Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 53. Al Murray – S12 Ep.7

Episode Date: November 4, 2021

On the podcast this week Ed is joined by comedian, previous TM contestant and friend of the podcast, Al Murray. The pair dig down in to Ep 7 of the current series. They discuss dissolving pants, what makes a jingle and how to get a pipe through a sponge. All of this plus an impromptu musical performance from Al.Watch Series 12 of Taskmaster every Thursday on Channel 4 at 9pm. Download the Taskmaster App at Taskmaster.tv Watch all of the Taskmaster on All 4https://www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster Order Bring me the head of the Taskmaster https://taskmasterstore.com/products/bring-me-the-head-of-the-taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail]  Visit the Taskmaster Youtube channelwww.youtube.com/taskmaster  Taskmaster the Podcast is Produced by Daisy Knight for AvalonTelevision  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated

category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. I'm Ed Gamble. I am your host for the Taskmaster podcast. Here on the Taskmaster podcast, you know this already, we talk about Taskmaster. We go through a specific episode of Taskmaster. We break it down. We go through the tasks. We chat about it. What we enjoyed. What was controversial. The points people should have got. The points people shouldn't have got. All that sort of shizzle. And we are currently talking about series 12 which is on TV now. It's being broadcast every Thursday night at 9pm on channel 4. And we're on episode 7. We're getting to the crunch times, guys.

Only three episodes left after this. But what an episode this was. Very, very funny episode. Everyone doing a great job, I thought. And we'll be chatting about it in more detail very, very soon with our wonderful guest, Al Murray. Al Murray, of course, from taskmaster and from all comedy very much looking forward to chatting to al about this episode not much more you need to know really

uh yes taskmasters on at 9 p.m on channel 4 but you can watch it on all four as well you can buy a book you can buy merch taskmasterstore.com for all of that sort of stuff stay tuned for after the podcast as well. I will tell you who our guest is next week. Start getting your questions in Taskmasterpodcast at gmail.com. Okay, see you after this. Welcome, Al Murray, back to the Taskmaster podcast. Hello.

Hello, hello. Great to have you back. Well, thank you so much for coming back of course uh a star of a previous series of taskmaster and of course who can forget star of the taskmaster google advertising campaign i know finally the show sold out and and who who better to go to than uh the show that the person the show probably owes the most money to, having spunked so much cash, trying to win and failing. So it feels like it's the circle of life or something. Yeah, you've finally broken even on Taskmaster.

Well done, Al. Yeah. Did they ask you to do that because you just happened to be hanging around the house waiting to see what was going on? Well, I mean, I only live up the road, you know. So if proximity is how I got the booking, then that's definitely it. Yeah, I think I think it came down to being old and uncool and available, basically. You know, all you hit people have really fucking busy these days.

And, you know, luckily, well, we all out the beam off. That's obviously what. Well, I'm not sure you're aware that since the last time you're on the Taskmaster podcast, we spoke to Mel Gedroych, who I think you featured in one of her tasks. And she claims that you're in that task because you just popped in to see what was going on at the Taskmaster house. Yeah, that's true. That is quite true. Yeah, I did just pop in. I was passing. I love that. If I look, if I live near the house, I'd be there every day to see what was going on, quite frankly. Well, I mean, during the first pandemic,

I'd take my daughter for a walk every morning and most mornings we'd go past that and I'd look over the fence, over the gate. Oh, that's lovely. Yeah, yeah. Or desperate, you know. One of the two, but I very much connect with both. I mean, what's lovely in a 12-year-old is desperate in a 53-year-old man.

Now, we're obviously talking about Series 12 today, Al. What are your thoughts on the lineup for Series 12? Oh, it's fantastic. I mean, obviously, as someone who just loves the show, I'll take any old Muppet being fed through the fed through the taskmaster mincer. Basically people are fed in and they turn the handle and they come out, they come out the other end,

but I I'm absolutely loving it. And I think for me, it's Victoria is sort of emerging as this. I mean, was she raised on earth? There is an element of the alien about victoria isn't that well yeah i mean she you know she's obviously obviously she's i mean i'm not from london maybe it's because i'm not from london and i didn't grow up in the you know right in the heart of

of of the big city and so i've got you know provincial abilities like being able to ride a bicycle you know needing needing to get to the you know the next town to able to ride a bicycle i mean maybe it's to do with you know needing needing to get to the you know the next town to catch the train to london maybe that's what that's to do with but but but she she just seems she seems so otherworldly and i think it's you know i you know uh what's great about taskmaster you know it's the way it reveals character and she's sort of emerging as this sort of um alien princess it's sort of rather beautiful yeah it's like so so intelligent she's not she's not actually lost that i mean when you had someone like david baddiel on the show uh there was a lot of talk of everyone thought david was intelligent and it turns out he's

quite silly um but victoria is still fiercely intelligent it's just with things like riding a bicycle uh and there's a few there's a few things going i mean the chair in the suite was another but a power of a pair of sort of mental arithmetic or whatever or puzzle unlocking you something oh wow you know there's something else there's something else going on here you know but i mean yeah and um and then i don't know uh guz is sort sort of simple ability to just cut through, sort of the Occam's razor character of the show, where the simplest way of doing this, and the least, sort of just to hack through the bullshit and not be addled by the business,

you know, the sort of business of taskmasters. Because I used to sometimes think, you know, the tasks are done with a wax seal and all that. It's trying to sort of bamboozle you. It's thinking you're doing something sort of really smart, whereas often a lot of it's stupid. And you've just got to get on with it. And that's what Gus does. You're right.

