Tea at Four - Ep 17: Freelance And Thriving: Is The 9 To 5 Dead?

Episode Date: April 14, 2023

Hi, and welcome to Tea at Four! A podcast series by Four Nine, where Lauren and Christie talk about all things that should have stayed in the group chat- your icks, picks and hot takes. In today'...s episode we have a very special guest, Jamie! We're talking about the realities of going self employed, if the standard 9 to 5 job is dead and the importance of doing what you love. Obviously not missing out on a quick game of Don't Spill The Tea.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Pfft! Pfft! Baby's bald heads and boobs. You don't know what you're gonna get. Bustic side-eye! Ha ha ha ha! Pfft! Pfft! Pfft! Hi, welcome back to Tee It Full. I'm Lauren.
Starting point is 00:00:15 I'm Christy. And I'm Jamie. And this is the podcast where we talk all things that should have stayed in the group chat. Now you might see we're joined by a special guest this week this right here this little gem is jamie and we used to work with her at our company sounds rogue we could be anything couldn't we i know i also feel like you're about to go into like three fun facts yeah about jamie this is like a test of our friendship what do you know know about me? Oh, I've really put you on the spot now. It can be anything.
Starting point is 00:00:48 It's fine. She's a great person. Oh my God. I love how generic and gorgeous that is. She's got a green jumper that she's wearing today. Yeah. And she's a croc ambassador. Oh, yeah, true.
Starting point is 00:00:59 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just kidding. We don't assume things. Tell us about yourself. Oh, no. Now it's on me and i definitely haven't actually prepared anything um so i'm jamie i used to work with you absolute
Starting point is 00:01:10 mega babes uh and then i was like bye i'm outie um and i went and set up my own business uh but i missed you all so i came back um i feel like i need a fun fact, but I won the biggest splash at Butlins in 1998. Amazing. The biggest splash. Yeah. I was on my way back to the caravan. Like, I don't know if any caravan stands out there for the summer hold. Car stands.
Starting point is 00:01:35 You didn't get the flight anywhere with the family. But on the way back, because my parents were like, right, we're coming back. The swimming pool, they were like, biggest splash competition. And I literally was like, in my head, it was like movie slow man i was like this is my moment and uh yeah on a whim i entered and i won the biggest what happens does that get put on a wall uh there is definitely a certificate but like i feel like it's in like a garage at my mom's that i need to dig out because that needs pride of place mantelpiece moment yeah 100% I'll go on my CV just like competent in Microsoft Excel splashing award winner thank you amazing right so you obviously were part dare I say it of the big resignation of 2022
Starting point is 00:02:22 where a lot of people post-pandemic were kind of realizing or kind of acknowledging what their true passions were would you say that was the case yeah 100% yeah well I say 100% I'm probably a little bit of like a late bloomer I took my time um but I but I also did that whole like in lockdown finding the thousand hobbies that I wanted to do. Actually, I launched another business in lockdown that I then basically launched was like, yay for me. I'm now an artist and illustrator, graphic designer.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Launched Odd Folk. Odd Folk. Yeah, check it out on Instagram. It's been dead for about a year. And yeah, so I did that and it died but i was still doing my full-time job um and then yeah last summer i was like this is the time this is my moment what was that moment for you like what made you be like yeah that's it like switch is on i'm leaving i'm going because i can imagine that is quite like i have passions but
Starting point is 00:03:21 ultimately it comes down to i'm lazy. Do you know what it was? What? I got offered a promotion. And I was like, do you know, if I take this, this feels very big grown up, which like now I'm realizing, yeah, starting a business is quite grown up, but it didn't work out fully. But yeah, it was, I was going to lose everything that I loved about my job. So the things I loved was doing like culture and diversity and inclusion and events being the big thing started an events business um so yeah I was basically going to get a big fat promotion and thought I'll quit instead yeah was that like a was that a very easy like you you just knew that was exactly what you wanted to do
Starting point is 00:04:02 or did you kind of ponder on it like because there's that ease of going i know there's stability in waking up every day and being an employee for someone else versus going i'm not sure if it's going to work out and i'm the only person responsible for me yeah um what you need to do is be completely delusional um yeah yeah because i i went like a bit part-time and then really quickly it was like oh this is amazing i'm so busy i'm making better money than i've ever made i'm gonna quit fully so come like christmas i was like bye i'm done and then january came and it was squeaky bum time because yeah especially events world yeah all the businesses are like we don't know what money we've got people aren't planning their weddings and parties um so yeah there was like i would just say it was a bit delusional like probably a bit naive um but i thought about it for a long time and then i took the jump um but yeah it's it's a tricky one are there days though when you
Starting point is 00:05:01 wake up and you're just like can't be bothered i don't want to do this like watch a few things on youtube and then by the time it's like 4 p.m yeah that's everyday my work my natural working hours are like 4 p.m to 1 a.m i would say so like which i'm finding like one of the big things that i'm finding is like what is your routine when you've not got a routine like forced on you so when we work together obviously I'm like I've got to log on got to look busy hello everyone like pop it in general so everyone knows I'm awake and I'm like you know I'm still in my pajamas but I'm working uh and now there's no one to do that too it's just me right so yeah I don't know that's unreal isn't that ridiculous but like don't you miss like like how does it work in terms of that structure for instance you've got to do the email side you've got to do the
