Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 148. John Kearns - S16 Ep.9

Episode Date: November 16, 2023

Put the kettle on and enjoy Ed and John Kearns discuss the penultimate episode of Series 16. Of course, as well as covering Taskmaster the pair go on tangents that include roofers, panto, Caramac bars and high end men's fashion. John is currently on tour with his brilliant show The Varnishing Days. Visit John's website for more details: johnkearnscomedy.co.uk/tourTo get all your Taskmaster merch INCLUDING our festive crackers visit taskmasterstore.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Imagine how lonely it can feel to be facing mental illness or addiction on your own. Now imagine how lonely it might feel during the holidays. That's why CAMH needs your help to light the way forward. Your donation can help us make sure no one is left behind by fueling progress in mental health care and patient experience. Donate now at camh.ca slash giving Tuesday to double your impact with a match donation. That's camh.ca slash giving Tuesday. Hello and welcome to the Tasmaster Podcast, it's me, Ed Gamble, and you can hear the excited note in my voice, because, er, look, we're getting towards the end of the series, which is obviously sad, but always exciting in the final two episodes of the series. And we have a fantastic guest today to talk about, series 16, episode 9.

We have the wonderful John Kerns, of course, one of the stars of series 14 of Taskmaster, a wonderful comedian. You must go and see him on tour. He's doing more tour dates in 2024, I've shown the vanishing days, which is frankly one of the best stand-up shows I've ever seen. It is absolutely incredible. You must go and see it, and he's also brilliant on this podcast. I can't promise we're going to talk about the tasks in detail because we normally get sidetracked, but people love the episodes, I love the episodes, it's going to be a lot of fun. And of course, we're approaching Christmas, that's when I get really excited as well. And guys, why not add a bit of

Taskmaster Magic to your Christmas Day with, and I'm not kidding you, this is very exciting, some Taskmaster crackers. Each cracker is packed with a trio of tasks, as the secret task, a Christmas dinner table task, and an after dinner team task. Take your turn as the taskmaster revel in the power and hand out points with grace and a touch of delighted ruthlessness. Basically you get to pretend to be Greg and that's a lot of fun. Look, we all like a little Christmas game and I feel like Taskmaster is the sort of thing that's really going to heat up the family competitiveness. Taskmaster Crackers are handmade in the UK, recyclable and 100% plastic free. Each Cracker

contain a hat, a snap, of course, wouldn't be a Cracker without a snap, a joke, a paper duck and three tasks to get your Taskmaster Crackers visit taskmasterstore.com. But without further ado, let's crack on with this episode at Series 16, Episode 9, as discussed by John Cairns. Welcome, John, to the Taskmaster podcast. Thank you for having me back, Ed. Appreciate it. Well, it's lovely to have you back. It's always nice to have you on the Taskmaster podcast. And you seem to... I mean, I don't know how much we talked about it on the last episode, but your technical setup

wasn't great last time. And I think you've really stepped that up, so I want to congratulate you for that. Well, the microphone is now resting on my stomach. The laptop I can see you with. You know, with. You know racing green puff which is also on the setty. Yeah. I just moved house. Yes congratulations. So I'm sat in my new living room and there's humming birds on the wallpaper. She might kick us out in June. I'm not interested. Also there was a roof I was supposed to be coming around this morning and now he's coming tomorrow. And I'm in Belfast tomorrow. Right. Well, I did think, well, if he's a roof,

he can just go on the roof. I don't have to be in. That's a good point. They don't need access to the interior of the property today. They can. Yeah. She said, oh, he can't landlord, can't come.

He can't come. So I'm like, well, hang on. Right. It's when he can't come So I'm like well hang on Right it's when's he coming tomorrow. I'm in both us tomorrow and there's a pause where you can feel we're both staring at each other and what's that? She's looking at her what's up. I'm looking at her. Oh my what's that? And we both think in I guess he could just go on the roof The problem is if he if he fell off on the other side of the house, he stuck then. Yeah, well, and injured, I don't know.

Well, yeah, he's thinking he'll fall off and it'll be absolutely fine and he's just stuck and that's the main problem. If he fell off on the front side, that's also an issue. That's not my issue, though. Yeah, but if you were in in at least you'd see him go past the window and you could call the ambulance. Well he was I mean he was supposed to be up there now as I'm talking to you. Yeah. And then I did think I was like well that should be fine there shouldn't be much noise you know I can still do this.

I did think though imagine I'm recorded talking to you and then you know we're about five minutes from the end of the pod. I seem flying down the window, ladder goes, I don't think. Let's just quickly get through Superkins dancing around. It can't be the first roof he's fallen off. Yeah, they must learn the fall like Buster Keaton. And they must do. Or like wrestlers, there's a way of falling. Surely. Yeah.

Surely, roof 101. Here's your ladder. And if you want to go up there. Yeah. Now what do you do when you're up there? Well, whatever job I need to take the ladder away from the legs Watch the guy drop and then go right Roll and repeat roll and repeat you put down soft soft play mats Anyways not coming he's coming tomorrow, but I don't have he's coming tomorrow anyway. I've moved the setups good

I watched I watched the episode today. There was a bit that I have to be honest now. There was a point during the show when my iPad was next to the kettle. And the kettle wasn't making a lot of noise. And I think it really had just the volume on the iPad. Okay, so there's a bit that you haven't heard, essentially. So, well, throughout this pod if I kind of blank

Yeah, imagine in my mind. I'm just hearing a kill. Okay, that's good to know that's good to know going in if if anything what we could do If post yeah, if Daisy doesn't mind doing that if we edit the sound of a cat Lynn when you're blanking It's easy doesn't mind doing that if we edit the sound of a cat lid. We're quite near the end right? We're on episode 9 yeah this is penultimate app. Penultimate my word. I get the feeling they're still feeling they're still not sure of each other do you think that's just my vibe like I think Julian is the older statesman hmm I'll get into this but you see this a lot in to us master they're not sure why they're there. They don't need the money. They've been told they've had a text from someone young who they know, oh yeah, do that. You know, there's a few Julian's looking at Lucy.

Lucy and Sam, I know them both, they're aliens. They're aliens. Yeah, absolutely. They're aliens. From different planets, though. They're on. They're aliens. Absolutely. They're aliens from different planets. They're on, they're on different planets. And then, you know, Sue reminds me of in my series, Dara. Yeah. Just competent. Like really happy to be there cracking on with it. Well, she's competent in this episode, but I would say in previous episodes she has had some fairly spectacular disasters

Like if you see Darrell was dominant Darrell was extremely dominant, but Sue is third third in the series So is third in the series as it stands, so she's not dominating Do you know what I just I just have to get this off a chest. I saw some I got tagged in a something By that by that geek who does all the facts Jack Bernhard Hey, well, I call him that because he starts got he said something like you know I don't know someone had done terribly and he was like even John didn't do this badly So then anyway, I I unmuted him to have a look at what,

you know, what he's been saying over the past few years. Hang on, how did you say that he tagged you if you had him on mute, John? You must have, what you actually noticed is mute. He generally is muted because when I clicked on the message I was tagged in, I couldn't see what was up. If you were tagged in there's something.

