Tea at Four - QUICK CUPPA: The Best Bits From Season One

Episode Date: March 17, 2023

Hi, and welcome to Tea at Four! A podcast series by Four Nine, where Lauren, Billy and Christie talk about all things that should have stayed in the group chat- your icks, picks and hot takes straight from your friendly girls and a gay. It's officially the season finale! In this episode we've compiled all the juiciest gossip and REALLY spilt the tea. We'll be back next week with the launch of season 2 ,so don't miss it.

Hi, welcome back to the T4 Podcast. This week we're bringing you a bonus set featuring some of our best bits and the funniest spill the teas. Next week we'll be back to our regular episodes. This is quite concerning because I read somewhere that um they're... You can read. I can, I can, I can. Makes one of us. I read somewhere somewhere that in 2030 people can actually start like travelling to the moon yeah you can live on the moon but why

yeah what is on the moon but why not until you get a McDonald's on the moon will I go why that's very concerning the fact that you said that

about the sea and now they're what's in the sea what's in the sea we've got Titanic shipwreck we've got exactly that is one thing

in the sea that's all I've got vibranium in the sea. Vibranium. What else is in the sea? Vibranium. Maybe the cameras that film like Blue Planet and stuff.

Blue Planet. Blue Planet. Blue Planet. You don't know how to believe that planet? Blue Planet. Is this the one? The BBC.

The BBC. Blue Planet. Echo. No, the only thing she knows on BBC is the Avengers. The Avengers. Oh, yeah. That's crazy.

That's quite scary, isn't it? I think NASA are actually gaslighters because they actually said the same thing. They said the same thing about Route 66, right? That there's some kind of aliens just hanging. Area 51? Area 66. Route 66?

It's a highway. Oh my God, here is my... You know those rumours about old Route 66. There's these videos that keep coming up on my For You page and i don't know if i'm just interacting with the algorithm there too much um these women that have this transaction with men okay it's non-sexual it's completely like a power play thing and they'll meet up with a guy at cash point just your local tesco express and they will just go like get me out 50 pounds get me out 20 more pounds

for being late and the man is just there putting in his pin giving more yes master yes master more of that please where do I sign up for this

yeah how do you actually sign up for it don't put like a flyer on my Instagram who wants to take me to the cash point

yeah cash babies oh yeah cash babies it's a thing right it's maybe like a flyer on my instagram who wants to take me to the cash point cash babies oh yeah cash babies it's a thing right it's maybe like a hashtag because you remember back in the days like cash at me so you're like it says maybe a hashtag i'm a cash baby you're my cash baby maybe somebody would fly into my dm be like yeah let's meet me here you know 5 p.m at a cash point yeah that would actually be the nicest dream yeah no no no like sexual favors involved i just got a act which i'm actually really good at so it's like a bit like a sugar baby but without having to really do anything and you can be a little bit more dominating with it i find that so interesting because like obviously a lot of people are doing it now and i think before it'd be like

oh what the hell is that that's very that's so you know obscure or bizarre but now it's just like yeah it's the new normal sexual empowerment all that things you know i mean yeah i completely agree and it's like like people who make um like only fans and stuff like that like it's so common nowadays i think good on you like putting the power back in like the normal person's hand it doesn't have to be like this really dirty transaction even like sex work and things like that like there's a way to normalize it there's a way to make it less to be stigma yeah even things like this is just so funny i love it for all the years that women have been oppressed like you've got people that and you take out this spouting

absolute shit about women so what if my girl over there stands at a cash point and tells a man get another 50 get another 50 please if he wants to do it at a cash point and tells a man get another 50 pounds. Get another 50 please. If he wants to do it, let him do it. And if he's putting more in my pocket, put more. Keep going.

Keep going. Keep going until there's nothing in your account and it's gone. Period. But then guys, I don't know if,

let's say for instance, you're sitting in a little queue behind Chris. Yeah, she's like, Chris the king didn't get me crying. Just for the picture on the way here me what would you guys do if like let's say you're just like imagine you're at you're at a cash point right yeah you're taking money out let's say you needed like a 10r and then a guy approaches you

and like oh i can take you out some more if you want what would you what would you do would you be like i step back make sure my card wasn't in the machine on yours yeah what do you do? Would you be like, I step back, make sure my card wasn't in the machine. On yours, yeah? What do you want in return? What's the price? Yeah, joke. What's the price? Would you not be a bit curious, like, okay, what's...

