Tell Em Steve-Dave - #304: It's Porn Dog!

Episode Date: September 15, 2016

Q is called to the carpet, Bry puts overzealous IJ fangirls on blast, smartest mammals. Music: Temple Kings - Big Talk Little Man

Hey Walt here, just wanted to ask all the residents of Tom Steve Dave town to just take a moment to listen to a message from somebody who plays a very vital role in Tom Steve Dave what it is. So if you just listen to this important message from Mr. J. Sarge. Thank you. Hey everybody J. Sarge here. I am putting this song up to raise some money for my sister while she's out of work for a few months receiving and recovering from some medical procedures. Outside of my wife and kids my sister is the most important person in my life and she hasn't of wealth for a long time. Through a job, she spent more than a decade working with troubled kids, and now that she's in need, I need some help so I can help her keep the lights on and roof over her head.

I'm not asking for much, just a dollar or two for this song. It's been rolling around in my head for the last few months. I know 2016 has been a massive bag of dicks for many of us and I hate to Have to ask at all is I've kind of been overwhelmed by the The generosity of witness from the ants time and time again as shit has hit the fan this year I hope you enjoy the song and thank you for all of the love and support You guys are the best. Okay, so if you want to help out J. Sarge and pick up the track, go to Bandcamp,

go on a search and type in Remedial M theory and you'll find the track. Thank you. Hey, if after you've listened to Tom Steve Dave tonight and you're still Jones and Firmor. I will be on the Eric Nagel show tomorrow Friday the 16th, 6 to 9, serious 206, XM 103 or the other way around. I'm not exactly sure which. Anyway, Eric Nagel show and we'll be talking shit. I'll be talking shit about Walt, Ming Walt Ming Mike maybe even Q Well, this is where it gets bad What I said was. What a nice ride!

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Him Steve Dave with Walt with me, Brian, and with what appears to be Nelly, the musician, or at least a guy trying to outdo Nelly with fucking 19 band-aids, Oliver's body. You look like you went swimming in a public pool. Yeah, I got a lot of band-aids. Well, the first rule, Brian, is I can't tell you why I Have all these band-aids you cannot the second rule is I can't tell you why I have all these mandates I'm sorry, that's it, huh? It's it the mystery of the band-aids well, it's not 19. It's one two three four five six seven Seven that's reasonable Why wouldn't you just wear long sleeves?

It's 93 degrees out Seven, that's reasonable. Why wouldn't you just wear long sleeves? It's 93 degrees out. That's true. I have what I was going on as I have poison ivy on my arms. You were impractically joking, someone. I was impractical. I was just a poison ivy bush. He's doing yard work and I got I got to keep the ivy. How is a man of your stature doing his own yard work?

Well the key word in that sentence, Walt is man well Then you're talking to a full-blown Biological woman because it does not do any of his I cannot do any of my own yard work for the very reason that why you have to many bandages You look like King Tut and one big bandages. Yeah, yeah, I have an extreme allergic reaction to poison ivy. It's, uh, it's not good. Yeah. This is gross. It's like, it's very gross and it's, it's more for you guys than for me,

you know, of because they're like open. Yeah, it's like that. Pussy yellow blisters. You know, I'm not allergic to it really. I've never gotten poison ivy Can I tell you the worst part about having poison ivy is No matter what you touch your balls no matter what no The worst part about having poison ivy is being forced to endure everybody's poison ivy stories Yeah, it's all it's It's fucking all I hear all day. I've gotten on for you. I appreciate that. It's like, it's fucking all I hear all day. I've gotten on for you.

I appreciate that. It's like, it's like, it's my life has become, I'd rather start talking about a practical joke or something. I'm tired of hearing about everybody's poison. Well then fucking don't fucking bandage yourself up all over the place. People are gonna ask you. I got no choice.

Where do long sleeves, like I said? I'm gonna have to. Yeah, why don't you wear like a nice Caribbean outfit, like a billowy white shirt? Yeah, yeah. Oh, like a billowy white shirt. Perhaps you're right. Where that burka bikini? Yeah, where the bikini is not freaking everybody out. Yeah, I have a you say you don't want to talk to talk about a practical jokers but we need to address a few things. Okay. One, we just wrapped season six of comic book man. Congratulations guys. Nice work. Nice work. Which means we're officially out of contract because we were

contracted for six cycles. Oh shit. So if you need any joking done well not Practically very good practically otherwise I was just saying oh Man this means that there's a season seven you guys are getting a pay raise Yeah, I think I think AMC is they don't know what to do. They're gonna be quaking for the next ten months Okay, just wondering what our demands will be then being on a popular TV show and your contract running out That's like the golden goose Literally the only time you have them by the balls. Oh, yeah, that's it Even then I don't know I think they'll be like the fuck off

Yeah, well, that's the problem. Yeah, we owe it like, we're a dog that does overplay our hand. Right, yeah. Yeah. Well, congratulations guys, it's, you know, hard it is to get fucking six seasons of a TV show. Yeah, they were naming shows that have not gotten six seasons shows that are like way more well known and beloved than ours. Oh, sure.

Collegans, islands, chips, a couple others. Star Trek. Star Trek, yeah. Which means we're islands, chips, a couple others. Star Trek. Star Trek, yeah. Which means we're better than all of them. Yes. And it means the bachelor is fucking 50 times better than all of them. So they're up to like 90 seasons now or something. I'm a cheap to produce.

Right. But that's huge, man. That's an accomplishment. None that will matter to you. But it's still an accomplishment. We did it. Well, we did. This must be like what it felt like when when the greatest generation came home from WWE, right?

Like, no sailors kissed me in the streets, still. I think the sentiment was there. The other thing is I may be forced to, and you know, I love you. Yeah, I may be forced to disfigure you in some way. What do you mean? Box cutter to the face, something like that. You're too handsome. A glass goes smile. But you know, I may need to curb stomp you.

Your good looks are causing problems. Well, I mean, I'm getting older. So all you gotta do is sit back and wait. I'm not makin' better looking. I don't know, man. Like George you got to do is sit back and wait. Mm-hmm. I'm not getting better looking. I don't know, man. Like George Clooney, he was a good looking guy. When he was young, he got better looking as he got older. Listen to me, I appreciate the build-up we've done of me on the show, but the reaction, the reality is I'm middle-aged over weight,

and perfectly okay looking. Where is the Ky-Read Sony X- the experts from that letter that just arrived to that would seem to not, that sentiment is not the sentiment. I'm getting these letters, mail to the stash because... This is not an email. He's been getting letters, telegrams, teletypes. Which, and I know this is a burden on you like the the person who mails that to the stash I respect as opposed to the person who say mails it to my personal address

In which case they do and I'm not kidding go directly to the police I'm not kidding. I have I drop them off like once a week and be like this cycle looked up where I lived somehow So I do appreciate anybody who sends it to the stage. Did you not want your home address in our Twitter bio? Didn't think it was necessary Okay, I'll take it off. Thank you Someone writes in cues incredibly sexiness Has has made me a middle-aged married woman neglect her husband and children and her work performance is suffering because she cannot stop thinking of Q

Yeah, you know what I felt that way when I used to take Roxy You know what? I felt that way when I used to take Roxy. I neglected everyone. So I thought about all day, you are her drug of choice, dude. You're the opiate of, well, the female gender. That's because she's never met me. That would all be the same. You're saying that, you're saying that if she were to meet and have a face-to-face with the real Q and not the TVQ,

she would not be so inclined to want to. Yeah, I'd let you yourself to your vision. Yeah, I'm almost positive of that. And then to, you know, I don't believe her. You don't believe her. She wrote this, she wrote this handwritten, this letter goes on and on. It doesn't seem like something does, someone does casually. I'm just gonna fuck this up. This is like two pages of seven. I don't know where the other four or five pages are. But. Well, I appreciate that.

