Tea at Four - Ep 46: Sexpert teaches us about self-pleasure, sex toys and the difference between the vagina and vulva

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

Sexpert Alix Fox gives us the life lesson we didn’t know we needed all about masturbation - covering everything from post nut clarity, how we can break down the taboos of women w*nking, what first got us off and reviewing sex toys blindfolded. As part of our New Year’s Revolution campaign, Girl Literacy challenges our knowledge on our bodies and the effect it can have on our mental wellbeing and life choices. Through our content we aim to raise awareness of unspoken issues surrounding women’s health and bring them firmly into the group chat.

hi guys welcome back to tf4 i'm christy and i'm lauren and this is the podcast where we talk all things that should have stayed in the group chat or maybe not because for our new year's revolution campaign girl literacy we're exploring a very important topic this week we're talking self pleasure oh and we were joined by the amazing sex expert alex fox christy thoughts that was honestly the best conversation i've ever had about sex i'm not gonna lie to you like touching on the myth of the g-spot which you know with guys and girls that's always a big topic of conversation the masturbating before going on a date is it masturbating pre-date shenanigan i was bamboozled and also seeing feeling sex toys we didn't try them on camera just for preface um yeah i was obsessed with the like the biological reason

for post-nut clarity yeah obsessed with that kind of thing and you know just just discussing what got us off for the first time always interesting we really enjoyed that conversation and you guys are going to learn so much from it so here it is so so so we're buzzing this week we're joined by alex fox alex would you mind giving us some context to who you are what you do what's your purpose here today sorry no big questions what what is your existence on this earth what uh as you say my name is alex fox it conveniently rhymes with phallic's cocks because i've spent the last two decades talking about the ins and outs and ups and downs and sides to sides of sexual culture um some of the work that i'm most known for i suppose is that i was a script consultant on uh all of the seasons of sex education on netflix

i'm writing book at the moment with a working title the missing kink which is a very warm welcoming uh hopefully entertaining introduction and delving into fetishes uh and i'm trying to make a documentary about the sex lives of older people because i think our elders have a lot to teach us when it comes to getting down and dirty and being open minded about it absolutely i mean us as young people are clueless so yeah any help from anyone is going to go literally just yeah see what's out there but i'm so excited to have you here and i'm interested about the conversation we're gonna have today i can't wait to see where we take things i'm scared i'm buzzing buzzing buzzing buzzing is a very appropriate term to use i've brought an entire suitcase of things that buzz,

that throb, that vibrate. Yeah. Yeah. Some of which expand. You can feel the fear in the room. I think I'm more like excited because I just like, the world is like bizarre,

it's big, it's amazing. But there's so many great creations out there. And I mean, if you don't do the research and if you don't go into the shops, like for instance, like the Ann Summers or the... Yeah. What other sex um i mean if you don't do the research and if you don't go into the shops like for instance like the and summers or the yeah what other sex shops are there don't know honey online yeah yeah if you don't go there the privacy of your own home i think this is the thing i think we would bring up when the conversation around self-pleasure

is it's not necessarily for girls a group chat topic yeah and i think unless you're having these like instances where we can bring up the conversation it's a bit like as women oh don't really want to talk about that whereas the conversation for men it sees a wank that's wank bank i knew about the word wank bank before i probably knew the word masturbation like that's saying something right yeah i only wish my hsbc account had as much in it as my wank bank oh I think you're right I mean historically the patriarchy has always labeled men as one more sexual and be more deserving of sexual pleasure so the fact that they can talk about pleasuring themselves ostensibly quite openly goes along with that right although I'd argue that the conversations that men do have with their friends

uh about wanking about masturbation aren't always constructive are they it tends to be a lot about bragging rights or and there's a lot of pressure to come across as macho and and quite mainstream as well yeah if you have a fetish or a kink, that can still be quite difficult to talk about. If you are not somebody with a high libido or maybe even asexual, and not all asexual people don't masturbate, but some don't. If you're a guy who doesn't masturbate a lot, then that can be shameful, right? On the flip side, as you say, I think women don't talk about masturbation as much. Although I would say for women, it's a lot easier to talk about masturbation as much yeah um although i would say for women it's a lot easier to talk about toys if we've hopped on a great rampant rabbit then we might be more likely

to tell our friends about it in fact there was some research done by lilo who are a luxury sex toy company that said that a really high percentage i think it was about half of women um received their first sex toy as a gift from a pal right whereas for men to be open about using penis stimulators or fleshlights or anything like that that conversation doesn't happen like there's no and summer parties that exist for men i didn't hear about our dads going around to their friend's house to play with a little anal beads i didn't hear it not the fact that you didn't hear it does not mean it wasn't happening yeah yeah i do feel like it does stem like the comfortability of talking about sex and stuff does stem from school because with sex education in school i used to avoid that class like i used

to hate it because it's always about the guys with wet dreams always like targeted to like the males but then with the females like you get your period this happens and what whatever there's not it because it's always about the guys with wet dreams always like targeted to like the males but then with the females like you get your period this happens and what whatever there's not that kind of like touch in there's not that touch in like female feelings how to feel whereas the guys like you're gonna feel a bit wet this is gonna happen to you blah blah blah so i always used to hate um that side of education and it's weird because that growing up and now as well there's also still not enough out there to educate women on like sexual desires sexual pleasures obviously toys gratification is i guess yeah the focus is on like the reproductive side of sex or like yeah

ejaculation and things like that but i don't think there was ever a point where it was like this is how you can satisfy yourself and maybe is that why we're so disconnected from that side of self pleasure because from such a young age it's all delegated into this box of like oh when you're having sex it's it's a partnered thing someone else is pleasuring you not what you should get in tune of liking yourself there is a push for sex education in school to include discussions of masturbation and solo sex or self-pleasure at the moment you're right unfortunately you're bang on the money honey that chat is just not happening yeah it's a lot about fear and warning isn't it and a lot about talking about partnered sex it's all about how not to

catch an STI and how not to get pregnant and I'm not shading teachers here because i think they're often not given enough time to talk about the uh the in-depth and sometimes quite nuanced side of sex they're not always given the right resources and the right training i mean for me it was my maths teacher yeah one day really next day spaffs expected to talk about that you know putting a condom on a on a fucking uh cucumber and i was like i can't eat bananas it's put me off the coffee pies alive i just associate them with rubber johnnies unfortunately yeah yeah i think partly because they're trying to squeeze that sex education off into a very very small period of time we only get the warnings about what can go wrong which tend to focus on partnered sex

i would argue that it's important not just to talk about masturbation because of all the good stuff it can bring which we can get on to in a in a second but also there are things that can go wrong blokes or people with penises can suffer from what's called death grip syndrome have you heard about this never death grip is that it's a term coined by a fantastic sexologist and podcaster called dan uh dan savage it's where basically you hold your wanger so tight when you're when you're pumping yourself on your own that that the comparatively soft delicate feelings of penetration with a partner aren't enough to get you off the stimulation isn't

strong enough and it can lead to things like erectile dysfunction and anxiety and cause real problems for guys but we are not talking about that in schools even though your teenage years are really when when a lot of people start to experiment yeah is there an equivalent for women women that scenario good question death what death death grip death death grip death death death stroke i feel like we need to work we need to workshop this one um i do think if you use very very strong high powered sex toys for long periods of time you you can sort of get used to a high level of stimulation um it's not a permanent change it will not do anything to damage your nerves or your body right but you can get acclimatized to things i liken it a little bit to going to the gym you

