Tell Em Steve-Dave - #381: Butthole Motorboat

Episode Date: July 31, 2018

Audio from the TESD livestream and then some extra. Handies, Staten Island lore and George Washington vs the Haitians. Music: I Fight Bears - Lost the Fight.

Hey, troll buddy, Brian. It's all you think or two about this week's episode, which is the audio from the live stream. We did a few weeks back. At the end, there is a little something special as a thank you for being understanding. And if you weren't understanding, it's an apology. And if you were understanding another, any whatever, there's an extra little extra something on the end, which is a Y-Bri from a few years back in LA that I did with Kevin. And that is it. I'm trying to think of what else you would need to know. That might be it.

I think that's actually it. So yes, it's a recap audio from live stream, which is not great, but not super terrible. And then the Y-Bri from LA, which is an apology, I guess, for it taking so long. And a companion photo will be on our Instagram, which is Tellum Ants ANTS and I believe that is it Look up that companion picture because you won't understand shit unless you see it So what happened was this mother and daughter got brutally murdered and her house was burnt down. Well now I'm hard. What about digits that disappear?

What is sup, Walt? It means what's up, it's short for what's up. No, I'm asking you what's sup. It means what's sup. I know what it means. I'm asking you literally what's up. Tell them Steve Dave. All right. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell them Steve Dave. Our very first live stream, which

Q is very impressed with. We're on texting. Yeah. You're playing candy crush. I'm playing candy crush. Walt, that's a beautiful non-profile shot you've got going on staring right into the camera. And Christian Hello. Our engineer. Hello. Our engineer who doesn't know enough to talk into a mic. Speaking of Mike. Mike and Mike and... Mike and Ming are your ball... Oh wait, first. Yeah. Let's say hello to all our Patreon people. Hmm, right? What's camera in my look, man? I don't know. This one, okay. That one back there. Hey guys. This is probably going to be the least exciting livestream because it's the first one we're sort of looking at. I don't know what's going to happen. We're

sort of, well, I mean, visually. You know, as the camera falls over, probably visually. But we're in a, I mean, this place is gorgeous. That's true. Could we pan around a little bit here? Christian to see a shared universe podcast studios, a little tour. Yeah. Yeah. A problem. Yeah. Just don't go near that couch that Mike and Ming around

because it's in their own house. Yeah. This is this is rated PG 13. So you can see all the. Hey, how do I, can we see the comments? Like, do we go to, can we go to live streamer? Do you have to read them off to us? Yeah, I can't put it up on the TV if you guys.

Yeah, that would be cool. There you go. You can get Walt's profile, right? I've been blinking code to the, to the Patreon viewers. You are? The whole time we've been in here. I saw I have and I've sent a message via I don't know if it was Morris code but like how prisoners used to do it. Morris code. Morris code right? M-O-R-I-S. Morris code. Remember when the hostage is working?

Like Morris to Kat. I'm so glad everybody can see this. Yeah, then now they're not only hearing it. They're seeing this pronounced stuff and yeah, Morris, I'm a RSC. Morris. You're not impressed that I've been sending out messages. Holy, can I'm reading them? So no, we're not impressed. Only he can decipher them. I can't guarantee you there's somebody who knows what I said. Oh, okay. We'll see it up on the big board here Oh look. Oh look at us were glorious Help me okay, so man. How might how can I get some not an a profile? Well stop going back and forth like here an ADD child. I don't think people I see your back

Oh, yes, there you go. Oh there I go. Oh, there I go. All right. Oh, there you go. That looks very natural. Go with that. So it's the first Patreon livestream. Yeah. And well, this is also recording an episode recording an episode at the same time. Okay. The double whammy. So the 95% of people who don't go on Patreon, I'm going to hear this, but not see what they're not going to see the magic of the more. They're not going to know what Walt's saying in Morris code or spend this time like this. I mean, I hope he does because that I would be dead wrong about it being visually interesting.

You guys don't remember that when there was when they were hostage crisis, you meet have been too young to remember when no, I remember it's more code M.O.R. SE. That's what I said, didn't I? And you said Morris. It's not like Morse code is invented in 76 or something. Right. But you remember when they had they were communicating with their families through Morse code.

They're bling Morse code help. I'm okay. SOS stuff like that. Stuff like that. Yeah. That's what I've been doing. Well, what have you been saying? Yeah, what have you been tapping out?

At some point, someone's going to crack that code and we'll see it up there. Christian will tell us. Where are the comments? Can we see the comments up there? Oh, okay. Okay. So no, I can't do it. Let me tilt it a little bit more. I'm bringing the screen.

This is where I would pay money for that screen to fall over and then do a domino into those cases. Just all around the room. Pictures off the wall, all that shit. All right, here we go. It's better. He was blinking TES days, that true wall? It is not true.

You know, probably nipples on the counter now. I know. I'm trying to make sure I share universes. He's like, don't you remember in prison when guys You still like do this? I'm not looking to read the comments. I'm not looking at you. Right. Well, we're going to talk a little bit about what it's like to be in the employee of Mike and Ming. How did you get the job? I threw a friend of a friend, actually. They texted me and was like, hey,

do you want to help out Ming and Mike and Comic Bookman? They're doing the studio space. And then you were like, fuck off. They're show got canceled, no. Just don't tell them that. But I came down and then they just mink through me onto one of his podcasts just at the very last second I was like, okay, sure that's so unlike me to let any one podcast with them really go

You see it firsthand how selective he is unless you have $20 in your hand What do you do you come every weekend and record them? Yeah, well, they have other people that come in and do podcast stuff I come in and I podcast stuff. I come in and I record for them when they're not available and that's really it. And are you out of the play? Somebody's asking to bring the audio up a little. Oh, Christian, our first complaint from David was I say point A. Wow, 169 people. That's pretty good. That's not bad so far. That's not that especially since I gave everyone sort of like a limited window,

because we're just learning this by next month, it's going to be smooth. Smooth. Smooth. Smooth. Smooth is the... Okay, so they said, hey, do you want to come in and maybe get a job? And they put you on a podcast, which is essential when you're doing engineering work. Oh, yeah. You'll be able put you on a podcast which is essential when you're doing engineering work

Oh, yeah, you'll be able to talk on a podcast. Just a little primarily on my right now. Yeah, stop talking about me Did you have to sign an NDA you're not allowed to talk about Mike and Megan? Oh completely I'm not a lot of talk about anything, but no, I It's really not as like super exciting as It's really not as like super exciting as we would have been. As we would have been. But it's still pretty cool. I've met some amazing people. You're still going.

Oh, I didn't really realize that you're going to. Oh, well, no, no, I just, I really, I noticed I just, I look good with duck lips. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You should have been doing this all along. I should have been doing it for seven years on CBM. I should have been making duck lips the whole time. Yeah, really, just like so.

This issue of spider-man, you do look at it, it makes it look heroic. Yeah, it makes it look like he's stroked out like he can't change his facial expression. No, I don't think so. All right, well, work the duck lips then. Yeah, it's hard to keep duck lips on for a long period of time, at least for my lips.

Well, that's why it's a real close-up selfie. And then you're out. The DLC girls walk around duck lips all the time, right? And I start like injected with collagen. I should, I should look into getting some injections. Get some big fat lips. All right. So it's not exciting working for Mike and Mike.

It is. It's interesting. It's the people I've gotten to meet and talk to. So not Mike and Mike. They're not. It's the other people. No, no, no. Just a nice respect. Many people. Many people. Many people.

Many people. Many people. Many people. Many people. Many people. Many people. Many people. Many people. like just working and generally working with a comic book shop once in a while. But mainly it's not like, oh, every day I'm learning something completely new about like everything that he does, but it's still... Can you do you remember an example of a cool story that Ming told you of working in the comic show? That didn't involve Mike and Ming in the same bathroom stall.

Yeah. Actually, I want to take you, I want to hear that story. Where can we do that? Right itself. Yeah, is there a story that that stands out that Ming was like? That's cool. Yeah, junior come here. Let me school you sit on my knee. Yeah You're my employee You want super eight instead? I could do that. Okay. Well, what we do have for this first live stream is now the people from Patreon have been very very supportive right. Yet some of them have not told significant others like, oh hey I signed up. Now Walt you sign up to something for $10 a month without telling

your wife. I've done it before. Right. And you still have one ball left so you never did it again. You you signed up for the Lost in Space thing you signed up for the Columbia House Lost in Space And you still have one ball left, so you never did it again. You signed up for the Lost in Space thing, you saw. Yeah, I signed up for the Columbia House Lost in Space on VHS program in the late 90s. Didn't think it out too much because I didn't forgot that I had them sent to my house. And my wife would see them when they arrived.

So I didn't, my plan didn't work out as well as it was kind of uncovered rather quickly. So nobody called her from Columbia House and was like, hey, Debbie, just say no. Here's what's going to be going on. And it's hard to cancel, too, Columbia House. I mean, they make you back in the day. They made you jump through hoops to cancel your membership to the CDs and the VHS clubs. Right, so hopefully Patreon is also just as difficult to cancel for our listeners. A more difficult I would hope. So we're going to call Mikey, all right. Now this is his wife is Lindsay

and she signed up for a $10 year and did not tell him. So, Kyor, you ready to break it to him? Yeah. What's his name? His name is Mike or Mikey. That's Mikey. Ming again. What's he want?

Does he know your livestream? Welcome to Verizon Wireless. Your call can help me complete a discount. Oh, for Christ's. I mean, again, what's he want? Does he know your livestream? Welcome to Verizon Wireless. Your call can help me complete a discount. Oh, for Christ's sakes. Well, this is a fucking disaster. This is embarrassing.

This is a disaster. This is really embarrassing. Can I make my apology? Yeah, you want to make your apology, won't you forget the soap? Do you guys want to just do this livestream and then do a regular episode, not on the livestream think we should. I think we should release this. This is being released.

Release made up by minute. Yeah, I think that if it's going to be so Patreon specific and so visual and this kind of shit. What are you talking about? If you release this is the episode and the people listening like, man, I missed out on seeing all that stuff All right, what do you want to do first then this guy you can't even call this guy right because the phone No, I mean, let me see let me try one more time. Well, what happened the first time you called it Fuck it sorry not happening You didn't call to I had to find out if that was a good number? She told me it was the number. If somebody gives me their phone number, what am I supposed

to do? I'm supposed to call and double check and be like, that's real your phone number, right? Oh wait, I'm talking to you, so I guess it fucking is. Well, live performance, yeah. They don't just really nearly just do it. You think that I've got it every single time We've ever called somebody on tell us you gave every single time what the handful of times we've ever done this Lindsey Yeah, and every time it worked this Lindsey K person He's giving me a bum number probably to troll us You can troll while you not us. I got you're the one that got

I'm a troll I look like a like a sapsucker well he's like you issue is apology yeah I do I own I own a an apology to the entire nation to this country of Haiti I listen to I'm gonna listen to that audio book on George Washington the guy was saying Hessians I thought he was saying Asians oh you weren't reading it actually. No, audio book.

So I really came down on the country of Haiti. Turns out that Hessians are German. We already hate the Germans, right? Because of the whole world, what's your thing? So it's easy, you know. So you have to apologize to Haiti and go after Germany. That seems like. I'm not going to go after Germany.

It's like apologizing to a bomb and going after Trump. Bright is very safe and easy. Yeah, I'm not gonna go after Germany. No, I had a good time there. Munich was fun, even though they were asking for it. You got beat up in your tooth, knocked out, and put in jail. Yeah, but I was, you know, in my 20s. That sort of shit's falling in your 20s.

But yeah, I mean, I turns out that people on Twitter was informing that Haiti actually helped out with the American Revolution. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, now I didn't I stopped reading after people and forming I was wrong This is a protective measure. Mm-hmm. So hey Can't win them all So do you think that now my first audiobook till in a trip me up made me look like a public buffoon? It's hard paying attention to audio books there, right? Sometimes it is, yeah. I start thinking about other stuff.

Well, I just start thinking of Haitians, like shooting down American soldiers and my blood starts boiling. Right, you can't even listen. And I can't even, now you're on the prowl for Haitians, just looking around. Yeah, I'm all angry to get my revenge and stuff,

but, yeah. I gotta tell you, just when I think I couldn't respect you more, you come up though and you just apologize so quickly and just take it and uh... you own it and I think everybody will forgive you and um... just... I don't think I know this man. Does a shared universe have branded backbones these two can borrow? Because... Why? I don't think anybody was mad. What I don't think anybody was mad. The thing is, I do is apologize if somebody says anything.

Well, the best thing to do is own it. You got a phone number that didn't work and you're yelling at us if you had that, um, the phone number doesn't work. If so, Should have called the head and got that number like squared away like that.

Is that the way you operate? Yeah, you're worse than the Hessian's, man. I, I, I feel like a reshap. All right, well, I got a different number. What do you think of that? Uh, is it from Lindsay? I'm gonna check it out. No, I'm not apolog number. What do you think of that? Uh-huh. Is it from Lindsay? I'm gonna check it out. No, I'm not apologizing because anybody was angry. Nobody was angry.

Okay. It was all different. So many of the Twitter just saw just because he's like dopey and reactionary. You know, made him a skater. Right. And the people in the audiobook were speaking English, not a certain Staten Island dialect. So it's tough for me, man.

You know, if he was speaking Staten Island, I would have known. Yeah you say not because you wanted to describe them as Haitians. That is weird because you're smart guy so if you had thought for one second like wait a second George Washington Haitians and Hessians really sounds more likely. I forgot the Hessians even existed to be honest with it's been a long time, but that's why I'm reading books Can I identify listening? Yeah, right listening. Well, this is my first video book and I'm like oh god I already fucked up so you didn't even buy the tellings to you day very retail theater still available on audible no Wantable we just giving it away from free now. Oh, yeah, no, I don't No, I don't know. I don't think I'm going to be able to do anything. Valuing ourselves there. But I think everybody respects a person that owns up to their mistakes

and doesn't like hide quickly and try to deflect and try to never take, you know, the responsibility. Yes. Well, I again, like I said, I didn't think my respect could grow any further, but it did tonight. Thank you. I appreciate that. He peaked on me a while ago, so you just said this to me anymore. That's why I've never heard of that. Well, I've never seen you come with your tail between your legs like the way you did tonight, which shows very honorable. What's something that I should, that I've done, that I should apologize for then?

Well, let me think, because I want to, I want to be high in your estimation, too. Like, I can't, if somebody gives me their phone number, I don't think to call and say, like, hey, is this really your phone number? I just assume they give me the right phone. Yeah, but I guess when you're doing it, it's like a ride. It's not, yeah.

Yeah, you should double check and recheck that. It's going to work. That person's going to be home. They'll pick up. They said it, like, 10 minutes to the live stream. So my fuck up, hurry is actually helpful and beneficial. So I refused to apologize for it. All right.

How are the comments going? That's what I'm bringing to the table. It's just frozen on this. Jake. Oh, god, dammit. I've got some new definition of pretty good. Is it? If you want wall to like you,

you better say it's your fault. That's all I'm asking. A lot of people don't like to take responsibility in 2018. Let me tell you something. You said it to me once a while ago, and I thought about it that there was, anyway, if I did something wrong, there was a lot of deflection as to why it wasn't my fault. I thought about it and Pam is that way, and it made me think about it. Like something like this, I don't think that's a huge of a deal, but in retrospect Pam will

Refuses to take responsibility or accountability for anything. She's a Johnson anything. Yeah, but I don't want to be like that You don't oh you don't I did want to be like I don't think I am no No, I think I I'm not only in brace, but exploit So Christian we don't have any current comments? Just saying volumes kind of low. Just a volume. So, wait, is that us? We're not talking loudly enough or...

Turn your phone to hygiene. This is a guy who walked in off the street, means like, do you want to be a podcaster slash engineer? Come on in. Now, do you go to classes for this or, like, is this something you were studying? I'm actually filmmaker by trade. What films have you made? Go on. Made a short film called Happy. That did pretty well. I just made a short

film called Draw. I won three festivals with that. There's not shared universe festivals right? No, not shared universe festivals, just local things. That's cool. Yeah, me and hopefully working on my first feature film, but that's still up in the air. How old are you? I'm 23. Oh God, you got so much time. That's fantastic.

