Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 34. Al Murray – S3 Ep.1

Episode Date: May 27, 2021

The Taskmaster podcast is taking you back to Series 3 and on this week’s show Ed is joined by comedian and Series 3 contestant, Al Murray. Al shares his love for the show and justifies some of his spending. They discuss the infamous ‘bastards crying init’ moment and Al explains the gong surprise. And yes, he does still have a gong guy. Enjoy!Pre order Bring me the head of the Taskmaster  https://taskmasterstore.com/products/bring-me-the-head-of-the-taskmasterWatch all of the Taskmaster on All 4 https://www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmasterGet in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail]  Visit the Taskmaster Youtube channelwww.youtube.com/taskmaster  For all your Taskmaster goodies visit www.taskmasterstore.com    Taskmaster the podcast is produced by Daisy Knight for AvalonTelevision Ltd Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those, too.

Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. You're thinking, why is there a Taskmaster podcast? Surely series 11 is over.

Well, work does not stop here at Taskmaster Podcast HQ because if you were listening before, you'll know that we are digging through into the history of Taskmaster, picking apart all of the episodes one by one, chronologically right from the very beginning, and we have hit series three. An amazing series. Al Murray, Dave Gorman, Sarah Pascoe, Rob Beckett, Paul Chowdhury.

A fantabulous lineup. I've never said fantabulous. I hate myself for saying it, so please ignore that I said that. Can't wait. Special guest today is Al Murray. He was on the series. He loved doing the series. I'm very much looking forward to hearing from him.

If you want to hear more of Al, obviously, he's always on tour. Fairly incredible. Al is the only comedian who I think has constantly got a tour going on, apart from during the pandemic, of course. But Al also has a podcast. It is a military history podcast called We Have Ways of Making You Talk.

It's about the Second World War, specifically. It's him and historian James Holland explore various matters in the Second World War. They've both got amazing knowledge of the topic, and you talk it's about the second world war specifically uh tim and historian james holland uh explore various matters uh in the second world war they've both got amazing knowledge of the topic and you know i was very funny anyway so that's well worth a listen but let's hear what he has to say about taskmaster obviously all of these episodes are available on 4od so why not watch along with us go and watch the first episode of series three come back listen to this podcast go on the taskmaster store pre-order the new book it's incredible the new book bring me the head of the taskmaster go and

pre-order it very exciting but for now let's hear from al murray about series three episode one welcome al murray to the taskmaster podcast oh thank you very much thanks for having me well thanks for coming on it's lovely to to chat to you you're live in your in your cool sort of teenage den situation. It is essentially a teenage den yeah it has drum kits and guitars I can't play in it and model tanks and basically my response to lockdown was adolescence. Yeah well I absolutely love it I mean you know I've got I've sort of got a den here, but you can see all my heavy metal records behind me. But this is not my response to lockdown.

It's my response to life. So it's very exciting. This is our first episode talking about series three. We're going to be talking about episode one. And I was just saying to you before we started recording, I'd not seen it in a while, and I absolutely loved watching this episode back yeah yeah yeah I mean it was a I mean I I tend to not watch back stuff that I've done I may maybe watch it when it goes back goes out and this is a

bit different because you're like a participant on it rather than um you know rather than it being your own thing so you like yeah fed up to the back teeth with it. But I hadn't watched it in a while. And just all the, I mean, the first impression is, crikey, we're all sat close together. Because I've been watching the current stuff. I mean, because I just love, I absolutely love the show. And this is one of those jobs where I didn't suck my teeth and I'm an hour about doing it.

It's just like, yeah, please, can I, when can I do it? And my main regret from this series is that we only did five or whatever it was it was before it got rolled out yeah i think two yeah series two and three are only five episodes even series one is six episodes and then it goes to eight and then it goes to ten yeah yeah i know i'm just so jealous of the people who got to do more of it i mean genuinely genuinely i could kick myself that i you know i should have waited but but then i desperately wanted to do it because it because it's it's just the i mean it's the best job on television because there's nothing you can't there no lines to learn yeah um there's no marks to stand on you know yeah it's it's like what you're

saying if you know you watch it back because you're a participant in it rather than it being your whole life for a long time because you're so used to doing your own sitcoms, your own TV shows, where you have to be fully immersed in it and it's so stressful. When you're carrying the bloody thing. Yeah, exactly. If I screw this up.

Yeah, where's this? I guess you just get, it's just fun really, isn't it? It's pure fun. Yeah, yeah. Although I used to find the studio days really like, because there is that, it's this prolonged reveal of how everyone else does it. Yeah.

And very often, if you're not first in the order, you think, oh, I've either won this or I've made an absolute monstrous dick of myself. Yeah. The worst is when you're not first and then you're not last as well so yeah the worst one is when you've you've sort of done fine or forgettable yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly but i mean but i also i would also fluctuate at the recordings between like sort of finding it monstrously unjust if something something basically when i try and bend the rules

when it would be like overturned. And there's that one where we had to sweat. And I said, I'm not sweating. I'm not sweating. I'm not going to sweat. I'm too, not dignified, but just can't be bothered. Right. And so I asked Alex to Google if urine and sweat were the same thing.

And he did. And that was the first thing that came up. So I pissed in a saucepan. Yeah. And he did, and that was the first thing that came up, so I pissed in a saucepan. That's definitely an abiding memory of your time on Taskmaster for me, I think. Yeah, definitely. And then fault was found with that.

And I remember the recording being absolutely, like, boiling anger inside about it, because I thought, you know, that's quite a good hack. But there we are. Yeah. I think you knew deep down it wasn't quite the good hack that you were saying it was. No. I thought it was quite brilliant.