What's really going on here? I don't question men these days. You don't? No. Really? No, I just take it for what it is. Does anybody have any interesting cash baby stories?

Not myself, but I know someone. That's a cash ready um i actually i have a personal myself as well okay babes if you're listening right now oh i can start off i like my friend had someone approach them and was like can you send me pictures of your feet and i'll send you some money and they were like yeah absolutely and they started having this bit of transaction in person no no like via instagram and we were going away and they were like they were like giving it or this guy's gonna send me like 50 quid for this watch this send me 50 quid trust me i'll buy us around took a picture of my feet sent it dry dry so make sure make sure if you're gonna do it, get the coin first.

Oh my God. No, no, I've done, not me personally, but this is my personal story. So it was just like, it was quite a cold winter's night. Everyone just needed a little pick me up. Do you know what I mean? There's this guy that's been messaging me and messaging me and messaging me,

asking for pictures. Of your feet or? No, just pictures at first yeah and i'd never opened the messages obviously i don't know what you're wanting from me yeah so i opened them after a few glasses of wine and i'm like how much and of what and then he replies us like oh a feet picture let's just give him a chance so i'm with my friends and friends and um we decide that just give him a chance so i'm with my friends and friends and um we decide that friends are friends are friends just a couple of us and this other girl's happy to get her dogs out and pretend it's me and then i put my jumper on and like caress my hand around my foot to make it look

like because i ain't showing my dogs for free absolutely no well they won't be for free with it yeah but no i hadn't got the money yet so if this all goes wrong this ends up online like i can just say I know it was on my toes you actually got fooled so I sent the picture over what do I know Monzo back

£25 just bought another bottle of wine for everyone which you know is nice but now he's in my DMs asking for my knickers in the post so

I don't think anyone's paying for a picture of my hogs my hogs or my dogs I mean if I get my feet done a nice little penny really yeah man maybe I could do like some kind of like cash baby exchange with like Leonardo Caprio paying for a picture of my hugs. My hugs or my dogs. I mean, if I get my feet done, a nice little penny. Really?

Yeah, man. Maybe I could do like some kind of like cash baby exchange with like Leonardo DiCaprio or someone that's really rich. Oh, no. You're too old. Oh, yeah, true.

Do you know what I've started to think about recently and I keep seeing people talk about it a bit is your ghost outfit. What's the ghost outfit? I hate talking about dying. What outfit?

Like, basically the ghost outfit. Your ghost outfit. Yeah, like, so it's the outfit you die in. Would you be happy being a ghost the rest of your life in the outfit that you die in? I hate all my clothes. Well, I better start wearing

a good outfit from now on. That's what I mean. That's what I mean. Like, every time I get up, I'm like, gosh, would I be happy with this being my ghost outfit? No, I need to change my outfit.

I thought when you go to heaven, though, you'll just be dressed in like a white robe. Yeah, and a white gown. You don't go to heaven and then become a ghost, do you? You're a ghost because you're not going to heaven. No'll just be dressed in like a white robe yeah don't go to heaven and then become a ghost do you you're a ghost because you're not going to heaven no when I'm rising out of my body they just instantly put a white gown yeah

yeah dress me I need to double check if that's actually how it works oh my god but you know like in films or TV shows and someone's a ghost it's the outfit that they're dying in yeah they're dying I'm not lying

well as long as it's a comfy jumper. I've got a really uncomfortable bra on. I have to keep that on in the afterworld. I love that you'll be wearing it in a bra. Yeah. I'm not wearing a bra in heaven. Get in. Free up, Nenepal.

Free the nips in heaven. Oh, yeah, free them, innit? Actually, that sounds like a night at the JY bar. Yeah, it does. Yeah, free the nips in heaven oh yeah actually that sounds like a um a night at the jy bar yeah it does yeah oh i love that yeah yeah and it's so sad it makes me think as well when we get to like 90 and we look back at our life how sad we're gonna go every time i was on a beach i just couldn't stop thinking about the fact like i hated my body yeah i'm gonna obsess over that and it's not gonna mean anything like my boobs gonna touch my knees and then i'm gonna obsess over that and it's not gonna mean anything. Like my boobs are gonna touch my knees. And then I'm gonna wish that I had these little

half saggy ones. I hate that. God. People that love anime and everything is anime. That scares me. Yes. And what about people that like football and sports? Okay, no, no, no.

