Tell Em Steve-Dave - #361: Git 'Em Dies at the End

Episode Date: January 9, 2018

Christmas and New Years reports, Git ‘Em has a near death experience, Baron Von Flanagan drops some sexy knowledge. Music: NORM - Spilled Milk

I'm sorry. Like, that's Sam, it's our Sam too. You jerk off to your nipples, get on? I'll make you guys horny by these facts and thoughts you won't be sad anymore. Tell them, Steve Dave. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell them Steve Dave, the first of 2018, 2018 and I'm here with BQ and Walt and get him, resolutions did you make? Get them surely, surely walk gave you a list. Room for improvement. It was just a picture of Alright, if I gave you a resolution, would you try to try to

to try to make it work or would you just disregard it? Depending on the resolution, yes, I would try. Why a new job? To try to make it work or would you just disregard it? Depending on the resolution. Yes, I would try Did you make any resolutions? Tucker was no, not really no, you don't believe in resolutions I usually fail with them every year your life is Is exactly where you want it right now? No So why not try to make a resolution to make it in 2018 a little bit different than 2017?

Okay. I can uh, it's too late now. Yeah, you're right. It's January 10th. There's no phone Christmas. I can post phone New Year's as well. And I gotta wait till 2019 to start working on that shit. You know what I've never heard you say?

Get them. It's like I hear plenty of people basically I'm going to cut to the chase. Like, what are your hopes and dreams? If you wave a magic wand, I've never heard you aspire. Oh, that's good. I wave the magic wand. And you're doing whatever you want to do. Yeah, what is it? What's that setup? I just like to be me, I guess. But you already have that. To an extent, but you're saying magic wand, it would just be me 24 hours a day. Well, what is that? That's not giving us any

information though. Like, what is there a point when you're not you? Because I want to know that fucking point in the day when you're not you then, because that's when I want to hang out with you. I want to know when it is. When is that time when

you're not you? Because then I think hopefully it'll be between the hours of 11 and 6 when you're fucking clocked in here then Well, that's the I would say that's the only time I'm not you don't want to have to go work for the man and this such I tell you right now. I don't need your magic wand because I've always aspired to be the man Yeah, I'm here that I am actually that a man. I've achieved everything that I've ever wanted to be. It doesn't matter who it's called But no it's serious. It's like what would you if you any job job or lifestyle change or Anything you could rewrite history you have the affinity stones my friend

Like I said, I just like to be able to just do what I want whenever I want if I had to wave a magic wand That's what I would like so no work like if I like you know Like if I want to go to the flea market and then as soon as I'm done with the flea market go home and go to sleep Then yeah, then what's stopping you from doing? Well, then I have to go I have to go to work then, but what if you don't work that day? Do you do it on days you don't work? I only don't work on my days on Tuesdays? So there's no real flea market usually you work every weekend.. Yeah. Oh, no wonder you want the magic wand so bad. So you're telling me, if you have a magical wand, that's the only thing that's the one thing

you're going to wish for is to not work on so you can go to a flea market. So you can go to a flea market and then take a nap. He's like, man, that could be me and it would be sweet. But you could have even have said your answer could have been like Running a successful stand in a flea market. No, no, no, I just want to be able to survive Business with pleasure, you I just want to be able to survive Not have to work. You know be able to start. I've got to not have to work and if I desire something then you know if I have to save up for a little while forth and I like how in your dream scenario you have to save up for shit you just don't have enough money to pay for it. Like a viral like I learned I watched like one of them like it's struggling yeah a little bit of a struggle is good. I watched

I watched one of those documentaries about those people who win lotteries and they just end up ruining their lives and they had this one guy and he goes every day I earned $5,000 in interest on my lottery winnings. And he goes, if I want to buy something, that's $10,000, he goes, I wait two days. That's my budget is, and I just, you let it build up, and then if I have, you know, it's more than $5,000, and I thought, that makes great sense. And the, you know, the guy seemed happy and, you know, he doesn't, he didn't fall into the pitfalls that other people do.

Like, a lot when they're money, you know, all all at once and then end up being, you know, broke. That's a great idea because then you can leave all the principal to the government since you have no loved ones or family when you die. Yeah, it's a good thing you're on a budget. Well, I could, I would, I would, I would ask. I've got to ask some twice. No questions asked. I'm sure I could find a charitable donation.

That's good. Like St. Jude's or something like that. That's, that would help people. Oh, with, with that little boy? Yes, yes. With that, with the, I think it's a little dope with the fucking blanket and shit that kid. Oh my God. That's the most adorable. The elf kid. Yeah. Oh my God. No, it's not anything. Sam. No, it's a little. Yeah, fine. I get it. It's as little can we talked about him once? He's like, I don't know. Adopt that. If I made a

plea like a public plea, I'm kind of in the public guy. Like, I want to adopt the St. Jude's voice. Sam Mark, his name is in Sam. Fire get him out to St. Jude's kid. I would tell you man, that kid is just adorable. He rides around a little kid ever. He rides around, meanwhile he has two daughters. He rides around in a wheelchair with his blanket on him,

like soliciting donations in the commercial with a weird voice Oh, I got it's on it's on constantly, but like he is the greatest spokesman for this charity because He will melt your heart That cute. Sam. Sam, though. Yeah. All right.

So you want to adopt him, especially? I would, I, well, I, he looks like he doesn't need a lot of assistance, because he's able to be a spokesman, so I figured how much this, how much care does this kid make? He might be a fraud. He might be a fraud. He's Shriner's Hospital. Oh, Shriner's Hospital. What's his name? I'm not going to get looked at up now. Yeah, we might be a fraught. He's Shriners hospital. Oh Shriners hospital. What's his name?

I'm like I looked that up now. I said yeah, we show cute a picture though. Yeah, got ready for your heart to milk. You so You've seen this kid right? I've never seen that kid but I get it. He actually looks like he looks like an elf Looks like let me say it looks like little semi He does looks like semi-junior that might be simmy's kid could I you know what I mean me holy shit it is him he's no more no more spokesman for this company I'm gonna give him a real childhood Alec oh I was I was hoping that I was hoping that true puts a massage in my show Alec with the sea Alec I thought it was Alex but it's yeah but like that I've changed his name if I were you once you adopt

I probably was last name you'd be changed to flying again, but Alec flat. Yeah, you need a better first name something like Tiny something like tiny just tiny Alec just legally changed It was the night before Christmas. I mean well that's what it is. Yeah, he reads was a night before Christmas I am a little worried that they just they just try this kid out constantly not giving him a real like you know childhood or anything They lock him in a cold cell afterwards. I just like hope you're blanket. You know what? Give me that blanket No, no, I mean just bringing him to like charity organizations and you know and Show, yeah definitely he's like a child star in the 30s He's like the Mickey Rooney of the Shriner's where just constantly rhyme as us. That's what I'm worried about.

Mickey Rooney ever say that he was unhappy with that? He did it. And I think mostly Mickey Rooney was the whole like my parents stole all my money. I think that was cool. Jackie Kugin. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Mickey Rooney though did get his money stolen. Really? Yeah. I wonder. That's like after cooking cooking got to all bridges puts the the money in trust so that they can't steal from the kids mm-hmm what do you think allocates any money oh I thought that why you're adopted I think you could have put away a little couple a couple of a couple of a couple of I'm sure he's got some blankets stowed away you're a rainy day you're thinking in bezel Danny from the Shriners how How weird would it be if I made a real public place

to adopt a kid or would it look strange? But him specifically definitely. You're just playing his kids. He's so adoptable. No, no, no, no. I'm going to save Alec. A TV personality. Although he may not.

I don't even know if he needs to be adopted though though he talks about his grandma and then one of the commercials. I'll show you that. Remember he goes love you grandma. No. Isn't that what you said to your guidance counselor when you walked in? Wow. Grandma's. You still have any grandma's left?

No. No. Lost my last one. Shhh. I was in brooktail. So, might you have genetic? 98. I could have a genetic grandparent. Well, no, wait, you say it lost her that she wandered off the farm and just never come back. No, she broke her ankle. She was at rehabilitation center. She got up, had breakfast and was sitting in her chair waiting for her to go to physical therapy and she just passed.

When the shooting a Puerto Rican come into it, that was my fault. That was your dad? No, not shooting. I think it was probably at our age, would expect to have any grandparents. Well, Sal has two. Oh yeah? Yeah. Yeah, that's great.

I'd say I'm a leave one. I make there like with it. Oh yeah. Suddenly, yeah, and I'm like, daughtering all the time. I get jealous when I see them. I probably take it out on sale. Well, I remember that. I, because one of your best day ever, I'm afraid I think back to the episode,

you'd like to go back and relive a day of grandparents where you're canning shit, right? Yeah, yeah. That's not you some is in that. You're a canning shit. Yeah, you're a canning shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your jelly? Well, yeah, what was it? James, not. You're a canner. Yeah, you're a canner. Yeah, you're a canner. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With your jelly. Well, yeah, it would be nice. Well, was it jam? No, no, it's tomato sauce. Tomato sauce, that's right. Well, up until she died, I spent every New Year's Eve with my grandmother. Or a month to end, you saw her.

Yes, nice. Yeah, what a girl. I saw her more than that, but I would spend a year. She was constantly running away, which is how she got lost. I would always spend a year's Eve with her. Would you guys do a ball drop? Oh, yeah, head to watch the Clark. Oh, yeah, it would just be the arrow when Lawrence walk will be playing too, or not Lawrence welcome. Oh,

I can't remember who the big band leader was that all the, all the grandma's liked. Well, she loved, uh, she liked Jack Wang, but she loved Liberace. And she refused to leave. She would do she always tell me stories about Liberace's rings, about how she wanted to go see him in concert, and how all the ladies loved him, and he loved all the ladies. No, as a young child, did you realize looking at Liberace

that something was probably not kosher with what your grandma was telling you? No, I just took it for... Yeah. That's what a man's man looks like. Well, I think... telling you. No, I just took it for. Yeah, that's what a man's man looks like. Well, I'm like, sure does. So you didn't know that Liberace was, Oh, no, many, many years later I learned.

Though you can't really go by that because when we went to the WWE thing and they were showing old footage of Ric Flair, I'd be like, is that Liberace son? Like, yeah. The shit he's dressed in, you're like, he's got his mother and girl. And now Bobby Rudy does the same thing. This is glittery room.

I just assumed it was, yeah, I was all part of the, because you look at Laurence Buck, all the outfits he had and the, you know, the kids had and anything else like that. Could he make that statement at like a raven? Oh, yeah. Oh, you could make that statement at like a raw event? Oh yeah. Oh, you could make that statement and not get his ass pummeled? Yeah, I don't think Rick Flare. Woo!

