Tea at Four - Ep 27: Summer Bodies, Embarrassing Sex Stories and Getting Dumped In Ibiza

Episode Date: June 23, 2023

This week Christie, Scott and Ellie talk about all things body positivity, their summer icks and share some of their wildest stories (spoiler: Scott drove a segway into a restaurant on holiday), and of course, it wouldn't be Tea at Four without a game of Don't Spill The Tea with even more shocking stories from the internet.

you have maggots in your vagina turns out the mayo attracted flies which led to squirming maggots inside her giving her orgasm hi guys welcome back to tf4 i'm scott i'm ellie and i'm christy and this is the podcast where we talk all things that should have stayed in the group chat exactly just yeah and the girls today you need the yeah just yeah that's what we need today it's what we need today so how are we feeling today, guys? A bit flumpy. Yeah. I don't know what the word flumpy means, but I'm feeling a bit flumpy. I feel meh.

Yeah. Same. I'm feeling a bit... It's the clouds. It's the rain this morning, man. It's the clouds. It's the rain. It was Wetherspoons last night for me. Oh.

Cheeky spoons. Yeah. I didn't have any spoons oh i had a spoon did you anyway you should be so deflated if that's what you guys what's been going on like what has been popping off recently? This week? Well, have you guys seen Miriam? Is it Miriam Margulies? Miriam Margulies.

Yeah. Margulies, not Margulies. I thought it was Margoyles at one point. But how it's spelled, Margoyles. Is it? Margoyles, yes. Margulies. Yeah, there's Margulies.

It's like the Y was an I. If a Y is an I, Margul y is an i yeah well she's got a very cool name because exactly we're all debating how to say it but um did you did you see her vogue cover yes it was good it was good what was actually the main one the main one was one of the was it the topless one yeah can i just say does it not look like it was actually shot on the table i went and looked at it and it was literally like the same like table cover like with the tea cups what thing was it it was like crumpets no it was um oh what is it what they call the ones you get from greg's with the little cherry on top. Yeah, what are they called? Ice ones. I think they're mini Bakewell tarts.

Are they not? No. They are Cherry Bakewells. There you go, you're right. Cherry. You sure? Yeah. Well, she had a couple of them over.

Maybe we should recreate it, get some of them in. Yeah. Get it in itself. Quickly. Quickly, there's some muffins on the table. Do you want to have a go?

You know what? No, but honestly, I really liked the cover yeah same it was different it was like whoa what's going on here

but yo I'm here for it do you get it yeah and shout out to her yeah like you've got to have a you know certain level of confidence

to be able to do that yeah at 82 don't think I'd be doing that on the front of Vogue at 82 at 23 I think I would though

would you I feel like I have more confidence at 82 than I would at this age because it's like, well, I ain't got long legs. see, I ain't got long legs.

Hopefully she does have long legs. No, yeah, I love her, I love you. But, yeah, if you hit with me.

Yeah, I hear you. I feel like you just get to an age where it's sort of like, you just stop giving a shit. Literally. But I feel like she's always been like that though.'s never really she does come across like that she's always sort of been confident yeah and that it girl it woman boss lady um big bad wolf that's me you know she

gives me that kind of vibe like fuck all you guys yeah yeah exactly i am me and now she's got her tits off in front of the on-board cover. Yeah, exactly. Because she came out as gay before it was legal in the UK. Yeah. Wow. I did read that she said that she regretted

telling her parents that she was gay. Really? She comes from a very tight-knit Jewish family. Oh, right. So she always felt that her parents hated her.

Not hated her, but disliked her. Yeah, didn't like her. Because of her sexuality um so yeah she that was quite quite interesting yeah yeah and she lost 34 friends during the hiv crisis in the 80s oh my god i know 34 i'm not sure if i have 34 literally what i said i was like i haven't even got 34 friends oh that's awful that's really sad I've got 34 friends but I want to say

close friends no but would you be going to their funerals all 34 yeah it's a bit of a deep convo no comment

before they watch I'll start you're saying yeah I'll go to five of them and you all have to guess which five it is oh no but yeah

I feel like it's nice seeing her on the vogue cover because she's always somebody that's exactly yeah she's not your conventional vogue yeah yeah kardashian or someone that's in the music industry or like a model but they really shook the table with yeah putting Yeah, putting her on there. Exactly. But she's a babe. She is. She is a babe. And she stands for, like, body positivity.

