Tea at Four - Friendship boundaries, moving in with boyfriends and life after Christie's baptism

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

We're back and this week on Tea At Four we're celebrating Lauren's anniversary! It's been one whole year since she moved in with her boyfriend, she dives into whether moving in together after 9 months was too soon or not and why living boys is so much easier than living with girls. Billy talks about his first-hand experience of having Lauren as a housemate, and Christie shares how she can't move in with a partner unless they're actually engaged. BUT Lauren's not the only one with big news, as Christie was recently baptised and can't wait to share with the team how this has helped her out of a bad space, and given her a new fresh lease on life. We also read out a dilemma that was sent in to us about a girl who's friends have been complaining that she acts one way around them, and another way

Hi guys, welcome back to Tea at Four. I'm Lauren. I'm Billy. And I'm Christy and this is the podcast where we talk all things that normally stay in a group chat. On today's episode we discuss what we've done this week. Christy's baptism. My year anniversary of living with my boyfriend. And a confession from a girl who's saying that her friends think she acts differently around them compared to her boyfriends. Ooh the tea. We have got some very exciting news to share i put on five pounds for my holiday lauren's finally back guys welcome back lauren um well welcome back first of all yeah yes how was your holiday it was lushington stanley but it was cloudy two of the days and i have a fucking obsession with the weather like no other person.

Yeah, you're a weather witch. And to be away with me on holiday when the sun isn't shining, using my annual leave to be in a different country, I've got a whole plane to get there and you want to put clouds in the sky, you don't want to have my wrath. No, you don't want to be near Lauren on a stormy day. No, you literally. Storm Lauren.

Literally. But yeah, other than that that it was a really gorgeous it looked so gorgeous time i bet but yeah otherwise what have i missed what have you missed what are you guys celebrating oh my gosh almost yes after many weeks of trying we can finally say we've got Sabrina Carpenter tickets and here's me thinking they get people our age getting a house

having a baby getting engaged getting a dog we've just spent like half of my rent on a fucking Sabrina Carpenter ticket

a half your rent oh wow yeah baby I'm fucking suffering your rent prices are cheap it's like me

it's scary though because it's not through Ticketmaster. It's through Viagogo. Really, this boring stuff. No, it's actually stressing me out. Like, are you not scared? I'm terrified. Terrified.

Sorry, I have to bring the mood down a little bit. I have seen so many videos of people going to Taylor Swift, like, here's my ticket. Nothing more embarrassing. Nothing more humbling. I'm turning up with my bejeweled costume and getting turned away at the seams

with love hearts where my nipples are love hearts and we've yes guys you see how my face is right now it's the same in my face

was when they both like screamed in the office and I was like what the heck happened I haven't jumped for joy since I was let's say 12

that's crazy I didn't know I could jump anymore and then when you guys told me you were Sabrina Carpenter I haven't jumped for joy since I was, let's say, 12. That's crazy. I didn't know I could jump anymore. And then when you guys told me it was Sabrina Carpenter. Not Sabrina Rodrigo. Not Sabrina Rodrigo. I was like, who the heck is she?

Who are you guys going to see? Because I was so confused. All you need is a face to a name sometimes. Yeah. I feel like you guys are going to have so much fun. We're having the best time ever. Yeah. Yeah, if we get in. No, you guys will.

Come on, positive feelings. You guys will get in. We will get in no you guys will come on positive yeah we will get in that celebration on stage okay they'll be like oh my god sabrina's ill tonight would you mind stepping in i'm like oh okay get the wig out the six foot version of the polly pocket short and sweet all right this is fucking six foot tall and loud um yeah what else i miss did we did we want to talk about yeah your big news from last week my big news your big news you're celebrating a lot more yeah a lot more important than what we're celebrating because it's a celebration of life um i got baptized last week was it last week so it's been a week of baptism and it's been the best week ever. What has it entailed? Do you know what it just entails on just dedicating your life to like faith,

your faith, Christ, I'm Christian. Yeah. And honestly, just like living a very like, not carefree, but like a self-centered life that you know you're doing good,