He just storms in. He says hello to Alex, looks at the task and just does his first thought. And that's kind of what you need sometimes. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And then, well, Desiree was on the Google thing, so I met her on that. Of course. I didn't know her from a bar of soap. And I'm rather fascinated by her approach because she seems sort of sweetly serious about a lot of it. And again, you know, like, what are you doing? It's, you know, it's ridiculous.

Also, I mean, again, we're talking about other planets i know she's from america which is ostensibly in another galaxy but um the fact that she can't say the word snooker she's been in england a long time but her point about that i completely understood the that we say we say book we say look why don't we say snooker well or book or luke i'm willing to i'm willing to change either way well because it's because it's snooker because yeah i don't wish to make you sort of like start lurching towards your character there al but yeah but no it's it's pronounced you you know, it's like wise slough and rough and through. Yeah.

You can't resort to the spelling. You can't resort to the spelling in the English language. And then Morgana, again, she's great because she is, again, she's a one-off. Yeah. I mean, that's one way of putting it. She's phenomenal. I mean, she's taking the show by yeah i mean that's yeah that's that's one way of putting it she's she's phenomenal i mean she's taking the show by storm yeah yeah and um yeah uh and then alan has fallen quite

comfortably into being the daft old bloke i mean you know if they i think if they were still making last the summer wine i think he's only probably two or three years off that and i don't think he'd mind that either no no that's exactly it i think he'd go yeah all right i'll be all right i'll be i'll be foggy's long lost long lost nephew no i got no problem he's happily shepherded towards everything in the show he just sort of laughs and you know does it quite badly most of the time and just giggles and then finishes great exactly So let's talk about this episode Series 12, episode 7 The prize task

The most ridiculous thin thing It's a good prize task It's simpler than some of them have been Recently I liked it I didn't have any immediate thoughts As to what I would i would bring in al how about yourself well i well i mean what you could do is between that program the next is get

on a rowing machine and try and become thin yes that might be the or your present simply present present oneself and say because i'm not thin so that's the most ridiculous thin thing, isn't it? It's a fat bloke. It is ridiculous to present yourself as a thin thing. There you go, you see. But I don't know. I mean, I thought that, again, it's always that thing. Why does Desiree know about dissolving underpants? I did not know about dissolving underpants.

Did you know about dissolving underpants, Al? Nor did I, nor did I. And, you know, it's not so much crisis reveals character, but having to choose a prize for taskmaster reveals character and she's she knows about dissolving underpants so so you know that means you've got a googler well she's basically because she did that google ad she's basically trying to create opportunities left right and center to force you into googling it so you know well desiree i'm not sure if you're aware of desiree's past but desiree's done shows about this uh desiree in the past has been a dominatrix. So I wonder if that is something from her past,

the dissolving underpants. She's been a dominatrix? Yes. But she'd be a very nice one, though. That's the thing. My idea of, oh, you're right there, honey. Sit down, you naughty boy. I mean, because she seems so sweet.

And also when she gets the task, she always laughs at how ridiculous they are. And I can't imagine you can do that with a new customer. Well, perhaps that's why she's not one anymore. Yeah, she just laughed in their faces. Perhaps that's why Desiree had to get out of the dominatrix business. Because, oh, I want to be treated like a baby. Oh, well, that'd be stupid.

It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. What is the dissolving pants? I can't see what what are they like a prank thing would you give them if your friend asked for some swimming trunks you'd say oh there you go go and jump in the pool and then your pants fall off maybe they're a prank thing they're not a sexy thing though are they like it can't be a sexy thing they can't be a sexy thing i mean you know you unless you'd like trying to get someone to shag you right yeah you're just not

taking the bait so you i don know, you give them those underpants or you wear those underpants to spill the drink on yourself. Yeah, oh no. Yeah, either way, that's not a good use for... I mean, whatever, these are all wrong. You know, what world is this that has them in them? Well, now they're in the world of Taskmaster. Well, I think the way we're discussing them

would suggest they are ridiculous and they are a thin thing. They're necessarily thin, I imagine. Well, I think the way we're discussing them would suggest they are ridiculous and they are a thin thing. And they're necessarily thin, I imagine. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So a pretty good prize.

Yeah, yeah. And then Vic Reeve's hair. I mean, is that thin? Or is that just like basically a star plonk done on everyone else? Well, look at this,

you lot. You're scrambling around for underpants. I've got an iconic Comedy Stars beard hair. You know what it smacks of to me, Al? What? It smacks of, and we've had this in Taskmaster before, someone gets their list of prizes they have to bring in,

they're panicking, they're busy at work doing something else, and they look around for the best thing at their job that they could bring in. Yeah. I think so. I think, I mean, often these things smack of panic anyway. Yeah. There's the heavy smell of panic.

And certainly I know I panicked on a couple. Yeah. And because also you do them quite, if I remember, you do them quite a while ago and you forget about them. Yeah. And then they go, oh, your thing in this show is some Rolos. And I think, oh, God, what the fuck? Why did I choose that?

What the fuck was that? That was a good one. Yeah, but I don't know. When it was in the clinch, it didn't feel like it. Anyway, but yeah. And then Victoria's fat but thin, you know. Well, this is her crowning achievement in this series of Taskmaster, I think. It is an absolute stroke of genius to do the call back to the previous episode.

I think it's absolutely incredible. Yeah. Yeah. And that's because she's a higher intelligence. Yeah. That's because that's because she, you know, maybe she's maybe,

maybe there's a ship in higher earth orbit that has a direct mega supercomputer link to her brain to make her think of doing it. Cause she's cleverer than you and I. She's the alien queen. That's why, you know, this is the alien queen in action. And she basically backed Greg into a corner where he could not have given that anything less than five. I know, I know.

