Tea at Four - Falling in love abroad, summer body pressures and vaping during sex

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

Lauren and Christie are joined by an old Tea at Four friend this week… Billy! He’s back and he’s ready to spill his own tea about where he’s been. They also discuss the joys of holiday romances and how easy it is to fall in love abroad, but unfortunately for Christie her summer romance has a sour ending…  We dive into the pressure we all feel to get summer body ready, and what that means for us when we return back home, as well as playing a great game of Don’t Spill The Tea with your wild confessions (including a shocking tale about using a vape during sex).  If you have any funny stories or dilemmas you’d like to share, please send them to [e-mail] or DM us on Four Nine’s Instagram. 

Guys, I fell in love in Barbados. Tell me everything. All I got was his name, like his name badge, Terrence. Funny thing is, I actually did find out Terrence does have a newborn kid and a wife at home. Where did I go last year? Yeah. Okay, let's list them off.

Okay, let's go. Prague, Amsterdam, Dublin, Tuscany, New Orleans and New York. All last year. How many boyfriends? Zero Lauren is on fire today I've always enjoyed scratching my bum through my pants Hi guys, welcome back to T4

I'm Lauren And I'm Christy And welcome to this week's Quick Couple But I'm missing the T welcome to this week's Quick Couple. But I'm missing the T. Where's the T, Lauren? The T is that somebody's back. Oh, guess who's back, back, back. Guess who's back, back, back.

Guess who's back. I really regret that. Please keep that on. I've just been like rushed with a wave of it like but guys Billy's rock where you bloody been where you been bitch oh gosh it's been a year it's been a while it's been a year

just over a year it's been 84 years 84 years for those that don't know billy was one of the originals right he used to sit on this set with us and if you guys want to know want to see how great billy is please go on to our pinned yeah video on our tiktok yeah and on our youtube and on our instagram to see the goat himself, Billy. But he's back now. Greatest of all time. Greatest of all time.

Greatest of all time. Billy the goat. Billy the goat. Yeah. So, yeah. You obviously left us. You were in the podcast when we first started. Like, what was the final straw?

Was it Jackie from Portsmouth? I think it was the the haunted letter I was cursed and I had to go and do some soul searching get rid of all that bad juju oh that's so valid remind us what the haunted letter was

we were given the task of basically was it a doll and a letter Jackie that had been cursed Given the task of basically, was it a doll and a letter? Jackie. Jackie that had been cursed. God forbid. And I've actually wiped it from my memory, but it was terrifying. And the whole set was like falling apart.

Jackie is best kept away from other vessels. Stop it, why would you do that? What do you mean? Spirits, if you're here, let yourself be known. Oh my God. I don't have any words to explain how that happened, but there were ghosts in this room with us. There were some ghouls and ghouls and ghostly things.

What's going on? I think something's happening. No! She was happening no she was lost she was lost for a while for good reason get her out of my fucking voice

I'm going again bye guys I didn't know this was found I've never seen it what I wasn't here when you filmed this were you not

I don't think you should touch that why have you gone actively searching for her she was lost in the depths somewhere I don't think you should touch that why have you gone actively searching for her she was lost in the depths somewhere i don't think you should um touch her bobby we need you no can she can she just go back to where she was she she can't sit there and stare at us sorry oh my god do you think jackie could tell us the england score jackie oh no that's fucking nasty anyway

sorry if someone's stealing your fucking limelight, Billy. Thanks, Jackie. So, Billy, what have you been up to for the past year? What have I done? I've actually been on a lot of holidays. Nice. For those viewers who do remember me, I'm now blonde. Switch up.

