Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 52. Alan Davies – S12 Ep.6

Episode Date: October 28, 2021

This week on the podcast Ed is joined by comedian, actor and TM 12 contestant, Alan Davies! The pair catch up over the iron throwing task, doggy treats and what it means to have dignity. Watch Series 12 of Taskmaster every Thursday on Channel 4 at 9pm. Download the Taskmaster App at Taskmaster.tv Watch all of the Taskmaster on All 4https://www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster Order Bring me the head of the Taskmaster https://taskmasterstore.com/products/bring-me-the-head-of-the-taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail]  Visit the Taskmaster Youtube channelwww.youtube.com/taskmaster Taskmaster the Podcast is Produced by Daisy Knight for Avalon Television  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated

category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast where we chat about Taskmaster in punishing detail. Today we are talking about Series 12, Episode 6 of Taskmaster, which you should have seen already if you've not. Get yourself onto all four and watch it right now Taskmaster is on at 9pm on Thursday nights on channel 4 you should be watching it when it goes out and then tuning in to listen to us break down the episodes on the Taskmaster podcast and today the special guest to talk us through this episode is Alan Davis that's right it's Alan Davis from Taskmaster Series 12. He is

an excellent contestant, an excellent comedian, an excellent man and I can't wait to chat to him about this episode. You know where to find Taskmaster, you know what to do, you know there's a Taskmaster store with loads of fun stuff you can buy, you know there's extra content on YouTube that you can go and find. Just make your whole life about Taskmaster. Specifically, in this instance, the Taskmaster. Specifically in this instance the Taskmaster podcast because we are going to chat to Alan Davis now. Welcome Alan to the Taskmaster podcast. Hello. Hello. Thank you so much for coming on to chat about series 12 episode 6 of which you are a star sir. Well're very kind i was obligated to appear

yeah you've done five by then hadn't you feel weird yeah if you tapped out at that point although i don't know actually uh whether it was the sixth one we did you know the order of everything the order of when you as you know the order of when you record the tasks and how they're put together yeah it's all over the place it's all over the place yeah did you is that something you struggled with when um when they were announcing tasks and showing them on the big screen were there any that you were like i've got no memory of doing that whatsoever i've got no idea what i did oh quite a few well especially if alex does a little thing and now here's one with tennis balls or something what? and then we all were going oh this oh I was

terrible at this were there any so far so far in the series are there any that you were looking forward to seeing are there any that you remembered that you did particularly well at that you were looking forward to watching back well I quite enjoyed the iron throwing in this one.

Yes. I really enjoyed it. I like throwing things. And the more throwing... There's very little throwing in my life, to be honest with you. I once had to throw a playing card in an episode of Jonathan Creek. Yeah. They call it scaling.

You may or may not know, but... Okay. And you learn how to scale a playing card. And I got... Ricky Jay is the master of scaling cards. Right. And you can scale a card into the gods from the stage of a big theatre.

You know, astonishing. Oh, wow. And he has a book in which... A very odd book, indeed, in which he teaches you the tricks of magic and then there are lots of nude photographs. Not of him. It's a really, really odd kind of soft porn.

Who are the photographs? I don't know. People he knows, people he's hired. So it's a bit distracting. But I learned how to throw these things and I threw and threw and threw and threw and eventually I threw one, and I had this kind of slender rubber plant thing in my living room,

and it stuck into the stem of it. Oh, wow. And I thought, wow, I can do this now. And the next day, I had chronic repetitive strain injury in my liver, and I could barely pick a pancart up. And it was then that I noticed that it said in this book, do not do this for more than 15 minutes at a time and that was but that is the only other time in my professional life where I've been

invited to throw something you've had an opportunity to throw something yeah Alan I absolutely love your entire vibe on on Taskmaster because you're never in a rush to do anything you just you take everything in your stride. You seem to be having a wonderful time in all of the tasks, but you're really not bothered whether they go well or not. Well, I would probably prefer to have a good idea. Yeah. If you were doing a task, if you haven't had a good idea early,

you're screwed. And often you have to just go with your first idea, because, of course, you only get to do it once and we did one eventually one of the crew said you know this is against the clock really i hadn't really factored that in but no i don't think of myself as a sloth like but no it's not i don't think it's sloth like i think you're you're just you're taking it all in your stride there's i mean i'd say you i'm surprised that that only happened

on that task i think every single task you've done so far it looks like you've got no idea it's against the clock thinking specifically i think you were the quick i think you were even the quickest at this though the um popping the balloon where you had to buy things from alex's shop yes you were the only one who bought the portcullis scissors uh which was the way to do it i think you had to buy the portcullis uh color scissors for eight minutes and even then when you bought it you still sort of spent quite a long time practicing the scissor motion just sort of looking at the scissors and then you really took your time and then and then you chopped it you wait yeah that's you know you're there all day and a lot of the time you're sitting on your own and then they say right we'd like to come and do a task it's all very gentle

yeah and there you go and there's alex hello hello and you thought i'd quite like to prolong the encounter because otherwise you're just back sitting on your own again we don't all go together I don't know if people know that, I suppose perhaps listeners to this podcast are aware of how the whole thing works but you don't all go together and burst your balloon one after the other

and now it's Desiree's turn so you don't go and sit in a green room, otherwise of course you'd end up giving things away to one another but with that one i really thought there's no way i can hit that blue from here with a dart it's just yeah it was like it would be a fluke yeah it was your lack of belief in yourself that was your advantage in that particular so often self and that well i think you'll find in comedy not believing that you're any good at it

is an absolutely essential facet no half decent comedian ever comes off the stage thinking oh it was brilliant they all come off and go oh my god that was awful and the ones who do are the ones you want to avoid the ones who are on the audience are outside going that was awful

who's next um i mean you've got many highlights in the series so far um the the riddle challenge as well uh the team task with victoria um where i think you could have lent quite a hand there alan i really think you could have got involved but she she absolutely was not letting you get a word in edgeways because she decided how she was going to do it and absolutely nailed it without you. You were sort of the spare part. She didn't listen to anything I said. It took me quite a long time.

