TED Talks Daily - The fine art of fibbing | Athena Kugblenu

Episode Date: June 6, 2025

Comedian and writer Athena Kugblenu has a hot take: we’re all liars, and that’s OK. Exploring the line between the little lies that do no harm and the big, self-serving whoppers you’d best avoid, she offers a crucial question to ask yourself to help determine if honesty is the best policy — or if a fib might best fit the situation.Want to help shape TED’s shows going forward? Fill out our survey!Become a TED Member today at https://ted.com/join Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, TED Talks Daily listeners. It's Elise. Thank you for making this show part of your daily routine. We really appreciate it and we want to make it even better for you. So we put together a quick survey and we'd love to hear your thoughts. It's listener survey time. It only takes a few minutes, but it really helps us shape the show and get to know you, our listeners, so much better.

Head to the episode description to find the link to the listener survey. We would really appreciate you doing it. Thank you so much for taking the time to help the show. You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas and conversations to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hume. We all tell little white lies sometimes. Is that okay? This comedic talk is all about, well, lying. Comedian, writer, and podcaster Athena Kugblenu lays it all out for us. The

good lies, the honest lies, the silly lies, the important lies, and of course, the bad ones are thrown in there too. I won't give anything else away. I'll just say, honestly, this isn't one to miss. If you're anything like us, you love attention. And my favorite way to get all eyes on me is with next level shiny glossy hair. Which is why we're so excited to tell y'all about the new LaMeller gloss collection from the girlies at Tresemme.

And gigglers, we've got you too. Because Tresemme partnered with us to bring you 1-800-GLOSS, a special bonus episode of Giggily Squad where Hannah and I give advice on all things hair and giving gloss. Check out the episode and grab the LaMeller Gloss collection today because I'm officially declaring this spring gloss season. This episode is sponsored by Google Pixel. I am always looking for tools that help me stay curious and efficient, and lately I've

been exploring the Google Pixel 9, which was gifted to me by Google. What's impressed me most is how it's powered by Gemini. That's Google's personal AI assistant, built right into my phone. Gemini helps me brainstorm ideas, summarize emails, even plan out my day. All just by holding the power button. For example, let me show you how easy it is. Gemini, summarize my unread emails. It's super helpful for staying on top of things without feeling overwhelmed. Or when I needed a quick dinner plan, I snapped a photo of what I had in my fridge and Gemini gave me recipe ideas. It's like having a research assistant

right in my pocket. If you can think it, Gemini can help create it. Learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Support for this episode comes from Airbnb. Every time I travel to Vancouver for the TED conference, I think of extending the trip by one more day to explore. Maybe visit Granville Island to check out their public market, to browse the colorful food and produce, or try out one of their world famous donuts or some fresh food. Maybe with my extra time, I could check out the Grouse Grind hike on the Grouse Mountain nearby, which I've been told is Mother Nature's Stairmaster. This

time around I might just do it. While I'm away I've been thinking of hosting on Airbnb so my home doesn't just sit empty. It would put my home to good use, and the extra income would be great to cover some of the costs of my trip. One more night in this incredible city, one more inspiring Ted Talk. It just feels like the smart thing to do. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at could not live without lying. I'm British. If you ask me how I am, I will always say, I'm fine. I could have just stubbed my toe. I could have lost all my money on cryptocurrency.

But don't worry, I'm fine. It's not just us. Absolutely no one on this planet could live without lying. Imagine telling the truth when your doctor asks you how much alcohol you drink. In a week week on average. I'll give you a figure, but it will be my weekend average.

I told you I'm British. We drink our alcohol in pint glasses. If you don't know what a pint glass is, it's a glass you can fit your fist into. Lying is useful. It can keep us in denial of our responsibilities. It can help us avoid protracted conversations we don't want to have. Sometimes lying is the right thing to do.

God forbid you should ever find me underneath the wheels of a bus. For goodness sake, do not tell me the truth. Tell me for a fact you know that I'm going to be okay. Okay, don't accurately list all the bones in my body that are broken. Tell me that I am going to make it to watch the next Avatar movie. Give me hope. We tend to think of lying as something bad people do to manipulate us when they want us to believe something that isn't true.

When most of the time, for the day-to-day lies, it's just nice, ordinary people lying because in that moment, it's easier than telling the truth. For example, oh, I'll be there in five minutes. Audience Members Laugh When you haven't left the house yet, have you? Audience Members Laugh

Oh, this is a good one. I've read the terms and conditions. Audience Members Laugh No one reads the terms and conditions. Pfft. No one reads the terms and conditions. I've got a three-year-old and a five-year-old, okay? Kids that age, I don't know why, they don't like to brush their teeth. So to get my kids to brush their teeth, I say, do you want me to throw your iPad in the bin? Do you want me to put it in the bin?

