Tea at Four - Office sex scandals, nipple hair and Beyonće destroying mankind...

Episode Date: October 9, 2024

In this week's episode, Lauren and Billy hold the fort while Christie is off sick. Things get unhinged as they talk about conspiracy theories including Beyonće being the cause of natural disasters... They also dive into some things they were never taught about life in their 20's; Lauren's frustrated that every good looking man turns out to be gay, and Billy doesn't understand why he hasn't won the lottery yet. Please send us in any dilemmas to [e-mail]

Hi guys, welcome back to T4. I'm Lauren and I'm Billy and this is the podcast where we talk all things that normally stay in the group chat. You may be wondering why we're in these really unflattering positions. Well, luckily they could only use the sofa today instead of setting up three chairs. Yes. But Christy's just not well. Bless her. She's not well. Bless. We get well soon. Cards are sending now. Yeah. You can donate to us and we'll pass on to her. Just go fund me, please.

On this week's episode, we discuss nipple hair. Other shocking things we learnt in our 20s. And the chaotic, viral conspiracy theories we've seen this week on TikTok.

So we are going to introduce a new little segment on tf4 obviously our tagline is having conversations that usually stay in the group chat and bringing them out of them so we thought we'd give you an insight into our group chats that nobody asked for no they all have been begging for seeing it on the edge of your seats i've got so many requests to join our group chat. My mum. My DMs are broken. My sister. Everyone wants to be in it. So we thought we would, yeah,

basically share a random message from our group chat of that week that was maybe a highlight, maybe made us laugh, maybe a good little talking point. A giggle, giggle text. So, Billy, would you like to share what was uh passed around the video is a video i'm sure most of the internet has now seen it's underneath it's forwarded many times never a good sign and then followed okay let's explain it it's obviously we're referring to the video of a couple who are enjoying we don't know if they're a couple no but it's a

couple it's a relationship couple i'm saying like just two people as a couple yeah a situation of two people having some after work fun in the office above east cheap records yes with the lights fully on windows open and basically just having sex in front of the whole of London well the brilliant thing is well just up the road

we actually had our Christmas party there so oh my god we did didn't we but so just for context yes we didn't know this until obviously

their Facebook profiles were being shared around like literally moments after because the internet is crazy but yeah this this unknowing pair doing the deed in front of a window just in a random office in shoreditch

recruiters dare i say and fully no clothes bonking bouncing they were bouncing they were making height. And by them, I mean both. The girls. The girls were bouncing. How mortifying. But have you seen all the other clips that have come with it? The best thing about something like this is that once people recognise it, everyone gets involved.

And then there's clips of them running out of the office. There's clips of them in the office being like attacked by their friends like you know not even attacked this is the thing no yeah they are being chanted at they are being rejoiced they are free from desire that is the most recruiter song i've ever heard yeah true true scream scream um screams you know yeah internet slaves found their linkedin profiles um their facebook voice memos from people who work at the company have been shared of like someone clarifying who it was and then also saying no she is just a girl that he met on the night out she doesn't work with them why would you bring someone back to your work do you not have a home

well i apparently another rumor around is that he's with he has a partner that's probably why he went to the office yeah i also heard of rumors that he's a top recruiter top shagger obviously top recruiter first that look that is linkedin page works that recruitment hobbies includes shagging um yeah well crazy and i don't think he really got any trouble in it because he actually was top recruiter i think he got the business i mean what kind of business it's got loads of people standing outside their office windows now well just the thing about that that really was the thing that stood out to me Well, just the thing about that that really was the thing that stood out to me. This girl has no top on.

It's bright white office lighting. You're harsh. Bring it back to me. I can't even fucking take my top off with the lights on. With the small lamp on. The nice little mood lights that you get from Ikea. I have to get us into Victorian candlelight. Just barely. Romantic.

It's my idea of hell to do the deed with the light off. Yeah, that harsh white light, no thank you. Absolutely not. All the power to them, I guess maybe not in the work office in the future. I just think of all the surfaces, not really something I would like to...