you're following the walks of Christ and just being a good person overall. And I feel like it came at the right time because Lauren, you know, I was in the pits of depression but um now i'm jolly you found the light you do you do have a new light about you your aura levels have like gone up loads yeah yeah thank god you feel good in yourself yeah how it's where it's like like how when did you decide you were going to be baptized versus how quick did it all come out wow um i decided earlier

this year i think february but i was like yeah i'll get baptized didn't think anything of it and then um the trials and tribulations i feel like when you decide to do something like that's really really good and really like you know yeah above you a lot of things try to get in the way and i do feel like the past couple of weeks it's been i've been in my head living my head 30s around the corner i was thinking oh my god you know i'm becoming an adult i haven't done xyz so it's all then kind of like you know them things where you're thinking i haven't done so much in my 20s and you're starting to kind of like talk down on yourself so i had a very down bad period and i feel like it affected everything else but guys I'm good now though

you're good and once I was dunked in that water so I like I've watched the video and I always imagine like the only Chris things I've ever been to

is like young baby ones and they kind of pour the water on you are getting fully submerged I was like I want to go I came out

I was like yeah I loved it it was like completely changed what like my perspective yeah it looked so fun and like yeah you could just tell like the energy in the room was like and i got like a prophetic word guys so basically it's like they it's like you see you go to psychics and they tell you you're gonna do this this is that so basically we get a prophetic word where they're like oh i'm gonna share what it is because if it happens i'll be so excited okay but it's like you know you're you're this person you you should be

like uh you know you should be more confident in yourself and like it literally kind of sticks with you so it's like okay this is the first thing that you hear after you're baptized it's like okay cool i've got something is it different for every person yeah completely different for every person who's saying that The pastor Oh Yeah So he's like Yeah

You're gonna be this You're gonna be that You're gonna do this I'm just like You know what Yeah I had that person I can do that

That's gorgeous That's really nice Like affirmations Yeah kind of Kind of Yeah kind of You can take it as an affirmation But it's just starting to like

Not hold Not idolise Or hold on to But kind of like Just remember that You know what You're here for a bigger purpose And guide you.

Yeah. So I'm excited about this new journey. Good for you, Christy. I love that. Christy's back! Christy's back! And better than ever.

Purr, purr, purr. Thank you, Jesus. I've got something else to bring up. Yes, you do.

I do. I do. So I've got something that's been keeping me up at night. What? Last Friday, we went for a couple of drinks after work and i had the absolute pleasure of meeting producer bobby's boyfriend for the first time who we have been discussing at length for quite a while so i feel like it's really amped up like

my boyfriend came along her boyfriend's there There is a group of us as well. Obviously not. Jonathan Bailey was busy that night. And anyway, there's something about Bobby's boyfriend's name that I've been absolutely obsessed with for quite a while now. It just simply rolls off the tongue. And I won't say this online.

I won't say the whole name online, but let's just say it scratches the itch in your brain just as if like Paul Blart, Paul Blart Mall Cop. Paul Blart Mall Cop. This is such a niche. mine but let's just say it scratches the itch in your brain just as if like paul blart paul blart mall cop paul blart this is such a niche yeah yeah but his his name is something similar to that but anyway the night goes on and i keep calling him the wrong fucking name even though i have had an absolute fixation on bobby's boyfriend's name for months now oh my gosh

but I get to the end of the night I'm like okay bye bye bye bye Ovi bye bye Ovi Ovi it's been so nice to meet you spoiler alert his name's fucking Ovi and it's like you know when you fucking cringe when someone's just turned to you it's with an e that's that's our that's our neighbor's name our old neighbor's name who's obsessed with our cat and i just i don't know but it's annoying because i've been obsessed with it for so long anyway i get in the car on the way home on the taxi yeah and i'm speaking to cam and we're having a debrief billy's there as well um mindlessly looking out the window and um i turned to cam and i was like oh god how embarrassing i kept on calling bobby's boyfriend the wrong name and he was like you're fucking joking me because I kept calling your other friend,

