Tea at Four - Ep 45: Tea At Four Xmas Party! Weird Christmas traditions, Festive Icks and when Lauren first saw her own a*rsehole

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

It's Christmas!!! Come celebrate with the Tea At Four fam for a big festive get together. In this episode Lauren and Christie bring Scott and Ellie on the pod to talk all things Xmas, their festive icks, and nostalgic holiday memories that Gen Z wouldn't understand.... They take a crack at guessing the plots to Hallmark Christmas movies, as well as hearing some juicy confessions in Don't Spill The Fizz, a festive twist on our favourite game! If you have any stories or dilemmas please send them to [e-mail] or drop us a DM on any of Four Nine's socials.

Oh my gosh, I don't know why my parents used to do this. We used to call everyone and we used to sing, we wish you... What? Mum and dad, I hate you guys for that. The only time I've seen my a** up close is on the Euro Channel. Hi guys, welcome back to T4. I'm Lauren.

I'm Christy and you're listening to the podcast where we talk all things that should have stayed in the group chat and today we're reunited for a big family christmas big family christmas with our old friends ellie and scott but just before we kick off if you're new here be sure to give us a like follow rating hit that notification bell and if you have any funny stories or just anything, send them to us at tf4 at johncreations.com. Anything, even a gift for me for Christmas. Thank you.

Me too. So guys, I'll ask the ultimate question. Are we fans of Christmases here? Are we grinches? What's the vibe? I definitely am. I'm a fan of Christmas. I love a bit of Christmas.

Good excuse to get drunk. Yeah. I actually dread it more as it comes towards it and then because it's easy to get drunk yeah I actually dread it more as it comes towards it and then when it's actually Christmas why do you dread it? it's just a lot isn't it?

it is a lot it is a lot I don't really care for Christmas anymore I'm so sorry oh like just like my little whatever it's called

yeah I just can't be bothered what's it you can't be bothered with? it's just the over excitement like people relax. Stop getting too excited. Don't you dare smile around me. That's Christmas time. Of the bleakness of the world.

The last thing I want to be doing at the end of the year is celebrating. I mean, it's just like the year's been, it's been a heavy year. It's been long. It's been, you know, it's been tiring. Let's just finish the year and the whole Christmas malarkey,

people spending more money. It's like, yeah. I'm'm uh is it a grinch then well a grinch yeah yeah i'm the same i'm way more of like a fan of the build-up to christmas like i love all the excitement i love the cheer yeah i love the good vibes and the wholesomeness but then as for actual christmas day i say ban it what bring back bring back oliver cromwell and let's just cancel it ban it 25th december it's the day for fasting you love christmas day christmas day is my favorite bit i mean i quite like it i love christmas day for the east lenders episode that's it yeah y'all know me like i'm all in for what are you doing i don't watch any tv on christ Day. That's all I do.

What? That's the best. They just have, like, back-to-back films. It's so good. Yeah, but I can watch a film on a random Sunday. Yeah, true. It just hits different. When you see Polar Express on TV,

and you've already seen it at 72. And it's Blu-ray. Back-to-back. I quite like it, yeah. Back-to-back. B2B. Fucking B. ITV.

B2B. Oh, BBC One, mate. Oglin. Not ITV. Yeah, true. Yeah, man. Yeah. Something very nostalgic I used to love, fucking me ITV B2B BBC One Oglin not ITV yeah true yeah man yeah something very nostalgic

I used to love like getting the Radio Times magazine when it would come out and it's giving like the Christmas Day rundown

yeah I love TV I love TV just Christmas Day me and my family used to all get pissed and play games yeah

my mum wakes me up in the morning with the sound of a Prosecco bottle oh really you like sleeping my mum needs to step up her game My mum wakes me up in the morning with the sound of a Prosecco bottle. Oh, really? You like sleeping in, darling? My mum makes a step up at game.

All I want for Christmas is a lay-in. Yeah. Wait, wait. What's our thoughts about going out on Christmas Eve? Just quickly. Because surely you're not waking up to the sound of a Prosecco pop. Oh, I am.

I'm like, let's go again. Because I'm a go-outer on Christmas Eve. Yeah, I agree. I like going out. Well, this year's going to be the first time I'm going out on Christmas Eve. Usually I'll be at home, but why not? What are you doing? I'm going to a brunch. I'm gonna get wasted.

