Tea at Four - Taylor Swift's engagement, Fantasy Football is Tarot for boys & send all men to the North Sea

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

On this week’s episode, Christie is BACK! We’re talking about the cheap perks of baldness, the terrifying return of black mold season, and why some men don’t even deserve prison – they deserve the North Sea. In Celebri-tea, we cover Millie Bobby Brown stepping into her mamacita era, while Taylor Swift’s engagement has us debating gym teachers, asking “who is Travis Kelce?” and wondering if she secretly listens to this podcast????We’re also diving into some hot takes – from fantasy football being compared to tarot cards (is it just Top Trumps for grown men?) to whether single women should get the same gift-registry treatment as brides.Let us know YOUR niche hot takes by sending to [e-mail] or DM us @teaatfourpod, and make sure to give us a follow for all the tea x

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. this episode is brought to you by Defender with a towing capacity of 3,500 kilograms and a weighting depth of 900 millimeters, the Defender 110 pushes what's possible. Learn more

at land rover.ca. Some men don't deserve prison. They deserve worse. At what? The North Sea. All men should be born and raised in the North Sea oil rigs. Hello everybody, welcome back to Tiap 4. I'm Christy. I'm Billy. Hello, I'm Lauren, and this is the podcast where we talk all things that normally stay in the group chat. But today, I am Dot. Dot, I'm Peggy. And I'm Pat.

And together, we are the old bats from EastEnders. Do you know what I'm actually ready for, though? I'm ready for those October evenings walking home and... Okay, Autumn Girl. She's really in her back. You didn't she say that this morning. Oh my God, that's so cring. You didn't say that as morning.

Do you fuck. No, you are fair. Yes, I'm kind of done with summer now. Yeah, I'm ready for like the cardigans, jumpers, cozy wear. You wear that in summer as well. You said she ran a track suite last week. I know, actually wasn't that. But yeah, I think, you know, after the year's coming, crazy.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. I'm done with the hot summer nights. I'm done with having my fan on, which is. circulating the dust in my bedroom and giving me allergies as I have bought up on this broadcast before. Rewitting conversation. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm ready. Oh, I'm ready for the black mold to infiltrate my lungs. What? There we go. Oh, yeah. That comes with winter, the damp seasons. Black mold? You know that mold.

Oh, my God. Oh, I don't think I've ever had mold. See? No, no. It's like a rite of passage in London. Honestly, no. This conversation is bad. where have you been

why have you been neglecting us I'm sorry guys I was sick first and foremost I caught a cold in summer which is completely crazy stupid fake you always have a cold in summer as well I'm just a hot girl that gets hot in it and then gets cold

huh you've just got a poor immune system Katie Perry and how was at a wedding in Glasgow it was so amazing in. It was in like in a castle, like a... Really? That's cool. Dumb fries. Dumb fries? Sorry.

Yeah, that's what it's called. Dumfries house. And it was just, yeah, amazing. Lovely venue. So not you get married. One day. One day. One day. Give me three years. Three years. That's your countdown. Yeah. Give me three years. Okay, you heard it here first, peeps. Three years time. Three years time.

So engagement next year. Then give you a couple of years the plan. If God permits. Yeah. Y'all be right there, right in front, made of money. Stomp, stump, stomp with a ride. It's actually true. I feel like, actually, you wouldn't want to get married next year, actually,

because there's too many other big weddings going. There's Zendaya, there's Taylor Swift, there's Selena Gomez. They get married? Yeah, baby. Taylor Swift got engaged this week. Wow, congrats to her. No, our dear personal friend. You never know if she might hear it and see it then, you know what I mean?

It's like, oh yeah, shout out to the T-out four guys. That's not her accent, but, yeah. Tell me she isn't going to see it Guys you never know She could be watching it and we just don't know Babe She's not watching this But guys how do you know

Like we've been Oh wait Yeah how do you know Like it's endless Like we could actually be I think the probability of her Compared to her 1,000 business

And her being included in that number Is slightly not possible I have faith I have faith Even Phil might be watching this as well So even, I mean, I think we're, as in like the invisible string theory, we're closer to getting Phil Mitchell on the podcast and Taylor Swift. Yeah, would that be your dream podcast guest?

