Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 29. Mike Wozniak - S11 Ep.6

Episode Date: April 22, 2021

This week Ed is joined by comedian, actor, writer and Series 11 contestant Mike Wozniak. The pair discuss Mike's early Taskmaster experiences and his approach in the current series. Ed asks Mike about his time catch phrases and why his career might be changed forever.You can watch Series 11 of Taskmaster each Thursday on Channel 4 at 9pm.Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Visit the Taskmaster Youtube channelwww.youtube.com/taskmaster For all your Taskmaster goodies visit www.taskmasterstore.com  Taskmaster the podcast is produced by Daisy Knight for Avalon Television Ltd Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Hello, howdy and good day. Welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. I am the host of said podcast, Ed Gamble.

Taskmaster is a television show. You should know that. If you've never seen Taskmaster before, what the... Well, A, are you living under a big rock? And B, what are you doing listening to the Associated Sister podcast? Because that's what this is. We chat about Taskmaster week to week. Series 11 is currently on Channel 4, Thursday nights, 9pm. And then straight after that episode's been on, we release an episode of this podcast me and a special guest chatting about everything that happened on the episode today is about series 11 episode 6 so if you've not seen that episode go and watch it for god's sake come back here

and hear me talk about it it's going to be a good episode. It was an absolutely stunning Hall of Fame Taskmaster episode. Something happened towards the end, which is potentially one of my favourite things that's ever happened on British television. And we're going to be talking this episode to the man responsible for that comedy moment. I say comedy moment, more of a biology moment. We're going to be talking to him it's mike wozniak a current contestant on taskmaster a wonderful contestant uh an odd man a lovely man a great man he's coming up on this episode remember taskmaster is channel 4 9 p.m

every thursday you can watch it on all four you you can catch up on there. And also, if you don't want any rude bits to happen, if you want to protect sensitive ears, your children, elderly relatives, your own ears, maybe you just know that you have lovely sensitive ears and you don't want to hear any bad bits, then you can watch Taskmaster Bleeped, which is also available on all four. And if you love Taskmaster and you can't get enough of course you do that's why you're listening to this go on the Taskmaster store buy some Taskmaster goodies taskmasterstore.com go on youtube.com forward slash Taskmaster a few more Taskmaster clips on there let's wrap up this admin quickly I want to get into the episode this is series 11 episode 6 of

Taskmaster discussed with the brilliant Mike Wozniak. Hello, Mike Wozniak, and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. Hello, Ed Gamble. Thank you for having me. So lovely to see you. Oh, it's lovely to see you, your lovely little face. Here I am. I don't think the listeners are going to see you. I mean, they can work it out.

There's a way that they can get your... I recommend it. I recommend get a little picture of Ed Gamble's face or your own illustration and just put it directly in front of you, about a foot away from your face, is what I'm experiencing here. And it really gives it a little edge. Mike's holding his computer very close to his eyes.

If you want to imagine that, he's holding it right up to his face. I can only see one eye and a bit of his nose. That's right. I like to get up close, just as I would to in real life, you know. Yeah. In normal times, of course. In normal times, right in there.

Yeah. Yeah. Mike, you are a highly requested guest on the Taskmaster podcast, of course, because you're in the current series, kicking up a fuss, causing a storm. That's right. Always. Always causing a storm.'s right always always causing a storm stirring the soup i would say absolutely not not causing a storm in the sense that i think you might be one of the most polite taskmaster contestants of all time you seem very at ease

you're very happy with it's on the telly isn't it you gotta be you can't be heffing and jeffing and busting out salty language if you if you if you're going to be on the telly. I think some people don't realise it's being broadcast, this stuff. Well, I wasn't told that, and I was an absolutely horrible little beast. There we go. There we go. You learned your lesson the hard way. I did.

You're on best behaviour, Mike. I am on best behaviour. I've worn my smartest my sort of my smartest you know party clothes there i am i've brushed my teeth i've had in some of them i've even had a haircut and not all of them of course because you know we then you know for some of the studio for some of the tasks you then plunged into to lockdown yeah and they sort of dragged us back out again from under our little rocks to try again and do some tasks can you notice that then because i don't think i've noticed that yet can you see

what days were sort of immediately post lockdown and what days were a little bit fresher i can i can see i can see it partly partly because of the physical appearance and i i can i can i can also detect a slight attitude change as well. Yeah. And myself where I've, I mean, every single one of those days was like a little holiday for me anyway. Right. Because,

you know, work from home a lot and it's, you know, it's an airing. It's a, it's a good old fashioned airing, but the, the,

the sheer relief of the, the lockdown once when someone said, yes, you can leave your home and it's okay. Cause it's work and come to this abandoned air force hangar in the middle of nowhere the app the purest thrill of yeah being somewhere else for the day and then and then doing doing that stuff was joyous absolutely joy which is sort of what i imagine you do on a day off anyways to go to a disused aircraft hangar oh of

course yeah but normally there's no one else about do you know what i mean there's just me and a couple of a couple of rabid voles yeah to hang out with and we try and avoid the uh the eagle owl that's roosting there and we have a bit of a laugh but one of us invariably gets caught and it's still very sad yeah but that's the game that's the game isn't it that's where you go don't hate the player is what i say to the owl don't hate the eagle yeah um before before you did taskmaster mike before you agreed to be part of the show were you were you a fan of it had you seen it before were you aware i was actually i was actually i don't i don't i do think i'm generally very picky about entertainment shows like if i'm watching the box i generally go for a bit of escape,

but I have, I have always followed this partly because I did the, the sort of the prototype stage version many years ago and was interested to see what happened. And also just, I don't know, cause I've known Alex for a long time and Greg, and there's always been someone on it that,

you know, I particularly want to see how they do. I've just, I didn't, it's one of those shows, once you start, you're in forever, I think.

Yeah. Really. I can understand how some people might have missed it, because there's a lot on, right? There's a lot, there's a lot to see. But once,

once, once you've got one episode under your belt, you're in it, you know. You're in, you're in for the long haul. From the get-go to the let-go. Yeah,

absolutely, yeah. I'm interested to hear about the Edinburgh prototype version prototype version because obviously i i i wasn't part of well i think he did it twice didn't he did he do two he did yeah i think 2010 was the the first yeah and then yeah he did it with i mean there are about 400 of us involved yeah in that one and then he pared it down a bit i was only very peripherally involved in the second one And he panned it down a bit. I was only very peripherally involved in the second one.

Just sort of turned up for some vibes and just sort of sat there like a lemon, really. Didn't do anything. But the first one was very much a contestant. You won that, right? I did, yes. Which is obviously completely meaningless. Don't say that. You've got to win.

You've got to win. That's the important thing. Even then, Greg wasn't even, even, even before you've got to win, you've got to win, that's the important thing. Even then Greg wasn't even involved at that point. Even, even then it was, you know, there was a degree of, there was an arbitrary degree of, of scoring, you know, but it was, we would get, it was very different than you would get a task once a month, you'd email you a task. And you usually had a bit of time to think about it. Occasionally there was a ticking block.