Bobby's housemate, other friend, Darby, Darcy, the whole night as well. We probably looked like that with one brain cell each. I think I was doing the same thing. And it happens to me all the time. Like when I first met your flatmate, I think I called him every name apart from his real name. I was like, oh, it's definitely Tom, Jack, John. john it's a hard one though because he is known by his second name

by all the friends so like it's just really it sounds nothing like any of the names like graham no and it's the funny thing you do where you like quietly go quiet at the end of the sentence just so they haven't caught on that you don't know the name my thing now is like i'm gonna out myself but if i don't know someone's name i'll just be like you're right darling hi honey oh come on though like or you try and get the other person to say that person's name yeah so i think oh my god sorry but i was out at the theaters the other day and i went with my friend and one of my um my other friends were there as well so we're having a conversation i've totally forgotten her name in my head i'm thinking is it her her name's davina the name rihanna is it her sister's name was her name i did it

quite there and obviously my friend came he was running late was she with davina mccall and rihanna wow i know right and then my friend came i'm so sorry girl but my friend came and um i was like okay cool manny meet oh god i was like i was like this is manny and then i wanted her to say her name but she didn't so the rest of the night i was like what is actually her name yeah got home and then she messaged me i was like oh sugar is the female it's quite a good one it's like how did you guys meet again and then you're hoping in the fucking yeah the date well so so but no nobody was woke enough to be like yeah i need some like like how can you get someone to say their name without asking them for their name um fuck it's a hard one how do you spell your name again that's no that's obvious t-o-m what's the meaning of your name

but did he bring it up no thank god we're going about your one year anniversary oh yeah so what is lauren celebrating guys why are we clapping so it's it's been a year since i moved into my boyfriend's house after nine months of knowing him wow i think that actually that's that's quite cute i think it's cute as well i've had absolutely no issues if i'm being completely honest it was because of the london rental crisis like i got back from traveling and i was looking for a room and it was over a grand for little old me and i just couldn't afford that and i was just there having a couple mental breakdowns so i was just living out of a suitcase and all the rest of my stuff was in storage very boring conversation um and all like it was so bad as well when i came back

from traveling all i had was like bikinis and like things that had been washed in a Thai laundry. That's why I asked you to move in. Yeah. Because you were out in a bikini. Sorry for me. But how was that? You don't want to see that. Who asked who? I don't think it was really asked.

I think it just felt incredibly sorry for me. Like I just was there and I could not find anywhere to live and I kept saying that I was going to live under Hackney Central Bridge if could not find anywhere to live and I kept saying that I was gonna live under Hackney Central Bridge if I could find anywhere to live or someone's garden

in the shed in the back in a little cat house I think it's so common though like as we get older that when you know

you know like it just feels natural to move in like Molly bought a house with her boyfriend

after like that's a similar amount of time i think nine months i think nine months like you never knew this person you never knew this person but like it's weird like the sense of like comfort comfortability is yeah it's comfort knowing someone for that amount of time and also i hadn't spent that much time with him i I'd met him for a month before travelling, gone travelling, saw each other about four times over that period, came back and then I was like, okay, I'll sleep in the same bed with you

for the rest of my life now then. Oh my days. No, that's crazy. That's pretty wild. Taking risks. But I have a controversial hot take and I honestly think that living with a man as a girl is the easiest living situation.

Really? I have ever encountered. Really that living with a man as a girl is the easiest living situation really i have ever encountered living with a gay man living with two boys is so easy compared to living with girls why i think i think just guys are so much more upfront about if there's issues in the house i feel like with girls we're a lot more like pussyfooting around or like passive aggressive message on WhatsApp but with these boys they'll just say it up front and then we'll get it sorted and there's no like animosity behind it

I don't have to worry that like he's going to be talking about me not doing the washing up to his friends no no no it's true together

I can't believe she did fucking dust again it's literally it's giving me back in the day of uni accommodation oh uni I used to be the I used to be the head tenant yeah it's all the Back in the day Of uni accommodation Ugh Uni