I thank you whoever wrote that. I do. That's very sweet of her to say. It is. I mean, you know what I mean, not for her husband and kids so much. Yeah. Her employer is kind of like, you know, when we get to get on a day, he's worth of work at you. But, um, now you're saying that you, you want to disfigure him.

I maintain that like, oh, yeah, why you disagree? That it's as long as people like this person wrote this, this letter, writer are buying the merch with your face on it. Right. I got no problem with this. I'd rather they buy T. E. S. D. merch than And practical joker's merch. Okay, that's great. Yeah, this person said you know, they've got the they've got the t-shirt Thank you that I genuinely appreciate and they they rubbed their See they rubbed like yeah, they rubbed their you know, yeah through the shirt when you're when you're watching you on your show.

That's kind of sexy. Through a shirt, huh? Through a shirt. I like that. Yeah. That's great. Even under the shirt over the bra. That's all I would do. What you want to see is face. Okay, I got you. All right, I don't know what to say to that.

The reason I was going to cut you up is because your attention to one particular 13% or got her harassed when we played last week's game. No, what do you mean? There's some, Jay, I don't remember the exact. Jay Fizzle. Yeah, I know. Yeah, we all know who she is.ay i don't remember the exact jay fizzle yeah i know that we all know she is i just can't remember if it's jay sizzle fizzle or whatever right but yeah she starts to attack by some i jay uh... crazed female fans because you showed her you favored her well i mean get ready for more because i i i i i i thought jizz is a yeah i'm not backing down.

I'm saying, I'm doubling down and saying that she is a, a good friend to me. And I like her very much. And I would request that you not harass her. But my advice to her would be, please just block them. And don't even, don't answer them. Don't give them any attention. Just block them.

Right. Can I, can I speak for you here? Yeah. Um, many IJ, I met them on the cruise. Yeah, and I'm not talking to the male IJ fans. I'm talking and except you gain a 69. I'm looking in your direction to a female IJ fans. Many, many cool people. Oh, absolutely. Many down to earth people. Yes. Many normal people. But then of of course like any cross section, you're gonna get wackos.

Yeah. And this goes out to those wackos. Quinn is not going to fuck you. No. He's not going to befriend you. He's not even going to follow you on Twitter. That's definitely not gonna happen. So you need to get this out of your head,

this fucking notion that you need to attack other people who Quinn, like how do you, how, how could a person think that would endear them to you? That's wacky. It's crazy. It's wacky. He's like Bieber. I'm so not like Bieber. But I should be noted that I appreciate the, the passion.. I just you know, maybe don't let it turn ugly

Yeah, maybe direct it in a better way because not it's not even for not even for J Fizzle sizzles Shake it's more for your own like why do you want that in your life? Like get rid of the ugliness man Enjoy enjoy life. Is there any what your big Samantha Fox fan and have been? Yes. Now, when you knew other guys were like, ooh, Samantha Fox is hot. Did it ever occur to you to attack them either physically or maybe at the time by, you know, by letter, by post? I'll tell you one more.

I want to put this in perspective You know who Victoria justices. Yes, okay kids used to watch that show so it's a real person or talk about the TV show Har the real person That's not trying to be in real life. I mean that's an envirteria Victoria justice. That's a real name. That's her right there me and her Okay, she's a big iJ fan This week that's a real name. Yeah, Victoria just as she's born with it. Okay, she's a big IJ fan this week. That's your real name? Yeah, Victoria just I should bow to them. Wow, okay. She came to the Impratil Jogas office with her mother and her sister and what a nice kid. She's a kid. She's 20. Well, she's not a kid, she's 23. What end? Like, wooden, a real sweet kid. She made a little video for my niece

She she did some other like nice things for like our family and stuff like that very nice very nice polite job that keeps saying childish and say that she's not a long job. She got way more experience of me She posted a picture of us on Twitter. She isn't almost 10 million Twitter followers and the replies to her were simply fucking insane. Insane. Going after her for taking a picture with no or going after you. People guys obsessed with her guys saying horrible like rude things to her. Guys calling her my love, my sweet like just real creepy weird stuff that I'm like how is she comfortable walking around without a bodyguard which she doesn't have but if you have 10 million followers right and they're all writing that shit do you can she even see it like how fast it must go I the feed yeah I guess but

it's like that but nothing negative directed at you, huh? No, no, really. Most people who had no idea who the fuck were, are she has more Twitter followers than anybody who watches our show. So you know what I'm saying? So it's like, there's no chance in hell. I mean, a few people are like, oh, that's cool and whatnot. But like people, like there's just the shit that they write to us, just nuts.

And so I don't think I have it that bad. You know what I mean yeah I got to say like it's there's a lot of people out there who have a worse there's been some dramatic lately I don't like the I don't like the dramatic with these ij versus 13% or is ij versus I should know this though fucking people tell me I see it on Twitter once in a while I really haven't been telling you what So fucking people tell me I see it on Twitter once in a while. I really haven't been- Tell you what. About this type of thing.

What? The like the the Jesus' little Vizzle. That someone is saying bad things. Somebody who's saying nasty things to her. That's all you. Yeah. Why they tell you. I don't know.

Maybe they think I'm going to go after them. The person. I kind of figure out who it was though. I would have. I've done it before. I did it to somebody who said something to Joe, but I'm not above it. Oops. Hey, sorry.

We had to get a quick ad break, but I promise. It'll be right back to the scintillating conversation. M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m- What do you like to rope? What? My own TV. What do you like to do? Meondis is made from Modal, a fabric that's three times softer than cotton. Meondis has tons of colors and patterns from classic to bold to adventurous, and the only brand to have matching pairs for men and women. You know, I'd love to be able to incorporate no and all kidding aside.

I want to bring in, I think, one of my all-time greatest jokes and my, like, what I'm really, one of my best things I've ever come up with, is that when we drive past that one spot where we see all three guests, we see the three guests. Why? No one cares about that. That is the best.

When we drive past, and there's three gas stations on a four-corner road, there's seen the three. Why? No one cares about that. That is the best. When we drive past, and there's three gas stations on a four corner road, there's three gas stations. That is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. How can I incorporate that into this? In me, on these? Yeah. You don't.

Because like, ever since you were little. It started like a year ago. No, it's been going on since you were like three. You took a liar. So whenever we've learned about that, friendlies, which was a year ago. No, I've been driving past that dose three gas stations on a four corner road. I've got a liar. I don't know why you're lying when you're like put that on to make your head look cool.

It's so cool that you went there from zero three. And it's about three. You don't think we've driven past that five through it since you were three. Since I was 12 maybe. Okay, since you were 12 I've been doing this joke. That's a real big difference. And explain it to explain it to somebody who doesn't know yet explain it what I'm talking about. This is a stop on the little tiny road off the highway. It's a four way stop, right? Yes. And on three of the four corners of that four way stop

are three gas stations. Yeah. That are so close, if you spit from one gas station, you could hit the other gas station, correct? Yeah. No, don't lie. You could, right? No. What do you mean no? They're? Yeah. No, don't lie. You could, right? No.

What do you mean no? They're that close? No, they're not. It's all over. Let's say you picked up a pebble and threw it. I could hit the other gas station easily, right? Yes. Okay, they're that close.

Yeah. And every time we drive past it, what happens? There's an amazing joke. That's right. An amazing, you make it. but don't discount it as it's not good. Those jokes are good. They're not. What are you talking about? They're always like what has three corners? They're going to have to show. That is not one of the jokes. You're lying. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that's basically what is the equivalent to what it is. What are you talking about?

Those jokes are awesome. You're just trying to make yourself so cool. No, I'm not. Because they're great jokes. I know a little bit about that. They're different every time. I change them up every single time we drive by that spot. That's my man.

