Taskmaster The Podcast - Series 16 Best of #2

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

On this week's podcast we gather some of the most memorable moments from our Series 16 episodes. Who can forget John Kearns' wish to be a spider or Susan's delight on her team task days? Enjoy these highlights and come back on January 2nd straight after the New Year's treat to hear Ed chat through the festive special with one of the contestants! You can find all the latest Taskmaster exclusive news here: taskmaster.tv Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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the world. That was really a rock star moment for me. I'm Solay Lunya and this is Among Equals, the history and legacy of the professional Native Indian artist Inc. Listen wherever podcasts are heard. HeyCast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Did you enjoy doing the prize test, Sam?

The opening treasures, yes. Is that what you call them? Yeah, I thought, yeah, I had some help from this guy, Luke Smith, one of the production team. He helped me. Well, he, now, I'm thinking particularly about the one you brought in for episode one, was the Pinocchio. Yeah.

I mean, that's, is very you prize, I'd say. No deal. Who built the Pinocchio? It was a collab. It was a collab with... With Luke Smith. That's how, because you can't just be on the actual show, you can be like, and a big shout out to Luke Smith

for helping me out with this one. You've got to just roll with it. Yes. But yeah, he helped me with those. Yeah, very, very impressive. A little bit easier this one, I guess, not too much of a build on this one, because it's best sign. You brought in a sign from the British Library saying, please take care, be out to slippery. What, how did that one occur to you? Did you just, is that one you'd, were you looking for interesting signs, or when you were told the price task or was that in your photo gallery?

I go to the British Library almost every day. Yes. And you just picked up on that when you were looking for signs? Yeah, I just, that one just, I know of it. I always, I see it almost every day. So I thought, well, yeah, there's no better sign. Yeah, I suppose it's, the Piazza is always slippery then. That sign's always there.

It's slippery, yeah. Yeah. They've had slips. Yeah. And there was a big discussion. They cut a lot of stuff. They cut this big discussion of what technically like a Piazza is and what difference it. Differentiates it from a courtyard and there was like a massive in studio, but they had to cut it because the audience applaud was too fun. People were getting too excited and riled up, and people were trembling and running around and screaming. I can't believe they cut the discussion about the difference between a piata and a courtyard.

That sounds like golden television. Obviously, Susan went, you know, pretty, like not root one, but like, if someone says bring in best sign to me, I'm like, I'm gonna find a root. Oh, you mean Susan Macoma? Yes. I think you meant super, and she's like, pretty root me, I'm gonna find a rude. Oh, you mean Susan Macoma? Yes. I thought you meant super,

and she's like, pretty rude, why aren't they painting by an ape? But yeah, yeah, yeah, no, totally, yeah. Heres was smuddy, heres was foul, heres was disgusting. Cop pond, yeah. Yeah, cop pond on Clap and Common. I mean, I did enjoy it and-

Really? Yeah. Get your mind out of the gutter, that's completely foul. Well, she got four points. The series in general, I found was a really grubby. Yeah. I'm not going to be watching back the pre-watershed stuff,

because I thought really there was a lot of that. Well, there are some moments where, I mean, we'll talk about this on the podcast with other people, but there were moments where some grubby stuff happened, and it was really gross. You look absolutely affronted, son. Yeah. Well, I don't just think it is a public,

you know, people are watching this stuff. Yeah, but... In private, do whatever, you know, Shiner torch through your nut sack, I've found. But don't, you know, this is a family show. Yeah. What if the task was Shiner torch through your nut sack, would you do it for the point?

Ah, I've got a very thick scrotal. I don't know, don't cut that or make it really quiet. Do something with that. Yeah, don't cut it, but just quiet and just do something with that. Sorry. I'm sorry. The End My husband and I have a habit of buying really hideous things for each other as a joke.

Because we've been together a long time and we don't want anything really. So, birthdays and Christmas, you've got to go through the motions. So, he has been known to go into shops and say, what's the most hideous thing you have in this store and I'll buy it and they say, one moment, sir, and they come back with some awful thing which I'm then given. It is fantastic that you stuck to that, that you went and got things from your house or rather that some people invented some wild things but let's talk about this one. It was yes, the best thing for a grown-up that is meant for a child. You brought in the book, Biggles Takes It Rough, was that something that you and did you have a copy of Biggles Takes It Rough knocking around?

Yes, I've had that I found that in a bookshop when I was a teenager I think or at university and I thought well, that's amusing and So I've had it all these years about I thought it perfectly fulfilled the brief, you know something for a child that the music and that aren't Absolutely absolutely the brief, you know, something for a child that the music is an adult. Absolutely. Absolutely. And, Doug, got a good laugh. It did. Have you read it? Have you read Bigel's Text at Rough? I think I might have read it.

They're all kind of the same, the Bigel's stories. You know, he's very intrepid and has a bit of trouble and then triumphs in the end in a manly sort of way. Yeah, even if it is rough now and again. I agree, I think it was an absolutely perfect a perfect thing for the task itself, a perfect thing for you to present as well. I thought it was great and let Alex do a bit of research into the other Biggles titles including Biggles gets his men and Biggles and the Dark Intruder. Yes, I'll be looking for those now. For my collection. The prize task this week is the best thing that has five things on it.

