Tell Em Steve-Dave - #323: My Cousin Quinny Part II

Episode Date: February 5, 2017

Q is put on trial by fire...ants for crimes against Reddit. Music: Lo-fi Fun Factory - Pull yourself together

In the Tell-Em-Steve they've town just a system. The ants are represented by two separate but equally important people. Troy, who investigates crimes, and Walt, who prosecutes the offenders. Or sometimes Giden prosecutes the offenders and Troy wonders what he's doing there in the first place. These are their stories. I'm still kind of burning about you saying like if you want a new lawyer. I can't believe it's taken that log for that sentence to be uttered. Oh, I'm talking to this! Here I go! He's tired of trying to... Tell him Steve Dave. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

My cousin, Quini, trial by Fireance. Judge Johnson took a historic week-long recess. In fact, it didn't even look like he was coming back until Ming Chen put him on blast on Twitter and he was sort of muscled into rejoining the court session. Chris forever in our hearts, Ghost Pussy Ladondo was on the stand when we last left and as we rejoin the session, Robert Stranger-Danger-Bruce will be taking the stand. Also, in court was in recess, Judge Johnson made a historic overturning of a decision that was made on Twitter.

Chris, for having our hearts go posse-ladondo's, informal Twitter poll as to whether his mannequin joke was funny or not. uh... seem to have approval on twitter but judge on the says no he threw out that verdict and it has been declared unfunny and uh... not worth while so let's get back to the proceedings alright uh... i'd like to call one robber bruised to the stand is

this is rare appearance by robber bruise on tom st david right this is what your lawyer did he pulled out all the stuff. Love it. Anybody on the street that was walking by? No, no, no. What are you doing? What are you doing for the next two hours? You guys still on our boxes, you want to be in a trial?

But I figured, you know, that's got to be a lot of weight. Don't good juries. The juror has to think about when he brings Robert Bruce in. Because we don't bring him in so rarely do we use him. But this is only for the league, we need a big gun. I'm curious to see what this is. Or your grass bring a straw. It's one of the two.

It's so much. Yeah, Frank, Frank V wasn't able to make it. Frank V had a rubber. All right, can you swear him in? Maxwell? Rob Bruce, step forward, please. We're pressed for time. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. Bruce, you did say hump. Punt. Punt. Punt. Can you state for the courtroom your occupation? I am pop culture by trade. I am also a consulting producer on AMC's comic book men. I'm also the on-air expert, run the research department for the TV show. I've been on 27 of the 72 episodes at Laher. I also run the NJ Harcon Film Festival and eBay, you know, count. How about the future?

I'll be right back. I got any further. Over 12,000 all positive. Wow. That's a man with integrity. I'm a power seller. I'm a power seller. I am a power seller. What about a power bottle? I'm not the BB-2 by the way.

Now, well, that film festival will that be featuring any local prominent filmmakers? Brian Johnson. Oh, really? Oh. And, you know. Now, for your role as, um, for the, you know, gathering information for the, for the transactions on compliment. Yes. Some, uh, background on, on items that are brought in.

Correct. You will, what is, how do you perform that, uh, in that capacity? Well, it's usually done by proxy, uh, which we try to pick items and people bringing them in that have a comedic sort of Edge to them. This is not funny. Not your everyday item I also work in the creative side so I actually work on the show a month before we start shooting Right in June as opposed to July So a lot of the setups that come down the pike, you know, not giving away too much behind the curtains are, you know,

created and done by a by a trial or a back. Yes, the question of credit is, let the man speak. I don't know. You, you, I don't want to take a hundred percent credit for the show, but, you know, a group. But you, you will, you will give the cast members some notes on some some background on items, right? And have any of those notes ever been used by the cast members to In the material that you know some of the funny material that is sure I mean it's done. There's a group of us who you know working creative. So it's I can't so I'm trying to show the courtroom

Why you're here tonight because you know funny. I know funny. Yes. And you know Brian Quinn, correct? I know I've known Brian Quinn since the conception of Tellum Steve Dave six years ago. He's trying to establish that you're not just a weirdo that has a million obscure toys. Nobody cares about. And as your role is, and pop culture is, you mentioned, and what is that role? Sociology, you know, sociologist, modern sociologist, you look at the things that sell, it's a sociologist. No, do you have a doctorate? And pop culture is an aspect of sociology, because you're an ironer, that base on sociological background, you warn her because you warn her that base on sociological background

all right you know because pose of the count clown Larry Harmon who's dead who lived in Staten Island right okay he reached out to a second up the audience I thought you was talking to me but I think like lightsabers are worth the certain amount of like you know but no but I'm not so it's not the value it's fair to say as a pop cultureist, you would have your fingers on the pulse of a nation. And what in terms of the pop culture landscape. Upright, the culture of a country. Can you place the Brian Quinn and his impractical jokers companions on that landscape of pop culture icons? Where would you place them? et sa compétition de compagnie sur le plan de l'esquête de culture pop

où est-ce que vous placez-vous ? Il est là, il est là. C'est le premier affaire de la production de modernes compétitions. Ils ont créé quelque chose qui est basé sur Alan Font en Cameron et qui est dans sa background. Mais vous savez, watching Brian développer sur le show, il a definitivement été un boudre habitant à l'aise de la boudre.

Je n'ai pas dit quoi. Mais Abbot, comme un traitement de la compétition, il a été le traitement de la compétition de la boudre. Il y a trois ou trois ans plus. Ok, et c'est vraiment difficile de faire. Et le show, il est bien fait extrêmement bien. Okay, and that's really difficult to do and the show obviously is doing extremely well Right now in your in your own words What could you explain why you believe Brian Quinn to still be relatable after all he's all he's accomplished I think he like as it with with a butt-abbit or you know one of the one of the name is come up

You're tonight marks are others like you're Come on marks are you know those were every day kind of people That was where like you're your common man and and do we have a reference that people are listening to the podcast can relate to yeah These your pop culture Does it does it go into the 20th century? Yeah, okay, but, you know, obviously to make money, early 20th century, to give you the great train robbery. I think what he's trying to say is, don't be, go ahead.

Tell us what he's trying to say, because I don't think anybody will listen. He's like, you know, you want to talk about average, everyday, relatable guy. There's no abs here. He's just slightly overweight. You know, maybe, you know, I don't go and I don't get, you know, you know, you don't get no surgery done to make yourself look handsome or handsome than you already are. That's right. You haven't been under the knife.

No, like post-section. Don't die my hair. Don't work out. Let's go think of what I'm doing. You know, it's what a salesman. I guess it was previously state, he still lives in Staten Island drives a modest car. That's such a big high. I don't get it. You know, you get not forget your roots that you know that's important to being fucking to keep it a real. Yeah. Because you know what? Because the taxes are higher. It doesn't prove that you're living in your city. You could live in probably. The point is that his production office is in But you could live in New York City. You could live in Brooklyn. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He doesness to just move because it's a pain in the ass. I don't want to, I don't want to, you know, I want to keep it real.

That's cool. So you, so it would, so you want to go home so you can see your, your, your, your res, the residency and your brethren on Staten Island. The Island. You like, you love going home and seeing right from his ring camera right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right so it's you were you were saying tonight though without any pressure whatsoever by put on you by brine q and putting words you know that uh... he does know comedy the the reddit comments were unwarranted

and he's very relatable i guess or not yes or no yes no further questions that's what it's not only I Mr. Bruce be currently medicated no Not at this moment. No, thank you for asking. Why not? All right.

So you said to me next we're done in practical jokers, do you watch the show a lot? I have watched it, yes. Do I watch it a lot? No, but I've watched it. I probably, you know, 25, 30 episodes. I don't know if that's a lot. How many episodes have you shot?

I think we're up to 130. Yeah, so it's so fun. How do you find time when you're e-baying for 16 hours a day? I do other things other than just e-baying, but I have a television on 24 hours a day, you know, when I'm sleeping, it's still on. Oh, okay. So it's still on and you're at the flea market.

It's still on right now, my office. Okay. All right, you refer to yourself as a pop culture list. No. You don't refer to yourself as a pop culture list. No, you don't refer to yourself as a pop culture list No pop culture is pop culture is Right, is there a difference? Oh, it's spelled wrong. Not to fucking anyone else And that's true, but it's a word that I created pop culture is you trade marked it. No, I created it

I don't have to trade market. It's a historical fact So no, no governing body hands out the title of pop cultureist. Right. Okay. So, in other words, if I were to say, call myself King of America. That would be true. You don't look like Donald Trump. Answer my question, please.