Yeah. And, like, just that confidence. Which I think we need a lot of right now. Yeah, it's summer. Yeah, it's summer. I'm seeing so much, like, bad stuff online anyway, with, like, Lizzo as well. Yeah. Like, there's a's a lot like the body positivity issue is seeming quite big at the minute yeah and personally i don't want to take my

top off because i was coming i hear you yeah it's so mad because i i remember lockdown i was like yeah fitness yeah man i'm gonna work out and i'm not gonna lie i was the best shape i've ever been yeah um now it's like one working life is very very stressful two you don't have even you don't have time three cozy lives do you know how much a gym membership oh my god so much cozy lives yeah gym membership um i just feel like the pressure of trying to look a certain way or wanting to look a certain way

especially now summer's here it can kill you it is and it just is costing too much well gym have you seen

how expensive it is to eat healthy now yes oh my god so true can't do it unless I'm literally just living off eating carrots

or something it's not happening even buying a carrot that's not you need nutrients you need to eat you don't need to starve yourself yeah it was cheap to go down the chicken shop it's literally 20p for like custard creams pack of custard creams like 20p where what veg um wait anywhere she said custard creams in this day and age my mom came in she was like these biscuits were literally 30 but they're not expensive

like compared to like a bag of I don't know a bag of grapes the little pots of grapes you get were like £2.50 yeah

it's like come on now all the strawberries in Tesco if you don't have a club card they give you six strawberries in there for £2.50 exactly I can go and buy

a packet of crisp yeah for £1.10 are you thinking the biz I'll take the packet of crisp it's daylight robbery thank you so it's just very hard to keep

yeah in shape I feel like I keep in shape better in winter because I've got nothing else to do really and then summer comes along

I'm just like oh that's out the window but then I worry about my body more in the summer because obviously it's on display yeah I feel like you're

not that you're forced to show out and you know get everything off but it's like it's getting hot yeah you want to wear like naked yeah i don't want to be naked i just want to see you naked naked naked no ellie does everyone get naked it's getting um no but i feel like okay we had like the past couple of weeks, it's been very hot. People have been out, you know, the guys are out in their topless tops. Yeah. That's so true.

Christy's out of her binoculars. I'm looking, but I'm not really looking. But it's weird because there was an emphasis where everybody needed to have the six pack. But now the dad bods are in. The dad bods are all in. Yeah. I don't mind a dad bod. six pack but now the dad bods are in the dad bods are all in yeah i don't mind a dad bod i'm all about the dad bod i feel like people with dad bods have better banter anyway than like the gym yeah i think like sorry to anyone who like is obsessed with the gym but i just couldn't ever be with someone who is like you know like proper like

gym free bodybuilder yeah because it's like you care about yourself yeah just eat a pizza you care about me i hear that i hear that i hear that i definitely do so it's like stop caring so much and just enjoy yourself go yeah go get some crappy food yeah and they wouldn't want to go down the pub get some drinks and stuff like that i'd be like no i've got a schedule yeah and it's like can't drink it's dead calories easier for guys to you know the body thing and there's more pressures for because obviously like i just said dad bods are in what's the female equivalent to a dad bod mom bod mom bod is that a thing no but not everyone's a mom so you can't really call him okay fair point but I just feel like

it's so much more harder and like highlighted if you're a female and you're not in shape I get you because I do feel bad for women as well because you could be like you could be as slim as anything

you could be the perfect weight if that slim as anything you could be perfect weight or if you if that's what you want to be yeah but then it's like um like your bum still may not be big enough yeah there's always something that could be your arms like it's like so scrutinized like every single part of your body yeah when it's just like not even weight like you're comfortable and happy like i get like women with their hair like i not even weight, like hair. I'm so comfortable and happy. Like I get, like women with their hair, like I was literally born with this hair and you just want me to just remove it all. Yeah.

Every, every day. What, hair, hair, hair? No, it's like hair,

like, oh, we're not shaving it all. We're not shaving the whole head off today, guys. Oh yeah, hair. Like hair.

On my body. Body hair. You actually have to like shave your legs. Yeah. Sometimes I don't want to shave my legs yeah literally I want to wear a dress

and then somebody's like oh no because I'll be outside and somebody's staring at my on my legs literally so I have to shave my legs

shaving my legs every now and then is enough I couldn't actually deal with shaving my legs arms whatever it's also an issue though like in the summer

when I do wear less clothing I feel more aware that i have less clothing on because people stare a lot i think that's only in the uk yes for sure that's only in the uk because when i'm abroad no that's true the fupa will be out. Christy's got a food bar out on holiday. Okay, I got my food bar. What are you doing in Greece? Sorry, Christy.

