Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 31. Lee Mack - S11 Ep.8

Episode Date: May 6, 2021

On this week's podcast Ed is joined by comedian, actor, BAFTA winner and Series 11 Contestant - Lee Mack! Ed finds out how Taskmaster has made such an impact on Lee's life and why he agreed to do it. They discuss Mike's windy moment and how it's pathed the way for Lee to make many a horrid sound... but none as bad as Mike's! You can watch Series 11 of Taskmaster each Thursday on Channel 4 at 9pm.Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Visit the Taskmaster Youtube channelwww.youtube.com/taskmaster For all your Taskmaster goodies visit www.taskmasterstore.com  Taskmaster the podcast is produced by Daisy Knight for Avalon Television Ltd Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. It's the Taskmaster Podcast Yeah, yeah Taskmaster Podcast time I'm Ed Gamble Host of the podcast Taskmaster Podcast Yes, I'm available to write theme tunes

For anything you care To have a theme tune for. This is the Taskmaster Podcast. We are going to be chatting about the hit television show Taskmaster. Series 11, Episode 8. Exciting. Again, if you haven't seen it, do go away and watch that episode because we are going to get down into the nitty gritty.

We're going to go through it task by task. We're going to be talking spoilers baby and we are going to be talking those spoilers with the brilliant lee mac yes it's lee mac time we have finally completed all of the current contestants on taskmaster series 11 we're going to be chatting to lee about his time on the show about what he enjoyed what he might not have enjoyed, why he did the show, and this episode specifically. It's another great episode. It's a great series.

Sort of coming to the end of the series soon, which is sad, but also exciting. As always, watch Taskmaster on all four. You can get the bleeped versions on there as well if you've got more sensitive ears in the house. And apart from that, i don't think there's anything to say oh i'd say check out lee's podcast we'll probably mention it during the chat with him but lee does a podcast called i can't believe it's not buddha uh with his mate neil webster

uh and it's great it's about their first steps on the road to mindfulness meditation and buddhism uh so go and check that out it's on spotify itunes and look this is probably the most overused phrase in 2021 anywhere you get your podcasts wherever you get your podcasts from so go and check that out but let's crack into this episode 8 of taskmaster series 11 as discussed by myself and my very special guest Lee Mack to the Taskmaster podcast thank you Ed it's um it's always been a dream of mine to be on the Taskmaster podcast and finally that dream's come true ever since you heard about the Taskmaster podcast since I was a little boy ever since I was a little boy I know you've been going on this podcast for a long time now it's been many many years yeah well it's it's an absolute

pleasure to have you on to the chat about to chat about this episode and your your series in general although you've just been telling me just before we started recording that um some of your memories may have gone already of the series and what's been on telly well it's it's been a while since we actually recorded it and yeah so we recorded it last year and then of, of course, the children who, I should point out, sort of, I mean, I like the show, I love the show, but they made me do the show because they wanted to come and see it being recorded. Because they, and we'll get on to this in a minute,

they're obsessed with Taskmaster. Great. So they said, you've got to do this show. So I did the show. I thought, well, it'd be nice if they can come along and watch it. Because they weren't allowed to watch it. Because suddenly it was a pandemic. So that did the show. I thought it'd be nice when they can come along and watch it because they weren't allowed to watch because suddenly it was a pandemic. So that was a bit heartbreaking for them. So instead I let them go to the recording of the laughs where they play it into a cinema.

Because obviously everyone knows there's no studio audience with COVID. So they play it into a live audience in the cinema. Not quite sure sure why that wasn't was allowed but that's probably a different period of time or something so i think it was yeah and then of course it's on the telly so i'm confused about time and reality now about when anything's happened how did you find that not not having a studio audience as a man who's used to uh used to panel shows and used to having those studio audiences yeah it was it i tell you what i felt like there was there was definitely more relaxed atmosphere you do automatically kick in when there's a crowd you just something happens yeah

sort of something happens you just click in a bit and i felt that there was it was more conducive to just relax chat amongst ourselves there was no difference between having lunch together and then talking in the studio on camera together. It was all very calm. Because usually you do that weird thing where you're chatting to people beforehand, you have a little bit of lunch with them or a drink. You know, how you doing?

You all right? How's the kids? Yeah, great, great. And then suddenly people turn into lunatics. The audience is over there going, ah! But there was none of that. I'm gonna say people turn into lunatics. The audience is like, ah! But there was none of that. I'm going to say people, I mean me.

But it was very tranquil and calm. It was like having a nice day out. It was lovely. Yeah, it certainly has that feel, I think. But then also there's that thing of when something hysterical happens, you do all lose it together. And there is that feeling of everyone's lost their mind slightly. And also there's a massive advantage to having no audience audience which is the ego of the comedian can say what i

have just said was gold but but but no one laughed because there's no one here so don't worry it was gold the problem is as i found is when you've got like 30 people in which we did for would i lie to you 30 or 40 people because when no one laughs at all there's 40 people you go oh i've got no excuse now i can't pretend that was good because nobody laughed so actually when there's no one in you can delude yourself a bit yeah that it was good that the cameraman would have laughed but they're not allowed to they're not allowed to either yeah they're not allowed to laugh They're not allowed to, are they? Yeah. They're not allowed to laugh. Well, it turns out they are allowed to laugh, but I just thought they weren't allowed to laugh at my stuff. So your kids are big fans of the show, like you say. I know everyone says these things, almost,

because to a point of irritation. I mean, they watched... I mean, obviously, I'm a comedian, so the last thing I want to do is watch comedy in the evening. My attitude is if it's not got subtitles, a child's been kidnapped, I'm not interested. It's got to be miserable, really miserable. And so the fact that, you know, I love Alex and Greg,

but I'm not going to pretend that I was glued to Taskmaster any more than I was to any panel game. I just haven't watched enough of those things because it's a buspins holiday, right? to pretend that i was glued to taskmaster any more than i was to any panel game i just watched enough of those things because it's a boss pens holiday right but this show was on endlessly in our house and i i mean like back to back episodes whole series in one day just endless and then of course they reach a certain age where then the younger daughter grows up and then they want her to watch it so they do yeah they're on about the third box set of the whole thing they know everybody from that show and that show alone so when i did a radio show with sally phillips they couldn't believe that sally phillips from taskmaster was here and i said oh was she in it