start off with your light weights you build up to your heavy weights and after a while when you've been like really pumping iron for a long time yeah um pick picking up the the little dumbbell that you started off with feels like nothing right i'm gonna be open here girls at this point in time i'm 41 years old i get sent a lot of sex toys my clitoris is like arnold schwarzenegger right now so i could probably do with like toning it down a little bit taking a pause on opening my pleasure treasure chest but yeah but yeah again we we don't talk about that in schools i think another issue is that parents get really frightened sometimes about talking about sex yeah they don't know how to

broach the conversation i haven't had the sex talk with me either no i think the worst um you know back in school we had little diaries and one of my friends wrote something about sex in my diary right and I remember my literally I remember my mum that's some pop story my mum was like

what do you mean sex are you having sex do you know what sex is I was like oh my god you know what this is a forbidden place I'm never ever doing that again in my life and since then it's just not a conversation we've had like but it's weird because when my brother was born and he's like in his teenage years i think he had like a condom in his wallet uh-huh and my mom saw it and she was like yeah so condoms yeah who gave you that you're being safe and i was just like wait hold on when it was me yeah back in school you were grilling me i got grilled to the point where i was like you know hold on when it was me yeah back in school you were grilling me i got

grilled to the point where i was like you know what every show on tv will add that had any sex references switch switch it that's how paranoid i was yeah because it could have been a great opening for a constructive conversation literally but i think as you have observed yeah often what parents and caregivers bring to that scenario it can be very gendered sometimes it's influenced by religion yeah they may have had their own negative experiences that they want to shield their daughters from i think it's that fear as well yeah it doesn't always come from a bad place yeah sometimes it absolutely does unfortunately yeah in schools too i think there's a big fear of talking about the fact that

solo sex and partnered sex can be pleasurable the way i see it is young people are going to be intrigued about sex anyway yeah let's be honest about it let's give them the tools and skills that they need to navigate their own personal journey healthily and happily and sensibly. If you do not talk about something, you make it mysterious. Oh, yeah. Or scary. Yeah, that is when we delve. It's a bit curious. I just want to dip my...

Oh, hell yeah. Do you know what I mean? That's what happens. Exactly. Then we head into that cavern of curiosity and we're totally in the dark. And that's when bad things do happen. Christy, if you weren't getting

the a to z yeah for all things slippery and yeah from your parents where were you learning if you were um so back in the day you know bibo you know the blogs bibo what are you learning on bibo little stories people used to come out with like like the little, like, sketch-ish. Naughty kind of stories. In people's notes. In people's notes. Oh my God, that's like early erotica fiction. Basically, it's either that, or if it's not that,

then it's like music videos where they have sexual scenes. EastEnders. Yeah. Because I love a good soap. Hollyoaks. Oh, Hollyoaks had a lot of that, actually. For a while they did that Hollyoaks after dark oh my god yeah that's when you learned about bum sex oh yeah so it would be yeah it would be that like through conversations through like films tv music obviously lyrics is

what you're thinking what he did what yeah you know oh my god do you ever look back on the lyrics of songs that you were like this speaks to my soul yeah and then you realize that you had no idea what you're going down on somebody in a theater oh my god i'm belting out the alanis with no clue i know i'm thinking of in greece lightning you know danny's like the chicks will cream i was seeing that to my nan she probably didn't know what I was saying to be fair but yeah I'm the same as you mine was like

predominantly in film I think and funny you say about music videos it's reminded me my boyfriend told me about how he used to pause

Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake and it was just this shot of a girl's ass crack and apparently that used to really excite him wait what

so it didn't take much I am going to revisit that it's not much he did show me like is that it and apparently that's what gets it all going but yeah no never anything like an explicit conversation it was seeing it in pop culture like in greece them in the back of the car rubbing up against each other i was like that must be how it goes titanic yeah what about masturbation i just often it's partnered sex oh my god relationships that are represented in in film and music videos right it's true i think

not ctlc having a little bit of tlc i'm just scooping on brilliant i love no i'd say i found it really interesting because especially in school um there would be rumors that would go around about like girls masturbating and people would be judged and ripped apart for it like especially like girls using something like a shower head and then that would be like a rumor that was stuck with them for years but the difference is if a man was talking about you know just having a wank or doing this into a sock it was just like a funny thing but for a girl hearing that she had a shower head and i also didn't really understand the like scope of it i'd be like god that is a bit

weird but now when you're an adult it's like that's probably just a normal way of exploring yourself it's extremely common yeah it's actually recently been the launch of the very first shower head from a brand called womanizer specifically designed for female self-pleasure primarily because for so many girls and women yeah that was their first experience of feet of feeling that that thrilling tingle or having an orgasm that's another good reason really to talk about masturbation and sex education isn't it because if you are using inappropriate things to masturbate with, you can actually damage your body.

Yeah. The old toothbrush, hairbrush, there's all sorts. Toothbrush. Electric, Christy. It is well. Not scrubbing your nubbin with Colgate. Can you imagine? There will probably be somebody out there.

That's tried. Making it good. At least it's plaque free yeah lovely yeah i have friends who work in a and e and the number of people who are admitted because they have put something inside them that's broken bottles that have caused a vacuum because they don't have a top on that's really one man one jar did you watch that back in the day unfortunately i did i think i'm still mentally scarred he's still rectally scarred i believe yeah thank you not look that up i won't save it no no no honest to god oh wow it's hideous i just really pull something from the repressed depths of my mind that story so thank you i'm not here to kink shame but that is absolutely uh not a safe representation of how to how to lead into your fetishes yeah we've i've heard um reports on people who've put salt and

pepper shakers up their bums lots of things disappearing at people's back doors and maybe if we were taught more about this there would be fewer accidents okay that were the result of people trying to experiment with themselves yeah i mean i think so we had a episode a couple weeks ago around a belly button fetish it's like did you ever think you'd say that line oh i know classic i think my question is just in terms of women i feel like because that self-pleasure thing is so taboo how do you get in touch with like your fantasies your niches your like your things you like because at the moment I think for a lot of years a lot of us just go acoustic we go manual down there how do you know with that acoustic but like but like I think what I would like to do more is get away from

the idea of porn like to inspire you i know obviously i spoke about pop culture but i think a big thing for a lot of people is that they look to performative sex to know what they should be liking themselves how would you recommend someone gets inside inside themselves i guess a lot of yoga yeah you're gonna have to be more flexible than a than a yoga master in order to climb inside your own crevices yeah um there's quite a few layers to that question so shall we break it down yeah absolutely um the first i guess is your your reasons for masturbating at all um i think there is a real push to intellectualize and romanticize women's masturbation oh yeah it always has to be like well I do it for my wellness or I do it because it's part of a ritual yes it's