Going to live my best life. No, I just feel like, yeah, the UK has bad vibes. Because what's, what's in our, why are we so in our input business?

It's also like, it's 28 degrees outside. Why are you giving me a weird look literally thank you or even like a sports bra if I'm wearing a sports bra

in the street people look at me because I'm wearing a it's like I'm literally wearing it's hot like yeah mind your eyes

what do you think about guys who walk around with their tops off down the street I hate that I find it so rude it depends right I think it depends

where you are because say if you're like in the near vicinity of a park or a green and everyone's like chilling someone's just like walking around with their top off that's fine but you know what i hate when you're like in tesco's yes and someone yeah shirt over the shoulder just like walking through topless and it's like go back home no not down the fruit and veg aisle like what's gonna be dripping on there oh yeah exactly it's unhygienic yeah yeah like they don't let you in places on holiday with tops off so like don't do it in the uk really yeah have you never like tried to like

go in somewhere i mean you would i mean yeah yeah i want to go topless in dubai yeah but like even in like spain yeah they're sort of like they don't yeah they Yeah, I want to go to Topless and do my thing. Yeah. But like, even in like Spain, Greece, anywhere like that. Yeah. If you're in your bikini. They don't, yeah, they don't really want people walking in and like swimming stuff. Yeah.

Like, they want you to dress properly. That would make sense. Yeah, they do. Restaurant, they'll actually send you back. Or like an outdoor kind of like. Yeah, sit down, get like stuck to the chair with like a wet bikini on.

No. Yeah, I hear it. Do you know what I think is crazy? Yeah. I read somewhere that kim k says that she's a lights off girl yeah there's no hope for any of us it's in lights off in the bedroom in the bedroom did she give a reason as to why do you know i could get why she's obviously a bit like oh because then there's also like she has so much pressure on her to look good yeah so like once she gets in the bedroom there's none of that around there's none of these

this team around her to make sure that every hair is in place and every light is hitting her correctly she's probably a bit like oh can i do it without everyone like there can i look as good as i like portray myself yeah that's a message in itself though. It doesn't matter who you are, how much money you spend on how perfect you're going to look. Even to millions of people around the world, you're still going to have insecurities within yourself. And that's

normal. It's just embracing it. Stop caring. But it takes a while. It takes a long while to get to the point of not caring because you can actually convince yourself that you don't care and then you put yourself in a situation where you go somewhere where it's out of your comfort zone all of a sudden it's like oh my days for instance when you go shopping you want to buy something you've tried it it looks

nice on display you've picked it up gone to the fitting room you've put it on now and you're like oh hell no take this off me put it back like dressing room lighting what is up with dressing room lighting I feel like it just shows off every single

part of me that just shouldn't be there I know and by the time I've tried on three t-shirts I'm already fucking sweating and I'm like

this is why I don't shop in person yeah I'm an online shopper even worse though you reckon yeah I think if I'm an online shopper. Even worse though. You reckon? Yeah.

I think if I'm buying the jeans, it's going to make me look like the model. Yeah. Unfortunately, it doesn't. I can try it at home and if I don't like it, then I'll return it. Instead of being the other thing

and then you're coming out, returning it back onto the rack and then somebody else is going, oh my God, yeah, they fit me nice. Bastard. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I hope they do. So yeah, I don't know. See how right now we're talking about body positivity. I'm pretty sure we'll go onto our phones and that serial whoever whoever's listening to us on our phones

yeah we'll then be popping up with all these i'll be on gym talk later that's another thing that will be pushing people off the edge yeah yeah definitely yeah and even love island i've watched in love island like some of the girls have really nice bodies i'm just like i'm just never gonna have an ass like that that's the aesthetic in it you need to look yeah but that's the thing it's like take love island everyone in their amazing bodies but like everyone openly says they literally put themselves through boot camps before they go in there just because that's what they don't want to look bad like on camera but then everyone thinks that that's what you should look like and it's like when people come out they sort of like let themselves go a bit and become more comfortable and it's like you don't

have to have like a body that is like totally snatched and everything with that one do you reckon you when they do the love island adult like the older version one yeah do you think they will still go with that aesthetic that they need to look a certain type of way that's a very good point that's interesting so we need to look out for that of way that's a very good point that's interesting so we need to look out for that yeah i didn't know they were doing a love yeah they're doing like um it's like a is it people who are like single parents like their children adult version it's hilarious surely they're not gonna pick like, like sexy dads for that. To be fair,