It's a lie. I'm not going to put their iPad in the bin, but there's two stereotypes about British people. One about the state of our teeth. — — And one about the state of our drinking. Okay?

I only want them to fall into one of those stereotypes. — So I lie to get them to brush their teeth, and it works. And of course it's a lie. I'm not going to put the iPad in the bin. No warranty will give me my money back because my kids are naughty. And it's my iPad. I think the trick is to ask this question.

Am I lying for my good or for someone else's good? I wrote a children's book about lies. I combed history for lies that are well-established as untrue, because I wanted to find that line between the kind of lie we tell every day and the kind of lie we'd like to distance ourselves from. The kind of lie that you might tell a bride when you say, I love the bride's made dress she's chose.

It's just my color. It's hideous. But that's a good lie. It's not about you. It's about the bride. It's her day. She should have the dress she wants. Or that kind of lie you tell to the elderly billionaire

you're about to marry when you say you love them. That's a bad lie. You should not get married for money. You should get married for a Netflix password. So... I think it's the selfish lies we need to deal with, OK? The kind of lies that might make people money, the kind of lies that might harm others, the kind of lies that might win people votes. We need to get better at distinguishing

between the acceptable lies and the unacceptable lies. And the way to do this is to get fib literate. Want to be qualified in fibs? Ask yourself this question. When you're given the opportunity to lie or when you've been given information and you're not sure it's true. Ask yourself who will benefit? Some examples. You get home late.

You're tired. Your partner was supposed to put the bins out. They have not. Worse, they're going to go out, and you're going to have to do the job yourself. And before they leave, they ask you, are you mad? You're furious. You're incensed, but you say, I'm not mad.

That could be a good lie, OK? They can take the bins out. Next week, it's not a big deal. You're furious because you're tired. It's not a big deal. That's a good lie. Who benefits from that lie? Both of you in that relationship. Another example. You've gone out with your friend. You've gone to the club. Your friend has driven.

Whilst in the club, they've drunk five pints of wine. On the way out of the club, they say, I'm good to drive. It's OK. It's a short drive. We barely have to do two right turns. It's not a problem. I'll get you home.

That is a bad lie. OK? Who's going to benefit from that lie? Nobody. That could harm others. The key to fib literacy is to apply the question, who will benefit to any scenario? Take the mortgage crisis.

Who benefited when lenders believed what the borrowers were telling them? Who benefited when everyone believed the lenders when they acted British and said, oh, we're fine, nothing to see here? The lies were building up like dirty laundry, until the stench became too bad to ignore. Or take smoking. Who benefited when they lied about our ill health? They made smoking look so cool with their lies.

Imagine that picture of Audrey Hepburn in that iconic picture from breakfast at Tiffany's with a vape. We wouldn't change that cigarette for anything, but Tiffany's with a vape. (*Laughter*) We wouldn't change that cigarette for anything, but it's still a bad lie. The act of lying is a necessity that we need to use, and it's an act of social grace. Oh, I love that present you brought me, thank you.

Your cooking tastes delicious. We're actually very skillful in the seat. What we need to get more skillful in is determining the difference between the acceptable and unacceptable lie. We cannot vaccinate ourselves from lies. But by asking the question, who will benefit? We can build resilience to deception. I feel very bad to tell you all that we're all on the lion train.

But the question is, are you going to get off on the good stop or the bad stop? You're right not to lie, that was a terrible analogy. It was terrible, I'm sorry, but you get what I mean. And I'd like to take this moment to say this is an absolute honour. Thank you, Ted, for giving me the greatest moment of my life. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE No, no, no, sit down. Sit down, love, sit down, love. That was a lie.

LAUGHTER I'm sorry, it wasn't the greatest moment of my life. Do you want to know what the greatest moment of my life was? Or still is? Do you want to know what the greatest moment of my life is? Yeah? Once, I got given a hotel breakfast. For free.

It was a pretty good moment. Pretty good moment. But this comes close. Thank you. That was Athena Kugblenu at TED Next in 2024. If you're curious about TED's curation, find out more at TED.com slash curation guidelines. And that's it for today's show. Ted Talks Daily is part of the Ted Audio Collective.

This episode was produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Green, Lucy Little, Alejandra Salazar and Tonsika Sarmarnivon. It was mixed by Christopher Faisi-Bogan, additional support from Emma Taubner and Daniela Ballarezzo. I'm Elise Huw. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening. This episode is sponsored by Sell Off Vacations. You know how sometimes a single experience,

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