Starting point is 00:05:47 admin style you've got to do the finances yeah so you're just a one man it's a one-man job so how do you juggle that like does that not scare you because sometimes i'll be like you know what forget it i think it didn't scare me until you listed it out like that and then i realized how many things i'm supposed to be doing yeah no it is it's really tricky and um i would say like i mean on like the actual work stuff like that's obviously what i'm passionate about so when it comes to creative and i'm like oh my god you want this amazing big party and it's going to be colorful and it's going to be amazing yeah i'm going to creative decks beautiful budgets that's actually fine i can do that when i call my accountant um i mean i say i have an accountant we're yet to actually do anything because i'm
Starting point is 00:06:34 like i haven't actually had to do any any like taxes yet i'm really worried about that um i'm literally like so what is a limited company you know and like do I need to be one like it's really tricky it's it's every day's a learning day um but yeah the whole like having a structure thing if I don't have a call in I'm really like out in myself here like if I work with anyone and they happen to listen to this like I promise I'm a professional and I'm doing my best um but if I don't have a call in like I'm not dressed do you know what i mean yeah so like if the call's at nine that's a perfect day because i'm like i'm dressed i'm up because i've got to get on the call yeah my call's at three i mean i'm watching the new series of you and then maybe there's a wash at 2 30 yeah i think i need to do that i need to like how are you
Starting point is 00:07:24 gonna juggle that with a full-time job I don't know when I think about my destiny do I want to be doing this sorry employers sitting here saying this on work time should we all collectively quit should we just yeah this is a safe space this is a safe space and I'm saying these things um just hypothetically but like the idea of doing a nine to five until we're aren't they raising the the retirement age like 68 it really does make you think like do yeah do I want to be doing this and I guess the whole thing with the pandemic was that I was so grateful to come back to work and be around people and be doing all these things
Starting point is 00:08:05 that was really exciting at the beginning after working from home for so long but it kind of does get to a point where it's like oh oh the excitement has kind of worn off yeah and I've got 60 more years ahead of this oh exciting it's scary um so I guess it's had a lot of people think about like what do I want out of life what fulfills me yeah what do you think that is because i feel like we just all got given a bunch of time that we weren't gonna have otherwise to just sit and think and like see i hate when people romanticize lockdown a lot of people like oh bring it back tiktok dances bring it up and i can't tell you more how much i fucking hated it i hated it you know i think the first
Starting point is 00:08:48 month i think the month of the like the beginning when like outside was a ghost town fake charity you're not you're not allowed to go outside the beginning was like whoa like what is happening what is going on like we're doomed like i'm gonna go crazy in my house with my siblings and my parents like get out but then after a while it got it gave you time to kind of know yourself so what did what do you like doing what do you want to explore what you want to try my sister created a whole donut making business unreal and i was like since when did you know how to cook and i was like whoa so it really did test people's creativity like just doing stuff that they're not usually doing so i thought you know in a way it was like i'm like a good like
Starting point is 00:09:31 let me this is yeah time and space to kind of figure out i loved it look i i loved i loved i loved lockdown through and through i did i just i mean i was ready for it to be over she knew it was coming but like as someone that's i mean i've always been on the go and you know you know you've obviously known me for long enough that i'll be coming in and be like i did this i went here put up my instagram whatever and to have that like time oh my gosh actually a throwback to just before the pandemic yeah right because actually chrissy I don't think you were around for this but Lauren you've been around for this was um I'm so prone to burnout because I was always on the go when my face paralyzed itself of course that was such a bold moment of my life wow yeah so I
Starting point is 00:10:18 basically burnt out so bad that half my face paralyzed itself had Bell's palsy yeah which like it's not funny but also was so wild like coming into the office and I remember literally like Monday morning meeting being like don't worry everyone Jay's not having a stroke she's got Bell palsy and I was literally there being like hi everybody it was so bad so for me I like I was honestly it could not have come at a better time like which obviously is a horrific thing to say about a pandemic but lockdown i was like cool i can chill i can reset like there's no burnout like there's no there's not really a possibility of burnout because i've got to just sit um and i did that like on insta like come on everyone we're in it together like
Starting point is 00:11:02 i was doing like um this thing at like lunchtime being like what's everyone doing with their lunch hour now that we've all got a lunch hour you know what's so funny i um lockdown i started like working out online so 6 p.m peachy glutes guys let's go squats let's do it and i think at the end of april i think that was the the slimmest i've ever been in my life yeah i'm not gonna lie to you yeah i don't know i was i was very torn in that time because i think I was surrounded and I could see on social media a lot of social media very active around that time I was seeing a lot of people really make the most of that time whether that be through business ventures through like physical improvement because we had this idea it was going to be over and I was conflicted by that idea of like indulging in time at home and being alone
Starting point is 00:11:46 because I wasn't around like someone else around me uh family or friends around me um and then also like I thought oh I better get in shape so when I come out of this I feel really good about myself but then it was matched with the absolute depression that we were in a pandemic and I couldn't be around people I loved and do things that I loved and be social and get out so I'd like overdose on easter eggs and I was filming videos for work and I'd eaten so much sugar I looked like fucking Julie Andrews in this footage my face was swollen my eyes were tiny and I just like overdosed on food to try and make up for the absence of everything else in my life so yeah I was developing very unhealthy habits which I found I felt really jealous when I go online and I see