What surfaces? The work surfaces. I think she was on the on the table yeah they were on the table i thought he was sat on the chair oh like he was on the chair and she was on him it's possibly impossible um but yeah crazy talk yeah that i think did the rounds in every group chat this past week and do you think it's a sack of ball offense i think depends on yeah work policy but also is that like not to get um a quick thought i had isn't that also classed as distribution of um pornography i did think that so yeah we didn't forward it through to anyone. We simply received it. Someone sent it to us. It landed in our lap. I also, I don't know, if it was the guy that works at the company,

so it says, and he's brought a girl back that doesn't work at the company, it would be a classic situation if man doesn't get fired. And I think that is the case. But if it was a girl bringing back a boy, boy said picture with,

bonking with his, I don't know if there'd be the same treatment there would be different standards as well well yeah that was the thing that's what i said oh we're not going to start we're not going to fire you because it'll be good for be good everyone's going to talk about our recruitment agency now yeah yeah but i don't know if i'm going to use you for employment i did see that actually as a hack on linkedin you want to make personalities at work so really it's awesome like us doing a podcast funnily enough talking of other funny messages we got in our group chat that kind of sparked a debate a kind of conversation this week um one of our friends put in a message which i'm going to read out to you because i think it's very poignant and it really got me thinking.

Just got a random voice note from my friend on nipple hair. Why do we not see stubble? It literally isn't there one day and an inch tall the next. And do boys get nipple hair? Well, we used to get hairy chests, don't we? And I think that's the first kind of hairy chest that you get is your nipple hair. Lucky. No, it used to be horrible.

Imagine being like 13 and just having hair on your nipples. I'm sure you do. I used to like, yeah, like, oh my God. And I cut my nipples so many times. Razor, what? What? You razored your nipple? Like, you know, you hold down the actual nipple and then.

Oh God, no. See, I can't. I used to. Yeah. Well. Keep me warm these days. Heating's really expensive. and then like Zorro. Oh God, no. See, I can't really... I used to. Yeah, well... Keep me warm these days. Heating's really expensive. See, the funny thing about this is I have the complete opposite situation

because this isn't opened up a can of worms. My friend starts sharing that she's got loads of nipples. What? I, however... Loads of nipples? That's got four.

What were the barriers? Is it Dairy White the cow? No. Who? Really bad joke. Dairy White. Dairy White the cow from Jack and the Beanstalk. She's got four nipples.

Who knows her by name? Dairy White. Dairy White. Mary White. she's got four nipples who knows her by name dairy white dairy white mary white because i did into the woods at school and i was jack jack and the beanstalk christ right good niche little thing in there brain rot is kicking in today. Oh my God, no. So I only get one single hair in the form of an eyelash looking... An eyelash? You get eyelashes on your hair? It honestly looks like one single eyelash

and it comes out of nowhere every couple of months and I just have to pluck it out. But then my friend's over here saying that she gets loads on there. Loads of like pubes on there kind of thing or like she'd flatten them i don't know but like i was like what have you got enough for like a russian set of eyelashes oh my god well if you've got eyelashes growing out of your nipples it looks like it looks like

it got lost i always every time i notice a nipple hair it's like that long yeah i know but you never see it as double no no well if i if i shave it i will can see it sometimes oh well time to grow fucking bottle of the power podcast um yeah but i just think it's a funny thing we never see it and it's like you know in its adolescence, in its teen years. But is it because you're not noticing it, though? Like if it's one hair, one or two hairs, you're not really seeing the stubble like you would at a beard. Yeah, it's a good point.

Scientifically proven. Next conversation. Okay, so amongst your nipple hairs looking like a set of russian eyelashes here's some other surprising things that we learned in our 20s so one thing i've been thinking about this week and something i've realized in my 20s is that winning the lottery is impossible and i really thought i would have won it by 26 i think it's fixed at this point like how have i not won a scratch card yeah i'm bound someone i'm bound to surely that is what i believed up until like two weeks ago yeah i mean they never give the winners no

exactly like who are they and like oh yeah loads of people i won the lottery won the lottery but i was convinced growing up that i would win the lottery but in my 20s i think their government plants those people that are like the little old couple what couple would spray in the fucking prosecco outside of a house ai ai yeah it's ai winners i see you know what you're doing my money it has not happened to me yet and it must yeah yeah so and another one actually another thing i was shocked to learn in my 20s is i truly still don't understand the conversation of why we still can't print more money. Right. Yeah, agreed.

