Tea at Four - 'The Sensible Generation' - Are Gen-Z changing festival culture?

Episode Date: April 9, 2025

This week, the team explain why mercury in retrograde was causing them chaos, what Christie has given up for lent and how much Lauren and Billy are spending on Glastonbury. They also wonder if Gen Z are becoming bored of festivals, and how Reading and Leeds have implemented new organisations and features at their events to encourage the younger generation to get involved. Safer spaces for women, get ready with me areas and quiet zones - do we like these new changes or are Gen Z ruining a British culture staple. Lauren, Billy and Christie give their thoughts. We also read our favourite comments from a TikTok trend, from hilarious lies told by exes to wildest scandals that happened in hometowns, the outrageous comments give us a proper laugh.If you have any confessions or dilemmas, we’d love to know. Send them into [e-mail] or DM us @teaatfourpod

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. That's so disgusting. That's crazy. Eww.

What does it feel like to play? Bonjour and welcome back to Tiat for... No, the whole thing. Oh, the whole thing. In French. Welcome to T.A.4. My name is Christy. My name is Billy. My name is Lorraine. Is that all in French? We are now your local bilingual podcast. And you. How are we all doing? Good. Good. Amazing. Is it Easter yet? To be honest, I'm waiting for Easter and I'm hungry. Are you still doing Lent? Yeah, I am. I mean, Lent is up until Easter so I'm still doing Lent. Well, I know that but I'm asking if you are still doing

Lent. Yeah, I'm not eating bread and I'm not eating rice. A crisps. That pizza was good, wasn't it? And crisps as well. And crisps. What? That pizza was good though, wasn't it? Yeah, it was great.

It's pizza, not bread. Pizza's not bread. That's a fair point. Yeah, do you know what I mean? It's not a branded bread. It's not a branded bread. Branded bread. It's a Tesco's bread sign.

It's not Kingsville's, not Hovis. Yeah, it's not Kingsville, yeah, so it's fine. Oh my God, I could never do that. That's fair. What's new for you, Bing? Everything's going wrong, Mercury is in retrograde and everything, like my phone keeps breaking, the toilets are broken, Rosie's toilets are broken. I forgot my laptop this morning. You've got your laptop. It's just been hell. And then on top of that, I've had to fork out like £400 for Glastonbury tickets. Eh? That we did is vile. Really disgusting. That sounds like a flight. Where you guys flying to?

Where is Glastonbury? Somerset? Might as fucking well be, babe. We haven't even paid the petrol. Near Bristol. Oh, so you guys are flying to Bristol. No! We're driving!

I don't think about flying. Yeah, because £400 for a festival is given like, you guys are going abroad for a festival, innit? Axe. I know, I wish. Axe. Yeah, extortionateate and I don't even like anyone in the lineup. Fantastic. Oh, so why are you going? Because it's class to be going. It's so hard to get a ticket that you kind of have to go regardless. Actually, my flatmate's not going now and she had a ticket. She's selling it back so if people are worried about getting

tickets in the resale, I think a lot of people are reselling them. Yeah. That's things like knowledge. Yeah. But dropping £375, £10 transaction fee in 2025 is crazy. And then on top of that, there was a £75 deposit fee. What? So wait, wait, wait. So this is, this is given, you can pay an installment.

It's like you want no installments that you have a week to pay it. You have basically, you can only pay it from the 1st of April to the 7th of April. Yeah. If you don't pay in that time period, you lose your ticket. Oh, but you can't pay before you can't pay after. It's like hunger games. Basically you guys are knowing that the concert the concert the festival is coming up and then you've got to save your money for that particular day. And then during that period, make sure you purchase your tickets. So what happens if, you know, you run out of your money? You run out of your ticket.

Yeah, that goes straight back into the... Yeah. And then you don't get all your money, your deposit back as well. Oh, gee, it's crazy. So tell me more about this. Crazy. What do you mean tell me more about it? Do you know anything about Glastonbury? All I know that if it still airs on TV, does it air on TV?

