Tea at Four - Ep 3: Our Biggest Icks

Episode Date: January 6, 2023

Hi, and welcome to Tea at Four! A brand new podcast series by Four Nine, where Lauren, Billy and Christie talk about all things that should have stayed in the group chat- your icks, picks and hot takes straight from your friendly girls and a gay. This week we share our biggest icks, from getting into a hot bath to carrying a bag of shopping. Lauren also shares how she's only just learned how to use a tampon.

But I was out with my friend the other weekend and I actually asked her, how do you put a tampon in? Not, okay, well, right, I'm telling you. Okay, I mean, I get that one, but... Wait, wait, now? As in, was this recently? Yeah, 26 years old. What's hot? What's been happening? Well, I was watching online, guys, yeah.

There was this lady, right? She's trying to move her TV back into her flat, right? Obviously, she's moving in. To just realise that she actually moved into a retiring home how can you miss that she's like 20 27 right so she moved into a retirement home not knowing so she tried to ask somebody for help to kind of bring up her tv she went to her first neighbor it was like an old lady and she was like oh do you know anybody that could you know could help me with uh bring up my TV? The lady was like, oh, yeah, somebody next door probably can help you.

She went to the next door neighbour and it's an old man. Obviously, he still managed to help her, you know, bring up her TV and stuff. But then he was just like to her, you're quite young to be moving into a retirement home. Oh, penny drop. She was just like, well, why haven't the pennies dropped? Surely she's paying fees surely she's getting

her dinner paid for what kind of like retirement home was this it was on a letting agency basically but it didn't specify specify

that it was a retirement home nothing that said you have to be over the age of OAP no so I'm guessing it was the website's fault because she did say that she ticked

she marked off retirement homes well then you've got your bed line and have someone serve you dinner from it as well. Nice bit of jello in bed please.

At least you know, no noise after 7pm. She's sleeping good ain't she? I bet the, yeah, I bet the neighbors, yeah but I always think older neighbors are kind of a lot worse. You reckon? Yeah. Because then if you make like a little bit of noise. What are they doing?

Well she has a friend round or she plays her TV a bit loudly then they're gonna be- Why now are we up louder cause she can't hear us. Well no insomnia for her innit? So I guess there's a win-win in some sort of who handed her the keys at what point what is like no one telling her like good luck no but what do you do you've paid a deposit i don't mind it i think that's hot is it reduced price i don't know i bet not what would you do i'd stay probably i love them maybe during winter I wouldn't mind in the winter

in the winter I wouldn't mind what's the difference warm them up a bit sit on their laps no summer if I want to like you know

time to get my gran out no but guys like do you know during the summer it's a hot summer's day you're blasting your music you don't want to hear turn that down

excuse me you're making too much noise take out the hearing aids sorry darling I'll call you when dinner's ready I don't know that's so funny I was just like wow

27 years old 27 yeah well I mean London's rent prices won't surprise me if I'm in there next week you'll be there out of choice though

oh I love it getting those wills so guys I don't know if this is embarrassing to admit to you or to the internet to the world um

but i was out with my friend the other weekend and i actually asked her how do you put a tampon in what not okay well all right i'm okay i mean i get that right but wait wait now i didn't was this recently 26 years old so you've never you've never been taught how to put a tampon in to be honest and then she helped me oh my god to be honest i i don't think i was taught either i remember i was in france actually on holiday family holiday not family holiday i was 15 and obviously we ran out of um sanitary towels right yeah nearest shop is like 25 minutes away drive yeah cool so imagine i'm a 15 year old girl yeah i'm in the bathroom i'm like oh my god i need like cousin i need i need

some oh there's some tampons i'm like what the hell was this i sat on that toilet seat until she drove 25 minutes to get sanitary towels because i wasn't doing it well so my point is why the hell in school are we taught how to put a condom on but we're not told how to put a tampon in I know it's quite niche but I just feel like we're missing a few tricks here which made me

just carry on thinking like the things I was taught in sex education when I was in school I have I only have this earliest memory

of having like a a TV wheeled into our library in year four and we were just showing a cartoon yeah we were showing a cartoon.

You're young on the Isle of Wight, aren't you? Well, you have to because you'll be a brother next week. No! What? Don't look at my fingers. I've got six of them. Oh, my God. Stop.