I don't get quite the argument. Money is made up. Debt, made up. Honestly. Why can't we just like, nah. If I'm losing monopoly, I just take more money. So why can't we do that in real life? Like, hello? I don't get it. You why can't we do that in real life? Like, hello?

I don't get it. You're overcomplicating it. Also, like, why can't we just write as a zero to everything on the computer and then have money? Yeah. Right? Because, like, the money in my bank account is not a load of Monopoly bank notes stored somewhere, is it? It's just like, why can't someone go into their own bank and go,

right, I've got an extra zero. Literally. Who's stopping, like what, if I don't, yeah, I don't have any cash

so it's all just made up. But if I was main IT man at Barclays, we've got someone in our IT team here. Can't they just like fix it or something? Can't they just

zero, zero, zero? A couple of zeros, like, oh, can't we just have everything for free?

Yeah. Like, why do we have to spend money don't get it no absolutely ridiculous yeah i couldn't agree more darling fucking point finish period i've sought it out babe get us in charge of the financial advisors financial advisors yes anyway slightly different subject but um one shocking thing that i learned in my 20s that if you buy those hair skin and nail gummies from tiktok that are supposed to improve your hair loss your hair thinning it will in fact rewrite your laser hair removal which you spent hundreds of pounds on on everywhere but your

heads no is that what's happened that is so so upsetting me cashing out fucking hundred pounds a session yeah of course it's coming back quite fast isn't it what are you doing what are you doing and i was like thinking guys I don't know by about the fourth fucking round I'm like it's those gummies

no it's those gummies yeah my hair's still thin as fuck though still got receding hairline what are you going to do are you going to carry

and take in the gummies yeah love it love throwing away yeah money don't exist anyway we discussed that yeah

another one that I've learned in my 20s is older men doesn't equal more emotional maturity or even general maturity in that fact or money or money very talk about money a lot today um yeah um what do i mean by that i feel like from my experience and hearing my friends experiences they they start going oh do you know maybe i'll start dating older men maybe they know what they're doing a bit more i've seen 32 year olds have less fucking brain power emotional intelligence than i have a 23 year old wow that's deep yeah so basically every any time man turns 30 should just be a hundred percent that whole idea the whole idea that like your full frontal lobe isn't like oh no your full frontal yeah you're not gone your full frontal lobe isn't fully developed until

you're 25 oh my god hello? Oh my God. Hello? It's your brain. Do you do science at school? No. What? I've never heard that. I've heard it in my earlobes. No, your full frontal lobe,

which is like basically what- You say it all the time and I've never really known what you- I've just always just nodded. Read a book. Who reads books of biology? You know exactly what I'm talking about. I don't know what's in your notes, do I? Babe, everyone knows what a full frontal lobe is.

Really? It's a thumbs up from all the crew. Sorry. There's 15 boys in here. I chose looks. You chose books. True. Actually, I got a full eye look.

It's okay. Sorry, your brain. Your brain's in your middle toe. Anyway, whilst we're talking about men um so many of the men i fancy end up being gay sorry what's that about and we've had this conversation lauren i love you as a sister wait you're okay? On Tuesdays. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

See, I heard this all the time. People say, oh, all the good looking ones are gay. And I'm like, where are they? Where are they then? Are you kidding me? No. Oh, suddenly I can not think of a single gay man I fancy. Yeah.

Yeah, I do fancy. Oh, Jonathan Bailey. Okay, right. The only person. Cooper Gush Timothy Chalamet he is straight yeah and that's what I mean

all the straight people I know but also I feel like the boys that I see in real life are maybe the pretty boys the ones that look after themselves right

okay they are I don't know I always hear people like lots of girls say that to me not necessarily about myself they're like