Yeah, BBC. Your favourite channel? My favourite channel. It actually replaces EastEnders some nights when it's on. Yeah, that's fine because I watch it on iPlayer so it's okay. Yeah, so it airs on TV and then the main headline act this year is? Good question. Neil Young, Rod Stewart, Chaperone.

No, wrong. Chaperone isn't there. Chaperone is not there. She's at Reading. I was wishing. Who is it? 1975. 1975. Olivia Rodrigo?

Absolutely. We've already seen her. I have not seen Olivia Rodrigo. So I'll be... Who is she? She's not Sabrina Carpenter. She's the one that did the... What?

Lucy from Love Island? Did she don't have that... Album cover that goes sour. Yeah, you're right. With all the stickers. Yeah. Nice. Yeah.

She's the one who everyone looks like when they have their spot patches on. I know you've got a thing against that spot patch. Are you going to go see her? Are you coming to see her? Maybe. It depends. Also, the other thing is anyone I do want to see will be on the same time. So Charli XCX is also there. Yeah Charli XCX is performing and I heard that apparently she refused to do the pyramid stage because she didn't want to be like restricted on what she

did during her performance. So I think it's gonna go crazy. Wow. Yeah. Looking forward to seeing all your content. Thank you. Thanks girl. Are you going to any festivals this year? Well, we spoke about Wireless and then obviously Laura was like,

maybe we're a bit too old for Wireless, so I won't be going there. But I can like- You can go. You don't have to listen to me, babe. No, I'm not gonna go, so no in the line up is actually for me and plus I don't want to hear Drake three nights in a row. But I kind of like, I love the whole vibe of London when festivals are on.

I feel like everybody's just so happy, jolly, sometimes friendly. So I'm excited to see the vibe. Yeah I do love a little day fest in London. It is a vibe. Especially when there's's loads going on at a weekend, because sometimes you'll be getting the train and there's so many different types of people and groups merging in the underground to get to their various locations and spots. And it's like, will they be going to my festival? No, I think they're going to this festival.

Yeah, someone on the train's always got a bag for life and something's spilt in the bag for life and there's just a seeping tunnel of fucking alcohol going through the middle of the train. That's British culture. That is, that should be part of the citizenship test. What bag do you take to a festival? A bag for life. I love a bag for life. It reminds me of one time at Glastonbury. My first year going to Glastonbury, I took so much stuff. On the halfway in, I called Billy crying. I was like, you have to come help me.

Just, I bought my whole out. I've bought every single thing I ever could have needed. So basically you made a festival survival kit. No babe, I didn't take a survival kit. I took everything I own in life. She took a suitcase. She took a suitcase. I took like three bags for life, a suitcase,

a traveling bag. A suitcase. A camping bag and one of those hiking bags. She came over the hill, She took like three bags for life, a suitcase, a traveling bag. A suitcase? Yeah. A camping bag and one of those hiking bags. She came over the hill like she had her entire life positions. She was sweating in the face. Face red, crying, hands blistered. Oh no, day.

It was a scorching day as well and I was like, need a hand? And the annoying thing as well, it was like already predicted to be like 30 degree weather for every single day, but I still packed for every season, babe. Jumpers, tracksuits, leg warmers. Welly boots, sandals, flip flops. So did you leave with all your belongings as well? I gave it a good go. Yeah.

And we're not talking about the way I got home because I had a bleeding bum on the taxi seat. Anything. Painful. But yeah, no, this kind of weaves into this conversation about Festival Chat. I was listening to a podcast this morning, it was Elizabeth Day's one,

and Olivia Atwood was on it, and she was kind of talking about the difference between how Gen Zs and millennial look after themselves. So like back in the day when we were growing up, it was seen as kind of cool to be smoking, skipping meals, doing all nighters. It definitely wasn't cool to go to the gym. And then nowadays, Gen Z are prioritizing wellness,