Yeah. You can see it. Well, I mean I've got everyone on mute, so I don't see any. Oh, honestly, Ed, honestly. If I went through now my mute list, it was said show-wise. In French it's family, it would be shocking. in in in friendships family it would be shocking. So you meet Jack Bernhardt but you're muted him to see what he's been saying the last few weeks. He said he said he slagged me off about something.

It was a relationship to Susan getting, no, I don't know. It was about how many points she had up to that point. The series he tags me in it and you know, I got the exact same amount of points as Fern Brady at the end of that series, so I'm gonna always all about. Anyway, I click on it and then he's talking about, you know, I then you go down and wrap it all to our master. I try and stay away because you don't want to see things, but I didn't realize that Dara and Sarah were collectively number one and number two top point. Yeah, they did pretty well. What a year to do it, man.

Yeah, but I think that shows, to me, that shows that it was an easier series and Greg was in a good mood. Easy. Yeah, so to come quite low down on the table on that series is even more impressive really. I see what you do. Yeah, you can unmute me. You're not muted because you don't, you don't, you're not crazy with the tweet. Is he, is Greg in a good mood this series?

I'm gonna, look, I don't know if it, once you know how the sausages made. Yeah. Just to swiney toadie his pie said. So in this, come on, let's, let's bash out this scenario here. No, no, no. I got a minute. You did this the last time with with what I said let's talk baseball But you're saying

But because you've done taskmaster and taskmaster is the pie right You yeah, it's as much as the pie. So now you've done taskmaster you are swing you are swingy Todd right? Master you are you are sweetie Todd right? Yeah, I'm sweetie Todd, but you're not you're not creating the pie so it's did sweetie Todd in this case I created my pie I created my little pie in the Yeah, I created the pie. Yeah, I can you know are you not in the pie though? Are you not part of the big taskmaster pie now you are some of the human that's been added to the big pie that we call Taskmaster. Yeah, I'm in the pie. Yeah, no, I am the pie. I guess, no, is that analogy?

Yeah. It's really told, I presume people know, but if they don't, he was a barber. Yeah. And then when they put their neck back to have a shave, they cut their throat, slid down into hole, he'd be put them in a pie, sold them. Being in a taskmaster's chair, one of those chairs, can feel like being in the barber shop in White Chapel. Yeah. Oh, and sweetie Todd, Greg Davies or Alex Horm. Yeah. So, my analogy does...

So, actually, I mean, thinking about it, what I basically said was Greg Davies doesn't want to toss master. Yeah, that's the sentence. Yeah, that's actually what I said. Rather than me. But I guess... Maybe the sentence you put yourself in. Yeah, that's actually what I said. Rather than me. But I guess it's- Maybe the bunch of one makes more sense.

If we allow the idea that you're using Swini Todd in this analogy to mean someone who knows what's in the pies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, exactly right. Exactly right. Does Swini Todd's, does the person looking through the window

who caught Swede Todd sminsing the bodies? Do they walk into the front door and buy a pie? I don't think so. No, they don't. So what you're saying is you haven't watched this series. I try to cover it when I said Sue was competent. You went, what does she hasn't been.

I'm like, ah, why are you, you can say that Ed. I'm like, right. No, I've seen clips, it's all clips. It's all clips, you've seen this episode. I'm not 90. I'm not that young, I've got stuff to do. I'm watching clips. I'm watching ticket sales is what I'm seeing.

I'm seeing Sam at that tour. I'm like, I'm seeing Sam at that tour, I'm like, I'll be in there, pal. So that's what you're doing. What you're doing is you're seeing the lineup and then 10 o'clock every Thursday when the episode is over, you're refreshing seat maps. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, that made lead-type park is tiny. Don't worry about it move on move on book the autumn gigs

It is right. He's come on. Let's build this thing Now you've you've got you've got I don't I hope I'm not giving anything away, we can edit this out if I am. You've got a bit of the top of your show about Taskmaster and people come to see you off the back of Taskmaster. We might have even talked about this last time, but I want to know whether you think Sam and Lucy particularly, because there might be people come to see them off the back of Taskmaster. Do you think their performance on Taskmaster prepares people for what they do live?

It's a good question. I said genuinely a good question. I get. Well, actually, you blow me away, though. You blow me away. I can do it when I try. I know, that's what breaks away, though. You're blowing me away. I can do it when I try. I know, that's what prox me, though, is. Most of the time, it's just pound signs. If you let in, you're bloody Parkinson, I'm curious. When you're an old man in your mansion, you're going to think you could have tried on.

Well, not in the mansion, mate. No, well. Look, so it's interesting because as many people have said, the great thing about the show is that you get to see now 10 episodes. You get, you're getting the gist of someone. And I think with, especially like Lucy and Sam, you know, I remember seeing Lucy, I think she did her debut show in 2014. She's a space kid. Sam, he's like, he should be like one of those Hannibal Lecter kind of mask kind of things. Like they're wild, they're

cats. They're mad cats. And And you see glimmers of it. So for example, with this episode, and the episode is titled, Disco Fagin. Just, you know, where's that coming from? You know, the idea that that's just on the tip of his tongue. Disco Fagin. Also, the confidence to say it. You know, it's confidence to say it. I mean, that's a comedian watching it.

You're like, that's such a great image. And that was just banging his head. And he's also gone, yeah, just say it. I don't know, I enjoyed that. And then with Lucy, she's like, I think what I like about her especially is, maybe I might be wrong wrong here but maybe people came to her on Taskmaster through the shows she's done with John for example. Maybe haven't seen her live and then seeing her on Taskmaster and if they were to see her live they'd realize how bonkers she is. I mean, her prize task entrance was kind of, you know,

typical her. Yeah, very typical, but also, yeah, obviously wild. This is the prize task of this episode, a bit of old crap that Greg likes the best. Let's talk about Lucy's, because she interpreted old crap quite literally. I thought she got, I thought she got treated a bit harshly. So do I, you know, because I think...

Because she didn't bring it old crap. She gave the reason why the story... She gave a good story about, you know, a hamster running across the floor. Mum doesn't want to kill it. So there's mice. I don't know. It's like, I don't know. I thought she was treated a bit harshly'll show you, because I thought the whole

point of it. Who won this? Was it Sue? Well it was Sue, but I think Greg sort of forgot about the fact that it had to be old crap. I think he just went with the thing he likes the best. And Sue's is not, Sue's is like an antique almost. Well the last episode of my series was bringing something you think Greg would really want. Hmm. I brought in a magnet of jet from Gladiators. Yeah.

I think he did want that. Yeah, I think he wanted it. I may have even given it to him. But, um... But, you know, bringing, bringing some crap, I thought Su's was too good. I thought if he was being like, there, you know, there I even questioned his authority. But even if, you know, I, you know, it was just, it was a pretty good thing. And of course he wanted that.

Yeah. I don't know. I thought Lucy Bihars. Bihars. It was, yeah, Sue brought in the Boy Scouts Atomic Energy Badge. It doesn't, it's, it was really interesting. It interested Greg. I think it's, it's a lovely thing to have and a good story behind it.

