Tea at Four - "My boyfriend's best friend is cheating... should I tell her?"

Episode Date: February 5, 2025

We answer not one, but TWO dilemmas in this highlight episode. A woman battles with her moral code when her partners best friend admits he's cheating on his girlfriend. Should she tell her, or is it not her place? We also discuss the age old debate of girl-best friends. Lauren and Billy give their opinion on when you should worry if your boyfriend is hanging out with another girl... Send us YOUR dilemmas anonymously and we will try our best to give our advice on the podcast: [e-mail] or DM us @teaatfourpod on Instagram.

So on the topic of cheating, infidelity, we have had some submissions. So first up we have, hey guys, love the pod. I thought I'd get your advice on a situation that's been really making me anxious. So my boyfriend, we've been together for eight months, has this girl best friend. This alone is absolutely fine. But this one he recently confessed was in love with him a couple of years ago. She told him and he didn't feel the same, but this one he recently confessed was in love with him a couple of years ago. She told him and he didn't feel the same, but they managed to stay friends. My problem is that they chat all the time. She's always arranging meetups to chat about her problems. He will go on solo dates with her. I feel like a bitch because I know they're

just friends and he feels nothing, but I can't help but feel her feelings make this situation feel like cheating to me. Am I wrong? What do you think? How do I overcome this?" Wow this was slightly close to home. I've been in a similar situation and then he ended up acting on it and cheating. I feel like it's just delaying the inevitable. I agree. I do feel like if she's already put out her intentions and her feelings. And... How did he respond? I would love to know how he responded to it, whether it was like a, no, I don't have feelings for you right now.

It's really difficult to ever make someone like choose between their friend and their girlfriend or their partner. But if you're aware that this person has feelings for you and you're doing... Sorry. And you're doing... I love you, you're doing, sorry. And you're doing, yeah.

And you're doing things that are perhaps traditionally romantic, like going on solo dates, going to the cinema, going for lunch, like. But are they just going to lunch and then they're going to the cinema, is that a date or is that what she's kind of? Like yeah, what is it they're actually doing? I don't know, I think if that was me, I would have to ask my partner to maybe set some boundaries. Like I don't mind you being friends with them,

but do you have to do stuff just the two of you? Because like, why can't there be a third friend or like, why is it just the two of you? And you know how like they feel and it feels a little bit like cheating to me. It's a hard situation from like this girl's perspective. Even if like you say setting boundaries, there's this thing that you almost don't wanna

make a big deal out of it. And even like going to the girl one-on-one or going to the boyfriend one-on-one is like making a big deal out of it and looking insecure. But I think you've got every right to kind of say that I'm not comfortable with this, especially with the feelings in the past. Yeah. I mean, also, like, I just don't understand if I, if my friend turned around to me and was like... Wealthsimple's Big Winter Bundle is our best match offer yet. Get a 2% match when you transfer

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Learn more at Wealth at wealth simple comm slash match Oh, I have feelings for you, and I didn't have that reciprocated. I don't think I could be as close to them naturally I don't think I could then be like oh, let's carry on my life as normal knowing that you fancy me Yeah, like if it's definitely not reciprocated. That's a really good point. I feel like you wouldn't, would you? No, I think, but the way a man's brain works, like a straight man, sorry, is like would they take the gas off the pedals with like a platonic friendship thing or would they like play into it a little bit?

I don't know. Or like just maybe ignore it completely and not take that person's views into consideration. Yes, that's true. It could be either or, but I think the main thing here which is needed is an open and honest conversation. I agree. And I don't know whether there should be one with the girl best friend and you but definitely

between you and your partner to kind of lay down that like this is too much. Yeah. Yeah I agree. I feel like there's no harm in just telling them how they feel. Or like, yeah, telling them how they feel and just being like, look, this makes me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah. And what can we do that's fair? Like, I'm not asking you to change your life. That's the thing. I imagine a boy would be like, okay, what's the solution then? What should I do then? And it's like, and they'll be like,

what should I just ignore? And they'll be like what should I just ignore her or and then you feel like a dick for bringing it up? Yeah I just find it weird that the girl's best friend is a boy. Yeah. Sorry sexist misogynistic comment. But like where are your girlfriends? Yeah those kind of girls with the boy best friends are always that type. I hate to be that person to say it, but anyone that says I don't trust, when a person says, oh, I'm not a girl's girl or I'm not a girl's, I don't get on with girls,

that screams a little bit problematic to me a little bit. True, and I think a really good girl's best friend, as someone who is a girl and knows that that insecurity that girlfriend might be having, you should make more of an effort with her and just kind of like maybe leave no ambiguity that the kind of feelings that were there in the past aren't there now.

There should be that reassurance that just like, no, this is so platonic, we're just going for lunch, we're just going to see him. You come as well, why don't we make this a three thing? If that isn't there, then that's when I'd worry a bit. And if it's like a territorial thing as well, if she's being like, no, I just wanna spend time with him one on one.