Yeah. Congrats, man. Thank you so much. Are you and you're going to use your mic and mean connections and see to get into Hollywood? I Mean I Wanted to show hey I could do work more first and foremost before I go off and be like hey Can you let me speak to this person? But like

Maybe I'll take advantage of it one day. Let me ask you this somebody gives you a phone number and they're like hey Call me later. Do you call them ahead of time to make sure it's their number and then call them again? If you're gonna do a live podcast if you're like, hey, call me later. Do you call them ahead of time to make sure it's their number and then call them again? If you're going to do a live podcast, if you're going to do a live podcast, yeah. Oh, bullshit. You're just saying that because no, no, why would he say that? Everybody's, why would he say that? I say he's never even met me before.

He's even a whole, yeah, he saw the way you were like, very good, bright, and how he lit up, how he fuck lit up like wow approval. Thanks, Dad. Yeah. Yeah. For a guy that gets approval all day, it just means something. If Waltz like, you're all right. It does mean something.

Waltz, my friend. I know. You wouldn't think so after last week when he sold you out. Yeah, that was for the fucked up. You sold them out? Oh, so fast. Yeah, like I was barely done with a sentence before he's like, what about him? for the fucked up. You sold them out? Oh, so fast. Yeah. Like, I was barely done with a sentence before he's like, what about him?

Like in the Holocaust, he would have been like, if you're like hiding on the front, from a cross, he would have already sold them out. I mean, not all equal members. Like, so if you attacked me for doing something that the other guy is doing, why wouldn't I be like, what about him? But that's a good example of you not accepting responsibility for what you are doing in trying to do. I was doing anything wrong though. You were staring through me.

I was telling that awesome real story. I was staring right at you trying to figure out. I was like, please tell me this is the best overkill ever. We're not getting a lot of comments to people not care or who you text in. You're on our dime boy, Come on now. How dare you Got more members now than before I see 180 and it was at like 170 before It was a 280 before

All right, we're gonna try one more time this one doesn't work Sorry Lindsey K. Sorry, I don't know what your deal is, but we're not gonna do this anymore. Let me ask you something Okay, is VHS still a viable? Would you say VHS is still used in the marketplace as a filmmaker who has seen other filmmakers release special edition Special editions of their movies on VHS. Would I like to see if it's still like viable? No, do you think it's still viable? People are still doing it.

So would you say that, yes, VHS is still being released in 2018. Like filmmakers like say Adam Green, who made movies like Victor Crowley starring Brian Quinn. That's coming out on a special edition. Would you stop making the fucking ducklips and join the goddamn conversation? Could you stop here right at the TV? Christ.

I know. I'm making a fucking TV. Could you walk into pretty much any store and probably blank VHS? Oh, no, you can't do that. Oh, okay, because that's specifically what the bar for the bet was. But I know which, by the way, ended five years ago.

He's owed me via trip to Vegas forever I think they stopped making VHS's in like 2012 right I think I remember like Two trips to like target where they used to sell them and I just noticed where the VHS's and they told me Oh, they legitimately stopped making Yeah kind of felt kind of sad because that's half of my movie collection from when I was a kid. What do you think about someone who makes a bet and then doesn't pay it off? Oh, that's foul.

Fowl, right? Yeah, that's wrong. More or worse than somebody who doesn't check a phone over an event. Oh, obviously much worse. Do you remember, on that same trip I was thinking about it today and I haven't thought about in the longest time? Q and I, we thought about it in the longest time. Q&A we be catched. A caterpillar.

Yes. I haven't thought about the caterpillar in 10 years. Q&A we have occasion quite often to Oh, I forgot about that. It's a vacation in Key West together. As you do. Yeah, as you do with your friend. And so we're at a pool.

I don't think I've ever told you this well. So we're in a pool and we go outside the hotel. Is that the people? What's up? Yeah, it's like a hotel pool. And we two muscle band dudes are tossing each other around. Oh, it's so weird.

It's like really weird. Yeah, two like real cut strong guys. Like, hey, hey, like horse play and stuff. Yeah, it was so weird. It was like really weird. Yeah, too like real cut strong guys. I hate like horse play and stuff. Yeah. So we get out of the pool and we're by our chairs and we're drying off. We have primo chairs too. You got to get there early as you know. You were just on a cruise. Oh, no, I've never been on a cruise. No, you're not there by seven o'clock in the morning on a cruise for the beach chairs by the pool. They're all gone by seven in the morning. Wow. I mean, that is the whitest of white people problems, right?

It's gotta be, right? Oh, no, I've gotten to the top deck of the pool and there's no pool chairs. Yeah, I've got a third rate chair. It's partially shaded, obstructed view of the infinity pool. It doesn't form to my back Yeah, I better go eat at the 24 hour buffet. Yeah Only dungeon is for lunch instead of king crab legs so anyway Q suddenly is like ow and

We look down and there's like this weird look at we I'd never seen anything like it before. Biny caterpillar. Or after a spiny caterpillar that look like half caterpillar maybe half dinosaur like little spines and tines coming out of them. Antenna's and shit you know and he's like what the hell is that any blood right didn't it make you eat like a bit of or stung him? Yeah, my foot was on his foot. Yeah, like the spines went into me. And as any good friend would do, I was like, what the hell? And I scooped up the caterpillar and flung them off into the

into the trees. Was he like attached to your body? No, no, no, he was just like you grab him then Because I don't want him to bite him again. So I scoop him up I like you while you were like where you're like Numb from the waist down from the bite or something problems though. That's the problem started developing You couldn't move No, none of my bad. No, his is toe started to hurt and then his foot started to hurt and had like red little swollen got red and swollen and so he's like oh shit I

Don't know what kind of caterpillar that was or what it could do like if we kept it like so say things got worse Poison if there's a poisonous creature It was a kind of poison that caterpillar. Yeah, that's like It's kind of like not checking that phone remember at a time Keep going Good is as he felt really bad about throwing away that caterpillar did you bring it up first? You're like you shouldn't throw It was still in the air

Save the world. We needed that caterpillar. One toe at a time. Did you ever find out what it was? No, no, went down. But like the rest of the day was spent with me, me getting taken out, various stories, and me getting taken out by this cute caterpillar. Part two knives. Yeah. hungry hungry caterpillar. Yeah, basically. an out various stories and me getting taken out by this cute cat or a car to noise. Yeah.

And hungry hungry catapillar. Yeah, basically. If you're going to sit that way, you just got to spin your mic a little bit. These are kind of things Christian won't tell you because he's not paying attention. This is, all right, let's get, we'll answer a comment. How's that?

That's one of the things we were supposed to do here. Where was 148 when you needed a, I can't believe I was right about being an audio book did on Reddit. All right. Come on. Let's get a good. So can somebody send in a good comment so we can, uh, set it was an audio book on the show.

Yeah, you did. I set it on Twitter too. I refuse to believe that shit. LMA Quinn sup boys. What is sup, Walt? It means what's up? It's short for what's up. No, I'm asking you what's sup. It means short for what's up. No, I'm asking you what's

Sup? It means I know what it means. Oh, I'm asking you literally what's up. I'm just a little bit angry. I just like said this is the first time I've ever been in a podcast. Studies, first time I've ever had an engineer. First time I'm actually watching myself talk. It's a lot of distractions, a lot of bright lights. You're TV for like seven years. I know. I'm not where I saw myself on a monitor. No. So now that's just, that's fucking yeah. It is like, it's like, if you want me to, no, no, no, we need to see these great comments so we can,

can you read some questions? I think you can put them, I think you can pull them up on your phone. Can you just read us a few? Yeah, read us a good one. Like something we can answer. Sure. All right, let me see you.

How much do Mike and Ming save on air conditioning here? By not having it at all. When I walked in, Q, I was like, Jesus Christ, it's hot in here. You think it's hot in here? And what am I celebrating now? I'm here on a Sunday. Now, do you think Mike and Ming use that as a reason to walk around shirtless constantly? Now, we celebrated only because Mike called it. He said to Ming, he said make sure that air conditions

and full blast because you know Johnson is gonna rag rag on me if it if it's not cold in there and I was like I took note of it. I didn't say anything, but I was like he wouldn't go in in the very first thing He's gonna do is rag on the one-air letless I was like he wouldn't go in in the very first thing he's gonna do is rag and I'm gonna let him us use our studio He wouldn't do that. What do you tell you what he did? I mean that wouldn't be my guess. Yeah I don't think What did you think I was gonna say? on the back of that fucking swimming animal

Why'd you do that? I'm a scorpion. It's your fault You knew what I was because You let me on your back. Scorpion is right. Yeah, Scorpion. This scorpion is right. Do people look at that story? Does anybody blame the deer? What was it a deer? I thought it was a Turbion and a turd. Sure, whatever. Like, is it a turtle named the float across and then the scorpion sits on a shell? Right, like it's definitely the turtles fault Right, right? I heard scorpion in the turtle. I heard scorpion in dog like I've heard many very Yeah dog. I was doing the most swimming

Turtle it totally can't really Shell You can stick a mate in the neck or his tail, but everybody blames the turtle right nobody blames a scorpion Well, that's the that's the reason for the fable. It's little to teach people, like, don't think. Don't think. Don't think. That's it.

Scorpion in the frog. Don't think that whatever that is, don't for a second buy that it's not what it is or what it says it is. Ooh, he's talking to you. Oh, definitely. Absolutely. Look at all those sting marks on her.

We should see a cloud of smoke right now. And you should never look back. She'd like to place on fire. It feels like it's on fire. It's a fucking hot in here. Why are you locking the door? But there you would think in this day and age that people would blame the scorpion. Oh yes, today's culture. The millennials. The frogs of victim. That's a frog, it's a turtle. Well now, it's actually the original fable is a frog.

Frog is a yeah. The frogs of victim. Yeah, the frogs, the frogs have been marginalized. Well, if the frog, he's like, you're going to face up like this. I'm not, yeah, this is what you're missing. The contempt, the smogless, the white, the white frog. You're facing blind. This is what you're missing.

The content of this. Right. Right. Of course, frog. He's just trying to get his liberal arts on. Oh, man. I agree. I think anybody who's like, oh my god, a scorpion is like, well, then fuck and pay attention.

Because that's the way the world is. Yeah. No. Yeah. No. But, but that's like a painting would have brought brush every scorpion in the world though. There may be a few scorpions that may be true and say say something and live up to what they say. If they say they're not gonna sting you,

there's a few that may not, but more often than not, probably gonna sting you. You're looking like frog. Well, frog and the scorpion die. Yeah, it's like, has a scorpion die? He drowns, he falls off the drain. Well, they're both drowns in the frog. Like, what the fuck to do that for in this scorpion?

If you're a true scorpion, you're sinking under that water, watching that frog and being like, it was worth it. Yeah, it's what's a like, go out in that frog's eyes. Yeah, you're holding your breath a little bit more. Because the frog's paralyzed. So then you orgasm and you die. Yeah, there's like a little like, and there's like a little scorpion come show

that's like the surface of the water. And they're like, damn, there goes another frog. So when you come in, someone in the comments is saying everyone requests dyslexiaia live dyslexia. Ooh, I don't think I have any live ones. Oh, what a shame. Dislexia live, it's just a lot of dyslexia live. You're kidding me, really?

It's the 3148-148-1-148-2. I'm fresh, yeah. Let me tell you what dyslexia is. It's a game where I say two words. I seriously pay attention. I don't know. I then forget everything he says. You have to give, I give you the opposite meaning of a word. So like, for example, stationary feathers. It's a rock group. What is it?

What's the opposite of stationary? Stationary? Too slow, rolling stones. Damn! You fucked up. Wait, stationary rock group? It was a rock group. No, stationary feathers.

Feather, got it, got it, got it. Get it rolling stationary feathers, stones. And everyone knows like feathers is more the opposite of stones. No. I'll say fire or skin or any other number of things car out of the 180 people that are on how many have requested this lecture Quickly count lives we could burn through some of the time

That does my heart good man. I love to hear that. I wish I had I uh... brought some of this like you brought one forty eight with you uh... no no i don't wish that i don't ever wish that i need time away from one forty eight is uh... does my soul good uh... visually he's uh... chris suck i can't say last name and it says this like to live with soon turned into a live mental breakdown by Q

Q I'm into it now. I've changed my I've changed my tone. I'm now part of the cult You did well, I mean let's let's prove that there's no good dyslexia question Jesus Christ you guys 189 people somebody come up with something good one person Where do comments go? Oh you are we have are we ever going to get Walt on a cruise over the UK for some live shows slash cond appearances? What do you say well? I want to pass two cruises have gone Mike you want to sit down hang out? Oh Water. Thank you Mike. I thank you gonga din one water

Thank you Mike. I thank you gunga din one water Holy shit y'all, huh? This is a shared universe not nervous I'm three bottles of water Yeah, we never even said broadcasting live from the shared universe studios and lovely eatin town New Jersey. Yeah, one of the first things I said shared universe podcast you guys I didn't say eatin town though Yeah, cuz we got it's like saying it's like You really got to pimp this place out, and if you're up any In luxury, this is the place. I'm podcast come back here. Oh, yeah, what do you do you have you in part taken the jolt cola stuff here? these guys are very into

coolest stuff here. These guys are very into, um, pacified, uh, amphetamine replacements. No, no, no, I don't even know what, what drugs have you done? This is not going to affect your job. Don't worry. Mike's cool. Things now. Do you have drug testing here, Mike? Yeah. Yeah, random random drug testing. He's like, no, he's like, then why didn't you all have to. I got an up on my own. Thanks. Now. No, so you don't do any kind of Testing to make sure your employees are always the only employee. Yeah. Okay. So I mean it's you

We'll make tests each other for it No, I don't have it. You got it And I know I know your check is gonna bounce again I can't really hear him. Can you bring up his microphone? Sure, I'm done. No, it's turned on. There you go. I hear him.

William and the boss. You're gonna get it. You're gonna get it from the Hayshi. Hayshi. Hayshi. You're gonna get a dress and down later on. Oh man. It's not what it means to do.

Whoa. I know I'm gonna hear piss in this bag. How long you've been employed here? Two months two months. Yeah, is this your is is this your first? I mean not your first job But this is your first job at a hot cast studio. Yes What kind of background check? 30 years. Yeah, what kind of background checks? Did you guys run on Christian? I said, Ming said, hey, I want to hire a Christian. I'm like, all right. So there you go.

Is it salary or is it every time he comes in, then he gets paid for a podcast? It gets paid for podcasts. Makes sense. Yeah, you're losing money on this one. I saw that. The diversity of the company. I dig. Yeah.

Sure you got an agent. Two gay guys in a flat. I get the fuck out. I'm sorry this Patreon is done. I love it. Not Mike, I really do like the studio a lot. This is something I would be proud of. Cool.

Thank you. Yeah. It must have taken a lot of work to get this together. And this is a great table, man. Like, I tell them Steve Dave table, that like where you don't like cut your arms on the final on the edge of the poker table. Somebody make this? Ernie made this. Ernie, your Donald. Got to give him a big shout out. He made this table. It's solid. Did you think about maybe licensing the name to Ernie's gym, the sweat box and use it for

your podcast studio? This is sweat box. Ernie owns a gym? No, it's just like when I lived at my grandmother's house, when I lived at Gerdy's house, I lived next door to Ernie and Ernie O'Donnell. And they had a detached garage and they called it the sweat box and all these guys would come and like work out. Oh, wow. Just like those dudes were tossing each other in the pool in the

U.S. Nice. Cool, the very sexy time. They're going someplace else tossing each other's salads. Yeah, salads. Oh my god, holy shit. You know what? You have to watch again. Bruno. If you haven't... I've probably watched in the last three years. Have you? Yeah. Okay. The Sasha Van Colen movie? Yeah. If you haven't I probably watched in the last three years have you okay the Sasha bank home Yeah, it was we rewatched it man. I was like holy shit I forgot the magic of this the ability to stay in character. Yeah Through like I mean he's talking to a terrorist leader right

With his town he's like get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah, tell me guy and you can see it in his face Like that's a face that like I don't think I could like there's somebody's like act man I could not act a talent. He's like, get the fuck outta here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell me, and you can see it in his face. Like, that's a face that, like, I don't think I could, like, if somebody's like, act mad, I could not act that angry. Right. Yeah. That's how great though when he's looking to those TVs. His new show looks insane. His new show looks insane.

