Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 8. Richard Osman

Episode Date: December 3, 2020

On this week's podcast Ed is joined by TV presenter, producer, author and Taskmaster Series 2 alumni Richard Osman! The pair get nostalgic over the early days of TM, Richard reveals how being a TV Producer meant he approached the tasks differently and why the rabbits in a hat task still smarts.They also dissect the latest episode which involves some acting, coconut water and another fabulous fall from Johnny Vegas.  Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail]  Visit the Taskmaster Youtube channelwww.youtube.com/taskmaster  For all your Taskmaster goodies visit www.taskmasterstore.com   Sales, advertising and general enquiries:[e-mail] Taskmaster is on Channel 4 Thursdays at 9pm and you can catch the family friendly version Sundays on E4 at 6pm. Taskmaster the podcast is produced by Daisy Knight for Avalon Television Ltd  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It is episode 8. Hello, I am Ed Gamble. I am the host. I realise I've come in very aggressive there. I didn't mean to. I just want to get on with the show. Another brilliant episode this week uh some fantastic tasks uh tasks

imagine that imagine not saying task right as the host of the taskmaster podcast it's one of the basic words that comes up a lot during the show just want to assure you i do say tasks during the interview segment of the podcast but i don't add a t onto the end of it so lots of great tasks and it's a brilliant special guest and another great episode i'm having such a lot of fun doing these uh so we're nearly at the end of the series that's kind of crazy right uh episode eight um now normally at this point in a taskmaster series we'd be like hey it's episode eight we kind of know who's gonna win uh it's a lap of honor for them but it's really coming down to the wire this one I genuinely don't know who's going to win it's very very exciting so we will be chatting to a special

guest in just a moment the wonderful Richard Osman as you should know it's in the title of the episode and a lot of you have sent in questions for Richard Osman which we will get him to answer just got to do the basic admin up top love doing the admin I kind of that's the reason I do podcasts is for admin and tasks so admin Taskmaster is on channel 4 at 9pm on Thursdays

if you've not seen episode 8 series 10 of Taskmaster do not listen to this podcast it goes into detail it talks about who won the tasks it talks about who won them it talks about who lost them it talks about everything just sod off if you've not I know that sounds aggressive but just go away if you've not seen it go and watch it listen to the episode after that god I think I've not slept very well I don't want to be too aggressive at the top of this I love you all very much thank you for listening but here's a new exciting piece of admin I've not slept very well. I don't want to be too aggressive at the top of this. I love you all very much. Thank you for listening.

But here's a new exciting piece of admin. I've often talked about the Taskmaster store where you can go and buy little gifts that are Taskmaster-based, taskmasterstore.com. Well, you can now get something very, very exciting. It's a Taskmaster charity download. You can host your very own digital taskmaster evening this festive season with the help of little alex horn kindly on loan from the taskmaster greg davis thank you very much

greg davis for all of your hard work and letting us use that tiny little cornflake man alex horn all money raised for this will go to homeless charities across the UK via Homeless Link. So if you go to taskmasterstore.com, you can get a proper little digital download, and you at home can host a Taskmaster evening. What a great way to spend, I'd say, Boxing Day. I'd probably do it on Boxing Day within your Christmas bubble. Go to taskmasterstore.com, get it. You'll be doing it for a good cause. It's £10 minimum donation, but there's, you know,

obviously options to bump up the donation if you're feeling flush. So thank you very much. Let's crack on with the episode. It's an absolute belter with the wonderful Richard Osman. Don't forget as well, if there's any swears

that you want to avoid in Taskmaster, you can watch the family-friendly version E4 Sundays 6pm but for now episode 8 of the Taskmaster podcast let's have a chat to Richard Osman. Welcome Richard Osman to the Taskmaster podcast hello hello Ed how are you? Very well thank you thank you very much for coming on and joining us I think you're the earliest competitor we've had on the Taskmaster podcast. I think we've had quite a lot of sort of later series competitors, whereas you were not one of the OGs, but certainly one of the EGs, the early gangsters.

Yes, I was an early gangster. I would never claim to be an OG, but, well, that's nice. So you're sort of like the time team of Taskmaster. You're digging down and down and you finally reach me. And beneath me, there's sort of like Romesh's head sticking up. Yeah, exactly. The bones of Widdicombe. The bones of Widdicombe, which is the title of my new fantasy novel. Is that your next book, is it?

Yeah, yeah. The bones of Widdicombe. So one of the earliest competitors we've had, Richard, and I'm going to, look, I'm going to butter you up here. I think you were the first person to hack Taskmaster. I think you were the person to start that trend of looking between the lines on a task, working out the logical way of doing something. Yeah.

And I mean, I think actually you're the reason why a lot of the tasks are a lot longer in their description now. There's an awful lot more rubric now, isn't it? Yeah. And I mean, I think I think actually you're the reason why a lot of the tasks are a lot longer in their description now. There's an awful lot more rubric now, isn't it? Yeah. Tell you things you're not allowed to do. Because Alex has really closed off a lot of loopholes now because I don't think he necessarily I think he likes it when it happens occasionally. But if it happens every time he hates it. So all I do is look for the loopholes. So the loop, loop the big loophole of mine and it came from sheer laziness was when i was doing a task with yoga balls and these huge hills which um were built from the spoil from the original wembley stadium um by the way uh so but they're

massive things and there were there was like a yoga mat at the top of one of the hills and it said place these three yoga balls on the mat on the top of that hill and the yoga balls are massive so you can't carry them that's the clever thing uh you know they always think them through don't they yeah so they're literally thinking how do these three people and when you get up the top you can't put the one ball down then go back to get more because it's too windy so it's a tough task uh and i was thinking i genuinely don't really want to be going up and down that hill thank you very much um what with my knees and uh so I read the task it said put them on the yoga mat on the top of the hill and I thought well you're just talking about the yoga mat on the top of the hill so I went up

the hill bought the yoga mat down and put the balls on the yoga mat that was on top of the hill which is definitely a hack and they had to get Susie Dent in to adjudicate as to whether I'd interpreted the task correctly and whether it was worded in such a way that what I did was acceptable and God bless Susie Dent. She very kindly said that it was acceptable. Yeah. And it saved me such a lot of, I watched the other people doing the task which is one of the joys of it when you've done something a simple way is then watching everyone else have

to do it awful things. Lovely seeing John Richardson run up a hill 15 times. Beautiful. This is the way I see it. Susie Dent knows what she's talking about and Richard Osman uses imagination, so as far as I'm concerned, he wins that task. Do you have any particular highs and lows of your series? Let's start with the highs.