No. So, yeah, my earliest memory is the TV being wheeled into the library. And I just remember being shown this video of these two cartoon men and women just rubbing up against each other oh i genuinely until maybe year eight when we were next taught about yeah sex education i thought babies were made from friction i used to think up until like year seven eight um until actually till i think my mum ended up telling me she gave me like the talk she's like that this is you might find out through friends but i want you to know what actually happened no she just kind of like explained it but i

thought the babies were made for kissing oh yeah yeah i i forced the belly button just baby like a micro my parents would know i generally thought like when i first was hearing about things like foreplay and intimacy i found out about like what age is year seven these things were happening like year seven i was in english and i i was just hearing some kind of rumors on my left okay yeah that this there was some kind of blowjob story and in my head i'm just imagining a bit of like blowing your dinner i found out through my english english class shakespeare someone said the word is it fellatio yeah oh yeah fellatio so shakespeare actually taught me sex education not oh i love that yeah go on shake another thick section i think also like as a gay person there is

zero in terms of sex education you're not taught about prevention hiv prevention or what's accessible as you know gay men growing up and like i think comes from as well like um section 28 brought out in the 80s by margaret thatcher and the tory party and there was a rule which basically stopped um teachers teaching students about gay people which meant they weren't allowed in any form of literacy um any form of kind of history you weren't allowed to talk about it it is through things like film culture that i have learned more about like lgbtq representation and things like that and like hiv is still around but people don't realize or some people do but like there's a thing called PrEP,

which if you take it every day, it stops you from getting it. And it's free on the NHS. That's crazy. I learned about that watching Hollyoaks. I used to love Hollyoaks. Don't watch it anymore. But they are very, very good at like educational purposes.

Like soaps are the way to go. Yeah. I've heard that advice before, to be honest. Because I was in school. You want to know something you check out the sites watch the EastEnders watch the Polly Oaks

home and away trust me oh my god when I have kids I'll tell them if you want to know anything Coronation Street yeah with me

I had a very different kind of upbringing sex was forbidden that word alone really we couldn't really say it well my parents didn't say it so there was no way i was

gonna bring it up i actually still run away from sex education classes so i used to say that i was sick because i just didn't want you can't want to hear the thought of like a man goes into a fever and they create a bit like it was like i never got taught about it by my parents either i learned everything basically through school or like friends and yeah we were putting classes with like people from the year above and then I just remember like being told how to put a condom on from a cucumber

I didn't do that it's like when we're all giggling what were we there laughing about how to prevent teenage pregnancy yeah cucumber could have gone to a nice salad

exactly yeah I just find it very very weird so I think with me and my upbringing stuff like sex is rarely talked about at home

stuff like drugs rarely talked about at home like there was one time I did get in trouble because somebody like a friend wrote sex in my school planner just the word sex just the word sex and i was like one of those s's yeah yeah and my mom was like what do you know about this you shouldn't i said okay you know what ever since then i was like i'm not even gonna try and touch on that subject i will just learn about it myself and any standards so it's kind of like i feel like it's very um well in with my upbringing in my culture it's one of the things that they kind of run away from like parents are not really

comfortable there's nothing wrong with it as well it's like it's something for you to talk about i don't know why there's such a like a hard stigma behind it the moments that schools stop kind of trying to stop people from having sex yeah and like just start kind of like educating the classrooms okay five minutes year four is quite how old are you in year four and i'm not talking about year four i'm talking about secondary school primary school so we asked our audience what do you wish that you were taught at school about sex education and the answers were very interesting so someone put that sex is normal another person said i went to a catholic school growing up so sex ed was practically zero someone else said female pleasure

realistic expectations of sex and common fears i just wish that they'd made it clear that it's okay to be worried very interesting about female pleasure there's nothing about like masturbation being okay on your own like you don't always have to focus on the reproductive yeah exactly the side of sex you're actually self-sufficient and it's actually better we've got loads of toys to help you yeah reality versus expectations is real i don't think like that's mainly down to like obsessive amounts of porn yeah all these stories and then when you have it it's just like this is not how it's meant to be but it's like why are you comparing you have this idea and you build up in your head especially when you're younger of how it's going to be and it's the absolute stark

difference and it's like it's not even that like for instance movies 50 shades of grey when that came out you know i've not watched it but when i think he might everyone's like oh my god yeah this happens and i'm gonna try this and twitter was all frantic i'm thinking all right then guys not even just films like that like films where like the sex scenes are so sensual and so kind of like realistically you're in your 16 year old boyfriend's bedroom and he's got his new york skyline one centimeter pillow pancake pancake in the corner making breakfast that's the expectations i wanted no it's just that it's so cold compared to obviously this idea that you haven't had and then you start thinking oh am i not good enough am i not

am i not living up to this but there's a lot of like um content out there that is accessible but there's not enough like people actually speaking on safety or speaking to answer questions people that don't know what's going on or they're curious to find out and it's also where we need to kind of like change the stigma towards like people being comfortable enough to ask those questions openly did your school have the rumor about the girl who used a crisp packet as a condom don't even say a word you did it that's disgusting oh there's like something vinegar as well apparently a crisp they said what prawn cocktail with cheese and onion oh my god no i actually can't be in this

because my phobia i can't no there was a rumor that was yeah um i believe it's my phobia I can't no it was a rumour that was that was terrible I believe it's still to this day okay that's enough of that that's crazy no I I remember do you remember

I remember like looking in the shop at the sun of that like 13 year old couple that had a baby oh my days and the child

was really small and then they just sat on the bed and that's the biggest biggest bit of contraception I ever needed yeah I remember that yeah that really put me off i was like yep not me i'll tell you what a good form of contraception is

there's one way to get out of having sex is finding a nick in someone absolutely it doesn't need to need to be sex just within the first five minutes of a conversation yeah saying them yeah when they shake your hand they need what sausage fingers i feel like i've got frank frank was it frank frank frank frank frank frank frank frank what speak to frank frank fruit is Welcome to Hooters. Welcome to Frankfruiter's. Frankfruiter's. Frankfruiter's. Frankfurter's. Hello? Frankfurter's. Yes.