That's- I don't like it, personally. Like, everyone has to- So kill her. Yeah, agreed. How you do it is up to you. I would choose car, cliff. We don't care.

No. We won't tell anyone. We'll keep it safe with us. Just make sure you write in and tell us next time. Update, update please. Update us please. Update us. Yeah, so just taking what we said into consideration, hope that helped.

But girl best friend territory is very difficult to navigate so my heart is with you. Yeah I'm not envious of your situation. Oh that's nice. Okay oh no. I just found out my boyfriend's best friend cheated on his girlfriend I'm actually quite close with him too as we've known each other for years now And I've only known his girlfriend for a few months, but we get on really well It's not my place to tell her and my boyfriend and I have encouraged him to tell her but he refuses But now I end up in deep conversations with his girlfriend on nights out about her relationship with him And I can't say a word. Should I tell her? When does girlhood overrule social

rules? I think both he and my boyfriend would hate me if I told her but I feel so bad. This is really hard. I definitely was in this predicament when I was younger. Everyone would fucking cheat. Everyone in my ex-boyfriend's friend group all cheated on their girlfriends. And then I'm friends with the girlfriends and then we're all just there like texting on a night out like not being able to sleep at night. It's the worst situation to be in.

Yeah. No, I, what would I do in that situation? It depends how like, so I remember my friend telling me about like exact similar situation. Like it was her best friend and then over time, she became closer to the girlfriend. But obviously she'd found out that he'd cheated. And when is the appropriate time to say, do you say?

I think she ended up threatening him. Oh, that's good. She was just like, you need to say before I do. Yeah. And you need to fix that because that's not fair for me to say it before I do. Yeah. And like, you need to fix that because that's not fair for me to have that guilt. Isn't it weird? I think that maybe it's the difference

between like a guy and a girl. And I could be wrong because I don't really know any girls that have cheated, but like that would eat me alive. I would not be able to look at that girlfriend in the face every day if I was a boyfriend. No way. Anything like that.

Even knowing everyone else knows as well. Just like you're not just like... Like even oh yeah. Sorry so many likes. I don't think I could keep a secret like that. No. It depends like yeah. I'm just I'm in a weird one where like a lot of my best friends are going out with my other best friends. So like, if one of them came to me and said I cheated on my boyfriend,

I'd be like, so you've cheated on my other best friend? I like, I can't tell, I have to tell this person because I'd encourage them to tell them. But when it's a friend situation that you are really close with and you don't know the partner that well, like where's your loyalty line? how long does it lie for? I think that's the classic thing, like no one wants to disturb the balance of the kind of friend groups

if they are going out with each other. You don't want to be responsible for that girl's unhappiness, but I actually think every situation I have seen where an outsider girl has told the girlfriend it's just done the girlfriend a favor in the long run. Yeah, I agree. And I think actually the longer- The guy will get on with it. The guy will get on with another person ASAP.

But for a girl, I feel like the longer she's being blindsided, knowing everyone else is blindsiding her as well, that is so painful to get over. That's trauma. Yeah, I can imagine. And I actually, I agree. I feel like if you've started to feel like you've become friends with this partner

that's being cheated on, and the cheating still occurs, then that's where I draw the line. If I consider them a friend and the cheating happened in recent times, then I have a duty to tell her. True, okay. so if you were to go to the boyfriend and threaten him, what would it sound like? Looking to simplify? How about the simple sounds of neutral vodka soda with zero gram sugar per can for the next 15 seconds.

Neutral. Refreshingly simple. Threaten? I'm not doing any threatening. Oh, sorry, so you said that, sorry. No, I like... So you said that situation that I've had in the past. Sorry, no, I... But like, I think that is actually a really good way of going about it,

which I think I would try. So I think I would say just something like, look, I don't agree with it, I really love so-and-so, and the way you've treated her isn't fair. Either you tell her or I will. Nice. Like, give them the ultimatum,

but she will know by the end of the day. Time limit, time limit is good. Because I think that's the thing, like these cheating acts will occur and there'll never be a right time to say it. And it'd be like, I don't want to say it before Christmas because I've got the Christmas gifts. But then I don't say it for New Year's

because we've got this plan. I don't want to say it before this holiday because we've got that plan. Get it out your mouth. Get it out your, block your mouth. Get it out your pants, get it out your mouth. No, keep it in your pants and get it out your mouth. Get it out your pants and get it out your mouth. Absolutely.

