Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 47.Mike Wozniak - S12 Ep.1

Episode Date: September 23, 2021

Taskmaster the Podcast is back! Ed returns to your ears to get in to the nitty gritty of Series 12 and this week he is joined by the wonderful Mike Wozniak. The pair discuss the new line up and dig deep in to the first episode of the series. There’s balloon popping, art, and absolutely no hiding.Watch Taskmaster every Thursday on Channel 4 at 9pm.Watch all of the Taskmaster on All 4https://www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmasterOrder Bring me the head of the Taskmaster https://taskmasterstore.com/products/bring-me-the-head-of-the-taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail]  Visit the Taskmaster Youtube channelwww.youtube.com/taskmaster  Taskmaster the Podcast is Produced by Daisy Knight for Avalon Television.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We can wait for clean water solutions, or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures, or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth, or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. Welcome back to the Taskmaster podcast. We had a small break, but we are now back because series 12 of Taskmaster has started.

It's very exciting and all new brilliant lineup of Taskmaster and we are going to be chatting about series 12, episode one. I am your host, Ed Gamble. As always, that will never, ever change Richard Herring. Today, we will be speaking to the wonderful Mike Wozniak from series 11 of Taskmaster and a bona fide Taskmaster mega fan. So we'll be chatting to him all about series 12 episode 1 today. We're very excited. More exciting news, the brand new Taskmaster book Bring Me the Head of Taskmaster, is out now. You can go and buy it now.

101 next level tasks that will lead one lucky reader to some very special Taskmaster treasure. Are you up to the task? You can buy your copy now online or from your local bookshop. Go and get it. It's very, very exciting. But apart from that, just remember that Taskmaster new episodes are on Thursdays 9pm on channel 4 and you can catch up on all four afterwards and this podcast will be dropping yes dropping every week straight after the episode is released and we'll be picking apart the episodes with a special

guest so let's get on with it series 12 episode 1 as told by myself Ed Gam, and Mike Wozniak. Mike Wozniak, welcome back to the Taskmaster podcast. Hello, Ed. Thank you very much. How the devil are you? Very well, thank you, mate. It's lovely to see you. I saw you at my wedding last week, dancing up a storm. I busted out some pretty fresh moves. A couple of new ones I thought I'd sample out,

especially for you. That was my gift to you, was the gift of dance. I loved the gift of dance. It was wonderful. You're the only person who I'd accept the gift of dance from, I'd say. I think I came and grabbed you quite early in the evening to say,

have you started dancing yet? And you said, it's coming, it's coming. You've got to build up a certain degree of pressure, basically. And I said, okay. And then I walked away, I came back, and I'd say 30 seconds later, you were flailing around. Yeah, yeah. you've got to build up you've got a degree of pressure basically and i said okay and then i walked away i came back and i'd say 30 seconds later you were flailing around yeah yeah doing the full wozniak dance move which i've described before as one of those toys that you press the

bottom of and then they go all wobbly it was lovely to see it was quite hard to do it's a lot of pain the following day uh but it does feel worth it yes well that i mean that sums up your appearance on taskmaster as well i guess you throw yourself into everything you do uh and there's a lot of pain the next day most of my life is recovery period yeah a few short sharp bursts of activity but it's worth it for those moments of exertion. And have a big lie down. Yeah. How's your lie down been since Taskmaster?

How's the public reaction been since your appearance on Taskmaster? I get, if it ever does come up, it tends to get personal quite quickly, I would say. I would say if someone does approach me because they've watched the show, then it's not to say, hey, can I have a selfie? It's please tell me the current status of your anus is what comes out. I mean, that is your fault. Often preceding hello. It's straight. There's none of the niceties.

It's straight down to brass tacks. Is it still a casserole down there? Lovely to meet you. Exactly. That's the order. That's the order of things. That's the order, yeah. Well, look, at least I've said hello first,

and we've had a brief catch-up about dancing, etc. Yeah. And now I'd like to move on to the question. What's the current status of Uranus? I would say it's, it's, it's moved on from its kind of chaotic jungle phase. Yeah.

And it's closer to a sort of home county's flower bed but not a very well maintained one. That's good. So at least we've moved it back to this country. Oh yeah, very much so. It's not tropical

anymore. It's a temperate domestic anus. It wouldn't win any prizes when they come round to do Village of the Year. Mike Wozniak is not in bloom. No. The bees go straight past it. They've got no interest whatsoever. I think someone found a deflated football in there.

It's one of those, basically. But no child soldiers could be hiding in there and that has no chance they've been flushed out yeah they've been rehabilitated i'm pleased to say oh good i'm so glad i think that's the perfect answer really that it's not as bad as it was but it's still bad enough to be humorous no one wants a full recovery do they no one wants me to be fine really yeah the day the day you announce that everything's fine down there is the day everyone unfollows you on twitter when that episode came out uh in the following days there was i did get a bit of criticism and a couple of comments from parents at the school gate who hadn't felt

ready to explain to their children what that was. So what? They'd been ambushed by the show. They just weren't ready. I think because you assume you're going to have to talk through certain things with your children, you know, the birds and the bees, that kind of stuff,

and you assume that'll come at a certain age. I don't think anyone expects to have to explain to their child what might might happen to a middle-aged man's ass no one's no one's prepped for that chat and a lot of people it's not the the vocab isn't there on the tip of your tongues that you know yeah not many people have the natural illustrating ability to to put it you know i'll just draw it for you you know it's quite a tough thing to do. There's no, it's the birds and the bees is fine. You know, everyone's prepped for that.

There's no birds, bees, and vole with a hemorrhoid. But we're not here to talk about your ar all day mike no thank god but we got a lot of emails about it i requested emails uh for you um and as expected the majority of the emails were about your ass and i feel like we've covered that topic now the rest of the emails were about you being fit um which i'm not going to bring up because I don't enjoy talking about my friends being attractive because it makes me feel less attractive. Okay.

We are here to talk, of course, about Series 12 of Taskmaster. Yeah. Is it a weird feeling, Mike, that you're no longer the fresh, hot new kid on the block? I'm yesterday's news. Yes. That's okay, I think. I think I'm at a point in my life where I don't imagine for a second

that anyone is remotely interested in what I'm doing or what I have to say. So the sort of fleeting bit of interest, I'm over that. The fleeting bit of interest was more of an anomaly, really. So I have more excitement. Having been a long-time fan of the show itself, I'm more jonesing to get into the new series, I would say. Yeah. I'm just a little fanboy, really.