I thought, you know, everyone knows piss and sweat are the same thing. Sometimes on Taskmaster, things are worth doing just for the argument, even if you know you might lose. And pissing in a saucepan was definitely one of those. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. No, I agree. The five episodes on this series,

especially for me, is disappointing because I think we'd all like to see whether you would have bankrupted yourself over another five episodes or how Dave would have cheated or just to see what Paul Chowdhury would have done. Well, I mean, yeah, the real stick of rock thing running through it, the fascination of Paul Chowdhury.

Like, he is fascinating. He also has a sort of fascination with things and the way he approaches the world. There's that one where we had to pick a lock and Paul goes, I can pick any lock. And it's me, him and Dave. And he goes, I can pick any lock. I'm's me, it's me, him and Dave. And he goes, I can pick any lock. I'm brilliant at it. Right. And I believed him.

Yeah. Because no one knows what he's done in his life. He might've been a spy or something at some point. Yeah, exactly. Cause he's a profound mystery. And, um,

uh, I didn't really know Paul before that. We became great friends as a result, but I still, I still don't know anything about him. No, he's such a mystery that guy the the amazing thing is you can i don't think anyone gets the reactions from

other comedians like paul does so if you watch any other series of taskmaster a comedian does something and all the other comics will laugh or whatever but they'll be like oh okay i can see what happened there or why this person did that even in this first episode paul says something and you and dave look at each other baffled and laughing and Rob and Sarah do it as well he's just an island in the middle of that line up it's amazing yeah yeah yeah yeah and a sort of fire break between

the two crusty old sods and you know the youthful figure and then this sort of weird fire break of I mean you know just some of the stuff he would do you'd sort of like weird firebreak um of i mean i you know just some of the stuff he would do you'd sort of think um what is the aim here you're not trying to you can't be trying to win right no no no but then you also think you can't be he's not going for obvious jokes either

no no no no he's genuinely just going with his first thought. Like this is how he thinks he should do the tasks, which is incredible. And it's so different to all of his standup. I mean, this is why he's such a mystery because is he trying to be funny or does he know what he's doing? Because if he knows what he's doing on Taskmaster,

he's the greatest character actor of all time, isn't he? Well, I think that's... thing is i i was coming around to that view to be honest yeah um uh well no we're basically weak within each recording you'd come in you'd sort of sidle up to the idea that this is like some brilliant brilliant dadaist situation situationist thing and then you go nah i can't be you're just nah no no no he's just he's just he's just bonkers and then but then i but then he and i did antiques road trip the following year i think or the year after that together we were paired yeah and we're driving around this we had to drive around this rolls royce you know like for all these they put gopros all over we drive around in it and they get us driving in the countryside

and he was just at one point he said a thing, you think, oh, right, okay, you know, I can't remember what it is he said, but he just said this thing, God, you know exactly what you're talking about, right? This is all your shield, you know, this is all your armour rather than, because, you know, why show everyone how clever you are

when you can act like a colossal dumbass? Anyway, anyway. And sell out Wembley. Well, exactly. He's got it nailed. Of course, you say that you only did five episodes, Al, but you do make a cameo appearance in Series 4.

So excited were you to the opportunity to come back to the Taskmaster house. You were ready to go. Phone always on. Joe Lysett called up for your assistance. Well, basically, a Twitter addiction and a sort of profound love of Taskmaster and it being literally down the road from me. I mean, I could walk there in 20 minutes. I mean, it's just, you know, it's over there somewhere.

He gestures right across his office. You know, and in lockdown, I went, every day in lockdown, I would go on a long walk and walk past it every single day. In the hope that they were hurting. Well, I did look over the gate and you know there's the cow on its side and all this stuff but um but do you think they all hid inside when they were filming they were like owls looking i expect i expect i mean we share management i expect i've been chipped and there's some there's some sort of proximity centre. Yeah, almost certainly.

Yeah, and Joe had tweeted, I'm doing a thing, and I just thought, well, I'll go, you know, like, why not? And I turned up and I couldn't decide whether the production were pleased to see me or not. I'm sure they were. I think they love things like that. I couldn't work it out. I think it's you and Richard Osman who've made appearances outside of your series.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know. Does it break the continuity? If it was a sci-fi thing, you know, have I turned up in the wrong series of Doctor Who? You know what I mean? Yeah, but we love that when that happens in Doctor Who or something, right?

This is true. This is true. Maybe I should go and loiter some more down Chiswick Bridge. Yeah. If you could just turn up in all the series from now on, that would be great. So let's get on with it.

Let's crack on. Episode one of series three is the first prize task. Now, I remember this distinctly when when it came out as being i think i think all of you were good at prize tossing in your own way but this is the most flamboyant clock and we came to you first uh and you went with your stove which is yeah my stove yeah yeah an amazing idea really really good but but but you know what sometimes on task Taskmaster, you think, well, surely everyone else is going to do this.

You have that first thought and you think, should I do that? That seems really obvious. And then Dave brought his microwave. See, I thought this is an amazing idea. No one else is going to do this. And I think that's what the majority of people watching thought. So when Dave's next and he brought the microwave, that is a massive laugh because I think that's what the majority of people watching thought. So when Dave's next and he brought the microwave,

that is a massive laugh because I think it shows that you two are on a very similar page. Well, yes, there's some wavelength going on, isn't there? I mean, the reason I brought the stove is because the clock on it basically boils my piss. And it's always, you know, the last clock to which I'd... Yeah, exactly. It's the same stuff, right?