I don't think that counts as old crap to me or as Lucy's was literally old crap. So to get one point and also, I don't, I'd imagine in the studio me, or as Lucy's was literally old crap, so to get one point, and also, I don't imagine the studio, they spent a lot more time on the story, because everything Lucy says demands at least 20 minutes of conversation per line. So I would- It's like an ad break.

Yeah. I need to just go over the Lucy's brain for a minute. I need to know more about her. Was it her elderly neighbour who bought a monkey as a pet and at the monkey bit and knows off? Yeah. But what's funny is, because I haven't watched all of the series, what was funny was I was watching this episode and I was watching Lucy talk about the monkey. Yeah, it got to Greg and I was like, yeah, this is episode nine. He's done. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's looking at

like, what is next there? Like, you know, episode one, this is charming. I'm sure they're on, sure they're on any other stories like that. Probably started with a mad one though loose. Nah, she's got buckets of them. Yeah, we find that very little. I thought Sam's was genuinely a bit crab, but I mean, did you know that? No, for anyone to. I know it did. Sam brought in his national insurance number on a cassette tape, which of course,

they used, they send cassette tapes to, to blind people so they know their national insurance number. I did not know that that's the way they did it. I assumed the government would have worked out a way of maybe doing it digitally. Yeah. Or like, Braille on the card or something? Braille on the card or something, yeah. But no, they've gone with the cassette tape. And of course Sam's going to choose the tape. This is the way he lives his life.

And he's not done that for Taskmaster. No, no. That's not, it's not timed for Taskmaster. He's not going to, I need to think of a prize. Oh wait, look, I can get my national insurance number on a cassette tape He's been given his national insurance number and he's gone. I can get a tape and he's had that sent to him It's exactly that he probably Needed one for work a year before doing Tasm was the yeah someone on the phone asking him does he want it

digitally Yeah, someone on the phone asking him does he want it digitally or a tape? He's taking the tape every day. He is a walking tape that guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Got a tape, right? He hasn't got glue on it. He's just sat there. Always gonna choose the tape. Maybe I guess maybe at the time you thought I could maybe use this in in a live show or uses a bit of material. I could do something with it. Well, but the thing is though, I had no idea they did that. And so it's not really something as you know, that would be difficult to do maybe live, because I think most of the audience would go, what are you talking about? Well, that's over.

When have you not been to a Sam Campbell show and gone, what are you talking about? That sometimes happens up his whole style. I'm very excited for people to do what again go back to it but like people watching to us maybe they've not heard of Sam before. Yeah. And then they go right I always play in blah blah blah I was going by singing. I mean I was a bit of a, I was going by singing. I mean, I was a bit of a leap from what they watched you don't tell you to what I do on the stage.

Yeah. Ease? He's fucking my daughter. They're gonna have a great time. Oh for sure. They're gonna have such, I mean, They're gonna find their new favorite comedian probably but I just love the idea that I tell why you always felt about Tell I feel about comedy that you know

Would you see someone who maybe you've never seen before and then you find out they've been going Five years. Yeah, and you're like christ like this madness has been going on. Like you were doing that day in, day out. And I've only just found you. Yeah. And you're just going to carry on, even if I walk away. Wow. I think, I think you're right about it, that people are going to find then your favorite comedian because there's no one that does what Sam does. And I think it will, it will speak to a surprisingly large amount of people when they go and see him. Yeah, man, I'm excited.

Yeah, very excited. Well, let's talk about Julian's ceramic soldier. He gives a lovely backstory to the ceramic soldier, the soldier's giving no strings fun around the back of the barracks. It's a lovely thing. know, no strings fun around the back of the barracks. It's a lovely thing. Greg says, Greg says, have you, well hang on, was it in this bit? Donuts in a car park. Donuts in a car park is later because it's about his advanced driving thing,

advanced motoring association. Right. I mean, is this where we're popping the kettle in? No, no, I wasn't, I, that would be bad. This is only the price to ask if I'm turning it on, and then immediately put it in the kettle on. I wasn't that crazy. No, look, Julian, I will get onto Julian.

What I love. And we'll maybe come onto this of the first task. Yeah. So what are you saying now, John? Yeah, sorry. Because everything you've said, you've got, we'll come onto that. Ah! I think maybe this was the moment I was dealing

with the Rufa wasn't. But I'm okay, this is the Rufa. And the kettle was on, probably. So the kettle's on. Okay, what's up saying the the roofer isn't coming. I'm looking at that going, well, my dad might have to come around because I'm going to be all fast.

And I've got Julian Cleary in the corner of my eye, describing a toy soldier. And what I've done is I've just presumed there was a new end over crank, and again, I tried to ride it. I'll just say it. I'll say it now and then I'll say it it. Er, I'll just say it. I'll say it now and then I'll say it again. Yeah, go on.

Judy Clarison Millionaire. I love watching Millionaires do this shot. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha getting nice things from their house as the prize task. Is that why or just the general vibe of it? Just a vibe man. Also his jacket, I'm gonna say it's from Wax. He's got a lot of stuff from Wax. He's very, very well dressed in this series, but yeah, I think he's in some universal Wax. I've been tempted by Wax. It's a good place.

It's a good place. It's a good place. Yeah, yeah, it is, yeah. They do nice stuff. It's on my algorithm a lot. So when I saw him, yeah, the duanice stuff. It's on my algorithm a lot. So when I saw him, I thought, oh, that must be one of them. Yes, a whiting overshirt, I believe,

is the specific name of the... Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, way looks good. It does look good. Yeah. I don't know how old he is, it looks great. Yeah, it looks fantastic. I won't be too decry, I'm gonna look it up.

This day and age age two seconds. He's 64 man. I would have said I would have said late 40's early 50's you know. He looks good for that. He does the play him every Christmas. Oh yeah. Well not always beat a pan is it? They switch it up. Now, John, I want you to take this as a compliment. I could see you in the play, Dean Panto. Ed, I'd love to do that. I know you would, because people talk and they get, oh, John does like weird stand-up comedy. But you go, no, John's old school, man, John's old school. I'm not weird, man. John's more, John's more come on wise.

Head, head. Come on now. You've got contacts. I'd like to imagine, right, here's why we're going on a bit more tangy. I think this is where people, this is where people listen to good book else. Here's the thing right. Other enough podcasts with people because I listen to some weird podcasts with proper old school people. Yeah. There's a there's a podcast called off. I don't know. Anyway, look, you do it a play for three months, not by two months. November, and an November, December, January. You're in the palladium. It's a stone's throw for Oxford Circus Tube.

You've got a couple of weeks rehearsals, everyone's pissing themselves off and you go to the pub. Then there's a bit of a serious week when everyone goes, alright, let's get it nailed. But you're surrounded by pros. You're in central London every night at Christmas. I'm not saying it's not hard work, but I would sign me up. What would you do? What's the dream role for you in the play, Dean Pantone? I do anything. I do it. You know in asterix, when that guy, he only turns up on the last panel when he stuck up a tree. He's some reason he tied up in a tree.