It's President Trump. No. I call myself that. No, but. So, what do I do? I guess you know what? If you want to call yourself King of America, I could lean myself that. No, but... So what do I do? I guess you know what? If you want to call yourself King of America, I could lean on that.

So if you're called your King of America, you don't have to fight it out with the other kings of America, which I'm sure there's a padded room somewhere, full of them. So you're saying you're telling me to be... Oh yeah, it's the guy who calls himself the P-Cultureist. No, I call myself the P-Cultureist because that's what I am. My business is probably a way from in that room. This is probably how people talk to Thomas Edison when he was in bed Right, they were like you can't just invent stuff No, you're just gonna call it a light bulb

Yeah, we're just gonna make a light bulb Somebody's got to be on the bleeding fucking fried Somebody has to create things Edison didn't just add IST to a word He's your witness, man Edison is dead and gone We still have yet to see it. We and this is going all right. You can't touch him halfway through the journey. The journey have you know your blood the fat half way being awfully kind

I'm going to you can only applaud the fact that he has to look at the ball right now. He has the balls to create something new in this way. But you know, I I would like to fight the mockery. He's an innovator. I went to my first convention in 1975. Okay. I've been to 1100 conventions.

Of course, of course, of course, of the greatest on the shows and conventions and dealing with with with pop culture items and, and you know, owning a record slash comics, slash used toy store for 10 years. Doing the things that people like you don't do.

Yeah. And you gel. Of horses. Right. I do not. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Finally, the fucking judge is on my side.

If I want to come up with a word and then Googleize it, then what the fuck? Googleize it. I just made up two words. Yes. What a one record that Googleize it is. The term that I just created. Nice.

Alright, so I guess apparently if I call myself King of the World. You've already said that you're King of the World. You're King of America now you're King of the World. But I guarantee you that there's a room full of King of the World peoples. There's not a room full of pop culture. I'm sure you've been in a convention with them. What if there was somebody else calling himself a pop culture? No, there actually, there is a group called they call themselves the pop culture ists with an S

But they actually founded that after I created the word So you haven't gone after why would I see them? Because if you Google pop culture is your Google is this person that pops up? So it's all something comes up first on Google that works for me wouldn't it? official Or if you're gonna pay Google ads. Yeah, but I'm not paying anybody shit to For you you don't think wait It's a sham title it's I'm sorry

Just cuz he gets a Twitter handle face out stickers and blush them all over the country doesn't mean that it's true Like are like if you steal a website and close self-tellings Steve David Never call myself tell you I've always been get him Steve day to find distinction. Right. Look at how long you know that one. Right. You're really mad. Yeah.

Arguing about I've always been Gidham Steve Dave with such passion as well. Just thinking of Lutice right now Troy. He's arguing about being the pop culture with like dogs on wrong meat. They're going after each other. You can see it in his eye. Yeah. If he can be an expert because he made up a word I I can be an expert because I call myself Get Him Steamed Dance. You're both experts. Let's move. The buzz around today's trial is of course, well, Brian Quienby found guilty or will he go free

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tries to get it three times quickly. That's crazy. First three meals free with free shipping. Three free ones. I can't even do it. It's ridiculous. Not for the tongue twisters, blue apron. People got to eat. When we want me to bite my tongue like any of your delicious food, blue apron.com slash T-E-S-D blue apron. A better way to cook. I think they stole blue juice the right side of cool. I think they stole that from me. It sounds too close. I'll be sewing you, blue apron. cool. I think they stole that from me. It sounds too close. I'll be sewing you, Bluibrum. So now Mr. Bruce, regards to testimony for isn't it true? The notes that you proclaim so, you know, highly that he supplies on compilment. That is not true. You didn't you didn't claim your notes were that good. No, my no, no, no, no, that's excellent, but I write them. I don't copy and paste

them like some people. I never said that people No, what you were leading that direction Plus here Fucking I sit there comfortably with Johnson's hand up your ass Don't be shaken get him you're doing great with even though it's this song is Judge I don't understand what the prosecutor saying no one does Look I always say if he's willing to lie about copying and pasting things I You know say we should throw out his testimony a bigger part. I actually have my books are like right across the street. I can forgive them.

You've written books? Well, no, the notebooks. I can't. I can't hear on my notes. So you were denying that anything that's written on the call sheets as Rob Bruce's notes is all your own. Have you ever seen Rob Bruce's notes? Yes, I have.

Why are you seeing Rob Bruce's notes? I've been looking on the... I've been looking on the... I still need exact same jokes for it. I'm lying. I'm asking one on their blog. What are you talking about jokes? I don't write jokes. Yes, you did.

You put them in little preps. I don't write jokes. Do I ever write jokes? I don't know. You get the notes. Have you ever seen jokes? I don't know. If they were supposed to be jokes, they weren't funny, though.

There you go. They were so funny. I don't know. You just copied the jokes. You just haven't been able to do research for the item. Do you have an example of one of these? That would be a doofy dog Okay, I was a member on the notes It was the thing about Duke having a periscope and an elevator and I found that

I can't believe it's taking that log for that sentence to be uttered I can't believe it's taken that log for that sentence to be honored Never had a dude a dog going to it's to the wonder dog Was to the action dog You know wonder. Googleize it right. You know why? You know why? Cause that's the man who's doing his research. It's all about research. If the side of the box says he comes with an elevator and a periscope and you're just saying it comes with an elevator and a periscope

cause it's on the side of the box that was originally printed in 1973 then how can that be played driving? Because the notes said why would a dog have a parasol? I found that on someone else's blog. It was on the box. Is that a joke? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Why would a dog have a parasol? That they're so into kids. That seems like a legitimate question. Why the fuck would a dog have a parasol? Yeah. But except again, what he wrote under Rob Bruce's notes was found on another person's notes. But you know, that was the first time. But those were the fries.

That's not such a huge amount. On the pie to know. That's not such a only by AMC. It's not together. Give it to public dissemination called research bitch. And they were not allowed to be out in the public opinion or the public people. I get you. How did you get them? All right, man.

Where did you steal us? No, Trump. I still steal him. You could see him here. Yeah, there's no. There's no to everybody here. You're probably a doctorant. So you're rooting that and Mike's apps, it's stuff.

Behind the camera. You're stealing them. Robert, Robert, Robert. Jack Hughes. I said, I was, yeah. He probably found them in the garbage room. This is why it's taken four years that you were to come back on Tom's day.

Thank you, Robert. You got to carry it away. You get too passionate. Just for the record, that's called acting. He's not being bullied by Mr. Triangue on the show. And the truth. The pop culture is an actor. Truth. You can't handle the truth. I'm sure you made up that line as well. I'm done with this witness. All right. Who thought it would end so fiery? Wow.

Do we need to keep this witness on a standard? Anything that needs clarification, do you think? Well, you're an expert in pop culture, right? That is correct. OK. Now, in your opinion, is impractical jokers and tell them, Steve Dave, important to the current pop culture. I believe that he will be relevant within the zygast of pop culture for the next 10, 20 years.

There will be references made to them. So in some respects, yes. And in your own thoughts. History is unfolding itself every day. So who knows what 10 years is going to bring. But I think that the amount of material that's being produced will have a long-term ramification in the future of podcasting humor, television humor.

So yes, I will say that. Some people will talk about us like we talk about Abbott and Castelva. And in your experience opinion, that's based primarily on the humor in the show. Correct. And part of that humor is offered by the defendant. Absolutely. No further questions.

That's it. It really got off track about pop culture. As you're realizing, it's dog power scopes. I think it's very talented. Am I going on the stand? You are going to be about all I was going to ask you, but I was going to ask you, do you want to testify him on your behalf? You want to get up there? I mean, but you're going to open yourself up to cross. You don't have, you know, if you take the, what's the call when you don't go when you don't testifying him?

You're going to be up there of mono-amano against go up there and be sworn in. Brian, Q, Quinn, step forward, please place your right hand on this 2015 tax return. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? So help you God and Rosie, O'Donnell. I do. Right on. You can be seated. Let's for the record. Yes. What does Tom Steve Dave mean to you? It's imagine you're on a boat, Walter, if I can. I can imagine. And I wanted to paint sunsets on a boat. Beautiful, right?

