Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 45. Margaret Cabourn-Smith – S4 Ep.7

Episode Date: August 12, 2021

On this week’s podcast, writer, actor and TM super fan Margaret Cabourn-Smith returns to talk all things Series 4 with Ed. There’s handshakes, hide and seek, hopping and the birth of banunting. Get tickets to Ed's Touredgamble.co.uk Pre order Bring me the head of the Taskmaster https://taskmasterstore.com/products/bring-me-the-head-of-the-taskmaster Watch all of the Taskmaster on All 4https://www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail]  Visit the Taskmaster Youtube channelwww.youtube.com/taskmaster Taskmaster the Podcast is Produced by Daisy Knight for Avalon Television.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We can wait for clean water solutions, or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures, or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth, or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. Ed Gamble here. You know what this is by now. We talk about Taskmaster episode by episode, task by task, point by point. And today we are talking about Taskmaster Series 4, Episode 7 and our special guest this week.

It's a returning special guest. It's the wonderful Margaret Caborn-Smith, actor, comedian, podcaster. She does so much stuff. She's been on this podcast before. She was so good. We have invited her back. She's never been on Taskmaster. She knows loads about Taskmaster and loves Taskmaster. So you're in for a treat.

Can't wait to talk to Margaret about series four, episode seven. Hopefully you've watched it recently and you'll know what we're talking about. Although it's such a banging episode. I think a lot of these you will just remember distinctly anyway because it's it's a really really strong episode as we found when we were talking about it um so hope you enjoy it uh hope you're still watching taskmaster over there on all four and i will have a quick chat to you afterwards but for now here is taskmaster podcast we are chatting series four, episode seven with Margaret K. Bonds-Mead. Welcome back to the Taskmaster podcast, Margaret. How delightful to be here. I was just listening to the Phil Wang episode and my...

Philly Philly Wang Wang, refer to him by his full title. Sorry, Philly Philly Wang Wang, which means that my name is Margaretty Margaretty K. Bonds-Smith K. Bonds-Smith, which means that my name is Margaretty, Margaretty, Kaybourne Smith, Kaybourne Smith, which is super cool, isn't it? It really makes my name even cooler. Yeah, your Netflix special is going to be quite hard to find, I'd say. Yeah, forget it, forget it. Bit of a mouthful.

Not because it doesn't exist, because of that. Having to announce yourself on stage. Welcome to Margaretty. I'm actually Kaybourne Smith. because of that having to announce yourself as announce yourself on stage welcome to we knew we had to have you back margaret because you were so good the first time we had you on a true and i kept hustling you yeah yes of course there were all the letters etc and standing outside my house i saw you it's lockdown yeah exactly what else you're doing your hours exercise weren't you walking to wherever you live but last time you're on we were talking about series 11 the most uh up-to-date recent series yeah um but this is one of our historic episodes

we have dived into the annals of time what's an annal oh god that's the hardest question is it like an annual ask me it's i've always yeah well it's between annual and anal isn't it that's there we go yeah yeah whatever it is it's an annual annual annual an annual annual there you go don't need to question that even ever again that's done that's a fact but we're talking about series four specifically series four episode seven um but obviously you've seen all of taskmaster i'm assuming yeah are you a particular fan of series four yes i mean i know a couple of people have said that it's their favorite series it's's definitely one that when I was re-watching it, I was like, I mean, this is, you know, all killer, no filler.

This is so good. I actually think it's the, I would say the loser of the group, Hugh Dennis, is the most alpha, highest status loser ever. Like, I think he's genuinely really good at quite a lot of things. Like, he's quite a jock. He's one of those annoying comics who can do sport and stuff and i think he's quite used to being high status i mean luckily he's very affable as well so he doesn't lose it too much too much no although it's so enjoyable when he does but yeah i think they're just happening under the surface sometimes with you and that's what's so enjoyable and occasionally him and Noel have a real like

silverbacks having a bit of a yes they do I mean it happens it happens on this episode yeah with the with the bread tusk um where Hugh challenges Noel to a race and Noel says we've just had one so good and I really think that that thing comes from Hugh like almost as a child you know that sort of like yeah let's have a race then I feel like that was a real instinctive thing that he's been saying since he was four or whatever you can imagine Hugh at boarding school saying oh yeah I don't know if Hugh went to boarding school by the way but um we're saying he did um no I mean it's it's such a it's such a cast. And I think it often not gets forgotten about, but I think Series 5 is obviously another stone cold classic.

And I think a lot more people came to Taskmaster in Series 5. So a lot of people feel like it's their series. And Series 4 was very much laid all the groundwork. And it's such a good cast. And they're all so brilliant. It's the first series that has more than one woman yes and i think that that's really great for a number of reasons but one of them is that the woman doesn't have to be representative of all women you know yeah i mean the task the tasks are hard enough

already uh yeah having to carry the weight of your entire gender on your shoulders yeah and the idea that either of those two maniacs represent all of women is really, really wrong. They represent very sort of specific sections. Really specific. I mean, Mel very much leading the Mels. And I'm sure there's about four or other of them in the world. Yeah. I mean, Mel's delightful.

I was really thinking about this the other day about my favorite ever contestants. And I think Mel might be my favorite. She's got it all. It's because she, yeah, it's because she brings you into, she just expects to bring you into her world. Like her immediately talking about Philip Pennyfield, which we'll be talking about in a second.

