Tea at Four - Unaffectionate boyfriends, initiating sex and embarrassing bathroom experiences

Episode Date: April 5, 2024

In this episode the girls react to a wild story sent in by a fan, Lauren shares her own embarrassing story involving a boat and a toilet, and Christie and Lauren give their advice on a dilemma from one of our listeners, which involves concern over whether her boyfriend is using her for sex or just simply not that affectionate. We love hearing your stories and helping you with your dilemmas so please send us yours to [e-mail], drop us a DM on Insta @FourNine or if you're feeling fun why not send us a voice note? https://www.speakpipe.com/TeaAtFour

It's 4pm on a Thursday, it's nearly Friday and we're ready. It's literally 11am. Hi guys, welcome back to Tia4, I'm Christy. And I'm Lauren and welcome back to this week's Quick Cup Pass. How are you doing this week? Well, this week my head is heavy. Oh, why? My head is very heavy.

Your crown is falling. My crown is falling. Oh, it's because of your wig. Because of the wig. Oh. I'm just trying to... I thought you meant mentally then i was like babe let's get into it i mean mentally i haven't been sleeping right um insomnia has

been on me kicking my ass i don't know why where it is maybe i don't know because some you know spring is spring is spring spring is springing the sun's maybe there's something going on up in you know the old planets the old retrograding. The sun's... Maybe there's something going on up in, you know, the old planets. The old retrograding. She's doing something or other up there. Yeah. I feel that. Probably is that.

As it stands right now, tomorrow is the day we are about to be rebirthed. Beyonce brings out her country album. This ain't Texas. Woo! Ain't no home. Hey, so maybe that's why we're out of sorts. Because we're just waiting for like, you know. Yeah, we're just basically just like,

we're waiting for our horses, we're waiting for our cowboy hats, we're waiting for our... I need to get some nice, is it flared jeans? Some apple bottom jeans. No, they don't wear apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur. Cowboys and girls.

Daisy Dukes. Maybe. Maybe. With some nice leather patterned boots. Okay, good, good. Can't wait for that. Yeah, so obviously in a couple of days it's Easter, as we film this now.

Next week I'll probably be fucking 55 pounds heavier. So I always overdo it. I always overindulge. It reminds me of a time in um lockdown when there was nothing else to do but eat easter eggs and they'd gone for like 10 pound big lints down to two pounds yeah this morning it was one pound in pound land and i was like are you joking me they're always one pound no i realize a lot of these pound shops they don't sell things for one pound they're liars she's's on to us. Both advertising.

Right. But it's crazy because it's actually like our first bank holiday weekend because the last one was last year. Yeah, the last one was last year. Was it last year? Yeah, it was. Easter does come around once a year.

Yeah, but... Yeah, we're deserving of a bank holiday weekend and I'm pretty sure we're going to all get hammered. Yes, baby, I completely agree. That chocolate is going to be inflaming inflaming everything yeah i'd have swole i can't wait though i think you need a nice good sugar rush let our hair down yeah why not all right so lauren we actually have a dm oh down in my dms they slide in my dms and we've got DMs. They're sliding in the DMs. They're sliding in our DMs.

Have you got another interesting story? Right. I don't know what the topic's about, but I'm guessing when we read the story, we'll figure it out and we'll find out. Excited. Go on. Should I read it?

Hit me. So I come from a long line of absolute and completely different sides of families. I could write books and make movies and there are actually a couple of documentaries that do involve my family. But my mother comes from a long line of very weird, unfortunate, wild, totally unbelievable, unless you witness it type of luck. But it always ends in a laugh of a story. Okay, so here goes. I was maybe 12 years old with my friend, shooting BB guns and throwing cow poop at the neighbor boy next door normal things

