Tea at Four - QUICK CUPPA: Best Bits: The Team Test Their Rizz And Christie's Ex's Shares All

Episode Date: August 5, 2023

We're back with another best bits episode! Taking our favourite moments from the most recent episodes including Rylan sharing TOO much about what our exe’s think of us, getting pied by Sonic The Hedgehog and playing the ultimate 2 Truths And A Lie game with Traitor’s Alex Gray.We'll be back next week as normal with a special episode that we're sure you're all going to love. Follow us on TikTok - www.tiktok/four.nine

Hi, welcome back to the T4 Podcast. This week we're bringing you a bonus set featuring some of our best bits and the funniest spill the teas. Next week we'll be back to our regular episodes. Okay, so we have sent some surveys out, right? I hope everyone's really excited about this. So we've sent out some surveys and our exes are going to rate us and we're going to get Rylan to read it all out. Yeah, but there is a reason. Of course. There is a reason for this. So on my new show, what we do is we literally sex rate you.

So we rate how good you are at sex. It's literally that simple. So how it's worked, all of your exes have been given a survey and they've had to rate you of how they thought you'd done at certain things. But before we find out what they think, I'm going to see what you think about yourself. And then we'll compare. How's that sound, girls? Sorry, mum.

Okay, so Christy, you're up first. All right. Who broke up with who? Probably me, because I'm an overthinker. Well, your ex said she broke up with me, but I'd already checked out. Oh! Whoa!

Next question. How long ago was this? Wow! Let's go. Okay, let's go. Okay, yeah, let's get this done. Do you think you treated them well? Yeah, I'm a nice person, always.

Yeah? Yeah. Till the end? Till the very, yeah, till the very end. Well, your ex said, absolutely. Oh, okay. It was going so well until the third year. Then everything went downhill.

What's going on? I was so nice to this kid. This is brutal. I was bringing up sending him the survey. Was she just like, oh, I'm just like. How much do you miss him out of 10? Seven. Seven.

Well, that's not bad because your ex says a good eight. Oh, okay. But that's because bad because your ex says a good eight. That's nice. But that's because she is nasty. Oh! What? No! Please keep going. Oh, no, it gets better.

Trust me. This gets better. How do you think your ex rated your personality out of 10? Oh, 10 out of 10, man. Come on. Yeah, come on. It's a match. It's a 10 out of 10.

Yay! 10 out of 10 man come on yeah come on it's a match it's a 10 out of 10 what do you think your ex thinks is your best

physical trait oh no I don't really laugh it my boobs your boobs yeah well I can tell you

your ex's exact words was let me suck them titties, baby. My wig is, I'm getting hot. I need to take my wig off. I'm just going to repeat that one more time. For everyone who didn't hear.

Let me suck them titties, baby. I think we should get this guy in. Oh my God. How do you think your ex out of 10 thought you were sexually compatible? By the sounds of it. Oh God, yeah. It has to be a high rating, right? You think a high rating?

Yeah. Well, your ex said, I can't remember. But if she wants to get my memory going, she should call me. if she wants to get my memory going she should call me I'm actually speechless I mean I don't think it's a bad reply but I will take away

suck them titties ladies well done you my wig is hot guys I will take it off yeah my wig's hot as well and not my upstairs one Was you expecting that?

No What was you expecting? Just that nice You know Friendly Not Wow You can only think about titties now

Can't you? Yeah I know I'm going to get them resized How about that reduced? No You've got lovely tits Oh thank you Yeah I Wow I'm bamboozled Will you be calling him? No how about that reduced no you got lovely teeth oh thank you um yeah I

I wow I'm bamboozled will you be calling him no he could call me is he blocked now no he's not blocked but

okay I could drop a cheeky whatsapp message hello one of them hello um wow

I'm in shock well well done babe you didn't do too bad Yeah, that wasn't bad Well done on your breasts So, now we're going to test our wrist skills, our chatting skills using AI

We've seen it all over TikTok so now it's our turn to give it a go. Let's give it a crack. So I've chose Mario, right? From, you know, Mario the Game, right? You know, from Super Mario Brothers. She loves an Italian. But basically, yeah, this is crazy.

It says here, ready for a romping good time. Look no further. I'm Mario, a brave, adventurous 28-year-old plumber. He's 28! Not bad. God, he can jump high for that age. He loves rescuing princesses, exploring... Ooh, rescuing princesses.

How many princesses are trying to... Hello, you. Yeah. Exploring underground tunnels and playing the occasional game of spaghetti-fuelled hot chocolate. How do they know this much about... I don't know. So how do I move to him?