His own words against him from before. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And how could she... But when she submitted it before, how could she but but when she submitted it before how could she know that those would be his words and that i mean she sees into the future that's what we've got here the alien queen scenes in seasons of the future it's amazing

i mean still mr greedy esquire is still an absolutely laughable thing though it's a ridiculous piece of crap yeah but yeah absolutely but a well-deserved five points there um let's let's talk about alan's uh vinyl lp uh the the popped in sold out by wet wet wet well you know what um earlier this week a friend of mine in who's in the band i'm in um was going it was going on about wet wet wet and how actually they were great blue-eyed Glasgow soul. And you're into music. You've played in bands, have you? Well, yeah, very briefly.

I've played in a couple of heavy metal bands, yes. Right, OK. Is the reason it was brief because you suggested to one of the band members that I listen to a Wet Wet Wet, you listen to a Wet Wet Wet record? No, it was brief because none of us had any musical talents. Right, OK. Well, that's often not held people up. Selfless of you as a result of

quick music. But no, yeah, so I mean, I didn't listen. This bandmate of mine said, you know, you really got to listen to this. No, I'm not doing it. I'm sorry. I'm not doing it. It ain't happening. And they seem like perfectly nice people where we're at but i'm not doing it i'm not it's not yeah i don't know much all i know is the um did they do the feel it in my fingers feel it in my toes song yeah although interestingly you know because that was at number one for like 14 15 weeks or something they withdrew the record they told the record company to withdraw it really because they were sick of it wow it was on the mr bean soundtrack that's what i remember about that's right yeah yeah yeah i mean yeah you know anyway but but yes thanks thanks a lot alan

for dragging us back to the um to that yes and it is a it's it is a ridiculous cover it looked it's but it's sort of lightly ridiculous it sort of invited minimal ridicule i think uh so i think three points was well deserved. Well, I think I thought it was generous, to be honest. Yeah. And Guz is Alex Horner's Where's Wally. I don't quite know what Guz was thinking here, to be honest. Well, maybe, I mean, Alex isn't built, is he?

So maybe he's thinking Alex is a thin man. Yeah, I guess so. So I don't know. I mean, maybe he thought I'll come up with something really thin yeah there's a concept that the concept itself is pretty fucking thin see that's not a bad way of approaching it to be honest al i think you could have yeah the the thin the thin concept i think yeah maybe that's what he should have said i'll admit the concept's thin and then you and then you're in aren't you then you're through you concept's thin. And then you're in, aren't you? Then you're through.

Or at least you're in with a chance at that point. Yeah, or Greg would have given you naught for annoying him. I think that's possible. But also, we did get the story of Shitty Sajid on the log flume, which was great, and I'm glad we got that. Well, I think everyone's life is brighter for knowing about Shitty Sajid. I wonder if production probably had to check afterwards with him about shitty sajid and whether sajid would mind being name dropped on

national television as having shit his pants in a log flu poor old sajid there are many sajids there's sajids all over the country now looking over their shoulder thinking you mean me well there's only one shitty sajid the real shitty sajid knows who he is would he please stand up and go to the toilet yeah I think you mean me. There's only one Shitty Sajid. The real Shitty Sajid knows who he is. Would he please stand up and go to the toilet? So it was five points for Victoria, four points for Desiree, three points for Alan, two points for Morgana, and one point for Gaz and nought points for Shitty Sajid.

I have brought in something that I made. Oh, Christ. Let's have a look I made. Oh, Christ! Let's have a look at it. OK, here it is. There it is. Now... LAUGHTER Oh! Oh, well done. You remember some time ago, I brought in the most elegant thing, beginning with G, greedy Esquire, but he's thin.

Shall we just have a look at him? Yes, we can see that. There we go. You ridiculed him. I don't find him ridiculous, I don't think he's thin. Shall we just have a look at him? Yes, we can see that. There we go. You ridiculed him. I don't find him ridiculous. I don't think he's at all ridiculous. But you find him ridiculous. Let's see you put me last now. Task one. Put up a shelf for all the Taskmaster's snooker balls.

All the Taskmaster's snooker balls must be at the Taskmaster's eyeline. Only the Taskmaster's snooker balls may be on the finished shelf. Fastest wins. How's your DIY, Al? Well, you know what? When I did Taskmaster back in the day, I had to do that task where I had to sweat, and I cheated and tried to use my urine.

And it's obviously one of the things you do when you've been on the show and you've been thwarted is you lie awake at night thinking, how could I have done a better job on that task? And the surest way to get me to sweat is to have me assemble ikea furniture right i can be it doesn't matter what mood i'm in or you know what state i'm in but the moment i get that allen key out and the instructions it just starts pouring off me like and i don't know why i don't know what's going on because it's not like i'm not like i'm you know engaged

in heavy labour or anything it just starts pouring off me and forming these big drops on the end of my nose that go clack onto the instructions

like that so my DIY is terrible yes and I get sweaty hands and I can't so I would have I don't know

I thought I thought you know going and getting shelves was very much the smarter way of doing it. I think so. I think so. Yeah, I mean, none of them really tried to bodge a shelf together properly,

did they? No. Because it was fastest wins as well. I think I would have done exactly the same thing. I would have been straight out there into the shed, grabbing all the shelves. My only other thought, Al, was it said, I don't know if this would have made it easier or not,

just thinking of ways around it. All the snooker balls must be at the Taskmaster's eyeline. Could you just go and get the portrait and put them on like a chair next to the eyeline on the portrait? That's a good idea. You could lie the portrait down, couldn't you? Yeah. And have the eyeline of wherever the portrait is.