So funny, man. Yeah. Were the, yeah, the new show, the people were, people were angry about it because Sarah Pell and got tricked. Yeah. And because he said that he was a, I don't know, I mean, it's more or whatever, but he said he was a disabled veteran, where he was a veteran. But he said a veteran, a veteran of the service. But he's in character. But then he said,

postal service. Well, there's this whole, or a UPS service, United parcel service. I think that's what he said. Okay, but the whole stolen value thing, would you stop fucking stroking yourself and making duck lips? It's fucking cheap. No, I've never seen anyone take that. Like, stages and like, you're really are staring at yourself.

It's a weird, weird, weird, weird, weird. Mike, when we're at the station now, please constantly remind me to make duck lips, because it looks so much better, and if I don't, yeah, and talk to customers in Morris code, and hold a fucking mirror up all the time. Look at them.

Morris code. Morris code. Yeah, it's a whole new thing. You're not even aware of that. Right. Yeah. Fuck was I saying. So Sarah Pell and God all pissed and was like, he should donate the money from the

show to veterans and like a couple of veterans got mad. And of course more people who aren't veterans got mad and it's like he's how did he steal valor? Nobody except for Sarah Pell and got tricked because as a viewer of the show it's not like a surprise where eventually you're like oh he's not right he wasn't in the service you know right out of the gate it just shows that like liberal, real, real conservative, there are a bunch of fucking douchebags who do not have a sense of humor. Oh, yeah, especially about themselves, right? Yeah, that's very true. I can, I like his work. I love him. I just can't, I'm so sick of politics. I can't watch the show. It's

rough, right? Yeah, I just can't watch it. I'm like, I just don't care anymore. You don't care. It's a two-be-down thing. Every single comic, you know, it's like, hey, so did you hear about this Trump? What comics are you? No, not fucking comics. They're duck lips. Go back to the fucking looking like you. We do we in Louis. Beautiful. Beautiful comedians. Yeah, comedians. Stand up comedians. Yeah.ians stand up comedians. Yeah, also so you guys can actually Look at the comments live because the The link seems to not be updating immediately, but if I You can actually look at them directly on the phone app. It'll load live. It'll get you like comments The phone app. Yeah for Vimeo if you follow that link. How long have we been going, Christian?

You've been going for... How long are you gonna make duck clips for? Yes, I'm sorry. She only got to do this for an hour. Oh, my life? Okay. We've been going for an hour, right? Yeah.

We've been doing it for an hour, right? So we're almost done. We went to first 10 minutes, like... That was no good. Burnt. Wasn't up to par. You have a lack of enthusiasm already? No, no, why?

You saw a lack of enthusiasm? I just want to know where you are. What a lack of attention. I swear to God, I'm really surprised at how long you were staring at yourself in that monitor for. I should have changed seats. Yeah, next time you got a seat. I actually think it's a work of genius.

I think he knows what he's doing. He knows that he's doing, yeah. The second he, like, yeah, if you could pull pull that monitor up and oh, I know what I'll do Yeah, I'm gonna I'll just throw a barbit bribe and make him feel bad about himself Oh Like in the case behind Brian at the stage. Oh look at you I wonder why you were looking at. I don't know why you were like

what sexy alien We can't look up that link right now. I can't look that up either No, no, I can't look at the link right now in the last like three minutes of the livestream I'm like, oh shit, we could look at comments. Thanks a lot, Christian. Oh, Mike, right that down. Oh, this is a hybrid thing. Oh, I'm dying. I've got stuff for you. You say stuff to make me feel bad about myself. Of course, I'm calling me and Mike, okay.

But, whatever. I'm just, I'm just, is that what he, is that what he's crying right now? Oh, yeah, he's crying. Oh, yeah, that is the, oh yeah. What's the phrase, friends? Are a scorpion and frog analogy for what he's doing right now?

No, a cute hot and kettle. That's a great class. I think Yeah, what you're looking for. I actually wasn't listening. I was making duck faces. It's fun. Yeah, it's got your fun. Yeah, I think we should all just watch Waltz duck. Can you move that window? I want to watch a Waltz duck face. No problem. Yeah, let's see. Oh, Kendall Jenner. You got nothing on him. Oh my god. I mean my head's cut off. 900 million dollars. There you go. Now you're looking good. What, what did it say?

I can't remember which one, but they're saying like, oh, she's a self-made billionaire. She's, uh, she's not. I know. Wait a second. Anyone that says she is ridiculous, come on. Like, come on. Did you see that people made a go-fun me for her to become a billionaire? Because she's not technically a billionaire yet.

Why? And people have been. Are they not? a billionaire yet. Why? And people are not our listeners. You cheap mother fuckers. And people are actually too loud. I have no fun me to make us billionaires. Shoes your lack of fucking, what is it? Moxie Mike? Is that what we still do?

The kids still say Moxie Christian. They still do. All right, I had to take a quick ad break. Sorry about that, but again, I'm here with 148, and as usual, you don't need 148 IQ to know that the world's most comfortable underwear and fun correction noted. Well, no, it's comfortable and fun, it's it's it's it's

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And they also just sell underwear. They sell things like socks, which you give to me a pair of socks and I have to tell you every Saturday that I wear them. It's like I'm walking on a cloud. It's an amazing experience. Yeah, is that has something to do with your condition that you have?

I can't. No, that you only wear the socks on Saturday. You have, like, if you wear them on other days, is it like stressful? If you wear them on a... I had a pair of meandies that Q gave me that I always wore on Saturday. Mm-hmm. And they eventually started becoming Sunday on the work,

because they were so holy. And so, you gave me those socks on a Saturday. And so, I started wearing them every Saturday to replace those meundies and I could say that it's a little insight into the Into the mind and how it works of of 148 but Walter if they're still not sure well meundies and tell them Steve Dave has a deal for the listeners First time purchases can get 50% off their first pair of meandies and free shipping. That's right. That's 50% off plus free shipping and a guarantee that you and your meandies will be very happy together.

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Safety as they call it any industry CYA You are a pip all right back to the show everybody What are you doing? I got a little kink in my shoulder. Why don't you go? Hey, you know what? Walt got molested by an Asian man in the mall. He was like, he was a masseuse, and he started like, remember? This was a long time ago, right? Yeah, but then he got busted. He got arrested, you said.

Oh, they called because they were doing some illegal massage. Happy endings, man. Wow, the dudes? I guess if you requested a dude, I didn't. I just got one, but I need one. What was the dudes? I guess if you requested a dude I didn't. I just got one but I like what was the story. It was in the parking lot behind the mall.

That now is sitting right here. Just let's get I want to get you an opinion on this. Okay. If you're getting a massage in the mall Why everyone can see well, you can you can request a little curtain to go up But if you're if you're allowed to touch every a massage every part of your body Yeah, is there is it should it be against the law? Just just not massage that one spot you're not allowed to massage. Behind the curtain, I think you should do it. They should be allowed to do whatever they want. But is that then quote unquote a sex act?

Yes. Yes. But I also think that should be legal. Well, what if you don't climax? You tell the man, hey, I can massage this, but if you climax, it's a crime. Okay. Well, then what's the point? Well, you still feels good You just walk out with a little I think it is a crime out of the chit-bitch. What is it based on why why can't you do it? Is it just imposed morals very very puriting very puriting country? Yeah, I didn't happen

Everybody who founded the country. Yeah, but things don't loosen up after a while, I guess. I think they have loosened up. Have they loosened up? Sure, it couldn't like terms of that kind of stuff. Oh, well, definitely since like Quakers and shit. Yeah, okay. Well, you know, there was coming ankles and shit

way back in the day. Now you could see young horse flesh everywhere. You know, things have loosened up. I'm sure. Would a father-of-a-waltif like say there was a massage parlor, they were given happy endings, they were like, it was a building kind of like separate from other buildings. Yeah, I would never go into that. I'm not saying you would go in, but would a father-of-a-you that had existed? I wouldn't go any. No, no, no. But like I say, I was going to the mall, that's where I get

my massage, is because I feel like it's a safe environment. You think it would be dangerous? But I think it would be awkward to offer a sudden, you know, the guy was like, we'd have to have that conversation. No, I don't want you to do that. Or I do want you to do that. You know, that would be awkward.

Professional. Well, that would be the, when you go, yeah. And when you think about the masseuse too, that all of a sudden, now that's common. Now they have to do that be the, when you go, when you think about the masseuse too, that all of a sudden now that's common. Now they have to do that. And if they don't, they're gonna lose business though.

If they don't, they'll get a different, they'll hire somebody that will. No, because I would only wanna go to places that weren't happy. I mean, joints. Oh, you would. But you could choose not to have one,

then I would still get a good massage. Yeah, but then she's probably got the, like the previous dudes come all over her head. Yeah, sure. She probably worked love stuff. You don't know, man. I always try a good massage. Yeah, but she's probably got the, like the previous dudes come all over her hands. Yeah, sure. Probably work gloves, Doug. You don't know, man. I was talking head for me. Like winter gloves.

I was in one. I was in a Robin Tug in Atlantic City. Yeah. And I was in the, like, I fired. Yeah. Did you make that up? Did you make that up? No, that's true.

Robin Tug, that's good. You never heard of one? I've never heard of that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Rubbentuck My buddy got one and I was sitting in the lobby and I was so hurry up. Yeah I Was just I feel there's no way there's not cameras in those rooms recording every Tint to scintillating tug how

So I sat long does that take, though? I think it was in the like 15 or 15 minutes or so. I was, there was just an Asian woman at the register, I don't like she spoke English, and it was like, I have filled fish tank. But if you go in, like, let's say you go in, right? And it's like, here are the prices, and flat out, it would say like, here are the add-ons.

Massage is this much. Yeah. Then bang, bang, bang, happy ending. So ending so like the price you pay you don't even have to have the conversation with for whatever reason in your world it's a guy you think that for a minute there's not gonna be guys that want another guy to give them some they're not there but I didn't think you were one of them you keep saying your example that like my guy my guy Because I found that the guy is usually can get more of the kinks out stronger hands Yeah, I don't want to say you know, you want to be sexist right?

I don't have a problem with it though. Does somebody wants to do it? There's too many restrictions on everything everybody tell you what to do Don't smoke this don't drink that don't tug this But what if you just said you can do it, but you just have to like tap out before you finish You have to tell them it's your responsibility to be like I'm close stop What kind of sadistic mother fucker goes in and basement that shit Yeah, that would be that would I would think that would make it legal though. I don't think so why can't you? Why is it okay to...

You're absolutely legal at that point. Rub your forearm. Rub your thigh. He's a dorms- He's a dorms- He's a sex organ. Okay, so that's it. It's a sex organ. What if you flip over and stimulate the...

The brown? Well, he's like... Well, he's just doing a little thing down here. Is that also a sex organ? Because it really is, isn't it? I think that's not illegal. It's not illegal. You can give a both I believe you just true Christian yeah really yeah I thought he's full shit I don't know I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm a high-professor

okay but you can definitely get your your feet no you get your you know I can get like your pale your gluteus maximum sure you yeah The kiss you get kinks in them So if you just stray over in an inch Depending on the buttocks and maybe a bit more than an inch like if 148 on a table You got and if he strays over an inch or two to the middle this is fallacy no massage This is going near that fucking. Hey, his money is good as just as no one knows. He's dug it up an hour before I got there. It's not as green as anyone else. It's a little brown. So you say if you move

over just an inch, it would be illegal though. I think it'll, I think it'll be tough to make that illegal. Can you, what what about what about digits that disappear? In an asshole did well, I'm trying to be I'm not trying to be so vulgar. I'm trying to be painted. Right. I just think it's a lot of both sides are. Yes, but it's a mess. Oh, I mean, what are you fucking trying to dress it up for? You can put all the makeup you want on it? It's still an asshole Trying to make it and people that are into that like that. It's an asshole. They don't want candles and like

songs. Yeah, oh yeah, do it. You're like dirty talk do it put it in to say in it I'm in you guys know what your missus What about your masseuse? Am I masseuse? He's good. What else? What else is on the list of things? See, that's one of the things, though. What you said earlier, were you like the far left

and the far right of both assholes? They definitely are. Because the whole massage rubbed and dug thing. If it was up to the left, that'd be legal. They're like, you can't punish sex workers. You gotta do it. So it's the right that'd be legal. They're like, you can't punish sex workers. You gotta do it. So it's the right being like, no. You don't want to.

You can't punish sex workers, but then there would be somebody who's like, well, they're being exploited and but. The left will find a problem with it somehow. That's a fucking sticky wicked even for the left. Because they can't, because then you're saying that women don't have a choice, that those women's opinions and those women's choices for their own life fine

I'll give them agency Right exactly that's that's you know, so they would write to that So it's definitely the right that are like no right you can see they go after prostitutes and not the gents But the law enforcement they went after stormy Daniels recently for just Giving a simple motorboat. Oh, it's so silly. I guess that's not a loud wall. I don't know what that is. About home motorboat?

Yeah, about home motorboat. Now, I guess like she put the guys face in her titties and like a bratsky type thing. And somebody saw it or the guy was in undercover cops and bullshit and stormy day and there's got arrested. And then it's like, oh, it's a conspiracy trope out of arrest. It's like so, wait a second,

so Trump's interested in getting people busted with misdemeanors. That seems like a, actually, I believe that. Yeah, I actually believe that. You think he'd be that petty? No, he wouldn't want to get it with a felony. He's, she, oh my god.

A, like a misdemeanor is gonna be like a ticket. It's not gonna be a big deal. But surprise you didn't walk the straight and narrow knowing, you know, that like, you know, what I've been up for. Yeah, surprise you didn't like, you know, make sure that like she crossed every T and dotted every I. You're about honor. If someone signs a contract wall, yes, and they're like, I'm not gonna talk about this and I've accepted money to not talk about this. And then they talk about it.

It's a shit. He'll move. Would you agree? Well, you agree to the conditions. And so I do feel like, you know, you're not honorable to break a contract. Right. I don't recall. I'm sure if I look back in my history, I'm sure I've done it. I've broken a contract. Oh, you've got it. I proxy. I was a part of it. What was that? Many, many years ago when Walt was searching for the biggest discount he could get from a comic book store. I had to call this guy in Long Branch and negotiate over the phone for like, I think it was 30%. Yeah.

And ordered all these comics, tons of comics. And then he's like, wait, I got 35% somewhere else. And it didn't matter that the 5% he would drive to fucking Tim Buck too to get that. Like losing money and gas and time meant nothing to him. It was just the, you know, help people compartmentalize, I'd do it all the time. So the guy is then on the hook for two months' worth of books,

and it was a lot of shit. You ordered a lot of shit back then. Now he's on my ass. Like I went out of business pretty quickly after that time. I have to issue an apology, you know, just like you stood up and took the heat. I have to also now stand up and I did. I broke that. I would like to fall on this sort of youth because I was younger when I did that. I wouldn't do that today but you know there's no excuse.

I did it. wouldn't do that today but you know what there's no excuse I did it I'm sorry and I hope to I think I've learned from it and it won't ever happen again I've never respected you so much you know everyone's gotten respect even Christian who is here live stream like off mic Walt respected him because he was like I admit it I really want something to be true. I'm just trying to think of something worthy. Well, you're a huge. You're just an active amount of that would garner you respect.

Yeah, I guess I just don't care about respect that much. I'd rather. Man, that's all right. Be yourself. I got it. Be away. Oh, you know what we did? Well, I wish you were there. It was very cool.

The Staten Island Museum had an practical jokers exhibit. I heard about this. Yeah, and we We I went with Q and the guys and there was a there was a little parade some pomp and circumstance. They take your tape No, take your tape. There was a hand you know heroes I'm not marching there level of parade when you when the Yankees went over all the same. The serial inversion. Yeah. Yeah. It was toilet paper blowing off the dump all over. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Still, though, a parade. Did you ever think that you would ever be the in the carriage of the person that, like, they're throwing a parade for you specifically you, for no other reason, parade honor that's got to make you go like what a bunch of assholes yes I'm nothing better they do now it was it was pretty nice I don't often get moved by things but I was I got into this one we had a big hand in it too yeah yeah but you didn't have to pay for the parade did you pay for the market bad all did you? You paid for all the time.