I'd watch it if it was sexy dads. I'd watch it. Hello, David Beckham. It would be so cliche though. Imagine like all of the, like the over 35 just like stood in the corner waiting. Hi,

step forward. Hi, I'm Gary. I'm 43 years old and I've got two kids. My ideal woman would be someone with you know yeah I don't know what Carrie would like

big tits big tits big ass it's the Bundesliga for me so guys we are about to react to some stories that have gone viral on the internet and you know

that so the internet is filled with some interesting crazy stories so i just want to get our reactions and uh let's see how it goes yeah at the worst bridezilla experience with my now ex friend what she did was she actually bought her own ring and then gave it to her boyfriend and gave him an ultimatum. He forcefully proposed to her. By then she had planned the wedding to be in fall. So being her bridesmaid was scarring. And I remember she said, I only want blondes to be bridesmaids of mine. So will you please be a bridesmaid? In addition to that, as her bridesmaid, bridesmaids of mine so will you please be a bridesmaid in addition to that as her bridesmaid um she said i don't want anyone to make speeches at my wedding so can you please give a speech at my wedding prior to the wedding the bride sent an email out to all of us bridesmaids with a full

itinerary of the weddings come the wedding day as i start my speech i am noticing all of the bridesmaids are looking at me in the most disgusted look ever and then I could see the bride looking at them too like what what the was I doing up there come to find out the bride had set me up wait hold on why would she say yeah I need to know more give us more was she brunette at the time and she was yeah that's it she's the only brown hair from there to find out the bride had set me up she sent me a completely different email than she did the rest of the bridesmaids so the bridesmaids received the only person giving a speech was the maid of honor so she set me up to make it look

like i just grabbed the microphone stood up and took over the room to be the center of attention and again it was her wedding day i wasn't gonna go up to her and be like, why did you do this? When I had showed them the email, they were just as shocked as I was. I literally was hoping deep down inside this was an honest mistake. And it took me years of multiple things that she's done to me for me to finally realize,

no, she planned that. After the wedding, I will never forget it. I was sitting at work and the bride had received her final edits of the wedding photos. I'm scared. Why didn't you ask this before? So she sent me a few photos. I wrote her back and I said, oh my gosh, these are beautiful. You look amazing.

I love these. She was furious. She wrote me and she was like, you are so short. I can't even use these. Look how ridiculous you look because i am very short it was like she was texting me because she wanted me to apologize for being short and i literally said i'm at the end why don't you just crop me out wait hold on wait this woman needs to start sticking up for herself a little bit like come on now that is literally you are so short no

do you think she's been I'd burn her wedding dress dramatising it a bit do you reckon she's like actually messaged her and she's like oh my god

you look so short in this haha and then she's just changing just to add a bit of spice in it yeah

how much because surely like this sounds so outrageous surely it can't be real some women are a bit crazy though bitches be crazy yeah give us part three I can't I can't be real. Some women are a bit crazy though. Bitches be crazy. Yeah, give us part three.

I can't leave this unfinished now. Even after the wedding. After the wedding, I stayed friends with her. Are you done? For a few years. She would do little things, these jabs.

I mean, I was struggling financially and she would just kind of always feel the need to remind me that she makes more money than me. I'll pay for you, trust me. I make a lot more money than me i'll pay for you trust me i make a lot more money than you when i made the first initial video about what this bridezilla had done to me i wasn't expecting it to get as big as it did after all these years finally healing and making

sense of it i was finally like angry which was good for me so i finally talked about it i kept her name anonymous this whole entire time cool people have reached out to me who knew who these stories were about give us names and addresses what she has done to them three of the girls she has done worse to them one girl is actually still in therapy oh women can relate to having that mean girlfriend that narcissistic friend she has not reacted she has not reached out to me she has nothing not a single thing and i know for a fact she's seen these videos because majority of the girls that reached out to me about what she's done to them live in her very small town and it bothers me because she knows that i've kept her name so anonymous that if she were to reach out to me, this is her admitting what she did. Because I also called her out for f***ing the guy that I was dating behind my back.