Yeah, absolutely. Not a bad idea. That's not a bad idea. other i mean i did think when they went and got shells because that's not erecting a shelf that's just going and getting one whether they were going to run into some horrible you know uh sorry that doesn't count because you didn't make the shells you just went and collected them and i yeah i was worried i was concerned about i i also thought And I was worried. I was concerned about that. I also thought what was Alan's attempt to do as little as possible to make it happen? Like, which clearly stemmed from some kind of, you know, just I don't know whether he couldn't be bothered that day or whether whether he hadn't had a biscuit.

Well, we all know Alan only will do a task well if he's had two cream eggs beforehand. So maybe there were two cream eggs beforehand. There we go. So maybe there were no cream eggs. But then bracketed with Desiree, who's basically, the attempt to do as little as possible. Clearly, when you're up against time, the attempt to decomplicate kind of got to them both. But yeah, I mean, I still just am mystified by snooker. That's what's really got to you, hasn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beyond anything else. I mean, I'm sort of beguiled and bewitched by the idea that... Because she's been here for four years, five years? Oh, longer than that, I think, yeah. Well, exactly. Exactly. Right?

And it is a part of the national discourse, snooker, isn't it? Isn't it? I don't know how often snooker comes up in conversations that i have but okay you know i'm not sure i'm not sure it comes up with desiree on the regular basis but i think yeah she's obviously snooker's got her this far does she play pull as well pull yeah exactly she loves pull um let's talk about desiree shelf because shelf, because I think she should have been disqualified. Well, because it wasn't a shelf. It wasn't self-supporting.

She was actually holding it up. It was just a bit of wood that she was holding, right, with her leg cocked. But maybe it was the cocked leg that temporarily distracted Greg in his scoring, that he was beguiled by the cocked leg. I think so. Because she wasn't self-supporting stood on one leg as well. It's like neither thing was self-supporting.

It's like she doubled down and in my mind it's like minus one times minus one is one, which I've never understood. So if two things aren't self-supporting then the whole thing is self-supporting. There you go. Bang, there we go. That was probably a discussion that happened in the studio that was cut out.

Quantum physics. Yeah. Yeah. Also, Desiree seems to be wearing goggles, but no one else was made to wear goggles. Which was lucky because I think at one point she dropped all the snooker balls on her own head. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it was quite an accident prone round, wasn't it? Because, I mean, after Victoria was nearly killed. Yeah. No, she wouldn't have been killed if she decapitated herself the alien queen would just grow in another head yeah there we go ah a minor injury um uh alan alan yeah like you say just did the absolute bare minimum. Just stacked stuff on top of each other until it felt like a shelf. Victoria and Morgana both went and grabbed pre-made shelves, but it was the mattress.

Morgana grabbed the mattress just to get it up to that right height level. That was really clever. Yeah, I think so. I mean, you know, there is that really funny thing when people come on the show and they don't know who Greg is. I mean, I don't know how, obviously, clearly it doesn't bother Greg except it offers him fuel. But how tall is Greg from Taskmaster was a really fantastic way around. No one knows how to spell his surname.

Of course not. It's one of those surnames that has been long since sort of smudged by varying... I mean, how does Alan Davis spell Davis? Exactly. Yeah, I couldn't tell you how Alan Davis spells it. I could tell you how Greg spells it, but I did support him

on two national tours, so I spent quite a long time looking at the poster. Yeah, but that's fine. What, I'm going, damn you, one day it'll be me. Yeah, exactly. Why is it I'm supporting him?

It should be the other way round. Another rubbish that runs through your head. And then for two tours, I self-supported. Oh, right. Okay, what, with a cocked leg? Yeah, with a cocked leg. I would go out at the beginning, I'd cock my leg and I'd say,

I meant support act. And they wouldn't notice the difference. They'd all be so distracted by the cock my leg and I'd say, I meant support act. And they wouldn't notice the difference. They'd all be so distracted by the cock leg. Yeah, no, at least she, yes. But it's that thing that at least she bothered to find out how tall he was. I mean, I thought that was, you know. She's engaged with the task, isn't she? It's good.

Yeah, Victoria just sort of put it as high as she could possibly imagine, which wasn't high enough no I know I know yeah I mean this but maybe that's because she's not used to earth gravity or something and um heights differently parsecs or something I don't know um and guz went in the simplest way he could possibly imagine which was leaning a cupboard door against the fence and then bullshitting his way through it well then like a fool asking for a definition i mean if you're halfway if you're halfway through like um trying to pull the greatest shelf con of the century which you may

which may it may yet turn out to be you know we will not be around to judge that um come the year 2100 when they're looking back at shelf cons of the 21st century. But maybe don't ask for a definition while you're in the middle of it because it could derail the entire thing, which is nearly what happened. Yeah, it did nearly get derailed. I mean, I loved him getting the definition and then trying to work his way around it by putting a tiny bit of tape from the door to the fence to say it was now attached.

He's just so... I just love watching him talk. Even when he's talking absolute nonsense, it's just like a little seven-year-old who's been caught out i've said that a lot on this podcast but he is so much fun to watch yeah yeah well it makes you think whether you know taskmaster babies and sort of muppet baby star thing we have like children on it um yeah um uh would work i mean you know obviously the last thing we want on this programme is the public. Just need to make that clear. Yeah, not the public, no, but the children, absolutely. Not the public, but children, fine, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

On Before the Watershed, no swears. Yeah. I mean, but look, if you've ever seen Junior Bake Off, that programme is absolutely devastating because the children are so upset. Well, and also, they're all awful. They're all horrific. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, but who else are they going to get? You know, a normal kid. A normal kid's setting fire to his bicycle, isn't he? Yeah. Trying to form a heavy metal band. A normal child. No, I think Mini Taskmaster is a great shout. That'd be really good.

