it for getting the right answer or not and i think it's not for i mean i enjoy it like right answers are nearly always disappointing successful

challenges disappointing yes the more glorious the failure the more the more ambitious the aim yeah the further the fall, the more joy. And that's why, Sally, you don't have a trophy. That's why I don't have a trophy. And I have one right behind me. Did you do Champion of Champions then, presumably? Yes, we don't talk about that. Did you enjoy it as much?

No. No. It didn't go very well, Sally. I spent an hour and a half trying to get a duck in a pond from the top of the drive. So it wasn't my crowning achievement, thank you. Richard Herring won. Did he? Which is a sad day for everyone. Yeah, that's exactly the way everyone says it when they find out.

Did he? Richard? Yeah. Oh, well. I mean, that's why none of us wanted to do it presumably bob lost with flying colors because that was his ambition never again to be selected in a champion of champions because it go on forever right it's i mean it should do i mean it'll be an it's a long way away but i think richard desperately wanted to do champion of champions as did i to be fair um so we'll see i've already told him that if if god forbid he should pass before then i will take i will take his place um frankie's was good but like you say

not it didn't make you laugh as much because his head wasn't empty his head was not empty yeah i loved i loved the studio chat though you will not speak over the historian's words and jenny saying to iva can you get money back from ethan fantastic yeah truly fantastic um yeah but you know that's not what ethan's not teaching you facts ethan must be teaching you confidence to believe that you can rule the country with a complete lack of expertise without facts yeah without facts it's not pushing facts

Jenny's we've not talked about Jenny's yet timekeeping not Jenny's strong point I don't think we've already seen that during this series I love that Alex just let her carry on and I think he could have probably interrupted a bit more but he just I love that Alex just let her carry on. And I think he could have probably interrupted a bit more,

but he just thought it was funny to let her talk for five minutes, 29 seconds. And at the end to go, is that one minute? But you see her art skills there, like a very good drawing of 1960s bra and panty set floral I love it I just I love that she just immediately went below the belt and the swans the different swans it's just so funny

budget allowing people had swans who said that was that Jenny budget allowing because she's drawn a castle that's what's funny about that she's drawn a castle. That's what's funny about that. She's drawn a big castle. She goes, budget allowing. She's going to say people have castles because people have swans. Yes, that was Jenny's impression of 1642.

She got two facts but spoke for too long. So she got two points. Kael got minus one fact, two points. May got one fact, three points. Frankie got two facts, four points. And we didn't hear how many facts Ivor got, but it must have been more than two facts because he got the big five points.

1123, the year is not 1124 or 1122. Rome has fallen. This is medieval. Something you could shout at literally any point in 1125. True, William I, the conqueror, dead. But his son or relative, William II, William Rufus, I think, is king. Christianity sweeps Europe.

We're talking monotheism, baby. When 1125 is established, what fighting illness? Why life hard, death frequent, tension constant? We're very far from the Renaissance. Monks, some of them are bald. The UK, I didn't include Ireland because I was mainly focused on this, I'm sorry. The main threat was from France. Er, constant threat.

1123. Numerically, 1 plus 1 plus 2 plus 3 equals 7. 7th letter of the alphabet, G. G, God. AKA, what I said before, Christianity swooping Europe, because Rome has fallen. I've also done my own family tree to put myself into the story. I'm one of three. My parents ran slightly out of time.

Oh, no, I'm inbred. Let's talk about task three. Make exactly 99 holes in this piece of paper. Your holes must have a diameter of at least three millimetres and form a recognisable picture or pattern. If you make more or fewer than 99 holes, you are disqualified. Also, if you look at Alex or speak to Alex at any point, you are disqualified.

Fastest wins. Your time starts now. This is hard, Sally. I would have blown this immediately. I would have blown this instantly, yeah. But I would have carried on like Jen. I think I would have blown this immediately. I would have blown this instantly, yeah. But I would have carried on like Jen. I think I would have done it anyway. Yes, May is a stickler for the rules, I think. May wants to do everything right.

So, yeah, I think that's why May is in the lead. So the fact that they broke the rules immediately and then had that internal tussle of just like, oh, God, what do I do? Do I carry on? And then just deciding to walk out. May shat in the milk, as Greg says. May shat in the milk. That's a phrase I've never heard before. And it's one of those phrases that I feel I'm now going to hear a lot.

Today was the first day that I heard the phrase, you basically shat in the milk. day that I heard the phrase you basically shat in the milk well I feel like it feels specific it feels specific to Greg's family but it feels like Taskmaster is going that now it's been on Taskmaster it's going to spread right it feels like it's going to be the new hot phrase we're going to see it on TikTok etc yeah that's right yeah no I would definitely have blown this one Yeah, no, I would definitely have blown this one immediately. And it's testament to the strength of mind of Frankie and KL that they did it. That they actually did it, I know. And KL makes the mistake that I think I would have made, Sally, because I just tended to start doing things quickly without thinking about them.