And you can boil it on on eight different you know on five different hobs or on a hot plate or in the two separate ovens or under the grill and the point is that clock is always the last clock to get changed either forward or back right yes of course it's the british summertime you know it doesn't have a british summertime button you know clocks come with that now don't they your phone does it automatically you know and it's always the one like for a good month either side of the um vernal and autumnal equinoxes right that doesn't switch yeah right and so that's why i think of it as a clock because the clock's often wrong no it's really good i thought that i thought it was absolute genius and when you watch it for the second time, or third time in my case,

when you say yours, it's fun to watch Dave Gorman when you announce yours, because he's not happy immediately because you've stolen his thunder and it's great. He is fuming. Before he said anything on Taskmaster, he is angry and competitive. Well, yes, Dave, you know, I've known Dave a very long time and he, you know, he gives off

this sort of not a vuncular, but sort of, you know, that he's a reasonable man of the world. But yeah, but that program simply poked him and he became insanely competitive. And not not not. I mean, I like the idea of playing pedantic games with the rules, but he was cheating. Yeah. Outright cheating. And I think you see me do it in the episode where I go, I think that's what Dave's done is entirely reasonable there.

Because I'm thinking, oh, fuck, I might be in trouble for what I've done. So I'm trying to create some sort of um barrett room lawyer precedent and so i'll go yeah what you did is fine so that he then would argue with me back you up yeah and i did that yeah i did that quite a lot in the series that became a sort of tactic in the studio that i thought um you know i'll i'll whatever day whatever d Dave wants to do will buy me some leeway. But, yeah, it's funny because, you know, the moment that happens, you think, you know, it's like it looked like we'd, I mean, at the time it felt like we were in on a joke together.

And obviously you're told not to speak to any of the other contestants. And in all that, you know, it's in your contract, isn't it? It's all secret. You're told not to speak to any of the other contestants and in all that you swore you know you it's in your contract isn't it it's all secret you're not allowed to discuss anything but it did it did kind of look like like a like we collaborated but obviously we hadn't and i think it definitely looked like you're on the same the same wavelength definitely yeah yeah generational thing isn't it we're men who own homes. You think about your large range stove or your microwave. You remember when the clock was first introduced to the oven, of course. Exactly. Rob and Sarah, they've always had a clock in their oven.

Yeah, exactly. It's not a novelty to them, is it? No. Yeah, exactly. I don't know if Paul's got an oven, to be honest. I can't imagine what this kitchen looks like i i imagine um i don't think he cooks he can't cook can he surely not um i and especially given that the microwave oven got three points to your ovens four points i'd imagine yeah dave was fuming fuming yeah right from the right

from the off yeah yeah i mean i i you know i i again though i sort of thought i thought we were going to get five ovens i really did um uh or a car maybe yes of course you see yeah see that's what you'd have brought you'd have brought my car do you do that because i when i watch it the the thing i always do is and i sit there with my family and go well obviously what i'd do in this task is um yeah this is what i did you do that do you do that oh always i always do that but then i did that up until i did series nine and then realized how hard it actually is when you're in the room being asked to do stuff yeah and then I'm less harsh on people now. Because I used to watch it and go, why didn't you do this?

But now I go, of course you didn't do this. You've got three cameras on you and you're panicking. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I know we all got in the habit of really delaying reading your time starts now. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And really like protracting the moment

before we did that. And by the end of the series we were all being hurried along. You could tell that they'd had enough of that tomfoolery. Sarah Pascoe brings in a Queen-themed clock which you must have liked as well.

You're a Queen fan yourself. I am a Queen fan though not at the same um true monomania that um that that clock is part of i mean the pub landlord only likes queen he only and that's because a mate of mine only likes duran duran and i thought how can i how can i make that funny and relatable? Not with Duran Duran. Obviously, you have to use a brand that people like. But yeah, so the Queen Clock. But it's also, it's one of those things cut out of a record.

I mean, it's a... It's not a nice clock. Yeah, it's not a nice clock. It's not a nice item. But if you take the, I mean, Freddie Mercury's probably the definition of flamboyant, right? Yeah, yeah. So it's a nice item. But if you take the, I mean, Freddie Mercury's probably the definition of flamboyant, right? Yeah, yeah. So it's a good choice.

Oh, no, it's completely on the money. You know, flamboyant Freddie Mercury are basically synonymous, aren't they? So that's a flamboyant clock. You can't argue with that. Rob Beckett brought a tortoise sundial. I know. That's not flamboyant, is it? It's not.

It's not flamboyant, is it? It's not. It's not flamboyant. But also, he didn't sell it very well, which is very unusual for Rob. I don't think I've ever seen Rob. He starts off quite, not shakily, but he's just sort of gently telling Greg what it is. Normally, Rob would be like, right, this is what I've got.

This is the best thing. He's quite quiet. But I think that betrays his lack of confidence in the item. Ah, yeah. Because he's quite late in the... I think he was last, wasn't he? And by then, you know, we've had the definitively flamboyant clocks, haven't we?

Yeah. But then you've surely got to get a bit of confidence from the fact that Paul Chowdhury has already presented his Pop's Watch clock that you could attach to a kilt i mean it must be that paul had one he didn't go online he didn't google flamboyant that's not coming up is it at least the first five pages you look at the flamboyant clock did you mean but he presents this thing that can be worn on any item of clothing. That's his big selling point, on any flamboyant item of clothing.

And you can see already the glee in Greg's face that they've booked Paul and this is what he's doing already. He's justified his booking in the first task. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Straight out of the traps, he's delivering. So it was one point for Paul. It wasn't a good start, but he's consistent this episode, let's say. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's two points for Rob's torta sundial, three points for Dave's microwave oven, four points for your stove, and five points for Sarah's clock. That feels like the right scoring there, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's absolutely fair enough, I think. It did well there. And the needle for Dave as well is, I think, is good. Yeah, definitely.

Because we then do see him cheat as well in this episode. So, his character's set, he's sort of dicked dastardly for this series. Dave, what have you bought? And why is it flamboyant? And is it a clock? It is a clock. At first glance, it might appear to be just an ordinary digital clock, but it's actually my microwave oven.

LAUGHTER That's right! APPLAUSE I would argue this is far more flamboyant than an oven. Well, of course you would. Well, yeah. Because it's microwaves and their magic. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but I can cook eight things at once. With my clock. Task one, get to the microwave in as few steps as possible and open the door before the microwave dings. There are five minutes on the clock. The microwave starts now. Great. I mean, amazing opening task.

