Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 14.Tim Key - S1 Ep.2

Episode Date: January 14, 2021

On the podcast this week Ed is joined by comedian, actor, writer, poet and series one contestant, Tim Key! As well as discussing episode two of the first series, Tim reveals what being a 'Task Consultant' involves and why he hated the high five a 55 year old task quite so much. They reminisce over Tree Wizard, hot tooth paste pie and a team building trip to cologne.  For all the latest Tim Key news including details on his new book visit  www.timkey.co.uk   If you would like to watch along as Ed and his guests revisit the early series of Taskmaster then go to https://www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster/episode-guide where you will find all episodes. Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Visit the Taskmaster Youtube channelwww.youtube.com/taskmaster For all your Taskmaster goodies visit www.taskmasterstore.com  Sales, advertising and general enquiries:[e-mail] the podcast is produced by Daisy Knight for Avalon Television Ltd   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Great. I'm on one percent battery hello and welcome to the taskmaster podcast. We're back again. Ed Gamble here, the host of the podcast and will forever be the host of the podcast. There is no way anyone is wrestling that out of my hands. I'm going to say it every week. Richard Herring, back off, you little bitch. Today we will be talking about series one of Taskmaster, episode two. And of course, to discuss the episode we need someone who was there at the time someone who was at the heart of the action and this week our guest is the wonderful Tim Key Taskmaster contestant in series one Tim's wonderful comedian poet filmmaker writer

all of that sort of stuff in fact he's got a new book coming out on February the 14th. He'll mention that at the end. I'll mention it at the end. We are going to plug that to hell. Go out and get Tim's book on February the 14th. But let's continue now to chat about Taskmaster Series 1. Hopefully you're all watching along with us. That would be a fun way to do it. I think if you watch the episode on all four and then come and listen to the podcast we can relive it like we're all the way back in 2015 because god knows that's where i want to be right now uh so we'll chat a lot with tim about the episode uh email questions uh for future guests taskmasterpodcast at gmail.com i will reveal who our next guest is at the end of this episode. But for now,

let's continue and chat to Tim Key about Taskmaster Series 1, Episode 2. Tim Key, welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. Hello. Hello, Ed. How are you doing? Good, thanks. It's great to be on your podcast, I must admit. Yeah, are you excited about it? I bet you're pretty jealous that you've not been on it so far. I'm very very excited. Now where's James? No this is not that one. Is it not, no? No this is the Taskmaster

podcast. Today we're here to discuss Taskmaster, specifically series one episode two which you were in, I don't know if you remember. Yeah, I remember it like it was yesterday because I rewatched it. Yeah, well, good man. Good. Okay. I'm glad to hear it. But you're also here, Tim, in your capacity as a task consultant. You're on the credits as a task consultant and there's always a lot of chat about that online. What does Tim actually do to be a task consultant, and there's always a lot of chat about that online. What does Tim actually do to be the task consultant? Is it like a regular salaried job? There's quite a lot of chat, offline actually.

Mainly coming from Alex going, why should I put you on the credits? Yeah, the online chat room sounds a lot like Alex phoning me. It's the old, what do you actually do chestnut isn't it my one my one worry about coming on this show so we just focus on can we just focus on me as a contestant yes we don't we can we don't need to drill down onto the actual minutiae of my rollers I know it's I know it's a slight problem it's the elephant in the room, I get that It's just it's the first thing on my list Tim The way you talk about it, it's as if I never come up

with any tasks and it's all coming from Alex's head and we've got a gentleman's agreement that my name just stays on the credit There must be a task Tim there must be at least one task every series that you come up with or help with right oh you do me and you do me an honor thanks ed uh it's all it's smoke and mirrors i mean i don't know i'm sure alex doesn't want me to sort of discuss which tasks are his and which task is mine

well look we have an We have an informal agreement. We meet up. Well, obviously, that's... In a way, the pandemic has actually just put the final nail in the coffin of my task and sodomy, because now the meeting up bit has gone as well. Yeah, you can't even go for a pint. That's what we would do. We'd sort of go to...

There's a pub quiz in his village, and we'd go to the pub quiz, and in between do we'd sort of go to there's a pub quiz in his village and we'd go to the pub quiz and uh in between we'd sort of say uh well have you had any that are any tasks that are sort of to do with vinegar or stools or dartboards or anything like that so alex comes up with all the tasks during the pub quiz and you go maybe they could do a quiz yeah yeah after about four or five or five bites i'm just sort of looking at a barman and say can we make them all dress up like him or something is there something in that okay well we won't we won't drill down into that further tim we'll we'll focus we'll focus on you

as a contestant in taskmaster i think i'm a very very efficient sounding board for for Alex but I would concede that other people could equally do that sound board role who buys the drinks in that scenario well Alex because I'm there as his task consultant I say I said now I'm beginning to see the setup we're gonna see why it's a pretty sweet job for old Tim Key it's a pretty sweet job and actually the online thing is reflected in real life where people... I think my main thing is that I'm task consultant on Taskmaster. I have noticed that. Even though I'm sort of desperately trying to get other things going in my own career,

it feels like that's the headline news, is that I'm the mastermind behind Taskmaster. But I think Alex would probably argue that he might be the mastermind behind Taskmaster. But I think Alex would probably argue that he might be the mastermind behind Taskmaster. Although we talked to Alex last week about episode one, series one, and he was telling us about the origins of Taskmaster being that you won the Edinburgh Comedy Award

and he was so annoyed that the next year he came up with something that you couldn't win. How do you feel that a mammoth thing such as Taskmaster is based on jealousy of your success? Hmm, yeah, good question. I always enjoy it when I hear Alex talk about that in podcasts and things because he's never mentioned that in real life. The jealousy that he felt that summer

while he was, where was he? He was at a Christian... He was at a Christian music festival. He's at a Christian music festival. Yeah, I've pieced all this together. He's never mentioned this to me. He's at a Christian music festival having a miserable old time

because he gets the news that I, Tim Key, have scooped the Premier Comedy Award in Edinburgh. The big one. Yeah, I got the big one. But no, it was quite interesting, actually. Just from what I can gather, then he created Taskmaster and the horn section and, to be fair,