Starting point is 00:12:31 people thriving and having the time and energy to do things that you know made them happy and very publicly as well so I guess I found it hard to kind of come out of lockdown and look back and think, oh, that was a time I felt really good in myself. So it's a good thing that you kind of come out of it. Yeah, I think it's a funny one, isn't it? Because I've seen so much chat about like extroverted people in lockdown finding their introverted sides, which was totally me. And then vice versa, like introverted people may be realizing that they they actually feed off and off and need to be around other people to like give them that energy to get out and to do stuff and to have fun. So I think it was such a like split thing. And I think now that we're kind of out of that, and now it's like, there's this kind of right, we're out of lockdown, back to it, like
Starting point is 00:13:21 back to normal life. And now we're kind of having to readjust to that. Because, so for me, extrovert, shocker. But really like found that I can be a home bod and that I really loved it because I hadn't had the chance to do it before. And now, try get me out of the house. Just try. Like, I'm so sorry to my friends that I cancel on, but like, I think,
Starting point is 00:13:44 I'm a serial canceler now it's really bad but I'm better now at like admitting that like I'm actually feeling burnt out or like work's really busy I'm trying to do this or like you know I'm not in the right head space rather than like I don't know like oh sorry I'm sick yeah I can't go out um yeah so I think like for that I think it's been a positive thing yeah to come out but there's all this pressure to like get back to it like festival season we're going to the club I mean I'm not going to the club I can't remember the last time I went to the club but I assume like someone's going to a club yeah but like opposite end of the spectrum you've got like me if my friend cancels on me I I'm thinking, oh, but like, we only live once.
Starting point is 00:14:26 There could be another pandemic around the corner. Like you need to make the most of these years where we've had two years, three years taken away from us. Yeah, I mean, but you're a lot younger than me as well. So I think there's that. Do you think? Yeah. Do you not feel like, I personally think my age
Starting point is 00:14:39 is kind of stunted at the age that the pandemic started because I'm still fancying 24 year olds. Oh, Laura, get out. kind of stunted at the age that the pandemic started because i'm still fancying 24 year olds i get where you're coming from because for instance with me and my siblings we got like three years apart yeah so the youngest he was literally he missed out during because of the pandemic so he didn't go out he didn't have that uni experience and then so for him it's like now he's out all the time i'm just like are you not tired are you not tired did you have a nap before you went out at home stop ordering takeaway type of shenanigans and because of that he doesn't want to come back home so he's
Starting point is 00:15:24 still like uni done with uni still enjoying that lifestyle whereas my sister now she's like in between me and she's in between so she's in the part where it's like oh you know what life's too short i'm gonna do whatever i want to do i'm not gonna work full-time or work part-time i'm gonna do this i'm gonna like exploring whereas me i'm just like um it's time for me to hurry up where's my husband where's my kids i need to get a good job so it's like the pandemic for me was like okay cool like you said a nice little rest let me you know understand what i want to do nice relax take it slow yeah sometimes just relax yeah you know and then so it's weird to kind of see the kind of difference of how it has affected different people yeah but it's it's it's a nice experience it's nice to see
Starting point is 00:16:04 to be honest yeah and i think the thing as well with being in that headspace and also being expected to come back and do like the full nine to five it's mentally it takes up so much mentally and before it was like the idea of a pandemic and then like building your relationships up again being social again um getting those hobbies back up now everything's open and and work for a whole week i think it's so much that i think it is necessary for us to kind of look at what is sustainable i think we were just we were so used to just being on like the hamster wheel of like this is just the way things are done yeah none of us ever really thought that there was another option so now I feel like we were given this complete like 180
Starting point is 00:16:51 on our lives and the way that we live our day today you know working from home which now businesses that would never have considered it are like great we can save all the office everyone works in home forever yeah um but then and then some others are saying like right you've got to come back in and like trying to introduce that and i think the good thing that's come out of that is that people are questioning it so like offices that were working from home quite well that now are like okay but we want you in x amount of days a week or whatever and the employees are literally like but why yeah because i'm quite happy at home like making my lunch at home walking my dog yeah you know and like having that life whereas then there are so many other people that are getting lonely because they're they don't have that yeah so i feel like it's such a weird like
Starting point is 00:17:35 like a weird time where everyone's trying to find this balance yeah of like what is the right answer when everyone's been given the complete opposite of what we're used to so I guess it's good that a conversation is happening around um what we want in life yeah totally yeah I think people are just now like I'm done I'm gonna change it up gonna start a business gonna go traveling like you know you're thinking about going on your travels having your own adventures like I mean where are you going and what are you doing because i actually don't know yeah but interestingly it's happening quite late because i feel like i'm 26 usually people would have been doing this like eight when they're 18 like between uni so i feel like this situation is so much more loaded compared to what it would have been if i
Starting point is 00:18:19 was living at home and i didn't have things to worry about. I'm literally quitting the 9-to-5 for a bit and then going to live my true Donna from Mamma Mia life. Not get pregnant. Specify. Watch this thing. Oh, my God, imagine tea at four. Oh, my God. Baby. Pregnancy at four.