But Gus could quite easily go on that as well. So, yeah, you basically have him on it. Have him on it. You know, as a regular. Yeah. And he stands around addled doing all the tasks and talks his way out of all of them. Pretty brilliant.

And I want to see Greg go ultra harsh as well. I think the kids would love it. Yeah, it'd be fantastic. So, it was scored in the fairest way possible, took into account speed and shelf height, but it did mean that Victoria, Morgana,

Desiree and Guz all got three points. And then Alan, with the laziest attempt, got four points. I know, which is pretty, that's pretty tough, isn't it? If you're one of the people who's actually thought about it yeah it's pretty tough but alan's from the 90s and things were you know easier then laid back laid back 90s vibes yeah exactly i'm gonna go and google out

how tall he is all right can have you got a phone yes can you Can you Google for me? Okay, tell me what to type in. How tall is Greg? How tall is... Greg. Greg Davies. I'll be spelling that. How tall is Greg from Taskmaster? Okay. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence.

Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. bonus podcast episode where I talked to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. We can wait for clean water solutions.

Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task two, write and perform a 30 second jingle. You must reach into the barrel to find a subject for your jingle,

then pop a balloon to discover the instrument you must play under your jingle. Should we talk about Victoria straight away? Because this probably absolutely illustrates your point what you know that's not a swanee whistle oh yeah it is I mean those I've got one they've swanee whistle written on them yeah they're made by the swanee whistle company those yeah things right so yes it is yes it is and then and then I mean humming through it, not blowing it. Well, she was thinking of a kazoo, right? That was the issue.

Yeah, but it's not a kazoo, it's a swirly whistle. But it was when she finally worked out, she was like, how do you change the note? And then she started just turning. Oh, God, that's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I mean, and Alex, you know, egging her on. Yeah. Maybe turn it faster, I think he said. I mean, and Alex, Alex, you know, egging her on. Yeah.

Maybe turn it faster. I think she said, turn it faster. She's doing this and you think, come on, please. And, and,

you know, working with, with Paul Chowdhury when, when he was on the show, you'd think, what's going on here? Yeah.

Are you some brilliant deadpan master of the absurd? Yeah. And then other times you'd think, oh, for Christ's sake. How can you not know? But with her, I'm not reading her twiddling the end of that Swanee Whistle as her. No, that's not it. That's not her being the great naïve.

No. That's her going, I don't know. I've never seen one of these things before. But what's great about her as well is she can make those mistakes and will will not be embarrassed by them whatsoever she'll just say well why would i know how to play a swanee whistle yeah why would i know how to ride a bike you know i grew up in london you didn't need a swanee whistle well no but no i mean but you know but she's also's also from a comic pedigree that many would. So surely Alan Corrin had a whistle at home, surely. Yeah.

Surely, you know, maybe we've rumbled her here. No, the point. I just found that completely amazing. And then also her jingle was awful. It was very bad. And upsetting and bad and not a jingle. Not a jingle at all. In no way was that a jingle.

It was just someone talking over a swanee whistle. I think a jingle needs to be sung. I don't know if I'm wrong about that. Well, no, no, no, I agree with you. Because I was amazed there weren't actual disqualifications because there was a lot of not singing going on. And just intoning while someone's obviously just playing random rubbish on a Swanee Whistle.

That's not, that ain't no jingle. It was like an ad. It was an ad, but it wasn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You needed a jingle. She could do the talking, but she then needed to go like, Swanee Whistle. Yeah, exactly. Just something like that.

Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Although I could watch her being scared by snakes in a can all day. Well, that was really funny, wasn't it? And again, that's like she'd never seen them before. Yeah. Whereas Morgana's snakes in a can with the sawney whistle.

So the same, the same instrument, same subject. I think it wasn't singing as such, was it? But it was, it felt more jingly. It felt like a glance into the sort of pulp fiction universe, I thought. I thought it was like the kind of thing Vincent Vega would watch on his TV. Yeah. And if it was in a Tarantino film, we'd go, wow, this is amazing. What a cool world they live in,

where there's people doing snakes in a can and saying gun over and over again. Yeah, gun. I mean, it felt like a glimpse into her head, really. I'd imagine that's what she sees when she closes her eyes. Yeah. liked it i mean the style it was very stylish very in in in the you know in the way that victoria's wasn't at all so you know and obviously they're competing so in a vacuum if victoria's maybe it is a vacuum vacuum on our tier three in a vacuum um victoria's would work perfectly well. But up against the sheer style, even though it was really, really odd,

the style that Morgana brought to the task was, you know, right out there, I thought. It made me want to buy a Swanee Whistle. If I'd seen that on TV, I would have been like, oh, these Swanee Whistles are back in. Yeah, I'll buy a Swanee Whistle. I'll have two dozen snakes to count on the weekend, please. Yeah. Fantastic.

Desiree. Let's talk about Desiree. Crabsticks with a mini drum kit. I think this was my favourite. Yeah, I thought it was the best. And when she got the crabsticks out, I'd sort of misunderstood the task and thought, what, is she going to play them like panpipes or something?