He hired the marching band. All that in your pocket. He hired all the spectators. It's like the George Soros of practical jokes. You ever pinch yourself and go like, I can't believe my life. No. No. He says I can't believe my life a lot, but not in a way

that you're saying that. Come on, man. Anybody people would love to have a parade in their honor? No, but I feel like the comic book man I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm of space, a parade. I don't know. Tickety would have been nice though. I'll throw some ticket there, but you guys, if you want.

Was it that difficult to film in Red Bank? I just think we didn't have that much clout. It took a lot of doing, right? To get anything. Well, it took, you had to grease the wheels, Christian. I don't know if you know. Yeah, you're not involved with your young man enough young man, enough to know the way the world works. The ugly side. We wanted to do with the New Jersey Film Commission. I want to show something in the Stan Allen Zoo. And they turned us down, but rudely and dismissively turned

us down. So we're shooting in a zoo in New Jersey now. New Jersey Rock, maybe. The pop point heart zoo. Turtle back, turtle back, turtle back. Turtle back, turtle back. We shot there before, but we were like, ah, I was like, call Stan Allen Zoo, like, you know, we shot there before but we we were like I was like call stand islands who like you know We want to do we want to promote stand island. We want to promote the local zoo and the my locations guy hopper was like

She was out now rude to me. Why do you think I can figure it out? Staten islands favorite sons. I don't get it that fucking pizza real that was on the show They get people all the time every day people come in Yeah, when I stop by that Peter you're like where's cute? Where's cute? I'm just like I'm his errand boy What do you want from it? I'm picking up the order but to promote the zoo and like in a positive light and stuff like that We've never we've never made no sense unless she the less that lady is a hater. She's doubling drinking some hater aid because apparently She was kind of mean too. Yeah, yeah, not just no, but like fuck now basically like fuck now. Yeah, very dismissive. So what's it? Am I not going to anymore? Well, it's the stand-alone zoo, which I love which I love the stand-alone zoo. I can't hold it responsible for her

How's it compared to the Bronx? Well, it's way smaller, but but what kind of animals are in the stand-alone zoo? In terms of quality. Yeah, it's way smaller, but but what kind of animals are in the statin island? In terms of quality, yeah, it's right up there. Do you guys have any any like exotic animals in the statin island too? Sometimes they've had taggots and lions. Yeah, you got the big boys. Oh, yeah, it's really like it's it's hot. Not just raccoons walk around during the daylight. No, no, no, no, it's a real deal too.

It's great. Yeah, but like I said, I reckon you just say I can't enter the back. Like, is it a porcupiner or a raccoon? Is it a drunk tag? Either way, this doesn't look good. A drunk tag. And then after the parade, they went up and somebody that you talked to somebody, I couldn't really see, it was kind of like on the side.

Oh, the Stan Alanaer our president's office made that day Prattled Joker's day not like you buy it like online like it's officially in the government books as as in Prattled Joker's day on Stan Island. Is that a payday off like government employees? No I don't think so I don't think. What was the official date so every year it's a practical joke. Yeah 12th July on on standout. We should do something the rest of the world doesn't have to You're a special on July 12 next year. Why are you right? Let's do it. Yeah get all to compete with it. No, no, no To come ever celebrate celebrate have people post like the best pranks with their friends and they get some sort of I like that they get some sort of fun

The attention on me not on other people I like that they get some sort of like fun Little point the attention on me not on other people. Yeah But I was at the museum this morning I had to go there for something and And there was a good crowd. Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you what impressed me It's a very cool. I'm not I'm not lying Like looking at some of this stuff and looking at you guys and like like being friends with you guys for so long It was like it was like like a little bit of like a tingly chill, like holy shit. Like this is amazing. So like all the stuff that Embersio wrote, and you wrote like all the, and like just the

props and all the, like the timeline was very cool. But the thing that impressed me the most was like when you see in a real museum, like abrandt It's like oh, it's on loan from this collection. All right some of the props were on loan From the Brian Quinn collection star magazine They have my wig in a climate controlled box, you know how they they do They're treating it with the respect of the 100% on the The best part of the night was though about George Washington's powdered wig and put yours in the fuck that shit Get it out of here here this is way more important yeah nobody cares about the Washington Haitian war anymore the absolute best part of the night though was at a certain

point we all went upstairs and they directed Q&I to a room a couple of the people and they directed Q&I to a room, a couple of the people, and they brought these appetizers for appetizers. Plated appetizers. Lated appetizers, little lettuce and shrimp, very like fancy, like you would see in an upscale restaurant. So we ate that shit. And only then did we discover that there were only four plates and they were meant for the jokers

So Q had his I ate three plates. Oh shit. This is good Now the yeah, I ate cells. I mean if the other three were for the guys I would have liked to claim cells. I ate cells the other two people ate Joseph and Mary's and to me that was the sweetest shrimp I ever ate was cell, cell realizing like, I was for me. And me realizing like, I was for you. Yeah.

He does, you tell it low level bothered them. Yeah. Fantastic. They tried to joke about it. So they just came in for a parade and they're still, and that would still harsh their buzz. Well, because they were hungry. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't a pride thing. They were like, we're hungry with the food. Yeah, but nobody said anything. They're like, here, they just gave it to me. So I was like, thanks. It was pretty funny. The exhibit is cool. So it's open for a long time.

Yeah, nine months, March 2019. Will you just pop in occasionally just a surprise? Some of the, is there today? Can't fucking pick them away. That's me. My plan is to occasionally go there Will you just pop in occasionally just a surprise some of the Plants to occasionally go there and sit behind the velvet ropers if I'm an exhibit Who should just pretend to be the night watchman That'd be fun. I said there's something cool going because originally was a map of stand-up Remember the thing that's on my wall, but paint just taped in my house. I was just, you should see this guy's house. Just like, how much money do you have again?

This map of Staten Island cock-eyed with that blue painter's tape just hung up, have hazardly, like if it was on my wall, it would look straight, on his wall. I'm like, what the fuck? In my whole house. Don't you live in Staten Island your whole life? Yeah. So why the fuck do you need a map, don't you live in Staten Island your whole life? Yeah.

So why the fuck do you need a map? Because when they wanted... No, it wasn't like a road map. It was like a map. It was a... It was a cellphone taped to the wall with ways on it. It was a map and I had a bunch of notes on them and not because they wanted me to do Brian Quinn's Staten Island put that map on the wall with like I would write little

bits about Staten Island, like my own members. And I submitted my writing and they were like this is, they're like this is actually too good. We don't want to use in the museum. We want you to write like more and publish it as a book through the museum. So because apparently this guy in the 1800s, whatever his name was, Tom Ashford, right? That's not his name, but whatever Tom Ashford Stan Island, and he did that, and they want to publish

part two, 150 years later with my thing through the museums. When's that coming out? Well, I got to do it, so that probably like, you know, next year, it wasn't that hard, it was actually fun to do. I would like to read that. Yeah. Your thoughts on different locations, and like, so we'll read the to Tom Ash guys How different will flying No, but I would like to compare Tom's ashes

Experience on Staten Island versus so 18 man. Well, there was a standout in which Walt there was a witch There was a woman. I'm not gonna. I want to try and tell her what I'm looking up. My name was Polly some real brinb no She this isn't a mighty de poor fucking story No, no, this is true. You can look this up. You try to stand on which will come right up and Edgar Allen pose involved in the story as is a PT boner so So what happened was this mother and daughter Got brutally murdered and her house was burnt down well now I'm heard with the bodies in it.

And they played you overkill real quick. Jay Sarge. Oh, should I say this for over? No, no, no, no, it'd be great just to throw an overkill music in. OK, yeah, yeah. OK, like when Puccius says, when we the cyber are going to hear it, let's drop in some overkill.

All right, go. OK, so this mother and daughter died brutally murdered and then burned down down in a house the bodies were burned to cover up the murder. And they accused her sister-in-law, whose house was right next door of being the one who murdered them. I forget the details. Why they thought she did it. And everybody accused her of being a witch. And that they killed, she killed her sister-in-law in her niece in some sort of weird, a cult thing. And she went on trial three times for being rich. And the third time she was finally quitted, what is it when you, yeah, what are you talking about? This is two years ago. Well, I've brought. Late 1800s. And Edgar Allan Ho wrote a thing backing the theory that she was a witch. Really? And said that this woman from Stanislaus, a witch, and PT Barnum made a wax figure over and put them in his museum and made her, even though she was kind of like in her forties and pretty,

made her this whole crow and like, fuck you like fucking like hunts over like evil grown and that that did more for public opinion against her than any facts And she said it or trial. She's like if anybody's a criminal here. It's PT Barnum like you fucked me over It made me look like this which anyway the third time she finally got off isn't there double jeopardy? Well, no, I think she was she was like convicted and she kept going back and I may have the details I haven't looked looked this up again and The her house is still standing like it's still it's still a thing that the house that we're burnt down Yep, there's a Perkins on the spot now. I'll stand on it

And with a murder took place and then right across the street from the Perkins Which was next door to the house the witches house is still there and the witch the niece and the daughter are buried on the cemetery on stand so little things like that come on and how come you've never thought to bring that over. No we found that when I started doing research on the whole world. Oh okay you just did some recent this wasn't something you heard about as a kid. No. So how long did you eat in that Perkins yet? I've eaten that Perkins many times in my life, but not any feel any kind of The Perkins we ate at that time. No, no, it was different

You would think it was a twilight zone. I usually when I ate it that Perkins when I when I did eat there It was like three in the morning every get sick after I was I mean it was the alcohol I drank I was before I had those a flap jacks Yeah, so there you go The other stuff like that will be in the book. Oh, so you will share how you'll share that as like how would you put that into your book? How would you put that into your words? Well, I would be like, can you guys believe this shit? Like I didn't know this about stand island.

You use that exact. Which is every every chapter. Can you believe this shit? Yeah, it would be something like a you know, like, you know, I thought it was more personal experiences for you. It is, but it would be about me finding out about that while I was researching standout. A lot of it is stuff that I've done and where I've done it and stuff like that. The cool thing about the museum too is that it was in the early 1800s,

it was a rest home for retired sailors. Called Stug Harbor. Called Stug Harbor. It was a rest home for retired sailors called stug harbor called snowcarber it was a retirement home for sailors really yeah when do I wonder why we don't do that in this day in Asia we're welcome there's not retirement homes just for sailors anymore I don't know and it's a really a sailor with our more sailors and stuff like that now yeah or like we talked about like the merchant marine or the Navy? I mean, it's just these guys seem to be like sort of like independent country.

Yeah, they're like, the fuck else am I going to do? I guess I'll be a sailor. Right. And I guess you sail around for a while. You don't save your money because you're drinking kerosene getting happy endings. The buildings in Stok Harbor is gorgeous. Whether they close the home for sailors.

That's a good question. I guess. Can I help on the book for sailors. That's a good question. I guess. Can I help on the book? Yeah. I'll just ask you questions. You can shut up on your phone. Do you think you'll feel pressure from the museum, the curator to museum, to maybe put some personal dirt in there,

some scandalous stuff, like a little Madonna stuff in there, you know, that like the cell copy. But don't sell it in that cell brand with the stem on the museum. All right, Stug Harbor 83 acres. Wow, that's crazy. And I realize that 26 buildings. What was it? How many sellers were there?

It did. It was huge. Over the in 1833. There were three fireplaces in this what they call the great room It's massive like these giant windows and shit. What they do with that facility. Oh Well the museums in there Stammer museums in there. There's like a most of events in that room. They were in there Yeah, there's events like weddings and stuff like that

There's like a little theater in there. They do shows where a lot of the buildings are just standing empty These gorgeous buildings that they just wonder how many sailors died in here. Oh, dude, so many. Oh, diseases are usually curable today. I mean, look at this stuff like that building. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's just like a castle. Yeah.

I didn't know Stan Allen had such a rich history. Oh, yeah, man. That's you got to read the book. We could do a tofu day for the next hundred years. And both of us would be like, what? Like any time he says something. Yeah, that's what's in the room. Shrolling us.

Yeah. Oh, God damn well. Yeah. What was it, Cracken Bill? Yeah, all right. So, so, so on the, they have these pictures on the wall of all these sailors from back then. So, me and Brian got obsessed with a, a TV show or a web series called Stutt Harbor about these old sailors now live there. And like we just started riffing on characters and stuff like that. And our favorite was Kraken Bill.

Yeah, a guy who was like so Kraken wants and they're like, okay, sure you did. His line of bullshit. And we're trying to like like animated or live action I think it could probably work it could work all these stories of these old fucking weird sailors because it wasn't even about that Like it could be like crack and bills telling a story and then it goes into the story Exactly, it's like you see young crack and bill right exactly exactly not the withered defeated about to die You gotta get that fucking Twitter account crack and bill right now my friend. Yeah, not the weather defeated him about to die. You better get that fucking Twitter account cracking right now, my friend. Yeah, yeah, I'll get it tonight. This won't be out until December.

Yeah. I'll be sure to be okay. Did you see this? No. About this just happened in where it was. Sorry, I heard this story. It's a guy who goes to like sort of a council meeting. Oh, it's in Kansas City.

Legalized happy ending massage is Lawrence man, Urges Council and his passion is praised. So it's a guy who went to a council meeting and said, Hey, why can't you, if you're going to massage every part of the body, why can't you massage that part? And it's this dude right here. If licenses and regulations help stop sex trafficking, then if Kansas truly wanted to fit an end to sex slavery, shouldn't they allow grown adults to engage in prostitution legally

and then regulate license that? When you ban something outright, that forces what you ban onto the black market. And the black market is where shady stuff starts happening. Case in point, many years ago my friend came over with some marijuana and we smoke. Okay, so you get the idea, right? That's not the deal with massages, though. No, it has everything to do with massages. Because why don't I fucking pause this? Hold on, I'll just turn the volume down.

So it's not the internet at the store. You just cannot work any kind of electronic stuff. No, it's, come on, back So it's not the internet at the store. You just cannot work any kind of electronic device. No, come on. Back me up here. The internet at the store sucks. It's fucking Stone Age. No, it's like a... Oh, you left, Doc. You never had problems. You never had problems. Have you ever had a positive...

Can I show you how you love the energy? This is the most urgent, at least touching a device of any kind. Just this manic like stressed out like hair mulling on salmon. Right. I mean, it's, it's weird. That sounds good. Like he's, like he's a, like he's a master. Do you worry that there's some sort of like mechanical something going on? Like I'm too, like I'm too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too You know, I never had fine motor skills as a child. I did not crawl did you know that I started walking I went back not moving to walking yeah, that's exactly the way

The fact that he never learned the lesson you have to crawl before you walk. Oh, yeah So the one thing about it, is why I'm the to do it. Why? Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Smith and Brian Johnson. Why, Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? This is kind of cool man. We got a nice little small crowd and stuff enough to just fill the bottom floor of the love

It's in a calls to mine The small castle crowds that we started building a live shows in front of like when we started Hollywood Babylon It was at this little 40-16th seat theater I had on Santa Monica, Beauvoir We did a Hollywood Babylon there. We did James Allen Bob get all there I always wanted to do something with you there, but you lived on the other side of the country. So tonight kind of takes me back to then to that like a year and a half ago, where I was like, nah, Brian was here, we could do fucking shows all the time. So I don't know, this is real special for me, thanks everybody for coming

out. It's a very experimental show at this point. We're still trying to figure out if we got a show. We want to see if we can go out on the road and do something together. You know, I can't take Brian into smartcast without being like fuck off, Mojure. And I can't take him on to Jane's son, Bob, get old. There's already one train wreck on that show. So, uh, yeah. So they're the litmus test if they can stomach me then there's a chance. I think so. I think it's kind of like that. So this is more about like, let's figure out like, do we have a beginning, middle, end, how does it work and stuff. So bear with us, it's not like a well oiled machine.