Three Children on the back of me winning that. Yeah, I mean, he really is driven by jealousy. For such a nice man, he's produced quite a lot off bitter feelings. In 2007, Tom Basden, my pal, was up for the Perrier Best Newcomer Award. And it was when it was still held at night. And I was thinking, when we were all there and the nominations were all in and they read out the nominations,

and I was thinking, I wonder how I'll feel if this guy wins it. Yeah. I'm going to learn a lot about myself in the next 15 seconds. And do you want to tell the end of the story? Not really, no. It's pretty bleak stuff. Because he did win, didn't he?

He did. He did win. Absolutely refusing to reveal that. He did win, absolutely refusing to reveal that. He did win. And actually, I do remember thinking, oh, great, I'm not quite such a bad guy. Yeah. Because I was, like, really pleased for him.

But I genuinely was worried that he'd win it. And I go, you wank. But did that then give you the fuel to then go on two years later to win the main award? I actually think all of those, being surrounded by people who are really good and doing really interesting and fun things does sort of, yeah, it does light a bit of a fire in you, I think. I always remember watching Mark Watson's shows and, you know, his 24-hour shows

and thinking, yeah, this is, you know, it's quite inspiring when someone and you know his 24-hour shows and thinking yeah this is you know it's quite inspiring when someone you know um creates something from nothing yeah and you think well i mean first of all it's kind of like quite disheartening because you think well i can't really do that but then it does make you think what can what what can i maybe you know contribute here what can i maybe contribute here? What can I come up with? I think it is quite healthy having, you know, being the same as you are, you know, a bunch of coming through with a bunch of friends

who are all kind of doing interesting things and fun things. Yeah, I'd agree with that. It would be nice to trace it back to see who did the first good thing that then set off a chain reaction of jealousy. Yeah, I think the first good thing amongst us, I mean, I do remember, well, Alex's first Edinburgh show, that was a good thing. Ah, so that's interesting.

So you think a chain reaction of jealousy that ended with Taskmaster was actually started by Alex himself in the first place anyway? Well, I'm never a massive fan of the phrase chain reaction of jealousy. But yeah, yeah. When someone says to you, Tim, Taskmaster Series 1, what's the first thing that occurs to you um i'd say proudest task was um there was one where you had to get a uh a tea bag into a um into a cup into a mug from the longest distance throw a tea bag into a cup from the longest distance yeah and uh i remember doing that it's such a kind of i think we had like a different obviously us five had a different experience from everyone else who followed yeah well not necessarily because

there were a lot of people i know who got asked to do taskmaster i didn't have a clue what it was and then uh said they'd do it without even watching it and probably didn't watch their own episodes but there are other people probably which category you fall into where you watched a few episodes to see how you do it all of them yeah or to see what goes on so it's very interesting to to have these things and just be in that house in this kind of vacuum and not know whether you whether you're doing it know whether you're doing it right, whether you're judging it right, whether or not you should be trying to win, whether or not you should be trying to be entertaining,

whether you should be splitting the difference or whether in your option. Or whether you should be cheating. Come on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That could be a different section of this podcast. We can come on to that. The cheating? Yeah. Oh, look, it's going to come up in this episode.

Don't you worry. As we progress through the episode, the cheating's going to come up. But I don't want you just to be chipping. Now, that's what I'm trying to avoid, is as we progress, you chipping in with it. Right, okay, so you just want it all out the way at once? Well, we can do it now if you want.

No, because we... Don't worry, task one is high-fiving a 55-year-old, so we're definitely... We'll come on to the cheating section then. Oh, we're going to go through all those tasks, are we? Yes. Absolutely. That's why you better re-watch it.

Let's start then with the prize task. Most impressive thing. Let's get straight in with yours. A medal for completing the london marathon yeah again difficult to know how to judge it and actually i think as a rule i was quite bad at this part of the show i think i would have liked to have done this part of the show better i would disagree because the previous weeks the first episode was reindeer skull which i think is one of the best introductions to the prize task and how to play the prize task properly.

Yeah. It's difficult. How did you do it? Was it the same on your series? You're just given five, eight? Ten. Ten, yeah. It's weird that the task consultant

doesn't know how many episodes there are because I would have thought he'd... Weirdly, he wasn't consulting me on how many episodes. You think that's what he brought me in for? We're thinking eight. I thought he'd... Weirdly, he wasn't consulting me on how many episodes. You think that's what he brought me in for? We're thinking eight. No, no, no, no, no.

You go ten. That's a budget thing. I'll sort the budget out, Alex. There should be ten eps. If you're getting Gamble on, give him ten eps. Let him shine. I played... I think you're right in that by the time... You know, I was series nine,

but you can see people and how they do it. um i i played i think i think you're right in the by the time you know i was series nine but you can see people and how they how they do it uh and i think you know you need to go in with sort of something that sounds good in two or three words when greg comes in says what have you brought you need to be banged straight in like like reindeer skull or something that is very weird that you couldn't explain in a funny way um yeah and I think I did okay in them I think maybe you know 50 50 I did all right well impressive is quite difficult because you sort of that's difficult to judge because you don't want to sort of it's difficult to do that without kind of blowing your own trumpet yes I mean you didn't blow your own trumpet I don't think because you

went with the London Marathon medal which they were you know tens of thousands of people do the London Marathon and complete the London Marathon but you which there were, you know, tens of thousands of people do the London Marathon and complete the London Marathon, but you did it in 2009. That is the same year you won the Comedy Award. And there's only one winner of that every year. And you didn't bring