Oh, my goodness. Got some less brunching on the Christmas Eve. Yeah, why not? And then walk around Canary Wharf, you know. I don't want that. See, that's good, though, because it's, like, daytime. Last year, I totally overdone it at Christmas. Didn't get into, like, half four in the morning and was literally like

everyone was like trying to wake me up and I was just like asleep ruined Christmas nearly so I've never been out on Christmas Eve because my brother used to always go out on Christmas Eve and I was like six years younger than him so I'd be waking him up to like open my presents and he'd just be laying there

could he eat the Christmas dinner when I'm hungover I've got no appetite no I throw up all day when I'm hungover as well so there's no way i'm going out it's perfect go out wake up with a bit of a hangover and you've got a perfect meal the only time i remember going out on christmas eve and like where i go out back home as well it's not it's not a great night that's weather spoons it's not really worth it and i remember coming back home and i was so pissed I fell asleep in the living room sat up straight

bolt upright for four hours my mum comes downstairs obviously to do a little sarah sarah sarah and I'm just sat there like a sort of fucking puppet

ready and waiting just like she's like Lauren what are you doing here so sorry I thought I just she was like you've been here for hours oh my god I can't go to bed now I thought I'd just She was like You've been here for hours

Oh my god I'll go up to bed now I thought I'd just say The stairs in the morning I'm waiting Waiting for Santa Claus To come in That's literally

Like makeup perfect Yeah Ready to go then Statue See you That's jokes Yeah so do your family Have any weird traditions

Friends People you know I wouldn't say I don't think I have Any weird traditions no no really everyone in my family just gets really drunk my my dad used to like always put on something really weird like a thong what or something we used to like invite about 20 people around to our house and we used to have like a proper

thing so everyone used to get really drunk and it was like our house and we used to have like a proper thing so everyone used to get really drunk and it was like a thing that at the end of the night my dad would like be in a bra and a thong or something like that how i want to end my christmas new family tradition let me take note yeah i think when i was younger we used to go to France A lot for Christmas And we'd have Bro to fucking France Yeah And we used to have like These mini like plays That we used to put on

Like dance Like competitions and stuff But besides that That's about it Just like a nice little Talent show That's quite wholesome Do you celebrate on

Christmas Eve In France Yeah Going into Yeah my friends What do you do on Christmas Day then You just sleep So you open your presents

Christmas Eve you do the you eat Christmas Eve everything Christmas Eve do you still do that now no but I'm Christmas bruv I've got

we've got the Grinch herself sat right here of course she doesn't I've not celebrated Christmas since 2017 not gonna lie to you guys what you haven't done anything no

what I just eat a kebab Christy yeah why come round tomorrow and I'll give you a bit of turkey I just don't kebab. Christy! Why? Come round to mine, I'll give you a bit of turkey.

I just don't, then again, there's no kids in the family no more and we're all grown up. It's not about the kids. It's about like, coming together for Christmas. I feel like it is about the kids. Fuck the kids.

Yeah. Yes, it's about the kids and I'm bored of cooking on Christmas Day. I think it's about family and like coming together. No, but do you know what? Even in like the train station,

do you see people like giving i saw something no that's only love actually yeah i was about to say she's living in love actually right now i'm living in a bubble i'm living in a christmas bubble some of my some of my favorite christmas was a friend's mess in lockdown oh yeah my friend's house had a unbelievable time unbelievable scenes and then i also spent the last two christmas in mexico so it just proves that you don't have to be on a christmas day you can be in an all-inclusive buffet a period yeah and still be happy yeah do you remember when you like found out five christmas was it was it real wait what it's not real oh come on how old were you guys when you found out that

five christmas wasn't real i I don't remember. Really? No. I think I would have sussed it out. Yeah, I think I was figuring it out. I remember staring at the Christmas tree once and thinking, I reckon he's not real. For me, it was like, I lived, I think when I was younger, I lived in a flat. I was like, so where's the chimney number one? That's literally what I was about to say. And then I was told, oh no, he comes through the keyhole.

It's me, what kind of? Keyhole? Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Listen, how the hell does he do that? And then I'm thinking, oh no, he comes through the keyhole. It's me, what kind of? Keyhole? Yeah. How the hell does he do that? And then I'm thinking, there's no chimney. So clearly it's fake. Yeah. And then I think the last time I clocked my dad eating the biscuits,

I was like, well, clearly you're not Father Christmas, are you? Did you confront him? No, I just, you know, just stood there, just watched him. I was like, yeah, I see you. Hope you enjoy that. And then, yeah. God. Yeah. no I just you know just stood there just watched him was like yeah I see you hope you enjoy that and then yeah gods yeah no I I've got a bit of an

arc with the whole concept of Father Christmas because I feel like me if I was a parent maybe in this cost of living crisis yeah if I'm buying

presents for my child with my hard earned cash and then giving giving the props to some fucking fake man that lives in the North Pole

I'd be pissed off I'd be black all year for this yeah literally that's what kids get cheek in the north part i get pissed off i didn't work all year for this yeah literally the kids get cheeky about that well you know you didn't get me a food for christmas yeah it's true you know fake figure of my imagination did so that's my act i mean christmas is for that imagination ship in it it's like you're allowed to kind of imagine and be a bit i'm all. I'm more for the delulule for the kids but after age five, grow up. No, it's just about the alcohol when you get older.