I used to be the I used to be the head tenant Yeah It's all the time Guys the bills are coming out Message the group Guys this Oh that's long

I hated doing that Like I hated it But then it's one of them ones If you don't do it No one else will And I'm the type of person I'm I like things organised

Yeah So we need to get it done How many people Were you living with at that point? The most I would say four So five in total Five in total Crazy Were they boys or girls? All girls yeah so we need to get it done how many people were you living with at that point um the most i would say four so five in total five in total crazy were they boys or girls all girls oh okay how do you find that the worst i feel like females in general are the worst people like i went to all girls school my sister drives me up the the wall i love you though but you drive off the wall

and it's just too many emotions to deal with true um so much hormones like everybody's going i'm my period oh i'm angry today oh don't talk to me it's just like yo get it together and the things like the blue jobs the bins when you've got a house of six girls i used to be the one that because i don't like i like peace not problems yeah you know let me just do it but But maybe that's me, you know, shooting myself in the foot because once you do something, ain't nobody else doing it.

Yeah. I'll tell you the only thing I do miss about living with girls. The thing with boys is that there is no urgency when the toilet paper runs out. So the amount of times I will go sit in the toilet and I'll look to my right and I'll tell you what is next to me

what a pack of multi-surface kitchen wipes lemon scented flavoured that they're using to wipe their arse you think I'm putting that on my coochie

and this has happened numerous times numerous times no that is horrible they contain bleach you're not allowed to put that down there I don't think they do

we were behind it they do better ones don't contain bleach I mean antibacterial is actually really good for you

no I'm not putting that anywhere near my holes not good for you not good for the holes keep it away from the holes but they don't contain bleach someone else said that

to me recently but you're just not allowed to put anything scented or fragrant down there no no no I know that I know that's right

I'm going off topic yeah but that're for the kitchen not for my arsehole true does it not sting sorry we're going into arsehole apparently not because they've done this

several times I also wouldn't do that sorry but I don't know why I'm trying to defend I do see people on TikTok having dental baths have you ever seen that

yeah yeah yeah no no no it's a thing I've never heard of that have you not it's the best bath ever Really Warm water

You pour the Dettol in What a Dettol bath You come out clean But is it for the bath To be washed on me For you What It's like a

Dettol Yeah Dettol's not bleaching Or anything like that Or harmful It's like just antibacterial So it just Yeah it's really good

For your skin What the fuck Probably dry you out Like fuck though There's no way I'd come out blotchy as fuck No It actually works It's actually good for your skin yeah my fuck probably dry you out like fuck though no it actually works like this actually good for your skin if i even go for one ply toilet paper to i mean two ply toilet paper i will say though loam the only thing i've noticed about living not to throw you under the bus oh we definitely get got through a lot of toilet roll between the two of us compared to me and Sophie. Oh my God.

What are you trying to say there, Billy? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe. Says the boy that sat on this table. Says the boy that sat on this sofa last week and said that skid marks are okay. They are. Well, let's just say I've not had them.

Yeah, because you're using all the toilet roll. Well, I guess I know what to get Lauren for Christmas then. Toilet roll. I would love that actually. Do you want it personalised as well? The 16 pack from Iceland. Brilliant. Forget it.

TikTok shop. Say less. Pack a 70. But guys, I've actually, I've only just finished a pack of 70 TikTok shop. Really? When did you buy it? We bought it. TikTok?