absolutely fucking fine to do some fingery self-fuckery because it's hot and because it's fun you know that is legitimate the same the same way that it is for men um having said that for a lot of people masturbation is also about self-care um there was a survey carried out by a japanese sex toy company called tenga they asked 10 000 people worldwide across nine different countries about their masturbation habits so yeah it was a pretty like pretty big survey yeah um and they found that for british people um the they rated masturbation just below having a kip having a sleep and above things like listening to chill out music or taking a warm bubble bath wow take that time to whip or taking as opposed taking a warm bubble bath wow take that sound down to weird or taking as

opposed to a cold bubble bath or taking a warm bubble bath in terms of chilling them out and and de-stressing them so there are a lot of people who are touching themselves because their day is as death gripped them um it's a great way of learning about your body and the things that feel good to you and maybe the fantasies that you want to indulge right it's also a really good way of knowing what your normal is if you're regularly touching exploring looking at your bits and bobs you are more likely to know if something unusual or wrong is happening yeah i work with the gynecological cancer charity called the eve appeal and one of the major issues we have

is that um women don't notice things like rashes or thickening in the skin or lumps and things like that because they're not touching themselves or they've been taught that that's a bad thing to do and they don't know when something has maybe you know gone a little bit off piste and they need to go and see the gp and get it get it checked out um i always think masturbation also can be a form of self-celebration i know that when my body when i'm demonstrating to myself that my body has the ability to make me feel really good yeah i find it easier to feel good about my body wow so it kind of contributes to my my self-esteem and my self-confidence and and my body my positive

body image yeah and of course if i know how to get myself off if and when i want to it's easier for me to tell a partner that so we can merrily get off together um so uh also as you get older um if you're a person with a vagina and you enter the menopause um what's horribly called vaginal atrophy can happen yeah i feel like we need to rebrand that as vaginal atrophy yeah it's your prize we're making it unfortunately it's a shit prize uh it's when um blood flow decreases to the vaginal area hormonal changes mean that you produce less natural moisture and the whole thing could become um less plump more dry more uncomfortable yeah masturbation can help bring pump that blood back into the places it's needed oh my god naturally stimulate

a bit more of that moisture yeah using yourself helps you not lose yourself as you get older so there's so many reasons to masturbate yeah um you asked about how to lean into what you like without relying on porn yeah what what are your views on porn so i i worry that with our generation we see such a performative and perfected version of sex and i think in terms of intimacy i i've from a personal level i've struggled with things like libido from the pill from depression from anxiety and i feel like that kind of factor of having this amazing visual takes away from that moment where I'm in tune with myself and what I like and my imagination and things like that it's more just like oh no what's someone else doing and we're getting more

and more disconnected from the idea of self and that self-celebration and self-exploration that's my view I think it sounds like for you at the moment porn or at least the porn you're consuming isn't an enjoyable experience i wouldn't say so i'm i'm off it i'm not yeah i don't tend to watch i feel like i'm trying to gauge more into reality uh-huh say that yeah if it's not getting you off then switch it off there is no obligation yeah an obligation to consume porn as part of your private or partnered sexual practice sure yeah i don't think it's necessarily always a bad thing if you are a porn fan i think there's a lot of shame and sure and negativity attached to porn and on one hand rightly so we know that a lot of porn is problematic

what it shows is problematic in terms of um degrading experiences for women yeah centering very much male pleasure a lot of it is geared towards a cis mainstream male gaze or at least what porn companies think yes that most cis men want or gearing them towards that with regard to you not loving porn yeah have you guys uh is is the idea of ethical porn on your radar that concept what's that there are a number of companies trying to make porn in ways that better serves viewers and better serves everyone involved in the production so it thinks it's things like actors getting cared for while they're on set right lots of very proactive conversations about consent actors being able to choose who they work with and making sure that everything that they're

going to do is agreed beforehand and there's no deviation from that or pressure when the cameras are on for them to actually go a bit further or do something a bit more extreme um they are their health is looked after in terms of sti tests and covid tests and general well-being um and also a lot of this porn tries to better serve consumers by showing lots of different body types or different types of queer sex uh it's quite diverse um it caters more to the female gaze it tells unusual stories so rather than the wham bam thank you ma'am stuff that you might see on Pornhub it's a lot more imaginative and um oh I love a fan fiction yeah back in the day there's one woman actually called uh Erica lust who has been a pioneer in this

field of pornography for quite some time and one of her sites is called x confessions right and the idea is that it all every porn film she makes is a story sparked off by a viewer's anonymous confession oh wow something they've done or something they want to do so it all spirals out of fantasy right so you might enjoy that but to be honest it sounds like you are just you're not in the in the moan zone when it comes to porn are you it's not making you oh it's making you it's not a complete yeah it's just it's just i think in the in the era of my life as it is now i think i just need to put focus on me put on me what do i like what's

the vibe so i feel like i just don't want to carry on that trope of looking to others because what they might satisfy them is so different to what might satisfy me and i just i think that's what i want to get in touch with i think that sounds like a brilliant outlook to pay attention to how you're feeling when you're doing something you know is this actually making me feel uh feel great yeah um is what i'm viewing here making me feel bad about my body or pressured into liking something that actually isn't tickling my pickle and floating my boat so well recognized thank you um other things you might want to explore if you're looking to maybe open your mind to fantasies are have you tried reading any literatica well fan fiction yeah the day yes harry styles sorry i put you through that um yeah

i liked a bit of reading back on roads in the face uh back in the day just yeah but but not nothing as of late because that actually allows you to create the pictures in your own mind rather than seeing on a screen doesn't it there are some companies i think one is called realized fantasy where if you tell them what you're interested in they will custom write you a story or they have some templates where you can fill in like names of particular people that you fancy or wow what was that me and nas excellent yeah well they can write you some beautiful bars about now another simple practice that is more about recognizing the delicious elements of the everyday and kind of opening your eyes as well as other areas to that to the possibilities of pleasure

is called sensate focus right this invites you to tune in to something gorgeous that you can see something lovely that you can smell a feeling or you know a tactile sensation right um maybe a beautiful taste and not to do this just when you're self-pleasuring but try and notice it actively through the day like does it feel gorgeous when you step into your warm shower first thing in the morning and the drops of pitta pattering over your skin pay attention to the sense of your body yeah exactly it's about rather than just relying on one single form of external visual stimulation like porn right tuning into the whole capacity of the world to turn you on um i mean maybe be careful with it on the bus oh and very 254 stay away everyone what's your

like opinion on post-nat clarity do you think that's something that even as a woman it's a bit of a dirty thing about masturbation and self-pleasure like I feel like that idea that once you're done it's like what did I just do is there any way we can kind of rewrite our mind to just maybe be a bit kinder to ourselves in those moments great question I've actually heard post-nut clarity to mean two things some people mean that it's sort of like the release of having an orgasm or measuring themselves kind of like stop that it stops them procrastinating about things and suddenly they're like able to see more clearly and they're like right banged one out and ready to get down to it you know yeah i've finished with my procrastination i now have a clear view of life you know it's about that sort of positive almost business-like energy that doing the business to yourself can

supposedly bring for some people me personally i don't find that i want to go and have a little nap it doesn't it doesn't i don't find that uh having a wank suddenly means that i'm not drawing a blankety blank on things i was worried about um the other uh definition of post-nut clarity that i've heard is this idea that suddenly you become clear on the things you've just been fantasizing about or right you look at the porn that's just turned you on and you're you're it seems really gross yeah you kind of what is that yeah yeah exactly yeah you're wigged out by what you just enjoyed yeah there's a really strong biological reason for that oh really um our bodies are programmed to repress disgust when we are turned on um and that's because if you think