Obviously, the yoga mat task sort of exemplifies your approach to taskmaster but do you remember any particular moments of joy where you think i've nailed that i'll tell you my favorite bits always the um group tasks because then you've got a friend and that's really i love that uh we did one where they drove us out you know sometimes they'll drive you out to a different location and you're like oh you've become like a prisoner right and you're like oh we're going we're going out of the prison which is nice and we drove to chesham and you're you sit around while they're setting everything up uh and you think what am i here for i mean come on what is this and um i walked into

the you walk into a big council chamber it's about 40 foot long and at the end there's a guy in all the mayoral robes and it says this is the impress the mayor of cheshire you have 20 minutes and you're like which is classic taskmaster uh and i managed to write and learn a poem and juggle in that time and i was so because when the thing probably people don't know me i'm not a performer either so if someone says do this thing i'm not going oh my goodness they've asked me to do this oh what me oh i don't know i i what i mean okay i suppose i could do something to me i'm like oh god and there's a huge crew around you yeah they all know what you've just read and they're all sniggering all of them and they're also just the cameras rolling and they're like looking at you going go on then what are you going to do and you're like give me a couple of give me a couple

of minutes to think this through uh and so i was delighted i just went away wrote the thing did a bit of juggling and impressed the mayor of chesham and i thought well that's good because that felt like a high pressure environment you know surrounded by sniggering crew members thinking thank god i'm not having to do this task and that was the task with john richardson who i think sang desperado by the eagles i think he did yeah and that was the one where when we were filming in studio and it came up john put his hand up and said i've got i'm going to leave the studio now until this round is over. He said, I cannot watch this. Which meant I couldn't do that at any other stage. I would always want it to.

So John literally left the studio, came back in when it was finished, which I felt like doing a number of times, I have to say. But learning the poem and doing the juggling, you felt, was a high point. Yeah. I mean, within that task interestingly i'd say when anyone mentions the impress the mayor task which often comes up as a classic taskmaster task the first thing that people remember is joe wilkinson buying 42 calipos which is brilliant so was there a moment was there a moment there where you were so proud of what

you'd done where it was about to come up and then joe bought 42 calipos and you're like oh i can't believe he's worked the rug out from under me genuinely couldn't care less about winning or losing any task i care about getting out of it i care about how have i done it is it okay the thing i loved about joe's task so so you know he said um i went and got 42 calipos so i'm sort of ready to watch joe yeah i'm ready to watch the footage of joe in the supermarket and this out of the other yeah uh and uh they hadn't followed him to the supermarket. So Joe had literally, they sort of followed him at the start of his run. He'd obviously said, I'm going to the supermarket.

And they couldn't follow him because of the cameras. And so he had literally had to run around Sainsbury's, buy 40 Caliphos while everyone's looking at him. Because if there's a camera crew around, at least people would go, oh, well, it's a TV thing. And that's, oh, is he the guy? I know that guy. I wonder what he's, what are you buying Caliphos for for joe but he didn't have any of that he's literally just happened to buy them all and buy them and then run out and then suddenly they pick him up

again so i felt so i thought he committed himself to the cause there there will be someone who was working in that supermarket that day who's never seen taskmaster and just has this memory of a disheveled looking man coming in and buying all the calipos and then running out. What's the weirdest thing that ever happened? Oh, the tramp and the ice lollies. And one day they'll tune into Cat's Does Countdown

and see him on there and go, that's the ice lolly tramp! He's done well for himself. So, this series, Richard, how are we feeling about the line-up on this series? Well, I mean, it's Daisy May Cooper versus the rest, isn't it? Which is as it should be. It's amazing. Johnny Vegas must have thought, of course I'll do Taskmaster,

but I know I'm going to be the loose cannon. So my job on this series will be, I'm the one who's the loose cannon. Great, that's sort of... And he comes on and discovers he's not the loosest cannon. Yeah. He goes, wait a minute, I'm the second loosest cannon? This is not a position Johnny Vegas has been in very often.

And it's lovely, lovely seeing old man Richard Herring working his way through the game shows of Great Britain. And I feel like he's my representative on Earth, if you know what I mean. There's always like an older person, and Richard is our older person. And I didn't know Mawaan particularly, and I absolutely love him.

I'm going to seek him out now at every opportunity and the other person, oh Catherine again, someone who's just like a genuine, normal, professional person just put in these situations and it's just like, what, huh? Yeah, you can see the pressure building on Catherine like she is coming unstuck every week now

but I mean, comes very unstuck on this episode uh which which we'll get to uh but also has another massive victory this episode which is quite exciting she had a genius moment last week with the marble run and has another uh brilliant moment later on in the episode which is always good to see so we're gonna crack we're gonna crack on richard what are we gonna do we're gonna crack on we're gonna crack i'm afraid you said crap on so we're going to have to keep that in we're going to crap on with the

episode proper also I should say I think the sound should be pretty good on this episode but just to let listeners know Richard Osman who sits behind a laptop in Pointless pretty much five times a week on BBC One doesn't have his own laptop

at home I don't as well well do you know what I've never I've never used one uh and all through lockdown people started saying will you come and do a quiz will you do this will you and if I'm locked down I want to be locked down so I didn't update anything so every single thing that came in I just said oh I just I'm afraid I don't I don't have that I don't run it on a laptop I don't do it so it's uh yeah yeah i do apologize to everyone at home also my voice has a has a tinny metallic quality which even on the best microphone sounds like uh yeah so the first task is of course uh the prize task uh yeah the prize task did you enjoy the prize task when you did them on on your series

because i think one of your finest moments that sticks in my mind is your prize task when you did them on your series? Because I think one of your finest moments that sticks in my mind is your prize task where you had to bring in a picture of something that looks like you. Was that the exact description? And you brought in the sign from a science lab of the guy wearing lab glasses that didn't look remarkably like you. It literally looks exactly like me. If I see it on the street on a building site or something,

I genuinely, my head, you know, like when you see your name in the paper and your brain goes oh that's uh yeah so it's yeah it looks exactly like me um i've actually got one uh um stuck up in my kitchen uh where i goggles it just it makes me laugh uh yeah they were always quite stressful the prize tasks although i rather enjoyed them this series they've been a little bit um they're phoning it in a little bit a little bit yeah especially daisy but yeah and this one was the best thing with wings the best thing with wings uh is this week's one yeah and talking of phoning it in katherine admitted in this episode episode eight that initially when she was told about the prize tasks she didn't realize that they got you points. We'll get to the points in a bit, but that was bizarre that she got three points for that.