Be like, hey, Mario, can I... Hey, Mario. I mean, he's a plumber. how do they know this much about i don't know so how how do i move to be like hey mario can i hey mario yeah asking for some my pie can you say oh can you serve this my pipe ha that's a good one anonymous rizla but i'm afraid my plumbing skills are reserved for the mushroom kingdom how about we stick to getting to know each other first as friends oh you've been first message get to know each other's friends how about you leave me a note how about are you dumb tell him you're a princess you'll'll love it. I'm actually, I'm in shock. What a twat. Actually angry. Should we downstairs ask her to just like

argue with Mario? All right. So I'm saying, what should I say? She's never going to play Mario. How about we stick to getting to know each other as friends?

How about we know? How about no? How about no? How about no? I'm not the princess for you. I'm not the princess for you i'm not the princess for you sent how dare you such a weird situation mario's happening hey what's your tone i don't appreciate the disrespect he left the chat

hey i don't appreciate the disrespect if you're not interested in getting to know me as a friend He left the chat. Hey, what's your tone? I don't appreciate the disrespect. If you're not interested in getting to know me as a friend, then maybe it's best we end this conversation now. He came and he was not here to play. Wow. I'm actually cutting it out. Yeah, I know.

It took two messages. That's really rude. That was kind of hot Yeah I know It took two messages I'm going to speak to him Because that's really rude That was kind of hot I know exactly He's playing hard to get Go down that little pipe After him Are you playing

Hard to get Hopefully he comes back In the show I'm never going to look At him the same again I know imagine If it's just like delivered Watch your tone

I know Or what's he said I've just seen how big the message is as well listen here I don't appreciate your disrespectful attitude towards me paying hard to get is not in my vocabulary if you can't show me some basic respect then I suggest we end this conversation right now

alright you know what bye it's over for me and you Mario okay no that's so funny I'm not sure how far ahead you are in the running to win this game yeah I know for the best Riz well that's it then squad do you want to have a go

I'm in shock oh my god I think it's cooled down from that a little bit yeah i literally i'm gonna pick i know she's such a no more italians after today you look upset i know because i didn't expect that from a an ai i'm a i'm a lovely person see the thing with me i'm terrible over the like over the same i'm the same i'm in your face let me let me stare at you in your face bro i'm like you'll serve us more than the pipe start chat sonic the hedgehog let's see if he's mad for me yeah hi i'm flattered by the x but i don't swing that way how did you know i didn't even put whether i was a male or female

just god these cartoon characters are actually i'm hard bro i'm never leaving the house again what can i help you with well nothing now oh my god these characters are so rude you know what if you're so fast run run the other direction if you're so quick and slick if you're so quick get away from me they're rude aren't they i actually can't believe this your comment comes off as rude and dismissive i don't appreciate being spoken to in that tone excuse me who do you think you're talking to like that you better watch your tone before i have to teach you a lesson in us it's what he said to you yeah how are you not doing this is this what happens to you on here i know isn't it yeah this is the worst flirting i've ever done oh god oh this is so try and bring it back try and speak talking back yeah

apologize i'm so sorry i'm so sorry love me please what do you say apology accepted all right let's start fresh and leave the attitude behind what brings you to riz gpt you baby he's gonna say what do you say oh who the hell do you think you're talking to don't you dare disrespect me like that watch your mouth before i have to teach you some manners. What is it? He likes the manners. It's on his period. It's all right. Yeah.

Sonic is, Sonic is, honestly, he ran out the wrong side of the bed this morning. Clearly. We actually had a game that we wanted to put to you. Ooh, okay.

We wanted to see how good you are at detecting the lies. Okay. So we've both got two truths, one lie. All right. And we would love to see if you can see who's who's talking shit okay would you be up for that yeah i'm up for it okay all right fab okay who's going first oh my god do you want to go first um okay you have to look me in the eyes oh okay one thing i can't do is stay i hate when people stare at me so I get very uncomfortable that sounds suspicious to me I'm so nervous mom help me um do I actually have to stare well I mean I can can I

look at both of you you can't look at the camera I mean we need it's as if you're okay we're you know all right so number one right I'm going I'm going full detective here i can i can sense it the pressure is getting worse oh my gosh what is my true truth on a lie two deep breaths okay so right hi alex hi hi you guys all right good cool so don't get too nervous police are coming no i'm actually getting nervous guys i don't like this um yeah so when i was younger um i forgot my life oh my god you can't you can't say no guys i'm actually no i'm actually nervous they're both staring at me i'm just like oh just just have a think have a think okay cool sorry I pressurized you too much yeah I can feel the pressure

do you remember all of them all yeah okay cool all right yeah I took this too seriously sorry I can sense it you have a very look at me like