your Comedy Award in. I hadn't really looked at it like that. Yeah. But when you actually sort of, you know, paint it out in black and white like that, it does make it seem like 11 years ago I was,

that was my best days. That wasn't my intention, Tim, to make you feel old. What the fuck did I do last year? Went on a walk a few times. Did some online gigs. Yeah, I don't know whether you can just march onto a comedy show with your comedy award from another comedy show you did and see

what you make of this I reckon you can especially as the connection with Alex you can really rub that in his face but I think it's still impressive to do the London Marathon although there were I've done it twice just the twice mate why would you say that you could have said yeah i've done it same day

although greg seemed to insinuate that he found it impressive in a sort of in quite a derogatory way that he was surprised you'd done the london marathon yeah i mean what what you want when you say you've done the london marathon is for people to say oh you know fair play to you. What you don't want is like a slight pause where you're definitely able to discern shock, genuine shock, and then both of the hosts looking at the medal and then back to my frame and then back at the medal again and then choosing whether to say, that's impressive, or whether to say, no, you didn't do that, did you, fat twat?

say that's impressive or whether to say no you didn't do that did you fat well i think it's impressive tim and and you also look like you could do it again tomorrow how's that uh that's not bad actually yeah because you can do it at lots of different uh pace lots of different um paces can't you yeah yeah you'd start tomorrow i would um so let's let's go through the contestants and their prizes uh because did you have like a a pre-existing relationship with any of the other contestants was there that chemistry there or was this your first time working with them um so frank um frank i sort of knew in a kind of sort of distant um kind of like a like he's a sort of a sage somewhere like a wizard and he also gave me my perrier award when I won it so he sort of is somewhere in my kind of when I when I actually die and your life flashes before you I'll get a bit of Frank

actually oh lovely I've got I've got some Frank backed up. And he was always very nice to me as a kind of, you know, a sort of senior comedian. So, yeah, I liked Frank a lot. And when Alex said that he was doing it, that was a kind of a nice thing. Because, you know, to have your kind of established kind of comedy royalty being someone you know, that was quite good. So, yeah yeah i knew him a bit um i knew roche but i got to know roche a lot more after that romish i don't i don't think

i knew romish at all and then josh you know from edinburgh and stuff um i was trying to think who the other one is but it's me it's you and you knew you right i knew me and then i knew greg um and then obviously um best friends with alex best buds uh let's let's discuss what other people brought um romesh brought the uh the arsenal cap which he believed to have been thrown from the arsenal 2001 2002 champions bus uh and he seems to suggest that's impressive as if he was part of the team yes but in fact that's just that is that is a discarded cap it's a discarded cap which I think Josh makes the point that it could have been thrown over the bus at which point absolutely heartbroken yeah well I mean to be fair Romesh flicked between heartbroken and furious throughout the whole

episode genuinely angry I mean if you if you meet Romesh he is that heartbroken and um furious throughout the whole episode genuinely angry I mean if you if you meet Romesh he is that furious a lot of the time uh and he will like laugh at everything and then look absolutely devastated within a second yeah that's his vibe yeah that is his vibe and a very good one actually uh Frank brought in uh a gold leather cracker crown oh yeah because he said it's the only hat he looks good in and someone made him a gold leather cracker crown. Oh, yeah. Because he said it's the only hat he looks good in and someone made him a gold leather cracker crown. I believe someone from one of his radio show listeners sent that in. Is that impressive, Tim?

Is a gold leather cracker crown impressive? Well, yeah. I mean, I did like his logic, you know, saying that that is the only hat that he looks good in. Yeah. And then to have that hat, you know, created in leather for, you know, the remaining, I don't know, 40 years of your life, whatever he's got left,

I don't know how long Frank's going to plug away till. But yeah, I think that is quite impressive. Are you asking me to score this as well? Well, you know. What are the other ones? So I've got the medal. This is the benefit of this, isn't it? medal the hat the arsenal cap uh roshin brought in a massive bottle of champagne that holds eight normal size bottles uh and uh josh brought in his celebrity

pointless trophy yeah right right um i okay so if i'm looking at all of those things are you impressed are you impressed by any of them, first of all? Well, yeah, I'm just trying to imagine Which ones I'd do an impressed face at To be honest, I can't imagine seeing a bottle that big Without sort of getting my nod on slightly Yeah I think that's, it's quite impressive a bottle that big without sort of getting my nod on slightly. Yeah. I think that's, it's quite impressive.

A pointless celebrity, I don't know, I mean, to a penny, aren't they? But were they at the time? This was, you know. Was this before Pointless? This was before the show was commissioned, so it's pretty impressive let alone the celebrities version no that is impressive actually you know to me celebrity the celebrity pointless trophy is

is the most impressive because i got knocked out in the second round i had no idea i'm so sorry that's all right it was who were you on with nish it was it was like the questions fell wrong you know we're in bad moods it didn't go well and it was literally our dream to be on that show and it's it's pretty sad it's the story as old as time it is um so have you done house of games done house of games mate got the trophy back there don't you worry about that yeah yeah i got the trophy back there don't worry about that have you let's have a look. Oh, it's in a different room.

Imagine if we never see him again. Oh no, there it is. He wasn't lying. Happy with that? There's my House of Games trophy. Am I happy with it? Yeah. That would be a yes. Are my aunts and uncles happy about me winning it? That would also be a yes.

Did they email me after every show? Yes, they did indeed. I would say that, so Josh's Celebrity Pointless trophy only got two points from Greg. I think that's unfair. I feel like that's four points for me. The Leather Cracker Crown should be further down. I'm not impressed by it.