That's the mode I'm in, mainly. There's certainly a couple of moments when I'm having watched this first episode of, oh, golly, it'd be nice to have another go. Most definitely. I won't deny it for a second. But I think that's partly that's the audience experience anyway, I think. I think it is the audience

experience. I think you're right, but it is slightly different when you've done it yourself as well. It is that drug thing of you've had a taste. You also have a little bit of relief that you are not being subjected to the ticking clock anymore. Yeah. So you can watch these things at your leisure

and think what you might do and how you might go about these things, but you don't have suddenly someone saying, you've got 10 seconds, go. Well, exactly, yeah. And I always thought when, before I did it, I would watch it and go, well, of course, do that. Because you've got the benefit of time

and you can think things through. And then obviously when I did it, I panicked most of the time. So I thought I would have more understanding when I watched other people do it that I could go, well, of course, they're panicking because of the time thing. But I've gone right back to being the smug guy over the sofa being like come on guys zero empathy

despite being a battle-tested veteran exactly found no empathy whatsoever nope not at all just judgment boring wrong rubbish idea and there's plenty of those the balloon is there there is the balloon idiot it's right it's right in the middle of the frame can't you see it's right in the middle of the telly where i'm looking around victoria let's talk let's talk about the new lineup because it is always exciting uh when there's a new lineup of taskmaster announced and i was very excited with this one uh specifically um i mean let's let's go through it in in seat order okay uh working from uh left to right as we're looking at it as viewers

um alan davis very exciting to see him on the show, Mike. Absolute delight. Big fan of the man and have been for a very long time. And that's, I think that's particularly lush when you've got, because they're always very good at getting someone in there that you've known for a very, very long time. Yeah. And maybe you've seen them interviewed and you've seen them do this and that and you've seen them as themselves, but you haven't seen them in the Taskmaster house.

Exactly. To see how it all pans out. And I love what he's bringing to it already i love it yeah i mean he's because he's he's got this lovely it's coming across as a there's a degree of comfort he seems like a man who's got to a point in life where he's got quite a good he's got a very good body of work behind him yeah we know he's funny we know he's great uh but he's got he's got nothing to prove. He's there on his own terms, I think, someone like that.

I don't think there's anyone in his life who could have forced him to have done it. I mean, Lee was forced into it by his children. That was an exception. But he had a good time. But I can't see that there's anyone who's made him, you really should do this show, you know, because, you know, he doesn't purely on his own terms I did a gig with

Alan a while ago, I think when he was being asked to do it and there were a couple of us there who had done it and he was asking whether he should do it but he seemed very laid back about it and he continues to be laid back but I mean Greg absolutely nails him to the wall in this episode

Greg always picks up on stuff pretty But, I mean, Greg absolutely nails him to the wall in this episode. Greg always picks up on stuff pretty quickly and sort of establishes people's characters. But I think this is the quickest he's ever done it with all of them. Well, he also, he goes in hard. I think with the older crowd, he himself is someone who has had moments of dwelling on the hopelessness of middle age. Yeah, for sure. And if he can smell that on someone hopelessness of mid-age. Yeah, for sure.

And if he can smell that on someone else, you know, he'll attack. He's attacking himself. By attacking Alan, he's attacking his own terrible what-now thoughts. Yeah, it'll all be over soon anyway, what's the point? Exactly.

And it's wonderful to watch Alan, a man who I was first introduced to as jonathan creek the incredibly uh intelligent uh magician's assistant slash detective yeah um working out all the different ways that crimes are done incredibly thinking genius lateral thinking genius master of the locked room mystery yeah and there he is rolling up and down the corridor struggling to find a paintbrush can't find a paintbrush oh jonathan oh jonathan creek um desiree birch great a great choice for taskmaster i think desiree yeah she's full of beans isn't she oh yeah funny very funny woman and you kind of i think you need

you need someone with that sort of abbullience and that energy in the room. Totally. She again just, she again just, she's like someone who's on, she's like someone who's on cracking form at a party, really. I don't quite, to the point where you wonder whether or not she realises that she's being filmed and it's part of a television show. She just seems very relaxed. They're all quite... Mostly there to have a good time.

But I think that's what's good about this line-up, even from the first episode, is they are all quite relaxed, but also trying their hardest, and they're there to have a good time. There's no one... There's no sort of Ed Gamble-style characters who, through their eyes, just scream,

I need this to go well. There's no bloody try-hards. No, exactly. there's no real desperate saddos which is lovely to watch win yeah head yeah i need i need that head please like me please let me win please like me um guz khan who as soon as i heard was doing this i was very very excited uh he's so funny he's so he's one of the most naturally funny people out there I think I think just he's anything he says makes me laugh and it happens in this first episode straight away he gets asked to do things and just turns

into a small boy he's like a cheeky little boy. Yeah which is which was slightly unexpected because I don't know him well our paths have crossed once or twice I know his work and he's he's just so funny but in his work he's quite you know he's self-possessed yes he has he's he's assured and he's you know there's exudes a kind of confidence but that yeah there's this lovely childish playfulness that's that's creeping out already straight away in the in the prize task as well I mean we, we'll go through, but he gets caught out straight away by Greg and he just turns into teacher and student immediately. But like kindergarten teacher and student. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Morgana. Now, I did not know what to expect from Morgana. Spoiler warning. I think she's absolutely amazing after watching this first episode because obviously I've seen her do, you know, impressions and character stuff before. I've not seen her do anything as herself before and she she's an she's an absolute whirlwind I've

got I've got Mog bias here yes because she she's of the clutch she's the one that I I know yes I've spent an awful lot of time with her in the corner of like rehearsing rehearsal rooms and bloody hell i mean she's she's one of the small handful of people they're just so funny in person yeah my god i mean i i basically because it took weeks this show to make there's loads of rehearsing i just spent hours in the corner of a room just being entertained by her basically she's so funny so much fun i'm very fond of her and yeah it came as no surprise that she was a little merchant of chaos yeah immediately from the get-go yeah she's so good i can't wait to see what she does in the rest of the series um and victoria corinne mitchell perhaps i think maybe the contestant everyone was most excited about online when they announced the lineup

oh really i think so yeah i think people have been asking for her for a long time uh because they wanted to see how she'd break it all down because she's got yeah sort of fairly mighty noggin hasn't she yes she has um and it's very i was excited to see her because she she really sticks sticks to her guns on stuff she won't back down um and i think she's going to be a really good adversary for g as well in the studio because she won't she doesn't seem like she's necessarily going to take any of his shit absolutely not and I think he will be terrified by her

he's not terrified by many people but I think he will be absolutely perplexed and baffled by things Victoria says because he'll go up against people he's not shy of a bit of conflict. Oh, yeah. You know, like, say, with Jamali, go up against them.

But eventually, I mean, that turned into a sort of, you know, a beautiful budding friendship. Yes, exactly. There was respect there. But the thing is with, like, Jamali versus Greg, they're both sort of reaching for the same toolbox. Yeah. They've both got quick wit.

They're both quite sort of masculine energies, I'd say. Yeah. I mean, Victoria's toolbox compared to Greg's toolbox. Greg's toolbox is just, he opens it up and a fly comes out. Victoria is going to run rings around him. Yeah. By comparison, his toolbox is, yeah, it's a little sort of child's, sort of four-year-old's

play toy box with a couple of pieces missing because he got it from a charity shop and the spanner's broken. And over the years the tools have fallen out. Okay, let's get on with the prize tasks. The prize task was the thing that if you put in a bag and sat on it, it would feel the nicest.