I think we had to find a hedgehog as quickly as we could on one occasion. I didn't do very well at that task. But others you could play around with a bit. And he just presented a whole lot in one big old grand finale with the usual band, you know. Yeah.

You know, Alex is very rarely going to get out and about without a band you know a fully fledged band I mean the studio of Taskmaster is one of the rare occasions you see him without his band

without a band but you know they're close they're always close just in case he's an absolute coward isn't he yeah

he always needs his band to back him up in case he gets doesn't want to get cornered down a dark alley without a full brass band no well you wouldn't would you and I can see how once you down a dark alley with a full brass band. No, well, you wouldn't, would you?

And I can see how once you've started going around with a band wherever you go, it's very hard to go back to a previous living. I'd love to be pursued by a marching band or maybe, I don't know, a sort of banjo troupe or something, or I don't know. This is great, Mike. I mean, this is what I'm loving about this series is to have the true flavour of Mike Wozniak fully introduced to the world at large

because I've been tasting the flavour for a while now. You know it well. You've swirled it about, haven't you? I've swirled it about on many an occasion. Yeah. So things like TikTok, you don't stop, anything time, a regular catchphrase. They seem to trot out too much

I would say too much because I think when you watch yourself back because I've very rarely done anything that's been recorded where it's just me normally it's a character and then you watch yourself back and I don't know sometimes you go about the world and you assume that you might use different

words and phrases rather than just as it turns out a few stock a few stock phrases to express 90 of your thoughts um so i'm gonna have to work on that a little bit i think yeah no i think it's very revealing at least at least something time at least with that you're switching up the word it's just whatever's in front of you it's that time yeah yeah that's yeah which but it's it's the sort of when you don't realize that you had a tick all along yeah it's but i could have told you you said tiktok you don't stop you didn't know did you no i didn't because i was enjoying it too much no one told me.

So, episode six of series 11. So we're past the halfway mark now. And everyone's loving the series, all of the contestants. Were you friends with your fellow contestants? Had you worked with them before? Had you met them before? It was a mixed bag really. I knew Sarah and you from just kind of stand up the scene and uh

and uh yeah we didn't we didn't know each other well by any means but we knew each other i've always been an admirer of sarah's would kind of seek out her shows the fringe that kind of thing yeah uh which is something any listener should do and listen to her radio shows which are unbelievable i mean the i mean they're phenomenal and watch frayed a sitcom yes have you seen that i've not seen it yet it's on my it's sky isn't it it's on my list yeah yeah you're in for a treat so i knew i knew sarah and jamali and you, again, our paths had crossed. So Lee, I didn't know. We had met once very, very briefly because we were in the same, some kind of horrible histories thing.

So we'd met fleetingly. And similarly, Charlotte, we had met very fleetingly at a table read of something. I don't know if she necessarily even would remember that. So I don't. So, yeah, those guys the the people on the the my fellow contestants know these people i didn't even knew a bit or not well but my words oh man it's just been complete complete joy absolutely lovely and but alex and greg obviously i did know um so a mixture of familiar and unfamiliar So really the first time that you met Lee properly was in the first team task.

On our day, yeah, our team task. Yeah, was that the argument? The argument was the first one, was it? It was, yeah. That was the very first thing, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we, yeah, we said hello to each other in a field. Yeah, it's even the task itself because we didn't get to, we didn't, we weren't allowed to know who we were with until the moment. I think I was already standing on a small plinth when he when he rolled in yeah that's it um before we crack into the the episode uh as a whole mike there's a couple of

things i want to ask you about firstly it caused some controversy here on the taskmaster podcast i've texted you about it since the prize task where you had to bring in the most shocking thing and you brought in a glass statue, which you claimed was a sort of aggressively sexual nature-based statue that had been smashed in transit. Right. I thought it was real. Right, yeah, of course.

So did Katherine Parkinson. Yeah, well, I wouldn't cheat or anything like that, yeah. And then I got lots of texts saying that, obviously, it was a joke. Look at the package slip that it's with. It's obviously a joke. How could you not get that, you big thicko, et cetera? Right. No.

Well, that would imply that I was trying to cheat or something or pull the wool over the taskmaster's eyes, which I would never do. Some telly head. Come on. Come on, mate. So the mood in the studio, did anyone else think it was real or was everyone else laughing at the great joke that you did

and I'm just thick? I want to answer this tactically because I know you to be an intelligent man. Right. But I will say, and I'm certainly not going to admit to cheating in any way, shape or form, but I will say that the presumption, the universal presumption in the studio, the instant universal presumption in the studio was that this was a forgery. Right.

This was, this was, yeah. So I'm, I'm very stupid. No sculpture had ever, had ever existed. And I did,

I did, after you sent me, you sent me some quite desperate texts. Which I think I hadn't really, I hadn't noticed for a while. And then, yeah, yeah. But then I did listen back to that episode to. Yeah. which I hadn't noticed for a while. And then, yeah, but I did listen back to that episode.

Yeah. I couldn't help but listen back. And I don't think you covered yourself in glory, dear old Ed. No. But similarly, in the same episode, the pair of you were also quite baffled by the erotic pig, or whatever it was.

Was it a pig? Was it Sarah who brought it in? It was either a pig or some creature that was, again, was clearly purpose-built for private, sensual purposes. Oh, no, I didn't think that was purpose-built. And again, both of the two of you again were, yeah. Which again, I think had also been made completely clear in the show.

I thought it was supposed to be a child's toy that looked like it was purpose-built. I know, I know. And I was listening to this and I think, yeah, your skills of analysis that day on that recording, they were not at their peak strength yeah well i what i'm going to say is that i always i think to the level of my guests that's what a good host does um so i'm blaming it entirely on katherine uh and then i came down to her level

of intelligence to make sure it was a smooth chat well she's people know she's got a she's obviously a very intelligent you know well-read. Do you know what I mean? That's true. Maybe you might have been giving off some sort of bad miasma that day. Oh, no. Just one day. You can claw it back. You'll be all right. Okay. I'm going to ask you another question now, Mike.

And I hope that you weren't joking about this. Right. Do you really drink that amount of milk? Oh, yeah. Easily. What was it? 36 pints a week, I think? I think 37, I pints i think 37 i think it was a month i'm not crazy i do get through a lot of milk yeah i had to i had to estimate that quite quickly and

i think i went if anything conservative because my first estimate i thought no come on come on and i recalculated i thought no yeah i think that's about yeah i get through it oh i get through it all right yeah we had a lot of emails about that amazingly um and a lot of people needed clarifying what type of milk whether you're mixing up the milks or are we talking whole straight yak straight yak you're the only but you're basically you're keeping the yak milk market afloat in this country. Well, when someone gives you a yak for a wedding present, you don't want to waste it.