Changed up a little bit. Yeah. And going on as many holidays as I possibly can without filing for bankruptcy absolutely which i'm currently in the process of doing it's actually a good thing to do the other day someone was saying in my ear after a couple of drinks like it's actually quite good to go bankrupt was that person the devil it's jackie jackie couldn't go bankrupt no i think it's easierie jackie couldn't go bankrupt no

i think it's easier than you think i refuse i rebuke you i don't want that i don't want that for any of us like we're gonna be rich motherfuckers someone was like like the best thing you can do is like file for bankruptcy there was obviously context around it not a monopoly babe do not file for bankruptcy monopoly sorry sorry yeah it's an expensive summer isn't it yeah yeah last year was really bad

really bad for money like spending like great yeah so much but just spent so much money and this year i'm trying to kind of like say no to things but i can't yeah i think it's hard saying no to things especially because when someone's here it's like i'm gonna do everything and anything that i want to do i'm gonna do this i'm gonna see that so it's like how do you discipline yourself to like not want to be a loser there you go or miss out the fomo i think that's what it is and especially like the english weather is so hit or miss like i am packing my diary full of things to do on the occasion. It's fucking rainy outside, which is not it.

Yeah. This is horrible because I'm in my head. Summer is still three months away. Yeah. It feels like we're in March. We're going to be laying on the beach in October. Exactly. It's crazy because when I was on holiday and then obviously I think I was away And then it was still sunny here

And I'm thinking you guys need to calm down England Because I want to enjoy Just wait for me I'm leaving the UK to enjoy a good So you did this You said that out into the atmosphere Oh right But I was saying the other day

Oops Isn't it funny how like we're all rushing to get like our summer bodies like lose 20 pounds and then here I am wearing a coat wearing a denim jacket yeah

who the fuck is he in my body me me me in the mirror yeah literally it's ridiculous I try I always like go through phases

of like being really good really strict and then as soon as I like start to tumble I just like good really strict and then as soon as i like start to tumble i just like snowball and snowball and then here i am like putting back on all the weight that i lost i know i hate it we just need to get rid of that pressure to like move that weight for summer because especially like if i lose weight for a holiday or i try to you know get into my

best shape for a holiday which is a bit problematic we'll leave that but like on the morning of the holiday i'm faced with a buffet breakfast i'm not saying no to that right instantly with my wheat intolerance my gluten tolerance my dairy intolerance grown to the size of a blueberry a blueberry violet beauregard blueberry uh rolling down the rolling out of chocolate factory um well i look like augustus gloop yeah get out of here so yeah um so no you don't no thank you no you don't you don't you don't You don't You don't But you know what's so crazy Like

My recent holiday I actually Obviously I'm lactose I'm bad lactose guys Really Oh very bad So imagine you're somewhere It's like 35 degrees right

And then people are eating ice cream So luckily I met a lady And she was like Take these tablets I went to Chinese And it helped me I ate all of this And I'm like

You went to Chinese She took up a Chinese What What tablets i went to chinese and it helped me i ate all of this and i went to chinese wait she went to a chinese restaurant and she literally had everything oh right yeah she ate everything and she was fine right and she's like these tablets did wonders for me and i was like okay cool you know what maybe i'm gonna take a risk take these tablets i don't know what the stranger yeah you took pills from a stranger right she was in a hotel guys she was in a hotel lovely lady and she was with her kids a lovely lady and this is how they get you next minute you're in the back of a car now addicted to ibs tablets god forbid but literally thanks to her i enjoyed all those ice creams i said fuck everything i'm gonna eat one yeah i was so

happy because usually i don't because i know gonna eat one yeah i was so happy because usually i don't because i know what's that doing in your belly like fighting off the dairy maybe you're stopping whatever triggers the lacto intolerance i feel so sorry for people who have any kind of intolerance yeah i see it i eat it i want it i just don't i've got these intolerances but i don't believe in like restricting myself in any way shape or form you shouldn't you shouldn't I don't want to live my life

your body is saying no but your mind is saying no yeah my mind's telling me no it's all about mindset when it comes to you know do you know what