Quite tricky, quite tricky category at this one, I think. Yeah, it was. I actually found all the prize tasks quite gnarly. I don't know if you did when you were on, but there was someone that required almost too much thought I thought. And you get a little bit bamboos on the loss in your own thought process. But this one just came from the memory of replacing the innards of a toy that had been disemboweled by my dog who was getting the wrong squeaker. Well, I just think it was quite confusing.

So you're very funny. There's a very funny story behind it and the meow and all of that. And I think, to me, it felt like you had that. And you got off a taskmaster and you're like, I'm going to bring this in for one of the prizes. And I will try and make it work. Is what it felt like? No. I mean, there is a lot of that going on. I'm not going to lie. I thought, well, I

can make something with five things. And then I held onto that thought right up until the morning when I was supposed to give it in and nothing had been made. So I looked for the disembellter aerosols, but understandably over time, just a sort of flaccid crocheted sort of dinosaur sock puppet as if they're like, this is not the sort of thing that you carry with you over time, it gets bent off. So then they created it. So it's very hard for me, as you say, to prove the provenance. Yes, of course. Just kind of have to go on my good nature as. I know that's what's going on. Happy to. I mean, Lucy's was a Yorkshire melon, which was a melon with five Yorkshire puddings, stuck in it, and then also the word things five times on the back. I mean,

I mean, I obviously enjoyed it as an image, but what I didn't enjoy was hearing that Lucy puts Greek yogurt in Yorkshire puddings. No, I didn't enjoy that either, but I can extract to it because some people put horse sort of wet horse radishes and roast beef on it. So it can contain wetness quite magnificently. It's not the containing of the wetness that I was worried about. It's the fact that it's Greek yoga. It's the type of wetness that was upsetting me. Yeah, it's a very weird choice of wetness, isn't it? Because it's bordering on, okay, I'm going to tell you what what upsets me about that,

may you open this scene of compensation? Is there's no completion of it? It's it's it's sits uncomfortably with Greek yogurt in it. Yeah. Twix savory and sweet. Yes. And I'm uncomfortable with it with it, struggling both of those realities. I want you to put some strawberries on it and have done. Yeah. Or I want you to put some a smoke salmon on it and have done. But just the practice got no other topping means it's in a hinterland. Playing yoga in hinterland. Yeah. Yeah. And I was I was unaware I thought so strongly about it. That's still really strongly about it. But I just everything Lucy does I love. So I mean, Klein to always feel very positive about that. But you're right.

But it's totally see and so therefore, I'm never so, if she's done belt and braces on it, she's got right. If the, if the, the sort of weird Yorkshire putting hedgehog doesn't smash Greg, we'll just turn it around and then there's the joke of the fine thing. Yeah.

It's so good. The prize task, the greatest thing that makes quite a loud noise when you shake it, Greg says it's the worst round they've had in 16 series. I don't I don't necessarily agree with him on that. I think there's been some in previous series some more lackluster price tasks. Okay. And I think there's some highlights here. Did you enjoy the price tasks in in general season? No, no, I've got to say I have listened. I'm a busy bloody woman, right? They're like, oh, get the pinkest thing that exists in the world, I'm like, shut up. I have to say, prize task we're annoying.

I don't have time, I do not have time. I'm looking at the others down the line going, you've got kids, like, where do you have time to do this? I barely moisturize and drink water, and you're like bringing in, okay, we found it, prize task, couldn't give it F about. But, right, with this, I had like a weird sensory kind of memory because I remember as a kid being on like a water bed and it being the loudest thing, like playing with my siblings and stuff, And then when we got in the studio,

we listened to it, I was like, what? It's like, you know, when you're a kid and everyone seems really tall and big. Yes. It was like that. So I was like, okay, yeah. I was actually really excited about that one

and like bringing in a whole bed. And it just worked. This is what I do love about your prize test entry season. Is they are so earnest and so real. Like everyone else is doing things like, you know, putting a horn on a can of whipped cream and all of this stuff.

Whereas yours are just absolutely straight down the line. It's clearly you've seen the thing and you've gone, I've got something like that and you've brought it in. And there's a moment in episode one where you bring it in and you hear the reaction in the studio and you see Greg's reaction. And something changes in your eyes where you go, I've got nine more of these. Oh my god. Oh my god, something changes. But I will say it does come good. All of

it. All my rubbish choices comes good later in the series. It's what? That's good to hear. I'll say it comes good. It's all worth it. It's all worth it. But before that, it's really painful. Let's talk about the dog chew toy that Sue brought in, that, as Alex pointed out, look like two penises end to end. I think one of the main questions that was raised in the studio is you smell the end of it. You smell the end of it and I don't think anyone in

the studio actually noticed. I think that's got to be added because they've looked back at the foot and you've gone, at least you smiled the end of that, but no one mentions it in the studio at all. No, they don't. Do they know I think it moved on? Yeah, which is somehow worse, that there is footage of you smelling that, but there's no reaction from anyone. That to me feels almost embarrassing. It is embarrassing? I remember once I was a music and it was a first year of high school and you know that's not the glockensh, you know that's the xylophone, you know that thing you hit it with and it has a rubber ball at the end. I put that in my mouth to see what it tastes like. house to see what it tastes like. Just just to see and I've never ever thought see and I've never forgot it tasted like um amp it like like an amp it's it's

that's stayed with me the rest of the day. Yeah that's because someone out the person in the class before you put it in their armpits. See what it felt like. Oh god, you think. God knows where that had been. All those kids. Yeah, I know, I know, and it was a bit like, I knew I shouldn't, but I just had to, and it was a bit like that with the dog chuteye. I just needed to see if it smelled of vaginas. And what's the verdict? It didn't, but then she did say she had washed it, so we'll never really... We'll never know. Well, let's talk about Julian's ceramic soldier. He gives a lovely backstory to the ceramic soldier, the soldier's giving, you know, no strings fun, round the back of the barracks.

