Tell Em Steve-Dave - #322: My Cousin Quinny Part I

Episode Date: January 30, 2017

Q is put on trial by Fire...ants for crimes against Reddit. Music: Waco Band: Agitation

In the Tell-Em-Steve-Dev Town Justice System, the ants are represented by two separate but equally important people. Troy, who investigates crimes, and Walt, who prosecutes the offenders, or sometimes get him prosecutes the offenders and Troy wonders what he's doing there in the first place. These are their stories. I'm gonna be firing styroa never fucking had a opening statement like Batman. He's like a meeting statement. He should be stable and just stunning. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tellum Steve Dave, the trial of Brian Q. Quinn, where we will learn if he's going to remain a part of the show in the capacity that he's been in for the past what six years or will he be reduced down to minuscule minutes. Substitutes. You want me to might not know if he's here. I

don't I don't know if I can speak out my attorney. I don't know if he wants minutes. There's a gag order. It hasn't begun yet. Once the court is in session, then everything you say can be held in. All the joan contempt for every possible reason. Yeah, I'm, this is probably the biggest day of my career. Today.

In any career I've had, this is it. And you've been on trial for things before? Oh yeah, that racist incident, that statutory rape. Yeah, all these things. There's some other things that he escaped by the skin of his teeth, but I don't know what's going to happen. Well, when you found not guilty, buddy, you found not guilty. That's true.

What? Court in the land is like racist? Like, who put you on? I thought that was like just a court of public opinion. Well, you said that fired, though. Yeah, public opinion. Oh, you mean you set that fire though Yeah, but again, well, it's a black ice house and it was too a cross But it's not gonna help you More than me in this fucking robot never should the book

You would all out man you brought a gavvel. I know I bought this gavel. It's like a classic. What is that an antique? Did this was owned by some? What the fuck man? My glasses got stuck to the knees of the poker table. Oh God. This was owned by Frank Smith in 1927 to 1928 I mean I get to see either died or wasn't a very good president of the West Hartford Town Council in Connecticut. Will you get that? I don't know. Somebody's door was unlocked. Wait, that gap has more providence than the skull does. Possibly. Yes, that's what began. The court is not in session Q. Spell providence.

not in session Q. Spell Providence. P-R-O-V-I-N-A-N-T-E. Is that right? I need to ruin it. No, I don't think that's right. Is there a D at least? Yeah, it's going to save. We're talking about Providence. I mean, we're not talking about where. We're not talking about where. Please, I'm now going to say if you don't know if you don't know the definition or the pronunciation, you shouldn't offer it up to just be made. So are you saying you're throwing yourself on the mercy of the court? Because that's every fucking episode. It's hell, I'm still kidding.

I'm gonna be the last thing to be stricken from the wreck. There you go. Thank you. All right, so we gotta get going to see if Quinn's gonna stay on this show or not. Hey, but like there is, like we got a room. But we have a room full of people that if you are like, you know, have to have a major, major reduced role. A full of people that if you are like, you know,

have to have a major, major reduced role. A lot of people in the room that could step in and fill, you know, the spot, you know. Well, that's gonna affect, that's gonna affect the, they got self-serving interest then. That's how a court room does. That's just a little reality.

I need a fair trial, though. I need a fair trial. I see Simea ringing his hands in anticipation. Maybe he could be the new cue. Okay. All right, so let's get going. I need a fair trial. I see Simmy ringing his hands in anticipation. Maybe he could be the new cue All right, so let's get going. What is today's case today's case is the reddit trolls versus Brian Quinn Is the prosecution ready? Yes the fuck off the phone. Yeah, turn your phone off unless you got notes on it. I know he doesn't Is the defense ready? Never been more ready. Alright. Yeah, look, we looked at each other. I like that. Yeah, like, I know that I know you've put a lot of faith in me. I'm not gonna let

you down. As a judge, I was very impressed with that. Yeah. Right away. I want to have a lot of this is audio so the Reddit or jury cannot see how you we just look at each other right now. It's a, give a little slight nod to each other. Yeah, ready to do this. Mm-hmm, very confident. Yes, this other guy fumbling with his phone. It's got a lot of papers over there. Okay, so this trial is about a couple things that would appear.

The most prominent being does Brian Quinn know funny. The next being is Brian Quinn relatable. The third being, what was the third again? Were the comments left? The mean comments on Reddit warranted. Right. Like I said, somebody's on trial for that's what we're going to decide. That's what a trial is, isn't it? Right, but that's not. Yeah, but that will be the decision in the end if they're warranted or not. Is that can we make a motion to see if the judge is uh... Yes, the judges on pills, so you don't even need to file a motion. He's still being a pilot. This test with judge.

But I was handed earlier just before we started, there's a plea agreement that the prosecution submitted, Q. Oh, really? And while, yes, plea offer. Plea offer. All right. You are facing 10% of your former participation, which means you would only appear on one of every 10 tell-em Steve Dave's. Oh, it's not, I could be on every episode,

but only a 10% capacity. It's too hard to measure, so we decided that. You wanted, yeah. Right, that would be easier for us to do the matter do the main. Okay. Who do we look like? Ming Chen over here? So the offer is 60% you get him. He would like to be on six out of every 10 shows so wait so if he's saying right now we can end it right here right now if Q agrees to put in the Alfred plea saying that he agrees that the comments were warranted he doesn't know funny and he is not relatable and he could come Six out of every ten episodes

That was I put the on the table here. That's what you guys submitted. Yes Oh, no, that would be the prosecution. No, he's gonna he's gonna come back with something, right? No, no the prosecution put that Holy shit this judge is fucking well then why did I write down that you guys are coming back with thirty percent we're not coming out where he's offering us we could be or you have to counter well or we either accept or we say no we'd like to proceed with our account right well this is supposed to be worked up before you come to the job they're trying to blame me

you know what you didn't know what you didn't know what he missed trial. I will point to you. I think the moment we can play but we record no I was a miss trial fence have it a 10 minute work out plea and if the land on the agreement the prosecution tells the judge that this is the plea deal on the table. All right and you guys didn't work that out. Well, what's the offer? There's a potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a...

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Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we got a... Well, what's the potential, we 10% God you also have to say that you don't know funny. Yeah, you have to admit all those things. Oh, so I'm guilty I I throw my I go get I said please no look no look contendra was at it That's the last say you're feeding guilty for a lighter sentence the way you could be face an Alfred plea right? Would he would say that he could say that he is saying those things, but he's not really admitting it right? He's you could do the out of the West Memphis three over here right we just think you're just in hot tie a boy he just jenny i'm on trial for that he could have done it on the way you're on the way

what do you think you do you i say that's a pretty good deal what the fuck do you only 40% less cute a lot of people are calling for more than that a lot of people would look at get them as like going like like a slap on the wrist I think no I got all the faith in you won't you want to proceed the trial proceed to trial please please going forward to trial and Alright, it's thrown out this this plea bargain is very convoluted

Can I already take it at any time or or only now? Right before they render the predict Yeah, can I see how this goes before we throw that out the window? No, we're going to go full steam ahead. We are going to prove the honor shadow without that BQ nose funny. It's is relatable. And the reddits are assholes.

Yeah, it was on more time. Oh, no. We've got to keep it clean in the courtroom. It's up to quorum. So Walt, I guess this is your opening statement. Yeah, it was on Now we got to keep it clean in the court some decorum mm-hmm So Walt I guess this is your opening statement prosecution goes first. It says right. You told me doesn't a prosecution go Now you're on a note so the fucking go get him So fucking go get them. We went over, we went to dinner. We went to dinner and went over this.

How was it? What, he's been to court? I was on pills. You've been in court. We were recording a mock trial about what people said about Q on a record. We're not really striving for authenticity. I don't use this to me. Because I'm like, who goes first?

No, he also explained Troy before we begin. Who's the prosecution, who's the the defense and what Troy's role be? Yes, sir. I didn't know I worked for a fucking uppity barista Picture for people who aren't here At some who may not have ever listened to him Steve Dave before they may this could be their first Yeah, because they hear the hoopla surrounding this would be They might want to hear maybe be cute really was on trial You guys go to dinner

Loan store. Yeah, uh Maybe because you picked the loudest fucking restaurant the county. I couldn't hear anything you were saying Over the people saying that people are dead People are dead in ten birthday. You've never seen so many fucking birthdays in your life at this place Every two seconds and they got a dance and sing and plus they got the music and the ceilings are real Highs where everything's reverberating and I'm like I'm going to go out of my fucking mind here. I get one thing wrong. One thing. All right so so while you're the defense you'll be defending Q today against these

allegations. Get them you seem to believe that they are founded which is why you leapt at the chance to prosecute him. Yes. Okay. The member that said reddit board. Right. You are a member of the reddit board. Is that a conflict of interest, Troy?

Oh, thanks. Oh, yeah. I'm asking you guys. We're asking the expert. Does it matter at this point? Do we have to be a detective of the prosecutor? I guess not. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Okay. Wait, put the reddit board of these split down the middle on their opinions or I mean that way. But Troy is going to be acting since he is out of all of TFT's, T.S.D. town speaking of conflict. He will be acting as almost like an automatic quarterback of sorts. Well, he's the only police officer in all of Telom Steve Dave Towns.

So he has to help. Well, he's been in a lot of, he's been a lot of sorts. Well, he's the only police officer in all of tell them Steve Dave Towns. So he has to help. Well, he's been in a lot of, he's been a lot of courtroom. So we thought he would be best put to use as acting as co-cancel for when it's get him's turn to go. And he will also come to my side when it's the defense is turn to go utilizing him as the best we can. So we would get the most authentic courtroom action for the listeners. Yeah, this all feels very familiar. It's a regular way.

You've never been asked to go to a mock trial. To be on a podcast for a mock trial. No, you're called in to testify in a real courtroom. You haven't been to, but like, you don't go to, you don't help. Don't go about between the defendants. No, not usually. Now, right at some point, could be. I mean, the only reason it happened here was fucking Obama. Trump's gonna change that now. All the laws are gonna change. Chris, it's end times. Now, will it, does it affect Troy's credibility

that he snuck into the evidence room and stole the matches that had accused DNA on him that he used to light that crossup? What we mentioned earlier. Okay. All right, so prosecution opens, then it's my opening, then Giden'll call his witnesses Okay, you're the prosecution right?