Well, you have to do this. Just think about these gas station jokes. No, it's not just gas station jokes. They about these gas station jokes. But no, it's not just gas station jokes. There are three gas station jokes that the joke is that there's three gas stations on a four corner stop. It's hilarious. Well, we make this corner better. Another gas station.

It's a nice funny. Like, I thought that was great. You know, you know what? This town needs a fourth gas station. That's the living one is everything I'm not. It's not the same joke. I always change it. And that, but like in a variation of that. Do you want another truth? What? I will draw. I will go out of my way to drive past that spot just to make that joke. I can easily go a different route, but I want to go past the four corner stop just so we can see the three gas stations.

Real tight. Hurry up. Alright, for a limited time on time, Beyond These is offering you 20% off your first order. Have a young piece.com. TSD. If you don't love your first pair, it's free. Make sure you go to meandys.com slash TSD to get 20% off your first order and use my link so they know we

sent you. For a limited time, meandys is offering you 20% off your first order at meandys.com slash TSD. If you don't love meandys, your first pair is free. You have no excuse to try the best underwear on the face of the planet. All right, let's get back to some tell him Steve Dave. Um, the boss though for anyone who thinks, uh, BQ is, has no faults is, uh, is, uh, perfect. Yeah, some would say perfect. I don't think any tell him Steve Dave listeners think that, uh, that's good. But the people who do are going to be disabused of that after I read this letter Another letter came in. Well, yeah, we're more of a post, I guess you would say okay

And it would appear that you went to eat somewhere cute. I do do that. I got to go places to eat and it was a waitress Who couldn't believe you were sitting in her booth? She's one who made this post. Yes. And she loves Tellum Steve Dave. OK. Has all the merch and everything.

What's your name? What's her name? She doesn't know. She doesn't want to say because of where she works. OK. Fair enough. But Walton, I'm not sure how you want to handle this because this is not an iJ fan This is a Tom Steve Dave fan right okay, and we can't afford to

Well, tell me the story. Yeah, okay. I can't afford to lose Right you else not especially one who buys stuff right If we could afford to lose all the ones we can afford to lose the ones that only want to listen for free Those termites we can we can we can She has been eating She's the The ones who are buying stuff come on man. We can't lose we can't lose one not one Okay, this is a disturbing story wall. I'm gonna tell you right out of the gate.

Okay, you've got girls. I've got a girl. This could be one of our girls that Q is treating like this someday if they ever become waitresses. Oh really? Oh really? This is uh I mean so she's excited at your and her booth. Well, do I wait for the whole letter to be read before I would you? No, it's kind of long so we can comment as as we go along. Okay. So she's excited. Okay. But and she didn't tell you that she was a fan. Also, Sleem seems slightly intoxicated. Okay. So far, it seems true. Well, yeah, you mean you're you would be it would be not unusual or uncommon for you to be out. I mean slightly intoxicated possible. Yeah wasted more likely She didn't tell me she's a fan. I'm telling you right now that's a mistake because if you don't tell me your fan

Then I then I'll probably just tip you standard 20% if you do tell me your fan. I'll probably bump that up Tell you she didn't tell you she was a fan. Well, she just, yeah, she said that she said I didn't tell him I was a fan of what of any of any of his vehicles. I mean, this is just very general rate so far. You were also with a friend. Hello female. It doesn't say okay. So I can't say. And he wouldn't even look at me when I asked

him what he wanted to eat he just started his menu and for a second I thought I was on ij or something because I was looking at a menu okay that seems you know sketchy in a restaurant all right so is it a comment for you when you're at a you're at a restaurant the waiter comes over to wait just comes over and they're like good evening do you not look up in the menu, just could you continue to keep your eyes glued to the menu or do you address the person? Or do you not want to address them

because you don't want to get noticed? I mean, I don't think I have a standard in this instance, maybe at the time I was just in the middle of reading the menu. I believe in his mind, he's like, how do I tell her I want all of it without hearing like a glutton? Well okay first off would it be rude not to look up on the menu? Um I think it just depends on the situation. If it's busy I feel like maybe this person would

appreciate me concentrating on what I want to order so she can get it in and get on with the job. Okay. I don't know. I don't think I look up for the menu Okay, I probably normally would but like well, maybe you're still scanning and like okay I'm gonna find it in a second right and you'll tell her okay I don't go to any restaurants where I need to look at a menu right right the the restaurant you go to it's up I'm like Right. The restaurant you go to it's up on like a board. No, I don't have so many times. I know exactly what I want. I don't even need a menu. I got you. Okay. Mr. Flattigan, you a grilled chicken will be

within moments. Okay. So his friend, your friend looked at her, smiled and said, we'll be ready in a second, huh? Some sex. Right. That was if that was a, if that was a dude, that was sexist. Right. Okay. And you didn't eat and correct your friend? I don't know if she was better than silence is consent. So I smile back and after five minutes, he still won't answer me.

Five minutes. That's a long time. I admit it is a really long time. I just stand there waiting. Wal knows whom she came back to the table, right? Like she didn't stand there the whole time. I'm not sure if it's a really long time. I'm just standing there waiting. Walno, assume she came back to the table, right? Like she didn't stand there the whole time. I don't know. She doesn't say, after five minutes, you still won't answer, and I'm told another five minutes. When I got back, okay, so yes, she walked away. Okay. His friend said, he'll have a burger, and Q just sits there clicking away on his phone. I said, sir, what would you like tonight?

And he said, a lord are in a fucking minute, lady. Oh, that's right. Is that really what it said? Yeah, that's what it says. I'll be reading the part of Q just so you can get the full-cut. Now, I'm now sonner, remember this. Okay. So, you're, this is coming, this is jogging?

Well, it's like how many times he was lightly hammered. Like, am I going to be like, am I guessing this restaurant or am I an employee that needs to get my order and on the aton table? Now I'm now I'm sorry. Remember this. I was so taken aback all I could do was st-stammer and stutter and stand there while he finished whatever he was doing She did have a stupid look on a face. I remember that actually she looked dumb. Yeah Now I'm on the standing wall because she was a fan, but really I yeah, I remember this okay so

I go back to see if they needed oh wait He told me to have a burger and make sure it wasn't too rare Oh wait, he told me to have a burger and make sure it wasn't too rare. Right. So, I guess you didn't want to commit to medium. Well, the problem is I don't want to say what this place is, but like I'll go there and every time I say, I usually get my order of medium, medium well, they always give it to me raw. So I was already dealing with some frustration with this place already. So that was sarcasm on your part.

Yeah. She was supposed sarcasm on your part. Yeah. She was supposed to pick up on that. No, it said don't, what is he saying? She didn't say anything to that. She went back to see if you needed your drinks refilled. And all Q said to me was like, look like I'm finished. At this point, I feel like crying. I'm so non-confrontational and he's basically my hero

and being a dick for no reason. I get his friend more so than I'm leaving. Yeah, you can defend that because the next stuff is... It's pretty incendiary. Yeah, I already know what all this is going, but... But let me say something, if you have a see-through cup and it's filled basically three quarters filled, do I begin to drop my conversation? The fuck can I ask me if I if I'm done with the drink or

any other drink? Am I a server with Adobe look at my face? You want not so what would you do? I would say, well he's got 75% of his drink left. He's probably good for a little bit. Right. I can move on to maybe someone who isn't as well-known, not as celebrated, maybe Mr. Dick is empty. Well, how about somebody that just needs a fucking drink? Right. Not a guy that clearly has like a full drink. I don't understand.

Like she's trying to make me, it's like her coming up with me like, sir, would you like a shirt? Right, you already got one. Exactly. Okay. Okay. But I don't know if it's worth hustling a cry about. Yeah, she cried. Oh, wait, she one. Exactly. Okay. Okay. But I don't know if it's worth hostile to cry about. No, she cried.