She's just like, she's just so enthusiastic. And then when people do rip her to shreds she just finds it hilarious which is the thing she never loses it she's like oh no you're right that is shit and hilarious yeah yeah also it's like if she if you said to her the task is to cover yourself in jam and get into a coffin of wasps she'd be like excellent excellent come on gang great you know it's such a special thing yeah gang is such a lovely a lovely catchphrase also she there's a moment right at the beginning of this episode i think where greg's being really mean to alex about the stars on his thing on his name badge yeah and the only one really laughing is mel just cackling just this evil

cackle yeah exactly She's got an edge. Yeah, she's definitely got an edge. Which, I mean, we saw in the last episode with the inflatable balls. She can get angry if she's pushed there. Yeah. But most of the time, she is absolutely delightful. She's just having the time of her life. She really is.

She just knows how to enjoy herself. She really is. And what a career in terms of doing fun things. I think she's someone who should be held up as an icon of just you know bake off and taskmaster you can't really ask much better than that just constant although the way she attacks that cake in the other episode it does make me think there were some bake off demons i think yeah yeah i think that there was a moment where she was just staring at that cake going, another fucking cake.

I'm so sick of looking at cakes and being nice about them. So let's talk about the prize task. And this is the penultimate episode of the series. It is Best Chair. Of course it is. I can't believe it's taken us four series to get to Best Chair. You would have thought episode two or three of series one, surely. It's all we talk about down the pub.

What's your favourite chair? Let's start with Desky Dennis. what's your favorite shirt let's start with desky dennis um because uh he throughout this series has you know historically come last in the prize task at one point and it's always been immediate as soon as he said yes yes greg's always gone well i think we found our last place yeah it doesn't happen this time no and and I honestly have been thinking about it too much, obviously. And I honestly think something happened before the beginning of this show. Do you? I feel like either Hugh had told Greg he was having a really bad time,

or that he'd threatened to cut him. Because I couldn't understand. Like, it was such a sweet thing. Don't get me wrong. It's such a, such a lovely, sweet thing. But it's absolutely the kind of thing that Greg would normally rip to shreds. And you do think, what's happened there?

What's your theory? I've got no idea because of course, yeah, it's exactly the sort of thing on another day you could have seen Greg going, oh, that's very sweet. That's very nice. But not at one point. Yeah yeah you've brought nothing in so what you've brought in is nothing that's what he brought in yeah his own shoulders no um i yeah i what's my theory i don't

think it's that he's told greg beforehand that he's having a bad time at the moment it wouldn't work on greg actually it wouldn't work on once he was in the studio nah no way yeah not much works on greg like and i don't think it's a case of i think sometimes with taskmaster people are like well maybe they game it a bit you know production will say well it would be really good if this person win this episode or this person gets five points here and ask greg to do it it doesn't he just does he does what he wants that's the whole joy of the show. I think maybe they just caught him in a good mood or he's feeling quite sentimental.

Maybe he'd had a good nap before the record or something. Yeah, maybe he'd had a child on his shoulders during the break or something. It's like, actually, this is really special. Also, Greg is a sentimental guy. He appreciates family. So maybe, but I don't know. This was just the day where he appreciated family

more than tearing Hugh Dennis apart. One of those rare occasions. Yeah, very rare occasions. So it was the five points. Five points without even thinking about it. Yeah, I mean, it's a sweet story, but I personally wouldn't have given it five points even if Hugh was having a bad time.

No way. Although I don't think this is the best lineup of prizes, actually. Knowles was, I mean, very on the nose. Yeah. But I mean, the thing is, he said it. So when he said about the coolness and then he said David Bowie. And I was like, wow, if he's brought David Bowie's shoulders, that's going to be real. Nothing's beating that.

That would be amazing. So I was slightly disappointed by the chair. But also, here's my other problem with Knowles. That chair is too small for Greg, I think. Like looking at it later, I was like, no, that's exactly what Greg was complaining about before was having things that were too small. I think he's taken in by Knowles' cool. Yeah, he is. He's very taken in by Knowles' cool. I think he's taken in by Noel's cool. Yeah, he is.

He's very taken in by Noel's cool. I think he's charmed by Noel. But also I would say a lot of people forgot about the fact it had to be for Greg. I think that's what people forget about sometimes. And it's best chair. That might be coolest chair. Yeah.

But it isn't. I don't want to sit on that chair. No. But then it didn't say best chair to sit on, did it? Well, what's a chair, Margaret? What is a chair? A chair is for sitting on, right? Yeah, okay.

For someone to sit on. But also, I was thinking about this. There's a weird thing in the prize task where we're all, we, the comedy community is appealing to Greg, right? And Greg is the only person who will never take those home no so it's a bit weird that it's very it's to his very very specific tastes isn't it yes and then it should be a more socialist uh we should be appealing to everyone Lolly can't take that bean bag home she's you know it would fill up her little nest it would fill up her little nest

I'm assuming she lives in a nest i'm sure she lives in a big nest now she's an la star yeah exactly you don't do you don't do all those tv shows in the us and still live in a little no all right um but i thought lollies if you're if you're strictly speaking about what greg judges to be the best chair that is so up greg street absolutely he made a little noise when he saw it. Oh, well, when he heard the dimensions. Yeah.

Is it? You know, he did his proper high pitched shit. Yeah, of course. Yeah, massive bin bag.