and they were like series four came third or, I've probably got that fact wrong. Yeah, you have. But, I have, you've probably known it, you're probably like my children. So they,

they know everything. And then of course, it got to the next stage, where we had to then start making it. So, they film it, on a, on a phone,

and make episodes at home. So we have to take part, he edits it, the eldest child, we watched an edited version of the show, that he's made. Yeah. And the tricky little tasks that he's made yeah tricky little tasks he's made up you know yeah so then the board game came out i see this as a bit of a

therapy session then the board game came out so that that's the whole new world of of involvement in our house yeah and then of course and then i'm in it. And it's like, it's just every second of the day, and I think it's finally over. And then I've got to come and do the podcast. I mean, when's it going to end? It's never going to end, Lee. That's it. I'm sorry, man.

So you had already done tasks before you did Taskmaster, because in a way, you've been training for it, Lee. I've been training. I think the one that they thought we were going to stop doing this with Dad is you have to – there's something about having to walk to the end of the garden with a pencil but you're not allowed to use your hands. And obviously put it under your nose and, you know, on your lips, the obvious one. Yeah.

I slightly stuck it up my bum because I figured if... But the problem is to stick it... I mean, not up my bum, but I mean like in the cheeks. Between the cheeks, yeah. But it's quite hard to clench a pencil with it sticking. I mean, you can do it sort of... If you do it parallel to the ground, it's not going to stay in there with a clench. No.

You've got to get it right in the cheeks to the point of some would say almost entry it had to go quite in right and so you have to keep your shorts down yeah because so you've shown a bit of crack at your bum and part of that was thinking if if there's and they'd be mortified of course they'd be mortified yeah they'd stop this let's stop doing this they'd say right we don't want to do this anymore because you're doing it to embarrass us didn't work but going on yeah that would have been great if if the pencil task had come up in in your series as well you'd have been straight in there straight up the bum i'd have been like done it sin it done it

bought the postcard and used used a different unusual way to write the postcard so you're sort of you were aware very aware of the show but oh yeah i'm very aware of it yeah you know i'm not trying to pretend one minute it's just the kids that you know i slowly i would find myself going in the early series oh yeah you got this one again you know and then i walk out and then the next series it was you got this one again and then i'd stand and watch it a bit by the time of the end you know i was sitting down with them and watching it and loving it you know yeah it was a i'm not gonna lie i haven't watched it four or five times per each series like they have yeah can't name all the winners didn't your didn't your kids come up with a task for series 10 as well wasn't one of their suggestions in the series yeah well because they they um they weren't allowed

to come to the studio um they were allowed to visit at one point because it was during a time when when there wasn't a lockdown and during the visit an idea came up that i wasn't even privy to they just had a chat with alex at one point yeah and then later on the series Alex said to me we're gonna use they come up with a really good idea you're 16 year old so is it alright to use that's okay be so proud thanks and then when I told him he went my son went I wasn't me that was Millie Millie's only nine she may have been eight at the time oh wow yeah that's the kind of stuff they're producing for Taskmaster. Random thoughts of an eight-year-old. Yeah, that's how I would describe Alex Horne's brain

at any given moment, really. Yeah. So, yeah, they did do it. And now you're going to ask me which one. I think it was something to do with a monster, like draw a monster with eight legs or something, and ten eyes, and you write down the monster, and then you have to interpret the description.

It was a studio task, wasn't it? You had to draw as you went along, and all the features were sort of read out in a list, and then whoever gets the closest to it with all the features at the end. It was brilliant. It was a really good idea. Yeah, she was well pleased. And of course now it's all changed. She can watch it because I'm 52 and I've spent the last few years going, filth, absolute filth.

Which is rich coming from me, but when it's your own children listening to it. But now they've got the beeped version, which is fantastic. Yeah. I was intrigued to see how they managed to get around the Mike Wozniak hemorrhoid issue, whether they had to bleep anything there

or they just had to sort of science, I suppose, isn't it? Well, it'd be odd to to beat the noise that it made because that would be a right cacophony of noise wouldn't it i mean yeah that noise is unsavory enough without adding anything else to it you must have been quite relieved when that noise happened because it sort of erased it raised the memory of you uh trying to lick a jelly off a table so i was absolutely delighted because not only did it erase the noise of me licking the jelly and it falling on the floor yeah which was a bad enough noise i then i've got the poppadom incident where i've got water and poppadoms and it's just sort of pouring out my mouth like a an elderly man in a care home

yeah well you had an absolute meltdown there. Absolute disaster. But that's not... Will they remember that? No. We all know what they're going to remember. Yeah. The disgusting Mike Wozniak's anus.

That's not going to remember. And it's like a blank check for me to do anything. Yeah. Brilliant. Love it. Yeah. for me to do anything yeah brilliant love it yeah um did you i mean did you enjoy the experience overall obviously you sort of knew what to expect uh but did you did you have a good time yeah no i really did i did everyone sort of you know it's very unlikely that i'm going to come on a podcast

you know about taskmaster well between me and you it was one of the worst things I've ever done. We've had it. We've had that. And Greg's abusive. But it's genuine when I say I absolutely loved it. Yeah, I really did. It was great fun because, you know, there was a bit of pressure for me because the kids just said, don't, just please, right,

all we ask from you, don't come last. Now, I'm not saying whether i came last or not but all i will say is the bar was low for the ambition yeah you know and and i think sometimes i come across as quite competitive on it but i'm not competitive meaning i want to win i'm competitive about not coming last yeah yeah which is even more desperate sometimes, I think. Oh my gosh, it's awful. It's so desperate. You know what I mean? Okay, let's crack on with the prize task this week,

which was the most satisfying wobbly thing. It's an interesting prize task, obviously set up at the beginning by Greg saying, if anyone brings in jelly, they get ignored points. And then the absolute onslaught of jelly at that point. It was basically, from then on, it was just everyone brought in jelly yeah they get ignored points and then the absolute onslaught of jelly at that point it was basically from then on it was just everyone brought in jelly with a twist yeah i mean not many wobbly things are there there's not not many wobbly things to be fair i mean i i talked about my belly so i thought well it's my belly's wobbly that's not jelly but how do you bring your belly

and you can't i'll bring it is a jelly version yeah i thought that was good i i think a lot of the stuff didn't get talked about as much as i would have liked because greg was so angry that people had brought in jelly because i think the twists people had to the jelly were good so jamali's rubik's cube in jelly i liked that as an idea but the jelly clouded by jelly again I mean, he said the most satisfying wobbly thing, and obviously Jamali's thought, what's satisfying? Ribbit's cube. What's wobbly? Jelly.