The food and the alcohol. Yeah, that's all it is. The meal, going and getting a bit pissed with your family. And looking Christmassy. Sure. Look at Christmassy. Pajamas, I look like shit on Christmas day. Yeah, I don't. I get dressed up on christmas day yeah i dress up on christmas day we would go out for christmas dinner quite a

lot though yeah well we have a big family thing so everyone gets dressed up ellie are you gonna invite us to your christmas i'm not gonna lie even the way ellie's dressed today like she's got the christmas jumper on the little stiff girl tell us what is that antenna antenna antlers you're really in the christmas spirit yeah i really i want that i'll give it to you yeah i'll just use it to you i'm not by the end of the pod you'll be excited for christmas all right well on the Adult side of things then Christmas parties Or

Work Christmas parties Anyone got any horror stories I've actually My first one was last year So hopefully not I've never been to one Have you not This will be my first one

Wow Tomorrow My biggest Scary scary Sunday scaries Every day of the week Scaries I woke up on a Monday morning

To professional photos Of me and One of the week scaries. I woke up on a Monday morning to professional photos of me and one of the crew members, Bobby. Oh, I remember this. And he did in fact propose to me. And it was only until I saw that visual in black and white that it all came rushing back. What happened? And just moments later, I was kicked out of the venue.

Is it ringing any bells? I'm actually here to propose. No! One year on. No um will you marry me he's renewing his vows that was so it's so much harder when you're sober yeah it's an easier yes last year i did yeah yeah girls change where's the rig bobby yeah give it well let's just start by saying it was a joke and it was a little bit of fun what she thought you she thought you were engaged all year i didn't have a ring though actually so what about this one you gave me

what do you mean that's jokes well good all right so everyone have you got any christmas no you don't turn up to them she's too scared of the company i actually know because usually the christmas party's full with my birthday so i'm usually celebrating my birthday i think that's why maybe i don't like christmas as well because where my birthday's in december it's like yeah it's like they put everything all into one and i think that's very selfish like hey my birthday's my birthday christmas is another day so split it up i'd be human or every year it's like happy birthday christmas present at the same time thinking what do you mean so when everybody's opening their presents it's like because i'm my birthday's december as well yeah so then i kind of like the fact that like i'd get like an extra big present sometimes

no they'd like group it together no because on christmas day would you open an envelope yeah i would rather like a big like present rather than two little presents though yeah but i don't mind that but give me a present on my birthday then give me a present on christmas but you could put the money for like one big one no because when everybody else is opening their presents what am i doing just standing there oh my god that's so cool christy's standing in the corner like i hate christmas yeah i don't know like split up it's a different day yeah yeah i just i don't enjoy it no more i don't know bless you so sad man no you will i will this year i'm bringing it back all right you're gonna order kebab this year Yeah

Yeah a good kebab A greasy one as well What on Christmas day? Yeah No My kebab shop's open Don't do it Just don't

Get yourself a Christmas dinner From where? Deliveroo Yeah Yeah Maybe actually There probably is one Definitely

Go to a pub I've never been to a pub before What? I think you guys have been to a pub for the first time Where? I took you to a pub I've never been to a pub before What? I think you guys have been to a pub for the first time Where? I took you to a pub for the first time You have never been in a pub before What?

You're a pub virgin What do you do with your time? You don't watch Christmas films You don't go to pubs She watches standards I watch standards Last year actually Lauren suggested I watch Love Actually

And that was a very good film you hadn't seen Love Actually oh I love Love Actually and I watched it whilst doing the dishes and that was amazing and then this year you guys are recommending

how many dishes do you have and then this year I'm gonna watch the Grinch she's doing the whole streets dishes yeah especially for no time

for Christmas bless her yeah oh my god so yeah we've got on the Gr on the grinch this year the grinch this year tidying to do

maybe spring clean christmas clean why not spring clean yeah so obviously one of my favorite things about christmas i think is maybe the nostalgic side of things i feel like christmas as an adult doesn't hit different but imagining like being young stepping on the christmas lights just amazing memories really There's something amazing about that sensation. Do you remember it? Those little multi-coloured Christmas lights and ow! But then the ones that kind of prick you.

No, that's you getting electrocuted. How I died in Christmas. Yeah, so what other things would Gen Z not get that we went through? We went through the Argos catalogue back in the day. So the book will lead up to Christmas, you'll have it like the big

that thick kind of book and you're like I used to rip the pages out and put it underneath my stick it fucking pritzed it and all

yeah yeah yeah rip the pages I want that whole scrapbook of my Christmas what I'm gonna be wanting do they still do the Argos catalogue

I don't think they do really I feel like it's still online surely really they don't so you can't go in there they've gone paperless paperless are you can't go in there paperless yeah paperless

are you not are you not gen z you too yeah yeah actually but i mean i yeah i mean i still had a argo's catalog yeah i had a

argo's catalog really yeah what about the um oh that's yellow pages what the hell was yellow pages what am i getting

for christmas in there you know book a painter and decorate it for christmas oh my gosh Christy yellow pages

what else is there there's like the adverts Christmas adverts oh yeah it's true they overcomplicate it I see the Coca-Cola advert

I don't think they've changed that in 15 years and I'm still just eating it up like it's brand new still love it that van comes

driving through oh yeah dancing on ice. Fucking advert. Yeah. Let me eat that. What else? The Toys R Us advert.

