Tea at Four - My husband has a hoover fetish: We react to your confessions

Episode Date: March 8, 2024

For this week’s Quick Cuppa, Lauren tries to prank Christie with a trend she saw on TikTok, and they both try to make eachother spill their tea with wild confessions found online. PLUS we read out an anonymous confession from a listener, which involves a raunchy use of a vacuum cleaner... If you have any feedback or funny stories to submit, please DM us on Instagram @FourNine or drop us an email at [e-mail] We'd love to hear from you!

Your hair looks so shiny. It is, isn't it? It's amazing. It's like... Yeah. Clit-clit. Yeah. Hi, guys.

Okay. And scene. Hi, guys. Welcome back to Tea at Four. I'm Christy. And I'm Lauren. And welcome back for a quick cuppa. For this week's quick cuppa, we are going to be bringing back an old fan favourite.

One of our favourites. Yes. It's called Don't Spill the Tea. If you don't know it, it's where we react to tea on the internet and try not to spill it. Yes. Did I say don't spill the tea? What did I just say? Tea on the internet and try not to spill it. You said some madness, I don't know. I don't know what the hell I just said. I was making up the word count. I think, did she not land it? Did she land? Let's try it one more time. Let's go. Did she land? Sorry, my bra's falling down.

I'm so excited. Lift up the titties. Sorry. Big day. Big day. Got this. So we've decided for this week's Quick Cupper to bring back a fan favourite called Don't Spill the Tea.

Yeah. And if you don't know it, Christy, do you want to give them? It's where you spill the tea and we try not to so basically we're gonna take a gulp of some delicious tea read out some stories and try not to yeah but we've actually given it a bit of a 2024 upgrade okay so we're gonna make it a bit of a challenge all in the name of this little prank thing we've got going on so me and christy have actually found our own don't spill the teas yeah um and i think producer bobby's also got one for us as well nice um but we're gonna try and make each other laugh

okay this is gonna be interesting because basically imagine if what i read i think it's funny but you don't yeah that's gonna be the biggest test oh god all right basically say anything with poo sex we or like farting who's gonna go first i'll sip and you spill okay so here's my first spleesh i had violent diarrhea at a girlfriend's caravan it sounded like a bucket of snails being tipped down a well the smell was eye-watering i came out and her parents were sitting in the next room with the doors and windows open there was a storm outside so no one could leave tough nut to crack hey does that mean that it threw on the parents grew it landed on the parents no that she's in the toilet a violent diarrhea in a girlfriend's caravan the parents are next door having their fucking tea it's violated that's disgusting okay disgusting not funny

yeah that's disgusting that's my only poo one so really yeah oh well i hope mine are gonna hit the spot i feel like you know we should i really should have done i'm gonna say if we play this again no no i'm not gonna reveal my little um okay shenanigans all right cool lauren have you okay cool please english be on my site today so lauren my wife has devised a system that recycles shower water to flush our toilet i haven't had the heart to tell her i've been achieving the same water savings by pissing in the shower for years no so he pisses in the shower she recycles the water so no i don't like recycling you don't recycle no no of course i do that was a joke yeah

sustainability yeah but recycling pee or shower water okay i mean if you leave your piss for out for a very long time I guess it turns into water doesn't it you shouldn't have to explain a joke okay ready I first met my wife in 1996 we met at a pub and after some drinks I went back to her place we had sex for an hour but I was so pissed I couldn't finish ended up going into the bathroom and filling the condom I had worn with a mixture of toothpaste and water. Sorry. Sorry.

If you can't get out, you can't get out, innit? Why go and fake it? Yeah. It's a lot of efforts go to really, isn't it? Toothpaste. Toothpaste and water. Do you not expect the two faces?

Do people not have a sense of smell? Right. Get peppermint. Interesting. This is actually quite hard, you know. No, why are you not laughing? Just laugh. Okay.

Spill the tea. Lauren, you better laugh. Laugh laugh i accidentally clogged this boy's toilet and took a poop out like that Sorry, sorry. Her neck is wet. Sorry, why are you telling it like that? Because maybe it's my own personal story. That fucking spoken poetry. Slam. Poetry.

Fuck. We need that in slow-mo. Do it. Why are you telling it like that? Julia, Rob, Perrins. Sorry, though. That was funny. It's on her neck.

That was weird, wasn't it? Fucking weird. It's all about the delivery. You're right. I'm going gonna take that and forward my next one oh when did i get up to the second sentence because you're taking five minutes to say it landon so i accidentally clogged this boy's toilet and took the poop the poop out and put

it in the cat litter box he saw it and asked me if I did it. I said, no. He said his cat's been dead for two years. Somebody come pick me up. It's funny when it sounds like your story. Did you get? Yeah, I get you. Next. We have had that.

Everyone's pooing in litter boxes, random. Well, I delivered it better, all right? Thank you. Ready? How sitting for a friend discovered her box of toys. After a wine, decided I'd try the girthiest one. A month later, I discover I have chlamydia. My husband wouldn't believe this story, so to prevent the suspicion,

I've been dissolving antibiotics into his tea and praying. You tried it on her husband stop spreading your legs stop spreading your legs please oh i didn't get it oh i don't get it she used her friend's toy yeah but not on herself on her husband's the girthiest one as well wait wait i discover i have chlamydia my husband wouldn't believe the story so to prevent the suspicion i've been dissolved it dissolving antibiotics exactly I've been dissolving antibiotics in the haste. Exactly. He didn't do anything. Oh, he. So he, she.

That's cool. Wine. Okay. Funny. Yeah. Funny. I wasn't really open. I was trying to.

