TED Talks Daily - A fresh approach to resolving conflicts | Darya Shaikh

Episode Date: March 26, 2025

Conflict is an unavoidable part of any relationship. But what if the point of arguing isn't to win, but rather to grow from the experience? Facilitator Darya Shaikh presents a powerful framework for managing conflicts, showing how you can navigate complex conversations and identify pathways for mutual progress despite differences. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the next decade, we might have artificial super intelligence and send people to Mars. But does everyone want those things? They're very adept at packaging their vision in a way that seems very humanitarian. I'm Taylor Owen, and on my podcast Machines Like Us, I speak to some of the smartest people in the world about where technology is going and what we can do about it. From the Globe and Mail, listen to Machines Like Us wherever you get your podcasts. This episode is sponsored by Edward Jones. You know, as I talk about these big ideas that shape our world, I sometimes think about the decisions that have impact on our daily

lives like financial decisions. That's where Edward Jones comes in. Earning money is great, but true fulfillment in life isn't just about growing your wealth. It's about using your resources to achieve your personal goals. And Edward Jones gets this. Their advisors take time to understand you as an individual. They build trusted relationships

to help you develop strategies that align with your unique goals. What's special about Edward Jones is their holistic approach. They see financial health as a key part of overall wellness, just as important as physical or mental well-being. It's not about chasing dollars. It's about finding balance and perspective in your financial life. That's something anyone should be able to achieve. Ready to approach your finances with a fresh perspective? Learn more at edwardjones.ca. Money's a thing, but it's not everything.

Support for this episode comes from Airbnb. Every year I travel to Vancouver for the TED conference, a week filled with big ideas, inspiring speakers, and late-night conversations. But while I'm away, my home just sits empty. I've been thinking, why not list it on Airbnb? Hosting could help cover some of my travel costs and maybe even let me stay an extra day in Vancouver to soak in the city's beauty. Instead of rushing to the airport, I could take one more walk along the seawall, grab another amazing meal, or relax at the spa after a busy week, filled with inspiration. Hosting on Airbnb feels like the practical thing to do, and Airbnb makes it easy to get started.

Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hugh. Conflict, it's an unavoidable part of any relationship from interpersonal to international relations. But what if the point of arguing isn't to win, but to grow from the experience? In her 2024 talk, Patterns thinker Daria Shaikh asks us to imagine what might be possible if we see conflict as a seed for positive change, that if handled in the right way,

conflict could lead us to a place of innovation, creativity, and maybe even hope. That's coming up. What if we could have better conflicts? What if instead of causing us to rage or numb or end relationships, our conflicts could spark innovation, creativity, even hope. I've worked across contested spaces for as long as I can remember.

I spent a decade alongside Palestinians and Israelis who were fighting for just and viable peace. Today, my work ranges from corporate culture change through to re-imagining the ecosystem of humanitarian aid. My role is to create the conditions that allow people to have better conversations, better conflicts about the things of humanitarian aid. My role is to create the conditions that allow people to have better conversations, better conflicts about the things that really matter, and find new pathways for collaboration.

And in my 20 years of doing this work, I've come across a tool, which I'd like to share with all of you today, that served as a skeleton key to unlock trust and transformation. I want to give you an example from my corporate work. Now, I know people love to hate banking, but bear with me. A few years ago, I was asked by the president of a global finance firm to do a closed-door strategy session with his new team.

They were undergoing a complex, messy merger, and it was clear that while a lot of attention was being placed on the technical integration, that the culture needed real work. There were tensions and power struggles, passive aggression and narratives of the other forming. Sound familiar? My job in that room was to build enough trust and provide a shared language

so that this group of 15 more than a little skeptical individuals could consider why there might be more value in changing than staying as they are. a shared language so that this group of 15 more than a little skeptical individuals could consider why there might be more value in changing than staying as they are. To do that, we used a futures tool called Three Horizons to help them engage from a place of mutual respect, to see their shared value, and instead of looking at the merger like something that was happening to them, to find their collective agency in shaping it. I was first introduced to Three Horizons by a very special futures practitioner named Bill Sharp

and his colleagues at the International Futures Forum. It's been used on carbon pricing, tackling childhood obesity and building regenerative business strategies. So how does it work? It starts with two lines on a page. At the bottom we have time, starting in the present,

at the bottom left, and going out into the future. On the vertical axis, we have the dominant pattern. The way things work, the further up the line we go, the more commonplace or prevalent things are. This is Horizon 1.

It's the business-as-usual horizon, the way our world works today. We rely on this horizon to be stable and consistent. But as the world changes, Horizon 1 shows signs of strain and is no longer fit for purpose and falls away in its dominance. Then you have Horizon 3, the future we're heading towards. When it comes to change, this is the pattern that will take over from the first Horizon.