How does this work? Because they look, you know, they have the look of a panpipe. Yeah. A crabstick. like pan pipes or something because they look you know they have the look of a pan pipe yeah crab stick and then crab sticks also remind me of my grandmother so i was sort of having a flashback to warm crab sticks for sunday lunch at my gran's and and not really liking them so that i've got this sort of thing about thing about crab sticks yeah like a sense memory yeah sense memory but you know she she played the drums. She came up with something.

It had a beginning, a middle, and an end. It had a message. It was well delivered. Yeah. Jokes and everything. I mean, you know. And how was the drumming from your perspective as a drummer, Al? Top draw.

Top draw drumming. All the drumming was good in this task. Well, Guz really got swept away with the drums, didn't he? I mean, as Alex said, I think he spent 14 minutes playing the drums and then one minute writing the jingle. Sounds like my working day, if I'm honest with you. But yeah, and again, he did, you know, the sort of sheer gap between that and Victoria's effort. Just the sheer gap of idea, realisation, style, and even the fact it was a jingle.

It was a jingle, but what I would say about Guz is I think he was generously scored as well because it didn't feel like a jingle for Laminators. It was sort of an autobiographical rap about when he used to be single and then Laminators just got a look in at the end. Yeah, but modern adverts are like that, aren they these days yeah i suppose you know those adverts where you watch a whole advert and they like basically stick persia on the end you're like okay that's that's what i'm meant to be buying you and you've no way of knowing so maybe that's what maybe that's

what he was going for you know that kind of lifestyle lifestyle aspiration that you know you think if they talked to guz for longer he would have gone, the thing is I was going for a lifestyle aspiration. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. He did not think that. He liked playing the drums and then he had thought up a silly rhyme about when he was a single man

and his willy tingling. And then he remembered the laminator right at the end. That's what happened. I enjoyed it. I think scoring four points all right you're backing him that's fine i'm backing him i'm backing him yeah yeah because i because i just like him i like him talking you know yeah oh yeah no i'm with you on that alanate uh alanator that's amazing i called i called alan's laminator jingle the

alanator the alanator stylophone jingle. Very funny again, but I thought this was generously scored. Generously scored. It was quite a dirge, wasn't it? Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean, the tasks were... I mean, I sometimes think it's kind of unfair the tasks that ask for the contestants to produce music. Because some people can do it and some people just can't. Some people don't even some it seems that some people don't even know what music is

like some sometimes you have people on task force to act like they've never heard any music yeah ever and they're you know um that they're having to construct an idea of music in their head and then write something in that and then deliver it and that's quite a lot to get through in it is a few minutes. It is. I mean, there was definitely an example of that here. I just think some of the scoring was a bit wonky here from my perspective. I think Victoria got two points and that was generous.

Oh, no, it should have been none because it wasn't a jingle. Yeah, it should have been none. And then Greg was, I think, rightly trying to put a gulf in between Alan and Guz and Victoria. So they had to get four points, but I felt they were three point efforts. Yeah, definitely. And then I think Morgana was four points and Desiree should have been the outright winner

there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was topsy-turvy really. Yeah, but some very entertaining stuff. And I could, to be honest, I want to go back and watch Victoria's again. That's the one I want to see again. Well, that well that's the weird thing isn't it but that's the peculiar thing about it is that's the one i remember best the one i want to see again yeah and it's by a long way not just the worst but the one that doesn't even come near to fulfilling the task yeah but it was like all the bad adverts are the ones that stick in your mind right so bang yeah that wasn't a good advert yeah i mean maybe you can have a cult following well or maybe what's going to happen now is the All the bad adverts are the ones that stick in your mind, right? Sill it, bang. That wasn't a good advert. Yeah.

Victoria's going to have a cult following. Well, maybe what's going to happen now is the ads are going to roll in and she's suddenly going to become some sort of advertising icon. Yeah. Next week's episode of Taskmaster, they're going to throw to the ads and it's going to be her advertising snake in a can. Exactly. Or any other product she's never seen before in her life.

Do you know someone who likes a surprise? Buy them snakes in a can. See the joy in their eyes. Task three. Either get the... This one. I don't think... I still don't think

I understand it, Al. Oh, no, no. Just this is a headache, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. either get the this one I don't think I still don't think I understand it oh no no just this is a headache isn't it yeah yeah either get the box through the tube

or the tube through the box yeah I'll read it here it is this is the official task three either get the pipe through the box

and everything in it and then get the box and everything in it through the pipe or get the box and everything in it through the pipe then get the pipe

through the box and everything in it I just think I would have just started doing something i mean like guz really just sort of have a go at some general stuff and then decide that you're finished i mean i still because i'm you know obviously they they because it's one of these sort of brain twisters they repeat it several times during yeah during the task i still don't know what you do i can't so i guess it's just it's two options you've got to do two things but still don't know what you do. I can't. So I guess it's just, it's two options. You've got to do two things, but it doesn't matter what order you do them in, right? Yeah. So it's getting everything in the box, pushing it through the pipe and then putting the box through the pipe at the end. But then you've got to put the

pipe through all of those things one by one, I think is what it means. Yeah. But why? That is the only time in Taskmaster I would have gone, why are we doing this? And I know that's not a good question to ask of a task in Taskmaster, but that one would have had me saying, why, what's the point? Well, I really love where it was shot

because it's like, the task itself is like an Escher sketch. Yeah. Yes. You know, where it goes round on itself. Yeah. One of those Escher staircases. And where they filmed it

with the two corridors spinning off from that perspective One of those Escher staircases. And where they filmed it were the two corridors spinning off. Yeah. From that perspective looked like an Escher corridor. So it looked like that task is like being trapped

in one of those. Yeah. Because it's so confusing that it repeats itself. I think I'd get halfway through and couldn't remember if I'm doing the first way round or the second way round.

I think that's what they were hoping for. Right. Because Guz really just lost his mind. I mean, Guz and Alan both got nothing. Alan just kept talking about the great push. Yeah. I've got no idea what he was on about.

He didn't push everything through, I think. No. No. No. I mean, yeah. I think the issue was with him, he couldn't work out that you had to put everything in the box. He had to put the pipe through everything in the box.

So he just put the pipe through the box with everything in it. Yeah. Which also makes sense. So I don't know. That sounds fine to me. You see, because, because I'd be,

I think I'd, I'd read it a couple of times and then try and figure out a way of bending the, bending the rules. But then, you know, how'd you put a pipe through a sponge I suppose you can't

hold it it's the age old question well exactly it's the question it's the question facing all of us as we get older how do I get that pipe

through that sponge but I you know Morgana was you know she ran off and found things to use as a sort of

plunger so that yeah that was the way to do it I think you needed to go I mean so to be fair to Victoria You know, Morgana was, you know, she ran off and found things to use as a sort of plunger. Yeah, that was the way to do it, I think. You needed to go. I mean, to be fair to Victoria, she went and found a broom. She added a fork to the broom to add. I mean, she also got a satsuma, which I think confused matters. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I think anyone finding this difficult and anyone kind of basically muffing this task uh you you've got to go fine you're not it's not like a jingle where you've no one you haven't used any music this is like a this is like a riddle it's a it's a riddle inside an enigma you know or whatever yeah so if you if you don't if you can't figure out what on earth you're supposed to do it's hard to judge anyone on this one. Yeah, it is. It's really difficult to bag anyone for having muffed this, because what even is it? I just don't think Guz could be bothered to work out what it was. Desiree seemed to know straight away, though.

She was straight in there, and Morgana did very well as well. They just sort of got on with it. I know. That's peculiar, isn't it? Yeah. She doesn't know how to say snooker, Al, but she understood the pipe and box game. Well, maybe, you know,

that's part of the dominatrix thing we don't know about. Maybe this is where Alex got it from. Tuesdays, a guy will come in with a pipe and a box. Yeah, that must be exactly what happened there. Shout at me while I fail to put the pipe through the box, please. I mean, I don't even know what a dominatrix is to do. That's like, this is my absolute seaside postcard idea of what a dominatrix is.

I've no idea. I am vanilla. I should very quickly say, me neither. So Desiree got the five points, Morgana got four points, three points for Victoria and no points for Alan or Guz. Alan very slowly put all of the things at once into a pipe and then made multiple references to the Great Push. Every time you said it, I thought of the Great Leap Forward

where communism was introduced across China and resulted in famously millions and millions of deaths. But I was listening to wet, wet, wet. Now let's move on to the live task. Another confusing task, I'd say, or a tricky task at least. Everyone must direct their fellow contestants to draw an image. The drawing director may only use the following words. Line, circle, square, big, small, up, down, left, right, middle, please, bendy.

At the end of the one minute, the drawers must write down what they think the image is. The drawers will receive one point per correct guess. The drawing director will also receive one point per correct guess. Most points overall wins. For the second week in a row. The most points overall wins doesn't really matter because barely any points were scored. Last week, no points were scored,

but this week only two people got one point. Yeah. You know what? This task, very often with Taskmaster, you sort of think, and you know, there's a sort of party book now, isn't there? I sort of think, oh, this game,

I would absolutely love to play at a party. This is a great party game. It's really good. You sat there watching, I wish I could do this. I'd like to do this now. This is really, really funny and fun. Yeah. And all the results are ridiculous and mad.

Then obviously everyone's writing what they think. I absolutely love this live task. It wasn't like one of those ones where it's a sort of game theory thing with donuts which we we had to do at one point we know how many who's got the most donuts in the hidden in the box and if the person with the most more one more than the last two you know blah blah yeah well you know those ones we which really hurt to think about this is just like this is just an absolutely brilliant party game and i'm really fun i could watch people play this every week you know yeah it's a it's a really fun game it had shades of one that we did in series nine where uh i was on the team with david baddiel and we had to

draw on each other's backs and then draw along with the person drawing on our back and work out what they did right and I think many people would say that's a highlight for them of my appearances on Series 9 because I looked like I was about to murder David Baddiel. I feel like this would have been a less murderous task to be involved in. This was just a little bit silly.

You weren't relying on anyone else, really. And no one did very well on it at all. Until right at the end where miracle alan and victoria seem to have just a bit of a psychic link there yeah well maybe maybe you know that's one of her powers yeah i mean it's weird if it's one of her powers to only use it at the end well maybe it takes a while for her to tune in it takes four or five drawings for her to run the run the to run the algorithm that calculates exactly

what Alan's going to draw next. Yeah, absolutely. Loved Gus just giving it up and just sending out messages to his friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely perfect. Well, again,

the attention span of a seven-year-old, essentially. Yeah, he just got bored and started shouting out his mates. He's just basically doing this. Yeah. Thumbs up to my buddies. Hello, Mum.

I mean, of all the things to do on television. It started, the game started to look like Alan Simpson's hoodie that he does during the task, the dignity hoodie. Everyone should have just written dignity next to their attempts. But it was Alan and Victoria who got one point each and hence took the five series points there. I know. And then Victoria winning an episode.