Just to show how dedicated people people are just to sort of set the tone for the rest of the competition yeah yeah and and um i mean the one that really you know that stuck in my mind was was sarah i mean how loopy yeah is i was just cut trying to cartwheel there as her sort of initial thought you just think all right that that doesn't first of all your feet are on the ground, so arguably there's some stepping going on. Well, yeah, she uses 27 steps to get there, so that's all from the cartwheel.

I mean, it is impressive, but it's definitely style over points there. Well, yeah, I mean, I suppose it's impressive. Again, the thing we talked about, it's impressive in one way that she can cartwheel like that, but it's not impressive that she should think to do that. Yeah, I mean, that was insane. Especially, I mean, everyone pointed out

that the floor was covered in goose shit. Oh God, it was disgusting. Because we filmed, you know, in the last four or five weeks running up to Christmas. So it was it was and that was a task where we went there first thing in the morning. So it was over in Barnes and there's a there's a there's a playing field by the Wetlands Centre in Barnes, you know, over there. I'm now pointing the other direction out of my office window. And and, you know, you sit, you wait with a cup of coffee and then go over to the

track and there's just it was so much goose shit that that it's not just it's not just we're on tv and we're we're like trying to grub a couple of laughs out the fact there is some goose shit yeah you know the main thing you see on that track is goose shit and it's and then and then obviously you've got to crawl around in it that That's the only way to do this. Well, yeah. I mean, you say obviously, but of course Sarah didn't crawl around in it. Dave didn't think to crawl around in it.

And I don't think that was a, he didn't spot the goose shit and say I'm not crawling around in it. He just overthought the task. I think he says that he thought the task meant that you had to take steps, but just as few steps as possible yeah which is very i mean i mean i don't know i mean he sets crosswords today yeah

how does he how does he read that and arrive at uh i mean it you know you you you don't use steps if you can possibly avoid it surely he's tied's tied himself up in knots, I think, I guess, just because... Well, because he's such a man of logic and also enjoys these sort of mad quests and things, maybe he's just gone one level too far there, I think. Yeah, I think so. I mean, funny enough, watching it back, I watched it and thought,

why didn't I ask Alex to give me a piggyback? Of course. Like a complete missed opportunity. Yeah. Because I get straight down in the shit and crawl, you know, through a hurdle. Well, this is your enthusiasm for military history coming out. You're straight down and doing a commando crawl.

It's the full-on commando crawl. Although, yes, my military history enthusiasm and then the realities of middle age, where I can't do it for very long and my elbows hurt and I got a nice jacket on and now it's covered in goose shit. So I sort of gave up. And also, you know, Commando Crawl, you think, oh, it didn't look very far,

but it turns out it's quite a long way and it was unpleasant. Yeah. No, it didn't look pleasant. I mean, you only used eight steps. It was very look very far, but it turns out it's quite a long way and it was unpleasant. Yeah. No, it didn't look pleasant. I mean, you only used eight steps. It was very, very good. And, of course, you would have won were it not for Rob, whose sheer dedication is incredible here. Amazing.

But I think that's probably, again, I mean, we've already touched on this. You know, there's age and then there's youth and i think that's the simple that's the simple dividing line here where i were a decade younger i wouldn't have done those eight steps but you know time has wearied me there's gray in my beard now i've seen empires rise and crumble yeah you add a step every sort of you know four years or so exactly exactly exactly right yeah but it is it what's really great about that task is it couldn't be any simpler and yet immediately you see five people people reacting completely i mean it's really interesting how different yeah yeah it really is yeah i think rob gets away with it in terms of dignity somehow because that should be the least dignified thing ever,

rolling a goose shit and nearly being sick on multiple occasions and then doing a terrible flip over offence. But he's so enthusiastic, he sort of gets away with it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's him, isn't it? That's his sort of boundless puppy dog, you know, energy, isn't it? I mean, it's sort of sweet to watch, isn't it i mean it's it's it's sort of sweet to watch isn't it in a way

at the opposite end of the scale uh we've got paul chowdhury who tries to argue that does he try to argue that a step is not if he doesn't do it on the ground it's not a step is that what he's trying to do yeah that's what he's trying to do but i think i think he i don't think that um his rationale arrived at the same time as the thing that he tried. So it's like all after the event. I don't think any chronological explanation of this would satisfy what's going on in his brain.

What's amazing about it is that even if he was able to argue with Greg that he didn't do steps because they weren't on the ground, he still doesn't do it in time anyway. So it wouldn't matter. He does it in seven minutes. He does 125 steps. So he fails on every conceivable level of his task. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's not like he's not trying either. Oh, no. That's the great thing. And he's baffled that it doesn't work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then he's baffled, isn't he? Like, full stop. Permanently.

Why toss in a requirement for the bafflement? Yeah, if anything, on this series, Paul should have never been given the tasks. He should have just been sat in the room with the stuff and then just done what he wanted. See what he can come up with. Yeah. He would have got as many points, I think.

It's very early for me to be trotting out Chinese proverbs, but that does make me think of the classic when is a step not a step, when it's on a fucking hurdle. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice?

Yes, we deliver those. Goaltenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly.

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At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task two, propel this pea the furthest distance. The pea must land and remain on the red carpet. Your time starts now. I think this is one of your crowning achievements in Taskmaster, Al. Well, thank you.

And the thing about this is I got on a right flap about propelling the P onto the carpet to start with and really got hung up on that for quite a while and then thought, oh, no, fuck it, I'll call a cab. Yeah. Because, again, I mean, I like calling. I do like calling. I was going through a real phase of calling cabs.

Right. And this phase has ended now. Well, of course it has. I mean, you know, you couldn't go anywhere. One way to go cold turkey on a cab habit is to be locked down by your government for months on end. cold turkey on a cab habit is to be locked down by your government. If you've got a difficult cab addiction.