Oh wait, she felt like crying. Okay. She's non-confrontational and you're basically her hero? No, non-confrontational, but she wasn't. It was a stupid question. I had a few drinks at me and I was in the middle of texting when she asked me by the way, but yeah. This is where I feel like maybe Q-Cross is a line wall. He gets his friend Morsoda and as she's leaving,

Q grabs her wrist. At this point, a thought crossed my mind again that IJ was filming and everyone on staff was gonna laugh at me. So what are you doing later? Can I explain the wrist grab? Okay. It wasn't really, it was more that you sleeve of her shirt than the wrist and I had tried to get her

attention a couple times because you needed to drink free filled. Yeah, it wasn't a wrist. I didn't like grab on to a wrist threat. I just kind of just, you know, nipped it a shirt. You do that. Is that a common thing? No, but I had to put your hands on the staff. I didn't put it on it. I put them on a shirt. I put them on a shirt. It's not Fologius assault. It's not. I have never, but I have never had to put my hands on on the staff at any place of every. I don't think I have. Yeah. Can't imagine it. No. Well, this sort of contradicts your story, Q. Can't imagine it no will this sort of contradicts your your story cue, okay?

So you said so what do you do later? She says I don't have plans. He says we were going out right yeah She says I don't have plans Quince says you do now any wigs at her. Oh, that's well that's that's the gregarious cue. That's what people expect right right? That's the cue. I would think like party cue you're done with all your texting and now you're willing to throw or some attention I was trying to invite her. I was gonna. I was inviting her out It was my friend's band was playing and I was like do you play as later? No, well you do now right But she laughed incredibly nervous thinking again. She's being recorded She laughed that didn't seem nervous to me, it seemed like she enjoyed the idea.

She said no thank you because parentheses she has a boyfriend and you grabbed her wrist again but this time harder. I was an askin'. Okay. Wow. Now, she says wrist twice so I'm wondering. She would say cuff if she meant cough right what Maybe the second time yeah maybe the second time I got a little bit of a rest but

The intention was the tone was still very light an Aryan fun You know from a Aryan fun like fun it's already you Are in you know fun and flirty Okay Aaron, you're like Aaron and fun and fun and fun and flirty. Okay, the friend stepped in explaining Q had a rough day and he didn't mean anything by it. But 50 minutes later, Q is staring me daggers, he lifts up his glass shaking it. Well that's because, oh, right. So she points out I need another drink.

Yeah, the universal signal that assholes do for refill. Now this is, this is not uncommon that that servitors dislike when people do this. I remember when Mosier did it, who is one of the nice system most polite guys on earth. Did it to, I remember Rita from the Oh yeah, I remember Rita from the Broadway Grill. Like he just held that up like, hey, you know, any refill as opposed to her going all the way over and being like, hey, I need a refill. So offended by it. Really. Yeah, but I guess waiters and waitresses don't like that. Can I explain myself? Sure. This fucking person. She wasn't with him grabbing this person. I mean, come on. I don't really. I think she's exaggerating that but I was a little drunk. I don't remember. but I was a little drunk, I don't remember. But she's coming over when I have 75% of a fucking drink and asking me, but suddenly I'm down to cubes

for five minutes. Right. And I can't get her attention. And suddenly my drink is no way to be in sight. So it's like, what am I supposed to do? Get up. If it was home, I would just go up and get my own drink. Mm-hmm.

You know? Right. I'm not. They're not gonna let me do that. And she's not coming back to the table. So what am I gonna do? I should I should have told the manager. Yeah, you should have got her fired She walked over took her cup and then she walks towards her machine in the back. He tells me to walk slower You look good walking away

What I said was I Like to see you coming But I like to see you going even better. We've had that with you. That's your line. Is that the one that gets them? Yeah, sometimes. It's like it's really, it's like the one that gets them.

Is that really works? Yeah, like, hey, it's always nice to see you coming. You know what, it is better to see you going. That's worked before. It's got, that's got the, yeah, it has gotten results. Yeah, I don't think I said anything as crest as the word ass or anything like that. I mean, if being indicted on reddit.com is working,

then yeah, it's working. I think so far, she's basically sticking to the truth, but she's being a little sensitive. Mm-hmm. When she returned, you and your friend are getting ready to leave and he says, you can drink that baby, it's on me. You can drink that baby it's on me. Well giving me the cheesiest fucking grin alright now she doesn't like anymore. They pay for their shit, Q pulls a 20 from his wallet making a drunk dunking motion towards my cleavage. I walk away and he mumbles entitled

bitch then he took his tip off the table and put it back in his pocket. So she would have let you put the tip in her cleavage. Yeah. Called her entitled. I think there's a miscommunication here. And then you rescinded your original offer. I did take the tip away. I did. I did, I did take the tip away because it was more because of the drink thing than anything else. But look, her tits were out. Right. I was looking at them.

I wasn't trying to get a 20 in them, but I was looking at them. But I thought to start that was part of you thought that she, this is acceptable behavior. Look, if you're going to share your cleavage in any given I did not realize that you're right for 20 bucks in that. I'm telling you all right now. Okay. That I didn't. I. It was a 10. Well, this is where it gets bad. Well, she went to the kitchen, she cried, she couldn't believe it. Oh, get over yourself. So far nothing happened, they should be fucking crying about. Get real.

That's... We've been looking at such a fucking pussy sense of the world. The diner is almost empty, that's why she assumed filming was going on. Right. Then she apologizes for the quick rush nature of it of this this right up uh... because she had to go online to fucking wrap me out the reddit she had she had just found this reddit after googling tell them to you've gave boards okay and this is where it will you and i we have a hard decision to make

i can't listen to the show anymore if q is on what we do here? This is why there are 103 episodes with this guy. Oh more including band cap. I've been grooming Gatham just for this just for my sense then if this was to pop up we could get him off right. And just like Gatham right into that chair. That chair has an ejector seat on it. Quintet mouth., ah, ah, so next week, what are you doing? You're taking a look,

I'm not supposed to look at him. Like, I'm saying what the deal is here. I mean, if this were the case, and you know what? I'm going to fucking admit to something that I didn't want to. I did say she was an entitled bitch.

You know why? Because she's a fucking entitled bitch. Like, right away, she's getting on here complaining to people and trying to fucking blow up my spot. Who gives other right to do that? Yeah, I mean, I'm not seeing anything too severe here. I mean, the wrist grab seems to be...

Short grab? Yeah, it's debatable. He said she said. Where was he supposed to? I'm admitting to it. I'm gonna read it. What the fuck in the time? Let's see.

Yeah, where was it? It just says, I'm not very familiar with reddit met be cue the other day And I am so disappointed comments to the cat 24 comments Yeah, and I was posted a week ago. Oh wait self. TeS.e.sd cares. Okay, so I guess it's on the T.e.sd cares Reddit link. Yeah, I guess oh really I Supposed yeah, I'm not really exactly sure how red it works So she's trying to ruin tell them Steve Dave by by rat me out because I got a little drunk Well, I mean you I can't imagine that true would be happy with that behavior. Well, I mean, if they never find out about it, then they can't be, they can't be unhappy.

What is she trying to, what is she trying to do right there? What's trying to shame you? But to what end to get me in trouble with you guys to get me in trouble with the show? Like why is she, this is why she didn't get that fucking 20 hours? Like why? I mean, my feeling is that she doesn't want anything out of it. She had a certain idea. She had formulated a certain personality that you had that you had by watching. Remember Charles Barclay? Yeah, of course.

He said it best, I'm not a role model. You know, I am not who you think, you know, I'm not just because I play, well, he would he's an athlete, but like actors who play like likeable characters. Right. I mean, they're not me. You know, they don't. Ice cubes said the same thing. Eminem said the same thing.

Certain people are not role models. They're not, you know. I'm a title to get drunk and go to a diner. And maybe I got a little cheeky with a waitress, but you know, I don't think she should have went and cried. I some of the issues should be on the fucking internet. Like two life crows.