waking up early, going to bed early, fitness, all of these things, which has meant like, what the hell does, what do their summers look like? Because for me, my summer was going to a festival ground and spending all my time in the campsite getting sloshed or paralytic. It wasn't even about seeing the acts. And it's like, it's just interesting to see

how the kind of different generations are approaching their summer plans. Yeah, it used to be like a rite of passage, didn't it? Like everyone you speak to has almost always, always been to either Reading or Leeds, like majority. Like, and someone said the other day, like it's actually, when you think of it, Glastonbury is like, everyone talks about Glastonbury, but how many people have actually been to Glastonbury versus how many people actually go to Reading and Leeds. And

it's so much more like accessible because it's like, you don't have to travel all the way from up north to get to it. It's not in one location but it is interesting that like yeah Gen Z's I think I saw a TikTok the other day when it's kind of like they were Gen Z and they were explaining that like Gen Z are actually closer to the way they act as boomers. Yeah I can see that. They're both very sensitive age groups. They're very like they get annoyed really easily, frustrated, they voice their opinions. They'll like argue with you. And like, she was explaining it in a way and she was like,

millennials are just kind of like, just chilling there, minding their business, going to brunch. And actually it was like, that's very true. Both Boomers and Gen Z have a problem with millennials, but millennials are like, I don't care. Do you know what I think it is? I feel like, cause we're the middle children, I feel like we are a blend,

we can balance between having the internet and not having the internet. So we've lived both sides of the pot, both sides of the pot. So I feel like for us, it's like, we can juggle a lot of these things, whereas Gen Z are like, no, we're having it this way. If it doesn't align with my values, I'm not going to this place, I'm not doing this.

Whereas Menendez are like, you know what, we're here for the experience, we're here for the good time, let's go, let's do it. I respect that as well and I do think it's like, I respect the festivals as well who are now accommodating those spaces. This is the thing, because this new Gen Z are being deemed like generation sensible, they could have gone the complete opposite way and gone, no, we're just going to cater to the kind of festival goers that are wild and free and want to carry on that narrative. But instead they're actually accommodating within the festivals to make sure they have a good time and they have a more meaningful experience, which I think is pretty cool.

I love that. I was looking at it this morning and like, so for example, Reading Festival has built up these new campsites. So whereas in the past, when I've gone, it's a free for all. And it's like any festival you panic because you want to get there early enough to get a good spot, but then you don't want to get there too early. And then like, you're like, where the hell are we camping? Everyone's rushing to the same spot. But what Reading have done is they've split it up into, I think it's five campsites. So the first one is called The Fields, which is open to anyone, lively atmosphere, and they've included a football pitch. Sorry, what? So there's like, every campsite now has like, non-music programs, so that people who don't want to go see the music, who want to kind of take some

time themselves, they've got different things going on. A bit like at Glastonbury where like if you're not watching the music, you can go and chill and do yoga and stuff. But a football pitch in the middle of a campsite is kind of crazy. Absolutely not after a couple of beers, force me. So the next one they've got is called The Garden, which is a quiet camp, more relaxed, includes yoga, meditation, a run club, and all of these spaces, with the exception of the first one, you can book for free on Ticketmaster. So you know where you're going to camp ahead of time. Then they've got the Grove, which is a warm, welcoming space,

all about inclusivity, respect. Um, it's partnered with safer spaces and is supported by gender inclusive teams. So it's for anyone. I really like this space because for, as a queer person, if you're going to a festival, and I imagine as a young person, it's quite anxiety inducing because you don't know who you're going to meet. If everyone's got the same kind of like minded values, which you know where you're camping, you're not going to be next to

someone who doesn't share that kind of level of respect. Yeah, that's a really good point. I really like that one. And the final one is called the valley, which is a dedicated space for those coming on their own or in pairs so that they can get the chance to meet up with like-minded people. And they've got different setups that include, find your pal, meet me here and link up lounge. I like that. It's like they're building communities within a community, a festival. Like, do you know what I mean? Festival realms. It's nice. It feels almost like Citronians,

