TED Talks Daily - How to get people to do what you want | Barry Sonnenfeld

Episode Date: July 23, 2025

As a film and television director, Barry Sonnenfeld had millions of dollars riding on his ability to get his cast and crew to play along — and much of what he learned along the way applies to everyday life. Here, he shares nine bits of wisdom and whimsy gleaned from 40 years in entertainment. So the next time you encounter a screaming bully, you too will know what to do.For a chance to give your own TED Talk, fill out the Idea Search Application: ted.com/ideasearch.Interested in learning more about upcoming TED events? Follow these links:TEDNext: ted.com/futureyouTEDSports: ted.com/sportsTEDAI Vienna: ted.com/ai-vienna Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hulme. When you've been making films for as long as director, producer, and author Barry Sonnenfeld has, you've definitely learned a thing or two, or a lot more, about life. In this talk, Barry pulls from his four decades in the film industry to share ten unexpected rules for survival and success, and what it takes to really make people laugh without letting them know you're trying.

Enjoy. Say hello savings and goodbye worries with Freedom Mobile. at At Girl Guides, every badge earned, every challenge taken on, every campfire story told, helps girls grow into confident leaders. Here, she learns to code, to speak up, to take the lead, and most importantly, she learns to believe in herself. Whether she's 5 or 15, Girl Guides is where she gets ready for her future. Sign up today at girlguides.ca slash join us. The public sector has never been more critical or more complex than it is today.

Leading into tomorrow from EY explores the issues facing the public sector. From navigating the risk landscape to exploring how AI is transforming government, we share actionable insights from those leading change. Each episode features government and public sector leaders offering inspiration and practical strategies for peers across the globe. Download Leading Into Tomorrow, wherever you get your podcasts. I've directed four films starring Will Smith.

Three of them were the first three Men in Black movies. And in spite of them were the first three Men in Black movies. And in spite of them making about $2 billion at the box office, Will Smith never really thought I had a clue. He wanted to take me to his old high school, point to me, and say if this man can be a successful film director on big budget films, anyone can.

The truth is, for all of you here, if I could be a successful director on big budget films, anyone can. So I'd like to share with you nine thoughts I have that will help you in your future endeavors. And the first one is going to be a little disappointing to some of you, which is there is no upside to optimism. Okay, let me explain that. Every time I get off an airplane,

I view it as a failed suicide attempt. That is where embracing pessimism comes in. You see, as soon as I buckle in, I turn to sweetie, my wife, and I say, this plane is going to crash. Now I can relax because one of two things happen. Either the plane starts nose diving towards earth, at which point I get to elbow sweetie and gloat,

was I right or what? Or the plane lands successfully and we live. Win-win. So always under promise and over deliver. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Okay. Number two. Number two is never let anyone know you're working on a comedy. Now this may be true specifically for film directors, but it's kind of also true for telling a joke. Okay, you never want anyone to be funny. If the wardrobe person thinks it's funny, the costumes are going to be too colorful. If your cinematographer thinks you're working on a comedy, the lighting will be too bright.

If the composer composes for comedy, you're gonna have slide whistles and triangles. And worst of all is if the actors think they're working on a comedy. You only want the actors to play the reality of the scene and you want the audience to find the comedy. You only want the actors to play the reality of the scene and you want the audience to find the comedy. Never ever let your actors be funny. Okay number three be punctual. I was a senior in high school when I asked my overbearing mother if I could attend a concert at Madison Square Garden

with my girlfriend. The fact that I was 17 years old and needed parental permission is another story for another TED Talk. Anyway, Sweetie says, sorry, not Sweetie, oh my God, was that a Freudian thing? I don't think it was. No, it was, it was. Sweetie, I love you so much and you're not my mother.

Okay, let's continue. So in any case, my mother says, my mother says, you can go as long as you're home by 2 a.m. At 2 20 a.m., Jimi Hendrix and his band of gypsies take the stage. At 2 20 a.m., Jimi Hendrix and his band of gypsies take the stage. As they are warming up in front of 19,600 people, the following announcement echoes throughout

Madison Square Garden. Barry Sonnenfeld, call your mother. Now, I know the only reason I'm being paged is because my father has died. He hasn't. My father has died and I will spend the rest of my life living as an aging virgin with my mother. Okay. Mom already threatened to commit suicide if I attended sleepaway school. You guys call

that college. Okay, so I find a payphone, I call mom. Who died? I thought you did. You were supposed to be home at 2 and it's 2 20. But mom didn't they tell you the concert was still going on? Well, they did, but they couldn't confirm you were there. Okay, so Jimmy, a tad annoyed by the PA announcement, walks off stage never to return. Eight months later, he was dead, and I blame my mother. So let's talk about punctuality. As far as I'm concerned, being early is being on time. Being on time is actually late and late gets you paged at Madison Square

Garden. Okay let's go to the next one, which is number four, which is don't work your way up the ladder. I was a film school student, and I realized I was a pretty good cinematographer, so I decided that's what I would be. When I got out of college, I bought a used 16 millimeter camera so I could call myself a cameraman without feeling like a dilettante. Six months later I meet Joel Cohen, 50% of the Cohen brothers at a

Christmas party. Joel tells me he and his brother Ethan have written a script called Blood Simple and they're gonna shoot a trailer as if the movie was already made and they're gonna use this trailer to raise money from investing groups to then make their film. So I tell Joel I have a camera. He tells me I'm hired. And a year later, we find ourselves in Austin, Texas, in production.