when her mom calls us in and says we have to go and babysit her friend's small baby child so we're doing our best and eating all the junk food in the house then i had to use the bathroom i took a massive dump i'm lit i'm talking literally 12 inch ruler long enchilada thick spiral snake oh how are you enchilada that's revolting i accidentally used a broken toilet so there was absolutely no way to flush it we couldn't just leave it there so we got a long stick from the backyard and we sliced the poo into small chunks and got gloves and a big cup and scooped all the shit out the toilet and threw it out the backyard then a little bit later we went back outside and their dog was eating my cut up shit turds and we could hear

him crunching and chewing the sticks as he gobbed down the shit turds the dog also looked at us in the eyes as he chopped the poo sticks with absolutely no regret or remorse and we were little 12 year old latchkey mortified children. Just another day in the life of a 90s early 2000s kid. You promised to never tell anyone about that day. And as far as I know, she never has. And this is the first time I've ever told anyone what happened. From a girl that speaks about poo a lot, I am speechless.

So I think that was sent in as a reply to your story oh thank you for that yeah yeah three things I'm concerned about in that the cup the dog's mouth the gloves

and the gloves yeah they're children I know they're not slick enough to be hiding those bits away where did they put that cup was probably put right back into that cabinet right back in that's disgusting and the residue of the gloves as well in the bin so now the bin stick stinks

the dog stinks for eating the shit turds there's a cup that stinks of shit so the whole house is basically shit the whole house is basically shit is that that even their house? Aren't they looking after the babysitter's baby child? Yeah. God, you violated that person. And then they've got, oh my God, so they've got the gloves and now they're going to go handle a child with shit-smelling hands.

Yeah. It's a shitty day, ain't it? It's a very shitty day. It's a very shitty day. Wow. Maybe the dog thought it was like treats. Yeah. Fair.

But if you were to see a dog eating shit would you not shoo the dog away or like tell the dog to stop i don't know dogs eat a lot of things i hear it but they stood there knowing that is your shit you stood there watching the dog purposely eat your that's horrific that is crazy rspca now the thing is as well which i don't get and i didn't quite get to the point with me and my friend in the toilet is i didn't get to the point where i went and got gloves and decided to handle it so i was in the same kind of scenario where my friend has done a large item and then i've had to get a hanger for my friend's dressing room and we cut it up and then it flushed but in their scenario they've gone to the glove area

and now they are picking up the item and taking it outside, which I think is a step too far. My thing is, don't people flush the toilet before they use the toilet to see if the toilet works? Yeah, but you never know

what you might produce. But also, they're 12-year-olds. What are you eating to produce an enchilada-sized, ruler-sized poopoo? It's the description for me. what are you eating to produce an enchilada size ruler size it's the it's the description for what you're eating out there yeah i mean they did say that they ate like absolutely all the junk food in the house oh so i'm guessing their bellies were going

they were going bits and pieces yeah crazy right beatboxing it out well it's kind of like a reverse food chain kind of thing isn't it because like like a food like a dog will eat fox poo and then the fox will eat someone else's poo and no i don't think animals eat each other's poo i think they know that it comes out from the dairy air so they won't be oh yeah they do what animals and also humans do mushrooms which come from elephants poo what as in psychedelics not just your fucking chestnuts and tesco i don't like mushrooms anyway okay well you're not eating so you're telling me people that eat mushrooms are actually eating yes yeah no psychedelic mushrooms psychedelic

it as well well that was a really lovely story and thank you so much for sharing um i have no words i just hope that no but they say that they they said that we promised to never tell anyone but yeah it's so funny you always say like oh i'll take it to the grave but here i am telling it on a podcast we've got too many views just hope that the owner of the dog doesn't know and the poor dog's okay yeah yeah thank god dogs can't speak because well i mean thank you so much for sending that in we do really appreciate your wild crazy wacky wacky stories yeah and i feel like it just you know makes us think like if we were in that situational scenario what would we do