Phil Mitchell. Dream podcast, Gansomberman podcast. No, maybe like the Brennan brothers, you know, Max and Jack, there's not enough chairs. Are we gone? No, we're gone. This is Christy's show now. This is your dream all along, isn't it? establish myself here

and like, yeah, you guys are going out, I'm like some jacksons. Before coming on today, she also said that like, oh, you guys are lucky. I don't have any Estenders podcast. And I said, you do.

As you got to hear it might as well. We sit next to you as you talk about EastEnders all the time. For you guys like it too. I feel like one thing we should do a watch party. I'm going to have a watch party. I'm going to invite you guys all. And we're going to have a nice bread, some drinks and EastEnders on the screen.

No, I want to see a special episode called Chris Teartful. And it's just feet. Eastenders guests. that's all you like just then oh and of course Taylor Swift

because she watches I actually don't know any Taylor Swift song so let's not do that Swiftly On to our game of celebrity which is the top headlines of the week

and we fill in the blanks So should I go first then Please English be on my side Oh this is going to be amazing for Lauren Harry style Spotted on Romantic stroll with blank

Zoe effing cravets Which I'm furious about Because I did a red carpet thing The other night I'm just looking at her dead Dead in the eyes It's me and her And she knew on that Sunday

She was gonna go hold hands With my ex-boyfriend Your future husband My future husband And previous lover All at the same time And she also had the nerve to talk about She's probably been on dates

In our pub The Cat of Mountain No no no no no no No no no No fucking talk to me like that She was like oh my favourite pub in London is the catminton, which is next door to where me and Lauren used to live.

She's been stalking you. Oh, yeah. There you go. Oh my God, you're so right. That makes it. It makes sense. It does make sense. Oh, so that's the headline then.

And I get my hands on you. I get my hands on why I order. All right. So Harry Stiles spotted on Romantic stroll with the most, the red flag name of 2025. Zoe. Now you say it, it was in Rome and I went to Rome three years ago on my own.

See, I told you. Didn't I? Yeah, you did. I told you, Laurie. Did I not? Yeah, you did. You did. Well, you really remind me of this country right now.

I went to Rome three years ago, actually. Is that right, Coton? Yeah, good. Yeah, three, deeds. Oh, gosh. All right, what's the next one? Oh, we've already said this. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey, get divorced.

Oh, what you wish. No, get engaged or announce engaging. I guess. Who is he? Is he like a footballer? That's a very good question, Christy, because I too have no idea who this man was. He's an NFL player, no?

Yes. Very famous, very successful NFL player. Are you retired? Sports. So she's a wag. He's not retired, I don't think. Is he retired? No.

Why do we care? I used to something at the other day like when people were genuinely asking on the World Wide Web. Who is more famous, Taylor Swift with Travis Kelsey? I feel that. I was like, who is Travis Kelsey? Yeah.

Most of all. I mean, he's only famous because he's dating Taylor Swift. It's so true. I mean, the Americans are probably there just like, what are they? This is ugly bitch. I don't know. You're unfortunate swine.

I don't know if you saw the engagement post, but the caption was like, when your English teacher and your gym teacher get married that is literally the worst engagement caption I've ever heard can you just cringe or just put an emoji ring emoji champagne

yeah that would be cringe what ring a lot of champagne you know your amazing photos and then just be like imagine that yeah simple like you know you guys can get lost of your whatever caption you guys thought but ring emoji and champagne Is that what you do?

Probably. I'm like, less is more. I know, but I also feel like Taylor doesn't realize that the connotations that she's put with a gym teacher doesn't uphold in the UK because I think a PE teacher is the worst teacher to be. Oh my God, no. Really embarrassed for her actually. The gym teachers would fancy the girls, the popular girls. There's like never, ever in the UK has there been a good looking or successful PE teacher.