And you're on that boat and that boat's going in a certain direction and then a storm comes and the boat, you're thrown off the boat. You're into a world that you never expected. You're you're you're you're afraid of drowning. You don't know what's going on. You're confused. Your parents are all fucked up. And then you come. You come to an island. That for some reason is well stocked with food and love and support and friendship, comfort, warmth, fire. That's what tells you, Davis, to me. In my island. Yeah, in my crazy life, dude, where I don't know what's going to have one day

to the next. You're being a loka from the time I was a fireman, dude. And I was and I was running into buildings on sure of every time I went to work, I was going to die in service of other people. The craziness of that to the uncertainty of having a TV show, to retire from the fire department, to to navigating uncertain success and how long it's going to go and no ability to plan a life. And all that craziness, Talon Steve Davis, is a one thing that I come to

in my life that brings me comfort and joy serenity and stability. And that's what Talon Steve Davis to me. It's been alleged that as a fireman all you did was snake toilets and pump out basements and you truth to that. It is unfortunately part of the job you do. But you don't get medals for doing that, my friends. I'm not going to tell you who alleged it could be a member of, you know, could be

co-counsel to Walton. Get him. Maybe that. I don't know. Now let's address some of these, some of these, these accusations. Okay. They're hanging up over your head right now. Sort of damacles hanging over my head right now. The Hillary joke. right now. Sort of damacly hanging over my head right now. The Hillary joke. Can you once and for all explain what, what it was meant to be, what,

why it didn't come to, why didn't the punchline was never delivered? Well, the punchline was never delivered because it was, look, this was an example of me making myself willing to make myself look bad to the audience. Um, I know the other success. Yeah. It's a different way. I know the audience knows me well enough to know that I was saying everything about supporting her with a certain tone of voice and with a shitty and grin on my face, right?

That you can obviously say through that. And rightly so, they called me out on it, which was what it was supposed to do. So you agree with some of the, uh, some of the back lash. they called me out on it, which was, what they were supposed to do. So you agree with some of the, some of the back lash? Well, the whole idea was like, I keep supporting her and I keep insisting that I'm sincere.

You guys tell me that I'm not the whole time. The audience tell me that I'm not sincere and that I'm revealed to be a complete fraud when she appears on a practical joke. And it becomes clear to everybody that the only reason I was supporting her was because she was coming on my TV show So that is in essence what happened when she didn't appear you didn't there was no you couldn't carry through with the punch line It was it was beyond your your control. I took a shot wall and it didn't it didn't succeed right but if it had it would have involved

Possibly the president of the United States on on television. You took a shot. Now has Michael Jordan hit every shot he took? Oh, no. Is Babe Ruth hit a home run every time at the bet? Absolutely not. Okay, let's move on. What was some of the, what was some of the, oh, the, the the taxes the fucking references the taxes Yeah, the tax the tax is thing now this has always been this has been I think the one that we need to once and for all Squash that Your insensitive or that you don't want to pay or pay your fair share to uncle Sam you

Are the most patriotic beings that has on two legs, correct? I consider myself that. Yeah. So let's explain the tax joke. First of all, can I say something about the tax joke? I- Was it a joke? Realize that I might have just beat that horse into the ground.

And I think that if you listen to the last few months of Talents Steve Dave, there's really almost no tax references, even though we're fucking approaching tax season. OK? You're client admitting to guilt for every single count? No, I'm seeing. Yeah, he did it. Yeah, you are.

But you know what? Yes, with a bot. No, it's not. Let me explain myself. Like I said about Talents Steve Dave, it's like, this let me explain myself like I said about tell Steve David's like This was the place where I as as we were sending a popularity on impractical jokers I Thought and still feel like this is the place that I can come it be myself and for the ants who were with us from the beginning

like I thought Perhaps wrongly that they would be interested on the inside view of what it's like to be on this ride. I guess I was wrong about that, you know what I mean? And when I heard an ointment about the tax thing, like I just... But you kept pounding it. But it came from a place of like... How many people... Of how many people that you that you

See where's my violin And I was trying to be honest you were keeping it real I was trying to keep it real because like this is the place that we come to talk about stuff That bothers us also while keeping it real there was a level of sarcasm correct Yeah, I mean of course what i thought about the people then i started it's fair to say that it almost entirely was done in sarcasm correct entirely but no but it was you should put up a lot it'll be better for you i gotta be honest after a certain point it definitely is that i could say that

maybe it's the maybe it's the listeners who don't get sarcasm that are to blame I'm gonna be honest. You blame me. I'm gonna be honest like after a certain point it definitely became that But I in retrospect don't even think it was the right decision to do that Wow, I think I think I let the record show that I hit that button a little too hard The man is under oath and he's taking a very Seriously, the man who makes $410,000 Yeah, sucking my dick. Yes, let's address that elephant in a row. Okay, yeah, and it dress it slowly slowly. I'm confused by that because either I shoot either I come in and ruin overkill and all your stories like I'm constantly meeting with that.

But I would move when I think we're moving on to the questions. Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but the complaint about it is that every time you bring something overkill, I poo poo it and shoot it down. No, that was the game. So how am I, or the game, fine, thank you. That was the time I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I appreciate that.

You are also the way. Thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. So, or you bringing the game. Suckin' dick was there. It was awesome. Or you bringing the game and you work hard on it.

And I guess the question I have is like, how can I ruin all the work you do and ruin the games that you come up with and shoot it down all your hard work And suck your dick at the same time again I don't understand an impossible feat. It's a conundrum for sure You do entirely different statements. We're talking about two the same people. So it doesn't matter the very fact that you are That you are that you are Shitting makes it impossible for you to perform phallacio. That's right. That's I think so. Yes So I'm confused with are you guys on a 69? Okay, all right, so let's move on so I Okay, all right, so let's move on so I

agree there's been no there's been no Not even light petting you know Let's hear okay, even over the past Q also needs to lay off sucking Walt's penis all he does is phone and agree with everything Walt says All he does. All he does. All I do, the prosecution said, all I do, have they never heard a game of dislexion? Right. Interesting.

But it goes into the other state. It's definitely inconsistent. It's definitely inconsistent. Right, I mean, it's totally false statement, totally without any merit, unfounded, untrue. Unfounded. I think what they may be responding to is how close I've grown to you over the years and how much I treasure your friendship and love you as a person.

Maybe that's coming true, but you and I disagree frequently. I would end it, but during those disagreements, never is there either dick sucking or ass kicking. No, you're right. Right. Okay. Just want to make that super clear to this asshole who wrote that. Right. Okay.

Okay. Whatever wall says something. I would throw my statement. Whatever wall says. Whenever wall says something dumb, you these person claims for you to be on the verge of orgasm. Maybe sometimes I'm standing right now. sometimes. I mean, you're funny. And you say dumb thing sometimes for effect. And if I find that funny, like if I didn't, well, what the

fuck would I be doing here? Well, why wouldn't you work us? Yeah. Let's address the get him bashing. Okay. Let's address the get him bashing. Okay, let's address the good and is it not true that any get him bashing is done solely for comedic effect and for the shows benefit and off mic you guys. It is dicker. I mean, I guess you could say that I that I bashed him and that I invite him to premier is in and ask him to hang out with me and try and raise money for his teeth and retweet him so his Twitter numbers get up so I know he cares about that stuff. I guess all those could be seen as bashing. I guess.

Some people still delusionalize. But is this person who wrote in? They have no mixed feelings about anyone in their life? Can I answer something? Do you think that get him typed up these notes on the iPad I gave him when he said he didn't have ability to play music in the store? I can confirm with 100% he did he did okay. That's okay. That's some bashing I do What we went out to dinner who's I page bring That's not that those notes right there, but who's I page did you bring to dinner? I brought the iPad that you gave me.

