Tea at Four - Do open relationships work? Is jealousy a good thing? We answer your dating dilemmas

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

This week Lauren and Christie sit down for a Quick Cuppa to answer some dating dilemmas sent in by you! They discuss if open relationships are possible, and whether a little bit of jealousy is healthy in a partner or is it toxic and delulu? If you have any dilemmas you want the girls to help with or any funny stories, pleaaaase send them to us at [e-mail] or slide into our DMs on Instagram @fournine x

hi guys welcome back to tf4 i'm christy and i'm lauren and for today's episode we're having a quick cuppa so this week christy we've been sent in a couple of dilemmas okay we're gonna answer them let's go because everyone cares what we have to say we'll try our best right okay my boyfriend isn't the jealous type but i am and i need to know what other people think about this i get so jealous if other girls talk to him when we're out not because i think he will do anything but it just sets off that horrible feeling in me probably from being cheated on in the past but he doesn't get that at all if people try to chat to me or exes try to get back in touch, he's completely chill with it. He thinks it's a compliment if your partner is hit on.

Should I be thinking this way as well? Or does it mean he just doesn't care about me as much as I do him? I need to know if I'm being silly because I feel like a small amount of jealousy in a relationship is healthy. Thoughts? Jealousy is normal. But I feel like it depends on how jealous you are and if it's affecting your then relationship as well because i feel like it's fair enough okay i do hear it

when she's like how can you think my ex hitting on me and you're not feeling some type of way hello sir shake shake the table is there anything in there shake this thing off shake the table but i also do feel like i don't think the jealousy should over overplay her actual want for the relationship and i don't want it to be top i don't want it to go to a point where it's like the guy's like you're too jealous i don't want to i don't want to be in here no more horrible can you imagine yeah i think a lot of girls have been in that position though where they've had something happen to them in the past which has made them into this like very defensive very protective person when they're out just to protect their own feelings and getting

hurt in this new relationship um i've definitely been in that where i've been gaslit a little bit when someone said it's literally nothing there's literally nothing for you to worry about and then it's deep and then it's come back and hit me in the bum and I've been proved wrong. But I think, yeah, bottom line is if the trust is there and I think you also have to be realistic from an adult sense, maybe less when you're younger because people do silly things out of stupidity and just because they're young. If you're an adult and you're out and a girl comes up to your partner,

realistically, are they gonna do this this thing you imagine their head where they're like no sorry i've got a girlfriend sorry i literally i've got a girlfriend at home i literally can't talk to you like in a realistic like i know they can they don't entertaining it and just replying to it is two different things yeah and if you can see they're just being polite yeah then i think you've got to give yourself a bit of grace yeah i think it's also down to the partner to understand that i'm pretty sure he like she said like if x has hit on me and you don't feel some type of way of it am i less than enough

so am i any other person so i feel like as the the guy in the relationship whereas the girl the relation that doesn't really oh it's not that deep or it's it's a compliment they need to understand where their person is coming from yeah because i feel like that's a detachment there you don't understand that i that's something that i value like i want you i want to feel loved or liked by you and i do want it to be a place where if somebody ever tried to challenge me you're like you're gonna fight you're gonna fight for me you're gonna wake up what are you laying down for start sparring please yeah show a bit of compassion like even if you have to fake it passion

passion yeah even if you have to fake it fake it make me happy make me oh my god he thought that's my man my man my man my man yeah let me see my man my man yeah so i feel like yeah the person that's on the not the receiving end but the other end needs to also understand where the other person's coming from yeah and like we've all we've all got all these paths that have made us the way we are and if you're in a relationship where you really truly do consider the other person's feelings yeah whether you agree with them or not yeah i think there still needs to be some kind of routine when this these things happen yeah that put you in that reassurance that don't have you overthinking like a small interaction i think that's a big thing for me like i can see things that like

face basis but generally i am a massive overthinker a massive warrior and i don't want to kind of project that onto the person but something as small as someone just coming over to me and being like hello obsessed with you queen you are my one and only obviously not that fucking dramatic yeah but just that slight bit of reassurance just goes a long way of course and plus her jealousy is okay it's not like on an extreme level because i've heard some jealousy where the girl's like oh yeah following tracking the guy and that's when it's a bit crazy or the guy's like oh you're going out he's going out with can i have your friend's number come down come down but um yeah i do feel like a little bit a little a little sprinkle really it's okay just a little sprinkle i hate jealousy i hate you yeah so uncomfortable for me

i mean but it's a type of emotion and it and it shows jealousy has its positive trait because if no if you weren't jealous that means you don't really it doesn't show you really like the person or like oh i'm jealous of this or you aspire to be something you get you need to but there's these girls out there that i see that are so secure in themselves and just don't question anything and they're so confident in themselves that their boyfriend wouldn't go off with someone else that it's just like it it just doesn't seem to affect them i just wish i was one of them girls delusion oh maybe the exercise delusion because i do feel like as humans