I think I would have used the task as the paper I would have assumed that that was the paper because it says make exactly 99 holes in this piece of paper so it says this you feel like it's the piece of paper that it's written on and that's what Kyle does but luckily he realizes his mistake but I'm not sure I would have done no I probably wouldn't have done either. Quite literal, quite literal like that. Yeah. Yeah. I loved Kyle's talking about, you know, empty head.

This wasn't empty head, but we got to see his maths face. Yeah. The maths face is a very specific and deeply enjoyable, especially because he's playing the you know i'm the god of this thing to see his mask math's face he won my heart i was like oh yeah i i'm now in love yeah he does have he does occasionally his face will switch into just being a little boy's face yeah yeah so him doing math yeah times, basically. Because he was trying to multiply by four, wasn't he? The times of the fork.

And his four times table was further away from the front of his mind than he thought possible. He was like, we're spooling back, trying to remember being in year one. There's so much to think about in this task. And the worst bit of it is you're not allowed to look at Alex or speak to Alex because you know what it's like. when you arrive you sort of train yourself to speak to Alex throughout whatever you're doing so you're giving a running commentary you're answering all of his questions

yeah and suddenly you're not allowed to do any of that and I think we saw how difficult it was with Jenny because she just answered Alex every time he asked her a question yeah well I mean everyone's a communicator, aren't they? That's why they're doing the job they do. Yeah, very, very difficult. Also, the thing is, if you cut Alex out, if you really can't speak to anyone in that house, because it's quite weird, isn't it, when you're there on your own?

There's the crew, especially early on. There's the crew, and they all know each other, have known each other for years, and then it's just you, and you don't, I didn't know Alex. I didn't know anyone on the crew and they all know each other have known each other for years and then it's just you and you don't i don't know i didn't know alex i didn't didn't know anyone on the crew and you're sort of sitting there eating your sandwich on your own um and then if you're doing your tasks on your own then you just you feel really unpopular well yeah you're the only one who has to do the stupid tasks so you definitely feel separated so you're being punished you're in detention being punished you're on the naughty step exactly um and suddenly in this task you're not allowed to speak to Alex uh and yeah Jenny does a terrible

job she speaks to him really early on carries on anyway speaks to him carries on speaking to him throughout like really the very best reason why did you you carry on? Because I thought I might enjoy the task. Because she's really there to have a nice time. She doesn't need to do the job. So she made us watch her do it. Absolutely. And I think, you know, well done her. Well done her.

She's there to have a good time and sell her book. Actually, maybe that's right. Poor old Ivo. And they did the horrible trick on him where they make it look like he's done really well and then right at the end they showed a clip of him talking to Alex which he tries to pull back um yeah but yeah a real shame for poor Ivo uh but like you say Kyle and Frankie held strong Frankie finds the scissors uh and creates a pattern and I think he absolutely loves to speak to Alex do you yeah yeah yeah I thought it was a really good I think he absolutely loved that. That's quite, do you?

Yeah. Yeah, I thought it was a really good observation that he was holding it all inside. Yeah, just absorbing. You know, Etna about to go off at the end. But also quite a scary, I was worried for him holding the scissors like that it was going to cut his hand. And then I thought he was probably

I could see him bleeding all over the paper and continuing yeah and making note his face wouldn't change not flinching at all just fully bleeding everywhere but it was very impressive but I think he found it quite easy to not speak to Alex

to be honest he did his 99 holes. He was the quickest, five points for Frankie. Kyle also did his 99 holes. He got four points, 11 minutes, 47 seconds. Everyone else, nought points. And that is the kind of scoreline that Taskmaster is famous for. Yeah, absolutely.

Also, Frankie Boyle, there's something so beautiful. He did his son, didn't he? A shiny son. So depressed fucking Frankie Boyle with a massive pair of kitchen scissors stabbing at a piece of paper, ignoring Alex. He's done a smiley son. Something rather enjoyable about that.

He does, he does. He does have warmth enjoyable about that. He does, he does. He does have warmth in his soul. He does. Do you understand all the rules? I understand all the rules. I'm only looking... What? What?

That's not fair. Oh, no. No. No. I was being polite. I'm not stopping. You're doing... I'm doing this.

I don't care. Let's talk about the live tasks. Did you enjoy doing the live tasks on your series, Sally? Yeah, I didn't mind them. Yeah, it was fun. It's quite weird, though, isn't it? Don't you think that being in the studio feels so different from actually doing it?

And you're in a kind of audience frame of mind, so you're just watching stuff. Yeah. It felt weird to go back to do because with us the tasks were quite a long time it was quite a big time gap between doing the tasks and coming into the studio that made the studio more fun because we'd all forgotten what we'd done yeah um but yeah it made it a bit weird to go back and do the tasks again but it's just nice to hang out with everyone, nice to meet everyone.