They're very expertly edited down, the sequences. But it took me a while to find the hidden cupboard. So it's a bit of back and forth. Dressed as Charlie Chaplin, obviously. And then I found it and then I got the letters out. And then she just wouldn't listen to me. And I said, there's a key on the back of my jigsaw. I've got some letters.

She was busy going, no, I think W equals B. But the other thing that happened in that task, and Victoria rightly gets a lot of credit for solving it, but I was given a clementine and a bell. Yeah. And I was sort of looking at this orange thing and dinging the bell and looking at Alex and he would say things like, how are you getting on there, Alan? And only when we'd solved it did he say, they were just a red herring. If you'd given Victoria a red herring, her head would have exploded. This is the woman who couldn't see the red chair in a room where there was only one chair and it was red.

I mean, we'll get to that later. What a, honestly, one of the highlights of the series coming up um the yeah a clementine and a bell just you dressed as charlie chaplin just trying to work out what the clemency means so much respect for you in that task as well because obviously part of it was dressing as charlie chaplin but you'd put the hat on before before you'd even read that part of the task you're like you see a hat you pop it on a real pro yeah i don't know i enjoy it all so much i mean our friends of mine said you look like you're really enjoying yourself it's the happiest i've ever seen you and i went to your wedding well let's get on to this uh this episode specifically then let's talk about the prize task the most desirable thing for the person below you in the alphabet or the highest

alphabetically if you're the lowest alphabetically i think i had no idea what that meant absolutely no idea someone might correct me but i think this is the first time on taskmaster there's been a prize task where you've had to buy a buy something for another contestant on taskmaster um i think it's a really good way of doing it i'm surprised it's taken this long to get to it but it's a great idea um let's talk through what'm surprised it's taken this long to get to it, but it's a great idea. Let's talk through what people... I mean, let's go with you first, Alan. You had to buy something for Desiree and you chose a book of etiquette for English ladies.

Yes, which is a bit of a last-minute choice. Or it was edited out of the show, but Greg called it your hastily-grabbed book of etiquette. But I was under some misconception about the limitations of the budget that we had i see and uh thought that some all the way along they would say oh it's much funnier and better that we had to do one when they said get the most what's the most awesome square yeah and it's no good if you then rent Trafalgar Square for the day at a cost of 75 grand.

Yeah. It's better if you find something at home or if you make something or if you concoct something much more. It shows a bit of your personality and sense of humour and more fun to do that. I said, oh, yeah, I get that, totally. I see that. OK.

And so I kind of thought that was what was required in this. Yeah. And then I found, I did initially, in the alley at the side of my house, gathering dust in this enormous bottle of champagne that was once given as a gift after a television series. Yeah. I thought, oh i thought desiree would love that she would definitely love that it's too big to get in the fridge yeah and i was going to

give her that and then i thought that's no good it's just what's this saying about desiree that she just wants to drink it's much more to this woman than that and then i saw this book and it's perfect it's so funny it's so full of ridiculous little things and you know and then people start coming out with commissioned paintings and bespoke garments with embroidered breast badges and stuff and i thought what how much have you what's that i didn't know yeah so you sort of put these rules onto yourself and really acted within the limitations that you thought there were yeah and i therefore ended up with a crap gift and then so the other people are going oh wow i love my gift that's amazing i would love that but desiree just well of course what else could she do she just went oh yeah yeah

yeah because it's also essentially what that gift saying is like please read this you rude lady yeah that was a risk it's a risk if you give a book of etiquette to a person she's one of the sharpest most intelligent women I've ever met yeah and very

polite actually extremely well turned out yeah stylish oh good polite actually. Extremely well turned out. Yeah. Stylish. Oh good. So yeah actually they didn't show quite how scathing Greg was about me and the book of etiquette. Yeah well the two points showed enough I think and we will come to why it was the two point and not the one point shortly because let's talk. Guz brought Morgana one of his own long coats. It's another fairly standard Guz choice.

Well, I've been really so lazy. So lazy. In one task, he was invited to bring in something comfortable to sit on, and he just found a chair in the corner of the room. He comes down from Cove. Listen, he's my absolute hero in the corner of the room he comes down from cove listen yeah he's my absolute hero because yeah he's amazing he comes down from cove where he's got all these children and this hectic life and then on the way down oh oh no i've got to do something there was something i've got to do i can imagine him on a call what is it

and then they anyway yeah he tried that was very greg said oh yeah if you're not giving people paintings yourself you're trying to make them look like you which is very funny yeah i mean it's another i mean at least you looked around your house to find the book he just took his coat off i think i ordered it yeah even more effort i think i ordered it made a big click to couple of buttons. And you could give Morgana absolutely anything and she will look extremely stylish and cool. Yeah, absolutely. She would do Daz's coat justice.

Yes, I'm sure. Morgana brought Victoria a personalised vintage smoking jacket with matching slippers and seems to suggest that Victoria sort of spends her evenings having like saucy poker evenings well I wouldn't put it past um Desiree brought Gus a painting of a bully cutter um a mastiff dog oh my that was a genuinely beautiful yeah thing that was such a nice and a clever thing. Well thought through.

The detail was wonderful. And it's nice that Guz can finally replace one of his multiple portraits of himself. His space on the wall there to put a picture of a dog up. In a way, though, it would have been funnier if it was a terrible picture done by a child. Well, it was Idyll Sukhan, who's a wonderful artist and photographer.

She does a lot of comedians, a lot of amazing comedians' portrait shots are Idyll Sukhan. Oh, wow. I can see she's got a good eye. She's got a very good eye. It's a beautiful painting and a well-deserved five points, I thought. But let's crash down to the bottom of the table.