Okay, I'll just get around Hello, your honor Wait, why do I do this Troy? When do I? Does that just want people are like round you? The devil, Eric your honor the owner honor of duty has fallen to my fortune to present to you. And perfectly as it will probably be, to sustain the cause of Reddit against Brian Quinn.

The high station of the accused, the novelty of the proceeding, the gravity of the business, the possible momentous result of the issues. Each and all must plead to me to claim your attention for as long as as long a time as your patients may endure. Now for the first time in the history of TESD has the swarm brought before its highest tribunal, it's chief funny man for trial and possible deposition from office upon charges of not knowing what funny is or being relatable. upon charges of not knowing what funny is or being relatable. Through witness testimony, statements, and even his own words,

I will prove to you who Mr. Quinn refers to as Chumson Suckers, that he doesn't know his funny bone from his tailbone. Oh, it's powerful. Oh, boy. Okay. Now the defense would have... Fire and Styro never fucking had a opening statement like that man So now the defense was as bad as I thought it was gonna be oh really you didn't think that was a like an instant

What he's meant All right, so now the defense will read it's opening statement you I't know if you, I didn't go over with you so you know I'm happy with whatever you do. May it please the court. It does. Good evening Brian Quinn doesn't know funny Brian Quinn has in recent years become unlikeable Brian Quinn has become a Veritable stranger to Mr. and Mrs. John Q average citizen side Mrs. Quinn

That's a letter that's not your own statement. I'd like that. Gavill Brian Quinn should be removed from tell him Steve Dave which incidentally in 2010 won both people's choice and best comedy in the podcast awards These are the sum of the statements made in regard to my client, Brian Q. Quinn, on a website known as, quote unquote, Reddit. If there is such a thing. Statements made under a veil of secrecy, a security blanket of anonymity. I have a messed up word here. That's beautiful.

That's beautiful. This is how serious I'm taking this shit. I love it, dude. Ladies and gentlemen of the Reddit jury, I intend to demonstrate that these hateful comments found on the Reddit TSD cares thread. Regarding like client are both patently false as well as libelous.

We're going to hear a pop-a-pop-a-lettic are both patently false as well as libelous. We're going to hear a pop-a-pop-a-papilletic. Oh, fuck, I knew I was gonna be able to do it. Ha-ha-ha-ha! Do you have an epileptic? Apopleptic. Apopleptic? There you go, Sammy. Thank you.

Testimonials regarding Mr. Quinn. All of which not only will I prove beyond the- Stop it, Sammy! Ha-ha-ha-ha! All of which not only will I prove beyond the story to me, all of which not only will I prove beyond a reasonable doubt are completely unfounded, but have been made by a small yet quite vocal segment of the TST audience. Make no mistake, ladies and gentlemen. They are an angry segment. They are a bitter segment. And most of all, they are an angry segment. They are an abit or segment. And most of all, they are an entitled segment. Well, this is passionate, man.

What angers these people about my clients so much that they would turn like a pack of feral swine on a person they claim that they enjoy listening to? What sins could my client possibly have committed that would incite these listeners to take the information superhighway, to besmirch the reputation of a man whose only aim is to entertain and spread joy. Thank you, John. What ethos? Ethos.

Ethos could be responsible for the aforementioned entitled Reddit posters to virtually molest my client as if he weren't a human being, but some wolfled donkey being subjected to disagreeable acts in a sexual show, typically associated with a place south of the border. After hundreds of hours of exhaustive research, I found a few blunders. My client, Mr. Quinn, made, which are as follows. Number one, he made a few lame tax jokes that didn't quite land. He fervently claimed to support Hillary Clinton for president in a long con joke that honestly never quite paid off. He enthusiastically reported

being bestowed the honor of Colonel, expecting congratulations and yucks, only been met with Scorn in doubt. Number four, after falling short on nearly every episode of Tellum Steve Dave Overkill, a slight embellishment regarding the Prussian Kissing skull since some of the haters into a virtual blood frenzy all because Brian Quinn desperately wanted to bring something compelling to the table for one time on overkill and last skeletos That's it that is what infinitesimal infinitesimal but somehow meaningful cross section of the red it entitled calling for mr Quinn's dismissal from tell him Steve Dave that didn't sound right, but we're moving on.

Ladies and gentlemen, there are no Mulligans on the links of the Angry and Untitled. There are no scraps in their scrapbook. Every joke must land. Every bit undeluted perfection. Every opinion delivered, sans controversy, or a hint of free thought. Otherwise, one will hear just how unfunny,

unlikable, unrelatable, and in most extreme cases unfuckable, one really is. There's a well-known adage that passes the past, and no one group adheres to those words more than the entitled. Count countless hours of laughs and entertainment yesterday's news asking for nothing in return for free content So what? Should your mindset conflict with the strongly health convictions of the entitled? Well be at the ready with your most practice braille because you're heading for one hell of a donkey show that very few have the moxie to endure

My my client attempted to carry favor with those who would black in his reputation and very sadly believed he was successful and earning just a taste of goodwill He later admitted he was wrong, but was he? Tonight through testimony eyewitness accounts, character witnesses, and submission of irrefutable evidence, I will prove that he was not wrong, that the faceless keyboard coward to lurk in the phantasmic glow of their computer screens, who haunt the reddit boards like so many specters of hostility and negativity, negativity? Negativity? You know what I'm saying. Are in fact the ones who are wrong.

Example, after example of his superior knowledge regarding the subject of funny, shall not only be offered but verified and true. The comedic expertise coupled with the use of his razor sharp humor not only makes Mr. Quinn, the funniest member on both his podcast and television show but also ranks him amongst the most beloved funny men in history. The defense will make the case that my client stands shoulder to shoulder with comedy legends such as Charlie Chaplin.

Buster Keaton, WC Fields, Red Buttons, Sheki Green, Joey Bisha, Mori Amsterdam, Buddy Hackett, Larry Storch, and finally, Shippy Sales. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please keep in mind that this trial is not about whether or not my client is likable. This is not about Mr. Quinn's incessant attention seeking by the way of hobnobbing with the celebrity bettors, or the cringe-worthy desperation in his jambless attempts to receive free goods and services because he's a celebrity. These things are irrelevant and should be stricken from your mind. You need only concern yourself with one question. Is Brian Quinn funny? Judging by the goofy look on the prosecution's face. I think everyone except him already knows the answer.

Thank you. Wow. What do you think? My god, beautiful and passion I'm ready to rule right now wow All right, Walter unbelievable. Thank you. Thank you Gorgeous, all right, you wanted to give up you want to call a mistral you want to What's a call when you pull back the charges? Oh dismiss it. Yeah, you want to dismiss it? No, I don't think you can only I can On the ass all the all right, see you. We got to take a break in the action the prosecution Get them and Walt the defense just gave their opening statements Against BQ Quinn and for BQ Quinn to see if he gets

a stand-up podcast. We got to whisper though. Otherwise the judge, the judge is a real jerk. He might try tossing this out of the courtroom. I think a misplay on BQ Quinn's part. He wore a beautiful movement watch. Everybody's going to think he's rich. That's one of the things. He's had a touch with the common man But here's the good thing about movement watches is that they look expensive But they're not they started just ninety five dollars They figured out that by selling online they were able to cut out the middle man Classic designs 500,000 watches sold in over 160 countries. That's a lot of countries, buddy. Do you have a movement watch?

guilty of not having a watch It's sold in over 160 countries. That's a lot of countries, buddy. Do you have a movement watch? No. Guilty of not having a watch. Anyway, 15% off today with free shipping and free returns. Go to movementwatches.com slash T-E-S-D and you're gonna get a sweet look and watch. It'll make your look rich just like Quinn. You saw Quinn in the courtroom, right? He's gorgeous.

Yes. Wow, you're just your full energy today, aren't you? I'm up with you, LC. You have brain energy? We'll start using it. God damn it. M-V-M-T watches dot com slash T-E-S-D. All right, so I'm sure everyone's just mentally and physically exhausted after listening to such daunting testimony. So I have just an announcement if you want to relax with a little bit less stressful tellm, Steve Dave. We've recorded a special charity episode for a friend of Q's whose son A friend of Q's whose son has some ear issues and he's going in for something called a cochlear implant. And we recorded a charity album for him calleds-d implants.bandcamp.com, you'll be able to pick up that episode and help a little

kid maybe here again, or for the first time actually. And maybe nice if you know, I envision, you know, how liking it in the movies or a television show when someone is Sees for the first time they unwrap the bandages and it's this wonderful moment. Maybe they'll put a little Little bit of ear buds in this little baby's ears and maybe the first thing He'll hear this me laughing. Wouldn't that be something beautiful? It's a go-to T-E-S-D implants dot bandcamp.com. Let's see if we can... I know we're going to be able to. I mean, you guys are amazing. If never failed to come not come through. So this... the cochlear album, it's for a good cause. Thanks. All right. So now it's up to the prosecution to call your first witness.

All right. For our witnesses, we're going to be calling reddit users. And through use of testimony that they have provided to the court. Reddit users, please step forward. You can place your hand just anywhere near the Bible. I can't have you bursting into flames burning down our beautiful comic courtroom. Do you anonymous venom field? Sorry, sons of bitches solemnly swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God Get all be reading 50 pages of fucking testimony now

Okay, and my co-counsel reads some others. It's actually an missile was hearsay, but whatever It's hearsay, but whatever Well, they emailed it to me Doesn't matter email doesn't count You have to speed up your social here. It's okay He's able to go back a fourth once whatever he tells me then he could he could defuse it with you That's what he's here for to offer his opinion quit fucking smile and don't be quiet

So he so these really wouldn't be admissible in a real court. Well, something written on a piece of paper, but like here it is. What the fuck else do I need? All right. There's no name but this, as he saw him do it, so I'm... Are there a stupid questions? Because a lot of people listen to it, maybe it's never been a problem. They don't know. We're also teaching in this moment rather than just entertaining.