After I just invited her and her daughter to a pool date with my son and I, she went hooked up with the dude that I was dating. After I found some more things out, I just blocked her. I wasn't about to waste my unlimited text messages on that monster her ex-husband has reached out to me he saw my stories he thanked me for them i'm happy i'm thriving i have probably making more money than you so the ex-husband right so who she was marrying like when this whole bride zilla situation happened are they now divorced yeah and she why would she she sounds like a train wreck her for the videos yeah maybe she is who she's talking about she is that would be a plot twist and she got a bit a bit too towards the end yeah just stop talking i will not waste my

unlimited text messages and you still paid for it she's wasting her she isn't it it's her only and she's now i make a more about anything yeah it's like you're going the other way i felt sorry for you but yeah i know now you're being paid but i mean if that did happen to her then then yeah that is peak. But yeah. We all do have friends like that at some point though. But she seems old enough to realise that.

Exactly. She ain't no friend. Like, this ain't high school no more, darling. Yeah, exactly. That's what it sounds like to be fair.

Yeah, literally. Sounds like they were sorority sisters. Yeah. I mean, girls' schools, innit? Yeah. Yeah, girls' schools

are bitchy as well oh god yeah i don't know why i said like i was in one oh god yeah from things i've heard yeah i went to one oh did you yeah you don't seem like a school girl school girl man a bad man in here come on man a bad man oh i feel sorry for you a bit now yeah right so this is the part of the show where we play brutal brutal so I'm going to read a few like interesting statements on the internet

and we're going to have to rate them out of 10 10 being the brutalest to see what we think about them okay let's get it let go disclaimer don't cuss my english don't come for me unless i come for you thank you so first one yeah i got ready open your ears okay let's go my ex-husband would get in the shower with me just so that he could pee on me he thought that it was really funny i was grossed out after getting at him for it he stopped for a while and then would try to be sneaky and pee on me when i had my eyes closed to rinse out my hair

that's happened to me before what yeah guys that that have been trying to pee me in the shower. Ellie. So are you sure this is... Were you married before? Not married, no. It was just someone that was dating at the time. And he just...

He found it funny to pee with me in the shower. And did you like it? No, obviously not. That is quite funny though. To pee on me in the shower? Yeah, but the water's running. It's not going to like...

You can clean yourself after that. I wasn't like... If you but the water's running it's not gonna like you're actually getting peed on like I didn't I wasn't like yeah under the water like it's not

really like no one's peeing on me boy I'm telling you I'm gonna no golden no golden showers for

Christy I will box you don't piss me off peeing yourself drink your own piss I don't need

yeah so it's not brutal for you I'd give that like yeah three four yeah three four yeah what's that like a nine for you yeah that's that's a no don't pee on me but you're going to swimming pool with like people who like it's so true imagine i don't go the swimming pool I just dip my toes in how about it on your toes and then piss

yeah you dip your toes in the wee we're just gonna see if people don't piss in the swimming pool okay

no everyone pisses in the swimming pool let's be realistic I don't never will I do so you guys are saying not brutal for you guys yeah no i'm about three maybe when she was like closing her heart at her height her height i mean maybe if he was like peeing on her

hair was it peeing on her hair or was it just peeing on her while she was washing her hair yeah that's not as long as it's from like there below yeah don't don't piss in my hair though no okay i for me basically that's fine we can piss on each other we just can't yeah you guys piss on that side i'm coming out just let me know before you guys are pissing in it okay so next one it was at the wedding of one of my sister's friends who was the bride the bride never showed up at the wedding and no one could find her after several hours the groom and his family all went home turns out the bride went for a wild night of partying and slept with some guys she met at a

club she passed out drunk at his place all day long before she came around and realised she missed her own wedding. That's literally the hangover. Like the film. I would love one of my friends to do that. That'd be such a cool story.

For their wedding. Oh my God. But that's it. Like the wedding's off. Yeah, done. You've missed the wedding. Yeah, but what if one of the weddings

that like I don't actually want to happen if you know what I mean that's fine yeah but the money that goes into weddings like yo even if you don't want to marry the person all that money they've spent on the wedding exactly yeah even i don't want to marry the person i have to be there hopefully that shag would be worth it the shag all the money all of the trauma afterwards what are we rating that that's quite bad um i'll give that an eight yeah yeah yeah maybe even nine yeah because the whole family's there can you imagine how do you even how do you say to your parents oh yeah basically i i yeah yeah yeah i'll give it a nine yeah that's actually quite mad. That's pure shame. I mean, she clearly didn't want to marry him,

if that is the case. Yeah. Like, hmm. Fair. Like, if you really love someone, you're not going to sleep with them the night before. True, exactly. True, just don't get married at all.