It's paid fucking $10. I mean, what do you mean? Yeah. That's the simple and succinct way of putting it, cutting right through the chaffa as usual, what's what it's like? OK, man, but that's kind of what we're doing. We'll feel ourselves around. Do this for about an hour and stuff. And if it

gets bored, you'd be like, this fucking blow is moving on and shit, and we will. It's that kind of night. It's cool. We're rolling, we're shooting. This is going to be smartcast this week. So you can all hear it in about two hours when we're done and stuff. We go along enough'll actually be listening to it as well. Let me ask you a question, man. You just were here the other night for your love at debut for Space Monkeys, correct? Yeah, I was. Pulled this off. Yeah, working Get right into it. Fifth that shit. You're in Los Angeles. Put a dick in your face. I know. How was that?

This was never flying, Jersey. It was good. Was there anybody here tonight? That was here. Oh, okay. And that was you and Brian Quinn who you're on, telling Steve Dave with, and then Brian Quinn and Sal Vulcanic. Sal Valar, impractical jokers. Yeah. So it's kind of two, the boy from the bearded boy from comic book men and the two fucking

rap scallions from from impractical jokers. Going out and speaking on the stage, it was cool. The place was fucking sold out, it was packed. You guys sold out like almost within a week of going on sale if not only four days or something. How was it? How was the whole thing? I was here for the intro. How was the whole show? Well, it was two different questions. How was it? How was the whole thing? Because if you were here, you know that as you know Quinn came out with a beer and then the next order is four jambasins. Give me two more beers and then he has his mic and he's running around over there and he's eating chips off of somebody's plate

and he's yelling to girls up there. So it was, okay, here's like the first minute and then it peaked and then like two hours later, people were like, what the fuck man? Space monkeys indeed. Yeah really. What was the, but how do you, what do you do in a moment like that?

Do you steer the ship or do you just like, I'm going down and flames with the rest of them? Yeah, it's Quintin, Quint's drunk. I mean, if you were here, right? I mean, there's no talking to the guy. And even if I was trying to interject, he couldn't hear me. He's so wrapped up in whatever he's doing so I tweeted for a little bit.

I tweeted with people actually there in the theater. What did you tweet? We did for a water. Yeah, well first I tweeted for a water because I'm the middle of the show, what a pro. I couldn't get the waiter's attention or he didn't want to come up because Quim is, you know, he hasn't like New York weird aggression, where it's like, there's a difference between like him being, like, I love this guy, and like one drink later is,

you know, your life is threatened, or, so the waiter's bringing water up here, be like, good the fuck away from Brock! I weigh no space, monkey motherfucker. I'd be like, good the fuck away from Brian! I went no space monkey motherfucker! Ha ha ha ha ha! Uh... So then some girl tweeted back, you know, I said, could you please get me a drink?

She was like, can you please on the show? And that was the first... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! First clue I got that maybe it was running a little long, but it was really not until 20 minutes after that. That finally, uh, um, Errora came up and did a few minutes and, uh, saved us really. That was a really, before you crashed in Bernie caught you and she threw a net out. It was literally by your dog. People were not gonna tolerate much more. Really?

Yeah. If I had better knees, I would have just crawled right off the stage. What happened after the show? What did you guys do? Just celebrated? Weated a little, we hung out, took pictures. And then I guess they must have kept drinking, selling, and Quinn, because they started debating the logistics of how they were going to get blow jobs from these two girls who were here to logistics.

Poor, important stars. Well, there weren't enough vehicles. Like I had the one car that was going to take me back to the hotel where I wanted to go, and they didn't have a car. The girls, so I went, Quint and sell them and have a car, and were sure they'd be driving even if they did have one, say they were bickering and backbiting, and even got met at me at one point because I was talking to somebody and they were like, what are you doing? And I was like, nothing, I'm just talking, why? And they're like, because we're waiting on you. I said, for what? And then there was no answer. They really don't have an answer as to what they're waiting for. But then there, any question they had

about how it was going to go down was immediately answered when we were outside. There were only a couple of people left and the one girl started puking all over the place Like really like it wasn't like oh, I drank a little bit too much, you know And like that clear kind of puke this was like she had just gone to like a fucking Viking feast Had eaten like you know pig and fucking like giant like broccoli stems and shit, it was disgusting and she was just laying there kind of like into something that she's young, you know, she's not like you know and he was concealing, we haven't done the same but it had been so long since I'd been in that position where you were sitting with

somebody who's so drunk that they're vomiting? No, where I was, you know, you know, even up until just recently, you know, within the past, I don't know what you meant or something. It was pop a pill and you're like, what's up? I don't watch TV. There's no throwing up. There's no like, there's no molesting people's plates, you know, eating their nachos and shit. Let's have a hole. I don't get it, man. I don't get that assumption of making people rather aggressive But it did provide really aside from my husband which don't forget to order big from the barn to pure waitresses The only picture that I

Asked to have taken or actually that you know people asked you know pictures and stuff But the only one that I actually requested was I think I actually may have a picture of it. Up here, yes, there I am, with, it's very light, so you can't see it, but down towards the bottom, yeah, that's the puke. And you can see it's, this was a little lady too. I mean, she was like, I don't know, maybe 110 pounds, 5' two, and it just kept coming out. Everything she'd ever eaten since birth. Yeah. Look how happy you are. It comes up. I approve. Well, you know what? I think it was because at that moment, I realized she threw up. Those guys were like, fucking, I guess we're going home. So I

could now just get in the car and go as well. I didn't have to wait for them to argue anymore. I think it was my best friend at that point. The only trophy in Sylvania of your trip to Hollywood. And welcome to Hollywood, let's go dream. Yeah. But I liked when the lights were down. It was so sexy. Yeah.

It was a little bit after dark. So all right, man. So the show, man, the idea of why Brie, we've been doing it on the YouTube channel on C-Smart, our sit channel, Sematco Internet Television. And the premise on the YouTube show is, like, Brie, is telling me a horrific story and whatnot. And of course, my reaction is, why Brie?

So, the story that we've been telling for the first few weeks is a story that most people have heard if they've ever listened to any of our other podcasts. Brian tells a story about having sex with his girlfriend's mother while they were still dating. And it's a real charmer in a cork or a tail. So we figure out for the podcast for why Brian first to go out and do it or even if we do it at home and stuff from time to time. It would just be kind of stories about his past things that he's gone into adventures and whatnot.

Like for those that don't know, what you're looking at when you see a sit-up on stage is essentially old school Dante and Randall. Like that's I got the Randall character from Brian and I was very much the Dante character When I was working at that store so for me to kind of jump up here and sit down with the guy that inspired everything that the movie that gave me everything Is it's cool for me and we got an ass load of fucking stories and stuff and some of them you might have heard before got an ass load of fucking stories and stuff and some of them you might have heard before some of them you haven't but in the world of 20 years later he's a multi-millionaire and I'm next to puke like yeah not that much he's changed for me yeah there I am it's all about taking the right pictures dude um the uh Bryan, man, that I've been involved with since, oh, I guess

I was about 18, have been never ending fascination for me and whatnot. One of my favorite bright stories of all time, for those of you who are acquainted with Mr. Johnson and his antics, goes back to when we were working at the Quickstop, a Quickstop as seen in clerks, the convenience store. We actually worked at a one point. I worked there first, and then I got bright job there. And so one of us would work at the video store, the other be at the convenience store,

and we'd switch back and forth. And then during the day, the video store saw no business, so we'd lock that up and go hang out together at the convenience store. And when you watch clerks, that's pretty much a snapshot of what our lives look like at the time. And I always wanted to get this into the movie, but couldn't because it needed more setup and stuff like that. It feels like it's a story better told than actually done an imagery.

We were hanging out at the store very, very bored one day and Brian, it was fantastic at being a boredom killer. He's a guy who just chased it away, man. He's the Mary Tyler Moore of working at a convenience store. So we're sitting there, and it's not like, you know, we're bored, what should we do? We're just sitting around and like it was slow. We hadn't figured out how to bring in the VCR and the TV and stuff like that.

So Brian goes, I got this idea. I've always wanted to try this. And he goes to the back and he grabs this container of Margarine Standard convenience store margarine. You never really saw it in big food stores only in the kind of convenience stores It was called happy boy margarine and the picture had a picture on the box was an innocuous 9-10-year-old boy who was just like Very cheery to be eating fucking kind of like me in the pew

very curious to be eating fucking kind of like me in the pub there you go and that was a murdering you bring it back he uh he grabs this marjor brings it up up to the front man and he writes on this piece of cardboard it was almost like the backing board of a comic book he wrote a now in stock and he did a bomb burst around it like big you know bang like it's a big deal Cut it out and then stuck it on the happy-born Marjorin box and then he put the Marjorin box right on top of the register And so I was like what's this about it goes. Let's just see how people react and so people would come in the story As per usual man

And you got to see people's fucking reaction to this butter box. Some people would fucking blown away. Like some people bought the advertisement and he watched them go back and come back with butter and put it up and shit. It was a really interesting character study. Some people just looked at it crossly, like why would this matter? And stuff walked out a little bit puzzled, wondering if perhaps the next time they should come back. You know, in the whole time we're just like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

because we're using a quick stop at this point is our Skinner box, you know, and just fucking around with people to some degree. And then there was one dude who came in, he was a local, we sold him cigarettes constantly, it gets to a point at the store where you just know their brand, you don't even realize to communicate. They, as you see him pull up through the window or walk through the door, by the time they reach the registry, you just have their brand ready to go and the change and stuff like that.

This was one of those transactions. Dude comes in all the time and he was in a home improvement or construction or one of one of those jobs. He's a physical dude who worked with his hands and shit. Man Johnson, total pussy, soft hands, pressing buttons at the register, making bomb bursts all day. So he comes in and you know, he's a regular at the video store as well.

And we get real tight when he didn't hold his movies and shit, I remember the day that young guns two came out. He almost got in the fucking fist fight with Brian Johnson because we had like three copies and for fucking two months this guy was gone. When Young Guns 2 comes in, you're gonna save it for me, right?

I'm number one on the list and shit. I mean, this is in the day way before the streaming internet where you can just have Young Guns 2 whenever you want, man. This is when you had to get a fucking VHS flag. I was his only pipeline at that time. That was it, man. You were Netflix and whatnot.

So he kept saying, save me the tape and whatnot. And there was a list behind the counter and his name was at the top of it. Young Guns 2 is written all over it. Young Guns 2 comes in the store, Bryce working, he rents all three copies out, not to this guy. And all fairness though, the last one went out at like,

we closed at nine o'clock and the last one and went out at like five minutes to nine. Right. So two minutes to nine. That's when the dude showed up on my... I'm safe as a baby because I asked for this month ago and the dude came in almost like he was fucking testing us, but coming in with two minutes to go and he was just like young guns too and the dude had to be like, uh, snowed it out.

A young gun's zero. And the dude got real tight with Brian and he started yelling at him and chicked Brian No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, winning lottery ticket that he asked me to hold for. He really did pin a lot on it. There was no doubt, I thought he was gonna hit me. And to get that fucking pissy over a VHS tape, like you can only imagine in life like how other people deal with them, you know, like if he is a ruffer, like, oh, I forgot the fucking ruffing nails. So boom, you know.

Oh, you know, I got you a fucking decaffeinated coffee for a break. Oh, boom. I didn't hold your young gunscaffeinated coffee for a break. Oh, boom. I didn't hold young guns to. Boom. He didn't throw a punch though, man. He was pissed. I only knew this too before Bride told me because it came in a quick stop right after

fucking like kick the door open, which is like, didn't I tell you I wanted young guns to? And I was like, I'm over here, dude. That's the other guy. I told him you wanted, after a month of the bus. I was like, hold on, hold on, free for you. He should have held it for you. So anyway, that dude is coming into the store when we got the happy boy at Marjoram Club,

the butter thing on display right there at the register with the bombers. And he goes and he gets this thing of milk, and I pull his cigarettes for him. And he's wanted his new ports and whatnot. So boom, they go right on the counter. Comes up, puts his cigarettes for him and he's wanted his new ports and what not so boom they go out on the counter comes up puts his fucking milk down and ship I'm ringing it up Brian sitting behind me like reading a fucking newspaper but not really reading because he's just watching for the reaction and

then sure enough man it was just like shaming the water for a shark man because this dude just bit so fucking hard and when his eyes fell on it man, he just went He was captivated but not in a positive way Not at all he's looking at it and he's like Like one of those like so angry that he couldn't make an utterance beyond and like Since he didn't get a reaction like hey man, what are you hoffing about? He threw one on top or is it? Waiting for us to pick that up. But it was it was hard to know if it was like was he enraged at our pride?

Like since he probably didn't have a lot of pride in life that he's like oh, fuck and fuck these guys. And why would you take shots at us man? Like presumably it's like we could through our bosses under the bus And then like they made us put the bomb burst on there, man. Like, we're not really that bad either. He was, he was very huffy. And then finally, he goes, who gives a shit? And he's indicating the box. And I was like, excuse me, he goes, why does anyone care? Was what? It's butter. And I was just like, oh, but it's new and stock.

And I pointed to the bomb burst. And the dude grabbed his fucking change. He's like, fuck this and walked out. You also told him that we were the exclusive distributors. Yeah. No one else in the county had it. I could have the point. I had to really fucking like till the earth, man.

He was just like, well, we are the exclusive distributors in the area. So that's a kind of shit like I love that kind of shit and those the kind of stories we like to talk about on a wide bribe man another classic story one that I absolutely like you know what you got one you were teasing on Twitter where you were going like I've got a fucking story kept's never heard. Yeah this is something that I never I never told you. I don't know why really, but there was a okay, so you have the bank of stores and it was a quick stop RST. There was like a little lunch and at the end. I don't think the tattoo shop was in there, but not normally with it at the beginning. But across the street there was for I mean a tenement right there's no other word for it

Yeah, that was for the longest time there was this Wreck of an old building it had apartments up top and it had like Storefront space downstairs one of them was a cash register repair shop I only know that because Mrs. Topper sent me across the street one day I was like this is convenient because they were right there But it was almost like fucking it felt like the cash register repair shop from the shining. Musty old spooky and fucking Lloyd was your friendly camera. Yeah, I'm just gonna be here.

Oh yeah, it's expectancy little twins and shit. But that building, I remember that, yeah. Um, Filthy falling apart and there was a family, one family lived in it and we referred to them as the cruddies. There was a mom cruddy who was a beast of a woman, very sweet but huge and greasy and like eyes shooting different ways and stuff and then there were the cruddy kids. There was a Christina who was older. She was at the time when we first started working there, she was like 17. And then there were a couple of kids that, I don't know, they were probably between like, I believe you call them cruddy one

and cruddy two. Yeah, they were as they rarely wore shoes, rarely wore shirts. Remember they would rent from the video store and one time they brought videos back not to the video store, but they brought them to Quickstop and Kevin opened it up to see what video it was because by then we had set up a VCR and TV in the store so we could watch videos while we were working and he opens up the video and a bunch of cockroaches came scary now. It was really weird man and

there was one right in the fucking spoke like the white spoke a baby one and we just looked at it and we were like how do you kill it and Brian was like easy. And they were not. It was one of those families with the kids walked around in diapers and nothing but. Yeah. And they were too old to be wearing diapers. I mean, they were there constantly. They're like you say, like the guy who was mad about young guns. He was there every single day.

We're certain people that were every single day. And they were not only there every day, but they were there probably four or five times a day, you know, coming over, getting bubblegum for dinner. I should like that. There was a lot of high candy diet going on. The oldest one, the girl came in one day. Christina. Christina.

And that was the best part of the job I thought was fucking with people. Obviously, you know, the butter thing. But it killed so many hours just to like fuck with people and tease them and I remember she came in one time and we were we were breaking our balls about something. Another guy, another regular came in I don't remember his name, but he came in and you said something that made her left so hard that a huge green and yellow snob. Do you remember this? flew out of her nose and like went all down her cheek and her neck and The guy looks at her and he walked in like literally like five seconds before looks and I was And walked right back out the door

And like a porn star after space bunk. Yeah, exactly It's like a porn star after space bunkies. Yeah, exactly. And this was regular. She was not a clean person. She was kind of bad for her. She was like a girl pig pen. Like there was always... Yeah, but that's perfect.