I mean, this is absolute insanity from victoria this might be one of the worst prizes ever bought on taskmaster yeah yeah a voucher towards a season ticket to manchester united i mean really extraordinary thing to do yeah amazing i mean I said on the programme, I thought I considered it to be a calculated personal attack. It is the absolute opposite of what you buy an Arsenal fan, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, really, only if it's a ticket to Tottenham Hotspur, you've got a more withering response. And as Greg points out on multiple occasions, it's not even the whole ticket. So it's like half of the worst prize ever. what he was hoping for and what wasn't suggested at all in the task that we were set was that we would find some way of mocking or ridiculing one another buying things that were obviously yes showing up weaknesses or

vanities or something and in fact everyone just saw what could I get what would they like as if it was Christmas. Yes, exactly. And it's not Christmas, it's Taskmaster. You're supposed to be getting a laugh. And everyone just completely forgot to get a laugh until Victoria brought me a Manchester United season ticket. Astonishing.

I mean, she genuinely thinks, I guess, that you like sport, so why wouldn't you want to go watch sports played at what she considers to be the highest level? So she doesn't seem to understand team tribalism or anything like that. It was quite sweet, really. I really couldn't. I mean, do you think that's right?

Because that seemed to be the whole thing that she was playing on. I don't know. I thought he liked football. Don't you want to see the best? I mean, you can't not know that football, once you support one football team, that's, you're then, you know, you're afflicted for life. You cannot go and watch another team and enjoy it.

I just don't think she understands that. Like, I don't think she understands football in general. I mean, given her performance last week at the goal task, where she put something in front of the ball and then stood to the, she didn't even stand in front of the goal. She just stood to the side of the goal and watched it roll in. Yeah, she is a person that sport has passed her by completely.

Yeah, it was one point. It was one point and a well-deserved one point. Should have been none. It should have been none. But because Greg was very pleased, it seemed like a calculated insult. Yeah. Yeah, it was one point because I was very pleased, it seemed like a calculated insult. Yeah. Yeah, it was one point because, like you said,

Greg was getting worried that everyone was enjoying themselves too much. But in a way, see, he was saying, oh, thank God you've saved this task. You've remembered your own taskmaster and you've done something outrageous. Should that not have therefore got her five points? Well, I suppose... But the task itself was

most desirable thing for the person that you're buying for and as we've established it was the complete opposite of that for you yeah so i think i think one point was lucky like you say i feel like the one point was a bonus point because it made greg laugh i mean actually you detest manchester united just the words manchester Manchester United nearly brings me out in hives. It's revolting. I went to that place once and I felt so cheated by the refereeing of Mr Mike Riley,

which several red cards were denied. Yeah. And I still to this day think, that place is an evil. It's a den of evil. So what would you have done, if you'd won this episode, what would you have done with the voucher?

Well, Gus wanted it. Probably would have traded it for one of his long coats. I assumed if he loves football, he's going to want to see the best team. If you look at the cups and everything, it's usually Manchester United. Now I thought, I don't know why Alan's never treated himself

to a ticket to that. I think Alan's about to tell you. Anyway, it's not the whole... Because it's so expensive, it turned out to be, I got a voucher towards a season ticket to... So you haven't even bought the whole season ticket to a team I imagine you hate? Of course.

He'll be sat with all the people he hates as well. He's in the wrong end. He's in the manly night of them. Oh, God. And many of them, I'd like to point out, hate me. Yes, yes, they all know you're an arsehole. And she hasn't even paid for it all. This is it.

I knew it. The most passive-aggressive, calculated, personal attack I've ever experienced. So, task one proper. Land the iron on the ironing board from the furthest distance. The ironing board must be standing at its maximum height when the iron lands on it, and the iron must remain on the ironing board for the attempt to count. Like you say, you're very excited to be able to throw something alan especially something like an iron it's very rare you get the opportunity to throw throw an iron well it's a

perfect item because it's got the long cord and the long cord on a nine it turns out not that i'm urging listeners to try this at home it's quite firmly attached. You can really swing it hard. But the iron itself really just started to break up after a few attempts. Yeah, your iron smashed apart. It did smash apart. And I made some quite witty remarks about, well, you might be able to get your money back. But none of them made the cut.

There was a lot of talk about the iron falling apart. But these tasks, so often, you've got to have a good idea straight away yeah and the idea i happens to put the iron board against the fence i think that was the that was definitely the the right way to go use it like a sort of basketball backboard exactly so so if you get it so it will stop you know yeah if you get it on the board it'll probably stay on the board didn't always yeah but I was a bit surprised that no one else thought that I was also slightly surprised I was allowed to get away with it but if it doesn't say on the task you must not put the board against the fence or any other barrier yeah then they can't stop you doing it no I think and that's why task musters so fun sometimes you do something that you assume everyone else

is gonna do and then you get there on the day and find out that it turns out you're a genius. Yeah, I did like it at the start of the task when Guz stayed in the room and was trying to... I really was hoping he never realised you were allowed to leave the room. Because that happened a lot on Series 10 with Katherine Parkinson.