I don't think they'd be busted. But like that, I thought that would be sacrilegious to say something like that about Rick Flare. I'm sure that they've, people have said that in the ring. Remember, there used to be a wrestler who was like one, he was a bad guy of villain, and his gimmick was that he was gay. No. Yeah, it was Bobby the brain was his manager. It was oh god

Gorgeous not gorgeous George. No It was oh no on the other restores don't want to wrestle him because he would get in all was uh... so no other answers to the rest of the he would get uh... the you see it's a little shorty short spandex the uh... because that was about the pageantry there was a lot of pageantry to

he was juicing with duration spread what was his name and did he come out and say it was implied it to it was like he used to come out and like ravishing recruit like he used to come down and pink and like what a flower in his mouth and like Like but he never would say it but it was just I don't know Oh he might have said it Wow

So they they did away with that huh? Yeah, they did away with it. They're more woke. They're more woke now The WWE. Yeah, I was thinking is that not woke though? Like was he really gay or he was just pretending to be he was pretending to be gay? He wasn't Okay. Um anyway, yeah, plus painting it would be as especially as a villain just because he's that would definitely I really hate it. He would come out. What the fuck was his name? So would you say it was a high heel? Oh, very good. Oh Can we title that the episode this week?

I Got please the is what himself to look at his face gets redder when he's please No, I'm just picture Maxwell listen to this going on motherfucker. I know the answer to this question And he gets to please himself and he takes it too far. Makes you, makes you not want to give it to him. Finally, I'm beloved. Seconds later. So what did you do on this New Year's?

Now that your grandma's dead these past 20 years? Well, I know it's going to add to my weird thing, but actually for a couple years after she died, I would actually go to the cemetery where she was buried. That's not the end's weird. I'd take the little... Well, I would dig up other graves and have sex with my kids.

No, it's not. I took nothing to do with my grandpa. I took a little TV with me and the two champagne glasses used to drink out of it. That's actually beautiful. Why would you be think that would make you as a weirdo? Sneaking into a cemetery at night. Oh, you snuck in? Well, it's a oh you were there at midnight. Yeah, I would watch the ball drop on the little TV See to me

Someone like I get in really does Well, it's walking in because you couldn't go through the front gate So you just walk from the side. It's not like I climbed that's not nearly as weird as him like being in the the school dumpsters looking around for Outdated technology But wait a minute though, so you would bring a TV and how does TV get... Battery power. It was a game gear. The Sega game gear and had a little TV tuner. You'd stick into it, just pick up the antenna and just turn to the channel. So it was like a like, oh, you would leave like a wall was doing?

Yeah, I think it's pretty. But when just why'd you stop doing that? I moved down to Tom's River and I started actually going out to like parties with other people Look at you big big man fuck grandma I know I got invited to party, but no this year I was I was in bed before the ball dropped I just was tired and I was like, yeah, hey, it's happens every year So yeah, but you never know me get to next year. Yeah What you do? I I went all the way to Long Island and partied with Troy. Really? How's Troy bringing the new year? Pretty much like

everyone else. Watch the TV. There are a lot of people. People have a lot of kids. It wasn't like a... It wasn't just me in the mouth. Clothing optional. No, it was, yeah, a bunch of people, his wife had invited in, and I knew, and like all their kids. I haven't been around that a while. I forget how wild things get when there are a bunch of like kids from like six to like 16

I do yeah, they don't give a fuck My favorite part was at one point one of the kids came down. I heard her saying to Trois wife. She's like see he's just trying to break the door down and the older kids are getting mad Maybe that's pretty good. What'd you do, Q? I could bring in a... I could tell you this. I texted him all I got backwards.

Oh, you saw a lot of the disease. Yeah, well, two things happened. One I had a show in that show, a callousy-m. That's right. I was home by like 1030. Not the show go. It was fun. I'm pretty sad.

On New Year's Eve. On New Year's Eve, yeah. And you were home by 1030 from a show in Long Island? Yeah, so started in 730. Yeah, we were off stage by nine. Is it nine? There was no traffic. I blew home and then I've, this is embarrassing, I guess to admit, but I've become addicted

to lawn-awed or SUV. I can't stop watching it. If Pam's still listening, you can be embarrassed in front of one person. I can't stop watching it every night. Like I watch it. It's on every night on your own. It's the impractical jovies of every other network.

It's all that time. And I actually forgot that it was midnight because the case was wrapping up. And I was like, oh my God, I was like, yeah, fuck it. That's it. And then I was like, oh shit, it's 12 and I turned over and it was already over. Yeah, weren't they like pushing like the episodes

like the end of like 10 minutes after the hour, I think it was? They didn't do it at this night because it was definitely like 12-01. I got there and then I just went to bed. Did you feel, is this the first New Year's Eve or you kind of shamefully? No, last two I didn't go out.

Well, I made money this year, I worked, so I'm fine with that. I rather make money on party at this point. It's enough time for party in one of my own time. Uh, this to me is a, it's not even a non-holiday in my opinion, I don't, I don't, um, it's one of the few times I go against societies, um, expectations of you. Yeah. Yeah. One night a year. That's it. He's burns with the side of things. I try to be even more square, just as a big middle finger to the fucking country. Sleeved to the man who ironically you are. middle finger to the fucking country. Sleeve to the man who ironically you are.

Yeah. Oh, America's like, ooh. Once again, the kids don't care. No, you know what, to be on the kids, the kid, this is a point where it's sad because it really bonds me out. The kids are all at point, they're aging to the point where they have friends and they do things with their friends on These holidays They're 15 and 19. He's like you know, they're enough to have friends now

I I am not like I mean you I am not a shame to admit it. It's just sucks. I hate it. I hate that they have friends None of them are worth a Friends yeah Jeez they have no friends. They've had like the entire lives I mean, I'm just saying that I'm just saying anybody would be like I'd rather hang out with them than you That's what I'm talking about. I want to say one month I've been married for 20 years,

a 70 year old wall flat. I'm like, you ain't working. I don't know if I could do it. I don't know if I could do. Like I see people, I see these commercials for people who have heart failure or they have medical in this hospital, save them, and they're like, they're always crying and being like,

I want to be able to walk down the aisle with my daughter. I'm like, I want to fucking do that. I don't want I want why is that something I should look forward to Yeah, and that is the last thing I want to do. What are you doing? You're giving her a What I want to do is part of it because the father traditionally pays for the wedding It has nothing to do with money. I'll tell you right now It's not it's gonna be a these it's gonna be cost cutters and uh, uh, which no, they're not even a business there will be a big lot.

It's gonna be a pancake breakfast. Brian, what are you doing this weekend? We got a job for you. It's fancy in a way because Brian Q will be serving pancakes. Yeah, that is something that yeah, I am not gonna be able to deal with gracefully and be that excite for though. I have to like when I think back at my father-in-law who was such a, you know, he was a great guy. Great guy and you know, did said everything that would, you know,

it made it easy for me. Still ain't going to change the way I fuck. I know that that can be the change the way I act and how I'm gonna feel resentful and just depressed about that. See, I'm thinking about moving the tent of C so Sage can get married when she turns 12. I'm gonna be free again. So they haven't even been any boyfriends, anything like that. There's a boyfriend now from my 19 year old. Yeah. Yeah.

You either take care of? You're not talking about that, honey. Like, something does happen. God. You should bring them on the shelf. Yeah. Oh, fuck, real as father, father. Bring Troy in.

Do the interrogation. I just, like, people who have kids and everything man just enjoy those when they're young and you're everything to them because it doesn't last. No. No. Even though you gave them everything and you continue to give them everything. Oh yeah. You're not going to remain everything. No. No. Now you're not gonna remain everything no no now you're you're essentially now you're just fucking daddy war bucks forget about dad You just regular daddy now. It's just daddy war bucks. Mm-hmm the dad team Wow He's happy new year. Yeah, there you go I saw you guys came you're on the you guys didn't want to come down tonight you guys are both very sad

Well, no, I didn't say I didn't want to come down. I said if you guys wanted you wouldn't like that's fine I'm a bad mood and then you're I mean, I mean promise it was awesome. What was it? What was it? It was like I'll have get them here if you want I get them to stay Get it work to bring my mood And then you said you said the baron fast Yes, if you guys want to summon the Baron later in the show, I have some Baron segment.

Yes. Just to raise your spirits if you guys want. I was, I was said to see that you were a little bit late because you missed getting them telling me a full eight minute story about how he shoveled his driveway, including the breakdown of the snowblower. He didn't shovel it. No, no, no, snowblower.

Yeah. I was not as, is that technically shoveling cue? No. Yeah, snowblower. Yeah. I was not as tactically shoveling you. No. Well, what after what he went through? Yeah, his auger fell off or fucking some shit. The belt slipped off the auger. I got to be honest, the only reason I let you go on with it because I'm like, I'm going to bring up how fucked up it is that he told me every single detail. How'd you doing the snow? I didn't go outside. I mean with a shovel, and I'm like, it took like 20 minutes, half an hour, I shoveled my car out. And then he went on

to tell me the full play by, play blow by blow details of him snow blowing his U-shaped driveway out. The breakdown of the snow blower, the eventual, the auger, the fixing of the snow blower eventual the auger the fixing of the snow blower. Can I ask a question? Sure. How come I was spared this when I got here today? Don't ask, just be thankful. There has to be a reason. I didn't tell Michael. I told Mike, but maybe I got it out mostly got it out of my system through telling Mike. Yeah, or at least you thought you did. I told my gang. I told my gang. It's until he was Jones in the telepathy.

And it was taken to be in like, hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. He's not even regretting it. He's taken like there has to be at least one more person Well, just so you know the millions of people we just heard about it right now. I went to I went to

Falling I went to Walt's place on the year's Eve. Yeah, you didn't say tonight. I mean, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Christmas Eve Oh, yes Christmas Eve Christmas Eve What a scene man. Yeah, I was invited it was to this is it Is it as close in this day and age as you can get to going back in time and spending it with the Walten's What the fuck is with that the report? No, I should be a yes immediately after what you experience. I think you I think you jumped the gun. I think he was about to overly agree with it. It was a freaking hot. I was inhaling was inhaling yeah yeah it doesn't but yes immediately well I'm trying to think of the love was flowing there was a lot it was a weird experience and say it the love was flowing

that's understood it was a weird experience where I'm like why is everyone getting along and then he's like we're gonna play games Like it all we're gonna lie about things that's a kind of game Sage are we gonna punch sage Let me take your shoes off first make it easier for us make it easier for us. But we won't. But we won a little bit of sport. Say, it's wandering to those cat tails.

All right, all right, just a blindfold then. So we went over and he's got a tree that looks like it belongs in a department store. Yeah, that's true. Which I wouldn't be shocked if you just lifted it right from the department store and brought it home. No, we put a lot, me and my wife put a lot of effort into the tree. The girls used to, but now they have quote unquote friends and they don't decorate the tree as, as, as they diligently as they used to.

Real tree artificial. Artificial. Okay. Um, I'll tell you what, you're, you're right though though because I remember Pam saying like when I was young And I was getting in trouble. She's like you're not gonna have any of these friends when you get out of school I'm like I won't be friends forever even I only had like two or three friends, but she was wrong She was definitely wrong with one of them everyone else on my friends with Yeah with Walt so I'm stuck with my just

Yeah, you got nowhere to go. No, nothing but the front time a 20 years ago. But we played a family feud, which was first off like I was on on Walt's team. It was me, Walt Sage, another dude. And then your mom's boyfriend and then Waltz mom and sister and her boyfriend. Oh, no wait and Debbie's mom was on our side too. Oh, yes Yes, and then Debbie and Waltz girls are on the other side and The game I'm positive is not licensed because the answer What are you fucking kidding me like not a million years when anybody got these answers. And every time it was my turn, so and else, like the other person got it faster than I did. Oh, you know, when you go up to the next head, you can mind a lot of.