It's a lovely thing. Greg says, Greg says, have you, well hang on, was it in this bit? Donuts in a car park. Donuts in a car park is later because it's about his advanced driving thing, advanced motoring association. Right. I mean, is this where we're popping the kettle in? Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! No, no, I wasn't lit. That would be very, that would be madness. This is only the price to ask if I'm turning it on

and then immediately put in the kettle on. I wasn't that crazy. A super in, I mean this sues lived a real life, a super in an adult nappy. That story about her ex-eating a whole wheel of cheese and then wearing an adult nappy. That story about her exiting a whole wheel of cheese and then wearing an adult nappy to bed. I know you got the edited version in the studio we had the full horrible awful story. I mean what a business. Do you remember any details from the full story that you can reveal to the podcast? Well it was just bizarre and I spoke to her after us and it was all true. Yeah well I don't know what goes on you know that side of

things but then I can't remember any I might you see I might say something that is inappropriate to reveal but yes did you how many points did she get I can't remember? She got three points for that for the Adopt Mappy. But I feel like that was, she got three points by virtue of the two below her, rather than anything else. But some of the Sue's stories, Sue, came on my other podcast off menu and told a story about being in a hot tub with a shame

and the shame in blowing raspberry vodka up her bottom.. Oh I wondered what you were going to say then. Hang on, he blew raspberry vodka up her satch. No, up her anus. Oh. Was that for a spiritual experience? Yeah, for cleansing, spiritual cleansing. Well, hold my drink. What a start this is. Build a tower out of cans in the lab. You must put on your blindfold

in this room and wear it properly for the rest of the task. Tourist tower wins. You have five minutes, your time starts now. Now, before we talk about this task, I though, during then receiving this task, there is a mention of a secret task. Yeah, that made my head hurt, immediately. Yes, but if you had been told during an early task, I'm assuming this is quite early in the series, do you think you're going to find the secret task? What would have been your thought process, and how would you have acted on it? Well, it's in my head now, and I'm just doing the podcast about it. I'm so angry. I also think, what leeway would you have thought essentially like

tearing up the house? Because they're really fantastic how quickly they, you know, do these often quite complex. I mean, the tarot tarot of cans, which will come to. But, you know, if you also were like, well, if Tom is a secret task, so if you don't mind, I'm just going to go and like tip everything out of every drawer in the kitchen, you know, see you in ten. It's surely come a point where a drawer A, me or someone would be like, yeah, sorry, that's not a secret task.

Yeah, we need to go home. Please stop doing this. Well, let's talk about the cans task because it is a tricksy, Taskmaster Twist. There is, of course, already an existing tower of cans in the lab, not something that would have occurred to me immediately. I'll be honest, I feel like, if I'm honest with myself, I would be in the gang of people walking straight into that tower of cans and knocking them all over. I'd be crashing straight in.

I'm not a cautious man. I mean, need I ask you, Ivo, what's your reckons happening with you? It's impossible to say for sure. I think, I think I'm a blunderer for sure. Yeah. But I also think, as we saw when I was walking around with Frankie guiding me towards spoons, I'm quite cowardly with a blind fold on.

I don't like my unexpected bumps, so I don't think I would charge into the room necessarily. I also think it's a bit, I mean, it was cinematic seeing even the sort of slow tumbles of even half the towers from a few people. And I think as I said to a lot of the team when I saw a few of them last week, I think it's one of the most cinematic bits of Tarsmasters of that tower crashing down that I've seen. It's right up there with with with Dara sort of collapsing to the floor and the garage covered of, you know, Polaroids of hands.

It says, it's just what a great image it is. But I think between five of them, you wanted one person to run right into them, being fast, instant explosion. And I think it's a shame. It's nice that we got the halfway house, the combination of both techniques from Sue, who crawls cautiously into the room and then slowly crawls directly into the cans and knocks the whole tower over and announces what an absolute shower of shit you are.

And it says, is there another tower? Yeah. And we dared to dream. It's amazing. It is amazing. And somehow trying to get points by just sort of gathering the cans towards her and scooping them into her lap as if that represents a tower.

Much like, this just, much like reminds me of Acastas cardboard box tower in Series 7, where he attempted to say that if he sort of threw a box up a tree then that was all part of the same tower. But yes, an absolute disaster for Suba again, what a joy to watch all those cans cascading down. Yeah, you think, is there a better? Yeah, would you see anything cascade better in your life? It's the best cascade in Tasmus the history. So yeah. Classic Lucy looking looking for the two-headed

coin. She's sussed out. There needs to be a two-headed coin, which is only looked at one side of the coin. I only she's like right, organise all the coins. She's like no, I don't think there's any here. They're all just laid out on one side. And Alex is so funny. You're only looking at one side. It's just so funny. It's so funny. I love it. I mean, I loved it. But she finally, she finds a double-headed coin. And this is, I think one of the biggest laughs

of the whole series to be so far. She's so confident. She's got the double-headed coin. She's like, right, here we go. She knows what she's doing. She's looking in one direction, flexed the coin that goes off in completely a different direction.