Okay. I can attest to that. All right. From you, let's go over this one. The Braggar, the Braggar Cube, the character that you've kind of fashioned maybe since all of the Bragging. I like an example of the Bragging. I always bragging about plus and how hot your

Backstage shows backstage, but I Think what he means is the sort of The image that he and I have created Right, I don't I need an example of bra bragging to go at to get that. All right. What about the kernel consciousness? Because you can hold on one second. Because let me go back to that for a second. Like, did I even fucking come on to Home Steve Dave and try and sell a single ticket for any

show I've ever done with the 10 lines? If I've done that, I can't remember it very rare. I don't know. It's possible though. It's possible. But like overwhelmingly, I don't know. It's possible though. It's possible But like overwhelmingly, I don't sit here and be like wow, we're playing the next month anybody want to come like I I wear a sold-out four times. That was funny and that was for comedic effect. Thank you. Thank you

You know, I don't come in here and and and and and really talk about anything but the sorry all right well what about the the the kernel controversy then someone say that that was if it was not a joke he would have to be bragging then it wasn't a joke might not allow to be proud of the fact that i was bestowed an honor by the government united states like am i not allowed to be proud of that like i don't stand he's a car of for Christchurch. I'm a carnal, like I can't take pride in the fact

that the state of Kentucky chose to bestow me the same honor as it did my hero, Hunter S. Thompson, like, why am I thinking? And Gidams Hero, the carnal from Kentucky for a chicken. Right. Why am I not allowed to do that? I have to prove it.

Like, why can't I do that? Honeydip. I would think that most people would be proud upon receiving such an honor and a title such as Colonel. You think so? And if you go back to the early episodes, we're talking about the fire department. And you guys would ask me for fire stories.

I specifically said I don't want to tell fire stories because I don't want to be singled out as the one who did something special because they always have a puff-snicking toilet. That was earlier I was telling Brian that the only war stories you tell from the fire department are pumping out flood basements. And this is to what this is today. That's right to the point. Right. That's to my point. Like I don't want to tell stories about the things that that I've done

Because then it seems like I'm taking credit for what's very much a team effort to humble I don't want to say that I'm just saying like like I'm allowed to be proud of the kernel thing But if you need an example of me not growing about my accomplishments They go the kernel thing is just something that happened here. Here's what happened I didn't ask for it. They gave it Statement effect. Why am I not allowed to it's my title? I was given a title not allowed to fucking you Hey, you saw my phone. I'm in this kernel. Right. I respect the title So I may have to respectfully disagree with this this trend this ready person. What time is it? Let's ask MVMT watches This is a revolution people. You've heard of revolutions before.

MVMT Watches is the shagu of era of watch world. I'm assuming 500,000 watches sold to customers in 160 plus countries. I Have one Let me tell you People see that on your wrist. It's like the same as like if you were wearing a beret and had like a cigar in your mouth They started just $95 at a department store. You look at a four to five hundred bucks. We all know this. This is gonna tell us anything new on VMT watches. M-V-M-T watches.

.com slash T-E-S-D. You're gonna get 15% off, free shipping, free returns. You're gonna need that free return because you're gonna love it. It's inexpensive and it looks pretty good. You're gonna look like a playa. What's a female equivalent of playa? I don't know if you're female, you look like a playa too. I guess they got some nice girls watches as well. Or, you know, gender, binary, fluid watches. If that's your thing, I'm sure they got them. Get whatever watch you want. I really don't give a shit. Just go to mbmtwatches.com slash TSD and join the movement. That's kind of weird. Ah, again, a strange like, join the movement. It's just, I know that like movement,

that's their whole thing, but it sounds like bell movement. I would rethink that. Next on the docket. The Prussian kissing devil skull. Yes, 100% true. Can you under oath is that story that you told on that episode 100% accurate? Is this something as a 100% accurate Walter? Is there such a thing as a 100% accurate Walter. Is there such a thing as a 100% or a 100% or a 100% Is there under oath?

Is there, I will say on the oath that 90% of the story is true. 90% And which 90%? The tug to go back to the market may not have been as strong as I said, but I definitely drove by it and was like, oh man, I should check that out. And I did have a problem. And after I gave the

money to the skull, the problem was was solved. I think of anything I played up a little bit at the beginning about like being like, I have to go back. Rest the story is true. All right. And so, and it did solve, you did in your, in your mind, the skull solved multiple problems you had. In my mind, in my mind, the giving of the $5 to the skull coincided with the problem going away. And that's, and that is just a matter of faith.

Now, what could say that's right or wrong? They can, but it's, they they wouldn't it's not for them too We said do it's a difference if you give five bucks in the scullary put five bucks in a collection plead on Sunday, right Do I have any other things in knockdown queue any other things that you want to address? We did the Hillary we got the I Think we've has there anything else that I'm missing that you really want to say before I passed you off to get them There is there is the the the With the montage that get them played

One of various quotes over these despite I know for a fact some of them were taken out of context. Oh definitely Yeah, okay, I did hear some things in there that I was like Yeah I had a contact. Oh, definitely. Yeah. Okay. Um, I did hear some things in there that I was like, yeah, maybe that was, maybe that was, maybe that was set in the moment with no thinking. Maybe, maybe if I had the chance to remain on tellings to you, they've, I would want to think a little bit more of myself. What about the Ching-Chung song? I've, I've apologized for that. Like, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've apologized for that. Like I've I've it should have formal apology. I've never been so disappointed in you. And you realize you offended the orientals. I apologize to the orientals. And before I pass you off, though,

can we just give a little insight into how it makes you feel when the amount of hours that you've given to the listening community, when you go on and you see something written that is hurtful. I mean, just give us a little insight into what that does to a person's psyche. persons psyche? It, you know, this is, look, as much as I can laugh it off, it does, you know, it stings for a little bit and it makes me wonder why, then I get mad at myself for like, well, why did I even bother reading it? And then too, why am I getting upset about it? And then if I'm like in the shower, and I think about it, I can off to it.

I can off to it. Then I'm like, well, now I'm allowing this person to enter my personal life and upset me when I could be thinking about anything else. So, you know, it could be upsetting. All right. So, all right. I think Lester's anything else, I mean,

but Troy, you have anything that you'd like to ask is co-counsel. And why is such a pussy? Going to You being funny. Mm Names and the venues that you played at and sold out. I make it. I do without What that's a thing this this gives you a pass on something like a braggar because you being In defense yourself. Okay. Feel free to include any tell them Steve Dave shows that pod fest. Oh, sold out crews. Crews, I was big. The crews that's coming October only has like 80 cabins left. That's gonna sell out. The O2 Arena 15,000

seats a night. Grammar City. Grammar City theater. Radio City. Radio City. Grammar City, the other radio city. Radio City. I mean, you know, Sandless. I can't name one. Houston, I get it. South-West. This is a real brag. This is the coolest for me that a lot of people think you're funny. It seems like a lot of people think I'm funny, but more importantly, it might be funny. That's the question. Now, this is to that point, earlier Ming and Mike testified as being extra-t. And they said that they have listened to Thelms Steve Dave and they come watch your show. And I actually was at the radio city show one night and make a

mic with their so they came to see you. Yeah, as experts on comedy, they I was surprised they were talking each other's cocks in the men's room. And not watching the show. No, because he's also an every man who takes care of his friends. Yeah, I take care of your friends. So they're a content. So you don't value it there. That's what matters. You don't value things that you don't value things as much.

The two of them are expert on comedy. Sure, as per the earlier expert testimony. Yeah. They came to see you at numerous shows. Have you ever seen Megan Mike perform in a life setting? Are we going back to that donkey show? No, not through I sell comics. I've seen them on panels at comics.

Okay on panels with Ryan Waltz. Yeah. Do you listen to I sell comics? I don't, I haven't listened to it. It goes a bit very early. You like comics, all right? I love comics. I love to listen to a podcast about comics. Just certainly when we listen to Isle Comics. I like to develop my own opinions on comics. So the point is that this man knows for me. No, I was all set up. And going back to being relatable, I mean, I can, as your friend and counselor, I have,

I can state that I have not seen a change and it's hard not to change. I know I've changed in certain ways and I do know I'm aware of what they are. But I think relatability comes into like how often do we talk about depression? How often do we talk about you know how we have good childhoods but we still shitt all over. You know I I don't think we've lost that or I've lost that like I still come in in here and be like, I'm really impressed or I'm really happy. Or when I got sick, like I was afraid for my life, like these are the things that I have said that people have said to me, you saying them allowed me to feel better about the way I feel. They allowed me to relate to them and feel better

about themselves. I hear that all the time. Yeah, it's true. You get a lot, Tom Steve Dave gets a lot of thanks and accolades for your ability to open up yourself. That story you told about your fiance and scum. I meant some piracy. Shit. Right. And you opened up yourself to that very audience. And I mean, on a, I have never done that.