I think every single task that started in that room she never left the room for she had no idea that you could leave the room and I really thought Guz was just going to try and stand in the corner and throw the iron onto the ironing board it was amazing. He always looks so furtive like he's up to something, well he usually is up to something he usually is, yeah he's got the 7 year

old boy face, just sort of cheeky cheeky naughty boy but in the end that was quite a good effort from Guz, not quite Seven-year-old boy face, just sort of cheeky, cheeky, naughty boy. But in the end, that was quite a good effort from Gus. Not quite as good as yours. He didn't have the backboard situation. No, good work with the bath, though. The bath was a good idea. Viewers may not realise, or perhaps they do,

that these objects are always around the place. Yes. The reason that the bath turns up so much is it's just in the garden yes the reason that the bath turns up so much is it's just in the garden it's like the cow and the various things in the house yeah they're there so and what i think yours is the first series with the with the dome in the garden as well which is quite a confusing addition to the taskmaster house the sort of bio dome yes yeah yes the first task I did was in there which was spreading jam on toast in a cool way yes that was an awful one

to have to do first as if just felt humiliated I think your effort was great from that putting the jam in the leaf blower was absolutely amazing I was very pleased with the leaf blower yeah that was uh and then but actually greg didn't like the jams flunts spurting at the end of it you never know it did sort of dribble at the end i think in your i think in your mind maybe it was going to properly just blast out like a sort of shotgun of jam um but it did just sort of flop out onto the toast which was slightly gross yeah it takes a little while for it to get up to full blast. Victoria created a pulley system.

Now, I think this is the way I might have gone. This was my first thought, was to go pulley system. But I don't feel she went far enough. I feel like pulley system is a good idea, but you need to be braver and really go really quite far away with the pulley. Yeah, I think so. I think once you... Well, I imagine that took some setting up. Yeah.

There was a time limit on it. And I think once you've achieved that, you think, oh, we've achieved that. That's good. Yeah, there's no point pushing it. No point, do you think? I wonder what anyone else is doing. I wonder...

Oh, I wonder... Do you think he or she will be good at throwing? I bet they've... Should I get on the roof and drop it from 50 feet? You know, you don't think like that. Yeah. And they won't let you get on the roof. Every single series, someone tries to get on the roof

and Alex denies them. The only thing that they're not allowed to do. There's a weather vane hanging up from the Taskmaster house. I thought maybe get a rope over that, attach the iron to that as a sort of like a pulley system that's there for you already and then just sort of go as far as you can up the drive and lower it down gently but you know if if it was that if i was actually there trying to do it alan i would have panicked and just lobbed it as as hard as i could well there's also a kind of a cable along the fence by the golf course. Yes. There's something quite high there.

Yeah, see, too late now. In the end, it just said to me, throw it as far as you can. Yeah. It paid off. It paid off for you. And I thought, this is going to be fun. And actually, it turns out,

for a man of my age, 20 minutes is as long as you can throw a time for before it gradually gets the distances get shorter and shorter especially with your repetitive strain injury from the card scaling as well you can't do it for longer than 20 no, no, ill advised

yeah Morgana leaves the ironing board in the house the only person to do that and levers it down from the guard this felt like a very the right idea, but having to sort of shimmy the iron off the end of that stick felt like she wasn't onto a winner.

I thought to make an eight-metre-long pole was good work. Yes, yeah, it was, but very difficult to control at that point. But it was lovely to hear her use her catchphrase again of little fucker. Well, the little fucker point first episode it's controversial it was such a beautiful start to the series

I was like okay she's going to be good she called Alex a little fucker straight away and Desiree Desiree's normally pretty solid in terms of tasks she very rarely gets the one point and Desiree not a great I mean normally Desiree's normally pretty solid in terms of tasks she very rarely

gets the one point but it's the one point for her she threw the iron into the basket that was balanced on the ironing board nice idea

but just not far away enough only four metres 80 one point for Desiree two points for Morgana three points for Victoria four points for Guz and the big five for you Alan

yeah a truly victorious moment three points for Victoria four points for Guz and the big five for you Alan yeah a truly victorious moment is this your fence on the neighbours oh boom lovely shot Alex please can I have your assistance brother Oh, boom. Lovely shot.

Alex, please can I have your assistance, brother? Yeah, take on. You know who we're going to channel for this one? Shaka Hislop. You remember Shaka? Shaka Hislop for the win. Oh, no. Oh, no, I haven't factored in the iron,

smashing the pieces. Task two, make a cute toy for a cute dog. The dog will have five minutes with your cute toy. Most engaged dog wins. You have 20 minutes. A lovely, a lovely task. They did something similar with a child in a previous series. They had to make a toy for a child make a child for a dog make a child make a child for a dog

um a very uh a very fun task um and you and morgana both went the same way with with the food i feel like that's the way to go but it also feels like it's cheating alan yeah i thought it might be construed as cheating. I was impressed with Morgana as I frequently am that she would then decamp to the kitchen and fry up some chicken. Yes after making a cake last week. It's made a cake. Yeah. Best part of two hours. So but and then put it in the pipe and course, the dog was desperate to get to it. I didn't actually put any food in my own. I asked him to add food later. Even lazier.

But as I found all this stuff in this box, I really felt inadequate, you know, in terms of arts and crafts, basic skills of that sort. Yeah, is that something that I think some people are more excited about those sorts of tasks when it was like a creative like art based task did you find it more difficult i did really and i feel like it says a lot about the nursery education i received in the late 1960s there weren't any all i wanted to do was cut out a string of paper men

um you could have done that you could have done that for the dogs i should have done that All I learned to do was cut out a string of paper men. You could have done that. You could have done that for the dog. Perhaps I should have done that. So the more things I stuck on to this pipe, the uglier and uglier it became. And I couldn't find a way of either making it into a sort of a creature or something soft that you'd like to hold.

It wasn't even any use as a fidget toy. It was just, it looked like it needed to go in the bin. Well, I think that was clear from when you were asked to name it and you went with Pipey. There was no disguise of the fact that it was a pipe. Although, I've got to say,

if you're looking at yours and Morgana's, I think yours could be considered cuter. I think you might have deserved more than Morgana for that because hers was just a pipe, a pipe covered in felt with chicken breast in it. It had no sort of defining features as a cute toy. It looked like a car, shit.