Yeah. When? It went. Not that dumb dumb i think it was april you know april and it just finished now there's nothing more you were stockpiling toilet roll before 2020 yeah you stopped buying or you continued no stockpiling stockpiling stockpile but i definitely got piles that's a joke but um something something i used to love was taking them just from like establishments and then in my they fit in a uniqlo bag wait you take took it from a toilet paper fits in a uniqlo bag published service published service announcements i just got a funny story that comes to mind of like when when i was away a couple of years ago i was away with just girls and they've run out of toilet paper one night and i've till my friends got into a massive argument they were

just bickering and my friend had stolen all this toilet roll and she was like dipped her bag i was like well she's not been in my fucking toilet i'm not gonna lie carnival as well i always come out with a toilet roll in my little pouch yeah it has to be there i'll be like do you need do you do you do always have a toilet roll on you actually every time we're in your bag i always have a tissue in my hand and a toilet roll probably somewhere everything is just streaming constantly my aunt apparently used to keep um toilet roll hidden in her knickers i don't know how knickers in case there was none. Wait, what? I don't know how knickers work, but it's like a little secret pouch. This is not like an apocalyptic

like scenario. She just like, every time she'd go to the toilet, she would say that like, I don't know. I remember like her telling my mum at the table, I was really young

and I was like, I don't get it. I mean, it's better to stay ready. It wasn't, it was just like in case there's no toilet paper. Does that not go like

coochie air in it? I don't know. Ask her. Ask my aunt next week on the podcast we'll be having a police wow i just love the fact that it came from we went from housemates living with boys with girls to it always comes back to fucking bum always comes back so my question is to you is would you ever move in with a partner after nine months of knowing them oh Oh yeah. For like,

if it was like easier, cost effective, that's more of my biggest concern is like, is it going to be cheaper? Is it a nicer space? Not even if you don't know them. Nine months is a short time. I don't think I could do that.

That's the best way to get to know someone. A lot of people, yeah. A lot of people just end up with flatmates and they don't know any of them. I wouldn't be allowed. Yeah. just end up with flatmates don't and they don't know any of them i wouldn't be allowed yeah i am not allowed to move in with anybody unless i'm engaged to that person engaged not even married leading to marriage yeah i feel like culturally um if i could move out by myself and live by myself that's totally fine but if i was to be like yeah mom dad i'm moving with my boyfriend

i'll be like excuse me what and i feel like it's a it's a kind of like a disrespect it's like you the guy has come to get their daughter but you haven't gone through the not the rituals but the traditions to actually you know to show that you value the girl that you're getting so you value me so in a way for instance my cousin, he's been dating, he proposed, and they bought a house together with his partner, but he was not allowed to move into that house until they got married. Yeah. Are they sharing rent though?

Or is the boy taking on the whole? I guess they bought the house. So they bought the house, they had a mortgage, but he was not allowed to live in that house that he bought until they got married i think he's in his 30s yeah he's in his 30s like late 30s i guess it makes it more sacred your living yeah i was gonna say because like culturally the amount of people if you go on dating apps, gay men will just be like, looking for rent, one bed, please. Like, just using these dating apps to find,

it's better than right move. Everyone do, yeah. I think what is great about, you know, meeting somebody and nine months in, moving in with them, at least you get to, like you said, you're getting to know the person. Yeah. Whereas you still get that intimate moment

of like knowing somebody, but until you get married, that's when I'm actually now living in your space. Yeah, that's true. What if I hate the way that's terrifying see yeah i think that like moving in with someone is a bigger commitment especially if you're buying a place together yeah but even so rental is like it's just such a big commitment that like you know you're with this person 24 7 now like even if you don't ever get married like you're committed to each other aren't you it's true it's very true and even married life is slightly different i think

so what's next for you lauren fucking probably when when when when we first like the podcast lo was like no and now lauren's in a healthy prosperous i still hate men what yeah but you're with a you're with a guy yeah but i hate men generally your outlook has changed i'd say in like a really lovely way yeah in a lovely way i think i'd say it's like drunk but i'll tell people on the podcast as well like living with lauren was like the best two years ever and we had a great time and like you just get to know each other like in such a personal deep level and like we'd always have like heart to hearts and like your outlook has like changed so much in terms of like since cam's come into your life and like you wait the way you view relationships is so like refreshing and yeah you