Starting point is 00:18:40 The pregnancy episode. Wait, and then there'll be four, literally. Okay, not actually, not actually, not actually. Tea at four, eating for two. Yeah, but... Yeah, so I'm planning on going travelling a small hiatus from work, from the rat race, because I just felt like I was getting burnt out, like you said.
Starting point is 00:19:04 Hopefully the Bell's Palsy doesn't come for me and I get to Thailand before that happens. rat race um because i just feel felt like i was getting burnt out like you said hopefully the bells pause he doesn't come for me and i get to thailand before that happens um but i'm kind of just accepting my fate it's all really scary but um and i haven't chose to get the rabies vaccine um wait what okay oh so fingers crossed all is okay do you want to okay okay i like to just like and just casually literally just gonna risk it with the rabies yeah what was that about um i got all the other ones i couldn't really afford that one oh okay it wasn't i was like we've got a conspiracy theory speaking of x oh here we go she's like i'm an anti-vaxxer this is how it all came out imagine yeah whilst we're on the
Starting point is 00:19:43 fucking code it was benny yeah um but yes that's just my plan that's so exciting also i don't feel like doing this later on in life is a bad thing because well i mean i think i just have like very cliche visions of like i mean i didn't go to uni i didn't do a gap year i don't i've never been traveling nor will i I mean two week holiday beautiful backpacking somewhere not for me butlins till I die yeah but like I think I've just got visions of like everyone when they're 18 and they go
Starting point is 00:20:16 and like they go to Thailand and they get like a tribal tattoo and they meet like some hot guy on the beach or whatever it is and it's like this very idealistic like like going to find myself kind of journey yeah that teenagers young adults are on yeah like I feel like this is nice I like that you've got like you're like I'm going traveling right but it's because I'm living the ABBA dream yeah and it's not that's it I think it's not running away
Starting point is 00:20:42 from anything or like filling a gap but like yeah i agree i think i'm a lot more wiser as well even though i just said i'm not getting the rabies vaccine smart move but um in terms of like just like life experience i probably feel more equipped to go and go to the other side of the world for months at a time away from home and really make the most of it or make it a valuable time and experience um and i also didn't do the kind of crazy uni time i didn't go on like girls holidays and stuff when i was younger so there's all that always that feeling of what if and it took the pandemic for me to go i could live on these what ifs but it's going to get to when i'm 30 and i'm going to want kids am i going to be able to go traveling then am i going to like just re-evaluating i feel like nowadays there's no like there's no time stamp do it when you want to do it yeah if i
Starting point is 00:21:34 want to jump i'm gonna jump yeah i love that come with me i'll be there like splash for instance um was it last year was it last year i jumped out of a plane yeah did you no you just won't catch me doing that pandemic or not to be honest it was like um there was there's a quote that says um life starts on the other side of fear so for me actually doing that was like you know what i've jumped out of a plane how dare i not go and travel so you like this is the first step so how dare you not like no one's holding like holding you back it's your life and you can do what you can do maybe an inappropriate segue but i actually saw a piece of research the other day to say that they don't think that are they don't think mental health worsened by the pandemic they came to this study and they were like no no one's no one's mental health has
Starting point is 00:22:25 got worse from is worse or worse pressure is getting worse mine are fucking all of my my vocabulary is primarily from tiktok so i think my mental health is really good and i would say as well like feeling a little bit of that mental illness while all of that was going on makes you think like we only have one life on this planet do you think you've come out of it i guess looking back in a good way or i don't know did you from like from like a mental health perspective yeah do you know what it's actually been I think it's probably the thing that I saying like love about it most yeah love mental health um but yeah personally like having that time to you know like I said like burnout and whatever but actually I've always been someone that like I don't really feel stressed like I don't feel that stressed or like I don't feel
Starting point is 00:23:22 anxious and this might sound like a negative but I'm like I feel that stress and anxiety now but for me that's a really good thing because beforehand I'd be like I'm absolutely fine I'm having the best time look at my life look at my life paralysis panic attack IBS I would have it on be like I don't know why I feel like this but it was literally all of these things like manifesting in my body in this horrible way um so I think like having time to be like oh actually i do struggle with these things these are the ways that they come out but i need to like engage with it a little bit more so that i can actually feel it and deal with it that's been really good for me also tiktok diagnosis