That's so up his street because you just imagine him flopping down. I mean, he wouldn't be able to get back up, but he'd flop down into it. Someone would have to

tip him back up. Yeah. He, but then she did, she made the mistake of querying something he said which i always really enjoy yeah because she was going to go in second right yeah and then he uh oh yeah that's always heartbreaking yeah heartbreaking um but i thought the i thought

the beanbag was pretty strong actually um joe's should have won if he'd followed through on it so it was a sculpture of a of a chair in the shape of greg's head really didn't look like greg's head obviously but just the fact he said it was greg's head was funny enough for me really funny and if it was an actual chair that he'd had made it would have been incredible yeah but i was thinking the other thing he could have done is to have made a tiny greg i know that's that's an oxymoron, to fit in the chair. To fit in the chair to demonstrate. Yeah, exactly. And if he'd had that, if he'd had a little Philip Pennyfield style toy to sit in that chair.

Maybe Pennyfield himself. We never saw Pennyfield. So maybe Pennyfield looks like Greg. God, that would be a major twist. Yeah. Let's talk about Philip Pennyfield because I think you enjoyed it as much as me oh my god loved it just those little glimpses into Mel's life and Mel's backstory and when she was a little girl she had a doll's house and one of the dolls was called Philip Pennyfield and

there was a full family of Pennyfield and also I reckon she was one of those kids she was maybe 15 when she stopped playing with that doll's house like the idea that she's still got it she's definitely still got it she's definitely tempted to go and play with the poor old philip pennyfield as well the only one without metal legs so floppy floppy old philip pennyfield so sad just made of cotton but she really her appeal is so good it's such a i mean if i was if i was Greg, I'd be like, no, that's, yeah, that's getting number one. But what Mel should have worked out is the Philip Pennyfield thing and the way she presented it was creepy in the same way that the P's were.

Do you remember the P's that she presented? Where she did the voices and Greg absolutely hated that. So she should have, when the P's happened, she should have been like, well, I better re-look at my Philip Pennyfield pitch. Re-jig the old Pennyfield pitch yeah yeah yeah exactly so it's one point i may be unfair but if we take him best chair to mean greg can sit in it that is the worst one definitely it is but also i mean there is an argument to say because you just said it's to sit on right a seat is to sit on a chair is very specifically

a chair no so a beanbag isn't a chair that's true yeah so in that way and hugh's shoulders are definitely not a chair so noel's the only one who's brought in a chair yeah well um philly penfield's chair is definitely a chair it's just yeah way too small. Yeah, I suppose so, yeah. But yeah, I'd have been arguing. I'd have been arguing whatever I'd brought in, I think. I think it was one point because it was just so creepy. I mean, it's always fun to have an argument. You're right. Whatever it is, you've got to actually stand by it and get involved.

I think it's a very cute chair, but you have to bear in mind that you knew that I was going to be the person who would be impressed or not impressed by a chair. What could I fit on that chair? I'll tell you what, one of my testicles, man. Task one. Stand on one leg, then continue reading. I hate that they got them with that.

Your raised foot must not touch the ground until the task is complete. Bring Alex's dinner. Every time your raised foot touches the ground, you must eat a slice of alex's dinner most dinner delivered fastest wins you get a five second penalty of every slice of alex's dinner you eat your time starts now so hard because what you want to do is think of some logical way of doing it like put a skateboard beneath the the foot or put a bag on it so it's

not touching the ground but because it's timed you really don't there's you don't have the luxury no exactly exactly so i was really i was really wondering about the scissors you know the the question of scissors yeah um and i did love the fact that this was his 12th time using a blade in this series he's got a real i i have a weird thing with with my teeth whereas where if i can't do something immediately i'll just want to bite into it i'll go i'm going to fix this with my you know i went camping recently and i was just like just everything that didn't work i just just take bottles you know get get your teeth in i don't think i would have loved

to i love to have seen you in this task, Margaret. Trying to bite bunting. Whilst also presumably with a mouthful of bread trying to bite your way through some bunting. Yeah, vomiting the bread up. I think I would have just hopped, sure, but just tried to run through the bunting and taken it all with me as I went. Oh, that's an idea. Because it doesn't say you have to go round it.

No, and how come Noel was so fast? have to go round it. No. And it's, how come Noel was so fast? He did go round it though, didn't he? He went round it, under it. He was all like, just perfect.

Yeah, he was all over it. He was more stable on one leg than he is on two. Yeah. In his cowboy fucking boot. Yeah. I mean, at this point,

I'm turning against Noel. The point where he says, the point where he says in the studio, oh, I just started it Noel. The point where he says in the studio, oh, I just started it and it turned out it was really good. Fuck off. It's like your parents loved you too much as a kid. I don't understand this level of confidence and ability on every scale.

It's so unfair. He has that level of sporting confidence that Russell Howard has in Series 6 where it's just very free and do all of it has a crack and it works out well yeah yeah he's um because he sort of did the same as uh the hop and gobble he just didn't have to do any gobbling yeah i mean i think i'm a bit deluded in that i would um think i could i think i could do what no did, just turn out to be really good. But it's my yoga versus my clumsiness. That's the trouble.

No one spilt any milk. No. I think that's really odd. Everyone did pretty well. Yeah. Yeah. I'd imagine they were quite annoyed when no one spilled any milk.

Yes. I think, yeah, I would not have been confident in doing this, but I would have thought just smash and grab. Right. Just hopped through I'd love to have seen you all of the bunting with me yeah because I think it was just attached to cones wasn't it and stuff so I think you could have taken it with you no wasn't it nailed some

of it was nailed to the shed no yeah well I'm taking the shed with me I don't care I believe you you're like the hulk when it comes to that yeah also as a 1 diabetic, it would have been a nightmare every time my foot touched the ground. So I think I would have really tried to get there without eating the bread. Because otherwise it would have been a big insulin injection afterwards. Yeah. No, and you could really have played on that. Got a load of sympathy. Oh, I would have.