um yeah yeah don't you think i wouldn't have picked out with my bare hands is that is the issue but yeah you're 12 so you're 12 you're the panic you know that panic that would have god that happened to me recently i was on a boat in lisbon not handling my own poo yeah i was like why am i over sharing again over it she did yeah she did say come on hit me back with something okay so here we go again yeah um recently i was on a hen do and it was a couple of heavy nights let's just say yeah um we uh we went on a boat yep the day after a hangover and i just had a big old breakfast and um a couple coffees and then as we're waiting for the boat my tummy's kind of i'm thinking it'll be all right get onto the boat

sit down it's like bottomless drinks as well so it's like so you're on the boat oh and then yeah and anyways we've literally barely even gone away from the thing and my stomach my stomach starts my stomach starts hurting no and um i had to go into the toilet yep uh i had even more embarrassingly i asked the crew i was like does this flush and she was like just don't put any toilet paper down it and i was like noted noted yeah anyway i didn't put the toilet roll down uh but what i did did end up blocking the toilet and i had to peep my head out the door and i had to say i need help i need a member of staff here immediately and the worst part was it was hot it was so hot i was sweating panicking hangover sweats belly hurting i know the worst part is I needed to do more but from the situation that was produced

in front of me terrible so I had to get a poor little member of crew to go sort that out and even worse no one else could use the toilet for the duration of the boat ride so everyone had to piss in buckets and then throw it over the side of the boat

happy hen do i just sat there i was like like gray in the face i was so embarrassed all the pictures you can see i just look absolutely shook to the core oh no and on the way out i had to look at the member staff be like i'm so sorry about that that is yeah what a day so there you go that's one back for you except i wasn't 12 i was 27 and i should have known better at least you asked for help yeah well you know you know those moments like everything rushes through your head and it's like do i not say anything do i blame it on someone else yeah do i just fucking jump off overboard? Like everything is rushing through my brain. Do you know what's killing me?

It's like, so it's a hen do you guys are pissed drunk on the boat? No, we were actually really sober at that point. Really? Yeah. And then the more, the more drunk people got,

the more they kept bringing it up. Which made me feel terrible. But imagine like being like pissed drunk and then having to pee in a bucket. would be i think that would be the funniest thing yeah yeah people were laughing thankfully yeah that's good though that's a real low point for me pleasure thank you thank you for sending it in thank you for sending it in and if anyone else has any real stories like that please send it to us at t at four at jungle creations dot com send it to us on instagram dms or tiktok we want to hear them yes please so another place you can send us a dm is actually on spotify and we have been given a lovely little dilemma for one of our listeners and i'm going to read it out

okay agony auntie let's go my boyfriend doesn't show affection towards me, e.g. kiss, hug, etc. He only initiates sex. I mentioned this to him and he insists he doesn't mean to and actually loves me. Yet he doesn't make the effort. Okay, so let's hash this out. Yeah, he doesn't show any affection, right? Just sex. Just initiate sex. How I see it, yeah, is I find kissing more intimate than sex. Excuse me?

Yes. Because you can have sex with a person and have no sense of emotions there. And it's just sex, right? It's just a quick beat, a quick fling blah blah right whereas kissing holding hands hugging is intentional you care about the person you want to you want to connect with the person i i personally i feel like right as of now the day that we live in now sex is is just, it's like a material thing. You can have sex with anybody. Do you get it?

This is boyfriend. This is my point. Clearly he just, he doesn't like her. Yeah. That's my point. I completely agree actually. Maybe not in the sense that sex is less intimate

than kissing. I think it is. I think it is. Think about it. If he it if he just wants sex it's like okay cool he can go to anybody else but you don't want to kiss me you don't want to imagine you you go home right and your boyfriend's like doesn't want to kiss you doesn't want to hug you just once you're using me thank you very much so is this a relationship that we're in or is this a transaction? Transaction. That is a very good point. Right.