about it a lot of the elements of sex are kind of grim aren't they you know uh it's if you're talking um heterosexual penetrative sex it is somebody putting their frequently fluffy uh lint covered um unwashed knob urine yeah yeah exactly whether the pee has just come out of that and they're putting it in your pen you know yeah yeah, it's lots of kissing and in exchange of saliva, you're right in their sweat. If you're into eating ass, then you are putting your mouth

where the sun do not shine. But Uranus is really bringing it. So there's lots of elements of sex that are actually kind of squeaky and it eats but we need to have sex in order to continue the human race so our bodies push that down they turn up the turn on and turn down the turn off in order to allow us to have sex in order to propel us and our libido to feel to feel like we want to do that disgusting thing afterwards that effect wears off and that's where the post-nut clarity of oh five minutes ago

that felt like lust now it feels like disgust kicks in that can actually make a lot of people feel very weird and and worried about themselves and they get anxious that the things they like are deeply strange in most cases you've got nothing to worry about it's very very standard okay to be turned on to something it's turned on by something that a couple of moments later feels abhorrent yeah that is not to say of course that if you have genuine concerns that uh you've maybe been coerced into something or that you're pushing yourself to do something that you really don't want that's a different kettle of fish and you should absolutely take that seriously but yeah if you're genuinely into something but then maybe um just feeling a little bit

iffy about it afterwards yeah you probably got nothing to sweat about love so there's a biological reason for the ick yes right yeah so so what i get excited about a boy and then he starts having like spaghetti around his mouth and then i'm like what that's a bit different i think slightly different yeah the idea that you might like fancy somebody and then they do something that run after a ping pong ball but it just really turns you off yeah i'm not sure that that's linked to the sex disgust response disgust repression right um if anything that's maybe just an issue for me yeah it's just a little flag when's the last time

you really got the ick let's see um oh maybe even three four days ago it's fresh yeah very fresh what was it i think it was i i hate sausage fingers and i feel like i have sausage fingers right and not at all no do you not i've never seen i mean i've never eaten such a perfectly manicured chipolata yeah i've got a thing with like fingers and hands and okay the way i was held i was like oh just take your hand off oh god like don't do that again was it like five greg sausage rolls it just felt like do you know not frank frank frank but imagine if they're stuck together now oh i was like oh no is it was that

it is that it was that one and done then yeah we won't be seeing each other again thank you sweaty hands as well i was like oh my skin oh don't don't get off me you were like frankly my dear i do give off i'm done yeah yeah that was yeah not for me jokes no just quickly how do you guys feel about the pre-date bait i masturbating before you go on a date oh yeah oh i think that actually gives you a post-natal clarity in the best way because you're maybe a bit more level-headed you're not so enamored and up in that like woo zone yeah i'm too nervous for that i don't think i'll be able to do it i'm more like let's get this update over and done with oh really yeah i'm like just hurry up let it come and then let me run the face with your sausage i've got places to go right yeah i know i'm just a bit way too

nervous before really so i don't think i'll be able to put myself in that kind of mindset like let's just relax ourselves and then go i don't think we do it i'll probably go to bed afterwards the sex toy company bird who make really beautiful quite sculptural toys some of them um have a dual feature where they work as like little night lights as well they teamed up with a dating app called pure and found that um of the people they surveyed 71 said that they would have a quick wank before they headed out on a date oh wow some of them said it like boosted their self-confidence sure made them feel more sexy and sultry and they like they were walking out with a spring in their step and some ride in their stride um i have a feeling that there were probably some men in the mix who weren't admitting that they were actually hoping to get laid later in

the evening and so they were like last long quickly just whipping one out earlier so they could last longer later yeah classic fucking patriarchy honestly well i think it might be that they want to uh they want to be more uh impressive oh yeah no it's very intentional it's nice i see that but yeah i think presuming that you're gonna get your ends away i guess it depends on how vigorous a wanker you are because some of my personal exploits i'm sweating by the end of it really yeah wow you know i've really got myself involved it so yeah i'm not sure that i'd want to rock up on a date looking obviously kind of like flustered frazzled yeah hi sorry i'm just yeah yeah you're sitting there like oh hi yeah i'm just gonna i'll be back one second

i couldn't do it no i would like us to tap into the anatomy of the vagina seeing as me and lauren do have a lot of questions to ask and i have a clue what's going on yeah we don't know what's going on so could you just give us a little insight of the actual absolutely let me give you the low down on your down low part yeah first of all can i ask what do you guys mean when you say vagina a floof the vagina the the kitty cat ben's nanny ben's place the v everything down there this yeah this is the issue it's not would you get your vagina waxed for example no you get your no maybe pubic hairs wax i think you're on the right track ladies but you do need a bit of clarification thank you okay officially and i recognize a lot

of people loads of folks use the term vagina to mean the whole shebang, the whole lady wang. Officially, the vagina is actually just the muscular elastic tube that leads from the outside of the body all the way up to your cervix. So the vagina is the bit where you would put a tampon or a menstrual disc it's where your periods come out and if you were having penetrative sex it's where a penis would go in that is your vagina the official name for everything else or like everything on the outside um is actually the vulva vulva so a lot of people when they say my vagina they need they mean vulva. Oh my God. And to help you remember this, vagina, vagin, in, it's actually got the word in there. It's the inside bit.

It was in our eyes. And the vulva, vulva. Breathing out is everything on the outside. Now, I've brought along a little friend. This is my plush Val, Val. That's her name. She's an educational plush toy. So I can show you all the bits and bobs that you have.

Christy, would you like to give Val a little slug on the cover? Hey, Val. It's this little thing here, the clitoris. I can understand why you would think that. But actually, if you lift up Val's little hat, which is supposed to represent the clitoral hood, you'll see underneath there is your clitoral glands. This?

Yes. This is how big it is? Now, Val is ever so... I'd say she's slightly out of proportion. So Val is designed to be an unintimidating, cuddly, vulval model. Sure. i use her when i'm talking to younger people who might not understand a medical diagram i use her when i'm speaking with people who've maybe been through medical trauma or sexual trauma and associate things like um uh anatomical diagrams

with hospitals and bad experiences yeah and also i just think she's a great conversation starter isn't she a squidgy squishy vulva is a lot yes she doubles as a brilliant pillow as well and i'm traveling long distance so she's got a lot going for her i will say maybe her proportions aren't spot on the other thing about her which i'm trying to rectify is she's extremely symmetrical you'll see that Val's lips here they're quite they're quite straight and yeah and and tucked away it's very very normal to have frills and spills coming out you might have one lip longer than the other for some people their labia minora which are those inside lips hang down lower outside the labia majora,

which are the outside bits. The other thing about... About vowel. Labia minora, labia minora. Huh? They've got very Italian-type names. Labia minora, labia minora. And what would Madame like to eat today

from our lunch menu? Maybe the labia the labia minora she's like i'll just take the carbonara you're fine yeah so the um the little rose bud that you identified yeah which i can't i can totally understand why you thought that was the clitoris that's actually the urethra or your pee hole. Oh. It's where your pee comes out. Yeah. The other thing about Val is that she doesn't show the entire internal structure of the clitoris.