Johnny very proudly picked chips. Yeah. I think he thought he was being very clever with that answer. The pun sometimes is the way to go, yeah. Yeah. And what I always found quite depressing, and I did this a few times, is when you feel so proud of something

and then you announce it to Greg, and he's just not impressed in the slightest. It's like trying to get the attention of your dad or something. It's really depressing. Oh, my God, I couldn't bear it. You do a task, and you just think, oh, I brought in something good here, and he'll be like, well, that's pathetic.

And you're like, I thought it was good. But Johnny was still proud of his chips. Richard brought in Histel the One-Eyed Pirate from Richard Not Judy. Yeah. Which, you know, I slag off Richard a lot on this podcast. Good, good, good. He needs to let go of the past.

He's on a different TV show now. Come on, Richard. That's the thing about Richard. And listen, I love the guy. But those shows he talks about, Fist of Fun, they were OK. Listen, they did all right numbers. Richard bringing in something. I mean, come on.

It's like me bringing in something from Pointless. Who cares, mate? But listen, I get it he's thinking that's nice and for the and for the four people still living who who were watching that show i guess maybe they got a thrill yeah but it's uh and yeah and it's only listen it's those tasks you just want to get them out of the way listen you never know what greg is going to like or what he's not going to like so maybe maybe he just thought i could plug like an old dvd that's on sale yeah that's how a lot of his shows are.

They're still on DVD, a lot of them. Some of them are just being released on DVD. Yeah, exactly. So at least he went quite route one. It was nice to see someone actually have something with wings. Him and Catherine went pretty route one with the wings because Daisy went with a panty liner. Yes, which I thought was quite good in a way

because that sort of plays on where we are with gender politics. And a weaker man than Greg might have felt that he needed to mark that up a little bit more than he did. I thought fair play to Greg to be, he was very secure in his place in culture to mark it where it should have been marked. He does not feel that sort of pressure, Greg. She deliberately went out of her way pressure greg if you if she deliberately went out of her way to say if you don't mark it high you're a sexist pig and if anything i think that cost her points that's the thing with greg i want some we had to what was it to buy him something with 10 pound or something like that right uh and what i did i put two quite substantive quite um uh high risk bets on the darts which

raised i think 230 pound and i then sent the 230 pound to a charity i support called child's eye in uganda and the kids in uganda sent him a little message saying thank you taskmaster for this money uh and so i did that and i didn't even even greg had to kind of go yeah god i'm gonna have to give you points for that aren't you it's the only time i cracked him but even he with this sort of literally sort of like screen full of orphans saying thank you he was kind of oh okay maybe i think that's the best way to do it the having them thank him uh i think you're buttering him up there he you know he feels like

he's done something it's the ego thing right you've got to appeal to the ego yeah i think what daisy would have done in this scenario her anger would have been if you don't give me five points i'm going to take money away from the orphans uh of course she would have done or she would have you know what daisy's thing would have been get me the best thing you can with 10 pounds she'd have just given him 10 pounds she'd have wrapped up 10 pounds exactly and moan finally uh this was my favorite i thought this i thought this should have been the five points because uh he did a painting a beautiful painting uh of um perfect fried chicken which i got a bit confused when i was watching the show because he said it was too close to perfect chicken so they had to change a letter i thought he meant within the show so he did he was doing a painting of a perfect fried chicken and they had to change the letter for rights reasons to show on the show

i googled it it is a real it's a real chicken shop it's really called perfect fried chicken it's really called perfect fried chicken i i thought that was the best one by mar he did the same pun johnny did yes but but he kind of you know that is the best one by Mar. He did the same pun Johnny did. Yes. But he kind of, you know, that is the best thing with wings. What a chicken shop. I mean, chips, you're sort of one step removed from a pun there. Yeah. It's an unadjacent pun, whereas he absolutely nailed the pun and then did a lovely painting.

Yeah. No, I think the painting should have been five points. So it was five points to Richard. I think Craig felt sorry for him him i think if you don't give richard the five points for the histo puppet then you're basically saying everything you've done up until this point is worthless that's why i'd have given him one point just to let him know yeah who i would have put it below a wasp uh no i would have gone one point richard no one point johnny two points richard uh three points catherine four points daisy and i'd have given five points to moan definitely if i was doing it

i would have done this is the lovely thing whenever you watch taskmaster now is you just think oh how would i do this but you don't actually have to do it which is like yes i love watching it so much because i get the joy of knowing how it's made and the joy of all the people and the joy of thinking, oh, how would I do that? But I know I don't have to sit in a little house in Chiswick and actually do it. But I love that.

So I watch it and think, how would I do that? But then I also think I'd love to do that every day for the rest of my life. Oh, so you're like a former footballer who's now a pundit, who's literally just thinking, oh, I just want to be back out on the pitch yeah that's exactly what this podcast is if i was like uh if i was like michael owen or someone sitting in the studio i'd be thinking oh thank god i just get i still get to hang out at the stadium that's really nice i get

to hang out with all of my mates but i don't actually have to run up and down the pitch yeah well you didn't run out of being injured you wouldn't have run out up and down the pitch on your series anyway. You would have found a way of not doing it. Yeah, but psychologically, I ran up and down the pitch. You know, it took it out of me. Took too much out of me, man. And so to me, it's lovely.