As abusive as you want to be. It's on me, bro. Two life first being a two life crew. Big reaction to that. People love that show man. I mean, big reaction to that people love that show man I mean they loved it. They love that game. Yeah, I can't bring that game back I don't know how but maybe someday People on Twitter were giving me other rap groups

To you that are just as nasty and I didn't recognize most you don't know any of them Yeah, so I think this plenty of fertile grounds together. I can't believe that that's still a genre like explicit rap like Like what's the call when it's so nasty? Yeah, what's that word called hardcore? Yeah hardcore rap. Yeah Yeah, this is I mean What's the end game I don't know you brought it up oh

What's the end game? I don't know you brought it up. Oh, um, the calling out queue for this. Yeah. I don't know just to, uh, to let people know that, you know, the people that are, are my supposed to be ignoring their husband and kids. Maybe they, you know, maybe they meet up with Q and a diner and you should fucking turn around real quick. I'm a quick. This whole thing right now, I would like to sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart, it should apology to this waitress from my behavior while I was intoxicated, I am seeking treatment and help to help me deal with the underlying issues that cause me to behave that way You know why next time I see you you'll get your fucking $20

between the tips right between the fucking There you go there you go Do we want to tell them it's not true now? I'm really, I'm really, I don't know what the fuck this is because I'm like, is he really want to go on? I'm really, I'm really going to be like, is he being this awful? I'm just really going to hurt fucking the bottom line here. I just like that, so many of you are getting a friend again of him off before they reveal that it's not none of its fucking true Get him send me a link to this thing the other day and he goes you want me to take it down and I was like no fuck away

I was like you leave that up Okay, I was going to was gonna scrub the internet for I think he was gonna scrub the internet I mean but I was like he's gonna get so it I fucking Clinton fucking You should fucking scrub his ass before he scrubs the internet. I mean it's so, I mean nobody believed that. I read the comments like nobody was, everybody was like this is a fucking absurd. Like this dope, did you talk to Ginnemore G-only go through texts? I just went to the bass.

Cause he was alarmed by it. Really? He thought it was a career render. He didn't even fucking hate me that I'm a lacklustin! No, he was like, he got on the phone and he called me. He even texted me and he's like, I want to get rid of this and I was just like, What?

I don't know what you're talking about. And he goes, but then he goes, Oh, I cute got back to me. He was not just reading my mom's diary from when I was just like, what? I don't know what you're talking about. And he goes, but then he goes, oh, I cute got back to me. He's not just reading my mom's diary from when I was born. Because this could ruin him. And I like, then I guess while you're talking to me, he got a text from you saying how you want it to leave it up there. I was like, I was like, I was like, it's so absurd. It's so absurd. Like, obviously, it's make it made up. All right.

Another quick ad break. Promise you we'll be right back to this in grossing conversation. Did you hear about, I don't know the really the story, but somebody on dance with the stars was attacked. No, I didn't hear about it. You didn't hear about this? You don't watch dance with the stars?

No. I mean, they attacked him. That's what I heard. I heard that he was attacked and like somebody bummed him and I guess because he doesn't dance good I guess. What? I mean why else would you attack somebody? I don't know. Seems he was here that he was nearly attacked during Monday's live premiere. his name is Ryan locked two men wearing anti-locked

T-shirt rust the stage after the Olympic gold medal swimmers performance Maybe he was the guy who um is he one of the Olympic athletes that got in trouble? I think what I'm gonna mom is with those stars Did they like take away all the people that did stuff bad like? They're not allowed to do like They go to jail still they're just dancing though yeah it's not a big deal yeah alright fandall so go to fandall

dance with the surf oh yeah go to fand so let's go to fandall fan so much, uh, your fan do all the time. So, I see. And see. Um, but you just know drama and there's nobody, well, as I say, there's nobody protesting at the end of the phone games, but actually there are a lot of people protesting. Yeah, I know. Everybody's protesting everything lately. Yeah, because everybody's dumb.

Why? Why are they dumb? How much sensitive everybody gets triggered by everything. Even though some people have, um, legitimate concerns and they have reasons and they want to make their own, they want to make a point. Of course they care. I care. I don't.

I don't. I want to hear everyone's point of view. That's what I'm all about. Not one. It's crazy and irrational. No. That's just been petty. How's that being petty? Cuz go into his thing and then I'm wearing a shirt against him. That's his dumb like don't even go in the first place

Go to fandall.com click the join up button and use my promo code tsd Okay, what's another topic? That's good. If you're not gonna use season, don't bother doing it. I'm using it. Why? Why would you use that? We mean that. No sense. There's nothing you do with sports and that. It was. These are Olympics. He's not in football. True. Yeah. You know, you're right. Maybe I should tell them that week two is just days away. You've for an upgraded experience, you can get even more contest variety. Try a beginner contest for new players only. So score with a new friend and head to head contest. Try the 50-50 contest with the top half win cash.

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I mean, join up. What do you got to lose? All right, right back into where we left off. The only one time I was ever fucking kind of an assy to a fan was these guys, when you fly into it, when we fly in town to do these live shows, there are these people who have an inside contact at the airlines. And when they know we have a show in town, they'll through that contact, find out when our flight lands, and then wait at the exit like we walk out of the

terminal. Yeah to get us to sign stuff and I hate that. To me that's an invasion of my privacy. That happens to lesser than as well just saying yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's happened to me. Wait, I'm not sure I understand that. Can you imagine wasting your time. You're considering their time walking to the terminal your time? No, I consider the fact that they're like this is time though. First of all, yeah it is, but two, like I have a problem with someone at the airline giving my private information. Oh, you're scheduled out. Yeah, like that's unprofessional and they shouldn't be doing it and that guy shouldn't be having them do it. So I don't sign at airports. And normally,

what, how do you, so anybody who may just see you at airport, you can... No, that's fine. Anybody who sees me, that's fine. But these are people who they have with four or five professionally printed out photos, waiting by the exit gate, just looking for you to come out.

And I won't say. I was very polite, so they're like, Mr. Johnson, Mr. yours, like nobody calls me Mr. Johnson. Yeah. Like when I'm in court, maybe. I just won't do it. I'll have a new for real. Well, I'm not gonna, it's happened like four or five times really people are are are making are are making trips to the

airport to get you yeah I would and you turn them down you didn't sign it oh no I said oh good yeah that's good I want to know you want to have done it sometimes for me but this one time I had gotten off of my buds were in I was listening to music and I saw him out of the corner of my eye, but my buds were in I was listening to music So I didn't even I didn't even acknowledge and the guy was like just came just come came to pay for me hold it in front of my face And I said I said not now man not now and then he grabbed me and I I Got me and I go and I go get the fuck I said fuck you get the fuck away from me And that was the only time I've ever I've ever I've ever I'm gonna go to wonder like is that is that a fan or is that just somebody who like

I get a turnaround try to someone they're not gonna make any money They're like they've wasted their time you can literally get my autograph by writing the impractical joker's office You can you can get it on the eBay for $3. It's not fucking work the paper, it's printed on it. It's just not. It's just not. But that's their prerogative to waste their time. But I'm not obligated to sign that.

If I'm not in the mood or don't want to, and I just don't like that invasion of privacy. That's the only time I've ever been mean to someone. What's it? Do you want to get the famous enough that you can smash a camera? just don't like that invasion of privacy. That's the only time I've ever been mean to someone. What's it? Do you want to get the famous enough that you can smash a camera? No, I want to get so not famous that I don't even have to worry about this shit anymore,

is what I would like. We'll just smash a camera, well. Well, you got to come on, come on, bookman. Well, you're on the front lines, bro. Everybody knows what to find you. I'm gonna make cars. I'm gonna make cars. I'm gonna make cars. Nobody cares. There's been like this whole week, right? People have come in and they don't even know.