Hey, my tennis teacher was actually sweet. Serious? Yeah. Were they freelance? Did they just come in for tennis? To be honest, yeah, he was actually freelance. But what I mean is that in America, like a football coach, I guess is quite, I don't know, I couldn't tell you.

But in the UK, like, the pyramid scale of teachers. Yeah. Pea teachers are at the bottom. Is it like the thing, it's like if you can't do teach, it's actually a bit of an insult. If you not made it as an Olympiad, Olympi. Olympi. Olympit that goes on the shorts.

an Olympic athlete so you become a PE teacher oh god sorry to all the PE teachers listening actually no we can't say that because it looks I feel like nowadays people are age or now the teachers so maybe one of our friends could be PE teachers and we're getting on to them you're overthinking it babe that was just a I promise I didn't mean that bit of tongue with cheek Danielle yeah sorry darling we've got one more then take it out then all right Please. Oh, you can reach. Thank you.

Okay. Millie Bobby Brown and husband announce pregnancy. They've adopted the baby. Did you read the news? Oh yeah, sorry. Did what? Announce.

That they've adopted a baby. Adoption? Yeah, I think it's adoption. So they're, so she's just turned 21 February this year and she has just adopted a baby girl. She's in a mother era. I saw someone say that in the time that Mini Bobby Brown

has started to date the Bon Jovi guy married the Bon Jovi guy, had a baby with the Bon Jovi guy, is like the same, we've still been waiting for season five since season four came out. She moved fast. Or Stranger Things move slow.

True, true. Wait, hold on, so you're telling me she's a mother now. She's a mommy. To an actual baby, Lita. Jinks. To actual baby, not like a dog. A baby, yeah, fully, well, from what we know.

Oh, yeah, that's a good point because I did read the thing and I thought it was like, oh, maybe they're just teasing a dog. But I don't think they'd be so silly. It's sensitive evapation, isn't it? Or a sensitive, like, a statement. Yeah, to be like. To be joking around about adoption. Yeah.

I mean, well, big up her, you know. Yeah. I think she'll be a great mother. 21 what were you doing at 21 being her mother just for clarity you do know she is don't you yeah yeah yeah strange strange strange strange strange thing the stranger thing number 11 11 11 11 11 7 11 yeah and she's got the short hair 7 11 yeah I know it I've watched it and that that show scary yeah yeah I don't know I mean props to them I think they've been commended as a very like unproblematic couple in

Hollywood. I hope the fact that they've done this so young isn't going to bite them in their bum because having a baby, regardless if you've adopted it, pushed out your vagina or had it by surrogate, it's a big commitment to have that young in life. I've got a lot to do. At 21 I was what were you doing that 21? Myself after getting my McDonald's out of the bin. McDonald's out of the bin. Exactly. What would you do at 21? I'd climbed Kilimanjaro and I'd raised over two million pounds for charity um solved world hunger told no one nothing i did nothing at 20s yeah but yeah well done to her well done milly all the best we know you're watching millie baby brown

oh like that here's a new segment where we are going to read out some hot takes from the internet and we're going to see whether we agree we're going to discuss and just get right into it. Y'all ready? Let's go. Men should start their life in prison and earn their way out. I hear it.

I think our prison system is already filled to the brim. I'm very struggling. Some men don't deserve prison. They deserve worse. Like what? The North Sea. Yeah.

All men should be born and raised in the North Sea oil rigs. and then if they can make it off that they can live. I think I agree with that because I feel like UK prisons they've got like Xboxes in there they've got like

yeah they're living their best life free accommodation. Also think about it if all the men are in prison then the girls have got at work the prison, feed the boys clean up be the officers

they have to work for each other the more they go up the ranks than the men look after the babies in prison oh no This is straight men only, right? Yeah. It's not a year.

We get you, Billy. You go to a separate. I go to a pink present. That's where the party's at. Yeah, that's funny. I like that one. All right. Cool.

Next one. Male boredness shouldn't exist. Women spend time and money into their beauty standards. Why should we feel sorry for them for not buying the system they created? So that was. There's a really elaborate point, but I think what they're trying to say is men should fix their boldness, but are the same way that women fix their beauty issues. I agree. Yeah, you're lazy.