She only shows that nubbin, that button that most of us are familiar with. That's called the clitoral glands. Right. And the hood that usually covers it in most people, although not all. The clitoris is actually a lot bigger than that that it goes way down deeper into the body and it has all these sort of these hidden extra parts so i have another a little model here which i'm afraid is a bit chafed and bashed much like my own in some places it's seen's seen things. It looks like it's had a run-in with a cheese grater.

This is one experience I've not had. The part that you can see on the outside of the body that generally people call the clitoris is actually just the tip of a much bigger iceberg. And the whole clitoral body has these two legs that extend down behind the labia called crura and two bulbs as well, which again are hidden inside the body. And when you're turned on, this spongy tissue that makes up these crura and bulbs expands and gets, it gets hard. It gets firmer, much like a male erection.

It gets hard. It gets firmer, much like a male erection. There's a lot of, it's homologous really to male genitalia. So yeah, the clitoris is a lot bigger, a lot deeper. She's amazing. So much more than we see on the surface. Yeah. Wow. And any part of like anything other than the clitoris that is for self-pleasure?

The whole lot. I'm sorry, they're not anything. Tell me. You know everything that you've been taught. Yeah. It's not your fault. I know. But actually, although the clitoris is the only organ that is solely designed just for a good time it's just there for pleasure

yeah that whole area of your body is really sensitive and has beautiful potential to feel great a lot of women are taught that masturbation means just rubbing your nubbin as fast as you can and that you should go straight for that like you're playing darts and it's the bullseye um the truth is that you can uh experiment with lightly pulling or stroking your labia yeah some people are into a little bit of pressure or tugging it's not gonna come off christy you're not making mrs potato head please don't treat your your foof like a sponge i think you have enough self-control to not rip your own lady oh hell no yes some people do like a little bit of a tug or a stroke some people find um putting a

bit of pressure um on the top of the pubic mound so just above their clitoris where your pubes grow particularly if they're also penetrating themselves can feel really good and part of that is because of um something i believe that you want to chat about further that is commonly called the g spot who is she g well she is is kind of a master of disguise and illusion. Because for a long time, like since the 80s, when Beverly Whipple first named the G spot after Ernst Grafenberg, he was a researcher who looked... Is that a man?

Yes. So Ernst... Would be, wouldn't it? Well, this is misunderstood. Damn. so Ernst would be wouldn't it well this is misunderstood damn Ernst did all sorts of research into that

into vaginas and vulvas in the 50s right but it was actually Beverly Whipple who re-examined his research

and then named the G-spot after him in the 80s and since then it has caused all manner of issues

because people have been looking for this elusive area called the g spot right sounds like a very definite thing right in truth the g spot doesn't exist i knew it at least i knew it because i always i always thought like oh you guys are just gassing you're capping you're talking shit g this g that g no no there's no g yeah the g is not a g well there is a little bit more to the story okay yeah so it doesn't exist as um at what's called a discrete a discrete anatomical structure yeah it's not a one thing that you can find if you go and dissect cadavers

which you know it's not really very sexy. Christy, when she's pulling off her clip, pulling off her vulva clip. We're back to potato hair together. If you do look at bodies in that way and dissect them surgically, you will not find the G spot. There's not a thing that you can pull out of the body and go, there it is. Note it down, guys.

Note it down guys note it down having said that there is an area on the front wall of the vagina about about an inch or so up um that becomes more plump when women are aroused or can do it tends to feel a little bit texturized kind of bumpy some people say it feels like corduroy which is the least sexy thing that i can imagine i've been out for this and for some women not all stimulation of this area which i call the g area and a lot of now say the g area because not just one spot it's a general zone. Some also call it the clitoral urethral vaginal complex. That's a bit long, though, isn't it? Yeah, it's a bit of a mouthful. Maybe not the kind of mouthful we want to have sex. Some people find that stimulation of that area can feel really good

and can potentially make them orgasm in a way that feels slightly different to stimulating the clitoris on the outside of the body now the reason that we now believe that that part of the body can feel great to some people is do you remember we spoke about how the clitoris is actually much bigger than it looks from the outside and that glands that little button that tip that you can see yeah externally actually extends a lot bigger internally when you're rubbing the g area you are potentially stimulating the internal clitoris from the back the bulbs yeah the bulbs and the crora and the this this this the back of the body of the clitoris yeah for some women, that feels amazing.

But not all women are built the same. Some people's clitorises are angled differently. Right, so my point is, it's not about length. Because people say, oh, I've got good girth, so that means I can hit your G-spot better. That's maybe not a thing. It's a lie. No.

I mean, there are certain positions that will put more pressure and friction on that g area arguably which some people find pleasurable but there's a lot of talk about oh if you hit the g spot you're absolutely going to guarantee that she's going to have an oh so big that a world will fall in right i hate anybody no no i don't hate anybody period I hate the idea of anything being guaranteed in sex because it's just not sex is not one size fits all there is not one thing

that works for everybody it's about exploration, experimentation and learning about yourself yourself can also change through your life something that absolutely made you feel whoop-dee-doo one day can make you feel boo-hoo the next day maybe because your body has changed due to aging or hormones or yeah or you're on different pills if you get depressed then that can affect how your body feels if you take antidepressants that can affect how your body

yeah there's so many ingredients in the mix that can mean that the way you do your cake is baked changes you know um so g area yeah i will be taking that to my grave is the way forward yeah vip i think my g spots are my g rave grave all right it's it's worth if you want to explore uh stimulating that area then sure go ahead um i will warn you that for some women it actively doesn't feel pleasant um for some people it as well as stimulating the back of the the internal clitoris it also stimulates the bladder oh yeah you need to feel like you need to pee yeah right or um it can feel quite sore um a lot of advice that you read will say to press quite hard for some women that's banging for other people it just feels like they're being banged and clanged and they don't like that so there is actually another spot higher up in the body

called the a spot what yeah the anterior fornex erogenous. I've not heard about that one. No, it's a bit more of an obscure one. It's not been all around town like Miss G. Mrs. A is far more discreet. She's also harder to reach. So your A spot is, let me think of how to describe this. It's further up inside the vagina again it's on

the front wall so towards your belly button not towards your backbone and the a spot is located sort of in a little crevice between your where your cervix drops down into the vaginal canal and where the vagina ends so it's a little cul-de-sac that you've got hidden just underneath your womb and for some people stimulating that feels mind-blowing they get really deep orgasms for other people it feels like if they've gone caving in their own cavern and it's all yeah yeah they don't like spelunking in their own spunk zones. Damn. Very hard to reach with fingers alone,

sausage or otherwise. Nice. So we've heard you've bought in some sex toys for me and Christy to explore via blindfolds. The idea is that I'm going to cover your eyes and give you something designed for use between your thighs and using the power of touch and your imagination yeah you're going to try and tell me what you think it is and what it's used for uh now the toys i've brought in span very much from the mild to the wild. Some of them are for beginners. Some of them are definitely for people whose first rodeo this ain't.