I just thought I call it, I call it, you know, and it was interesting seeing Rob basically arrive at the same conclusion. You've got to move, move the pee on the carpet. Yeah. And I sort of,

um, when, when, um, when at the playback, I remember, you know, they're chucking the pee out the cup what are they doing yeah but that's the immediate i think just the immediate first thought is just do it right yeah you only need to think about it you know two or three more steps to get to where you and rob uh got to because rob walked around the garden with the pee in a wheelbarrow yeah um He looks great with a wheelbarrow.

I know, he looks fantastic with a wheelbarrow. It's an extension of his own body. And then plopped it onto the red carpet, which is where my mind went. So you've got to propel the pea and then it must land and remain on the red carpet. Yeah. You put it on the red carpet first before you propelled it, right? Propel the pea on the carpet, yeah. Yeah, so you propeel the P on the carpet, yeah. Yeah, so you propelled the P on the carpet,

which I guess what that did meant that you sort of didn't have to get back in the cab on time to plop it on the red carpet there because you could have taken the P in the car. Because it was on the carpet, yeah. And we did get to the Slough Junction on the 4th. That's amazing. And I said to the guy, can turn around and um can we can we go back you know we need to go back now yeah because alex has got his clock ticking away like with the

time yeah and uh and i thought well what you know i mean because i just thought once we're in the car i've won yeah i've won this task yeah and then and then we do go past he throw and i'm thinking maybe we can you know we could probably sack this off and it and then we do go past he throw and i'm thinking oh maybe we can you know we could probably sack this off and it and then it i mean it did cost a lot of money i'm starting to wonder how good an idea it was and whether we really needed to go quite so far well no i mean you didn't i mean rob was second and he got 414 meters so yeah you definitely didn't need to go quite so far but the genius of the show is you don't know what the others have done so no no no no and again i did think well someone's gonna this is propelling a p on a carpet this yeah You definitely didn't need to go quite so far. But the genius of the show is you don't know what the others have done. No, no, no, no, no.

And again, I did think, well, someone's going to, this is propelling a pea on a carpet, this, this thing. So someone will have done something similar. Surely, at the time, I was thinking, surely someone else has done something like this. Because this is the obvious answer, you know what I mean? And very often when you read the task, you think, well, that's the obvious answer to that,

the thing you then do instinctively. And like I say, say you know i had a big cab ordering habit at the time so yeah the thing is no one else was going through that horrible cab addiction phase so it wasn't the forefront of their mind you tried to use a cab for every task didn't you they had to edit around well there was a couple of other times i tried to use a taxi yeah and your own money i mean let's let's talk about this because we've was a couple of other times i tried to use a taxi yeah and your own money i mean let's let's talk about this because we've had a lot of emails in about this yeah uh one again one of your one of your sort of uh legendary legacies from taskmaster is chucking your money about yeah well well i don't know i think that comes from being a club comic in the old days where you'd always have a wallet full of cash. Yes.

And that's a habit I really got into and really liked. And then I thought, because there's another one at the racetrack where I paid Alex to do the task for me. Yeah. But not immediately. It took some sort of getting round to. Yeah. But I don't know.

I just sort of, it wasn't a plan. I didn't think, right, well, what I'm going to do is buy my way out of trouble. Yeah. But it did become a, it did become a sort of, it did become a thing I ended up doing.

I've no idea how much I spent though. I mean, I'm sure if you watch the show, you can tally it up. You can tot it up. I mean, this was. Someone must have done. This was 150 pounds, according to Alex. Yeah. The you can tally it up. I mean, this is what must've done. This was 150 pounds. According to Alex.

Yeah. Yeah. Count the slower back, which is incredible. I mean, I mean, it's so funny the way you do it though. I don't think there's many comics who could get away with that without

looking awful, like just pulling money out and dealing with the situation, but you look so cheeky every time you do it. So proud of yourself. That's very sweet of you to say that. Because afterwards, you watch it back and go, oh, Christ, I'm being flashed for my cash. But it was for a good cause.

It was to move a bucket up a racing track. Exactly. Sarah, Paul and Dave all tried to throw the p yeah yeah yeah try to propel the p on the carpet yeah they all went very very route one although according to you route one is a cab but route one's a cab route one as far as i'm concerned throwing the p sarah must have just been she must have been baffled that the other two couldn't manage it because she seems to have discovered a skill of throwing a pea accurately onto a carpet.

It was incredible. Yeah, but we've seen her do the cartwheel. She's athletic. She's gymnastic. She's, I mean, she's unlike many comics in that she seems to be like sort of in physical possession of her faculties rather than, or in possession of her physical faculties

rather than, you know, most comedians who who got in i can only speak for myself i got into this because i'm a you know uncoordinated tit and uh thought how do i parley that into a career rather than um you know she's she's just she seems to have that kind of physical response to things that works for yes yeah again and again in the show, I seem to remember. But, you know, quite – again, it's a good point, that. I mean, if she's good at that, the others are bad at it. Why do they opt for it? Well, I guess you don't know how good you are at throwing a pee

until you throw a pee, right? But you play to your strengths if you've got an Uber you know a taxi account on your phone because once you realise you're bad at throwing a pee it's gone right because Sarah's managed to throw 18.27 metres just with her hand which is really far

Paul throws the pee and loses it immediately. And very angrily says to Alex, you gave me a green pea. As if there's all these different types of coloured peas that Alex could have given him. I mean, we'll come to the points giving. I mean, let's talk about Dave.