No, I'm in agreement with you. Okay. I think Troy's being a buzzkill. Okay. Alright, Reddit user number one, we're using suitimums to protect the innocent. As to Brian Quinn, number one, no surprise here, taxes. While it's understandable why he's self-set,

Q comes off as ungrateful for what he has. He's only being taxed so much because he makes so much. While I understand where he's coming from, 50% is a lot to take out. He's complaining about making at least $410,000 a year. By openly saying how much he's being taxed, he's inadvertently telling the audience he has at least taken home $205,000 a year. Being a single bachelor, that is no small amount worth complaining about. According to a New York Business and Finance website, the average household income is $71,000 on Staten Island. It's hard to get behind someone who is so upset that they are taking home more than four times the amount of the average homeowner in his area.

Wait, no. If it was $71,000, four times that would be $280,000. And we silly silly thinking mixed. I'm just reading with the witness for that. So why are we giving it any weight? Discuss a retard. Yeah. Yeah.

Thank you. You're loving my set right now. Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. Are you trying to get away? I mean, well, what? That's a household income.

It's not sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, you can't. I haven't heard anything that is objectionable yet. You can't enter here. You make a lot of money, bro. Me neither. That was way below what you make, right?

Yeah, but my point is this. This is America. This is America. And this guy, this rather character who just wrote in, I say this, if we were in a movie and we had a shop, right? And somebody came to your dorm, was like, I want 50% of what you make. So what you got? They would be the bad guys.

But because it's the fucking US government, I'm supposed to smile and smile. Objective, we're out of this. The prosecution's coming in. If you take this game, you can make that point. Okay. All right. If we ask the defense to handle his client. Fight for him. You got to have to have. Okay because he was eating everyone's dinner. All right. Charge to Q is untruthful. Oh, I, T.E.S.T. used to pride itself on the fact

that everyone was open and honest about what it was talked about on the show. Over the past year or so, though, Q is really the only one to stop being his honest with the listeners. He constantly makes stuff up and attempts to deceive the listeners as part of a quote unquote joke If the on quote unquote reddit if the joke is to you more Walton Briah Hope it's working because at least speak it for myself. I generally don't enjoy them

Here are some examples of what I'm talking about a Hillary for president you asked for this as we found out by now and most of us already knew you never really wanted Hillary to win the fact that he put on an out of Hillary Jackson your honor The fact that he put on an act The fact that he put on our act was relatively annoying even though we the listeners knew it was shallow. We had no idea why he was doing it Number two waitress doing it. Number two, waitress. You'll get your chance to do it. We're gonna, we're gonna shoot these down. Just think of that opening statement. I'm eloquence. I'm just shocking.

You're worried, you're worried getting world worked up for nothing. Hey, you're right. The waitress, hearing the story about the waitress and how cute Miss Trita, her was disappointing, but in the story anyway, he was a bit tipsy and honestly something I could see cue doing it only he was drunk. Finding out afterwards at the whole story was made up and cue was just acting like he did as a joke is just another example of him deceiving the audience. This wasn't really a big deal but again and it's cute deceiving the audience for the sake of a quote unquote joke. A lot of quotes in this a lot of quotes. Especially the word humor. Do lawyers use the quote unquote joke. A lot of quotes in this a lot of questions asked in the word humor.

Do lawyers use the quote unquote a lot? Yeah, this is just like court. Well, a lot of the jokes sweat in his ass. The kind that always just chime in and the last part of being untruthful the get him back and forth Hearing how much he loves get him and then hearing how he never wants to see him again the show again There is a constant back and forth with whether he likes get him or not just be honest Which is it if you like them? Don't lead us on to think you really don't by saying stuff like Use a get him Steve if you don't like him stop saying you do I Just a run. Just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run.

It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run.

It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run.

It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's just a run. It's I mean, there's a thing, man. Like, they want me to be honest. But then if the tax is balled to me, I can't talk about that. That's too honest. And like, you know, and then my feelings about getting him is complicated. I love the guy, but some weeks I can't fucking stand them. You're too real. A too real.

You keep it too real. I'm too real. All right. The third charge. Unrelatable. This one is unfortunate because Q has no real control over it. Sadly, as mentioned on the show, Q has grown his ant wings and flowing out of the nest. This one doesn't make people hate Q, but rather separates him from Brian Walt,

which can make him less likable than the other two. So, they have him not a nest. And finally... I agree. Why don't you give some of your earnings to me and Walt? That way, you could be like an egalitarian podcast. Do you know how much money I could be like an egalitarian podcast Do you know how much money I could be making? $410,000 I already heard

Four times with a stand dollar in normal years and a household and the last accusation from this witness Wining and moaning about a few cunts on Reddit holy christ man have some-respect. At this rate you're going to win Post-Hole of the Week every week for the next decade. You already look like Rosie O'Donnell and now you're acting like bitch. Just get the sex change and be done with it. No, they have to be sex. This is the fucking internet. Have you heard of it? It has people that will say, Batch it about you, even though they only just learned your name two seconds ago. Guess what? You go look it on the internet for things to get angry, depressed, disgusted, horny, you're gonna find it. It's the internet bitch. It is mostly

anonymous cesspit, is the mostly anonymous cesspit of human expression which should have come to no surprise to anyone who has paid attention to how humanity behaves even badly. Why do you care? Why do you waste our time with this endless moaning about what some fucktards on some irrelevant social media site said? Are you that pathetic? Are you that desperate for confirmation? Are you that desperate for a reason to hate yourself? Sack your fucking therapists and hire a good one. They are not working. That was a good harsh indictments. Wow. No, I'll get him. Wow. Now your co-counsel will read the last of the Reddit witness.

Oh, I hear you have Troy's mouth. Oh, OK. OK, OK. I thought that was it. It was just going to sound real fucking official, not like him. Like Stumble the ass. I don't know if I could stand here and hear it from Troy. You got him.

I mean, you got to face the music, man. Yeah, otherwise you might have a chill. You could have, we could have had this trial and what's it? Abyssincia. And Abyssincia, yeah. Yeah, no, I'm good. I going to chill. I mean, you could have just, we could have had this trial and it, what's it, I've been to older episodes and really enjoyed his contributions and thought he was a genuine guy and was hilarious when he was in the crosshairs. Recent contributions would have fell flat. Recent contributions that would have fell flat like the Colonel in the taxes bits only didn't because of the roasting that ensued. Where he usually listened to the episode. For the Colonel things you guys supported me. Did we? Yeah, I don't recall that. I thought we saved you. We saw you floundering.

Going down with a freak out. I didn't want. Oh, it wasn't a joke. I don't know why we keep saying it is. We're usually listening to episodes multiple times. I've been going on to drop episodes after single single listen if the arrogant, braggart cue was present. Sorry, I'm Stacy Patel.

This part is highlighted. Interesting, interestingly as well, I've begun to enjoy Gidem's presence. You fucking highlighted this. I've been going to enjoy Gidem's presence. Much more probably due to the contrast. The last episode was far more enjoyable with Q not playing the arrogant character. Wait, I'm gonna put that one. Now there's one more.

Oh, there's two. Gimma has one. I already mentioned number three. Wow. Q has not been on the top of his game lately. My number one complaint is the way Q handles himself during games, especially when he is losing. Walt clearly puts a ton of work in, Walt and others clearly put a ton of work into the TSD games, and it seems like Q rolls in and takes a huge jump on their work.

This is gonna be my hardest thing to... Whenever a rule goes against Q... Is others in quote? Whenever a rule goes against Q, he acts like a pouty pusshole and can ruin the enjoyment of the whole game. He usually bitches about stuff until walk gives in and Q gets his way. I've seen it a million times. And the whole carl bit and the tax talk, we get it.

You pay a ton of taxes too and it sucks. But did he have to focus on it for months? The carnal and scolvitz just fell flat and weren't funny. Neither was meant to be funny. I got on the stage. That's like saying fucking Sophie's choice fell flat because it wasn't funny. No, by the man who's trying to say he knows what funny is. That's the crux of the matter. That's the crux of the trial. Do you know funny? Mm-hmm. Okay. So are you agreeing with reticence? Yeah, I guess you're setting up you're setting us up to say no wasn't trying to be funny. You want that all for playing?

Reddit news number five Of 500 Q needs to stop complaining every time someone says something weird to Stacey. Sorry Chris, I'm not. She's got to suck my dick and I'm not wiping off with that cute cat. She roasted it. She's not a delicate snowflake. She already knows the flavor of the show. Is she gonna leave that one behind?

It's as if that much of if it's that much of a problem why have her there. But it can't be any worse than it's constant letching and slaubering all over her friend and any other female that they have on the show. And we do have a lot of females on the show. Q also needs to lay off sucking Walt's penis. Q also needs to lay off sucking Walt's penis. Hahaha! Never! All he does is for to agree with everything Walt says. Whenever Walt says something dumb, Q is on the verge of orgasm.

Hahaha! Equit of Getham says something funny, he goes into a jealous rage. Hahaha! Are you taking notes because I can refute all this? Well, we will. Because this motherfucker said that I bother you until you fucking give me what I want. This guy saying I'm sucking you now.

And I'm presenting a United Front. It's not my turn to go yet. I'm sorry. Also, someone needs to remind me, Walter TSD is not just his show, it's Brian Q's too. If a person sends something addressed to TSD, it's also for Brian Q parentheses unless it's actually stated that it's only for Walt. Glad that guy made that clarification

He's telling he's telling us what what male is what is I can open what I can't right good even though it's addressed to the stash Yeah, this part's also highlighted also Bryce constant get embassies getting stale Also, Bryce constant get him bashing his getting stale. Ooh, the judge called in the question your character. When he used to pick on me, it got very boring very quickly. Ooh, this really is not to me either. I know funny, it wasn't. Not to me either. If anyone is weird on the show, it's Walt, but by and she were terrified to criticize Walt,

so instead they just pick on get them Did you write this no? No, this came from this really came from a real asshole You're now you have are now you are you don't it's a parade just have one more The reddit testimonies are done. Yes red testimonies are done I've just one more piece of evidence to submit How would you how would you phrase that joy? Enter into evidence final. These are supposed to do before and he did no coherency

So he just wants to introduce other piece of evidence. What would he say? How would he spread it? I just want to I think coherence you're right. You're right. I apologize to the court. What was the what was the lack of coherence? What do you mean? Each each one contradicted each other. I'm sucking a dick. I'm I'm bullying you until I die Don't tell the truth But then I complain about things in my life and people don't like it No, it was about getting over something else. Well, I mean we'll address each one

We'll address each one. That's good for your case. Yeah, some saying there. All right I'm gonna play for the final piece of my testimony or evidence that I'm going to present the words of the defendant himself. Hmm. Persuading after person after person on bail. You're going to be a celebrity. Like you're a bit. You're going to be so big.