Oh, are you not a marriage girl? Not for them. I'm a marriage girl. Hi. Marry me. Hi. Marry me. Okay, next one. I was having sex with my partner and all of a sudden she calls me ken ken was her dad's name i knew i had to pause hold up suspense no no i feel a bit

sick after that i can't lie i thought it was gonna be some sort of like barbie doll fetish i thought that's where it was going so when she's saying daddy she really means eddie not daddy can daddy can wait hold on hold on wait hold on i'm just holding i just wow so she okay yeah yeah i understand the story the line now the statement i mean we don't know what she's been through. I don't want to know what she's been through. Yeah, regardless, if that is your partner. No, yeah.

And you know your dad's name. Yeah. You wouldn't catch me throwing out a quick Graham. Like. Stop it. Yeah yeah that's concerning what are we rating that I mean

nine nine nine nine I think that's a ten I'd be quite traumatic like yeah that's sort of like

no get off me now yeah no that's too weird yeah yeah I don't know what I'd even do in that situation you can't do anything

just get out of the room yeah and cry yeah yeah definitely in year 10 i realized my parents hated each other and my mom had an affair with the year and my mom had an affair the year before i was born my father demanded a paternity test i agreed to it and had a friend to do and had a friend do the sample obviously came back negative and they divorced it's been 15 years they still don't know wait what wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait so he got his friend to give i agreed to it and had a friend do the sample yeah so the friend gave the sample so of course

it would be negative because they're not related to the father so they basically faked that they're not the son

or daughter oh so the parents think so the dad thinks he's not the dad but he could actually be the dad

yeah he could be it's been 15 years they still don't know that's horrible why are you breaking up your parents like that but he said they hated each other fair well they can't have that much if they were still together my mum had an affair the year before I was born but you weren't born

maybe the kid was the issue not the pet well now because of the kid sounds like the kid is the issue yeah no that is pretty brutal that's that's quite that's yeah i mean breaking up your whole home i'd probably give that about 10 yeah and i agree it's quite horrible actually yeah yeah yeah not even letting it slip out at like christmas drinks or something just to like spice it up. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And the parents can't even see him.

Can't see your own child for lying to you. Yeah, that's horrible. Yeah. And that was brutal, guys. Yeah. So today, I'm sure you guys all know that we've got this new segment that we're playing, right? And for Room 101. I like sure you guys all know that we've got this new segment that we're playing, right? And for Room 101, we were asked to find a wild picture and explain. Explain the story.

So who has the wildest picture? Who should go first? I need to find a picture first. Ellie's always on. No, I know. Oh, you're okay. okay okay i'm about to say because ellie was at like such come without her room 101 again yeah all right cool i've got mine i've got mine yeah let's go first should i go first right okay so this here

for everyone in the room it's a picture it's a picture of me and my brother-in-law on a Segway thing in Turkey. Yeah. There is a very funny story behind this, right? Yeah. Because I've obviously, like, all my family are, like, in the bar. And I was, like, 13 at the time. Okay. So I see these people whizzing up and down on these Segways.

I wasn't drinking at this point. So I was like, get me on one of them. Yeah. It's fun. So I've gone and rented one out. My brother-in-law-law's like oh let me have a go on the back of it these things go like 25 miles an hour and i'm flying down the strip in turkey yeah we get to the end and like go up a hill and it was fine and then on the way back i was like yeah i'll pick up some speed as we like go down the hill it would be like really quick and really fun yeah because of the weight of my brother-in-law on the back front wheel lifts

up as we're going down the hill it was literally like et we took off and landed in a restaurant segways upside down front basket bent up like we've knocked over a table with like people's dinner on it flying like my legs are in the air like we like you know them little a-board signs yeah that fly in and made a massive like whack on the floor so many people have like run over it was so embarrassing oh my all because i was like yeah this will be fun yeah it sounds quite fun yeah so i caused a massive pile up in an italian restaurant in turkey did you have to pay no i we bent the basket back and we like wheeled the thing back and i was like and for some reason the battery like started like flashing on it straight afterwards

so i was like oh batteries died and they swapped it for a new one sorry oh in the restaurant i think they were more concerned for our like safety after because it was it was quite bad i'm surprised we made it out without any like cuts and grazes on us because like we we really took off we got some air like it was like but yeah that's my that's my wild story wow but that was that picture was taken literally buff like my mom was like oh let me get a picture of you both like before you go yeah and then we went off and then just caused some absolute carnage straight after that i'm always scared about ellie's because ellie is so unpredictable oh god so Ellie what is that on your phone