I left everything out on the pitch, I think, and now I'm happy just to watch. Yeah, I would have, if I had to come up with the best thing with wings, I'd have run up Sir Paul McCartney. And I'd just got him in the studio, just brought him with me. That's what I would have done from sir paul would but would surely get a five points i'd have brought him with me i'd have rung him up i'd have said he'd have gone is that richard from pointless i go yeah and that's it he goes i really like your new book

uh thursday made a club i really like it and i said would you come on taskmaster he goes tasky i love tasky yeah he calls it tasky yeah uh and uh i say would you come on taskmaster he goes tusky i love tusky yeah he calls it tusky yeah yeah uh and uh yeah he would have come along and you know what but greg would have given it three points i don't have literally paul mccartney would have been there he still would have given more to the crow okay so task one proper fill this cup so it overfloweth the cup must remain atop the cup pole at all times only liquid must touch the red green fastest wins yeah now these i think the tasks are getting stranger yeah and more specific uh with every passing episode uh cup on the end of a stick you've got to fill the cup up until it overfloweth

yeah and the red green makes another appearance which i think uh made definitely made an appearance in your series oh it made a beautiful appearance in my series where we had to get a potato into a hole in the middle of the red green without going on the green. And we all did it various ways. And Joe literally just picked up the potato, threw it into the middle of the hole. First time, not even, no editing, went in, and he just started running around, just screaming and yelling,

how excited, and they played that last. And we were all, and honestly, the whole audience, kind of on their feet at this point. And he's in the studio, hands off, and we're all cheering him. And then Alex goes, oh, sorry, can we just take one more look at that, Joe? And he literally puts just the first bit of his toe just on the red. And the whole audience, honestly, it was brutal.

It was like VAR at the end of a World Cup final. The whole place just, poor Joe. I don't think he's ever got over it. No, because he was so... I mean, he was devastated because he was the underdog. He presents as the underdog in most situations, deliberately, I'd say.

But that moment of victory to have it offered to him and then snatched away. Honestly, it was like watching a caterpillar turn into a butterfly and then turn back into a caterpillar. It was so... I don't think either. I mean, although I'm thinking that's another point for me.

So a bit of me was happy because I'm very competitive. But I'm also a human being and I could see the pain. Well, that's widely held up as one of the finest Taskmaster moments ever, one that gets people into the show on a regular basis. I'd agree with that. So if you enjoyed that moment, there were five of that moment in this task because everyone was disqualified. Everybody disqualified.

I mean, you've got to be so careful with that stuff. You know, read the rules. No, it was kind of lovely. And it was interesting when daisy got disqualified and do you think they really hadn't spotted that no i felt like they hadn't spotted it because normally they would just show it and they did say let's wait till the end of the round so someone was i think cutting that as we were watching the rest of the round now i'd bow to your experience on this richard because you you know more about the process of making television.

But what I thought had happened is that they had planned to show the entire package at the end with everyone breaking the rules, and Mawaan suddenly found this competitive streak from somewhere and actually pre-empted that, and that's why they had to say, hold off on that, essentially. That's possible. That is very possible, actually. Yeah, I will give you that, because it's why they had to say, hold off on that, essentially. That's possible. That is very possible, actually.

Yeah, I will give you that, because it's not like them to miss something like that. Thank you for bowing to me for my TV knowledge and then proving me wrong. That's good. I'm not sure if anyone, if this has happened before where everyone's disqualified. I couldn't think of...

It must have done, surely, at some point, because some of the tasks have an of an impossibility built into them yeah I couldn't do to me it felt like this was one that could be grifted when I was watching and they very rarely let you grift stuff anymore because when I was listening to the

wording of the thing, it felt like because the pole bent over so it was pretty easy to reach it felt like you could pull the pole out yeah you know yeah it doesn't and once you put one yeah just to fill the fill the cup on the top of the pole yeah it said the cup must remain atop the cup pole at all times so yeah you could you could take the whole the whole pole out i guess put it under the tap yeah overflow it you're back in your dressing room for biscuits within 30 seconds that's the joy sometimes on those tasks when because sometimes the tasks take a really long time do they not but sometimes when you're sitting there especially getting

towards the end of the day and a task will come up and you work out a way to do it within like 10 seconds and then you go okay i'll get i'm gonna head back to my dressing room and it's like it's kind of lovely it just think good that's that one done um we look we've got to talk about this uh everyone was disqualified fine right i think they were right to be disqualified uh but the highlight of the entire task and for me the episode uh is johnny falling over oh my god yeah i it's the most i've laughed out loud all series and i've laughed a lot this series and it's oh it beats into second the last time johnny fell over which was off the ladder a few episodes ago which that one to me i worried about that because i didn't like the angle

yeah yeah i worried about joints and by that i was thinking you know there comes an age that johnny and i both at where a fall can be you know you don't have serious consequences yeah uh yeah that was ahead of a fall wasn't it he you don't have serious consequences yeah uh yeah that was a hell of a fall wasn't it he just went i've got no it was i've never seen anyone fall fall over out of excitement before because he was running to get to turn the hose on and his legs just caught up under him like a little baby deer it was incredible um so absolutely amazing uh johnny falling over i i think i think greg wanted to show that he is a harsh taskmaster sometimes. So that's why he disqualified everyone.

I think if he was in a better mood or it was a Greg from a previous series, he might have decided to judge the task on a different metric. So you could almost look at this task and go, okay, everyone touched the red green, but who did it in the stupidest way? They get one point. And that would have been Richard, who when they cut to him

and he just walked straight onto it. Oh, don't. But then he also said, that's the other thing I wish I'd remembered now when I was doing the series, is, as I say, in my wanting to do things as quickly as possible, if you do walk on,

you might as well just go, there's no point in me doing this task now, because I know you're just going to edit whatever nonsense I've just done, and then at the end just go, oh, but look, then you remember right at the beginning, you stepped onto the red green, so I'm so sorry. There would have been the odd task where I might have just deliberately taken a fall

and just kind of gone, oh, no, I accidentally touched the mug. I'm so sorry. I'm going to go home. Oh, that's annoying. What's the time? When's my car? When's my car? Is it 4.45? Shall we just judge on who did the best time? LAUGHTER I mean, I'm never in the history of the whole show

have I felt contempt for all of them. LAUGHTER It's a sad day for everyone here. MUSIC So, task two, this seemed like a nightmare to me. I would have panicked so much during this task. Learn your lines, you have ten minutes to prepare for each of your parts and one take to pull it off.