Remember that guy? I can't say I do, John. There will be someone listening to those. I mean, they haven't done an asterix, Pantos, they haven't done an asterix, Pantos, so maybe not that, but my point being, I do, I mean asterisk pot. I haven't done an asterisk panter, so maybe not that, but my point being, I do, I mean, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do Now is the hour when the children are in their beds, their lips bright brown with the good night chocolate, their tongues drowsily searching for the belated crumbs housed insecurely in their shining cheeks. That's when he's walking around and they're all asleep on the deck.

I'm not sure that'd fly in the playdeam Panto to be honest mate. Well, yeah, I mean, you probably need to say something about that. Out of context, that clip, that clip's pretty bad, but you know, I'm... It's beautiful, it's beautifully performed, but I'm just imagining that of the Panto, especially near a Christmas one, there's loads of kids in,

I don't think they're gonna... It was hook! Yeah, I know it's hook. Well, they're supposed to be scared of him. But that wasn't scary, that was beautiful. But they're not, they wanna be booing and stuff. They don't know how to boo that. Oh, I don't know, I've got my ass out, I don't know.

No, no. No, no, no. That's how it works. Now it works. No, it works. Cool, that was beautiful. Look down, oh, there. Boo.

Boo. No, no, no, no. Boo. Boo. That was beautiful, look down. Oh, there. Boom! you booing? Just tell me it's out. Boo. Oh God. We've done it. Yeah, so I didn't say, didn't say, Jillian Clarries, but we're not even seen, talked about Susan's yet, which was her childhood pet, which was a laminated leaf.

I think this is underscored as well, John, because this is an icon crack. I agree, I agree. But it's a lovely story, and I think it should have got more. Yeah, going back to what we said earlier, I think Greg's kind of forgotten. Yeah. He's just kind of heard what no one. Yeah.

Where is? And he says to Alex, he goes, my God, you're getting lazy. Yeah. But he's getting lazy listening because, you know, Alex has gone, I mean, it is a weak one. That's not me too. Yeah, it's a self referential one. It's almost a parody of price test, isn't it? It's boiling down the price test or what it is if you're unkind about the whole format. But you've been in the situation, I've been in the situation when you get that list. Yeah. There are a few that you go, oh, fuck. No idea. This is really

going to drive me mad. Yeah. And I reckon this was one of them. Yeah. Where I reckon they all look at it going. It's just so vague, but it's also what Greg wants, but it can't be too good. But Sue proved that, you know, she actually went with something good that he wanted and he forgot it had to be crap and she got the maximum five. Yeah, it was five for Susan, four for Sam, three for Julian, two for Susan, and one for Lucy. This is Marish dropping, basically, where my mum lived a ffegelion, 2 ffesus yn annd, 1 ffellywch sy'n. Mae'r rhwch i'n ffellywch. Pysiwn, yn ymwch i'n ffellywch, yn ymwch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch. Mae'r rhwch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffellywch i'n ffelly but the monkey bit an ores off. And so I was never allowed pets. But my mum did eventually get me a hamster. And one night, it ran across the city. And so because it's scared, she whacked it and killed it.

Oh, because of that, my mum's now got mice in a pantry. And instead of getting rid of them, she's keeping them like pets and as a drop in. LAUGHTER So the feathers are just a symbol of their collective identity, that's all. I just feel like I've done what you've asked me to do. You haven't done me. You've just given me an awful insight into your upbringing.

And then you brought me a plate full of shit. That's what I'm talking about. Imagine how lonely it can feel to be facing mental illness or addiction on your own. Now imagine how lonely it might feel during the holidays. That's why CAMH needs your help to light the way forward. Your donation can help us make sure no one is left behind by fueling progress in mental health care

and patient experience. Donate now at camh.ca slash giving Tuesday to double your impact with a match donation. That's camh.ca slash giving Tuesday. Today's episode of the Taskmaster podcast is sponsored by Kozy. Who are Kozy I can hear you asking? Well, Kozy are a Canadian furniture company that creates thoughtfully designed furniture made for modern living.

I actually think they should maybe get some Kozy furniture in the Taskmaster house because look, it looks lovely in there, but let me tell you, it's not built for comfort. Some of the furniture in there has been battered over series and series of multiple messy and disgusting tasks and I think it's about time they gave the place a spruce up. And cozy, it's the way they can do that because it is incredibly thoughtfully designed furniture made for modern living. It allows owners to easily elevate any space. And I'm talking to you, Taskmaster, that sounds like the perfect way to improve your house. They are modular sofas, you can choose the design you like, configure the shape and number

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Visit kozi.ca.coz.ca to start customizing your furniture. oz-e-y dot-c-a to start customising your furniture. Task 1, drive across the finish line. You must obey all the rules of the road and must only stop your vehicle at a traffic signal. If you disobey a rule, Alex will blow his whistle and you must return to the start for a 10 second driving lesson. Fastest wins your time starts when the traffic signals first change. How do you feel about this one, John? How would you have reacted to this pressurised situation? Well, this one would have wowed me right up. Yeah, same.

I think, and it did, and it was quite funny watching him. Well, I'm going to start with Julian, because he doesn't finish the task. Yeah, he just does. I so much respect for him for doing this. Well, that's what I meant earlier about a millionaires doing this show. Because I think if you're a young 27-year-old comedian and you've got your shot on task whilst you're just kind of pissing yourself off of that. Yeah.

This guy can't be bothered with it. He's got, he's, he's, he's just like, no, I can't be, I can't, you don't, also I like to know the order when these tasks were done. This feels like right at the end of the day. He's gone, no, I can't, I just cannot do this. He's driven, he's driven the sweeper all the way from the course straight to his car that is waiting for everybody's got in the back and gone. That's what's happened. They didn't talk to him at the end of that day. Yeah. But the thing is watching it, it always is quite, it does feel rebellious when someone just doesn't finish a task. Yeah. And that's what I meant about maybe the elder statesman doing it, because you have to have a bit of a back catalogue.

You have to have a bit of weight to be able to do something like that. Yeah, the audience love it when the elder statesman do things like that. And I think they're a little bit standoffish when it's someone that they've only heard of through to us last year. Exactly. If you're new to someone and someone's going, I can't be asked with this. That's like a footballer signing for a big team and then just not turning up. You've got to have Gravitas. You've got to have a few things in your back pocket. And basically, what it is is you just got to be able to go fuck this and then everyone goes,

yeah, that's what I do. Well done, Julian. Yeah. Yeah. you just got to be able to go fuck this and then it goes, yeah, that's what I do. Well done, Julian. Yeah, you've got to be Julian, you've got to be your Joe Brands, you've got to be Tarbuck, you've got to be this level of sort of national treasure really to get away with being like, this is ridiculous, why have I signed up for this? I'm just going to drive through the finish line and I loved it. I absolutely loved it.

I loved it. I absolutely loved it. I loved it. And then when Greg was questioning him about it and they were talking about driving and then Greg went, have you ever done donuts in a car park? Here we go, this is what it's all about. Yeah. Julian said, I have been known to in my time. Yeah. Now let me tell you that, I have been known to in my time. Yeah. Now let me tell you that. That is my sense of humor. Hahaha. I just love stuff right now.