have like a new aura about you do you have any tissue on you right now fucking probably oh yeah oh that's awesome it's like a softer love and quite interestingly this comes into our um the submission that was sent in today but that kind of platonic love versus like romantic love when you've kind of been without it for quite a long time and you start going on to the romantic side it does make you even appreciate your platonic relationships even more because i think you just become a bit more vulnerable and tactile and now i want to hug and kiss all my friends sneaky blinky should we get on to our dilemma yeah hey i was hoping you could help me out with

an issue i've been having recently my friends keep saying i'm two different people around them versus my boyfriend it's a known thing amongst my friends that i i'm two different people around them versus my boyfriend it's a known thing amongst my friends that i'm completely opposed to touchy feeliness with them they love to hug and hold hands and i hate all that but now i'm with my boyfriend i'm the complete opposite with him physical touch is probably my main love language in this relationship my friends are taking this personally but i don't know how to explain that it feels completely different why are my love languages with friends so opposite to my romantic partners have you ever had a similar situation do you know what firstly comes to mind is that she's not comfortable around her friends i feel like the way you express love is the real you so if

you're not really touchy-feely or i'm like hey girl your friends 110 i disagree yeah really yeah i feel like sometimes so like my i'd say my i'd say my love language is physical touch as well but sometimes like having that love language reserved for a romantic love they kind of like you don't want to cross that line of like how you express yourself romantically with the people that you love platonically you know yeah that's true that's true i mean there is boundaries like you're not gonna do the you know over the top like i'm gonna hold your hand constantly strike your ear no but like if her group of friends do love that and for her she finds it uncomfortable i think that like the like for any people who have

like boundaries is understanding how you know your friend might not appreciate the same things that you do and like the compromise is that you just both have to understand that what the other person wants isn't always going to be what you want as opposed to like you know enforcing it there's also four other love languages like if my friend is giving me everything from words of affirmation to quality time i can't discount those just for the fact that she doesn't like to put her fucking hand on my leg when we talk but it's it's true like i'm perfect a seance um no but it's true I feel like I wasn't the most tactile person and like I could even gauge off some of my other friends that aren't the most tactile

people and then I kind of learned that like okay that's not something to focus on we don't hug but that doesn't mean we have don't have a good friendship saying the most like comforting thing though and like the kind of love that you need but I'm not necessarily like cuddling onto your shoulder yeah exactly but isn't it weird like the thing that kind of switches between like not wanting to do that then completely other end of the spectrum with a boyfriend i feel like i i think physical touch is my main love language but i also like a pre i can appreciate doing things for other people like like so like platonically i'll always kind of like try and help my friends out in any way that i can and that is like another like love language i think i use

quite a lot like yeah i may not be able to like say the right things but i'll always try and do everything that i can for someone that's true i also feel like it's more heightened when you're in a relationship because obviously i thought i do feel like without thinking about it i do feel like in in our friendship groups you do touch on each to each of the different love languages in different ways but you just don't realize it until you get into the relationship you're like oh but hey maybe this one is my that's true i think that's what it is as well yeah it kind of allows you to experiment a bit with it like if you've gone quite a lot of your life maybe not hugging like your family very much or like not hugging the people you grew up with as you're around them so come into adult friendships where

these things that love languages you're finally aware of because i definitely wasn't aware of it when i was 12 yeah you get into these relationships and you're like fuck i actually i'm not the warmest person to go and greet my friends with a hug like it's quite a daunting thing so suddenly when you're in a relationship there's a safe space to kind of experiment and do things like that yeah then you might get a little bit more tactile with your friends as well isn't it yeah like you say like you're learning actually oh i do like this but because you've not experienced it in a platonic way you've now reserved it for that kind of romantic that was beautifully put thank you fucking plato over here i can't remember what i said now well you've put an interesting bit of research in as well

apparently your love language is what you lacked as a child i'm not sure i'd agree with that but for me personally that maybe does make a bit of sense interesting yeah wait what are the love languages let's just go for it service words of affirmation physical touch quality time and gifts there's like oh gifting yeah gift giving gift you're you're only child right yes billy i've got a sister you've got a sister are you the youngest or the oldest oldest i feel like as the oldest oldest i feel like as the oldest i'm just throwing a span in the works we get all we don't like any of those affirmations because i feel like because we're the first kids our parents do the most to make sure that the kid has everything right does that make sense yeah i do feel like i don't have a

particular love the only thing i don't like actually the love of language that i don't a particular only thing I don't like actually the love of language that I don't care about is the receiving gifts same