Immediately. I mean, it's sort of tempting to lie on the ground and shimmy along because do you know what the food didn't yeah do the worm do you because your foot definitely you know you'd be able to shimmy along without touching your foot on because it was is that no I mean you know the food can touch the floor as well you could drag the tray along yeah you could or how's this it says bring alex's dinner i guess yeah most dinner delivered fastest wins i was just what about chucking it that's what you want to see ball up oh my god wet it with the milk put it in the milk yeah jam it into the glass yeah just like alex only someone had done that there's no time we've only thought about that now having

seen yes the task like you know a day ago I watched this yesterday and now I've thought of it so yeah that is a shame though do would you have thought to not eat until the end I thought that was clever I thought that I hoped I would have I hoped I would have thought of that but I thought that was great from Lolly um I mean it's a shame because she was still the slowest anyway yeah and it was horrible watching her eat that it was oh god yeah distressing six slices of bread because it's just bread it's just horrible bread and margarine or something yeah it didn't look artisanal, did it? Exactly. Or artisanal. Artisanal. Do you think Alex does have that phalange?

Yes. Yes. One hundred percent. He doesn't like food waste and we've seen him eat a lot of horrible, horrible things. Also, yeah, I can't really know what Alex eats, but I'd imagine it's quite plain. No, poor Lolly. It was a really good good technique but it didn't quite pay off no Mel and Joe just sort of went for it which I think is what they wanted they were pushing yeah just going for it because it was it was timed yeah you obviously grabbed the blade and it was impressive yeah it looks good didn't it it looked cool yeah but just no one no one's

beating no no no exactly if you can just do it straight away because you you're magically athletic but it was just one leg and he like went under one of the bits of bunting just on one leg but had perfect balance as he went under it was just pop back up and then off he hopped. Yeah. Marvellous. Yeah, wrong and marvellous. You say wrong, I say sexy. I mean, sexy is wrong.

Yeah, OK. I'm a Catholic, you have to remember that. Why did you learn to hop like that? I don't know, I've never tried. It was just something that as I was doing it, I thought, oh, yeah, I'm good at this. Better even than an old scissor boy. Hey, do you want to race later?

Just that one. Task two. Now, this, I forget about this task every time. Oh, my God, so good. I'm so happy about this task every time. Oh my God, so good. I'm so happy to watch this every time. Hide from Alex. Alex is in the caravan. He has already started counting to 100.

Just so sheer panic straight away. I would have fucking lost my mind. That, he has already started counting. I honestly had a little gasp. Like, you know, this was the second time I'd seen it. And I would have been like, well, how fast is he counting? I don't, you know, how long has he been? When did I last see him?

Has he already? I would have been in absolute, because if it was a, he's going to start counting now. I might've tried to do that clever thing of getting really, really super close to him, which I think Noel was trying to do. I think that was what he was aiming at, yeah. And then when Alex goes, you know, you go back, the trick is to go back into exactly where he was yes yeah and that would be that would be my trick but with him already counting I am just panicking sheer panic

um I'll tell you what I thought of I that I thought I would do the first time I saw this and I thought of it again so I think this is genuinely what i would have done it doesn't say you have to hide within the taskmaster complex you'd have got a cab straight out the gate gone to al murray's house there's a well if i had direct contact with al murray yeah straight in his house there's a pub there's a pub across the river called the ship uh which is very nice oh my god uh and i would have i would have run to the ship immediately wow i wonder and wait for them to find me oh my god i wonder because it doesn't say on the grounds does it just it's just hide and seek i wonder if they were guided away from that because i'm sure someone thought of that but i can just run away before they had a chance to tell me i would have been

out that gate yeah that's that's really, really good. I am quite good. I mean, I haven't done it for a while, but I'm quite good at hide and seek. My best one was... What a boast as an adult. I know, I know. This is what I'm left with. I once got into a bin liner as a kid

and just sat next to the bins, like holding the top of the bin. That's great and so dangerous. It was so good. Yes, so dangerous. I mean, I didn't tie it up because I'm a very good girl I just held it shut but and it was absolutely brilliant I could have couldn't have been more pleased with myself except I wasn't the most popular member of my family and they all just forgot about me so eventually I just the machines came for me no I just sort of like got out of it and wandered back.

And they were like, oh, we forgot about you. And I was so like, I really wanted the reveal, you know, jumping out of that. That's a big reveal. I tell you what I used to do in hide and seek. And it's worked for me a few times when I was a kid. If you, people don't tend to look up. They just look ahead. so what I used to

do was stand on our kitchen work surface oh my god and occasionally people would literally come in mad come in like look around the whole kitchen and then just go out because you know you just the legs would be there that's so good that's so good so what could you do in the taskmaster house that if you were if they did say don't go to the pub please please yeah yeah i guess the kitchen work surface or yeah i mean my other thought was maybe but i think alex would hear it and it would be so obvious is to try and get on the roof of the caravan oh yes yeah exactly that's the thing get i mean yeah the trouble is he would turn around immediately definitely hear that well and he'd feel you get yeah exactly shaking birds are noisy as unusual yeah i'm not i'm not known for my uh sort of deafness deafness of touch

um i mean there's so many classic moments here noel getting god noel getting caught straight away is so funny. So, so funny. I was like, well, Noel, why don't you just climb into the fruit bowl? You know, you're the banana. Yeah, of course. Yeah, that was allowed.

So why couldn't you do that again? Exactly, exactly. But yeah, the man in the yellow boiler suit is, yeah. There's no chance. And I saw what he was doing. Yeah. And I really loved the thought of Alex just like, first of all,

going, well, that can't be. Oh no, it is. It's so, so good. Yeah.