Yeah. That was great. I just. I, it's that stuff. You don't see that stuff anymore. No. Unless you go to the play in Panto, which, if you've not been, I want to hear you right. You're right. that stuff anymore. No, unless you go to the play in Panto, which if you've not been

I would have had you right. You're right. I just honestly I It's still You know like in the American office with that's what she said stuff. Yeah, I Just can I cannot get enough. I think that is for me The epitome of my so so that to me is the funniest stuff. Whether he went, I've been known, I don't even know what he means, but I don't really know, he's been known, I don't know, I don't know,

I don't know what, well, I know what don't know, but I don't know what a donut is, if that makes sense. I mean, I can picture it, I can work it out. I'm not, I don't live in a monastery. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, I'm not. I just pissed myself laughing at it. Because also he looks good. He's still got that twinkle in the eye.

Yeah. I was like, oh, fantastic. I just, you just think, God, do you know what I thought? I thought, I thought, is there someone? I thought maybe it's Lucy. Who's befriended him. Yeah. And he's gone come round for dinner. He used to live in no cowards house. I don't think he does anymore. But I reckon a few bottles of wine with him. Oh my good girl. Yeah.

He was best mates with Paula grade as well. Yeah. Imagine them hanging out. He used to go for big long lunches and Cara Vorderman told me that. Cara Vordas was at the lunches. Oh, she went to the lunch. Oh yeah. That, that God I'd loved. You just be pissing yourself. Yeah.

They tell you who's it, they be scathing. The gossip! Oh my God, can you imagine? So anyway, he got zero points. He just, he just tried, he couldn't be asked. He came out of it with the most dignity for sure. I love Sam's effort because Sam, most of the time, is not sort of on guard, but he's always thinking of the next joke and he's thinking of, you know,

the strangest thing to do and he's being very Sam Campbell all at the time. I think this is one of the only times where another personality is shone through and there's been a little crack in that because the face he makes when he has to go back he's genuinely annoyed. Yeah well actually watching it you obviously think what would I do that's that's one of the joys of the show is that everyone sits at home going well what would I have done? I'm not saying every comedian keeps an eye on trying to do the funny thing, but you obviously, you know, if there's a funny opportunity to be had, you're obviously

going to take it. I did think watching this task, it very much limited that. Yeah. And you had to do exactly what the task said, and then if you didn't do it, there wasn't no space for it to go wrong and then for you to be funny, you had to be wrong and then go back. Yeah. And I think that's what frustrated everyone who did it, but I, watching that, I thought that I was like,

yeah, the annoying thing about this is, it can't just go catastrophically wrong and you just keep rolling with itastrophically wrong and you just keep rolling with it. It stops momentum and you just got to go back and Alex just explains it and you're just like, yeah, this one would have done my head in. Yeah, me too. I mean, Susan nearly makes it go catastrophically wrong.

It went as badly as it could do in terms of, she nearly knocks down One of the signals onto a crew member. She's reversing the wrong way. She can't work out if she stays left she goes left She's like Austin Powers when he's somehow managed to Park Paraly in that corridor. Yeah We forget how funny those films were great films great films. She's like Austin Powers Yeah, running over the guy running over the guy in the corridor with the storm. That's it, that's it, that's it. But she learns very quickly, as Alex says, and by the end she's screaming,

you can't stop me going full speed towards the finish line. And got very lucky with the signals, I will say, John. She got very lucky with what came up. Oh, were they not the same for each person? I think, well, because, no, if you think about it, I think they were timed. So, when they were changing, so it depends how many times they had to go back. Oh, right, yeah, yeah, okay. So, when they set off again, so the last two for her were yellow.

So, she just beat the horn and charged through them. And, you know, did it in 30 minutes, 50, which is second fastest time. Only seconds a Sue, who obviously did very well, and this is what gave you the idea that she's very competent all at the time. Yeah, I did think this. Yeah.

I wrote a few notes down, and I were, okay, well, she's really smashing this. Yeah. She writes the instructions down in her hand and gets super quickly. And also, as the phrase, I'm gonna push this bit. So I think all in all, it's a good, all-round performance, wouldn't you say?

She would have been looking forward to this task coming up on the show. Because she's, and also, I'd like to maybe be a little spider in her dressing room before a little you've got to finish sentence fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to be a little spider and I dress it from yeah. And look at the door. Two episodes to go. It's the last day in motion. She's had a lot of fun. Hang on, are you knocking at the door? She's sad, don't know.

It's a knock at the door. I'm the spider in the corner. She's sat at her make up desk. Yeah. Alright, so we'll be down in five minutes. Alright, thank you. Be down. Bye. Door shots. I'm looking. I'm looking across. I'm the spider. What the point is. I got to use that, is that the end of it?

No, that can't be the end of the spider. That's not the end of it. No, no, no, no. My point is, I'm looking across and I see a little smile across her lips. Yeah, she thinks she's on her own Don't realize how much yeah, doesn't realize that you're the spider She wouldn't even know it was me if I was stood there. It does know I am She might say something if you say something Give me a lunch order probably What my point is my what's my point there?

Anyway, what I'm saying is, she's thinking, hang on a minute, it's getting right near the end of Taskmaster. She's leading, or is she, she, you know, the, She's third, I told you earlier. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, look, she knows this five points coming covered because it are ed you remember the tasks

Yes, and you're going they haven't done that one yet, and I know I did a right on that one. Yeah, so hang on a minute If that's five then maybe I could win this episode and maybe I can make my way up and who knows maybe win the thing Yeah, so that's what I'm saying that's as a spider. I'm in the corner thinking watching that yeah, okay As a spider what do you in the corner thinking, what's in that? Yeah. OK. As a spider, what do you do when she starts getting changed? Oh, I look away. Oh. Oh.

I look away. I guess a spider can't look away. I said, turn it. So it has to just, yeah, it's just a runaway. But I turned my head. Because I just think we need, I needed to just run away. I turned my head. I needed to ask that question because I think when you started saying I want to be a spider in the corner of Steve Perkins' dressing room it makes you sound like a pervert. No, no, if I was a pervert, I'll put a...