you know, when everyone gets grouped. Yes, exactly. That's exactly, or like Mean Girls. Yeah, I know that one. The Mean Girls, where they're in the cafeteria and then there's all the groups. You can sit with this person or that person. Do you know what I love about,

that's a Redden festival. For me, it's like, I don't know, well, I think I'm over it now, but you know, back in the day, like you have that fear of missing out, FOMO. So imagine going to a festival and then there's all these things going on. And it's like, I don't want to go to the valley because this artist is onto your like, you know, I'm going to stay here. Whereas I feel like the Gen Z now it's like, it's not fear of missing out no more. It's the joy of missing out.

Cause regardless, Chapel Rome or Charlie XCX might be performing, but hey, I'm going to go and play some football. I'm gonna go and meet somebody new. Do you know what I mean? Like swap my clothes. Do you know what I mean? So I love that. And like some of the other programs they've got on

is like film screenings, karaoke, open mic session. Like that sounds quite lit. When is it? Reading is the last weekend of August, August bank holiday. That could be my first festival. Oh my God. Oh my God.

I can't see. I love that. I wanna see Christy have her first festival. It is really, yeah. Oh, and actually something that I personally that really catered to me, catered to me, intrigued me. Intrigued me. So basically when you usually go to like a three day festival,

by day three, I look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards times six or five times. Oh, she does. Sometimes day two. I look and I smell like something interesting. And anyway, yeah, I was looking into what Redding and Leeds are doing this year. They've literally called it the biggest overhaul

in their campsites since 1989, which is fucking fair do's. And they've got get ready with me stations in all the campsites. So usually you'd have to pay like an extra bit of money to have access to like showers, straighteners, plugs, Christie. And I look like a hog by day three, not even heatless curls can save this girl. Just by the time you put the tent up. Honestly, no, no, no, actually when I was walking into Glastonbury, it was like 30 degrees and I

had pink curls in and when I took them out, it was like I washed my hair. This new style of festivals that are, is coming up, I think it's, it's drawing to me, sounding like glamping. Yeah. It is like glamping and I think what's nice is that they're making it excessively comfortable for everyone going rather than before you'd have to pay like an extra £150 to use those kind of facilities. For me as well, I love going to the toilet. Let's just say that. Wait, so before where do you wear? What? Wait, what are you going to say? You have a toilet?

No, not that, you have a toilet. So before- So before like you'd be face to face with a long drop, Christie. Now- A what? A long drop. I knew this would be an educating Christie moment. So actually, what do you think a long drop is? A field.

Nope. That you drop things. Well, it's kind of close. Also long drop. Let's just say it's a piece of wood, a hole in the wood and you go into the cubicle, you drop. Yeah.

Normally they're like big metal tanks. I know. I know. I guastonbe. I guastonbe. At a lot of festivals, like the long drop is literally just like a line of like wood with holes in, obviously separate cubicles. And then you have a poo through the hole

and then look down at someone's phone items and stuff down there and you just can't get it out. So which one's more prestige? Cause the... I mean, none really. There's like, there's like portaloos, there's the long drop. And then you've got like wood chip things

which are more eco-friendly. You go for a poo and then cover up with sawdust. Yourself? Yeah. Like a little hamster. I feel like I will have to hold my pee and my pee for the duration of the first- Or you can wean a cup and put that on the grass,

but people, you're not supposed to. Oh, you're not supposed to do that. I didn't say that. One time we weaned in a Lenore bottle. Lenore? Who said that? And a Pringles tube. No, no, no, not me.

Not me. I won't do that. Did you use the female urinals when you went last time? Yeah. Yeah. I was a big fan of that. I did the female urinals. I felt so powerful. Oh, that's lovely. Wait, how does that work? You just went into the thing with the squat. Did you not use it?