We live in difficult times. Yeah. My kingdom for a roomier garden, but she's very tolerant. The kids absolutely love her. so let's start with this uh the prize task most annoying thing i think you're you're very good at the prize task mike you seem to do oh thank you one of these i thought you relish relish the opportunity i spent well it's the one of the only tasks you can actually spend a bit of time on i did i spent i argued spent far more time on them than you should you know but i didn't have a lot else to do to be honest but that's good i think you can tell can't you when people have spent a long time on them

well they've got a story to back everything up i mean the wood the drinking vessel one i made it did my first go whittling i mean literally weeks were spent on that weeks yes and um it doesn't show i don't think no arguably that's your worst one it was it was it was it was bad it was bad i think i i realized quite quickly then i bought the wrong kind of wood I bought a very hard type of wood and I sliced into my hands quite a lot and um yeah but literally weeks trying to like you know improve it and chip away at it and uh yeah it was it was a humbling experience uh so this prize task is most annoying thing yeah um let's talk about yours first straight away symbolic nipple well this comes back to the the milk right you know perhaps in more ways than one you know yeah because it does annoy this oral fascination thing i there i am constantly chewing drinking whatever

it might be eating cereal bars whatever it could be you know what i mean and it does it does annoy me particularly because i most people i know they just don't have it's just not an issue for other people they don't have to constantly be the irritating person who's chewing something or got something in their gob so it does it does bother me and yeah the symbolic nipple seemed the most concise way to represent that i thought because yeah as you say that's where that would have started, was with the old men. There are those, yeah, was I breastfed too little? Breastfed too late? Who knows? I was

breastfed, that much I can tell you, dear listeners, and it's not for everybody. Sure, do you know what I mean? So if I put my, if I walk past you with my thumb like this, you'd be on it. I'd be on it, I guess. Yeah, okay.

Like a rat up a kilt. Lee brought in a yard of twigs that wasn't a yard of twigs because when he got it home, it was a big plank of wood. Big old bin of wood, yeah. Now, I think broadly the idea with these is if you can go specific to your life, that's probably to your benefit. I felt like this was too specific a prize. Because it was so showbiz.

Not so showbiz, but just like it's not a situation anyone has ever been in before, apart from Lee. Ah, no, but I quite enjoyed that element. And I had a bit of empathy in that he'd done the there he'd done there as a as a fellow parent he'd done the parental build-up and then and they had not come good and that's you know that's that's gut-wrenching stuff right there so I felt is I felt though I've never been in a situation where I I might potentially bring home a bogus yard of twigs yeah i felt this pain so there was a universal element to it okay i see i see your point here's why i felt a bit bad for lee at only getting one point

here because greg said he wouldn't find that annoying having thinking he's got a yard of twigs and then it's a big plank of wood we both know greg what do you think would happen if you said greg i bought you a yard of twigs and then he opens it it's a big plank of wood well the next thing you'd know you'd be having that yard of wood fed down there but don't you get it wouldn't you he'd smash the place up wouldn't he'd smash you up and he'd smash it up and he'd smash the place up it'd be the triple crown and then he'd eat the wood just to make a point yeah that's right yeah right. Yeah. So I actually think, I don't know why he decided that was one point,

but I think he would, would find that genuinely annoying. So I think it was a bit unfair on Lee to only get one point there. Perhaps, but you get caught out by this sometimes, don't you? Cause I, I mean,

you're definitely the perfect host for this podcast. Oh no, what have I done now? You do, you do, you do care about the competition elements yes and and that's why there's a podcast mike you do care about the the points element i have noticed from listening that's why there's a podcast but the tragedy is that you also know

that there is a highly capricious scoremeister yes it, who is scoring not only arbitrarily, but with force. So you may as well try and stop a tsunami by pissing at it, basically. Yeah. Here you are. So I understand, but you've got to let it go. You've got to let it go, Ed.

Look, if I start letting things go, Mike, I won't have any work. This is very much the backbone to let it go, Ed. Look, if I start letting things go, Mike, I won't have any work. This is very much the backbone of my career at the moment. Okay, that's true. That's true. So if I go, oh, I'll just let that go, we may as well say goodbye to each other now because there's nothing else to talk about.

That's fair. But I'm saying just go easy on yourself. I mean, you're looking for answers where there are none. And if you continue to do so, go easy on yourself. I mean, you're looking for answers where there are none. Yeah. And if you continue to do so, then Greg has truly won. That's what he's got. He's got you right where he wants you

with his arbitrary. Because I think even in that round, I think he even did, when Lee first said, here's my thing. I think the first thing Greg said in response was, oh, that's annoying. Yeah. And then thing Greg said in response was oh that's annoying yeah and then only to later on say it's not annoying yeah infuriating exactly you see he's got you

he's he's batting you about like a little ping pong ball isn't he yeah yeah so all right um Charlotte Charlotte's prize was some alarm clocks we've got that is annoying only got two points, but I'm going to let it go. It was a good, it was, it was, it was a decent submission, I thought. And also the triple, the triple alarm clock, the triple noise, you know. It was a very Charlotte Ritchie prize in that it was sincere. She'd thought about it and it was genuine. It was genuine. There was no sideways sort of sarcasm involved in it.

It was just just here's some alarm clocks they really annoy me could i have some points please and he as always enjoyed absolutely destroying her innocence exactly they've got yeah they've got their relationship set it's down yeah it's down pat now it's perfect yeah um it was uh three points for your symbolic nipple four points for sarah's stud finder um although we call sarah the stud finder now because last week she revealed on the podcast that you've got a lovely body and we had a lot of messages about that as well mike did you really i'm sorry about that well there's been a lot of water under the bridge then she might have maybe she caught me at my peak

well she may have also caught me at a time when she'd only just been released from lockdown herself you've got to remember and it was it was very hot you know she's seeing me coming off the m4 and a sort of mirage of car fumes and yeah and uh yeah she's starved of company and uh you know there there there he is a man in some flip-flops. Don't do yourself down, Mike, because you have a lovely body, your lovely little taut swimmer's bod, right? And the fact is, quite often you wear a lovely suit on stage and you wear a suit in Taskmaster and all of that.

So on the rare occasion someone might see you in a T-shirt, it's always a little surprise to see you've got lovely arms. Hello. someone might see you in a t-shirt it's always a little surprise to see you've got lovely arms hello well that's very nice of you to say ed i fear i've let myself rocket that's underneath that tweed i fear i've let myself go since then but um yeah it's nice it's nice to be objectified by you i haven't uh i haven't experienced that it's been a long time since you've given me a really good assessment physical don't worry i don. I don't need to do it anymore. I very much passed the baton on to the internet. Okay, fine. Because I'm not sure you're aware, Mike, you are a sex symbol now.

Bad luck. But I fear that may be destroyed by this episode, which we'll come to later. Yeah, there's some ice-cold water that's going to get poured on that. Yeah. And if the ice cold water doesn't put out your burning loins for Mike, you might have a fetish that we need to discuss. That's interesting.

Yeah, that's an interesting development, isn't it? Yeah. Jamali bought kids face paint. I think this is a good example of when you pick a prize that on the surface level doesn't seem like it's going to be that good, but then you pitch it right to Greg. Oh, yeah. He nailed it. He nailed it, absolutely.