Because you just say it, there's no like boom hit a button. So then there's the added pressure of walking like what the fuck? I was like, it was like, it was like, it was like that. There's some competition. I even know it's family and it's loving it. There's some competition. All right. Even though it's family and it's loving atmosphere, I still want to win. Make no bones about it. I don't take losses lightly.

No, and even though it was a loving atmosphere, much like you've seen on the Walton's, his donors were caught cheating more than once. No! They got their phones out, well, it's like you're looking it up right now. She's like no, not All's are screen what whatever family feud is it like Richard Dawson had to be an early 90s board game. Oh, okay my mom found it at like a thrift store

Oh, so like a John O'Hurley No, it would be just a generic Like who's the two? I'm pray uh... break home break home break home I'm just trying to figure out like the tone like is it like it's all like it is now it is not 30 okay I would never allow a dirty game in house that's true because then we were gonna play this

meme game I don't know like how you play it but Walt's a fully clothed guy sitting on a toilet and he's like enough we're not playing this. What a wall interest. You wouldn't see it on the wall, it's true. Or you wouldn't see it on the wall. But you know, just like, you know, like, if you look back at your last couple holidays, usually they've ended with like kind of yelling and storming out and.

You know, your last couple holidays. Things getting my last couple, do you mean last? kind of yelling and storming out and you know you'll last couple of things getting my last couple do you mean last that you know is like that was a present at this engagement. No nobody I wanted to I wanted to stage a scene just like I don't know how to react to this is too well to nest. This is more like the Simpsons or what's said with fucking bunty, help bunty. Married with children?

Yeah. More like Ted Bundy. But yeah, it was nice. Yeah, it was nice. Yeah, it was nice. They sent me home with food, because I guess I looked into junk. Yeah, that's a lot of weight. Got some chicken and shit. Oh, yeah, that was they're all asking me this behind cap cancer

No, he doesn't feel like shit Did they say we like a chubby Brian No, he doesn't feel like shit. Did they say we like a chubby Brian? No, no, they didn't say that, but they were like, keep- Wait, they didn't ask specifically about cancer today. Well, the question is, they asked specifically- Yes, yes, that was. Um, they're like, what, is there anything, is Brian sick? He doesn't have cancer, does he?

He's like, no, why? He's like, he's lost so much weight. He's been rotunded for- I mean, as long as I can remember remember he certainly can't be trying to improve himself Yeah, I was like no, that's all health man. That's just a healthy mind and body now Mostly body Mine will follow eventually I would wait you're doing good mentally as of late. Doing much better. Yeah. Right. All I like today. I don't know why, but now go ahead. I'll let you finish. Well, that's all right, because I know when I don't hear from you on on a regular, to me, I'm I I know either you're doing really bad and I try and

get in touch with you and I don't hear from you, or you're doing really good. And I haven't heard from you too much in the past few weeks. I had a feeling like you were either good times will happen. Like you're out there having fun. Yeah, I'm party with Troy. I'm party with the Walton. Good, I'm glad. That's a Walton, so I like that.

I didn't even think that I wish my last name was Walton. Walton? Walton? Yeah. So you, all right, so but today Yeah, I tend to I think maybe that'll be my resolutions are so dumb Like anger control because I get overly mad at stuff that is insignificant

Like today went to Sonic because sage is fucking obsessed with hamburgers So I wrote out I got our hamburger and I couldn't tell the fucking guy at the window enough times. I told four times I said hamburger, bun. That's it. She likes it. Like me. Yep. Just like Walt Wom. And the dude is being a little bit like a little snarky where when I ordered something else and I was like, don't put any pickles on it. And he's like, like well that doesn't come with pickles and I said well it did the last time I ordered it so no pickles I get all the way back home I open the fucking bag no pickles but she's on the hamburger I'm like mother fucking cocks don't ever eat the premise about checking your burger this

is a place where I left one time and there was no burger on they just had lettuce and tomato no burger. I was like what are you fucking kidding me and I check that time. I should have checked this time but it was covered so well in terms of like hey nothing on it. Did they put the cheese on the burger or the burger? It was on the burger. So I get home, I become enraged, I go back and I fucking like a sonic you don't just walk in. It's all about like you didn't just peel the cheese off and give it to me. No, because it's all like milty and shit. They have like the money going with it. It's like you push a button and it talks to you from the inside. So I kick the door as hard as I could.

It's like a steel door on the bottom and glass on top and I kick it as hard as I can and some lady comes and I was like I'm like I want my fucking money back. I'm sick of this shit And these are my exact words and she's just looking. I'm just like hold on and this other guy comes over and he's like Hey, can I help you when I said yeah? I said give me my fucking money back I said this is fucking ridiculous the third time I've come here out of probably five times I was, I was like, they fuck it up every time. And I'm like losing my temper. And he's like, all right, I'm like, oh, Douglas, man, you're falling down. Yeah. Later on, I was arguing with a construction crew. But he just like, he did, he did what you're supposed to. He just like, let's me fucking rant and rave. And then he's like, all all right How can we take care of this and I'm like?

But then he was like I'm gonna go talk to those guys right now and he did it while I was there He yelled out. I'm all I was there the grill guys cuz he's Yes He immasculated his crew and funny. Yeah, no other than they cared about their minimum weight If you like that feeling it should come here always there. I was going to end the episode. Mike and give him a letter. What's happening? You're right. You're right. What's happening? What's happening? You're right.

What's happening? I don't know. You having a seizure? No. Oh, you're a coffin? Yeah. Going to the bathroom. Where were you choking a little bit?

I don't know. I think we were like twitching. Looks like a seizure, didn't it? No, it looks like a seizure. I just asked him if he ever had seizures before. I don't know. He just had one. Okay, I'm good.

Fine. I'm good. I'm good. hard. Whoa. I think he lost his eye. His eyes got all wide and he started shimmy in the air. It looked like you were choking. It looked like he was on this plane of existence. Yeah, like his eye. Yeah, it's just like he was in another dimension. Yeah, I think he was in the air.

Yeah, I think he was in the air. Yeah, I think he was in the air. Yeah, I think he was in the air. Yeah, I think he was in the air. Yeah, I think he was in the air. Yeah, I think he was in the air. Yeah, I think he was in the air. Look like you were choking. All right, look, he looked like he wasn't on this existence, plain of existence, then. Yeah, like his eyes just went blank. Yeah, here's just like, it was like, he was in another dimension. Yeah, he got past.

His eyes were out, his eyes were gone. Like, you know, that thighs on my whole stare. Holy shit. He was like shaking. He was like, yeah, like, like, I'll back it for you. Yeah. Well, he kind of only saw, because, you know, that joke doesn't need to be that jokes too good to

I now be have everybody all worry about get them. Oh, they won't be worried I don't even think they'll care if it comes back That was something Like that what that's the way to go out that's the way I want to go out tell a fucking barn burner of a joke on Tell me yes on this podcast and fucking keel over. It's probably gonna happen. Not necessarily tonight. It's probably gonna answer good.

Say the magic wand. So you were, so you were gonna let that experience deprive you of an experience you liked, though. Did you like, we don't have to do it tonight because of that, though. That's not, you should never allow that to happen. No, no, that was no. It wasn't just because of Sonic.

Yeah, it's a couple of things. It's just little shit like like big stuff seems to not bother me that much, but like I'm on the phone with the pharmacy and I need to get some this fucking prescription transfer. This is like hardly worth telling. And the ladies asking me all these questions, she's like, well, what's the number of the other pharmacy? I'm like, I don't fucking know. Yeah, like, why is that my job? Yeah, like, don't you have it?

And she's like, well, I need the, I need the, the number of the pharmacy. And I'm like, I'm just like, fuck it! I'm hanging up and I fucking kick a hole in my wall, which I then know I got a fucking fix. Later on. Right through the drywall. Right through it.

So now I gotta fix that, but it's that little shit that like happens. You're not on any medication, right? Sorry. No. All right, so are you one of any kind of therapy at all right now? No. Just maybe just hang, like something for Anger, though.

Ah, but I'm with a bunch of fucking idiots who are like court order to be there because we can't keep their hands off people Yes, that's the mentality. I think you got to lose is that everybody else but you is an idiot But it's the truth It's a sonic kidding. I'm like you fucking morons like you fucking morons. It says plain You don't have to do more you have to do less you have to do nothing All you have to do is take a bun and put a burger on it and you're done. I just made your job easier and you fucked me up Oops, yeah, I got I got a little My god when I was sick like two weeks ago

So I got a little like flim at the back of my throat and it just Girls are masturbating furiously right now It would have been up to the fireman at the table to the mouth to mouth. But his lips on there and get that flame out of there. I wouldn't have done it. I don't have my... First you get his halogen stick. I usually have my little pocket thing, but I have it on me.

What? What a pocket? I should get some. No, no, there's a pocket. His pocket. I'm gonna dittle it as he fucking crosses over to the other side. Tell him the love. I'm just gonna make him laugh. It's a protector when you do mouth to mouth. It's a plastic shit. We don't have one on hand though right now.

I usually carry one in my pocket. Oh really? No, I work to the track my pocket. Oh really? And the one on the yellow. You know, you wear a black car, yeah. It's a life. Because I worked at the track, and in case anybody needed an mouth to mouth, you were for a stake. You get that. Or a horse that asked like Fleming is asshole.

So you are equipped and you know what to do? Yeah, for like mouth to mouth, yeah. Have you ever done it on a real person? No. Just it on the other side not while they're awake on the recess and anyone I was doing lifeguard training Okay, yeah, so if me or my car ever go down you're we can expect you to wake up to you. Oh We made him okay hovering over us. Well, if my dear mic is definitely going down Thank you. As long as the word's so come out of my mouth, I don't get trouble. Yeah, that's gross.

While we're out of check out the 2017 Tell them Steve Dave Christmas pod, right? That's what I was going to bring up. I got a little bit of something to announce about the Christmas episode. Okay. Can we play a quick clip of a deck of something they haven't heard in case anybody's on the fence? So here we go I got one more question for you here. Well not only one I got a couple more. Some liberal some liberal rag some liberal rag liberal some liberal rag Some liberal some liberal you're saying a right? Is that right? Yeah, all right try

Some liberal rag expose the Santa as a sweatshop for else. How was the reaction? I'm about to tell you. The Tellum Steve Day of Christmas Special 2017, Space Monkey Save Christmas. Was the best performing Christmas pot in the history of Tellum Steve's team in the first week of its release? And it is on pace to become the all-time best-selling

Get the fuck Christmas episode and tell them Steve Dave history. Oh So the space mongies did good so if you haven't bought it and you want to be a part of history. Yes There's only one way Tell Steve Dave.com and you're you andcom. And you can buy it on band. But and how have been people's reviews of it? Has anybody seen? I saw on Twitter people really, really seem to like it. They love Fatone.

Oh, okay. Love Fatone. Good. Now I would think now with this kind of achievement by the Space Monkeys, you guys own Christmas, no? Oh, come on. I can expect a space monkeys Christmas next year as well. A new tradition begins a new. Just like my Christmas shopping, yeah we'll start it early. next year's will be, oh this year's will be Stacey space muggy's bird in Christmas. So shit. Wow.