I did use it, but like... Yeah, you just went and squatted and they were like little when it was all communal. It didn't really feel like a urinal. It just kind of felt like a thing in the ground. You were just being in the ground. Oh, yeah. So pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. Redding festival. So you guys are going to have proper toilets with vacuums. Yeah. Like when you're on an airplane. Yeah. I hate those. They scare me. Yeah. Everything scares you, Christy. I know. That's so true.

I do feel like I'm going to be sucked down the aeroplane toilet. Oh my gosh, yeah. So skinny. So skinny. No, people. Yeah, I don't know how you guys did it before. I know. Constipated for three days,

and then it was emergency run to whatever toilet was nearest. Damn. Oh, what, did you, do you not poo? First time I went, I was like, I constipated, couldn't go. And then it was like, what did you, do you not poo? The first time I went, I was like, I can't spay, I couldn't go. And then it was like, at Reading anyway, I was like, I just will go when I get home. And on the last night, excuse me, I gotta go running across the fields, get to the nearest toilet. That sounds vile.

It wasn't fun. Yeah, no. But I think the one main thing that I picked up on when I was researching, like Reading and Leeds, I think wireless, wilderness festival, they all have in common that they're really trying to prioritize like the safety of women and kind of having organizations within the festival and campsites so that people feel like

they are being safeguarded and like there's people there if they need to report incidents or like, they're obviously not encouraging it, but like, should something like, awful like that happen, there's people there to make you feel comfortable before you're even there and then whilst you're there. Yeah. I think they've got like asked for Angela, Samaritans, like gigs for women, these kinds of organizations within the space to make you feel at ease as a woman, which I think

is great. And I think they actually, they provide like condoms and things like that. So they're promoting like encouraging, they're not promoting sex, they're encouraging sex. You guys need any condoms? Which I think is pretty lit. Yeah, that's incredible. I feel like the first time I went to like a festival, it was kind of like you just in the middle of a field and everything was just chaos, like chairs and marquees are being thrown at you. And it still does happen. And like, I feel like having those areas now where if that's not someone's scene, they can still enjoy the music, enjoy elements of the festival without having to be amongst that much chaos. True.

But then also, you know, there are those fields where it says it's a good vibe. And people can just go crazy if they want to. I think that's a good thing that they're doing. I feel like maybe this year from like, from seeing what Redding and Leeds are doing, a lot of like ads and campaigns that push festivals. Cause I can imagine, I think I went to, I don't know if it was a festival, I think it was like a day something.

And then all at the bars, all the ads were just like beers, that beer companies, like alcohol. Whereas I'm guessing with Redding and Leeds would be like, the Samaritans will have like a little banner post somewhere. It's like more ident of the companies and campaigns. They don't usually have them at a lot of festivals I think, but in particular, I think more should definitely be done across festivals and like protecting women or people that are vulnerable

to being in danger. Absolutely. Yeah. Nice. But do you think you'll go to any festivals this year? I mean, you guys have sold reading to me. So I mean, I'm gonna have to go look at the lineup. Oh, you'll get to see Chappell-Roe. Chappell-Roe, Travis Scott. Yeah, he's all right. I can't think of anyone else. Bring Me the Horizon. I don't think that's

your scene. Hey, I like all types of music. No, no, no. Do you know who Bring Me the Horizon? I think those people that would always come on Radio 1 and scream. Scream. I accidentally went, I remember being going to Reading, they've been going for years because they were at Reading when I first went and I had no idea what to expect. I was all of a sudden in like a hundred thousand people mosh pit. Oh my gosh. Hundred thousand people mosh pit.

It was crazy. Oh my god. And you survived. Barely. The tail, the tail. Honestly, that was like, I feel like crawling. And then it pulls you back in. It pulls you back in.

If you could have one thing added to a festival, like an area or something that is not currently at festivals, what would you want? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I was gonna say a massage, because if you're carrying all your what? A massage.

A massage. Cause if you're carrying all your belongings, like what you did last time, then surely. That's actually what is needed. Or storage. Or chauffeurs. Yeah. Or that storage.