Go to turkey. Yeah, I don't know. Go to turkey. I mean, it's cheap not having hair, in it? Don't do much. It's cheap not having hair. You don't do much in the morning, so why are you complaining? No, yeah, but no, it's like, yeah, but then we have to look at it.

gags i could do a bold head it's not about you christie it's about men yeah i don't mind men with bold heads you're true i think you're sure i think you're sure i think what else she said no of course i mean to be fair i get the point actually like women do so much yeah they do But then I guess if it's a choice that people like the look of a baldhead, they can do that, can't they? Yeah. I think actually normalised hair systems, they look great and the men that use them look really happy.

Yeah. Thank you. I too. No one knows. It's really good, isn't it? Just lifting it beside them, mate. Star signs are just a way to excuse your bad traits. Well, as a Gemini, I don't have any bad traits.

I don't know if that one really works. remain. Do you know what? Yeah. What? I don't believe in star signs anymore, but when I was in it, I don't believe it. I feel like cancers, certain, certain star signs, not all star signs. Because Gemini's amazing people.

I know. What do you want to say about cancers? Finish your point. Oh, my God, this is, yeah. With your chest. My sisters are cancer, right? And they are, they are, they are interesting beings, I'd say. Really?

But I think that the best ones are Gemini and Sagittarius. But does she say, uh, excuse me. me it's okay tourist no so but then you're saying so your sister acts like that and then it's like oh it's just because I'm cancer like that's just the way I am yeah

oh yeah actually people that go on Twitter do that the most when they're just like oh my gosh I'm having a Scorpio day it's like you're just being a bitch yeah

I don't agree with it I hate it when people were like oh my god yeah that's so gemini out of you it's like what because I was born in June what's that mean Come on. Some on.

However, mine actually is well, the way I get attacked by saying I'm always at the buffet as a tourist. True, but don't. Yes. That's nasty that. They were real for that one. That's just a coincidence. Actually, I do excuse my, I actually am an hypocrite. I do excuse my behaviour by saying that.

Ha ha. Okay, next one. Tarot card reading and fantasy football are the same thing. Absolutely not. I actually don't even understand fantasy football. What? Are you dumb? No, I think... Christine, you don't know who everyone is

every week on this podcast. I would say fantasy football is the same as like... It's like sticker collecting. What? It's not... No, it's what there's sticker collection? What?

It's like Pokemon... No, guys. Explain to me now then. It's what? Explain to me what fantasy football is. Basically. So before... Fantasy, done.

Witches, wizard's football. No, but these are real people, though. Like, real players. What? So you're logging. in at the end of every day pretending you're a manager. Is that what fantasy football is? It does look humor like, I'm not like, I used to play it when I was younger on disc and it's the best thing ever.

It's like creating your team, you know, beating other teams. It's sick, absolutely sick. And I'm, I'm in for it. No, no, no, no, guys, you can't put in the same level as Tarot Card. Tarot cards is down here, fantasy football's up here. I'm so sorry. No, I know, I know what you, like, I know what, I know what they're saying. I don't agree with you.

Well, I'm pretty sure the people watching, I know. Agreed with me. Yeah, they probably do. But, like, fantasy football is another weird, like. How is it weird? Actually, with those fucking Joey Barton sympathises, definitely on your team. It's the same as people who do, like, Pokemon cards, I think. Absolutely not.

What's the difference? Top trumps. Yeah, top trumps. Absolutely. It's literally top trumps. Brats. It's top trumps. It's top trumps for people who like football. Wow.

You nailed that. Wow. You ate that. It's okay. I'm signing on business. I do not agree with that statement. That's crazy. Sorry that you.

like top Trump's football fantasy whatever it is. Do you have a dinosaur for like the manager? A dragon for refereeing. I have no words guys. It's like you sit there pretending to be a manager then you log off and you go out of dinner. Take it at the end of the day of every game

makes notes and which one's done really well. Time off, no, no, no. Must make note. You know, guys, I've got no words but I personally feel like no, that's a mad statement. That's mad. My, believe so. Oh yeah, me. I can't believe you just got are you dumbed but Christy who at least once a week will be like I was to do a montage of Christy going like is that Olivia Carpenter?