I hate when I find some gay men sorry yeah next but I don't know if I really necessarily agree I've

yeah I don't know you disagree with my personal point no I disagree with the statement that yeah like gay men like

yeah I disagree with you majority of the most beautiful men in the world are gay is that not a compliment no it's a lovely compliment I just don't know

if that's something that a lot of people say and I do I think I disagree with it well Sabrina Carpenter is harping on about it every five minutes

in her album isn't she oh it must be true then must be bible that's it so I'm still delivered and I guess it's the same kind of beat um one minute you're thinking

none of your friends are gonna get engaged no one's gonna get married no one's gonna get pregnant all of a fucking sudden three in one year it's like it's scary because like everyone in your mid-20s everyone is always like oh it's gonna come and when it comes it comes in bucket loads and i'm like nah next not happening and now i'm literally just like another one we haven't been to a bottomless brunch since february no our friends are busy they've all got hendus that we're not invited to yeah all right no but i just find it so funny how some people are like gearing up to that kind of next stage of their life and they're where we are yeah looking at tiktoks and fucking monsters that is definitely something that i've sorry can i give contact not scary monsters of koopa kosh and vampires and nicholas

um yeah in my 20s i've learned that like your friends life paths are not the same as yours. Absolutely not. And like you imagine that you're all going to have the exact same trajectory. You're all going to buy a house at the same time and get married, have a dog, the same dog. What's a house? Oh, exactly. And I realized that actually it's so different. And like I'm still remain as close to those friends, but our lives are so different now that like yeah where

i imagined us being i imagined us living on wisteria lane in desperate housewives all on the same street throwing dinner parties every thursday well we're halfway there we do live in the same town we're just lazy oh yeah we we're gonna regret not taking advantage of that aren't we no well we're doing a halloween one aren't we that'll be fun yeah sorry um yeah the 20s have been eye-opening i also think that going into my 20s up until 25 i'd say has felt like a countdown and post 25 i've been like why the fuck was i worried really yeah i really do not care about age past 25 i don't know i'm feeling that intensity now i feel like 28 is the kind of like that's interesting i really should kind of know what

i'm doing and what's my finances i mean well i don't know at this point i'm like man what b will be brilliant like i mean not so much like my life but like you know when you've like the the idea of what age is and how old is yeah and like in your early 20s up into 24 i was like oh my god i'm 25 and then i'm gonna be 26 yeah and actually like when you're 27 28 i'm like i'm just as idiot just as an idiot yeah i mean just as much fun like if anything like i'm a little bit more sure of who i am yeah and i'm less trying to like make up for things and it's so fucking funny how i'm running my mouth being like i'm so worried about my future i'm so scared i need to do this i need to do that and there i am every night spending every fucking waking moment on my phone i'm in tiktok and it's a nice comfort i will not give up

you cannot take that away from me you will not good exactly maybe that's why we enjoy life in our later 20s because in our early 20s we didn't have tiktok you're so right what was life before tiktok oh God. Like, genuinely, what did I do? It was horrible, horrible Instagram filters on Instagram. Ugh. And, like, tweeting all the time. Ew. Yeah. Tweeting One Direction fan fiction.

Yeah, fucking true. It was good times. It was good times. So, one thing that has been on my mind nonstop this week, can't get away from it on TikTok. You were always on my mind. She knows. You were always on my mind.

It's fucking all of these conspiracy theories. Everywhere. Everywhere. And like they've taken on a new life form. I'm talking mainly about the ones about beyonce and like the whole situation that's going on with like a lot of hollywood being involved with diddy and yeah you know there's this kind of like conversation about what is going on and these conspiracy theories mainly about beyonce because as long as i've been a super fan have always been people that

have said she's part of the illuminati she's this she's you know she's part of this evil collective she's an alien or something and now there's these ones she's an alien yes there's been so many over the years right crazy um what's the basis of that then that she came down and that's why she's famous and her and like the hollywood elite are going to mind controlling us all like it's obviously fake and I didn't make it up I don't believe it she's an alien

yeah maybe not that much but like she has got that song Alien Superstar Alien Superstar right under our noses exactly

right under our fucking noses oh yeah it's just I think it's taken a life on its life of its own on now and it's almost like really dangerous like especially if it's all like I don't know scary stuff they're talking about like her possibly having something

to do with like Aaliyah's death yeah that's messed up which I mean I've seen her this week accused of kidnapping. And I don't know how I missed this conspiracy theory. Have you not seen it before? Never seen it. But there's this one tweet from Sia.