And it goes so far. So far. Like she holds it. And then picks it up. Does it again, like that learner lesson? Third time, so I'll use it on the plint. It immediately drops it off the plint. Yeah, of course.

It's so funny. It's so funny. And she, yeah, she's never really flipped a coin before. She's never had to learn because there's always been a boy to do it. There's always been a, she's got a man to do it for. A man to do it for. And also this, this is something I didn't bring up with the being. A game I play with my wife every week is when the credits start and we see the name of

the episode. Yeah. My wife and I guess who has said the quives. That's a great game. That is fun. Yeah, it's a really fun game. It's a really fun game. And when I saw the line, I've never packed a boot.

I was thinking, well, that's Julian Cleary. He never packed a boot. His wallet would do it for him. So I was thinking this is a clip. And then also, you could definitely see that being a very solid new endo as well. Yeah. Yes.

Shall I bend over? Was he a new endo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I loved Lucy's she? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Penny often. But I loved Lucy's sort of, really, really, just, she had the two-headed coin, yet still it was an absolute uphill battle for her. Yeah, absolutely amazing.

But also, she puts seven pounds on the plinth instead of 13 pounds, and her logic, I've written it down, she says, I've put seven pounds in a penny because if it cancels it out, if this penny isn't lucky, they've still got £7. It's like, who is this person inheriting £7? They've still got £7, don't worry about it. I mean, let's talk about this straight away because Susan's mischievous task is to set you your own task,

which is stand up and shout, mice whenever you hear or see mice. Sit down and whisper fish whenever you see or hear fish. You have 20 minutes. Most fish in my scene and heard wins. I think this is one of the best things anyone has ever done in the history of taskmaster. I think it's genius. It was really, yeah.

And she even had her own custom seal. Custom seal, which you didn't notice. You just popped open the task, and you tried really hard in the task. Yeah, yeah. You tried so hard you started drawing your own fishing boats. Oh, but yeah, I did some cheap trick as you call them. Yeah.

Did you feel, how did you feel watching that back? Because you cut back to the studio and you... I was furious. I wanted to kill her. And I pursued legal action. Oh, is this is this world? Yeah, the action is kind of happening. Yeah, it's going to be behind bars in a federal prison. They're going to put her in prison in another country.

Yeah. Yeah, wow. What you call her a nut job is what you do. Yeah, that's not I also they cut stuff. I also called her a fruitcake and a psycho Did you feel I mean you felt like your paranoia was absolutely justified after seeing this But here's what I think Sam you're gonna enjoy this. I think you should have got some points for that task. Oh really? Yeah No, no, because you were set a task but I fell for it all Yeah, but what you're not going to walk into every task

and go, Susan will come and set this. I'm not going to do that. Otherwise, you get no points for the whole series. You got presented with a task. You did it to the best of your ability, which you did very, very well. I feel like you should have got at least two bonus points for completing a task that no one else completed.

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. You're very relaxed about this. You don't have the competitive spirit to you. I think there may be a manifest in different ways. But just the whole, it did, this taught me a lot this one. What did it teach you? It's so much of this kind of thing will happen where it's something

means so much to you and then you find out that it actually didn't mean anything. But then you realize it did mean something because we are the ones that assign meaning. Okay, so it really philosophical. It made you feel quite philosophical. Sort of, like, when they were like, and she said, and you're like, yeah, but I still did it, and I still felt it,

and yeah, you can't get too hung up on like, this means this, and this means that, because you find that so many, where you're like, this is important to me. And then lady, you realize you're like, what the hell? Well, like, you'll have an enemy, do you're like, this is important to me. And then lady, you realize you're like, what the hell? Well, you have an enemy, do you know what I mean? And then you'll have, and then later on,

you'll end up in a canoe with the moss. Or something nice will happen with them. Like, you can't be too... Have you ever ended up in a canoe with your enemy? Yeah. Who was that? Like a school friend who we were enemies and then became quite good friends, and yeah, even when canoeing together? Yeah. Who was that? Like a school friend who we were enemies and then became

quite good friends and yeah even when kind of we went together. Yeah. And do you know what happened? We were, oh this is great. We went, we we canude past a nest. Yeah. And it was not exit. We went over to look and it wasn't nest. It wasn't eggs in there. Yeah. There were no eggs in there. No. Yeah. I'll tell you off the podcast what was in there. We'll tell him we know. Tell me now. A dead bird. Oh no. So how did that make you and your enemy feel?

Well now for end we were like shocked. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's big stuff. Well you got one point for this. You've surely got to cuddle that. I have a surprise for you. Get it. Poor things is unlike anything you've seen. A woman plotting her course to rape. And not... It's hysterically funny. Oh.