They spend all their money on season tickets football we can't talk about football because that's that's that's different that's also dangerous is it different that is definitely different no no no what absolutely not i think it's like if the guy not so much that's culture music's culture people are fighting on twitter about football making horrible throwaway comments the same way those beehives were going after rachel ray no but football's not it's not as bad as no then you're not and then you're in the wrong part of football because my friend goes to football and she's a girl and she says that like the other team will be throwing bottles at them

she who is she uh well i've got different friends with different teams okay west ham spurs arsenal north london yeah i've been like i think some straight guys made fun of me being able to name all the beyonce dancers and i was like yeah but you used to be able to and i was like not actually but like and then i'll be like you can name every football player who they played for how long they played for it's like what's the difference

what's the difference between me liking I think there's a big difference because that's it's normal you know it's normal

it's normal it's normal to have a team that you support whereas it's a bit like my team is it's got beaver fever that's a bit obsessive the starlinator beehive is my tribe that's a bit like... My team is. It's got Bieber fever. That's a bit obsessive.

The Stalinator. Beehive is my tribe. That's a bit obsessive. But then again, I'm at fault as well, you know, because I love Nas and I'm a Nas, you know, I stan Nas. Yeah. It's a bit... That's a bit...

Yeah, but in the same way, also, sports fans get like a massive badge of Arsenal on the back of their cast. Okay, let's... No Arsenal slander i know nothing about football leave us out of it but um no i think the football thing is okay no no really no i disagree i think the football fans are the worst out of all of them no the beehive fans are the worst the miley cyrus fans are the worst because getting there with camilla excuse me the royal fans are

the worst no oh my god i'm actually gonna combust yeah but that doesn't excuse the bad behavior of okay of course yeah but i'm not saying i'm not saying it's weird to support football teams no i'm saying the extremes saying they're hate crimers yeah it's the same as the extremes of like the disney characters like the extremes of the uh i mean world cup people were being so when pebbles so when what's it called when you're seeing um a grown man outside wearing a whole mario costume and he's he's everything mario wearing a football kit no but come on that's a game mario's a game football's life i'm so sorry i feel like football's fine i'm not I'm not saying football like liking football is bad no I'm talking about

I'm just saying that like the how aggressive football fans get that's what I'm saying is the worst it's the passion even

how aggressive what's it called you guys get when you love your when you're being a keyboard warrior I'm not I'm not throwing pebbles

at Italian fans am I yeah I'm not setting I'm not setting Lebbles at Italian fans am I? I'm not setting Leicester Square on fire I don't condone violence but like just the passion putting um flares up my arsehole yeah we don't put flares up our arsehole for Harry Styles but we should start

maybe that's how I'm going to do it at his concert I'm going to do it at his concert no but guys I get it but I just feel like football's okay that's how i'm gonna do it his concept yeah that's how you get noticed no but guys i get it but i just feel like football's okay like the fan you're part of the problem then yeah maybe i am part of the problem you're step one self-awareness at least i know i'm a freak catch me outside emirates stadium we have we have a cursed doll doll From eBay For you guys to open And unbox

On the podcast Wait hold on What did you do? Can Can No Can you handle her? We've got Georgia

Unboxing the doll Because we're all too scared So apparently There should be some Information in there About the doll Right Jackie's history

Jackie's the. No. Jackie's the spirit of a 50-year-old woman from Portsmouth. That's weird. She told us during... She's not 50. She's eight. Yeah, but she's the spirit

of a 50-year-old who's inside of her. How? That's what's haunted. How? Well, I'm going to tell you if you stop interrupting the history lesson.