I feel like I've got Frankfurter's, right? Okay. So if you have a bigger head than me, oh, hell no. Oh, mine are so stupid. It'd be like if they're in the back seat of a car. What? You know when you turn up and they're at the back

and they're like... Yeah, mention it. Hi. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why can't you not... You're not big enough to sit in the front seat don't speak to me

don't speak to me wow bye where should I go on the roof exactly I'd rather you walked I'd rather you walked

than sit in the back of the car you're over driving the car you're not in it at all Billy also I don't like seeing people cycle

from behind what wait hold on that whole posture of like looking like bowser on a stick is just so i'm flattering get off that bike and walk i've got two biggest ones that have come to my mind one uh a man lowering himself into a hot bath it's quite a strong it's quite a strong visual for me that i just can't quite get around it's like can you picture it like scoliosis neanderthal naked

revolting actually just don't even don't yeah that's a really good one ever do that with my eye line when they're in the barbers and they rise their chair up and if it gets bumped up no short no short kings in that pigeon cape as well oh just like in any form of kind of like what's it called like like nurses pins or like going to the dentist and they're just wrapped up oh my god don't care about your dental hygiene like that also i said the other day um if i see you with a shopping bag no chances are you being like just walking around with like like three things in an empty shopping bag why is your hand not big enough to hurry okay my one would be like men holding umbrellas it's raining it's too girly yeah it's too girly

umbrellas are for girls especially those small ones not even the oh no that small one definitely not and then it turns over because of the wind are you done

an umbrella that folds in on itself yeah that can't be my man can't be my man I'm so sorry can't be my man I feel sick of that actually because

think about it I've got quite a specific one yeah you know in the toilets okay and they obviously have to be sitting

but you know those like toilet roll holders where it's got like the hole in the middle Okay And they obviously Have to be sitting But you know those Like toilet roll holders Where it's got like The hole in the middle And you're pulling it I just picture a Mac Do you know when It's like the thing

With the hole And they look like A little magician That's just bent over Like that That's like Pack it up mister Where's your assistant

Men that have Battery packs Like chargers Like portable chargers I need when my phone Dies so quickly. No. It's so embarrassing every time I get it out of my bag.

It's like when they're holding it on the back of their phone. No, do you know what? No, no, no, no, no, no. That's all right. Do you know what I hate? USB just flinging out of my pocket. Do you know the little... It's just like simple things as well.

Yeah. Like asking for the waiter's attention and they get ignored. No. Oh my God. I'm leaving the restaurant. I'm leaving. I'll pay. No, no. God. I'm leaving the restaurant. I'm leaving. I'll pay. No, the worst thing is when that happens

I actually have to make an effort to pretend I didn't notice because I can't feed into them knowing that I just saw that. So that's why we are single!

I am the problem. Alright guys, so this is the section for Don't Spill the Tea. Our favourite game. So make sure you guys join in at home if you can. Get your tea, get your tea, get a tea, get a biscuit. Send us your stories as well.

And we try not to spill the tea to your stories, but make them funny. Producer Bob, let's do it. All right, guys, sip your tea. Growing up, I had the most incredible orgasms sat on the washing machine of our utility room. My mum genuinely thought I was really eager to do the washing. I'm so desperate to have sex with a female clown,

I can't take it. Ah, say that one. Oh, my God. Isn't that like Harley Quinn? Basically, that's what I thought in my head. Crusty the clown with a wig on. What a female clown. That's weird.

Man in the toilet. I've got a female clown. That's weird. What is that? Man in toilet. Where did I picture myself? What? There's a lot about my subconscious thoughts. That is actually quite... I want to ask him some questions. Have you got any weird things that you find weirdly attractive? Weirdly attractive?

Phil Mitchell from EastEnders. Oh my God. And Max Branning, because he used to live he used to live right next to me okay what's the correlation here i fancy my neighbors no but bald bald heads a bit ginger you know phil mitchell that little rough you really are living the soap um the soap stream listen i'm telling you like she doesn't need tolyo she just needs eastenders yeah i watch it every day wow but yeah

Phil Mitchell and Max Branion call me get your girl single call me or if you need a tour of Paris Christ

I can't think big noses I actually love big noses big Roman nose big Roman nose yeah you know what I say

about big noses big bogey yeah but big nogies big bogeys too yeah I just I just love someone

that would like me back yeah that is that's weird that is weird yeah what a crazy concept thanks for watching

if you enjoyed this content make sure you subscribe and check us out next week. See ya.