I can't believe it doesn't matter women. No. A hot ass. I'm going to get to you. Like I'm going to be a nice set of tips. Yeah. Last night was the true TV up front. But Moon 5 played a Maroon 5 played it.

They hired Maroon 5 to play. Girls can't keep their mouth shut. I hate to. We're gonna be able to sell them to a friend, but I have. So now, Maroon 5 played. Literally, my chest is touching the stage. Adam Levine's ball sacks, like two feet from me. But it's just like, not only it's like,

you make more money, so you're gonna pay more money. We're also gonna attack you at a higher rate. And so like, it's like they set the gaming engine If you want to buy a house over a million dollars in New York City in New York City There is a Basin's like 2.89% Mansion tax I got the hang out with the Zucker brothers. You know the Zucker brothers Sexual is just like probably one of these in the mouth while you stand my fucking boy you stand on my penis

Well the Glamagot guys work great as always like went backstage hung out with them Settle myself like that. Lama God. Tell us what it was like to sell a radio city three nights in a row. Uh, it's a lot of friends and family asking for tickets. Who the fuck are you? So it's like, what the fuck? How is that fair?

You know what I'm saying. We had free tickets on Friday night. Well it's typical of the orientals, right? We had free tickets on Friday night. Well, it's typical of the Oriental's, right? That is just fucking jean. So I'm never broke, democratic again, it's all, but I don't know how much people will like stand for this. Wow, wow.

That is. Wow. There's any better example of how unrelatable he is. I don't know what it is. A bunch of things taking out a context Even then as judge I guess he said love was pretty funny Right I heard a lot of laugh at these comments. I would like to

Permission to for a short recess. I didn't realize I could could compile a highlight reel And if I did I'd like to take this moment to maybe see if I can call up Declan maybe get it. I didn't know we were gonna be able to do that. You're already getting a fox. You're already getting a fox. You're reconvening two weeks. You're just like denied right? Yeah, motion denied here. Right? Right? Right now. You're on your side side I recall some of those quotes in there were me quoting other people this is really taking out of context just saying so on that note the prosecution is close by case closure case no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no We can't see you scratch. You know, I'm calling witnesses. No, don't.

Those are his witnesses. Those are his witnesses, the Reddit and the words of the defendant himself. So now, what we'll call witnesses and get him will have the chance to cross existence. So get him calls of us, people, we conveniently can't cross examine. You asked for this. Yes. This is what you wanted. Well, we could cross him down in me.

You? It's going to happen, No, right? Yeah. See, do you have a Casper mattress, right? Remember that mattress that Casper sent? No. You don't. No. Okay, well, you know where there's not going to be a Casper mattress in jail. If BQ Quinn happens to lose this case, it could affect him big time. He's not going to be luxuriating on caspers. He's going to be sleeping under so probably he's going to be a Prague. Somebody's going to take him as a girlfriend and make him sleep under their bed. No more Casper mattresses for Quinn. He's too pretty to go to jail. So what happens, buddy, is what we can maybe

do if he does go to podcast jail. We're gonna sneak him in a Casper mattress We're gonna get $50 towards any mattress purchase by going to Casper comm slash TSD It's obsessively engineered Despite what Walt Flanagan says it's a new invention Time magazine called it one of the best invent the best new inventions of 2015. Would you like to invent a mattress someday? Hmm? Wow, you stink today. Big time.

I never always eat. You're just, you don't have any energy. We better get some energy. Isn't it today your party? Yeah. Is that what you're saving it all for? Because you're lousy enough these commercials, I'm a professional.

I might have to drop you as a partner. Anyway, let's get back to the trial. And afterwards go to Casper.com slash T-E-S-D. All right, so it is now the, the fence is case, right? It's my turn to now, to dismantle. Get them off.

This fucktards prosecution. You're right. My first witness, I'd like to call it a stand. Hello. Before you start your case, ask for a mistrial. On your background. His entire case was hearsay. The entire case.

He didn't call one witness. Tell him Steve Dave Town here stays loud. I said, show it episode if we don't call one witness. Tell him Steve Dave town here stays loud So show an episode if we don't allow here's that his told Steve Dave's town in the United States No, it's a sovereign nation. Yeah We've just seen it a while back The coastal rates to confront this accuser which he can't because we can keep out We don't want to read it. That's where we discovered his thing because he went on reading confront his accusers We want to be that sought to mount

a CT and we want to be able to Approve who comes in and lives there. Gotcha. It's like we live in America. You can't do that, right? It's a gated community It's like a car. Yeah. All right. All right. I call to the stand. I sell comics going to my eight So my miciming you are you to share a seat or share a mic We're gonna be swearing everybody in on a hard copy of making hey Yeah, very rare rare than the Bible for sure I should put one of these in every hotel room I sell comics step forward please

Interlock hands and place them on the Bible place your other hand over your hearts Interlock hands and place them on the Bible place your other hand over your hearts Do you Mike and me? solemnly swear as a single soul inhabiting two bodies to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth Can a felon be a balaf is that allowed? It's encouraged They're encouraged. Yeah, here's how you have it. Okay. Yeah, I do. Yeah, both their hands are on the making hay book. You don't have to put your hands over each other's guys.

There's enough room. Just, you guys are just worried about the truth? Yes. Okay. All right. You can be seated. Could you guys please state your names individually so everybody knows who's speaking? My name is Cliff Chen.

You're going on Ming. Mike Zapsick. What do you guys do for a living? Ming. Podcast featured cast member of the ANC TV show Comic Bookman. I work at the Secret Stash and I'm also a cast member of Comic Bookman. Okay. Comic Bookman. Okay. Um, Comic Bookman, how would you describe that television show?

Uh, really TV show, I said, and Kevin says Comic Bookstore. It's been running for six seasons strong. It would be fair to say that it has some comedic elements. Absolutely. Yes. You both would agree to it? Sure. Okay.

Depends on who's on screen. He's talking about you, Ralph. And you guys both are both on a podcast, correct? Yes. The name of the podcast? I saw comics. But you also have, it's such a successful podcast that you guys have branched off into a sister podcast, right? It's on multiple podcasts, yeah.

Such as the Megan Mike show. Yeah. And they both are, would you say, would fall under what category? I know I saw comics is... I know it's in a bull, is that a category? I have to. I have to. Bull.

I have to. I know it's not. No, you're objecting to the honor. I'm sorry. I would file under comedy. Both podcasts. Okay, and that's why I've asked you both to appear tonight because considering that you guys are both on a show,

and how long is Compokman, what season is it in? Six seasons. Six seasons in your podcast, how long have they been running? Since 2011, so six years. So combine total of over a decade of comedy. Yeah. 12 years of comedy times two. 24 years of comedy between these guys.

So you guys would be. I just realized that. You guys would be considered, if not experts, the next best thing to weigh in from some expert testimonial regarding my client on is if you find him humorous or if he is funny. Absolutely. I believe we're experts on the field of comedy.

Yes. You're not blind. I'm a ludicrous man, but let's say yes. How much did you pay for this expert testimony? They charge money, right? Like an expert shows up. They put them up. I not and tell them Steve Day of Town.

The defense would pay, yeah. Yeah, actually, testimony. Like everything else I showed up for free. I'm just gonna ask you guys that. How long have you known that defendant? I've known that defendant for 21 years, Your Honor. And I've known him for 15. Is it true that the defendant has coined a nickname

for you, Mr. Zapsick? Yes, a loving nickname for me. He calls me chief. It isn't also true that even though he has climbed the ladder of success, he still hasn't forgotten that nickname and still will refer to you by it. Hell yes. What a memory.

What a memory. I'm humanized here, right? Right? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? In the time you've known the defendant, would you be able to put a number on the time she's made you laugh? Inumerable.

Yes. Incalculable. Incalculable. Inferno. Inferno. And have you ever seen any signs of the the of Mr. Quinn ever being unrelated both since his ascension to superstar not even a little bit to not even when he talked about the mansion text.

Now we will. Hey, what the fuck? Wow, get him. You said I like Ryan. Stapling papers over there. So Brian has to step in. What are you doing? Is that more important than what's going on?

I know stapling a paper stapling the paper. What is that noise? Is that a meeting staples I'm ready to roll right now In your own words can you please describe to the courtroom why the Reddit comments were not warranted, why Mr. Quinn doesn't eat no funny and how Mr. Quinn is still to this day relatable? Without using the word sex. In my opinion, the Reddit comments are a product of jealousy.

A lot of people, jealous of what you had, jealous that you've put in a lot of hard work, that they are not able to put in themselves. And I disagree as someone who's been slandered by such the same why the fuck aren't you objecting on speculation that that's true and I'm getting too much I want to discredit them in a minute so I'm about to start shredding you get to test on my thrown out I personally disagree with many of these comments I think they're just a pride of a lot of jealous people I think you've worked a pride of a lot of jealous people

I think it's more time to where you've gone to and I still relate to you as a friend haters with a Z All right, Mike those people on reddit my both my sons who are 11 and 13 say that reddit is a haven for 12-year-old bitches who just go on there like females No, like no, like this is yeah bitches with a Z brain. I gotta know the list for you They go on there and they again. I'm head reddit loads me So fuck you. Yo, yeah,. Get him the lights in telling me, hey, there's a lot of hate for you on Reddit. It's like, you know what?

