Tea at Four - Blind date mishaps, bad one night stands and relationship confessions; Don’t Spill The Tea best bits

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

We’re taking a trip down memory lane this week with a 'Don’t Spill The Tea' best bits roundup. The team will be back next week as usual, but while we move to a brand new recording studio, enjoy some of our favourite Spills from this year so far!  As always, send in your own confessions or stories to be featured (anonymously, don’t worry) in one of our next episodes! Write it in the comments, or submit to [e-mail]

Hi guys, welcome back to Tea at Four. It's Lauren here just letting you know that we're taking a bit of a break this week as we're moving to a brand new recording studio. So in the meantime we thought we'd revisit some of our favourite Don't Spill the Tea moments from this year. Enjoy and don't forget to send us any of your own anonymous submissions to be featured. See you next week! I keep a knife in my bathroom. It's in the basket above the toilet. Nobody has ever asked me why it's there or moved it. I use it to cut

extra long poos in half that won't flush. And then I rinse it off and pop it back in the basket. I thought she was going to say sheer her pubes or something sorry i have no words because what the hell man are you wearing gloves or what like what the i actually helped my friend cut a poo in half of a hanger at a house party once. What did you do?

Wait, hold on. What did you do? So I went to my friend's house for pre-drinks and I was in the toilet. As you do, you go in. Yeah. Poo accidentally slips out. We go, ha ha, that's fine.

We go to leave. Poo won't flush. Then go into... I'm so sorry if you watch this went into my friend's uh dressing room got a hanger chopped it in half jobs are done carrying with the rest of the party it's called being efficient women in stem i hear it how sitting for a friend discovered her box of toys after a wine decided I try the girthiest one. A month later I discover I have chlamydia. My husband wouldn't believe this story so

to prevent the suspicion I've been dissolving antibiotics into his tea and praying. You tried it on her husband? Not herself? Stop spreading your legs! Stop spreading your legs Stop spreading your legs Please I don't get it She used her friend's toy

Yeah but not on herself On her husband The girthiest one as well Wait I discover I'll... Wait, I discover I have chlamydia. My husband wouldn't believe the story, so to prevent the suspicion, I've been dissolving antibiotics into his tea.

Exactly. He didn't do anything. Oh, he... Snacking on Pringles whilst I'm feeding my baby. Odie's coming to me. Oh, no. me to um yeah snacking on pringles whilst i'm feeding my baby only for me to look down and his head is full of crumbs and pringle debris i can't believe they let me take this baby home I don't ask for it all. Mia's mother. That's funny.

God, sorry there. Okay, so we've actually had a submission from a listener. But it's an excellent confessional story. So we're going to play spill the tea with it. So thank you to this. Big up your chest, this fan. Two times. Okay, are you ready? Mm-hmm you ready so hey lauren and christy thanks so much for the podcast i look forward to it every time it comes

out my husband and i have a story that we'd like to share anonymously so my husband has a thing for the vacuum cleaner it all became apparent not long into the relationship one of the first times i stayed over at his in the morning he got up to do some cleaning i was minding my own business when all of a sudden i felt the hoover sucking me initially i was a bit taken aback but i thought he was just messing around he went on and continued to hoovered me and i only stopped him when he went for my boob he said he was just getting all the cat fur. But I couldn't... What? Babe, I'm sleeping. It's seven in the morning.

That's fucking funny. Next. Yeah. He said he was just getting all the cat fur but i couldn't help notice he was rock hard through his shorts i questioned if this turned him on he went bright red laughed it off and said no and went back to cleaning a few days later i was on his laptop not snooping for anything but i found in enclosed tabs that he'd been watching vacuuming porn i didn't even know this existed he was watching videos of girls using hoovers on their

pussy or using them to give men blowjobs. I confronted him about it and he did admit to this fetish. I have quite an open mind about things and I asked him, after some wine, if he wanted me to use the hoover on him. He duly obliged and it's safe to say that I've not looked at Henry the Hoover in quite the same way after using one to suck off a man. Despite being initially apprehensive I don't mind using the Hoover now because it means I don't have to do any hoovering at all. Once he's cleaned the house every week he gets a little reward whether it's a quick boob job or a hoover job for him. Unconventional yes but I have to say having a hoover to do the sucking for me really makes blow jobs a lot easier.

Thanks for taking the time to read our crazy story that's incredible that is a real submission from an actual fan well thank you so much for sharing your does it hurt um it depends what kind of hoover you've got because i've not got a very strong one it's just an argos standard but if you've got henry yeah henry that's the that's the big stuff the vault the strong stuff yeah sorry that was so funny about the cat hair imagine him being like it's woken from my slumber someone telling me sorry i'm just getting something off so just get something me sorry i was just getting something off so i just get something we just get off of you violation that's incredible a guy once told me how he loved the feeling of wearing casts so he put casts on himself for days or weeks on end even if it meant he couldn't drive and would be stuck at home for the entire time he'd use vacation time just to wear full leg and arm casts

oh my god that is like what is wrong with people the cast fetish oh my god i saw that on obsessions someone and like to put he's like i love the feeling of cast it feels like i'm getting a hug and i'm like mate that is so bad that has really come out of my nose do i need to move this because i feel i keep moving no it's fine it's fine don't worry oh my god that was so weird really that was a real thing you saw yes so that might be the story that must have been the story that you've seen but he wasn't dated he wasn't dating anyone. Well, clearly he is now. And I don't know how long that's going to last.