But it isn't just out there in the future. There are pockets of the third Horizon in the present moment. Think of self-driving cars or robots on our factory floors. And in the middle, you have the bridge of Horizon 2, how we get from here to there. This liminal space is the zone of innovation and entrepreneurship. Some of it will lead to incremental change.

Some will be transformative, harnessing AI to tackle climate issues, citizen assemblies, or participatory budgeting. But in our attempt to shape a different world or respond to the way in which our current one is being disrupted, we often find these horizons at odds with one another. I like to think about them like voices in a conversation. Horizon One is the pragmatic voice with a managerial mindset

responsible for keeping the lights on. Maybe it's a corporate CEO, or maybe it's a coal miner whose family's been doing work a certain way for generations to make ends meet. Horizon 3 is the voice of the dreamer. Maybe it's an artist or an activist, or the voice of a younger generation whose worldview is still being formed.

You can just imagine a conversation between those two voices, often adversarial, rarely rooted in mutual understanding, speaking past each other if they speak at all. Sometimes Horizon 2, the voice of the entrepreneur, gets brought in to broker between them. But without a sense of shared purpose, without a shared direction of travel, all three voices dig their heels in and get stuck in their own rightness.

What ends up happening are negative conflicts and effortful incremental change at best. At worst, we see blame loops, vilification, dehumanization. What Three Horizons allows us to do is see our shared dilemmas and how each horizon has a value to contribute to resolving them. So instead of Horizon 1 being out of touch or immovable, we see it as a voice of heritage or an ally in scaling bold ideas that all too often get stuck in ideation.

And Horizon 3, instead of being idealistic or radical, we see it as a voice of inspiration, maybe even courage. Horizon 2, who can sometimes be seen as a sellout, as a builder, helping take ideas into action. No one horizon is going to be the hero of the story. We need all three to be working together. Back to my corporate example,

we used three horizons to help this group tell a different story about themselves and the merger. We started by introducing those three voices so that they could go from negative to positive mindsets. And then we created a map, starting in the third horizon, three years into the future, after the merger, where they could suspend disbelief enough about their own ambition. What would they be proud of?

What would they stand for? They talked about being more purposeful, more trustworthy, adding more value to their customers and society than they were extracting. From there, we went back to Horizon 1 to tune into all the examples of stuckness, things that were holding them back that they would need to let go of in order to achieve that new shared vision.

And then on Horizon 2, where were there examples of innovations already underway? Where do they already have momentum for change that they could leverage? They walked away with a sense of possibility, energy for their futures, and a sense of abundance. Conflicts are ubiquitous. They are all around us, some especially right now

causing unfathomable devastation. Others, seemingly less intense like my corporate example, still cause pain and paralysis. Because at the end of the day, we all just want to know our contributions matter. We want to know that we have some agency in shaping the worlds around us. Three Horizons is a simple, powerful way to see ourselves as part of something bigger than any one of us,

to bring equal parts conviction and curiosity to the things we deeply care about and find value in our differences. I am not suggesting we all just get along. There is far too much we need to be fighting for. But it's how we fight, how we have better conflicts that just may tip the scales as we build a third horizon that we can genuinely be proud of.

Thank you so much. If you're curious about Ted's curation, find out more at Ted.com slash curation guidelines. And that's it for today's show. Ted Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This episode was produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Green, Lucy Little, Alejandra Salazar, and Tonsika Sarmarnivon. It was mixed by Christopher Fazy-Bogan, additional support from Emma Tobner and Daniella Ballarezzo. I'm Elise Hue. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening.

This episode is sponsored by Edward Jones. You know, as I talk about these big ideas that shape our world, I sometimes think about the decisions that have impact on our daily lives, like financial decisions. That's where Edward Jones comes in. Earning money is great, but true fulfillment in life isn't just about growing your wealth. It's about using your resources

to achieve your personal goals. And Edward Jones gets this. Their advisors take time to understand you as an individual. They build trusted relationships to help you develop strategies that align with your unique goals. What's special about Edward Jones is their holistic approach. They see financial health as a key part of overall wellness, just as important as physical or mental well-being. It's not about chasing dollars. it's about finding balance and perspective in your financial life.

That's something anyone should be able to achieve. Ready to approach your finances with a fresh perspective? Learn more at edwardjones.ca. Money's a thing, but it's not everything. This episode is sponsored by Audible Canada. If you loved The Hunger Games or the ballad of songbirds and snakes, get ready, because the games are about to get even bigger.

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