Yeah. And I mean, I don't share Jumaane's opinion of face paints. I mean, I've got great admiration for the skilled face painter. Sure. Having been on the stall myself in the past and a man with no arts and craft skills as we've seen on a moving target it's bloody tricky stuff so I sort of

respect the scene very much but yeah he hit he hit bullseye there their relationship, Jamali and Greg is one of combat, you know Jamali made a strong choice early doors to go you know uh knuckle to knuckle with uh greg and but here here they they saw eye to eye it was it was a

beautiful moment yeah it was admittedly a beautiful moment shared uh you know over there was a mutual disgust of the joys of childhood but I do feel like this is the episode in particular where Jamali may have finally, with his aggressive attitude, won the respect of the silver bag. He was, yeah, he was magnificent to watch in this episode, Jamali, and his boots. His boots.

Well, this is, I believe this is the the episode that i i think i referenced this when we had jamali on the podcast this is the episode where he stamps on something in every task pretty much i think yeah apart from the prize task in every single task he stamps on something he does that's right yeah it's literally every yeah yeah including the studio task and then right at the end you're like oh it's a shame he's not stamped on anything because then it would have been in every task and then they cut back to him, you're like, oh, it's a shame he's not stamped on anything because then it would have been in every task. And then they cut back to him and he's stamping on the box. He's off again.

Here he goes. Yeah. Stampy, stampy. I've got two nieces who I'm very fond of. But when they come up and go, look, I'm a tiger. I've had my face painted. Yeah, it's jarring, isn't it? I couldn't give a shit.

I couldn't give a shit. And it's never done good. They never actually look like the thing, really. Like, I've got a little cousin. He's like, oh, look, yeah, I'm a lion. And it was blue. And it really pissed me off. It would annoy me. Yeah, it really pissed me off i was like a blue lion well before we talk about the official first task yeah it's the task that's just for you mike

here we go fart fastest wins your time starts now yeah um obviously this had to be on a plane uh where else could it be was there any inkling when this was given to you that you might be the only person who was asked to do it no not for a moment and because they do pop up don't they but very rarely on the show yeah i was struggling to to think when they have come up before but it didn't and in fact far from it because during particularly that first couple of hours i would say when i you know when the crew sort of abandoned me i i comforted myself by thinking oh i wonder what lee's gonna do that i just didn't see that how sarah handles this i was just yeah as i tried a thousand and one different positions and brewing techniques from my past yeah the mind was occupied by wondering what what other people's attitude and approach might be and I was I was particularly having then you know finished with something of a fall from grace

because sort of wondered well at least I won't be alone in this. Yeah. It was comforting that too. This is throughout the episode we come back to you attempting to squeeze one out. Yeah. Did they genuinely leave you to it then? You were the only person. Yeah. I mean, Alex stuck by me for a while.

Bless him. You know, he's a supportive soul. Yeah. And after a while were there began to be some quite earnest conversations about yeah okay well such and such

could probably do with a bit of lunch and he needs a toilet break and whatever yeah we could actually just rig up a couple of cameras here and here

and just leave them on there as long as he doesn't knock them off Mike you're not going to knock these off we're going to put some cameras up here and we're actually

oh you're going yeah we're just going to go we'll chuck it on here in a couple of hours and see how you're getting on. Absolutely devastating. What, what was that? Did you, so you literally only realize you were the only person who was doing it when

they revealed it to you in the studio? Yeah, there was a, there was, I would say there was a creeping sense of dread that I couldn't quite, I couldn't quite I couldn't quite grasp what it was about when Alex introduced the task and then showed me reading the task when you ignore when you used to the rhythms of the show and normally not just one person will you know they'll cut in and out yeah cut in and out and I thought under maybe it's just because it's basically a one-word task that's why and then yeah no that's it's just because it's basically a one-word task. That's why. And then, no, that's not why.

No, just you. Yeah. And there's something about sort of, you know, Greg's position and Alex's physical position that just told me, hmm, something's up. I smell a rat. I absolutely loved Sarah after that saying that she was annoyed because she could have done it straight away. So competitive. Exactly what I would have thought.

Like, why don't you give me the fart task? I would have nailed that. Born winner straight away. So competitive. Exactly what I would have thought. Why don't you give me the fart task? I would have nailed that. Born winner. Yeah. Ready to go. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures.

Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task one, make the best portrait of the Taskmaster on this door. Only using your feet, you have 10 minutes. It's a Taskmaster portrait classic challenge.

There's normally one, most series I think there's a portrait of the classic challenge there's normally one most series i think there's a portrait of the taskmaster task you've got to pay homage right yeah and this this is a good one now it's an interesting wording of the task as well um it's you know people get paranoid and hung up on the wording of tasks make the best portrait of the taskmaster on this door only using your feet so there's a bit of a discussion you seem to understand that only using your feet with even getting the paints out of the oh yeah i took it yeah took it yeah very much that yeah the letter and the spirit of the law all the way through just to be on the safe side yeah and that seemed to make sense there was a paddling pool there yeah it made sense to me yeah let's go to it and yeah not even shoes not even shoes and then then

obviously you squeeze the squeeze the paint uh tube with your feet and made them wasn't that noise well there was there was a part of me that even wondered i think because i i'm not you know i'm not i'm not i'm no painter by any means No. And if I was simply given the task of painting, it would have been a failure. There was a little bit of me that wondered, hmm, well, I wonder if I use my bare feet. Maybe, maybe something will happen. Who knows?

Maybe the instructions, somewhere the instructions from my brain to my feet, there'll be some kind of jazzy connections and something a bit funky is going to come up and maybe I'll be a little bit surprised by what I come up with um but no no it's just some splodges of paint roughly approximately in the shape of a man and that's about it yeah um i think you could have opened it with your hands at least open the tubes of paint with your hands and stuff but you know what it's like you make a decision

you make an interpretation and and away you go you know yeah because you could have read unstoppable you could because if you said oh there's a painting how did the artist do that and they said oh they they only used a brush you wouldn't have assumed they used the brush to open all the paints up yes so i suppose and even if it said they only used their feet their feet it would have been yeah it would have been all right if someone had made a little nice little palette for them and you know yeah exactly i see that because technically if you read it really to the letter of the law you wouldn't have been able to use paints you could only use your feet you would have just had to rely on anything that was already on your feet. Slice your feet open with a sharpened toenail.

Yeah. And just smear the blood and whatever chunks of flesh you might be able to pick off from your heel. Yeah. Yeah, that's the only way you could have done it properly. Thank God I didn't think of that at the time, otherwise that is what I would have done.

And you know what? I fully believe that. You're the only Taskmaster contestant pretty much in history that I believe would have sliced open their own foot with their sharpened toenail. Well, it said so in the task. Viscera, please.