Fucking spread eagle. Okay. It sounded like you were talking to the person in the story. Yeah. To the legs. It'll be. Stop spreading your legs. It's not spread true.

Girthius. Okay, next one. Ready? I once borrowed money from my sister-in-law and repaid it with the reference as anal beads. She lost her shit as she was due to remortgage and had to provide her bank statements. I've definitely had that before. You? Not anal beads,

but inappropriate names for bank references. That is mad. So the bank, the housing people would just be like, anal beads?

Yeah. Touche, you've got the house. Okay. Right, next one, next one, last one. Friend on WhatsApp group only posts links to funny vids sometimes i just add a crying laughing emoji without reading did it last week only to find

out it was a vid of her dog's funeral black dress and everything silence since on the group think i have to leave thank you for repeating what we already had what have we already had that one before producer mom did this one. Did I hit my head? Did I laugh? I think we did. Oh, okay. Cool, I'll just fucking die then. Any more for me?

Shall I try one? Okay. Alright, cool. Snacking on Pringles whilst I'm feeding my baby only for me to um yeah snacking on pringles whilst i'm feeding my baby only for me to look down and his head is full of crumbs and Pringle debris. I can't believe they let me take this baby home from the hospital. Mia's mother.

That's funny. Sorry there. Okay, so we've actually had a submission from a listener. But it's an excellent confessional story. So we're gonna play spill the tea with it so thank you to this pick up your chest this fun two time okay are you ready so hey lauren and christy thanks so much for the podcast i look forward to it every time it comes out my husband and i have a story that we'd like to share anonymously. So my husband has a thing for the vacuum cleaner. It all became apparent not long into the relationship.

One of the first times I stayed over at his. In the morning, he got up to do some cleaning. I was minding my own business when all of a sudden I felt the hoover sucking me. Initially, I was a bit taken aback, but I thought he was just messing around. He went on and continued to hoover me, and I only stopped him when he went for my boob. He said he was just getting all the cat fur, but I couldn't... What? Babe, I'm sleeping.

It's seven in the morning. That's fucking funny next yeah uh he said he was just getting all the cat fur but i couldn't help notice he was rock hard through his shorts i questioned if this turned him on he went bright red laughed it off and said no and went back to cleaning a few days later i was on his laptop not snooping for anything but i found in enclosed tabs that he'd been watching vacuuming porn i didn't even know this existed he was watching videos of girls using hoovers on their pussy or using them to give men blow jobs i confronted him about it and he did admit to this fetish i have quite an open mind about things and i asked him after some

wine if he wanted me to use the hoover on him he duly obliged and it's safe to say I've not looked at Henry the hoover in quite the same way after using one to suck off a man despite being initially apprehensive I don't mind using the hoover now because it means I don't have to do any hoovering at all once he's cleaned the house every week he gets a little reward whether it's a quick boob job or a hoover job for him. Unconventional, yes, but I have to say having a hoover to do the sucking for me really makes blowjobs a lot easier. Thanks for taking the time to read our crazy story. That's incredible.

That is a real submission from an actual fan. Thank you so much for sharing your... Does it hurt? I'm an actual fan. Well, thank you so much for sharing your... Does it hurt? It depends what kind of hooves you've got, because I've not got a very strong one. It's just an Argos standard. But if you've got a Henry Hoover...

Yeah, Henry, that's the... That's the big stuff. The voltage on that. The strong stuff. Yeah. Voltage. Sorry, that was so funny about the cat hair. Imagine him being like... Woken from my slumber, someone telling me, sorry, that was so funny about the cat hair. Imagine him being like,

woken from my slumber, someone telling me, sorry, I was just getting something off. Sorry, I was just getting something off. Can we just get off of you? Wow. Violation. The fact is they're men.

That's incredible. I mean, we don't, we don't, we don't say anything nasty about fetishes on this podcast. But I'm happy that you guys get to explore different type of shenanigans. Shanani nannies. Shanani nannies. On your fanny fannies.

On your fanny fanny. Oh my God, please send some more in. That was actually quite interesting. I like that one. Are you going to try that one? Nah. I ain't got a man to try it on, so. I don't even want to hoover.

But anyway. Do you think they have like a vacuum that's for that? Or are they using household vacuums? Oh, no one's got two hoovers. No one's got room for two hoovers. No, maybe, no, maybe one hoover, different heads. Yeah, I'm sure you could change the tube. Oh, yeah, because it wouldn't be the flat surface one.

Oh, can you? That would suck me up. That would really hurt as well. On my phygine. Yeah, I'm sure you could change the tube. Oh, yeah, because it wouldn't be the flat surface one. Oh, can you... That would suck me up. That would really hurt as well. On my fagene. Yeah, man. Sideways, lengthways? Nah. Maybe it's that, yeah, maybe they changed the head.

The little sucky... I understand how it would work. Plus the different size. Okay, now we're getting a bit too technical. Ooh. There's different sizes of... Of what, penis or...? Of, no, of the river heads.

You go and get to, like, little corners and stuff. Yeah. Corners of what? The of no of that the river heads to go get to like your corners and stuff yeah corners of what the room not your vaginal parts right thank you that's right well yeah that was interesting yeah and i feel like we should get some more like you know spoiler teasing so guys if you guys have any please do send them to us because yeah you we need we want to hear them immediately so you can either send us your submissions on tf4 at jungle creations.com on email or you can dm us on tiktok or instagram please we want to hear them your funny stuff and we want to laugh and spill or maybe not but we do want to laugh yeah so yeah thanks for joining us on this week's quick cuppa we'll see

you next week bye