Tea at Four - Times men didn’t realise they were sexist - we react to brutal confessions

Episode Date: March 26, 2025

In this highlight episode, we revisit the game of brutal where women confessed times in their life that they were subtly discriminated against. A dad buying a half pint, male friends at a pub quiz and mistaking women for being pregnant… Can you relate to any of these stories?If you have any confessions or dilemmas we can use in our future eps, no matter how wild, please send them to [e-mail] or DM us @teaatfourpod

With tons of free reality shows you are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto TV And for me that's dance moms bar rescue the challenge and Jersey Shore all totally free on Pluto TV Stream now pay never We're gonna play a game of brutal with stories of everyday sexism let's get into it first one I went out for a drink with my parents. My dad asked me what I wanted and I said a beer. He came back with a pint for him and half a pint for me. I said why did you get me half a pint? He said well I just assumed you wouldn't want a full pint. Who said it?

Why didn't you just ask? That is a little bit of an assumption as well isn't it? Sure yeah. I think it's the delusion that he doesn't want to believe that the daughter drinks. Or it's like if you ask for a beer and then they come back with a shandy, that's a microaggression. An actual direct microaggression. That's a direct attack. I went out for drinks with my mum and dad and my sister at the weekend for my dad's birthday. Happy birthday, dad.

Happy birthday, Paul. And my dad was just getting my sister the the weekend for my dad's birthday. Happy birthday dad! And my dad was just getting my sister like the same drinks everyone else or at least checking. I was the one who's having half pints so I wanted to pace myself. Yeah. And my sister was there nicking down like four pints of ale. I was like honey you're gonna be sick. Yeah that kind of idea that like cocktails are for the girls and then beers are for the boys. Very outdated. Oh my god most of the girls I'm friends with drink beer as well. Like pints. Yeah. Sinking back.

Absolutely. La Dette. I've never had a beer. Oh, you've told me this before. And you said this to me last time I gave you a beer. So I'm not buying this anymore, Christy. Yeah, but I tasted the beer. I never had the beer.

I've tasted it. Don't really like it. You never did sink to pint. No. Maybe we'll get you a half pint after this. Do you know what it is? I'm a... No, to be honest, I think me and my dad,

I can down a whiskey shot with him. You know, just a nice book of wine. Ooh, the hard stuff. Yeah, the hard stuff. Hot liquor. I can't do that. That makes me feel a lot. I think in terms of brutal,

have a word with your dad. I'd give that an eight. I think that's like a circumstantial thing. Cause I don't think all dads are like that. No, not all. No, but like for me there, that would be a little bit like what you're trying to say. But say speak up next time.

Do you like? Yeah. No dad, I don't wanna. Is it out of 10? Yeah. Or five? 10. 10. Yeah, three. Three out of 10. Oh no, I'd say eight.

Eight, really? Eight, you find that really beautiful. I do. Just cause I hate men. Okay. I no, I'd say eight. Eight, really? You find that really beautiful. I do. Just because I hate men. Okay. I say five. I say three. In a pub chatting to some people and with friends,

we're talking to a small group of middle-aged men next to us. One guy asks me what job I do. I say guess. No way he did it. Come on. His friend says, high class prostitute. I'm not actually shocked by that because I feel like as soon as you said middle-aged

man and I was like, you know they're going to say something gross. High class prostitute. Yeah. That's so gross. And like that's just, there's not to typecast people, but there is definitely a certain like age generation who still think that kind of joke is really funny and groundbreaking and tongue in cheek. Shaving sex workers.

But also he's insinuating that maybe he likes the girl, high class prostitute, you know what I mean? In a kind of sly, a rude way, very sly, what are you trying to insinuate? Right. Kind of coming across like he's insecure, he's aware that she's beautiful and has to kind of, the only way he could think to bring her down is to make a joke that he thinks is degrading.

But she is high class prostitute, good on her. I don't know, I think that's just poor response. Shut up. Yeah, I think also like when I say I'm not sure whether it's like there is definitely like that kind of, I've heard that before. Yeah, 100%. A thousand times by like the same kind of old age men.

Yeah. Did you know that Peppa Pig, sorry, I don't know what I'm referencing Peppa Pig, but have you seen that? Let me land, let me land. Have you guys seen that Peppa Pig beam where she's on the phone and then she just hangs up? No.

No? I don't think I'm on Peppa Pig top. I would give that good 8.5. Nine for me, cause that's still very cheeky and very rude. Yeah, that's an instant disrespect. Yeah, it's a disrespect, isn't it? I was working at a cafe when I was 16. A customer asked me when I was due, I said,

"'No, I'm not pregnant.' And they laughed and said, "'No, really?' Sorry, 16. Personally, you don't say that anyway. You don't do that. But You don't do that, but. Yeah, you shouldn't. The follow up, brazy.