Your London Marathon medal, five points. Yeah. But that's coming from someone who's run the London Marathon. That's not easy, that race, is it? No, it's not. So what are we thinking? Are you happy with your victory there? Do you think you deserved the victory or do we think something else is more impressive? You know what i'll take it okay good take it i mean if it's like

if you take if you're stripping everything away and it's not you got you don't have to be like quirky or fun or anything like that i think running the london marathon is uh that's hard work yeah that is the most the most impressive thing there i You know, I'd agree with that. A giant amount of champagne. I drink an awful lot. I'm impressed. You're not more impressed by that than by the Arsenal thing? I'm not more impressed by that than you catching someone's tossed-off hat.

Guys, I'm having a party around at mine today. Oh, brilliant. What is it, a champagne party? No, I've just got a hat. Task one, Tim. tim high five a 55 year old a controversial task in taskmaster history because you're out and about interacting with the public and let me say straight away no one looked like they enjoyed that at all hated it hated it hated it hated it very interesting in my worst nightmare and when and when I yeah absolutely and when I opened that thing up the

the task I mean my life flashed before me I'm like this is not and I guess it must have been early in the record like you know early days of us recording it and me just sort of thinking oh no this can't be the show we did another one which which people which people hated even more where i'm i don't know what the task was but you definitely had to dress up as a parrot right it must be in the same day yeah we're in the supermarket dressed as a parrot and i mean i hate it i think what was what was the task because i don't think i don't know i don't know but i hated it ed dressed as a parrot yeah what could that task have been i don't know um it's it's interesting isn't it that clearly alex saw that no one enjoyed doing this stuff where you have to interact with unsuspecting members of the public and that was never seen again in taskmaster really

yeah i talked to alex about it afterwards and uh you know i think he he got the uh he picked up on that energy yeah it's like yeah we're not gonna do that again i don't think I mean to be honest obviously there's been a lot of different contestants since and I think if you bunged uh uh bunged everyone through the the high five high-fiving the 55 year old test there would be a lot who would hate it but there would be some who'd absolutely thrive be fantastic I mean let's talk about it now. You took the opportunity to... Did you cheat or did you just... I couldn't work out. Did you just abandon all morals?

You know, I watched it back and actually even watching it, I mean, I was feeling for the guy. I mean, I am going through it. I just don't know what to do. And plus you have that added layer of thinking I'm on telly. Yeah. And I don't want to let Alex down. And the card says I have to do this. And then I'm looking at these, you know, old swindlers wandering around this shopping mall

thinking, what the fuck am I supposed to do here? I'm not high fiving that old lady. what the fuck am I supposed to do here? I'm not high-fiving that old lady. That's why. I mean, there's no play acting. I'm moving towards people and then thinking, I cannot do this and running away again. It's probably the least confident I've ever seen you in any situation.

Yeah, I hated it, hated it, hated it. So when I landed upon the idea of saying that I was doing it for comic relief, I mean, for me, I didn't run any checks on that. No. As to sort of think, is that an okay thing to do? I just thought, yes, I think I can go up to this person if I tell him I'm with comic relief. Here goes then so you didn't foresee

any discussions about the morality of that in the studio afterwards I didn't think about it I was in the theatre of war I just needed to I needed to high five a 55 year old and get back into the

improvised green room up the stairs in the mall that's all i had to do i just needed to be alone with alex and a researcher and if that meant i had to high five someone and say that i was raising money for comic relief then so be it now after that obviously you were challenged on the morality of it did you did you make a donation to comic relief that was the big discussion in the studio that maybe you should you should have maybe donated some money i don't know that means no then probably not no good to know because i know some people wanted to know about that uh oh fine well i'll do that now what is it 185 pounds well that was that it

was 185 pounds if you wanted your placing bumped up and your placing wasn't bumped up so i don't think you are 185 pounds well there you go but you know to be honest i've given up some of my time that's that's true since then for comic relief to create content for their marvelous fundraising if comic relief came to you now and said tim we we really we've got a good thing going on this year Comic Relief to create content for their marvellous fundraising. If Comic Relief came to you now and said, Tim, we've got a good thing going on this year, we'd love you to give up some of your time. All you've got to do is come to a shopping centre

with us and high-five a 55-year-old. Would you do it? I hate that kind of question because it's... That's possible, isn't it? Yeah. I say yes on a podcast, you know, during lockdown three, where you can't leave your flats and it all seems impossible that that's going to happen.

Yeah. And in four months' time, everyone's bloody vaccinated and I'm walking around Watford with you. I'm not coming. I'm going nowhere near that, mate. How much for first? £12,500. Ooh, you sod.

Take it or leave it. Can I buy second? In fact, I think I'll buy first. What was it, £12.50? I've probably got that on me. Romesh didn't want to do it, obviously, but he made a sign, at least. And he didn't do well.

He found a 50-year-old and paid her 20 quid. That's what he did. Yeah, but it shows how badly I did it, that I'm watching Romesh doing that and thinking, my goodness, this guy's fantastic. Frank, now this is the controversial one for me, aside from the comic relief incident. Oh, the high-fiving the baby.

Two 27-year-olds and a one-year-old to make a 55-year-old. I don't think that creates one person or comes up to 55 necessarily, Tim. How do you feel about what frank did um yeah again i feel like that is fantastic i'm coming from a starting point that i just um panicked and told someone that i was um basically richard curtis and i needed to high five them so to be fair i was very very very impressed with frank's work in the mall yeah i mean the thing the thing that they would some of these people those four So, to be fair, I was very, very impressed with Frank's work in the mall. Yeah, I mean it took...