It looked like a weapon. It was a chicken car. Or some sort of unfinished sex toy. It was quite phallic and pink. And it looked like you might have got it in a particularly down market shop in soho filled with chicken but yeah i added bits to mine and but who knew it turns out and i've learned this uh with my own dog they love chewing up the insides of toilet rolls they love that cardboard tube it rolls away from them

they can't get hold of it oh that oh it's great and that was uh that that's what gus put on that the lotus stream priscilla yeah i think and that who knew that was such a brilliant dog toy yeah really the dog would definitely have wrecked it yeah the quickest way to do it would just be to get one of those toilet rolls and just draw eyes on it that would be the that would be the best thing to do but no the the dog absolutely loved uh priscilla guzzy's guzzy's toy uh the tennis balls the toilet rolls and the string i think it's supposed to look like another dog wasn't it it was supposed to look like a friend to play with i don't know what's going on in guzzy's mind it was just a mess. Best to leave it there.

But that definitely did the best. That got the five points. And I really think, Alan, you deserve the same or more than Morgana because I think he did, he had a better effort with the cute toy.

Victoria went with the cat route and she made a felt cat face and attached some tennis balls. Again, I'm not sure this was a cute toy. Again, your first idea that you have, if it's all right, you're all right. If it's shit, it's shit. And then a cat head and hanging it up.

Turned out to be, that's not, anyway. I just think with Victoria, if she's not immediately engaged in the idea or it's something within her wheelhouse she is like well I'll just get on with it and do it and get it out the way yeah she feels as I do I think yeah all under longer this goes on the more embarrassing is just get it done she says something quite amazing in this episode about it not being where she expected her career to end up

I like Morgana's response for me this is the pinnacle very funny having had her own multiple series of her own that's how I felt on series 9 where I was having the time of my life and it truly was the pinnacle of my career.

And then sat next to poor old David Baddiel, a national treasure, absolutely having his reputation destroyed in front of his eyes. But it's a further gift to the nation from David. Exactly. Having given us a football anthem and many hours of television. He's now given us that.

Very enjoyable. Yeah. Failing, showing his failings over and over again and embracing it. Talking of failings, Desiree made Chonky.

I think the best named of all of the toys. I did enjoy the name Chonky, but that's where the enjoyment stopped. It was just some tennis balls. It wasn't where the enjoyment stopped um it was just some tennis balls at least it wasn't even a cat face it was just some tennis balls hanging from a stand it was an absolute disaster from Chonky yeah well you're giving a load of stuff and quite a bit of

time yeah but you really can't make anything out of that stuff really difficult to sort of just leave something and and then you don't even get to see the result you don't get to see the dog come and play with it you know i never met the dog we only were shown a photo of the dog do you think do you think seeing a photo of the dog or knowing some information about the dogs uh the dog's um sort of hobbies would have helped alan i think that well knowing the size of its jaws i might have scaled down the size of my object. Because Pipey was bigger than the dog. Pipey was a big old boy.

Knock out a burglar with Pipey. You'll know next time to ask the size of the dog's jaws. Knock out a burglar is not a euphemism, by the way. It's an actual term for assaulting an intruder. It's a euphemism when we talk about Morganas, but not with yours. Morganas was a pink phallus. You could knock out a burglar with Morganas, definitely.

Wow, Victoria. When you got at the tennis ball and popped it down, I accepted your authority. Then I even accepted your authority when you suggested rubbing a cut on it. You didn't even lose me at the idea that they might be attracted by wee. Where you lost me is that the dog might be attracted to your wee. It would be hard to get someone else's wee.

I was alone in the room. Well, that is true. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed,

how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water.

We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task three, sit on the red chair. I mean, this is a long one, I'm strapping.

Sit on the red chair in the secret tower. You may only step on circles on your way. You may only stand on each circle once unless it is black. You may stand on a black circle twice, but never twice in a row. Also, you must put this task in the shredder within the first minute. If you fail for any reason, Alex will blow his whistle, return everything to its starting position, and you must start again. Fastest wins.

Your time starts when Alex says your name. Baffling. Yeah, it was a bit. Although I was kind of okay because I got it with the circles. Right, okay, that's good. You can step on that, and you can't step on that twice in a time. I thought, okay, I'll get this with the red and black thing. Yes.

But then I fixated on the circles. Yeah, that was the thing. And I went and gathered it. I got all the circles in the room. Yeah. If I was to do this task again, which I'm sure is what many people say, the first thing I would have done is run across the room and looked in the secret room which point Alex would have gone no stop you gotta start again yeah yeah sorry either but that would have taken five seconds

yes once I'd known what's going on in the secret room because I assumed that this secret tower thing who knows there might be stairs going up somewhere it might go yeah you just don't know what they don't know yeah and so I gathered up all the ages going around the room picking up all these circles and I didn't need them but it was Morgana who had the good idea which is just get to yeah Steve Martin just took two squares of carpeting and strap them to my feet. Well, what I'd say, Alan, is you went and gathered all those things and then realised you didn't need them

and had a little bit of a disaster with it all. But I've never known anyone on Taskmaster to make mistakes like you and then just be absolutely fine with it. Just like chuckle away. Just like, oh, well, carry on. So late. But I would have been raging.

I would have been trashing that place. But why? i don't i don't know why people get upset but i'm like well you're quite right you're in the right definitely i mean i do feel first and foremost it's a comedy it's a comedy show yeah so i think that you felt you have a sort of fine sense of when you are making the comedy and when you are the comedy the comedy has been made with you yeah and it's usually one or the other happening yeah and and uh I think the reason why this show is enjoyable to take part in and enjoyable to watch is because it's fair that you have always had

the opportunity to get out of the situation yeah do something different to say whatever you want to be funny you're never actually trapped you're perfectly entitled to go at alex with the giant scissors make him run away you can pick them up and smash your stupid shop up. You don't have to. Oh, I really wish you'd smash this shop up with the scissors, Alan. Don't think of the best ideas. Esprit de scallier. You don't think of the best ideas until you're leaving.