Everyone got given a couple of parts, apart from Richard, who got given all the parts. Now, it's lovely to see tasks where one person is hung out to dry come back, because they've been away for a while. I think they might have stopped doing them to keep it as a surprise, really, because I don't think it really happened in our series.

So Richard had to learn all of the parts, but he kind of, he did it. He was... It's winter, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats, but meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls?

Yes, we deliver those. Moose? No, but moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those. Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly.

Product availability varies by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can wait for clean water solutions, or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures, or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth, or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.

He was up to it. Yeah, I would have liked to see that to me. Learning lines, I'd be very happy. I like learning. I'd have honestly gone, oh, yes, lovely. I would enjoy doing that. I like to set myself the challenge and I like doing accents. I can't do them, but I like to try. So I think I would have enjoyed that task.ard uh of course we're here now so it would be a shame if we of course there was a scottish uh an australian a welsh and a geordie yeah um could we have a little blast of each okay okay don't tell me which is which whose coat is that jacket very a very lovely welsh thank you um uh g'day mate

I've just been down the water hole with Jason Donovan and various other famous Australians well you gave me a few clues with it what do you mean

uh so uh the watering hole uh Jason Donovan and saying Australian gave me a clue that it's exactly

what a Geordie would say oh you got it you absolutely got it now for my Australian. I've been to the wrestling. I've just watched Kendo Nagasaki and Mick McManus. Now, why have you gone straight for wrestling and Kendo Nagasaki with the Geordie accent?

Because it's fun to say Mick McManus and Kendo Nagasaki. It's a fun thing to say in Geordie. You are right. Yeah. I can't do Scottish, really. Listen, I'll have a crack at trying to remember what some of the lines were. What was it? Was it Detective Scottish?

I forget. Oh, yeah, with the handcuffs. Something about, I've got a very exciting, I've got my handcuffs, something like that. I'm going to arrest you. No, that's not the Irish. How do Scottish people speak? You know, when you go to Edinburgh, every year I go to Edinburgh,

and within three days I'm speaking Scottish, then I can do it. You have to talk like that in Scotland. I have some handcuffs. I have some handcuffs for you. I'd like to rescue. No, you've gone Irish again. No, I've gone Irish again, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got in the old furry, haven't I? It was certainly, that was better than Mawaan's effort of the accents, I think, who threw himself into it, but... Yeah, he went grummy. He went grummy early, haven't I? It was certainly... That was better than Mawaan's effort of the accents, I think, who threw himself into it, but... Yeah, he went grummy early, didn't he? Yes. I think the key to this task was just enthusiasm.

Catherine missed that, basically. I admired it, though. I admired when she just decided... Yeah, I liked it when she just said, I can't learn lines because I genuinely am learning lines, so I'm going to improv. I thought it gave it some flavor i'm listening i wouldn't have given her any points don't get me wrong but i think it's good sometimes to just say i'm not going to play this game i absolutely recognize what the game is okay but yeah because of other things in my life

okay this is going to be too hard for me so i will give you some content but it's not going to be the content that you were hoping for see i but i think if you've signed up to play the game you should you should play the game and i don't think that's how i look i'm not a professional actor um no way no i'm not i know i know my performance you are a member of the royal family right yeah yes i am correct okay um but line as far as I know, you don't learn lines, and then if you learn one other line for something else, it pushes one out from the other project. Oh, I disagree with you.

The human brain is constantly expanding, right? I could not... Well, no, because then we'd all be getting cleverer. There's certainly... You get to a certain age, perhaps, you haven't reached it yet, where every new thing you learn, you forget something else. Right. Is it one in one hour? So I can remember every FA Cup winner from the 70s and 80s and what have you.

But if I was to try and remember the FA Cup winner from last year, I would forget what an isosceles triangle is. It's like you can't keep it all in. I would be the cleverest person in the world. I've learned so much on Pointless. I've learned so many facts over 12 years. I mean, so many facts, but none of it stays in like i would be the cleverest person in the world i've learned so much on pointless i've learned so many facts over 12 years i mean so many facts but none of it stays in none of it does you can't but yeah you can't overlook if she's learning lines you have a certain way of doing it and if you're giving her new lines to learn no but then i think she shouldn't be

prioritizing uh a performance at the royal court over taskmaster well that's a different that's a different question listen i i question the role of theatre in our society as much as you do. But given she has done that, given presumably she's contracted to do that, for good or for ill, you know, I think she has to take that seriously. I know that Catherine, fine, you know, she was being professional, she needs to learn something else,

but she's still got two points, else. But she still got two points. And Mawaan also got two points, which doesn't seem fair because Mawaan learned his lines and his accent might not have been spot on, but he did try. I would agree with that. I think Mawaan, listen, if you can't, doing accents is no sign of anything other than being able to do accents.

Attempting to do accents was actually the task. Yes, exactly. Putting yourself into to do accents was actually the task. Yes, exactly. Putting yourself into it wholeheartedly was the task, not how good is your Australian accent. And so I think that he absolutely should have got more points than her. Again, all I'm doing is defending her right to make that choice. But equally, I would defend the right then of the taskmaster to say, fine, but there's one point. Yes, one point. All zero points or minus points. If you're like, I would defend the right then of the Taskmaster to say, fine, but there's one point.

Yes, one point. Or zero points or minus points. If you like. I wouldn't give minus. I think, listen, that's not the game we're in. Sure, okay. I know to you, game ain't based on sympathy. I know that.

But to me, it is. But yeah, I mean, one point. The fact that the two of them got the same points, I think, was an outrage. In the same way that Mawaan was, I think, very badly dealt with in the prize task. Yes. I think all the way through this, it's been difficult.

Yeah, I mean, he's had a couple of very good episodes, so I think maybe Greg was just teaching him a lesson for doing well. Well, that's what they do, isn't it? They don't want someone to get too far ahead. They know what they're doing. It's a maths puzzle, isn't it, for those boys? It's like a maths jigsaw they're putting together. So Richard, I think, got a deserved five points.