So yeah, so that I thought that you guys would be happy to hear that. Oh man, man, that's cool. I just hope people enjoy it. You're online. It has been good. I've seen a lot of good reviews about it. What are any complaints about it? What are the complaints?

Some of the complaints. Too much mic and ming jokes. Okay. I will never recognize that So we get dismissed that right away. Yeah That was pretty much that no the wait did away Yeah, the delay I did see some some problems about that it with that we had ruined people's Physicians somebody gave that exact sentiment and then they were like, they were like, fuck it, I'll buy it anyway.

And they said I was so, so, so. Three so's glad that I did, because it's great. Of course they are. Well, I mean, you can't, you know what, as far as many rumblings I've seen about, it's definitely not my fault about it. And that was like,

and how angry, some people were so angry that it was like, I love that passion. That's not talking about yeah You that passion only comes with a rabid fan base Yes, we have a rabid fan base not rabid enough to sell out the skulls Certainly not rabid enough to sell out all the skulls, but but certainly rabid enough to tell us that we fucked up their Christmas and it was ruined But the rings is limited to fucking being annoyed.

Yes. Yeah, so that's great though. I mean, that only shows how important and how much they love TSD that they would get that upset. So that's a good thing, in my opinion. I agree with that. And there are going to be a time when we release a space monkey's Christmas. And nobody will care. I don't know when that'll be.

You know what I'm saying? Like eventually, W1, we drop it, and we could drop it a bunch late, and no one will care. No one will give a shit. And then we're gonna be like, well, you know, then we're gonna be thinking back like, oh man, remember when everybody was so mad.

Remember that. I'm sorry. I thought you brought it on yourself. So let's not get too upset that some of this is what's that. That only shows that they love you. Do that. All right. Get it started earlier next year. I had a post Christmas story just because I don't know if anybody's Christmas out though.

No. No. And I was questioning people if I've ever told this story before because I thought it was a good story, but I kind of think it's possible that I told the before though. I got to know listeners. To Batman Utility Belt story. You guys had a lot of Batman Utility belt talk at one time. I don't know. We'll talk about it someday. This promise is to be Egypt and Egypt. Magic. Oh, logic, go. Maybe you should... I thought you said like nine hearted tenths. Maybe you should do this entire episode with a piece of leather in your mouth so you don't

swallow your tongue. We're in an oxygen tent. And an iron lung. You got to get healthy by that's your resolution. Oh, that's never happened before. Oh, you're getting older, dude. I just got a little lighter. Your health is definitely decreasing.

Well, I meant the oxygen couldn't get to your brain because you were laughing. That's not normal. Well, that's because I'm coughing. It's a flim, let me mention earlier, in case you wanted to hear about it again. All right. If you were paid to lose weight, would you do it? Yeah. How often money motivates this guy, though?

Might, though. It might, but I question him sometimes of money motivates him. I don't know what motivates him. I tried to find out what is your job. No, I'm in jail. I tried to find out what is your job. Why, are you offering to pay, get him to get to lose weight? Like a dollar a pound?

I think I would... I would do, yeah. He's like, so what, I like it to 100 bucks? What's the figure? Honestly, think about it for you to lose 50 pounds, what are you doing? I don't know. Well, I think I have to ask you. Get him, you can come back and oh, wait, there you are.

I don't know, ideally, what would you like to lose? I was down to when I looked like I had cancer, as Walt says, I was down to about like, well, it was Walt's relic to save behind your back. That's how the fight against roll. I feel like skinny and funny. It was like when you leave, they're like, how much longer does he have?

How did he keep his hair? Is that beard fake? Did he have to go buy our face? I look like one of the soggy bottom boys. I'm all tiny. I'm a dappin' man. How much is do I? I was like 160ish.

Wow, what do you know? I fear stepping on a scale. So we gotta do more than 50. So I'll bet you the scale fears it more. How much would it, what is the number that you would be like, I have to lose weight to get that tax-free cash money? I would probably do it for my health as well.

No, my nuts. True. What's true. No, what's the number that you were like, I can't pass this up, I have to do this. I don't know. Honestly. So say it was like 5,000. They're like 5,000, you got a year to lose blah, blah, blah.

I'd probably do that. That's a lot. What do you five grand? Yeah, I was thinking like 1,000. Probably do that's Yeah, I was thinking like a thousand What are you drinking out of there maybe that's what's making it a cough I think I was because when I was snubble on last night with that wind did everything as I told you

All right family to leave all less or less or unless you're unless someone's gonna match that 5k If you can lose 75 pounds by October I'll give you $5,000 cash Well, someone's have to wait right now, though I trust get them. I don't I don't you think I have to monitor this thing. Yeah, all right Okay, I'm just sitting here lamenting that I didn't say. I'm just waiting for money. Yeah, the hold out. Would you be motivated with that from that offer right there? Yeah, I like I said, I know I have to change a lot of things about my October. I will I will earn 5,000 I'll

specifically to give to you. Okay. You're taking it on. I, is it, do I have to give you $5,000 if I don't? No. Okay. No. I'd be willing to attempt it. Yeah. To attempt it, yeah.

Okay. All right. All right. So, one to your start. You can't put it on. He's got to do a weigh-in. Got to do a weigh-in. All right.

So, we'll do the weigh-in next week. We won't tell everybody what your starting weight is, so it's over. Okay's got to do a weigh-in. Gotta do weigh-in. All right, so we'll do the weigh-in next week. We won't tell everybody what your starting weight is, so it's over. We'll spare you that shame. And then they'll figure it out once we're like, all right, he has to lose 100 or something. I'm not sure I'll let people know. All right, cool.

So next week we'll bring a scale and we'll start. Okay. In this day and age, people think that shame should be a thing in the past. It absolutely should not. You should do it for shame. You should be ashamed of yourself when you weigh in and then work towards not being ashamed. I can see that. On a personal level, it was 104 pounds I wanted to lose.

So from up to like 85. I should be ashamed. Why that 104 pounds overweight? I should be ashamed of myself. Why that extra four pounds was it? Why was that four pounds so poor? Even number. Yeah, because it wasn't even number because I want a way 200. I weighed 304. So yeah, so that's what we get on to. All right. So again, so there's no retroactive money in it for you. All right. So you're so we. It's a big way in next week. Big way in next week.

And this is all for a good cause. That's a solid move. A bonus if you get to 100 pounds. We'll work it all out. I like the assumption that you could lose 100. I dropped pretty quickly when I did start to lose weight. You know that Maddie is going is going to have to go. That's a big part of it.

Yeah. Oh, it's the biggest part. Yeah. That's the, that is it. If he cuts out that beer, it'll fall off him. Yeah. Just melt away. Trying to save this guy's life.

You feel better. You're not having a fucking conibition every time you laugh. It's just like I said. I was like I said, I'm just, no, never had that happen before. I was just weird. Remember I asked you to see other day if you ever had a, what's it called, a stroke?

No, stroke, that's a called, a seizure. A seizure? Yeah, you look like you were having one. I just asked it, I didn't know where. Yeah, I don't know why. Something in my, like you never have, you never have, holy shit. Never have, you have those dogs that alert you when your their masters are going into a seizure

Right, I had a six day old alert in my head that you were gonna have a seizure So you like you like out like one of those truffle pigs that like Seizure like a seizure dog We got a new title. Sorry. Right. Remember I said that. Why would I ask you that in the blue? We've had a seizure before, right? You you've asked me weird questions out of the blue before so I don't know I even know why I asked you though. Over like over the stall There's a figure's a little

And I don't any know we just dropped it right you said I never have. And I just let it go. I had a premonition. You were going to have a seizure. We should have been, yet you didn't prepare for the possibility. You know what? It was the first time I ever felt it. So I didn't know how to react. So I'm like, are you going to have seizures? Get them.

And he said, no. So I'm like, all right. Maybe what I'm feeling or what I'm sensing is, I don't know what I'm feeling. And I just didn't know what I'm feeling. I'm like, I'm going to have a seizure. I'm going to have a seizure. I'm going to have a seizure. I'm going to have a seizure. I'm going to have a seizure. I'm going to have a seizure. I'm going to are you gonna have you have seizures get him and he said no, so I'm like all right Maybe my maybe what I'm feeling or what I'm sensing is I don't know what I'm feeling so wait and I just didn't it But now I know when I have that feeling like I know something's gonna happen

She'll walk around I'll tell you you could just shove it in my toe my teeth Yeah, I'll tell you when I when I have a seizure at a time when I sense something coming on Sweet all right Way in that's way in next week when I send something coming on. Sweet. All right. Way in that. Way in next week. People want to hear what you have to say about. Oh, okay. We got a we got a about, uh,

I guess they're thinking of changing a state law in Oregon. Oh, no wait. And they did change the law. Uh, motorists in rural counties can now pump their own gas. Because previously it was only Oregon and New Jersey where people do not pump their own gas. They require an attendant and some people are... I think it was... From what I understand it was basically for jobs because if you suddenly get rid of all the attendance, then they don't have any jobs, blah blah blah whatever. That's the understanding that I got now on a personal level. I don't like pumping my own guess unless for

Speedy I don't like my hand smell like gas if I'll go to a place where there are guys there like ready to go But I don't like the cold in the rain. I don't like it and doing it and that's New Jersey traditionally haven't had even had even though we service, we had cheaper gas than even like New York or anything. Still do. Right. Yeah, we do. So that's, I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum.

I love it when I go out of the state because I feel like a man, for no one like, that's the only time I can feel like a man. You buy all your gas in Pennsylvania, you will drive the Pennsylvania to get your gas. Because I don't have to put in quality. Hey kids, watch this.

I don't know how to fix a car. I don't know how to even I don't even know how to pop a hood Sometimes I'm asking people I know I popped this hood But I love when I'm able to go out of town when I special night drove to just a Florida Had to put my own gas in the car the whole time and it does feel like you're you're a bit more masculine Yeah, I don't know why. That's good. Order is your bitch of a boyfriend. Pump is on. But you know how?

Yeah, I do other stuff that makes me feel manly. Not so much getting out in minus one weather and jumping my own guest. I prefer someone else to it. Especially if it makes it cheaper for me. There's like, it's hard to argue it. The Wawa that I passed, they put the new pumps in where it's diesel and gas. And the other Wawa I go to is they have diesel only pumps in, self-serve for diesel in New Jersey. And it get bothersome when I go to the one that like they come out and pump it into my truck for me.

Can you tell the snowblown, still a gun? Or have another seizure? Yeah, can you make it laugh? So he fucking... We won't revive him. Yes. He just turns his back. To be fair, all we did was watch him.

None of us had much to do with that. I put my hand on his back. Yeah. What are you talking about? He did. He's healing touch. That's compassion. I don't know what else to do. He's a human contact.

I'll give you one death what you never had in life. So when they let you pet your dog as they put it to sleep? All right. Okay. So what is the question? So the question is, Q, are these, there's some Oregonians that are, are crying about it and be like, I don't know what, I don't know what to do.