Remember that? I remember the Toys R Us advert. I used to love Toys R Us. I don't remember it. What was it? Toys R Us. The shop. No, no.

I remember the shop. Do you remember like, it was like the opera one. It was like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. It's the Christmas of the year. That's Coca-Cola. Is it? Yeah. And I thought at the end it was like it's cold yeah that's too different

yeah this is a real throwback but do you remember at christmas when you'd go to text people with your credit happy christmas and because the servers were so absolutely bubbling it wouldn't get to them by new year's day yeah my dad would be like you didn't wish me a happy christmas babes in the pipelines it's in the waves on his way it's on its way yeah that's actually true do you not remember do you never used to do that i never used to have that i mean well um no I I remember for like my first phone

I ever got at Christmas was like a little like crappy brick phone and like I was so excited when I opened it and I was like oh my god I'm gonna call

I'm gonna call like my nan or something like that yeah they hadn't even got me credit and my mum was like yeah the shop's closed you can't have any credit on that so I was like

I was just playing snake all day on this tiny phone your nan sat there waiting for a call from I know wasting away bless her that's horrible

do people still text Merry Christmas to people on Christmas day yeah sorry unpopular opinion I think that's an ick really

yeah what Merry Christmas message I'll put it on I'll put it on like my insta story with my dinner like Merry Christmas everyone But there's no way

I'm individually messaging people Saying Merry Christmas Yeah I'm not gonna lie I think that's long Yeah I think it's quite overwhelming You used to do like Facebook statuses

Merry Christmas everyone Oh yeah yeah yeah Oh my gosh I don't know why My parents used to do this We used to call everyone And we used to sing We wish you

Oh What Mum and dad I hate you guys for that I will sit down like what if no one picks up that's so dead voicemail

oh my god voicemail we wish and we sing it in French as well wait so you do English and then French yes so jarring

joyous anniversary that's happy birthday yeah it used to be very yeah It used to be very Jesus' birthday No it's not He was born in August What?

Yeah I know I saw that Is that real? Yeah I thought it was June It's August He's a summer baby Yeah

He's a summer baby I think they just did it To kind of like End of the year Yeah Oh my god I did not know that I always thought

It was a Capricorn No He's born in August actually What? It's the 25th of December end of the year oh my god I did not know that I always thought he was a Capricorn no he's not he's not an orc it's actually what the chuff it's the 25th of December it's a lie

so there was no in there was no Mary there was no free kings there was no knocking well she was knocked out but yeah what he's an orc

he's an orc he's an orc he's an orc he's an orc he's an orc he's an orc he's an orc he's an orc

he's an orc he's an orc is that real yeah I think yeah he did read that somewhere Jesus Christ is a Leo oh my god main

character syndrome you all have to sit down and have a dinner because of me yes it does scream leo energy it does it makes sense sure enough jesus um fair play jesus who knew jesus is a Leo. Yeah. Learn something new. You were just saying, Scott, that your festive ick is the messages, right? Sending messages, yeah. What about you guys?

What else is your Christmas ickies? Ickers. Blue and silver tinsel on the tree or any kind of Christmas. Oh, you sick. What is that? Thank God that was not in my peripheral eye line oh my god no something disgusting about the the electric blue and the silver on the tree christmas ick um oh this is gonna be so bad i want to do like i hate r but you know when people like snap their food like their christmas dinner plate oh snap as in like okay boomer will you like record your food like low vibrations oh my god yeah

waiting to save grace yeah i don't i mean that's the ink for me no my one is the pictures of all the presents like oh like even back in the day when it would be like changing your bbm photo to a stack of presents what can you think about you're literally stacking everything up together oh i can't see that i can't see that yeah yeah yeah that's so nice even opening presents in front of people can be so icky no this, this is it. Yeah, opening presents in front of people. And have you ever had it where you like say, open a jumper and then someone's like,

and they're like, oh yeah, try it on, try it on. And then you have to try on the jumper in front of everyone. Horrible. One year my nan bought me, I don't know where she got it from, but she somehow got hold of a lot of Hello Kitty memorabilia. I had a bag, I had a jumper. I had just like lots of little

things try it on i bless her heart i didn't give a fuck oh hello kitty i don't know where she got that oh and then another one obviously had a harry stars obsession ended up getting loads of harry potter oh wrong harry harry oh that's really sad isn't it yeah one of my general christmas sticks as well is just getting ill around christmas i feel like always either on christmas or like the lead up to it i remember last year had all my friends around for this beautiful christmas evening christmas dinner we were exchanging secret santas and i was just like oh my god i can't taste anything i've blocked my nose so my friend was like i'll bring you around a neti pot so you can taste your christmas dinner brilliant so you know what neti pot is where you basically

flush your nose out with okay the snot comes out however i did not read the fine print and i got excited and i basically put undiluted water up my nose and gave myself a severe site no sinus infection bed bound for days, because the water in London actually has brain-eating amoebas in it. So I could not see, I could not breathe, I could not do anything. So you just was bed bound for Christmas.