The thing that they were doing... some of these people, those four, one thing that I knew immediately was I'm not going up to anyone who looks... It's like when they check your age when you're buying alcohol. Yeah. And they have to check whether you're under 25. If you look under 25, they check to see whether you're 18 yeah now if i'm looking for a 55 year old i'm making sure they're at least 60 before i ask that was that was my problem because i don't want to be asking a 45 year old if they're 55. you didn't want to upset anyone i don't want to upset anyone in that mall the only people i want to upset are the good people at comic relief i'd rather if i can upset

no one in that mall but i pissed off lenny henry then i'm okay well look i i don't think that counts what frank did i think it's an interesting way of tackling it but i don't i think it goes against what's on the task and it took him ages ages anyway. It took him 12 minutes 44. So he only got two points. He got two points, did he? He got less than you, Tim, because you were bumped down a place for mentioning comic relief, but you did it in four minutes 29.

Ramesh did it in one hour, but he didn't do it. So he high-fived a 50-year-old after one hour. So that was one point for Ramesh. Josh won. He got five points. He did it in three minutes 18. And did it straight up he found a 55 year old he high-fived the 55 year old same with roshin four points six minutes 12 seconds lovely stuff from roshin she played it with a straight bat and now it's time to hear from our BFF bonus fact finder, Alex Horne.

Ooh, yes, it's me, Alex Horne, your current BFF. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything.

Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth.

Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Bonus fact finder. And today's bonus fact is all about the parrot costume task that didn't make the show, which Tim was trying to remember. The parrot costume, of course, that then did feature in a series, a later series that involved people like Sian Gibson and Paul Sinha,

where I was wearing the parrot costume. They had to work out what I was wearing, but I couldn't talk. I could only communicate with a bell or a horn or something like that and they couldn't see me i can't remember the details because it's now 2021 today's bonus fact comes courtesy of the notes i took at the time with mr tim key in the shopping center in wickham i am very pleased that i made the notes i'm just going to read them out to you. The noise you can hear, by the way, is the hubbub of the Taskmaster House. There is hoovering going on. There is traffic going past.

There are planes overhead. This is what we have to fight against constantly here at the Taskmaster House, even mid-pandemic. OK, these are the notes I took about the parrot task, where Tim had to get as many people as possible to sign a piece of paper whilst wearing a parrot costume okay the notes are these first 10 minutes spent buying 20 pounds of sweets spent lots of time lent up against the wall almost knocked a four-year-old over silent and menacing demanded the parents sign for the suite he was determined to stick to

what was quite a bad plan he waited it was chilling and sad eventually he got allies in car phone warehouse so that was a task that didn't make it but hopefully now you can all imagine mr tim key doing something he didn't want to do, dressed up as a parrot. Goodbye, everyone. Task two, Tim. This is an absolute classic. Identify the contents of the pie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good stuff. Yeah, it is good stuff.

You may touch the pies, but you may not breach the pastry. Key language there. You may not breach the pastry. Well, when I watched it back, there was a lot of people really enjoying using the word breach. A lot of breach was flying around in the studio. Tons of breach. Yeah.

Everyone really relishing saying breach. I think this is the ultimate example of the fact that this was the first series of taskmaster so no one's thinking that anything tricksy is going to happen certainly frank who just wanders into the show he doesn't know what it is he's presented with these pies and he's got to guess what's in the pies so he doesn't it was kind of sweet wasn't it it's just frank just um looking at pies as if as if he thinks that this game show that someone with a creative comic mind has come up with is exactly the same as Greg's.

As in the bakery. The bakery, yeah, not the host. So he's, I mean, in his mind, he can't have done enough calculations because he's genuinely thinking that the next task is, please tell me which meat is in these meat pies without looking at them or smell literally just like staring at them and using as he says the psychic approach i know frank is a very very tv savvy guy he's been uh he's been kicking around for a while so what was going on in his mind there i have no idea. Maybe that's probably

in the game shows of his youth. Maybe that's the sort of thing they did on very early generation games. You think until the 1970s people were saying, which of these meals has got onion in? You can't taste them.

I think that's exactly the sort of thing they were doing in the 60s. They were, actually, to be fair. And I think that's what Frank was channeling there. And it obviously did not work for him because he guessed all normal pie ingredients, whereas, in fact, the pies contained steak, marbles, frozen peas, a picture of the Taskmaster, and hot toothpaste. Hmm.

marbles frozen peas a picture of the taskmaster and hot toothpaste um i think this was uh i love to see uh tim key being absolute pure tim key and i think asking alex to punch the pies and breach the pies and then just screaming laughing watching your friend punch loads of different pies i think is is you you real. Well, I gotta say there's, um, I used to live with Alex and, um, there was, uh, actually there was one time where we were in, in Edinburgh and we all went out for lunch together in this, um, in this pub. I think there was also some mums and dads there of the horn section. So there was about like 20 people there or something and i think he

ordered a pie and then i think i asked him to uh punch his pie i think just just on the sly just next to him i said punch your pie come on i'm not gonna punch the pie come on punch the pie and then you know we were still young in those days so obviously Alex punched his pie everyone furious with him where have you done that loads of adults like what are you doing

why have you punched your pie you say that you were young then so he punched the pie i can absolutely imagine that exact thing playing out now yeah you'd hope so wouldn't you you know once we come back after these um um lockdowns you'd hope that we've all still got some some spirit left inside us so you enjoy so alex punching the pies is actually something you've done in the past um i like that task i was watching it back and it did remind me of that incident i just explained So Alex punching the pies is actually something you'd done in the past. I like that task.