I don't, how is this going to change? They don't. So, can I give some advice to them? Yes, Q. Can you offer some advice to these people? When you pull up to the pump, if you look at your dashboard, all your dials and the speedometer and stuff, the cluster. If you look at your gas tank gauge, tells you how much gas in it, next to the little picture of the pump is there an arrow

and the point to the right or the left, that arrow points to the side of the car where your gas tank, where you're guess tank, where you fill up your tank. And that on all cars? Every car, standard on every car. Most people don't know about it. And I figure these people in Oregon are gonna have problems now, what side is it on?

And if it did it before, you gotta do is look at your gas gauge and we'll have the little arrow pointing to which side your gas door is on. Life hack. That is some of the best advice you've ever given on Tom Steve Dave. It's pretty good,

because when somebody told me I was like, oh shit, it's gonna change my life. It's gonna change my life. You're acting like you designed your arrow rather than just pointing out. Everyone else is going to protect me. When somebody told me and it does, it changes this arrow. Yeah, it's not the blinkers No, okay, no, okay. There's a game change if you turn your blinkers

We don't know much about cars. Yeah That's good especially for rental cars when you don't know what what side it's on All right, well, there you go. Where are you going to learn? Q's helped you out. You want to you want to do you have anything else? You want to help you out? Do you want to do you want to do anything else? You want to sell in the bar? I don't think I don't think I can. Oh, no, we cut you off. Did you?

I do have something. Whole if you would bear with me for a second. Shit. I'm going to be two places. Oh, your your on tour? I'm on tour. Yeah. What do you mean?

Not really. You're on contour. It's'm on tour, yeah. What do you mean? Not really. You're on contour. It's a bit of a contour. You know what, I got to go to Ming's Instagram because you know, well now one is just, we're going out to the Funco premiere. There's a Funco documentary that we're going out to. So we are going to, we are going to do a show one of those days. Oh yeah, a live show.

A live show. What are you guys calling it? Who is we? I don't know, let me see. Mike Mengen, Brian. That's a guy. Hey, guys, Colin. Colin Bookman, are you allowed to?

Could you get AMC's approval? No, he's calling it. Okay, it's January 21st, 2017. It's 2018 actually. Meet the new West Coast Avengers. Whoa! Marvel might have a problem with that. Not sure what we're avenging. Marvel may put a cease-of-dissist on Ming if he calls it that. They may try. But Ming was calling it as nasty as they want to be, much like Two Life Crew. And I'm not sure if he's talking about the show or the room that Mike and Ming are sharing

when this is nasty. That's the name of the show. That's the name of the show. Mike Ming and Brian is nasty as they want to be. Wes Coast of Vengeance is nasty as they want to be. That's the Knows. That's the Rap Album, right? Knows, yeah.

That's the two-life crew. Two-life crew, right. Yeah. Really? No, rap album right? No, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, what's the date? Oh, it's the January 21st, 2018. That's a Sunday I believe and It's the scum in Villeney, Katina 63-77 Hollywood Boulevard. Oh, I heard that place is awesome. Yeah, that's what I that's what Ming said that it's Really like it. Oh man. Well, I mean if you're not on the that coast I have a show and see your accused New York that night You know so you can see us or you can just come to the store anytime you want and see Walt. Yeah.

Don't do that. It's not as nasty as you want to be though because Walt has put the caboch on any sort of nastiness with the jokers, right? That's right. Oh, you mean with the jokers? We're just going to work out the next version of the show. The camp, yeah. Yeah, well, we're just on the right material and stuff like that, so I'll be sure to keep it clean. Yeah, no blue.

We're gonna summon the band. Somebody tried to do the second show. Oh, you have a second thing. Yeah, February 9th to 11th, Astronomicon in Detroit. It's nasty as you want to be there too. Dude, anywhere I get that, that's in Sterling Heights, Michigan, which I guess is just outside of Detroit. The only reason I'm doing that one is because I want to moderate Keynes Paddle and Bill Mosley's panel. Get out of here, Keynes can be there. Yeah, so that's... And what's his name? Napoleon Dynamite is going to be there, so I'm'm gonna give him some shit for dissonous Early on yeah early on I

What did you see your compliment comic book man? Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. No, it was Tom Steve Dave because I wanted to ask him some questions Are gonna do like a bumper for us and he's like gosh no Michigan And he's like gosh no Michigan Michigan and cane cane. It's a panel about cane. It's I guess the pride of 13th panel Man, I may want to fly up for this you definitely should sit. Hey is gonna be there Bill Mosley is gonna be there Let's see booker tea. You must like him right? Yeah, I like booker King Booker. Eric Bischoff. Oh shit. Tyler Maine.

Tyler Maine. Road Warrior Animal. Tyler Maine was the first. That's a favorite dude, yeah. Scott Hall. Uh huh. Bruce, just like, just like W.E. or Kevin Nash.

Oh shit. Who, if you look, is still below certain TV personality? Yeah. Well, a picture that they fucking will not update no matter how many fucking times I ask. Who is they? My, my, my, my people. My peeps. Am I? Oh, Stasis is losing consciousness. Oh, don't get up, sit down. He doesn't need bells. Get him with that thing. What? Giddum's Flemm in your mouth. Can you imagine?

Can you imagine? I'd be like, just let this easier to hold. Is it worth the living? Knowing what that memory is. It worth carrying that burden. Like you would rather be like Freddie Krueger's mom swallowing in the loads of a hundred mean. A little bit of fiddle. Yeah. Is that what they call survivors guilt? Fucking Amanda.

The bastard son of a thousand maniacs or a little bit of get him spittle on your lip. What is with the cough? I know. Are you not allowed to do you have health insurance, right? Yeah. Go get some fucking antibiotics or a spray or something. That's why I got to, I just got some cough drops. Oh, some, some over the counter, fucking no brands. Spirited. Yeah.

Got them at the auction. They're all so useful. Yeah, they have cocaine in them. I would love to see the better. You know what? You are right to you. I generally feel better if I do, if I come down and do the show. And I think that may be part of it, because we haven't done a sense before Christmas. So if I go too long without hanging out with you,

maybe that's why you're in a shitty mood. Could have been. Yeah, because I'm in a better mood now. Good. You want to summon it? My Ren field, as I call him, to that's why you're in a shitty mood. Could have been. Dicks, I'm in a better mood now. You want a summoner? My Ren field, as I call him to summon me?

I'm not gonna put all this shit on, dude. I'm not on fucking camera. I'm just gonna put the hat on. I was gonna take a picture. He was gonna take a picture so people knew. It's coming up. I'll do that later. I'll post show.

I'll put all the costume on. That's how they do it in you and just post effects I'm not familiar with this industry my people have That's why I'm doing shitty content outside Detroit And 50 cedars with my can-man So I got to find the asses you want to be Well, I got to try to last news you wanted me though. Well, I got to create a house. Me too, that's more.

No, as now, as we've found out in the Halloween special, I have unlimited souls now. Well, not unlimited. Only a couple hundred, you fuckers, wet and butter skull. So I have plenty of skull skull souls that I can now use. Like an unlimited facts. I don't even, nobody has to pay for them anymore. Okay.

And so recite the poem, get them and... Why is this asshole retweeting the same or re-instagramming or however the fuck you do it? With the wrong date, he keeps... Because I'm gonna re- Oh! Reposed... I was gonna like repost it, but it's the wrong date. Do you think as nasty as they want to be titled is a shot at the impractal jokers?

How I was like I'm gonna fucking clean it up and he's like you sold out Where is nasty as we want to be? I wouldn't have made that that correlation that the right use of the word. Yeah close enough It's English and last if you must be feeling a little close enough. It's English. And you must be feeling a little self-conscious about this about the year. I wasn't, but I mean, ordinarsists. Or selling out. It's a friend of mine. But at the same time, you can imagine them taking a subtle shot at the jokers. Yeah. All right. What's that? What's that? What's that game they play? The, the they play the the just all the degrees of bacon oh six degrees of Kevin Bacon and two All right

Darkness drown out light appear being a fact within my sight Outlight appear being a fact within my sight Kavya and Anto are getting Kavya and Anto are well. I'm the Baron bitch. We talk about it. I won't be more. I got the hat on Yeah This this session of the Baron Sorry So I need some dogs sitting someone needs her thunder shirt Thunder best So I need some dogs sitting on it. So I need some thunder shirt. The thunder vest.

Thunder vest. Yeah. Oh, we may not be able to make, but I have to put Deathland to work. He'll have to put the thunder clops in after the, after the, uh, all right. Oh, I hope I have time. Oh, we got it now. No, after every fact that we've got to go under in. And I don't want to, I don't want to scare the dogs.

Oh, that's okay. That's horrible. I can't scare that at least. But this episode of the Baron or this segment of the Baron, it's all sex facts. The Body Baron. The Body Baron, huh? The Body Baron, that's what I'm calling this one.

Oh, you know what I want to hear then? Declan, I want to hear sexy, a sexy version of Thunder, like, it's something like. Yeah, like Thunder the Baron, but. Yeah, like this is the Baron after dark We have a baron theme song Yeah, there is a baron theme song that we came out to on the live on the Grammar C Mm-hmm. I'll see if I can get that to a charge can sexy it up Yeah, we need a Baron after dark theme song

Yeah, we need a we need a Fahrenheit after dark. He's so about to I don't know if we're gonna have the time here. I'm at some that's in that Seventh year. I need all that cute again. I told you I know you guys You're had the blues and I was gonna chase your blues by making you guys horny Right, I love it. So it's what's worked in the past Yeah, I'm gonna make it as nasty as we want I'll make you guys horny by these facts and and thoughts you won't be sad anymore. Okay. Alright, you ready for the first fact?

Makes perfect sense. Yeah. Why, don't you feel a little bit better after you've, um, I forget it. From what I recall. The first fact from the body barren. There's enough sperm in one single man to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet. Whoa! That's right, yo!

Whoa! So a healthy man could father a child with every fertile woman on the planet, just one man. That's crazy. There's a lot of fertile for the woman out there. So wait at one time. Like a separate and one man's body. At any given time. Give each healthy woman a sick woman. Not somebody that has a slice and has to put a pellet in his back. Is someone argue he's Yeah Another guy's his age someone make that argument Some yeah, I'm included in some It's not like I have the testosterone of a vegan What do you think it at huh I think it's it's pretty impressive pretty impressive

Yeah, you want kids what eventually? Yeah We're not talking about the ones that go to the high school across the street Well, your clock is ticking your your parental clock is on the fucking It's on the on the other side of midnight bitch. What do you mean? What are you waiting for? I know a whirling female Why don't you adopt Alec Why don't you adopt Alec? No, he's mine. Julie Walton. So yeah, I knew that would blow your mind.

That's pretty crazy. Is that making you guys a little bit more cheerful? Yeah. I found that out. I felt a twitch. I'm not a full arousal yet. It was definitely a twitch. Get ready to have to crush your legs.

Oh, I can't believe it. I can be back up like, what a good one. Get ready to have to crush your legs. Oh, okay. I think we back up like, what a shot he takes at me. It was to make me feel better. Like, without medical assistance. You might as well be a girl taking that cum. You've never filled her on gasoline.

I'm like, she'll have a man with a gas. You don't pump women in. You're worse than a game. You're put a words in the barren's mouth. And we never say, but get ready to have to hide. Hold on. I want to stare at Stacey Patel while you say this. That's a fact. Uh oh.