Where do you guys put your stuff? In your tent. Yeah. But then your tent isn't enough for you, but then how- It depends how big the tent you get. Yeah. Shifers. Yeah. That storage. Where do you guys put your stuff? In your tent. Yeah. But then your tent isn't enough for you, but then your... It depends how big the tent you get.

You can bring whatever size tent you want. Some people come in teepees. Some people come in like... Okay, English teepees is all. You know, like those big triangle ones. Do you know what, actually, that's a really good point. If I could have an extra thing added to camping or festivals, it would be to not camp. I need a facility that... I hate sleeping in a tent every night would be to not camp. I need a facility that, like,

I hate sleeping in a tent every night. I do not sleep, I have a bad back. I wake up puffy like the size of the moon. What is that about? And when I'm trying to put my makeup on in a tent, it's just going on like I'm running, trying to put makeup on an orange. Yeah, but now you-

Ah! Is that summa? Mine is, I actually paid at Glastonbury before up to a hundred pounds to pay someone to take my luggage. That is so fair. I had blisters and I was crying and I was wearing white, white jeans and it had rained for like months before.

I literally looked like a mum from like Florida. Like fake tan, blonde hair highlights, pink jumper, white chinos. Hi guys, how y'all doing? Hey guys, I jumper, white chinos. Hi guys, how are y'all doing? Hey guys, I was ready for some food. That's horrible. Mud everywhere, covered in mud. I tried to carry everything with me, I threw the mud for about two hours. I saw a man with a bike and I said, how much to take my stuff?

He said, oh I don't do that. I said, how much to take my stuff? And so I powered it all on and it was like that way. Just followed behind him. Dreamy. Yeah, I think I can really make or break the whole festival experience. Like being able to shower and get ready

is definitely a priority of mine. And like a festival like Reading Elite having a Get Ready With Me station, very 2025. I love it. Or maybe pre-erected tents. What? Whoa, pre-erected tent. What's that going? Come on, you can use the word erect without thinking of a penis.

Pre erected bonus for everyone. That would be great. Huzzah, finally. I just need some electrical stations. I just need some electrical stations. Huh? Some electric stations. Yeah. Electric stations. That's what I mean. Like if you had to book a camping spot and then you turned up, your tent was already there, someone had dropped your bags off.

You could just chill, relax. Oh my god. But not a camping spot. We need them wooden houses. Wooden small houses. Hotels? Not a hotel. Like the wooden like cabins.

Cabins. Yeah. Cabin or a cab-ran. Yeah. That's better, because then... And like also the night before when you're just there trying to charge up all your electrics like a little hacker, like a little... Oh my gosh.

The hacker in the mainframe. And there's always someone that doesn't bring enough portable chargers. Oh my God. Never be that person. No. If you're listening to this now, if you're listening to this now, start buying portable chargers on Amazon. Danielle Penny.

Oh. Okay. portable chargers on Amazon. Danielle Penny. Okay, you might have seen on the rounds this week on TikTok, this amazing trend of people that are bored and they're like, tell me your best da-da-da story. So we've gone through and picked out some of the best. Okay, this one is tell me your hometown duty a scandal. Scott and Lacey Petterson were my neighbors. He came to our house looking for Lacey and I remembered my dad saying something felt off about him.

That's it. Who the fuck is Scott and Lacey Peterson? What? I know them. Is this made up? Is this a prank? Is this the juiciest scandal that happened in someone's town? Dude, it's... What? Bobby? No, they're...

Whose town is it? It's a big famous like case. There's a documentary about it and stuff. Huh? Huh? Lacey Patterson? No, not Landon. This is a prank.

I'm so confused. I was expecting Adele and... Who's got Lacey Patterson? He... He is the one that killed the pregnant wife, right? Oh, for fuck's sake, Bobby. It's a children's show. It's not a children's show. Listen, this is the comments on the trend, okay?