Great. Hugh and Joe both got exactly the same time, which is crazy. Yeah. Really weird. Yeah. And both, both screwed it up in sort of slightly unique ways.

Yeah. I really understand Joe just running, literally running scared yeah because you do feel so worried playing something like hide and seek yeah exactly the adrenaline is huge it's good that he didn't run into the road or something yeah very dangerous um and hugh that he was just stood in the room oh i know and i really wish they'd had a different angle on that because it was really, really funny.

But I'd have loved to have seen it from, like, see the full two-shot of Alex just because they both found it so funny. It is really funny to be trying to look for someone and they're just in the middle of a big room. Yeah. It's just so funny. This is one of those ones where if I was doing it

and got found very quickly, I'd be kicking myself a day. It's just like, I is one of those ones where if I was doing it and got found very quickly I'd be kicking myself a day it's just like I can't believe yeah I'd be too angry to find it that funny but then you watch it back and you're like it is funny when it goes badly it's funny it's funny there's always that that's the taskmaster way and talking of going badly yeah it couldn't have gone much worse for Alex when he was looking for Mel I mean I was looking at it so after the drive by groping yeah also and I was confused by the fact she said it was both of her boobs and the Philip Pennyfield area and it's like how did you manage that they're not that close together surely not that I I don't think he touched the Philip

Pennyfield area i think she just realized it was an opportunity to refer to say that yeah yeah there's the philip peddyfield area um so funny it's the worst possible thing to happen to him especially we know he has so much respect for mel as well like he's got his you know his tie on and whatever um and and he's done that it's so so funny and also she backs away i don't know if you noticed but she slightly moves away from him like he's he's got a taste for it and he might do it again well now you know you start to you start to wonder why he was putting the ties on is that oh it's it's the long game it's sort of trying to seduce her. The very long game, yeah.

Oh, it was so funny because he's so uncomfortable with anything like that anyway. And then when that happened, I was just like, great, you can tell he's actually mortified. Yeah, the actual fear in his eyes. Yeah, so he said we have two days afterwards.

Yeah, and she did pretty well, Mel. She got two minutes 34, but just none of it compares to Lolly who hid in a shower cubicle for 23 minutes and again

I wanted to see another angle I wanted to see where the hell she was because it looked like she was in on a shelf or something yeah

don't understand so you know that room yeah but can you picture where she was I don't know if the shower cubicle is still in there so it's in the lab

right it's in the little corridor when you go into the lab before the plastic sheeting there's a little corridor where you go through and there's like a little storage cupboard but i guess that's where the shower is or was um so she found her way in there and what was so great about lolly's was the the trolling she clearly got to about 15 minutes in and she was like i'm gonna start now yeah bored now i'm gonna call alex i'm gonna text him a picture of me on a beach i'm gonna text him a picture of me as a baby so good just genius i think it's lolly's best moment yeah absolutely just this relaxed taunting of alex and so good you know how like because alex has the upper hand so much in taskmaster that it's so good to see him genuine you know when he's looking in the garden and he goes right around again you can see that

he's genuinely getting pissed off i don't know what time of the day that was but he's not like i want to go home or i want to have my lunch whatever it was he's genuinely got to the point where he's like no i'm i am pissed off with this now he says it's over doesn't he at one point he says yeah it's gay lolly we've stopped and that's a real that's a real trick in hiding he doesn't like it it's very rare yeah alex where he has to do something like that and he so in our series the i think one of the first hosts we filmed was hiding the aubergines and it was the first one they showed definitely um oh yes because you did brilliantly in that didn't you he was yeah got very, he was going really flustered.

Properly vexed. Which is what you want. Yeah, it really is. Also, a little point about Lolly's that really made me laugh. In the beginning where she's got the GoPro on and she's running around looking for places to hide, there's a moment where she goes to open the dishwasher that made me laugh so much.

Just imagine her in the dishwasher. But she is, because she's little. She has got more options it's exactly the same thing that i do like can i can i it's probably dangerous is it worth it because i really i was wondering you know he opens that tiny drawer and that made me really laugh as well yeah yeah yeah and i was wondering at what point he was doing that was it before he actually got angry was it you know was it days later go let's do that he should have opened all of them really yeah she could have been in one of them um but it was the well-deserved five points for lolly

uh four points for mel mel really should have got an extra bonus point really for the harassment yeah just for you know to pay her off some sort of settlement um and uh Hugh and Jo both got three points amazing that Hugh managed to get three points for standing in a room and for stepford just running and giggling yeah and giggling away um and Noel well deserved 1.16 seconds yeah I mean to be fair to him he clearly was fine with it you know he's genuinely like yeah it's funny it was enjoyable yeah he's fine I think there's only a couple of times

on the series where he's been frustrated about a result most of the time he's just like yeah yeah fine he's even good at being a human ugh sickening Laurie we finished Lolly! We're finished. LAUGHTER Lolly! Lolly!

She's calling. Hi, Lolly. It's quite noisy here. It doesn't sound noisy. It doesn't sound noisy, Lolly. There's quite a lot of people here. Put someone else on then, Lolly. Okay, one second. Hello there. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water.