I wish I'd smash this stupid shop up, actually. Snap the string and then go and smash these shorts in pieces. Darts and scissors and ducks all over the place. He'd have been really upset. Greg would have died laughing. Yeah, it would have been great. There were so many bonus points for smashing his shop up. Alan, let's talk about the two cream eggs before we talk about anyone else's efforts

you've just it was passed it was passed over in the task obviously and then greg briefly mentioned the two cream eggs but i know greg would have been obsessed with the fact you'd had two cream eggs i'd forgotten about that right uh completely and um as i sort of wrapped my brains we did all we did that task in this old building about somewhere in the, I don't know where it was, somewhere in the south of England, you know, like a World War II air base, and it was, so there was a chapel there,

a consecrated chapel, and there was various buildings, and so they put you in a room, and what I remember about the room was they had about four electric heaters of different shapes and sizes and designs yeah and and then a table with a mirror on inviting you to do your own makeup that went well by the way anyone listening this isn't a task this is just the dressing room just the morning but yeah you do slightly feel like there's

probably a go-go camera in the corner there seems to be one absolutely everywhere and uh and there's a bunch of various bowls of snacks and chocolates and biscuits and drinks and stuff to graze on yeah and uh and there must have been cream eggs in there. There must have been. Yeah, either that or you brought two cream eggs with you. I definitely didn't do that. Yeah. But two cream eggs is, but I think one cream egg you have a cream egg and you know you've had a cream egg, right? But this is why

confectionery is so clever and it's greatly underrated. One cream egg's not quite enough. Yeah. Two cream eggs is way too much and that's the first rule of snacks yeah what you really needed was a big cream egg and then one of the little cream eggs right that's the perfect amount there was a little self-control my first rodeo with cream eggs i know i don't need to no one needs to

well i mean you know it might have given you a bit of energy, a bit of sort of manic energy in that task. Desiree did very well in this. She looked sort of mildly frustrated. As Greg pointed out, she said mother-father, which is lovely. That is not a lady who needs an etiquette book. She knows how to swear politely.

But it was a good effort from her i would have been suspicious alan that when they say sit on the red chair in the secret tower and there's a red chair that you can see i would have been suspicious that was another red chair in the secret tower so you didn't actually need to go and get the red chair from there do you see what i mean yeah i totally felt like there was going to be a trick there and obviously i had to shred the task i also in the secret tower there was the balloons with the sweet i would have been suspicious of the sweet because everyone was eating the sweet but i would have been worried there was a little small print on the task that you've just read it saying if you eat the sweet you're disqualified yeah that well all of these things there are red herrings yeah frequently there are red herrings

but i was expecting and really was expecting a a tower that we were gonna have to go up a tower yeah not sit in the bottom of a tower um i mean look you had quite a good one desiree had quite a good one morgana she did she got the four points and like you say it's a very good idea to shuffle on the cards but it was shuffling over shredding the task and then immediately jumping jumping off them because she'd she'd read the whole task but thought the task was to shred the task yeah that was it it was and it was her face just so impressed with herself and then she jumped off and was so surprised that she'd messed up

getting the task it's a bit like when you do your own levels or your gcses you know when the teacher you make sure you read the question yeah yeah yeah at least twice really really carefully read the question slowly twice before you even begin to think about what you're going to do, you must read the question. Yeah. And so often, we've all done it, you go back to the task and you see something like, oh, shit! I've got to close the window!

Or whatever it is, you know. I do think GCSEs would be more interesting if you had to shred the exam paper one minute after you'd read it. Read the question and then shred it. Okay, let's talk. I mean, look, Guz had a... He was just too slow, wasn't he? He just really took his time

with everything. He didn't seem to mind that he was going slowly. It was only two points for Guz. He'd only done 6 minutes 45. Guz was trying to establish some rapport with Alex. You know, but I'm sitting on the chair, brother. Yeah. But haven't we got a special relationship?

No. It's like someone in a market. Yeah. Come on. Don't you want to buy all my stuff? Yeah. It's all about some personal relationship yeah he's wonderful he's absolutely wonderful but two points yeah um again he is he was saved as you were in

the prize task by by victoria who i mean this this has got to go down in taskmaster history is one of the one of the biggest meltdowns. There was an incident where Mouan Rizwan tried to put helium into an egg. I feel like this has now been beaten by Victoria saying there can't be a chair in a suite, can there? So confused was she by the lack of red chair in the secret tower that she thought it might... She was looking for the chair in the suite tower that she thought it might she was looking for the chair in the suite

and the balloon is what a meltdown it was yeah you what you do you can start to think there's something going on here that i've missed yeah and you do some it's easy to feel as though i'm being tricked and deceived by people who want to belittle and humiliate me and actually that isn't what's happening usually yeah they're not they're not being tricked and belittled they've not been set a simple task they've not put a chair in a suite the chair but i think alex mentioned that she had didn't have her glasses with her yes which i i think perhaps um have her glasses with her yes which is i think perhaps um sorry might correct me i don't know she usually does but basically it's just just vanity just doesn't just feels like she looks better without her glasses so yeah oh okay it's a it's a big room i probably won't need my glasses

but yeah if you can't see a chair from 30 feet, you should never take them off. It's the only bit of furniture in the room. Yeah. I mean, she completely missed it. It was incredible. Someone was going to miss it. When you see that, you think, oh, there but for the grace of great go I.

Oh, Alex must have been punching the air when she did that. What a brilliant moment. They got all those low-angle shots of the chair in the foreground and her in the background going, but there isn't a chair. And yet again, Victoria did what she does and just redefined something. So she just decided that if she sits on something,

it becomes a chair, much as she redefined a flapjack as a cake last week just sort of with logic and just by sort of bullish intelligence decided that it was a chair and I love that Greg couldn't even bother to argue it because there was no point, it was still one point for her

anyway. There was no point at all, she set up an argument and she was fight that to her death. She's married to David Mitchell who is, I've never met anyone who can assume a position and make it bomb proof in a matter of seconds. Yeah. How they sort

out whose fault it is that their child's fallen down the stairs. You would have thought hopefully they're very much on the same page as each other most of the time because otherwise they're going to get stuck on a, hopefully they're very much on the same page as each other most of the time, because otherwise they're going to get stuck on a point and they're not, they're never going to sleep, are they?