Yeah, bang. I'll put a ribbit's cube in jelly. Done. Yeah, that's fine. Talking of jelly and hot water, do you remember the task where there was a bottle full of jelly? Yeah. And you had to get all the jelly out.

A little undignified. Yeah, hugely undignified. You had to get all the jelly out. A little undignified. Yeah, hugely undignified. You had to get the banana into the bottle, but there was loads of jelly in the bottle. At one point, you got a blender out as if you were going to blend the banana up and pour it in. That's what everyone assumed you were going to do. And then you left the blender completely alone

and chewed the banana up and spat it into the bottle like a big bird. All I can say is, when you get these bits of kitchen equipment out, they're never as simple as you think they're going to be. You look at them, you go, where's the other bit? Where's the lid? And it's never in the same place at home. So if you come round my house for dinner, just know that I've probably chewed it and spat it out

rather than blended it. As long as you leave the blender out people think you've used it I've done a terrible job chopping these carrots Lee there's teeth marks in them yeah you'll often find my carrots or my potatoes are mashed put it that way Charlotte went with the letter from her therapist about her wobbly self-esteem in a jelly I like this it was very Charlotte it had a tinge of tinge of sadness to it it's probably my favorite favorite jelly twist out of all of them. I did like that yeah that was good is it satisfying? That's that's a good point it's a satisfying letter. But it's clever I like that. Yeah. We were talking about her wobble yeah I did like that it's very good. Yeah. I do like Charlotte.

I thought she was fantastic on this series. Yeah. Yeah. Something about it. She's really good. Someone pointed out I don't know who it was, it might have been Sarah Kendall, early on in the series, was that she is the spitting image of Margot Kidder from Lois Lane from the original Superman film. Yeah, I can see that. And bizarrely coincidental,

after that was pointed out to me, I went to the toilet in the dressing room and staring back at me was margot kidder above my toilet in the dressing room at pinewood studios i mean the picture of her obviously she wasn't yeah she wasn't in the dressing room next door and there was a hatch uh but she yeah she was the i thought that's weird isn't it yeah i couldn't i couldn't get that image of her being Lois Lane out of my head. So if they ever remake Superman, she could do that. Mike was the first person to not bring in a jelly,

which I almost found annoying that he sort of broke rank. Yeah. Sort of let everyone down a bit. He's incredible, Mike, isn't he? I'm fascinated by Mike. Oh, yeah, what a man. The most surprising thing about Mike Is that he didn't turn up for work on a penny farthing

Dressed in one of those Like strongman costumes That's sort of what you expect him to He came in a normal car I thought that was really surprising He's like he's from I wouldn't say a different era But an era that's never existed.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like a steampunk thing, like the past, but in a fictional book, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You suspect that if he hadn't, he was a doctor, wasn't he? Yeah. You suspect that when he was a doctor, he was either being a doctor or a one-man band,

you know, with the big thing on the back and the symbols between his knees. He's great. A very funny bloke, isn't he? Yeah, very funny. He saved us all with his anus, which is lovely. You're a very good team, I think. You sort of, you're on the same page.

Like, occasionally it went terribly, but then, as in with the salt and sugar task that you managed to screw up quite quite dramatically that you see that's the problem you have to i don't think i'd watched enough taskmasters to know yeah you've got to be looking around the room um so it was oh it was three points for everyone on the prize task which i love it when greg scores things like that because alex is clearly baffled by he's like three points for everyone on the prize task, which I love it when Greg scores things like that, because Alex is clearly baffled by it. He's like, three points for everyone, are you sure?

Because there's almost no point giving anyone any points in that situation. Yeah, but I do sometimes wonder when Greg gives out three points for everyone, is it actually because he hasn't been listening? Do you know how many things? I wasn't listening. Yeah. Because he always looks like he's not listening. He always looks quite like, you know, comedically,

but he always looks annoyed to be there. Yeah. Because he always looks like he's not listening. He always looks quite like, you know, comedically, but he always looks annoyed to be there. Yeah. You know? And I always think he might be daydreaming, thinking about someone else. And then he thinks, oh, I've got to judge these people. Someone's, I haven't been listening. If I give them all three,

then it's the safest way of getting away with the fact that I haven't listened. Yeah. I think he sort of shut down when there were three jellies in a row. So he missed Mike's milk tooth, which I thought was quite good. And then Sarah's bizarre sausage of chicken meat. Yeah, that was awful. I mean, is that pet food, or is that actually for human consumption?

I think it must be for human consumption. It was one of those weird sausages that are in, like, it's in a plastic skin with little metal things holding it. The thing you usually see in pet shops. Yeah. Because at the end, when I went up on stage, I give it a wobble and it broke in my hand and I didn't wobble it much

and it went right over instantly. It was like, I just, I've been fearful of going to the toilet ever since. The whole show seems to have been designed to make you touch meat and dairy products, Lee. I know. Well, this is the thing. I, at the time,

was a vegan. I've actually gone a bit soft now and now I'm more of a veggie-stroke vegan. Yeah. And is that because of the batter?

I've been on Taskmaster and made me realise I like the taste of wallets and eggs. So far, after me slacking anyone who brought in jelly, we've had two jellies.

Next. Charlotte. Next. Charlotte. Hmm. So, it's a bit personal, this, but obviously this show has taken its toll on my ego, my self-esteem. Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah, and...