Oh, fuck yourself. Get him and fuck Reddit too. So that's why I came in on Reddit. You've named Dave Towne, Minister of Information. Yeah. Or a disinformation. All right, well, thank you for showing up here tonight. No further questions.

I just wanted one thing. When asked how many times cues made you laugh over the years, you said how many? Incalcable. Incalcable, mean you said the same. It's a measurable, yes. Okay, I believe you said a measurable, you said in Calcule, right? So I want all for intelligence

that even a Chinese man couldn't calculate how funny he is. Yes. Oh, thank you. A very awful. Oh, my God. I was so worried. I told you guys, so much harm, yes. That's strong, that's strong stuff. Oh. Mr. Chenan, it's all over the guy. It's a bit termed, yeah. That's strong, that's strong stuff.

Oh. Mr. Chen. Yes. Is it sure you have romantic feelings for the defendant? It's not true. We are good friends and doing each other for over 20 years. Objection, your honor. Mr. Chen was under the spell of martial man love when he made those passes at my client.

I counter. He said he was not under the control. And I counter. He said he was not under him. And I counter, he's always under a spell of man love. Why? I'm going to put a hat on. I was put a hat on him right now. Let's put a hat on him. Let's see if Mr. Chen shows any chubbiness.

Yeah. Does he show up? That was on Giltat. Even if I did shove up, could you tell? It's. But no, I do not feel any chubbiness. Yeah, does it show up that was on Even if I did show up could you tell No, I do not feel like it's Let the record show that if the hat doesn't cause a boner you must equip That runs so well. We're not talking about Ryan's talking about truth I feel like Johnny Cochran worked on his little long

Mr. Chen how many podcasts would you say you do? I am currently three. Three, okay. And how many of those podcasts are listed by iTunes as a comedy? All three of them, sir. All right, and how many of those podcasts are considered to be comedy by the listeners? I'll three of them, sir. Yeah, okay.

I'm gonna raise your mic. He just gets it even good. Like I told you, I'm not to do this. You have to work with the man day in and day out. It's not worth it for the Fisalafsion. I'm very few laps that he's getting. I said no get him. I like to enter him. I'm sorry. Don't let him talk. How many yeah how many laps have you gotten on any podcast? I don't give a shit Always on trial get him permission to treat this one. This is hostile mission to treat the prosecutor's a douchebag Get out of order brother

I'm gonna choice our throat I'm gonna present a little bit of evidence to mr. Chen Enter evidence. I'm gonna enter enter and present. Okay. All evidence. Yeah. Enter and present. OK. All right. Will you please pay attention to the speakers? Is this the other way around? Oh. I'm not a baller.

I'm not a baller. I'm not a baller. I'm not a baller. I'm not a baller. He's supposed to prove he's not funny. I'm getting the top 40 dance to in Ching Chong by Brian Quinn featuring the ring top meter make-up. Objection your honor. That song should not be allowed into evidence because my client did not make that song.

That was made by a listener. This is not about your client. This is about Mr. Chen. Well, it's a question. Get him. Yes. Mr. Chen. Yes.

Are you a good judge or funny? Or do you do you think that song is funny? Or are you a race hater? Trader race trader. Race trader. But I make this song. I'm talking to Mr. Chan.

They sampled the full. This is the remix. What you're totally accountable for. I think that I think that tone was done in just They sampled the remix Which you're totally accountable for I think that I think that tone is a was done in just and I do actually do think it's very funny You were there that day where you are a race trader That is a that's a bombshell right there devastating Now mr. Zafz. How do you say Uncle Tom and Cantonese?

I notice your lovely wife isn't on stand during the gallery. Has she or has she not been introduced on ISC and Mike and Ming? In an effort to salvage what is left and is now considered the funny one? What? Wait a minute, can you speak English on that one? Or at least slow down, get him slow down. Get him, wait a minute. He wants to know if, I sell comics in my community,

we're doing so poorly that you introduced your wife so that you could raise the bar of humor. Now, you're saying, get him once and know that, but that sure sounds like you want to know that. No, I'm just trying Like a real that sounded like a real courtroom right that exact inspiration that that no like Flustered all right flummoxed I ruled next Yep, flustered. All right, flummoxed. I'm a world expert.

I digress, I digress. So now you are on a comic book, man. Yes. That's considered a comedy show. Yes. And you've been on at least a few of the seasons that the others have been on. Yeah. So that should make you a good judge of what is funny, correct? Yes. All right, so tell me and please remember your under oath Are you considered the funniest one on the show? No? The second funniest no third funniest no fourth funniest Then yes Fourth one is actually no now fifth fun so out of four people on a show You you're not even one of the top funny people.

How about five? So how could you top five? How about you do the math correctly? So then how could you take a second? Kevin Smith, he's also a member of the cast. He's talking about main cast members. So how can you testify? What is funny?

Uh, I work with you every day, get him. And everything you say, not funny. So when Brian Q comes in, then I know what funny is. So you're using Gidem as the bar, whatever he says, the opposite, you know what's funny. Exactly. Mm-hmm. We turn that around on you.

Yeah, that was good. He shows it, I was pretty good, Parameter, what's funny then? No, I don't know. In the opposite direction, yes, absolutely. You are a great parameter. Parameter, what's not funny? And also, you know, I'm a trial. So why is that even relevant to the...

I'm trying to... You fucked up with that question. I'm trying to be the responsibility of the witnesses here. Or witness. You don't have to explain yourself to the defendant. Try to explain myself to the lawyer. Do you have any more questions, Raman? No, I'm done with this.

Oh, your honor. Can I? Sidebar. Sure. Just one thing. I know this is a little or an orthodox, but let me just ask one question of the prosecution. It's up to you. Excellent. No, go ahead. Also stay. Go ahead. This gentleman sitting to my left, Brian Q. Quinn, did he not volunteer a bunch of stuff for you to get your teeth fixed? We'll address say later on?

No, I'm asking you right now. This will be a dress like. I'm asking you right now. This will be a dress like. Or did he not just give you and the kindness of his art? A bunch of stuff. What are you going to do with that? All right.

How does that prove you funny? The witness is a shut up counselor. The witnesses are excused. Thank you. Mike, go do your PBR podcast. You liar. Thanks, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Mike go do your PBR podcast you liar. Thank you. Thank you. I call my next witness to the stand.

Mr. Simee. Mr. Simee. All right. Yeah. Round of a plus. That normally happens in court. All right. Simee. We got this. He these in the hot seat. Go on, cue. Good evening, Mr. Semi. Can you please state your occupation? Sure. I'm an executive producer in the original programming and development department at True TV. And one of the shows under your guidance would be

in practical jokers. And on that show, Mr. Brian Quinn is a cast member? Yes. That title, so much more. Check me in the witness. What? Stubblessing potential. Oh, really, from the impressiveness of that title,

it's not so much better than unemployed. I've had that too. Now for full disclosure, you have appeared on Tellum's Steve, they previously correct? Yes, one time. And on that episode, were you presented with some television pitch ideas? Yes, I was. Can you tell the courtroom one of those ideas? Yes. It was called funerals with a Z.

Can you tell the courtroom your reaction upon hearing that pitch? Yes, I thought it was terrible. You kind of dismissed it and we're condescending, that was fair to say. Yes. This is a two-by-touch. No objection, you're on it. Isn't it also true that that pitch funerals, which we... I'm sorry to have a fight. Objection, Your Honor. Isn't it also true that that pitch funerals which we can you explain the pitch again to the listeners?

Sure, unrelated. You're the defense attorney, right? Yeah, I was just going to explain this to you. Honor, can the witness be one answer to the question? I don't want to treat your host on Mr. Simmy. That's fine. I'll call him. Can you describe it briefly what the pitch the pitch was what it consisted of sure? I believe it was you go around and Pretend that celebrities had died and then Billy Eichner approaches people

As I recall in the pitch Billy Eichner was not involved. Oh, that's right's right no i would like to clear up once and for all that was a joke by the way that people well a few people on twitter got a little upset because billiard gnaw had a very similar idea in his show but that was not that there was no connection between me appearing on the show and hearing that uh... fantastic pitch of funeral and then billy doing a similar ideal later on his show although you know what i didn't swear didn't swear him in with the Telm Steve Dave books. That you certainly did not. You could be lying right now.

So, we'll just have to hope. But there was no connection. No connection. I would have to, if I was to be honest, agree that there probably was no connection to that very strange bizarre coincidence. But let's go back to your reaction to funerals. Sure. I'm glad that you're keeping your clothes in. Dripping with sarcasm and dismissive to the person you pitched it to, which for full disclosure would be me. Would you agree that your reaction was one of, was a negative reaction correct? Yes, but in my defense, I know funny. So you're saying that. Why you pass it on the Billy Eichner show on your network would be the one would not, would

be, you would be say, wasn't a funny bit then, right? Oh, whoever the executive that show is. The Billy Eichnerar show which did that same exact segment as a segment not a full show i think it's a full series it was on it was a terrible idea but as as one bit that could be executed by billy-eye canar and was a little different but with his spin on it it was made funnier no further questions

but i'm not gonna success no further questions. Bill Thomas, I can't. Cute, good luck in present body. You're your witness counselor. Oh my god. I'm not assuming that he's not an answer. It's a few of us. As a co-counsel, I just got to ask one question.

What's the highest rated program on true TV? Impractual Jokers. OK. Is the defendant cast member on impractical jokers? Yes he is. No further questions This the same thing happened at his racism trial. I remember If he had come with a little bit of like humility and said to me like, you know

But if he but he still made to his that fucking arrogant tone of like it was terrible that fucking arrogant tone of like it was terrible. No, I'm not good. I like his steadfast manner. I do like men. He forms an opinion and he's stinking. He shat on funerals, bro. Your honor. You said the course binographer got that down.

Your honor at the summit at the Wednesdays, warning. OK. OK, Maxwell, do your thing. Simmy's hand is on the Bible. It should be the tour though, right? Yeah, yeah, I don't do that right they would do even the Bible if you were in a real court right? Tower is a Bible. We could just move on They would switch Bibles out what they I think they probably would I've never been on your request, right? I possibly have never been in a court of the satanic you're very combative on your request, right? I possible.