Yeah, we're all married couples in arguments. Yeah. But theirs should be broadcast. Yeah. Well, it was one point. It was one point for Victoria,

two points for Gus, three points for you, Alan, four points for Morgana, and five points for Desiree, mother you Alan four points for Morgana and five points for Desiree mother father

right please start again I've only stood in it once yeah but afterwards you stood over there I don't want to argue with you

please turn on the big circle sit on the red chair in the secret tower. I totally forgot about that bit, didn't I? Yeah. Oh!

Well, where's the secret tower? What? This doesn't make any sense. The live task. Did you enjoy doing the live tasks, Alan? Some of them I did. This one was very frustrating. This was one where you felt like the task, one or two of the tasks you do think

actually that's a bit flawed. Yeah. Because you've, we've had to make a choice at the beginning about how many bits of paper we've got to pick up. We have no idea. Well and I felt with this one it's fine to say a piece of paper is now worth minus five points. So I picked up eight pieces of paper. Victoria picked up seven. And we were on minus 40, minus 35. So that's a mistake. But then you need to be able to claw those points back to get zero.

Yeah. But you're still only given two minutes yeah to make your paper planes so you kind of get double penalized you get penalized you picked up too many sheets and then you get penalized because you're given the same amount of time to make eight paper you can't make them yeah i'm not a bad paper plane maker yours were pretty good i think i was very impressed with your paper planes actually i only really got to make two or three that were okay and the other five were a shambles with no potential for flight of any sort and i felt that was that was not fair on us because you see it's fine to say aha you fools you take you you knew you knew you should either take all

the paper or one piece well so you end up with some compromise well i i mean i know you were you said you attempted to take all of them i think that's what i would have done and that would have been an absolute disaster if you had 25 sheets and you had two minutes just to make the airplanes it would have been i thought that would be brilliant they should have just said okay now you've got five minutes to make airplanes yes okay yeah no i understand that make the airplanes right so you're all happy with your airplanes yeah we're all happy with our airplanes i've got eight he's got two she's got seven yeah but instead of that guz had two really good airplanes yes i had two good airplanes and then six pieces of scrumpled

up paper because i was still amazed that no one got a pair of an airplane in any of those it was absolutely amazing the air currents were like in this studio but nothing seemed to be maybe they had fans blowing they wouldn't put it past them i love that and it happens now and again on a live task where no one gets anything and the whole thing the whole setup they're coming up with a task putting all those things out are completely pointless because no one got anything. I think, you know what it was? It was the fact that they were all on the floor and we were high up actually made it worse.

Yes, because people were trying to aim down into the, I think the toilet was right in front of you, but you still couldn't do it because you can't just drop a paper plane because it wants to go places. Yeah, you need it. if we were on the same level yeah let's face it ed this it would be the same outcome the airplanes were shit yeah as as because we didn't have enough time to make the airplanes it was the task is fly some paper airplanes into a bog over there.

Give us a chance to make a proper airplane. Otherwise, it's impossible. I mean, the task, as Greg said, ended up being choose the least amount of paper. So it was Guz and Desiree on minus 10. They got five points each. Morgana got minus 30, three points. Minus 35, Victoria, two points.

And minus 40 for you, Alan. But just think, it could have been so much worse if you'd picked all of them. It could have been worse in a way. But I felt a bit sorry. I think Morgana was close to winning. And in that one choice of picking up those sheets of paper, she lost.

And I thought that she was a bit... That happened a few times on the studio task. Suddenly there were a lot of points up for grabs or something happened where the balance of the whole show was tipped. Yeah. Because when you're doing the task, when you're filming the task, or in my case at least,

you don't really think about whether you're going to win the task or whether you're going to get any points or what everyone else is doing. Yeah, you're just doing the task in front of you. You're just doing the thing in front of you and trying to have a nice time and trying to think of something funny to say. And then once you're in the studio and they start putting the points up on the board, you all start thinking,

ooh, if I do well, look, I'm second. Maybe I could, if I get, I could win. Ooh, who's, you know, it just takes you over. And by the final episode, you know, we all wanted to win. Yeah, of course. Like you say, it was a victory for Guz in this episode. 19 points. Morgana and Desiree on 17.

You on 14. And Victoria at the bottom, where she normally is, with nine points. She puts Guz in the lead in the series. But it's all very close uh morgana's close behind then you uh then desiree and then and then victoria's there as well alan we're going to do some emails now. This is an email from Bridget from Michigan. She says,

Hi, Ed and Alan. First of all, so glad that Alan is on the show. One of the comedians I was really hoping would make it onto the lineup soon. On QI, Alan's love of blue whales has been a theme throughout the show. Were there any prize tasks or tasks in general, Alan, that you thought of referencing your love

of blue whales okay do you know what now i think about it that something blue whale-ish would have been very good for desiree some kind of yeah natural history museum voucher lovely yeah fascinating no it never crosses my mind people i slightly overestimate my interest in the blue whale as much as i love the blue whale and i would love to see one in the wild and it's a wonderful you're not spending all day thinking about blue whales i'm not trying to crowbar into other shows yeah that's it very much the qi alan likes blue whales it so often it feels like it's the answer yeah and then once on qi and a couple of times it has been the answer but they

always managed to seclude it somehow from me so i don't get it that included once asking the question in french yeah and while i just heard the word blur, and then I thought, could it be? And it was. It must be, yeah. Finally. This is from Justine in Singapore. We have such an international listenership on this podcast. Yeah, we really do. Hi, Ed and Alan.