I'm innocent guys right so when I was younger in school right we used to there'd be break time right so we break time people go out and play but i wasn't allowed to go outside i had to stay in class with a teacher for extra lessons why was that just because i like to learn what were you learning everything and anything everything and anything yeah i was like quite a slow learner okay how old we um yeah one how old you in year one like six four six four three okay is that allowed

to stop you having a break time extracurricular activities did you get any breaks at all yeah i did like i got like a little apple and some milk oh but you didn't have any downtime at the end of the day i guess it wasn't every break time but like most break time okay that what used to happen okay and then the other day or the other statement yeah the other statement is on holiday i was in senegal beautiful country very beautiful we were stopped by the police oh police right so they took our drivers um they took our driver's passport and they didn't want to give it back to him until he paid right but luckily enough um nobody understood the language that the policeman spoke and the driver

couldn't you know speak high of it so um me being me tried to be like yo boss man like give my man back his passport police london and um he had a rifle like the police but they have like big big guns right yeah so imagine like i'm a six foot guy and i'm like a five foot four short little girl it's about the attitude yeah but um long story short i got a bit scared and i walked back into the car with everybody else. And the driver, they still have his passport. How do you know till this day? Oh, we're still in contact.

You're still in contact with the driver? Yeah. Where is the driver from? Senegal. But why did they want to take his passport? I don't know. I guess it's just a ploy back then. But if he's from Senegal, why did he not speak the language?

Well, they speak two different languages. Oh, they do? Okay. What are the languages? French and Dakar. Okay okay what language is your driver's um one off i think it was you think yeah so how did you communicate with him um well one of the i think we were just expecting you can tell i'm really trying to take this seriously it's getting hot in here okay last one last one i think i know i think i know do you okay

but i might be wrong it's gonna be embarrassing now if i guess it's hot you know good luck yeah good luck um during lockdown um i won't ask questions for this i'll just let you talk so during lockdown um i started a side hustle like a side business and it was like removing people's exes out of their photos wow because um my ex he called me a tour guide when we went on holiday and um he called you a tour guide he told me a tour guide on holiday did he pay you no to be the tour guide no wow that's rude and that was on a vlog so so literally i taught myself how to like remove people out of like pictures and videos because of him. Okay. Yeah.

That sounds pretty plausible. How much did you charge? How much did he charge? I don't know. No, because you were doing, it was your side hustle. Yeah, it was my side hustle. Sorry. Sorry.

How much did you charge? That's suspicious. It's on Fiverr. So it really depends. It depends on how many images you guys want removed. So if it's like two, it'll be like a Fiverr. Okay. Ten will be like 25. How much did you make? Do you mind if I ask how much you made in total um I mean at first obviously during lockdown

not much to do didn't make that much but I think the most I made was like 350 wow that's good proud of myself yeah wow and how did you advertise it um social media yeah I love the twitter I love it I love a snapchat too so and plus I like to rant as well. So when I'm ranting, I'm like, guys, if you guys ever want to remove your ex out of that picture, you want to post it? Come to me.

Because I believe that. I actually can imagine that. What was the hardest picture you had to remove someone out of? Holding hands. Okay. But then the background was so, we're holding hands, right?

But the background was like, do you know like, you're in, have you guys been to Dubai no no no I've been to Dubai no Dubai so we'll buy like um so we just finished skydiving yeah and we took a picture by the sign and obviously the sign had a nice little beautiful like sunset it was so lovely and obviously I was holding his flipping hand so I had to make it seem as if it was your own photo yeah my own photo had to make it seem as if oh so how yeah so what were you holding instead um just a bag okay yeah just a bag carry a bag no the bag of the skydiving bag give you a little souvenir it's what do you know sorry okay i think i have my answer yeah so what's interesting is obviously i asked you those questions i'm really sorry i couldn't help myself uh this like trade is all

over again i can't help it you see um when i asked you questions about the first story you you didn't really give much you didn't really have much to say i don't know if that's i don't i don't know if that was just coincidence but i feel like your first story about the break time thing is false that's the lie am i wrong yeah the last one yeah it's the holding hand that was the weird like easy yeah i was panicking guys i just said before we started filming she revealed several details that would have made

the first two very obvious lies the first one was to do English lessons from being French and the second one spoke French yep

okay yeah okay well done sorry I was really annoying Christy is going on the chaser season two oh no I'm not they will not see me okay so now we're gonna play a bit of never have i ever

back to uni day um but with tea so it's a new style that we've invented So yeah, so we're going to say something Never have I ever And then we all drink Or whoever drinks if they've done it Never have I ever cheated

Oh, we also do Yeah, yeah It's because we're women We wouldn't do that Never have I ever been cheated on You see the pattern here, guys? I think we all need some shots in our teeth. Yeah.