Brazy stuff. You could send the poor 16 year old to one serious bad mental space because now they're thinking, oh my God, is this how I look like? And now they're judging themselves. Yeah. That's rude.

It's true. Is there even a male equivalent? If a 16 year old boy was stood there with a bit of tub and timber on him, oh, are you staying in and playing on your Xbox every Friday night and binging? Yeah, you can't do that. I'm gonna play devil's advocate because there was one time

I was sitting on the train with a friend and I was sitting in my tube seat and I'm aware that I have to give up my tube seat for people who need it and I saw a lady get on and I was like oh about to get up and be like here you go do you want to sit down because I thought she was pregnant and my friend grabbed me was like she's not pregnant and I was like I didn't say anything I mean though you had polite intentions there. Polite intentions, yeah.

And it's more just like the difference between saying it out loud and then thinking it in your head. Unless I see a, I also was where I sat down, I couldn't see if she had a baby badge on. Baby badge on. And normally I just look out for baby badges and that's the only way I'll ever. Do you know what, this is an interesting conversation

as well, I think it's actually gone, I think it's gone really far the other way because now I'm so scared to even acknowledge even if a person is like fully pregnant like someone today I saw fully pregnant and I My eyes are diverting and I don't know whether to say congratulations Because it's like I've got so scared of just being like Actually, I'm just fucking bloated from lunch. Yeah Yeah, Blake lively sit, yeah, you just get that on your face.

Yeah. I also just don't think it's anyone's place to comment on a woman's body. Yeah. Sure. So, if she's pregnant and she's not, unless the conversation is opened up by them. Yeah.

Keep your mouth shut. And just say a huge apology if you've got it really wrong like that. A huge apology. Yeah, brutal. Brutal. I think that's quite- Oh, 10. Yeah, I don't like that one. That's rude as apology. Yeah, brutal. Brutal. Oh, 10. Yeah, I don't like that one. That's rude as 12.5.

Yeah, I think I actually find that kind of like to be a little bit more, I don't know, that would stick if I heard that that would stick with me more than the kind of the high class prostitute because I know that that's just a trashy joke. Whereas that's coming from like, it feels malicious. And it's not, obviously not, but you know, when some people come across that way and you're like, doesn't feel right. Is the no really?

Yeah. That's a rude one. I do a pub quiz with my male friends every week. There's another group of guys that go weekly and they know my friends. They speak to them and never acknowledge me. They refer to our team as the boys. Oh, the boys are winning again

Oh, you boys are on fire today. Oh I don't like that. Yeah, she's just being ignored It's different when like I'm with a group of girls and someone first to meet us as a group of girls I love that. Yes. I'm part of the girls I don't need to be like identified by my gender But when you're erasing someone like that it feels different I actually get annoyed when someone if someone says like oh it's a girl's night and Billy because that feels like I'm like yeah right right like I feel like in this scenario I don't think

she would have the same outlook no it's just like you've got a vocabulary of words. You can just say the boys and Stephanie. Oh, just say there. Yeah, that's peak. But I just speak up about that to be honest. Yeah, I think if she doesn't speak up about it, then of course they're not going to know that she feels the type of way. I feel like they probably just all used to it and she's because they've always done it. It's something that's just. It also like comes across though, like the boys are doing well as if like they're insinuating she's not actually adding to anything in the group.

Especially when it's like a pub quiz and you're like, it's all based on knowledge. It's almost like they're assuming that she isn't contributing. Just change it to the gang. The gang. The gang peeps or maybe get a team name. That will solve all the problems.

Diversity. I'm gonna give that a six out of 10. Five for me, I think is that. Yeah, five actually. Six, six, six. When I was in year 11, my teacher told a group of us girls off in the playground because our socks were showing too much ankle

and it was distracting. I hate that. Oh, you fucking fancy my ankles, miss. That's bizarre. Is it a female teacher or a male teacher? Doesn't say. I don't know. I had that from both women and men teachers in school.

Just like the obsession over the skirt length. I have a controversial opinion here, but I really agree. And at my school, a lot of the time, I don't want to be ageist, but it was like- The women enforcing it more. It was always, yeah, like you said, female staff that were enforcing it and kind of being like,

you're gonna distract the boys, da da da da. And it was just like, we used to have these female teachers that would stand on certain corners of the corridor and they would pull the girls aside, pull their skirts down in front of everyone. Oh, well, that's assault. That's actually assault. Right.