Just want to say I'm a huge fan of both of you on Taskmaster. I know from episode one that series 12 is definitely in my top five series of all time and I personally think Alan deserved five points for his short film in the bathtub. Thank you. Sorry Justine, I'm really going to disagree with you there. That was really a lot of effort.

What you couldn't see on that task when I was in the bathtub was that I mean of course they maybe they couldn't resist putting a picture in of me standing in the bathtub looking a bit foolish but they had a kind of a tablet computer I think it was on an ironing board or a table or something next to the bathtub on which I could see what was going on under the water. Right. But it just kept cutting out. Yeah.

It kept failing. And I kept having to sort of adjust the camera on my boot and try and have another go. So much of what was going on under the water, I had no idea what was happening. But I really did enjoy it very much. What I really loved about that was when it cut back to the studio and Victoria was just

absolutely baffled because you just sort of drowned a voodoo doll of her yeah not just baffled really hacked off not for a moment did she think

oh it's nice that you included me in your play I didn't know I'd have definitely had I known if I hadn't known her response I would have made it Morgana

Morgana would have loved to have been involved another pinnacle of her career she'd have said oh thank you including me in the play I would have said I'm sorry you drowned I don't mind drowning I was in your play if I'm happy I love that it's a play.

He's sloshing around in a bath. It's a play. It's a play. On to Justine's question, anyway, concerning Victoria. I just wanted to ask Alan if he preferred doing the solo tasks

or the team tasks. Can't wait to see more team tasks with Victoria. That's very diplomatic here. Yes. So of course I enjoyed all tasks equally although sometimes I think more clearly when I'm alone. If you're in a team task and your teammates is ignoring everything you say, you may as well be in a solo to ask um we had quite a lot of questions about your outfit actually this is uh this is from andres in bogota in colombia i'm not making this up that's genuinely where the emails come from you're not making it up but andres is actually

in swindon yeah well it's obviously become a thing with your listeners just put just say you're in venezuela put bogota he loves it he thinks people are listening from all over the world It's obviously become a thing with your listeners. Just say you're in Venezuela. Put Bogota. He loves it. He thinks people are listening from all over the world and not just the home counties. I have a few questions I would love to get answered and they're all regarding your Taskmaster outfit, Alan. Far away. Why did you decide to reference the Simpsons

with that amazing hoodie? Well, what I wanted to do, what I really wanted was to have the word dignity on my person. Yes. Both as a joke and also a reminder to myself. Yeah. And in doing a bit of noodling around looking for something, I came across that fabulous Simpsons episode.

Yeah. I came across that fabulous Simpsons episode. Yeah. Where they're doing pictionary and he draws the shape. They're all going, what is it? It's dignity! It's just so funny. And yes, you're able to place an order for this on the internet. You can get pretty much anything on a sweatshirt

yeah and it seemed like a good idea then there was a bit of back and forth with Channel 4 about whether it was Simpsons copyrighted

or yeah anything like that anyway they allowed it which I was glad about because it's one of my favourite moments in the Simpsons

which is of course just such a great show it's an amazing outfit and people have up on it. I'm getting lots and lots of social media reaction. In fact a guy today sent me a picture and he's managed to order himself one. People are just sending me things saying, where did you get it? I'll get your act together. Where do you think I got it? internet it is such a risk as well in Taskmaster wearing something that says dignity on it there's so many situations where dignity

is not something that bears fruit it goes out the window the moment you agree to take part it really does enduring humiliation a lovely follow up question from Andres in Bogota colombia definitely um he said is dignity something that concerns you nicely put yeah so is that translated from

hispanic yeah um more and more it does i think i've sacrificed dignity at points in my career. In fact in my life it's so keen to make people laugh it's been a crippling affliction in just the day to day life. Yeah. Hoping that the postman will smile after he's handed over a parcel to me

I love handing parcels to that guy at number 35 so much better than the guy at number 37 and so I think I've let dignity go out the window I used to do lots of routines in my

stand up where I'd end up lying on the floor in a dirty pub stage and one of my friends said to me I think it's just quite sad what you do. So the risk and the thing that I was concerned about in accepting the opportunity to go on Taskmaster was that my dignity would be compromised.

So you could tell from my choice of sweatshirt that it was at the forefront of my mind. Yeah, just constantly looking at your jumper and going like, come on, Alan. Come on, remember the basics. Remember the dignity. You can do it. Alan, thank you so much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast.

We always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points in the style of the Taskmaster um have you had a nice time on the podcast and if so could you put a point score to it well i feel like my name has almost become three points to alan davis sort of middling contestant. I would hate to break that now. I've walked the experience any more than three. So three points. Three points. Three points to the Alan Davis episode of the Taskmaster Podcast.

No one's disappointed with three. No. Three's solid. You've got to get the threes. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast, Alan. It's been a pleasure to have you on. Thanks, Ed. Well, there we are. What a lovely chat, Alan. It's been a pleasure to have you on. Thanks, Ed. Well, there we are.

What a lovely chat with Alan that was. Thanks so much for coming on, Alan. We will try and get Alan back on again at some point. I am sure the series rumbles on. It's getting very exciting, very close in the top four contestants. So looking forward to seeing what happens on episode seven,

which is next Thursday at 9 p.m. on Channel 4. Episode of the Taskmaster podcast will drop straight after that, of course. Me talking to another special guest. And our special guest next week is Al Murray, a returning Taskmaster podcast guest. Very much looking forward to chatting to Al about episode seven of series 12 so if you have any questions for myself

or for Al about his series of Taskmaster my series of Taskmaster this series of Taskmaster please contact us on taskmasterpodcast at gmail.com wherever you are in the world you've heard we've got people who listen to us in Bogota unless they were lying thank you very much

see you next week goodbye were lying. Thank you very much. See you next week. Goodbye. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations,

how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative.