Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 70. Russell Howard - S6 Ep.3

Episode Date: March 3, 2022

Ed returns this week with another former Series 6 contestant, Russell Howard! As well as discussing the tasks and points Russell digs deep in to his choice of outfit (and eyewear!) and he explains why watching himself back in the studio was a struggle. For info on Ed's tour visit edgamble.co.ukWatch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster Visit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Taskmaster the Podcast is Produced by Daisy Knight for AvalonTelevision Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated

category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It's Ed Gamble here, the host of the Taskmaster podcast. We are currently talking about Series 6. We have reached Series 6, Episode 3. And today we will be talking to the wonderful Russell Howard. From Series 6, of of course and from comedy.

One of the biggest comedians out there. Russell's such a fantastic comedian, lovely man as well, so I'm looking forward to having a chat with him about his time on Taskmaster. There's not really much more to say than that. Sometimes I plug what the guest is up to, but it's Russell Howard. You know Russell Howard, the Russell Howard hour on Sky you can watch that uh he's got brilliant specials available on Netflix he doesn't need me to plug his stuff the guy's on fire I'm on tour though I'll plug my stuff Ed Gamble Electric edgamble.co.uk for tickets it's a fun show it's been going really well and I might be coming somewhere near you so get on my, have a look and buy some tickets.

Now let's hear from Russell Howard talking about Series 6, Episode 3. Welcome, Russell Howard, to the Taskmaster Podcast. Hello, mate. How are you? Very well, thank you. Thank you so much for coming on to the Taskmaster Podcast to talk about one of the episodes that you were in. Pleasure. You already seem slightly traumatised by the idea of it. Well, I just, because you do it in this sort of bizarre blur of a week, you can never remember

how it goes. Yeah. So my main memory of it is just this deep analysis of an audience that looked like a hateful choir and they all had badges on and they they looked like so angry at me and and I just remember just feeling like I don't know what to do here. It felt like I'd rocked up to a Christian youth rally in a leather jacket. And they were like, who's this?

And I knew that, and I love Greg, and I love hanging out with Alex, but the crowd terrified me. Do you feel like- It felt like a cult. It felt like a cult. Yes. Well, there's definitely a cultish element

to the Taskmaster fan base, but I think I was okay with it because I'm very much part of the cult. I consider myself one of the badge wearers. But I want to be in the cult, but I remember I did computing at A-level and I was terrible at it. And I was trying to, you know,

desperately trying to do coding and being hopeless. And all the kids in the class would just send these little this is before the internet they'd send these like notes that would come up on my screen they were just like wanker and i was like who did that like so it just felt it felt like that i felt like yeah but i i loved the rest of it it was just pushing it through this prism of hate i found tricky it's that it's that thing of having to watch back what what you've done oh yeah worrying about it and know that these things are coming up and that

you have to sit there while it's all being played out on the screen some people just don't just don't enjoy that at all I think also it's that thing if as most comedians you have this sort of curious mix of like deep self-loathing but also confidence and you're it's so rare that you've you're laughed at right yes and that's that's the feeling that I just found it genuinely uncomfortable of being laughed at for being a moron and it's like I and I wanted to go I know I'm a moron but but please don't laugh at me. But that's the show. It was really interesting.

And you like to have that. I mean, I think all of us like to take those moments where we're a moron and then put them through our filter. Yeah. And then be in control of those moments. Totally. Let me tell you about the funny time that I was a moron, and I'm completely aware of that.

Rather than, you do realise you're a moron. Fuck, you know what I mean? It was like that. It was it was so yeah it was odd it but you know i watched it i watched the first 10 minutes of the show back yeah and then sort of started shaking and just couldn't do it yeah no we don't want anyone to shake so that's fine i'm sure i'm sure we'll go through the episode now yeah and we will and I'm sure you'll remember these things and you'll probably start shaking anyway. Sure, sure. But yeah, before you did Taskmaster, had you seen much of Taskmaster?

Were you aware of the vibe? No, no. I'd been asked to do it a lot by our mutual agent, James, and just hadn't had time. But I love Greg. He's a really good friend of mine. So I was yeah it'd be fun i love alex so yeah i was excited and i had a bit of time off so i was kind of like oh this would be this would be a hoot i didn't realize how um how consuming it was yeah so when when you're actually filming the tasks when you turned up on that first day at the taskmaster house to film the task you really didn't know what sort of thing you're in for well yeah exactly what i now know that people like

design their own uniforms and and kind of like specifically rocked up with like clothes and i just felt like it was i'd forgotten it was free dress day yes yeah i was just wearing my clothes and for whatever reason i'd gone through this fucking insane moment of my life where I'd got glasses that tint when it's sunny. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. And this is this sort of one year period where I did that. Cause I was like, Oh, maybe that's really good for me. And you know, the UV lights and then we'll have to put shades on and I can't wear my glasses.

But I just look like someone who's wearing shades, like in Chiswick. And hadn't thought about the outfit that we're going to wear. Do you know what I mean? It's as if that is your Taskmaster outfit, that people are always waiting to see what people's costumes are or their outfits are.

Like, oh, Russell's gone with just shades. Just clothes and shades. Yeah, well, that's the problem, eh? So rather than going, oh, Russell's gone with just the shades. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just clothes and shades. Yeah, well, that's the problem, eh? So rather than going, oh, right, I didn't know we had to have a uniform, they just assumed that that was my uniform. And I'd gone for kind of sort of, I looked like, if you were to really narrow down on the sperm of Zach from the bell, on the sperm of Zach from the bell.

It's that. It's a really horribly Aryan, like, swaggering twat. Whereas the reality is, I've just got these new shades. But they're not really shades. It's clearly quite sunny today because they've changed colour. And then they would kind of change when I was in the house and everyone was like, what fuck is this guy has he stolen Alan Titchmarsh's glasses or something it was so weird well look I liked them and this this podcast is not about self-loathing Russell we're here to celebrate celebrate the show and some days you had quite slick back hair and I enjoyed that you

look like a pie yeah yeah well that again it was sort of I've gone through this strange moment because I did it in January January is a very dangerous month for comedians because we have time off and there's very few gigs and I was like I'm gonna slick my hair back and I'm gonna slick my hair back and wear shades it's just honestly it's but that's what I mean it's so embarrassing because my wife was remember my wife going why did you dress up like that it's just honestly it's but that's what i mean it's so embarrassing because my wife was remember my wife going why did you dress up like that i was like i didn't i just made a choice for a week and it's there forever yeah you know immortalized yeah immortalized yeah um did you film the tasks were they spread out or were you sort of packed into a week filming the tasks as well? I did them in a week.

Yeah. So all in a week. That's intense, man. This is what I mean. I did them in a week with my weird shades on and clearly didn't realize. So we were doing like eight things a day. Yeah.

And, and there were moments. I remember this one thing that really vividly sticks in my memory that we had to do this task where we had to um uh convince an old lady to like us the most right see so I'm kind of in this sort of speed date essentially with an old lady and you have to ask her lots of questions and if she says yes a lot then you know you're getting on. That was the game. And we really bonded.

She liked earwax removal videos, and I also liked them. So it's kind of this weird hook. I went out on a limb. Yeah. And then she turned to the camera at the end and went, can I just say, like, I liked him the best. He was my favourite. And I was like, that's proof, right?

Yeah. You know what I mean? So I won it. And I came last in that game. And then, like, this, like, a brattish president that was unable to realise he'd lost the election. I kind of was like, oh, no! Like, and was kind of horrified at myself that it meant so much.

Yeah. But, but saying this is bullshit. This is bullshit. This is ridiculous. The old lady liked me. She liked me the best. She said she did.

And then you catch yourself saying that out loud and Greg's trying to move on. And you're like, no moving on the old lady, you know? And so it was that, that I was horrified. What, what it's that, that I was horrified. It's that thing, you're horrified at what it brings out in you,

but it does bring something out in you. Yeah, I mean, it definitely brought that out of me as well, but I was not horrified. I was well aware that that was my personality to begin with. Right, right, right. So getting really angry about sort of small, pathetic things that shouldn't matter at all. It's sort of what the game is, but it's just all about angry and then remember i would have to tell myself as i was getting angry make sure you do a little smile at the end to make sure everyone knows that yeah you're cool with

it really even though i wasn't cool with it at all yeah yeah yeah i just used the tears to slick So it was fine. It was fine. Also, did you know the other contestants before? Or were they new to you? Obviously, Tim, you must have known. I know Tim, yeah, from stand-up. And no, I know Lisa from kind of the fact that she's famous, but I didn't know Asim and I didn't know Alice. So I knew, I know Alex and Greg very well. Yes.

Yeah. You have a similar reaction that I do to Lisa, which is to laugh at literally everything she says, because she's just so, she's so funny and so dismissive as well she really couldn't give a shit well she's got a real kind of like uh kind of cool headmistress vibe about her yeah do you know what i mean like she'd run a really good school yeah you come out with great grades but a lot of sass yeah totally yeah something like that like a punk teacher yeah and and

like Asim was just fucking I mean tremendous absolute like there was a there was a moment where you sort of go

god I don't know if I've prepared and then Asim he was offering a trip which was going to a museum and eating a kebab

and I'm like oh I'm alright I'm fine well this is the prize task for this episode it's series 6 episode 3 and the prize task is most magnificent day trip so I guess the idea was that you would have to plan it out

and then if the person wanted to take that prize you would have to take them out on the day trip I'm suspecting none of these day trips actually happened in the end. I'm just putting it out there. This is a frustrating thing. I could have made mine happen. Yeah.

So yours was, of course, spending the day with... I don't think you would have been there, would you? It was just with your mum, I think the offer was, and going to Aqualand in Benidorm. I'd have gone as well, but I wouldn't have gone on the rides I'd have watched. But I stand by that. I think seeing Greg and my mum on a kind of rubber hoop

coming out of a ride in Aqualand and Benidorm. Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure that's, I don't know if it gets better than that. And I know Greg likes the water and I know he makes sense in the water. You've said this to me before this is a really this is a very interesting point that you've made before he makes sense in the water it was incredible I was we were in Australia together and he uh you know he had these trunks on that it looked like how have you got them on like because he's so sort of big

and and they were quite tight they were a little tiny sort of like sort of i seem to remember being like these sort of black almost like german dad trunks and he was sort of like quite awkwardly sort of squishing along and then he leapt in the water and it was like you know when you see like a seal on the ice and you think, well, that seal's dead. Somebody's going to come along and get him. And then as soon as he got in the water, it was poetry. He was so, honestly, he's an amazing swimmer. And it just went, it was smooth.

It was perfect. It was graceful. And all of us, all of our minds were blown. And then the comedian Andy Zaltzman got in the water and his hair was suddenly down by his ears and it was just huge because i you don't realize how how long his hair is it was like a couple of spangles ears um so this this like this this day out sounds fantastic greg was so on board with it at the start uh he was like this is the this is great it This is going to be so hard to beat. And it only got three points. That must have really, that, that's one of those ones that must have started to get you a bit, a bit angry, a bit frustrated. Well, I realised as soon as that happened, I was like, well, this is nonsense. Because like versus, I think like Lisa won with like, you can get a coat.

Lisa got four points. Lisa came second from the top. I was on Tim one. Tim one. Yeah, Tim. But Tim's was fun because basically it was a trip around Cheen where he lives. And, you know, and in fairness, he doesn't want to spend a couple of hours with Tim.

I get that. Yeah, it was the Jurassic Encounters Crazy Golf Course and then you have lunch in the American Way Burger Restaurant in Cheek where Tim's the DJ. I believe American Waydio is the name of the station. And there's a burger that is recommended by him on the menu. And I've checked the menu

online and it is still there, the burger. Excellent. You can still get that burger as recommended. And then you take free kicks and penalties against the Southern United reserve goalkeeper if he is available. And it's so perfect. There was a lovely thing that happened during Taskmaster.

I was talking to Tim. I said, have you ever sort of like, because he's always lived in China. I said, have you ever thought about moving somewhere else? And he went, he's got everything. And it was so, you know, when he's got everything and it was so you know when you kind of go it was like so happy that he had no that he doesn't have any i bet tim tim has never been on right move and and looked at it like most adults do where you're like oh look at that

you know he's just the most content funny happy man i was so i loved him he is yeah he's a wonderful man. I've interviewed him on another podcast before where he talked about his like night in, his night in that he loves is he plays darts. Yeah. And then, so he does like a few hands of darts or whatever. And then he's got pasta boiling away on the stove

and he turns around, checks on the pasta and then throws a few darts. And you're like, and he's looked so happy when he was talking about it. Yeah. Well, that's so funny. So that's how he makes his dinner. Well, well listen to this i know how he makes his breakfast so he basically he won't he's got the kettle boiling he's got one of those old-style whistly

kells and he won't pour the coffee until he's got 180 like that so he just gets up and plays darts yeah what is such a he's kind of got that kind of sort of willie wonka brain about him that sort of child forever you know just yeah yeah to be honest everyone on that was the best thing about tossmaster all the other sort of contestants we were all kind of it was fun it was nice hanging out it was just weird that we were pitted against each other yeah you know what i mean that you kind of like it's like the hunger games yeah um lisa's lisa's prize was getting picked up by a car taken to a master tailor where you get measured for a coat then taken on a blue plaque walking tour and then you go to a restaurant with special guests uh tailored to whoever wins that which was clearly her bullshit because she just hadn't decided on

the guests it's absolute nonsense yeah it was a coat and a fucking walk looking at blue plaques and then you're gonna have food with bobby davro but it wasn't even a coat look i'm a huge fan of lisa this prize did not deserve four points you get measured for a coat you're not getting the coat on that day you get the coat presumably in like two months or something so you literally just get touched by a man and then that's the day. Yes. This is it versus Benidorm with my mum. Yeah.

Swimming. Out of all of the other contestants on this lineup, who do you think your mum would get on with most a day out at Aqualine in Benidorm? Probably Lisa, I'd have thought. I think they'd crack on. They'd be what's known in auntie circles as trouble.

Do you know what I mean? Some of my dad often says about some of the older ladies in our family, they're trouble. As a kid, watch out for her, she's trouble. Which means, yeah, they're like, when they're on their holidays a kid watch out for her she's trouble which means that yeah they're like when they're on their holidays drinking starts at 12. I think that Lisa and my mum would have

that about them do you know what I mean? Yeah so not really trouble not like they're going to kick off but like they laugh quite loudly like you know manageable trouble yeah manageable fun trouble yeah yeah exactly a couple of fun aunties yeah fun aunties yeah um this is this is the moment where asin brought in the trip visiting art galleries in barcelona and you make silly poses near the paintings and then you have a kebab he'd really not thought this through this was the classic case of absolute last minute panic bring in some photos from a trip he'd had already yeah yeah but funny photos great photos yeah yeah he really does have the same silhouette as uh as hercules now alice levine um this was i mean this is a terrible episode for alice i'll put it out there i think she's

one point in most most of the tasks in this and this is her first one pointer um a travel card of zones one to six on the london underground and that's that's the day out that is what's happened there is that's the equivalent of show and tell and uh she's just put her hand in her pocket and in fairness to her she presented it pretty well like do you know what i mean she sold it very well all of the different all of the different stations she gave well she inflated the number of stations but she really did sell it well that's what that bit is like that's what it brings back it brings back the fear of show and tell yeah remember when you were little it has that thing where you're like that should have

just been called who's the poorest in the class because it was just this awful moment there was always some somebody that had like really cool trainers and then you're like oh god i gotta find a stick on the way or something do you know what i mean and it that's that's what alice did there she was just she she we got to respect the fact that she conjured a sentence or something she found in her pocket yeah no it was but still it definitely deserved the one point but oh yeah she she went through all the different colors of the lines if you like maroon you go on the bakerloo whatever that is brown but you know what i mean um it was like she but she was talking with like her demeanor was like she was trying to buy time before the fbi burst in and got the assassin

like do you know what i mean it was it was that level of thinking yeah where you have to let her finish but all the while she's hoping that some kind of like new york cop's gonna smash the door and um and take greg out yeah they burst in and she's like holding up her travel card going like i think you can imagine what the well let's go through what's in zone one like yeah yeah exactly now now now alice what's your day trip so my day trip is a travel card zones one to six travel card zones one to six You can go to the farthest reaches look at that

635 stops at your disposal Go on the Metropolitan Check some details how many stops did you say they were? I think it's 635. 270. 270. It kind of averages out at that, yeah. Task one, write, illustrate and read out a bedtime story for grown-ups. Your bedtime story for grown-ups must be no more or fewer than 50 words. Most engrossing bedtime story for grown-ups wins.

You have one hour, your time starts now. Now, you probably didn't make it to this on the watch back, Russell, or did you get this far? I'm trying to remember. I think it was a story about Greg and pantomimes, something like that. Alex saved him from pantomimes. Yes, it started off your story. It was called Destiny. It started off, I yes it was a d it was sort of it started off your story it was called destiny it's it's it started off i thought it was going to be like a slash fiction thing because it was alex watching greg asleep and i think i think alex had an erection yeah um yeah that was the start that was the start yeah that was the start so i was like okay well i can see where this is going it's going to be some sort of uh erotic fan fiction um and then I think maybe Bobby Davro showed up and some pantomime people showed up and Alex

protected Greg by throwing them all in a big pit and then I think he had a wee on them. Wow. I tell you what, that, you could see BBC Three commissioning that, I'll say that. Yeah, the panto pit. Yeah, exactly. Well, I was going to call it

piss pit, but you're right. Panto pit is probably better i'm just gonna call it piss pit but you're like panto pit is probably better and panto piss pit yeah panto piss pit and basically um you get a really good voiceover guy and alex horn um it's like this sort of renegade and he goes around trying to find reality stars from it's not bad it's not bad. It's not bad. And it was definitely a story for grown-ups. I don't know if it would be a good bedtime story for grown-ups. That would probably keep me up at night wondering, for example, if they're all in the pit, are they all all right?

Or are they sort of piled up on top of each other? Yeah, and you don't want that in the back of your head because you're like, oh God, what if I do panto one day? Yeah. Is Horn going to come for me? Do you know what I mean? I don't want to be in the pit. I don't want to be in the back of your head because you're like oh god what if i do panto one day yeah is horn gonna come for me do you know what i mean i don't want to know and then you you're gonna get people going towards the end of their showbiz career that drift towards panto yeah probably walking around with goggles just just in case they find their way on the triple p yeah yeah well look i'd watch it. And it got you three points as a story. Did it?

I mean, that's remarkable. I think you baffled Greg, but I think he enjoyed the idea of Alex being aroused by him sleeping. I think that's what got you the points, for sure. Alice, one point, naturally, with her grown-up alphabet book, which wasn't classified as a story. That's why I only got one point. But she'd very nicely illustrated some inventive swear words for every letter of the alphabet.

Oh, that's quite nice. Again, that would sell. Yeah, definitely. That is a toilet book, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? It's kind of, what's the next one? What did Asim do? Well, I just wanted to quickly point out

for alice that um she clearly ran out she ran out of steam around e and did three in a row and so just did erection fanny gobshite which i think deserved an extra point and the illustrations were good but um asin got asin got three points as well uh so we'll come to him in a second got the same as you tim wrote benny the toad um which you could see tim writing it and then only remembering in the last second that it had to be for adults he was so into just doing a story about a toad uh who lost his clarinet read and had to carve susan the carrot into a new clarinet read um so he ended it by saying vote Green Party. A bit of politics at the end. Which I enjoyed it, but only two points. Asims was

about a story based on real events called Upset Tummy. It was about him eating a load of seafood and then shitting his pants. There you go. And he did have the shits that day, apparently. What, in the studio when they were filming the task

he announced to the crew that he had the shits and then he did the story about you've got to write about what you know but interestingly Lisa also wrote a story about someone who ate old seafood and got the shits really?

hers is about a scatterbrained man who ate an old prawn sandwich left in the car and then shut himself inside out um and i think about that a lot anytime anytime i eat any prawns or anything i do think about lisa tarbuck's adult story which is probably why it deserved the five points because it's really hung around in people's minds i think yeah but you but if you're if you're asking you've got to feel slightly aggrieved because you also wrote the same fable surely they get the same points yeah i think lisa's was more slightly more artful uh asims was asims was quite a raw account of something that was happening to him that day i think it hadn't necessarily

had any of the sort of flourishes added. It's X Factor versus The Voice. It's X Factor versus The Voice, exactly. If on The Voice they spun around as they were shitting their pants. Yeah. Which again, does that not make, does that not, is that not the missing ingredient that all these talent shows? Yeah. We give them all a laxative.

And then this clock kind of buzzing down just to keep us at home or i tell you what i wonder if we're years away from that before we get people are really talented trying to win the appraisal of judges yeah before something terrible happens to them whether it's sort of like they're thrown into a pit or a laxative they shit themselves or they were certainly fired into space add an edge to the mask singer wouldn't it if they shit themselves in their costume and then had to keep their mask on yeah there'd be a lot of people revealing who they were very early on i think just going oh god yeah exactly just seen natalie and brulia it's coming out my neck coming Coming out my neck, Joe.

This is a story about a scatterbrained man. There was once a scatterbrained man. He was very good at his job, but not very good at looking after himself. One day he was hungry and remembered an old prawn sandwich in his car. He shat himself inside out. You made some excellent choices today. Well done. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence.

Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly.

This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from Indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow.

Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task two, make something spin for the longest. your thing must not be a person you have 10 minutes to prepare for your spin and one attempt at spinning your time starts now do you do you remember doing this one russell i do remember doing that one and i was i thought you have those rare moments where you go ding that's a brilliant idea and mine was to put something in a washing machine. Yes, and a great idea. And as soon as you say it on the episode, I'm like, of course. Of course, that's a brilliant idea.

And I didn't think far ahead, just as you didn't think far ahead about what actually happens in a washing machine. Well, because I've never sat around and watched one. You sort of just, you go, you go okay well that'll be spinning away for two and a half hours let's say but yeah I think it stopped after like five seconds or something like that it was ten seconds

you lasted ten seconds but yeah you assume you put something in the washing machine you're like well that's going to get on with it's job isn't it it's not going to have to have a rest after ten seconds well exactly yeah and I remember feeling because the whole show is basically show your mental dexterity as quickly as you can um and when your brain goes ding i remember everyone in the kind of crew that's filming is going that is a and then feeling that kind of pride of like i'm the clever

boy yeah and and i'm i remember watching it and when it stopped just that it's just this moment of like you know when you hear like this laugh yeah i just heard somebody go like that and you're like fuck off and then you find yourself screaming at a washing machine um it was a very real uh a real moment of frustration it's it is wonderful to watch because as soon as it stops everything clicks into place you suddenly realize what you've done and you just go oh for fuck's sake yeah yeah yeah just but it's because you thought i thought it was a good idea that's what annoyed me it was like it wasn't like a i wasn't trying to kind of uh kind of be funny i was like oh i'll win this yeah like do you know what i mean i was like oh i'll just do that and it like came to me straight away and uh and alex looked you know everyone looked so impressed and it was like i'd sort of arranged this amazing

you know, meal for everybody. And then they got there and they were like, it's closed, mate. What? I got a film crew here. Nah,

it's done, son. Who won that? That's, but that's why people like Taskmaster, I think. Yeah. Because we were there with you. You had that idea.

We were like, that is a great idea. And we were there for the rollercoaster of then it not working. And it is, it's perfect. And I know it's frustrating to be in it but it's fantastic to watch oh yeah your pain your pain was it was beauty so lisa won um she got hold of a drill uh which i think is sort of the same the same uh revelation that you had she's something electric that spins um but drills famously don't

stop after 10 seconds to have a rest uh so she went with the the drill and taped a toy lizard on top of it just for a little flourish and then sort of stuck it in the ground uh taped the switch down and just left it to left it to spin until the battery ran out which happened at 84 minutes genius yeah you gotta respect that totally even in the studio where i would have i would have been thinking okay outwardly i need to respect this and inside i can absolutely i can absolutely curse if i actually thought of that yeah totally but it's i mean sometimes when you're in Guantanamo Bay, you notice the resolve of another prisoner. That's what it felt like. It felt like, it was like Guantanamo.

And occasionally you're kind of like, listen, not all of us are going to get out, but if we do, you deserve it. Yeah. Orange jumpsuit would be a great. Well, that's, yeah, exactly. Retrospectively, that's what I should have worn. Yeah, yeah. No, it was a

brilliant attempt by Lisa. Asim gets four points. He turned a bike upside down to spin the pedals and really kept going for it because he had ten minutes to prep for it. So once he discovered that, he started spinning the bike wheel. So it was five minutes, 59 seconds. He was really going for it uh so once he discovered that he started spinning the bike wheel so it was

five minutes 59 seconds he was really going for it and as soon as he let it go it just stopped straight away but it was still a decent time but he looked absolutely knackered by the time that finished um tim had a glass a shallow glass bowl pong ball in it and spun it around and spun it for three minutes 47 seconds and then right at the end when he had to put it down to let it spin he just dropped it but I don't I've never you very rarely see Tim angry I don't know if you've ever

seen was he angry there he was frustrated but not like in this whole series like even when he swears he says bums on seats instead of swearing at the end of this episode that's my main memory of it he's just such a beautiful In this whole series, even when he swears, he says bums on seats instead of swearing at the end of this episode. Yeah, he's just... That's my main memory of it.

He's just such a beautiful, kind, funny, gentle man. Yeah. So that's why you kind of want to find... So what do you... What fucks you off for? Do you know what I mean? What's your dark secret, Tim? Yeah, yeah.

And he's like, sometimes I make a cup of tea without playing darts he's just he's he's so perfectly in his job you know like as in the type of stand-up he does he loves it he loves doing it he loves dressing up his Elvis and singing he's you know that phrase when someone's living their best life that is is Tim Vine. Yeah, totally. Like, I've never met anyone happier. So I spent the whole thing just envious, just kind of going, what's your secret? Because the rest of us are going mental here,

but you seem to just be relaxing. Like, it's almost like none of this matters. Yeah. But, you know. Alice, she has loads of different ideas, and I think the worst thing you can do on Taskmaster is panic and give up on an idea halfway through and start picking another one

because you've got time to do that. You should pick one thing and then really focus on it and try and make it good. So she was like, I'm going to spin a record. And she started playing music. It's a good idea. And I think she could have argued in the studio that even though she was playing off a phone that you could say,'re spinning a record that's the phrase right but then she panicked and

