Tea at Four - Dani DMC talks relationship boundaries and body confidence: We answer your dilemmas

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

This week's Quick Cuppa features an exciting clip from our episode with the amazing Dani DMC! Join Christie, Lauren, and Dani as they dive into audience dilemmas, sharing their candid thoughts on everything from setting boundaries in relationships to embracing body confidence. You can find the full episode on our YouTube, just search Tea At Four! If you have any dilemmas or funny stories please send them in to [e-mail] or stop by our subreddit reddit.com/r/TeaAtFour

so we've been sent some dilemmas from our audience and i would love to like share it with you guys to get our reactions let's do it should we get into yes let's get into it lauren do you want to start sorry love her so i want to share something with you so lauren let's go lauren it's a longing okay right for context i've been with my boyfriend james for about a year now and the girl best friend poppy has grew up with james since primary so they've always been close i met james through poppy and i love him dearly because he's always been so kind and friendly towards others especially me my laptop's just run out of battery i always knew them two were close growing up and I don't want to be in the way of that but lately she's been overstepping boundaries such as long overdue gaming calls which makes him unable to

respond to me just to clarify Poppy has a boyfriend called Miles who she also grew up along with James and they have been dating for over two years but yesterday she took it too far and overstepped the boundary because yesterday was Father's Day and she decided to message my boyfriend Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I wasn't aware of the fact that she sent him this and was told by my boyfriend that she sent this. I know she meant no harm

but calling your best friend's boyfriend Daddy seems alarming. Am I wrong? I didn't know how to approach James that I am very uncomfortable with this and quite honestly i am both jealous and weirded out by their behavior do i have the right to confront her about it are my feelings valid am i in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable about it i asked my family members and close friends about this and they agreed with my statement but i don't know if i'm being biased or not. Yes. Yes, Christy.

Yes, Christy. I feel like I'm in school. Okay, I feel like... Me personally, was there LOL at the end? Was it... No. How was it written? Happy Father's Day, Daddy.

I like how you say Daddy. I feel like that makes it sound naughtier. I hate it. Daddy. I hate that daddy like daddy girl she said happy father's day dad yeah but is she expected in much of she expected she's not heavy crazy no i feel like okay first off to this um girl i feel like you should never question how you feel and stuff. So at the end when she's like, do I have a right to feel this way? You always have a right to feel a certain way. I think the fact that you're thinking like that is good.

Take a second, think, reflect instead of just acting because I've done that in the past. But I feel like as a woman that's had many male friends my entire life, I mostly grew up with guys. I am a firm believer in boundaries. I feel like I'm able to have such successful male female relationships because of the boundaries that I have with men. And I feel like it seems like there's a little lack of boundaries between both of them. I feel like if she feels comfortable saying that, then he also is not setting boundaries. Um, and I think that needs to be a conversation between them. And I

definitely think she should voice herself like, Hey, i love you both so much this made me uncomfortable this is why going forward i feel like you know we should all have some boundaries that make us all feel comfortable 100 yes christy i love it stop it um he showed her right she didn't just see it on his phone yeah he told her so i think it's fine i don't think something's hard to worry about but then it's good that she should question it yeah that's true and and like i wonder what his like when he showed it to her like this is weird or like what did he say or like ha look at what there you go whatever her name was sent me yeah i feel like that's important too because why does she feel comfortable you know sending this or joking in that way um yeah i feel like there

just needs to be more conversation 100 yeah the scariest thing in the world is the unknown and i feel like you could just snap all this up by just asking yep exactly and again this all goes back to confidence because if you have confidence in who you are as a person as a woman it makes you feel comfortable more comfortable to just bring things up and say hey this made me made me uncomfortable. Let's talk about it. Instead of overthinking and being like, do I have a right to feel uncomfortable? Is this wrong? You know, when you're just confident, you're able to say, I feel like that's what helps me too. And so many of my relationships is like, if I have a problem with someone, I tell you what it is right away so we can fix it, you know, so we can solve the problem instead of just like ruminating on something.

Yeah. Wait, so you've got a lot of close boyfriends. Yes. Have you been the best girlfriend in that dynamic before? Like whether the girlfriend's been a little bit sus of how close you are with. Yeah, but I so OK, I have many times. I feel like as a woman, for me personally, it's my responsibility to like show and explain to the woman our relationship. So perfect example is my best guy friend from high school, his name's O'Shea. He literally just came out here last weekend to visit me in London. We like grew up together. We have a really close relationship.