Nettie pot victim. I'm shell shocked. I know. I'm never drinking water again. Never do that again. Always make sure it's official, yeah? From the bottle or put it in the kettle and boil it. So yeah, I hate getting drinking water again. Never do that again. Always make sure it's like official, yeah? From the bottle or put it in the kettle

and, you know, boil it. So yeah, I hate getting ill. Damn. I think the ultimate ick for me would be coughing season, winter wonderland, people doing the most.

It's so overrated. Very overrated. And it's expensive for no reason. You're like sardines. You can't get into any of the things. Long queues. Rides are like 15 pounds. actually yeah i do i still love it though someone please cuff me you're a golden retriever ellie it's nice yeah bless you me because it just started grumbling over our 15 pound mulled wine Let's take over this

And then when it rains It's like okay get me home now But yeah Over that that's very icky for me Where's January coming then Yeah New Year's Save for the moment January's depressing come on

Not really I thought that's For me it's like yo let's go again i'm ready oh january is the same as december but you don't have christmas lights yeah literally and you've got no money yeah and no one's got any money that's a good thing so we can all stay so guys should we play a game with you guys this this christmas yeah no this is not energy guys should we play again yes so the game is called real film or not and it's basically do you know what the game is we're gonna play a game of real film or not so this is where we've got a bunch of christmas movie titles yeah to be specific to be specific hallmark christmas movie titles

you have to guess whether they're real or not cool okay okay and if you know them as well like you can have a stab at guessing the plot if you would like to give this a go okie dokie can i go so you go the first one is called the christmas train the christmas train the polar express no no no the christmas train that's the title no the title is so do we think it's i don't i don't oh i know it's the train but i do i can see the plot of the christmas train can you i don't know who on earth writes a whole film and it's like yeah i'm gonna name it the christmas train why not because like you got like at least the polar express they put a bit of pizzazz on it murder on your own express the christmas train the christmas train yeah no i don't think there's enough in it

no what's the train christmas train what's the train there's just not enough different places so you guys don't think it's a real film no no i don't think it's real is it a real film it is a real film what's the fucking plot tell me now the plot is tom a cynical journalist takes a train from washington to los ang Angeles to reach in time for Christmas. However, things take a turn when he runs into a former lover while on board. Oh! See, the Christmas train.

Snakes on a train. Oh my God. Full of surprises. Would you guys watch that after listening to that? I probably would, you know. Yeah? I love a crappy Christmas film. Yeah.

Probably would. But like how, if this is a two hour film, like how many places can we go on the train that's not our seats there's different carriages yeah the bathroom the cafe the seat that faces forward and the seat brilliant i will watch that then if that's included yeah you've got me backwards all right nice okay number two wrapping my way to christmas cap not real wrapping my way to christmas as in wrapping not wrapping yeah i believe it could be real yeah if it was wrapping

as in like no no like wrapping my way to christmas that sounds really boring yeah it could be like a pun it could be a girl that works in some kind of shop and she does the gift wrapping. Or wrapping, maybe she's pregnant and the baby's the gift for Christmas. Or wrapping her hair. To me it sounds like a Christmas ASMR. ASMR?

Yeah. So you think it's not real? Not real? Not real. Not real. Yay! Okay, third one. 12 gifts of christmas oh yeah oh that's real yeah that's so cringe it has to be real 12 gifts of christmas real lauren fake fake 12 gifts of christ. I think it sounds... It's real. Oh, yeah. What do you think the plot is?

The plot is... Ooh. 12 gifts of Christmas. Let me guess. Does someone get 12 gifts at Christmas? Yeah. No. No, I think someone died.

I think someone died. So how did you get that? That's a gift for Christmas. Hold my phone. Someone has died and then they have left them 12 gifts to find. There's always some kind of ghost

involved. Am I right? Or a love story. It's got to be a love story. Write that down. For next year's Christmas season. What's the plot? It's actually Anna,

a struggling artist, is hired by Mark, a Disney business professional, to shop for Christmas gifts for his family. In the process, the duo learns a lot about their personal and professional lives. Is it? Interesting. So they were rappers.

Wait. No, sorry. Not Starlight. Okay, Christy. Christmas by Starlight. I think it was you, no? Christmas by Starlight. Christmas by starlight i think was you know christmas by starlight christmas by starlight christmas no fake fake fake nah that's real really yeah because i feel like i actually recognize the name of that really i hope i'm not just making that up and it's actually fake

but christmas by starlight christ Christmas by Starlight the company oh what no it's in like the light from the star what's the plot of that though it's like Christmas by Starlight yeah I think it's fake it doesn't sound like it sounds like a

a song Christmas by Starlight yeah yeah it does sound like a song fake fake it's real what thank you very much

what's it about when starlight cafe is on the verge of course and he must do everything in her power to save it you've watched it haven't you i actually haven't no and i i did have a google before this because i didn't know what a hallmark movie was damn and then i had to actually google what is a hallmark movie yeah what is a hallmark yeah so you know hallmark i just thought it was a movie it's not the same thing the card company no but carry on so you know like the greetings card company yeah yeah it's actually the same company that commissions these like and netflix have started doing them now and it's got like actual big stars like lindsey lohan

chad michael murray and it's almost like a real mark of your career ending yes yeah being in a hallmark christmas i've seen the lindsey lohan one actually yeah yeah and terrible christmas yeah absolutely well okay well i won't be watching that next uh riding santa sleigh Next, Riding Santa's sleigh. Ooh. Riding, riding. Real. Riding Santa's sleigh, yeah. I think I'd watch that.