I couldn't do it, but you did. For the sake of being honest, for people who say you're not honest, that's ridiculous because that's a story that not a lot of people would tell and you told it with dignity. And I get my mocked constantly for it. You got to sink even lower. You gotta talk about selling sling boxes for drugs. Then you'll be really relatable. And, I mean, you mentioned you got sick. You didn't miss a lot of tellm Steve Dave's with even with a very- A fevered brain.

Even with a very serious illness. You continue to come down and give the listenership a piece of your life weekly. There I was here for at least part of a month where I thought that I was going to not make it through the year. And you still came down? Still came down. I call that every week. But yeah, like the the sickness that got got so serious that that's where I thought it was. Have you and it was in it like all kidding aside. I mean it was a serious and it was it was it was that serious and it was and it was it could affect your ability to even be funny but it didn't legit brain damage. Yes. Yeah. And it didn't but it didn't affect, as far as I'm concerned, it didn't affect your humor at all.

You know, it could possibly, I just have a little bit to do with Hillary or the skeleton. Sorry. All right, no further questions. You're, you're witness. You're gonna look like a real piece of shit now. I'm telling you. This case is over.

Do you wanna bring up the, you know how relatable you are? And the very fact that you set up a fund for my, with my colleagues to front teeth. You wanna talk about that for a second? Well, you know, I think before he goes that shit. You know, it's, it's because I understand what it's like, not to feel good about yourself all the time. I understand what it's like not to feel good about yourself all the time I understand what it's like to have image issues And I don't want my friend get them to suffer from those the teeth are pretty visible

So I thought hey, maybe there's something I could do to help a guy. So I did take it upon myself to you know And you've raised thousands I Don't even keep track. I don't know. I can't give you that number. It's got to be close to a thousand right? All right, I'm not I still doesn't have the teeth despite despite that. I'm not gonna stop until he has those teeth Despite what he's about to say to me. You're not going to you'll never stop no matter what happens here tonight Yeah, you're a witness counselor. This uh this person you're doing the fundraiser for for the kid who needs to cook their implants It's another celebrity right because you only hang out celebrities. No, uh fireman right fireman from unhoused

Yeah, and he needs ears Troy not go clear So I mean He had to unlock that door I think no Sunday Jeff went with her. Where's he going? Sunday Jeff's making a move on her look out. You're real, yes? He's got his hand on her ass. Yes. He's like, what's this?

What's this? Huh? What's this? What's this? What's this dude? What's this dude? What's this dude? What's this dude?

So, evening with. Q. Hello. All right, Justin, your previous testimony. You didn't brag, of course, but you were saying how many shows you sold out, correct? I answered the question put forward to me by the attorney's yes. Okay. Not how many shows you sold out, that you as a commuter group are sold out. It's not a solo effort. No, no, no, no, he never said so how many of them did you do by yourself?

I don't think I don't think I did any of them on myself. Oh, so you were part of an entourage then Well, yeah, I mean I'm not sure I was worried a comedy comedy troupe would be a better way to choose So you're part of a group called the Tendellines? Yes. Were you always part of that group? No. No. Oh, so you replaced somebody?

No, I don't think so. I don't think I replaced that. That implies that someone left. And then I replaced this spot. Someone left. And then eventually I came in and did something different from them. You were brought into the group.

You're right place, Crystal. Don't know. No, no. Were brought into the group? Yeah, I guess not really. What happened was, remember, please run your own. Stop stepping around the questions, just answer. I am.

What happened was, is we started doing videos for the NBC at the Cheryl Contest. We needed a name to call ourselves. The guy said hey We used to be the 10 of ones. Why don't we just use that because of that we they have a mailing list It's a yes or no question. It's not yes or no Yes, it is Did they bring you into the group or not? Bad dream to witness no They did not bring you into the group so you just swandered in and they like feeding you lunch and you just

I'm trying to explain to you and you told me to yes or no it was in in the middle of giving you the answer to this question. Do you want me to restart? I think the real question is why did they name themselves after the gay section in San Francisco? I think that's so valid at my friends. I don't say do you want me to yes? No, you want me to give you the answer to your question? Yes or no, were you brought into a pre-existing group? No. No. All right. I was not brought in I'm a ringer. Okay All right, yeah, yeah, yeah, so I was brought in so the other members of the Anybody I was trying to go Yes, I was brought in I was brought in

All right So Yes, I was brought in I was brought in all right Yeah, not to propose So what's an acceptable ratio of people who have to like you versus dislike you as a person as a person? Yes As a person people that know me personally yes, I'm or no or just your persona Well those two different things. What do you asking? Just that performer Okay, fine see performer. What's an acceptable ratio people who have to like you versus dislike you as a performer? Um, or you could say your personality Yeah, that's a good question in in what aspect I don't know right now

People who have to like you versus like you I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now.

I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now.

I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now.

I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don't know right now. I don talking to the mic. You've been on fucking podcast for six years. You know I get I got to say like I'm not satisfied Until I make a hundred percent of the people happy So you you we need you we need a hundred percent approval rate. I would like a hundred percent approval rating So that's what's acceptable to you. It's a hundred percent approval rating. No, you you guys remember what's acceptable? Yes, oh, oh Jeez, I mean 51% is acceptable. So 51% of people have just had to like you and that makes it happy. I'd say the majority of people Which it would be 51% is the majority and the number I gave you yes, so the Red comments on red are an infinitesimal percentage of the TSD listeners yet you're making such a big deal about it

Well the reddit comments aren't about my performance. The reddit comments are personal attacks on me. Not as a performer. They're telling me I'm a bad person, not my performance. I think they are saying you're a better performance. If what you're saying is what you testified to before, that what you do is sarcasm and part of a performance about lying about things.

So it'll quote. Right. And that's what I said. Maybe I took the tax thing a little too far, but some of the other stuff, what personal attacks. So the part about the waitress story that you decided, you thought it was so funny, you had to have a keep up on the Reddit group.

And because you wanted to talk about it on the next episode. And when it felt flat, because it wasn't true, well, I guess I don't think it felt flat. And people attacked you because it was obviously so untrue. And you was like, oh, I wanted to play it off. Like it was true. But that's not my version in the event.

I didn't think it felt flat. I thought it was. It was hysterical. Yeah, I thought it was. The story was a certain type. It didn't inspire the song. Yeah, which was even better than the actual story. Yeah, that's not the same story.

That's right. That song was amazing. It creative inspiration. I love when my co-cancelled helping the ampere a lot. This is not a judge. The judge has been on your side. He broke your whole fucking thing.

So that's all about ambient. How much work can he be on your side? Jesus Christ. All right. So you're saying you received some personal hate on the internet, correct? Yeah. Oh, you have.

This is all. All right. You ready? You ready? You ready? The judge allowed me. I'm going to read some internet comments. Yeah, oh you have All right The judge allow me I'm gonna read some internet comments and I want your opinion on them. Okay, all right Comment one can you please kill yourself live on the next episode? You have a high IQ you're a fucking buffoon you kill the show Next comment you white trash toothless pedophile looking derelict. Stop mooching off other people's hard work. Stop ruining things for people you

fucking abortion. You try to make the show about yourself and it's horrific. Change your avi you fat toothless fucking fraud. Can't believe you. Change your avi you fat toothless fucking fraud. You fucking parasite. Wow. Next one. I've already apologized for all these things. I fucking hate you.

I hope that RISLUMP is an operable cancer. You fucking faggot. Wow. I mean, you should strike that one. If you're getting that from Dittel and Plus, you're no faggot. You're such a lying piece. You're such a fucking lying piece of shit. You speak out of turn constantly. Seeing how he ruined the show for so many people, you fucking wrote in Coxucker.

You should have to refund people's money for every TES item, TESD item you've ever bought. You'd say those are hateful comments? Yeah, a hell yeah. So, are those some of the lines of something that you've received? I would say they come from the same type of people. Yeah. You received comments like that. Sure.