I'm dead. No, I'll carry on. I'll put the frame picture of series 14 or 13, which everyone I was in, 14. Then Drew eye holes through my eyes in the picture, and then there we go. And that's for everyone. That's me looking at Sam, that's me looking at Julian, that's me looking at Susan, Sue, Greg, Alex, and the director's box. I'm looking at all of them. Because perverts, I give you know,

their perverts. There you go. If you take anything away from today's podcast, it's that perverts or perverts. Lucy and Sam unsurprisingly, neither of them can drive, but you know, they sort of, they eventually get there, don't they? I mean, I would have thought that some people would have just never finished this, to be honest, and I know Julian didn't, but he did it in his own way. Well, yeah, I mean, but then, you know they go when when Alex went when he was going through the timings I think I think

Sam was 26 minutes. Yeah, 26 minutes. Yeah, that's It's quite a long time. Yeah, although you know Australians usually know how to drive. That's quite surprised. He couldn't drive. Yeah, but he's this I guess he's a City city boy in Australia, right Sydney. Yeah, he was in his bedroom on his computer. Wait till you see his show guys The guys half robot Yeah, so Lucy and Sam both do okay Lucy's got some trouble with the reverse but very clever to steal Alex's paper with the rules on if only she thought of that immediately I think that you know, then you do it in one run basically, don't you? But very clever to steal Alex's paper with the rules on if only she thought of that immediately

I think that you know, then you do it in one run basically, don't you? Well, yeah, and and and so asked him when they went back there When he said green means this and they went well as purple mean what has red mean? Yeah, those are the things again watching back. I was reminded of how they obviously appear obvious at the time when you're watching. Yeah, yeah, ask him all of them at that end. Yeah, but you don't think about it because you've always got the main thing is the time in your head. Yeah, you don't want to waste time at the beginning going,

oh, if I can fill some time here with something. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it kind of, to watch it back, it reminded me of how hard and frustrating this show can be. But also, again, people's characters coming through and the moment for me in this task was Julian just you know putting his foot down. Can you come back for a driving lesson please? What the hell that was good! What happens if this goes forever? Do you have other things to film? Thank you, Tom. This is your show. This is your show.

This is your show. This is your show. We should talk about task two. I mean, as always, John, there's a few people we have on this show where I, talking about the tasks, feels's a few people we have on the show where I Talking about the tasks feels like the bit we have to rush through Because we get so sidetracked You want to be such I

Know what I like it. I like the idea that you were those coming on and you went I don't need to worry about this Exactly what happened I'm doing this for you. This is all for you, this. It's all for you. Ah! Seconds asked. Task two, make Greg the best gift. You have five minutes to order your items, then 50 minutes to make your gift. Your items must cost no more than 50 pounds. Your time starts now. So Greg gets another, this is another thing designed to get Greg something he likes.

It's a big episode for that. Yeah, and... Right. Well, there's a lot of crap in this. No, this is... this. So, presumably most people listen this and watched it. Yeah, all I hope. Yeah. Oh yeah. So, yeah, of course, yeah. So, Greg cracks open the box from Julian. It's done up with little pink spots inside is leather. Latex, latex. Latex, short, shorts. And like a latex almost like a vest. Which, as I'm sure you will remember it, is kind of what he wore in a sketch group days.

Oh, what Greg, what Greg, what? I thought you were talking about what Julian used to wear. I'm just picture, I know that I've seen a picture of Greg Davis in that. In a tank top, I mean it certainly wasn't latex. I mean they all wore tank tops sort of red and black tank top type things that Steve Hall bought from a market. Oh right. Oh yeah, it was red. Yeah, they weren't latex certainly. But anyway, it kind of, it's joke, there was, you know, giggles at the idea that this big, big six foot seven giant of a man would slip into these things, but he's been known to. He's been known to. As far as I know, not the latex, but I'm sure he'd look absolutely fantastic. Of course he would. And he said

himself when he slipped them on, he didn't mind them. Yeah. But the thing about this task that made me laugh, and you can actually see it watching it back, I reround this bit. Yeah. Alex went with, the best bit is when Lucy says, can you fit in the tent? Yeah. And Greg is like, he's thinking, I don't, I don't wanna do that.

Ha ha ha ha ha. You see Alex pissing himself laughing. Yeah. You can tell what he's genuinely really laughing at. Yeah, yeah. Cause he knows how much Greg is eating this. Greg wants to turn up in the suit, sit on the throne, take the piss out of him,

or whatever it go back upstairs. Yeah. And this one he's having to put trousers on, he's having to get on all fours in a bloody tent. He's not enjoying himself. He's not having a good time, man. He's not having a good time. And it's fun, it's fun to watch.

Yeah, the jacket's crap, the jacket's crap. Yeah, the jacket's really bad. And he's so, I mean, obviously he's so funny, man. He's just, he's saying everything you're thinking at home. He's like, you know, this is just a fuck up with bits of ribbon. Stable on it. He's got a box of latex shorts. Julia needs to stare at him like, yeah, that's what I'd bought.

Yeah, it's madness. It's hard. This is a hard task, though, because you have five minutes to order the item, so you've got to decide what you're going to do and what you need in five minutes, then you have 15 minutes to make it very, very difficult. I know it's not, it's not, it's not, well, you say it's difficult, but Sam's gentleman basket.

I don't think there are many men watching this show and not going to love a gentleman's basket. Yes, what the, just loads of Ferrero, Roche, a Stanley store. Ferrero, Roche. Yeah, but you could make it your own like, what would you have in your gentleman's basket? Like, you say you come down the stairs and there's a small, I'd say, like a fortnamor mason kind of basket,

but it's like a small one, you know. What would you have in there? I'd have like some Percy pigs. I don't know, cup of tea. I'd like some little, I'd like, do you know what, I'd like, there's Galaxy truffles that used to be in celebrations. Yeah.

That's my gentleman's basket. Yeah, I'd probably have a pre-mix martini, a Karamack bar and a pack of fags. Wow. That's fantastic. That is fantastic. I can picture it. That's brilliant, man. You're buying up your caromax here. Oh, yeah, apparently they're going. That's what maybe think. Yeah. Going up the caromax. Why they get rid of them? I mean, they should be rationed.

Caromax always to me. When I was a kid. I was always like yeah, there's my stuff There's that stuff that my dad buys and then there's a weird Caromax that I've never seen anyone buy microphones always microphones and Caromax What record record in you know Soviet stuff I don't know, even I don't know. My mind went to, and I was touching the caromax and they'd be perfect to put recording devices in. Right. Like, Soviet stuff. But then, you know, I'm thinking, who's recording knee height in news agents. Yeah, it didn't bear up to scrutiny that one.

No, politicians need to be screwed. It's comedians. You let it roll. You go, I don't know. I was going on with this guy. And then what was the last one? Well,'s dead and she says there's a trial of crisps to Greg and Laura in his victims and they don't really discuss that but Greg doesn't look massively happy with that. It's funny, those kind of jokes. He doesn't entertain that

kind of stuff. He will look at you like what does that mean? Yeah. Like Lucy knows what she means. She's living in Ansel and grow a world. She's like tazling grow. I don't think about the nasty stuff that can happen. It's about the beware, whereas Greg's very maybe like victims. Oh God. The last one was Sue's recreation of the birth of Venus with Alex's Venus, which I think to think of that in five minutes

to order the correct items and then do the photo shoot in 15 minutes is very, very impressive. And I think it's the best of five points. Yeah, I would have gone with the gentleman basket, but... Well, I got the lowest, that got the lowest score. I know, I know, that felt a bit harsh. Yeah.

Maybe if there was different things in the basket, maybe he just didn't know Greg well enough to know what he wanted in his gentleman's basket. Well, that's it. Exactly. He might have a nut allergy. He's not going anywhere near for a Russia. It was two points for Sam, three points for Susan, four points for Lucy, four points for Julian and five points for Sue.