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That's a good yes. On every memo square, but you may only look at one memo square at a time. You have 20 minutes after which the memo squares will be arranged in a 10 by 10 square, best memo square art to wins. Your time starts now. I thought you did a very clever thing here, Julian. I did quite an easy thing. Well, once I'd had the idea of the Damien and Herst, I thought,

I couldn't believe how the others managed to, or they did a grid plan, didn't they? Yeah. Before you started, but even say that was difficult and clever. But aesthetically, I was happy with the result of mine. It looked fantastic. And I think a half thing is, if you see a thing's gonna be difficult, working out a simpler way of doing it. So I think this was lateral thinking in this case,

because yeah, you used the brilliant inspiration and you also, and I very rarely see people manage this, you just tell Alex what to do and he does it. I know. Like a little lamb. I thought I might get told off of that and that I didn't do all of it myself. But I thought he's sitting there, you know,

smoldering, he might as well do something helpful. But also it's even you saying, go and get me the pens before I start the task. No one else I've ever seen get away with that. You don't say your time starts now until you send him off to get the equipment. Well my friend Caroline before I started the filming wasn't allowed to tell anyone I was doing this but I did tell her the secret and she's a big taskmaster fan and she said the thing her tip was don't say your time starts now until you're absolutely ready and you've got everything. So that was sort of why I was holding back

on that and I thought no I'm not wasting some of my precious time while someone fiddles about getting my pen that need everything ready. Task 2 Get underneath the most unique things. Alex will write down your thing when you shout, I am underneath it. If you get underneath something that someone else gets underneath, you both lose five things from your total. You have 10 minutes, your time starts now. You look disappointed for me to even bring this task up, Lucy. Well, we know it, don't we? It was ridiculous. I honestly, this is where the show brings you down a peg of two. I thought, whilst I was doing, I thought, this is genius, I am absolutely going to nail this because no one,

there is not one person who would ever do this, that would think of staying in the room and getting underneath things, how wrong I was. I was so gutted to see it back, because I thought this is the one that I'm gonna shine on. This was your one. This was your one that when you left the house, you were like, I can't wait for them to show that back because I know I've nailed it.

Yeah, just in terms of thinking, loved that sort of logical outside, but that sort of lateral. I thought it was just clever, I thought I was clever. Yes, well, Susan thought the same thing. Exactly, does it? They must have been, the editors must have been absolutely over the moon when they saw your footage about the seasons, because the editing on it is so perfect even to the extent that when you're both under the table they use your front and Susan's back and it looks like one person. It's so funny. But also I get your thought because obviously there's two

things that play in this task. There's the amounts of things you get under but also the added pressure that someone else is going to pick them. So you're trying to pick things that you don't think other people will pick. I think Sam had the right idea here by not worrying about the second half. He went for quantity of things rather than worrying about other people. And that was the smart thing to do because he gets under 74 things. Lucy, you got under 12. Under 12, but the book that we had to get under, it took time. I just like especially like

one you know there's like that song that is like a cabinet that was so hot like because I pride myself on being able to get in things. You know, because I am five foot one and as we know at my legs so am so they're full. So you know a drum kit, a drum kit, the case that you put the drum in. I can get in that. Is it, do you get in one of those two, put the xylophone stick in your mouth? Yeah, I'm a project. In the history of Taskmaster, I don't think there's a team who've got on so well. I know, it's so pathetic isn't it? We all grow up, we have friends and family and we saw each other, we were like, yay! A silly, what the hell? Did you know each other before this?

I've never capped eyes on the woman. Never. Don't, don't know her. I mean, I know what. It was immediate. It was. It was. Yeah, it was and it was genuine. I think that what it firstly, Susan, is one of the shitest names in existence. So anyone that I'm it is, no one can tell me any different.

And so when you meet another Susan, there's just an affinity of just like, God, you've got the name of a librarian like, hey, we're just constantly beating stereotypes every day. We wake up. We're like, I'm called Susan, but I'm interesting. And that is the weight that we have to have. So there's that, right? Incident affinity. And then also, I think I am a team person.

I am absolutely a team person. And so the fact that I was just so, that first time when I saw her, I was just so delighted that I got to play with somebody else. And then that was kind of the delight that we carried on having. And it was like that, like even, so in between each task, when we're doing the team task,

we go into like a little tiny room where we sort of get ready and rest as they're setting up each task. And it was non-stop. I remember at the end of the day, I was so horse because I was just chatting. We were just like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, I've got the text, I've got the proof. Look, you do not need to prove it. I don't think anyone who's working for you and soot together

would doubt that your text that each other say, and that was the best day of my life. So enthusiastic. There's a moment in, and I can't remember who said it to who. It was so lovely. It was in the team task where you had loads of different tasks stuck on, stuck on you. Oh yes, yeah, yeah.

And one of you had to look at the other one. And I think you might have said, or was it Sue who said,. And one of you had to look at the other one. And I think you might have said, or was it Sue who said, oh, you don't want to look at me? And then the other ones started going, no, no, no, no, don't you, we take that and we put that in the bin. I can't. I think I said, don't talk to my friend like that. Yeah. Talk about my friend like that. It's like you know each other for 25 years. And it was by that point, maybe 20 minutes. Yeah. you know each other for 25 years. And it was by that point maybe 20 minutes. Yeah.