Yeah. Like in the black and white. Yeah. Is it black and white? And then like loads of them popping up. Lee. That's getting hot in it. Um, single women should be able to throw a huge party and get gifts the same way married women do.

If they don't want a wedding, they lose out. Yeah, absolutely. Why not? Hello? This tweet is about you. I just really, um, thingy. Can you repeat after me, actually? So single women should be able to throw big parties

and receive loads of presents the same way married women do, but they don't want to have a wedding. Essentially, like, if you know you're not going to get married and you're not going to spend all that money and have a wedding, why should they not get to have the same privilege of getting the gifts and throwing a party? Yeah, because you're not getting married.

The heck? So you don't deserve a celebration for yourself? Your birthday? Yeah. Oh, no, but it's a different thing. It's like a marriage to yourself. It's a celebration of my life as a single woman. Yeah.

So basically all the ugly women need to have a present because they can't get married. Shake the table. Don't include that. You need to live in like Puritan fucking 500s where they stop dancing and fireworks. and Christmas I don't believe in that

I don't need another reason to spend loads of money on someone else Oh that's the gentleman I don't know what I mean That is true He's bad enough I've got to spend money

Or someone who's getting married Let alone reason for them For no reason at all Do you know if you want to If you want to party party But don't be upset if other people are getting married Do you do you

Yeah And let the people getting married Do them Yeah I agree I feel like Throw big birthday parties Do what you want But like

you go if you're getting hung up on the fact you're not getting married then you're still hung up on the fact of marriage and actually should just be living your life oh it's tongue-in-cheeked oh yeah who loves a party we're all gonna die one day oh okay oh hmm women excuse their girl group's toxic behavior and call it girlhood uh I agree I think we we call each other out yeah not all friendships trust me I went to a girl school end please no but adult Female friendships. Adult female friendships. Joy is, I feel like this is the thing with, the thing with females, right?

It's not, it's only one person in your girl group that you are most honest with and will say it as, say it as it is. Whereas just to keep the peace, you want peace, not problems, you accept. It's just called girlhood. It's actually toxic. I, like, it's weird because I obviously have loads of girlfriends.

Oh. But I never have, like, problems with them. But then I see all these, like, friendship groups online who have, like, constantly arguing and have, like, toxic relationships with each other in the group. And I just can't relate to that. Yeah, I mean, it's fucking tough out there. Some people just don't grow out of that mentality of, like,

unfortunately wanting to be a bit argumentative and not knowing, like, it sounds so cliche, but, like, the most important things in life for, like, your family, your support system. like actually having the best for some like having the best outlook for someone setting better intentions rather than just going on assumption like taking someone to a side instead of having like a group argument in a chat like sometimes it can still feel quite childish but actually the hot take is maybe you are the problem stop being the Beyonce sometimes be Michelle or Kelly or just

like I don't know just to zoom out realize what's important in life and actually if you don't get on and you're being catty and finding you're biting your tongue at your friends maybe You shouldn't be friends. Yeah. Except that too. I agree. Thank you so much for coming on today, Dr. Phil. I like that.

Dad bods are only attractive because we have low expectations of men. No, disagree. Disagree. Wait. I didn't get charged for my donut. It was free with this Tim's rewards points. I think I just stole it. I'm a donut stealer.

Ooh. earn points so fast it'll seem too good to be true plus join tim's rewards today and get enough points for a free donut drink or timbits with 800 points after registration activation and first purchase of a dollar or more see the tim's app for details at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time so then so then what would the opposite be like girls with six packs are a near because we have such high expectations of women? No, it'd be like...

What would it be? I don't know, actually. It's a good point. Maybe it'd be like girls have to be really skinny and look really beautiful at all times because of the high standards. Yeah. But we excuse their low expectations.

That's crazy. Yeah, that is crazy because we have the expectations of men. But then maybe it's also just because we're not as toxic. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Producer Bob. All right. I think we just...