She told us during a seance that she had two sons who both turned out to be junky useless idiots okay she blames her father because he was a weak empathetic man who could never satisfy her and she regrets ever marrying him happy international women's month she says her life was pointless because everyone around her was weak and pathetic oh wow jackie wishes she never had children or got married and done more with her life she wishes she never took

she never uh she wishes she never looked after them creatures jackie has been personally wrote this needs to go back to english i'm sorry jackie wrote it i think she might jackie's been known to make banging noises and interfere with electronics, as well as cold temperature functions being recorded on several occasions. Jackie is best kept away from other vessels. What do you mean? What do you mean? You stupid boy.

Oh, it's a fucking skull kind of. What's it called? Tiki. What's it called? Bunting. Oh, it's a fucking skull cannibal. What's it called? Tiki. What's it called? Bunting. Oh, my. I'm out of here. I'll see you later.

Who's in there? Bye. No. No. Who's in there? No and no. No. I'm sweating.

No and no. He's no. No and no. He's actually scared though. He actually is. No guys I'm actually crying. What the fuck? What the fuck? Guys I'm actually crying.

Oh my god. What else? She's crying. What the hell? I'm screaming. Oh my god, you're really crying. Okay, well that was incredible. Okay, this is the part of the podcast where we get to react to the internet's wildest confessions.

Yes, alright. And rate them on the brutal meter. Whenever my husband plucks fluff out of his belly button, he reaches down my top and puts it inside my bra so I can carry a bit of him around all day. My heart sinks a little when I see him digging, but it's gone on too long for me to tell him I don't like it. I don't think... I think you can tell him now. There's no limit of time for us to decide this is wrong.

It's the fact that you sit there and you know what he's doing and he's come to you and he's nah come on mate I thought he's got a glass I can't believe

what you're saying hearing, seeing or believing wow that's too gross why would you how do you not physically show

your revulsion why people love putting their like secretions like keeping them I hear people like keeping

toenails okay that's disgusting keep that to yourself please I wouldn't do that belly button

flat that is repulsive that's smelly and she's now no carrying a part of you would be something like a locket

not a fucking piece of thank you yeah belly button flat disrespect as well like

if someone did that to me they'd be like fuck off. Prison. Jail time. Get your hands away. Yeah.

Remove yourself. No way. Yeah, that's disgusting. I think that's a strong eight on the brutal meter. Eight? Even more, man. Yeah, yeah.

8.5. I'd give it a nine. Yeah, I was going to say nine. I'm not going to lie. Bodily fluids. Snapchat. Snapchat. Snapchat. Snapchat. I'm sticking with my, yeah i was gonna say nine i'm not gonna lie bodily fluids snapchat violation i'm sticking with my 8.5 because i feel like there's things that would be even worse and i don't want to like shit shit in her bra yeah sorry it was just a joke when i was

a young teen i used to practice sex positions on a four foot tall santa toy what it's now my nephew's favourite toy in the world. I am the only one who doesn't find it cute when he plays with it. Prison. That's definitely not been washed. That's probably felt. That's very hard to clean. That Santa was violated.

Violation. Beastality. In fiction characters The poor Santa Claus The poor Claus of Santa Honestly How would you Four foot eleven

That's quite big Four foot eleven Let's see Here's North Pole Sorry That's Slate That's

That's fucked That's messed up Why are you pract on a santa get a maybe a real human so why why practicing something that's four foot and who practices anyway maybe they're short freak oh maybe they're short on to the next one one time i had to sleep over at my friend's house where there were three of us i went to go to the toilet on the way i saw some nice looking nail polish in the mum's room so i went in to look at it then i heard the mum coming so i hid in the closet which was a bad

idea because i needed the toilet then i realized the mum was getting ready for bed and i knew i was fucked it went on for so long that I took a poo in the closet and never spoke about it since. Was your friends not wondering where you were? You were in there shitting in a fucking cupboard. Yeah, but did the shit smell?

I'm sorry. Babes, I've not got details. Who's got a poo that doesn't smell? Because my thing is like, the fact that you shat. Someone's wardrobe. Someone's clothes. The only violation to do it in someone's private space,

but to do it on my clothes is a no. Yo, shoes. That's going to be... And plus, you can't even see. So what are you shitting on yourself as well? Shoes. Flip. Shoes and coats and bags.