I was watching it back and it did remind me of that incident I just explained. But also I really liked the... It was quite a funny show to do, obviously, because I'm friends with Alex. And I think it's not like I'm friends with Alex and no one else knows him. There's so much warmth immediately between Alex immediately establishes a really warm relationship. I think with without any exception, every single person who's been on that show, which is kind of the, you know, the lifeblood of of the of doing the task. It's just, you know, it's beautiful. But there was a sort of element of thinking i'm gonna i'm gonna get my mate to punish these pies but it was a good it was a good technique i think i think you found the best way of doing it

it wasn't it wasn't bad i also like the fact that when i say it to alex you see in his eyes he's thinking oh good i'm gonna punch the pies yeah he's excited to punch the pies uh whereas roshi nearly has a good idea she gets alex to taste the pies and then guesses the contents by the way he looks but she sets up her own rules that she can't look at him whilst he's eating the pie for some reason yes she sort of gets her blair witch project done doesn't she yeah she does I'm glad I'm glad she does because she she is the only one who gets Alex to eat the pies and then we now have a situation where Alex is eating a hot toothpaste pie which I think to date is the most disgusting thing he's ever eaten he said perhaps it's up there I'll be honest he he eats a lot of bad stuff he does

in fact I would say it's one of my favorite um my favorite moments of you know his sort of constant you know sort of steady flow of asides that sort of come from his neck of the woods during the show is when he's i think he's eating my dinner in in this series where we have to find i think it's the final task the alphabet dinner yeah right and i think he's eating mine but he might be eating someone else's. He's definitely eating something in Taskmaster where he takes a mouthful of this stuff and he's eating it.

And he just very quietly says, hmm, it's not easy. He's a trooper, that man. He really is a trooper. He's eating, that could be an episode in itself, the stuff that that guy's consumed during this show. Oh, my God. Milk pie.

Is this a real pie or something you put together? Is that yoghurt pie? Oh, you're eating it, aren't you? It tastes just exactly like mint, like an extra-strong mint pie. But it looks like Tippex. Is it mint Tippex pie? Task three, Tim.

It's another memorable one. Do something that will look impressive in reverse. The taskmaster will see whatever acts you perform played backwards. You must therefore do something backwards that will look impressive when the film is played in reverse. Big, big task. This very,

people still talk about this one. Oh, they really do. And not because of my task. No, I was going to say not necessarily, not necessarily yours, which you called milf because it's filmed backwards.

Yeah, that's quite good, that. Still proud of that. No, people talk about it because of Romesh's Tree Wizard. Tree Wizard, yes. That's the main reason people talk about it. But I've got to say, I watched that back and I think that Roshin's one is a is a thing of uh of beauty thirsty wolf it's insane and that fits in again with what i was saying about you know

just being really interested to see what the other people have done yeah and when rosh did that i mean it's quite interesting because her sort of journey through the show is um largely getting in a bit of a pickle and sort of hoping for the best and uh it and and um being unfailingly like um you know funny doing it but but from nowhere she just does that yeah no she's it's very it's very impressive uh and it did And it got five points as well. That and Tree Wizard, which obviously Tree Wizard is iconic. I've seen it many, many times now. Oh, it's beautiful. It's an old friend.

I haven't seen it for a long time. And it's a work of art. Yeah. What's very interesting is you can do... Doing that jigsaw, and I was sort of thinking, I was quite happy with that. You know when you leave the room and sometimes you feel absolutely deflated and other times you think, yeah, I think I've done okay.

I've acquitted myself okay there. And they're quite difficult. Aside from the ones where you're meeting the public, which thankfully there was only one, the ones where you have to do something creative are quite daunting where you're like ah this is a this is a slight problem well because it's sort of within the venn diagram of what you do anyway so that the pressure's on then right yeah our job is to sort of it when we're not doing taskmaster is to theoretically make things that are kind of quite funny.

And now he's asking me to do this. And so you sort of think once you've got an idea and you've done it and it's sort of worked okay, you sort of think, good, got away with that. But what's very interesting is to do that jigsaw thing and then to see all five next to each other and to see two that were so much better and And to see two that were so much better. And then to see two that were so much worse. I think if you're putting yourself in the same bracket as Frank Skinner's, I think you're doing yourself a disservice.

No, I'm not. I'm saying Frank's was absolutely terrible. Yeah. And which Frank was very clear about. Yeah. And it was so funny watching Frank's was absolutely terrible. Yeah. And which Frank was very clear about. Yeah. And it was so funny watching Frank's face and the constant updating from Frank on his end seat where he keeps on saying,

my one's just looking worse and worse here. I really, I will remember that from the first time I watched it as well. I think about it a lot when he watches that back and says, well, watching it back, it's actually quite poor. It's actually quite poor. Because it's push up and away, it's called. And he's so proud of it during the film. You can see how happy he is with it,

that he's on the floor and he pushes himself. But that just looked like something a lot of people could probably do in real life anyway, right? Yeah. Yeah. He needed to do something which, if it was just filmed normally going forwards, is impossible.

Yeah. And instead, he filmed something that it really didn't matter which. It would be equally impressive being played forwards or backwards. Yeah. It really didn't matter which. It would be equally impressive being played forwards or backwards. Yeah, but I think that also sums up, it really sums up an incredible bit of Taskmaster when it dawns on someone that they've not done as well as everyone else. And it's heartbreaking for the person, but it's very funny.

And you know it's happening because when you're on that show, you quickly work out the grammar of it where they say, well, we're going to have a look at Ed's first. And you're like, oh, I didn't do it very well. Yeah. Or to be honest, quite often if they said, we're going to look at Ed's last, we're saving Ed's still last. You're like, I might have spectacularly done this badly.

Which you take that on the chin. If yours hasn't been shown yet and you're last, you sort of go, well, somehow or other, I've taken one for the team here. Yeah, it's going to be funny enough to be shown last. Yeah, it's when you're first and they just say, well, you know, we got everyone to make baskets out of these ingredients, right?