Yeah. Hold that. Hold the shower ready. Give me a give me that for this. It's a cold shower, ready? Give me a, give me that old nasty water, like a port on his head, if I say this. Poor dog. Approximately 1-3rd of women. In their 80s, continue to have sex with our partners.

So long as they are both in good enough health to do so. 1-3rd. We should look forward to them. Yeah, I know. enough health to do so. One third. We should look forward to it then. Yeah, I know. That's a lot of 80 year olds still doing it. Do they mean married partners or just their partners? No, I tell you, my parents live in that retirement community down there. That's right.

I fucking free for all. I heard there were so many soldiers there. How would they come by that information? No, it's like a thing. Oh, I would love it if I can't It's revolving up there. Not unfortunately No, there was a book for you about it. You think it would raise your dad's pulse even a couple beats I've never seen someone as stoic as queues dead like I made him left and it's like when people make you left Like there's a sense of

Oh, yeah, my father is locked to down He doesn't have to he doesn't have to the what you would think you don't get your sense of it all the time. Oh yeah, my father is locked to down. He doesn't have to, he doesn't have to, what you would think, you don't get your sense of humor from your father side then. Uh, I don't know what you're saying. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I I might have never heard my father tell a joke in my entire life. So where do you get it from all from your mom? I don't really get it from anywhere. I just find funny people hang around them. That's what I said there.

Yeah, like any time there's a claim to like, well, you know where he gets it from. It's like, yes, Walt Kev, like any number of friends that I had went into adulthood. Well, you'd, yeah, I could see that. You don't want to give your parents any props. They got no credit for any thing. Your mom's pretty funny. Yeah, I could see that. You don't want to give your parents any props. They got no credit for any of that. Your mom's pretty funny. Yeah, she's a liar. I don't know what that is.

She's... How much of them annoy you? I can't say. Pam was fucking a star. Oh, like... It annoys me when she says something and people left that I'm like, what are you laughing at? Like, I'm surrounded by retards.

Like, what's so angry? I'm like a diamond wander into a sonic or something. Oh, wow. Yeah, so I, that doesn't surprise me. Doesn't surprise you that. But that's like saying if there's 180 year olds. Let's say you're in, let's say you're at a, you're doing a Joker show at a retirement community. Yeah. And there's about 180 year olds. Let's say you're in, let's say you're at a, you're doing a Joker show at a retirement community.

Yeah. And there's about 180 year olds there. A third of them are fantasizing about you probably. Let's hope only a third. The, well, the issue is that men die way before women. So in these retirement communities, it's like 10 to 1. So guys, they come back to the rule, man. They fucking, they fuck around. Hot core. There's gotta be black market, Viagra going on there. Dude, with that, I'm talking about it.

I'm talking about it. We're in a whole book, it's called the Leisureville. Leisureville. Leisureville. Because you're not supposed to take Viagra every fucking day and that's what these people do, like they go nuts.

And probably they all don't get prescriptions so somebody goes and it's expensive. It's that and we. 50 bucks a pill. Weed, weed, weed our huge, like there's a big viagron weed trade down there. I cannot wait until I can move into a retirement for like five years from now.

I would go. I would go. I would go. I would go. I would go. I would go. I would go. I would go.

I would go. I would go. I would go. I would go. I would go. I would go. I would sweet. I'm gonna be the fucking young meat, right? You will be, yeah, you'll be fresh fish. Yeah, like what's with a scar on you? So I'm like, never mind that baby, just. Hey, you know what, 80 year old.

We're all great pubes, but they are not gonna care about that. As long as you, as long as you're, you'll be the most veer-o-do dare. Yeah, like if I don't care about your fucking face, they'll, you don't care about the scar on your ass. Oh, dude. Do you think it's a different experience Do dare like if I don't care about your fucking face, they don't care about the scar on your ass Do you think it's a different experience being with an 80 year old? Oh Think about a lot of experience they have yeah

They gotta have no They have to have no what's what's what no one in the inhibitions? Yeah, like I'm ready to try anything Okay, I'll be dead. I mean mentally. Oh, I meant physically. I mean to me like I see an eight year old I'm like you're gonna snap like a like a fuck a piece of spaghetti. Well think about that. I have those only a lord We think about they have like those adjustable beds. Yeah, yeah, I probably make it out with a 60 something year old woman on her honey Moose yeah, I know it's just pretty good to ask I've heard I've heard that I'm but yeah, I've heard there's a big STD problem in the There is yeah, because they had they can get access to the drugs, but not stuff like condoms. What? Why not?

They also don't realize there's a cure for syphilis. They're so bad. Why can't they just roll a roll or a roll on the phone? They can get some prophylactics. I don't, I'm maybe... They can't get pregnant. They don't give a fuck down there. I'm telling you.

Yeah, they're like, oh, raw dogs. You don't have to worry about pulling out or anything. The village is a flower that seems to be the problem. And why did your parents pick there? Because it is a beautiful community. It's got a lot of good stuff. They didn't know about the, they did number one is,

they know more than they knew. I don't know, I don't know. So is there a chance that they knew and picked that on purpose? No, no, my mom, I hope so. I would be really happy for your family. So you're saying, you're having a much fun, across the board, not just this one, across the board.

Oh, I thought it was this specific. No, the book was pretty about this community. That dear parents live in. Yes. Did you tell them? I told them. What they think my mother was like, oh, she didn't like it too much. She was a boy. Or was it because I had found out that she'd like it. It's true. Well, she should've been tipped off by the town of Fuxberg. Yeah. I was like, I don't know. But if you move in, like, you're an old guy and you move in and you're like, wait, what?

Like, you didn't even know that. But knowing yourself, you're 80 and you're looking at another 80 year old lady. Are you like fine? I don't care. Depends on where I am in my life, I guess, but I probably you're still doing jokers. I'm big on a snappy look at Jerry. I tried out. I'm begging how to snap you look at

Geriatric right out Keep this thing in me that keeps me alive Trues implant it All right fact three we'll try it with the dog as you would happen to you Besides humans wolves bears and bats engage in oral sex. How about that, Willa? I did that little softer. That little bit sexier for you. You could see yourself.

Oh, yeah. That's not like a alarming thunder. Yeah, that's like a fog. That's like, that's not like a alarming thunder. Yeah, like a fuck that's like that's far enough. Incoming pleasure thunder. That's waves waves of thunder. Yeah, emanating. So bats are giving each other blow jobs and yeah, it's wolves, bears and bats are the only other species that engage in the practice of other species that engage in the practice of. So that means there's got to be a lot of homosexual activity in the bat community. There's a lot of gay bats.

See, that's odd that you would jump to that conclusion. I assume that it was male female. Because it's so much easier, just the tongue, right? The rough, like they all have rough tongues in shit. Like, I can't see a bear sucking a cock, right? Unless it's like a dude bear, like a regular bear bear, like, well, I don't see a bear sucking a cock right unless it's like a dude bear like a regular bear bear like Well, I don't think they give head. I think they just I'm licking their genitals like it's not like So you think they just like like if a girl's doing it's just not necessarily sucking and

Cray to Ling and using that Yeah, I don't think they make eye contacting and sending in the general to see how it goes So wait wait, it's wolves do up a not domestic dog, so it's something that we've bred out. We can say that with a perfect, they won't do it on the research yet. Peanut butter, peanut butter. Nothing works, popcorn, I think videos you make a lot of videos. I guess we, we we we force up I catch it or four fathers fuck this fuck this fuck man. We beat it out of them

But have you ever seen a bat other than when it's sleeping do anything slow It's just like they just fly around like, like their heads are on fire. Like they're on meth, just like aimless. So I can't even, like how, how, how still would they have to be to perform that act on another bat, though? Well, they hang upside down. So that puts one of them in the proper position.

Oh, they're in 69 and a lot of times. Yeah. I can only imagine the girl who's tasked with giving him head is probably looks like a bat mid flight just starting all over trying to get away. Looking for an opening in a window. A door is a window with charge.

I'm looking bell-free to hang out in anything. Anything to get in. not in October 2018 though No Yeah, they're gonna be a line of back flush to the beat them beat the bats off with a 80-year-old I'm done in a retirement If you guys had to choose which species would you like to see that like you've had a national Yeah, we just see the bear for the early bats If you guys had to choose which species would you like to see were possible. I would watch hummingbird porn You get in which would you prefer to see the batsons? I've already seen the other

Like it said that would be interesting just figuring out the logistics of it vampire bad but he doesn't want blood Well, maybe sometime that the month he does that bad is nasty. He wants to be He's gonna get his red one We should beat a number one podcast in the world. Yeah, look at that speed look at that speed of Brian It's insane Yet we languish somewhere around one million Like unenurted Are they talking about fucking bats? No, but I think they are talking to Tom Cruise. So, I don't think it matters. I think Tom Hanks was up there.

But does that really compare? You're talking to Tom Hanks about his typewriter collection. Yeah, but that sounds pretty good. It's pretty no mod. Is that really more interesting than Ryan Johnson throwing out red wings? It's not but but to the average person Who'd be like what's he talking about? You everybody knows it's an easier like self Tom hangs talking about typewriter's a brunjets And it's about homosexual bats 69 each other during their periods

All right, I know. All right. I like tape readers. I like tape readers. I still like fucking fires, Trump. You want to hear some more? Oh, yeah. You need a better mood? Yeah.

And horny. Okay. We'll get him. This is interesting. I thought, I had no idea that this was this is from the medical Association. The average time to achieve an erection for a for a normal healthy man. Yeah. He's under 10 seconds. Whoa. Oh, wait, that can't be right. How long? What's that age range? It says the average time to achieve an erection for a normal healthy male is under 10 seconds. If it's more than 10 seconds

You may have Disfunction you need some pellets. Yeah, well below that's Seconds I haven't gotten fucking 10 seconds in a while like 18 or 19, right? Yeah, like it's and also it has to be like I'm going to do this and then 10 seconds later You're ready to do this That seems awfully fast Yeah, you guys are you guys looks are your Your inner clocks are not working at a 10 second

inter-clock, or not working at a 10 second. Uh, no. Performance from zero to 10 seconds in. Not so much anymore, but like, you don't need a stopwatch, you need a calendar. But now, yeah, you would definitely need to see a couple sweeps of the hand, man. I don't know. 10 seconds is fast. Remember that's a motley crew song? 10 seconds to love. 10 seconds to love, yeah.

Oh, I'm not saying it won't be over in 10 seconds I'm saying the startup Yeah, normally you can do it and pay within 10 seconds Are you are you in the same boat as a Q and bride maintaining that 10 seconds is the is a ridiculous standard to meet I Would say maybe 10 seconds to full uh... That's what I'm talking about. Full mass. I would say by 10 seconds it's pretty much halfway there at least. So you need 20, you're saying? Yeah, I would say. That seems to me. It seems

like in my mind that's about how long it takes. Is that still 20? Which in the girl's mind is 19 seconds too long. Just 20 seconds in hell. Yeah. Hey, I didn't even take a place. You know what? Give me the... I mean, she had tape over her mouth.