So it's a nice... I would think that's the best way to have it. That's the ideal way. Not cash-wise, obviously. But if you're going to be on a show and people still don't know who who you are I think that's the way to be. That's probably pretty good Right. I mean if I had to choose that's definitely the way I'd want it to be and it's not because of the the majority of people who are Respectful and nice then like that's not it It's it's the guy at the airport where the fucking lunatics who when you're reading dinner just come up or you know

I mean who are you in dinner in the bistro a couple weeks ago After we did the show and the lady came up and she's like I can't believe it. You're here not to me, of course, but to quit I can't believe we're not watching dishes She's like you know like I'm looking around and like nobody's coming up to you and Quinn is very nice He's very polite and cordial because the first thing that came to my mind was like, well, because they're polite, that's why they're not coming up. But she just stood there and was like, well, call the Nietzsche, which

they felt like five minutes. It was, it was there. So long. And then she just sort of walked away. But I guess like, I don't know what people expect in that moment, you know, what's going on. Thank you very much. And I appreciate that. That's very nice. You know, I don't want to make them. You're never rude, never rude. I'm never rude. But but those are the people I don't like secretly. But if I'm in, you know, not anymore, yeah, secret out. Yeah. Right. I mean, in that moment, secretly, I don't make them feel like I think I don't like them. But most people are very nice. The best people ever are like, love the show! And then it's in, like, that's the fucking,

that's my hero in life. That guy who knows not the fucking ball to me, who has a good sense of just, you know, saying, you know. Very good. And I feel like they could have it. And it would have been fine, but like when we shoot, the shots sometimes, like, they hold people and all of a sudden there's a huge wave of people come in and an ancill come fine. But when we shoot the shots sometimes, like they hold people and all of a sudden there's a huge wave of people come in and an ancill come in.

They'll do like the antennas, but they don't come over and say hello. And those are the people that I am like, you can come over and say hello. Ancill, yeah. Of course. Yeah, you know what? It'll all be over in a few years anyway.

So I just keep my head down and do my thing. But I definitely did not assault this waitress. Definitely did not fucking put fucking a 20-hour bill in a tits. I got to say, I've over the past, you know, 20 years. I've been with you at some of your most inebriated moments to the point where I'm like, should I get him to a hospital? Like, I'm not even kidding around. Yet still, I've never seen him behave in that way. I've never seen you grab anyone, especially in cleavage. Oh, no, no, I've seen you almost

start fights with guys that I'm like, I definitely got to bring them to the hospital. Yeah, no, I, I'm just not that, that's not in me. Yeah. All right, enough about killing us. Yeah, nothing about this. This is worth a long about me. Great fucking story for you. Cause you like dogs. You a dog person, Keele. I do love dogs.

I just can't have one because of my lifestyle, but yeah, I love them. I love dogs. I feel like it's not like I like cats more than dogs. Really? Yeah. I like dogs. I like I like like my

My window overlooks the dog park and I see people playing with their dogs. Yeah, that's enough for me Like I like to watch people like run their dogs and play with them and stuff There's these Kids that come out and they'll like throw the ball to them for like a half hour and they go nuts Well, you love your dogs you play with them all the time. I'm more of a cat person and I think it comes down to selfishness of my time. I don't like taking care of other living beings and a cat is like, fuck you, I don't need you. Put some food down and fuck off. Uh-huh.

Whereas a dog is like, no, I want to go outside and like, I've known people they have big dogs in these little apartments and, you know, I'd hear him when I lived in Highland screaming like, light out! He's like, the dog is like, fucking 90 pounds in this little apartment. Like, it wants to go out and go for a walk, you know? And we would have, like, we would have walked it, but it was like one of those mean looking, I don't wanna say Pitbull,

cause everybody'll freak out, but it looked like, you know, like he would, yeah, like a Pitbull, look like you. Oh, you can't. And a file Pitbull's now? No, Pitbull owners get real touchy because like my Pitbull's so lovable, she would never heard a fly. And you know, there are people that say that,

and next thing you know, they fucking rip a toddler's face off or something. Yeah, man. That lady had a monkey said the same thing. Yeah. So unless you're fucking dosen your pit bull with Xanix and shit in his team, I think it's only here. I think it's true that pit bulls are very nice, well-behaved breed. They're, they're maligned.

But if you look at dog attacks, like I looked up dog attack statistics one day, it's mostly pitfalls, yeah, there really is, yeah. And I know somewhere out there, someone's like penning a fucking email as they hear this. Like fuck you, dickhead, you know what you're talking about, but look up dog attack statistics, it's pretty fucking crazy. But in all fairness though, if a Chihuahua attacks somebody, you might not have noticed.

You just kick the foot, you kick them off of your foot and it doesn't get reported. Right, right. So the Chihuahua is maybe attacking more than pit bulls, but just the pit bull when attacks, it just leaves a mangled mess in a police report. Well, pit bulls have that thing too, where they don't unclamp once they clench, right? Like that's their problem. Well, they said that they don't have, um, that's a misconception that they have a jaw that will lock. It's really hard to get them to let go. Okay, so here you go.

So here you go. 2014 dog bite fatality statistics. 42 US dog bite related fatalities occurred in 2014. Pit bulls contributed to 64% of these deaths, even though they make up only 6% of the total US population. Together, pit bulls and rot wilers, the second most lethal breed, account for 74% of the total recorded deaths in 2014. So yeah, you're right, Manitio Awa, or those little dogs, man, they're nippy, they will nip the shit out.

Yeah, even if they're your own dog, you should tell me, you'd sleep and you'd want to move an inch and Brody be like, you know, just wanted to be like, like, like, you know, you'd sleep and you like, what would move an inch and Brody be like, just wanted to be like, like, like, like, like, you're a mannequin, like, don't fucking disrupt my sleep. Um, uh, mastiff type guard dogs, war dogs, dogs that get baited. Yeah, man. That's a cool name war dog. Yeah. It wasn't,'s a movie right? Nicholas Cage wasn't even more dogs. Something like that. Yeah, so I don't know if they're maligned as much as they are like it's true. Well, you know, I'm sure there's a lot of social and economic reasons why those dog, why that that breed of dog makes up the majority of dog bites. I don't think that we can point to it as definitive that they're a problem. I think you got to look into the reasons why they are

the ones doing the attacks. Is that around about way of saying because most black people on them? No, not at all. Okay, I'm just, you know, I've read some stuff about you. I read it recently. I don't know if you're in the. You went to my hat, generalizations. No, no, no. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. I don't know, but I'm just saying. Oh, thank you. The good story. Yeah, let me tell you the good story. Okay, these are good stories. They're going to like this. Okay, last ad break, I promise.

All right, Alicia, I wanted to talk to you about this. I've been wanting to bring this up for a while now. I think it's time we could talk about this. Children's books that have been banned in America that I think are in your library in your room. I have to take them away. Oh wow. The giving tree. Yeah. You read it. Did you read it? Yes. You know the story? Yes. Okay. It criminalized the foresting agency. Whoa. I don't know what that means. Charlotte's web. Really? You're super rid of it.

Yes, very popular. The book has been banned because animals are considered. Talking animals are considered an insult to God. We read Charlotte Rubin class like three years ago. Yeah, but you can't, yeah, but that was three years ago. Since then, it's been banned now. I think you have a fact. What are you talking about? I'm looking at it right here. I'm not saying it should be or should be banned,

because I'm not sure. I don't know. That may not be a road. I'm ready to go down yet. Yeah. Yeah, I'll let you keep Charlotte's web. All right. But about where the wild things are.

That's not banned. Yes. It is due to the fact that it promotes witchcraft and supernatural events. Yeah. What? It's true. I give it a look.

It's abandoned Kansas. Into your own sense. But it's been banned. As well as abandoned Kansas, it's can be banned here too. It's not. Sooner or later it will. It could be.