Maybe, maybe not. You know what? I gotta be fair. Maybe not quite as rough as that. That's kind of a real... Yeah, that is rough. That is rough, but I would say that the same type of people right both I'm gonna go under oath and say that you've seen things written on that level But I think the same type of people that would write that would write the same things that they wrote about me

I don't have they written about you. I mean that's I've seen you said you received hurtful at taxiculture Death threats you've received death threats on Reddit on Twitter. I don't know about on Reddit I've received that threats on Twitter. We have a report them We have a list of names of people who try and buy tickets to our show. We have metal detectors from the meet and greet now because of the death threats Wow, yeah, I didn't realize it was it was that serious. Mm-hmm. Why didn't I want to kill you? No, why did people hate get him? Wow. It's interesting. It is interesting that get him would take on the case of the people who write these type of things when they write those things about him. I guess that makes me question his. But to be fair, if he didn't take the case on,

we gave it to him. He's worse than to do it. You're right. And much like a public defender, he had to take it, he had no choice. Well, let me ask something, what does that have to do? All those comments have to do with me at all,

or this case, as he has no relevance at all. I think I disagree, I think that. What? I'm turning. Don't disagree,. As you're turning it is relevant because these are the type of people who are attacking you. Like you said, so you agree that those are the same type of people who are attacking me. Okay. Got it. Right. But I think that is this is. I just told you I get death threats. A teaching moment to listeners like. Okay. Don't be doing this kind of stuff. Don't write these kind of things don't write even don't even write that you

didn't like Tom Steve Dave oh definitely don't even even even that little bit is unacceptable right you have to keep it positive yeah yeah you're going back if you if you have nothing nice to say we're post right right exactly nothing at all because if you because just because if you think you write, oh, I don't think this episode was up to stuff this week. Something seemed off. But you're just as bad as the guy who wrote, I hope you get to stick your cancer, right? I agree. You're no better. You'll be sending off noodles. He probably wrote those comments. Get him. What do you got? I don't know. I got to cross out stuff. But I don't know seeing the point of what you were asking. What was that?

What was I leading to? He was saying that he was saying that he thinks he's received comments. And these are the comments that I received. Yeah, but I didn't say that. I've never seen it. He doesn't get a web. I didn't say it was the only person in the world that receives comments like that. Would you be my attorney?

Two fucking more seconds. So I'm supposed to have the same emotional reactions to things as get up. No I think you have to weigh the amount of hate. Obviously, seeing someone say I don't believe the story I don't believe the story Q said about the scarves of some of his different is is far more it's not even the same ball that's not what it's like he said all he's trying to point if he in a picture that you may be overreacted yeah just saying that it bothered me I don't

understand how I think it was it's not about you that I went online someone said they didn't believe my story that I even admitted here wasn't all the way true. And that's what father's name. Right. And meanwhile, here's some guy saying, I hope you have cancer and done. I feel like you're something next episode. Right, it's so right.

And you're quating those two is being just as equally hard. I'm not a quating, you're the only one who brought them up to quate them. You brought that up. I said you used to receive hate. How can you call what you received hate when this is what other people receive? Can I get my comments about me again?

Yeah, you don't think I can find hating me again. You're telling me I can't find me in the way of I hope you get Operable cancer, but you're the one that I'm making that that I'm not making that I'm saying this is what I Received I think he's trying to show you the contrast of like what you would you consider hate? Yeah, what it was really trying to show you that like what you got is nothing compared to what some people are dealing with you but so fall back on this is what I always say just because someone else has it worse than that I don't got a bad exactly yeah but so but but so what like you could say that about any you can make that comparison to anything like the judge that so what is

bottoms I was he walks around still he doesn't let those comments bother him walks around is still in a great mood and he he walks around still, he doesn't let those comments bother him. He walks around still in a great mood and he doesn't have any kind of like... But that nobody's questioning that. It was a jerk that I'm gonna show. Not only is nobody questioning that. He's actually, he should be more like him. And my argument is...

Why isn't your argument my attorney? That shouldn't be my argument anyway. I don't go on a podcast that could plane about this kind of stuff and you come on and just a lit, someone's critiqued you just a little bit and you gotta go make a big deal, a federal case out of it, into eSdTown. Okay, so what I'm learning is that we, that I am not entitled to my own reaction to things and that I should always think wwgj would win get him before I do anything in life. Before I take the stage of the O2 well any of the things that I've done to get myself there I should think what would get him to see it's really good because it was already meant that it was an

act before that about how upset you were over these reddit comments But you came in you're like fire. Oh, I saw this reddit guy everything on redd is horrible about me Oh look at this they're coming in about What's your feeling? I don't believe it's real and you're you You seem like that was the biggest thing in the world. No, I said I said a ball in me All that was all that they said was bad was just a little bit to you. Not to me. I scale a one to 10. His comments compared to your comments. But get him comments are irrelevant. They don't know that comments about me to comments about you. But they don't matter in this case. It's not about I. I don't

only the judge can weigh that. It's how they get them more than they hate you. That's a difference. Right. Yeah, but so what? What does that have to do with my response to what people said about me? It's completely irrelevant. Judge it means nothing. Should he just should he have to answer the question? I'll answer the question. What's the question? On a scale from my attorney On a scale of one to ten one being not very Relevant to comments are not worthy enough to even to even to raise you to even move your

needle or hackles as opposed to what he just read. But what but I don't understand why like all right, we show you want me to say that if somebody had wrote those things about me or written that I would that I would have felt worse yeah but okay but that's not what that's not what this straw is about a fine just saying it's someone had said that if someone had said these saying comments to you about Reddit yeah would you have had the same reaction that came on here about the little thing that you did that the little comments that they had made about you no probably he would have been like they just wished cancer. All right, move on.

Next question. I guess. I heard my comments worse. They're far worse. Any human being that would write that about him. Should not be listening to Tom Steve Dave. It's just fine, but his comments are worse, but there's nothing to do with the case. We're trying to make, they're trying to paint this asshole who wrote that like and make him shame them You don't want to say why's the prosecutor saying people shitty to me too? I mean Who would say Say I'm unfuckable Those people who would say those things should be condemned and should be and should be made to feel like they are are the lowest

Not arguing of the low, but that is not what we're doing here, but you're not willing to shame them. No, but it's actually helping you. But I've said the problem. The concept of using something is actually helping you. But if you see people are actually worse than you thought, you're telling me it wouldn't have been like it wouldn't have been so powerful for him to be like to just go like, wow, I feel horrible that you have to deal with that thing. And I cannot believe that my friend has to deal. It can't relate to it. These kind of comments, when you come on a show that I ask you to come on to and I enjoy having you on and the price you pay for that is having to see people write those things about you.

And it would make it look so human. See, I take another way. It's not available. I take it another way. I think that you don't look at what's bothering your friend to be like, well, I have it worse. Like, let's put aside how this makes you feel Brian. This is why Gidham has it worse. Like, oh, Brian, something's bothering you. Put that on hold. This is why Gidham has it worse. Like, that's not how a friend operates. A friend doesn't tell you

to shut your mouth and suck it up because I have it worse. Well, there's no friends on this table. He's just a turneys.. But you heard you heard those comments. And they're horrible. What's that got to do with that has nothing to do with this case? Is there nothing to do with this case? I think it does. I condemn those comments. How much is your head is, Lord? I think it does. Misrepresentation. How much is your head is fine? I think that I think that it has everything to do with the culture on the internet that would and that if we don't condemn it here And right now you think it's ever gonna fucking stop you don't think that he's gonna see even worse now But you fucking giving a free pass to the piece of shit that wrote that I can do it

You didn't get to have it hard enough. It was barely a commendation. It was like I'm a trial here I could counsels my gone I'm a trial there. What are you talking about? My co-counsel's mic on. Like, hot. What are you saying makes those sucky ho-on? It makes total sucky. You don't go to a fucking murder trial and be like, well, I mean, the dancing family killed their- You think you're getting back how much I'm not ready to do this?

You can't do a murder trial. Let me just ask the defendant. Yeah. Was the stuff that was said to get him horrific and shitty? Yes. Okay, moving on. Great. I condemn it. Okay, moving on. Great. I condemn it.

Boy, that's on it since here. I'm not like he lives three hours away. Next. Let's go on to the Hillary gag. All right. He said that it wasn't never supposed to be funny. No, no, no, it would have been funny. If the president of the United States appeared on my show and it was clear that's why I was supporting it. So you were pretty much just holding the audience hostage in anticipation of a payoff that wasn't going to materialize.