I feel like we should also be like that when it comes to like you know that summer body image like just be giving ourselves grace because I'm over it now like

the way I'm going on holiday is the way I'm going on holiday is the way I'm going on holiday because I'll come back still the same person I will come back heavier though that's why I have

to lose the weight before I go on holiday because otherwise you damage control pre-empting the weight game as long as it doesn't

like ruin your holiday because I feel like some people get so caught up like I need to look a certain way because take the certain pic

to certain post no just then you're not on holiday you're doing a job there you go right that's like the same energy as people that run like I need to look a certain way to take the certain pick to certain post no you're not in Hollanda you're doing a job that's the same energy as people that run a fucking mile at Glastonbury

have you seen that they've got like a 5am run club at Glastonbury absolutely vile I mean I'm saying this actually is vile but I feel like

I'll be one of them people that will be training no you're doing your 10k step walks well 20k now so yeah man no

why would you go to Glastonbury to run a mile I can't run a mile anyway No, you're doing your 10k step walks. Yeah. Well, 20k now, so. Yeah, man. No. I think that's quite fun. Why would you go to Glastonbury to run a mile? I can't run a mile anyway. Just to look at the, to take in the views, you know? Start the day right. Yeah, no. Refreshing.

I'm normally going to bed when these people are doing the 5am. Yeah, correct. So we talk about our summer holidays. I saw a little video on your social media about some kind of man that's caught a little miss's heart

her uncourt yes her petit uncourt guys I fell in love with him Barbados tell me everything oh my gosh so

I met a Asian man so you're saying did he give you pills is he the IBS man but he gave me a good good drink though no but literally um we went to a random like a random bar so my friend was like we went to ask to eat and she was like let's jump on the like the reggae bus so this is like like their their local buses so we literally jumped on it we didn't know where we were going none of us had

wi-fi and i was like sis we need to go back i'm getting scared like i don't know where we are um so we got off at a random place and we just saw like like a beautiful view she's like let's go in here let's see what's going on here so we've gone into this random random random restaurant it was absolutely beautiful right go downstairs, we sit down and then the waiter comes and he's like why you wanting a drink? you know the little accent I can't get and he serves us

and we just locked eyes and I'm just like oh I'm getting nervous here I was like oh what's going on here served us some great drinks, got us free tequila shots sold literally sold literally just talking, talking, talking what's going on here? Served us some great drinks, got us free tequila shots. Sold. Literally sold. You've charmed me.

Literally, literally just talking, talking, talking, talking. And then when we were leaving, guys, this is the moment

where I fell in love, right? So imagine going up the stairs and he's downstairs, like he's at the bar looking up at me. I'm looking down at him. And you see the

Robbie and Juliet kind of You're both the same height. The Robbie and Juliet scene, literally, it was like, our eyes couldn't scene, literally, it was like, our eyes couldn't like, really? It was just,

oh, oh, hi, like, hey. But all I got was his name, like his name badge, Terrence.

So I left and I was like, guys, I'm in love. Oh no, that's all you got? Yeah. Christy, I'm heartbroken.

No, no, no, no, let's circle back around. Terrence. He's saying it was Terrence. We had beautiful, oh, the around. Terrence. You think it was Terrence? We had beautiful...

Oh, the eyes. Terrence. Terrence. It's been called Terrence since... He was Terrence. But Christian Terrence. Christian Terrence. Terrence and Christian.

Terry, come on, tell. Wait, were the Christian Terrence like some BBC presenter? No. No, were they? What, old school? Yeah school yeah like antique roadshow or something didn't watch that yeah i didn't watch that long enough to get their name sorry yes but yeah um so i fell in love created like this kind of tiktok telling the girls girls i've met my husband we'll get married in two weeks and literally it went super viral but for the wrong things apparently beijing men

are not to be yeah um apparently they have like a wife at home kids baby mothers and uh funny thing is i actually did find out i found somebody that knew terence shut up and Terrence does have a newborn kid and a wife at home. Christy, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry to hear that. I will say it was just eye contact, isn't it? It doesn't look like actually any like... I mean, that could have been, you know, that could have been something special. I felt so...