So some are a little bit more extreme. Okay. Little amateurs in the corner. How do you feel about sex toys? I find them hilarious. I love the descriptions online and stuff, especially on Twitter, the Twitter thread sometimes. Especially when the Americans go like proper in on it like that rose rose yeah that one i was just like do you know what the way they're describing it i need to touch that and see that what's going

on there but um i'm quite intrigued the rose has had a lot of people coming up roses and coming it's a clitoral stimulator that uses uh air pulse technology to sort of like to kind of suck very very fast so rather than a more traditional vibration yeah where a motor causes the toy to pat um repeatedly against the clitoris this one sucks some people they find um too much vibration too much of that repeated patting it kind of makes them feel a bit sore or a bit numb so a sucking toy can be great if uh if you if you're not really a vibe fan we don't need men we basically men well we know it's going we do nobody nobody needs men you know but it's good to have them but it's amazing we've got these toys to just like

It's amazing we've got these toys to just like act as them. 100%. Although I'd also say that men, if they wish to, and I would absolutely recommend that they do, can learn to use these tools as their teammates to make themselves better lovers. There is this idea, particularly amongst guys, I think, where they see sex toys as their competition when actually they are compliments.

I always say, if somebody asked you to cut down a tree and you couldn't do it with your hands, would you find it emasculating to use an axe? Of course not. No, you wouldn't. So whether you're trying to cut down a tree to have wood for your fire, or whether you're trying to start a fire in your lady's pants,

learning how to use the tools, how to wield them, and how to wield them well, and to listen to your partner telling you what they want from those sex toys as well, that is a much better approach and attitude to have than just going, I don't like toys because I think they're going to put you off my willy. Well, you've heard it here first.

They're your friends. Yeah, exactly. They're your friends. They are your teammates. They are absolutely absolutely not they're not against you right with you they're with you i'm excited with that are you ready to have some toys with you ladies this one comes in a very pretty box gorgeous dress i want to hear my Lauren's reaction oh my god wow is it like one of them like toys that it's like the

small person the small they get smaller smaller smaller smaller smaller smaller do you mean Russian dolls like is that what it's called a muff matryoshka I never oh god colors giving vape vape I do know what you mean

is that what it's called is that lost mary i know nothing i'm not down with the kids sorry proud mary oh okay the waitress is taking long i'm getting scared okay i'm gonna turn this on for you oh my gosh one that vibrates vibrate vibrate vibrate oh put it on a fairly high setting well why does it feel like that what does it feel like to you like to like a ball uh-huh and then there's something hanging out with some people with very interesting balls. Yeah.

What is that? What is this bit? Have a guess. That is powerful though. Is this like a little mini willy? I can see why you say that. Is it a mini willy? Do you want to unveil your eyes and all will be revealed?

It feels like... Why does it look like the jellyfish from shark tale it's it's by a company called pink punch and it's supposed to look like a little mushroom so it's uh yeah capitalizing on the whole toadstool trend that's big at the moment it's very whimsical it's very cute it does that too yep what's it doing it's got different pulse uh it's got different pulse modes so it vibrates in different patterns and different tempos it's designed primarily for use on your clitoris on your on your external yes

i'm very proud of you you just got a gold star from Mama. But you could also use it, for example, on nipples. You could stroke it over your labia. This is quite a versatile toy, and because it's very small and sort of unobtrusive, it would be, you know, kind of good for introducing to partner play if you were a bit of a toy newbie. She's quite subtle, I think. It feels really good. That's gorgeous. so this is a vibrator essentially yeah that's a vibrator

your turn okay okay now this one i'm just gonna get it set up for you which is going to take a little bit of preparation no problem uh so first of all i'm going to activate function number one it's a nice color though can you hear that yeah i'm just going to bring it to its maximum capacity there okay and i'm also going to activate the vibrations oh Oh my God. I'm going to feel that in my kidneys. So I'm going to hand this to you now. Okay. Oh.

What? It's length. It's giving popsicle stick or baby's dummy. Inappropriate but accurate. Oh, wait. So this has got a handle. So is this going up my bum it's designed primarily to go up your bum although if you cleaned it thoroughly you

could put it up your muff as well wow okay now this this toy has a very special and quite innovative function if you hold that top bit and squeeze it with your hand how does it feel i'm squeezing like this yeah oh my oh my god what does it feel like base if i was at glastonbury and they've just turned it down oh my god okay using your other hand yeah can you feel along the front of the toy where there is a you should find a set of three buttons on the handle what here? Here? Other side. Can you feel those indented buttons?

Yeah. Yeah. I want you to put your finger on the one in the middle. Oh, God, it's hard. Christy, can you tell me the middle one? Is it this? No, no, that one there. Go up.

There you go. I mean, this is a great test for using toys in the dark. Okay, and I want you to quickly press that twice oh oh god hang on oh fucking cow oh my god what did that just do

now press it again and hold it yep oh what the fuck is it going lengthways what do you think is happening? It's elongating in my anus. Is that it? What?

This, what is, what you're trying to debate. Can I see it? Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. That won't go inside. oh my god oh my god okay that won't go inside so this is a toy that you uh this is a toy that allows you to inflate it while you masturbate it yeah that's amazing and then quickly deflate it

by pressing that button twice it's from a company called satisfier amazing right who are really really great not only at making imaginative toys of their own but also if you between you me and the gate post if you've spied a really awesome toy but this is super super expensive and you want to try it satisfier have usually made a more financially viable version of that toy still too yeah yeah commonly known as a dupe yeah wow this one is a dupe just a duper super duper duper for your pooper it's called the booty connect um it inflates because it's designed to very gradually expand inside your butthole right if you wanted to maybe train yourself uh for more enjoyable anal sex if that was something you wanted to do okay you could

always you could also just use it vaginally and if you're someone that enjoys that having something increasingly girthy there if you want to use it in both spots of course you're going to have to scrub a dub dub that and make sure it's thoroughly cleaned because the germs in your back area don't get on well sure the floor and fauna in the Yeah. So, but it's a very versatile toy. Amazing. Love that. The Kinect bit comes because it works with an app. So you can remote control it.

It can buzz in time to music on Spotify. Whoa. So you can have a lovely time with Nars. When the beat drops. That's amazing. It's a Nars. That is crazy. Nars in your arse. Nars that is crazy Nars in your arse

Nars in your arse wow TLC in your tush oh my god let's get ready to rumble here we go Christy why are you giggling and stuff oh

what see if I can get you a little bit of sound who is she Hello, Christy. Why are you all giggling and stuff? Oh. What? Are you all right? Let's see if I can get you a little bit of sound for this one. Who is she? No, Lauren, what's going on? A smile. Okay.

Christy, this one is something of a fantastical toy, I would say. All right. Sling it over. Sling it over. Sling it over. Coming direct from me to the poor, unfortunate soul that is you. Ready? Nice. Okay.

Got a good grip? And the rest of it? Haul it in. Ah! What in the elephant trunk is this? What is... Oh! What is this? Oh!

Is this the elephant's trunk. It actually is the elephant's trunk, isn't it? You're not far off. It's a good guess. Ka-chow! Indiana Jones. Where is that going? Indiana Bone.