Dave's really the big talking point here. Yeah. I mean, he just sort of, he seems intent on cheating. Like he doesn't, he sort of thinks to himself, the only way, there is only one way to get a result out of this task and that's to cheat. It seems, it's like, it feels like he goes through the motions of trying to do it properly to start with

and then immediately thinks, right, I'm gonna cheat i'll cheat on this i think he realizes he's made a real mistake when he loses that p is embarrassed doesn't want to be seen to have messed up and then thinks the only option is i think i think you're crediting him with too much humanity there i'm gonna write down some of these quotes for when we have dave on the podcast too much humanity there. I'm going to write down some of these quotes for when we have Dave on the podcast. Al said I credited you with too much humanity, Dave. What do you think about that? What I loved about it

though, I remember at the time in the studio thinking, Christ, he's just going to cheat. He's just going to cheat. You know, wow. You know, we're, what, two tasks into this thing and he is just going to cheat. And he did quite a lot of it, you know, and often that sort of thing where he'd drop something

and think he'd got away with it. But whereas the thing you realise at sort of at the end of the first day is that there are cameras absolutely everywhere oh yeah they're filming it so there's no point but they're also cameras where you might not expect them to be cameras so like yeah you know that there's there's probably a gopro in that bush getting another angle that they because they need it you know because because i mean it's obviously it's one of the things that you don't do retakes on taskmaster you don't do anything again they don't yeah there is none of that stuff that you normally get in telly so that having loads of angles give obviously gives them

lots of options but it also means if you're cheating you're there's no chance and dave found found that out to his cost and then i'd imagine once he got found out on this one was suddenly replaying all the other times he'd done it in tasks that were oh yeah series yeah yeah yeah yeah and thinking oh shit i'm rumbled i'm properly rumbled already because he properly gets caught out like a little boy because he gets asked did you cheat there's no like cheeky smile from him or a little giggle you can almost see his eyes sort of glaze over in panic and he's and he lies about it twice yeah it's amazing but then but then again uh uh watching it you'd think well what would i do in that situation just as i look

at a task i think what would i do i watch him cornered like that i think well what would i do now did you do you tough it out or do you get upset i'll tell you what you'd do, Al. You'd give Alex 60 quid and then you'd hop on a cab. Do you like to say? Al paid for the cab. He paid 150 pounds. Amazing watching someone pay 150 pounds to take a pee to slough. Task three. Another classic task. It's such a strong episode.

Make the best snowman you have one hour your time starts now al your your head is already in your hands there um some of the things that i mean i think everyone made something memorable in this really yes yeah um let's let's talk about yours straight away uh this demented snowman that you created it was a horrible looking thing but and i stand with this and this is how i felt in the judgment at least it was like a creature of ice that at least it wasn't made of marshmallows that's not a snowman that's a marshmallow it's a cake It wasn't made of mashed potato. It was made of ice. So it was as near as, damn it, a snowman.

Yeah. I kind of agree with you. At least it was a cold, water-based snowman. And that argument does stand up against the marshmallow or the mashed potato. Yeah. But in the studio, you try to make that argument against sarah's ice cream snowman yeah which is as legitimately a snowman as yours i think no because that's because again it's food you can't eat a snowman can you only a fool would

eat well you could but only a only a fool would do that no i i i because at the time i remember thinking yeah this is and also because it did involve putting it in a freezer and doing nothing for 45 minutes yes i put it in the freezer tray and then got it out and it was still it hadn't frozen and well how long how long do you think it takes things to freeze because i think you actually give it 35 minutes in the time yeah because I think you actually give it 35 minutes in the task. You say, bang that end, 35 minutes, that'll be completely frozen. Well, I think the mistake I made is the freezer I have here at home has a turbo freeze button. Right, okay.

This is Moneybags Murray coming in again. Exactly, here we go again. It's just next to the stove, next to the clock. And if I want to freeze my sweat, I put it in the freezer. But it's got a super freeze button you press it and it goes it goes extra super cold and i just i i thought i'll put it in the pre and then then there was no super freeze button so you were looking desperately looking for a super freeze button going where's the super freeze button yeah surely everyone has exactly and i could and you couldn't turn it down it or do you turn it up do you turn the cold up or down you Exactly. And you couldn't turn it down or turn it up. Did you turn the cold up or down?

You know what I mean? Couldn't make it colder, even colder. So I was kind of thwarted by the equipment, I thought. But yeah, I did think, because I had 35 minutes to go or something, and I thought, well, I'll just, you know, I can do nothing now. I can drink a cup of coffee, put my feet up, you know. And I quite like the tasks where you don't do anything yes you've got it done in time but you did you didn't have it done in

time though was the issue i think is no i didn't at all and it looked horrifying so was it only not frozen it did look absolutely awful that's quite true the thing is is it is um it had character rob's rob's was looked nice but i think you're right he went he went marshmallows i mean i thought if he was going marshmallows he should have he i don't know if this was as prevalent in 2016 marshmallow fluff you know the stuff you can get in a jar yeah you could have put that out a little way more like snow yeah um but yeah not would still be marshmallow though. But, but, but again,

it is that, it is that thing where you think the first thing that pops into your head and I chased it down. I pursued it. I tried to, I tried to make a snowman in an ice tray that didn't work. Sarah uses ice cream, as you said, to make Scoopy the snowman.

I think the only person who had a name for their snowman. Scoopy is a great one. Very good idea. Stressed me out because I think you'd have to work incredibly fast to make it happen. Yeah. She made a scarf. It's probably the nicest looking snowman, I think.

Oh, no. By a long way, what I'm never going to do is claim that mine look good well no good i'm glad i wouldn't i wouldn't want to i wouldn't want to waste anyone's time claims claims um you know it was and but it wasn't a snowman beauty contest either it was just make the best snowman and yeah but what constitutes the best snowman the most look the thing that's most like a snowman so like made of snow right no i think just the best snowman. The thing that's most like a snowman? So like made of snow? Right, no. I think just the best snowman.

As in it looks nice. It looks like a snowman. It doesn't look like a snowman who's been through the transporter in the fly. You know. Yeah, no, hers was the... Yeah, there's no doubt that hers was actually the best. Sometimes it's actually hard to argue with the scoring.