Give me a week. I'm gonna do some research on this. I'll do some research on this. You have a stopwatch? I will not. Yeah. I'll get back to you when we record next week week Mike just bought a collection of 80s porn. Did you see though all those magazines? It was he did not buy just a collection of eights for it

He brought a giant collection and there happened to be some 60s playboys in it out of three bins one of them was all porn Yeah, it wasn't like we chose to bring that that Where is it? In right over there back by my area It makes you much better It's even here Yeah But uh You want me to get some of that out of your fear? You might want it to be pretty interesting

Yeah It's so old I found interesting was Walt's take on it He goes He's like why do you need so much? He goes don't you just need like one or two magazines and then you're done? Yeah, why would this guy need a collection of them? Like, if you have two good ones, yeah, that's all you need.

You get bored after a while. Well, that's why you got a fucking... That's why I got a weak trigger. Yeah, you get it. That's why you can need more than 10 seconds. I guess I need bullets. You become desensitized. Yeah, I looked at so many old porn magazines.

So you're telling me 10 seconds? The barons are good to go. Uh, the barons doesn't even eat the full 10 seconds The Baron can get the Baron can be ready to rock in Probably 8.5 Wow The both average and every us Super smeller, mm-. Faster than the speeding bullet. Well, we're gonna get to that.

Oh, okay. The barren is quick, but not in every aspect. Get them told you, don't assume. Oh, I know, he doesn't need any help. A bunch of you run-field like that. All right, you ready to move on to the next one? Hey, I like you want to change your name or in field? Um.

Hi, I'm Ron Field. This is a special Santa Blanca. The fear of money to the Shrinis, you can have your name change and become a ward of the stash too. A ward. I a skull. I have three dance now. I can't identify anybody.

Listen, why are you listening to the nervous? Are you men in a cripple anybody listen why are you listening to the nervous? I'm a man in a cripple baby Like right you listen to your elicit to people interview Obama dudes like Sacran fucking boring dry bullshit. I mean I'm here anywhere. It's like the late night shit that's on TV now pussy ass bullshit Nerdist is like really that fucking lame is it? Make it You know all Matt Meyer is a good friend of mine. I actually do I do I do I would like to use a different example I'm gonna actually do like the nurse let's say I don't know my can make show

I'm only using the nurse because they're super super popular. They're probably their It's number one podcast probably in the world right that Joe Rogan maybe yeah, no, yeah, Rogan is Rogan is huge But a lot of them like we said her like a lot are like learning podcasts But a lot of them like we said are like a lot are like learning podcasts and Sure, and PR and PR that yeah, I get if I'm using you if I'm using a nervous example It's not because I'm slamming is because They're their new maruno Right when you're at the top you gotta expect you shots now do you think Alex has a Exclusivity agreement with triners or you think you think you can maybe like

Email him and he'll like do a bumper for like TSD. I would love that. Maybe some of you can make that happen. I'm tired of bullshit like the nervous. Like you said man, like a pretzel doggies maybe. Wait, wait, but you know who the Shriners are. You got a song poster. You know who the Shriners are part of don't you?

Some bullshit. They're part of the Masons. Really? Yes. That's good work for the Masons. I think that's something like that. That are part of don't you some bullshit they're part of the mason's really yes That's good work for the mason's I think that's something that's part of their charity Where wasn't that the whole like oh no that was I was to say that that convention that was a Legionnaires right the The one where they were Legionnaires disease. Yeah was that was that the Shriners who was a I'm not sure How much do you wow So wait wait we left off I'm not sure. I watched the... Wow. Um...

So wait, wait, we left off... We're ready to go move on to this... 10 seconds. You said something about time, and I told us time as well. That we got into Legionnaires' discuses. Let's get them, you might have, with all the right...

Coffin and shit. A jackulation, under three minutes upon insertion, is considered premature. Yeah, how long? All right, three minutes. How long has it been since you only lasted three minutes? That's not a part. In fact, I think my issue goes in the other direction.

Me and you secrete duration spray. That's why we're e-bangin'. You're a super stash if you want to buy it. Yeah. And anything I think sometimes it goes on too long. Most girls feel the same way with me. Even if it is under your eyes. I'm talking about the girls.

A lot of them are me, I'm having a blast. Yeah, I think most guys are like, let's wrap this up. But I think I'm medically though. Just pay me. The hour's up. That'll be 300 raises. Just keep that back costume on five more minutes.

We're almost there. Poppy wins. He met with Batman. But I medically, I would have thought the medical association would have had a lower. Just three minutes, I don't believe, I mean, I don't, a three minute still feels like that would not be a problem. You know what I'm saying? I thought like, I thought it would be like

three minutes. It's pretty 20 seconds, you know, like, like, that, like, that kind of like in done over, sorry. I know a girl who told me that she was, I don't know if she's currently with them or she was with them like pretty recently and she said that like in under 15 seconds, that was, that was happening. But are they saying three minutes

is the upper threshold of being prematureness? Everything for three minutes down to, no, anything over three minutes is fine. You're the man. Yeah. You're fucking love good. You're Casanova. Yeah. If you can go with five. Look, there have been times where you're like, you're so excited and you're so into it that you're like, oh man, I got to slow this down.

Right. I mean slow your roll. Yeah, the problem is once I slow down, then I'm like, if I, if the horses want to escape the barn, and I shut that barn at the last second, because I want to keep those horses in a little long time, I'm down again. I'm he doesn't. You fuck horses too. Don't want to get their nose out Let me rephrase that What the Baron doesn't know his versus could blow you to And vice versa Yeah, you know you know when you're bound to climax and you stop yourself. Yeah, when I do that Then it's them with it for an hour That's the problem that I don't like about that. It's a balancing act

You got a lot of plates. Yeah, a lot of plates All right, he's on the other end of the spectrum It could begin with you agree not a good way. I don't want to I'm posting here It's on the spectrum. I do you agree with the medical Society that that three over three minutes is not would not be good. I think over three minutes sounds normal I know I don't usually do you suffer when you jerk off do you do it in less than three minutes? Oh definitely Yeah, well, because I'm trying to accomplish a goal. It's an end to mean. I read somewhere that It's our mother's fault. It's our parents fault if you're a premature ejaculator because you're taught like when

your young masturbation is evil or God does want to do it, whatever. So you'll do it as fast as you can to so you don't get caught. Whoever talks about it though, you're taught. Who taught you this that it was? Oh, my parents told me constantly every night at dinner all they wanted to do was me masturbating. No, no, no, no. They didn't tell me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no My parents told me constantly every night at dinner all they wanted that was me masturbating Compensation ever come up as you're growing up. No, that you're like this is evil Brian. You better not be doing this No, it was just who's

Like it was not I think that it would be frowned upon in my house. Yeah. Yeah. Well, your mom's pretty religious. Yeah, and she was also 19 when she got married. She didn't know anything. You know what I mean? It's like a crash course. Oh, I know what you mean. My mother was 21 when she had me. It was never discussed in my house,

but I think if I knew I had like time till like a parent was coming home, I would just, you know, go to town and, you know. Go to town. Yeah. I just got hard in less than five seconds Your normal. Yeah, normal healthy. No, but what now is it's about masturbating under the cover of secrecy with his fucking relatives walking around the house? Now it's like a ghost in the corner

He just puts a bunch of old laundry over Just like it's not sticking to his body with sweat. Trying to ignore it. Nowadays I find it takes me longer to find good material than it does to. Can you lock eyes with Stacy when I talk to him about this? Well, he's played my sister again. Let's move on before one of us at the moment. Oh. Me and Q are having seizures.

Get them describes, jerk. This one's a go on, Q. OK. I'm really curious to see if you have experienced this. I hope so. I don't know. You may not. Because I thought this was gross. All right, you ready?

Approximately 60% of men have sex in other than the missionary position Report getting erect nipples while having sex I don't think I've ever noticed I've never noticed what that does sound gross I would just turn off I would think my wife of all of a sudden I was walking around like I had like these like I'm How do you mine is ten How big are your nipples that is noticeable. I've got like dinner plate aerial. Let's hang some laundry up to stop her. That's where you going. Yeah, there is something.

60% of men have said that this happens. I know some women like playing with a dude's nipples. Yeah. Wow. I know some women like playing with a dude's nipples. Yeah Wow Man that hit home for you I don't think it's sick. I don't know if I'd be comfortable with it What like pension nipples and shit. Yeah, some chick like pinch of my nipples

Not for any other reason that I'm fucking over. So I'd be like, oh god. Let me tell you something. It's so fat. Like the last. Get off my tent. The last two times that I've been like in the house and not had a shirt on. Sage has been like, what's wrong with your stomach?

Because essentially, you lose a bunch of weight and until you really start tightening up the skin. I look like a snake that like was shedding its skin and just gave up halfway through. Like, using like cocoa butter on that? Yeah, I'm like, do you have anything for stretch marks I'm asking pregnant women? I don't know.

Yeah, but it's like, it's like loose so until I like, tone and firm up and shit, it's like. Okay. Is that firm up skin? Cause I've always seen unlike these crazy, like channels where they have like these people. Like my 600 pounds. I don't know how to get the skin removed.

Yeah, I don't know. It's not that much skin. Like it's not enough. She shouldn't be fucking pointing it out. It's not like it's that bad. I don't know. You know, like go check out TLC if you want to see some real face.

That's what I like about it though. Completely honest without like, oh, this may fucking make him feel it. Where did she learn fat chame from? That's where you have to it though, completely honest, without like, oh this may be fucking making fun of you. Where did you learn fat chameleon from? That's where you had to go. I have no idea. Did they get it in the school?

I remember one time we were, I don't forget where you and I were, but we were on a beach and this is when I was at my fattest. I took my shirt off and you went, I'm Bobby Mollie, why is that ugly woman going to go out? You were like, my mom, why is that ugly woman going to go out? You think I'm going to go out? You think my mom, why is that ugly woman? I forget the rest of the session. I was like, I guess I'm totally sure. No, I don't feel so bad about that. I'm like, what about that talent joke? Yeah, nah, nah. Who's he the fucking game? Try to kill me. Try to shame me for making a good joke.

I tried joke shaming in 2018. The same the nervous I found out. Yeah, that was pretty heavy. So no one in your rec nipples, Q? I have never noticed my nipples get erect. I don't feel I need to know. Brie? I've never noticed.

No, but now I feel like the next time I may be like oh no, but you I'm beginning to think that you have experienced this phenomenon. I don't know I don't mind if someone wants to come up a grab on you know, no, no, no, no I'm not saying I'm talking about you. We're not saying to put out a public plea In the in while you are engaged they you are engaged, they will become a rouse. Big time. Oh wow. Really?

Has this been always since puberty? This has been a phenomenon of yours? Well, I guess since I've been having sex. Right, yeah. It's not definitely not since puberty. But uh when you jerk off to your nipples get on I would say sometimes you gotta be a clip that can please Oh, that is what it eclipse before the show begins I am not ashamed to say I've

Maybe pinch them during the what yeah during your own. Yeah Why the fuck did he go to the bathroom? Oh my god wait a minute. Oh I didn't know how you miss I can't really walk out at that moment Please keep or you what you like you ask I just get him when he masturbates as his nipples get hard Right, he then he said this I've sometimes pinched him during the like the act Get that try to erase that why are we not as popular as the nervous I mean did you ever try and like lick or something like that like a fucking no, that's just

He's not a freak Oh, my god, yeah, I just imagine actually like lactating Drinking some milk, we have a free hand and it's just like okay, it's that's some different I'm I'm not sorry. Yeah, I want to apologize. I want to talk less than 10 seconds for it to go away. Oh, wow. As body as you want it to be a now look.