Bit more delicate at this one. This is from Sam Campbell. All for you. Oh. What is it? The bottom of the bucket, this snow. I mean, I have to say this is Sam's actual credit cards. Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah, it's a gentleman's basket. What was I thinking? Well, I thought I saw you so stylish. I know you're going to start dressing like Fagan at a disco. Task three, feed the clown the most cards. No part of you must cross the threshold of the stage. You have 10 minutes, your time starts now.

This feels like a straight down the line, Taskmaster Classic Task. I'd love to do this task, John. Yeah, and how would you have done it? Well, I definitely... My first thought immediately was go the way that Sam and Julian went and make sure the cards are tied up in one pile, they're easier to throw.

And then I think I'm just trying to chuck it in. Yeah, so good. Yeah. And when Sam tested his aim with something as well, I thought, yeah, that's what I had done. Yeah, smart. He tested his aim and missed and then he threw and missed in exactly the same way. So the test did work. What I liked

about this task, again, fuck the task. I liked Julian goes, can you come to the shed with me? Yeah. And he said, do you remember what he says to Alex? What? He says, so is this your on stage persona? Yeah. And so that's the kind of stuff of that. That's why I watched Tarswast. Yeah. I want to see the old school. Me, so what I loved about that moment,

I've loved that I've kept that in. What that tells me is number one, that's the first task he's done. Yeah. Or first day at least, yeah. That's the first day, yeah. Yeah. So that is the first day I reckon Julian Cleary has met Alex Hall.

Yes. He's never met him in his life before until this day. We all know Julian Cleary, famous, famous comedian, massive in the 90s, you know, just just fantastic and now he's in this little world and he's making Alex on and he's trying to fucking Work out what the hell is going on like I said he's a millionaire Yeah, doesn't need to do this and there's a moment when he's I think think he said it himself, when he's throwing these cards into this rusty crown, clown's mouth. And you can just tear these like, God what is that?

You can just see he's like, nah, Jesus Christ. Oh, he's very good. He's very good. This is having a lot in task to where you think Julian Clea doesn't care or he's trying to get through it quickly and he's very funny with it, of course. But then he does well. He's the only one to do the task here.

He gets five points. Yeah, but as Greg said, he could have done nothing on one of the task. Yeah, that's true. And you see his eyes lie up at that. Yeah. He's like, oh, I wish. Yeah.

The other day you were like, I know that. Yeah. No they all they all they all they all have a good going it. Sue was very methodical. And that's where I thought she reminded me of Dara. Yeah. So I tell you what I tell you what slightly slightly rattled me about Susan Themptt is she's the only one to work out that you can drag the bin towards you. But then she just leaves it on the edge. What she should have done, she could just grab the top of the bin at that point without crossing the threshold, pull the whole thing off and then not worry about the threshold for the rest of it. She could just have it next to her and

then just drop the cards in. The jobs are good and but for some reason she finds a loophole, but doesn't fully exploit it. And that always, that always slightly annoys me when I see people do that. Yeah, I think, I think what happens in your head is that if you make a leap, you think, yeah, it's interesting. You don't think about going from zero to 100. You kind of go, well, let's interesting you don't think about going from zero to a hundred You kind of go well. Let's just go to fifty Mm-hmm, and then that's enough that'll do because I can still get it done

Whereas you're right, but I don't think she's that kind of Because with that thinking it's it might get zero points here. Yeah, so she's doing enough's, you know, you see, she's the catchphrase is, what is it, the famous 72? Classic 72. The classic 72 cards in a pack. That's like something out of a spoon for James Bond. Just, yeah, it's classic 72 cards. But yeah, I mean, they, as, just got it 72 cards. But yeah, I mean, as you said, they all failed. Yeah, a pop from Julian.

A pop from Julian, but they all did pass the threshold. And again, you know, he's got his lines out, he's got VAR happening. Sam was by a fingernail, wasn't he? Yeah, a gutting for Sam, really gutting. Everyone else sort of, Min Su's almost fully crosses it. Lucy, I don't know what Lucy's doing. If I saw any other contestant try and use a leaf blower

to get a card into a clown bin, I'd think, well, you're deliberately doing that to, you're doing taskmaster wrong because you're trying to be funny whilst doing the tasks. She's not. She really believes that she can do that. Oh no, but it's funny. You really believes that she can do that. Oh, no. But it's funny.

You put a leaf blower in front of some people and they have to have a go. If that was me, I'm turning up my file early before the day. Yeah. I'm looking through the shared and like, right, what do I just want to play with for a bit? So I'm not distracted in the task. Because the thing is, if you walk in and you don't know

what you're looking for and you see a leaf blower your brain your brain does go well, that's pretty useful. Yeah. You've never used one in your life. Yeah. Literally, I mean, she makes Alex sit down at one point. She doesn't know why she's done that. Yeah. Yeah, Lucy. In her head, she's going to sit him on the sledge and push him towards the bin and then he's going to put the cards in. Why doesn't she just say, can you walk over there and put the cards in? Why does a sledge need to be involved at all? No, she didn't, Alex didn't.

Again, I must stress this to people listening. It does make sense when you open a door and you just see a sledge and you go yeah like there's a they deliberately place the things in your little it's like how you know you walk in a sainsbury and they put like the deals on like you know they put the deals in the places that got a there's a lot of science Yeah, to product placement and Taskmaster Does that very cleverly with things like leafblows and sledge is So we got naught points Sam got naught points Susan got no points Lucy got no points and Julian got five

points Take that you hungry come Oh Hello, Sue Oh, you've got 36 How long have I got? You've got 30 seconds. Oh. There's another whole packet. Yeah. The classic 72.

The classic 72. Is it 72? Thanks, Luke. The classic 72, mate. It's the classic 72. And it's the 87 that we're there. We're talking big numbers. APPLAUSE Let's talk about the studio task. And to the 87 that were there, we're talking big numbers. APPLAUSE

Let's talk about the studio task. It's a lovely studio task, this one. I would have been delighted if this was on my series. Watch Alex's parade and then answer the questions. Most correct answers wins. You may not make any notes during the parade. How are you feeling about the parade, John? Er, I like this. It felt old school.

It felt generation game didn't it? It was exactly, it was a complete generation game. Yeah. But that's what I liked about it. Yeah me too. I really, it felt quite sweet. Yeah. It felt quite like, you know, I mean, something I, are they aware it's a memory game before it starts? Well, I guess, I guess they know. Do they know like, I think I can't remember does Alex or does Greg say, remember stuff because I'm going to ask you questions at the end. Well, the task is watch Alex's parade then answer the questions and I'm assuming I'm assuming if that came up for me, I immediately assume it was a memory. Well, no, no, so would I. Yeah, but watching it. Yeah. It ain't for Lucy. No, no, no. And Sam's got

a bit like, Oh, you need me to explain. You need me to remember that. Yeah, I was watching it going clearly, they want you to, they're going to ask you questions about the details of what's going on here. Yes. Wow. Well Lucy Unsam, do you very badly? I mean, Lucy gets none right and so I'm going to go on right. I'm fine, but again, it goes back to you what you said where some people you think maybe they're trying to be funny. Yeah. And the thing is, the funny, the not funny thing to do would be does give wrong funny answers. Yeah.