grabbed this empty glass bottle and spun it for 2.2 seconds and that was it she spun it on like the hard concrete floor and it spun for 2 seconds one point she panicked oh good god worse than me worse than you mate yeah

but could she not oh you had 10 minutes to do it didn't you yeah you had 10 minutes to prepare for it yeah okay yeah so you couldn't find like a

like a record player it feels like that house would have had a record player in it though yeah there's so much stuff yeah good idea though

tell you what he would say they're all good ideas except for Asim's which is insane just just to spin a bike upside down but

everyone else is but yeah again Lisa deserve it can't yeah she smashed that she's absolutely smashed that

so it's five points for Lisa four points for Asim three points for Tim two points for you Russell and one point for Alice

something's happening she's not spinning yet Alex one thing I know about washing machines that they are obsessed with spinning 1.4, Alice. Something's happening. She's not spinning yet, Alex. One thing I know about washing machines, that they are obsessed with spinning. She's filling up. I mean, it says it's a quick wash,

but this is taking ages. But it hasn't started spinning yet. There you go. It's spinning, is it? Uh-huh. Like you've never seen. Oh, for fuck's sake. like you've never seen. Oh, for fuck's sake. Bollocks. I thought I'd absolutely smashed that piece of shit.

That's really upset me, that, has it? It's a good idea. It was a great idea, Russell. Task three. This is one I do not envy uh you having to do work out the flavors of these baby foods most accurate flavor guesses wins you have 10 minutes your time starts now also there is a bonus point for whoever eats the most baby food you must remember having to do this one i do and i seem to remember not not minding it oh really yeah I kind of um you know yeah I seem

to remember it I can't I yeah I think some of them I didn't mind some of them I was like that's actually okay yeah it tastes a bit like stuffing um but yeah some of them are pretty um pretty grisly possibly this may be a window into why toddlers cry so much because they're they know what what's coming yeah or they're remembering what's happened yeah they're kind of locked in this kind of this and and think about that journey of going from your mum's breast yeah to like ground up filth that makes adults wretch. Yeah, because they love a bit of the milk, don't they? The breast milk, love it. You know, and it's like, it's a lovely way of receiving it,

I would imagine, as a baby. You feel, but not as a baby. Yeah, yeah, totally, no, I'm not you. You know, as a baby. But you hear about like sort of bodybuilders drink breast milk then anyways apparently it's got lots of protein in it something i read ages ago i think joe rogan joe rogan used it to get over covid but it's that thing where but as far as a a culinary journey goes it could be more comforting and soft and you know you have the

breast and the milk and then you go from that to spoon in jar yeah and then in gob and it's kind of what what is it it's it's a bunch of stuff not distinct flavors just everything mashed together yeah exactly imagine like in that factory it's just blokes can elbow in gristle together for babies you imagine them treading on it like wine as well yeah yeah exactly and then it just gets crammed into them pots maybe it's like it's probably changed now but back then when they're eating that kind of filth yeah how did i get on you got three points I think you did okay with the flavours so the flavours in the end were sausages and sugar

puffs, pilchards and coconut and prawn cocktail chicken breast and chocolate cake so all individually very nice things but when they're in a non-script mush I can imagine that freaking people out mmm pilchards and coconut.

Wow. That's not good. I mean, Asim really liked that. He loved that. He ate the most and got all the flavours pretty much. Did he really? Yeah, he got six points because he got that bonus point. And he really, he was able to pick out a lot of those flavours,

which was pretty incredible. And also deeply unsettling because he doesn't have children. which is pretty incredible. And also deeply unsettling because he doesn't have children. And was, well, at that point, didn't have kids,

which would imply, you know, he's been stealing baby's food. Look, he's a busy guy. Sometimes you're in a rush. You just want to crack open a little pot of baby food

in the morning to get you through the rest of the day, right? Look, it works for him. Six points. Lisa got, Lisa got four points. Alice got two points tim barely ate anything i think tim pretty

much refused to eat it which was odd and uh um which gave you an opportunity to i think it's my favorite quote of the episode which was to say to tim it's not it's odd that you didn't eat it because you are the one out of all of us who looks most like a baby yeah i stand by that it's i mean it's clear he's the most he's the most baby guy maybe he's just worried to be like that bit in back to the future where you can't look at somebody who looks like you it's like if he takes that final step suddenly his clothes fall off, he's in a nappy. And he's gone full Benjamin Byrne. Yeah. Oh, Tim is a baby. He'd be a great little baby, actually, Tim.

Get him in one of them bouncy things. God, you know the ones that you put them in the doorway? Yeah. It wouldn't help with his darts, that, I guess. No. Absolutely the only person who took the things out of the jar, so the prawns were in there for everything.

I think we all enjoyed that, didn't we? The filth being paraded around the table. Because so far in the series, I don't think this is unfair to say that Absinthe has been consistently shit. Yeah. Well, he said, maybe we should pick some of the first one, instead of sugar puffs. He said, tuna, warm, one warm prawn, he said maybe Weetabix in the first one, instead of sugar puffs. He said tuna, warm...

One warm prawn, he said. One warm prawn. I like my prawns warm. He got the coconut. Lisa also got the coconut and chocolate and sausage. So these two... Asim just got one extra correct bit of information. He also ate 38 grams of it.