Bang, we're kicking off with a big one. And it was very strong all round, I thought. I really like what they came up with here. Yes, and I mean, obviously, the instinct is to go with something rude or something sort of, something to do with onanism, something within that field, I think. I mean, Alan did that straight away, I think. An inflatable cushion with an electric toothbrush.

He edged towards it, didn't he? There was a hint of the lewd, but, you know, but equally the way he sold it, it could quite easily have been taken the other way. No court in the land could convict. He could quite easily pretend, no, it's just like one of those little buzzing chairs that you see in a service station. It's a massage thing.

Yeah, but we all have a wank on those, don't we, when we've had a long drive? We all love to put a quid in that chair and go to town um i think it's a great it is a great start he's thought about it i bet it does feel nice um he takes the piss out of greg straight away he goes straight in with the with the lip and greg seems to relax i think it's fine i think great he seems to get away with it with greg what did he say that was lippy i'm trying to remember what he said that was lippy.

I think Greg questioned him on it and he just went, no, come on, mate, think it through. Oh, God, he asked him about the orientation of the toothbrush. Yeah, obviously. On its end. Yeah. So a lovely start from Alan. Desiree, the chicken fillet boob enhancers

With the statement the most comfortable thing in the world is boobs I mean that's just a piece of perfection almost that should be in the dictionary under the word comfort Yes, it was I think an incredibly sound premise

Everyone can get on board with that idea No matter who you are in the world, what age you are, whatever you're into. Yeah, boobs are comfy. Boobs are comfy, everyone knows this. There's nothing, doesn't have to be anything sexual about it. Boobs are comfy. In fact, this is the least sexual one in a way, I'd say.

Oh, she takes the sex right out of it by then presenting us with a sort of bag of weird rubber weird sort of rubber chicken fillets so this is my issue with it i think the premises sound but then because they weren't boobs they weren't boobs they were boob boob replace it's boob replacement technology but i don't know how much comfort you would get from sitting on a bag of what you knew to be real severed boobs. Sure. That's not... No matter how comfortable the actual physical seat is,

I think there's going to be... Well, you don't have to sever them. You could put loads of women in a bag. But again, I think we've moved past that age, Ed. That's your patriarchal streak talking there. Yeah, I'm just trying to think of a way of getting real boobs into the bag. Because I think it's a sound premise but the reality of the chicken fillet boobs is not that's not that's not nice to sit on i don't think it so you would have penalized

i wouldn't have given her the five points definitely but i would have maybe given her three for a solid all greg heard was the word boobs and he was like we've got a winner here yeah he glazed over at that point anything else anyone is saying for the rest of the round yeah but it was a good it was a good start it shows that desiree is thinking about it she's uh she's attacking it from the right angles yeah um guz brought a chair in a bag which didn't make me which did make me laugh yeah and then i saw the picture of the chair and a bag. Huge fan of this. Which did make me laugh. Yeah. And then I saw the picture of the chair,

and it was clearly just the chair from there, and possibly he'd forgotten that he was supposed to do a task. Yes. I mean, he probably not answered the emails. They'd probably been pursuing him for a number of weeks. Which makes me wonder what else is going to happen in the future. What else has he got? How else is he going to use that chair?

But this is the point Greg challenged him and said, tell me the truth. Did you just panic and say, that chair's going to go in the bag? And he fessed up. There would have been other contestants who would have argued the toss at this point. Yeah, I think, but Greg went full teacher, didn't he?

I think he had to fess up. Yeah, I think Sarah Kendall, for example, she would have argued the toss. Oh, yeah I think, but Greg went full teacher, didn't he? I think Sarah Kendall, for example, she would have argued the toss. She was trying to defend the position. But Gus just, you know... And Sarah won, you know. Maybe that's what you've got to do. I hate to call it this early, but maybe Gus isn't a victor

in this scenario. Bearing in mind he's kicking off his Taskmaster campaign with a chair in a bag. Morgana. in this scenario. Bearing in mind he's kicking off his Taskmaster campaign with a chair in a bag. I'm happy to say categorically on the record, Gus is going to be glorious, but he is not going to win. He's not going to win. Morgana brought in a washing machine on the spin cycle. I like this very much.

So we've got another perv on our hands. Yeah. Yes, I like this. I so another we've got another perv on our hands yeah um yes I like this I like the way she sold it I having never like I say never really sort of interacted with Morgana or seen her do anything as herself immediately the way she presents things I'm on board with in the studio quite sort of soft and she's gentle the way she presents it but with authority as well oh there's authority you know when, when he picked her up on, you know, well, how long are you going to, you know, five to ten? You know, she knew the answer.

You know, that would do. I'd like to pick you up on the way you delivered that. It wasn't five to ten. It was five ten. It made me laugh so much. No one's ever said it like that before. 5.10? Absolutely loved it.

Thrown away, but so certain at the same time. Yeah. Joyous. Pure joy. And Victoria brought a bag of diamonds. I really like that. This is great. I really like that idea.

I thought that was really nice. She's thought that through. She's thought that through. My God, yes, of course. Even if they're digging into your butt. I mean, the level of comfort. It's the comfort of long-term financial. I could travel for hours in that way.

Big bag of diamonds under you. I really liked it. And I think that's exactly what people are excited about Victoria for, is doing things in quite a clever logical way but tripping everyone else up and no one else thought to do this and then even when Greg said

oh so you've got a big bag of diamonds have you that you brought in and then there's just no bullshit from Eric, no of course I haven't. The point when other people might cower or bluff, try and pretend they have done it say there's been a problem something got lost on the way to the studio no just shoots the man down so that i i had issues with the scoring on this one immediately i mean we because there weren't

real boobs in the bag i don't think it deserved five points i thought victoria's was really clever i felt like that deserves a five points just I thought Victoria's was really clever. I felt like that deserved the five points just for how clever it was, personally. The others, perhaps, scored correctly. I probably would have been with you on that. I probably also would have scored Morgana higher. Yes. As well.

But as we've discussed previously, Ed, the scores, of course, are really of complete irrelevance. Yes. You keep saying this. You don't believe me. It does undermine the podcast somewhat. And your world view. And my world view.

I won't say that again. I'll play the game. What have you brought in? I've brought in a spinning washing machine, but it's got to be on spin, not just any old washing machine, but it's got to be, you know, on vibrate for the last bit. And we can see it spinning right now, Greg. OK. See, there it goes. That's going to... Yeah, yeah. I've got... Same vibe.

Same vibe. A little bit less subtle, I think, Morgana, but... I put it to you. It's a hugely uncomfortable suit. I just think it's a bit... I mean, I'm not Morgana, but there you are. I put it to you. It's a hugely uncomfortable suit. I just think it's a bit... I mean, I'm not saying I want to spend all night on it, but I think... How long do you want to spend on it? Five, ten. I think it's going to give me bum problems. Do you really think... I think it's going to tighten everything up.