When I used to live in New York, we'd like sleep in the bed together, but we're literally like brother and sister. Like there's never even been an ounce of anything. Like and we both know that. I literally said to him when he was out here the other weekend, like, thank you so much for giving me this friendship because i feel like we're the exception to the rule people always say you can't have guy friends like it's impossible but i think when you have boundaries you can and if he were to let's say he were to start dating someone right now

i would i would take the initiative because i'm sure he would tell her about me right i would take the initiative to reach out to her to get to know her personally so that we could be friends as well and to ensure her make her feel safe and secure like i feel like it's not only the boyfriend's responsibility but also the female friend's responsibility to make you feel safe and secure and like know that hey i promise you you ain't gotta worry about me you know what i'm saying this is literally like if we were born from the same mom like it's not like that at all and if you ever have any questions or you know anything here's my number you can always hit me, um, another perfect example is when I was in college, I had a really, really good friend that was going to the army. He was going to Iraq and, um, he had a girlfriend

and I had never met her, but him and I were really close. And I told him, I was like, introduce me to her so that I can check on her while you're gone. Make sure she's okay. You know, that's, that's like intense going, you know, away. He was going to be driving military trucks and so at first she was a little like hesitant of me we ended up hitting it off became like best friends when he came back they had a baby i'm the godmother like yeah because i i just feel like a lot of if there is some weird stuff going on you're not able to show up in that capacity to a girlfriend and be like hey we're just friends but because it's genuine and we are strictly friends it's easy for me to be like hey girl let's go get lunch like you'll see why he loves me because i'm chill and i'm fun and i'm a good

time and i'm able to help him with your relationship because me and o'Shea like he talks to me about the male perspective i talk to him about the female perspective like it's nice to have that but there needs to be boundary set love it love it right do you wanna do this one yeah let's go that was a great response for real play your part girls play apart period right so the next one we got sent in was I might also for being upset my long-term boyfriend doesn't want to plan to be buried next to me so my boyfriend and i have been together for going on five years he has made it clear he's not proposing anytime soon but we have talked about getting married so we both are in for it

for the long haul i was thinking about getting old and dying last night so i asked him if we're getting buried together he said no i remembered he previously talked about being cremated so i said oh yeah should we plan for uh for an urn oh my god should we plan for an urn with room for us both he said no and that he wishes to be buried next to his father who passed in his childhood which not trying to be an arsehole but wanted to be buried next to him is news to me i'm not about to be insensitive to him about his burial wishes though so should i plan should so should i plan to be insensitive to him about his burial wishes though so should i plan to should so should i plan to be next to him next to his dad it doesn't really seem like he cares where i end up forts sorry wow this is what those those late night cremation chats whoa what wow there's so

many so many things going on first off I don't think you can confidently say we're in it for the long haul after you just said that he doesn't plan to propose anytime soon. I think as women, we go about that the wrong way. We're like, oh, if we're together for a long time, he's in it for the long haul. That's the whole point of marriage.

And I feel like, you know, I'm someone too. I'm like, do I want to get married? Do I not? I kind of go back and forth. But I do think there's a beauty in the commitment of marriage of like, okay, this is a next level of commitment where I'm saying I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Yeah. You can't fully say that until you've done you've proposed or made that act or done some type of ceremony that, you know, doesn't have to be government documented.

But, you know, something to kind of solidify that. So you lost me there. Also, I'm definitely not an overthinker. I can tell this girl i'm definitely not an overthinker i can tell this girl's very much so an overthinker um but i am a future planner and i'm actually not super mad at her i took this college course called i had to like finish i had to do an elective or something to like graduate so i just took whatever and it was called like something death and dying and it was all about like how you want to die and how and like writing your will and like all of this stuff, like power of attorney. And it was fascinating because it's all things we don't think about when we're young, but like eventually you have to decide on. And you never know when you're going to die.

So like I don't give her shade for thinking about these things. I would say it does seem like her partner is maybe not the most forward planner and she is. Also, I have grandparents that are buried separately i don't think you know because they're buried with their families or whatever the case may be i don't think that's a huge deal but that's just me personally yeah oh my god i just can't even think about death i can't do it i can't talk about me personally she shouldn't be upset but she should give him the grace that you know maybe he's not there thinking about that right now yeah maybe closer to the time when we're actually married but maybe the bigger conversation too is like are we actually in this for the long haul yeah there you go yeah

like instead of are we gonna die together are we gonna live together there we go how about the present days how about the present day yeah we are not dust yeah yeah romeo tweets didn't she like not die she like didn't die then he killed himself because she died and then she came back to life and then she killed herself because he died like too much a lot of death yeah i think just focus on the now yeah yeah yeah that's my response she said no death over here yeah we're living forever we're immortal please put me in the cloud