Don't talk about my friend like that. It was lovely. Such a good comparison as well to the other time. Oh my goodness, it couldn't be any bet. What good. Yeah. Oh my god, what the hell. Just so awkward, what you were saying about Julian clearly does not have a fucking clue who knows who those two are. No, and even by the end of the day, it felt like maybe he thought they were doing, he was doing like a run through with some production crew. Couple of runners. Yeah, a couple of runners. They was like, but they do find this weird stincredicity as well

by where they turn basically into the Adams family. Like everything they do is like weird stincredicity as well, where they turn basically into the Adam's family. Like everything they do is like, they're so different. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ She would have been looking forward to this task coming up on the show. And also, I'd like to have maybe been a little spider in her dressing room before.

What? A little... You've got to finish sentence fuck I'm gonna yeah yeah yeah I want to be a little spider and I'm dressing room yeah and um knock at the door two episodes to go it's the last day emotions she's had a lot of fun hang on are you knocking at the door she said no no it's a knock at the door I'm the spider in the corner she's sat at her make up there yeah alright so we'll be down in five minutes alright thank you be down by door shots I'm lucky I'm looking across I'm the spider there

What my point is I got it is that the end of it I'm looking across and I see a little smile across her lips. Yeah, she thinks she's on her own. Don't realize how much yeah Doesn't realize that you're the spider no idea I should really she wouldn't even know it was me if I was stood there. It was just a little. I am She might say something if you're Give me a lunch order probably What my point is my first point there anyway, what I'm saying is's thinking, hang on a minute, it's getting right near the end of Taskmaster. She's leading, or is she, she knew the...

She's third, I told you earlier. Yeah, yeah. Oh look, she knows this five points covered because in her head, you remember the tasks. Yes. And you're going, they haven't done that one yet. And I know I did a right on that one. So hang on a minute, if that's five,

then maybe I could win this episode and maybe I can make my way up and who knows maybe win the thing. So that's what I'm saying. That's as a spider, I'm in the corner thing, watching that. Yeah. Okay.

As a spider, what do you do when she starts getting changed? Oh, I look away. Oh. Oh. Oh, I look away. I guess a spider can't look away. I should just run away. But I turned my head.

Because I needed to ask that question because I think when you started saying, I want to be a spider in the corner of Steve Perkins' dressing room it makes you sound like a pervert. No, no, if I was a pervert, I'll put a... I'm dead. No, I'll carry on. I'll put the frame picture of series 14 or 13, which everyone I was in 14. Yeah, then Drew eye holes through my eyes in the picture, and then there we go. If I want and that's for everyone That's me looking at Sam. That's me looking at Julian. That's me looking at Susan. Sue Greg Alex And the director's box. I'm looking all

Greg, Alex, and the director's box. I'm looking at all of them. Because perverts, I give you know, they're perverts. TAS 2 demonstrate the most effective high intensity four part exercise routine. Each of your four exercises must be original and take place on this mat. The first must last eight seconds, the second four, the third two, and the fourth one second long. They must all be in time with the click track. And then of course you had a series of different noises to make before and after your exercises that all joined up to make it one continuous. Beautiful piece of. We had guest director Michelle Gondry come in for

this incredible piece. Yeah, poor Andy, didn't like that, did he? That Michelle Gondrie came in, wrestled it away from him. Jumped in, yeah. You loved doing the split screen, was huge in this series. Yes, it was. And Obama, you know what I mean? I think it's so good.

Andy D's just got so many amazing ideas and such a sort of visual language to this show and every series he seems to add something beautiful to it and this was like a short film. Yeah, it was it was fantastic I mean, I think some people's exercises were like this guy's joyling. Lingo is about to explode with the amount of visual languages. He's mastering. Yeah, his mate. Oh, in this incredible show. Yeah. I think some people's exercises were more original than others.

I think you really went for the original exercises because what you said when I hear exercise, I hear exorcism. Yeah. It's a bit tacky. It's a bit cheesy, but you're going to the show. But I thought it worked great for you. Oh, thanks.

I thought it made you stand out from everyone else. Oh, cheers. And I found that exercise stand out from everyone else. Oh, cheers. And I found that exercise between you. Be yourself, everyone else has taken. I thought, particularly satisfying, the exercise where Alex was almost clutching you. Oh, yeah. You almost looked like you were sat in a pooce on his way.

I was sort of, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, did you know I could go like that? I didn't know, I didn't know you were so flexible. Yeah. You consider yourself a flexible man. Oh, I suppose so like that. I didn't know you were so flexible. Yeah. You consider yourself a flexible man. Oh, I suppose so. Yeah.

I mean, we could, yeah, yeah. See, I'm not bendy at all, like I'm. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like I'm made out of one bit of ham. There's no joint. I could bend ya. Yeah. Fold ya.

Well, didn't they say you can't fold a piece of papers over seven times? I think it's seven times, yeah. That seems crazy to me. Yeah, but apparently it's true. Well, I'm going to do 15 with you. Or 16, one for every series of Taskmaster. Yeah, well, we'll give it a go later. That would be the end of the episode.

That's what's going to fold it to you up. Sam's going to fold me up 16 times. Perfect podcast fodder. Just their crunches and screams. 16 and a row. I thought, like some people's exercises were good, but I mean Sue does one exercise for the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, I know you don't like it when I'm pernickety, Sam, but I think she should be disqualified. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, really very friendly. So if I just walked on to set and say, I'm the rules are extremely important. I think they are. Otherwise, where we've been without the rules, you know, is original exercises and all of these exercises were the same. She did the same thing and I need my, a peepeng. Burst this balloon from the furthest distance distance you must not be looking at the balloon when you burst the balloon, you have 15 minutes, your time starts now. Lucy's, I mean, let's talk about Lucy.