And I feel like I've been in a situation before where, you know, I've kind of, my body's kind of been rejecting a person before my brain has. Yeah. And like, I'd stopped doing like public displays of affection and then it went down to just basic affection. Yeah. Sister girl, I'm going to be honest with you here. If somebody's not loving you or treating you the way that you want to be treated yeah get out let's keep stepping

because my thing is i do feel like um there's a saying in my language which is which means basically just like bite your tongue and hold on and i feel like that's that's quite toxic it's giving yourself a disservice yeah where it's like you know how you want to be loved you've expressed how you want to be loved and that said person that's meant to be your boyfriend is not taking that in so I would say do what's best for you and remove yourself from the situation I mean if roles were reversed how would they feel yeah i would say firstly communication is key always i think it's very all well and good to say he insists he you know he says he loves me yeah but doesn't make the effort i think this needs to absolutely be addressed because at the end of the day if you're only having like you like you say that transactional kind of

relationship with each other then that's for me that's not substantial enough to stay together yeah um and hugging kissing is very important i think for a lot of people as well love language is massive physical touch is a big thing and if i don't feel like i'm getting that from someone else 100 i'm overthinking it i think intimacy especially when like for me i'm not the most like touchy handsy person yeah but feeling that from someone else makes me feel instantly warmer makes me feel safer and more comforted and you know more confident about my relationship with someone it shouldn't just happen when you're in the bedroom yeah true you know or maybe it's like like what you said you touched on um love languages maybe it's finding out what each other's love languages are so maybe asking questions uh going back and forth to kind of

just get an understanding of the person yeah because yeah maybe they do maybe they are affectionate but in other ways maybe it's like doing the dishes for you yeah maybe it's like giving you a cup of tea maybe he's watching these tenders with you um so in that sense i do i do get it yeah yeah it's i think it's a i don't know how old these people are but as well when they were younger when i was younger there used to be like a thing going around that like when men would hug they couldn't do hugs because they'd get instant boners and it's like no judgment at all but like maybe there's something going on underlying i think it like don't just cut things off instantly figure out what's happening especially if he's insisting he loves you and

makes the effort you can you can use your context clues and if he's not making effort around anything else in your life there's clearly something going on but if it's just a case of like affection physical touch then maybe it's just something you've got work on maybe you need to stare into each other's eyes for a minute me and my boyfriend did that last night just staring each other's eyes yeah well when i went to a self-love retreat we did this thing where like you sit and stare into each other's eyes for a minute and then you write down on um like well this was with a bunch of girls but you write down like what you feel but i've also seen them do it on mario defasite recently and they did it for three minutes and then they're just staring into each other's eyes

and me and cam last night were just like should we just do it and we were just out there right should we make dinner now it's quite nice you just need to like connect i think in a in a world where we're so obsessed with like disengaging and like numbing our brain and just constantly looking at screens yeah just looking into each other's eyes hold each other's hands drive the tesla um yeah get in touch with that little affection i hear it okay i hope that you know has given you some um thoughts to play with does that make sense yeah yeah i hope that's giving you some thoughts to play with um i i believe you will figure it out yeah and i guess you know what's best for you but thank you so much for sending that in yeah thank you and if there's anyone out there that has any other dilemmas that you want us to like

you know break down and talk about please do send them over please do send them over we enjoy having them in and it brings quiet and interesting you know conversation conversation yeah I'm even writing down notes myself i'm gonna my next person i'm gonna sit there and stare at your eyes for two minutes you said yeah one minute or three minutes take your pick we'll do 30 seconds oh yeah build up build up yeah and once again if you have any dilemmas for us you can send them to us at t at four at jungle creations.com or if you want to dm us you can do it on spotify instagram tiktok at four nine thank you have you had a good quick cuppa today christy yeah i did you know minus the

fucking cuppa can't get the help can you crazy um no today's actually been interesting you know we had a good balance of like wild then on my days you can sort it out and then i understand you get it 100 yeah i feel much better for it thank you yeah so much thank you everyone uh and thank you for joining us for this week's quick cuppa we will see you again next week