Because obviously you're wedded to your idea, but sometimes it's hard. If she got the four, I think she got the five. Because Dave's looked good at the end, but you're right, it was hot, hot mashed potato. Hot mashed potato. That is not a snowman. Yellow.

Raymond Briggs didn't write about a shambling pile of hot mashed potato did he i wish he had but he didn't i'd read that yeah it did look like the i think the most british snowman maybe because it was sort of the crumbly texture and it was like yellow from dog piss sort of like proper park snowman well maybe yeah I mean I you know I remember being sort of quite annoyed at the recording at the time but I'm mellowing to my defeat on that

one now yes well then let's I mean it's fairly telling that we're saving to talk about Paul's again till last this is I think Paul's most legendary moment on Taskmaster, perhaps. It's Bastards Crying In It.

He put some ice on a toy bunny and sort of dripped some blue slush puppy mixture over it and then said, Bastards Crying In It. Do we even know what he was thinking at all in this? I don't know. I mean, maybe, maybe,

um, he reads the tasks in a different language to ours. It's just that, I mean, he asked for a white Teddy. I can sort of see he asked for a white Teddy and they bring him a rabbit. I don't know whether that's because that's all they could get a short notice or they,

they foresaw how ridiculous it would be to have a rabbit i don't know whether that's because that's all they could get a short notice or they they foresaw how ridiculous it would be to have a rabbit um and then he tries to sort of crush the ice around it yeah and then the blue i don't know what the blue's for your problem is is you're trying to this is like i mean in a way it's like trying to read hieroglyphics without the rosetta stone isn't it there's no way there is no way of knowing what what it is maybe it's a coded message to the future yeah maybe uh paul is it's not a cry for help is it because he seems perfectly happy yeah i just i like the way everyone at this point I think were either slightly worried about Paul or were quite protective of Paul

at this point the other contestants because he keeps going snow bear in it in the studio he keeps saying it's a snow bear and at one point Sarah says it's not a bear Paul

it's a rabbit but genuinely trying to explain to him genuinely worried about him. Oh, it's so good. It's so good. But under your system of it having ice in it, it should have got four points.

Should have done much better than it did, yeah. I think. I really do. I think he was pretty hard done by. Especially if the bear isn't his fault. If it's a rabbit.

The rabbit is because of the production. You know. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know i i thought the thing is is maybe that's what he thinks a snowman is a bear with a big bear with mice on it crying blue tears i don't know who knows we don't know so difficult to discuss because we've got maybe maybe he's playing a parallel game of taskmaster which he won it's not snowing i suppose i should check out the window to see if it started snowing

what's the weather like rob barmy well it's not going to stone an hour is it no 11 o'clock sunny it's 10 o'clock now no snow today tomorrow no snow there's no snow this week live task balance your Swedes on a Swede

your Swede must remain standing at all times your Swedes may only balance on the exterior of your Swede most Swedes resting on a Swede after 100 seconds

wins Alex's seemingly endless vault of Swedes resting on a Swede after 100 seconds wins. Alex's seemingly endless vault of Swedes he's got. Yeah, yeah. And I think that's from knowing one Swede as well. He knew one Swede and he sort of like got into the

Swedish networks. Yeah, he sort of unlocked the whole Swedish community of London, yeah. It's a Swedish drummer. It's a drummer. The original Swede, apparently Fred. Yeah.

He was, he was in the horn section for a while. Yeah. Yeah. And of course you knew Fred from the London community of drummers. That's right. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. Yeah. Via, via, via drumming. Yeah. We all know each other. Yeah.

Yeah. That, that, that I thought, i thought i was really lucky with that because fred had really long arms yes he's a big guy with long arms and i think we were all kind of up against the swede that we were balancing the swedes on but that actually the swede was more of an issue than the swedes yeah i think rob even comments that you know yeah because she's he's got a lady Swede, hasn't he? And there's less, there's basically less sort of arm,

yeah, less effective arm surface area. Is that the way of putting it in a gentlemanly way? Yeah, I think so. I think so. Also, I think you have to be fairly confident of just like bunging a load of Swedes on. And I think you just went for it. You were like, right, here we go. I know this guy from drumming. Well, because I knew him. confident of just like bunging a load of swedes on and i think you just you just went for it you

were like right here we go i know this guy from from drumming well because i knew him so so it was that little bit easier i think when you're balancing vegetables on a person that sort of element of uh trust that you've met them already makes it a little less i mean is is it like sex with strangers or someone you love i don don't know. Balancing vegetables. Well, whatever sort of sex it's like, you did it very well. You got 15 Swedes on your Swede, giving you the five points. Paul got 14 and he got four points. I was so happy we found something that Paul was good at this episode, even though you couldn't quite let him have it.

But I think you've got to put that down to me having this sort of home advantage. Yes. Basically. I mean, if all the tasks in the programme had been balancing Swedes, that would have been Paul's programme, I think, in the end. He'd have taken two of those, you know, on the

law of averages. If we'd all had to balance Swedes on different Swedes, maybe Paul would have won the episode. So you think like four or five tasks each week and they're all balancing Swedes on Swedes? Yeah, I think then Paul takes it. That's the only way Paul could have won Taskmaster. Yeah, I'd have burned out.

I'd have burned brightly at the start and burned out. That's what would happen to me. Like when I'm on House of Games. burned out. That's what would happen to me. Like when I'm on House of Games. Dave got 11 Swedes on the Swede. Rob and Sarah both got 8 Swedes on the Swede. So everyone did pretty well.