But here's what I'd say. I enjoyed watching it very much, the fact that he was hung out to dry and had to learn all of the parts. And I enjoyed watching him use that to his advantage and actually come out on top. If I was in that lineup, I would have been kicking off

that Richard was the only one who got the opportunity to do that because you don't get the opportunity to learn all the lines you're never going to get the opportunity to get the full five points yes I agree although I think in the company that he was keeping I'm not entirely sure possibly Johnny might have welcomed the opportunity yeah I don't think any of them particularly would have welcomed the opportunity I thinkard has the thing that i also would have had which is oh you're asking me to learn something okay i'll do that okay yeah oh yeah learn all the different parts oh yes i'll learn all the different parts whereas the others might not have um uh embraced that quite so much and you could see all the way through that also he took it wasn't taking it seriously but he was

thinking yeah you've asked me to learn all of these, do them in the accents, and that is what I'm going to do. He wasn't playing it for comedy, apart from that he's behind the hedge. The rest of it, he's just going, you've set me a challenge, which I... You know what Rich is like, he loves a challenge. And he's thinking, now I want to complete the challenge that you've set me. So he wasn't playing it for comedy, he was literally thinking,

I'm going to do all the lines in the voices and do the thing that you asked me to do God bless him Struth! Who let in that great galah? Good to see you officer Thank you for coming Of course I came

You asked me I'm here Why doesn't everyone chill out? Bless you And now it's time to hear from our BFF bonus fact finder, Alex Horne. Oh, hi guys, it's me, little Alex Horne, your new bonus fact finder. I have exciting news because today's bonus fact is the biggest of the series because today I reveal the true ending of The Smart Stake,

which was of course the script task where the contestants had to memorise and perform the script to the best of their abilities and the script involved a murder and ended on this cliffhanger. Alex, that's me, said that's good except it's not good for everyone because I can now reveal that the murderer is... and since that moment you've all been wondering who the murderer is. Well I can tell you it is not Nicky, the excitable Scottish junior police officer who had a cold. Police officers aren't allowed to murder. It's also not the boss, the ruthless business person from South Wales. Ruthless, yes. Murderous, no. Is it the mysterious and menacing Geordie doctor? No! Dr. Buckley didn't do it. He was just inspired by someone I met recently. So it's either Parker, the

former American football player in the bush, or Sam, the lonely Australian fish person. Guys, disappointingly, it's not Parker. Yes, it's Sam. And the clues were all there in the script. First of all, he burst out of the caravan only just awake because he'd been murdering all night. His first line was, where is everyone?

Because he'd killed lots of them. I don't feel OK, he says. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, who would after such a spree? He says, I don't want a hug from me, Alex Horne. So clearly a sociopath. He says, you called this galah about the police person because he was scared of the authority figures.

He said, I forgot you lived here with me. How are you doing, darling? You know, clearly a made-up made up alibi he says that's illegal about hiding because he didn't know the law he also says and this is probably the crucial information that you've all been waiting for to the boss he says whoa don't speak to us like that and if the play had carried on he would have murdered the boss as well so he he's a double killer, if at minimum. All right, everyone, I hope you enjoyed our bonus fact.

Bye. So task three, drink one full tablespoon of coconut water. If you use the same coconut water extraction method as another contestant, you will be disqualified. Fastest wins. Now, this simultaneously feels like an old-school task, and also the added element of not doing the same as another task, another task E, happened in Series 7 as well, I think.

We didn't have that in our series. I hadn't thought of that idea. Yes, but it really plays on the mind, doesn't it? You think you want to do the obvious thing because everyone else will think that's too obvious, or do you do the weirdest thing? Yeah, which is very, very very clever of course but yeah but then in the end i felt that richard and johnny both use the same tool but they said there are different

extraction techniques i thought that was a fudge it's about the i guess it's about the definition of extraction right so as the show so often is another one one of those. Yeah. So they're using the same tool, but I guess that cracks the coconut, that opens the coconut. Is that how you're then extracting it? Yeah, I guess so. I would have done what Catherine did and gone straight to the fridge. I was going to say, you're the only person I actually buy that off, that you would have done that, I think.

Because, again, it's it's actually the laziest way of doing it but also i but i would have seen that there weren't that many tools yeah and certainly not that many tools that would actually open the coconut right and if the task is use the one that other people are not using as a producer i'd be thinking you've got to have 10 things here for that to work at all and you don't you've got five things here of which to do the job so either you either i can crack this coconut you know or there's coconut water somewhere else in the house yeah you know i would have been i would have been straight in i think it's very very well thought through i think i wouldn't have won the i wouldn't have won the point though would i because katherine would have done the same thing katherine would

have done the same um i might have known there was coconut water in the fridge because I'm quite nosy when it comes to fridges. So when I went in in the morning to the Toss Master House, I normally had a quick peek in the fridge to see what snacks there were and stuff. But I would always look around everywhere just in case they'd left something for another task. But they're quite good with not. They're quite good with actually only putting things in there

when they need to. Daisy and Mawaan got no points because they both used the hammer and the spoon, even though Mawaan he tried to protest that he used a plastic bag, but that doesn't feel like an extraction method, does it? That's a collection method as opposed to

an extraction method. Yeah, and then we've seen it, that's fair enough. I mean, I thought it was all over the place, the scoring, to be that one i was glad when katherine did the decent thing and went to the kitchen i think finally some clarity yeah you know which is uh which is what i felt was missing literally a refresher yeah oh my god i mean perfect well done yeah it's a palate cleanser before the studio task how to cleanse iter, exactly that. What was your extraction technique? Well, my extraction method was I went to the fridge.

Oh, right, I see. Thank you, Catherine. Thanks. Goodbye. So, the studio task. We'll talk briefly about studio tasks on your series because I understand there's still a controversy that hangs thick in the air with... Was it catching rabbits in a hat? that's right yeah that kathleen i say as if i've forgotten alex has told me in the past that both you and john richardson are still

are still smarting from that well listen ed i'm a format guy right i don't pretend to be anything else never have never will right Although I'm also an author. I'm a format guy, right? That's my telly thing. Listen, if I do a task, tell me what the points are, you know, and I'll work out what to do. That's absolutely fine. So we know the scoring in Taskmaster, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, right? Occasionally zero. Occasionally, you know, people will get equal, but that's where we are. That's the parameters within which we work.

And this is towards the end of the series. And so, you you know it's all pretty close at the top of the leaderboard and yeah and then suddenly we're doing this rabbit task it's catching rabbits in a hat and it's possible to like catch 20 rabbits yeah you know you could catch 13 rabbits or you catch 20 which Catherine did and so it's at the end of that task and so Catherine you get 20 points. And you're like, whoa, time out. You're like, what? Me and John both going, what? Because I could see how well she was doing. You're thinking, no, great, I'll do all right. I'm going to get three points out of this, four points out of this.