Starting point is 00:23:57 so i just i i'm so i'm so in support of people like self-diagnosing or finding things on TikTok. And then they're like, hey, that's me. So ADHD, I'm just one of however many tens or hundreds of thousands of women in their 30s are finding out that they have ADHD. And I'm now on a 22-month wait list. That is how... I don't even. How many babies? Honestly. month wait list like that is how I don't even you can grow how many babies like honestly that's like how stacked the NHS is at the minute with with assessments but I mean listen I know
Starting point is 00:24:33 I'm walking in there and they'll be like yes you've got it like 100% um but TikTok like gave me that like it's and I know that it's happened for a lot of people and I think across the board of mental health like people are like oh that that is anxiety and I know that it's happened for a lot of people. And I think across the board of mental health, like people are like, oh, that is anxiety. And I feel that, or like that could be depression. And, but also like, how do you deal with that and coping mechanisms? So I don't know if you girls have the same, because I was there, like, I've got ADHD.
Starting point is 00:24:57 I also saw this thing about Ella's Danos syndrome. And what's that? Right, basically I saw this thing and it was like, oh, if you can do this. I'm a Bendy Wendy, basically. It was like, it was like, if you can do this i'm a bendy wendy basically it was like it was do you do it what is it because i'll just diagnose you here and there it's not the only thing it's like hypermobility so i just i was finding out all this stuff and i was just like that's me right bendy and she's got adhd if i get into like tiktok self-diagnosis
Starting point is 00:25:22 i'd be so paranoid oh my god oh my god this and that i'll write like a whole list of things that i've got but you know do you not think it fit it feeds into the same thing sorry sorry to be that girl but like even when kovid was about like that constantly being exposed to it moral panic fear mongering constantly do you not feel like if you've watched one thing on adhd your algorithm is constantly filled up with it your kind of brain is feeding into well i did do that and i did do that which is which is very positive if you do have it but then it can lead to a lot of other people that kind of might manifest these yeah totally i mean i've been feeling like this forever yeah um so and i was having conversations
Starting point is 00:26:00 about like i think maybe i've got adhd or I'm neurodivergent yeah well before COVID um and I think having having something that's so kind of like readily available um and also like obviously there's loads of trash out there like fine yeah um but things that I would see that I would then be like I never knew that so like eating habits like I didn't know eating habits was something that would uh maybe feed into like ADHD. Then I go away and I actually research stuff. So like, I just want to say here and now. No, of course.
Starting point is 00:26:30 I'm not only eating TikTok to diagnose myself. Chronically online, chronically online. And also, you know, and now I'm going through the process of getting assessments like via professional. Yeah. No, it's made accessible. No, I think that's it accessible really really good point though
Starting point is 00:26:45 because i think if your only source is tiktok like let's all slow down a whole second and i do think there's a fear of people like making it their personality online like i see a lot like there's a lot of accounts that's now like thing you know it's but i guess it's a difficult one because if your day is completely like if you have like daily struggles that you're like that's like that because of adhd yeah because of whatever yeah like it's hard not to make that a thing that you talk about all the time you know um so yeah but i'm seeing a doctor okay and um just to finish off talking of mentally ill things we've done on lockdown did you um did you do anything like my easter egg story oh anything that makes you look back and think
Starting point is 00:27:36 christ like um for example i remember when people were walking marathons in their bedroom just back and forth we were gonna go that weirdly i didn't do that one i'm sure i did so much i mean i got into i got into tiktok because i went and stayed with my dad for a bit and i've got two little brothers who are like six and eight at the time so i now i haven't deleted them but boy do i. I go back and I look and I'm like, what was I doing? Like, what was I actually doing with these kids? Well, like dances. Oh, dances.
Starting point is 00:28:11 I did the like, I can flip a switch. And my little brother, my little brother who's like six, is in my outfit. He's wearing like my glasses. That's made me hot. Yeah, I know. I feel myself going red in the face. I've got goosebumps.