Not going to last. That is so weird. There was that lady who eats her husband's ashes. Yes. She was like, I'm eating my husband. I can't eat dip dabs anymore. It makes me think of them because she literally sucks her finger, sticks her finger in the ashes and then puts it back in. It just makes me think of dip dabs and I'm like, oh my God.

No, it's so bad. So bad. Not the dip dab. How long does that last? I love a good dip dab. Well, this is the thing. It's like, what do you do when she gets to the end of his ashes? Oh my God.

Like she's at him. She's at his toes. She's literally at her husband. His fingers. His bum. Like literally. Why do you go to bums? I didn't actually.

I went toes. Toes. Fingers. Yeah. She was stuck on toes. Can you imagine toes? Which is the contrary. I don't like eating ashes or casts.

No, me neither. Well, eating casts. I just don't like eating ashes or casts. No, me neither. Well, eating casts. I just don't wear casts. So, a few years ago, I was going out on a ton of dates from Hinge. Anyway, I set up a dinner date with a guy. I got there first and decided to just go ahead and get a table. A couple minutes after being seated, I look up and I see my date coming toward me. I get up and I say hello and give him a big hug.

I sit down down ask him how his weekends go in he just stands there and he's like yeah good with a smile on his face then ask me how i'm doing i answer but in my head i'm like why isn't this guy sitting down we chit chat about something else for a minute and then i realize he's not sitting down because he's the waiter what what what that is so gross go on get out your name how

to the star no I've actually got a job that would be so awkward so awkward how does she not look should he have an outfit on maybe the outfit of like the um you know surely he was in like a waiter outfit like maybe that was his style oh my god you know bow tie with a apron like a man in uniform well at least he wasn't wearing a cardigan yeah that's true i mean just pro and cons to the situation yeah i had a huge poo which made my eyes water i came out of

the bathroom and my boyfriend thought i'd been crying so he spent the rest of the day spoiling me. That's incredible. So all I gotta do is just cry for you to spoil me. I'm sorry but I literally deflated the water. He's just getting some tissue. Oh I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm for you to spoil me. I'm sorry, but I literally defrosted the water. He's just getting some tissue. Yep, refill. Okay.

I had sex with a guy that was so shy and vanilla. He wouldn't even take his shirt off while we were having sex. Just some spooning that turned into sex he never changed it up he would get so discombobulated if i tried to take control he didn't want to come in my mouth or on my stomach so he came in a plant he would say he was about to come and ask where and i'd tell him all the places but his response to all of them was i feel bad so he ran over to a plant oh my god who's to say the plant wants your semen yeah i mean you're clogging you're clogging the pores you're clogging the pores of the plant yeah yeah that's a good one oh my gosh um oh gosh why a plant honestly so if i didn't have a plant in my room so you're going all the way downstairs to go and oh no yeah goodbye

nothing but the plant yeah it's not easy to grow plants these days my monster in the corner violating it literally right yeah oh i love orchids imagine you just come to my orchid oh i will kill you literally yeah literally what's this podcast come to what if he comes on my orchid brilliant great top content obviously we all know how messy bottomless brunches can get but there was a body b story that goes down in history between me and my friends it was after two hours of prosecco where in what felt like a matter of minutes we went from joyous drunk to one girl throwing up in a cup at the table one girl trying to run outside to be sick

slipping on another girl's sick and sliding headfirst into the sliding headfirst into the double doors and another two who made it to the tube but threw up simultaneously on the platform safe to say we're going to stick to normal brunches from now on i thought that was my story at a moment because it's happened to me once um i went to a bottomless brunch and um yeah i went to a bottomless bottomless brunch once it was like a mexican themed one not too far from my house dawson that area um and uh the drinks margaritas are going in margaritas coming in coming in going in got to a point where i was i i'm an alcoholic i can drink but that day i couldn't drink i don't know what's going on so um we're sitting down and i've had my

friend i don't feel too good and they're like what do you mean you don't feel too good i feel like i need to go what do you mean to go it's like i need to throw up they're like no chrissy you're fine don't do that so um they didn't believe me so you know what i did i had my scarf sitting on the side of on the side of me and I just went, oh yeah, I just dropped, I pretended to drop something at the floor. I was like, threw up on my scarf that was right next to me, scooped it up with the scarf.

And I was like, sis, we need to go. What do you mean to go? I need to go, cause, and she was like, what do you mean to go? So I had to quickly show her. And can you imagine the sick just running through your. Oh my gosh. So as I was out running out of the store, the store, the restaurant, you know, minding my business thinking I've made it.

I've made it. Did I not bump into the waiter? Then the scarf with the sick dropped on the floor and i just ran out so literally that's i'm pretty sure that scarf is still there maybe in their lost and found maybe they've thrown it hopefully i really hope they see that um bottomless brunch for the week don't do it with margaritas what are you doing that is messy i mean how many did you have before you started feeling a bit this is the thing i'm a very competitive person so it's like you can't out drink me that's like okay cool all right maybe maybe rum i can't drink you but margaritas

what is my what's the alcohol margaritas tequila right tequila yeah learned my lesson strong yeah strong tequila so you learned the lesson that day yeah threw up on my lovely scarf that i would ever see again i hope it wasn't like a really fond scarf of yours it wasn't even mine it's my mum's sorry mum she never asked where it is I've not seen it but yeah it's in the bin somewhere