I need at least three points. Whereas Lee just basically just did what he wanted. He threw the task away and he just did whatever the hell he threw the task away and he just didn't do whatever he did i've been there myself i think in maybe the very first task i ever did which was the the sort of jelly put the put the banana in the bottle yeah you're you're in the zone and you know with it you get on with it and before you know you're leaving the room and it's uh because once yeah once you're on those tracks you you just charge on, you're just shoveling more and more coal in.

Yeah. Even though you're heading straight off a cliff, you're not noticing that anymore. You're just shoveling in coal, keeping going. So I kind of understood how, within a moment of reading the rules, he had already ceased to observe the rules. It was interesting watching him have that nightmare of breaking all the rules and then doing Greg's big belly

and like you just think you are digging yourself into such a big hole you're already getting no points because you fucked it and now you're being horrible about Greg's stomach but he got one point poking the wasp's nest I did like his picture though I have to say I did like it especially the face

the face was good but very impressive to get to get one point even though he should have been disqualified because he broke the rules and he would have thought Greg would have marked him down for the big belly stuff yeah so you got the two points for the I mean I believe very happy with those two points I was absolutely thrilled yeah it's always it's always feels like a an extra special victory when there's someone who does worse than you in a task where you know you've done terribly. It absolutely should have been

if anything docked of points from even previous episodes. Your horrifying picture that looked like something a child had done in therapy. That child would not be happy with that picture and would ask the therapist if it could have another go

please and please please not show that one to my parents otherwise they'll never let me home yeah exactly um charlotte didn't bother taking her boots off or anything uh and says the painting is of greg looking down through a glass floor which is a another another great attempt at making something look better when it was an absolute disaster. She's bolder than we think, I think, Charlotte. She's very, very funny. And off camera as well.

She's just a very funny person. Good company. And she's because, but because she has this sort of outer shell of, you know, of outer shell of, you know, of politeness and, you know, and poise, she will slip in quite a bold move without people quite noticing. Because if Lee or Jamali had tried that on,

you know, Greg would have been on them. Greg, Greg, Greg. Greg would have absolutely been on them. He'd have been on them. Yeah. Greg, Greg, Greg. Greg would have absolutely been on them. He'd have been up their shins. He'd have been, you know, he'd have been around their necks, the works. Snapping away, snapping away like a little terrier. Exactly. But she, yeah, she can get away with the odd, quite a saucy move, I think.

Well, you backed her up as well. I mean, she had you on her side saying that it was from the perspective of a fish looking up at a glass-bottomed boat. I was sold by it. That's the thing. She sold the idea to me. I thought, oh, do you know what?

And also, you've got to remember what I produce as a painter. Compared to me, I was genuinely impressed with what she produced produced there i thought oh that's oh that's pretty good yeah i don't know why they're being so hard on her because i think guys i think that's actually pretty good yeah yeah so i was happy to defend yeah sarah's effort i mean i think did anyone mention that she basically did a genie? She basically did Greg as a weird genie.

I think there possibly was, I feel like there was discussion of that, but maybe didn't make it till then. I think we spent more time breaking that down than could possibly have made it to the edit. Because, you know, there's always lots more chat in between than you can fit in. Yeah, of course.

Just as in with Lee, for example, you could very easily fill every single episode with a solid hour of just lee coming up with extremely impressive one-liners off the top of his head just yeah of course very easily the man provided more content you know in those few episodes than i will in my entire lifetime yeah but that's not the show and equally the show is not spending 15 minutes talking about whether or not it's a genie and what is a genie and what would you have

to rub to get it out or get it back in again for example yeah okay yeah particularly with a big tout version to think of yeah the earring was yeah a bold addition but I think when you're doing a portrait of someone

it was a strong choice yeah talking of strong choices I don't know how Jamali managed to chat his way into five points for this oh man I loved it I loved it that's the

true channeling there right he just began by jumping on a thing, and a thing happened, and a caravan was ruined, and then let's just keep going. And before you know it, you've got a piece of abstract art. Yeah, because often with abstract art like that, you don't see them making it, so you can fall for all the bullshit they come up with around it.

But if you saw that this artist was just squidging stuff on and going, I don't really give a it, so you can fall for all the bullshit they come up with around it. But if you saw that this artist was just squidging stuff on and going, I don't really give a shit about this, you would go, well, it doesn't mean anything. Yeah, I don't want to get this on my clothes, but seeing as I'm wearing

someone else's overall boots, I'll just jump on this and see what happens. He's my kid's favourite, Jamali. Oh, yeah, I bet. I bet, yeah. Yeah, and bear in mind that i am in it as well there is sure but your dad's never gonna be your favorite right no it's disappointing

but yeah he's uh yeah and they were explaining to their their great aunt barbara only the other day why who is watching who has no interest in watching but is watching purely out of loyalty you know i've told her she doesn't have to but she is and she she finds jamali pretty outrageous but and but the kids love it and we're having to explain you know why he's why he's so damn cool and so of course kids would love him because he's a perfect representation of what you want to be when you're a kid which is just play by your own rules don't really, and also you get to make a mess without anyone telling you off. Make a mess.

I'm not going to listen to the man, right? Yeah. The man is not going to... I'm the man, yeah? Yeah. Even I'm not going to tell me what to do. Yeah. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Your view of me is that I am you with a bigger belly. If you're not counting talent, yeah, it looks, yeah. Very nice. This is his picture of you. It's a pretty good painting, I think, as a piece of art. And nature has taken care of forming my penis, I see. Task two. Another rarely do we get back-to-back art tasks on Taskmaster,

but it's vandalise this wall. Most creative vandalism wins you have 20 minutes your time starts now it's another team task I enjoyed this hugely yeah yes it was I think you and Lee are a really nice team I think you're

you listen to each other you get on with things I think you explaining what a tag is to Lee Matt might be the most middle class and middle aged thing I've ever witnessed. Imagine you being the one who knows the lingo. If you've got some street glossary

you use it. Tag. Street tough. Ne'er do well. I know them all. Street tough. That might be what got you the points. And I love that Lee had to immediately blame street tough on you. He was like, just before we go any further, Mike wrote street tough.

He sold me down the river on that one. That's true. As if we needed that explaining. As if anyone saw that and thought, oh, Mike might not have written that. Of course you wrote street tough. Other than that, we were a united front. And we loved it, I think. and to go full banksy as well because we both meet mate i don't know if that means that it's two route one but i don't think we particularly minded if it was route one because that's where we immediately went we we that's what we wanted to do and yeah

regardless of how that might play out just the thought of being able to have a lovely bit of graffiti get together it was you know off we went to appealing you were just having a lovely day all of those team ones especially we you're having a lovely old time i think and you know good old alex getting in there uh lead needlessly also uh vandalizing alex as soon as he's there you know the clock is ticking. But I really enjoyed the other three. I got even quite a lot of vicarious pleasure from that. I've fantasized about the idea of, I don't think I'm a particularly rage-filled human being,

but ever since I've heard of the concept of a rage room, have you come across that? You must have done. Yes. I did a rage room on a TV show once. It was a lot of fun. Did you really? Yeah you must have done yes i've done i did a rage room on a tv show once it was a lot did you really yeah they sound like a huge amount of fun because i don't think you necessarily need to be particularly angry to get quite a lot out of it in the first place you know you if you'll find something or you'll you'll just i don't know

well it's not the joy it's not the anger It's the sort of stepping over that social line of smashing some stuff up. Well, exactly, yeah. And some of us are closer to be able, yeah, to be able to flip that switch than others, as seen by Jamali leading the way. Stamping again. Straight away using the skills that he clearly picked up in the first task.