What? Riding Santa's sleigh, I'll watch it. Sounds like a porn video. Pornhub video. Yeah. Yeah? No. Oh, what?

Well, somebody out there should make it. Well, it must exist in another universe. Yeah. Yeah. Ultimate sermon. Okay. I'm gonna do a couple more so you can pick whatever one you want yeah absolutely

oh the tree that saved christmas because god don't they do that i know the tree that saved christmas i really want this thing's real i feel like i've heard of that the simpsons or something the tree that saved christmas yeah i think that's real i think i think it'll be real i think like a tree that comes to life or something it it is real yes yes it's molly who works at a publishing house in new york have you noticed they've always got some sort of job as well that's i've been saying this about christmas films yeah like why is it like it's always like a woman journalist yeah like and they've got they've got a big job in a big city. Yeah. And they've got to come home to their small town.

It's a lot for them at Christmas time. Yeah. They have to fall in love with someone to get work. They get their time off work. Yeah. Especially in America, they don't even get that much annual leave. And they're like,

I've got to go back home for two weeks to take over my grandma's bakery. I'm home for the holidays. I've got to. Yeah. That's always, home for the holidays. I'm going home for the holidays.

Are you going home for the holidays? Yeah. Yeah. And they've always got like a husband or something back in the city. They let them go off on their own. I need to go and sort out my grandma's whole business and livelihood. Because she just died and the husband's just like, well, why aren't you back in the city?

So obvious. Yeah. Jokes, love it. Okay, any more? Oh, this is a good one. Falling in with two Ns. Love in Twinkle Town. That's so good.

It has to be real. That itches my brain. Falling in. In. Love. In. Twinkle Town. Real.

Twinkle Town. Fake. Write it down. Yeah, write that down. That's a good name, girl. Lol. Good, good game I love that

What the fuck Please let me just humour this one The nine kittens of Christmas Oh Let me watch that What Is it on Netflix Because I need to see

Nine kittens I think I don't think It would be too chaotic For them with that many cats Really They're 101 Dalmatians I think that's

Yeah They can deal with that They can deal with nine bloody kittens. They're like full grown. That's actually a good one actually. Yeah. Can Hallmark afford CGI or cartoon? People give kittens away for free.

Don't they? So they've probably just gone and picked some off of the side of the road. It was supposed to be 12 but they could only get to nine. Nine lives. only get to nine yeah nine lives cats have nine lives what's that got to do with anything i don't know she's just making it oh of course you give four people a podcast but you guys are so if you guys have nine lives of course they do that's why they can't give 12.

Come on, guys. So is it real or what? Is it real? Is it real? It's real, yeah. Is it cartoon or CGI or real? It's real. Wow!

Zachary and Mallory are thrown back together at Christmas when they're tasked with finding homes for a litter of adorable kittens. I'll just keep them all. I'm going to watch that after the bridge. Lovely.

Just watch Love Actually, The Bridge and the Nine Kits at Christmas. My third favourite Christmas film. Yeah. Christmas watch list.

Zachary and Mallory. Zachary and Mallory. Zachary and Mallory. What a name Mallory. Zachary and Mallory. What a name. Lol. Love that. Jokes. Right.

So this week we've got a festive version of our classic don't spill the tea where you spill the tea and we try not to. Except this week we've got the old boxes. Don't spill the tea. Little tipple. So we're about to pop the bubbly. Oh, lovely. So quick.

Merry Christmas. That was very good, to be fair. Well done, Christy. Thank you. And you keep this. I've got a collection of this at home. Oh, you're going to write a little date on it. Yeah, I do.

Oh, that's a lovely thought. That's what we do. That's really lovely. Let's do mental. Cheers, guys. Cheers with each other. Yeah, cheers. Merry Christmas.'s mental. Cheers, guys. Cheers with each other. Cheers! Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, girls. Cheers! Merry Christmas. Just pretend she's here. It's alright. You're fine. Click, click, click. Oh, someone's drunk already.

I've ruined it. I've ruined Christmas. Alright, bring out one sip. Have a sippy. Sips. What is this? Ellie, take a sip. I've got a chems.