That is perfect. It was always good natured, but like a cloud of dust surrounding her at all times. And if something could happen to make her look worse, like, ha ha ha, not. Right. It would happen to her, man. That was never going to happen to the girl who was super hot

who came in on the mat. No, she's like, I know what it's going to be. She might not. She's like, key, key. And that's the end of it. But one time she came in and I was the only one there. And I was ready to close up. And so we used to stock the drinks and shit at the end of the night.

So I went into the back to stock the drinks and she was following me around and came in the back and I had her working. And one thing led to another and ended up making out with her and sucking her titties. Oh my God, dude! The female pig gun. Why, Brian? I don't know. I don't have an answer for that. And I mean, I remember the guilt and the shame afterwards that I was like,

because I always tell you everything. I tell you anything that I do that's fucked up. Oh, I know why you told me this one. This one, yeah. I would have put my... I would have told your parents aside, so do that's fucked up. I know why you don't. I'm a dumb idiot. This one, yeah. I would've pulled your parents aside, so I'm like, you have to commit him. Yeah, she was pretty grotesque, and I don't know it. It was, maybe it was the lighting.

It was the temperature. Like, you know how people start hallucinating and shit. When they do that, do that in cold temperature in the hallucinating, they eat each other's feet and whatnot to stay alive They don't start making out with the girl who's like haha, it's not I can see the outline still dried on How long does one make out in a situation like that before you're like what am I doing?

It was a good couple minutes until it broke off naturally. And she came back several... What is naturally? I ran out the door. I don't remember exactly how we parted ways, but I'm sure it was like somebody came in and I was like, I want to be seen with her. I had her with a soda bottle

It was many days after that she came in and was like it was a different vibe after that It was a way more like flirtatious said like oh, we need that sock in the soda. Oh Shit man she came for more bride. Yeah, she's got more bride. Do you never did it again? No, no, no That was the only time. Did you ever ask you like, why don't we make out like we used to? Yeah, like 20 minutes later. She, she has to be, no, no, no, she'd ever brought it up again and I never acknowledged it. And then never told you, and there were so many times

like I could have told you. I mean, I guess it was just leading up to this moment where I could not only tell you, but tell you good people. But yes, I made out with a female pigpin and sucker titties. And if I remember correctly, like, there were, I had more titties than she does. She was very thin. Yeah, she was like, like, clean pole. Well, she had, like, yeah, I remember she had like a buttoned down shirt.

So like, a couple buttons and then the bra, that was padded, so you thought, even as little as she had, she had a little more. The padded came down, three cockroaches came down. Saul Baby Cockroaches was like, oh. To put this family in like a current Context they were like the honey Boo Boo family without a honey Boo Boo. Yeah They were missing their mom really the mom really if the if that honey Boo Boo mom June had a dark hair She would look a lot like her been closed man. It was depressing. It's not like I made out with the mom That would have been a real fucking story man still the fact he made out with the mom. Oh, that would have been a real fucking story, man.

Still, the fact that he made out with her is pretty shocking. Yeah. Although I got to say, not that shocking. As soon as you start talking about it, I was like, I bet you made out with credit Christina. Good for you, I should say. Let's check in on your sobriety. Cause you were a dude that was fighting the Rocksies

at one point. And while fighting them was losing the battle. Yeah. How long it has been and how do you feel and all that good stuff? Pretty good. It was, let's see. So I got out of rehab in the beginning of May. And then I got my knee done, I got arthroscopic surgery

to try to like get my knee fixed at the end of May and they give you a perk as set, like light perk as set. So took that and we were like, ah, immediately. At the second I had an event's quality and tore through the operating room Why you're taking off my heart my fucking ass hanging out But it it didn't work and hardly did anything at all. So just this past December I got a full knee replacement And it's it makes you feel kind of dopey because like every person, including the doctor is like, how old are you? Like as you shouldn't be having a new replacement, I guess, so young.

Is that I'm considered young? It's the only thing I'm considered young anymore. And you go get me work. Yeah, the youngest. We have this kid. The people in the waiting room were 80s. Yeah, pretty much. They're like looking at hips and knees and shit like what did it feel like man I'm cut were you awake for any of it? The last I woke up during the last 20 minutes Yeah, it was fucked up That's a good reaction like I woke up and they have this thing up where it's like a actually before that what they do is Before you even get put under stuff they give you something called a pain ball. And they put it like, you're like, what's a pain ball like bend over?

What is this? Who are they like? Because your asshole hurts so much. You won't think about your fucking name. They showed me that video afterwards. Take a picture. A pain ball. And it's like you see this screen and it's I keep forgetting that when a lady's when a lady's pregnant and they do the Oh, it's not a sound or a son of a gram or something. I don't like the body language on you. You got like your arms folded.

You're like, you're like, you're a fucking crying Christina. They look for like the nerve they got and there's so many fucking nerves in there, I don't know how the fuck they were, find it, but it's like they have to stick it in, and they're trying to hit it, and they're hitting a bunch of other nerves before they actually get into the once, so your legs jump and it fucking hurts. It really hurts. And you know, like, go like this until they finally get it, and even though it hurts like hell, you're glad that they fucking found it, you know, because there's no more flippin' around, like, you know, in biology and in high school hurts like hell you're glad that they fucking found it You know because there's no more flipping around like you know in biology and in high school like you'd like zap the frog legs and make them hop and shit

Well, you would and then apparently you paid for it years later Like I was that frog for a little bit um, and then they put me under and when I woke up and They were still working on it. They hadn't like stapled it or anything. And there's like, you're laying on your back and there's like this shield up in front, I guess, so like blood doesn't squirt on you or whatever. And the guy looks at me and he's like, he's saw you were awake.

Yeah, he sees that I'm awake. And I was like, can I look at it? Like I wanted to look at and he goes, oh no, no, no. And I asked a couple more times and I guess they don't, it may be too traumatic or something like it looks a lot more fucked up Then you think it looks so when you're that like out like that You know like kind of like in that twilight. They're like they don't need him freaking out

You know, it'll be like the last May when he got the purchase Well, you'd be kind of coming out of it and shit like can I see and they show you'd see like bone you book Well, you'd be kind of coming out of it and shit like can I see and they show you see like bone you book oh Yeah, so they wouldn't let me look at it and then they put you like into this recovery room Maybe let you look at it because you know you can't see if you fucking look at me other side. There's a dude who's like New replace He doesn't know. I knew he'd replace me. I would feel this good. He's in twilight quick knockout. I'm just like when I look at it.

So then they bring it to the recovery room. I had a bench mark of pain up until that point. I was in 11th grade in high school and I broke my ankle playing in a basketball game. And I believe you were recording it at the time. I might have been there for that game. Yeah, it was a modern day game and used to record all the games

and I broke my ankle during the game but tied it up really tightly so that I could still play. Fuck outta here. Yeah, and out of a movie, you're like Batman, dude. It was the only game we won that year. We actually did win, but we were a factor or no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was definitely, yeah, I was a factor.

I was just telling me to have a pig pat on the side. I got to come away with something heroic. Yeah, definitely a factor. And that night, I went to the hospital. And they gave me, this is 1985. So, I guess they didn't give teenagers anything stronger. Like, they gave me Tylenol. And that night, I was like, it was unreal.

How bad it hurt. Because they didn't like, put a cast on it. And they gave me like an air cast. It's called, you know, like fucking pump it up full air. And it's not like a true like in a cast. Like a hard cast. Right, yeah. So up until the near replacement, that hurt the most.

Like I was crying and shit, you know, that night. But waiting in that recovery room, it was fucking unreal how much it hurt after the knee surgery after the knee surgery And they hadn't given me it was a bit couple hours They hadn't come in and give me any pain killers or anything Do you immediately regret the operation where you're like why the clock did I do? Yes, yes, I was thinking that I was like why why did I do it man? Fucking this is unreal how bad it hurts and what if how long is this gonna last?

You know, it's not me well, it's an hour after. They just tore my knee open and put it back with like 23 staples. But then they come in and they gave me some pain killers and they're like a half hour, it went away. Now, when you go up to the room, they gave me, I don't know, who's familiar with, dosages in ship, but they gave me 30 milligrams of oxycone,

another 20 milligrams of oxycodone, which is like a quick acting, that those are the roxies basically, and then intravenous delauded, right? Now I'm thinking, I'm gonna be fucked up. Yes, yeah, and I'm allowed to do this. I'm do this like a moppy and bad like they're given it to me and

I don't know if it was because I had set such a high threshold over the years that I was taking it or that it was just going to kill the pain Nothing, there's no head high at all None and I was what did it take away the pain in the knee? Where did you fill the knee? It took away most of the pain Not all of it, but a pretty decent amount but through that whole time Nothing did you and how long you I even brought my recorder for tome Steve Davos I brought my recorder so that I could if I was like really fucked up I was gonna do a solo podcast and like see how it came out But it was I was so normal that I was like it was just be boring you know how long was your recovery period and you have to like put it on machines

and somebody work you out and shit. You have this thing it's called what the fuck is it called? It's a machine that like yeah like moves your leg and it was fucked up here they do it six hours a day for like two weeks it just you know three hour, three hour, or three two hour sessions of, I can move your leg and stuff and this guy would come in and stretch your leg every, every couple days. So like, but I was walking within, well, less than two weeks and walking or like, fucking walking like Christian Bell Batman. Like, yeah, I like that. I still basically walk like that because it's the biggest. You got the beard like a's still swollen up right yeah a little bit

You show me fucks up the lights you scream out. I'm like Christian Bell When you show me it did look pretty fucking nasty. I mean it looked it just they did a nice job It's not like it's it looks messy, but it looks like it fucking hurt man. Yeah, more in life itself See that's the two things we keep me away from it as bad as my knees were number one That moment after the operation where you're like oh my god, I'm in hell. Is it always gonna be like this? Yeah, but even worse than that I think the thing that would keep me away and you're not afraid of this when they put you wonder You're not afraid that they're just gonna be like he's asleep. Let's look at his dick

I mean, I'm sure they saw it especially because now you're on TV where they're like this is that motherfucker from comic book man You know, look at his dick and they're all just like Put it in your mouth I mean there's no doubt That's the only thing there's no doubt they saw because no matter what you're getting done They're like take off all your clothes. I mean, I would just say, my experiences. Is that the way it happens for everybody else? You like it also? They tell me to roll over and they put things in my ass.

Does that happen to everybody else? That would keep me. I know I'm probably going to die from some sort of like easily cured hospital ailment, like one in and out surgery or like a fucking day procedure because I'm just so fucking terrified They'll be like look at silent bobs And that'll fucking go viral and shoot they're wonder he's silent They they also like they I was taking a bunch of different medicines. I was like blood thinners and high blood pressure and this and that. And they, um, constantly came in to do vitals and shit, you know, um,

you could never get a good night's sleep because every two hours they would come in. And so one night they come in and she takes my vitals and she leaves and I go to like move the blanket and I was like, why is this blanket wet? and I was like, why is this blanket wet? And I was like, why is this sheet wet? Is it gonna fuck, why am I underwear wet? And I guess like the medication I took like I was sleeping so heavily and it was only within the first couple of days

so the what's it called when they put in your back? Spine, the Spine. Again, girls got that. And the epidural. And the epidural. On a crush your arms lady The epidural yeah, like you don't have any feeling below your waist for a little while So I had pissed the bed and pissed myself and you know, I'm so no this is like for two days into it So it's still like hurts like hell I can hardly walk and you would piss him for two days

Yeah, pissing for two straight days without changing. They're like, hey, cruddy John's amiss to get changed. But like, he's the big kind of voice. No, no, it was that night. Like, I had pissed the bed that night. And so the nurse had just left. There were two nurses and one had a real attitude and I knew she would have been like,

she was like, told other't just like tell another, but you remember that comic book out the little dick? He also pisses his face. So I didn't want to tell her. And the other lady like I had was nice and I had like a, you know, she's very friendly. It's, I know, you're 45, it's hard to be like, I just, I have to spend, you know,

even though I'm sure they're like, well, they're not natural. I think that happens in the hospital all the time. I'm sure it's like fairly common. Yeah, I'm sure they're like, well, they're not natural. I think that happens in the hospital all the time. I'm sure it's like fairly common. Yeah, I'm sure it does, but I just, I couldn't, like, I mean, I have almost no pride whatsoever, but just that little bit, I was like, I don't want to tell my pants. So I'm so I'm just hanging your sheets outside the window. They made me wash them in front of the other patients as a punishment.

So I had, so I took the sheet, like I took the sheets off and I'm connected to the pain ball. So the pain ball stuck in my leg. I have the IV shit in my arm, so I have all these wires, so to negotiate, getting these sheets off, getting my underwear off, and then the gown, which because I'm only wearing the gown, it was difficult. And they had brought in a gown for me like I could change it, so they brought in a gown earlier.

So when I go to get that gown, like I had to get off the bed and like walk a couple steps to the security camera, the nurses stations just watching Like I give him ten minutes He I mean, I'm so so I finally make it to the chair and I get the gown and the gown is a small And I can't call them because then the jig is up. So I put on the small gown, walking back to the bed like this, like sort of side shuffling and I get in and you have to like, because you can't, you like feels paralyzed, you can't just like lift your leg up, you know, like I actually have to like hold it and bring it up. And after all that, the next morning, like I was on waking up,

I see the nurse looking at like the sheets and the gown which I had like stuffed under this chair, like what's going on down here. It sure enough she was just like, oh, he pissed the fucking bed. Exposed. Yeah. So when you got a spinal, you didn't feel even taking a leak or anything like that? I guess not. I mean, I didn't feel it because even it was really like it was the wet and then the smell really confirmed it. That it was, you know, I wasn't like, oh, maybe I just spilled water as I was sleeping. I saw Jen, she got an epidural when Harley was born and she tried to like go natural as long as she can, but she was like, I reserve the right to go for drugs. I was like, me too. So she tried to hold out and then she was in pain and stuff.

So we got to the hospital. She was just like, I'll take the epidural and right away, they gave her the epidural. And it knocked her out from like the waist down. I mean, I guess she felt enough to push because there was the whole push push, while she was getting birth. but the thing that blew my fucking mind push push push push push push you don't know how far I'm gonna get down doctors like you please leave the room so there there I am like while the kids are being delivered

and whatnot you see the kid crowning and shit like that and you're looking at you know a human body and and and of a the kid crowning and shit like that. And you're looking at, you know, a human body and a vagina particularly just stretch unbelievably and do shit where like, oh my God, I never want to hear, oh, that hurts ever again. Because I know I'm way smaller than what the fuck am coming out right now. So you're watching this out in the baby's crowning

when the doctor goes like, the baby's crowning. So she reaches over for a fucking scissor that looks like a scissor in a fucking butcher shop. Just thick as fucking hell, man. Like not the scissor you have in your drawer at home. Just a mean looking sterile ass silver fucking. It's like one of the tools that they use in hostile to like kill some.

Yeah, it is. Totally. I expect some fucker with a weird mask to come in and should the lady dr. Grab this scissors and immediately goes to the bottom of her vagina the gooch if you will and does the cut there's a name for it it's the apeasy otomy immediately goes for this now Now I know about the appeasio army, but I didn't know that it was, I thought it was like we pull out a surgical tool and there's like a little mass that goes over it and stuff like that.

It was as simple as just grabbing and cutting the way you would cut a piece of paper and whatnot. I mean, she was a little more, she wasn't just stabbing because there was a human being coming up, but she was deafed with it, got it in there and all of a sudden just cut and she cut like such a long line almost from the bottom of her badge almost to her fucking asshole where I was like it's gonna be one big hole. But she was a pro. The chance do I have now.

Yeah. Get no one, get that. Mr Smith please. So she did and immediately my first reaction because I've never seen something like that. I never saw like you know in movies you see a knife going into somebody. I never saw anything like this in my life like human meat being cut and I immediately looked to fucking her because I thought she'd be like no reaction whatsoever. Like she was uncomfortable from the pushing of the kid and she felt the

kid coming out of her body and moving through her pelvis and out her vagabond. She didn't feel that cut one eye omen. So that fucking epidural should have strong son. I felt the cut more than she did. I looked to the fucking doctor and I wanted to lecture her about you might want to warn a human being and shit like that. Later on she was like, do you want to cut the umbilical cord? And I was like, um, yeah, okay. She was like, okay, well, you want to, there's a chair behind you in case you have to pass out. Some people cut it and they get week and pass out. As a lady, you might have wanted told me about the chair when you were cutting the fucking best part of my wife, man. I want to watch that happen, shit.