She's absolutely incredible. Just. Swing that. Didn't turn around and stabbed it with a swing ball pole. Swing ball pole. Yeah. But my favourite thing about this was in the studio after she'd seen Susan's She said I'm intrigued. Are you saying someone was further away? I know

I honestly everything about that exchange. I was doubled over Both in the studio and then watching it back because it's the And there was a lot of that on this episode this This absolute disbelief. Yeah, she was being robbed of a win. It's so funny. So yeah, I'm not gonna judge Lucy because there were probably a billion thoughts in my head to do something similar to that.

I'm just telling the ideas. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, rising it like a child at one of Brumstick and then just gently jabbing backwards, quite a few attempts as well. Wasn't it in a bowl of hats? It was in a there was a hard hat involved. There was a one point, yeah, she just pushed it off the hard hat. And yeah, she finally got it, but it was almost like,

you know, scenes like battle scenes, but it was almost like, you know, scenes, like battle scenes, but it's after the battle and the generals are walking around and someone gurgles on the floor and they just push back, because with their pike, it was like that. It was finishing off, finishing off the opposing army. But she was 15 aspirins away, so not very far away at all. It was close. It was close. Susan went for a slightly different fishing rod. Fishing rod through the windows. Classic fishing rod through the window situation. Not far. Not far. I really enjoy Julian. The shame hit him before the balloon hit the ground. That was so good.

I threw it immediately in his hands when his hands went through his head. I did not smash that. I did not smash that. It's incredible how quickly. So it's just a slight mistro and you could see it. It's in the air and he's just going, oh no. No, it's an absolute shambles. And then Sam tries the golf ball with nails on and through a tube. I mean, it's a nice,

it's a nice little contraption, but it doesn't work. So you guys, I'm just going to throw it onto the ball and really messes up the throw as well, but it's the run. Running helps his little giddy run. That was a smart move. I really enjoyed the contraption too and I think if he'd picked a heavier ball or the weight of gravity was enough to punch it, the mat could have been very cool, but just the slow-mo running. It was sort of full metal jacket, but with a man It was sort of full metal jacket, but with a man and a basically a water balloon. But it was really, really great. It was a really fun task that the chorus. It's ostensibly something very, very simple, but it tells you everything you need to know about the people playing it. But I really love watching it back. Lucy's particularly will stay with me

for many years to come. And Julian's hands on his head. And of course, your run back to see the balloon when you're so excited, little giddy child's run. I hope that things, that is how I run, but I've just had to deal with it. It's not that, it's everyone laughs at me, well that's why I don't do much exercise because people have reduced the sort of mild hysteria. It is a cross between Bigels and Bumpty. It's kind of 1950s sort of action child and arms are going and the legs are going all angles. It's uncamely, it's uncamely, but I was, because it's better to say I'm not very logical and I have terrible attention problems, so I don't usually read the card properly. I was actually delighted I managed to do something.

Very, very good, very, very good task for you. Task two, make Greg the best gift. You have five minutes to order your items, then 15 minutes to make your gift, your items must cost no more than 50 pounds your time starts now. So Greg gets another this is another thing designed to get Greg something he likes it's a big episode for that. Yeah and uh right Right. Well, there's a lot of crap in this. That is... So, presumably most people listen to this and watch it.

Yeah, all of the hope. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, of course, yeah. So, Greg cracks open the box from Julian. It's done up with little pink spots inside is leather. Short latex latex short shorts. Yeah. And like a latex, almost like a. Fest vest, which, as I'm sure you will remember it,

is kind of what he wore in a sketch group days. Oh, what Greg, what Greg, what? I thought you were talking about what Julian used to wear. I'm just picture, I know that I've seen a picture of Greg Davis in that. In a tank top, I mean, it certainly wasn't latex. I mean, they all wore tank tops sort of red and black tank top type things that Steve Hall bought from a market. Oh, yeah, it was red. Yeah, they weren't latex certainly. But anyway, it kind of, it's joke, there was you know, giggles at the idea that this big, big six foot seven giant of a man would slip into these things, but he's been known to. He's been known to. As far as I know, not the latex,

but I'm sure he'd look absolutely fantastic. Of course he would. And he said himself when he slipped them on, he didn't mind them. Yeah. But the thing about this task that made me laugh, and you can actually see it, watching it back. I reround this bit.

Yeah. Alex went with... The best bit is when Lucy says, can you fit in the tent? Yeah. And Greg is like he's thinking I don't I don't want to do that. You see Alex pissing himself laughing. Yeah. You can tell what he's genuinely really laughing his head off. Yeah. Because he knows how much Greg is eating this.

Greg wants to turn up in the suit, sit on the throne, take the piss out of him, want to go back upstairs. Yeah, in this one, he's having to put trousers on. He's having to get on all fours in a bloody tent. He's, he's not enjoying it. He's not having a good time. And it's fun. It's fun to watch. Yeah, the jacket's crap. The jacket's crap. I mean, yeah, the jacket's really bad. And he's so, I mean, obviously he's so funny, man.

