TED Talks Daily - A 3-step guide to believing in yourself | Sheryl Lee Ralph

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

Sheryl Lee Ralph is a force, delivering iconic performances both on stage and screen. But she didn't always know if she'd make it big. In a lively talk sparkling with actionable advice, she shares how her struggles taught her what it takes to believe in herself -- and how we can all find the self-confidence to keep moving forward.

TED Audio Collective. You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu. American audiences have been watching Cheryl Lee Ralph on stage and screen for much of her career. With her star turn on the show Abbott Elementary, it seems like everything's coming up Cheryl. In her archive talk, she opens up about the struggles along

the way to her success, the lessons that came from them, and how we can apply them to our own lives after a short break. Support for this show comes from Airbnb. If you know me, you know I love staying in Airbnbs when I travel. They make my family feel most at home when we're away from home. As we settled down at our Airbnb during a recent vacation to Palm Springs, I pictured my own home sitting empty. Wouldn't it be smart and better put to use welcoming a family like mine by hosting it on Airbnb? It feels like the practical thing to do, and with the extra income, I could save up for renovations to make the space even more inviting

for ourselves and for future guests. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. AI keeping you up at night? Wondering what it means for your business? Thank you. as they ask bold questions like, why is Canada lagging in AI adoption, and how to catch up. Don't get left behind. Listen to Disruptors, the innovation era, and stay ahead of the game in this fast-changing world. Follow Disruptors on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast platform.

Can Indigenous ways of knowing help kids cope with online bullying? At the University of British Columbia, we believe that they can. Dr. Johanna Sam and her team are researching how both Indigenous and non-Indigenous youth cope with cyber aggression, working to bridge the diversity gap in child psychology research. At UBC, our researchers are answering today's most pressing questions. To learn how we're moving the world forward, visit ubc.ca forward happens here. And now, our TED Talk of the day.

I am an endangered species But I sing no victim song I am a woman, I am an artist And I know where my voice belongs Now you might have heard me sing that song. It was September 12th, 2022, Now, you might have heard me sing that song. It was September 12th, 2022, right after Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers said,

and the winner is... Cheryl Lee Ralph! What?! I had just won the Emmy Award for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy for my role as Mrs. Barbara Howard on your favorite TV show, Abbott Elementary. Oh, yes. And I was shocked, as the children would say, shooketh, into disbelief.

Oh, my goodness. It was my first time at the Emmys, and I won. Yes! And I've got to tell you, in that moment, I was so stunned into disbelief that I don't know how I got up on the stage. Mm-mm. There I was, just listening to that roar of applause. Mm, mm, mm.

And my whole career flashed right there in front of me, starting with 19-year-old Cheryl Lee in her first movie being directed by the great Sidney Poitier. Oh yeah, you can clap that. Followed by 10 years of no after no after no before the next film role came about. But I filled in that time with TV and more no's and more rejection until I made it big on Broadway

in what has become the iconic musical of the 80s, because I say so, Dreamgirls. And boy, did I learn a lot of life lessons there. And I mean, after so many moments of doubt, disbelief, there I was on that Emmy stage with this huge sign in front of me flashing, stop now, stop now, stop now.

And I started to think, my God, what if I had stopped after all of those no's? What if I had stopped after all of those moments of feeling defeated? What if I had stopped after all of those moments of feeling defeated? What if I had stopped? I wouldn't be standing there for that golden moment. But right now, many of us,

we are feeling deeply challenged, trying to hold on and believe in ourselves. And I do not mean in a toxic way. I am talking about a way that comes from confidence, the kind of confidence that can keep us moving forward when we are feeling like we are carrying the weight of the pandemic, trying to figure out all of this political division,

fighting all of the mental, physical, social violence in our homes, in our communities, to climate change, social media. It's a lot. Making it hard to believe in the goodness in the world, and harder still to believe in the goodness of ourselves. This is a rough time, people, We all need a checkup from the neck up. And I don't mean just medicine.

I actually mean reframing our thinking of our ability to believe and to believe in God. And I don't mean just medicine. I actually mean reframing our thinking of our ability to believe in ourselves. Now, I know you see me on TV, in magazines, on movie screens, and you might be thinking to yourself,

what does she know about struggling to believe in herself? Well, let me tell you something. I do not look like my journey. Oh, I've been through a few things. And the struggle is real. But I have learned something in my life, that there are three things that we all must do in order to believe in ourselves. Number one, first, we need to see ourselves.