My teacher's got a battery. I think that school has now, every girl has to wear trousers. Yeah, I don't know how it is the same way now, but I had a similar thing, the obsession with the skirt. I'd see teachers stand with a makeup wipe and make like a girl take off their makeup. I think there's a way of doing it that's not from the perspective, like you're saying, like making it seem like it's, you're distracting the boys, like you need to look more professionally and then embarrassing school girls.

Cause that was definitely the feel when I was in school. I mean, I went to all girls school. So I heard that all the time, but I think it was too, okay, in a way it has its negatives, but also its positives. Cause when I went, when I left school and I went to college, I went to sixth form, which was mixed. So for me, it was a whole new experience, right? So then now you're, you're kind of remembering, okay, cool. You can't wear stuff that's overly, you know,

exposing because you're sitting next to a boy in class. Or do you know what I mean? It's like, I used to sit like this on the side, making sure my mind and legs don't touch the edge. Oh my God. For the first week of starting in that sixth form, because it was just so bizarre to me. But I do get it. I feel like there is a way you deliver it. I would have, in a girls' school, because it was a Catholic school as well,

I would appreciate it from the women, the female teachers. But if a guy, a sir, told me that, I'd be a bit like, and plus, oh my God, there was a story, right? One of our teachers in my school, he actually was dating one of the girls in the school, and she was one of the girls that always used to tell her, oh yeah, pull your skirt down, da da da da da da.

So yeah. How old was she? I think, how old are you in year 10? Oh my God, year 10? That's a paedophile. That is a paedophile. He got arrested. I was gonna say.

Shit. And what schools would do, I think, did wrong was they obviously had the best interests, you know, they don't want the girls to be constantly griped or upskirted and, but making it sound like, you know, you're wearing this and that's why they're going to do it. it sound like you know you you're wearing this and that's why they're going to do it instead of being like look the guys at this age are not right and they are it's disgusting but you need to make sure you're doing everything to protect yourself so that like people don't don't start saying that oh well you did this and that which is just completely like unfair and not not right very true that's That's a really good point.

Just as much as the focus was on the girls and the way that they look and protecting themselves, there should be a big focus on men and how they view women and the male gaze and things like that. I think hopefully it's more balanced in schools these days. I don't know though. I mean, it took, well, when I was in school,

we were petitioning for us to start wearing trousers. And it's only now that my school, my old school, secondary school, are allowed trousers. Really? Yeah. So it was literally every, like from the start of the year to the end. That's so weird. That's weird. Literally. Yeah. It's weird that they would enforce the skirts.

Yeah. Trousers are a little bit more unisex. Right. Everywhere's going to feel comfortable in trousers. Yeah. I just think schools need to do more than just provide basic education. You spend like most of your life, your early life there, they need to be providing kids with these kind of like real life studies, you know, like learning about different sexualities,

different cultures. Like looking back on it, I hated religious studies, but there should be something like that where you discuss how different families... Did you not do citizenship? Like it wasn't really that serious. We did it I think just in, yeah what was it, secondary school? Just in secondary school for like two years and then it stopped but I think that that lesson would be so beneficial I don't even think they do it now. Yeah there should be something on like being able to understand different culture, respect culture,

ways of life, and in that, I think men or the guys should also have a lesson on misogyny, like a weekly study of like how what you're saying is gonna affect people. That's such a good point because I feel like the introduction to these kind of things is young men learning about feminism. And I think there are such aggressive feelings

associated with the word feminism nowadays. And like, if you were to ask a 16 year old boy nowadays, are you a feminist? They'd be like, oh, fuck. Like, what is that? What, the world rule by women kind of thing. And it's just maybe not the right. Yeah, I think it's the way it's been perceived because I remember when I as a young, as a

young boy, when I was young in primary school I used, I was so much, I'm very much a tomboy right and I used to hate when people be like oh yeah you can't play football with the guys, you've got to play, dance in the playground with the girls, you've got to play, do skipping with the girls, I used to hate that so I was always that child, especially at home, my mom used to hate me. Like I wouldn't wear a skirt, I'd wear jeans. I'd wear a hoodie. I wore a hoodie for like, since about, up until like second-

Born in it. Yeah, born and raised. Past secondary school actually. Maybe I think I just started dressing up more girly after secondary school. So it's one day I was like just enforcing that kind of, I understand there's gender roles, but you are allowed to do what

men do. Absolutely. Yeah, super interesting because I was going to ask you that as a follow up question about what we should be teaching in schools because that's such a, and I think you are right, like women, we should be able to wear what we want at school and it's not immediately that idea is then, it's on us. Yeah. Men are never taught at school like you shouldn't be behaving that way.

Like, oh no, don't do that. It's naughty, but like not, we're not actually going deep. Do better education system.