It isn't. I think it's going to do the opposite. I think it's going to work things out that I wouldn't want working. So, task one. Oh, straight out of the gates with this lovely out the gates i love it strike alex with a ball alex may not run hide or leave the taskmaster grounds fastest wins it's high energy big time high energy and and well well yes you would think for most high energy, but then you've got Alan. Oh. Alan.

Apparently looking for a man in the cupboard, and then, no, no, he's after a little snack, isn't he? Quick check in the cupboard, seize the snacks, can't wait to get stuck in. Reminiscent of Series 9, the series I was on, the team task with Joe Brown and David Baddiel, where they were on a sort of choose-your-own-adventure task around the house, and they stopped for a cup of tea.

And a little sandwich. It was lovely to watch. I love those two so much. Yep. And Alan has very much the same energy there except there's no one there egging him on to do that he just he just stops for a snack and immediately establishes himself as a tired old man um but also a champion in his own right i think you know he's a champion to his own no one's the boss of that man to his own values yeah

he's in a race against time and he stops for a snack no one i mean that's it's the boss of that man. To his own values, yeah. He's in a race against time and he stops for a snack. No one, I mean, that's the ultimate status move. Yeah. Right there. It's perfect. Amazing. I mean, basically they established very quickly at the top that putting a camera just hovering above someone's face

is always funny, no matter whose face it is. Helmets are funny as well. Helmets are funny. The combination of the two. Lovely. Yeah. no matter whose face it is. Helmets are funny as well. Helmets are funny. The combination of the two. Lovely. Yeah. I mean, there's no way of looking cool or sexy with a camera position just there above your face.

Everyone looks hilarious. So, yeah, as we say, Alan really took his time. He managed to get to Alex in 10 minutes, 22 seconds. As I was watching this, my first thought was, first thing you do, you've got to screw up the task and that's your ball, right? Oh, nice. That's quite tasty.

I wouldn't have thought of that. Well, again, I'm saying this from the perspective of an audience member. My concern is I would have thought that I was already standing in what looks like a giant ball and I would have tried to roll the whole to roll the whole plastic igloo off the floor and would have caused myself a mischief. Yeah, another hemorrhoid.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, the plastic ball would have been splattered from the inside. It would have been awful. Yes, I didn't think about that. But yeah, someone should have tried to roll the entire biodome off its harness and thrown that at alex um no i would have tried to have gone task um but you just need to attack this task with as much fury and as much energy as you can i mean guz did but he didn't do that well he only got the two points but he was crackling but yeah

over and over again it's so funny it was very funny Alex yeah Mog was the gold standard here yeah similarly just just absolutely went for it oh god she was so good this is straight out the gate this is brilliant little bastard when she read the task

and little fucker when she was doing it and a bonus to man for that she looked like she's chased a man before chase them down taking them down you know god yeah the bin was genius putting the bin in front of the that was a lovely touch yeah yeah which complete i mean yeah slowed him right down and he's not he's not an aggressive man no he's not gonna if that was greg he was chased she was chasing then i think he would have just kicked his way clean through it probably killing a sound recorder it's in the same incident i mean it says a lot about gingerly goes past the thing yeah just sort of scoots around it and that was that was his downfall there um it says a lot about me that when she put that bin out i was like i hope he trips

over it i hope he doesn't see any trips he trips over it. This is a serious accident. Yeah, I hope he really hurts himself. Maybe there could be a crossover episode with 999 with Michael Burke. That'd be amazing, wouldn't it?

Brilliant. I hope this is the first and last episode of this series. Because Alex gets so badly injured. Yeah, she was absolutely amazing.

Great performance from Desiree as well. Again, we've got a real contender there. I think this first task marks Morgana and Desiree out as proper contenders for this series. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Victoria, the first sort of... We had Victoria be very interesting and funny

in the task they bring in, but this one was the first time where she's had a little bit of a moment rereading the rules and going, hmm, hang on. Is he hiding or is he hiding? Or I seem to think it's okay right okay you could see something sort of you could see the synapses crackling away going yeah right okay okay touche young man okay i see you your filthy little rules but that is that that is interesting the definition of hiding because i mean alex makes the good point that he says he's not hiding because all he did was go to a different place

but if you are going to a different place with the express intention of not being not being detected by the person who's looking for you surely that's high that is hiding, isn't it? Well, I think you could argue that very strongly. Yes. And Alex knows that as well as anyone. Yeah. And Alex is quite happy to allow people to be infuriated by exactly that. Even though he might get in trouble with Greg for it. Yeah.

And even though he might get in trouble with, you know, whichever of the contestants is a bit more analytical. I'll tell you what would have happened if I was doing this task. I would have pitched that argument to them in the studio for about 10 minutes. I would have shouted at them and said, well, he was hiding because he left an area with the express intention of not being seen by me. I'm not being found by me. So that you'd have found legal precedence yeah from yeah various 10 to 15 minutes shouting and screaming while they just stared at me uh and then that would have all been taken out in the edit yeah so that's that's what would have

happened it would have just looked like you'd said nothing yeah yeah i'm just rolled over like a pathetic worm um victoria instantly looked about seven as well i mean her and guz she just as soon as she put that helmet on and she had to go and find a ball she looked so she looked so like like a little girl yeah um and then throws the ball even about sort of her previous yeah sort of school and she said something like i haven't done this much exercise in school yeah exactly yeah she went right back some sort of dark memories of cross-country. You know, freezing cold legs and, yeah, muddy knees. What made me laugh the most is she finally found a ball,

missed him, and then apologised. Sorry! Why are you sorry, Victoria? You didn't hit a man with a ball she's committed an aggressive act yeah she was appalled by what she'd already become um so it was uh an amazing performance from uh from morgan at six points for her because she got a bonus point for little fucker greg feeling very generous in that scenario um i don't think I've seen him do something like that before it's the sort

of move where had it happened in a later episode would have been highly provocative yeah we're in episode one so no one no one can no one contested that but I can imagine if he'd thrown it up later on there would have been protests yeah yeah I mean I would have gone you would have yeah

they would have taken it out on the edit. Desiree, four points. Victoria, three points. Guz, two points. Alan, one point. And he does not care. He's going to be fine. Yeah, he'll be

alright. He's got a tuna pasta bake in the oven when he gets home. Definitely. He'll be alright. He's got a tuna pasta bake in the oven when he gets home. Definitely. He'll be alright. That's exactly what he's got in the oven. Ali! Yeah? Ali? Yeah? Ali?

Yeah? Ali! We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow.

Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task two, straight in with the portrait task. Paint the most flattering picture of the Taskmaster in action on the canvas in the lab. The canvas will either be six inches or six feet above you. You must lie flat on your back on the creeper at all times. You have ten minutes. You must tell Alex if you want the canvas to be six inches or six feet above you in the next ten seconds.