I've never been in a court of the past. You're very combative. Yeah. Mr. Sime, step forward, please. Matter of fact, I'll come to you right quick for you, testify. I just want to say big fan of your work. The only thing you're missing is a guy like me.

You put a guy like me on True TV, ratings go through the roof. Anyway, you swear to tell the truth, not another shit. Coal, pal, me, DM, me, whatever. You can be seated. Good evening Mr. Semmy. Hello. Can you give a year off first impression and basic history with the defending kids?

He's a nursery school teacher. Is this Semmy? What the finger paints? I have a children's show on TDS. I'm sorry, what do you say about my impression? Can you give me your first impression and your basic history with the defending Mr. Q? Sure. I've known Q for over three years and I've worked with him on a practical joke

or we've become friends. Okay, it's a good guy. So you would say you know him pretty well. Yeah, I think so. So in your opinion, I see the funniest joker. You're under oath. I am under oath. You know, it's like choosing between my children, and I have a son named Sal. No, I would say it is a four-way tie. I really do believe that. Oh, come on, Sal, you're on the roof. I'm telling you, I'm telling you.

That's the magic of the show. I'm telling it straight. I was honest about funerals. I was honest about your pitch. True. Your Honor, can I have a proportion'm gonna have a check. Oh, you're on her kind of preparation to approach the defendant. Oh boy. Oh, it's gonna be the bombshell. Yes, go on. All right. Why am I getting approached? All right, Mr. Q. Yeah. Could you please say, hey, mustache, what's up? While facing... Do I have to do it? Get him here.

Yes. Say, hey, mustache, what's up while facing do I have to do it get him here? Yes, hey mustache. What's up? Hey mustache. What's up? All right? You heard and say that Mr. Simee. I did all right now could the defendant please say that again Can you Red I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look at Sammy. This game is red. I thought you didn't see this one coming. Yes, guys. Do we have to tell people what's happening? We will. We'll explain to the listener what's happening.

Can you say that again please Mr. Bennet? Hey mustache, what's up? Yes, it makes it not working as well. All right, Mr. Sammy. Now for those who didn't see, I held up a map of stat 9 on behind the defendant. I'm going to be turning to my podium. He's a good lawyer, man. So as you said, Mr. Simmy, which of those takes struck you as more or less funny than the others? I thought it was funnier without the map and made more sense And now it is it's been said before you did endure a verbal barrage for Mr. Quinn who thought the map being placed behind him would be the height of

thought the map being placed behind him would be the height of hilarity. No, I didn't say Hillary. Jack, don't know. Objection, my client never said funny. But he can't make up facts and then ask him an answer for them. You thought the map being behind you was the height of hilarity. No, I wanted the map behind me. I didn't, never said it was funny. And yes, you did. You made the bombastic statement of, I know funny during the same conversation. But that doesn't mean that applies to every single

fucking conversation I've had about Simmy in my life. But that is the basis that you know what funny is. You made the statement that you know what funny is. Those are two of the funny. I stand by that, but I've never seen one of those examples is having the map of, go get him, go behind him. No, he's what funny.

I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna have in the sky. I'm not gonna stand on you, I'm gonna be, Having the map Stand not only I'm because I know what funi is No, you you're connecting to one of the related statements. These are alternative factors You you're presenting yourself as as a straight-up Fibber You're creating This is the test you're giving on TST before no, no, I never said that the map behind was funny I said I wanted the map of stand-out And why did you want the map behind you then because I like to represent? Not because you thought it was because I like to wrap my hometown because I'm a fucking relatable common man who doesn't forget

Stand island where I came from I told you man he fucked up he fucked up. I'm gonna be past it Who was it? I didn't know it was my idea I don't know what it is I realized this uh this is my hometown This is on Orthodox but I have a pitch for you So me and it involves the

I'm gonna be past it I'm gonna be past it Who was it? The map It was my idea I don't know if you're right there. I don't know if it was an easy fucking idea. All right, I realized this, this is my hometown. This is on Orthodox, but I have a pitch for you, Sammy. And it involves the jokeers. The jokeers, that's because I'm a joke.

The jokeers, yes, that was a little subliminal dig. You know, like that. So it involves the jokeers, guys, right? They go into a bar with a hidden camera and they try to pick up girls. And if they get a girl like real fast, like to get them their number, like like other number and get them out to the car the Joker suddenly starts like shaming them and we call it sluts with a

Z. Whoever can make the girl cries the winner. Green light. My stolen earth. Alright you can be excuse. I'll give you some time to think about it. Well, does he dare that? Are you done?

No more further questions for Mr. Sime. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, each other earlier, you didn't even say anything about it. You didn't even say, hey, I was weird, but that mixed with love, you know, just like, like, I was gonna sweep it under the rug and never even bring it up again. Yeah, we're 10 times. Yeah. Would you rail my whole goddamn face about it? I don't feel that this would happen here, would Mr. Simey, is gonna affect the outcome

of the trial anyway. Okay. Hold on, so, Simey, if you have some questions. Simey, where do you live live in Anglewood, New Jersey? He means in a direct street address. How far is that from here? It's about an hour and 15 minutes. So, the defense had you travel an hour and 15 minutes.

Do not address the actual matter at hand, just to break you again for not like you guys idea of your rules. And then just missing few rules. And then, I might myself for this one minute. And then just took a minute then myself for this one and then just admitted that no matter what you said, you have no outcome on the case anyway. So you were called to your speech as well. Yeah, you're pretty much saying everything that just went through my head. I thought get him had some good defense quit.

It's only got a good roster on my shirt. I shamed Ali, lied completely. No, that map one was good. That map one was a good shot. That's what I'm giving him. But because right, the map was never about comedy was all about but he did all the bad. I love that he's a wild car. I can't. I don't know what you'd say if I really have a lot of I have a lot of I have a yeah. All right.

No, it did pay off for you because what he thought was the smoking gun with the map backfired because like you said it was two independent thoughts. Don't forget I know funny and what the graphic like you said it was two independent thoughts. Don't forget. I know funny and what the graphic would be behind you were two independent thoughts and you made yourself relatable by saying you want to represent your hometown. Exactly. So backfired, Anna. Yeah, I'm going to go back to me. What? Backfired, I'm here. Okay. I'll take you. You didn't even bring anything up that was relevant so I couldn't backfired. Do you have any, do you have Troy as my co-cancel? If you have anything that you find that's so pressing.

No, the only thing I can offer is an apology for wasting your time. Oh, where's my apology? Hey, where's my apology? Where's mine? Where's mine? He basically was like that stupid, it sucks. That's so, it's horrible. And then a couple weeks later on this on this network that he works for it

I'm here with Seth Rogan and and then there's no like like oh Not like hey, that's a weird question. What you ought to do is I guess you have some good idea once in a while The next trial by fire ants should be if Simu knows funny for rejected funerals You know for that to me and then maybe during that try you could ask me a bunch of questions back here Would you be willing to come back down again in the future and go on trial? I like that that that that firing. I was willing to come down here. Well he was a peanut tonight.

Well I know you got to get out of here. That's why I really wasn't. You know you're so full of shit. That's real. I really wanted to get you out of here. I wouldn't be that rude. No, no, no. I appreciate it. Oh my god.

Now that the fucking defense is pussy-footing around, on man stick to your guns like Simmy does. He's like you suck. I think I think I think you're I think Funeral is a funny idea in in a in a let's just ice like that don't even talk about it. Sure. Thank you. You're just gonna cut it. That's it. Sure. Thank you. You're just gonna cut it off. Alright, the witness is excused. Alright, next time. Thank you for coming in. Of course. And you know what? I'll give you an opportunity. Can you, in your own words, briefly explain to the jury why BQ is still relatable, why he is funny, and why the comments that you probably don't even are aware of.

Well, I heard them. You heard them. Yeah. Why they aren't are unwanted. why he is funny and why the comments that you probably don't even aware of uh... why are you are the me why they are are warranted and why you won't be believe in your phone uh... i think i think that the uh... video evidence speaks for itself i think he was a funny guy you got over a hundred and thirty episodes in practical jokers i mean it's a good show so it's funny

he's a section your own yes defense and the editors funny. He's ejection your honor. Yes. Defense and not request to be able to recall this witness. I will say I think that I think he was very relatable. I think that's why people are drawn to him. And I think that when you have enough fans, you're always going to have some people out there who take issue with certain things. But I think by and large, he's definitely relatable.

And you know, he's going to talk about his life. Part of his life is meeting famous people. Manchecks is. Exactly. Part of his life is meet that time's unlikable. Maybe the mansion tax isn't something. It wasn't about me. It was about a whole new money.

It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't even about me. But I think he's really to blame. It's not like he's context. OK. I'm assuming from Tellum's to David, I you from tell him to be right purchase on band camp No further questions. I'm a lot to go back at him again, right?

Yeah, yeah, no, my first person to recall the witness No, he was gonna get all the witness to his witness. I will stand there's direct cross redirect Okay, I want to thank you for proving that I continue to wrap my hometown that many other people disparage and Who the fuck it forget you talk about it every episode because I fuck my home All right, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Mr. Shemmy. Come on The style my own madmate no sense in the show open not on mat made no sense in the show open. Did you see Brian Quinn up there on the stand? He looks tired, doesn't he? He looks worn out. Looks like he needs energy, just

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Slash T.E.S.D. That's NatureBox.com. Slash T.E.S.D. for 50% off your first order when they go to naturebox.com slash TSD. That's naturebox.com slash TSD for 50% off your first order. And whoever gave me the mug for semi in the UK, I just gave it to him. He's holding it right now. He's taking it home with him. Yes. Amazing. Yes. Somebody made a mug with the opening credits with me in it with the map of statinol behind it. Excellent humor in the end. And I only say that because I know funny. That's it. Good enough. Good enough for me. I like to call it a stay in the next witness. Sluts coming the true TV 2017. With Izzy of course. Mr. Sunday Jeff.