Starting point is 00:28:25 But yeah, it was, I did so much cringe stuff in lockdown it's too much time to make bad on your digital footprint i've archived a lot of them i want to see that do you have a voicey there's an app called voice that came out it was like a singing yeah auto tune app right so i pretended i became a star i made a song called summer 2020 yeah lit but of course i've archived it because it's played it back now it makes me like the harmonizing app yeah literally so i did that but i did it to um ozone's my he which i know everywhere too yeah i did that like six part harmony oh my god literally and yet not much came to mind when i said that first sentence i flopped so much when i had no friends in lockdown my gosh no we had time do you know i mean like we had time. Do you know what I mean? We had time, so why not? Whatever made you happy, really, wasn't it?
Starting point is 00:29:26 Did anyone try, and I've actually thought of my most cringe thing, so I feel like I need to leave you this question. Did anyone try and date in lockdown? No. No. The prospect of walking in a park with someone with a mask on. That's weird. It's like apocalyptic or something. Actually you come on what are you talking about germs really yeah come on bill 30 well um let's just say that i'm
Starting point is 00:30:02 never doing that again oh because you're like sexting oh no the house party was it house party the app yeah yeah fever dream what happened with that what did you do on it for like 48 hours yeah the the love you know the the liking let's just say the admiration started by um clubhouse so is it clubhouse like the chatting in i don't know i feel like you went way deep into these apps like you're talking about i wasn't she deep yeah yeah no i i found my like lowest cringiest points were like when when you'd be on zoom and you sat and you drank a whole bottle of wine everyone logs off and then you're just sat there in your room like oh off to bed now then it's so weird isn't it there's no like teetering out of a party no did any of you guys celebrate your birthday during lockdown
Starting point is 00:30:55 yeah did you yeah i actually had a really good one yeah i did too it shows you cared about me i had a really good one. So I did date in lockdown. Yeah. And I mean, I could, I could really go on about this because I promise I'm getting to a birthday thing. But I could really go on about this because I did online dating where I met 10 guys. And I kid you not,
Starting point is 00:31:18 all 10 worked in IT. Without fail. Wow. And we were just like on this chat. And, but it was also really fun because i have nothing else to do yeah um and then i mean i did the park day i'm really good at it um and then i did i did the walk-in dates um and like i drank
Starting point is 00:31:42 prosecco at a bus stop that was actually top tier yeah and then um i actually met my boyfriend in like lockdown dating so it was when like pubs were shutting at 10. oh that kind of time yeah so we were nearing the end yeah um so for my birthday because we were then like fully a couple yeah five weeks in i moved in um and so for my birthday i'd bought this big party dress that i was like oh my god I'm not gonna wear my party dress says the woman in her 30s and so we went it's actually I'm saying it out loud it sounds really weird but he took me to the woods and my friend had sent me a crate of sassy cider which was like my favorite cider of the time and I wore a tiara and we went to the
Starting point is 00:32:24 woods and it was just the two of us. We had like a boom box. And I got to wear my party dress. And like, it was just so cute. That is so nice. Isn't it? Isn't that so nice?
Starting point is 00:32:31 Yeah. That is cute. So I was like, yeah, actually like lockdown birthday. You know, take your girls to the woods. Wow.
Starting point is 00:32:39 Yeah. I love that. Nice. This is the part of the episode where we react to some confessions from the internet and rate them on a brutal meter. Let's go. Let's do it. So, my first time learning to water ski, I was a natural at it and had so much fun until I crashed. Water shot straight up my arse at 30 miles per hour and tore part of my rectum.
Starting point is 00:33:04 The boat zipped back around to get me because i sank and thought my leg was broken but instead i got hauled out of the water by my life jacket with blood streaming out my ass oh my god wait whoa i'm so confused by this yeah like i don't understand how water skiing you're getting like a free colonic i don't understand how water skiing, you're getting like a free colonic. I don't get how that works. Like, how is that? Where is the water coming from to be that? The water, the water,
Starting point is 00:33:30 I mean, the sea violated him. A lake, I assume. What? It went from, ooh, to ow,
Starting point is 00:33:37 to, do you know what I mean? The emotion, ooh. I just can't figure out where this water is coming from. That's going to. A straight stream. Rip your can't figure out where this water is coming from that's going to. A straight stream. Rip your rectum.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Is that right? Yeah. What are you even wearing? Are you not meant to wear like a. Yeah, through the scuba suit. Exactly. How does that be stream? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:33:58 Okay. I mean, that's brutal. But also, I just feel like they were doing it wrong. Yeah. Honestly. I think you need to work on your like what's the word maybe try land skiing first yeah that nice pick penetrate you the right okay okay so brutal what do you say
Starting point is 00:34:18 that's eight that's painful oh it's out of ten yeah i mean but then imagine the horror coming out the water and there's like why are souls apart yeah it's not a hole anymore it's the red sea wow i mean that is brutal i'm gonna i'm gonna go like seven yeah eight yeah wow eight yeah i think i'm like i've lost i've given them one less point because i don't get it okay yeah right one time in secondary school i was sick and asked the teacher to go to the office so i could call my dad i went to the office and there were two phones one for the intercom and one for outside calls i decided not to ask and to just use the first phone I saw I proceeded to call my father and tell him I have really bad diarrhea and he replied with
Starting point is 00:35:11 don't you worry I'll be there soon to pick you up turns out I had used the intercom phone and that McCall with my father was broadcasted through the entire school everyone it still still makes me feel awful every time i think about it oh i'm sorry who is running this school what kind of ridiculous i didn't think they're like an intercom was like that i always think of it like in like greece or something yeah it's like a big micro thing be like ding ding ding yeah that's so ridiculous just they're such a other that's just asking for a fucking prank can you imagine you're in the exam hall and you're here oh i'm screaming they might not have recognized his voice though yeah true um
Starting point is 00:35:56 oh normalized diarrhea absolutely hey yeah yeah yeah for all those IBS babes out there. Yeah. And your dad sounds really nice. I know. I'm not being funny. If I called home, they'd be like, and? Literally. Busy.