I'll lose two points to Catherine. That's fine. I've got that in hand. That's me and John both thinking. And suddenly, she's got seven points on us. And, you know, she won the series quite rightly in my opinion so that it was the right winner so that was good yeah but we the rug was taken from under us so afterwards of course me me with a tv producer's hat on uh for comic effect and john genuinely quite um

outraged at the unfairness of it poor uh andy devonshire and Andy Cartwright. We were just like at the after show thing, just going, no, but literally, there's more points available in that one game that we weren't really focusing on than in the entire previous episode. So that skews things, doesn't it, Andy and Andy? I mean, is that the way that we, is that the way we do scoring now?

I love them just trying to have a drink and wind down after another successful episode. I feel so sorry for them. It was absolutely brilliant. But I honestly, to this day, Andy Devonshire, and I bump into him every now and again, because he's around this neck of the woods. And I bow to no one in my admiration for Andy as a producer. Absolutely brilliant. Taskmaster is so wonderful. I still see in his eyes a slight worry and a slight kind of, is it guilt?

It's something. No, he just doesn't want to chat about it again. No, well, that's, listen, he chats about it a lot for someone who doesn't want to, because every conversation I have with him is about it. I can see him thinking, is it okay now? Are we okay? Are we good? Are we good?

And we are good. Of course we're good. This studio task, stare at your opponent without blinking. You must both be pulling the face that the taskmaster chooses. First person to look away or do the wrong expression loses. Each team member gets two points for each team victory. So again, we're quite heavily weighted with the points on this one. And again, they were very clear with how many points goes to each team victory. So again, we're quite heavily weighted with the points on this one. And again,

they were very clear with how many points goes to each team member because they don't want another Osman Richardson situation. That's all I asked for. Clarity. I don't mind how they're scoring it. Just if I knew I could have got 30 points, I would have caught 30 rabbits. That's all I'm saying. Oh yeah, of course. Of course you would have done. Oh, I could have been

catching rabbits all day long. I'd still be catching rabbits now if you'd told me I can't remember if it was catching rabbits I think it was catching rabbits in hats well someone will tell us if we were wrong so this is a team studio task but they switch the teams around which also happened in series 9 with the drawing task

probably my most talked about moment the one I get tweeted about the most getting very angry with david baddiel um they did that here i you i think you held off for a very long time with david uh you know i mean listen everybody who knows david eventually gets very angry with him you know there comes a point where you find to go okay this is we're gonna have to finally do this now it's too much for a really long time well the thing is when you see david baddiel being incompetent and it doesn't affect your points it's very funny but as soon as it started to cross over with my game then i was absolutely livid you see yeah but isn't that the thing like me and john with the rabbits

is they they put you in this world where you you genuinely care yeah and you genuinely that's the wonderful thing about it is the points are important you know it's uh it's wonderful so listen i'm i'm on your side there daisy was so happy to not be paired with richard i mean their their team dynamic is awful they yeah i mean they're very much the charles and diana of uh in terms of the chemistry between the two of them. Yeah. So he was so happy to be with, uh,

Catherine Parker bowls, uh, to extend the analogy. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Not bad. And Alex has even started and he'll rarely do this.

He's back referencing things that happened earlier in the series with, uh, the hippo drawing, uh, with, uh, Daisy and Richard, which was,

I mean, it nearly came to physical blows. Yeah. I assume they're not invited around for each other's Christmas. No, I don't think so. Or if they are, I know what they're not playing. I'm sure they got on fine afterwards, but in the heat of the moment, I think Daisy nearly physically attacked him on numerous occasions.

So, the totals for this episode. It was a victory for Richard after his bottom place last week. So quite the come up there. Joint second for Johnny and Catherine. Mouane in second bottom with 10 points. And Daisy, a rare bottom place with 10 points, and Daisy, a rare bottom place, with seven points, which now puts Richard out in front in the series, but only one point ahead of Daisy,

who is in turn only two points ahead of Johnny. Super close, right, at the top? It's super close. Episode eight, it's one point in it, and not many points in it in the top three at all. Do you have any predictions, Richard? Yeah, it feels like Herring's going to win it to me. Do you think?

It feels like, yeah. I mean, listen, I could be absolutely wrong about that. I think there's just something about him that wants it so much. So, listen, either Richard wins it. I think it's Richard or Daisy. I think Johnny might be artificially too high in the league table. So I think it's Johnny and Daisy. And I love the fact of how annoyed Rich would be if Daisy wins it

because she does it in such a laissez-faire way and he puts his heart and soul into everything. So it would delight me to see Daisy win, of course, and see Richard crushed. But it feels like maybe he'll win it by a couple of points. I don't know, but it depends. Listen, it depends if Andy Devonshire's got some ridiculous point-scoring final game in the last episode.

Then Mawaan could win it. It could be anyone's game. But it feels like I would love Daisy to win it. It feels like Richard, maybe he's got an extra gear he can go into. Yeah, you're right, he wants it. But I also think Daisy wants it as well, but she's approached it in such a way that if she doesn't get it, she can go, well, I didn't want it all along.

I agree, like asking somebody out in a way that you've got plausible deniability if they say no, that's exactly what she's doing. Whereas if Richard loses, he is going to look absolutely shameful. Heart on sleeve, he's going to be crying in his bedroom for weeks. So we've got a few emails from taskmaster podcast listeners richard uh some lovely questions uh from them hi ed and richard uh i was wondering if being a tv producer affected how your approach preparing for taskmaster do you think it gave you an advantage in guessing any of the formats for the tasks particularly as being on an early series meant nobody was as familiar with the show yet that's from amber in leicester yeah one genuinely

100 the way i every single task i had two questions in mind which is what are they trying to get us to do uh and what would it be funny for us to do and both of those were the tv producers head on but yeah 100 thinking i just knowing how they put the task together was how I tried to approach every single thing like what are they getting at what is the shortcut that they're hoping that you miss and also is what's the way that I can undermine all the incredible hard work they put into this by uh by by out thinking them so oh my god yeah I did the whole thing I can't do it as a comedian or a performer because I'm not one.