Yes, get in my eye. I was holding the audience hostage for something that I didn't, that I wasn't gonna come true you nailed it okay I went to every list in his house with a gun. I made him sit there listen to every episode for a joke that I knew Was it gonna pan out? You're getting under his skin you're getting under his skin they also Sure The promise you made to everyone who bought season one DVD of impractical jokers. Yeah, about that bonus pod. Yes. How was that bonus pod? I thought it was pretty good The one that is never delivered and no one ever heard we didn't release it, but I thought it was awesome So you made a promise to release it and you just never did no and in fact

I think I think we addressed this on an episode I could be wrong about this But I think what we said was we know we didn't do it. Here's an extra episode. We're giving it to everybody. I believe that's how that played out. So that makes up for all the people who spent their hard earned money to put it money into your pockets to buy a DVD? Yeah, maybe you're right about that. Maybe you got something there, get them? No, okay, good. I don't know. Because I got that much because first I thought it was a what say you podfuckin' idiot. Right, right. It's fine. But you know what? Speaking a what say you pod fucking it right it's fine I know speaking up what say you yes how about when you promised to watch and judge listener submitted short film starring nugget

EG the nugget film festival yes of the dozens of listener submitted videos have you even watched one yeah We watched and we talked about all of this so you saw the watch and you also you did Oh, you saw them watch and you did I mean my producers here I could ask him I watched all of them on the behalf right, but we watch My proxy. Oh, okay, yeah, it's a proxy to watch your videos. Did you ever promise to watch? I mean I guess I did I Who knows did somebody win? Did somebody win right? I don't know. It was in a contest. It was but it didn't get to materialize Well the contest is still open

You gotta get you right to your shit You guys gotta get your entries in by March of 2018 and then the contest So that was the whole plan of this under oath you're saying that's been the plan of this That's the plan now. So because I'm going to thought surely by now you could have done. What does that have to do with this case? All right, we'll continue. Well, it's it's you're expecting people. You make requests of people all the time. Mm hmm. Say buy this pod. Find me keys. Buy what pod? Uh, like, uh, any of the charity pods. I make a request of people buy this pod you mean I put a product up for sale you know put a product you ask people to buy do you ask people to purchase it

it's called capitalism it's promoting it's either capitalism or charity which one do you want to kick stories you've asked them for all the stuff and meanwhile, when they do the things that you ask them, you sometimes don't provide. Like when? Like again, the season one DVD. But I told you that I thought we handled that. Apparently you thought you handled it, but the people who sent it emails didn't. Okay, great. We're the people who purchased the,

the DVD, submitted, and he sleuth completion well the film festival still open i don't know what you've heard i've heard more than they've heard i've already admitted that perhaps we're right about that but what is this have to do with me being relatable or anything i don't know you should wrap it up, counselor. Like, I keep going, I'm loving this.

All right. So, uh, you're recently ill, is that correct? Yes. Okay. Uh, still in the cell, where was it located? Uh, anywhere near your brain? I'm in near my brain or my brain. Okay, in or near your, in your brain. I guess around the brain, in it, in it. Okay.

And you admit it before that it could possibly possibly damaged your brain correct not possibly it did oh So it did damage your brain that could include sections of the brain that gauge humor and Effect your relationships without to people with all objection. There's absolutely no evidence There's no medical evidence of that. Oh, you're on well there is there is evidence Well, there is a doctor of pop culture in the house Should we ask him? I should be sad though, I did make that keep going. You're on, I want to say, if one could be called a colonel and claim you know in a magic

skull that grants wishes and clarity for five bucks, isn't evidence of brain damage, I don't know what it is because none of them could be called comedy. So then what are you saying? Wow. So then what are you saying? Do I have this right? We're going to be studying this in Harvard Law. You're saying? You're saying? You're saying? You're saying? You're saying? You're saying? You're saying?

Do I have this right? They're gonna be studying this in Harvard Law. You're saying? Do I have this right? First of all, I'd like to make one side note. I told Simmy I know funny before the brain damage. Second note. Second note.

Second note. So your statement is that because of my disability, medically recognized disability, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you say, yeah, I do so you're saying that People who have medically recognize disability You're coming down on a dude for that. Wow. You're screaming. Oh boy Legit oh, I'd like to I'd like to put something to evidence. Why do you think he's parked in the handicap spot? to put something to evidence. Why do you think he's parked in the handicapped spot?

What is this into evidence, if I may? Here is a scan of my brain. That's right, get him. A scan of my brain. What's that? Right there. I'm guessing it's the part that knows what funny is. That's correct.

That's correct. That is correct. That is correct. That is correct. And let me ask something. Is that not? It does look damaged let me ask something. Is that not damaged? What that little white circle or the black part? Which part? The white circle? That the size of a nickel? Yeah. Yeah. That's it. I have medical evidence that I am that I have a disability I have a disability so

So we should give you a gimme for not knowing what funny is because you're disabled Well, should you give a guy in a wheelchair a gimme for not being able to walk? Should you give a blind person a gimme for not being able to see? Should you give an autistic person a gimme for not being able to read social cues? I ask you sir! I ask you should a person with buck teeth be labeled unfuckable. Oh, okay, yeah, but you're possibly right. Yes. Okay.

Alright. I'm done with this way this. Yeah. I mean with this, it's done with you, my friends. You guys want to know how good Luke Crate is. It's so good that before I was evicted, people were constantly stealing it from me and my apartment complex. And that's what you pay $2,300 a month for, don't you? To get your stuff stolen. I also heard this same place, this is what I read, I'm this is not my opinion. Certainly that a place owned by the same company caught on fire in New Jersey and

turned out they were using shoddy building materials which I was shocked by. Totally shocked. I went into shock. They had to raise, they had to elevate my feet and put some cold compresses on me to get my body temperature down. I was in shock for I don't know, good two to three days. Anyway, you want to be the envy of your friends and get your 100% exclusive crates at lucrate.com slash TSD, you're going to get 10% off on a new prescription. A new subscription, I'm second, I mean, I'm sure you can tell, but I'm trying to just power through this stuff. Coffee points, eventually at least three times a spot, yeah, it's gonna happen. On a quest for Epic Gear, how's where are rules on?

Or a house where are rules on? Incollectables, Lucrate has it, the best surprise you know is coming. Come on. They're pregnant women out there, Lucrate. And they're gonna be surprised by this kid. Not that it's like, well, I guess maybe having a kid isn't always a great surprise. It's like surprise.

And you're like, fuck, I know that's why parents were like, Luke Crate offers an epic range of pop culture items for less than $20 a month. Luke where, pet l's uh... sorry loot pets uh... offer expires february 19th at nine p.m. Pacific for this month's loot create i guess for februaries uh... their pop culture theme is build

i don't know what that means mighty more from power rangers bad man like a dimension's in touch or so okay it's that's what it means like blocks and shit uh... go to loot create more uh... so i'm vomiting all over the floor dimensions and Tetris. Okay, I guess that's what it means. Like, locks and shit. Uh, gonna loot cre- Blah! Sorry I'm vomiting all over the floor. Uh, go to lootcreate.com slash TSD and enter my code. TSD to save 10% off. Any new subscription today. Do it. Oh God, just please do it. Do it. I don't have to keep talking about this shit.

Alright, Troy, you have anything before the defense rests? Is there any other things that we any follow-ups, anything that we should clean up? I mean should we clean up the IJ thing? I mean we could blame that on Sal, right? Yeah, like in the Patsy. Yeah, of course. Alright, the IJ thing. We can make in the Patsy why there's been why there's but why the film festival has in come to this

Can I see this yeah my podcast every week? So okay, I was about to say right what say you hasn't come out of the new episode quite a while right September You can art. It's September you could argue that that's because you were very busy schedule filming writing touring Mm-hmm. Do you still make an effort to make time every week for Tulan CD? I think, yes. Besides the rare occasion where you sell something, do you make any money doing this? No. And the money I make doing it? You know? Barely covers tolls and gas to get here. Right. Right. So relatable. Man of the people.

Fuck yeah. Damn straight. The defense rest Who's closes his than me or I I lost track who is the prosecutor because Because the way we all tried to prosecute I lost track who was the prosecutor because the prosecutor was the prosecutor. What more convincing proof do you want than the statements of the witnesses? Joe Jackson, Eddie Jaccate and William sold out the American public for a Paltry 20,000. I'll wait. That was... Sorry, I have a serve wrong for the closing for the wrong case. But my point still stands.

You've heard... Well, I'm going to go. Sweet. You go and get him. Keep going. It's a power trick. You know it. You've heard the evidence. The people who rented aren't always wrong. Sometimes, you know, there are people that deserve an inoperable cancer. You've heard the evidence. I better did the record. There was more, but I was limited in my presentation of testimony by the You've heard the evidence I've entered to the record. There was more, but I was limited in my presentation of testimony by the constraints of time and insanity.