That's really nice. You're supposed to hold it in cams. That's really nice. You're supposed to hold it in your mouth. That's the aim of the game. We're not drinking it, Scott. Ready? My brother, who always gives hilarious gifts, got my wife and I a clapper one year,

which is pretty funny on its own. We put it in the bedroom thinking it was a suit. No way. Don't let him cough. What's the matter? You used a car. on its own we put it in the bedroom thinking it was good my brother who always gives hilarious gifts got my wife and i a clapper one year which which is pretty funny on its own. We put it in the bedroom thinking it would be super convenient to turn the light off after watching TV for a bit without getting out of bed. But it turns out the clapper works

with all kinds of noise. So sex would turn in... So sex would turn our bedroom into a disco. What was that I don't know it sounded like a clapper what that sounded like a water

I was getting from that wait is the clapper basically no he turned the lights on and off I didn't get it until after

he said it I knew where it was going as soon as she said clapper I was like I thought clapper was literally like two hands that clap

like a machine or something oh yeah nice little applaud whilst you yeah I love that

yeah I love praise oh my first Christmas with my wife's family and they have dirty santa her dad takes it seriously and always gets adult themed presents but he's literally the only one i just happened to pick up his gift bag and it's a dildo and a porno with anal in the title it sits in my nightstand now seven years later and i still poke my wife in the butt and ask her

if she wants to try a dad's dildo from time to time why is it worded like that dead wait the dad got the matilda no god wait is it is that it yeah yeah the dad got the material day i'd got a matilda that's so extreme like a secret santa thing but dirty santa you saying that's so extreme when your dad turns up in a fucking bra and pants yeah you never do that that's where i draw the line yeah that is come on that is extreme that is a bit much. How would you know? Never mind. My mum got my dad and brother J&S condoms for Christmas once. For real? Yeah. That's one of my Christmas worst memories.

Oh, that was a 12-year-old like, ugh. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. That is cute. Okay, fill up. So this is an actual line from a hallmark christmas movie okay i was wondering if you two were coming to the green pine grove town square christmas eve festival of light christmas tree decorating contest finalist gal tonight that is a genuine line that's a genuine accent as well with the

gell gunga what that was great back when my brother had just started dating his now wife she came to visit our family at Christmas for the first time we all sat down at the dinner table and she positioned herself opposite my brother

halfway through the meal she suddenly said to everyone, the dog keeps rubbing himself on my leg. He must like me. My dad looked up and replied, the dog's next to me, Helen. Turns out my brother had been playing an unrequited game of footsie with her under the table. I'm not with Nanny. Nanny? What?

Who's Nanny? Who's Nanny? No Nans. It wasn't with Nanny. Nanny? What? What do you want? Who's Nanny? Who's Nans involved? No Nans. It wasn't the Nans. Who's Nan? Nobody's grandmother's Nan. Oh, darling.

So he's waiting for us to... Oh, oh. It's my imagination. Everyone in the same room. It's my imagination. Shit. I'm not with Nanny. It's not Nanny. It's not Nanny. You've got gotta love a bit of christmas drama there it's true right yeah i came home from college for christmas three days afterwards i came into the living room to see mum attempting to burn a six foot christmas tree in the fireplace

she built a fire and was slowly stuffing the tree into the fireplace. I quickly put out the tree with a fire extinguisher and threw it outside. My mum thought she could just keep stuffing the tree into the fireplace as it burned. What? It was just a look of confusion in everyone's faces. Fucking weird, isn't it? Why is she burning the tree? Was there no explanation as to why? No, no context. Poor mama.

Someone checked on her over this Christmas period. Maybe she's got a phobia of trees. That's it, guys. Of course. Or you in like 10 years. Jesus. Maybe they run out of logs yeah

that's a valid point a tree to save Christmas there we are there we are then sustainability that's it my two year old is obsessed

with peanut butter not a problem in itself I'm capable of overseeing a balanced diet the issue is with his pronunciation imagine walking around the supermarket

with a small tantruming human that's screaming, I want penis butter. So no one wants penis butter? I'm alright. I'm alright. I went to the toilet once same i've done that too

Same. We all got to the toilet. I've done that too. Me too. Any toilet? I went to the toilet once. Yeah. Yeah, nice.

Out of everything, that's what got her. I went to the toilet once and a guy in the next cubicle said, all right, mate, what you up to there? And I replied, hey, just having a shit. An awkward pause followed before the guy said, I'm gonna have to call you back, mate. I hid in that cubicle for an hour after that.

How funny. That's a good one. I like that one. That was a good one I like that one That was a good one Has that ever happened to you? So, so, Christy, I'm really angry Has it ever happened to me? No No

I don't think I have said hello When people have been on the phone Yeah I'll tell you what though I was on the train the other day And I was sat on the train toilet Fucking someone opened the door

And I slid open like busy train busy fucking train i'm sat there on tiktok on the toilet i literally it's sliding over the guy walked into the toilet that i was and the door i'm holding the door and it was just slowly pushing door. It's giving single man reveal himself. And the door, I'm holding the door and it was just slowly pushing and I'm like pushing against it cause it was like one of the automatic ones. Now I had to wait for the door to fully open until I pressed the button and close it again.