So, actually, man gave you a free shot you fell in love and realize he's got a whole life at home she's like going through a thing like oh no oh no yeah um i actually can't relate to that story um so i feel you because i just always fall in love with people like on the train yeah and then i wave goodbye to them having never spoken to them again you actually waved goodbye no oh no not in this london no way i mean you that thing that you told us about this morning oh rush hour crush you could do that oh my god i would be there all day writing it's like to the person i saw on the bus at 11 35 to the person i saw on the bus four minutes later. So for those that don't know, Rush Hour Crash is,

I think, no, Lauren, you're the best person to say. No, I love it. I used to be obsessed with it. Metro newspaper, shout out to you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So they have a little section called Rush Hour Crash, and I used to read this every morning. And it's basically where people put shout outs to people that they've seen on transport.

So they'll say, like, to the slim, slim tall dark man on the district line um i wanted to ask you out for a drink but um you got off every single message is some kind of different um variation of that i didn't know about this until you said this morning i love it i love it i'm sure they're all made up but they they make me giddy so i could have done that if i had it in barbados well you did you just did it on tiktok yeah yeah i can't believe you found him there or someone knew him did you have a picture of him no i just know how he looks like but how did this person i mean there must only be one

i think where we were the restaurant the name of the restaurant they're like does this person work here does he start with what does his name start with and i was name of the restaurant, they're like, does this person work here? Does his name start with? And I was like, yeah. Oh my God. Nancy Drewing it. Yeah, I was like, sis, are you sure? I was like, yeah, that's the person. They're like, you know, he's got a newborn child.

Like the child's not even one month old. I said, oh. That to me sounds like a nasty rumor spread by someone else who fancies Terrence just to get in the way. There we go. Planting false hurdles. Do you see any pictures of this newborn baby?

Yeah. Stir that pot. the one there we go planting false hurdles do you see any pictures of this newborn baby yeah stir that pot might have to no you're feeding her to Lulu I'm sorry I mean if anybody wants to you know

buy my ticket to Barbados to go and find my means then let me know the one with the kid or another person but you said they might be feeding is there anyone else

out there okay grandma oh no the island But you said that they might be feeding... Is there anyone else out there? Okay, grandma. I know the island is full of beautiful people, but that connection was, oh, wow. You're out there two weeks. There's someone other than Dale. Come on.

Really? That's all you don't want to talk about? Was this an actual holiday romance or are we not talking about that we'll see we'll see yeah

what will you see you're back in England now sorry sorry that's a good one I love being a bitch we'll see I mean if the love is really real

they can come they can come here innit I don't think I've ever had a holiday romance have you not no don't do it don't think i've ever had a holiday romance have you not don't do it don't do it really lauren why because oh i don't know let's go i think this is like a false sense of hope that like if it really works out there you're like

like we've seen it actually on love island like joey had a holiday romance with that girl grace is her name yeah and she came into that apparently they were really obsessed with each other on holiday and then when they got home they were like oh they live in two different places it can't work yeah and then they've seen each other again on love island been like oh my god now we're in the same place we can finally be together and then it was like no the love that we had only really existed in that moment environment that moment that place in time and now it just doesn't work my aunt and uncle met on holiday and they're still together really where

um on holiday brilliant um I actually don't know like that pool or I actually think it was like Benidorm

oh okay nice yeah they met on holiday and then I think she like lived in Manchester and he's obviously like lives in London

yeah and then they got married wowza that's amazing yeah I've had that before where they're so met someone in Mexico in Manchester and he's obviously like lives in London yeah and then they got married wowza that's amazing yeah I've had that before where the so met someone in Mexico

then came home he lives in Manchester I lived in London tried to kind of make it work went up to Manchester and then it was just like a absolutely not

absolutely not you looked good on holiday you don't look good in real life maybe the UK's bad oh sorry no he was an idiot he's a fucking idiot and I had to pay good on holiday you don't look good in real life maybe the UK's better sorry no he was an idiot

he's a fucking idiot and I had to pay and I had to get National Express up there we hate you be a leader sometimes you just you're a little bit like

skewed by the holiday vibes you know but you know what I feel like I'm more prone to all inclusive drinks yeah I'm more prone to all inclusive drinks yeah yeah i'm more prone to i feel like my person wherever you are because i'm getting married 2026 i've

said it here now so here's your invitation you're all invited the year 2026 i'm getting married i don't know if my person's in the uk so maybe a holiday romance is the way to go yeah you have to go on a lot of holidays. Well, let's go. Give me the money. Let me go. I don't know. I'm so lazy on holiday that I just don't think, or not like,