Yeah, I think that's the main thing about the studio, isn't it? It's lovely to hang out. And then for me personally, when it got to the studio tasks, the live tasks at the end, I'd then be very competitive and normally completely screw them up. But it sounds like you just took it more in your stride. No, well, as I say, none of us wanted to win. So we really didn't care

so hey i thought this this task was hilarious yes combine two of your things good yeah two of your things to equal the height of the thing said by greg you may not use any of your things twice worst guess each round is eliminated it was really fun this one wasn't it it was really fun it was really great that we didn't know what was on the paddles and then suddenly a warthog appeared Greg's inside leg Reese Witherspoon, I mean I just cannot compliment them enough for the choice of

the choice of things of things, yeah. Adult male alpaca and Yoda was the final one Greg's face when everyone picked a warthog for his inside leg. Yeah. Poor guy. Yeah.

Yeah. It's difficult to be good at this one, I suppose. Hey, are there new thrones? Yes, I think there probably are new thrones from your series. The thrones is amazing. They're getting more and more Baroque. Yes. Archimboldo.

I think that's the Channel 4 money coming through. I think that's where it's all gone. They've actually reduced Alex and Greg's fees and put it all on the thrones. That's it. They get to keep it at the end. No, they're beautiful thrones. It's difficult to be good at this one, though, I think,

because if you screw it up on the first one, then you're left with a completely random assortment of things that might not, that might not help you later on. Do you think you would have been good at this one, Sally? Well, I don't think I'd have gone out with the Reese Witherspoon one because

she's the same height as me. Oh, great. So, you know that. So this is, this is, apart from you don't know how

big the thing is going to be that comes out so i guess you don't know how big i guess you know because they walk walk hogs come in all kinds of sizes this is good knowledge that you have so you know that reese witherspoon is the same height as you and you know that waterhogs come in all different sizes yes yeah have you met but i think is that is that how you know height wise uh no i just you know when you're beating yourself up you go i'm too short if i were taller than and then you go oh shit that's not a reason i can give for not being the lead in a movie i love the idea of you just punishing yourself

by Googling actresses of the same height as you who are leads in movies. I knew I was wrong. Yeah. It was a fun one for sure. Kyle bags the five points just. I felt bad for Ivo in this situation. Four points for Ivo, three points for May,

two points for Frankie and one point for Jenny meaning Kyle gets his third win in a row which is a thrilling catch-up um because May was pretty far out in in uh in the lead but now they have Kyle biting at their heels uh only nine points behind so it is doable if something goes very wrong for may and very well for kyle in episode 10 that kyle could take the top prize how many episodes are there left one is it 12 just one it's one episode left well so that is exciting and it's so nice to be able to take home the gifts though i've still i've got my caca del comico bob like yeah i've got my tin of bob's shit amazing still on a shelf and a sort of display shelf or

in a display shelf yeah just i mean it's not really his shit it's just a tin of tomato soup the real thing is in the isle of Wight poo museum, I believe. And it's there. It's there. So people can go and visit the Bob Mortimer shit. I think so. I hope he did do it. I did ask him if he'd do it.

And he said, yeah, it was great. I said, I think I said this on the show. I said, hey, Bob, would you do me a favour? I was a bit anxious about how to ask. He goes, oh, no problem. Yeah, I did a shit for Harry Enfield once as well. I went, he said yeah he was sharing a

Winnebago on set with Harry Enfield he said I curled one out just right next to her hedge and I curled one out and I put it on the top of her hedge and I said look Harry there must have been a really big bird and he didn't then tell me how Harry reacted yeah just that's the thing about about Bob isn't it it's like he's got that thing where the joke is really just for his own benefit yeah totally

totally and he doesn't need to follow it up that's absolutely amazing well listeners get in contact with us has anyone been to the Isle of Wight Pooh Museum and has anyone seen Bob Mortimer's shit and if not why hasn't Bob followed up on that why hasn't Bob followed through

how did I miss that that was sitting right there so it's May still in the lead in the series with 1.58, but Kyle very close on 1.59. Frankie on 1.40. Still, you know, could still bump up in second perhaps. Jenny 1.34 and Ivo way in the bottom on 1.19. sally thank you so much for coming on the taskmaster podcast no thanks for having me thanks for yeah very nice to meet you.

Lovely to meet you. You've been absolutely brilliant. And we always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points in the style of the Taskmaster. We hope you've had a nice time recording today, but please give us a point score and be honest. You can be brutally honest, Sally. Four. Yes. Okay. I will take four. Why did I lose the one? Only because it's early in the morning i know that's my fault okay yeah that's the only reason i didn't fully endure because i'm still sort of half asleep fair enough well you've been fantastic thank you so much you're welcome back anytime bye-bye thanks very much take care ed bye thank you so much to s Sally for coming on the show.

An absolute delight to talk to her. One of my favourites. We'll be back next week, of course, talking about the final episode of Series 15. It's a belter. I can't wait to chat to our guests about it. We'll be back next week. It drops straight after the main show,

which is Channel 4, 9pm. We will see you next week from everyone at the Taskmaster Podcast, goodbye for now. Every veteran has a story. Whatever your next chapter, get support with health, education, finance, and more at veterans.gc.ca. A message from the Government of Canada.