Starting point is 00:36:13 Get the bus out. Yeah. Toilet. Please and thank you. Literally. I'm giving that. I don't think that's, that's not scoring high for me. I'm going, I'm going down the middle.
Starting point is 00:36:23 That's a five. Fine. Fine. Yeah. Five, four. Five. Yeah. Okay yeah okay next one this is quite long right coming back from a holiday with my three best friends we had a three-hour layover in Miami we're all about to board the plane when all of a sudden this guy with an enormous entourage surrounding him makes his way through a crowd of passengers and cuts to the front of the line customer service was not having having it and told the guy he was going to have to wait to board the plane like everyone else.
Starting point is 00:36:49 Everyone knows he's a big deal but can't figure out who he is, so they all just start asking for his autograph. The guy was pretty aggravated from being told to wait in the line, but obliged to sign in some things. My friends decide they want a picture, so I was assigned to be the photographer since i had no interest in what this guy was they get all cute and pose with this guy i take the picture they say thank you and then there's a moment of silence suddenly i realize we have no idea who the fuck this guy is so as soon as he says you're welcome i blurt out um right i don't know if this is i thought it was gonna be somewhat like i'll finish the story you're welcome i blur out and can we know who you even are he just looks at me disgusted turns out it was i'm gonna let you like wonder what what are some of your ideas or what i don't know but all i'm thinking of do you remember that x factor edition who even are you um so i'm gonna go with danny minogue oh louis walsh it's john legend like you're telling
Starting point is 00:37:56 me not a single person in that queue near that gorgeous kind i bear what wait john as in all of me john legend i fucking ate the legend john legend and also but so all the friends that were like we'll just do a picture also didn't know so collectively who are these people are you even on like lime this isn't this isn't brutal you're just no you've just let yourself down this sounds like an alien yeah i don't that's mad who wrote that when they don't know who john lewis is oh my god there goes john lewis that would be quite funny sorry who even are you i'm john lewis big brother to waitro come on
Starting point is 00:38:46 oh sorry sorry i'm a pretty big zero actually i don't know if you've seen my adverts at christmas that would be funny the best worst ever turns out it was well like not it's not brutal but it's just the build up to that was the same as that fucking vardy v thingy it was just like what was the end of that the rebecca vardy yeah it was your paper vardy's account this turns out it was john wow okay i'll give that a brutal meter of fucking three because yeah that's like brutal meter of like get out the house yeah embarrassing get online read a magazine listen to some music about it i once genuinely thought this lady with outstretched arms was trying to give me a hug afraid that it was someone i knew
Starting point is 00:39:37 in the past i knew i went in and hugged her once Once I turned around, I realised her relative was behind me. I fled the scene in shame. I'd be thinking about that for fucking years. Honestly, I can't say how often this stuff happens. I'm that person, you know when someone's waving, you're like... The other day, I was cycling, I've got one of those really embarrassing delivery bikes with a box on, and this girl looks so much like my friend Lydia and I'm like
Starting point is 00:40:06 Lydia and she turned around it wasn't her and I do it all the time I really feel for this person yeah that's quite sweet I hope the person
Starting point is 00:40:15 just hugged back and was like you're good I did that recently I was um I went shopping with Billy and I went to go open a person's car door
Starting point is 00:40:22 to put my shopping in the back and they're just sat there in the front seat I thought it was Billy's car but as long as the person's nice about it try not to shut yourself out too much yeah I feel like it's quite sweet actually who doesn't want a hug okay okay consensual hug Not really Brutal Not really brutal I'm going like two Yeah one So this is the part of the show where we play
Starting point is 00:40:58 Don't spill the tea Where you spill the tea and we try not to Let's go Right and we try not to. Let's go. Right. Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. Once, when I was seven years old at Christmas lunch, I pulled the chair away from under my sizable grandma
Starting point is 00:41:17 when she went to sit down. It was premeditated. I fucking planned it all out in my feeble brain. Imagining how I'd get a huge laugh and props from all around for executing such a smashing prank. Thankfully, Grandma wasn't killed outright when she crunched down flat on her back in front of 50 members of my
Starting point is 00:41:33 family on Christmas Day. Incredible. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. It was killed outright. He's got an inheritance. Wait. Oh no.