So I could only do it as a TV producer. So that's essentially what I did. Dear Richard, please defend your choice of she'll be coming around the mountain as a nursery rhyme. It is not. And would love to hear the poem again that impressed the mayor.

Performed while juggling. Amazing. Two of my top 10 list all time. That's very kind. That's from Laurie. Laurie is the number one fan in Kansas of all things Taskmaster. No way. Yeah.

Wow. Because I wasn't able to get over to that competition this year, but I usually watch it, the number one fan of Taskmaster. Because, yes, she got an all-time in the semifinals the year before, Laurie. Yes. And she won it this year. Great. I wasn't able to get over because of the pandemic. It's amazing that I still went ahead with it. before, Laurie? Yes. That's who won it this year. Great. I wasn't able to get over it because of the pandemic. It's amazing that I still went ahead with it. It's weird, right?

Yeah, it is odd. Now, I remembered the poem for the four minutes I had to remember it. I don't remember it anymore. Well, of course, because you've learnt something else now, so it's been pushed down. There you go. But I remember what I simply said to the mayor which

are the towns which chesham competes with you know which you know like every town like where i grew up hayward's heath burgess hill was the big uh competitive town so he gave me a list of like five towns that they competed with so the poem was essentially dissing all the other towns uh so i can't remember any of it at all i can't remember how to juggle that I remember and she'll be coming around the mountain is that a nursery rhyme or not? now, I think you could say she'll be wearing pink pyjamas

listen, it comes as a country song but all nursery rhymes are folk songs originally passed down through the oral tradition and don't smirk when I say oral tradition it's just perfectly valid musical musicology that's why you said it come on come on yeah you knew what you were doing oh yeah i guess i did and so i would say of course it can be a nursery rhyme because you can sing it and it's

a rhyme and you can sing it in a nursery you know and it's uh and it's a it's a traditional arrangement of a traditional folk song so your definition of a nursery rhyme is it rhymes and you could sing it at a nursery. You are very aware that after that, I put in some other provisos. You know that. Don't just edit this to make me say it rhymes and you sing it in a nursery. And suddenly you've got someone singing God Save the Queen by the Pistols. Cut to you in a nursery singing there was a young woman from Nantucket. Which is a nursery rhyme. Come round the mountain when she comes. She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes. tuck it which is a nursery rhyme final email hi ed and richard love the show and podcast thank you

i found out about the series when i stumbled upon the potato throw task and got immediately hooked and binged the whole run during lockdown so my question is which full task would you use from your own series or otherwise to get someone to watch the show that's from nico in argentina well that's the easy one for me because that was on my series the potato throw task and i did i think it had everything which is simplicity of rules uh different people doing it in different ways and then a beautiful twist at the end i think the the task that made everyone sit up and take notice of taskmasters in any format you need a little thing you need a little hook where everyone goes oh i see what it is and in the very first series and they put it on all the trailers and they still have on trailers now which was paint a horse while sitting on a horse yes and that's the task where everyone goes,

oh, I see. So it's a ridiculous task, but it is sort of doable, but ridiculous and silly, and there's comedians. And that, to me, is the task. I don't know what Andy and Andy would say about it, but that, to me, is the task where everyone immediately just went, I understand what this show is. I get exactly what you're talking about.

And it was like an entry for everybody. So that's the kind of, that's the task i would tell people about and i say maybe watch the potato throwing task yeah i think the the simple ones are probably best because i don't know we had quite a lot of quite involved ones on our on our series uh and my certainly my favorite one to watch back and i would show this um to someone who'd not seen it before was the final task of our whole series which was seven tasks in one yeah which was amazing um which is just an incredible piece of work and so so well so well put together oh it's just fantastic deceptively simple but everything fits together so nicely and just the frustration from everyone while doing it sort of

it's beautiful but it's it's not entry level is it you have to really appreciate how brilliant that is you have to have seen everything that comes before. Absolutely. Richard, thank you very much for coming on the podcast. As always, I will now ask you to rate your experience on the Taskmaster podcast between one and five points. One being terrible and five being good? Yes. I'm going to give and five points uh one being terrible and five being good yes uh i'm gonna well i'm gonna give you five points thank you very much oh it's me five points you can give

your experience five points well you are my experience essentially it's nice talking about the show because i love you know it's a it's very dear to my heart but you you've you've guided me through it perfectly i'll tell you what i do. I don't know if you've got any rabbits where you are, or a hat. Why don't I give you 50 points? Do you know what I mean? Why don't you just like, as many rabbits as you've got, why don't I give you 50 points? Thank you. I will take that 50 points. It really pushes the average up after

Paul Chaudry gave it one. It's nice to have it. You surprise me. It's nice to have it back up in the 40s. Beautiful. Thank you very much richard absolute pleasure thank you ed thanks everyone well there we go what another wonderful episode of the Taskmaster podcast. Thank you very much, Richard, for coming in. Let's talk now about next week's episode. Next week's episode will be the wonderful Katie Wicks.

Yes, Katie Wicks, another Season 9 alumni. My chum, Katie Wicks. We'll be talking about our series. We'll be talking about Taskmaster in general. And we'll be talking about Episode 9, Series 10 we will be talking about episode 9 series 10 of Taskmaster on channel 4 Thursday 9pm family friendly version Sunday 6pm E4 don't forget to go on to taskmasterstore.com for some exciting gifts including the Taskmaster at home charity video you can host your own evening of Taskmaster at home with your own video assistant it's £10 minimum donation

and it will be giving to homeless charities across the UK via homeless link more information homeless.org.uk but go on to taskmasterstore.com you can donate and you get a brilliant Taskmaster video game to go with it thank you very much for listening we will see you next week for episode 9 with the wonderful Katie Wicks. Goodbye. One fine day to Chesham Fair. I ventured forth to meet the mayor. Strong

of jaw and fine of feature, the King of Chesham, my new friend Peter. Peter's on our list of crushes in this town of boots and town of brushes. Foes he has many, but he'll just kick them. From Aylesbury, Chartridge and High Wycombe of Amersham

we don't give two fucks. Chesham, third biggest town in bucks. See that? Oh, dang it. Thank you. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly.

Product availability varies by region. See app for details.