Because he wasn't surprised this time when he stamped on the paint, was he? He was like, I know something that will work. I've done this before. He ripped off a bit of wall and he stamped it and they were away. And you could see he stamped on the paint, was he? He was like, I know something that will work. I've done this before. He ripped off a bit of wall and he stamped it and they were away. And you could see the look on the girls' eyes. They were absolutely thrilled, you know.

Yeah. And it was like, yeah, like baby great whites had their first sniff of blood in the water. Charlotte certainly was taken away by this opportunity to do... I mean, she really tried her hardest to be a vandal. And when the ball bounced off and hit Miley in the dick,

and she said, epic! I know, but she was then completely horrified by herself for saying... For saying epic. Very funny. This might be controversial to you mike but okay i really enjoyed the piece of art that you did did you and it was a piece of art i would say vandalism in terms of i think you hit the creativity brief the other team hit the vandalism brief better than you did because they actually destroyed

something and it looked like they destroyed it whereas i think like banksy for example i don't think would count as vandalism anymore because it's artwork and people love to have a banksy on their wall well there we go and this is they were very badly served i thought they only got one point i think didn't they they were they were very harshly served, I thought, because they had met the brief. And I enjoyed watching it, and I enjoyed the scene of destruction that they'd left afterwards. It made me laugh.

Yeah. I think they should have got more points. I was happy that you guys got five. Maybe four and three would have been a better way of going about it. But like you say, let it go. But that's his little joke on you, you see. That's what he's doing.

Do you think it's specifically on me? I think part of it will be, yes, absolutely. Oh, no. Especially as you're a veteran of the series and he's seen in the flesh the effect these points have on you. Yeah. I think every time there's a little bit

of particularly unfair scoring, just a little bit of it is aimed directly at old Ed Gamble. Nice, that. Thank you, team. Thank you. It's my first graffiti. Done it. OK, you can go away now.

Thanks. We'd better go before the fuzz get here. What, what? It's on. Task three. Identify the contents of the battered items in this fish and chips order. You may lick and sniff all of the items.

You may bite into two. You may squeeze one between your elbows. You may really stamp on one. You may look at one through a magnifying glass. You may put one in a glass of water. Most correctly identified items. Wins. You have ten minutes. This, of of course is very reminiscent of a task from series one where they had uh five

different pies and they had to guess the contents of the pies yeah um but obviously we've moved on we've moved on to batter now um a really good task i thought um but there's a lot to be discussed about the definition of licking sarah obviously going more is a tongue i mean you're a doctor is a tongue probe does that still exist within the world of lick i think i think licking can be a spectrum i feel like in my time i've been i've been licked softly like in my time I've been licked softly and I've been licked more firmly and vice versa. So I think there's quite a broad spectrum. And sometimes some people will lick

and there might even be an adornment. There might be a little stud in the tongue. Yeah. Especially if they're dealing with batter. I mean, that would be ideal, of course. So I didn't have any trouble with her aggressive lick, as I think Alex put it,

falling within the bounds of the rules. I thought she... And, I mean, she turned around for it as well, which is what made it suspicious, I think. She did. She did. But, I mean, she's... She's enjoyed toying with little Alex, hasn she yeah she's she doesn't she doesn't

lack courage you know and she's she's at like a highly seasoned veteran stand-up who would have done thousands of gigs in some quite unruly places and she's also a mother. And she's just been alive for a few decades. You know what I mean? She's battle tested. Yeah. So if she wants to shove her tongue through some batter and see what's underneath it, she's going to do it. Fair play. Fair play to her.

Yeah. She has a degree of courage, I think, we'd all like. Yeah. Yeah. Which she did very well. Yeah. She got five items out of the six um i feel like this is another discussion to be had i mean we'll talk about jamali now who identified all six because he stamped on the wallet it was beautiful and found the receipt but mike i know you're gonna have a go at me for being too cool and fresh like a spring onion that man, he really is

it was beautiful to see and calmly did it as well, if I'd found that receipt I would have been jumping about all over the place going I found it in your face Alex and you'd have been forgiven for doing so, of course but Jamali was just like yeah, oh yeah, oh cool, here's what it is

alright, bye if he'd been the one who pulled this the sword out of the stone he would probably just have a look and then just sort of popped it on a nearby shelf and saundered off you know yeah for the next exactly what's next yeah um they opened the wallet i mean sarah really tore a lot of batter off the wallet. Yeah. And Jamali opened the wallet.

Stinky batter. Yeah. Is that allowed within the realms of the task, Mike? Is that not... Are you not pulling batter off with your fingers? I don't remember that being one of the things you were allowed to do. Well, he got the batter off by really stamping on it. Yeah, but then he opened the wallet.

Was that allowed? Do we... All right, I'll tell you what, I'll engage with this bit of pedantry. Read it to me again. Hit me. You're on the full task again. You may lick and sniff all of the items. You may bite into two.

You may squeeze one between your elbows. You may really stamp on one. You may look through look at one with a magnifying glass. You may put one in a glass of water most correctly identified items wins so where does it say mike that you're allowed to investigate with your fingers i don't i don't have a good answer i don't think i have an answer that's going to satisfy you. Because Sarah does it as well.

She's fiddling with the wallet. She pulls off a lot of stuff before she says it's a wallet. The only thing I'd say for Jamali is I think he identifies it after the stamp. So when the item is identified, is it then free reign? You can do what you like to the item. Because that would be okay. Because that would be okay. I feel it's implicit that a stamped upon batter item

can be picked up and inspected. But I know that's not going to satisfy you. I know you're going to... It's not. I think Sarah should have been disqualified, certainly, because she's fiddling with the wallet batter before she identifies it. And you may fiddle with one of the batters

is not in the rules. Yeah. I think you're going to worry yourself and do an early grave. I'm worried you're going to start taking this stuff home with you. Ed, you must never take this stuff home with you. Okay.

I'm at home. I'm at home all the time. That's the problem. It's got to be a clean slate. Hit refresh, clean mental slate by the end of it okay you both agree sarah should have been disqualified i can't i can't agree i can't agree with that i can't agree right okay charlotte did very well at this uh yeah and doing that just made me realize the thing i want to feel least in the world is having eggy elbows she had it looks like scrawny but sharp i think it's how she's

scrawny elbows straight through that egg yeah and sarah my god i mean she makes me laugh so much the the egg stamping for her and just you prick just softly muttering. Some people might consider this being directed at Alex, but for me it was mostly directed at the egg. And also it felt partly self-directed as well. At the same time, it was tinged with self-loathing. And Lee, I mean mean absolutely screwed over as a vegan finding the egg and then the wallet

Alex was genuinely distressed about I think and trying to cover his own back by saying it was actually a plastic wallet just sweeping the egg under the carpet I'm going to bite into this one which feels like such a bad move but also I sort of hope it's

a brownie if it tends to be like a bit of leather or something i don't think you'd do that it would be okay it's a wallet so now we should talk about it, Mike. Oh, good. Because then after you'd completed that task, you felt one coming on. Yeah. You felt the fart coming on. You can see how excited you are about it. Yeah. The build-up is huge.