Yeah, that's right, Sia. Never seen them interact in my life. And it's like someone's taken the beginning letters of this tweet from Sia in like 2012. And it's saying like, Beyonce kidnapped me. Yeah. And the theory on the internet is that Beyonce kidnapped Sia and kept her in a basement so she could make Sia write all these songs for Beyonce yeah can we can we give some context here Sia that wrote

chandelier snowman titanium titanium um I don't think she's gonna be well this is a thing like like beyonce has got like hand she can hand pick some singers and songwriters and see a big fringe it's a no for me crazy i mean i love it because i just think the people that are like spreading it used to look like idiots surely it's mad like someone sits by and like people getting so involved like there's this other theory that's come in this as well that like kanye west was trying to actually save taylor swift from beyonce and suddenly we're all painting kanye west in the most sorry yay in the most glorious light that he's a protector that he's a oh my god I'm gonna let you finish

but and then like his angel wings grow up from behind his fucking calves is there not something like a little bit more sinister with what's going on in terms of that though

like Beyonce arguably one of the most successful women of all time has fought as far as we know fought really hard to get where she is

worked hard but people don't like to see successful women thrive for long periods of time and so now the people that

hate Beyonce really hate her and they are trying to drag her down and lift up a man in her place and it's just like rewriting history

yeah it's weird yeah really weird how he is he's literally done nothing spoke out nothing about this nothing this these allegations yeah and suddenly it's like oh actually he was doing an amazing thing another thing about like why beyond why is beyonce's name being dragged into all of

this when she hasn't said anything against it she hasn't said anything for it but she is in hardly as many of the photos as some of these other celebrities like j-lo was like going out with diddy yeah like by all means the only connection beyonce has to do with diddy is with jay-z but because they're the biggest couple in the world or arguably one of them yeah they're the ones that are getting all the it's true and like this right under our noses again like pink usher all these celebrities are deleting their tweets ellen generous is calling mr cuddle mcstuffins oh my god yeah that was we're not even looking at that but we're going beyonce beyonce she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows i saw someone the original one was like what I think

helped start it was like someone broke it down I was like she Shay is actually short for Sean

and knows is meant to be Knowles Sean and Knowles Diddy and Beyonce that's so fucking stupid yeah wild go touch some grass

honestly just like get a colouring in book stay off TikTok for a bit watch some Nicholas Chavez edits yeah or watch t4 podcasts on youtube yeah on repeat yeah all right same effect um yes that's absolutely like i can't get away from it i

the last thing i see on my phone when i go to bed i see it in my head when i sleep i wake up it's on my tiktok again get me out of this hell um actually but one thing I have loved from it is that like the memes so like there's obviously people that hate Beyonce at the moment love Beyonce yeah and there's some really good memes going out in the moment of like that song she knows yeah and it'll be people be like a picture of like dinosaurs running away from the meteorite and then the next picture will be Beyonce on the meteorite. Have you not seen the thing? People are blaming Beyonce for everything.

You're destroying mankind. Like, you're just getting the blame for, like, there's ones of, like, her being photoshopped into, like, the Berlin Wall. Oh, fuck's sake. People are, like, going crazy with it. Or, like, a tsunami, and Beyonce will be just, and then the next photo is her is her like photoshopped into it she knows

natural disasters but like could you imagine coming onto TikTok and seeing you'll be blamed for the 2004 tsunami oh literally natural disaster

you're here to like she's got a new collaboration with Levi's jeans she's like post this today you've got really little things oh right everyone thinks A I killed Aaliyah everyone thinks i helped kill tupac when i was

in a free time 15 at the time by the way how she managed that i don't know the killing alia where did she write crazy in love as well crazy knock i met in 2003 alia died in 2001 right in 2001 one destiny's child were at their prime sorry brain rot on the thursday really bad um yeah destiny's child were in their prime in 2001 and i hate to be a hater but alia only became sexual Sex worker? A sex worker? Successful. A sex worker. Only became successful after her death. Yeah, we wonder why. She knows.

She knows. She knows. I know she knows. But the whole idea is that... I'm not going to make an edit. I'm like, you know when it's like, what you're saying, and it's like...