Here's the first one. You go, oh, right, okay. That's just a man making a basket. Oh, well. Josh's was pretty good. I think just up against Roshan and Ramesh, it wasn't much. It was a nice idea to him,

look like he's pulling a car on a skateboard on his tummy. But he was crawling along so sort of like pathetically and slowly that it just didn't look that strong and also the car had its brake lights on the car with the brake lights on i mean josh just didn't think it through i mean poor josh just i mean josh has got to go right brake lights off yeah and he's also got to go alex you can't be seen in the car yeah you've got to go right down into the footwell and just you know you know just keep it going quite so you know have a walkie talkie or something so we know whether or not yeah you've accidentally gone at 30 miles an hour and called Josh Whittaker but instead

yeah it really looked like Alex was just driving very, very slowly in reverse and Josh was just going on a skateboard very slowly. And it's sort of C above, really. It's the same as Frank's. Absolutely perfectly normal in real life, really, give or take. So that was a deserved five points for Roshin and Ramesh. Three points for Josh's man versus machine. Only two points for Milf, Tim.

Now, why do you think that is? I feel like I've put together something that's better than Josh's, but maybe Josh's was, to be fair to the guy, funnier. Here's my issue with yours, Tim. I think, why was it sped up as well? Why couldn't you have just dissembled a a jigsaw like quite quickly and then put it in the thing and then it would have looked like you're

just doing a jigsaw quite quickly if it was sped up it suggested more editing and more fiddling with it which made it look less impressive in my eyes do you know what I think I think you've put your finger on it yeah and uh you, if they ever do do a Taskmaster where you're allowed to take your own task consultant in, I would happily have you there as my wingman. Thank you. Well, I know what task consultants do, and I don't have to come on the day.

We'll just go for a pint beforehand. I'll tell you what, I never thought I'd say it, but the life of a task consultant is absolutely fantastic. And also, the pandemic hasn't really affected it. No. Tree wizard, magical hands and holy shit, it's another balloon. Tree wizard, takes position. What is he gonna do?

Tree wizard, flies up to his tree and waves goodbye to you. Tree wizard, tree wizard, tree wizard. Flies up to his tree and waves goodbye to you. Tree wizard. Tree wizard. Tree wizard. The studio task. You're all shackled up and it's crack the code, unshackle yourself and sprint one metre. Fastest wins.

And the clues, of course, were Alex's weight and then Greg's weight. Yeah. I forgot how competitive you were in this, Tim. You know, you're very competitive in the studio tasks for certain, you're shouting at people you're trying to get clues yeah it's interesting isn't it

how competitive were you would you say you were quite competitive pretty competitive I'd say who would you say is the most 10 out of 10 competitive person that they've had through their doors Richard was very competitive in the last series Ian Sterling was very competitive Lou Sanders was very competitive as well there's always at least one

or two rose matafayo as well there's always one or two who and it gets it gets sort of worse and worse as the show goes on i think there's more and more competitive people because there's people who every time the series is announced and they're not on it, it's building up. They're getting more and more excited, more and more and more revved up to do it. Yeah. Miserable stuff. Miserable stuff. I kind of feel like it sort of,

it comes and it goes in me. It's, it's a weird, it's, it's a weird sort of hodgepodge of, of emotions, isn't it? When you're doing that show,

because you are balancing all of those things yeah that trying to be funny trying to get the tasks done right trying to um you know avoid doing anything that someone else would have done yeah effectively everything you're doing which is sort of the story of my life is you're just trying to please Alex yeah I mean ostensibly you're trying to please Greg but you know on the day it's Alex isn't it because he's there looking at you but he's quite stoic

he's quite difficult to impress and the only time he really breaks and laughs and has to go behind his clipboard is when something goes wrong yeah or sort of when he's handling Sally handling Sally Phillips, if that's a phrase. Yes, I think it is. That was one by Roisin. She got the weights quickest.

Yeah. Did you know Alex's weight off the top of your head? No. And I don't, I can't even, I can't sort of imagine how heavy that guy would be. I always sort of assume we're roughly the same. Yeah. But I think I got his weight much quicker. I think Greg's, I didn't have a clue.

No. I mean, you've supported him. Well, not like that, but... I would have been in the right ballpark for Greg's, I think. Yeah. I just couldn't work out how much of him there was. Big boy. I'm looking across at Greg.

The thing is, there's just so much... Before you even get into the meat of it, there's so much height. Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it? It's the height that you've got to look at first, and then the meat. Yeah, it's the height that you've got to look at first and then and then the meat yeah it's height then meat i mean at least with at least with alex he's got sort of a kind of vaguely understandable height so you can sort of tick off the height quite quickly and then get into the meat yeah he's straight on with greg it's very difficult for a human to conceive of

that kind of height and then you add in the meat. Yeah. And that's why it took me a long time. I mean, I was fourth. Yes, you didn't do great on that one. You only got the two points. But Roshin, she was straight away, but I guess she's friends with Greg.

She's probably, she's had time to consider the height so she can get straight into the meat. Well, she's hugged the guy. Yeah. She's felt the meat. I've only hugged Alex once. Do you remember when that was? Yeah, it was after we driven back from Edinburgh in 2005 I think we'd spent the whole month doing the show together and living together yeah and just living in each other's pockets and we had we'd had a an

eight-hour drive on the way home he dropped me off I got my stuff out of the car, we hugged we looked at each other and he said let's never do that again. What a heartwarming story. He's not a very huggy guy. No, I always hug him. I make a point of hugging him. He looks huggier than he is.

Yes, he looks really huggy but when you do hug him he always looks slightly perturbed by that which makes me want to do it more it was a Roshin victory this episode she had a strong episode 21 points for Roshin 18 points for Tim Key

second place very strong showing I thought where did I come second? yeah happy with that? yeah I'll take that Key, second place. Very strong showing, I thought. Where did I come second? Second. Yeah, happy with that? Yeah, I'll take that, yeah. Third place for Josh, 16 points. Slow and steady from Josh as per.