Great. A really good portrait task, I think. These are ones that I really enjoy watching. Any sort of arts and crafting always made me feel sick with dread because I have no ability. But watching them, I love. and the choice of the six inches six six feet thing great i mean poor victoria there because she's she's clearly analytical yeah but the trouble is if you're analytical there's there's two problems being analytical in taskmaster one is analytical

thinkers are used to having time yes analyze you don't have that here analytical thinkers are used to having time to analyse. You don't have that here. They're also used to having any sort of usable information to analyse. And also, yeah, if there's a choice... If there's a choice, there's no advantage. She knows there's some significance to it.

She can't work out what it is. She knows there's a catch somewhere. It turns out it is just, yeah, it's just really high. It's just ludicrous. It's just too high is what it is. It's too high. There might be some holes somewhere, but you're going to have difficulty finding them.

It's difficult to analyse something when the person writing the choice had no real answer to it. So there's no analytical thinking really gone into the writing of the task alex has just gone well let's see what they pick and let's see what they come out quite stupid doing this yeah probably look quite stupid so this one's in yeah so victoria said six feet uh morgana desiree and guzman with six inches and alan as greg pointed out went with six feet but i i think

that's because that was the option he could remember oh yeah completely arbitrary yeah yeah doesn't matter either way yeah six feet what i wasn't listening i'll say six feet sandwich i didn't okay six feet i'll go for the big one sounds good but then he did a magnificent job i love his painting allen's was great it was a lovely interpretation of greg they had to go with flattering. I think that's the sort of thing that Greg is flattered by because he looked quite scary, quite resplendent. He looked like he's in a character from the West End production of The Lion King.

Sort of an interpretation of a jungle animal. Yeah, on fire. Yeah. It was lovely. I thought that was magnificent. I think Alan's relaxed nature, yeah, sort of saved him here because he wasn't, yeah,

probably wasn't particularly conscious of the ticking clock. Just thought, oh, I've got to paint a thing. All right. Well, it does come out, he does come out with, I think, the quote of the episode,

which is, 10 seconds to give a man a soul. Which is just so lovely. And I think he managed it. He got that soul. Yeah, he really did. That was complete, that was triumphant. The six inches all did okay.

I mean, Gus made the great choice to not use a brush. I think that was the key there, was to use the finger and stay very calm. And I think that came out looking pretty well. Made the choice of giving Greg a big reefer. Which is interesting, as if it could be misinterpreted. Just in case it wasn't misinterpreted,

he did write weed next to it yeah he did a good job he understands with taskmaster yeah you're gonna if you're comfortable with the idea of getting mucky now and again yeah getting some paint in your eyebrows and also sometimes you don't need to use everything if there's a lot of stuff around there's a lot of stuff in that house you don't need to use everything. If there's a lot of stuff around, there's a lot of stuff in that house, you don't need to use everything. You'll get yourself in a little pickle. So just using the finger, I think, was a great choice. Make a choice, stick to it.

Exactly. Desiree, another interesting... To bring in the myth of Narcissus. Oh, this was the Narcissus one, of course, yes. In the studio. Yeah, she showed that she had some pretty sweet bullshit skills. Yeah. Which I was quite excited about

because, I mean, that's the sort of thing that could be readily deployed throughout the series. Totally. And could be the sort of thing that will at times really wind up the Taskmaster. Yes. Sometimes he'll buy it, sometimes he won't, but I sort of lusting after moments

when it might really trigger him and set him off. I would like to see how a conflict between those two went. I mean, Desiree's got him handled. I suspect so. And I think that's why I want it, because I think I'd like to see that. I mean, with Desiree and Victoria... This could be the first series where he truly gets his arse handed to him. Yes, I think I'd like to see that. With Desiree and Victoria. This could be the first series where he truly

gets his arse handed to him. Yes, I think it is. But also, that makes me fear for Alan because I think he's going to take out a lot of frustrations on Alan. Alan's just going to end up a husk by the end. But then he might try and Alan doesn't care so he's not going to get anything back from that.

Maybe it's Guz he's in for the firing line but Desiree's myth of narcissus was lovely and really shook Victoria when she had to talk about hers I don't think Victoria was expecting such a highbrow lineup let's talk about Morgana's

quickly before we get to Victoria I mean Morgana's was dreadful what was Morgana's? it was supposed to be Greg playing football and scoring a goal. Oh, it was the football one, yeah. But he sort of looked like a tribal mask and then it was sort of, it was bad. It was piss poor.

Yeah. That's all you can say about it, really. Luckily, she got that bonus point. I think if she had called Alex a little fucker while she was doing it, I'm sure that would have been way better. It was piss poor, but I have great sympathy with that because if I had been in the same situation,

then there's no way I would have been able to offer anything other than something piss poor. Yeah. Totally rudimentary, basic kind of stick man level than a circle. Oh, it's... And you wouldn't have... The thing is with you as well is you wouldn't have argued it.

So... I would have felt that I deserved poor points. Yes. But yeah, because I mean, as soon as these tasks start, I know I'm going to execute this badly. Yeah. And I should be punished for that.

Whenever you did something badly, which was, I think, pretty rare, whenever Greg would come to you and say, what have you done here? You'd just go, yep, hands up. Hands up, I've done a bad job there i'm sorry

just like that was it it was just like that i'm sorry i hold my hands up i feel weird i've gone mad um victoria i mean this is of the first full meltdown of the series right? It was crushing because she's got I don't know the woman at all but she clearly is academic and she's I would guess that she's someone who is used to

when presented with a task doing it quite well this is someone who when sat down for an exam in her past has prepared for that exam yeah and has then performed very well in that exam and here she had a time limit and she had a task and you could see this heart sinking moment of it's like when a kid gets to the end of an exam for gc season and they've realized they've they've filled in the wrong question do you know what i mean yeah they. They did Romans and they didn't realise

that if they turned the page, there was the question about the Greeks. There was the question about the Greeks. Oh, no! She had that look on her face, like, I can't believe it. Yeah, someone has arrived at that. Surely, can I get to try again?

There's been a terrible mistake. There's been a terrible mistake. Come on, start again. Please. Yeah, she's turned up to her, and it turns out she has to fill it in from six feet away exactly yeah i mean how did she only manage that in 10 minutes she's absolutely screwed that up it was great it was just what 10 minutes that must have been

because we only we got we just got a bit snippets of it of course yeah i mean that would be i could imagine that being quite hit if that went on YouTube, just that 10 minutes of a, because there must be, erudite, intelligent woman falling to pieces on a trolley, trying to look for a stick. But looking for the stick and then finally getting, it's a metaphor for life, isn't it really, Ed? Yeah.

We're all just on a trolley looking for a big stick. Then we finally get the stick and our time's up. It felt like fair scoring to me. I know this is obviously like up to Greg, but obviously one point for Victoria, two points for Morgana, three points for Desiree, four points for Arnaud,

five points for Guz. I think that's pretty much... I think Alan's probably was my fave. Yeah, that could have won. That's, you know, they both got high scores there. Well deserved, you know. won. They both got high scores there. Well deserved. Good on them. And Victoria definitely deserved that one point.