Yeah. I think, yeah. Let's stop that though. 2025, no cheating. Boring. God. Did you see as well, there were loads of TikToks of people on Raya

and seeing Lily Allen on it. And there was this narrative that like Lily was the one that was cheating on David Harbour, but then it ended up coming out that she was actually on Raya trying to catch him, sleuthing. Yeah, that's bad. To catch him and apparently he was cheating

with loads of girls. Horrific. Also, sorry not to be rude, but he's a pig. Oh! Like, she could do so much better. I really like him. Really. I did not see the appeal. What's his name in Stranger Things? Hopper. Yeah. That is the biggest, I don't get any appeal from him. I think that she's funny and cool and she could do a lot better. Is he like 50 50 something? What's wrong with being 50?

Everything. You're old and you need to cramp it and you're boring. No, it's another case of man who's punching tries to continue punching elsewhere. Yeah. You could be more right there Billy. It's jarring, it's actually really boring as well. And the fact that like women have to go

to that kind of length to catch the man out in the act. Yeah. Did she do, they're married. They are married. Yeah, they're married. Did she do that knowing? And just that was her way to find out. She had a theory that he was on the apps

and I think she'd heard from a friend. Right. And so she'd catch him out for herself. Went on. Gut feeling is so real. Do you know what is really also worth saying on the opposite foot, how she is, like if you like get with someone a night out

and like you start, you do some stuff with them and then you find out they're in a relationship. You feel complicit in like, in that and you're like, I had no idea. I don't know if it's me, but I haven't really got with, I haven't really had any one night stands, never really randomly kissed a guy in the club. But I don't know the vibe that someone gives off.

I feel like I'd know if they'd have a girlfriend or not. Can you not? No. Too drunk. Too drunk. Yeah, fair. I don't know, I just feel like I'd never put my mouth on someone where I didn't know where they've been. Oh.

I will. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year! Happy New Year! So this is the part of the podcast where we give our media wrecks of the week. Billy, what's yours? Both are mine.

TV show. That my mum and dad recommended. And I don't know how you're gonna react. It's called Brassic. Oh, I have seen it. It's so funny. Who's in it? Michelle Keegan, Dominic West.

Another cheater. A guy from Plebs. The guy from This is England. Oh really? Yeah, it's really, really funny. What's happening in it? Ten out of ten. Really?

It's so good, it's so good. It's basically, it follows this group of kind of like working class thieves up north, but they're like idiots and they get themselves into the most stupid like jobs and like it's all this kind of like working-class drama mixed with kind of like the most like there's one episode where they have to steal ball semen because it's worth so much money and they can't get into the freezer so they end up wanking off a ball. Oh my god! It's just so stupid I just started watching it.

It's horrible. It's really nice. It's really fun. Wait, when's that set? What kind of period is that set? It's like modern. Modern, sorry. I don't like things set in like a hundred and twenty. It's really good. The music's really good. It's also peppered with like, it's such amazing messages in it. Yeah. So it's not just like, vapid. It's like they're all the least likely to be like really pro all of these things. And then just really funny. Yeah, like the guy, one of the guys is gay, mixed race.

And like the main character is like, they talk about his sexuality, but that it's never a problem. Oh, love it. And he's just like, he's gay, so what? And he just like really normalizes all of these kind of like stereotypes or like takes away the stereotypes that you would actually a class of these

certain working class people and like, and he's also like a traveler. So he's like, yeah, it's just really good at like, kind of like probably said, like throwing these good messages with good representation. And it's really fucking funny. I am going to check that out. So I need something to watch on Netflix.

Oh, there's two more seasons on Sky that I can't get because they're on Sky. What? Two more seasons? Five and six are on Sky. Is it old then? Yeah, it came out in 2019. Oh, God. I didn't realise as well.

I've got now TV. Will it be on there? Yay. Can I have your now TV? Yeah, maybe. No, of course. I don't use it. That's fine.

Okay, amazing. Well, thank you for that recommendation. Billy? My recommendation, should be following me on Instagram. You'll see me half and on about it like I'm the fucking PR for this film. I'd like to mute you. No, I'm joking. I want to mute me.

So I went to go see Better Man. Yeah. Okay. The Willie Robbie biopic. The Robbie Williams biopic where he is... An ape? An ape. Now, the thing about this is everyone saw the trailer,

everyone thought it was ridiculous. Even saying that out loud, Robbie Williams has played by an ape, seems stupid, but it is done so incredibly well, I would say it's on par with Wicked for me. I know you said that and it shocked me. I am going to see it and I actually think I'm going to go, well you're going to go with me. Yeah, I'm going to go again.

And I will eat my words because there's something about Robbie Williams that is so nostalgic and I love him because he just reminds me of like the early noughties. Yes. And like I love a biopic. I love watching. Yes, these biopics I think it's really interesting that he's he plays him doesn't he plays himself. So it's a weird thing There's actually a younger actor that plays him and does his voice, but I thought it was him the whole time I really so he's not in it No, his voice is

It's also not his voice is this younger person it sounds so much like him But it's like tells the whole story from like, where he grew up, his relationship with his family, and how important they were to like his journey. And, you know, being in there to take that, and like how awful he was treated, to be honest, by the manager. So this is the thing, like, I don't trust any biopic

where the star has their own, has a say in it. Oh, really? I don't know why, I've, star has a say in it. Oh really? I don't know why. I've, I've been, I also feel like people should only have biopics when they're dead. I don't agree with that. Really? I want a biopic about me, when I'm alive.