No, I have staring in a mirror pinching his own nipples. You're looking in a mirror? No. Yeah, I was. Oh, I'd fuck. Oh, good. Oh, I have felt cute. In the past, I have found like, there are girls. Oh, no. Good, well, hold on. I have found cute. In the past, I have found like,

there are girls who like their nipples pinch. So hard. Yeah. That I'm like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hurt, I'm gonna tear right the fuck up. I'm gonna hurt you, like. Yeah, but, and that's confusing because they don't all like that.

And then you can over apply pressure. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's a mess. I don't get it, I don't get it. No. For the first time ever to nest this next one The Baron is going to defer to his Renfield. He doesn't want to speak it aloud. Oh shit. It's the fact that is so

Plus he's got vomit in his mouth after that description of him jerk it off with bitches nipples Are you ready get him? I want you to read number seven number seven. Yeah, oh Okay Are you ready to get him? I want you to read number seven. Number seven. Yeah. Oop, oop. Okay. The average vagina is three to four inches long, but can expand by 200% when sexually aroused. So that's a foot long. Wait a second. That's insane.

Deep or... I thought like... Deeper long. That way, like... Like a cabin? No, I thought it meant like thought meant like like like I guess it moves up to But you have stuff like the cervix that kind of like a Doltoro movie I've never seen that before and I'm wondering why I guess I'm not doing it right because I've never seen that act

Don't touch yourself. No, I don't think that that it goes from I think I mean it's wide. No, no, no, I don't think it Yeah, hold on let's ask the one person who would probably know maybe maybe they mean it Does it move up to your sternum when you're turned on like I mean the outwards? I'll talk I think they mean the outside, the appearance that everybody could see. It's like a pufferfish. It looks like. No, it's just, it's huge, it's huge.

It's huge words. I can't, it's so, it's not right. I don't think that goes. I don't think it's like what you think. Well, I think it just means like expanding. No, it definitely does not do that. Oh, thank God. Yeah, you're talking like like radio act of superhero.

Yeah, that's like horror movie, man. Maybe teeth and that thing. That was a good movie. Yeah, are they talking about like it expands in terms of like getting wider to a comedy? I would think more volume and I could see a 200% volume like in a little bit of... A little bit of... Because if it can accommodate a baby, I can't, you know.

It ought to be able to accommodate a volume's arm. Is that... Is that fact shocking? No, still not as gross as Gidem's nipple place. Yeah, I know, we're really burying that. No, if it did what you're drawing did, that would be disturbing. But I don't think that's nipple place. Yeah, I know. I really bury in that No, if it did what you're what you're drawing did that would be disturbing But I don't think that's what it is. I think it has to though because how can anybody ever know then? What do you mean?

How could anybody ever know I think into it a little everybody would know No, no No, no, no, no, no, it's the inside if it's the part that grows as the part we can't see yeah Then how do we know what does this MRIs they've had yeah, you can like go online find videos of people having sex and like MRI machines And you can see things going on from the inside I'd be boasted man I'd be like when I was done with her man her pussy was up by her bread basket and shit There are 10 yeah 200 percent Because I was like I've never seen anything like that.

When I said 200%, percent increase. So yeah, like Gidom says, don't doubt yourself. You're thinking of it in the wrong physically impossible way. I know you should sign that. Well, you be with the duration spray. You want to put that as an add-on? That's good. Yeah.

That's good. Yeah. That's the shit. I don't need those 80 porn. I have your drawing of a vagina darn sex. Yeah. What do you think of Get him as you're fucking furiously masturbating and damaging your nipples? Like what's your go to? porn videos. You watch a porn video? Yeah. Sometimes, no, it's usually more, I was only starting today. Sometimes stories, you know, if you find a nice story,

that's kind of how I started when I was a kid. You go back and rewatch drunk story times. Yeah. Because the guy at the store wouldn't sell you magazines, but he would say like those they had like a little penthouse Like letter like the form letters. Yeah, right So so you would you'll read a story and then you put yourself into that situation in the theater of the mind Yeah, the mind get you know, yeah, oh wow got two more here This is fascinating. Can we talk more about bats? Okay, I think are excellent and I could say them because they're not real. They're not nasty.

84% of women have used sex to get their guy to do more around the house. Shocker. Yeah, that's a lot, 84%. That's good. I can, I'm here to testify. Works. Not that I can do anything around the house. I remember, right, yeah. You're like, he's like, if you can stay out for a certain

amount of time, I'll fuck you. It's not like I can fix a damn thing in the house, but, you know, I can take the garbage out though. How about like getting comics out of like rooms is it's okay? Yeah, those are tasks that can be the garbage out though. How about like getting comics out of like rooms is Those are those are tasks that can be the car reward now I can be now I understand that frantic phone call to come pick up those comics Wow Has that happened you you think you've ever been positively reinforced

You think you've ever been positively reinforced? Not wild, it was a fucking hoarder. So it's like... Yeah, I'm not sure if it hasn't happened recently, I would say. But do you don't think that 84 is a good... Oh, no, I think that's a perfectly good... It's like I did something around the house and jerked off the plate with my nipples as a reward. But I think 84%, that's extremely high.

I think that's a male But that's not so many studies here. You think that they're like That guys are like I the only way she'll fuck me if I clean out the gutters I don't believe this to be accurate 80 that saying 80 almost 90% of women are are that conniving or have done it But I have done I would tell her I'd be like bitch fuck me or you'll be in a gutter You know Brainer I'm surprised it's actually not higher not a hundred percent Really yeah

In less year of vegan it's totally gonna work Really? Yeah. Oh, unless you're a vegan, it's totally gonna work. So Like you're gonna respond to that. Yeah, it's like hey, just do this task and Later on I'm taking a shana crystal down. Oh, okay. I got it. All right Vegan I should have heard from the only one who believes that to be an inaccurate percentage. Yeah. Yeah, okay I'm just saying that because I don't want to make any trouble wanting a home button. I can't do any homework.

So I was listening to a telephone for Dave. I turned off the nervous for a second. I listened to the television. The two of the dialed a television tape. The dialed. There's a radio with one dial, side says the other says tell them Steve Nernus is doing a commercial for your studies. Let me tune over. If you're doing another one for some fucking shit heel corporation.

And the final body barren fact of the night. You ready to have your B spot hit? 43% of women consider it cheating when their husband fantasizes about someone else. Warring. Doring. Her time. Well, I would say 100% of the guys who admit to that are fucking idiots. Because why would you ever say that?

Well, I know. They're asking them in a a hypothetical if you found out your husband was someone else They're not asking men. Yeah, they're not saying yeah, you don't have to admit anything Okay, for the hypothetical question. Yeah, they they they cold 100 women 43% of them say they consider cheating when their husband fantasizes about someone else percent of them say they consider cheating when their husband's fantasizes about someone else during their time together. And what if that's 100% of the time that I'm doing? Is that cheating? No. I wouldn't. It's a form of possibly right a form of Yeah, but like if I found that out like my my girl

Where is this thing? I would like you I could get behind In the closet, Fabio? Fabio. Um, wow. I'm sorry, am I at the fucking retirement? Oh, why everybody fucks me. Hello, this is Christian. Oh, so Fabio. Fabio's a little bit like dated, I'd say.

I got a new, new, or a crobat. I saw a manudo. Okay. You saw what you went back for, and I, so a bunch of old Puerto Rico. She's like I've fantasized I was getting gangbag by Mundo. How about a Joey for tone time? I like the tone now too. Alright. Oh the guy at George Clooney.

George Clooney, alright. Yeah, yeah. Then I would cheat on her. It's a good girl lesson. Oh, you're saying you would consider it cheating then. Then I would I would cheat on her Oh, you're saying you would consider it cheating then if she was if she's admitted to you in a moment of clarity and truthfulness She's like right. I want to tell you something. I feel a little guilty But I fantasized just before we were And I have to tell you I thought about George Clooney and that's why I had such a Powerful or she's rubbing it

Any of this time I was thinking about you No, that's not what was happening I'm like still on top of her looking in her eyes. She's like, oh, George. Oh, George Clooney, I'm gonna get it. I can get it. No, actually, I go into it, assuming that that's happening every time, pretty much every time. Yeah, that were a completely blank slate of a mind.

Oh, how would you consider it cheating? Well, if you think about someone else or something else to slow it down, I would think that would be in the long the same line. So I thought of someone else to slow it down. Martha Ray. Post wheel chair. There is some old golden age Hollywood names being pulled out by a Jacky Cougan Martha Ray okay oh wow

oh I could cough without having to yes situation get him without having to Yeah, situation get him Without having the paddles on standby All right, oh, that's it the barren's going away Until well what do you think about that you think that's cheating? Oh I don't I would not be happy to hear that though I was to hear that like you're fantasizing about other people. I'm too insecure. Myself as steam is too low. I don't, it's like, if you're going to do it, just do it.

I don't want to fucking hear it. Don't tell me about fucking about it. Somebody asked me an interesting question in a poll today. Mm-hmm. And then these fucking idiots read it on a podcast. I wasn't the nerdist, and they all laughed about it. If it happens, and I'm sure it has, I think you should have the, the, the, the, the wherewithal to not breathe. If it happens and I'm sure it has, I think you should have the

the wear with all to not. We've not been asking a lot to not reveal that. So don't ask, don't tell? Yeah, definitely. Don't ask don't tell policy would be the way to go, I would think, there's nothing good could come from revealing such information. Right. All right, well, did it work?

Yeah, I'm in a good mood. Moved better mood. And anybody ready to, uh. I just want to do it every day. If we could just do this every day, my life would be so much better. Fuller. We'll get there.

Only. I don't think so. I'll ever get there. No, you don't want to do a day. For days a week. I'm talking about with no other jobs. Yeah. That would be fun. Yeah, that would be fun. One day, I mean, we're in our 80s at the retirement community. If you have time to pull yourself away from all the 80 year

old. Yeah, huge tag and all sorts of tag. I don't know about that. Are you there? Get them? Oh, he lived in 80. What are you doing? He might not even live to lose a 75 pounds. Tell us, Steve. Is it the Mona Lisa or a glass of spilled milk? Nothing's broken, that's just how it's spilled. Give me a sigh. Throw up your hand. Are you waving alone or saying goodnight? Just wanna give this right You're afraid to say what do you see inside your head? Is it all just floating sheets and spiderwebs?

And who's the one that feels you over here? But did it just look that way when you got here? And you'd be fine if you saw the sign But God did it, God, I was on the other line Give me a sign Throw up your head Are you saying it well now? Throw away the good night Just wanna give this life Just wanna give this right I just wanna give this right

I just wanna give this right And I'm afraid to see What exactly am I giving up Why did everything ever come up? And did I think what's good for what's bad for us? And I'm asking how much he makes his own wine? I can't just start the road out of whistling time Can't be inside I'm gonna hold up with the sky, get me inside

Who up your head? Are you saying hello? Always good night I just wanna get destroyed I just wanna get destroyed I just wanna get destroyed I just have to get inside! This has been a production of SmartCo Internet Radio. Sir, only at smodcast.com