Incredible. I mean, it's always a real moment when the person who's been coming pretty much last every episode breaks through and wins. And it does tend to happen. It's 10 episodes. Sometimes the underdog wins an episode and it's always, I think it's a pretty good feeling. Yeah, no, it's always episodes sometimes the underdog wins an episode and it's always i think it's a

pretty good feeling yeah no it's a great it's always a great moment and you sort of think oh well you know it's not it's not exactly there is some justice in this world but there is at least you know there's something for the underdog isn't there yeah i don't think victoria cared particularly well no but but but is that what they call it on Arcturus 4? Caring. This human obsession with having emotions. I don't know. Well, her research mission's going very well, though. She's got a lot of things to take back.

Swanee whistles, satsumas. I mean, imagine that she has been sent to Earth and has ended up on this program by accident, and they're now going to write a report on Earth based on Taskmaster. Based on Taskmaster. And the strange things people on Earth get up to. They're obsessed with watermelon. So, yes, it was the victory for Victoria. 18 points.

17 points for Desiree. 16 points for Alan. 14 points for Morgana. And a rare bad performance from Guz. Eight points. Series points, very, 14 points for Morgana. And a rare bad performance from Guz, eight points. Series points, very, very close still. Morgana out in front, but only by three points. Then it's Alan, Desiree and Guz are on exactly the same amount of points,

110, and then Victoria at 91. You know, languishing a little bit, but not by too many. She's got three episodes. It would be a big turnaround. Yeah, but there's still there's there's still time and you know if people if someone craps out completely on a couple of tasks that could it could all change quite quickly couldn't if someone gets nothing a couple times if alan allen is actually if he is losing the will to live um um you know in the next couple of episodes this is that or or Morgana blinks or something.

I mean, I think it is interesting how, you know, how open it can be, you know, people could surge through. Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah, sometimes with a few series at this point, it's pretty clear, not who's going to win necessarily, but certainly who is not going to win. So I think with Katherine Parkinson in Series 10, I think it was pretty clear at this point she had no chance.

Well, I think that was kind of obvious from the off, wasn't it? Yeah, that was pretty much. That being mean. But, you know, this could be a big turnaround for Victoria. I doubt it, but who knows? Do you have any predictions yourself, Al? Because this is obviously a very tight series. Well, I think Morgana's going to hold out.

I think she's done enough, actually. Yeah. And I think she'll make it all the way, to be honest. I think it's a good shout. I'd like to see that. Yeah. But I don't know. Personally, I do think Alan's position on the table so far is luck. I wouldn't say he's not.

I feel like it's between, for me, Morgana and Desiree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Thanks so much for coming back on the Taskmaster podcast, Al. It's my pleasure. We've loved having you back on. Welcome any time. Thank you.

Now, obviously, we did it last time as well. We'll do it again we always ask our guests rate their experience on the taskmaster podcast in the style of the taskmaster between one and five points so how have you enjoyed your time on the taskmaster podcast um well uh the the task said come on the taskmaster podcast and talk about this episode we've done that we have done that we've done that we've done it within the allotted time because our time started then and we've done it within the allotted time. So, you know, that's at least a three, isn't it?

Yeah, definitely a three. I think we've, you know, done some fun banter on the subject of the contestants. So I think it's nudging up towards a four. Yeah, I'm happy with that. Yeah. Should we try and make it a five? Can you quickly make up a jingle

for the Taskmaster podcast yeah hang on that was so quick Taskmaster and it's podcast a reason the best way to stay in touch with

Taskmaster. Taskmaster podcast. There you go. Al, that was absolutely incredible. And I want the listener to know that when I said, can we come up with a jingle for the Taskmaster podcast, and you heard Al immediately start playing a keyboard, we didn't edit any gap out. That was literally, the keyboard is in front of me.

The keyboard is literally right in front of me. The keyboard is literally right in front of me. I could not see it, but you literally just reached forward and started playing the keyboard. That was incredible. Yeah, C major. Always start in C major. Lovely. I think that's got to be a five now, Al,

now that you've done an actual jingle, you've done singing. And I sung it, and I sold the thing that I was meant to sell. So that's a jingle. Yeah, perfect. I sung it, but I sold the thing that I was meant to sell. So that's a jingle. It's not me going, I wish I was single as I write this happy jingle. It's not that. It's not the Guz Khan method.

Yeah. Thank you so much for coming back on the podcast, Al. I will let you go now, and you can go and have a look at a book or play a game of snooker. Thank you so much, Al. I'll be doing that in sloughough and I'll be seeing it throughout. Well, there we go. What a wonderful chat with Al.

Always good value. He's obsessed with the show. Excellent guest. We will force him to come back on. And a bespoke Taskmaster podcast jingle that he genuinely just bashed out straight away I'm so glad I asked him to do that do come back next week because our wonderful guest to talk about series 12 episode 8 will be Lisa Tarbuck yes Lisa Tarbuck from series 6 of Taskmaster

and from so many other things wonderful radio 2 show she's absolutely brilliant lisa tarbuck the champion of series six no less so do come back listen to that and send your questions for lisa and imagine most of them are going to be about sitting on a cake so if you do have a question about sitting on a cake and you feel like it will be unique do email in but also maybe some questions about other stuff i can't ask her 80 questions about cake. Taskmasterpodcast.gmail.com is the place to email. I've been a gamble. This has been the Taskmaster Podcast. Thanks to Al Murray

and we'll see you again next week. Goodbye. Bye. Unh. Unh. Unh. Buzzy Bear exclusive. These man here,

they wanna jingle. But you see me, blood, I want to eat Pringles. Pringles. Man and man were single. Single. Free to mingle. Mingle. But then my ting used to go tingle.

Tingle. Tingle. But now I'm like a laminator. Bows block constipator. I'm done with my bath. Ta-ta, see you later. Ta-ta, see you later. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence.

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