Sorry, Charlotte, you've brought a jelly in, haven't you? Yeah, inside is a letter from my therapist commenting on my wobbly sense of self-esteem. Right. Oh, here it is. A letter from a therapist in a jelly in haven't you yeah inside is a letter from my therapist commenting on my wobbly sense of self-esteem right it's a letter from a therapist in a jelly yeah task one uh this is the the poppadom task that we've been dreading talking about say the word metronome between every tick of this metronome you may not touch or stop the metronome also you must blow up an entire balloon so it's bigger than your head neatly gif wrap the balloon and eat three whole poppadoms you have five minutes your time starts when the metronome starts the winner will accomplish the most tasks and miss the least metronomes what a long task what a long task

i'll tell you what the one of the most undignified things anyone can do is being filmed whilst a balloon pops in their face never a good look right but there's one thing worse than that and that is to use that in the opening titles every week. They decided to use a bit of me going, every time the balloon pops. There is a worse thing they could have used, though. Yeah. The tongue on the table.

The tongue on the table or the water pouring out of my mouth trying to eat the poppadom and drink loads of water at the same time or the mastication of the banana to try and get it in the bottle despite the fact there was a blend there's so many things and the spittle there was spittle involved in one of them a lot of spittle a big string of spit in the uh in the jelly task yeah listen i'm i'm 52 i'm 52 years of age all these things that make me look bad at the end of the day you've got to look good in life to mate I've got three children

they all want to watch Taskmaster the last thing I want to do is mate and risk any more so the more spittle on show the less chance there is of any more it's a good technique it's good to know there was a reason behind all that spittle

so no one tried to mate with you wasn't just because i've got no dignity yeah well yeah there wasn't much dignity flying around in this task at one point you uh screamed i have a bafta i have a bafta and you couldn't really hear that could you i'm so full of poppadom it was uh yeah but luckily greg greg pointed it out do you think this do you think that might cancel out the bafta i think the i think it's fair to say you know is there anything more undignified than a man on national television trying to stuff three poppadoms in his mouth in a set amount of time while saying metronome yes there is he shouts out i've got a baft whilst he's doing it that tops the undignified stakes don't it but also taskmaster tends to win baftas so if anything you know you might have got them another

bafta by screaming about your bafta that's a good point yeah just get i was getting the subliminal message out there yeah has it been nominated for a bafta it won i think it won best entertainment last in the last load of baftTAs, yeah. Did it? Yeah. Probably us, we would have lied to you. Yeah. The ultimate insult. Imagine that. Imagine if we were up against Taskmaster

for an award and Taskmaster won and the clip they showed was me with spittle and masticated banana coming out of my mouth rob bryden and david mitchell looking at me just going yeah this is just awful on so many levels um sarah had an absolute disaster as well at least you completed things you got four points um sarah yeah but the balloon burst and then she did she did no tasks one point

disaster which is not which is unusual for her yeah she's pretty good she's like yeah she's i think she she seems quite competitive but maybe she's like me she's competitive not to come last because she's got kids as well you see maybe it's yeah i think we've had we've had her on the podcast i think she fully admitted that she is competitive and she she wanted to win the series but then you've been called out as being a competitive one on previous episodes as well yeah we tried to rank I think Charlotte might have said

you were the most competitive maybe what does she know she's a kid she's a young kid no it's weird yeah I suppose when we play Taskmaster at home with either the board game or the homemade version, it's only about 10% fun.

It's 90% a competition. As anyone will tell you, if they've got kids, kids don't do things for fun. Kids have to win everything they're so competitive with each other you know they'll argue they'll really argue about you know about the most inane thing like that pencil you know well bad example fair enough to argue about that yeah but so that sort of instilled into my brain now the competitive nature of the game rather than the fun nature.

Because I'm institutionalised in my own house. That is what Taskmaster has done to me. And I've paid for that. Paid for that institutionalisation, if that's a word. I've gone out and bought the produce to then affect me mentally. And then to have to go and live that nightmare in real as well um someone who is not competitive is charlotte i think uh and she had a she had a nightmare in this as well uh she i mean she said metramone so many times metramone metramone and didn't eat the she didn't

eat the poppadoms properly and she got one point as well at one point saying i've had a bit of a challenge anyone to say metronome over and over again and not at some point stop calling it a metronome yeah i think i think you did really well on that i think you missed three metronomes but i think you said metronome most of the time jamali and charlotte had a nightmare saying it yeah but he used his phone didn't he that was That was very clever. It was clever, but the word he recorded was metrimone. So he said metrimone and then played that back

loads of times. And I think he should have been disqualified. Yeah, I think he should have lost points. I mean, I thought it was game over when I popped the balloon, but actually I don't think it was

because I had wrapped it. Yeah. Yeah, you done. Yeah, because you blow up the entire balloon and then neatly gift gift wrap the balloon it doesn't say it needs to stay inflated does it no it doesn't i mean there's so many but i learned my lesson about the whole gaffer tape and cellophane inside i mean that you were livid about that i was still livid we recorded it a year ago i I'm still part of it.

Somebody says to me, wrap your legs in cellophane and gaffer tape. Well, then that must mean you've got to cover yourself in both, hasn't it? Yeah, no, I do see what you mean, but it's all about those little tricksy things you can do. If you can wheedle your way around the words in Taskmaster, it's good. Yeah.

Well, I'll let it go, though. I've not heard that. Yeah, no, you've heard it. I mean, I should be concentrating more on the stupidity of the fact that I started with the gaffer tape against my bare skin, not the cellophane. Awful idea. What an idiot.

I'm not very astute, so that was lucky. Well, not anymore. No. It was an instant waxing. I mean, I'd like to point out, for my own dignity, I've got hers where it matters. You know, I'm not... I know what you're thinking.