Hours, yeah. Hours, very unusual length of time for me in a given day, you know, to go that long. Normally, never mind when you're trying. It was maddening, maddening. Yeah. And then the result of what you managed to push out. Firstly, the sound.

Let's talk about the sound because this has been a series of sounds. The sound is, it's almost like, when I first heard it, I thought the production crew had laid over the sound of Lee pushing a jelly off the table with his tongue from the previous episode. It was sickening.

You know, cards on the table. It's a sickening, sickening sound. I would certainly suggest that they have hit the enhance button once or twice because it it certainly punches through more than it did on the day well it's next to your mic it's near your mic i guess and they've probably yeah they've probably had to they did i mean i mean that as a compliment they've done a beautiful job because it was faint are they going to win a bafta for sound production oh absolutely because it was faint and it's the reason me asking you know did you get that because it was it was it was extremely faint and i was concerned that they wouldn't have got it

and that no one would believe me that I had completed the task and it would all be brushed under the carpet and I'd be there for another six hours but they had got it and to their credit,

they've, they've made it very clear to the consuming audience. Yeah. Hats off to them. Yeah. So, but it,

so it wasn't technically a fart, right? Or you, actually, you're, you're a great pains to say it was, it was technically a fart because it was so it wasn't technically a fart right well you actually you're you're a great pains to say it was it was technically a fact it was a great place because there's a great deal of work had gone into that so i was yeah that's i guess that's one of my only moments in the series of of sort of you know fighting my corner just to make sure you know for the record you know and then you reveal in the studio that it was a hemorrhoid popping out well you know i think my my first thought i i probably rushed to the same conclusion that that many people did in that first nanosecond yeah uh but even very quickly after that i there was already the sensation that it wasn't so much that something had been expelled in its entirety, more that there had been a change.

Yeah. A change from which I was not coming back. And then a cursory inspection of things confirmed. There was an amount of blood, shall we say. Luckily, I did have with me a spare pair of pants, which I'd brought, I don't know about you, but I brought a spare pair of pants with me every single Taskmaster day.

Spare pair of pants, spare shirt, spare pair of socks. Just because you never quite know what's gonna you know there've been people falling off boats in the past and you know yeah so i had a lovely fresh pair of pants did the production know that that's what had happened until you revealed it in the studio was that a shock to everyone i don't think so i think it's the kind of thing where no one really wanted to know anymore thanks very much because they'd drawn their own conclusions yeah they were quite happy for me to kind of thing where no one really wanted to know anymore. Thanks very much. Because they'd drawn their own conclusions. Yeah. And they were quite happy for me to disappear, make myself scarce.

No one harassed me. No one. I was given a respectful amount of time to go and do whatever it is that I needed to do. Yeah. And then, yeah, I think I had a lovely cup of tea and a biscuit and everyone felt a lot better about it all. But it was a difficult drive home, I'll say that. Pinewood to Exeter is a reasonable stretch at the best of times.

Yeah. That was arguably the roughest bit of the day. Yeah. Yeah. Was there any thought in your mind that maybe you shouldn't have revealed that in the studio? Well, yeah, but these things come out, don't they? They come out and they come out too soon.

Quite literally. Once one thing has come out, it all comes out. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, you say these things because you're just in your little bubble with six people.

Yeah, of course, there's not even a studio audience, right? No, but I don't think I've ever been very squeamish. I don't think I've ever been particularly troubled by arses and stuff. And I'm under no illusions that I'm any kind of sort of perfect figure,

be it physically or in my behaviour. So it just, I think I'm any kind of sort of perfect figure be it physically or in my behavior so it just uh I think I'm just I mean I'm 41 years old do you know what I mean and I'm I've made my fair share of mistakes in life and so I don't I don't particularly feel I need to be myth making at this stage of my life. So if my arse has turned itself inside out, then I'm happy to talk about it. But yet you have created the myth of Wasn't It Now because I don't know if you're aware quite how much this is going to stay in your career.

I don't know. Well, we'll see. I mean, it could be. Mike, no one's going to forget this. It could be. Ever. Well, who knows? Maybe there'll be a really good sponsorship deal from A&E Soul. well we'll see I mean it could be Mike no one's going to forget this ever well who knows

maybe there'll be a really good sponsorship deal from Amosol do you know what I mean and I'll become I'll become the voice the face

and the arse of a popular hemorrhoid cream who knows when I've I've seen it a few well a few times now because I saw it the first time

I was absolutely gobsmacked yeah called my girlfriend down, made her watch it. Watched it again for this episode. When I watched it again for the episode, I went back and watched this moment again. I got goosebumps every single time

because I knew that I was witnessing a great moment in the history of British comedy. It's very much, it's... And potentially a final moment in the career of a close friend. Yeah, it's Blackadder goes forth over the top. It's Del Boy falling through the bar, and it's Mike Wozniak pops a hemorrhoid out on a plate.

But whereas Rowan Atkinson and the Only Fools and Horses team went on to glorious careers, yeah, we might be dealing with a brief spate of ads on ITV and then that's it, probably. And is it still an absolute casserole down there the listeners will want to know it's uh it is if if it's a casserole uh then it's it's not your full boiling casserole it's very much probably a single bowl of leftovers that you've left in the freezer for a few months There we are.

It was a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny little pop. I'll stop the clock. Wow. Not very satisfying. Yeah, quite a long wait for that. And I think I probably need to check myself. Anyway, so I'll see you later. Let's talk about the studio task.

Tie the very ends of the string to the arms of the glasses and put the glasses on. Fastest wins. Of course, everything's in a locked box you have to get the studio task. Tie the very ends of the string to the arms of the glasses and put the glasses on. Fastest wins. Of course, everything's in a locked box you have to get the code for. Good studio task, I thought. Like I say, my favourite bit of it is just at the end. Jamali complete. Jamali going bananas.