Let's make it Irish. Never have I ever had sex in public. That was going to be one of mine. Are we going to send this to my mum? What? Now tell us the story in detail. Oh my God. On every single specific day.

No. Did anyone drink over here? No. No. Because we're women. I don't even drink to that. It's hard to tell. Yeah, right.

Can you put your legs in from the air? Yeah. And I'll dive between your legs. They're going to have to censor so much. Fuck no. they're gonna have to censor so much fuck no never have I ever masturbated at work Eileen this is our job we're on the job

if I did you'd want to leave pretty quick oh actually excuse me I actually I actually didn't know that oh my god sometimes you

need to get it out of the way sometimes you gotta push one out push one out that's a different vibe I'm dying Sometimes you gotta push one out. Push one out? That's a different vibe. I'm dying.

I couldn't concentrate so I was like, you know what, I'm going to the bathroom. Rachel, it was the bathroom! Oh my god. I imagine you're like at the desk. Like rubbing up against the... Oh stop it! Rubbing up against the phone cord. Oh, this phone cord.

Stop it. No, don't describe it. No, I didn't use a phone cord. I just have a good imagination there. No, mine was in the bathroom. It was like, fuck, somebody's coming in. No, stop it. Stop it.

This must be the busy hour. Where did you work? In an office. Oh, I'm working up a sweat here. Oh, it's hot in here. Beverly just innocently. She's like, what? It's a weird juxtaposition of a little dog.

No, it's true, though. I'd forgotten about it. I must have been bored that day. You want to know the truth? You want to know the truth? No, no. No, I've got to tell you. No, you don't. No, it's a really interesting thing.

I had a dream about Tom Cruise the night before. I woke up really horny, I think. Tom Cruise? Tom fucking Cruise. I can't stand him. What's going on? God, I don't know. I was younger then.

But it's the truth. I really, really, I don't know. It's like I couldn't shake it. I can't get Tom Cruise out of my head. I've just got to get in the bathroom. I've got to break out of this meeting if you don't mind. Got an appointment with the turd. Oh, boy. You're never ever going gonna be able to watch a tom cruise movie and the chances are that we would it's pretty nil anyway

we're not top gun people i love a bit of top gun yeah just to end the combo there so this is the part of the show where you spill the tea and we try not to it's don't spill the tea my ex thinks i broke up with him because i didn't want a relationship the truth is we did 69 with him on top and he had a dingleberry hanging from his crack. What's that? I couldn't look at him the same way again. A dingleberry is like a piece of shit attached to the hair. There's another word for that. A win it.

A what? Win it. A win it. Win it. What? You can go through. Win it. Wow, that's disgusting.

I mean, you can't judge everyone. You can't. You can't. Okay. We lost dad to prostate cancer last year. That's not funny. Why am I laughing? We lost dad to prostate cancer last year. That's not funny. I'm so sorry. Prison.

I'm so sorry. That's not funny. That's not. No, that's not. Whenever I masturbate, my cat always lingers around. And then when I finish, I sometimes let out a little groan. Every time this happens,

my cat jumps up to cuddle me as if something is wrong. It's really off-putting. I've never been into pussy. Oh, oh. pussy oh oh she's a squirt wow oh wow that wasn't from that guy by the way i i've just never been into pussy a long distance couple were visiting each other for spring break and being unprepared the guy let's call him andrew is without lube for sex the girl heather suggests he use mayo they're both so horny he goes for it while she's visiting him they keep using the mayo as lube for their sessions when she goes back to school she feels something tickling her

around her crotch during the day she has several orgasms she tries to muffle them but they are frequent and surprising when she goes home to look there doesn't seem to be anything wrong she goes to a doctor to have it looked at the doctor takes a peek and says, My God. You have maggots in your vagina. Turns out the mayo attracted flies, which led to squirming maggots inside her, giving her orgasm. What the fuck? Attracting flies!

How would you not notice that? I really like mayo, you know. That's horrible.