We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task three, I think it's the final team task of the series uh get this wheelie bin across the finish line one of you must be in the wheelie bin at all times the other person slash people

must be blindfolded at all times the wheelie bin rider must direct the wheelie bin driver or drivers to complete the course and the five challenges within it also no one can speak english fastest wins your time starts now this is the one I think of when someone says to me series 14 task it's absolutely this one it's so I had completely forgotten about it but Mel and Hugh I would honestly commission a sitcom of that of this sort of a French language sitcom this French yeah yeah written like to be shown to English people oh yeah of course yeah but this sort of um you know she's this like quite quite sexy articulate french woman who just happens to be in a bin with her mute recalcitrant husband that she makes wear a blindfold for some reason

i i mean i i completely lost it watching this. One of my favourite bits is her starting to talk about a basketball film to try and describe a high five. Super cool basketball. It's like, what are you doing? And then, you know, you sort of see the way Lolly deals with it, which is just to grab them and force them to go, oh,'s obviously the way and so she's doing a monologue yeah she got so trapped up in the language thing she uh yeah and he's just sort of taking it i think he could

understand maybe a third of what she was saying but was just quite happily um yeah they got on with it good and i thought they were good um joe lolly and noel uh chose german so i'm presuming lolly yeah i mean i'm so impressed but joe seemed to understand it as well i was really amazed that there were some really good moments there here's my issue i don't know if you picked up on the same thing they got three points because they did it six minutes three now the task says no one can speak english no clearly speaks english on a couple of occasions yes i think maybe even joe i think joe does as well yeah said a few words you're right and you know that thing of this series doesn't have the

angry guy in it and i wonder whether things like that slightly overlooked. Yeah, they don't, they're fine. They're just having a nice time. I would have gone absolutely apeshit about that. You would have counted the words, the English words they had and fired it back at them. Oh, I was livid.

Yeah, no, you're right. Lolly did an amazing job there. I thought she was really good. Yeah, really impressive. Patient as well. Sch, you're right. They shouldn't have got it. Lolly did an amazing job there. I thought she was really good. Yeah, really impressive. Patient as well. Schnell, Schnell. Which I think means faster, faster, doesn't it?

Does it? Rather than forwards? I think so, yeah. So they created their own... No, yeah, I had no idea. Does it mean forwards? I mean, I don't know. Well, she was definitely

using it as forwards because wasn't she going nine Schnell? Nine Schnell. For backwards. Quickly it is, quickly. Okay. But yeah, they understood what she was saying anyway.

Well, Noel didn't. I think Noel understood any of what, I mean, he was just, I loved the... Yeah, it was encouraging. I got, yeah, the description of him as a pissed skeleton. Yeah. That's exactly what he was.

I think Noel is the one time that you really see, like, I don't think he's good at the team tasks. I don't yeah that's exactly what he was i think noel is the one time that you really see like i don't think he's good at the team tasks i don't think that's where he takes a ride yeah he's just like he's a bit confused and actually he does look a bit old you know in the beginning of it would they say the kids and noel and i think you can see no like look cross his eyes oh no yeah you know you can totally feel all of his 40 something years. It's just, I don't want to be pushing a bin around. Fair enough. With these kids.

Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. I'm with him. But they got three points. However, you know, they should have gotten all points because they spoke English. Yeah.

Or had some removed anyway. Yeah. Well, Mel and Hugh, just so good at that. I thought they deserved way more than two points. It made me laugh a lot. I mean, I don't know what you would have done, but I mean, I would have hoped to have been on a team with someone else who knew another language.

I would have just done like a nonsense language. Yeah, well, I enjoyed them describing popping the balloon. They're just like you know I think he would have ended up doing that I'm surprised that they didn't speak more of a combination of of languages you know I feel like it would have been a mangled I'd have had a bit of everything in there if it was me yes yeah just trying to communicate anything that wasn't English yeah I would have just done like caveman noises. Oh, no. We're going to the left, please. Like that. Very, very good.

And now, stop, please. Yes. You have to do the puff. Puff. You have to do the puff puff. To the ball. Yes. You have to push the ball. Yes. And reverse, please. Reverse, yes. So, task four. Unveil a new handshake.

Best new handshake wins. You have five minutes to develop your new handshake, then three minutes to demonstrate your new handshake with Alex. Your time starts now. I mean, having had Lolly's best moment in the series earlier, personally, for me, this is Joe's best moment. Oh, my God. It's amazing.

He just... Because I don't think he's doing it to torment Alex. That is just a sort of bonus for it. He's just decided this is what he's going for. He's just drawn to it. I think he's very instinctive. He's an instinctive player. It is.

It's very Joe. It's very Joe Lycett like very charming but very odd sinister yeah exactly because because I was thinking it's not just the physical contact it's the intense eye contact with Alex and you can see Alex like losing when he says when he says I love you what's how I say I think he says thank you or something and you can just hear, I'm not, I don't want to do this. And he's adding stuff to it as he goes along. But he's made it, yeah. You say, I love you back. You know, he's going, this is just pure bullying.