And yet that is what Lucy is doing. Yeah. But it is funny because you are looking at her like, I don't, you have absolutely, she says it at the end. It's so funny when she went none of that went in. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's just all washing over it. It's amazing. And yeah, I think I think I like to think I would have done a right at this. Apart from the last one with the sort of misdirection,

the magic trick, because obviously Greg's going, look at his legs, look at his legs, and you're not looking at Greg. And even when I watched this for the second time, I got tricked by it again. Yeah, that stuff always, you know, my dad sometimes sends me videos where it goes watch this and then watch it again. And I'm like, I'm not getting any of this. Watch me. I didn't see him. I didn't see where he pulled that orange out from.

What video is he's done sending you? I'm not saying. What video is it? Is it a dead Sunday here? He sends me video, you know, you might get a video now in that. And it will be like, because you know, my dad's 72.

Yeah. But I think he forgets, I'm not 72. Hahaha. So he will send me stuff from like the 1950s going to remember this? Like that? Or he'll send me like dementia tests? I understand why you're getting this from your mates. But this isn't a forwarding on thing. Oh brilliant, I'd love to meet your dad. He's very good man, he's very nice man.

Probably in the top 10 of dads I'd like to meet I think. He's very, well I don't know if you feel this about growing up but I've been living at home for the past month because of this house situation. We've just only moved in and so boy Spending that much time at home with your parents Whether it be your mom or your dad or whoever You see You see who built you

Yes, if that makes any sense. Yeah, that's why I see it meeting me. I want to meet them why I want to meet the builder. Yeah, but the builder is also still building himself. himself right. Yeah, yeah, he's a working progress. Oh my god. He's a construction site. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Rome. It's Rome. Yeah. It's Fader Glory. Well, anyway, he said, anyway, point Bailey sends me these videos, which are memory games.

Yes. And depending on what, there may be all the, I'll encourage it. But yeah, watching those five, Julian's very sharp. You can immediately tell he's all across it. He's like, I know what this is. Sue as well. Susan, there was a small reference by Alex

that she had maybe her reading glasses on, looking over at Superkins's, a little sheet. Yeah, it gets three out of five, same answers. Yes, yes. And then I made Lucy and Sam, you know, they're in their pods. Yeah, they're in their pods. Lucy gets a naught out of five, which means she gets one point, which seems very, very fortuitous for her.

She did nothing, and got a point. Sam 1 out of 5, 2 points, Julian 2 out of 5, 3 points, and Susan and Sue. Both gets 3 out of 5, they may have been some cheating, but they both get 5 points, meaning at the end of this episode, Sue gets a very respectable 20 points, and wins the episode. Straight down to Julian on 15 points in second place Susan on 14 points relatively low score for Sam compared to the rest of the series 10 points and Lucy comes in bottom with Nine points leaving Sam now seven points in the lead Going into the final episode which is closer than I thought it was gonna be Julian is on 138 episode which is closer than I thought it was going to be. Julian is on 138, Sue on 126, Susan on 123 and Lucy lagging behind on 115. We're going into the final episode, John.

Do you see Julian maybe sneaking past Sam for the victory? I do. However, if it comes down to a prize task or even a tie situation. I have a feeling Julian may be lacking with stamina and I just think he won't be fucked. So if it was like, so I don't know how they do the tasks. If Julian does well on the tasks, then I think he's proven that he can do it. Sam is he slipping right at the end? Potent. If it went down to it, like I said, something that they had to do in the studio, I put my

money on Sam. And so I will say, having said all that, I think Julian will win Series 16 of Taskmaster. There's the prediction from John. Thank you so much for coming back on the Taskmaster podcast, John. I always love having you on. Always a lovely chat. We cover the topics. We covered it all. We cover it again. Absolutely we will. You're on tour, you're going to be on tour again next year, you're finishing off the dates this year and then you've got more coming up next year, is that right?

That is right, dates are at John Kern's comedy.com. I hadn't had a website till last year and I made drunkenly bought johncarns.com two years ago because he didn't want anyone else to take it. I forgot and he told me that and when they were trying to buy it they went we don't know who's got it. Anyway my mate's got it and he's a plumber and ballam. So I got to try and work out where I'm getting it off of JohnCarnsCombony.com. Yeah, I'm on tour. I've got a few 20s or so dates in the spring and then I'm going to

disappear for a while. The vanishing days is the name of the show. I saw it in Edinburgh and I'll save a lot of the compliments for the intro and outro so you don't have to hear it but it's absolutely fantastic, John. People should definitely come and say it. Seeing you walk around Edinburgh. Wow. You need, you need, you need to, you're like Tyson walking to the ring. What are you talking about? Uh, yeah, it's, it's every, yeah.

I said it, I'm ever saying it to you. I was like, I'm high, you know, it's every yeah, I said it. I've never said it to you. I said hi, you know, it's like Famous People know people know people know it's nice to see I love it. I love fame. I love money I like kind of I like the trappings. I like free stuff. I like people know it. You are I like sold out I like I love it all who you are. I like sold out. I like, I love it all. And you know, it's been 10, 10 years, but now people that you started out with,

they're really blooming. And 10 years time, it's gonna be even crazier. And it's gonna go mad. Ha ha ha. Well, I'm glad you like it, John, because I absolutely do not. Edinburgh, in particular, is A nightmare. Yeah, I'm an asshole.

It's not a nightmare. We always ask our guests to rate the podcast that they've just been on between one and five and the style of the Taskmaster. We hope you've enjoyed yourself, of course, but feel free to give it an honest point score, John. I'm going to give it a four. And that's purely on my, the thing that I'm thinking about now is the Soviets putting microphones in caromacks in like, budgets.

You're not happy with that? Well, I'm happy with it. Yeah. But I genuinely am going to spend the next, probably, hour, wondering what the hell I meant by it. Yeah, me too. Me too, man. But you know what, I loved it all the same. I'm going to think about it every time I go into a news agent. This can't...

Go on to... Go on to several... There's my friends and I just can't relax. See you later. Thank you very much, John. Bye-bye. Thank you so much, John, for coming on the podcast again. An absolute blast, as I hope for an expected. Do go and see John on tour next year, doing the vanishing days, he might well be coming to a town near you,

go and see whatever you can that John's doing. He's absolutely amazing. We'll be back next week to discuss the final episode of Taskmaster Series 16. It'll be sad to say goodbye to this gang, but what an episode it will be. And I can happily announce that we'll be talking to the winner of Taskmaster Series 16. Who's that going to be? You'll have to wait and find out next week. Imagine how lonely it can feel to be facing mental illness or addiction on your own. Now imagine how lonely it might feel during the holidays. That's why CAMH needs your help to light the way forward.

Your donation can help us make sure no one is left behind by fueling progress in mental health care and patient experience. Donate now at camh.ca slash giving Tuesday to double your impact with a match donation. That's camh.ca slash giving Tuesday.