Starting point is 00:41:49 Do you know everyone's got a fat nan and a thin nan? Yes. Have you got that? So mine are called fat nan and Irish nan. RIP Irish nan. Fat nan's still going. Perfect. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:59 Is that true? Does everyone have a fat nan and a thin nan? I've only seen one man. Well, then the other one must be fat. No, but they're both fat. Oh. in the matrix love them oh okay all right slips in okay um ready hold on Ready? Hold on. Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:42:32 Once at a church picnic, I proclaimed to one of the deacons before a ball game, let's kick some clitoris maximus. I meant to say gluteus maximus. I was squirting then. Lol. Okay, cool. Ready? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:42:58 My wife and I went to go and meet her best friend for lunch one day. When I got there, I bent down to give her baby a kiss on the cheek. What I failed to notice was that she was actually breastfeeding. Safe to say it wasn't the baby I kissed. Sorry, sorry, sorry. oh my gosh oh my god so she kissed the breast oh my gosh. Oh no.
Starting point is 00:43:49 He kissed his wife's best friend's boobs. Yeah, it's the boobs. Oh my god, I'm just imagining it in my head, where I'm like, Ben goes to my friend's sex, he's just had a kid kid and he kisses her tear. Oh my god. What do you do? I die for it.
Starting point is 00:44:10 You basically freeze like this. You can't just imagine the baby's like, side-eye. Bastic side-eye! We need to find a meme of a baby in there i really i wish that we had context because i just want to know the follow-up sorry sorry sorry oh gosh that's a good one
Starting point is 00:44:47 I love that babies and man I'm soaking man okay sips in guys ready okay okay my dad and my sister were swimming at the local pool one day doing laps when she spotted him taking a breather at the pool edge she swam up behind him put both hands on his bald
Starting point is 00:45:14 head and dunked him underwater while she held him there ignoring his flailing about, my actual dad swam past. Not the stranger! Stranger danger! Can you imagine? My mom's thinking, who the hell's touching my head? He's like, I'm drowning! And you think it's your dad, but your mum wasn't even there before! Oh my God! because you're dead for your what is that oh my god Lauren you laugh
Starting point is 00:45:49 before the punchline yeah because I thought he was going to say balls I was like hold on it's my dad's balls bald heads oh yeah
Starting point is 00:45:58 got a dirty mouth so babies bald heads and boobs I mean it's what you don't know what you're going to get oh that's great can you imagine the trauma No, babies, bald heads and boobs. I mean, you don't know what you're going to get. Oh, that's great.
Starting point is 00:46:09 Can you imagine the trauma? The way this is, it swims by like the dance of time. Stop killing people, you psycho. Drowning strangers. Is that it? No, there's more. Oh my God. I'm soaked. Ready?
Starting point is 00:46:31 I can never go back to my new dentist after two visits because I'm an idiot. My dentist is a very nice and professional man. Our first appointment was going pretty smoothly until he made some innocuous remark about us being strangers. My immediate reply was, oh, you're not a stranger. You've been inside my mouth for 20 minutes. I did not intend to make a sexual joke. His face turned red and he was clearly embarrassed, but he continued on like a true professional.
Starting point is 00:47:01 And we were probably both relieved when the appointment was over. I had my second dentist appointment today i mentally prepared myself to be a model patient who didn't say anything weird he had been working in my mouth for about five minutes when he started to seem really uncomfortable or something his face was red and he was breathing a little heavier i was a bit concerned and also confused like how, how could I have embarrassed him this time? I had hardly spoke. He keeps working, and then I realize what the hell's happened. My dentist was wearing grape-flavored gloves.
Starting point is 00:47:32 I had been absently-mindedly licking his fingers the whole time. That was it. What's wrong with this person? Like, the first one, fine, a simple mistake, but absently minded. Like, how do you just do this? I'm asking for it. Putting grape-flavoured latex in my cup.
Starting point is 00:47:58 Yeah, that's also weird. Grape-flavoured latex! Oh, that was it for spill the tea awesome funny good one bombastic side eye i love that thanks everyone for joining us on this week's episode of t at four and for our wonderful guest jay thanks for having me it was wonderful thank you thank you oh standing ovation so much whoa they're all rushing towards us roses um have you had a good time? oh it's been amazing thank you for letting me come and spit over the studio
Starting point is 00:48:46 it's been glorious literally gorgeous times if you have any funny stories that we could use or react to for Don't Spill The Tea please send them to teaatfall at junglecreations.com and we'll see you next week bye Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
Starting point is 00:49:06 Bye.

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