But I would imagine you didn't feel it very much. No, no. All right, man. Let me check in on comic book, man, as well. Brian is on a television show called comic book, man. It's heading into its second season 2B, I guess it's called. We had season one, then season 2 A, and now season two B. It's moving from Sunday nights where it was causally

behind the walking dead and talking dead. And now we're over on Thursday nights as AMC tries to expand their programming beyond the Sunday night block that they constantly do. They've got a block on Thursday now that we lead off with that's kind of unscripted programming. So there's a show about taxidermy and then there's a show about people that hammer shit into their face and a side show and stuff. That reminds me, I saw a tweet today that a midget bowling is coming back to New Jersey.

I wasn't aware that it had left. I'm not really like, you know, an enthusiast, but I saw that down at down at the stone pony which is a really famous club in Asbury We're Bruce Bipes popular demand We're popular demand? They said we can't get spring steam so make it bowl like And on the poster is like a midget who looks like he looks like he's fighting it like he doesn't really want it to happen And like a couple guys that are like mid swing about to chuck them down the alley. Jersey Pride.

So this as we head into season 2b which starts February 14th on Valentine's Day, you see this shoot last season like was a bit of an up-down experience for you. Season two. For season two. We had had this wonderful producer on the show Brian Nishel, who did the first season. And then when we went back for season two, Brian was committed to another show already. And so he wound up not doing most of season two. And apparently you kind of put it up against the producers of season two, some of the catch-edge work with him.

If you can imagine, I had a problem with authority. What was it? What were the issues? In the very beginning, like the first season, Michelle really, Brian, Michelle, the guy he's talking about, wasn't in charge. We had one guy who didn't work out. And then another guy who didn't seem to, like, I didn't even know if he spoke English. He was only there for a week, but he hardly ever talked.

But he wore scarves all the time. Remember, he always had a scarf on. It's a fucking summer. We were shooting. And then we finally got Michelle. Like you say, Michelle couldn't come back. So we got an entire new team, these three guys, who I probably won't say their names right now.

Okay. These three guys, who I guess their jobs are like field producer, show runner, whatever it is that their titles are. And they had a decidedly different approach. I think their idea was to make it a kinder, generaler comic book man, because out of the, right out of the gate,

don't make fun of Ming so much. Oh, really? Yeah, right. Yeah, there's no fucking show without that. I was like, the best I can offer you is to not do my Ming voice on TV. That like the best I can offer you is to not do my main voice on TV. That's the best I can do and plus Ming was even like come on. You know like you got to make funny guys. Otherwise it ain't comic book man. So of course you know we weren't going to listen to

that and they were also giving me a hard time, even about my shirts. They wanted me to wear, now those guys, it makes sense. They wear the staff shirt. For me, since I don't work there, to wear the same shirt every single episode, which was going to make their job easier for editing, of course, I was just like, I still, I don't, it doesn't make sense that I would wear the same shirt every day.

Like, you could only wear one shirt. Now, first, they told me I could wear four different shirts, and then went three, one, and then they finally were like, you could only wear one shirt. And actually, I have the picture, I wish I put it up there. So the very first day, I came in and I said, hey, I picked out the shirt that I want. And it was a white t-shirt, and I'd take in a black sharp,

I'm drawing a big cock on it. And it was a lightning bolt next to it and it says dick magnet And I cut it off so that like my belly was hanging And I said this is a shirt I want to wear every day So is this cool and then I was allowed to wear for sure So that was like the first run in that I had with these guys and So that was like the first run-in that I had with these guys. And within the first couple of days, I noticed like, because when you're on camera, you can tell.

You can tell when the camera's actually pointing at you. And I could see like in my line of vision, I was like, they're not putting it on me. And I'm not like, fuck, I gotta be in every scene, but I'm like, I wanna be in some scenes, I guess. Yeah. But again, they wanted to craft something that was fun for the family. And they did not like that.

I mean, I guess they didn't like what made a success when the first season. Which is- Well, I think the key word here is craft. Whereas in the first season, like, look, it's not reality television. It's unscripted AMC calls it very wisely because it would not, reality would be if we had cameras in the store and we waited for people to come through the door to try to sell stuff, that happened sporadically. When you kind of arrange a day going, hey Friday and Saturday we're going to be shooting

transactions. Come in and auction off your item or come in and see if you could sell off whatever it is that you're trying to trade in or whatever your collectible bubble block. When you do it that way already you're fucking with reality. So you're arranging a situation where you know, you're making it easy for the shoot where a bunch of people can show up and on the same weekend and you get a lot of shooting done. So that's already not reality. The unscripted genre, which AMC

is kind of championing, is the idea of going, yeah, man, of course, we all acknowledge there's fucking cameras here and we all acknowledge that we're working on a schedule and blah, blah, blah. But once the cameras turn on, these cats get to be whoever they want to be, get to say whatever they want to say. I mean, they concur, and that shit gets cut out and stuff. But they're encouraged to be themselves. That's how we got to a second season, because you guys were yourselves in season one. So suddenly, these guys hit the ground running with new producers on the show who, you know, when new producers come on, a new creative team comes on, they want to put their stamp on it and stuff. One of the things I always loved about comic men

Was it never does the shit where people look at the camera and start addressing it? We don't do that thing that we don't break the fourth wall. We don't sit there and go. Yes, they called on the flying on the fly It's called you know the kind of thing where it's like I hated him so much I just wanted to punch him in a stupid fucking face like none of that Confessional stuff to the camera. The idea is we have this podcast device where we sit around the table and talk and they're telling me the stories of what happened that week.

So there's no need for people to kind of address the camera. But then there was suddenly like, you know, seeing on the schedule, OTFs, and I heard from Walter, like, they're talking to the people. Like the people who are bringing stuff in, they're having them talk to the camera. And I don't know, it just seems weird. It's not the show.

And that was one of the first red flags. I was like, hmm, where did it start getting more irritating for you? I also, if these James are on like this, James listen, because I sent that picture to him. I emailed the picture to him so you could show it. Very casual tonight, see. It was those things, I was like, why do those OTFs, I was like, why do they want to put

them in? I mean, I didn't certainly didn't have the juice to tell them to stop, but they were spending a lot of time on those things, which made us late every day. So by the end of the season, we were literally like two weeks behind because I spent so much time doing that other shit and shooting people that aren't comic book men, you know what I'm saying like the shows called comic book men and the reason people like at least I sit in a nice god spot when it comes to the show I read all the Twitter input and all the Facebook input everything that people are writing about the show while it's happening I kind of get to see and Facebook and put everything that people are writing about the show while it's happening, I kind of get to see. And the thing that you see over and over again, the reason they like the show is they like

the interaction between you guys. You know, they like to see you guys be friends and obviously you're affectionate toward one another, but you bust balls left and right. That's number one, first and foremost, then the transactions they like see, merchandise come through the door and stuff like that. So to, you know, to not embrace embrace that not embrace the thing that kind of makes everybody like the show in the first place that got a picked up like watching you for

interact and you know particularly you play the role of being the chief ballbuster and suddenly you weren't being you were busted many balls not not allowed not in discouraged I would say discouraged from doing it. And the other thing is like with those OTFs, it's like, let's say we're going to compare ourselves to what's that point point point stars, in theme and content. It's like we get it. The reason that the fucking person brought the thing in was because they wanted money every time. That's the same. It's the same fucking answer every time.

Well, I thought I could sell it and make some money. It's like, so you don't need to hear that. It's never anybody going like, if I do this, this will find the fifth element. Yeah, yeah. I'll save the planet. Somebody's holding my fucking wife hostage and they said, if I don't get a certain amount

for this, I'm porn stars, I'm fucked. It's never that. But to be fair, even that's money. Yeah, that's true. Like, can you say it's a even that's money. Yeah, it's true like you say It's like a different choice. Yeah, my problem came with There we go Dick Magnet I don't know why they decided to Ben Tamar Willing give me those four shares Well played, but

What when did it get its worst? I'm 44 in that picture, but I'm like, what? It got to the point where they started suggesting I say certain things and that as a group, we say things in a certain way. That came first to everybody, can you say it like this? Because they always want, because they're always editing, and they want things, they want it to be like every other fucking show. That's what it came down to, I thought,

is like they want it to be like every other show. And the very first time that I was like, this is not gonna fucking wash is when they were like, hey, can you say this joke instead of something like that. What I wanted to say. So they fed you a line, which number one is like, hey, we're unscripted, dude. Well, that's the thing. People have asked in the past and I swear to my hand, I don't believe it got so fucking,

but like my hand on sage my niece Nothing is written for us. We make it up as we go along every single thing is is Is ad libbed and that's the reason I like the show, you know, and you get to be you man You crack the code you found a job or somebody like here's a bunch of money now be yourself. Yeah Yeah, it's it's the only job. I think I can probably do And not well, you know, not even because I did get in trouble for doing that too. Well, I mean, you know, if I can, yeah, dick magnet doesn't really make it easy.

But I, I, I, rubble to the end. I should get buried in that shirt, right? Like, if I died, I hope that like the people around me would know me well enough not to put me in like a fancy suit, but they would be like, pop them in his dick magnet shirt. If you go before me, I'm gonna be like somebody dig up the dick magnet shirt. And we can't have an open casket on one side, we have to have it full. Right. Because you'd have to be able to see the gut for folders.

If you can't see the gut half of its loss. I'm funny nice to the back of that too. Yeah, the Jesus is right over. It's show they're going, I approve. It is, yeah, it's a sign of approval. But this is a show where like, you don't tell me what jokes to make. So if I'm, if you're not suggesting stuff, I'm not going to fucking listen to these fools. And there was one guy who was, he was just so fucking not funny.

And one day I was up there with Ming. I don't even know if it aired, or if it will air. But I'm standing at the counter with Ming. I make a joke, and I walk away. And Ming's reaction, I thought, was really good. And you know, they cut. And so the guy goes, okay, well, can we do that again? I make a joke and I walk away and means reaction I thought was really good You know they cut and so the guy goes okay. Well, can we do that again? But this time? Brian because I made a joke it was the guy was from Australia and I was talking about the

Coriolis effect or whatever pretending I didn't know what it was and how it would be such a huge deal someday if I could go to Australia to see the water go back Back or. Like Bart Simpson. And yeah, I was like, man, that would be great. And I just like walk away and then goes, we're talking about, and I just, I don't answer him, I just slowly walk off. And he goes, what's your problem? Stupid ass, he goes. And it was funny. And so I come back and he goes, let's do that again, but this time, Brian, say if Kevin Smith finds out

that you bought that item, you're going gonna be going down the toilet the wrong way And I'm looking at him and I go and this is in front of everybody I go now I'm not gonna say that because one it's not funny. I said you're not here to tell people what's funny and what's not I said so you just stick to your job and I'll do mine and say And that got it got to be, they did it all the time. No matter how many times I was like, would you fuck off? They still did it. And then it all culminated and we were doing a, I don't think the con thing, no, that we went to a con. We do a con and there it is. It has an air jet. And they wanted us to say something in a

certain way. And the thing is with these guys, Ming will do anything. I don't care what it is that you asked Ming to do. He's going to do it. He's going to say it. My no doubt, man, if they were just like, hey, Ming on this week's comic book, man. He'd be like, exactly, or like, you have to like, we're going to prank your children and think you're giving them up for adoption. He'd be like alright

You know if it's for the show like accommodating to a fault where you're like a troll with you man Mike very accommodating wall not so much, but you can break him where he'll just be like fuck it all right fine Really? There's a wall that he hits where he's not like he doesn't Bruce Banner it where he's just like I'm angry he's just like I'm compliant. The only time I saw it was when we did the the fantastic four wedding because we were that we shot 12 hours that day and we got back to the store and this is something that Walt and I put a lot of thought into you know the wedding and I'm like all right let's get for that get ready for that Walt and I put a lot of thought into, you know, the wedding. And I'm like, all right, let's get ready for that wedding. And we're like, we're talking about, we're going to shoot the wedding today.

We were like, well, we don't have, like, we didn't have the costumes. We didn't have any of the people. They were just going to like, let them do it in their normal clothes. And with nobody there, and like, it wasn't going to be what we wanted to do. And I say, we're not going to shoot this today. It's like, it's, we be what we wanted to do and I said we're not gonna shoot this today It's like it's we're just not gonna do it and the guys looking at me like who the fuck are you man? And I'm like I'm fucking Kevin Smith's friend so like I talked to him Cuz I know I don't have the juice, but he'll back me up on this

But also you're one of the stars of the show, you know what I'm saying like it's there's four dudes who are the comic book men and you're one of them. It's weird for them to kind of not put your opinion first. They didn't care. They wanted to do what they wanted to do and they wanted to get it out of the way. And so they said, well, we'll find out, you know, what's going on. And I said, what's going on? And as we're not going to shoot this and he's like, we need a huff. And you know, he walks off and then he comes back and he's like, all right, well they said we can do it another time. So like they would bend, I mean we flat out said we're not gonna do it. So what choice did they have? But when we were doing this other shot at the con they it was like the third time where they're like, all right Walter say this to me, this to Mike and

say this to me, this to Mike, and this to Brian and then go. And I said, but we've done it already. And they're like, yes, we want you to see it like this. And I go, we fucking did it already. I said, stop telling us, stop telling us what the fuck to do. And the guy goes, God damn son of a fucking bitch. He yells at me and throws his fucking thing down on the ground. And goes where he goes we're not going to make our day with this bullshit and I shut my mouth and I waited till the end of the shot and I walked off the set and I as I was leaving I told the guy I said I'm not doing anything else today I said this is fucking bullshit and that's the day I called you and I called an executive MC and told everybody. He did. I got a call from Brian because, you know, dude, I don't bitch about anything and stuff and I like doing this TV show, but I'm just telling you right now, like if these dudes are here tomorrow, I'm never going

to be on this show. I was like, what? What's going on? He downloaded me on all this. And I was like, I didn't know nobody told me, you know, because I'm not out there when they're shooting most of the show. I go out there three times during the season, during the shoot, to do the podcast wraparounds. So Brian kind of related, and as he did here, probably in word graphic detail there and stuff. And with the form or use of the term, mother fuckery. But finally, I was like, well, dude,

this is, I mean, this is the show is about you guys, but I love about the show is watching my friends on TV. I don't want to watch Artifice. I don't want to watch you guys fucking say shit you would never say. Let me get into this. And it was fortuitous and came in and timing with, there was a New York Times piece that ran where I guess the New York Times was on set for the Stanley shoot. And they captured this kind of moment

where it was fucking drove me nuts. It made me so mad where Stanley was talking to a kid. The great fucking Stanley who at age 90, whatever he was at, when he came down to do the shoot, 92, you know, came all the way down to the stage and spent like six hours shooting and shit. He, they have him at one point point he was talking to a kid, you're telling a kid about like,

if you want to get into writing, you're just giving him a comic book tip and shit about being a creator. He wasn't even done speaking, and all of a sudden the camera crew goes, we got that, let's move on. And to the stand, and stand was like, well, it wasn't about performance I was talking to the kid.

So I saw that, and I was like, we, it wasn't about performance. I was talking to the kid. So I saw that and I was like, we said we got it Stan. With great power comes great shudger fucking mouth. So I called up the good folks that I am seeing. I was just like, hey man, this is going on in a big, bad way. And these guys are the show. And like, I can't have them be until what's doing, say. And you know you don't want that. The whole reason we're back is because of blah, blah, blah.

And you like who they are and the audience likes who they are. And this is the situation I laid out, everything that was going on. And to their great credit, I mean, I am seeing working on way more important shit than our show. And when you're a network, basically, you hire people to run shit and fucking, you're overseeing everything. So these cats are like, we didn't know, dude, we fucking buried in some, we're up to our necks and zombies over here. We can't fucking pay attention. To all the details, we thought these cats were having a good time.