Ellie what is that what is so we have whose mum is that I actually couldn't really tell you so whose mums are they

two bare bottoms just two guys just pulled their shorts down to show me their arses basically when I was working at Ibiza I can't remember why really I think it was just showing me their tattoos oh my god it's live

it's the live photo as well why is he smacking his friend's bum like that as well whoever owns these bums yeah well so one of them I think I got with him and I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend because every time I tried to follow him on Instagram

he ended up blocking me so if someone out there recognises that bum I know the name because he's got it tattooed on the bum. Oh my God. And he got a tattoo when he was with me as well. When we were in Ibiza. And then after that, he dumped me in Ibiza rocks

because he was like, I'm going out. I can't be arsed. And I was like, I'm not going out. Not the famous Ibiza rocks. So then he went out. And then he went to get changed, and then, you know, he went to get changed, but he was piffed off. So I was like, I'm going to stay here to like,

make sure he's okay. And then when I was waiting for him, a girl came out like covered in blood, like she had a broken nose, like and everything. Like her friend had just randomly beaten her up out of nowhere. Like she clearly had just like gone a bit weird. So then I was just like making sure she was okay, waiting for an ambulance because no one spoke Spanish. it was only me so i was the only person there that spoke spanish and then they kicked me out of ibiza rocks because they thought i was

trying to break in when i was just looking after the girl that was literally covered in blood so then i took a photo of the bouncers because i wanted to complain they took my phone off me and they're like we're calling the police. You're not allowed to take any photos of us. And I was like, I'll delete the photo. And they were like, no, we're calling the police. Oh my God. So I literally ran to a kebab shop down the road to hide from these two massive bouncers.

And then eventually this came in and they're like just delete the photos and i was literally like but yeah so that was all because of this guy with a quick pick of the bum yeah literally and then i actually messaged the girl next day saying did you get to the hospital okay and she was like i don't know who you are if you talk to me again i'm gonna block you are you joking i'm like come back here and let me like reignite that broken nose of yours you were just trying to be a good samaritan all night i was just trying to be a good person and everyone was just like no so then i booked a flight home after that i'm just i'm just going out yeah i'm done with that drop yeah oh my god i'm so sorry but after like this bit was fun yeah but what happened afterwards yeah it all just went downhill

from there damn ellie that's blowing my mind there we go that's my wild story right so mine do you do you guys remember back in school primary school you'd have like primary school There we go. That's my wild story. Right. So mine. Do you guys remember back in school, primary school, you'd have like primary school, secondary school, you have like non-uniform day. Yeah. So this particular non-uniform day, I said, you know what? I'm going to come in as something else. Bear in mind, I go to all girls school. Yeah. All right.

So this is my twin. Wait, what? is my twin. What? Wait, what? So the person in the middle, that is me. I was actually looking at that. No! So I literally dressed up

as the male version of me, which I literally look like 50 Cent. Like that is hilarious. Which I called Christopher literally look like 50 cent like that is hilarious which I called Christopher Reed by Rodriguez you actually look good though I can't wait

yeah don't stop me you do it that is hilarious so basically this day Chrissy the PIMP Bobby's face my jaw just dropped like that is like from afar i was looking at it i was like which one of the

ones on the side is christy yeah no it's her in the middle so funny story so this day went into school drew on the beard yeah stole my dad's uh my brother's hat my dad's jumper and i don't know where i got that fake chain from but i stole a chain from somewhere went into school and obviously it's all girls were thinking oh my god it's that boy in the school but i was like no no this is just me this is me amazing the way on my way home now this is where it went completely left so i live in hackneyney. And back then Hackney was, yeah. Right. Hackney was happening.

So imagine I'm sitting on the bus, you know, mind my business, you know, school's done. And come off the bus. I think I came off a stop earlier. I don't know why I did that. So I come off the bus now. And then there's a group of guys. So they're thinking, hey, you man.