That is sick. I hadn't had lunch. Yeah, one sixtieth of a chihuahua. Let's talk about the live task. Catch the most socks and put them in your laundry basket. You must stare straight forward throughout the task. You must not touch any pants. You must not move the laundry basket. If you drop a sock, you cannot pick it up.

Every time you touch some pants, you lose a sock. Most socks wins russell this is these live tasks i think are really when we see you come into your own you're a natural sportsman as greg says a lot uh you've got that competitive edge you were you had your eyes on the prize for this one do you remember enjoying doing the live tasks? I do, yeah, because you're in control of it. Yeah. I think that's the big thing. That's what I learned. I was like, wow, I've been so mollycoddled in my career, as it was,

that you're suddenly, like you say, you can be in front of thousands of people, and this is how we will, the evening will go on my terms. You will look at me. I will say, like, do you can be in front of thousands of people and this is how we will the evening will go on my terms you will look at me i will say like do you know what i mean yeah and it was just it was the being laughed at guys like geez i didn't realize there must be something deep in that that i was really struggling with and suddenly life tasks is like right we're in control again yeah you know totally yeah and you this one in particular i think uh i think in one of the previous episodes there'd been an opportunity to take you you had to feel what fruit was under the desk with your feet um and uh i think you'd taken your shoes off and lisa had taken her shoes

off before before it started um so in this one you'd remembered that as well and as soon as you had to put socks in the basket your shoes were off and you'd put your own socks in the basket straight away. You're like, right, let's do this. You were so excited to get your socks off. This must be like, when I go on holiday with my wife, I'm like, right, let's organise, let's do this. And this must be how she feels when she sort of sees me do that.

Because I'm that guy when we go on holiday, it's that thing where you go, right, so it will be eight o'clock at our destination. So we set our clocks to eight o'clock now. Yeah, we can do that. But come on, we do, come on, socks off in the basket. Yeah, it's so weird, eh? But the glee with which you did it,

you were so excited to be involved in like the sort of competitive thing where you're all there as well yeah yeah so I guess you prefer that sort of thing than because it's taskmaster is competitive but you've got no idea what the other people have done until you're in the studio but to be able to be there in it yeah yeah and and also you're at the mercy of the edit. Yes. Where the old lady won't say that she loves you. You're expecting the old lady.

Not that you don't think about that every day. I can go on about it. I haven't tracked her down and she's here today. But I remember there was a joke I said that we had to, this was a particular breakdown. We had to make a parachute and anything fiddly like that. I just don't have those skills. My mum is extraordinary, but me and my dad had just,

we had to make a parachute from a pen and some, you know, rope and a bag. It was just hideous. Yeah, I remember. It's the one in like the church hall where you had to yeah yeah you had to send a man down yeah and i'm gone and and and as i'm trying to get this sort of like i've literally got sticky back sellotape and all this and i'm trying to make it i sort of turned to the camera and and i said times like this i understand why Richard Bacon did coke but and I was like that's really funny but then that wasn't in the thing because you've got to get it make it for you know tv and you've got to make it for the children and it was all that so I just felt like I was that was my main memory I was like I'm gonna say something funny oh

fucking hell I said something and then you become this desperate creature that is like i said a funny thing did you good for you do you know what i mean it's all we're saying is the fact you can't make a parachute yeah exactly and it's like no i did i didn't make a parachute but then i made quite a funny joke about yeah it was funny man but yeah so do you have any particular tasks that have stuck in your memory that you remember that you were very happy with the result of that you are the cricket the cricket the cricket it's just mad that's that's the coolest moment in my life yeah but because that was the first task take it take us through it take us through what what happened you've got to hit a you've got to hit the stumps and there's six balls um and it's like a cricket size pitch and i I say to Alex, I'll use the cricket ball

and I'll knock it in one. Yeah. And I do. And then I kind of, I walk away. And at that moment I was thinking, do you know what? Maybe shades and slick back hair is the way to go. Fast forward two days later where I'm inside a church hall trying to blow a candle out through

a hoover and things have really turned do you know what I mean it was like I just peaked too early so was that the first thing you did it was the very first thing yeah so I did and I was like like this is gonna be easy it's gonna be It's fine. I think that I like, I like things when you're together, like when you're kind of mucking around, but the, the, the tasks where it was a deep dive into your brain and you're unable to solve it. It was, yeah, I was surprised. I was surprised at how ashamed of myself I felt when I couldn't get stuff do you know what i mean like

i was it was this real kind of oh god you're thick you're thick they think you're thick so i'd get into this weird spiral so yeah it's panic inducing as well i i found the first i think one of the first tasks i did i had to make an egg timer or make design a way of timing an egg yeah and when it's something creative and you can't think of anything, you're like, well, this is my job. I should definitely be able to think of something. This is it.

This is it, eh? But then you realise it doesn't really matter. It doesn't really matter. And it's a brilliant show, except for when you're in it. But it's almost like when you watch your when you watch someone else's special you're enjoying it but when you watch yourself you're going oh why have you pulled that face yeah why are you wearing those clothes why does that light look the best you know you it's it's a

real why are you wearing shades why are you wearing why are you wearing fucking shades man and yeah and our mutual friend steve hall never lets me forget that the shades ever yeah exactly because they were they were these weird bifocal things that changed but i can't see if i was 65 that would have been a phenomenal decision yeah but i was 39 at the time and it was naive well look i i i honestly didn't expect the shades to come up i i hadn't you know i obviously you must have noticed them yeah i i wonder if it's one of those things where everyone on the circuit was like you've seen the the old shades? What's going on? Hey, listen, I know

how we are. Listen, let's not let's not fuck around. I don't think the shades spread around the circuit. I don't remember that happening. I don't remember anyone

going, Russell's gosh. Russell thinks he's really cool. He's wearing shades on taskmaster. Yeah. Too big for his boots. Yeah, man.