What? The transitions, man. Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. You could have just said that. Yeah, well, I think everyone needs to leave Beyonce alone

and all those people that have got something nasty to say about her, don't bother trying to get tickets for the next concert. We'll have them, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Pray away. Yeah, if you carry on, you've got me to deal with. If she doesn't create another natural disaster before then. I hope she does.

It's what they deserve. So, obviously, this week, Maggie Smith died. Did you see that viral video of a natural disaster before then it's what they deserve so obviously this week Maggie Smith died did you see that viral video of everyone in front of the castle

in Disneyland Florida holding their wands up I did yeah thoughts um I think I think it's quite

a nice tribute I love you she's not fucking in there no but it's what she did in the film so it's like an honour to them it's on a set in the film so it's like an honour to them it's on a set in Florida

from about 40 degrees out there you buried a rose in your garden for an actress you never met see see I think it's a fucking burn I think you know how people mourn people should be respected It's a fucking burn.

I think, you know, how people mourn people should be respected. Nah, it's fucking wild and crazy. This is funny because you take the piss out of Disney adults. Yeah, I do. But when someone dies,

it's different. Right. Never stopped me before. I know. I don't know. She's about a liar. 2000. What?

What? What? Oh, a liar. Oh, can't say that. Beyonce will get us. Love Beyonce. Okay. Sorry.

That was a separate comment. What was that attached to? Nothing. Yeah. It's. I mean, I was cringed out by it i won't lie but i'm playing devil's advocate for personal reasons i scrolled past it yeah i don't think i would do i would have done that like five years ago when i used to love harry potter but then i grew up and jk rowling was a massive turf and didn't mary marg Margo say to grow up and get over it?

Yeah, she did. And so, brings us on to our last segment. Billy, what is your recommendation to our viewers for the week? Well, we are getting into spooky ooky season. Spooky scary skeletons and shivers down my spine.

And I am going to suggest Agatha All Along on Disney Plus it's my favourite TV show at the moment because it's about witches Agatha All Along why are you a hater? I'm joking

you're such a hater no I love it no you've never seen it no Billy love witches I do it's Halloween so I can talk about witches as much as I want.

Yeah. Like Beyonce and Elle's. No, I'm joking. This is completely unrelated, but it just made me think of spooky things. My boyfriend was telling me a story the other night

about how when he was younger, he cried in his auntie's arms because his name wasn't Casper. Oh. I think we need to unpack that. That's a trauma dump. Some vicarious trauma dump from me Love that

Okay my recommendation of the week Is a physical thing It's a long hot water bottle Okay granny Thank you for your shopping recommendations Do you want a catheter as well? Yeah if you wouldn't mind Okay, granny. Thank you for your shopping recommendations. OAP recommendations. Do you want a catheter as well? Yeah, if you wouldn't mind.

No, basically, we've made the transition, obviously, from the summer to the little autumnal months. We've gone from a real fan to the noise of a fan on the Apple Home. I don't have an Apple Home. I'm lying. Bold face lie. In your penthouse. In my penthouse.

Sorry, penthouse in my penthouse alright sorry pet house it was a free google home with that spotify little promotion thing yeah so

we've now gone to the sound of a fan and cam actually got me from savers a long hot water

bottle that is amazing is that for you to hug when he's not there no he's not that size I've never slept with a hot water

bottle so I cannot relate. I give off too much heat in the night. I thought your mum got you a... What are they called? Electric blanket? Yeah, and I've never slept with it. That's just for in the... I'm hot right now as it is. I just overheat so much.

I slept with the fan on last night. Crazy talk Welcome to the crazy lives of us She's super crazy Crazy Yeah but You know pick one Which one would you rather do

Buy a hot water bottle or watch Agatha all along I hope this sparks a debate in the comments Because this is going to be riveting We're going to be fighting each other anywho well hopefully Christy will be better next week and we can string a sentence together by then yeah

sorry my back hurts nobody asked R I P so thank you so much for joining us this week Sorry, my back hurts. Oh. Nobody asked. R-I-P. Shh. So thank you so much for joining us this week. We had a great time. It was blessed. We will see you next week.

Goodbye. Goodbye.