My uncle had an affair with a waitress in our town. It went on for seven months before word got out. My mum, his sister, saw the waitress and fainted. The waitress was the child she gave up for adoption. Sorry, sometimes when I read, I'm not taking in what's happening. What happened? He has been sleeping with his daughter.

Yeah! No, it's his niece, isn't it? Oh, for fuck's sake. Well, these daughters, same thing. That's so disgusting. That's crazy. Ew. What does it feel like to faint?

Has anyone ever faint? I have. I fainted but. Choked me in the middle of an English lesson once. Oh yeah, you said. What did you do then? Do you just like. I don't know, I blacked out

and I thought I was waking up in my bed and the teacher screaming at me, get up. I look up. You don't, I don't think you feel it. You just wake up and people are looking at you and thinking why you look at me like that. You wake up from it don't you?

Yeah. I'd be so embarrassed to faint. Why are you looking at me like that? Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna faint if I get up too quick feel it. You just wake up people looking at you thinking why you looking at me like that. I'd be so embarrassed to faint. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna faint if I get up too quick. Low iron. Yeah. How have you come from an incest story to being embarrassed about fainting?

I'd be so embarrassed. Interesting. Should I read mine? I think we should have my tea for this bit. Okay. Yeah, go on Christy. All right, cool. You don't have tea cause you're reading.

Yeah, but I've got the tea. I'm reading the tea. Exactly. Oh, what you said. Okay, cool. You don't have tea because you're reading. Yeah, but I've got the tea. I'm reading the tea. Exactly. Oh, what you said? Okay, cool. It's a very short one. I had a math teacher quit to go and find Bigfoot. It's like, don't spill, babe.

I know, I know. That's what I tried not to. That's quite funny. I had a math teacher quit to go find Bigfoot. Oh my God. That's quite funny. Silly. Silly billies. There are some silly billies out there. Okay. First local Methodist church paid for and transported the elderly woman in the church to see 50 shades of gray when it first came out thinking it was about fabrics. Yeah right. With all the ads, come on man.

Yeah like come on man. Come on man. That should have been the film's tagline. A guy in our year at school went to prison for holding up the local co-op at gunpoint for one bottle of white wine. I mean, I've been there. We've all been there. Do you know what I mean? Oh God. He's just gone.

Me at 14. At gunpoint because he wanted a bottle of wine. Yeah. Me at 14 trying to get what fucking barefoot wine. What? No one's buying it for me. You at 14 trying to get the last Cadbury's layers yoghurt. Yeah, that's just...

Me now, because I can't afford it, it's an inflation. You know what I mean? Okay. Okay. Girl I went to high school with had terminal cancer. She was going to die. She had a feeding tube. There was a GoFundMe and all sorts of events for her.

Her friends got matching tattoos. She faked it all. The way you read that out, it's the most emotionless. It was like AI. Yeah. I know. Scary.

Can I have that again in a more emotive accent? There was a girl that was dying of cancer. Everyone got tattoos. Everyone did a fundraising. She lied. The end. Bye bye. Kristy. Oh, did all that really, did a fundraising, she lied. The end, bye bye. Christine! Oh, did all that really, I thought I read it good!

Yeah! Where was the emotion? Sentiment was not. Girl I went to high school with had terminal cancer. No, no, that first one was fine. That's fine. This ain't reading practice, you get one go. We get one go, you've done it.

Next time have some feelings, yeah? This ain't reading practice, you get one go. We get one go, you've done it. Is there any more? Next time have some feelings, yeah? I'm sorry. Oh, you robot. Oh, is there any more, Bob? Oh, I think Lauren has one more. Okay. A 33 year old woman stole her daughter's identity

and went to my high school, did cheerleading, took classes, went to parties. What in the 21 Jump Street. That is giving Melissa McCarthy in that film where she goes to university again. Who's watched? Sorry, now I'm sorry. What is that? It's a really good film.

I didn't know you were such a big fan. I'm so embarrassed. I don't like this. We should do more of these. These jokes. Right. Let's check out Melissa McCarthy's new film. Oh, what's the other one that one's got at the moment that's like based on the orphan?