Yeah. And my favourite bit is the, he starts doing it faster. And Alex says, you're doing it faster. He goes, yeah, it gets faster as the three minutes goes up. And then I think it's at that point Alex realises, oh oh my god he is going to do this for the full three minutes because no one else has done that it's so good we see it's that's uh bernard we see at the beginning of that task the mannequin uh who yes we of course meet again in series 10 yeah yeah i really enjoy bernard i mean i could watch uh mel manhandling but it's okay it's nearly breaking him and sort of again again happily watch a sitcom with mel

mel and bernard as a couple great sitcom i like that with bernard i love it makes me laugh it's like a live simpsons joke where uh the head and hands fall off at exactly the same time just just all collapses at once so good perfect do you know before we talk about the other handshakes do you have any uh what's your instinct what sort of handshake would you have gone for well i do i think i would have taken my own family's handshake uh which is i'm not gonna try and describe it on a are you allowed are you allowed to yeah i think i am i mean when i say my my family it's just my husband and kids it doesn't go back generations oh right i can't show up to a family dinner and say i'm like an estranged son or something

demand to be part of the inheritance because i know the handshake love to see you try it. That'd be a battle. Right, no, so it's a classic fist bump and explosion, right? Great. But then your hand and forearm become like a sort of dying fish. And it sort of hits against a table or whatever you've got there, back and forth for a while. And then it slowly stops and then it comes back up and says, avenge me and then collapses it's very very enjoyable so the hands both your hands are possessed in this one only one of you well no only one of them is the one that's doing the handshake so

it's oh sorry i mean both you and the and the other person doing the handshake yes I always see it as the hand and forearm becoming like a fish who needs to be avenged that's just my interpretation you know you'd have to ask my kids what they think is going on I think your interpretation is canon thank you yeah

what would you have gone for I would have pushed it too far as per i probably would have snogged alex and and would you have built up to that yeah the hand travel up the arm to the neck up through the clothes i think it's even funnier to do a normal handshake and then just a full stop i say so say so handshake and then you pull them towards you and just pull for the three minutes

oh 100% like you know when the man kissed the old lady on the word I do it like that oh my god licking around their face delightful he would not have forgiven you. No.

No, he'd be very happy that that wasn't a task that we had. The Noel one, what I enjoyed about that was that it was all right for Alex until he had to watch it back, which is a really weird sort of torture. But that's the sort of thing

that I imagine happens in Noel's house anyway. Like that's all of those things. They're just stuff he has with his wife and kids. That's how he says hello. If you go for a meal or whatever, that's how you have to say hello. Yeah, yeah. That's what you're greeted with.

And I loved Alex saying he was used to being in the wheelbarrow and he liked it. Because I know that's a joke, but also I bet it is sort of true now. That's the way his life has gone. He just spends a lot of time in a wheelbarrow. Mel and Hughes and lolly sort of slightly more straightforward yeah um i did like lollies though and i like i like how quickly she

came up with it yes so good just bribery yeah just 20 pound night chewing gum and a painkiller it's a really nice touch and the fact that was there immediately she was like don't need the time straight away let's do it now. But also the genius bit of Lolly's is the way it turned into a kind of QVC thing at the end where she turned around and said, so there you have it. And I felt like it was a really convincing way of going, that's the best handshake. Because, you know, it's like country file or something. Yes. So that, I mean, and I feel like if she'd done that at the end of all of her tasks that would have been brilliant yeah just turn to the camera whatever however badly you've done and said so

there you have it the perfect example of a cake yeah I would have maybe slightly given her the edge over yeah you yeah you've got three points but then you don't want to I don't want to give Mel and Hugh less than three points because they They were still good. They were good. They were good. Hugh's was lovely. Hugh's maybe was the worst, but... But it was still enjoyable. I really liked the weird slapping.

Yeah. Like those sort of... And I really felt like they... I was thinking if they practice this, I bet the slaps were getting harder and that's why they were sort of laughing. It was a real sibling thing. Like I don't know if you've ever had a fight

with a sibling where like my sister and i used to end up pulling each other's hair right and dragging it down to the floor and then we'd just be like well we can't do anything we've both got each other's hair it really hurts yeah yeah we just count to three and then and then drop it that's the end of the good idea again yeah yeah hugh again uh showing how um how flexible he is even yes in his advanced years you could only hear sort of minor sort of bone cracking as he went around yeah yeah and I thought it was Greg's observation was brilliant that it really felt like it was in a sauna it really did sound it seemed like it was in a sauna. There's something sort of weirdly... Because I always think that men are allowed two emotions,

which is angry and horny, right? And it felt like it was going from one to another. So you've got this sort of slapping and it's going to go into, you know... If you were left to go further, it would be full rogering. There you go. That was my idea. My handshake would be I'd have full sex with alex and then i'd say so there we have it should we see the last one yes please joe lyson yeah this is joe put your hand out like that and then it's just there how long do i do it for for the three minutes And then it's just there.

How long do we do it for? For the three minutes. Eye contact, is it? Yeah. Not that aggressive. Soft. It's quite soothing, isn't it? Mm.

Quite far away from you. Yeah, that's right. You're getting quite fast. Yeah, it gets faster as the three minutes goes on. You're just looking at it now. Can I look at it? Shh. I love you. Pardon?

I love you. Then you have to sit back like that. I love you. Yeah, that's it. I love you. I love you. Really build the speed up. And that's it. So let's talk about the live task.

A live task I had completely forgotten about. Yeah, yeah, same. Make the biggest and best all-round banana out of these bananas. You have 100 seconds after which the taskmaster will judge your bananas. Very difficult to know what to do here. Really difficult, really difficult. But hot take, I thought they were all shit. Yes.

I mean, they really really were i don't think that take is as hot as you think it is lukewarm take yeah the only take they were all shit yeah people don't say the only take enough the only take the only take shit yeah it's really it is really hard though yeah yeah i because i was thinking i don't think i'd have come up with anything better than any of those except noel obviously should have but i mean he wasn't wearing his yellow boiler suit unfortunately because he could have then become a banana again banana um yeah it was it was really it was really difficult uh yeah i liked joe's i thought it was you you know, showed some...