Snorefest. Yeah true. You in your bed with your iPad. I don't know, that's a weird, it almost feels like it should be like a film that honours someone's life. And how can you, I don't know, like, how can you make a biopic if you're still alive and you're still living through some moments? Well, I will tell you, you just need to watch a film. I don't think it was fit enough. I also feel like a film works well when someone dies at the end of a film.

But let's say, yeah, fair. But say like you live till you're 80, Robbie Williams lives till he's 80. I think encapsulating that in a two hour film wouldn't be as effective as like a pocket of his life that has been so incredible and monumental than like a whole bit where you start getting old and depressed. Like, I don't know, there's something about his story

that I obviously see when it gets explained, but like he's clearly healed so much and been in such an environment that you see now why so many child stars get so fucked up. And then amazingly, he's come out the other side. I think it was kind of mixed with a bit of sadness in me because I think his journey slightly maybe mimicked like Liam Payne, but the difference is obviously

all the things that he's now got through on the other side, Liam Payne wouldn't have, or got the support with, which is sad. But I think Robbie Williams, it's sad that as well, Americans don't put any respect on his name. Yeah, but I also feel like he doesn't need it. I know, but no one's even bothered to even go see that at the box office.

He doesn't have any, I don't think his songs trotted there at all. Trotted, trotted. Trotted, none of his songs trotted there. I don't think Take That even trotted there. Which is like considering how big he was around the rest of Europe. But then that's also just like Americans ignorance

once again. It's their own fault. Do you know how it impacts on in the gay clubs for the first like two years of take that being a thing they would only go to gay clubs and perform. Really? Kind of slow. That is slow. Yeah.

Oh my god. It's really cool. Okay I'll watch it. Yeah. It's just really really amazing and I really urge everyone to go and watch it. And also it was done by the people that did The Greatest Showman. I watched that last night actually. I watched it the other week. Did you?

Yeah. I just love a big performance. Yeah, I do as well. I couldn't work out if the songs I hated or loved. Is that a weird thing to say? It's when my feet are out. What? There's something about The Greatest Showman where the music, I'm like,

I want to like this song, but I hate this song the music, I'm like, I wanna like this song, but I hate this song. No, I love them all. Really? Even This Is Me? Oh no, that's been overplayed. I hate any song that's so on the nose. I'm a bit confused by that because the girl that sings that, oh my God, I'm so starving.

That girl that's called Rebecca Ferguson that's not Rebecca Ferguson from X Factor. Yeah, I agree. She performs in the film and then a girl called Lauren Alrads did her voice but then ended up going on America's Got Talent. Big brother. No. Sorry. No.

Britain's Got Talent. America's Got Talent. She went on to. Oh, was it Britain's Got Talent? She was on The Voice in the US. That's how her voice got recorded. That's how her voice got noted. She sung it.

And I was saying this last night as we were watching it, sorry but Rebecca Ferguson, she can't sing it, don't play it. Exactly, it's because you have a girl in. No one cares about Rebecca Ferguson, sorry hun, I'm sure you're lovely, but she's not a star in the way that like Zendaya or Zac Efron, Hugh Jackman, people would want to go see them in the films. Yeah. That could have been played by Rebecca Ferguson from X Factor. Rebecca Ferguson from X Factor, from the voice from America's Got Talent.

No, do you know what I'm talking about when I say that? X Factor. Yeah, Rebecca Ferguson, I used to love her. I used to buy her album. She came second to Matt Cardle. Literally. I'd rather go see her. Yeah.

I'd rather go see her. I'd rather go see someone who can actually, watch a film where someone can actually sing. Also, the most, I'm, sorry, really snowballing. Another thing. Another thing about that film is when she's doing a never enough, she's like, never, never. And it's just, you're not singing.

It's too much, team too much, babe. So much. Yeah, we didn't mis-trick, did we? No, no flaws were enough. So yeah, weird about that. I am. Yeah, but I will go see Batman with you this week, maybe. Batman? Batman.

Oh, good. I was gonna say. Batman. I'm watching that. Oh, no, they need to stop making Batman films. That's one thing. There's a fucking new Batman Joker film every fucking year. And then Penguin. What the fuck is that? Yeah, exactly.

Superman's out this year. It's just getting silly now. Big whoop. Sound off! Bye, guys. Thanks for this year. Big whoop. Sound off! Bye guys, thanks for watching! See you next week! Bye!