He's just, he's saying everything you think in a home, he's like, you know, this is just a fuck up with bits of ribbon, staple on it. He's got a box of latex shorts, Julia needs to stare at him like, yeah, that's I'd bought it, you know, it's madness. It's hard, this is a hard task though because you have five minutes to order the item, so you've got to decide what you're going to do and what you need in five minutes, then you have 15 minutes to make it very, very difficult. I know it's not, it's not, well, you say it's difficult, but Sam's gentleman basket. I don't think there are many men watching this show and not going to love a gentleman's

basket. Yes, what, the, just loads of Ferrero, Roche, a stilly straw. Ferrero, Roche. Yeah, but you could make it your own like, what would you have in your gentleman's basket? You say you come down the stairs and there's a small I'd say like a fortename mason kind of basket but it's like a small one you know. What would you have in there? I'd have like some Percy pigs. I'd like some little I'd like to tea. I'd like some little... I'd like, you know what, I'd like, like, there's Galaxy truffles that used to be in celebrations. Yeah.

That's my general, that's... General Man's basket. Yeah, I'd probably have them... Pre-Mix Martini, a Karamak bar and a pack of fags. Wow. That's fantastic. That is fantastic. That's brilliant, man. You're buying up your caromax, yeah? Yeah, apparently they're going. That's what maybe think. Yeah. Yeah. Got it. Buying up the caromax. Why are they getting rid of them?

They're like, they're like, they're like, they should be rationed. Caromax, Caromax always to me, but as a kid I was always like, yeah, there's my stuff, there's that stuff that my dad buys. And then there's a weird Caromax that I've never seen anyone buy microphones, always microphones in Caromax. What? Recording, you know, Soviet stuff. You go, what?

You don't know that even I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry, my mind went to, no one's touching the Caramax and they could be perfect to put recording devices in. Right. Like Soviet stuff. But then, you know, I'm thinking,

he's recorded like who's recording knee height in news agents yeah it didn't it didn't bear up just scrutiny that one Well, you know, it sounds mad, but like, I don't feel that there was much competition in between us. We started to want to be like a family. I didn't really, I wanted everyone to win. So I generally didn't like to compete against them in the tasks. But then I got really into it. It's obviously with this, it's battleships. You say in the studio that you momentarily thought

it was Guess Who that you were doing? Yeah, and I played battleship. I mean I used to play in a battle. I'm from a fishing family so my granddad and uncles and you know, great uncles, they all went to see. So if I played battleships in my granddad, he'd be like, oh, I remember when the sun went down and be like, oh, I remember when the sun went down and the triple troll tragedy where they are. You know, last time you like. So this actually brought back quite good memories because you're talking to your granddad but also bad memories of the triple troll tragedy. Yeah, you'd be like, oh, I remember Alan got washed over barbed and washed back on again.

I remember Alan got washed over the bar to wash back on again. And... Moving battleships. LAUGHTER Also, can I just say that picture they've chosen of me makes me like I've come to seventh in a regional doctorate for kind of competition? I don't know what that is, but I've been showing it. I don't remember having that photo taken, so I think it was long-lensed, not necessarily with my consent by Alex.

Yes, I'm just saying that. That feels like the sort of thing you'd do, to be honest. Oh, completely. You won the series with 161 points Beating Julian narrowly Despite his last attempt foot on the gas. Yeah in this final episode 155 points Susan on 139 Sue on 135 so pretty close. They'll be in pretty close all the way through and Lucy on 129 which the producers written down here lower than Ivo, which is the ultimate insult.

Oh, really? Lower than Ivo. Yeah, it's pretty low. Oh. It's pretty low points. Yeah, right. But you know, just, you know, when you look back, you know, who's gonna think about the points?

You look back on a last-term of laughs. Well, that's what a lot of people say to me, Sam, but I think that at the point. Yeah, right. Lucy made a huge impact. She did absolutely amazingly, Sam, but I think that at the point. Yeah, right. Lucy made a huge impact. She did absolutely amazingly. Sam, congratulations. No, I agree.

Oh, I mean, thank you so much. What's your plan for the next few months now that your taskmaster champion will you be touring the country with the head or anything? With the golden head. With the golden head. No, mate, I'm going bush. I'm going out to the country.

Just to get away from it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just sick of this. I'm just sick to the country. Just to get away from it all. Yeah, yeah. I'm just sick of this. I'm just sick of this society. It makes me sick. So, wedding the taskmaster championship. I'm working on something. Yeah. And you know about it.

Watch out the mayor. Thank you very much, Sam, for coming back on the taskmaster podcast. Congratulations. We will, of course, get for coming back on the Taskmaster podcast. Congratulations. We will of course get you to rates your experience on the podcast again between one and five points in the style of the Taskmaster. I'll give you five points. Now, come here, can't.

I'm folding him up. Ah, thank you, Sam. I'm folding him up. Ah! Ah! I guess I'll open it. Imagine how lonely it can feel to be facing mental illness or addiction on your own. Now imagine how lonely it might feel during the holidays. That's why CAMH needs your help to light the way forward. Your year-end donation can help us make sure no one is left behind by fueling progress in mental health care and patient experience. Visit CAMH.ca slash donate now to double your impact with a match donation.

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