But I thought that was a crazy decision to give him four points because he did just tape a banana to a pillar. So I saw what he was doing. He was, you know, riffing something out of nothing. Yeah, it didn't... I still thought that's a one point for me. I mean, they were all a disaster, weren't they, really? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I enjoy the pun, benunting. I don't think that a five-year could have come up with that but it was still and actually do you know what I thought Hughes was under marked because I thought that was that was a curved yellow sort of banana looking

thing that you could wear so yeah it was on the nose but I think that's what you needed to do yeah I potentially would have got them all, like, gone for width rather than length. Right. And just taped up a huge load of bananas all together. So it was like a big banana in width. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Tricky, though, isn't it? Yeah. And wrapped in the white gaffer tape? Or are you just holding it? Or I would have mashed up, got all the banana out,

mashed it up and shaped it into a banana on the table. I mean, that's not a bad idea. Yeah, not bad. It would have been different. Yeah. I would have ended up getting it in my mouth and spitting it on there though and stuff. It would have been horrible.

Dangerous. Really, really nasty stuff. Yeah. And so it was one point for mel two points for noel hugh hugh points for three points three points for hugh four points for joe and five points for lolly meaning the final scores it was hugh joe and lolly in joint first yes with 20 points leading us to a lovely tie-break task. Open up this jar of mayonnaise covered in Vaseline.

The jar may not leave the lab. Fastest wins. Your time starts now. Well, I think it's quite controversial. Because if Joe never opens the task... I mean, I felt like what he did was brilliant. But he should have then opened the task and rigged it. I think he did.

Did he? Yeah, I think he opens it at the end. Okay, all right. I felt like he'd just left it. He'd just opened it. No, I think he sees what it is, but he had a go at it first. Yeah, okay.

Which I thought was genius. So good. 0 seconds, that is a classic. You know, you'd have that on you. 0 seconds, that's quicker than I open normal mayonnaise. And we all know how quick that is yeah we've watched you one second um yeah no that i mean it's a horror it's a horrible task anyway um i always i always want to see what everyone else does in those as well there's so much exactly exactly because there's tie break when you don't often get to see three tie-breaks.

Yes. But yeah, you definitely want to see what the others did. Because I would argue that Hugh did not get that mayonnaise jar opened. He smashed it. That was no longer a mayonnaise jar by the end of it. Yeah, but it was open. Open the jar of mayonnaise.

Yeah, I see what you mean. You know. Yeah, smashed up. Yeah. Open this window. Doesn't mean smash it up. Yeah, smashed up. Yeah. Open this window. Doesn't mean smash it up. Yeah, chuck a rock through it. So the episode belongs to Joe.

Congratulations, Joe, if you're listening for winning that episode in 2016 or 2017. So that leaves Noel on top of the series as he is for a lot of it. But it's quite close though. It's 120 points for Joe, 116 points for Hugh and then Mel and Lolly pretty much neck and neck 113 and 112. Yeah. We know how it ends of course. So nothing changes from now on is that?

No I don't think so. It's amazing isn't it that you can have a show where that happens and it doesn't distract from the enjoyment in any way. It's just such a perfect... I think Hugh might... I think Hugh and Mel switch. Might overtake. Right, okay.

Yeah, I think Hugh and Mel switch. But yeah, I mean, all in all, that's probably one of my favourite episodes of the series, I think. Yeah, chock full of classics. It really is. I mean, hiding, wheelie bins uh handshake that's banging yeah images that have burned onto your brain 100 really good and your boobs and my boobs margaret thank you so much for coming back onto the Taskmaster podcast.

I'm sure we will call on you again for future series. I'm like an emergency Taskmaster podcast. No, not an emergency at all. You're an emergency in the sense that you're like an ambulance that I'd call even if I just felt a bit sick. Do you know, I've got a friend who's been driving an ambulance and they had a discussion recently about what's the worst reason you've been called out. Oh God.

And her boss said, I was called out to a fucking nightmare once. Oh my God. Someone had a nightmare and their partner rang the ambulance. What? And they were like, have you tried waking them up?

Did they just get told, it's an absolute nightmare over here? Okay. They can't specify. We just know it's a nightmare. Something's wrong. Something's wrong. Is someone having a nightmare? Get a grip.

Well, there you go. You'll be an ambulance if I have a nightmare. How's that? Yeah, I'll be there. I'll see you tonight. Great. Of course, we always ask our guests to rate their experience on the taskmaster podcast between one and five points in the style of the taskmaster margaret i believe last time i mean i'm i'm clutching at straws here i think you gave it five yeah it's a leader it's a leading

question isn't it but uh no i'm gonna give. Yes. I'll also take the point that Mel should have got as restitution for her being harassed by Alex in the cupboard. Yeah, brilliant. Thank you very much, Margaret. Thank you, bye. There we are, another fun episode talking about the penultimate ep of Series 4 of Taskmaster. Thank you very much to Margaret for coming on.

She was absolutely brilliant as per. We will have her back on again in the future. Next week, series four, episode eight, the final episode of series four. We are going to be talking about that with a brilliant Jack Bernhardt. Jack's been on the show before as well. He is now my official Taskmaster stats guy um do go and follow

jack on twitter uh because since the last time he was on the taskmaster podcast he's really gone all in on the stats it's crazy the amount of stats he's done uh seemingly i mean i'll talk to jack about this his main aim has been to try and find out a way of making sure James Acaster places above me somehow. And I don't think he's managed it yet. So I'm loving reading all of these stats. But for now, keep watching Taskmaster and all four. Go and pre-order the book. Buy tickets for my tour if you want.

Just look after yourselves. We'll see you in the next week. The first question I've got is for Alex. And my question is did you accidentally feel Mel's boobs? There was a drive-by both of them

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