So the final scores for this first episode. Paul is at the bottom on 8 points. Dave the Cheek, 13 points. Rob, 15 points. Slowish start for rob bearing in mind where he ends up in the series yeah uh 16 points for sarah and 21 points for you al your first and last episode victory on taskmaster i know i felt well well you say that but we did it we did a dummy episode run um uh where we they did us another episode to to run through it all really

yeah yeah yeah yeah oh interesting so what this is i won that and i won you counting that no no i'm not counting that but what happens we did them as a pair so the first one was the second one we shot right right so i came away kind of thinking yeah baby you got this in the bag and then and then and then gradually like as the series ran sort of fell from contention and uh so the dummy the dummy episode was that is the same lineup in the studio yeah yeah yeah on the on the same the same night as you say i think it was on the same night it's just exactly the same or maybe it was the week before i can't remember but but we did it we did do a dummy episode like a minor episode zero or episode minus one or whatever you'd call it with different with

different tasks with different tasks yeah yeah yeah yeah and everything and i won that and i remember and i remember so i'd won so basically i won the first two on the trot in my mind and i was thinking you know i've kind of you know we're away plain sailing from here but um uh yeah no i did i didn't do it but it was great it was it was great to win because although it was also terrible to win because it then turned my mind around to the idea this was actually genuinely competitive yeah of course yeah because i'm one of those exactly i've got i've always got the attitude i'm not really a competitive person until suddenly there are stakes and then it turns out you're good at something yeah yeah but but but but we did do this dummy this dummy yeah yeah this is a phantom episode of

taskmaster and i don't know if we factor that in maybe i do maybe i maybe i do better across the series you know yeah that's how we're going to include those points yeah we'll we'll we'll look into it al maybe maybe five five years later stewart's inquiry you might be bumped up to second we've got some emails uh from people. This is from Josh. Josh in America. He says, I think all of us across the world, especially here in the US, have only one question for Al Murray. Does Al still have a gong guy on call?

I certainly do. You can still get a gong within an hour. We could have a gong here within an hour i could we could we could have a gong here within yeah within probably 90 minutes yeah yeah it's not not impossible at all yeah because we all know that obviously like on taskmaster when they say you have 10 minutes to come up with what you need uh and then you've got an hour to plan everything they will do their absolute best to get you whatever you need and they do such a good job it is amazing and it and it almost i mean it's almost um sort of blank check type uh thing and

that really was that really was um because that was we're to surprise alex coming out of the shed um uh and i've and i've thought well you know bell percussion's up the road i'll they've got i'll get a gong. You know, they didn't. And it's only because I know, and they were nearby. But I do, I did have a gong. I did, you know, I had the number, the number was in my phone. And quite often they had, well, they certainly do now anyway.

By the time we were doing series nine, they've got so much stuff in that house from previous series that you could probably like i remember when i did a task i i needed a sleeping bag for one thing or i needed something else and i'd just be like oh i need a sleeping bag in a dry ice machine they're like yeah we got that like what there's just so much to it yeah yeah the place is filled up with with with crap and i mean that you know that the other thing of course is that there are tasks they don't use you know that the other thing of course is that there are tasks they don't use you know that they film and don't get used which will you will have

demanded um you know 900 rubber bands for and they yeah you know so they're in they're in that shed or somewhere in the house or in the carriage i yeah i mean that was that was one of the things that was really great fun about it is is, was that kind of blank checky thing. And sometimes you'd think, can I ask for this? And you would, and they'd go, yeah, no problem. Yeah, it's amazing. There's never a debate, really. There's never, oh, do you mind not doing that?

They will just do their absolute best to make it happen, which is great. There is so much stuff in that house now. It's like one of the houses from Life of Grime. It's like a hoarder's house we had lots of emails in asking you how much money you spent but uh you've already said you don't really know i don't really know you can't live like that can you drive yourself mad certainly i don't have a Taskmaster balance sheet where I didn't have a spend per episode versus my fee. And I haven't claimed the taxi receipts against tax.

It's a business cost. You should have done. That's definitely the definition of a business cost. It's entirely legit, but I didn't do it. We had an email from Neil on that saying, a question for Al did al murray make a loss on his appearance well no um but i mean you you can you can again you can't live like that maybe maybe i lost financially but i gained so much more of course yeah you know spiritually cosmically um one final email uh we're back to the gong

um more specific question though uh this is from dave um in the surprise alex task which idea came first the gong or the underpants and were you worried about overkill when you did both the gong and the air horns keep up the great work oh yeah by the time i was committed to being in the underpants um i sort of thought this might be the the underpants bit might be overkill but the gong and the air horns didn't feel like overkill they felt like that was they're they're of a piece aren't they they're yes gonna make a racket aren't you and maybe the underpants cost me in the end maybe i don't i mean i i think the underpants is the cherry on the cake. Well, but also I was debating whether to wear the underpants at all.

That would have been a real surprise. That would have been a proper surprise. But I didn't quite have the sort of, you know, the entire nerve. And also, you know, the production might have said, actually, could you not? Because then we can't use it. Yeah. I mean, I guess there would have been some blurring going on.

There isn't a, well, there's not a big enough pixel. That's all I'm saying. Al Murray. Thank you so much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast. At the end of the podcast, we always get our guests to rate their experience on the Taskmaster podcast

between one and five points. Would you like to do that now? Yes, I would. I think a solid five. A solid five. Not a shaky five, a solid five. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, fully attained five.

This is what being on a podcast, reminiscing about a TV show we had a good time should be like. Exactly. Thank you very much, Al Murray. Total pleasure. There we go. Thank you very much, Al, for coming on. It was a pleasure to have you.

We'll be back next week with another special guest if you want to email questions about series three uh specifically episode two for next week please get in contact taskmasterpodcast at gmail.com please keep watching along with us check out al's podcast we have ways of making you talk the world world war ii podcast but for now that's about it we'll see you next week goodbye I think that was more surprising than that. That's really surprising. The gong? I mean, that's...

But this... I mean, the... I've not seen it before. Lovely physique, but that. Look at that. I mean, the dong and the gong. How many horns? Four.

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