We talked about Guz not setting himself up as a potential winner. I feel like Victoria might have done the same in this episode, but you never know. I think she's going to come back hard, man. Yeah, okay. I think she's going to come back hard, man. Yeah, OK. Yeah. OK. Yeah, I think she's a tasty contestant. She's potential winning material, I think. OK, well, there's one left.

It's sort of the minimal approach. This is Victoria's painting. Oh, here we go. Oh, come on, Victoria. You've got to dig deep. We're here for ten weeks. Come on, Victoria. You've got to dig deep. We're here for ten weeks. LAUGHTER

I don't know if my self-esteem was going to survive this series. I... Desiree did the myth of Narcissus. LAUGHTER I couldn't do it with her face. That would be more like me if you'd just fallen into it. LAUGHTER Task three, Pop the balloon. Oh, I love this. This is so good.

Pure joy. You must stay behind the rope at all times. You must not move the rope. You may buy the tools you need with time. Fastest wins. Time starts when Alex has shown his tool shop and obviously we've got stones and a slingshot.

There's forks there's dark ducks ducks free ducks of course and the portcullis scissors which are eight minutes so that's the big decision really isn't it do you just go straight in with the scissors which I think it emerged was probably the right thing to do yeah and there we go Alan them you know reached a point in life where he he knows himself. Yeah. Right I mean it's a hugely powerful tool in life to to know your your strengths and indeed your shortcomings and he knows probably inherently that he's not very good at throwing forks at

a balloon from the distance of eight feet or whatever the distance was. He did that in an episode of Jonathan Creek, of course. Exactly. He's covered it. Yeah, they had to get a stuntman in. It was very expensive. Delayed filming by a full day. The fork and the balloon.

Never again. Yeah. He missed the balloon and the fork stuck in Caroline Quentin's head. And from that moment on, he said, I'm not doing it. We don't know what immediately preceded it. Because you wait around between tasks. It may be that immediately before they called him for the task he just made himself a lovely cup of lapsang souchong

he was worried about that getting cold it doesn't revive very well in the microwave so maybe you thought i'll tell you what i'll just snip this i'll get this one out of the way and then i'll go and have a lovely cup of tea off we go and out i loved it but he enjoyed it as well that's the i think that's part of the magnificence of the man already. He loved it. He didn't do that. It didn't seem like he did that

to win the task. It didn't seem calculated or bloodless. Yeah. He just thought, well, I'll get this out of the way, but this does look quite fun, doesn't it? Snipping a thing with a big pair of scissors. Oh, thank you.

I really enjoyed that. There he goes. Very frustrating, though, to watch Alan pick up the big scissors in a timed task and then spend approximately a minute just chopping the air and having a go with the scissors well that's what I mean if you'd done that if you'd made that choice you'd have picked up those scissors and you in a single movement you'd have picked them up and you snipped the string and probably taken a chunk off alex at the same time yeah stabbed alex the death yeah but yeah just just having a go with the scissors yeah he wanted to get the feel of them you know get the weight of them you know wandered about turned in a full circle at some

point for some reason so what should have been eight minutes, one second, was nine minutes because he wanted to get a feel for the motion of the scissors. Extremely frustrating. He may be, I mean, perhaps he's the least competitive creature to ever step into the Taskmaster house. I think that's possibly true. Victoria uses the darts, but gets her eye in with the ducks

I thought was quite clever I don't know she sort of came alive on this I think like when she had to choose the thing and she was like going back to the shop and she was really excited I think that's the gambler in her coming out

that felt like because obviously she's a she's a professional poker player but also I think there was a bit of inner child there that enjoyed playing shops. Yeah. And I think she and Alex, they both looked like two people

who were really enjoying playing a game of shops. Yeah, definitely. It was quite a sweet moment there. Yeah. I think she also liked, got the sense she liked, she had some respect for the task. The idea of time as currency. Yeah.

She seemed happy there. And yeah, she didn't seem to mind chucking some stuff. I think we're going to see... She got it, didn't she? She got the dart. She got it. It was so satisfying to watch. And in slow motion as well, the water just holding in the air momentarily.

She was jubilant afterwards. And so she should have been. I think we're going to see her introducing a few more things like this on Only Connect. A few more water-filled balloons. Yeah. And giant scissors. Yeah, when people pick the Griffin question or whatever it is, I don't really concentrate when it's on because I'm not good at it.

Just start throwing rubber ducks at them. She's got her eye in now. See how well they can think when they're having red ducks pelted at their forehead. Yeah. Yeah, I'd watch that. Yeah, great job from her. So I think you're right. I think she's possibly more of a competitor

than she revealed so far in the episode. Guz, absolutely hilarious in this again. Pretty much has a go with everything. And I think maybe another highlight of the episode was the slingshot breaking and snapping into his face. It doesn't seem so far that Guz is someone who has copious amounts of luck on his side, generally speaking, I would say. He's got the energy, you know, and he's funny, and he's intelligent,

but I... Maybe he's just going to get hamstrung by just being an unlucky sod. I think the universe knows that Guz is at his funniest when things are going slightly wrong. I think that's what it is, yeah. So, yeah, when he's just exclaiming and really pissed off, I think

he's so funny. A balloon that will not burst even though it definitely should burst right because that was pretty good the getting this you know shooting the slingshot with a pebble and it hitting the balloon i was like i couldn't aim like that that's dennis the menace level and it didn't burst at all but the thing is i mean again that's the definition of madness, isn't it? To keep going with that, to keep firing stone after stone, even though you know it's not going to penetrate the balloon. You've basically, in this, you've got to go darts

or you've got to go scissors straight away. You've got to be good at darts or you've got to do what Alan did and use the scissors. It looks like it, doesn't it? Yeah. But even the darts, the darts didn't always work. I feel like a dart bounced off. Someone had a darts bounce off, didn't they?

That's unfair. That's very unfair. I mean, Morgana used the darts ducks i people using the ducks are insane that's just that's madness to try and use a duck and i think even i mean you said that someone i think victoria used it as a kind of a sort of pathfinder you know but i did did she actually or was that i don't know afterwards because i think throwing a duck feels quite different to throwing a dart doesn't it yeah even if you're throwing it the same thing it's quite yeah dance players tend to use darts to practice they take that well exactly yeah as far as i understand yes they don't go i'm gonna get my eye i'm gonna get my eye with a rubber

duck yeah um again morgana went for the scissors eventually uh but it racked up 56 minutes on the I'm going to get my eye in with a rubber duck. Yeah. Again, Morgana went for the scissors eventually, but it racked up 56 minutes on the clock for her. Yeah, there was absolute chaos before then. Yeah, total chaos. Yes. Desiree had the interesting technique of using literally everything. Yeah, yeah.