14 points for Ramesh and only nine points for Frank. Not a great Skinner rep, unfortunately. Push up and away really cost him there. Yeah, it did actually. I mean mean what would have been really useful information I often think is knowing that there would be such a thing as champion of champions yeah that would have that would have sharpened my talons so you think I think so because you just sort of go on to

these shows and you think well it doesn't really make any difference whether you're you know first second first, second, third, fourth or fifth. You just want to be memorable. It's all about just being, you know, being of value, you know, all of that sort of stuff. But when you realise that actually if you win, then there's a wealth of opportunities come towards you, then you sort of think, hmm.

And so, yeah, Josh quietly got on with things. Now, Tim, Taskmaster's quite a good thing for bonding with people you i think you you establish a real chemistry with the people you're on uh like in in my series we all went out for afternoon tea we all met up afterwards um great did you and your did you and your cast do anything after the show so um so in the in the green room after we'd finished everything there was a lot of um i think spirits were pretty high and um there was i think in one of the episodes something maybe i'd i can't remember what it was there was some task or maybe it was a prize that someone had to bring in but someone brought in um tickets for two to go

to cologne yeah right so in the green room when we'd finished it or in the bar we made a pact that we'd all go to cologne and uh in my mind as you do my mind, when you make a pact to all go to Cologne, you go to Cologne. So then I'm emailing and then I'm sending out flights and then people are booking flights. And it sounds a bit churlish to say people are flaky when what they're not doing is, you know, pulling out of going to dinner at the last minute. They're actually, in the end, not going to cologne for 24 hours but i think then i think then roche got um she i think she genuinely i think she got have i got news for you which is like quite a big deal yeah romesh i can't remember what his thing was um greg no, not so much. Alex then. Alex had something or other going on. Oh, hang on. What's that? That's Alexa. I think it's because I've...

I think you are asking for the song missing. Is that right? That's genuinely because I said Alex. No, no, stand down. Stand down. Did you want the song missing? Stand down. Okay. So... Coming Around Again is available with Amazon Music Unlimited, which lets you play over 60 million songs. Stand down. Cancel any time.

Terms in the Alexa app. Should I start your free trial and play Coming Around Again? Yes. No! Okay. You can sign up anytime now. start your free trial and play coming around again yes okay right you are so so anyway me So me and Josh are now on a train in Bedford somewhere. We're going to Luton. I don't know. And I remember Josh, we met at the platform,

both coming out of London in different directions. So now we're at a platform getting on a train to go to the airport, just me and Josh. And Frank's meeting us at the airport and josh observes uh he said because we were supposed to have seven of us to go into cologne yeah and it would have been a mad trip to cologne with all seven of us and josh said it's turned from seven of us going to cologne to me and you taking a 55 yearyear-old to Germany. Wow.

So then we met Frank at the airport, and it's now just me, Josh, and Frank, and we fly to Cologne. The whole point is to go to this cathedral, and we check into our place, and we go and have some pretty poor pizza and a drink in the plaza. Piazza? Piazza? Piazza? Piazza, sure. Square.

Square, big square. Square, should have said square. Italian square, yeah. Yeah, Italian square in Cologne. And then go to the cathedral. Cathedral's closed. I mean, I've got to say, it was one of the great trips. It was so fun. Just me, Josh and Frank just walking around Cologne.

Lovely. And Frank is, I mean, I don't know how well you know Frank Skinner, but the three of us got on really well. But, I mean, Frank is just an absolute font of knowledge and anecdotes. And he's just, he he's incredibly good incredibly fun company and uh yeah so we ended up in this um you know some kind of german bar in the in the evening me and josh getting lashed frank doesn't drink so we're just getting lashed and just hanging on his every word and then the next day alex arrives um because he, I think he had a gig that night. So he's decided to come for brunch.

To Cologne for brunch. Cologne for brunch. So he flies out at six in the morning and we meet Alex on the Piazza Plaza Square at 9am. We have brunch. We go to the cathedral, which is now open. we go to the cathedral, which is now open, we go for a walk around Cologne, and then we get in a taxi back to the airport for our flight at one o'clock.

And that was our team-building exercise. It's lovely. Less than half of us. Very bougie of Alex to pop on a flight to Cologne for brunch and then go home again it was really good it's sort of classic Alex he sort of

he said from the start I probably can't do the whole weekend but I'll come for the day and he did it Tim, we always ask our guests on the Taskmaster podcast to rate their experience on the podcast one to five points. Could you give me a point score now, please? Five. Always enjoy spending time with you, Ed. Thank you. It's always fun, isn't it? We always have a laugh.

Tim, have you got a new book coming out? I do, actually. Funny you should ask. Yeah, it comes out on the 14th of february it's called he used thought as a wife lovely lovely title it's all about lockdown is it is it uh is it prose poetry what we're talking um poetry and dialogues lovely poetry and dialogues look out for that and that will be available wherever you buy your books, yes? We're working on that side of it, yeah. Well, keep an eye out. It might be available on the 14th of February.

Yeah, fantastic. Thanks, Tim. Thanks, Ed. Well, there we have it. Taskmaster Series 1, Episode 2, fully discussed. Consider that put to bed. We've put a lot of rumours to bed there. We've concluded a lot of things that were out in the ether.

Finally, the dirt has been dug and the milk has been spilt on the infamous trip to Cologne that Josh and Tim and Frank Skinner took. It genuinely sounds quite pleasant. That is the reason that we all went for an afternoon tea after series nine is Joe and David were so wowed by this story of a trip to Cologne they decided we definitely needed to do something but we weren't willing to travel internationally. Remember Tim's book is out on February 14th. Go and get that. Also email your questions into us taskmasterpodcast at gmail.com for our special next week, the wonderful Josh Widdicombe.

That's right. Another contestant from Series 1 is going to discuss the third episode of that series. We'll be chatting to the brilliant Josh Widdicombe. Get your questions in. Anything you've ever wanted to know about his time on Taskmaster, Taskmaster in general, anything you want us to discuss, get it in, taskmasterpodcast at gmail.com. Continue to watch the series on all four and we will see you next week goodbye

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