Why is it, this part is just... It's like you have your little clarinet you do look like you're playing the clarinet no guys okay what is this what do you think it is what's your final guess um i'm trying to think i'm trying to think where where would it go it goes should this not go in there's going to your vagina it can do does it go into the in the back yes it can go in the back yeah but this ain't this a bit too flimsy for the back uh you can feed it in yeah so you're gonna be like snake it snake it round yeah oh yeah not in one go usually requires some build-up and a lot of lube

oh my god guys that's lovely this bit is just this is amazing here but everything here this is just a mad thing throwing you yeah and why is it so long can i take my yes you can yes you can reveal all single lady reveal yourself oh what in the octopus is going on oh no it's quite ursula-esque isn't it yeah this is an octopus tentacle dildo from cinevator who specialize in making fantasy dildos so they don't look anything like usually real penises it's given avatar it is it is yeah yeah um that's intimidating to me that is it's yeah it's definitely a specialist toy i don't think it's designed to appeal to the mass market right for a start you'll notice that um it's it is on the larger side yeah a bit too large this is for this i love that you're just trying to wrangle that um this is

this toy is designed for people who uh want to have literally an out of this world experience and who uh like to challenge themselves to fill themselves up with as much toy as they can handle what if this makes you sick if you'd have you have to work up to it slowly in order for it to be safe it's it's made in terms of um making you sick through the material it's body safe silicone so it's totally fine but i wouldn't advise going from naught to 100 and trying to insert the entirety of the tentacle up your jack seat yeah wow that is whoa yeah goodbye it's a wonderful wide world isn't it amazing what's out there really truly i'm getting i'm getting the vibe from you christy that that's probably not um bit of the line to take home and Oh, hell no, no, no, no. No.

These fantasy toys do get really interesting, by the way, even more so than that. There are ones that have little pumps where you can make them ejaculate fake spunk. Wow. There's one called the ovipositor where it comes with a mould and you can craft your own gelatinous jelly eggs and then it essentially lays eggs inside of you for people with alien fetishes and fantasies

whoa lauren are you excited i am a lot a lot of the toys we've looked at so far about fantasy and escapism i think i think it's very brave both for the companies who make those and the people who consume them to go you know what this is my sex life i'm not hurting myself i'm not hurting anybody else so i'm going to go out there and have fun with it and i can totally understand as well that if you've had a hard day at the office putting one of those in your orifice will definitely make you forget about your spreadsheets right yeah now this toy is less remarkable maybe in what it is but unusual in who it's made by and what it represents societally now these come as a pair so i'm to you now lauren oh hello thank oh my god are they wet not yet no we're doing asmr noise with your mouth whoever that is do you know there's recently been a lube launched that is designed

specifically to appeal to people who are into asmr it makes the maximum amount of like, slurpy sounds when you use it. Oh, wow. Okay. How does it feel? Like those little trendy candlesticks that all the kids have got on TikTok. I'm guessing these are butt plugs, types of plugs.

Ding, ding, ding, ding. 10 points to team Lauren. I win, I win. Gorgeous, gorgeous. Really aesthetic as well. I love that kind of like beetle flip paint effect. Absolutely, yeah. Can you guess which very, very well-known household name

makes those little butt buddies? Dettol? You're not far off. Dettol you're not you're not far off really yeah Dettol what

that was continue along the lines of D D Drex Drex you're my one nice

Drex my favourite rapper of course it wasn't going to be a fucking household cleaning it was going to be yeah well you can

actually buy those in Sainsbury's household cleaning yeah well you can actually buy those insane sprees really yeah so if you wanted to buy them along with your dettol or your toilet duck or whatever you yeah pop pop them in your pop them in your basket with your with your potatoes yeah this is diorex's first ever anal toy it's part of a new range that also includes a stroker toy for people with penises the reason i think that this is really important is when you think durex you think reliability you think safety you think um all the things that your parents want for you right when it comes to sex you know um if a very reliable brand like that are producing toys for men to masturbate with or for people to explore anal play yeah then i think that says a lot about how we as a society

are becoming more accepting and more open-minded to the fact that um masturbating with toys isn't just about clitoral and vaginal stimulation for women absolutely yeah more inclusive exactly exactly that i am a big advocate as well for anal experimentation solo i think before you do anything with your butt and a bud it's a really good idea to kind of um suss it out to suss it out yeah just suss it out yourself yeah so that you know how it feels to you you know what your boundaries maybe are if you're worried about things like mess and as a good friend of mine says who's a sex educator if you do go down the rabbit hole be prepared to meet alice sometimes sometimes poop happens you know it happens in this world learning how to avoid that and uh

keep anal sex as as clean as it can be is something that you can kind of practice on your own with anal play amazing um one for you one for me love it lauren are you ready yeah for tantalizing toy number two go lauren go lauren go lauren so funny what are we wearing it lauren what's the matter the way this thing looks i'll get it out i'm even scared it has a case this is given, you know, can I describe what type of case? If you had like an instrument.

Let's say a violin case. Oh, la la. It's given violin. If you had a tutti flute. Yeah, like I used to play the clarinet. Uh-huh. That's given clarinet flip. The clarinet, well, English,

clarinet box. Right. Yeah. I'm going to unzip the box. Oh, she sounds large. Now, this is a mains-powered toy, so it has a long cord. You're going to want to tense your muscles a bit, Lauren, because this one's got some heft.

It's quite heavy. I've got no strength in my arms. I hope it'll be all right. Ready, Lauren? Yeah. Oh. What the f... No no that's not going inside anyone ah i've seen these before this is huge this is almost too big this is for big five foot eleven girls like me or

okay do i is it in myth by the way that the bigger the person the bigger the toy they can take uh really yeah okay interesting is do i put it on or anything or is it just a do we have the ability to plug it in uh yeah yeah it's giving it's giving would you like to wait do the honors please okay let me just set the mood for you baby it's giving it's giving is this thing on wait hold on it's coming out cool it's like part mic part magic i love it wow don't drop the mic though because honestly you'll break a floorboard fuck really it's heavy isn't it yeah oh my god okay you're now plugged in oh god i'm online can you can you find the buttons oh oh my god okay you're now plugged in oh god i'm online can you can you find the buttons oh oh my god

wow i'm getting really hot so yeah oh my god this would not be discreet it's coming in for packaging would it if you order it online oh my god of the many features that toy has to offer discretion is not one of them no yeah oh my god no i'm not hiding that in any of my drawers wow okay what do you what do you you mentioned that you thought you knew what this was and it is a little bit of a famous toy this one this is external right oh you bloody well hope so yes yeah wow okay may i take the go for it oh god oh my god it's really giving whoa karaoke it's more i love the glitter that's a bit that's a bit isn't it do you want to press the button on the top and turn it off because it's quite loud it is

it's giving wow what you are holding is a variant of the famous magic wand vibrator which is originally developed by hitachi in japan um and was marketed as a as a massager a body massager to get around yeah now that one is made by a uk company called doxy right it's one of their older models it's um mains powered to give it that real oomph and heft it's got a lot of power right that thing's got an engine that can rev they now do do smaller versions lighter versions rechargeable versions so you don't have to have the core trailing off and the reason partly that it's so heavy is it's really well made right it's got a lot of motor motor in there yeah but doxy originally um some of the people who work there have a background in industrial scaffolding

so they really know what they're doing wow yeah now the reason that that is such a well-known toy is because it can deliver extremely strong and deep vibrations i often hear vibrators described as either rumbly or buzzy. Buzzy tend to be the smaller ones where they're great for clitoral stimulation, but the vibes don't travel too far through your body. So they don't stimulate a lot of nerve endings. A rumbly vibrator, ooh, that's a big daddy.