Oh, Brian Johnson's displeased. Let's put walking down on the back burner. But they were to be fair, like right away, man, Mary and Joel, we're just like, we have no idea, dude, it's paramount importance to us, to us that your buddies are fucking taking care of. They are the fucking show. Even more than you, I was like, you're not the fucking say that. But right, they acted fast, they were like, they're gone, they won't be there in the very next day, they were gone.

I came to do the podcast, we're up around and we had Brian to shell back and stuff, and Brian whipped that season into some nice shape, we had to go back and do some reshooting and do some pick-ups and whatnot to kind of make all of our episodes for the back half, but it turned into a really good season, but you know you talk about like, and Brian had a real hard time, he's like I fucking hate doing this too, because I feel like such a rat and a pussy and fucking I'm tattletailing, but like, I have to share this. And even though you've said you felt like that,

it's good that you did, you fucking saved the show. You know what I'm saying? Like, I wouldn't have known, nobody would have known until we got into post. And all of a sudden, we'd be left with like, a lot of fucking scripted lines. Where's the real show? Yeah. So that's the real show? Yeah.

So that's that same day when Stan was there. They fucking took so long to do anything. And he got there at a certain time and it took forever to get going. And then they would take these breaks. And there was this break where like I look over at our, or the poker table that we do tell him Steve Dave from. And if you've ever seen it, it's this ratty-ass poker table with crumbs all over it, and people write on it and sharpie,

and the dude is just like at the very end of the table, and he's like this. Stan? Yeah, just because he was so tired by that point. Yeah. The one guy, one of the producer guys, is the one who told me to be like, tell camera Samantha, go fly from down the toilet.

Um, he's standing over by the counter and he's fucking, gabin with somebody with this fucking big cornea smile on his face. And I went over and I said, how about you fucking douchebag producers do your job and get on the ball so this motherfucker can get out of here. It's Stanley's like, which proper? I was like, stand, shut the fuck up, I got your back. And the fucking look on that guy's face was like,

it was just, he was like very effeminate, like I know you had a wife and two kids, but there was something I was just like, I don't know. Wait, it didn't bother me either way, but it was just like he did a very prissy like cliche, like, and then like, I almost like stopped to put like turned around and stormed off but it was just like he did a very prissy like cliche like And then like I almost like stopped his foot like turned around and stormed off and fucking's absick and Ming just started life

As he fucking stormed off, but like that's the kind of shit that started happening very regularly you know where they They I overheard what they said that they're like they think just because they were on us They were on a show that they know how to make a show. It's just like, well, what's the fucking difference, really? Yeah, and also in this rarefied air that you're breathing, you do make the show by being on the show. And not like you make the show great, bro.

But there is no show without you, but you do that, too. But there is no show without you guys fucking being there. That's why I thought it was so weird But it was it was fantastic honestly that like AMC actors quickly as they did they were like hey man Like those guys have to be comfortable So props to them and stuff and then props to you for jumping up and Being the whistleblower man, you're like Russell Crowe in that fucking movie. Yeah, we're like Norma Ray, right? Yeah, you're like normal Ray, right? Yeah, you're like fucking normal Ray.

Yeah, the comic book, so I don't show our people are like, you fucking bitch, you're on TV. Ooh, they tell me what to say. I'm so funny, they'll put words in my mouth, but truly, I don't care, I don't give a fuck what job I had, it would, I would still be annoyed by a shit, I know it. Yeah, there's no job in no amount of money that could give you where you wouldn't do that.

I don't care if they're paying me $10 million instead Instead of the $8 million that I get. No, I mean, I would still be like, leave me the fuck alone. Like don't tell me what to say. Just, just, that's what I love about you. That's you, you know, I've talked about many times in the past, like in terms of the clerks characters, Dante was who I was and Randall was who I most wanted to be. And since Brian was the basis for Randall, essentially what that meant was I always wanted to be Brian. You were always so free and still remain that person. That's just like, I don't give a fuck when anybody says I got one life and this is the person that I am. And that's always made you like a

true original. That's why I'm so glad you wound up like little spotlight on TV and shit like that. because there ain't nobody else Like you in the world, man, and I've always enjoyed kind of I'm gonna tell you guys a quick story and we'll get out of here. It's one of my favorite bride Johnson's story, man This goes back to when we were I don't even know if we were working a quick stop at this point. I think we might have just been hanging out. There's a pretty quick stop. Might have been, might have been,

Krauser's days. It was when we were going to the strip clubs. Like there was a point where we discovered the juice bar in which we were, there's naked ladies in that store. Yeah, like there are the way they do strip clubs in Jersey, and we're like 18, 19 at this point, maybe 20 or something. The way they do strip clubs in Jersey is if they serve alcohol,

then women don't get naked, dudes don't get naked. It's just, you know, they're just, you know, they wear pasties and fucking panties and shit. But if you're being naked, completely naked, they don't serve booze, they call them juice bars. So you go to this juice bar, you drink it, fucking orange juice or coke or whatever, and everyone's getting completely naked up on stage.

So me and him finally went to a juice bar, they opened one, used to be a fucking metal club called Murphy's Law, right? And then they turned into strutters. And one day, Brad was like, you want to go to strutters? And I was like, can we go to strutters? Is it possible? And he's like, yeah, you don't have to be 21, man. You can fucking just go in and stuff.

I'm like, right on, let's go. And so we went to that place the first time and it was a fucking mine been or walked in and I've never seen anything like it, just fucking naked women up on the stage and shit. And like three seconds into the door, you're like, this is gonna be the greatest night of our lives.

And then 10 minutes later, you're like, all of this is depressing. You know, because you're looking over at these fucking news, I'll never forget there was like a Hindu man and his son, like they were related and stuff. And they were at the strip club sitting right next to us. And so, you know, you could see him over here. And they were so fucking into the strippers. Drivers would come out and here. And they were so fucking into the strippers, strippers, who would come out and stuff. And they were making this intense eye contact. Both of them, father and son, just like almost nodding and munishing.

And then, like, you know, the women come over and they take the tip from you. And sometimes they take it from between their legs and reach back, do it all weird angles and whatnot. And sometimes they're doing it face to face. She was doing it face to face with the one and the dude, like, your hand like you've got to give me to buck there give me this is a dollar your hand in me and she's like this and the guy is like this and he was fucking buying it man like hard toys like this woman wants me and shit and I looked over and I was like that's so fucking sad and the woman not that great a saleswoman this dude's fool that himself he's totally fooling himself then she came over

to us and shit and all of a sudden like she was with us for a little while and then when she left we were like she totally wants us and then you're like no we're just like the fucking dad and the kid we're fucking losers and shit and you want to separate yourself from those you look at those two and you're just like looking down at them Oh, I'm not like those two you're working over it us Yeah, at least they were having a good father son outing and we're judging every lady You were judging them and shit It was I remember at the end of the night too We did like you could take a polar rod and shit and I still have these polarids in my in my scrap boats

I made when I was a kid and it's me and him. And I, it's circa 1988, 89 when the oak tree was still popular at the mall. You can dress like urban style. And so it's me wearing like a mustard vest. And like, I look like a fucking refugee from the Arsendio Paul show. And I'm, I'm standing on one side of this woman, Bryce standing on the other. and he's like clean cut, and he's got the long hair and shit like that. He's wearing like an OP shirt. And I'm holding one leg, and he's holding another, and the chick is just like,

and completely naked, and then fucking the next week when we went back to take another picture and shit. It was like 10 bucks, take a polaroid with her. And Bryce is like, polaroid. He's like, polaroid. Bryce, like, what are you gonna do with it? I was like, I gotta hide it from my mother. That's for sure. So I still live in a home. the polaroid with her and Bryzek what are you gonna do with it as I got a hide it from my mother that's for sure that's still living at home so

anyway we're going back to the juice bar one night it's probably the third time and you know part of the juice bar portion you got to get yourself some big sign them too you remember yeah actually would sign the one that says like love and kiss is Makayla yeah mine said I first autograph I think it was the same girl mine said, uh, Hey, Brian, keep it wet. Okay. She like signs her name like an autograph. She's a fucking rock star. So, uh, so we're driving down there to and the juice bar is in

Long Branch. Yeah. And, you know, we're coming from Highlands. We're going to go down through Seabright and pass the Seawall and stuff. And then we stop at a bank in Seabright. It's ATM is relatively new concept at this point of the story. Like I'm telling you a story from the era of when they first introduced mozzarella sticks. This is how far. And I know this because I remember when food gets introduced. But this isn't an era when ATMs were relatively new, like going to the Mac machine is what we

call it. And you can like, because back then you couldn't get your money except unless you got to a bank before it closed. And then one day they're like, here's a computer that will give you money in the middle of the night. And we were like, this is amazing. We could get our money, go to Grand Union, buy chocolate chip cookies, and watch the fucking deer hunter. And that was like our hot night out.

So that's why we were like, strip club. Finally, we had something new to do. So we stopped in this C-Brite ATM, it's a little office in the front of the bank. And you know, you can put your card in and it opens up a little vestibule and there's the one ATM machine. And so we go to pick up like a hundred bucks,

because we figure we're in a tip. Brides are real sucker at the strip club, man. As soon as the chick starts to, you know, because Brides is like, hey man, what's up? Like it's not, he can't buy into the fantasy of like, mm, like he's just sitting there going like, why are you doing this? And the girls make it better.

And they play them like that. They're just like, I wish I wasn't doing this. I'm trying to go to school and Brian's like, this will help. And then he gives them money and they walk away without doing any show or anything like that. So Brian likes to have the conversations with them and whatnot. So you'll be sitting there looking at Brian talking to this completely naked stripper, legs a Kimbo and whatnot and their lips almost hit in the fucking floor. And Brian's sitting there going like, yeah, man, of course, well, physics is always a tough subject. So there we are.

I don't touch credit, Christina. We're at the ATM. And we're picking up a little cash and whatnot so we could tip and at the juice bar. And so while we're there, there's, I said, hey man, let's play a fucking prank. And we were writing shit on the pieces of paper, you know, you can grab an envelope and deposit shit.

Grab that, there's a pen there, and we're writing fucking notes and giggling and shit. And Brian's like, way, I got a fucking way better idea. And Brian reached it into his wallet, and he pulls out a fucking condom. And I was just like, oh my God, where did you get that? But this was in the air when people started carrying a caugher and do father.

I'm like, we're going to need this tonight, son. So he goes watch, dude. And he opens it up and shit. And he's like, any spits into you, unrolls it and spits into the rubber. And I was like, yes, bitch, yes. Like this was the height of comedy. So I grab it, and I'm spitting into it too.

And we're passing this rubber back and forth and spitting into it like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! While we're taking our money out and shit, waiting for the money for the transaction to be done. So we spit in it and we leave it on the fucking ATM and shit. And so we're like, whoever comes in next, is gonna think that's for a cop! One ounce of car and didn't even stick around. Isn't that weird we don't wait around for the payoff? So in a Joker-like fashion, we're like, we don't wanna see, we just moved on with our madness

and whatnot. So never thought about it, went to the strip club and whatnot, stop thinking about it. Did the whole strip club ride home? Why are we doing this? It's such a waste of time and money. Didn't think about the fucking rubber and ship. Next day, I got a phone call at my house and they're like, Kevin Smith please. And I was like, yeah, okay, this is Kevin Smith. And they're like, hi, this is

the Seabright Police Department. And I was like, hi, you know, because this is fucking, even if I got a call now from the Seabright Police Department, I'd be scared and I own the house, but I was living at my parents. I like races over your shoulder. Yeah, who's he bright what you know. I was like hello and he goes we yeah we're gonna need you to come in. Can you come in today? And I said yeah what's the problem he goes we can discuss it when you get here. What say two o'clock?

I said yeah okay I can do it and hung up and stuff. So I drive me at least for a new sofa right here. I hit my suicide pill and the sea bride police. So I go to the sea bride police and should pull up the sea bride police department. And it's as cool as right there on the water. I don't even know if it exists anymore. I'm still there. Did it get taken out?

One of the few buildings that survived that. That's okay. So I go inside and I'm like, I am looking for Detective Bobbobba and the lady behind the desk looks up at me and she smiles so widely. And then she goes, hold on, and she turns around and she's like, Detective Bobbobba, and then you see the rest of the people in the police department they're at their desk and walking around. They all start stopping and looking at the counter and they all start nodding and smiling. And I was just so far so good. Yeah, this is amazing. Is it my birthday?

So the guy comes up and he's just like, oh, Kevin Smith. And I said, yes, yes, how do you know he goes well? Let me tell you that. He's going, were you in the bank in Sebrite yesterday? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I went, we were on our way down to the strip club, me and my friend. He's going, yes, your friend and you were on your way to a strip club. I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you know?

Is that a log? Please don't tell my mother, you know? I'm going for his gun. Sorry, it's going to be all right. First he went for my dick. When he couldn't get me a dick, he went for my gun and then he tried to shoot himself. So I say, yeah, we were, I wasn't see bright. And the cop goes, okay, let me just show you something here. And he pulls out what looked like, I guess kind of like

the best way to describe him, I used to go to Chuck E. Cheese with a kid, and if you took a picture on the Chuck E. Ride, one of these little rides, it printed out like a facts picture almost. The heat picture, like when I got my kid's sonogram and they showed me the picture of like, this is a fucking thing, and her belly, that's a human being. That was, it was on that kind of paper.

They gave me a piece of paper, they put it out right in front of me and there were three of them. And three images and you can see just a piece of bribe, but front and fucking center on the camera on the fucking ATM, which I didn't know existed you see me going like fucking laying it down so just caught dead to rights and you know I can't I don't have the presence of mine to be like oh I'm fucking pissed scared man because all I can think is like, okay, there's this photographic proof, man.

What happens on TV in a situation like that? And then I was like, nobody spits in the rubbers on TV. You fucking fuck up. There's no precedent for this. They're gonna have to create a law. So I was just like, am I in trouble? And he goes, no, he's gone, well, I mean, I guess we could file some sort of disturbance

charge, but I had to bring you in because there was a woman who came in after you who found this. I was like, no. And he goes here and he pulls the picture. And there's fucking mom that looks like, you know, she's like 40 or something like that. And all you see is like, her going, he's like, you might want to stay out of the C-Bright bank.

I was like, I will, man. He was like, who was your accomplice? And I was like, this is my friend, Brian, man, it was all his ideas. It was. Thanks for hanging out folks tonight for the very first Y-Bright. Please give it up for the guy without whom there is no Y-Bride. And Brian Johnson, man.

And that's gonna do it for the very first episode. Hopefully we'll build this into something else. I'm Kevin Smith. Brian Johnson. That's all for Y-Bride. Good night. Thank you. Why? Why? Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Kevin Smith and Brian Johnson. That is a wide, wide, wide's a love it? FIRE! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Run away from the abandoned skies They will try to understand you and I Between the mad-dump burning skies

With the taste of rocket light You're fighting for them The rocket's blinded, you're blinded in water Cruel front, you're still the future The future of the world's first We'll try to stay This day's the night in blue This night in this world The night inside

What's inside? With light, a shadow jump Such a distance to what should I wanted to... NOOOOO! Way to do it is a miracle, right? The other rock he keeps on in check! Well, you know you're way too sad! The other rock he kept your life in check Now you tell your way to stay Now it's all in the wronged mind I want to find a kingdom

If I had to take the throne I want to win the kingdom But it's not real I want to find a kingdom Ikeko baina baina baina Ikeko baina baina Ikeko baina baina Ikeko baina baina Ikeko baina I'm trapped in, we're like a churn of stone The darkening can't define

I want to find a kingdom Revolent! Faking love! I want to reveal a kingdom Right now it will be I want to find a kingdom Revolent! Faking love!

I want to reveal a kingdom I'm the same thing now I lost all will nothing come Let's go! Every double punch is a grateful experience I wait, I can just get with big bites to forget I lost to find a giggle, rip it up, say thing wrong I lost to win, I think I'll make it real again I lost to find a giggle, rip it up, say thing wrong This has been a production of SmartCo Internet Radio. Sir, only at smodcast.com.