I'm like those freaks on Naked Attraction. What is that about? What, Naked Attraction? I mean, we watched it... I have to be honest, we watched it via Gogglebox. Oh, I think I've only ever seen it via Gogglebox. That's all you need to see. That's all you need to say that's all you need to say yeah and is anybody got any pubic hair anymore am I the last one on the planet well it's I think if you know it's gonna be on display if you were

going on if they did naked attraction stand up for cancer yeah and they said Lee we'd love we'd love you to come and do this it's for for charity. And they guilted you into it. Telling you now. What are you doing with the head? Manscaping. Manscaping, yeah. I'll tell you exactly what I'm doing. I'll tell you exactly what I'm doing.

I'm going for extensions so that when the thing lifts up and it shows my feet, you see a bit of her hanging down the middle. That's what I'm doing. I want people to go, good God. What's going to be happening on top? I want it draped on the middle. That's what I'm doing. I want people to go, good God, I want it draped on the floor. I want to bring it back. I want to get back. I want everyone in the world to get it back.

Come on. What a hill to die on. The regrowth of the globe's pubic hair. That's why I'm growing my beard. It's a subliminal message. Metronome. Metronome. Metronome.

Metronome. Metronome. Metronome. I knew I shouldn't have cut my fingernails this morning. Metronome. Metronome. Metronome. I haven't metronome.

Metronome. I haven't got metronome. The nerve. Metronome. To do this show. Metronome. Metronome. Metsuno, do you need this show, Metsuno? Metsuno. It's winter, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats.

Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those. Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials.

Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures.

Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. That's ca.com. Write the future. Task two, draw the best picture of a British animal. Each person must fill in one section at a time

and may not look at the other section during that time. Every section must be used. You may not communicate with each other in any way during the task. Best picture of a British animal wins. You have three minutes to draw each section. Your time starts now. So this is obviously a team task, yourself and Mike. Well, you know that game where you fold a bit of paper and you draw the next one.

Yes. So I always remembered, you've always got to show them where you left off. You put the little lines on to show them where to join on to. I don't want to brag. That was my idea. The other team, they were all over the place. They were. It was in an abattoir.

I mean, there were bits everywhere, wasn everywhere wasn't the head was on the left the feet were on the right an absolute mess and yet when you built it as a toy yeah didn't look too bad no because you can't really build their disaster as a toy because it would fall apart yeah yeah but you know i would say that's a good lesson if you buy your children a toy that falls apart i say see that's what happens in life not everything's well made yeah and that's what should have been taught to those three the fact should have been the lesson because it actually came out looking quite sweet their animal it was quite sweet it was annoyingly sweet yeah whereas ours had two heads yeah yours was horrifying yeah well i couldn't work out at the end was it the head you

see has he done a head because how many there's a lot of sections isn't there i go what yeah what i really liked about it as well is you sort of came in halfway through and and said well the thing is i don't i don't know what he's drawn now so i'm completely in the dark as if we didn't know that that was the whole point of the task i do tend to sort of state the obvious you know what i mean i'm the kind of person that will say yeah the problem is it's very hard to say metronome when you're eating poppadom. And they go, yes, I know, that's the point. Oh, is it?

Because it's almost like I'm suggesting. You can make this easier. You can make it a lot easier if we don't say metronome and we just casually eat in our own time. And one poppadom as well would be easier. Yeah, it'll be more relaxed. Yeah. I think, I mean, yeah, in the way they looked when they were built,

I think they were both good. But I think you're right, yeah, in the way they looked when they were built, I think they were both good. But I think you're right. The drawing of yours was better, which was the whole task, really. And I think once Mike sort of panic explained the feeding process of the feeding of the young from one mouth and then eating in another mouth, I think that helped as well. Absolutely. That really helped. And I did wonder what that was. What was that? Was that a smile? What was it ever there for, that black thing in the middle of its belly? You have no idea. It wasn't even on the model, I don't think, the extra little mouse.

I don't think it made the model. It was so weird. I think he got confused. I think he perhaps started that thinking, we must be up to the head by now. I'll draw a mouth. And then thought, how can we be up to the head? There's about another five sections to go. Never take a punt on a mouth just you should always wait wait for the mouth

um and those i believe those little models are now in the toilets of the taskmaster house are they yeah so they're the same is that the same toilet where I genuinely wiped my glasses on the task? Yeah. I looked back and I thought, that looks so set up, and it genuinely wasn't. I went in, pulled it off, wiped it. And I didn't want to, because I'm a professional, I didn't want to throw it down the toilet and flush the chain

because I thought they might be recording outside the toilet and the noise would annoy them. I placed it on top of the, on the shelf. It's only banana after all, because it was banana from the previous tap. Yeah. I'd gone on my evil Knievel goggles, so I was wiping it. I'll just throw that on the back.

And then they said, where's the task? And I just couldn't find it anywhere. No, it's not there. I wonder what they would have done if you had flushed that away. Do you think that would have been the end of your attempt at that task? I'd love that. I'd love it if it brought the whole show down, just because you flushed it down.

That was also the task where you had to try and convince a woman in a car to take the toilet paper away in her car. She didn't look happy. No. I didn't realise until I watched back what she didn't look happy no i didn't realize i didn't realize till i watched back that she didn't speak but the subtext of what she was saying with her eyes was yeah i don't know what you're doing but i don't want to be involved and it didn't really change much after she recognized you either because there was a moment where she recognized you but then

she still looked quite annoyed at having to be involved. Oh, yeah. I mean, the recognition just, I think that made it worse. What do you want, you idiot? Oh, it's you. I doubt you think you're an idiot. You know, and then I just sort of gave her this. I mean, don't forget the Taskmaster house is quite well hidden.

You come bursting out of those gates. You know, it's quite frightening frightening especially if you're dressed as Evel Knievel there's a lot going on a lot going on for a split second a man dressed as Evel Knievel toilet roll this is the worst, what's the thing when you go to a bank

drive off, what's the phrase I'm looking for get away this is the worst bank job I've ever seen it's like I've run into a shop grab some toilet paper go quick take it drive i'll meet you at the airport um so it was three points for you and mike uh and two points for sarah jamal in charlotte which feel that feels fair i think that's fair that's fairly fair yeah yeah i'll tell you i've had a little time to think about this about how ridiculous it is i mean how can we possibly know because we're still pissing in the dark aren't we here yeah but even if you're pissing in the dark you know roughly where to aim two minutes left from

this section oh i'm gonna start you didn't that's not fair task three record the greatest aircraft safety announcement and then perform the greatest aircraft safety demonstration. Your announcement must be in an accent or language other than your own, and your demonstration must be unforgettable. You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now. I would have panicked at this one. I think this is a really hard one.