Matilda. No, that's not an orphan. Sorry, Annie was an orphan. The author. Good fellow American. Oh, yeah, that's not that. Yeah. Good American family. It's giving that though. Old yeah, that's not that.

Good American family. Old lady pretending she's young. Yes. Creeping on loads of young people. So these are the funniest lies that people's exes have told them and I'm going to read them out. Cool. So first one.

Found high heels in his house and he said he bought them to change a lightbulb. Now streaming on Paramount Plus. house and he said he bought them to change a light bulb. their place. I've got a man for that. For himself. Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan and Helen Mirren. We've got everyone where we want them. Mobland, new series now streaming on Paramount Plus. Is that, I would do the same. That is very creative. Change your light bulb. Yeah. Who's the Red Hills Adults? Oh, just for me to change the light bulb, you know,b. Who's a Red Hills adult? Oh, just for me to change a lightbulb, you know, babe. That's when you know you're like a... My dad does that, change lightbulbs, I think.

I use. That's like compulsive liar, final boss. That's so good. Okay. He said he was messaging women online to boost their self-esteem. Thank you for your service. We love and we respect you. Keep up. My ex told me he was going on a cruise but he was going to prison. So what when he comes back with a tan?

He might be tanning in the yard. I mean, at the right time of day, get the perfect UV. When he comes back with a tan. He might be tanning in the yard. I mean, at the right time of day, he's got the perfect UV. How long is the cruise? How long is his prison sentence? I don't have details, but maybe for kind of theft, he could be in there for three months. Three months. The cruise. Interesting.

That's quite a good lie though, I believe that. Really? Until you get the phone call. Animator. Where did you accept this phone call from? Within the prison. Oh my god. Okay, Kristy, next one.

Cool. Mine told me gaslighting didn't exist and that I made it up. Oh my god, fucking professional gaslighter. That's the final boss. Yeah. Criminal. Wow. Reach the final mold.

He had screenshots of girls revealing photos on his phone because he was feeling concerned about their weight. Wait, walk, go back, read it again. He had screen... He had what? He had screenshots of girls revealing photos on his phone because he was feeling concerned about their weight. Sorry PT, personal trainer. Personal trainers.

He could be a PT. Yeah, Pete Stanford pussy. Telegrapha. Pussyfamper. Pussyfamper. Oh, go on, Lauren. He told me he cheated on me because the pain medicine for his wisdom tooth removal made him think another girl was me.

Oh, my God. Out. That is... No. Speechless. Get out now. Stupid. Speechless and toothless. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Okay, last one. He cheated and said he never told me because I didn't ask.

I mean, he's got a bet. You can't really argue with that. You got a good point. To be honest, that's a good one. Facts were said. I mean, you didn't ask. I mean- I think that would hold up in a court of law.

No, it actually would. The truth won't hurt if you don't ask. I mean. I think that would hold up in a court of law. It actually would. The truth won't hurt if you don't know. That was me. I just had to be like, you got my good girl. Well. Yeah, yeah. I'll give you that one. You know that meme of the appointing?

Yeah. Next time I will ask. Yeah. Wow. That was good. I liked that. Lauren, you got one more. I've got one Yeah. Wow. That was good. I like that. Lauren, you've got one more. I've got one more.

Okay, give us. I've got an Uber notification. Bye. Bye guys. Okay. Mine told me his chemotherapy gave him chlamydia. You know what? You know what?

You can't argue with that. What? I mean, I'm sure scientifically you could. I'm cancer. I don't think you can argue with him. Very good point, Billy. Thank you. That is so cheeky.

Don't do that. No, don't lie. Don't lie about anything you can easily Google. For fuck's sake. Yeah. Or if you do, just keep sending them in to us because we quite enjoy them. Yeah, they were good to read. Jokes.

Thank you so much. Well, that's everything for this week, my peeps. We will see you again next time. À la prochaine. Bye. Au revoir. Woohoo.