Oh boy. Now this is a witness I feel confident about. Oh boy. Now this is a witness I feel confident about. This is a guy who is really in my corner. And here I am. You're cornered. Nothing good vibes between the and Sunday Jeff. Another Jew guy. I'm glad we have this non-denominational book. Jew guy? You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it.

You got it. You got it. Alright, Maxwell, do your thing. He's got his head on the Bible. Sunday, Jeff, step forward, please. I respect for the witness. I've replaced the Bible with a gently used blueray copy of Quentin Tantinos 2009 smash hit in glorious bastards.

Sunday, Jeff, do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? I do. You can be seated, sir. All right, can you please state your name? So, the Jeff. And what do you do for a living, Mr. Jeff? I work on the stash on Sundays. Do you watch in practical jokers? I do not.

Okay, you don't have, you don't have, you don't, you've never seen it? I've seen some episodes. Okay, all right, I have a Tom Steve David, you listen to Tom Steve Dave. Yes. Not when you're on the episode. Not like you guys were doing. Not when we're doing it, but do you listen to episodes like when they drop? Sometimes, not all the times, but I do. I listen to some episodes. Your under oath. You're under oath. I am. Okay. What's the last episode you listen to? Did you guys go to a flea market? I don't recall you don't recall. Oh, that's good one. You don't answer. What was your favorite bit on Tom Steve Dave?

Oh, that's a good one. That's a good answer. What was your favorite bit on Tom Steve Dave? Let's see, probably the roast. The roast. Okay, now is all about BQ, right? Yes. All right. In your own words.

I love that, like he's going to put in someone else's words. Could you please explain to the courtroom why you believe that comments on Reddit were unwarranted. Why BQ knows funny and why he is still relatable? If you believe any of that, you don't know. You guys can lead in questions. What do you mean? You're saying tell how, tell you why these things, but maybe he doesn't.

It's supposed to be if, right? All right. Change that phrase. Refraised, you're inserting the word if. Yeah, who's the illegal now coxuckers? Relatable. All right, okay, refraised it used inserting the word if Later he showed me hugged that little girl here, right? Prior to this he was a fireman fireman saves lives the first on this was mentioned He put his life in front of other people

No save to save But he left that job to for the quick buck. He did with but it wasn't all But you know what? Quick bump. You'll also... I'm sure he remembers his brothers and he probably helps out his fellow firemen. Probably does. He just did a benefit pop for a little kid at no years. And I don't even know about that. I mean, he's in here.

I'm sorry, but he's in here in plants. Also, I believe he saved a couple of cats on my highway, I believe. You believe. Well, he does have the cats. He does have the cats. He still owns the cats. So, what is that now? Do any of those things make him funny?

Which one of which one do you think you can do? Well, that makes him relatable. I'm going to show that as you, like a humanitarian. Or humanitarian. You mean humanitarian? That's it. How about now? As far as funny, you're listening, every podcast that I've been on with

Q has been usually a pretty good podcast. Also Walten, I run those podcasts. True hard to tell. I'm juxtaposing your honor according to most statements. Sunday Jeff is the funniest one whenever he is on a pod. Sunday Jeff said that. No, it's been said by fans and listeners that Sunday Jeppity funniest one doesn't mean that other people are funny as well maybe it's because of the supporting cast it's the little people that helps and the show. Alright so you so you're you're here tonight to tell the jury that every time you've been on a podcast with BQ he has never failed to not make you laugh. That would be correct. Wait that's a double negative. You never failed to not make you laugh. That would be correct. Wait, that's a double negative.

You're gonna say never fail to not be. He has never failed to not, to make you, he has never failed to make you laugh. Correct. Okay. So, shall I strike that first answer? Strike it, keep it, it doesn't matter. We'll win in this one.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So, you're done? You're the one asking questions. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I mean, do you still have you have you addressed everything I have? I mean, I haven't known Q as long as you guys have. I've probably known probably that six years and obviously that you see them on a regular basis. But like I said, the times that I've known them, also the times that we've done some of the live shows, you know, have done some of the live shows. Before they've called my name up there, I hear quite a bit of laughs when Q is talking. Usually people laugh when something is said that's funny. All right. No further questions. Your witness, Councillor. So Mr. Sunday, Mr. Jeff, I prefer to be called Mr. Sunday. Like ice cream. Remember? So you stated under oath that you, Mr. Sunday, Mr. Jeff, I would prefer to be a... Mr. Sunday, yeah. Yeah, Mr. Sunday.

Like ice cream. Like, remember? So, you stated under oath that you think Mr. Q is funny? I didn't say I think, I said he is funny. He is funny, and you enjoy funny things? I work with you. Whoa! Just like a time we've heard that.

Boom! Please answer the question. But the state doesn't pay me to work here. Please answer. Oh! Oh! Yeah! Please answer the question, but the state doesn't pay me to work here. Please answer Please answer the question, Mr. Sunday. Do you enjoy funny things? Yes, so if you think Mr. Q is so funny Why don't you watch your practical jokers? Because I believe it's on at certain times of the night That's a little bit past when I need to wake up

And you and all those times you mark about your wonderful phone and your DVR and everything, you can't take the time to hit record and watch it later. Like you would a football game, which I know for a fact you do record and watch. I know, Q. I don't have to watch it show to know he's funny. You spent, you said you enjoyed funny things. So why not watch the show? I did not expect a no-hustility from Simmy then Sunday Jeff He's a cool cucumber man, you can't shake Simmy There's something to get my map, you can't round a leg, Doc

Repeat your questions, sir I said you say you enjoy funny things and you stated that you think Mr. Under oath that Mr. Q is funny But you refuse to watch in practical jokers And then say I refuse, I just don't watch the show that much And then I asked you why and you said oh I'm not awake at the time when you could record it my time is limited It's gonna pen I'm gonna pen. I want to write notes my my guy My schedule may not allow me to watch as much TV as some other people. What's that supposed to mean? You are not don't sit there with that look on your face. Don't you have any more questions for him?

I can say say. Look at him. Look at him. Mr. Sunday, have you seen every abinacustello film? No. Boom. True and the funniest guys ever made. And he's a fucking scene. So you're arguing that all their films are funny?

Yeah, I am. All of them. At least part of them. Absolutely. Part of them? Sure. So then it doesn't matter that he didn't catch anything. If he didn't catch all of them, he caught the ones that are funny. Yeah, I am all of them at least part of them absolutely part of them sure So then it doesn't matter that it didn't catch anything if you didn't catch all the equal the ones that are funny by your own admission What are you talking about you don't know you said that you said that part of them are funny? I

She's some of me asked me if I seen all of them and he admitted that part all of them are funny Not every part of the movie is funny. They have romantic subplots boom in your fucking face. Yes. Oh Have you watched every funny thing ever made? No, okay, have you seen any funny women in prison movies lately? Okay, all right no further questions for Mr. Jeff. Thank you, Mr. Jeff Got this feeling good about my odds here. All right my next witness. I'm calling to the stand Chris Ladondo. How you doing buddy? Pretty good. All right. All right. Enough franticin with the witness. Chris Ladondo step forward please

Place your hand on the Bible. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth and stick around even if some spooky shit breaks out You can ninja kick a meted homeless man on a subway, but you can't go roadhouse on Casper. Don't make no damn sense, boy. I do. Be seated. Can you please state for the court your name, your full name? Thank you. Yeah, look what you have.

Oh, my God. What? I'm not allowed to say something like friends or... Homicide? Christopher Ladondo. A little offense, but... Do you have any aliases? I want to say something like friends, I'm a Sasha! Christopher Ladondo. Who's a fan's book? Do you have any aliases?

Uh, Crystal Ladondo. You're under oath. I don't know what you mean, sir. All right, moving on. A roast master? Yeah. How long have you known the defendant? I think about 11, 12 years.

But when he... I was introduced to him by Sal, when he was in the fire academy. Fire Academy, okay. He had a shaved head, I remember. So, he doesn't. Yeah. Isn't it? It works on about how fucking handsome he was. The leads who were going at it. Just like Mike and Ming. You should have the same chair as well. Isn't it true that you were at the conception or birth of impractical jokers? Quote, that you were at the conception or birth of impractical jokers quote when they were called the tenderloins Yeah, I helped with the earlier sketch videos and the sizzle reel for which became a practical joke. So it's a cameraman

So you've seen the rise of the tenderloins becoming the jokers becoming the the phenomenon of the world known when you I knew then Sarah that they were funny you knew that yes you know now now for full disclosure you've been in this very courtroom before haven't you I have under during the trial of Bono gate correct right And how did that trial turn out not well? Yeah, actually you actually lost that trial correct I did well with what what the you lost it with a smile in a laugh because you're a sense of humor absolutely which you put on display marvelously on the tell him steve day vinyl cast to twenty sixteen birthday roast of uh... mr. brine quaint correct thank you yes

bill will emerge to be you did a set that uh better than Doug's that helps. I know. It was very well received, right? By the ant community, you would say. I mean, it was, I mean, you really shine that evening. And I believe that's why I could call you here tonight as an expert when this on comedy based upon your performance that evening.

Absolutely. When the fuck is this human centipede of dick sucking in a fucking head? It's getting serious. I mean, you're handsome. You're funny. What the fuck? Come on.

Get to the heart of the matter. Can you, do you have, and now you had so much material that evening? Didn't you have some more jokes that you had that you could offer? Well, just to show the courtroom, your, uh, your abilities and why you would be labeled an expert. I actually wrote two roasts after that like and to know what a particular yeah. I have a project of Jolk is roast ready if can you just give us a couple of your best material just to just to squash any rumblings that you may not deserve to be sitting in that seat right now, okay, I'd ask the the witness to Reframe for making any stacey Patel jokes. It's snowflake and

Won't have it. I mean I have a an impractical joker's roast and I have a a gittem Just give me to you're just give us to have a gittem just give me to you're just give us to this so good I mean you're also great yeah okay so he's choice here okay let's see um gittem Steve Davis here ladies and gentlemen he thought the mannequin challenge was drilling a hole into one and fucking it no one all right one more I got a Fan choke Your your your call a fat joke about good no about in practical

You know about my fans about your fans. I won't have it. Yeah, then you know Okay, this is going to be but Q, this is going to, now, the jury that he does, he's not really an expert. If they didn't listen to the final cast, well, they should buy, say something though, can I say something? I would rather go down in flames and be banned from the show

than have fans of impractical jokers. My fans disparage in any way, shape or form. Even if it's a joke. Jackson, that's the only joke. Even if it's a joke. That's relational. Even if it's a joke, because those flames are gonna last a while, because those fat asses, the fat is gonna burn.