I just don't think about anyone else apart from the people I'm with. So I'm like, and I'm normally going away with friends that I don't really think to like. Socialise. Socialise with strangers. The best thing to do is socialize you never know you can meet no that's true yeah we do go to quite rogue holiday destinations though

like we went to a town in france in the middle of nowhere i don't think you're gonna be meeting anyone out there it looks absolutely beautiful there who brad pitt brad pitt brad pitt yeah but we don't like brad pitt these days oh no why because he hits Angelina oh did you not know that no all the children don't want anything

to do with him yeah they even change their names yeah who his kids Brad Pitt's kids yeah

I don't know where I live where have you been in the UK I don't know yeah but yeah yeah rogue places

don't help but then like last year i went to so many like more like city city like what what's the word are you sure you can't speak english today where did you go billy where did i go last year yeah let's list them off okay let's go prague amsterdam dublin tuscany Lake Como Portofino Damn Portofino Oh my god Tenerife Lisbon Nashville

Memphis New Orleans And New York All last year How many boyfriends? Zero Lauren is on fire today Hi

Hi Can we drop some bombs at Laura's meeting, please? Just let me face the ground. Sometimes they ask you if you're a writer, you're not really okay. Wow, that's a lot of holidays.

Best one? Probably Nashville. Nashville. How do you afford it? I'm actually baffled by this. I don't actually know. Do you have a credit card? No.

To be fair, a lot of the American bits were with my family. And my mum and dad paid for it. So you've got mum and dad. There's still quite a lot of other places around in the American destination. They were spread out across the year though. Yeah. That's amazing. It did all add up.

What's your annual leave allowance yeah literally crazy I actually have no I did use up all my annual leave

I was like don't know even how I did it that what what what's going on so Nashville was your favourite one

that's hilarious what about you Lauren where did you go last year last year oh don't talk about this let me talk about travelling oh my god there's this

the new series of Bridgerton I don't even watch it and there's a character that constantly goes on about the fact that he's been abroad he's been away every fucking five minutes

and I was like oh my god it's me I haven't actually finished Bridgerton I haven't even started it I've not watched it it's me i haven't actually finished bridgeton it's because i'm too madly in love with jonathan bailey that i refuse to like watch anything with him in it to the point because it makes me realize we will never be together

and it's a harsh wake up call sorry yeah that's awful i'm sorry to hear that yeah sorry well we went to see the man the myth the legend robbie williams at the weekend um absolute biblical experience wow truly like the most nostalgic gorgeous wholesome evening england had just won a game really i can tell you which one actually wait they did win again yeah yeah that's Yeah. That's yeah. They won the game. And then we were on like such high spirits. The rain had stopped. Oh, so that come out.

Golden hour. So just like magical. And like every song, like it was such a kind of like nostalgic. Yeah. Boost of serotonin. Yeah. We were kind of fleeting quickly between like,

is he fit? Is he just a dad? Is he fit? He like is he fit is he just a dad is he fit he's her dad is he just a dad i've seen the video of him like singing candy whilst his wife was giving back oh my god that's crazy oh my god what a legend for that yeah legend imagine you're pushing out a baby you've got him like running around the room i will punch you that's very robbie of him though isn't he he's a performer through and through i would love to see robbie williams live well please it's your second time second time's my second time. Really? It was actually extremely expensive though. Really? Over £100 but I'd pay it again.

It was so good though. Where was it? Hyde Park. Hyde Park? Yeah, you know, the British summertime. They were over Axon

but we were too busy being lads watching footy. Yeah. I don't know how I'd feel if I was at a concert and they paused the concert

for football. Yeah, they'd be showing it whilst things have been on. Like James Corden stopped his show and made the whole audience watch the football. Oh yeah, I saw that on a little phone. I mean, to be honest, if you're going to go watch James Corden, then you deserve whatever hell payment you get. I love that.