I do not care about that at all I actually hate not pick me energy but I hate being given a gift because what happens if I don't like it

like yeah the more I get the more awkward I feel about receiving it's actually true what do you say never get me a gift

is that ungrateful no I like I confused so horrible sometimes and like but i don't know it's not a necessity for me i don't think i need to as long as i'm type person it's not that deep like yeah they give me anything but back to my point i was about to say that i feel like as the eldest or the only child i feel like our parents or those around us do pour into pour all of those different love languages into us to the point child i feel like our parents or those around us do pour into pour all of those different love languages into us to the point where it's like now how which one do you know

i definitely can test that i feel like like you say that your mum was really yeah physical physical i feel like i'll take a break your mum hugs you oh my gosh but i also think that like yeah i can appreciate all the love languages yeah you said um i think maybe physical touch is slightly more above the rest but then also like i can appreciate all of them and i can't sit here and say that for me that like my mum wasn't any of those things do you know what i mean like there isn't anything that i can think of that i yeah i think though what we should do and i do see this quite a lot online because i see that classic thing i think sofia and chintzy had a podcast clip where they were like they both say that they don't hug each other they're obviously amazing friends they're so close to

each other but they don't like touching each other and i feel like what we should stop doing is shaming people you don't know all the reasons as for why someone doesn't like physical touch or why someone's not the best at words affirmation words of affirmation like i really not to make it a deep thing but like your friends should not be shaming you for acting one way around them and then acting another exactly around your boyfriend and plus every day you're growing so you're learning something new about you learning something new about your surroundings and learning something new how you internalize things as well so i feel like we can't be so like hard on each other yeah like i mean if they they you know spend more time with the boyfriend they really want to you know they

want the relationship to flourish yeah you know so i feel like let's give each other grace yeah g-r-a-c-e and uh just allow people to kind of like go through life how they need to go through life i mean if they do something wrong it's okay to bring it up because it's honesty you know maybe you missed the person but um i do feel like we just need to be tankies yeah for me i agree it's like all about like boundaries being aware of what your boundaries are but also aware of what their boundaries are and respecting both of them equally and not expecting we're not actually having any expectations for our friends

and then like expecting them to deliver on certain things because because one day they could always come around and change it up exactly i definitely found myself trying to be a little bit more warm but it's annoying i tell you what we should stop doing in 2024 having those conversations where people are like even in your friend group where you're like you actually never hug me you actually you're not really like very warm but you're never like this and like i know it's saying in like a very approachable way and like funny and light-hearted but is there anything worse than being like called out for like someone making you seem like some cold-hearted like bin that off yeah just because i don't want to greet you every time i'm snog yeah definitely do you have that or me and my sister anyway because obviously we have a very a very interesting relationship where my sister hates hugs but

i'm just a person let me be around you and she's like yeah don't touch me i'm thinking i'm your sister though i shouldn't be able to give you a hug like it's your birthday like i miss you she's like no christy stop that but it's it's true like christy yeah christy stop that there's definitely a way of saying like i'd love if you could be a bit more affectionate towards me and like fair enough if you don't want to do that but also what if we don't want to yeah but maybe they are in their own way like i had a situation where i was on holiday with my sister and my sister and like siblings yeah it was just like she said like like you know we're not going to get on all the time i had like you know and if you're in a bad mood i think she said that we had to do this thing we're like i need some head time headspace blah blah

and i was like she called it something weird and i was like right well I don't want to do that and she was like but that's that's what I need right and that's what I need that's what I need to be aware of that I was like but what you need might not work for how I react in these situations so like why does it have to be dictated to what your need is over my need it's true so when your friends go in like i just wish you would like hug me more yeah like why should that need outweigh your other needs or your friends need it's very true yeah physical touch is a weird one and definitely as you get older comes more like prominent yeah i think i also become aware like the closer you get to friends