Yeah, and you don't have long. You've basically got to sit there. You've got to write something. You've got a very short amount of time to just write something yeah you know really hard and saying things like greatest aircraft safety announcement and greatest aircraft safety demonstration these are the ones that made me panic as a comic as well because the pressure on you then is to do your job that people know you for but you've only got a certain amount of time and you have to be good at it you've got and and and they didn't say funniest they said greatest yeah yeah it's like what does greatest

mean the greatest because it's the funniest the greatest because it's i mean if you want to do the greatest he's just come out and read out a proper safety announcement the others won't so in comparison it's the greatest yeah and then argue it in the studio yeah that's really hard but it also had to be unforgettable yeah but, but I mean, even in real life, outside Taskmaster, you know, no one in the history of aircraft travel has ever said, that was the greatest safety announcement I've ever heard. Because no one's listening. Yeah.

If they are listening, they just don't want to die. They're not going, that was great. They're just getting the facts in. I think I would have remembered and would be listening if the pilot was an australian man called captain twat custard yeah well you know that's that's why it's the greatest because if that's exactly the point i was trying to make yeah he said suddenly thinking of it on the spot everyone's got the red phones on everyone all the kids are looking at the the ps4 things in their hands right yeah indeed you can get them in your hands the kids are looking at the PS4 things in their hands, right?

Yeah. If indeed you can get them in your hands. And bloke comes at the front, right, we're going to do a safety, no one listens. You change that too. And now Captain Twat Custard

is going to do a safety and everyone looks up. Everybody. The ears are pricking up at Twat Custard straight away. Oh my God. I mean, we're onto something here.

Yeah. There will now be a safety demonstration by Captain Twat Custard. Right, we've got to something here. Yeah. There will now be a safety demonstration by Captain Twatgusted. We've got them. They're looking up. Australian, was that your first thought as soon as accent came up? It's a fun accent to really wrap your mouth around as well.

You can really go for it. You can go for it. And more importantly, it's not a career ender. No. That's the key. I don't think anyone, no one's not a career ender no that's the key i don't think anyone no one went for a career ender luckily jamali's uh french mixed with english with a french accent was lovely i liked that because it's the first time i've seen him slightly unsure of himself he's normally completely composed when he first started speaking french i was like oh

you're pretty impressive i mean he sounded pretty impressive didn't last long before he ran out of words no it was immediate i'd say he just i'd say what did did make me really laugh out loud watching it but was sarah screaming that was hilarious because the made-up language yeah the made-up language followed by the utter screaming i think because i'm terrified of flying it would be my absolute fear to hear someone screaming yeah that's what yeah i really i like what a choice from her to do a made-up language rather than an accent and then to commit to it that much and was the land did the screaming was that part of the language or was the character scared do you think the character was scared i think i don't think she was pretending the language she was speaking that life jacket is that's not the word for life jacket

in that language she was just pretending but that was really funny that made me laugh a lot that was great I watched it again last night and that made me laugh again so there you go

double laugh only three points though because Charlotte I mean you can tell she's the proper axer of the group oh yeah definitely yeah because it was hang on me and Sarah are in sitcoms I'm sorry yeah look Because Charlotte, I mean, you can tell she's the proper actor of the group. Oh, yeah, definitely.

Because it was a... Hang on, me and Sarah are in sitcoms. Look, yeah, look, I'm talking... Mike Wozniak's made a career of acting. You realise he's digging a massive hole. No idea if Jamali acts or not, but, you know. No, it's definitely true that she's... Yeah, she's proper. Yeah.

Proper actor. Yeah, because it was a slightly more restrained performance yeah good accent though she did sound like a really good accident yeah really good accent and very it went very kids tv again the click click along with me clap along with me i mean she's just had to lean into that now she reminds me of the female version of anthony deck in that it's impossible not to like charl isn't it? Yeah, completely, yeah. She's so likeable that she could do anything. I mean, she could have tried a career-ending accent

and she'd have still been all right. Yeah, I think you're probably right. I was a big fan of hers anyway. And then Mike, another secret skill, just pulled German out the back pocket. That was incredible. Yeah, I mean, he's just got a lot. He's got a lot of skills, what can I say?

Yeah. He's got a lot of skills. Although, again, he ran out of words, didn't he, quite quick? Yeah, I mean, he was really, he was leaning on GCSE German, I think. But I think because he, you realise he does look quite German. He looks like someone from like a pub sign or something, like a Stein. He looks like someone from like a pub sign or something, like a Stein. He's got the kind of face that you can say, he looks a little bit dot, dot, dot.

I've put any word there and you go, yeah, that fits. Anything from Parisian to nonce. No matter what the word is, it will fit the sentence. He really does look, and then any word suspicious yeah suspicious yeah he he manages to be beautiful and unattractive at the same time how is that possible there's pictures of him with his mustache off floating around the internet and so handsome that jawline incredible what a guy and he's a doctor. He can save lives. He's got everything going for him. To be honest, if I had a life-threatening

situation, I wouldn't want Mike's arse anywhere near me. I don't want him coming anywhere near me without me hanging out. That's why it's so good. I'm so pleased about, you know, despite all that, he can't hold it together downstairs. Imagine that. Imagine that's the last thing you see as you're dying. Mike trying to save your life life and then a noise happens and you go what was that and he goes don't worry that was not your anus that was mine and then you die

an awful way to end it oh terrible um and then yeah just says something in german i'd imagine just as you slip away. Yeah, he'd look good in lederhosen. I think that's my point. Absolutely. So it was five points for the Parisian nonce, four points for Charlotte, three points for Sarah, four points for Jamali as well, and three points for you, Lee.