Yeah, ideal. Perfect. Yeah. And would that I had the will or the physical strength, you know. Yeah, terrific. Quite baffling at the start because you assume i wouldn't have assumed for a second that the clues would be coming from the taskmaster himself we were all kind of looking at the underside and you know and under the table to

see where where the clue is you know yeah it wasn't there and then plays tricks on you though because you've already had the receipt situation with the battle well that's it and you've seen that and you're starting to feel okay i'm gonna i'm gonna raise my game here i'm gonna be a little bit clever i'm gonna look underneath a thing and see if there's nothing underneath the thing where's the clue where's the clue yeah and then i think we all i think i think the nation i think the nation got behind charlotte richie because we were all presented with first the Roman numerals at speed and then the sum and then Charlotte stared into the middle distance and said

I can't do maths. We were all we were all Charlotte's in that moment Yeah. When she put her fingers in her ears and closed her eyes to try and do maths We were all Charlotte and she was all of us Well she she beat Jamali she beat the stamper

she got two points she did three points for Sarah four points for Mike and the big five points for Lee perhaps an unfair disadvantage because one of the clues was the year the taskmaster was born and he knew they were the same age yeah although that I mean that does narrow down I think it was Planet of the Apes that whittled it down a bit for me i was then yeah rather than i didn't think i did anything clever i think i just yeah i was then in it i was then in a sort of rough ape zone basically yeah circling around the ape zone until i ended on the right one whilst at the same time trying to see what lee had done yeah yeah just you copied lee um so it was a tie break uh between i mean we didn't even say this you got one bonus point for the fart which seems incredibly harsh and even then you were

like yeah that seems fair one point per hemorrhoid yeah don't don't reward a man don't reward a man for that don't encourage me no give me a point a point is fair and then and then leave it there and move on for the love of god otherwise you know i felt like what will you create otherwise i'll have my own kind of anus based show on you know channel four before you know it and that's you know i really am going down a blind alley from which there is no return that's what the show's called okay you see it's already happening I'm already losing control sometimes careers just need to find their own way so it was a tie break

fire as many rubber bands as possible into Alex's bum bag which I feel like is the sort of you know I'm going up against Jamali I think everyone watching that would have known from the get-go that that was one that Jamali was going to win. Yeah, because I think his sort of lax slapdash attitude actually really applied itself well here,

just getting as many as he could and sort of vaguely shooting them. Rather than desperately trying to ping and aim and just flicking elastic bands backwards into your lower face, which is what I was doing mostly. Jamali wins the episode with 17 points. And you didn't win despite dislodging that hemorrhoid. Bit of a shame. So series points so far.

I mean, obviously it looked like Sarah was really running away with it. This episode sort of brought it a little bit closer because it's more of a matchup now. She was humble points wise, wasn't she, a little bit closer because it's more of a more of a match-up now she was humble points wise wasn't she a little bit this time she was which i kind of think i really like sarah but it needed to happen because we want to see a bit of a we needed to see a bit of a match-up here you want to you want to see her hunger don't you that's what you want to see yeah exactly exactly so it's uh she's on 103 points you're on 88 jamali's on 84

leon 83 so all very close in that middle ground and then charlotte on 69 oh dear Exactly. So she's on 103 points. You're on 88. Jamali's on 84. Lee on 83. So all very close in that middle ground. And then Charlotte on 69. Oh, dear. Whoopsie-popsie. We've got some emails from listeners, Mike, if you don't mind answering a few of these.

Yeah. Great. This is from William Cleverly and Bromley uh-huh hi Adam Mike long time listen a first-time writer Mike how does it feel to be made for this show I don't think any contestant has fit so well with the vibe of the show thanks to both golly well that's a nice I feel like that's a sort of compliment rather than a question i don't i don't feel i have an answer for that i will i will say i i it just it does every single moment of the show uh has uh i don't know it's just been absolutely perfect and it's kind of come at the

right time and it's i don't know each day as well has fallen on a day where, oh, I could really do with just doing something else, being taken away to the world of Horn and Taskmaster. So it's been blissful, really. I don't think I'm made for it. I mean, the person who's made for it, of course, is Alex Horn. That's the tragic irony, really, is what we really want to see is Alex Horn in tasks that he has constructed but has no memory of and then completing

those tasks. That's what I'd like to somehow achieve. It would require obviously some sort of surgical brain damage operation at some point which would feel a bit much for my entertainment. So when science has reached that level you can extract memories? When we can just erase the tasks that you've come up

today Alex or just erase that day and then come to, yeah the task that you've come up today alex or just erase that day and then yeah that's what i want to see yeah um this is from hayley and jack good day ed mike and podcast crew we have a question for mike if you had to pick another contestant from any series to join you and lee on a team who would it be? Sally Phillips. Yeah. Great call. One of my absolute favourite contestants of all time, I would say. And there's a few, you know. But I think, yeah, I think she'd fit

very nicely with our little brain. She would fit very well in that team, I think, because Lee's very good, but he's straight to the point. You're odd but in a very controlled way and she's just like an absolute whirling dervish right so he'd have all bases covered. She's just chaos on a stick

and warm chaos as well do you know what I mean? Yeah love spills out of her as does chaos and anarchy It's a good answer and don't worry about it She's an absolutely magnificent creature.

Yeah, I'm not offended. So one more final question from Colin. Quite a simple one. What time is it? What time is it? Well, okay, Colin, what time is it? The time where I am right now, there's a few times.

It's podcast time it's ed gamble time but also well that's what i thought but tiktok hang on it's colin o'clock i think you could make maybe half a million pounds a year on the uh bespoke video messaging service cameo by just getting people to send you their names and you say, it's TikTok you o'clock and they'd pay upwards of £30 for that per time. Fine, so between that and the Ain't Your Soul sponsorship, then I'm probably, I'm pretty set, aren't I?

That's not bad, is it? Look, it's not the career you hoped for. It's not to be sniffed at half. It wasn't plan A. It's plan anus and that's just what I've got to deal with now. TikTok, it's anus a la clock. Yeah. Mike, thank you very much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast.

We always get the guests on the Taskmaster podcast to rate their experience between one and five points, as is the custom of Taskmaster. And we're well aware that the points don't matter and I need to let it go. But would you give... This one's important. This one's important.

This is big. I would give it a six, Ed, but I think that would stress you out. It would because it's not loud. Exactly. So I'm going to give it a five. Because it's been lovely to see you. Lovely to see you, Mike.

Thank you very much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast. And good luck with all of the new strings to your bow, career-wise. Thank you. Cheerio. Oh, Mike, not again. I've done it again! Well, there we are. I felt like

we really got down to the nitty gritty with MW there. What a pleasure it was A, to have him on the podcast B, to catch up with him simply as a friend. It's been a while since we've spoken. It was lovely to hear everything's going well. I am overjoyed that people are enjoying him in Taskmaster. He, he for too long has been a well-kept secret in his own he's so he's so good

he's a brilliant actor and people know this about him brilliant stand-up not enough people know that about him he's just a very funny brilliant genuine man and i'm glad people have an opportunity to experience that on Taskmaster now. Come back next week, Series 11, Episode 7, will be discussed with a special guest. Email questions to taskmasterpodcasts at gmail.com. I will do my best to ask our guests those questions. If we don't know who the guest is at this point, which I guess we don't because I'm talking about it and I don't know who the guest is,

I will tweet to the guest is and you can ask me questions but for now, go away, live your lives watch Taskmaster Thursday night 9pm Channel 4. Taskmaster bleeps available on all four and we will see you again next week for the Taskmaster Podcast TMP! We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water.

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