and like the longer your friends are people like i know i'll never hug jordan or if i do it's to annoy him do you know what makes it even worse about physical touch as well you see all the romantic films they only showed that part of relationships or that's always heightened and those those type of like it's the easiest thing to show which camera, isn't it? Which is true. But at the same time, if for instance, public display of affection, I hate that ish. But everywhere you,

like you watch a romantic film, you watch a series, you watch EastEnders, there's always PDAs everywhere. Then once you're like, oh, it's not me. It's like, oh, right. You don't.

I wonder, do you think that has something to do like with the psychology Like, it's not me. It's like, oh, right, you don't... I wonder, do you think that has something to do, like, with the, like, psychology of, like, why some people hate... Mm. ..hate touch... What's the word? Physical touch.

Physical touch. Why? Because, like, on film, you know, if you see someone, like, do that, it means so much. Like, physical touch is emphasised so much more. Oh, it's true. Yeah, exactly. Like, you accidentally, like...

Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. Yeah, but a very performative performative and like you might like subconsciously start to take that in as something meaning more than what it actually does it's true there's a lot of like i should do this and i should do that if anything i'm not from therapy you shouldn't have to do anything you can do what you want exactly today on the podcast we've got a new little segment little beat uh which where we're going to be giving you our media recce of the week recce meaning recommendation yes so if you go christy okay mine would be everybody go to the

theaters and watch shifters oh it's absolutely amazing so it's a it's a play about two friends that kind of like grew up together and they do like each other but it was a bit just a bit too late and it's it goes through like the emotions of like them not noticing or them actually trying it out but not saying how they really feel um i don't want to give it out give it give give it away but it's absolutely amazing. Like the sound, cinematography and the lighting, because I studied film, was, it just,

Is it a film or is it a theatre? It's a play. A play? It's a play, yeah. One hour long, so get yourself dancers, Duke of York and go watch that

because it finishes October the 12th. Nice. Yeah. Okay, if you want something a little bit more light-hearted, my suggestion is secret lives of

mormon wives that was one of mine as well the one that you guys are showing me okay it is incredible it's like the sea it's like if you've ever watched the real housewives of salt lake city but for a younger audience and they're not as rich and they're a bit crazier. And they don't even drink. Oh. Some of them do, some of them don't.

I just find it mad how they sit and have a full confrontation argument when they're out after just having like three Diet Cokes. Yeah. Oh, it's like that.

I need shots to be able to have some of those arguments they do. There's this one scene where they're like They're grilling this one girl and she's crying in a wardrobe And they've all come over to continue Just like yeah and another thing

And they just keep going And this is like after breakfast Yeah it's fucking wild Where do I watch this? This is on Disney Plus and then they'll get up Stick their phones on the wall and then they'll do TikToks Yeah dancing TikToks Wait question Mormons are not the amishes no no sorry mormons i can't tell you the church that they practice under but they yeah they're in utah based in utah salt lake city

and they're all tiktokers they basically became famous because one of them had this swinging scandal and it was just a bit chaotic and now they're all kind of like in this reality tv show it's the kind of escapism i love to watch and indulge in after work um amazing and i want to finish off with a song recommendation oh um so probably all seen no sabrina carpenter did a collaboration with christina aguilera okay 25 years since christina aguilera brought out some of her classic tunes that she started something like sabrina carpenter was born in 1999 when genie in the bottle came out and they sat and did a collaboration but they did a cover of um what a girl wants and just listen to it it sounds like a warm nostalgic hug like

like noughties vibes like i just keep listening to it and i just feel so happy inside i'm gonna listen to that yeah i'm gonna listen to that as well gorgeousness amazing um well thank you guys also if you have any dilemmas or submissions or anything you want to send in for us to react to send it to us at tf4 at jungle creations.com or you can dm us on all our platforms or leave a spotify comment because that's new thank you