No two points, no one point. I think that's a good way of scoring it because I think everyone invested quite a lot of time and effort into it it feels quite a difficult task the studio studio task now when it came to the studio tasks lee i think you seem to really enjoy these when you actually got stuck in and having said everyone was there and you know you got competitive but you seem to really enjoy the the feel and fun everyone being around you that the end task in the studio is the one where you most become competitive I think it's to do with the fact that you're not you're not when you're on your own there's a sort of pressure on to be mildly entertaining as well.

The emphasis is on the mildly before anyone else does it. So you're trying to be entertaining because it's just you. Whereas with this five of you, you think, I'll just crack on and try and win and someone else can juggle. Someone else can deal with the entertaining bit. I'll just crack on. There's five of us on the stage, right?

No, you certainly did it this time. You certainly just cracked on and won it it was the stand on either one leg or both legs you must do so one at a time behind this curtain with your hands on your head the taskmaster will guess if you're standing on either one leg or both legs if he guesses correctly you're eliminated last person

standing on either one leg or both legs wins and Greg really comes alive for these as well he loves this sort of thing I tell you what that was a good game it was a good game that's a game that I reckon both legs wins and greg really comes alive for these as well he loves this sort of thing i'll tell you what genuinely good game it was a good game that that's a game that i reckon people are now playing at home it's a good game unfortunately lee i think you know this you're going to have to be playing it at home soon of course it goes without saying yeah i mean i've given you never you're never getting away from it but in fact i did i remember coming home that night and the

kids saying you know what did you do and i oh, we did this great game at the end. I thought, oh, why have I said this? That was too much. I'm not going to bed until I win one. But there was, I had one distinct advantage in that, which was this. When people come and want to lie to you, they always, you know, they often say,

well, any tips on the lying and the telling? And I always say just one bit of advice, and that is people often make the mistake of when they're lying doing it differently to when they're telling the truth so for example if they come on and they're telling the truth they will wax lyrical yeah because they know the truth or they'll go the opposite way and pretend they don't know any facts yeah because they're trying to suppress it and likewise if they're lying they think oh i better i better say loads and loads of things otherwise it looks like I'm lying and I just say don't matter what you do just do the same for both yeah right if you're going to wax lyrical when you're lying

make sure you're wax lyrical when you're telling the truth as well yes yeah that makes sense if you're going to pretend if you're going to wobble a bit on one leg make sure you wobble a bit on two yeah you're not going to wobble at all because you stood on two don't wobble a bit on one leg make sure you wobble a bit on two yeah you're not going to wobble at all because you stood on two don't wobble at all on one and that is what i'm going to have on the gravestone nothing to this planet other than how to deceive someone yeah you stood on one but you want to pretend you stood on two legs admittedly it's not going to crop up much as a tool but you never know though you're quite right and yeah i think the way you definitely went about it that way so the first one you did you were

deliberately swaying around all over the place and wiggling your arms in the air and stuff and it's through it's through greg off you're very you were very very good at this game charlotte out straight away despite what i said about her being the proper actor of the group she can't act like she's on one leg yeah absolutely genuinely love ghosts yeah it's fantastic isn't it yeah how can someone that's that good at acting in ghosts be so atrocious at pretending to stand on one leg when they're stood on two she she may as well have just gone I'm actually stood on one leg absolutely terrible yeah really really dreadful stuff and even Mike went out quickly there as well Mike's normally quite good at these

he was very good at the tongue slap marshmallow thing but he was out straight away Jamali three points Sarah three points and you took that home with five points so another episode victory lee so exciting i mean just fantastic because at that point you start believing in the dream and don't forget what the dream was i told you at the beginning not yet to come not coming last start to believe the dream

this really could be my year i might come second to last that's why i believe surely surely that it must charlotte's presence must have relaxed you about four or five episodes in i did realize quite early on that she was perhaps gonna it might be a competition between me and her right she she might be the one that stops me yeah yeah achieving your dream yeah yeah i just thought i yeah fancy me chances so she came bottom this episode again with 10 points uh sarah a low a low score for sarah um as compared to her other scores uh jamali 16 points mike 17 points and then you topped it out 18 points which means in the series sarah is still in the lead but by a very thin margin by someone who's winning so decisively for the first four episodes uh because

you're second in the series lee 123 mike 119 jamali 112 and charlotte's there as well 88 it happens in middle distance running people always make that mistake go off too quickly the way ahead they'll never be able to keep this up they think

and they slowly the wind blows the long hair pulls them back We've got a few emails from listeners, Lee. So I'm going to read out those. And if you want to answer, you can answer. How would that work? Well, let's see.

Let's see what happens. Has anyone said? No, there haven't been any questions sort of sensitive or hard-hitting, really. It's very difficult to... Okay, so I haven't heard the podcast yet. It's not going to be like, where do you stand on Brexit and stuff like that?

No, no. It'll be a bit of a swerve. It's mainly about Taskmaster. We got a lot of emails about your kids being fans and asking you, because I think a lot of your prize tasks have involved your kids as well. So this one, greetings from Iceland. This is from Bjarke Hilmarsson. Show me what you can tell me when you're at work.

Sorry, carry on. This is Bjarke Hilmarsson, says, Lee, watching your performance performance i've often been wondering if your kids are beating you up when they watch the episodes with you they're not physically beating me up but they give me that they may as well be i'll get the look i'll get the look and the slight shake of the head yeah what an absolute cretin are they are they impressed with you so far do you think it's helped your cred or do you think it's done damage? Oh, it's definitely helped my cred, yeah.

I'm on their favourite show, of course. I'm on their favourite show. But you're not ruining their favourite show. I would be worried about that sort of thing if they were like, oh, God, Dad. I'm not ruining their favourite show, but bearing in mind how much of my life now is invested in this show, or as I call it, this bloody show i i would say that

it's a bit win-win in it because yeah if i ruin the show for them the inevitable conclusion to that is that they perhaps stop watching it and and it becomes stops becoming so much of my life in my house so no longer will i wake up on sunday morning going should we go for a long dog walk so no longer will I wake up on Sunday morning going, shall we go for a long dog walk and the response is, but we can't we've set it up that's a phrase we hear a lot it's already been set up, what's been set up

you go in the living room and there you'll see 14 bags of flour and you just go, right, great I'm going to be tidying up for the next four hours now brilliant, thanks Alex that's your task, that's your real task, tidy up have you thought of setting the dog walk as a task?