She eclipsed Morgana's chaos. Bucket of forks. So pleased to see a bucket of forks. I'd love a bucket of forks. Just going... I mean, they definitely had to go and get more forks. Just saying, how many forks do you have? Bring me that bucket of forks.

That'll cost you an hour. Yep, let's do it. And she knew the forks didn't work at that point, so she truly lost it. She completely lost it. Multiple forks thrown at the same time just in case that was the problem. Yeah.

And it was the increasingly exasperated ding-dongs because she'd established the rhythm that she was going to say ding-dong every time she walked through the shop door. And by the end, she's going, ding-dong! She also was quite enjoying playing a game of shops I thought I think so

yeah I think so yeah just using everything absolutely incredible and then the final insult using the scissors

and the portcullis not coming down immediately and Alex just losing it laughing there's multiple times in this task where Alex either does the clipboard face cover which is

if you see that during a task, you know, you're doing very badly. Yeah. Or just openly laughs at them. And that, that portcullis not coming down is a perfect moment. That was cold,

wasn't it? That was cold. Hello, madam. Ding dong, sir. How can I help you? You know what?

Can I get some scissors? Some scissors? You can get one pair left. They cost eight minutes. You know what? Can I get some scissors? Some scissors? You can get one pair left. They cost eight minutes. No!

It would have been great if I could have aimed the scissors. Are you kidding me?! The fuck was that?! I'll shut the clock. Does the clock still have time inside of it? It's nearly run out. Thank you, Desiree. Thank you. The first live task.

It's a good live task. I think this is the sort of live task I might have done all right at. And there's not many of those. I think you would have been great at this as well, Mike. Although maybe... It's a tough one, isn't it? Because if you've seen the show ever, you know, you know that first part of the task you know that's not it there's no way that's

exactly so you've got to go simple when you write down your cool hobby fun animal and a famous person you know at some point if you go silly with that it's going to come back and bite you on the ass there's a catch but then you've only got 10 seconds so this is why i had some sympathy with victoria because this is the sort of thing where i think victoria would have known there's a catch but then you've only got 10 seconds so this is where I had some sympathy with Victoria because this is the sort of thing where I think Victoria would have known there's a catch here something's going on here but what is the catch

but she's only got 10 seconds yeah to come up with what that catch is and you've just got to write something down but I think Alan really got

Alan went you know Alan's an old friend he really screwed himself over in a big way here he screwed himself over massively there's a task

in series 6 where they have to write down i think it's animals and then the next part of the team task is they have to act out the animals to their to their teammates and it's one of my favorite ever taskmaster moments where asim chowdhury just writes down loads of nonsense animals to take the piss and then when he gets read out the second part of the task, the look on his face is fucking amazing that he knows he's got to do like Blue Elephant and all of this. Oh, man. And Alan sort of does the same thing with Surf Origami

and the Zabronki. I think it's the Zabronki. Yeah, yeah. But again, he doesn't care. He doesn't care at all. This is probably not for the podcast, but I met Asim over the summer for the first time. Yeah.

He was stuck halfway down a flume. I beg your pardon? It was in South Devon, a place called Paynton, where someone has had the genius idea to have a swimming pool, but not to get rid of the swimming pool and just have the flumes. It's just flumes. Yeah. So it's a smash hit with the kids and one of these that they're these big old ones where you have to go down on a rubber ring and there's these little sort of little pools halfway through where you stop in a little pool and then you get on the next bit of the floor and it's

halfway down in one of these splash pools and who is there who'd lost his ring and therefore wasn't quite sure how to get down the rest of the flume it's's only Taskmaster's Asim Chowdhury. We'd never met before. Did you say hello? Yeah, of course we said hello. We had a nice little chat. I still had my rubber ring though. Yeah. So I was able to, eventually by the end of the chat, I was able to leave and join my family. But he was stuck there. Oh, he's still there

poor Asim he could be well you say that that's not for the podcast that's the first my first note is that absolutely is for the podcast

and hopefully we can have him on this podcast and I'll ask him exactly I'll say where did you first meet Mike Wozniak

how we got out yeah oh no he'll be doing it I'd imagine on Zoom from the splash pool. From Splashdown Painter. Live from the flumes. They're closed for the winter now.

It's a little chilly. I think Morgana was at an advantage here because she's, I think she's a very strong performer. Oh man, yeah, yeah. She's amazing, yeah. She can do anything. She can strike poses voice wise physically yeah yeah gets a Cheryl Cole in straight and she loves it do you know what I mean

yes yeah so she's completely in her element Victoria and Alan I think this is as I expect it to to come out one point one point for Victoria one point for Alan she also completely screwed herself but not in the same way Alan Alan's just mucking about, right? Yeah, Alan didn't care. He gives himself a Zabrunki or whatever it is, and Surf Gummy, which is very funny, but he's completely stuffed and doesn't mind, and the nation is happy.

Tony Hart, I think, was his celebrity, wasn't he? Yes, Tony Hart, yes. Of course. Victoria screws herself over in a different way by choosing John Craven. Tony Hart and John Craven they are both celebrities that Greg will be familiar with, they'll be huge swathes

of the Taskmaster public be like who and who Giles absolutely nailed it with his with his celebrity yeah he did pick the perfect one of the only celebrities to have a silhouette, a proper silhouette.

And one of the only that you could put that in any game show, any quiz show, any task show, any contest in the world. And everyone knows what the answer is. It's really only Jesus or Hitler, isn't it? Those are the only two choices for that. I wonder if they had to stop the show and ask someone to pick something different. It would have done if I was on.

So Guz, three points. Desiree, three points. Victoria and Alan, one point each. And Morgana gets the big five, meaning she wins this first episode of Series 12. But it's obviously pretty close. So there's no one really

streaking ahead. It was quite tight, wasn't it? Yeah. The scores. 17, 16, 15, 14, 12. Victoria's in the bottom, but only by two points. So it's all out there to win. You've given us a little clue as to who you think might come out victorious.

But let's have your official prediction now after episode one, Mike. Well, because i know and i i love her mog mog is my personal fave so i'm um that's that's why i'm putting my five rom and i think that's a good choice i think she i think she could make it i think i think when it comes out in the wash i think that the final two are going head to head i think it's going to be close i think it's going to be morgana think it's going to be Morgana and Victoria. That's what I think is going to happen. Nice. Okay. And I think

Gus and Desiree will just be having a lovely old time mucking about in the middle somewhere. Yeah. Probably having spectacular moments and spectacular failures in the odd Pyrrhic victory. Yeah. And that's going to be brilliant. And I think Alan is going to be languishing gloriously at the boat. And I think that separation is going to be brilliant. And I think Alan is going to be languishing gloriously at the boat.