I didn't get off, I didn't come out of the toilet until my stop on the train. I stayed in there. Oh, bless you. No, that happened to me but the other way around where I pushed that button and it opened. And you walked in on me in the other way around where i pushed that button and it opened i was like

yeah the guy was like oh sorry mate and just like turn around walked out i was like well now i'm just sat here and trained but when you go in those it doesn't it say like so many times please lock the door yeah yeah i pressed lock but it obviously didn't. Did you? No, I left it open for the thrill. Wow. So what you're saying is you poo on trains? Sometimes I'd rather that than in my pants, okay? Valid. That's valid. This is exactly,

Felix said the same thing to me. He was like, you just threw that on the train toilet. And I was like, well, I was trying to hover until someone walked in. Oh God, that would be even worse. Exactly. Honestly,

I don't want to know what he saw. There's some, no, I once, the only time I've seen my arse up close is on the Euro Tunnel. Wait, what? That was on the Southwestern Railway service. No, no, it's even better.

I've gone international. I saw it on the Euro Tunnel I was just like weirdly they put mirrors on the back of train door toilets so I was just obviously getting up and twisting around in a small thing I came out

I came out I go to my friends they've got hemorrhoids I've never seen back there I've never seen it so. I've never seen it. So thank you, Eurotunnel sponsors, yeah? Wow. Always find a way to get in, don't you? Yeah, honestly, there were no poo jokes we had to. Waiting.

Right, ready? I never check the loo roll situation in public bathrooms. So far, my makeshift arse wipers have included a loyalty card from my coffee shop, a Tesco receipt, and my left sock. I'd rather this than buttering my cheats together and shuffling to the next stall.

Oh my God, I've done a face mask once. Covid. A face mask. Yeah, fair. Yeah. I thought you meant Like a sheet mask That's not No

Sorry That would be way too much All over my legs Sorry Oh my god Yeah No no Just a Covid face mask

Oh Yeah That's what I thought Is like an alternative To a wet wipe Yeah No Oh my god Not with those creases Huh yeah that's what I thought is like an alternative to a wet wipe yeah no oh my god

not with those creases huh and the face mask it's got the creases in it so you've got to like never mind oh the holes yeah yeah

no a different one wow if you use a bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet

yeah is that what they're for yeah it's a washer one yeah yeah I don't know if that was a myth or what they're for yeah it's a wash your bum yeah yeah I don't know if that was a myth or if that was actually no it's true

your feet you're washing your feet in the bidet yeah huh you've got dirty feet just give your feet a little bit of a wash

in the bidet bidet bidet us so you're washing your feet in my so you're shoving your toes down the toilet

yeah what the hell wait is she onto something no she's not yeah she's not

I am especially in like a beachy holiday you've got sandy feet just put them in the bidet so that's bidet that's what you think

they put them there for like wow yeah they've got a foot cleaner yeah finally well after you've already walked sand to the house right and there's not a shower next year they just put this amazing convention here

i'm 27 and i still get id for paracetamol it's a huge annoyance but whatever but today i hit a new low when i was refused when trying to buy christmas crackers she said i'm going to need to see some id there's an age restriction for Christmas crackers. The only restriction stated on the box was that it's not suitable for children under three. So I left the ball. I looked like I could choke on the small parts and my big age, I'm not sure what she's playing at.

What a freak. What a freak. Wake up, Christy. It's the end of the episode. Grandma, we're finished now it's the end of t at four now. I just can't breathe. Boxing day. Yes, come on. Got to get you home.

God damn it. Oh. Come on, Nanny. Let's get you on let's get you going granddad will drive us what what have a lovely sleep what did I say

sorry guys back in the room Have a lovely sleep What did I say? Sorry guys Back in the room Just couldn't breathe Well I hope you guys enjoyed that You know don't spoil the fizz And clearly y'all spoiled a lot of fizz And enjoying the fizz too right? We spoiled the fizz and you catch the zids

Cool It was a pun it was a pattern well I mean that got me back into the Christmas spirit I think I'm quite excited for Christmas now that was amazing I'm going to watch some new films called the nine

kittens of Christmas everybody please watch it we can talk about it in the group chat the Christmas train that was another one for me Christmas Train Yeah that was a good one Yeah

Yeah Well thank you so much For joining us this week Ellie and Scott Yay Lovely All the festive vibes Thank you so much

To all our listeners Throughout this year And we wish you A very merry Christmas There is more to come For Tea at Four We are not finished yet Do you know what I mean?

We're still going to give you guys all the juice, all the tea this Christmas. Good, great presents for you guys all. Why am I speaking like that? It's giving East Ender. Get her on. Get her on. That's what I want for Christmas, guys.

But honestly, thank you so much for listening. Make sure to turn the stream. It's shaking, it's shaking. Just like it. Wiggling. No, guys, honestly, all jokes aside, thank you so much for listening to us throughout the year. We appreciate you guys daily. Please keep

on sending your spill the teas, your dilemmas, your questions, everything naughty, everything nice. Send it our way we love it on you can send them to us on our dms on spotify you can also send them to us on tiktok or you can send them to our email at t at four at jungle creations.com but otherwise that's it for our christmas episode this year thank you for joining us and have a good one happy christmas that was insufferable That was chaotic That was so chaotic