They're not going to see through that. They're not going to fall for that. I've tried my own version. So today's challenge is, can you clean the car in ten minutes? They're not falling for that. This is from Cass in Darlington.

Question for Lee who would you choose to be on a team with Rob Brydon or David Mitchell oh that's a good question who would I be on a team with do they mean a Taskmaster team I believe so yeah well if it's a Taskmaster team

I would say probably I sort of want the combination of the two I'd like the ideas of David but with this sort of slightly more manual hands of Rob but I say more manual hands of Rob that's in comparison to David it's all relative they're both fairly soft to touch it's not the first thing I think of when I see Rob Brydon I don't think manual hands no you when you watch those cruise adverts you don't go oh there he is working hard again the irony of course he is working because he's getting paid yeah yeah uh i mean all i can say is is there any possibility i'm a third option

i would i would genuinely hold out for a third option. And I'd refuse to do the show. Even now, I'm getting annoyed about the concept. So, yeah, I'm sorry. I refuse to film anything until you get it sorted out. Someone else, please. Anybody else. Not somebody else. Literally anybody else.

I would say anyone from the planet, apart from two people, is my answer. And we know who those two people are. We actually had a lot of questions about, I mean, for example, Regin from upstate New York wanted to know how you think David Mitchell would do on the show. Given how well you know him, how do you think he would go about completing tasks? Well, I would say that he definitely wouldn't be competitive. Right. I don't think he'd be competitive at the tasks.

I think he would. I think he'd be good. I think he'd have quite a logical approach. I think he would, more than anybody. I mean, you think I argue about sort of the semantics of whether we put tape and cling film around your legs. He would bring a lawyer in. He would actually bring in a lawyer and he would he would yeah it's a cast your mind back it would be amazing he would get inside

people's brains with the argument um this was a good question i thought this is from uh ashling uh will you please ask lee whether his recent foray into Buddhism has affected his taskmaster attempt this of course is referencing your podcast Lee which is about about Buddhism and your sort of your recent attempts to meditate more and yes yes it's are you referring to my podcast I can't believe it's not Buddha I am indeed unless there's another buddhist podcast you're doing no no that's just the one the other five got cancelled um for being too similar the other one um well uh it's definitely um definitely makes you calmer more focused you know um i would say if i can get to the end of this series and not come last i would have to put part of that down to the meditating right yes i i think if you meditate

every day twice a day for 20 minutes dedicate your life to it perhaps even go to a buddhist temple for six months a year in thailand you too can spend your life to it, perhaps even go to a Buddhist temple for six months a year in Thailand, you too can spend your life coming second to last. That's how much it can achieve. Were you meditating when you screamed, I've got a BAFTA with a mouthful of poppadoms? No, no, that was my day off from meditating. That was very much a meditating day off. Had i been meditating that morning i would have screamed

whatever none of it matters anyway but i hadn't yeah so you know but um here's a true story i very first time i meditated this is about six years ago i i did transcendental meditation and someone comes around they give you a mantra you know and i did my first meditation now for the year building up to to this meditate wasn't building up but the year before the meditation i am obsessed with darts right that's my thing that's my sport and i used to try and get around the board in less than 60 uh with doubles right you get three darts per double yeah can you go around the board on doubles in less than 60 darts? Never did it in a year.

Tried all the time. Meditated and did it the first time after I meditated. Wow. Coincidence? I think so. Did you then try it again? Yes, and yeah, I did try it again and it didn't work straight away but I'd done it once and I'd just meditated had I not

I perhaps wouldn't have carried on meditating I think part of my brain still believes if I meditate enough I'll still make it as a professional darts player well fingers crossed for you but no that'd be a terrible way to throw darts thank you very much lee for coming on the taskmaster podcast at the end of the taskmaster podcast we always get our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points in the style of taskmaster feel free to be honest about it give me as many points as you

think this experience deserved okay i'm going to give you zero points okay fair enough zero points uh because in terms of the fun yeah and and and intrigue and entertainment i've had with you it's a five right good good i always with any professional job factor in the money and for that i'm giving that a a minus five and if you work out the average of minus five and five I think you'll find zero it's a big old fat zero yeah fair enough actually which coincidentally is similar to the problem with the fee yeah so it seems appropriate to give you zero yeah fair enough but thank you for coming to do it anyway Lee despite thank you and can I say genuinely I've I've not worked with such a nice bunch of people

that I did on that Taskmaster series. They were so nice. Honestly, all of them. Jamali was hilarious and was, what is he, 14? I don't know. He's so young. Charlotte is the most likeable human being in the world. Sarah is hilarious.

She really is one of the funniest people I know. And then the weirdo with the unicycle who emits noises from his anus whenever he wants. Oh, German unicycle anus. Yeah, no,

absolutely not. Doesn't get any funnier than that. Well, that definitely comes across. It looks like you all had an absolute blast. Lee, thank you very much

for coming on the podcast. Thanks, Ed. Cheers. There we have it. Another great episode of the Taskmaster podcast. I do say so myself. I am the host of it. I do say so myself because I'm arrogant.

And also, a lot of it's down to the guest booking. So thank you very much for coming on, Lee. You were wonderful, as expected. We've had all the current contestants on. Next week's guest is going to be the brilliant Margaret Caborn Smith who many of you may know from Do The Right Thing an excellent podcast

that she co-hosts and she's also a Taskmaster mega fan so it'll be lovely to chat to her remember that Lee's podcast is called I Can't Believe It's Not Buddha that he does with Neil Webster and that is on Spotify iTunes and wherever you get your podcasts but for now remember

watch all the Taskmaster stuff, buy all the Taskmaster stuff, be general good fans, I don't know what that means sort of going quite slickly this one until that point, but never mind you need to see that I'm not perfect guys Bye!

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