I mean, really, truly, deeply see ourselves for who and what we are in order to believe in ourselves. I'm a child of the 60s, and that was hard. Ooh. In the third grade, and that was hard. Ooh. In the third grade, I tested out of public school into a fancy private school, where the only black person I saw every day was the one who looked back at me in the mirror.

I was by myself, and I was all alone. And the things that were said to me, and I'm not talking about just the kids, but the adults too. And when I would come home from school crying the ugly cry, my immigrant Jamaican mother would sit me down in front of the mirror and ask me, do you see an N-word?

Do you see a liar? Do you see a big-lipped monkey? No. So dry your eyes. And when you go back to school, remember, you are rubber. They are glue. And every ignorant thing they say about you bounces off of you and sticks to them. And I believed her.

And it didn't hurt so much. Because I believed. And now, back to the episode. Number two. We've got to think. Think about ourselves in order to believe in ourselves. Growing up, my dad had a sign on his desk, and it said, Think. Think. Ooh, I did not know how valuable and powerful the simple act of thinking was,

until I came back to Hollywood from my triumphant run on Broadway, and I had this meeting with a big studio Hollywood casting director. Oh, I was so excited. I walked in, and he looked at me, and he said, everybody knows you're a beautiful, talented black girl. But what do I do with a beautiful, talented black girl? Do I put you in a movie with Tom Cruise? Does he kiss you? Ugh. Who goes to see that movie? I could not believe that that man had just said that to me, to my face.

And he hurt me. He hurt me so deeply, I was actually thinking about quitting. Until I started to think. And I thought about what he said. He said that everybody knew that I was a be cast in movies with the likes of Tom Cruise, and he should kiss me. Yeah. So what was meant to break me did not break me. It built me up.

I believed that man. I believed what he said. And I walked out of there giving myself permission to take up space in Hollywood knowing that I belonged there no matter what anybody thought about me. Thirdly,

we got to act like we believe in ourselves. Oh, yeah. Because when we believe in ourselves and act on it, we create possibilities that never would have been possible had we not just believed. Okay, so I will tell you another story. I will never forget walking to one of those crowded Hollywood rooms, and I see Harry Thomason,

producer Harry Thomason, who is married to Linda Bloodworth Thomason, writer-creator of the series Designing Women. I walk right up to Harry, and guess what happened? I was the writer-creator of the series Designing Women. I walked right up to Harry, and guess what happened? I got cast as Etienne Toussaint Bouvier, Las Vegas showgirl turned Anthony's wife for the final season of Designing Women.

Oh, yeah. Against all odds, once again, I gave myself permission to take up space, believing that I belonged. I believed that if Cheryl Lee did the work of honing her craft, building solid relationships and stayed ready so she didn't have to get ready. Anything was possible. Heck,

winning an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, a Tony. He got it, baby. So, I challenge all of you to start a meaningful practice of looking in the mirror and loving what you see. Believe in what you see. If you can't love it,

then respect it. And if you can't respect it, then encourage it. If you can't encourage it, empower it. And if you can't empower it, please be kind to it. The greatest relationship, the greatest one you will ever have is with yourself.

Believe me. Have faith in yourself. Believing that faith can make broken wings fly and we deserve to soar. Remember, maybe one of these days when you pass the mirror and you catch a glimpse of yourself, remember I told you this. That is what believing looks like.

And don't you ever, ever, ever give up on you. I am Cheryl Lee Ralph, and I love you just the way you are. Believe in yourself as I believe in you. Thank you. Thank you! Thank you! Airbnbs when I travel. They make my family feel most at home when we're away from home. As we settled down at our Airbnb during a recent vacation to Palm Springs, I pictured my own home sitting empty. Wouldn't it be smart and better put to use welcoming a family like mine by hosting it on Airbnb? It feels like the practical thing to do, and with the extra income, I could save up for renovations to make the space even more inviting for ourselves

and for future guests. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. That was Cheryl Lee Ralph speaking at TED 2023. If you're curious about TED's curation, find out more at TED.com slash curation guidelines. And that's it for today. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This episode was produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Green, Autumn Thompson, and Alejandra Salazar. It was mixed by Christopher Faisy-Bogan. Additional support from Emma Taubner, Daniela Balarezo, and Will Hennessey. I'm Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening. Looking for a fun challenge to share with your friends and family?

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