But they, maybe the thing is i didn't go big enough if i'd have got if i'd have turned up like full rockabilly and really like do you know i mean like john robbins from his youth that's what i should have done gone as bonnie prince billy and really add at it but what would what did you wear did you have an outfit i wore quadruple denim so i wore like really acid washed, horrible light denim, denim shoes, jeans, denim shirt, denim jacket, and a bolo tie, a wolf bolo tie. See, there you go.

Instantly. This guy belongs. He makes sense. He's dressed as a French exchange student, but he knows that and he's made that choice. Yeah, I made the choice yeah he knows this isn't cool versus a a guy heading towards his 40s going i think this is cool and there's a world of difference that i i'm cool because i know this isn't cool versus is this cool do you know what

i mean nobody wants that that's what I'm going to be, man. I'm like, my dad's got 17 leather jackets. Wow. I know. And every one of them looks utterly ridiculous. Like, it just, of course it does, because he's 65. Some of them have got tassels on. And every time when you see him, he's like, what do you think?

The key is to not let the clothes wear you but to wear the clothes yeah yeah i don't think the shades were wearing you i think you were wearing the shades oh because i also think you're over you're over worried about the shades russell i'll be honest it's good that we could have this chat we could get this out there i think you're panicking too much about the shade situation it was never it never got around the circuit but here's the worrying thing so i taskmaster now now goes around the world yeah so so i i've done gigs in like finland and people have gone what's with the uh it's like god damn it i made i made one mistake once you know so it's yeah so forever not everybody but i'm always aware that somebody's seen it and gone it's not quite right it's just you know

it's listen i've got rid of them they're gone and now i just wear regular shades indoors and stuff yeah exactly well in the live task Alice got one point Asim, Tim and Lisa got four points and Russell you pulled in the big five you put your own socks in the basket and that was what won it for you in the end really? yeah because you ended up

with two points you touched a lot of pants but also you employed someone in the audience to nod Yeah, because you ended up with two points. Because you touched a lot of pants. But also you employed someone in the audience to nod or shake their head at you when the socks and pants were dropping down. Oh, Jesus Christ. See, even that's vulgar, isn't it? No, but that's the competitive edge that you need. Yeah, but it's also the fact that I'm like this sort of like massive multinational company that's outsourcing my jobs.

Do you know what I mean? Like he didn't get any of the points. He or she didn't get any of the points. I'm just... You're Amazon. I'm like Amazon. I've marched in. In fact, I am like...

Jeff Bezos' eye is worse than mine. Is that where I... And I bet you he wears fucking shades inside the final scores of the episode Lisa won with 22, then it was Asim on 19, then it was you on 16, Tim on 15, and Alice with six. That's got to be one of the worst episode tallies in Taskmaster history, but she's still very good.

We love Alice. Lisa in the lead in the series. You're second, 48 at this point. Tim on 40, Asim on 40, and Aliceice on 37 so it's all to play for but lisa one we know that um russell thank you so much for coming on the taskmaster podcast we always ask our guests on the taskmaster podcast to rate their experience between one and five points their experience on the podcast oh right so uh you know don't feel like you have to i know you've got you managed to get a lot of stuff off your chest here that we've we've chatted about the shades a lot yeah yeah i know i'll give it a five thank you yeah

exactly it's a bit like um for me this podcast feels a bit like wilfred owen when he wrote war poetry do you know i mean i'm trying to yeah you you know what I mean I'm trying to process what's happened to you I'm trying to process it and try to understand Michelle's shock and I'm trying to save future generations from being shot yeah and I really think in maybe 50 years time they'll be studying

this podcast in GCSE English oh of course yeah I think so see if only I knew Latin, we could end it. Yeah. If I knew the Latin for never wear shades, let me find that out. I'm not sure they had a word for shades in Latin. Let's have a look-see. English to Latin.

Hang on. Right. Non hombre, hombre. There you Right. Non hombre en vrai. There you go. Non hombre en vrai. Recite it for me properly, like you're Wilfred Owen. Fucking hell. I mean, it's worth it.

Will be. I say this to you. From the past. Never wear shades. There you go. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast, never wear shades. There you go. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast, Russell. Nice to see you, mate. There we are.

Thank you so much, Russell. A lovely chat with Russell. Good he got some stuff off his chest. It's the Taskmaster Therapy episode. Lovely to talk to him. And hopefully, you know, he might come back on. We might sort of wangle another episode out of him you never know uh you can watch russell uh all over the world on loads of stuff uh do check out his netflix specials he did a documentary with his most recent netflix special as well about the pandemic uh and being a comedian in the pandemic

which is very interesting go and check that out uh i'll say goodbye by telling you that i'm on tour at gamble electric at gamble.co.uk for tickets i get very bored of plugging my own things but i will do it go and buy a ticket um thank you very much for listening we will be back next week keep an eye on my twitter and i will announce the guests and we'll try and get some questions in otherwise just send your questions to taskmasterpodcast at gmail.com and we will see you next week. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category.

And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly.

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