The first day of filming on Blood Simple was the first day that Joel, Ethan, or I had ever been on a movie set. Don't work your way up. Okay. Number five. This one's going to get to the Rob Reiner of it all, which is let it be their decision. I was the cinematographer on When Harry Met Sally for Rob,

and we were shooting a night scene in Lower Manhattan with Billy Crystal, Matt Ryan, Bruno Kirby, and Carrie Fisher. So they came to the set, which was on West Broadway, they rehearsed the scene while reading from the script as they walked down West Broadway, and then went back into hair and makeup while I lit the scene.

I told Rob we were ready. The actors came back now knowing their lines, walking much faster, and they walked 50 feet beyond where I'm lit. I say to Rob, can you slow down their walk so they can stop what they did during rehearsal? Rob says, you know what, Barre? I don't want them to worry about anything but performance.

Can you light it so they can stop anywhere? So I say, sure, give me 14 minutes. Now here's something else you should learn. Never give estimates in round numbers. By saying 14, 11, 17, or any other arcane number, you really sound like you know what you're talking about. So I lit another 67 feet, see where I went with that,

67 feet, told Rob we're ready, and Rob says, well, will it still look pretty bare? Will it still look beautiful? I said, well, it won't look as beautiful, but now they can stop wherever they want. Rob says, we don't want not beautiful, we want beautiful.

Where do they have to stop where it will look beautiful? Back where they stopped during rehearsal. Where do they have to stop where it will look beautiful? Back where they stopped during rehearsal Rob calls the actors over says guys stop what you did during rehearsal slow down your walk at that moment I learned something I let it be Rob's decision to get what I wanted So later that night I'm shooting Meg Ryan's close-up. Meg was great fun to work with but she didn't always hit her mark. So tonight with this newfound information I said to Meg, hey Meg it doesn't matter where you stop but if you land right here you look gorgeous. She hit her mark every time. So let it be their decision.

Okay, here's an easy one, number six, which is never stand on the end of a group photo. You got two things working against you. First of all, the physics of a wide angle lens on most cameras makes anyone on the edge of frame sort of seem wide. And second of all, you're easy to crop out of the photo. So you always want to say in the center where the important person is. Okay, that's an easy one.

Number seven, which is, oh, this is a good one. It's called Out Juvenile, A Screaming Bully. Okay, the first movie I directed was produced by the famous Scott Rudin. Scott was a brilliant producer, but a legendary screamer and bully. So this is how I tamed the beast. Okay, whenever I was in Scott's office,

on both Adam's Family and Adam's Family values, and he would scream at me I Would remove the pillows and bolsters from his couch. I would build myself a fort I would climb into the fort and I would say I can't hear you in the fort Scott would scream Get out of the goddamn fort, Sonnenfeld. I don't have a lot of time. Sorry, Scott. I'm still in the fort and I

can't hear you screaming. Did you say something? Eventually Scott would give in, apologize. I would leave the fortress, but here's the thing. Never once over two movies did he invade the sanctity of the fort. Never once did he lift up a pillow and say, schmuck, there is no fort. So really go for the juvenile. Okay, we're almost done, I promise. Number eight is be willing to kill your darlings.

I was the director of Get Shorty, and the budget for Get Shorty was $30,250,000. The head of the studio, Mike Marker, said, 30 million, not a penny more. I said, okay, we'll lose a night scene with Gene Hackman. It takes place over two nights. It costs 250,000 and it doesn't move the plot forward, so it's easy to get rid of.

Mike said, you can't lose that scene. It's my favorite scene in the movie. By the way, whenever you want to lose a scene, it's always some executive's favorite scene in the movie. So I said, Mike, you have no choice. We've got to come in at 30 million and losing this scene puts us 30 million. Mike says, don't tell me I have no choice. I'm the head of the studio. What's it going to cost to put that scene back in? 250,000. You got it. Okay, that's another example, by the way,

of let it be their decision. And finally, and most important, always carry a photo of how you like your steak prepared. Now, so here's what you do. You order a steak. The waiter says, how would you like it prepared? And you say, what does your restaurant call this? The waiter looks at it and says, oh, that's our medium rare plus. You say, I would like a medium rare plus New York strip, please.

Never ever, ever, ever say cook it like this because that's giving the chef a line reading and they don't like it. In fact, Sweety and I got kicked out of the Sage Creek Grill in Custer, South Dakota, but that's another story for another TED Talk. So in conclusion, I would say you now have nine pieces of information that will help you become a successful

film director on big budget films. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That was Barry Sonnenfeld at TED 2025. If you're curious about TED's curation, find out more at TED.com slash curation guidelines. And that's it for today's show. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective.

This episode was produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Green, Lucy Little, Alejandra Salazar, and Tonsika Sarmarnivon. It was mixed by Christopher Fazy-Bogan, additional support from Emma Taubner and Daniela Balorreso. I'm Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening. the US and Mexico for just 39 bucks a month. Plus get a one-time use of five gigs of Roam Beyond data. Conditions apply. Details at freedommobile.ca. The public sector has never been more critical or more complex than it is today.

Leading Into Tomorrow from EY explores the issues facing the public sector. From navigating the risk landscape to exploring how AI is transforming government, we share actionable insights from those leading change. Each episode features government and public sector leaders offering inspiration and practical strategies for peers across the globe.

Download Leading Into Tomorrow, wherever you get your podcasts. You searched for your informant who disappeared without a trace. You knew there were witnesses, but lips were sealed. You swept the city, driving closer to the truth, while curled up on the couch with your cat. There's more to imagine when you listen.

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