It could be. It could be. What about brown bar and brown bear? What do you say? Yeah this is not right. Why? This is there's no way that's an accurate way. Why? What was I? Buzzfeed. Buzzfeed are the most reliable source. Do you agree though that brown bear and brown bear should not be for children? Ohio law's worst. Do you agree though that brown bear and brown bear should not be for children? Brown bear, we read that in school now. We read that last year. What?

Yeah. Why would you be reading it? Why is it? For an example text. That is old as you are your school. What are you learning in school? What? That's what you're paying for.

That's what your taxes look. That's what you're age you're This is what your tax is good. That's the way. You're age, you're still reading Brownberry? In class? Yeah. What? Harry's. I'm not very bad.

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Plus, there's a special offer for fans of Tellum Steve Dave. Harry's will give you $5 off your first purchase with Provo Code T-E-S-D. Go to Harry's right now and look for the Truman set. That's Harry's h-a-r-r-y-s.com. Enter code T-E-S-D. Check out to get five bucks off and help support T-E-S-D. Stop compromising and give Harry's a try today. All right. And now the conclusion to this week's episode of Tellum Steve Dave. Um, Walt, do you wish that you owned a porn dog or a smut-mut? A porn dog? Mm-hmm.

Oh, no, this is like when I'm south of the border stories. It was like a mule and shit. No, north of the border, son. This is a dog. His name is Earl. And he was, he was very hyper and they couldn't, families couldn't, you know, would take them. They couldn't train them, couldn't deal with them.

So they, they bring them to the pound. But, Earl, which you would think has spelled URL, is really URL. Because what he does is he sniffs out electronic storage media. So he goes into a house, right? He's trained. He's trained to hunt unique chemical compounds that are used in the production of flash drives, memory cards, cell phones, iPads, and the reason that they use them for that is that they can bring them in houses and find hidden caches and hidden compartments of porn, child porn.

That is fucking awesome. A high profile case was your boy Jared Fogel from Subway. They brought a dog in to expose his stash. They brought in a canine named Bear, who is trained by the same man who trained Earl, led investigators to hidden thumb drives inside Fogel's home. Oh, that's great. He also worked in a case against former US age gymnastics coach Marvin Sharp, accused of child molestation, sharp committed suicide while in jail. Bearland

investigators to a gun safe that was hiding several SD cards and you know how airtight those safes are, it goes to show how sensitive their nose really is. He found a USB that was in a jar that was closed and the jar was in a box and they put stuff around the box, found it. So porn dog wall. Fighting child porn crimes, child trafficking and all this other shit. Obviously, you play on the word corn dog ring. I guess or somebody was just like, let's just call him porn dog.

I don't know, it doesn't give the the genesis of the name, but I'd say that's a pretty good guess. These canines go through four to five months of training, working three hours a day. The only time a dog eats is when he works. What? So I guess it's positive reinforcement. Like every time they find a fucking SD card, they'll give a matri, you know, or a sink.

Oh, okay. It says it takes a dog with incredible energy and drive. So it's like one of those dogs that you're like, holy shit, I can't handle this fucking dog. Like he won't stop He wants to go out every two seconds. He's fucking running around. He's tearing up shit in the house Yeah, he's like because he's fucking You got your war dogs. I don't meant to sit there and guard the palace and then you got your fucking porn dogs

Well, yeah, he was deemed untrainable. Well The best kind of dogs have much energy and no fear. Mingar new dog. Porn dog. I think it's one. I think he's got potential to be one of these corn dogs. I don't know. I mean, there's one guy who trains them. I mean, I don't think Ming would want it trained for you know, right reasons of self-incrimination oh shit, no, my SD cards, I chewed them all up my very best child porn was on them yeah, porn dog, porn dog

I knew it was a puppy some bitch I knew it should it you was a puppy Some bitch He sure hope we can read negotiate season seven I need my for lawyers He said that dog and family are doing exceptionally well. Oh, yeah, yeah, like it's like a perfect fit. Hmm. Do you think he would say that regardless or do you think he's being honest? Why would you? Wow, that's weird.

Why would you, why would he have to put on a happy face? I guess he wouldn't. In fact, you know what, I think quite the opposite. If it didn't work out, it seems like he would almost revel in it. Like Mike gave him a shitty dog. Because he doesn't have to deal with it. We were going to go to Walker Stalker, he and I, and I think it's the first weekend of October. And they didn't have any room. Like it was all booked up already. So he texted me back. He's like, you want to go to Monster Mania? It's down in Maryland and I was like, yeah, sure, why not?

So I Don't think he's doing a bulk of the dog training and that shit and since it doesn't fall on him He might be he might have a little lighter sense of humor about it Mm-hmm If if he was training that dog and shit who knows though, man, maybe it'll humanize him, right? Like it'll I think it really I think it really has I've seen it. I've seen a more if you was training that dog and shit, who knows though, man, maybe it'll humanize him, right? Like it'll, it does. I think it really has, I've seen a more, I've seen a more thoughtful look in his eye.

It doesn't look like that far away look anymore. Yeah, so it's doing a job. He's thinking about the puppy. I don't know what he's thinking of, but it's definitely, it's brought a, you know, it's brought a glint to his eyes that I've not seen. He wants a fucking turn of dime off a fucking porn dog. If I could train him, I would have to do all these cons.

Cost about $10,000 to bring to get a dog to, you know, train a dog to sniff out SD cards and shit. Money well spanned if it's putting creeps like Jared Fogle behind you. Isn't it great? It says, even if he worked 19 years and we're only able to get one really bad guy with him, that's worth it. Mm-hmm, I agree.

Now what's the cost of a train a dog? 10,000, I it said 10,000 yeah It's not that much No, but I mean how many like I mean you have to be enough like you have to have a task force for that It's not like you give porn dog to your local police department, right? It probably a unit. I bet you their private unit brought in right from around Yeah, like they're like hey man right that fat subway fuck has been dendolin little kids we need porn dog fucking yeah yeah man that's

pretty fucking cool that's awesome and how incredible that there's a creature out there who is noses that sensitive that it could smell chemicals in a fucking SD card. I was we were talking the day that I. I got pinched. The fucking by the Pope how you're right bank. We're talking to the canine guy about how this dog sense of smell and shit like how far he can track people. Yeah. I saw a case on TV once it was a blood

how he was looking for some lady and the dog walked like like it was like eight or nine miles following this scent and eventually they're like this fucking dumbass dog like you know he's just going for a walk they found the body a mile past where he stopped he wanted to keep he wanted to keep going. Shit. You know? Wow, that's cool. Well, like if you look at like a dog's nose, like those folds and stuff inside it, they say, I guess that's why. Yeah. Like, you know, we got nostrils at tip, but he had all these folds that like, well, it's like they say it's like a radiator. Like his nose is just,

yeah, it's fucking amazing. Is there any sense that humans have that rivals? No, that one. Comments? I'm gonna argue that, yeah. What? I mean, I think a lot of it. Is there any sense? The fucking, the one-

Well, I don't think common sense is considered one of the five senses, but. It should be. It should be. I mean, what are you laughing at? You fucking, you mean- Because that- If you're in a fucking stage are you laughing at you fucking you mean because That I have to fucking stages like a fucking five-year period where I was like he doesn't have any I don't want to say that the dog has more common sense to me. That's why I'm arguing it

See a fucking Dog waste the most money. I love dogs, but don't fucking don't slag the human race off just to make a point though, because we're fucking incredible too. Yeah, okay, all right. There's really for everyone. I don't see a human sniffing any fucking food chain. You know, even though we don't have any fucking and scissors, what are those called? Oncizers, yeah, we don't have that. We don't have any claws. We don't have incizers? Yeah, we do. Yeah, I think we do. We don't have, we don't have, we don't that mall. We don't have we can't you can't do we can rip and tear food That's been prepared for us by waitresses that are entitled Right, and we don't have claws But you know what we got fucking we got a fucking two pound fucking

squishy Spongebob That'll fucking take anything down and the posable thumbs Yeah, who's the smartest animals like pigs like Hanks they could use a gun dolphins dolphins. Oh, I meant was the purpose the same thing at the often no It's a porpoise then the porpoise is is a juke it's a Not a manatee. Oh, no, let's get to the bottom of this. I love it. No, it looks like Adolfan. It looks, I think it's shorter.