we're going to make mistakes regardless we're not 100 perfect so it's either exercise delusion or be a bit jealous pick your poison i'll be delulu thank you delulu may they've got exercise delusion yeah that's a great shout yeah interesting interesting so the next dilemma um says i've been in a fulfilling relationship for three years and my partner and i decided to explore fantasies involving sex with others while we were temporarily apart due to their university exchange and my impending move abroad we agreed there would be no emotional attachment however i ended up oh i ended up having a sexual encounter with an old friend of mine whom we had considered as a candidate for his for this fantasy oh interesting this friend is someone i've had feelings for since

childhood but circumstances kept us apart last week we met up before my move abroad and things unexpectedly escalated i realized i have suppressed feelings for them all these years and our encounter felt incredibly meaningful to me now i'm torn between my emotions for my friend and my commitment to my partner with my impending relocation and my partner planning to visit, I'm unsure about what to do and how to navigate the situation without causing harm to anyone involved. Any advice or insights you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. OMG.

Yeah. It's that classic thing you see of people that want instant gratification. I think sex gets caught up a lot in those lusts. Oh my God. Especially when it's fantasy as well like you're not even living in a real world technically you could be like dragons or something um then mixed with like a fulfilling relationship that's giving you everything you need but it's not got that excitement of the new thing right and it's like being tempted i think for me it's like they considered that that said candidate for that fantasy and then all of a sudden now you're doing the fantasy without

your actual partner so it's like curiosity killed the cat and i'm trying to curious she did kill so she curious she did what she did and how do you but then again i feel like you're gonna have to be honest because it's one of those you take take that lie to the grave i also think it's a bit of a risk you take and i think this is the same thing i see in open relationships yeah i personally don't quite get how they work unless you're quite good at being quite detached with new experiences with people yeah and i feel like when you're exposing yourself to these kind of interactions with people of course there's going to be a chance that it goes deeper than surface level

yeah deeper is it like selfishness selfishness in the sense where it's like okay you guys have both spoken about it okay cool if you had um discipline to kind of like oh i've met my but what's how how do you discipline when it comes to clearly like something that's quite biological as well like when when you're having sex it's like chemistry it's yeah but then this is but she didn't know she had chemistry until it happened and then now she's like oh my god i had feelings and sister girl just don't do it no or just you're jumbled up yeah you had a couple of orgasms and you're confused so i does she tell her partner or does she keep it to herself oh definitely communicate it i think even if you're in this open relationship situation yeah the risk of babes speak up

with the risk of her relationship now not continuing because of xyz well i think you're if you're having doubts about relationship anyway you should like be upfront about it no oppressive feelings if someone's like turning your head yeah in fucking love island terms like i wouldn't want someone to come move out to another country knowing that they they've just played dungeons and dragons with someone else and wanted to fuck them you know that is crazy i feel like be honest with yourself yes um i do feel like her crossing that path and doing whatever she did with her yeah old time friend was something that she's really wanted to do she's done it now so it's now way up the options is that that friend worth it or is my relationship with my partner willing to fight am i willing to fight for it yeah convince them that i did it but i still want

you do you get i think even just the idea of being apart and having those encounters other people and coming together like you should expect these things are going to come up or those feelings might be lying a bit dormant so also don't be angry at yourself for having that with someone else and having these feelings i i know it sounds a bit like a lust like oh something amazing just happened now my head's being turned yeah but i think this was bound to happen i mean they put they set the seed for it i'm gonna try this yeah i'm just i'm just a little branch going the other way for a bit and then i'll come back and meet you in the middle but yes but you owe it to yourself maybe to look into those feelings yeah and you also owe it to the person that you're

about to move across the world for um to be open honest and um you know it might save you fucking fedexing all your stuff over back over when you realize you don't actually love him imagine yeah communication is key so just keep it real keep it a buck and if it works it works out if it doesn't then hey at least i tried something that i've always wanted to do yeah yeah but wait do you do you say it before over the phone or do you wait until you go over over the foot i have to say i have to say it in person man really yeah you're gonna have to say you're buying a plane ticket you're getting on southwestern trains to go up to Scotland to Soya Bay.

Oh, someone actually flaked my boat. I think if you really valued or respected the person, you'd want to say, yeah, face to face. Three years relationship as well. Right.

Sorry, I was really being silly there. Sorry. I was in fantasy. I'm going to have to, because I don't think a phone call would be enough. No.

You have to be like, yeah, I'm really sorry, but I did this. Yeah this is why and yeah 100% yeah yeah you got this girl if you guys have any fun dilemmas for us to answer we would love to hear them you can send them to us on tiktok on instagram on our dms at four nine or you can send them to us on email at tf4 at jungle creations.com please we love it yeah thanks so much for joining us on this week of tf4