Yeah, exactly. It throbs. It's got that deep bass to it. Oh my God. And those vibes travel further through the body they awaken more nerve endings they've got power to them as a result if you're somebody who maybe struggles to orgasm this toy although you know it's it's it's not tiny teeny and slight is it yeah it's a good thing to try if you want a pretty good bet at having an orgasm wow you can

use it through clothes for clothes yeah that could probably make you come through your jeans yeah wow sounds like it could be euphoric really if it's a hard body sensation uh it is it isn't discreet but i think that maybe we place too much emphasis on the idea that toys always have to be like hidden to boot hide it yeah absolutely i don't think there's anything wrong with that i can and i can i can understand why for lots of people that is something they're looking for yeah if they're traveling with a toy or they're new to it and they don't want something that looks scary this is gonna come up in your man luggage can you imagine excuse me darling can you just come to the side and they take no bye that's a hurdle yeah so i am crumb swallow me now yeah

but i i do think that if it's a choice between your pleasure and giving the right impression to other people i will take i will prioritize my own pleasure every time sure so yeah lots of people who are queer or lesbians are really big fan of these toys and i think the queer community are often better at being proud of their power tools they don't feel the need we should be more more proud christy. 2024 resolution. Maybe not something as big as that, but yeah. I mean, it's also great as a self-defense tool. If anybody ever tries to break into my flat, then I'm whacking them with that.

That's it. Bats are out. What's this again? It's like playing whack-a-mole. Oh my God, yes. So this is the part of the show where we play don't spill the tea and today alex you're gonna join us and hopefully we want to spill some great tea are you ready usually i would be so keen to get wet but in this context i want to stay drier than a nun spoof in the desert we'll see let's go

i was having sex with my boyfriend he flipped me over so he could do it doggy style all going well suddenly i feel a lukewarm liquid splashing on my back after a few seconds of splashing i stop and i'm like what the fuck is going on back there i turn around to find my boyfriend sipping a mug of tea he was trying to drink it while we were fucking. It was going cold, he said. Oh my God. That's gorgeously British. Wow. How are you?

Yeah. No, come on. Was it red bush? Did you know? What the hell? And then the... That is what's happening, basically. It's quite valid though. You know the panic when you seal a tea oh it had one chance there's a time and a place oh yeah yeah that's great i'm very devoted

to my copper but even even me i'm not like having a sit mid-track no although normalized taking Oh, normalised, taking snack breaks. Water break. Yeah, water break, yeah. Not in the axe. Yeah. Banana. Oh, hell no. Maybe he was having a whole picnic, you know, for the tea, sausage fingers. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's funny.

Shall we see if Alex has any wild stories to make you guys laugh? Yeah. Let's load up. Now, after 20 years of hearing people's real life tales of sexual fails i do have some favorites which i think are particularly ludicrous so would you mind if i please live don't spill the tea with a live love it okay people who have encountered me before will probably have heard some of these stories because they are big faves. Okay, the first one involves a young lady who didn't have access to a dildo.

So decided that she wanted to have a little fertile and play around with herself. She was going to find just something in her house that replicated a phallus. That was what she wanted. So she decided to go inside of her freezer and find a frozen Cumberland sausage and insert that into her vag now I don't know if any of you have ever seen what happens if you lick a frozen lamp post and your tongue gets stuck but this very same thing happens with a frozen sausage and the mucosal membranes of your vaginal canal. The sausage adhered to her footh. It was stuck inside.

So being the sensible young lady that she was, she called the first medical professional she could think of, her father. Her dad was a GP and had to fish the sausage out of her by running a warm shower across her bits. But it wasn't as bad as the week before when he pulled out the lid of a deodorant can from her. You're still managing to be quite dry here, though.

She's a cereal, cereal... Sorry, I was just in shock there. A cereal stuck-up bitch. She's a bitch who likes things stuck-upper. What? Just use a hairdryer to kind of, like, melt the sausage. We all cook it.

No, never mind. God, I would really go for someone on the NHS rather than my dad and my father. stuck up her just use a hairdryer to kind of like melt the the sausage but we'll cook it no god i would really go for someone on the nhs rather than my dad my father can you imagine i mean i'm glad that she was able to be that open i've got another one i've got you're very resilient okay my next story involves a man who was given a cheese board one of those really hefty oak cheese boards as a gift and it had a hole in it so that you could so that you could carry it or put like a little dippy bowl in yeah looks like an artist's palette kind of thing but because he's a bloke and because there's a hole there and because he's got a cock he decides he's going to thread his cock through the cheese board for some weird weird reason, he got hard when he really liked fromage.

And the cheese board got stuck on his dick. The more he tried to pull his cock out of the cheese board, the more firmly it got stuck. Love. He made the terrible decision of deciding to just go to bed and this is like he can't let go of it it's freaking huge he was very very lucky in that the next day his erection had subsided and he would untangle his torture from the cheese board but it could have gone another way like if if the blood had been trapped in his penis for too long and he can cause something called um pre-prism which uh is very damaging but the worst bit is after that after

having that near dick death experience near the shopping board he didn't want to use the shopping board so he gave it to Oxfam no no and somebody else got the charity cheese board oh my god that has his

wanger threaded through it for 24 hours that is shocking and now I'm lactose intolerant oh my god

excuse us sorry I've got your board all that is absolutely fine oh no not my glasses Oh my God. Excuse us. Sorry, I've got a little bit of a bottle. That is absolutely fine. Oh, not my glasses. How did you find that story out? Did someone just... I used to work for Radio 1

doing a show called Unexpected Fluids where we got people to send in their real life tales of sexual fails and some of them were wild. We had one woman who in the middle of a threesome um on one of those pull-out sofa beds the sofa collapsed and she got stuck in it head first with her legs in the air wow what a great conversation that we just had honestly alex you've been amazing i feel like my mind is more like curious and that's good i think it's good to be curious it's

good to like go away have a thing by yourself ask you to have a more of a chat oh yeah and then i'm like to the ladies listen girls when you start talking about this do you know about this do you know about that i know xyz and kind of just spread the knowledge yeah so i really do appreciate you coming on and just sharing all the great stuff that you know yeah thank you curiosity is the best outlook you can have when it comes to your own sex life and self-pleasure yeah be the rid can have when it comes to your own sex life and self-pleasure yeah be the riddler when it comes to being the fiddler questions interrogate things as well like if you are not enjoying something ask why you know delve a little bit

deeper journaling can be really useful with that and if you are enjoying something it's worth examining okay if i if i like A, maybe I'll like B. One thing that we haven't really spoken about, but which I want to emphasize is sex toys are great, but women are often told, buy this and your life will be better. It's a commercial thing. It's a capitalist thing. You can still have fun with your fingers.

You don't always need to spend a fortune to feel a million dollars okay amazing well thank you so much i'm obsessed with this conversation pleasure myself later anyway see you guys next week if you're new here be sure to give us a like follow rating hit that notification bell and if you have any funny stories or dilemmas, we want to hear them. Send them to us at tf4 at junglecreations.com.