Just don't put anyone on a pedestal. No. On a podistarst. On a podistool. I don't know, Billy. 9 to 5 doesn't actually mean 9 a.m. to 5pm. It means nine hours a day, five days a week. A 9 to 5 is actually 8 till 7 because you can't teleport to work.

I've been saying this. I've been fucking saying this. And even before that, I'm waking up at 7 o'clock to prepare my myself for work. So technically we're talking seven to seven. Gosh, it is. It's crazy, isn't it? It's crazy. Yeah. By the time you get home, in it? Yeah. It's a scam.

It's a scam. I'm just still getting home with fact that nine to five is nine hours, five days a week. No, it's not because you've got one hour of break time. So it's not. Break time. You get your cookies of milk. Lunch time. Yeah. So I don't think it's not. It's not, it's not. It's eight hours, 8.5? No, that's the actual work day, isn't it?

Eight and a half. Regardless. We are working. But you're still at the office, the nine hours. Fair. Oh, it's not right. We are. It's like, I actually can't even get into it because I believe so strongly.

We're just, like, why haven't we changed? Why haven't things changed? Like, this has been, oh, actually we have changed because people used to be in workhouses seven days a week. crazy but I guess I wouldn't like that but to go down to five days at least give us a three day weekend to balance it out slightly come on that would be nice I would like today I'd like to do maybe three to three like three hours for two days oh what you know like just do Monday and Tuesday three days and then rest of it off no why I mean no what you want to do then

that's too much that's too no too much too no too much time on you're always off anyway I'm back I'm back now then you have time to be ill no I don't think so I feel like we at least four days but then I feel like it should be like

from nine to two that's the perfect no I'd rather do maybe like 10 to 2 no because even if you finish it too then you've got to get home and then that's a much school rush there's not much time at all really

so actually I just won't work Fair. Retired. Yeah, retired. Fair. If you flat share, the rent should be split based on income, not equally. That's so rude. Is it, though?

Yeah, I think so. I depend what kind of relationship is. Is it with friends? It just says flat share. Flat share. Yeah, so like friends. Friends, then no, because you're both, you're all getting like the same thing. And if you're living in London,

you're getting a shoebox room all year. Why should your friends have to pay more for you? If it's a relationship with our partner, I get it because you're both contributing to the same lifestyle, but what goes on next door to me is none of my business. And what they want to do is up to them, and I don't care. I'm not paying towards it.

All right? Babe, this is hypothetical. I know. I've got to protect my earnings. I'm not made of money. Billy from the bank is back. Otherwise no one would also No one would work

Everyone would just go into flat shares And then be like Oh well I'm on this amount So actually I'm sorry I need a pay decrease So I can be on less money Than my flatmates

Yeah Wow Actually maybe they should do that then Maybe they should do that And then I'll just take the cheaper The cheaper salary Sorry it was money talk again I just glazed over

Again All right Last time you were talking about You weren't here. Yeah, but I watched it, and I was like, yeah, Billy. You can't come from receipts if you weren't there to get receipts. No, but I saw the receipt. I watched it and I was like, why is he talking about finance with so much passion?

Like, what's going on? I've not coming here today to be checked by you for last week's work. More passion, more energy. More passion. But I hear for it, like, TED Talk with Bills, let's go. Oh, you've changed your tune. You've got five seconds ago. Sorry.

What page of the book are we on? Same with your chest. Save with your chest. Yeah. No, I love it though. Double down on it. I love it. You do?

One minute ago, you hated it. I love it for you. You go ahead. Give us some more. That was funny. That was a very good episode. You guys really missed me. Yeah, bitch.

Oh my gosh. Ah. Perfect. That was a very enjoyable episode today. Thanks for being back, Christy. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. until next week when you got the plague.

Have you seen, that's been found again. Yeah. Yeah. It's a time to be alive to be you, isn't it? Yeah. Well, yeah, thank you for joining us for this week's episode of T-H4. We'll see you again next week.

Bye, bye. Bye.