Don't believe what that was. But even more damning than the state's evidence was the lack of evidence brought forth by my colleague. Witness after witness who couldn't tell funny without an applause sign in front of them who clearly suffer from the same delusion that a defendant does. So while we should feel mercy for whatever condition impacts

a sense of funny and relatability, we must hold them accountable for the actions he has made because of those delusional beliefs. Ladies and gentlemen of Reddit, you've been subjected to a deluge of information tonight. Many questions were asked and in turn answers were tendered. It's up to you to decide if those answers satisfactorily seal my client's innocence. My client who has met slander securizations head on with grace, dignity, and air I say, sang Freud. As you retire to the jewelry room to deliberate the verdict, I ask you to keep one important

question in mind. The only question that matters, does Brian Quinn know funny? I believe that the evidence presented tonight proves beyond a reasonable doubt that yes he does. However before you begin the task of deciding this man's fate, a decision that will follow him in the podcast work for life, I think it will who's me to address the elephant in the room. May it please the court, I'm not referring to the prosecutor who incidentally I just used up like an off brand tampon. So that's funny. You know that.

This elephant isn't annoying bottled dump ass clown with two missing tusks. This elephant is a question. That question is, why does Brian Quinn, a man who, by all outward signs, appears to have made it, care what anonymous commenters say about him in an internet form? I've heard the murmurs to the effect in this very courtroom. He was thin-skinned. He was a delicate flower, Q is a bitch, Q is a pusshole, Q is a snowflake. Before you get down my client as such, I ask you to consider some mitigating factors that not only contribute to his hypersensitivity, but also fully explain why some recently

used the word unreliable when referring to Brian Quinn. I cite a legal precedent set in one of the most controversial criminal cases in American history. The people of the Republic of Texas versus Ethan Couch. For those of you not familiar with the case, a wealthy teenage boy killed four people in a drunk driving accident. Instead of being sentenced to what easily might have been a 20-year prison term, he was told he was, he must attend an expensive rehab facility.

He was determined by a psychiatric, by a psychiatrist that this good old boy from Texas suffered from affluenza. A condition resulting from having lived such a sheltered, isolated, and excessively wealthy lifestyle. The primary symptom of this disease is that due to his extravagance wealth and privilege, the team was completely incapable of making disease is that due to his extravagance wealth and privilege, the team was completely incapable of making a connection that bad behavior could in fact result in negative consequences. Now, you're saying, Brian Quinn isn't a murderer? What does that case have to do with him?

No, Brian Quinn isn't a murderer. Or maybe he is. I don't know. That's not what this trial is about. I submit to you that my client suffers from an undiagnosed case of affluenza that leave him more severe than that quadruple murderer whose debt to society was paid off and full by riding horses around and engaging in therapeutic interpretive dance. Give that a moment to sink in. Ethan couch was simply wealthy.

I won't deny that my client is also wealthy. I won't deny that my client is also wealthy. We've all seen the globe trotting via Instagram. We've heard the estate planning that excludes lifelong friends from his will, but includes a bunch of mangy cats. However, Exorbitant Wealth is only the tip of this mentally impaired Heistberg. Brian Quinn also, however, Exorbitant Wealth is only the tip of this mentally impaired Heistberg. Brian Quinn also suffers from a host of co-morbid afflictions. He's intelligent, he's witty, he's wickedly handsome,

he's a former firefighter, he is a world-class coxman. Now, in addition to the aforementioned, all of which he's been dealing with for the most of his adult life, in recent years, he's become a world-famous star of the hit TV show and practical jokers. But you also need to remember that there's more to Brian Quinn than looks money and privates he would have once had every right to be proud of. Deep down, he's quite simply a good man.

He's a good man who wore skeletons to a podcast, anticipating backslaping congratulations for a joke well done. It was instead met with confusion and per functuary for functuary brushing off he's a good man who truly believed in his heart of hearts that in a dating working class listeners with complaints about 1% or tax issues would foster a rapport if not pity he's a good man who thought adding the title kernel to his name would endear him to the masses. When these and countless other missteps failed to delight the red and yellow, instead of finding humor what Mr. Quinn did, instead of finding humor what Mr. Quinn did bring to the any given episode, they proceeded to viciously and unrepentantly

assassinate my client's character. What recourse did Mr. Quinn have in regard to these cruel and degrading remarks? None Comments left by trolls can't be removed like so many Halloween decorations after trick or treators Forloing a bit of sod That's not the world we live in Instead he addressed the matter on the on the podcast and is sitting before you today because he put himself on trial The trolls won. They succeeded in making a man who obviously knows funny second guest himself. I'm sorry. Did I say the trolls won? Allow me to clarify. The trolls won a battle. Tell them Steve Dave wins wars. Would anyone argue that since this

inception of Tell them Steve Dave, the winner of the 2010 podcast award for people's choice and best comedy podcast? Brian Quinn, the humble sound guy, hasn't made a tremendous contribution to this show? Wasn't it Brian Quinn who introduced us to Scooter Dude? Wasn't it Brian Quinn who regaled us with tales of fucking beauty-paget winners? Wasn't it Brian Quinn who taught us that Blaze of Glory is the only song worth finger banging to, and has done so for decades with Nari a trace of assist on his person? Wasn't it?

Well, I'm sure there are more examples, but you get the point. Ladies and gentlemen, in a world where self-regard and narcissism reigns supreme, I implore you to reach down deep inside yourself and grab a hold of an off-neglected motion empathy. Humanity, for just a moment, and please put yourself in Brian Quinn's very expensive Wu-Tang edition 90s that met the band's sign tone. Can anyone in this jury say with certainty that if dealt the consistent royal flush hands at Brian Quinn has been dealt that we would have behaved differently. Think differently. What if you lived in a world where praise and

adoration is perpetual? A world where a joke told is a joke met with breath robbing gafaws, regardless of its dubious comedic value? A world where every personal anecdote, no matter how tedious and banal, results in an edge of their seat audience. Perhaps it's not Brian Quinn is responsible for this overreaction. Could it be the onus lies with an ever demanding public who can't see past celebrity to humanity? Brian Quinn is a prisoner of adulation and he's serving a life sentence. The prison is mind good people. Do the right thing, ladies and gentlemen, of the jury, and vote that the hate Brian Quinn received on red,

it was unwarranted because of Brian Quinn's reality has indeed become that of unchecked salopism, salopsism, then it's an inarguable that my client does in fact no funny. Thank you We brought in the tears I'm sure the listeners are crying too at this moment. Yeah But you know what it's up to the judge and it the judge and the jurors and what they must do. You have to go to TESD CARES, Reddit, right?

Is that it? That's the thread. And you have to be registered by a certain point. If you're not registered and you're hearing this, you can vote. It's too late. It's already been locked down. And then when we return, we will read the verdict and we'll find out your fate. I live by it Hey, you want to do a popular vote too on Twitter just to see what the popular right. Well, I mean anything

I'm willing to stick by the rules one in ten shows One of every ten shows you'll appear on. Wow, that's your island. If I lose I'll do it. It's like fucking what was that? It was like cast away. Yeah. You might have to go home. And get him as my Wilson. And you'll try to kill him. Tell him, Steve's Dave. Well, pull yourself together, you're a lady, or a weather's hand, you know you can't be care that you're a demon on the loose. It's a half-baked, half-baked, sticks us out the front, you walkin' and he expect to get the juice well too.

All I've got is a slate to you, pull yourself together, you'll be fine Well, it's not that I hate you all, I hate you all the same You can make me hate to be I hate you all, you hate one that hates one. The same commitment, hate to be a hate. Some other hateful, a true hate runs deep. What a hate it, I'm a fairy, I'm scared, you know it is. You know it isn't just for you. I've got to say to you, for yourself, together, you'll be fine Don't just spare, the life is not a liberty Freedom is a part, safety based on your fears

Speed more, good, down, rule us with an eye and fist We missed you in the morning, but the afternoon is yours Because you are violent, angry, ambitious, and malicious You are deadly in a fight, If you're facing all your fears We cowardly but inwardly Say you simply want to hug but nobody will love you You're deadly like the wolf All I was not just fate to you

For yourself, together you'll be fine All I've got to say to you is, just move your hands down, together you'll be. This has been the production of SmartCo Internet Radio. Sir, only at smodcast.com. at Radio.