That is fucking horrendous. No. No, that's up there. No, but lauren for real where were her friends because what i know people need to actually do something called find their voice empower your voice and your space and you know what if you're in a closet get out if you are needing a shit speak careful about telling people to come out of the closet. No, he never says the word. That is too much and I'm going to give it a 10. In the case if it's just child, maybe you're not fully formed yet mentally.

Maybe a 6 is a 10. Oh my god. A 6? That's a 10. I'd rather take the child's poo in the closet over the belly button fluff of my bra. You're cleaning it afterwards it's not mine mum yeah but still

like let's say let's say you were the mum you're cleaning it yourself like you're cleaning that shit you're even gonna be thinking how the hell did that shit get into there

okay were you not a baby once did you are you not gonna have your twin babies to clean up their poo in the closets and their friends

they won't be in my closet trust and believe they won't be in there on the and believe they won't be in there okay then what do you rate it 10 i'd say like a nine okay all right from here what i was saying so right now this is the part of the show that we're gonna play don't spill the tea which means you shouldn't spill the tea then you understand the tea's hot don't spill it so the way the game shouldn't spill the tea then. You understand the tea's hot, don't spill it. So the way the game works is our producer,

Bobby's going to read out some stories and we're going to try and not spill the tea. Ready? Let's go. My dad once farted in a museum inside a typical Victorian bathroom exhibition. And as we walked away the details again the details

my dad once fought in a museum inside a typical Victorian bathroom exhibition and as we walked away a couple approached and as the woman complained of the smell he replied saying they must have added the smell to make it more realistic. I'm so desperate to have sex with a female clown I can't take it.

Oh, I say that one. Oh my God. Isn't that like Harley Quinn? Basically, that's what I thought in my head. Crushing the clown with a wig on. What a female clown. That's weird. What is that?

Man in toilet. Where did I picture myself? What? There's a lot about my subconscious thoughts. That is actually quite... I want to ask him some questions. So this is actually a follow-up to our... I don't know if you remember the last time,

our clown guy who was desperate to have sex with a female clown. So I met a woman after my post went viral, so she messaged me. We got talking, hit it off, she's into the clown thing too. I booked a hotel room where we met Sunday evening. The beautiful, sexy clown woman of my dreams. Her outfit, her makeup and big red nose were perfect. So perfect it ached.

She came in and started making balloon animals as we made small. I'm sorry. I just got showered. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh my God. Oh my God. Snaps.

Okay. 24 years ago, aged 18, I walked in on my dad licking mum out. After I'd been on a night out. Mum brought a cup of tea the next morning and asked how my night was. Told her I didn't remember getting home to save the embarrassment. When my sister and I were little, we didn't understand what vaginal discharge was. We thought it was coming out of our butts.

what vaginal discharge was, we thought it was coming out of our butts. So we made a song called Butter in My Bum. Shmucks, that one. I got myself a hot dog. I got myself a hot dog. Ah! She likes that one. Oh. It's in my eyebrows. It's not in my teeth.

Do you know what? The image I've got in my head, she's got a big one. No. No. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I've got a stick of lard in someone's ass.

No, no, no, no, no. You know a hot's ass churning butter no hot dog the hot dog butter she liked that one oh no it's in my scalp oh christ

I'm covered in I look like a fucking history project tea stains oh my god arts and crafts when I was around 16 i decided to shave my vagina with my brother's electric razor as they do a better job than the disposable ones after using it i cleaned it because i knew he wouldn't be happy come evening time while i'm

watching a film with my mum on the other side of the house i get a phone call from my brother did you use my fucking razor to shave your vagina i literally sank in my seat and said no and he said i know you used it it's got your pubes on it i was so terrified to go back after the film i secretly went to my room and locked my door but my brother heard me fuming he yells open your door now i was sat on my bed facing the door refusing to open if you don't open the door i'm gonna knock it down obviously i didn't but my brother kicks my door and the whole door and frame came down i was with no door for three weeks p.s my brother didn't do anything my monday my mum ended up coming upstairs and telling him off. Oh my God.

Poor girl. I think that's it for today. Yeah. That's a wrap. Follow us on all our social platforms, on TikTok, on YouTube, on Instagram. Make sure you guys subscribe and watch and share. See you next week.

Goodbye. make sure you guys subscribe and watch and share see you next week goodbye