There's a female dolphin. No, it's, it's, it's, it's, now it is like stubby. They are mammals though, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. But already. They're not mammals, what already?

Well, it could be a fish, but they're not. Can I even a fish either? No, they're mammals. This was any of any arm mammals. Yeah. Okay. The dolphin's out of fish. Dolphins a mammal.

What's it doing in an aquarium, then? So he's wondering. Right, right. Don't have a fuck that end up here. I should be in a zoo. Why? He's fucking swimming around with other fish. Yeah, well, he's not a fish. He's

They bet he's swimming in a tank with other fish though. I know it's it's an injustice I'm pretty sure whales then I'm amazine. I mean they're mammals too. What's the difference between a fish and a man? Well, it's live it's it's live birth As opposed to eggs yeah live birth meaning like a little baby pops up. Yeah, and warm blood as well Now that's true to some extent, but I'm sure that's not the full list milk, too, right? Oh, that's that's good one What's good? That's a good that's a good one milk They give milk right they dates. They feed milk to their young. Yeah, mammary glands.

Milk, milk, mammary glands. Here we go. I'm looking up, man. Brown, the cornege is made. Yes. Distinguished from reptiles and birds by the possession of a neocortex, which is a region of the brain, hair. That doesn't seem right.

Middle ear bones and mammary glands Mammals include the largest animals on the planet, so that's milk Great whales Elephants primates Yeah, they just say another word for whales like dolphins and and I think dolphins are the smartest things Well, here you go. Well here's the chart and I think Dolphins are the smartest things. Well, here you go. Here's the chart. Give us the heart.

Here's the chart. So who's the smartest? The more you know the harder it is to say here, so here are the 10, according to one famous scientist, Edward O. Wilson, who's probably just saying this to get his name in the papers. Hi. He's a famous scientist.

I mean, I guess for scientists, I never heard of. Champan Z. Number one. Number two. scientist. I mean I guess for scientists I never heard of. chimpanzee number one number two gorilla. gorilla number two. Yeah three. orangutan. What's number one? chimpanzee. number okay but actually no. man is at the top. no you said animal. Well I meant

this is the smartest things on earth. okay. I'll email them and let them tell them to revise their list. So what champion do you? Edward O'Willson kind of fucking obviously did not take into account that. But champions is number two. Champions is number two, yes. To the famous according to the famous podcaster Walter J. Flanagan. So chimpanzee would be number two.

Grillo would be number three. Arangatan would be number four. Baboon would be number five. Gibbon would be number six. Now the very general monkey would be seven. Killer whale. I look, I'm not just I'm not going to take anything away from any of those speed any of those species. The finish up dolphin elephant pig.

All of those except for the dolphin. Shit in their own order. Including, including, yes. Well, the dolphin does what he can do, but he can't help it. That's what I'm saying. He can't help it, but all those smart creatures still crap where they drink. Mm-hmm. Where to eat. Sometimes we do it while watching a practical joke.

What's a nice riot? It's a beautiful country. We have a way to go before they, um, we're not in danger. I heard. I'm not in here. It's all right. Good. We're good. They also say, here's another list, dolphins,

chimps and orangutans, elephants, parrots, crows, and dogs. Crows are smart. They don't want to put the stones in the fucking water to raise it to their levels so they could drink. I saw a spark crow once. Yeah. I was on a... I was motorcyclein' around. Yeah, I was on a motorcycle and around. I think it was in Yellowstone. And there were like a couple of biker guys, motorcycles and they had those tank bags and

they went for a walk and I saw a crow fly down, get on his tank bag, unzip her it. Wow. It started taking stuff out. He took cigarettes out and he threw them on the ground. He knew he didn't like shit that he didn't want. He just threw on the ground and then he like there were like, I don't know, it was like some granola shit or whatever, that he did take and like pecked at it and like opened it and he ate some and then he fucking flew off.

That's good. No, I was like, if I can only catch him and teach him to smoke those cigarettes, he'll make a movie. I mean, I know there is, they train, there was a him and teach him to smoke those cigarettes, they make a movie. I know there is they train. There was a ape who were addicted to smoke. That's what you think. Oh yeah, I mean, they had to get those cigarettes from somewhere, right? Oh yeah, but I was probably smuggled in by the fucking guards or whatever, but.

Why were they an ape, Jill? Well, they're all in jail. Eps? Well, I mean, anyone who's smoking is not on the fucking, is not in the Congo, they're not fucking rolling around cigarettes. They're obviously with their smoke and they're in, they're in some sort of, in their,

they're saying they're trained to smoke for the, I mean, do you think that goes on a lot anymore? At one time, I think like a roller skating champ smoke in a cigar was the height of entertainment but now probably maybe not so much. No, I think we've, I think we've, as a society we've advanced in our, in our comedy to leave behind Americans. Americans have.

Yes, the Americans have. And Swedish. Swedish. Boy did we fucking not know a lot about Sweden. I Sweden. Like our other, our six largest listener base. I didn't get any complaints. Usually I was waiting for the barrage of. Because they're so awesome over there that they're like, now I've been wasting time.

That's fucking anger in the air. I'm like, I waste my time educating these guys. Do you teach your dog tricks? I, my dogs do know know they do know some tricks They smoke Would you let would you think a Walt differently if you found out he was teaching dogs? I think he had a fucking brain memory Oh

Smoke Oh, I've been pretty impressive. I feel like, oh shit. They don't smoke, but... That's not inside, anyway. One dog I have, my Boston is, I'm convinced, knows, like the vocabulary that it knows that this dog is listening and understanding is on a level of like a small child, but my other dog, my French bulldog is, he's probably got some... He's got the looks.

He's got the far away look. He's like... He's got the pink look. Yeah, he's not with us at all times, I think. He's just a little, he's not on the same level as the other dog. And the other dog knows it too, I think. It's weird, I've had. Manage of his slowness. Oh, really? Hey. Just like, hey, man, that's what happened. So. Oh, you don't have any nights, sage has gone without dinner because I'm like, hey, check

it out over there. No, I know, you know, that's what I mean, like if humans will take advantage of the dim with it. You really think animal kingdom is not going to do it, though? Survival of the fiddle strike. So you have to watch out for the French ball doggy, like you have to... Well, I mean, he's not going to, I mean, the other dog's not going to do enough to actually harm it. I just mean like, it will distract it and take its food. It will give him a look and not, and won't allow them to chew a bone

that you know, I mean it just... Now they're both male or both... The ones of female ones of male. Which ones of female? The Boston and the Smart one. The Smart ones of female? Yeah. Total domination.

Total domination. I was gonna say that. And the fucking two dopey males are Walton. The poor French bulldog, the other one. Tell them Steve Dave. Hello, hello, here of the fate of your life, I'm on ego, wait off, and go back in a bit more time Hero, praise the speaking fire, find out So they pull you off Hot time, yeah, yeah

Leave your face tight Hot time, yeah, right? If you're face time They might be torn They will be on your walk There time, high, heaven in the sand No show, was on, never lived a hand Little man, we like, return There's a claim you're dead, see through, we go We know

Love's a lie We know it's time We can't be told We'll never walk New hangover ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ‿ 1.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5-2.5- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, This has been a production of SmartCo Internet Radio. Sir, only at smodcast.com.