Sorry, hell payment. I love that. With all that concerts over the weekend that's great yeah more like that that's fucking expensive as well can't afford that yeah did you see the killers last night as well no who killed who the killers i've listened to them since 2010 where was that that reaction no they were they had a concert on last night and they stopped it, showed the game. And then as England won, they set off all the banners and then played Mr. Brightside immediately. Wow.

Love that, but that song. That song, such vibes. That was just like when we were at Penny Social and that band came on and did the same thing. Obviously, they weren't the Killers. They were just a band. They were just a band. Just a band. Yeah.

I wish I was part of a band to be on screen what the hell what amazing comments to contribute to the podcast I've been really trying to do that you've been really missed well then

concerts well yeah just for context as well it was the England game last night when we filmed this. So we're feeling a little bit slow and a little bit hungover. No, we don't. Sorry. The sweat on your face is different.

It's toxins. They moved the light closer to me and all of a sudden I'm on fire. It's getting hot in here. Grr. What? Grr. Okay. This is the part of the podcast where you spill the tea and we try not to.

Are you guys ready? Billy, you've been missing. You're excited for this. Actually, this is what I've been looking forward to the most. Yeah. My whole year. The impression. Here we go then.

Cheers, guys. I discovered something far too late. I used to think turtling was when your back started to hurt and you had to bend over. I only discovered this wasn't true at 24 years of age in the Glastonbury queue, and I gave my friends a right laugh. What's turtling? what's turtling it's not a turtle head

what is turtling what is that come on guys no what thank you thank god it's not just me thank you

you know what it is turtle head is it when you're about to poop yeah yeah I never heard it called I never heard it called what it's called constipation no it when you're about to poop? Yeah. Yeah, I never heard it called... I never heard it called... What? It's called constipation.

No, it's like... No, it's like, you know, when it's just about to come out your bumhole. Its head pops out like a turtle's head. Cheek up in France. I'll give a head of that. They don't poo over there. We don't poo over there, sorry.

So basically, your thing is just... I think it's just like... I'm not going to... You're like a turtle's mouth. Is there anything to do with that? No, it's like a turtle's head coming out of the shell.

I've never heard it called turtle. Have you never? No. I'm always like, I'm turtling. Ew, Bobby. Gross.

Produce a bomb. I'm going to be a nasty girl. Yeah. Someone to go go match your freak my boyfriend insists on having a big

drag of his vape right before he climaxes no is his name Billy Turner there's a big spill guys I think I wet myself I'm not doing

spill the tea with these guys again I'm tired and I'm over it pointing at each other oh no talk about going swimming

thank you you're soaked I was out drinking with my friends on a busy Saturday and after a few drinks my tummy started to feel a little funny so I did what any sane person would do and visited the little boys room instantly felt better but to my shock i looked and there isn't a single bit of

toilet paper i'm starting to panic it's a mess and i'm wearing white pants and shorts there's only one thing i can think of so i pick up the toilet brush and use that to wipe my ass grandma what are you doing that's not water that's phlegm it's not it's not phlegm oh my god I like my makeup today now I can't take a picture

okay so I just finished a morning sex session went down to the bathroom to start my day and I always take a mirror selfie for my pt training and progress i send it to my pt directly i didn't analyze the photo after i sent it until i sent another one the next week and suddenly clocked the giant cum stain on the front of my is that a boy or a girl it's a boy i've always enjoyed scratching my bum through my pants I'm a simple girl is everybody okay

what's the punchline um i've always enjoyed scratching my bum through my pants it's truly addictive but now my dog comes over to lick my finger we've got a new bond between us and it's great oh no

call RSPCA horrible no well thank you so much for joining us this week thank you for having me it was really fun we love you fun we love you

Billy I think we will have you back definitely you're through to the next round

yes golden buzzer oh thanks guys that's nice well you can upgrade my chair

rate your chair upgrade yeah great um yeah well thank you so much for

joining us everybody we will see you next week