Hey, where are you from? Hey, where are you from? Exactly. Hey, where are you from? Where are you from? And I'm thinking, yeah, exactly that. And I'm thinking,

no, like, No, sorry, cut off, please. No, no, no, no, I'm not from, this is like non-uniform day, non-uniform day, I'm going to school,

I'm going to school, coming from school. No, but where are you from? Let me see your cheer, let me see your cheer. I was like, no, I'm a girl, I'm a girl. I'm a girl.

I was undressing myself. So I was just in my vest. Obviously, you can see my boobs in it. I was like, I'm a girl. Don't attack me. Don't attack me. All of a sudden, the guys are like, what are you, man?

You're a girl. What are you not doing? What's wrong with you? Honestly, I felt like on that day, coming off the bus, I thought I was going to die. I said to myself, never again. And that's the day are you not doing what's wrong with you honestly i felt like on that day coming off the bus i thought i was gonna die i said to myself no that's never and that yeah that's that's the day that christopher reed boy rodriguez died yeah no yeah keep it keep him in the fancy dress box but yeah that was

christopher that is hilarious maybe was great so there's some great stories there guys really like wow my life is so boring um who am i gonna give it to to it's a trophy here no we'll get a trophy next week so we had Scott Scott flies a segway into an Italian restaurant in Turkey and kills people that was great I loved that

we had Ellie's random men's bum photo and getting kicked out of Ibiza rocks and looking after a girl covered in blood and then having the police callediza rocks and looking after a girl covered in blood and then having the police called on her yeah and then flying home and then we had christy's she's the man story um getting off a bus and getting shouted out by a group of guys yeah yeah i think this one is gonna have to go to christy just because christy getting g-checked has to be Christy getting G-checked dressed as a man like who who dresses up like that

on a non-uniform day I I just thought out the box I know it was literally you can wear your own clothes you don't have to

you don't have to like I said no I'm coming in as Christopher big boy Rodriguez you even had a Facebook did anybody else no

you made a Facebook yeah back then I made a Facebook for him as well that is hilarious so yeah well done christy yeah well done christopher christopher christopher so funny so this is the part of the show where you spill the tea and we try not to it's don't spill the tea

at reading festival 2009 i was queuing up with a group of mates to get into the music arena from the camping when a security guard came up to me demand i remove the hidden bottle from my shorts he then patted the area and discovered it was just me he almost died of embarrassment and my mates called me the guy with a huge penis all weekend not the best story but a boost for my ego and before you ask no not really but who am i to deny a rumor that's not what that last bit means basically big dick thought it was a bottle big dick thought it was a bottle big dick like a bottle of vodka well he said he hasn't got a big dick

that's what he's going at at the end maybe it was an extra last day I think he's just being humble doing some foreplay with the girlfriend now wife and fucked it up bad I wanted to say I can't wait to suck your clit but instead i said i can't wait to suck your dick she started crying laughing luda's completely gone still lie

awake cringing every time i remember it anyone done anything like that before all the time. Ellie has, definitely. That brought her back. That brought her back. Have you guys ever had in the bedroom said the wrong name or said something cringey?

No, I don't really say anything. I don't say anything. I'm not a talker in the bedroom. A vow of silence from Ellie. I was in an elevator with my wife who is petite while I am tall a gentleman gets in and after some small talk asks and is this your daughter?

for reasons still unknown and to this day I still question myself about it I enthusiastically responded, I wish. Wait, does he have a daughter? This woman said woman. Why is he wishing that his wife is his daughter? I don't understand. I wish.

A long distance couple were visiting each other for spring break and being unprepared, the guy, let's call him Andrew, is without lube for sex. The girl, Heather, suggests he use mayo. They're both so horny he goes for it. While she's visiting him, they keep using the mayo as lube for their sessions when she goes back to school she feels something tickling her around her crotch during the day she has several orgasms she tries to muffle them but they are frequent and surprising when she goes home to look there doesn't seem to be anything wrong she goes to a doctor to have it looked at.

The doctor takes a peek and says, My God, you have maggots in your vagina. Turns out the mayo attracted flies, which led to squirming maggots inside her, giving her orgasm. What the fuck? Attracting flies! How would you not notice that? what the fuck attracting flies how would you not notice that

I really like mayo you know that's horrible guys thanks for joining us that was a very interesting journey it's been a ride it's been a definitely a ride yeah don't ask for me when you go to kebab shop but um yeah on that note please like comment subscribe and if you have any interest in spill the teas don't forget to send us an email at t at four at jungle creations

dot com and until the next time see you again bye