And I think that separation is going to happen quite soon. Yeah. Well, let's keep an eye out for that. The immediate separation. Oh, God, I can't wait. we've got some emails here mike uh okay this was a great this was a great question i thought actually and one that i might i might actually take this question as like a uh as a bit of a template and ask all our guests this um hi ed i hope you're doing great could you please ask mike the following question if you were the taskmaster Mike

who would be your little Alex Horn and you cannot say Alex Horn thanks for a great podcast have a lovely day your Czech fan Blanka thanks Blanka I think that's a very hard question it's a very good question Alex himself is

quite sort of irreplaceable in a way so probably i'd probably get one of those bots and uh fill it up with uh alex with as much alex horn as i could and uh have the alex horn bot 3000 so you'd have like an app basically an alex horn app i have a little robot essentially yeah a little like an ipad on a on some wheels yeah basically yeah something we'll give it a little face and an ipad on it on some wheels yeah basically yeah something we'll give it a little face and everything yeah and um probably tiny little caterpillar tracks i'd go for rather than sort of normal wheels um probably one one arm with a little sort of pincer on it yeah that'd be nice yeah i mean it makes some of the tasks trickier i think oh yeah

but i think that would be that would be our usp really yeah what tricky task like quite poorly managed by yeah yeah yeah yeah quite a robot with some very basic ai in it yeah yeah good basically um if they do uh have to find a new task master it can't it can't be you because then the show will die right yeah yeah email to dear mike do you still keep in touch with the other contestants? Thanks. Bye. Rachel in Manchester. Yes.

Yes. Is there a group, a WhatsApp group? There was a brief obscene WhatsApp group. That wasn't everybody, but there were reasons behind that that I can't go into. Initiated by Sarah being revolting right but I have the only one I have I've seen them all yeah I've seen them all I mean in touch yeah yeah there's been a couple of socials here and there sometimes it's been sort of a work-based thing where we've crossed paths again but there has been a couple of social things here and there which has been rather lovely yeah it's a shame if there's a social amongst the taskmaster series

you really should take a photo of it and put it on social media mike is that what you're supposed to do now you're supposed to do that yeah i think to tell everyone when you're supposed to tell everyone whatever you're doing please where you are yes exactly where you are at all times. And why? Yeah. That's life. Hi, Adam, Mike. I was wondering how long Mike

kept his amazing mohawk for after series 11. It was probably the cherry on top of probably the best series of, no,

ignore all that. Just did you keep your mohawk? Well, you kind of sort of have to, does that all go to full skinhead,

right? That was the only choice. Yes, I guess that was the only other option. Which I elected not to do because I've tried that before a very long time ago and I've got a head shaped like a pencil sharpener,

which is even worse than the Mohawk. Plus, it was kind of, it was, we were still in the throes of the hot pandemic, but we'd had a bit of lockdown easing, like school was back, that kind of thing. It was in September, I think. So there wasn't a lot going on, a lot to do. So at home, my hair became something to do. Right? So my children wanted to...

I got a series of haircuts from them, for example. I wasn't allowed to do it myself. They wanted to muck about with it and trim it down and do what they could. And I wasn't... It was I wasn't it was really gross it was really gross yeah sort of flopping about I was a bit relieved when it started to get a bit shorter yeah but it was a good couple of months before it looked anything like remotely normal I would say yeah I mean how you're keeping a mohawk there were no hawk elements from for weeks and weeks yes but you weren't meant you didn't keeping a mohawk... There were mohawk elements for weeks and weeks afterwards.

Yeah, but you didn't maintain the mohawk. Not in full bloom, no. No. It was a sort of floppy mohawk for a bit. I don't know if you just thought you did it and you were like, it's sort of my thing now. In the privacy of my own home, yes, there'll be times when my children would instruct me

to get in the bath and they'd start, you know, doing whatever they wanted with it. Yeah. Because in a way, the mohawk suits you because of your lovely mustache it's sort of a mustache for the head isn't it it's just a vertical head mustache it's all it is really it's a big head mustache yeah um that was from uh lachey and melbourne thank you i'm sorry if i'm i hope i'm pronouncing that correctly um they also said series 11 is the best series of Taskmaster, but I tried to edit that out.

It was fine. Dear Mike and Ed, do you think having a pre-existing friendship with Greg is an advantage or a disadvantage? That's from Derek in Chicago. Disadvantage. He makes all the more certain that he's going to show you no mercy,

I think. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I think... I mean, he even tells show you no mercy. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I think... I mean, he even tells you that explicitly before the show. Yeah. He's right in your face, wags one of his enormous fingers in front of your eyeballs.

Don't even think about... Yeah. I'd say it's both. So it sort of balances out to just being as if you didn't know him because he really likes to make his friends angry and do funny, mean things to his friends. But then also I think you've got a direct connection to his sense of humour and a similar sense of humour,

which probably works out as an advantage sometimes in tasks, is what I'd say. There is also that knowing him ahead of time, I think made me more likely to be singled out for the solo task of my series. Yes. And were that not the case, life could be quite different for me now.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. Who would have known, Mike, that what took you up to the next level of fame in your career would be you blowing a grape out of your ass trying to fart on a private jet? Oh, I just wish my old grandma was still around who's seen it

um there's something about you being the undisputed number one favorite taskmaster contestant of all time but not read that out um they also in the same email said how does it feel to be a certified dilf that's from james and newcastle how does that feel by how does that feel, mate? How does that feel to be a certified DILF? I don't know where your certificate is. It must be on the way. It's probably in the post. You have to carry it on you at all times. It's a photo

card. Yeah, a laminated photo card. Yeah, so you can show it to people and go, just to let you know, if you're thinking you wouldn't L to F me, you do L to f me because i'm an incisified dill i would say it is just a little reminder that all tastes are out there for everybody and sometimes we might be surprised by what people go for uh but oh what a patchwork quilt we are it's an eye-opener yeah oh love it um

hi ed please can you ask mike what tiktok time o'clock is it currently kind regards katherine tiktok it's fresh faces o'clock. Lovely. Mike, thank you so much for coming back on the Taskmaster podcast, the kickoff of the Series 12 chat. As always, we need your score out of five for your experience on the Taskmaster podcast. So as not to infuriate you, I'm going to give you a fulsome five. I think last time I gave you a six, didn't I? Just to wind you up.

I'm not going to do that to you. No, thank you. I'll take the five and I'll be very happy with that. Thank you so much. Five points for being a nice boy. And five points to you for being a lovely boy. The anus of Home County's flower bed. Mike

Wozniak, see you again sometime soon. Goodbye. Bye-bye. There we are great stuff from mike thanks for coming on again mike you are welcome back anytime the rest of you keep watching taskmaster 9 p.m channel 4 every thursday catch up on all four afterwards and don't forget you can now buy the new taskmaster book bring me the head of the taskmaster online or from your local bookshop and you've got to find the head you follow task master online or from your local bookshop and you've got to find the head you follow those tasks you're gonna find some task master treasure and i want it i want keep in contact tell us how you're doing on the podcast i'll read the emails and if they're

interesting i'll read them out the email address is taskmasterpodcast at gmail.com that's for questions that's for bring me the head of the taskmaster updates. We would love to hear from you. But for now, I will see you next week. Goodbye. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from Indigenous voices.

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