No, no, no. I'm whale oil. You don't know what mindset you might say something that upset someone and I, you won't have, not my fans. I'd rather lose this case and have my fans. All right, so then, okay, so you've kind of been cut off at the knees here, Chris.

Well, I prepared a statement if it's okay for the court. Okay, so in your own words, please explain to the jury why you would make a dramatic joke. Why? They're really bad. They're really bad. Why you're here tonight to defend BQ's honor. Okay, well, the charge of Quinn not being funny funny as ridiculous he's on one of the top-rated TV comedy shows and on two continents as far as being relatable I mean he still lives on Staten Island there have been a number of celebrities that live on Staten Island over the years from the famed barremores to Martin Sheen Paul Newman Robin Quivers Steven Segal a listen Milano Christine Aguilera,

Theorossi, Pete Davidson, and Larry Harmon, AKA Bozo to Clown. All those people moved off of Staten Island, not Quinn. Drives a Jeep, drives a Jeep or Angler, not a Cadillac or any other luxury cars. Continues to support the FDNY and FF families. It's the time to go, let's go, hey, hey, hey. Continue to support the FDNY and FFM Lee's. It's the time to go. Let's go. Hey, I can't.

I'm an eye rocker. Come on, come on. Continues to support the FDNY and their family. And he's on record saying being part of the FDNY was the proudest moment of his life. Takes time out of his busy schedule every week to record, tell him Steve Dave. When he could be knee deep and menopausal pussy. He wants to hang out with Gidham despite Gidham ignoring him and putting him on this trial.

Again, how does this make him relatable to any normal human being? Because he wants to fucking hang out with you. Again, how does it make him relatable to any normal human being? It sure makes you relatable. Exactly. He has modest hobbies like photography and finger banging women while listening to contemporary working class music such as Bon Jovi. Who even know who even finger bangs at a middle class level anymore. Probably most down-to-earth Joker besides Sal and Murray it's all the rows he does in his

his celebrity's that's on Twitter like some people what do you get at me it's only? We won't mention do with this picture what you will Makes the end well it makes the absolute at every live iJ show The man knows his roots whereas Tess the merch on camera to promote the common man or common woman or gender fluid Or whatever species get him is but whatever species get him is, I always talk about certain things. I'm sure he's a gender. Oh, love it.

Visit it. Visit it in an ant meetup in the UK. Oh. Which they like to beadles out there in practical jokes. We're the monkeys, we have a decided. Yeah. When stopped on the street, he always takes time to take fix with ants,

willing to do live to tell him Steve Dave shows for far less money than his IJ appearance fees because he genuinely enjoys a connection with the ant community, the common people. He is not as well off as you think. True TV is not a major network. He splits his money with three other partners plus agents, managers and taxes, non-scripted formats. What is your fucking account? Yeah, making a case. I know things. Because I don't want to get this on. I don't want to have a mistrial because of you going off on it. Can you tell how common he is? No, but like speculating on his findings.

There's no spec. Right. And then fucking Cuget's audited, thanks to the trial. No. No. No. Which was actually, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Opportunities every time IJ is aired and we all know how fucking many times IJ is aired during the day Certainly not enough because something that can't ever catch it. It's always on They're always bedtime. Just too busy if anything if it's time to go the bed

It's not too in the afternoon if anything he was being exploited by corporate America Harshan tightman unfortunately Unfortunately, he's too far down the rabbit hole and has to take advantage of every money-making opportunity that may present itself. Is it too late to change the lawyers? Wait, right? There's no pension plan in Chobas or 401k. He has to pay for his own health insurance, no paid sick leave or vacation days in conclusion your honor. Free Brian Quinn.

Yes! My question is Chris over there. Wow, buddy. Yes! My cousin Chris over there So um Mr. Pussy I'm surprised you were talking As you're uh, wait don't let it let it don't don't lose it because everyone's laughing As we're trying to determine what's funny, not scary. Withdrawal. I don't know. I think we're right. I think we're right. That's like a mannequin joke. Go ahead. Keep going. You guys are even there.

So you said before you were in sketches what the members of the practical jokers slash the tend to wind years ago. Yes. Okay. Are you on the show in practical jokers now? No. And they said that's one of the funniest shows That's around right? That's why I'm not on it. Oh, okay. So what's your theory? That your theory is why you're not on is you're not funny I'm not funny. He's a cameraman. Yeah. No, he said he was in sketches. Yeah, but I was a cameraman primarily But you've been in sketches you said. Okay So and you said your theory is why you're not on the show is because you're not funny Uh, that's what you stated sure and other have a day job. All right Okay, and you said your theories while you're not on the show is because you're not funny

That's what you stated sure and other we have a day job. All right now I know she haven't brought up feminists and I J for that college thing Cossily bitching about on Twitter Too fall down a rabbit Right, I know she haven't brought up feminism Trump or being a vegan in the last two minutes. Are you feeling okay? Feeling great. Look at me. You need a recess. I was a Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, anything.

Yes, I did. No, I said you needed what? Do you need a recess? Oh, no. I already took a selfie in my car earlier. Now, as my colleague said, you did perform pretty well on the BK birthday roast. Thank you, Jerry. BK? BK? BK. We're going to birthday roast. Thank you, Jerry. We can't do it.

We're BK. We're going to be roast. That's your roast. So now, did you, in fact, and please remember you're under oath, right, you're on material? Yes, I did. Do you have any proof of that? Yes.

Which you presented recently is not that funny. As evidenced by the crickets we heard. Well, I did. You're definitely a jerk off. Yeah. I did ask jerk off. Yeah, I Did ask a couple of comedians advice on roast when when I prepared it But they all answered academically what you need to do nobody gave me a joke and but actually So your proof is that you spoke to other comedians. I did well. Yeah, you nobody gave me for your roast material

I I asked advice from Sal and Jiggy. Sal at the last minute says, who do you want me to make fun of? I'll do it for you. And by then I was like, no, I'm good. I think I think I got it. All right. So now do you have any witnesses that you wrote this roast material? He's not a trial objection. He's not a trial. I'm a credible. I mean, it speaks for itself. He's asking for witness. I mean, he actually know what I'm providing. He's on the road He's he's said that he doesn't know what funny. Yeah, so how can he and he was speculating like crazy

He's not funny so that he does he doesn't know what funny is no, I don't know how to fucking I don't know how to mine Of course you do you get some African kids if I would have put a little extra real back in the free you could tell a difference who's I'm sorry I'm still kind of burning about you saying like if you want a new lawyer when Chris I like to rent you on that straight uh it's a replacement every place to semi-ire man I don't know how to fucking fight terrorists in a building, but I love watching Die Hard with the fucks I got to do. I get well, how much of what a terrorist is? Ah, we know. Ha ha ha ha ha.

We all know. I'm done with this witness. Proves nothing in any sense in the lives. You're done? Yes. Anything Troy for, uh, what, what, what, what would I go back in the following the The roast did you receive a lot of comments on your roasting abilities on Twitter or other social media? Would you say it's

Fair to say that it was almost universal praise. Yeah, for the most part. Yeah, were there many distractors I didn't know some people that maybe to the praise well outweigh the tractors. Oh, yeah. OK. So I would say that most people who follow that will be in agreement that you do know funny. And you're. Oh, Jackson, we never even proved that he did his own material. There is no proof entered in evidence. He doesn't have any proof into evidence.

Like Quinn said, he's on the roof. So you can't purge yourself? He can't purge himself. Can you prove that he rode his roast? I don't have to prove he rode his roast. I have his heat because he's on don't have to prove it. I have to prove it. I can perch yourself. I think you already. Can I just call him a liar? I'll tell you that I should start start purging a little bit. I did write those jokes because I did write those jokes because for 11, 12 years I got to see this. Yeah, it's kind of weak. No further

questions. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Come on. He did purge himself though and understand. No. When I asked him at his earliest is he did not reveal that's because he lost the name Ghost Pussy. Technically he's correct. It's like I'm gonna seal the rest can't it you're using really it I can't remember to say apology to iTunes to you right oh and then we would never play that oh well that we we have not followed Yes. That's on us. You've reached the end of the trial of Brian Q. Part One, tune in next week for Part Two, where there's even more slings and arrows against our boy. I don't know what I'm doing I said I don't know where you been I don't care for registration anymore

Take it back this time again Just come back this time my friend You asked me over when I was home And I lied again Help lose my health and I lie But what I'm done with it Run away, run away, oh I'm starting again on my own

Mazaway I will be your future I'll never leave in your head On a Mazaway My mind's beating up on solo, I can never, you can When I'm just even drunk at Soulstorm, I'll be taking back to everything I've been You said, don't know what I'm doing, right? I said, don't know do it, right behind my eye I said don't away, I don't care for registration And you won't take it back, this time again

Come back, this time I'm afraid Feel the eyes be on my left and my arms Don't let it go And we won't be out of my own again We're not where to go We're fighting, we're fighting, we're fighting We're starting to get more feel On the side of the world

We're still feeling like a broken heart We get each other out of the side of the world My mind's beating up on the solo I'm gonna never your kiss When I just need me to open the door I'm thinking back To everything I've been You said I don't wanna do it

With my life I said I all the way to the editor I don't care for recitation I'm gonna take it off This time I'll bring it Just come back Let's have a This time Since you'll be different

It's time, ha ha ha ha I'm taking a different approach It's time, ha ha ha Nothing will be different I've seen those far-high Here come and come, we'll wait Apti nozva ha, illa koma koma ireta Isar, zizu bimi bimi ireta Apti gireta ireta Inazain yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna, yna I don't care, I don't care anymore Take it off, it's time

Again, let's come back It's time This has been a production of SmartCo Internet Radio. Sir, only at smodcast.com.